Original subtitles

- Now, you're all probably asking yourselves,

how does Gabby get those glasses

to spin at the same time?

- How and also why?

- Because, Steve, every bartender

needs a signature move.

And I have figured out a way to pour and stir three drinks

at once using centrifugal force.

Which, according to a video I watched, isn't a myth.

- It might work.

It might not.

Either way, we get a little show.

- Now, I'm still workshopping a name for it,

the New Spinsation, the Revolving Pour...

- The Glass-tastrophe.

- Sorry, Gabby.

Love the enthusiasm, just not anything you do with it.

- Yeah. You know what?

You know what? You're right.

Spinning glassware, probably a dumb idea.

I guess I was due for one.

- Well, I'm glad you stopped that

so I can stay the fun boss.

- Well, I had to. The last time

I let her go full Gabby,

I had to stop her with a full Nelson.

Just--

- You know, now wasn't the best time to work

on a new signature move anyway.

My mom is coming to discuss decorating ideas for our house,

and I have to prepare.

- Crystals? - Yeah, yeah.

See, my ideas are mostly vibe-based,

but that's because I'm living with a woman

who's got bad vibes wafting off her like Pig-Pen

from "Charlie Brown."

- Hello all.

I see you brought your special rocks.

- They are healing crystals, Mom.

- Well, of course they are,

and that's why they're used in hospitals worldwide.

- Some might call this pattern loud.

I call it unapologetic.

You walk into a dining room with this wallpaper,

and you know the conversation is going to be just as spicy

as the chicken vindaloo.

- Yeah, whatever. OK.

Listen, Mom, I--I just want a few rooms to be a little more

serene, you know?

Put in some earth tones and natural light,

lots of plants, floor poufs.

- If I am to thrive,

I need to live in a home that reflects my personality,

colorful, bold,

a decorative exclamation point.

- Like a scream.

- Yes.

- Gabby's mom is steamrolling her.

Must be hard knowing you're the one who suggested they live

together in the first place.

Love you.

- I had good intentions.

But sure enough, that road led them straight to hell.

- All right,

well, I am off to go furniture shopping.

- Well, I mean, you know, should I--

should I come with you?

- I'll tell you what.

I will pick out some furniture, have it delivered to the house.

We'll have a look at it.

And then at some point, you'll just get used to it.

- Sounds like a plan!

- Gabby, why do you let your mama make all the decisions?

It's your house too.

- Is it really your house if you don't have a key?

- OK, wait a minute.

When did you get into crystals and stuff?

- When I realized that her evil could only be defeated

by another supernatural power.

- Well, then you take your special little rocks

and go talk to your mother.

- You know what?

You're right.

I will. - Mm-hmm.

- So you believe in crystals too?

- I do not.

- Steve, did you email me those electrical bids

for the speakeasy?

- Not yet, but I will.

Did Isabella look back when I said that?

What was her reaction?

Tell me everything.

- She walked, and then she was gone.

- Damn it.

So my therapist says I've been making

great progress with my OCD.

- That's great.

- But it's never enough with her.

Now she wants me to practice not caring

how people react to me.

- Is that why you were rude to Isabella?

- Yes to get a reaction and then react to her reaction

in a mindful way.

Hey, how do you do it?

No matter how people react to you, you're always so Zen-like.

- I am quite mellow.

- Well, can you summon enough energy to tell me?

- I close my eyes.

I picture the person that bothered me.

I wish them well,

and then I let them go.

- You let them go?

- I let them go.

- I can't let anything go.

I think too much.

Which is not to say I think you think too little.

You think just right.

If you're thinking we're a bowl of porridge,

Goldilocks would--you're letting me go, aren't you?

- You're already gone.

- Pizza's here.

Gabby?

- Hi.

I did what you said.

Talked to my mom.

Stood up for myself.

Some tough words were said on both sides.

And it was decided that I should remove myself

from the premises for the night.

- Does your mom know you're here?

- Who do you think drove me?

- God, I'm so tired.

Who knew Gabby could snore like that?

I mean, I guess I'm not surprised.

She's loud when she's awake.

- I put a pillow over my face so I couldn't hear her.

Then I thought,

why should the pillow be over my face?

- Still, her mom kicked her out of the house.

I feel bad for her.

- I know.

I think I'm gonna talk to Val.

- That's a great idea. - Yes.

- I was thinking someone should,

and I was hoping it wouldn't be me.

Still waiting on that email, Steve.

- I'll get to it when I get to it!

- OK. Snippy.

- Let her go.

Let her go.

Let her go.

She called you snippy.

Boy, she sure had that locked and loaded.

God.

- I know I'm gonna regret this, but,

hey, Steve.

What's up?

- I'm practicing not getting overwhelmed

by people's feelings about me.

- Well, that's admirable.

How's it going? - It's overwhelming.

I don't know how you do it.

You don't give a rat's ass how you come off.

- Thank you.

That's because I live my life as best I can.

All the rest of that noise I just shut out.

- I can't do that.

- Well, sure you can.

When people tick you off, just imagine you're a castle wall

and all their crap just bounces right off.

- Well, that's easy for you.

You're already so wall-like.

I'm like a tent flap.

- Well, you might surprise yourself.

I'll tell you what,

show me your best wall face.

OK. We're gonna work on that.

- Hello, dear.

You forgot your fanny ointment last night.

And I didn't want a rash to be the reason you felt the need

to come home too early.

- Thank you.

And thank you for announcing fanny ointment

as if from a prison yard loudspeaker.

- Uh, Val, can I speak to you?

- Well, I'm certain you can, but do you mean "may I"?

- Yep, still want to talk to ya.

- Well, what a charming office.

You know, there are entire books written about

ridding your life of clutter.

But you're just sticking to your guns, and I say bravo.

- Yeah, well, I--

I thought we could have just a quick little chat about Gabby.

- Good. Yes, compare notes.

- All right, um,

I know that it's a little tricky with the

mother-daughter relationship.

- Oh, full-time job, no pay,

and I'm still waiting for the benefits.

- Well, I just thought that you could

go a little easier on Gabby

instead of just shooting her down all the time.

- Well, I'm sorry. I'm confused.

You have a problem with the way I treat her?

- Well, yeah.

- Well, you treat her the same way.

- What's that now?

- I applaud it.

I think we make a very good team.

I keep her in check at home.

You keep her in check at work.

We're the Gabby guardrails.

- Oh, no, no, no.

I--I don't do that.

I mean, sometimes I might guide her away from certain things,

but that's only because I don't want her to go--

Full Gabby.

- You say that phrase too!

Oh, this is so much fun.

- That doesn't mean anything.

I mean, it's just two meaningless words that I swear

I'll never, ever say again.

- And you shutting down her little carnival trick

with the spinning glasses, I had to do

the exact same thing when she decided to fumigate

our house with sage.

Oh!

Bobbie, you and I are simpatico.

- I don't want to be simpatico.

- Do not fight it.

The connection is too strong.

Bring it in, sister. - Oh, no.

- Bring it in.

Oh, my gosh.

I have that same top.

- Hey.

What are you guys up to?

- Oh, just getting ready for the dinner rush.

- I hear that.

Busy, busy, busy.

Yep.

- You OK? - Me? No, I'm fine.

Fine, yeah.

Just got through talking to Val.

- I'm sorry.

- Tough break.

- She said we're alike because we treat Gabby the same.

Said we're like Gabby guardrails.

- Well, I mean, you both, sort of,

keep an eye on her making sure she doesn't go,

what do you call it? Full Gabby?

- I said that maybe half a dozen times,

and now it's my dang catchphrase?

Hey, Gabby, I've been thinking.

- Is this about my rash?

It's like a wildfire and 25% contained.

- I've been too quick to shoot down your bartender move.

It may be the thing this place needs.

You want to show me?

- Really?

I mean, now, you know, in front of customers?

- Why not?

- OK.

- You may want to back up just a little bit.

- OK, OK.

Uh, wow.

Um, all right.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I present for the first time ever,

the Gabra Kadabra!

I'm still workshopping the name.

- Whoa!

Doo-doo, and doo, and then--

Self-stirred and ready to serve.

- Gabby, that was amazing.

I am so sorry I ever doubted you.

- Yeah, yeah, I knew it would work.

Oh, God.

So, um, what changed your mind?

- Well, I talked to your mom.

And she thinks we treat you the same way.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

- I don't remember you dropping me off

a block from grade school so you wouldn't be embarrassed.

- No, but I do shoot down a lot of your ideas,

even the ones that work.

- Yeah, but it's kind of your job.

You're my boss.

- I'm also your friend.

And I never want to do anything to make you feel

like she makes you feel.

- Well, you'd never make me feel bad.

- I want you to feel great.

Gabby, you're a rare and special person.

You bring light and laughter to everyone you meet.

OK.

Wow.

Wow, I--I feel incredible.

- There you go.

- Yeah, I--

I feel like I could even take down King Kong, you know?

Or even my mother.

What are you doing?

- Time for me to start doing what I want.

And you know what the first step?

I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna sage

the heck out of that place.

- Gabby, you've got three more hours on your shift.

- Thanks, Bobbie!

- He did what?

Steve!

- I was trying to do a good thing.

- I cannot believe you deliberately

withheld a work email and were rude to me

as some kind of experiment.

- It wasn't an experiment.

I needed someone to have a negative reaction

so I could practice not caring.

- Oh.

Well, congratulations.

You just hit the jackpot.

- I'm sorry, OK?

It didn't work anyway.

In the end of the day,

I'll always care about everyone's opinion of me.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

I may not look it, but I'm a highly sensitive person.

What about the saleswoman

who tried to convince you you were an autumn?

Please.

She wouldn't know an autumn

if it threw up leaves all over her.

- Or the driver who cut you off and then flipped you off?

- He wasn't a person, he was an animal.

- OK, you didn't care

what those people thought about you.

- Fine, but I'll always care about the opinions

of people who I like.

- So will I.

So will everyone else who isn't a sociopath.

- What's your point?

- I don't think your therapist meant that you shouldn't care

about anyone's opinion.

Just don't obsess so much over the opinions of people

you don't care about.

- I think I can do that.

- I know you can.

Now, send me that email,

or I will fold you up like a little piece of origami.

- I don't care if you do.

I'm kidding.

- Oh, Chinese is here.

Gabby.

Oh, and Val.

- Shall I tell them or shall you?

- I'll tell them--

- Gabby's saging started a fire.

- What? Is everything OK?

- No, no, don't worry.

The house is fine.

There was just some smoke damage,

and the firemen thought that we should give the place

the night to air out.

- And they also thought we were sisters.

- Oh, my God.

- Well, come on in.

Make yourselves at home.

- Ah, before you welcome in my daughter,

are you sure those curtains are fire-retardant?

- Come on, Val.

I mean, I know you guys are shaken up a little bit,

but let's not make Gabby feel worse than she already does.

- No, Bobbie.

It's OK.

I deserve it.

- Oh, don't blame yourself entirely, dear.

I think we can scrape some of the blame

onto Bobbie's plate.

- Excuse me?

- I didn't want Gabby to sage.

Where were the Gabby guardrails?

I distinctly remember two like-minded women

bonding in a wildly cluttered office.

- We didn't bond, and we're not like-minded.

- Oh, you should be flattered to be compared to me.

If anything, I'm the one who should be upset.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Well, if I'm being honest,

I often find you unrefined and churlish.

- Churlish means surly.

- I know that.

- She says churlishly.

- OK, enough.

- Thank you, dear. - No!

You!

It is one thing when you make me feel bad about myself,

but you are not gonna do it to my friends.

- After all that speech therapy

and you've still got the spittle.

- And you know what?

You don't get to make me feel bad about myself either.

Mommy,

dearest...

I am tired of having to defer to your wishes

all of the time.

You know, you can't keep shutting me down.

- I am trying to keep you alive.

Or did you forget that we currently smell of sage,

smoke, and a gorgeous fireman's cologne?

Smells like freedom.

- And from now on, things are gonna change

between you and me.

- Well, what does that mean?

- That means that you are not always

gonna get your own way.

- I am decorating part of the house

whether you like it or not.

There will be poufs!

- Yes!

You tell her, Gabby. - Yeah!

Yeah!

- Oh, scary shark eyes.

Fine.

But not the living room

or the dining room

or the family room or the kitchen.

But perhaps I will let you make the garage

into your own little island of serenity.

The garage?

- I got the garage.

Here we go.

- Ooh, wish we had popcorn.

- Ooh.

- So I ended up going with the palo santo smudge.

Yeah, you know, why pussyfoot around?

Here comes Cruella de Vil

back from the puppy farm

or wherever she goes.

OK, what you didn't see here was that she startled me,

and the smudge flew into a box of rags,

which why do we have a box of rags?

Fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward.

And here she is pushing her daughter into the flames

to get her phone charger.

She's either drinking vodka or goat's blood.

You know, whatever keeps her alive.

Fast-forward, blah, blah, blah.

Fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward.

Here's my mom hitting on the chief.

She made a joke about his fire hose.

- Little did he know the real danger

was outside the house.

- Gabby, you deserve a drink for reliving this.

- Amen.

- You know what? We all do.

Poured at the same time.

Ha-ha!

Courtesy of my new move,

the Full Gabby.

- Full Gabby!