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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:30,940 TYRES SQUEAL 2 00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:36,049 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 3 00:00:36,050 --> 00:00:36,529 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 4 00:00:36,530 --> 00:00:38,569 LAUGHTER That's it, Pusface! 5 00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:38,929 LAUGHTER That's it, Pusface! 6 00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:40,369 Jonny! Keep running! 7 00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:42,049 Get off! What? 8 00:00:42,050 --> 00:00:44,089 Pissface! Agh! Oh! Oh! 9 00:00:44,090 --> 00:00:46,129 Pissface! Agh! Oh! Oh! 10 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,449 Pissface! Agh! Oh! Oh! 11 00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:49,489 I did it! You weirdo. 12 00:00:49,490 --> 00:00:49,849 I did it! You weirdo. 13 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,889 Running all the way. 14 00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:52,489 Running all the way. 15 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:54,529 Water! Water, please? Ugh! Please? 16 00:00:54,530 --> 00:00:57,799 Water! Water, please? Ugh! Please? 17 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,719 My champion! 18 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,729 Salt? You bloody arsehole! 19 00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:03,769 Salt? You bloody arsehole! 20 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:04,609 Salt? You bloody arsehole! 21 00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:06,649 It worked! It worked! Jonathan! 22 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,729 It worked! It worked! Jonathan! 23 00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:09,529 Come in, Adam. 24 00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:11,569 YOU... can piss off! What...? Oi! 25 00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:12,769 YOU... can piss off! What...? Oi! 26 00:01:12,770 --> 00:01:14,119 My little Bobble. 27 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,199 Running home to Mummy. 28 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,089 Running home to Mummy. 29 00:01:17,090 --> 00:01:19,129 That was a killer. Classic. 30 00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:19,399 That was a killer. Classic. 31 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,409 Ow! 32 00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:23,449 Mum! Come through, sweetie. 33 00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:24,529 Mum! Come through, sweetie. 34 00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:26,119 Dead. 35 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,329 HE CHORTLES 36 00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:31,249 Here you are, darling. 37 00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,319 Thirsty. I bet you are. So brave. 38 00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:33,649 Thirsty. I bet you are. So brave. 39 00:01:33,650 --> 00:01:35,569 So brave? So disgusting! 40 00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,639 SNIFFS Oh, he stinks. 41 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,649 Er, do you want me to rub my sweaty groin juice all over your face? 42 00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:40,039 Er, do you want me to rub my sweaty groin juice all over your face? 43 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,119 You dare! Boys! Ugh, groin juice?! Revolting! 44 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,609 You dare! Boys! Ugh, groin juice?! Revolting! 45 00:01:43,610 --> 00:01:45,649 TUTS Oh, beef tonight. 46 00:01:45,650 --> 00:01:45,959 TUTS Oh, beef tonight. 47 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,449 Beef? Boom! Yes! 48 00:01:47,450 --> 00:01:48,679 # Bring it on! # 49 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,689 And I thought maybe you were going to ask your girlfriends over, 50 00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:51,079 And I thought maybe you were going to ask your girlfriends over, 51 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,729 you know, the ones we've never met? 52 00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,769 You thought wrong. Very wrong. 53 00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:55,009 You thought wrong. Very wrong. 54 00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,569 Oh, it is Dad's birthday. 55 00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:58,609 Where is the birthday boy... er, man? 56 00:01:58,610 --> 00:01:58,849 Where is the birthday boy... er, man? 57 00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:00,889 And what is this doing here? 58 00:02:00,890 --> 00:02:01,159 And what is this doing here? 59 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,169 Cos your not-mad father made me take it all down. 60 00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,209 Did he?He's been such a misery guts all day. 61 00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,049 Did he?He's been such a misery guts all day. 62 00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:08,089 I don't know what to do with him. Push him off the roof? 63 00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:08,449 I don't know what to do with him. Push him off the roof? 64 00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:10,249 LAUGHS Finally. 65 00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:12,289 Wait! Just a minute. 66 00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:13,159 Wait! Just a minute. 67 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,079 There, Bobble. Really? 68 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,849 Good boy. 69 00:02:16,850 --> 00:02:18,889 Good dog. Pissface! 70 00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:19,489 Good dog. Pissface! 71 00:02:19,490 --> 00:02:21,529 Oh, hello, Martin. GRUNTS 72 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:21,799 Oh, hello, Martin. GRUNTS 73 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,449 Happy birthday, Dad. Happy birthday. 74 00:02:23,450 --> 00:02:25,489 Balls! Sorry? What? Balls! 75 00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:25,969 Balls! Sorry? What? Balls! 76 00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:28,009 Can you please stop saying "balls" every time anyone wishes you 77 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:28,849 Can you please stop saying "balls" every time anyone wishes you 78 00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:30,049 a happy birthday?! See? 79 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,399 Why are you dressed like a berk? 80 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,049 You are in a good mood, aren't you? 81 00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:35,089 Martin, you know Adam was running here tonight. 82 00:02:35,090 --> 00:02:35,329 Martin, you know Adam was running here tonight. 83 00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:36,679 Why were you running again? 84 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,689 Cos he's a tit. Groin juice? Don't you dare! 85 00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:39,049 Cos he's a tit. Groin juice? Don't you dare! 86 00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:41,089 Don't you remember? For his training. 87 00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:41,479 Don't you remember? For his training. 88 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,249 The race, remember? Sunday? 89 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,839 What? Oh, yeah. The marathon. 90 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,609 It's not a marathon. Really? 91 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:48,679 You're running a marathon, aren't you? Very good. 92 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:49,009 You're running a marathon, aren't you? Very good. 93 00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:51,079 You know it's not a marathon. Sorry. Half marathon. Keep going. 94 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:51,559 You know it's not a marathon. Sorry. Half marathon. Keep going. 95 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,569 You don't mean quarter marathon, do you? 96 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:53,929 You don't mean quarter marathon, do you? 97 00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:55,969 Stop it, Jonny. It's not a quarter marathon, is it? 98 00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:57,049 Stop it, Jonny. It's not a quarter marathon, is it? 99 00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,089 It's a half marathon. Mum, I told you, it's a quarter marathon. 100 00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,529 It's a half marathon. Mum, I told you, it's a quarter marathon. 101 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,449 That's what I've been training for a quarter marathon. 102 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,249 Quarter marathon? Does that even exist? 103 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,049 I bet you couldn't run a quarter marathon. 104 00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:08,089 Course I could. What, is it? A mile? Er, 6.5 miles. 105 00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:09,049 Course I could. What, is it? A mile? Er, 6.5 miles. 106 00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:11,089 6.55 miles. 107 00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:11,449 6.55 miles. 108 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:13,489 Human calculator. Ugh! I need more water. Allow me. Er, no thanks! 109 00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:15,079 Human calculator. Ugh! I need more water. Allow me. Er, no thanks! 110 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,089 Boys, behave! 111 00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:18,169 Pusface. 112 00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:20,809 Did you make these? 113 00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,849 Seriously, do you have to be such a dick? 114 00:03:22,850 --> 00:03:23,089 Seriously, do you have to be such a dick? 115 00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,159 Yup. And seriously, do you have to smell like a sewer? 116 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:25,489 Yup. And seriously, do you have to smell like a sewer? 117 00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:27,529 Um, no, that's just your face. 118 00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:27,769 Um, no, that's just your face. 119 00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,809 Sorry? Groin juice? Urgh! 120 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,649 Sorry? Groin juice? Urgh! 121 00:03:30,650 --> 00:03:32,689 No!Adam! 122 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,129 No!Adam! 123 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,569 JONNY HOWLS 124 00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:37,639 It's actually 6.554 miles. 125 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,769 It's actually 6.554 miles. 126 00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:43,249 Oh! 127 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,319 So, we only got you a couple of things, 128 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:45,649 So, we only got you a couple of things, 129 00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:47,719 cos you only asked for a couple of things. 130 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,049 cos you only asked for a couple of things. 131 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:50,089 The world's most boring couple of things. 132 00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:50,449 The world's most boring couple of things. 133 00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:52,199 Here. Is this a present? 134 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,959 No, it's your arse. 135 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,409 Course it's a present! 136 00:03:57,410 --> 00:04:01,009 No need to say thank you. 137 00:04:01,010 --> 00:04:03,049 It's a battery tester. Yes. 138 00:04:03,050 --> 00:04:03,559 It's a battery tester. Yes. 139 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,159 Well, say thank you. 140 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,129 In a minute! I haven't tested it yet. 141 00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:07,729 In a minute! I haven't tested it yet. 142 00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:09,769 You're going to test the battery tester? Obviously. 143 00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:10,489 You're going to test the battery tester? Obviously. 144 00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:12,529 God, how much crap do you keep in your pockets? 145 00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:13,319 God, how much crap do you keep in your pockets? 146 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,289 Pillock. Here! Have a pound! 147 00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:15,559 Pillock. Here! Have a pound! 148 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,329 Ow! God, Dad!Martin! 149 00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:19,399 LAUGHS Nice shot, Dad. 150 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:19,729 LAUGHS Nice shot, Dad. 151 00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,169 TESTER BEEPS 152 00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,209 It works. 153 00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:25,489 It works. 154 00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:26,929 You're welcome. 155 00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:28,999 PHONE RINGS 156 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,359 Oh, please stop calling me. 157 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,369 SIGHS It's your wretched mother again. 158 00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:34,849 SIGHS It's your wretched mother again. 159 00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,889 Ugh! Horrible Grandma. 160 00:04:36,890 --> 00:04:37,319 Ugh! Horrible Grandma. 161 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,049 Hello again, Cynthia. 162 00:04:39,050 --> 00:04:41,089 It's Martin's birthday. 163 00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:41,329 It's Martin's birthday. 164 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,919 I know, Cynthia. 165 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,929 Martin's my only son. 166 00:04:44,930 --> 00:04:46,969 Cynthia, we've had this conversation three times already. 167 00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,049 Cynthia, we've had this conversation three times already. 168 00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:50,119 We're having a quiet night in, just the four of us, OK? 169 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,809 We're having a quiet night in, just the four of us, OK? 170 00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,879 She hung up. Again. Good. Nice one, Mum. 171 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:56,569 She hung up. Again. Good. Nice one, Mum. 172 00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:58,609 I'm sorry, but I'm not having that grotty old moose ruining 173 00:04:58,610 --> 00:04:59,239 I'm sorry, but I'm not having that grotty old moose ruining 174 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,569 another of Dad's birthdays. 175 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,609 Yes, another of Dad's wonderful birthdays. 176 00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:05,209 Yes, another of Dad's wonderful birthdays. 177 00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:07,009 Huh? 178 00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:08,359 Here, Mr Wonderful. 179 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,009 Is that my other present? 180 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,900 No, it's your other arse. 181 00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,369 Drill bits. You're welcome again. 182 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,889 Drill bits. You're welcome again. 183 00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:20,039 Where are you going? 184 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,009 Well, to test the drill bits, obviously. 185 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:22,489 Well, to test the drill bits, obviously. 186 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,529 CHUCKLES What is wrong with him tonight? 187 00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:24,889 CHUCKLES What is wrong with him tonight? 188 00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:26,809 Maybe we could drill into his head to find out. 189 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,849 DRILLING Dad!Right! 190 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,919 DRILLING Dad!Right! 191 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:31,399 DRILLING Dad!Right! 192 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,409 I'm not having any more of this crap! 193 00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:34,849 My drill! 194 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:36,199 Martin! It's your birthday! 195 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,209 Why are you being such a grumpy git the whole time? 196 00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,199 What are you talking about? I'm serious. 197 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,569 What is going on? What? 198 00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:43,399 Nothing is going on. 199 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,449 TUTS 200 00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:46,369 Dad? Dad? 201 00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:48,409 HE SIGHS All right! God. 202 00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,409 HE SIGHS All right! God. 203 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,449 I'm not going into space. 204 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:54,649 I'm not going into space. 205 00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:55,729 I'm sorry? 206 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,799 I'm not going into bloody space! 207 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:58,009 I'm not going into bloody space! 208 00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:00,049 Wha...? 209 00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:00,769 Wha...? 210 00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:02,809 You're not going into space? When are you not going into space? 211 00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:03,079 You're not going into space? When are you not going into space? 212 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,159 Tonight? Well, obviously not tonight! 213 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:05,449 Tonight? Well, obviously not tonight! 214 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,489 Did you see my spaceship outside? 215 00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:07,729 Did you see my spaceship outside? 216 00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:09,479 Er, have you been drinking? 217 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,449 Yeah, out of the drains? What are you talking about, Martin? 218 00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,529 Yeah, out of the drains? What are you talking about, Martin? 219 00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,119 I read an article. 220 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,559 Right. 221 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,849 Read it. 222 00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,439 What? The whole article? 223 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,449 Oh, bleeding hell! 224 00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:21,649 Oh, bleeding hell! 225 00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:23,569 "Affordable space travel for all 226 00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:25,639 "not expected until 2050, say experts." 227 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,530 "not expected until 2050, say experts." 228 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,009 And? 229 00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:33,049 2050. 230 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:33,319 2050. 231 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,089 And? Well, I'll be dead by then, won't I? 232 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,409 Will you? Yes. 233 00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:38,449 Right, and who told you that? Your psychic doctor? 234 00:06:38,450 --> 00:06:39,289 Right, and who told you that? Your psychic doctor? 235 00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,999 Prats. The computer system. 236 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,889 It's called the internet, but do go on. 237 00:06:42,890 --> 00:06:44,929 There was this programme on it, and it asks your date of birth 238 00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:45,169 There was this programme on it, and it asks your date of birth 239 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:47,239 and other stuff, and then it tells you when you're going to, 240 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:47,569 and other stuff, and then it tells you when you're going to, 241 00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:48,679 you know, die. 242 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:50,759 Oh, Martin. Why would you do that? 243 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,769 Oh, Martin. Why would you do that? 244 00:06:51,770 --> 00:06:53,809 I die on April 9th, 2048. 245 00:06:53,810 --> 00:06:54,409 I die on April 9th, 2048. 246 00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:56,449 Oh, my God, Dad! I did yours as well. 247 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:56,809 Oh, my God, Dad! I did yours as well. 248 00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,849 No way! What? You did the boys? 249 00:06:58,850 --> 00:06:59,089 No way! What? You did the boys? 250 00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:01,159 Er, we really don't want to know when we die, thank you! Yeah! 251 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:01,849 Er, we really don't want to know when we die, thank you! Yeah! 252 00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:03,889 You looked up when our lovely sons are going to... 253 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,809 You looked up when our lovely sons are going to... 254 00:07:05,810 --> 00:07:07,399 ...perish? What? 255 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,479 How could you do such a thing? You didn't do mine, did you? 256 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:09,799 How could you do such a thing? You didn't do mine, did you? 257 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,569 Well, you last a couple of months after me. 258 00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:13,639 Oh, my God! Incredible. 3rd of June, 2048. 259 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:14,759 Oh, my God! Incredible. 3rd of June, 2048. 260 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,729 Dad!Martin! Right. 261 00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:17,089 Dad!Martin! Right. 262 00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:19,129 Thank you for telling me when I'm actually going to die. 263 00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:19,609 Thank you for telling me when I'm actually going to die. 264 00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:21,529 Thank you so much! 265 00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:23,329 You're unbelievable! 266 00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:25,369 Eh? Calm down, Jackie. 267 00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,409 It's probably not the exact exact date. 268 00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:27,719 It's probably not the exact exact date. 269 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,689 Just go away. Although, it's probably pretty close, 270 00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:30,049 Just go away. Although, it's probably pretty close, 271 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,089 because I did have to put in quite a lot of your medical data so, er... 272 00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:32,449 because I did have to put in quite a lot of your medical data so, er... 273 00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:34,369 Right. Thank you again! 274 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,449 DOORBELL 275 00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:36,769 SIGHS 276 00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,809 If that's your bloody mother coming to ruin everything... 277 00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:39,289 If that's your bloody mother coming to ruin everything... 278 00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:41,329 I am so angry with you! 279 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,649 I am so angry with you! 280 00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,689 Well done. Yes, good work, Doctor Death. 281 00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,609 Well done. Yes, good work, Doctor Death. 282 00:07:46,610 --> 00:07:48,679 Please don't be her. 283 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,009 Please don't be her. 284 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,079 GROANS 285 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:51,409 GROANS 286 00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:52,729 Jackie? 287 00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,599 Oh, Jim! Thank God it's you. 288 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,569 Oh, Jackie, thank God it's you, too. 289 00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:57,649 Oh, Jackie, thank God it's you, too. 290 00:07:57,650 --> 00:07:59,719 Um, can I help you, Jim? What? 291 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,049 Um, can I help you, Jim? What? 292 00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:02,089 Oh, yes, we just popped round to wish Martin a happy birthday, 293 00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,129 Oh, yes, we just popped round to wish Martin a happy birthday, 294 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:04,369 Oh, yes, we just popped round to wish Martin a happy birthday, 295 00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:06,289 didn't we, Milson? 296 00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:07,969 Um, hello, Jim. 297 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:09,409 Happy birthday, Martin. 298 00:08:09,410 --> 00:08:11,089 Balls!Ugh! 299 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,129 Um, Jim, could I have your date of birth, please? 300 00:08:13,130 --> 00:08:14,929 OTHERS: Do not tell him! Don't tell him that! 301 00:08:14,930 --> 00:08:16,969 Right, why don't you go in there and practise holding your breath 302 00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:17,209 Right, why don't you go in there and practise holding your breath 303 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,249 for an hour, hmm? Jackie! 304 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:20,569 Bye-bye, Martin. 305 00:08:20,570 --> 00:08:22,249 But, Jackie! 306 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,929 Anything else, Jim? Yes, um, 307 00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:25,969 I wondered if I could perhaps perform some magic tricks 308 00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:27,289 I wondered if I could perhaps perform some magic tricks 309 00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,089 for the birthday boy. 310 00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,649 What? Magic tricks? 311 00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:32,039 You do magic? 312 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,649 Oh, yes, we've been teaching ourselves 313 00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:35,719 lots of magic tricks lately, haven't we, Milson? 314 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,639 lots of magic tricks lately, haven't we, Milson? 315 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,530 Look. 316 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,289 NERVY MUTTERINGS 317 00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:50,209 NERVY MUTTERINGS 318 00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:51,559 What are you doing? 319 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,569 Magic with my magic hankie. 320 00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:56,689 Magic with my magic hankie. 321 00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,759 Does Martin enjoy magic? 322 00:08:58,760 --> 00:08:59,239 Does Martin enjoy magic? 323 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,319 Absolutely hates it. Would rather set his head on fire. 324 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,119 Absolutely hates it. Would rather set his head on fire. 325 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:06,010 Um, do come in, Jim. 326 00:09:07,970 --> 00:09:10,009 Any card? Any card, Martin. 327 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:10,609 Any card? Any card, Martin. 328 00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:12,409 Bleeding hell. Now what? 329 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,239 Look at the card. 330 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,209 And now tell me what the card is. 331 00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:18,409 And now tell me what the card is. 332 00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,449 Really? Um, the Four Of Clubs. 333 00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:21,479 Really? Um, the Four Of Clubs. 334 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,370 BREATHES HEAVILY 335 00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:28,369 Martin Goodman, is your card the King Of Diamonds? 336 00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:30,439 Martin Goodman, is your card the King Of Diamonds? 337 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,449 Martin Goodman, is your card the King Of Diamonds? 338 00:09:32,450 --> 00:09:32,809 Martin Goodman, is your card the King Of Diamonds? 339 00:09:32,810 --> 00:09:34,849 What? No. The Four Of Clubs! 340 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:35,089 What? No. The Four Of Clubs! 341 00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:37,159 Oh, yes. I can never do that one. 342 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:37,369 Oh, yes. I can never do that one. 343 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,289 Well, thanks so much, Jim. 344 00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,329 Er, sorry, Martin, but I don't think Jim's quite finished. Have you? 345 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,399 Er, sorry, Martin, but I don't think Jim's quite finished. Have you? 346 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,209 Er, sorry, Martin, but I don't think Jim's quite finished. Have you? 347 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,249 Oh, no, Jackie, I've got lots more magic for Martin. 348 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,529 Oh, no, Jackie, I've got lots more magic for Martin. 349 00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:50,209 How exciting! 350 00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,249 Do carry on, Jim. Yes, bravo! 351 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,209 Do carry on, Jim. Yes, bravo! 352 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:55,249 Bravo! Buggers. 353 00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:57,479 Bravo! Buggers. 354 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,449 Well, that's your dad sorted for the night! 355 00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:00,169 Well, that's your dad sorted for the night! 356 00:10:00,170 --> 00:10:01,729 Maybe Jim will saw him in half. 357 00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,769 CHUCKLES Or much smaller pieces. 358 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,569 CHUCKLES Or much smaller pieces. 359 00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,609 Shall we just start dinner without him? Yes, please! Definitely. 360 00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:08,359 Shall we just start dinner without him? Yes, please! Definitely. 361 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,439 Right. Birthday beef without the birthday boy! 362 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,199 Right. Birthday beef without the birthday boy! 363 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,279 # Skill McGill! # # Skilligan McGilligan! # 364 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,049 # Skill McGill! # # Skilligan McGilligan! # 365 00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:17,089 DOOR CLOSES Huh? Hello? 366 00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:20,039 DOOR CLOSES Huh? Hello? 367 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,009 What are you doing? Where's Jim? He's gone.Gone? 368 00:10:22,010 --> 00:10:22,969 What are you doing? Where's Jim? He's gone.Gone? 369 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:25,009 Yeah, I paid him and he went. You paid him? Ah! 370 00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:25,639 Yeah, I paid him and he went. You paid him? Ah! 371 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,239 So that's how you get rid of Jim. 372 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,209 What did you pay him with? I found 20 quid in your purse. 373 00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:29,569 What did you pay him with? I found 20 quid in your purse. 374 00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:31,609 Fantastic. Er, thank you very much, Martin. 375 00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:32,089 Fantastic. Er, thank you very much, Martin. 376 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,129 Can I have my dinner now? No, you cannot have your dinner now. 377 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:34,609 Can I have my dinner now? No, you cannot have your dinner now. 378 00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:36,409 Boys? 379 00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:38,449 Jackie! What am I going to bleeding eat? It's my birthday! 380 00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:40,369 Jackie! What am I going to bleeding eat? It's my birthday! 381 00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,409 Er, really? I thought it was your death day. 382 00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:43,369 Er, really? I thought it was your death day. 383 00:10:43,370 --> 00:10:45,409 Not this crap again.Well, maybe we don't want our dinner 384 00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:45,769 Not this crap again.Well, maybe we don't want our dinner 385 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,809 with someone who keeps telling us when we're gonna drop dead. What? 386 00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:48,889 with someone who keeps telling us when we're gonna drop dead. What? 387 00:10:48,890 --> 00:10:50,929 I didn't tell you when the boys were going to drop dead. How kind. 388 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:51,719 I didn't tell you when the boys were going to drop dead. How kind. 389 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,689 Anyway, those two have nothing to worry about. 390 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:55,729 They go on for years. Please shut up. 391 00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:55,969 They go on for years. Please shut up. 392 00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:59,569 Yes, shut up, Martin. Oh, potatoes. 393 00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:01,609 You last right up to the Mars Colonisation Programme. 394 00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:02,689 You last right up to the Mars Colonisation Programme. 395 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,729 Um, and what year is the Mars Colonisation Programme? 396 00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,769 Um, and what year is the Mars Colonisation Programme? 397 00:11:06,770 --> 00:11:07,129 Um, and what year is the Mars Colonisation Programme? 398 00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:09,049 Er... 399 00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:11,089 2085. 400 00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:13,129 GROANS Wait! 2085 that's all right, isn't it? 401 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,169 GROANS Wait! 2085 that's all right, isn't it? 402 00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:15,559 GROANS Wait! 2085 that's all right, isn't it? 403 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,569 Er, yeah, actually, that is ages away. 404 00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:18,289 Er, yeah, actually, that is ages away. 405 00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:20,359 See? And you get to go to Mars, you lucky sods. 406 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:20,929 See? And you get to go to Mars, you lucky sods. 407 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,369 What do you think about that? 408 00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:24,199 Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah. 409 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,279 Sorry, no. Adam, you get to go to Mars. 410 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,079 Sorry, no. Adam, you get to go to Mars. 411 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,089 Jonny, you don't. What? Cos you die first. 412 00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:29,809 Jonny, you don't. What? Cos you die first. 413 00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:31,609 Ah! I die first? 414 00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:33,049 But Adam's older than me! 415 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:35,089 Yeah, but he lives longer cos of his, you know, running and exercise. 416 00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:35,719 Yeah, but he lives longer cos of his, you know, running and exercise. 417 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,799 Of course! My running and exercise. 418 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:38,329 Of course! My running and exercise. 419 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,129 HE HEAVES 420 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:42,169 July 22nd, 2082. That's when you die. 421 00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:42,769 July 22nd, 2082. That's when you die. 422 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,049 Oh, my God!What? 423 00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:47,089 Dad just told me my death day. Oh, Martin! Ow! 424 00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,529 Dad just told me my death day. Oh, Martin! Ow! 425 00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,599 July 22nd, 2082. Don't tell me, Jonny! 426 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,409 July 22nd, 2082. Don't tell me, Jonny! 427 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:52,519 Ow! 428 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,599 Jackie, calm down. Adam's gonna go to Mars. Isn't that fantastic? 429 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,849 Jackie, calm down. Adam's gonna go to Mars. Isn't that fantastic? 430 00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:57,799 That is fantastic. I need a drink. 431 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,809 But, Jackie, Mars! Don't you think that's incredible? 432 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:00,049 But, Jackie, Mars! Don't you think that's incredible? 433 00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:02,119 Mars, Mars, Mars. 434 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,289 Mars, Mars, Mars. 435 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,329 Brilliant. Well, I promise I'll give you a lovely funeral. 436 00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:07,129 Brilliant. Well, I promise I'll give you a lovely funeral. 437 00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:09,169 Thank you. And I'll try not to fart on your grave. 438 00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:10,489 Thank you. And I'll try not to fart on your grave. 439 00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:11,929 Pusface! 440 00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:13,969 Anyway, it's all crap, isn't it, working out when you're gonna die? 441 00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:14,809 Anyway, it's all crap, isn't it, working out when you're gonna die? 442 00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:16,849 Yeah. It's just a shame you never took up running. 443 00:12:16,850 --> 00:12:18,529 Yeah. It's just a shame you never took up running. 444 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,569 Right, well, I'll just start running now, then I'll live longer than you. 445 00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:22,009 Right, well, I'll just start running now, then I'll live longer than you. 446 00:12:22,010 --> 00:12:24,049 You're gonna start running now, are you? Yeah. Let's go for a run. 447 00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:25,129 You're gonna start running now, are you? Yeah. Let's go for a run. 448 00:12:25,130 --> 00:12:27,169 Sorry? You want to go for a run right now? 449 00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:27,769 Sorry? You want to go for a run right now? 450 00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,809 Yes, I can run as far as you, easy! 451 00:12:29,810 --> 00:12:30,439 Yes, I can run as far as you, easy! 452 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,359 Where are you going? Putting my shoes on. 453 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,439 Pissface? Your mother! What? 454 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,089 Pissface? Your mother! What? 455 00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:38,980 Oh.Yeah. 456 00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:43,849 Go on, then. 457 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,889 March 20th, 2085. 458 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,489 March 20th, 2085. 459 00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:48,529 Great. 460 00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:49,489 Great. 461 00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:50,809 You're running now? Now? 462 00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:52,849 Yes!You can't run now. We've got beef. 463 00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:53,689 Yes!You can't run now. We've got beef. 464 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,729 Can you move out of the way, please?Jonny! 465 00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:56,569 Can you move out of the way, please?Jonny! 466 00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:58,249 Yes, he has gone insane. 467 00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,289 Right. Ready, Pusface? 468 00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:02,119 Right. Ready, Pusface? 469 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,129 Wait. That's not... Oh, my God. 470 00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:04,609 Wait. That's not... Oh, my God. 471 00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:07,729 Horrible Grandma. 472 00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:09,799 Happy birthday, Martin. 473 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,129 Happy birthday, Martin. 474 00:13:10,130 --> 00:13:12,199 Balls! 475 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,090 Balls! 476 00:13:19,430 --> 00:13:21,469 Banning me from seeing my son on his birthday... 477 00:13:21,470 --> 00:13:23,149 Banning me from seeing my son on his birthday... 478 00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,829 I wasn't banning you, Cynthia. 479 00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:26,509 My only son. 480 00:13:26,510 --> 00:13:28,549 I don't think we got your card this year, did we, Martin? 481 00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:29,459 I don't think we got your card this year, did we, Martin? 482 00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,429 Jackie. That's because I didn't send a card. 483 00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:32,509 Jackie. That's because I didn't send a card. 484 00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,909 Fair enough. 485 00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:36,979 Oh, I thought you were going to give Martin a present then. 486 00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:38,749 Oh, I thought you were going to give Martin a present then. 487 00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:40,189 Bleeding hell, Jackie. 488 00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:41,779 Why would I give Martin a present? 489 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,429 His birthday, perhaps? 490 00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:44,989 But he's not a baby. 491 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,059 Um, that's not quite how birthdays work... 492 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,019 Um, that's not quite how birthdays work... 493 00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:49,459 Horrible.....Grandma. 494 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,469 I stopped giving Martin presents years ago when he was seven. 495 00:13:51,470 --> 00:13:52,979 I stopped giving Martin presents years ago when he was seven. 496 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,949 Six. Yes, six. 497 00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:55,309 Six. Yes, six. 498 00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:57,349 I remember, because I just re-wrapped the same present 499 00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:58,909 I remember, because I just re-wrapped the same present 500 00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,589 I'd given him when he was five. 501 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,669 SHE LAUGHS 502 00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,379 Lovely. A whistle. 503 00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:04,549 Lovely. 504 00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:06,589 Well, he wasn't to know, was he? 505 00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:06,829 Well, he wasn't to know, was he? 506 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:08,869 Jackie, can we bloody eat now? All right! 507 00:14:08,870 --> 00:14:09,139 Jackie, can we bloody eat now? All right! 508 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,579 I'm looking forward to the beef. 509 00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,589 Oh, are you, Cynthia? 510 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,629 Well, it's about the only thing you make that's edible. 511 00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:18,469 Well, it's about the only thing you make that's edible. 512 00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:20,389 Get rid of her? How am I going to get rid of her? 513 00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:21,469 Er, poison? 514 00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:23,059 Garrotting? Drowning in a bucket! 515 00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:24,829 Any of those will do. Idiots. 516 00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,899 I really don't care how you get rid of her, Martin. 517 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,979 You can take her to Mars in your spaceship if you like. 518 00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:29,269 You can take her to Mars in your spaceship if you like. 519 00:14:29,270 --> 00:14:30,829 Jackie, I don't have a spaceship! 520 00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,869 Ju... OK. 521 00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:34,909 Let's all just sit down, eat our beef and... 522 00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:35,869 Let's all just sit down, eat our beef and... 523 00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,939 Eat our beef?! I am not eating my lovely beef with that... woman! 524 00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,019 Eat our beef?! I am not eating my lovely beef with that... woman! 525 00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:40,669 Eat our beef?! I am not eating my lovely beef with that... woman! 526 00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:42,469 But, Jackie...And instead of looking up 527 00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,029 when your wife and kids drop dead, 528 00:14:44,030 --> 00:14:46,099 why don't you look up when your pig of a mother snuffs it?! 529 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:46,429 why don't you look up when your pig of a mother snuffs it?! 530 00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:47,629 Er, yes, actually! 531 00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:49,429 Who the hell do you think I looked up first?! 532 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,469 And? She lives to a shitting hundred. 533 00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:51,709 And? She lives to a shitting hundred. 534 00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:53,459 Of course she does.What?! 535 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,429 OK, if you're not going to get rid of her, 536 00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,269 OK, if you're not going to get rid of her, 537 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,309 you can have your dinner with her. 538 00:14:58,310 --> 00:14:58,579 you can have your dinner with her. 539 00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,949 Huh? 540 00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,989 Jacqueline, are you going to feed me tonight or what? 541 00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,189 Jacqueline, are you going to feed me tonight or what? 542 00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:08,080 Oh, yes, Cynthia. 543 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,269 And? Grim. 544 00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,469 Really? How grim? 545 00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:23,539 Prison grim. Ooh, that is grim. 546 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:24,109 Prison grim. Ooh, that is grim. 547 00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:26,149 Well, he wanted a shitty birthday, so... 548 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:26,579 Well, he wanted a shitty birthday, so... 549 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:28,189 To Dad's shitty birthday! 550 00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:30,259 OTHERS: Dad's shitty birthday! 551 00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:30,469 OTHERS: Dad's shitty birthday! 552 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:31,549 Uh... 553 00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:32,989 Er, no, you're not allowed in here! 554 00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:34,739 What? Please don't send me back in there. 555 00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,349 Martin, go and sit with your mother! 556 00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:38,269 But, Jackie, I can't take it in there any more. 557 00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,339 Any more? You've been in there for, like, two minutes. 558 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:40,669 Any more? You've been in there for, like, two minutes. 559 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,349 What, that long?! 560 00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,909 Oh, hello, Mum. 561 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,149 There's been a little accident. 562 00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:48,589 It's all over them! 563 00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:50,629 Yes, I don't know how it happened. 564 00:15:50,630 --> 00:15:51,379 Yes, I don't know how it happened. 565 00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:53,459 I must have just slipped and somehow bumped into the bottle. 566 00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:54,589 I must have just slipped and somehow bumped into the bottle. 567 00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:56,029 It's on the walls as well! 568 00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:58,099 Yes, it is, isn't it? 569 00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:58,789 Yes, it is, isn't it? 570 00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,019 And this wall? 571 00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:02,099 You did this on purpose, didn't you, Cynthia? 572 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:02,389 You did this on purpose, didn't you, Cynthia? 573 00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:04,339 I beg your pardon? Oh, God. 574 00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:06,419 You know, Cynthia, you come here and you treat this place like crap. 575 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,179 You know, Cynthia, you come here and you treat this place like crap. 576 00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:09,709 Oh, do I, Jacqueline? 577 00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:11,389 Yes, you bloody do! 578 00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:13,429 Well, maybe that's because this place IS crap. 579 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,949 Well, maybe that's because this place IS crap. 580 00:16:15,950 --> 00:16:17,989 Er...This place is crap, is it? 581 00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:18,469 Er...This place is crap, is it? 582 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:20,269 Yes. Crap. 583 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,309 And the food.Really? 584 00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:22,579 And the food.Really? 585 00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:24,659 I thought you liked my beef - you said it was "edible". 586 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,269 I thought you liked my beef - you said it was "edible". 587 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,539 Well, I was wrong. 588 00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:28,549 It was inedible. 589 00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:30,229 Sort of see that one coming. 590 00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:31,789 And you know what else is crap? 591 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,139 No, do tell me. 592 00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:36,109 Your family. 593 00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:38,149 Your family is crap. 594 00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:39,229 Your family is crap. 595 00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:41,299 You'd better bloody say something right now. 596 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:41,509 You'd better bloody say something right now. 597 00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:42,949 Er, Mum... 598 00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:44,389 Have you finished your meal? 599 00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:46,429 Oh, my God! My family's crap?! 600 00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:46,789 Oh, my God! My family's crap?! 601 00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:48,829 Well, I've got news for you, Cynthia - 602 00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:49,069 Well, I've got news for you, Cynthia - 603 00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:51,109 you're part of this crap family! 604 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:51,539 you're part of this crap family! 605 00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,149 And don't I bloody know it?! 606 00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:55,219 With my crap daughter-in-law and her crap hair! 607 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,989 With my crap daughter-in-law and her crap hair! 608 00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:58,739 WHISPERS: Crap hair?! 609 00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:00,659 And those idiotic boys, 610 00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:02,629 whose names I can barely be bothered to remember. 611 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,709 whose names I can barely be bothered to remember. 612 00:17:03,710 --> 00:17:05,389 I'm Nicholas. And I'm Lawrence. 613 00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:07,309 And your son? Eh, Cynthia? 614 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,349 What about your son? Your only son? 615 00:17:09,350 --> 00:17:09,829 What about your son? Your only son? 616 00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,869 Well, he used to be bearable, 617 00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:12,949 Well, he used to be bearable, 618 00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,989 but then he met you. 619 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:18,880 but then he met you. 620 00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,789 Right! 621 00:17:22,790 --> 00:17:24,349 Martin? 622 00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:26,419 I'm not taking this shit any more! 623 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,109 I'm not taking this shit any more! 624 00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:29,149 You, Cynthia Goodman, are a terrible mother! 625 00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:30,469 You, Cynthia Goodman, are a terrible mother! 626 00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:31,789 Hooray! 627 00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,469 And a terrible human being! 628 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,909 Hoorah! 629 00:17:34,910 --> 00:17:36,829 Oh, it's all coming out now! 630 00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:38,899 Well, don't think I don't know your secret name for me. 631 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,549 Well, don't think I don't know your secret name for me. 632 00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:42,589 It's Horrible Grandma, isn't it? 633 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:42,829 It's Horrible Grandma, isn't it? 634 00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:44,509 Yup! It's Horrible Grandma! 635 00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,579 Cos you're the most horrible grandma in the world. 636 00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:48,229 JACKIE: Er, universe. Multiverse.Huh? 637 00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,099 Well, cos scientists think there could be 638 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,589 any number of universes out there. 639 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,819 Yeah, maybe later. 640 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,899 Well, since you all hate me so much... 641 00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:55,309 Well, since you all hate me so much... 642 00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:56,389 And we do. 643 00:17:56,390 --> 00:17:58,309 You're going home and never coming back? No. 644 00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,349 I'm going to stay right here and you'll never get rid of me! 645 00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:02,269 I'm going to stay right here and you'll never get rid of me! 646 00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:04,339 SHE GIGGLES 647 00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:04,549 SHE GIGGLES 648 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,869 You're a pig! 649 00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:07,309 Well, you would know! 650 00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:10,309 DOOR SLAMS 651 00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:12,109 Oh, my God. 652 00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:14,419 What just happened? 653 00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,429 More gin. More gin! 654 00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:16,669 More gin. More gin! 655 00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:17,989 GLASS SMASHES 656 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:20,509 What the...? 657 00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:22,739 Huh? 658 00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:24,709 Oh, dear! The shelves just fell off the wall! 659 00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,269 Oh, dear! The shelves just fell off the wall! 660 00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:28,339 OK, if that cow isn't out of this bloody house 661 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:29,029 OK, if that cow isn't out of this bloody house 662 00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:31,069 in two seconds... I just told you I'm not going anywhere! 663 00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:32,989 in two seconds... I just told you I'm not going anywhere! 664 00:18:32,990 --> 00:18:34,909 Right, then, I'm getting out of this bloody house! 665 00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,829 Jackie...Boys, we're going for a run. 666 00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:38,629 What?! Mum? 667 00:18:38,630 --> 00:18:40,549 And, Martin? Yes? 668 00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:42,469 You're staying here and guarding your lunatic of a mother. 669 00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:44,029 Oh, shitting shit! 670 00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:46,099 Careful you don't break both your legs, Jacqueline. 671 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:46,429 Careful you don't break both your legs, Jacqueline. 672 00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:47,539 SHE GROWLS 673 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:48,589 CYNTHIA GIGGLES 674 00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:50,629 Come on! Best night ever? Possible! 675 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:50,899 Come on! Best night ever? Possible! 676 00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,069 Hello, all! 677 00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:54,109 Oh, God. No, Jim, not now. 678 00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:54,349 Oh, God. No, Jim, not now. 679 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,389 Sorry, Jackie, but I think I left something in your house. 680 00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,229 Sorry, Jackie, but I think I left something in your house. 681 00:18:57,230 --> 00:18:59,029 Well, you can get it tomorrow, OK? Excuse me. 682 00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:01,069 I must have it now, Jackie, I must! 683 00:19:01,070 --> 00:19:01,309 I must have it now, Jackie, I must! 684 00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:02,899 It's my hankie. 685 00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,549 Your hankie. 686 00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:07,549 My magic hankie. 687 00:19:07,550 --> 00:19:09,619 I'm sure I left it in here somewhere. 688 00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:09,829 I'm sure I left it in here somewhere. 689 00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:11,539 Please hurry up. Please! 690 00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:13,619 I can't believe you made her tea. 691 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:13,789 I can't believe you made her tea. 692 00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:14,899 HE SPLUTTERS 693 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,069 It's delicious. 694 00:19:16,070 --> 00:19:18,109 Oh, here it is! Silly me. 695 00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:20,179 Oh, here it is! Silly me. 696 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,259 It was in my pocket the whole time. 697 00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:22,429 It was in my pocket the whole time. 698 00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:23,539 HE SNORTS 699 00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:24,589 What is it? 700 00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,229 It's my magic hankie. 701 00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,819 Well, bye, all! 702 00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:30,419 MARTIN:Er, goodbye, Jim. 703 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,149 Actually, Jim... 704 00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:34,189 ..how would you like to perform some magic 705 00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:34,429 ..how would you like to perform some magic 706 00:19:34,430 --> 00:19:38,320 for my wonderful mother-in-law? 707 00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:49,549 Well, get on with it, you silly man! 708 00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:50,989 Well, get on with it, you silly man! 709 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,029 Mrs Cynthia Goodman, is your card... 710 00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:54,739 Mrs Cynthia Goodman, is your card... 711 00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:57,349 ..the ten of hearts? 712 00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:59,389 I just told you, you idiot - it's the queen of bloody spades! 713 00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:01,459 I just told you, you idiot - it's the queen of bloody spades! 714 00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:02,029 I just told you, you idiot - it's the queen of bloody spades! 715 00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,109 Oh. 716 00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:04,819 Such a difficult one, isn't it, Jim? 717 00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:06,589 Yes, it's difficult, isn't it? 718 00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,659 Perhaps you'd like to see me make something disappear? 719 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,549 Perhaps you'd like to see me make something disappear? 720 00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:12,589 I'd like to see you make SOMEONE disappear. 721 00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:13,939 I'd like to see you make SOMEONE disappear. 722 00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:15,949 Actually, why don't you make me disappear from this stupid craphole? 723 00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:17,989 Actually, why don't you make me disappear from this stupid craphole? 724 00:20:17,990 --> 00:20:18,469 Actually, why don't you make me disappear from this stupid craphole? 725 00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,509 Aw, how sweet. 726 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:20,869 Aw, how sweet. 727 00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:22,099 Um, OK, then, Mrs Goodman. 728 00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,179 Perhaps I could borrow this towel? 729 00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:24,709 Perhaps I could borrow this towel? 730 00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:26,029 The magic towel? 731 00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:28,789 The magic towel. 732 00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:32,029 And so... 733 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,099 ..I say the magic word... 734 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:34,309 ..I say the magic word... 735 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:36,349 HE STUTTERS:..abadababadababada... 736 00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:38,899 HE STUTTERS:..abadababadababada... 737 00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:42,589 ..and she's gone! 738 00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,629 Er, isn't she just sort of behind the towel? 739 00:20:44,630 --> 00:20:46,189 Er, isn't she just sort of behind the towel? 740 00:20:46,190 --> 00:20:48,229 What? Oh, no, no, she's definitely disappeared. 741 00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:49,789 What? Oh, no, no, she's definitely disappeared. 742 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,109 Right. 743 00:20:51,110 --> 00:20:53,149 And now, with the power of magic, I will make her come back again. 744 00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:54,589 And now, with the power of magic, I will make her come back again. 745 00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:55,909 Please don't. 746 00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:59,800 HE STUTTERS 747 00:21:04,820 --> 00:21:06,259 Cynthia? 748 00:21:06,260 --> 00:21:08,269 As I said, with such a massive heart attack, 749 00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:10,309 she really wouldn't have felt a thing, Mr Goodman. 750 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:10,579 she really wouldn't have felt a thing, Mr Goodman. 751 00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:12,659 All just very quick and painless. 752 00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:13,309 All just very quick and painless. 753 00:21:13,310 --> 00:21:14,749 A good way to go. 754 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,819 Thanks, Doctor.Thank you. 755 00:21:16,820 --> 00:21:19,549 Thanks, Doctor.Thank you. 756 00:21:19,550 --> 00:21:21,469 HE EXHALES Wow. 757 00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:22,909 Yeah. 758 00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:24,979 Again, Martin, I'm so sorry that I killed your mother... 759 00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:27,059 Again, Martin, I'm so sorry that I killed your mother... 760 00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:27,589 Again, Martin, I'm so sorry that I killed your mother... 761 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:29,509 ..with my magic. 762 00:21:29,510 --> 00:21:31,069 Er, right, Jim. 763 00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:33,109 In a way, I did sort of make her disappear. 764 00:21:33,110 --> 00:21:34,259 In a way, I did sort of make her disappear. 765 00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,229 Goodbye, Jim. Come on, Milson. 766 00:21:36,230 --> 00:21:36,499 Goodbye, Jim. Come on, Milson. 767 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,029 Good girl. 768 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,069 Ooh, and, Martin, here's that £20 back. 769 00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:42,109 Ooh, and, Martin, here's that £20 back. 770 00:21:42,110 --> 00:21:43,429 Ooh, and, Martin, here's that £20 back. 771 00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:45,469 Buy yourself something nice at the funeral. 772 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:45,709 Buy yourself something nice at the funeral. 773 00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:49,600 Er...Goodbye, Jim. 774 00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:53,509 Well, she definitely didn't last to 100. 775 00:21:53,510 --> 00:21:54,589 Well, she definitely didn't last to 100. 776 00:21:54,590 --> 00:21:55,789 Adam. 777 00:21:55,790 --> 00:21:57,829 It's all just so strange. 778 00:21:57,830 --> 00:21:58,099 It's all just so strange. 779 00:21:58,100 --> 00:22:00,109 What? Being murdered by magic? Jonny! 780 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:00,499 What? Being murdered by magic? Jonny! 781 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,269 And on my birthday, too. 782 00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:04,339 Yeah, your birthday. 783 00:22:04,340 --> 00:22:05,989 Yeah, your birthday. 784 00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:08,629 What a birthday. 785 00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:12,179 HE SOBS 786 00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,149 Oh, poor Dad. 787 00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:15,709 Yeah. 788 00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:17,629 I'm sorry, Dad. 789 00:22:17,630 --> 00:22:19,189 HE CRIES 790 00:22:19,190 --> 00:22:21,229 That's it, Martin. 791 00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:21,589 That's it, Martin. 792 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,629 Aw, let it all out. 793 00:22:23,630 --> 00:22:25,139 Aw, let it all out. 794 00:22:25,140 --> 00:22:27,109 SOBBING TURNS TO LAUGHTER 795 00:22:27,110 --> 00:22:29,149 SOBBING TURNS TO LAUGHTER 796 00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:33,040 SOBBING TURNS TO LAUGHTER 797 00:22:33,710 --> 00:22:35,509 Er...It's just nerves. 798 00:22:35,510 --> 00:22:36,949 Is it nerves? 799 00:22:36,950 --> 00:22:38,989 It's not nerves! 800 00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:39,229 It's not nerves! 801 00:22:39,230 --> 00:22:41,269 HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY 802 00:22:41,270 --> 00:22:45,160 HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY 803 00:22:50,270 --> 00:22:52,339 # I change shapes just to hide in this place 804 00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:53,389 # I change shapes just to hide in this place 805 00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:55,429 # But I'm still, I'm still an animal 806 00:22:55,430 --> 00:22:57,469 # But I'm still, I'm still an animal 807 00:22:57,470 --> 00:22:57,949 # But I'm still, I'm still an animal 808 00:22:57,950 --> 00:23:00,019 # Nobody knows it but me when I slip 809 00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:00,709 # Nobody knows it but me when I slip 810 00:23:00,710 --> 00:23:04,600 # Yeah, I slip, I'm still an animal 85640

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