Original subtitles

(eerie music)

(flies buzzing)

(bell rings)

(blastoff noise)

- You ready? - Okay.

(radio chatter)

(rock music)

How am I doing?

You sure you wanna know?

Does your boyfriend always get his way?

Yes.

Does he admit when he's wrong?

Never.

Does your boyfriend know how to build a fire with no matches?

The answer is D, who cares.

A, yes, very well.

Sorry, that question's not on here.

(Alex): It should be.

Sorry, so you're still at zero.

(laughing)

- Noooo! - Oh yeah!

# Never put your hat on the bed, son

# Never put your hat on the bed

# 'Cause if your hat's on the bed

# You might wake up dead

# So don't you ever put your hat on the bed

# Always keep an edge on your knife, son

# Always keep an edge on your knife

# 'Cause a good sharp edge is a man's best hedge

# Against the big uncertainties of life

# Yes a good sharp edge is a man's best hedge

# Against the uncertain varities of life

Put your hands on the wheel!

# (mumble) sharp an old knife

# Like the ones who give the advice

# Yodel-ay-ee, yodel-ay-ee, yodel-oo

# Never sell the old .22 #

(dramatic sting)

(ominous music)

-(Man): Hello? - Hey!

(Man): Just give me a second, will you?

Yeah, sure.

- How you doing? - (Alex): Good, good, good.

We're reserved. Under Louis.

- (Ranger): What's the name? - Alex Louis.

(Ranger): Yeah, I saw you in here.

You're ready to go,

your canoe will be right down there by the water.

Bring it back Monday at five.

That's rig ht, back to work Tuesday.

- Need a map? - (Alex): No, I'm good.

You don't want a map?

Nope, no, I know this park well.

It's kind of end of the season, right?

I mean, the weather can change on you.

Just turn on a dime.

- Less people. -Amen to that.

You mind me asking you, Mr. No Map, where you're headed?

Blackfoot Trail.

I can't wait to show her.

First time here, it's gonna be awesome.

I got some bad news for you,

I'm really sorry about this, but Blackfoot Trail's

closed for the season.

Why?

Had to, there were some yahoos tramping around

there and disrespecting everything,

This is a treasured site.

I don't have to tell you, I guess,

and Parks and Recreation wanna keep it that way.

Going to Blackfoot Trail is kind of the whole point of this trip.

It's 500 bucks if you're caught up there, each.

So that'd be a thousand bucks, expensive little camping trip.

Honey!

Jenn, you ready?

- Yup. - Oh, hang on.

Yeah rodeo, there's your medical kit

and there's a whistle in there.

Try to bring that back

and I'll try not to charge you.

A thousand bucks?

(laughs)

(Ranger): You're pretty good!

Bye.

You have a nice trip.

(Jenny. Thanks.

- Really? - Last one.

Come on, babe.

No, this is really important,

you knowl've been waiting forever for this.

I'm just, just give me...

They're all important.

Can't it wait 'til we get back?

Okay, I'm done, good?

All right, I don't believe you, but--

Well, putting it away, so--

Oh hang on, hang on.

Let's take a picture, let's mark the departure.

Put it to good use, right?

Okay.

Ready?

(mumbles)

Yeah, one of us looks good.

All right.

(dramatic music)

- Hey. - Hey, have a good one!

(Alex): Thanks a lot.

(9 runts)

- Fuck! -You okay?

Fuck, fuck, that fucking hurt like a bitch!

(Jenn): You sure you're okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'll just walk it off.

This is for you.

It'll scare anything away.

You'll see.

Probably won't need it.

Got it taken care of already.

Look what I got.

When did you get that?

I got it a few days ago.

We're not gonna need it.

Do you wanna have a good time

on this trip, or do you want me to be freaking out?

This is what makes me feel safe.

Okay.

Well if you're gonna have it,

it's useless in your bag, give it to me.

Just gotta clip it to your belt, all right?

You're not gonna need it.

Bear spray.

I wonder what other goodies you have in there.

Nothing, I'm serious, I don't

have anything in there.

See, there's nothing.

Oh, come on!

Seriously?

This is a road flare--

I know what it is!

Yeah, this is for when your car breaks down

on the side of the highway.

You know this, I know you know this.

Jenn, come on, if you wanted a flare

I could've picked you up a pen flare,

they sell them at any camping store.

- There's your flare. - Thank you.

You ready?

I think so.

Okay.

(grunts) Oh my God.

- (Alex): You good? -Yes.

- Huh? - What, sorry, what?

Jenn, you know we'll be lucky to

see anything bigger than a chipmunk, right?

Mmmhm.

(dramatic music)

- Hi. - Hey.

(scoffs) No!

Hey look at that, that's cute.

We should take it.

- This a good spot? -Yeah.

Counselor, back up.

(laughs)

Do you wanna turn me on right now?

- Is it working? -Yeah.

It's pretty hot.

Speaking of...

Do you remember the little swimming hole we walked by?

Nope, I don't.

Really?

You said you would.

(Jenn): I didn't say that.

- Yes, you did. - No, I said maybe.

No, no, no, you said yes.

Come on, babes.

No, it's like when you say "Do you wanna

order Chinese food tonight?" and I go "Maybe,"

and then we get Italian.

I'm gonna be all lonely by myself.

(Jenn): Well no one's making you do this!

Stop m

Oh my God, please, what is this?!

Don't leave me hanging, babe.

(laughs)

Okay, okay, fine.

- You ready? - No.

Come on.

Five, four, three-two-one!

(screaming)

woo,

- (Alex): Come on! -(Jenn): No!

Woo, woo!

I'm gonna get some more wood before it gets too dark.

Okay, I'll come help you.

No, no, I'll be back in a sec.

Okay. Yup-

(bird squawking)

- Hello? -Whoa!

(indistinct conversation)

(Jenn): Yeah, so it was deep.

(Brad): Huh, that's weird, I don't, I...

It must have been on the...

(indistinct)

(Jenn): No, I don't think so.

(Brad): I got the bee.

(Jenn): That's a really weird story.

(Brad): I did, the honeycomb's enough.

(Jenn): No, I know you didn't...

Hey.

This is Alex. Alex, this is Brad.

Brad, rig ht?

Yeah, hi, how are you?

I'm good, thanks.

Were you just walking by, or...

Oh, yeah, I was coming up the trail

and ran into your friend here and

she invited me up for a chat.

Yeah, turns out that he also grew up

in the park, or the woods, and he's got

a ton of fish, so I thought maybe

we could all have dinner tonight.

Couldn't eat them all if I wanted to.

I mean I could try, but...

I just gotta put a shin on, all right?

(Jenn): All right.

(Brad): So you were saying?

(muffled chatting)

- Jenn! -Yeah?

Could you come help me here for a sec?

Sure.

- What's up? - Come on in.

Okay.

What?

You comfortable with this?

What, him?

Yeah, I don't know, this guy could be...

I was talking to him for like 10 minutes, he's great.

He's great, hmm, well he's a liar.

Why is he a liar?

Woods?

What, the woods of Ireland?

- Come on, come on. - What's that have to

do with anything?

Did you invite him or did he invite himself?

I did.

You want me to uninvite him?

No, we can't do that, can we?

I can do that, I can do that, it'd be really

awkward, but I'll do it.

You'd never be able to do that.

What do you need help with?

I obviously don't need help.

I guess it wasn't obvious because

you told me to come in here.

Know what, I don't wanna bother y'all,

so probably better if I just be on my way

and have a nice trip.

Oh no, no, no, stay.

No, no, no, you're gonna stay and you're

gonna have some dinner with us.

Yeah?

Yeah, it was just a misunderstanding, that's all.

All right then, let's do it.

(shudders)

You wanted fish.

Thought it was illegal to fish these lakes.

Grandfather law.

So that's when an old law applies

to existing situations, but then

a new law applies to all future ones.

I know what a grandfather law is.

Okay, So"!!-

Lawyer.

Yeah, I got that.

(chuckles)

What about you, Alex?

What do you do?

Well, right now my buddy has

a landscaping business, so I'm working with him.

You Mexican?

I didn't mean anything by that.

It's just I thought that's a job

that the Mexicans do here.

Well what he does is pretty high end.

And actually he's starting a new company soon,

so it's great, he's really talented.

Well done you, Alex.

Travel's good?

Travel's all rig ht, yeah, and lucky for me

cannot find any fish, I got a license to kill a deer.

Oh, cool.

Fuck me trying to get a license for that these days.

You guys have anything we can cook

for sides with these?

Yeah, you know, I can...

May be fry the veggies or potatoes?

The veggies sound good.

- Okay. -I say the potatoes.

Why don't we do both?

Nah, let's...

Let's eat the potatoes.

I'll get 'em.

So you're Irish?

- I'm from Tipperary. - Is that New Mexico?

That's a good one.

Actually South of Dublin.

What do you do for a living out here?

I give backcountry eco tours to tourists

who want a deeper experience of the wilderness,

something more than camping in a parking lot.

Yeah, that's cool.

I mean you and Jenn are doing it,

so it must be cool, right?

How much would something like that cost?

Well, I wouldn't know.

You don't know how much it costs?

I only know how much they pay me, Alex.

Okay, so they're already hard boiled,

we just have to put 'em on for a few minutes.

(Brad): Hang on.

(urinating)

(m utters) Oh, my God.

(mouthing) I'm sorry.

All right then, let's see what we got here.

- I can do that. - No, I got it.

This smells delicious.

Yeah, there's garlic, rosemary and some tyme.

You're a lucky man, Alex.

I know.

So what are your plans?

You guys gonna do some amazing hikes,

see some spots, what?

I think we're--

You know we live really hectic lives,

so I think we're just gonna relax,

stay around here for a few days.

- Yup. -All right.

You're really grabbing life by the balls there, Alex, aren't you?

I'm just saying.

If I had a beautiful woman here like Jenn

I'd wanna take her to some spots that

weren't on the tourist trail, right?

As a matter of fact, Jenn, there is this

absolutely gorgeous waterfall, I mean really beautiful.

You've probably been there, right, Alex?

Yeah, totally.

Then you know which side of the waterfall

to climb down on.

The right side.

The right side.

Good guess, Alex.

I wasn't guessing.

Always see these tourists always

trying to go down the left side.

I mean they think it's safer.

Fucking idiots.

There's also...

Frozen Arrow.

The Blackfoot Trail.

I mean if it were me,

I would wanna take you to all those spots.

You sure you don't need a guide?

Already have one.

(Brad): Let's eat.

All right.

- That was fun. -Yeah, thanks for the fish.

All right.

And I'm now ready.

- Cheers! - Night.

Hey Alex.

Earlier, you said something.

It was a misunderstanding.

You wanna explain that to me?

It was nothing.

Well he's a big boy.

Let him answer.

It's just a funny thing to say.

What'd you mean by it?

I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at.

Oh, yes you do.

What was a misunderstanding?

(dramatic music)

Is this important?

I wouldn't be fucking asking if it wasn't.

It's on me, okay, I-

Jenn.

Well I come back here and I find

my girlfriend talking to this guy.

And I'm not sure it's a good idea.

That's all.

I mean, I don't know you.

So what was the misunderstanding?

You could be some nut.

She convinced me otherwise.

Like I said, Alex.

You're a lucky guy.

I'm sorry.

Jenn, I...

I think you dropped something.

(Jenn): I got n.

Thanks.

Why don't you invite him to the house next time, that'd be fun.

I said I'm sorry.

Should we worry about him?

What's that?

Should we worry about him coming back or I don't know.

No, he's just weird.

Let me get my axe.

I'm gonna sleep with it in case your

fucking dinner guest wants to come back

for dessert or something.

You're mad.

Jenn, I don't understand you.

(Jenn): What?!

You invite a total stranger to eat

dinner with us our first night on this trip.

Okay, I...

I didn't know what to do.

Okay, I was just being kind.

I'm sorry.

Just stay here.

If he turns around and comes back you yell for me.

(dramatic music)

Oh my God, that smells amazing.

Wm,“!

Thank you.

Remember the survey that we

took on the way over here?

The first question was about how many times your

boyfriend has made breakfast in bed for you.

- Remember that? - Really?

Yeah, and I had to write zero.

Well, I guess I have to change that from zero to one.

- One, huh? - Mm hm.

Was it really zero?

Yeah.

- You embarrassed? -A little bit.

This isn't even a bed, sol don't--

Believe me, this counts.

Thank you.

What is it about this place that's so amazing?

- The Blackfoot Trail? -Yeah.

Why's it called that, anyway?

The local tribes called it that because

when the trail ends it circles around

this really small lake, and the earth

around the lake is black, so when they hunted

they followed animal tracks in the black earth

and called it Blackfoot Trail.

What was the lake called?

I don't know.

Seriously?

No no no, picture it, picture it,

picture it, all right?

You come up this steep rocky trail.

And then all of a sudden it levels off

and it's this beautiful, pristine...

When I was a kid this was my favorite

place in the whole world.

It all looks so out of place that high up,

it's like out of some fantasy novel or something, you know?

Yeah, I have a feeling your geeky

side is about to come out.

What geeky side?

What geeky side, the one that made

me watch Legend four times.

Just wait for the pan where Tom Cruise

is waiting by the lake for the big

white unicorn to come out.

It's an awesome scene, what are you talking about?

Yeah, indeed.

We're good?

Yeah.

Of course you're going that way.

This is the way.

Let me see it.

Alex, that's disgusting!

Ugh!

It's pretty bad.

Are you ready?

Ahhh!

Sorry, babe.

(laughs) That's not good.

I don't know why you're laughing about it.

Why not?

Ow, just don't touch the... Don't touch it.

Here, let me finish it here.

- (Jenn): It looks... - It looks terrible.

You got the...

Could use some new socks.

- Two pairs. - Oh, thanks.

(twig snaps)

(twigs snap)

Alex.

Alex!

Alex! Alex!

- Alex, get up! - (Alex): Mmm hm.

- (Jenn): Listen. - (Alex): What?

(Jenn): Just listen, what is that?

(Alex): What?

(Jenn): Someone's throwing shit at our tent.

- (Alex): What? - Just listen.

(twig snap) What is that?

That? Oh, that's acorns just falling

from the trees on our tent.

It's fine, just go back to sleep.

(mud)

That's not an acorn.

(whispers) What is it?

You think it's him?

Let's just listen for a bit, okay?

Fuck this, now you got me all paranoid.

Maybe he came back to throw stones at

the tent or something stupid.

(Alex): No, no, no, that can't be it.

Whatever it is, it stopped.

So let's just go back to sleep, okay?

It stopped.

(dramatic music)

That wasn't there last night, was it?

No.

I wanna go home.

I don't wanna be here anymore.

Jenn, come on, don't overreact, okay?

An acorn did that?

Come on, I've waited so long for this trip.

We're here, and when you get there, you'll love it.

I promise.

Yeah, okay.

- Can you do this for me? -Yes.

Thank you.

All right.

(growls)

She's a very good artist, I have no idea

why you don't give her a chance.

What do you mean? She's a great performer.

It's just not my thing.

- I don't- - Oh, hey.

Hang on a second.

(Jenn): What?

This is wintergreen.

And you can eat this.

Tastes like spearmint gum.

- You want some? - No.

- You sure? -Yes, an animal probably peed on it.

(laughs) Your loss.

What's that smell?

(dramatic music)

It's nothing.

(Alex): Babe!

(flies buzzing)

Oh my God, Alex!

No.

Oh God, get off of me!

(9 runts)

Oh my God!

UM!

(Alex): Found it!

Thank God!

(laughs) Uh-oh.

What is so funny?

I think you have a little piece of poo on your face.

Yeah, 'cause I just fell down on it.

- You fell? You okay? - I'm fine.

Shouldn't we be saving that or something?

No, we got plenty of water.

It's just a couple drops.

Here.

- Thank you. -You're welcome.

- Is this it? -Yeah, just up there.

It's a real bitch to get up, isn't it?

I know.

But it's worth it.

- Alex... - Come on!

- I'm coming. - Come on!

(dramatic music)

Come on!

(Jenn mumbles)

Alex?

(dramatic sting)

Where's the lake?

I can't believe this.

- Alex... -I don't understand.

This can't be it, right?

Fuck, I was sure, I was fucking 100% sure I was.

(Jenn): Can you look at me please--

Just let me think, just let me think,

let me think, let me think!

Fuck, god damn it, what the fuck is this?!

Please tell me you have a map in your bag.

I never needed a map!

Well, we do now.

I don't have one.

So then where are we?

I obviously don't know, all right?

Well you said that you've done

this so many times, you said it was

like a few years ago you did this!

Yeah, I've been in the park a bunch of times!

Trail, Alex, you said you did the trail.

Yeah.

Not since high school, but...

- It's not... -I put it here!

I put it right here!

It's not...

- I took it out. -What?

Your phone.

I took it out.

Where is it?

- In the car. -Why would you do that?

I didn't want you on that thing

the whole time we were here.

I didn't reach for that once.

I wanted to bring it in case we needed it, which we do!

(Alex): Can't get reception out here anyway--

Well, I would have loved to try!

When was the last time you were

sure of where you were?

I was sure the whole time!

No, think, Alex!

When was it?

I don't...

Maybe the fork in the trail.

The first one, the second one?

First one.

Are you serious?

(Alex): Come on, don't freak out!

I don't want to be freaking out rig ht now,

but we are in the middle of fucking nowhere!

We don't have anything,

we don't have a map, we don't have a cell phone!

We don't have anything, we haven't seen anyone in so long!

(Alex): It's okay.

Why, why did we have to come

so far out on my first camping trip?

Why couldn't it have just been a regular trip?

Why do you always have to show off?

I'm not showing off--

(Jenn): Why do you always try to impress me?!

I'm not trying to impress you, okay?!

(Jenn): Good, 'cause I'm not fucking impressed rig ht now!

Good!

I'm not trying to fucking impress you!

Alex, could we be honest for a second?

I'd love to be honest for once.

I wish I never came.

This whole thing was a mistake.

(Alex): Come on, Jenn, don't-

We should be going home tomorrow,

but you fucked it up!

You always fuck it all up, you're such a fucking loser!

This stupid lake, why did we have to come here?!

I don't even care, why?!

Why?!

I was gonna propose to you.

(dramatic music)

I'm really sorry.

I had no idea.

It's okay.

We should probably make camp.

We can go tomorrow

- Okay. - Okay.

Sounds good.

(eerie music)

(eerie music)

(twig snaps)

(twigs snap)

(animals skitter)

(thunder)

(heavy breathing and footsteps)

(sniffing)

(growling)

Was it a-

No, no, no, no, it was a raccoon.

You can tell me the truth.

No, I saw the little shit last night.

Shit!

(dramatic music)

Is this right?

Yeah, just need to take a turn at that overgrown trail.

It doesn't seem this far down.

No, we're good, we're good.

Watch your step. Watch your step there.

Shit. Should we go back?

I don't know.

What are the chances of this leading to something?

Pretty good, right? It's a national park,

it's gotta lead somewhere.

Here.

Thank you.

What is that?

Bear bed.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's get as far as we can before dark.

Right?

Come on.

Let's go, Alex.

I'm so sorry.

Did you mean those things you said?

No, I didn't.

'Cause Jenn, I mean if that's the way you feel--

No.

I should have never said that.

I was just really mad.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Do you wanna see it?

The ring?

(Alex): Yeah.

If you want to.

No, no, no, no, don't, no.

Actually, just...

Wait.

Okay.

So hungry-

I think I have half a protein bar left.

This is all we have?

This is it?

Yeah.

Oh, wait a second.

Except for...

Ta-da!

Come on, really?

Yeah.

- You want some? -Yeah.

Oooh, screw top.

(laughing)

- You first. - Okay.

To us.

To us.

That is so good.

Have some, it's great.

(Alex): That is good.

I know this sucks.

Could be worse.

How's that?

At least we're together.

I mean it.

Come here.

(twig snaps)

(twig snaps)

(whispers) What is that, Alex?

I don't know.

Alex, do you think it's a bear?

Hey!

(footsteps)

Is it gone?

- Let's get back in the tent. - Okay.

Okay, let's go.

It's okay.

You scared it off, we're good.

Okay, we're good.

- Hi. - Hey.

So I was thinking...

That I should phone down to the front desk

and order us some room service.

Maybe a couple's massage?

Deep tissue.

(laughing)

We're gonna be okay.

I know.

- We should get going, okay? - Mm hm.

(growling)

What? Alex?

- What? - Stay quiet.

- You're scaring me-- - Stay quiet, stay quiet.

Did he come back?

(growling)

What the fuck is it doing?

What the fuck is it doing?

Did he come back?

Shhh.

(growling)

Please move on.

Please move on, please move on, please move on, please move on.

Please move on.

- Ah, fuck. -What?

Oh God.

Is it out there, did it come back?

What do we do, we don't have any food in here!

- I know. -Where's my axe?

Fuck, where's my axe?!

In your bag?

I left my bag by the fire.

(growling)

I can't believe this is happening.

What do we do?

What do we do?

We don't have any fucking air.

Alex?

(sniffing)

(growling)

(roaring)

(screaming)

Behind me! Get behind me!

Get the fuck out!

Get the fuck out!

Get out!

(roaring)

(screaming)

(roaring)

I'm gonna wrap it.

I know, just...

Okay, Okay-

It's okay, I'm gonna wrap it.

(screaming) It's all right.

It's okay.

(Alex): Jenn, I can't feel my foot!

It's okay!

It's okay, it's okay.

I can't feel my foot.

We're gonna get you out of here,

we're gonna crawl out of here if we have to.

You hear me?

My God, I'm gonna fucking die out here!

- No you're not! - I'm gonna fucking die!

Alex, you're fine!

Alex, you're gonna be fine.

(roaring)

(screaming)

Alex!

(screaming)

(Alex): Run, Jenn, run!

(roaring)

(heart beating)

(inaudible)

(roaring)

(thwack)

(ringing)

Help!

Help!

Help!

Anybody!

(sobbing)

(twig snaps)

(footsteps)

(dramatic music)

(helicopter whirring)

Help!

Help!

(running water)

(coughing)

(groaning)

(grunting)

(sobbing)

(roaring)

(dramatic music)

(whistle blows)

(roaring)

Fuck.

Fuck!

(crack) (screams)

(groans)

(crunch) (screaming)

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

(inaudible)

(melancholy banjo music)