All language subtitles for Dirk.Gentlys.Holistic.Detective.Agency.S01E07.Web-DL.en

[♪♪♪]

_

Can't believe that actually worked.

What? What happened?

Are we...

Wh-Where are we?

Are we still here?

For the moment, yes.

But at the moment? No.

We're in the past.

If I'm correct, one week in the past.

The Unlimited Energy Device
is a time machine?

- Did-did you know that...
- Kind of a hunch, really.

But the good news is...

[Rimmer approaching, muffled yelling]

Never mind, there's no good news. Hide.

[banging and battering on door]

All right, get the machine.

Plug it in.

Put the dog there.

We're switching her into
the dog, and the dog into her.

- [muffled screams of protest]
- Tie her in.

- [whispering]
- That's Lydia!

[whimpering]

[muffled shouts of panic]

Strap her in tight. Get her tight...

Get her tight. Oh, yeah. Careful...

Careful with that.

Good, good. Good.

Good...

Sorry about this, Rapunzel.

Good, okay, now,
take her helmet and back up.

Everybody, back up!

[Lydia screaming in panic]

All right, ready? Okay, here we go.

Three, two, one, go!

[electricity surging and sparking]

Stay..

Everybody, stay back.

Stay... stay back.

Everybody, stay back. Okay.

Hey, girl.

Aw... there's my girl.

Aw... okay.

- Okay, get the dog...
- [door bangs open]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait whoa, whoa!

Whoa, no, no!

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa, hang on...

So it's come to this, Pollux?

Sacrilege.

Treason.

Death.

No one has to die here today, Rainey.

Do you know who this is?

Do you?

Come here.

Come here...

Lydia Spring.

Patrick Spring has the other machine,

the unlimited energy device.

He's waiting for us
at the Perryman Grand right now.

Spring is no longer a threat.

We don't need his other machine.

You have been running things for
too long.

This is a new era.

You have lost the path.

It is time...

for a change...

Enough!

Get the dog.

If he resists, shoot it.

No! No...

I will smash this, and I will end it,

and you will spend the rest
of your miserable life

in that body.

Give me my dog.

Put... the machine... down.

Give me my dog!

[whimpers]

You... can't beat me.

Let's go.

Now!

And I will be back for my goddamn dog!

[gunshots firing]

What was that?

[crashing, gunshots blast]

[bullets ricochet]

[henchman roaring, steam hissing]]

[bolt whooshes]

[electricity surges and crackles]

[bullets ricochet]

Are you the body that houses
the soul of Jake Rainey?

What are you?

I'm looking for Jake Rainey.

Are you the body that houses
the soul of Jake Rainey?

Yes.

[yelping]

- We're not with them!
- We're on the same side!

Who are you?

Don't you see, Todd?
This has all already happened!

But there's still time to...

Easy... Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Who are you,
and what are you doing here?

Dirk, what's going on? Who is this guy?

I solved the case,

and this is...

Patrick Spring.

[♪♪♪]

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

Please don't kill us!
I can explain everything.

You go by Patrick Spring now,

but your real name is Zackariah Webb,

and you made a terrible mistake.

In the 1880s,

you attempted to build a time machine.

[budgie squawking]

But there was a problem.

At first, the device only half worked,

it only sent energy
through time, not matter.

It jumped the very souls
right out the bodies.

This cost you the lives
of many of your beloved pets.

Eventually, you fixed it, sort of.

You accidentally sent the machine

into the future, and then, suddenly...

the machine came back,

not exactly the same
as the one you sent.

It had been altered.

Clearly, something had gone very wrong.

_

Whatever had happened,
you had to undo it,

so, in your mind,

you only had one option...

Jump to the future.

The machine you used to travel forward

was there in your lab.

But there was no sign
of the original time machine

you accidentally sent into the future

that started this whole mess.

You had to find it.

In real time,

more than 80 years have passed,

and it looks like someone else
is now occupying your mansion.

There are squatters
in the house you abandoned,

a group of hippies led by a man
named Jake Rainey,

and they had your original time machine.

You say...

"Hey! Give me that machine back!"

They say, "No,

"this magically appeared from nowhere,

and is clearly meant for us,
you give us your machine."

"No, you don't even know what it does!"

"We don't care, we're super crazy!"

No, give me my machine right now!"

There's too many of them.

You run, and it's all very scary.

To fight him, though,

you need money, and resources.

Fortunately,
you're a brilliant inventor,

and you discover a way
to turn your time machine

into an unlimited energy device.

You move into the Ridgely,

take the name Edgar Spring,

and begin to build your empire.

You find the future fascinating.

The advances are irresistible.

Also, you can't leave
until you wrest your machine

back from Rainey.

But Ah-hah! Another wrinkle.

The bad guys had figured out

how to use what was originally
a glitch in your time machine

to swap souls into different bodies.

Rainey could literally become
a different person.

He used this ability to stay young

and grow more powerful,

eventually confronting you.

Rainey said, "Our group is growing,

"You can't hide it forever.

Just surrender the machine
you're using to make energy."

And then you said, "I can't do that."

"This is gonna be a war.

Then everything from here on,
the blood is on your hands."

It already was.

You've spent decades
waging a war in secret...

...trying to get ahead of your enemy.

The hippies renamed themselves,
"The Men of the Machine,"

and Rainey made good on his promise.

It was war.

They wanted
your Unlimited Energy Device,

and you needed to get back
the Time Machine

that was now a Soul Swapper.

But you couldn't get the upper hand.

Things seemed hopeless.

Your life was dark,
and you were full of rage.

Could you keep living like this?

That's when something
you never expected happened.

You fell in love.

[quietly] Are you okay?

[Dirk continues]: Lydia was born.

You had a beautiful daughter.

You were happier

than you ever thought you could be.

But then...

terrible tragedy struck.

They killed your wife.

That was the last straw.

You had finally had enough.

You decided to skip directly to the end.

You jumped to the future,

hopefully to catch your enemies
completely by surprise.

Which is what led you here, today.

Is that basically what happened?

How could you possibly know all that?

- I got it all right?
- How?

Well, it seemed obvious to me...

I have magic powers.

So, wait, why didn't you just...

Oh, whoa, whoa!

[quickly] Wh-What's the use
in picking it all apart?

No, what's done is done,
and that's that,

so great job, I think!

I did the best I could.

Yes, definitely, 100%...
[both frantically agreeing]

Totally reasonable series
of logical decisions...

What's crazy about that?

We are not the enemy.

We are here
trying to save your daughter.

My daughter?

What's happened to my daughter?

They're taking her
to the Perryman Grand Hotel

to meet you... the older you...

but listen, there's
more elements at play here

than you realize...

Don't get in my way.

Well, that guy certainly

puts the "mad" in mad scientist.

Jesus, he shot the tires out.

Come on, we've got to get out of here

before any more of them show up.

Do you know how to work that thing?

Well, those guys don't look too bright.

How hard can it be?

Oh, come on, all of them?

Do you think he realizes this
is the day he's murdered?

I mean the other him.

Goddamnit, my brain hurts.

Look, I'm still
figuring it all out myself,

but it's possible that
this is why he was murdered.

Todd, three questions, one answer.

That's what it means.

We got three maps
that led to one solution.

Zackariah Webb, Edgar Spring,
and Patrick Spring.

Three men are actually
one man jumping through time.

The Unlimited Energy Device,

the Soul Exchanger,
and The Time Machine...

Right, three machines
are actually one machine,

existing simultaneously,

but out of chronological sequence...

Wait, wait!

If this is the morning,

then Patrick Spring,
the present Patrick Spring,

isn't dead yet.

Farah's still being held
by those creepy guys, and...

Amanda...

Amanda!

Oh, my God, Dirk, we can fix it!

We can save Lydia Spring
and fix everything!

Well, yes, that was
my plan originally, but...

We've got to get
to the Perryman Grand. Now.

No, wait, Todd, just... [groans]

You defied the Supreme Soul.

You stole the Soul Exchanger.

No. We did!

We stole the Soul Exchanger.

Aren't you tired of being
mindless drones?

Aren't you all tired
of being mindless drones?

Isn't that why you came to me
in the first place?

I tell you, I have plans.

Big plans.

Red here is gonna meet
a guy in the desert

who is going to help us
change everything!

You said that I could
have Rainey's body.

I want one of the good bodies,

like the original souls get.

I am sick and tired
of Rainey treating you

like you're disposable,

putting you for years into dogs

and-and birds.

It does something to you, mentally.

You deserve better than that.

Yes, I also think that in my head.

I want to be a panther.

I want you to put me in a panther.

I don't like to be a human anymore.

You will be a panther.

You will be a panther, Ed.

Do any of you think

that I want to be Gordon Rimmer anymore?

No!

We're going to get both machines.

We're going to get them both,

and all the power that comes with it,

and then we'll be able to do
whatever the hell we want.

That is what we like
best about you, Gordon,

you always tell us what we want to hear.

Okay.

Who has the kitten?

Rainey is a coward,
content with the status quo.

But not us. Not you, not me.

I am the only one with the balls

to use the machine to create things.

That little kitty cat

is what I call a weaponized soul.

That's right.

Very dangerous.

You understand.

We only use the kitty cat
as a last resort.

[dog-Lydia barks]

You know what is gonna be

the sweetest thing in the whole deal?

Getting me my goddamn dog back!

This zoo is huge.

Shit! There's cameras everywhere.

Stay down, we can't get caught.

[Dirk]: Yes, that would be bad.

Look at you,
running around with a crossbow.

You're like an action hero.

Oh, dammit! Quick, hide!

We don't have time to sneak
through the whole zoo.

We can't just...

Do you realize what this is?

Do you realize what that is?

It's fate! It's destiny.

This gorilla mask, it's just
like the one I saw on the tape.

It's a sign.

These are all signs...

Todd, I don't think
you're thinking this through.

I had a vision, Dirk.

I'm ahead of you for once.

I had a vision of myself
wearing these clothes.

My sister hates me, I've got no job,

everything I own is destroyed,

but this could change everything.

Hey, is someone back there?

Hello?

Anyone back there?

[whispering] No, Todd... Todd!

We're time-traveling detectives
on our way to stop a murder!

Get on the ground, and toss
the keys away from you!

We're taking your truck!

So much makes sense now.

That's how they got
the shark in the kitten!

They must've soul-swapped it.

Right, perhaps.

How'd they get
a hammerhead shark, though?

They have money.

They steal the bodies of rich people.

Do you remember how obsessed

Gordon Rimmer was with Lux DuJour?

It's because he was Lux DuJour, right?

Doesn't that make sense?

And that's why there's been such
a tiny response

from the police so far.

They must have people on the inside!

Right...

That's why everything's
blowing up right now.

I mean, that Gordon Rimmer guy,
like, rebelled,

and then at the same time,

Patrick Spring, like,
shows up from the past,

and, like, annihilates everybody.

It seems like a bunch
of unconnected, spontaneous,

and unlikely coincidences,
but it's not. Right?

Everything is actually connected!

You're starting to sound
exactly like me.

Holy shit, Dirk,

I get it. I get everything.

[brakes screech]

Listen, before we go into the hotel,

now is the time for us
to take a moment, and think,

really think about
how we're going to do this.

We have a unique opportunity here,

and we need to be careful how we use it.

It's 9:36.

I didn't get up to the penthouse
until after 10:00.

If we're gonna do this,
we have to go right now.

There's three elevators
guest, service, and freight.

If we don't want to be seen,

we can go through the loading bay,
and take the service elevator.

If Gordon Rimmer and
his goons are in there,

we need a better plan than that.

You saw the aftermath
of what happened in the penthouse.

or what's going to happen, or not...

What are you holding?

[whispering] It's the lottery ticket.

I'm meant to have it.

Or... wait,

if the lottery ticket is in this truck,

then how-how could...

Todd, never mind, you were right.

There's no time for this!
Right then, come on!

[♪♪♪]

[dog-Lydia barking]

Whoa!

Shit!

Okay, staff elevator's out.

Uh... we can go
in through the service entrance

and take the freight.

It's slow, but if we hurry,
we can make it in time.

Can you get us into the penthouse?

Well, no, but...

[sighing]

The master key! It's in the office.

We can use it on any room in the hotel.

Masks on.

Look.

[whispering] Wait, if that's the key...

[elevator dings]

- Stairs?
- Stairs.

[knock on door]

[whimpering]

This isn't my daughter.

You catch on quick.

Where's the machine?

Meeting us was only half the deal.

You get the machine, the other machine,

your father's machine,

then you get the soul
that goes with the body.

Your friends are already dead.

It's all... already over.

What the hell are you talking about?

[♪♪♪]

[barks]

I've wasted the time.

15 years preparing for this moment,

and I still took you for granted.

[barks]

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Put the... put the phone down.

Yes! I was awake. I've been awake.

Where are you?

It's time.

I'm on my way... is where I am,

and almost there already,
so everything's great.

I said put down the goddamn phone!

It's too late.

And now...

it's over.

No, it's not...

No, you can still have your daughter,

you just bring us the other machine!

Nobody move!

Who the hell are you?

Wait a m...

Don't blame yourself.

It always ended like this.

Shut up!

You would make a deal with these people?

They killed Catherine!

[stammering]

[panting in exhaustion]

Jesus Christ!

When you find Lydia,

tell her I loved her.

Tell her I'm sorry.

It never ended any other way.

What?

- [Dirk sighs heavily]
- ...And good luck, Dirk.

I'm sorry I hit you.

Who the hell are those guys?

[quietly] Oh, no...

No, don't!

[meows]

[yelps]

[screams]

[meows]

Come on! Come on!

We've got to get out of here! Come on!

[Rimmer]: Hey, stop! Stop!

Oh, Mr. Palacios...

Todd, perfect,
I need you to get to 745...

Yes, I will, I just...

Welcome to the Perryman Grand,
allow us to help you with that.

Hey, stop!

I was wondering if I could get
my check a little early this month?

What? Why? Are you okay?

[yelps]

And do me a favor,
check out the penthouse.

They've had a "Do Not Disturb"
since 2:00 p.m. yesterday.

You still have your master key?

No, I... misplaced it.

Take mine.

745, and then the penthouse.

Oh, oh, Jesus Christ.

Come on, come on, we gotta go.

We gotta go. Go! Go! Go!

Holy shit.

What the hell just happened?

What did he mean,
"It always ended this way?"

- Dirk?
- Oh, right!

Listen very carefully...

What's happening?

It's a mess up there,
but we're gonna figure it out.

Who's that?

That's your best friend.
Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.

Listen to me, he's
at the Ridgely Building...

- The Ridgely.
- Right.

What's that guy over there?

No time to explain.

Three questions, one answer,
you understand?

Do you?

[groans] Ah! There's no time!

Get the kitten! We forgot it! Go! Run!

Don't let them see your face!

Okay! I'm...

I'm going to do something!

Right now!

Come on, we've got
to get out of here! Run!

[call ringing]

Calm down, calm down!

It was a loop. It was a time loop!

You remembered that happening!

That's how you got the gorilla mask!

It wasn't a coincidence.

That's how you knew to get the kitten!

Well, no, I didn't have any context,

I just thought that... Well, I mean,
once we'd got here, it was obvious.

Yeah, maybe to someone
reading it in a book,

not when you're living it!

We have to get out of the hotel...

No! You knew it was a time machine!

You lied to me. You lied the whole time,

and now you've screwed both of us!

No! No! Silence!

- [elevator dings]
- No, you shut up!

Don't you say a word,
I don't want to hear it!

Wait...

Holy shit, this is when it happened.

That means that...

Come on!

What happened?

Where is the machine?

Something went... really wrong.

Where are the others?

- Someone came in.
- Who?

Just someone! Okay?

Someone got in,

and now Patrick Spring is dead.

[whimpers softly]

What do we do now?

We'll figure it out.

We'll go to the...
we'll go to the reliquary,

We'll find out what Rainey knows.

We still accomplished something.

Maybe don't throw all of it away,

we might need some guns...

actually, so...

Right. Sorry.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

- Who's that?
- That's your best friend.

Hopefully, he'll forgive us for this.

Listen to me,
he's at the Ridgely Building.

The Ridgely.

- [yelps in fright]
- Hi!

Whose cat is that?

Oh, it's the one from the crime scene,
the one everyone's been looking for.

I got you this new shirt
in the gift shop.

I've seen this shirt before.

Three questions, one answer.
Do you understand?

"Three questions, one answer..."

But how could you
have possibly known that?

It's a map!

[desperately] But you were there!

- Where?
- At the hotel!

It's a time loop!
You remembered that happening!

You were hit pretty hard back there.

Are you feeling any better?

My name is...

Dirk Gently.

I'm a detective.

You hired...

Your future self, hired me...

to investigate this whole...

"you dying" incident.

Well, me and him,

we're future us.

We found your time machine,
about a week from now,

and used it to come back here.

Impossible.

When I took the machine
out of Springsborough,

I buried it...

We dug it up.

- Well, how could you...
- You told us how.

You left us a map.

Well, I suppose you will leave us a map.

Actually, you did a rather
unnecessarily complicated bit

with a map, to a map, to a map,

in a maze that was a bit,
what's the word...

"killy"?

And you are...

Ah.

You are not paying attention.

You have stopped listening.

Right.

You know, we've put
our lives at risk for you,

against an army
of body-swapping psychos,

the least you could do is...

The Men of the Machine aren't
some all-powerful evil empire.

They're buffoons,

greedy imbeciles too stupid to...

Well, it seems that hasn't stopped them

from hurting a lot of people
while you became a billionaire.

They were so obsessed with
the power they discovered,

they never took the time
to truly understand it.

Well, it seems their blindness
has led to their undoing.

Huh, bit of dramatic irony,
don't you think?

Because that's exactly
what... happened...

to...

you.

[groans] Right.

I should have seen that coming.

Hey.

It's not over.

We still have time
to save your daughter.

You're right,

and you two play a part.

When the machine came back,
it had a note on it,

with your name.

My... name?

Yes. Your name,

covered in blood.

[timidly] Blood?

These tubes tell the machine

which date to travel to.

This tube is programmed to 1886,

the day I sent it forward

and started this whole bloody mess.

You'll need this tube to send
the time machine you've got

to me in the past.

As far as I'm concerned,

to save Lydia, all I need to do

is take one more jump.

You're not listening,

that isn't even possible...

The machine I used

is in the socket in my lab.

You use your machine
to go back where you started.

Wait, where's your time machine?

[sighing] Aw... nuts.

We forgot it.

You what?

We forgot the time machine at the zoo,

at their temple... thing.

How could you be so stupid?

Hey! Man!

You just killed yourself!

After everything you've done,

you don't get to tell us
how stupid we are.

I'm over it!

I'm over this!

How do you not understand?

You don't win! This is how it ended.

You don't use the time machine again

for anything except to go back home.

[mockingly] "How could you know that?"

'Cause it's obvious!

We just watched an older version
of you die in that hotel room!

You have no idea...

Do I understand exactly
what happened? Hell no.

But I still think I understand
what really matters.

I was waiting
for some big complex pay-off

where you explain everything,

but now I get that
you're just as blind and crazy

as everyone else.

You're so obsessed with one mistake

that you made a long time ago,

that you can't see all the people
you've hurt along the way.

You can't... fix everything.

Some choices you just have to accept,

and try and rebuild as best you can.

So...

accept it.

I'm sorry.

You're right.

All my inventions,

all this death, it's all for nothing.

Lydia is the only thing
I have left in this world,

and my foolish, selfish,
short-sighted choices

have left her alone.

I was responsible for her,
and my mistakes,

they've ruined everything.

I'm heading back to 2001.

My daughter needs me.

Certain things can't be changed.

It's you.

It was you all along.

It will always be you.

Please save her.

I will.

Never enough time.

Never enough time to figure it all out.

Maybe make the maps
less complicated, or...

murdery, or...

He's going to do whatever he did before.

Right.

It's actually really tragic
when you think about it.

He leaves us here,

returns to the past,

and spends 15 years
preparing for this moment.

By all accounts,

Spring was a distant father to Lydia,

and even more reclusive.

I suppose seeing yourself die
might do that to you.

So he never won,

never woke up from this dream.

He just ended up trapped
and alone forever.

I'm trying to figure out
what to do next, though.

Do we try to contact ourselves?

I suppose we can't,
because we didn't, right?

Like...

if we don't remember it,
then it didn't happen,

so it's possible,
or probable, that we...

that we... If we were to...

The master key was missing
the day of the murder.

I remember now.

It's because I stole my own key.

And the lottery ticket that I lost,

I'm the one

who found it in the truck
in the first place.

Everything happened exactly
the way that it did before.

You're a monster.

A monster?

Come on, Todd, you're overreacting...

You knew what was happening

before you even met me.

When Dorian died.

When they tried to kill me
on the bridge.

When Farah was still
being held in that room.

When that FBI guy threatened Amanda...

You saw what I said to me,
that wasn't enough to...

No, no, no, no, when we were
almost crushed to death,

and electrocuted, and burned
to death, and shot,

you knew that we'd end up here...

I didn't know that, exactly.

I didn't have any context...

Oh, and when were you gonna
share that with me, huh?

I just sort of thought
that you left things out

because you were eccentric,
or crazy, or stupid.

But you didn't.

You deliberately hid things from me.

- You lied to me!
- I didn't lie.

I-I just... didn't tell you
the whole truth

because I didn't understand it, and...

You're a liar,

and you ruined my life,

just to have a friend.

You deserve to be alone, Dirk.

I didn't lie.

I'd think you of all people know
what a lie looks like by now.

No, wait, that wasn't what I meant,

I'm sorry, I just...

That wasn't what I meant.

After all this is over,

don't ever speak to me again, Dirk.

_

[♪♪♪]

Shit. I hear someone coming.

Get the machine,
we've gotta get out of here.

[Rimmer]: Hurry up!

Come on!

They're coming.

Shit, they're coming!
We have to go. Now!

They obviously don't catch us, Todd,

or they'd remember us
in the future from the past,

which is currently the present, so...

Right?

What do we do?

What are you doing?

Well, it worked last time.

No, it didn't!

Well, we're not dead!

I'll take us back to the Wild West,

we can stop all of this
before it even began.

Dirk, haven't you been
listening to anything?

- That won't work!
- Get off!

No, we are going back to the future

to save Lydia Spring!

The note with my name
had my blood on it, Todd,

my blood! I cannot just...

We're not going back to the Wild West!

- Everything is connected!
- I hate you!

_

[gasps awake]

What?

Shit!

Dammit...

No catch.

What's next?

Break the actuator.

Trunk opens.

Maybe.

[kicking]

[kicking harder]

Wait...

[cocks gun]

[sighs]

[firing]

[gunshots firing]

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no!

Fred, get the hell out there,
see what that is!

[♪♪♪]

Run!

Kill them.

Where are you going?

I'm going to check on Rapunzel!

- What's the plan?
- Come on, grab hold!

[breathing hard]

No, wait...

I can...

[muttering] Like getting born again.

Getting born...

through this!

[barking]

Rapunzel?

How did you...

Hey.

Oh, no.

Gordon Rimmer?

'Sup?

[fires, glass shattering]

[barking]

- Put that dog...
- [Rimmer grunting]

back in that dog!

And that girl... Back! In that! Girl!

Stop! Stop! Stop...

When are we?

Back where we came from.

Oh, shit.

[pounding on door]

Oh...

Dirk!

[electricity crackles]