Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[radio whirring]

Man on radio: You ever get the feeling

that everything in America

is completely fucked up?

You know that feeling that the whole country

is like, one inch away from saying

"That's it! Forget it!"

I mean, think about it, everything's polluted

the environment, the government

the schools, you name it.

Speaking of schools, I was, uh

walking the hallowed halls the other day

and I asked myself...

"Is there life after high school?"

Because I can't face tomorrow

let alone a whole year of this shit.

Yeah, you got it, folks.

It's me again with a little attitude

for all you out here in white-bread land

all you nice people Livin' in the middle

of America, the beautiful.

Let's see, we're on, uh

92 FM tonight

and it feels like a nice, clean little band so far.

No one else is using it and the price is right.

[chuckles] And, yes, folks, you guessed it.

Tonight, I'm as horny as a ten-peckered owl

so, stay tuned because this is Hard Harry

reminding you to eat your cereal with a fork

and do your homework in the dark.

[instrumental music]

[tires screech]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey! Gimme that.

Hey, man, let me see that.

Well, give it on over here.

Oh, man, he played Ice-T on this tape.

Great. Plays Ice-T and talks about his dick.

Nah, man. Ice-T shreds on this. I heard it last night.

[upbeat music]

[tires screech]

[indistinct chatter]

Mr. Chavez? Luis Chavez?

Yes, just for a second.

Alright, so I'll pick you up after yearbook?

- Okay, Dad. - And no big dates tonight.

Be well-rested for your history exam tomorrow.

- Okay. - Yo, Paige!

Any time, anywhere, beautiful.

Mr. Paige.

Oh, Miss Paige Woodward arriveth.

So rich, so smart...

So perfect.

Cheryl, good to see you.

Gonna see the principal this morning, huh?

[music continues]

Mr. Murdock, can you tell me what this is about?

We'll see.

Excuse me, Mrs. Creswood.

Yes?

Check this out.

What is it?

It's this guy.

He's got a pirate radio station

on the air.

His name is "Happy Harry Hard-on.“

- He's a total sex maniac. - Of course.

Nora: He comes on every night at 10 o'clock.

[upbeat music]

Hard Harry: Okay...

Down to business.

I got my Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi

and, uh, I got my Blackjack gum here.

And I got that feeling.

Hmm, yeah, that familiar feeling...

that something rank is going down out there.

[upbeat music]

♪ Everybody knows that the dice are loaded ♪

♪ Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed ♪

♪ Everybody knows the war is over ♪

♪ Everybody knows the good guys lost ♪

♪ Everybody knows the fight was fixed ♪

♪ The poor stay poor the rich get rich ♪

♪ That's how it goes ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ Everybody knows that the boat is leaking ♪

♪ Everybody knows that the captain lied ♪

♪ Everybody got this broken feeling ♪

♪ Like their father or their dog just died ♪

♪ Everybody talking to their pockets ♪

♪ Everybody wants a box of chocolates ♪

♪ And a long-stem rose ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ Everybody knows that you love me baby ♪

♪ Everybody knows that you really do ♪

♪ Everybody knows that you've been faithful ♪

♪ Ah, give or take a night or two ♪

♪ Everybody knows you've been discreet ♪

Yeah, I can smell it.

I can almost taste it

the rankness in the air.

It's everywhere!

It's running through that old pipeline out there

trickling along that dumb concrete river

and coming up through the drains

of those lovely tract homes we all live in.

So who is he?

He goes to Humphrey.

Hard Harry: I mean, I don't know.

Everywhere I look, it seems everything is sold-out.

They say this is where the reception is the coolest.

Then he probably lives right around here.

Fuckin' yuppies.

Hard Harry: My dad sold out...

and my mom sold out years ago when she had me.

And then they sold me out when they brought me

to this hole in the world.

Hey, they made me everything I am today

so, naturally, I hate the bastards.

Speaking of which, I am, uh

running a contest...

on the best way to put them out of their miseries.

Tonight, we have number 12

of one hundred things to do with your body

when you're all alone.

[both laugh]

Hard Harry: Now, are you ready for the incredible sound

of Hard Harry coming on his own face?

[gasping]

Oh, my God.

It's very possible, you know?

[moaning]

Are you listening to this?

Yeah, of course I'm listening.

This guy's gotta have hair coming out of his palms.

Oh! This is a champion one.

Oh. There. Yeah.

Are you listening?

Hard Harry: I'm going blind. - He's doing it.

So unreal.

- Oh, my God. Hard Harry: I'm coming.

This...

[gasping]

Yes, Hard Harry will go to any length

to keep his three listeners glued

with ooey-blooey to the radios.

But the question is

how far will you go?

I mean, how far can you go

to amaze and disgust

the insatiable Hard Harry, huh?

I mean, how serious are you?

I ask you that--

Mr. Paige: Hi, beautiful.

You know what I can't figure out?

How you manage to get such great grades

and you listen to that radio all night, you know?

Uh, tomorrow, don't forget Yale interview.

And I don't want you to look too sleepy, you know?

Good night, sweetie.

Hard Harry: Got a lot of letters here, guys.

Here. "Dear Hard Harry...

my boyfriend won't talk to me anymore.

How do I show him that I really love him?"

Look, I-- I don't know anything

about these letters asking for love advice.

I mean, if I knew anything about love

I would be out there making it

instead of sitting in here talking to you guys.

No. Just, uh, send me stuff at Box 2710...

USA Mail, Paradise Hills

Arizona, 84012.

Reply is guaranteed.

"Dear Harry,

I think you're boring and obnoxious

and have a high opinion of yourself."

Of course, some of you are probably thinking

I sent this one to myself.

"I think school is okay if you just look at it right.

I mean, I like your music

but I really just don't see why

you can't be cheerful for one second.“

I'll tell you, since you asked. Uh...

I just arrived in this stupid suburb.

I have no friends

no money...

no car, license.

And even if I did have a license

all I could do is drive out to some stupid mall.

Maybe if I'm lucky play some fuckin' video games

smoke a joint, and get stupid.

You see, there's nothing to do anymore.

Everything decent's been done.

All the great themes have been used up

turned into theme parks.

So, I don't really find it exactly cheerful

to be living in the middle of a...

totally like, exhausted decade...

where's there's nothing to look forward to

and no one to look up to.

That was deep.

[burps]

Oh, no. Not again.

The creature stirs. Oh, God

I think it's gonna be a gusher.

This is the sixth time in an hour!

Oh, God.

He sounds like a chronic masturbator.

He prides himself on it.

See? I have to take care of it.

[gasping] Oh! Or else I'm going to explode!

Just excuse me while I, uh...

while I, while I, uh...

Oh! Oh!

♪ I was a child Who wanted love that was wild ♪

♪ Though tight as slow motion But crazed ♪

Oh, yeah!

[gasping] Oh! Oh, God!

Oh! Oh, my God, it's the biggest...

Whoa, Nellie! Whoa!

God! I'm gonna explode!

Oh, take cover, Arizona!

- Here-- - Any time now, man.

Oh, oh, God.

Oh!

Oh, God, it's the best.

Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.

Free at last.

I'm beat. I'm whipped. Quittin' time.

Gotta recuperate.

There he goes. Sometimes, he's on for five minutes

sometimes he's on for five hours.

That's my man.

♪ They didn't tell you that part baby ♪

♪ Love comes in spurts Oh no ♪

♪ Love comes in spurts Oh no ♪

♪ Love comes in spurts Oh no it hurts ♪

♪ Love comes in spurts ♪

[indistinct singing]

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter on TV]

God, I feel so out of touch here.

Honey, we didn't move out here to stay in touch.

Then why did we move out here?

Oh, because it's a nice place to live.

I'm making good money, and uh...

and I'm the youngest school commissioner

in the history of Arizona.

Brian, you know what? The man I married

loved his work, not power and money.

Brian: That's alright. I still love my work.

And I love power and money.

When you were young radical Brian

you were always fighting against the system, and now--

Now, I am the system, yeah.

Is that a beer?

Sure.

Have you noticed his behavior lately?

- What about him? - He's just so unhappy here.

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter on TV]

I'll go talk to him.

Man on TV: Is this not mankind's bravest

and most inspired purpose?

[instrumental music]

Hi. What's up?

Uh, I was just looking for some stamps.

Oh, fine. I got some right here.

Going to send a letter to one of your friends back east?

No. I thought I might send away for an inflatable date.

You know, one of these days you're gonna outsmart

yourself, young man.

I love it when you call me "young man."

You know, when I was your age, I was on all the teams

and a bunch of clubs.

Look, all I'm saying is that school must have

some really terrific programs. It's very highly rated.

Just save it for the masses, okay?

Brian: Mark, they've got twelve hundred students

at that school. Certainly, some of them got to be cool.

Look, the deal is, I get decent grades

you guys leave me alone, right?

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

[girl squealing]

- Okay, who is this guy? - I don't know.

Nobody knows who he is

but he really hates this school

so, I guess he goes here.

Yeah, but all the guys that go here are geeks.

Maybe not, my dear.

[school bell rings]

Later.

Later?

Jan: “And so then the Logicars questioned

the few remaining Despars more and more.

They began to fade away

until there was nothing left of them...

and they disappeared

from the face of the Earth."

Hmm? Pretty good, huh?

Leading with your heart, not your mind.

Mark, I wondered if you'd tell us

what you were thinking about when you wrote this.

Uh... I just wrote it late last night.

That's obvious. It's practically illegible.

[all chuckle]

Mark... I was hoping

that you'd share your feelings about it.

[sighs]

[bell rings]

Saved by the bell.

Don't think if I didn't read your composition

it won't be read.

Bye. Bye.

Mark?

They're looking for new writers at the Clarion.

Don't be embarrassed of your talent.

[instrumental music]

- Hey, Paige. - Hiya, Paige.

Hey, I finally got my new Miata.

- You should hear the CD player. - Yeah, you should hear it.

It's unbelievable.

Tennis team's throwing a party tonight.

Later, Paige.

- See you there. - See ya.

- Uh-huh? - Uh-huh.

Hey, that's my box. How's about asking, huh?

♪ Kickin' conversation ain't talkin' 'bout nothin' ♪

♪ When all that's really on your mind is what? ♪

♪ Yo baby let's get butt naked and fuck ♪

♪ That's right if you're a man you want it ♪

♪ If you're a woman you tease him and flaunt it ♪

♪ But my crew got to have it ♪

♪ And after they dog it, I autograph it ♪

♪ The syndicate don't lecture ♪

♪ We move in a group I

[blowing whistle]

♪ The girls will get butt naked and fuck that night ♪

♪ ISLAM takes the pictures ♪

Man 1: Good morning, Mr. Murdock.

Man 2: Good morning, sir.

I'm not stupid, you know.

School is judged on one category only.

Academic scores.

The lesson of modern education is...

nothing good comes easily.

- No pain, no gain. - Excuse me, everyone.

Miss Creswood, you want to listen to this?

It's the third tape this week.

I can't believe it.

Hard Harry: Oh! Oh, Nellie!

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna explode!

Oh, take cover, Arizona!

Here I come!

Ms. Creswood: Jan, this is no laughing matter.

Hard Harry: Yes! Oh!

Enjoy.

Hi.

You're in my writing class, right?

Right.

Yeah, I like Emerson. She's pretty funky.

Now you're in trouble.

You owe 25 cents.

[indistinct chatter]

"How to Talk Dirty and Influence People"

by Lenny Bruce.

Who's he?

Any good?

He's alright.

Talk a lot?

Not too much, no.

[indistinct chatter]

Cute, but no way.

Hard Harry: Guess who? It's 10 o'clock.

Do you care where your parents are?

Because after all, it is a jungle out there.

♪ Everybody knows that the dice are loaded ♪

♪ Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed ♪

♪ Everybody knows the war ♪

Hard Harry: I don't know. I mean, everywhere I look

it seems like someone's getting butt-surfed by the system.

My-my parents are always talking about the system

and-- and-- and the '60s and how cool it was.

Well, look at where the '605 got them, huh?

Come on, people, now

♪ Smile on your brother ♪

♪ Everybody get together ♪

♪ Try to love one another right now ♪♪

- Tune in, turn it up! - Now that was the '60s.

This is a song for the '90s

from my buddies The Descendants!

♪ Welcome to Der Wiener schnitzel ♪

♪ May I take your order please? ♪

♪ Yeah I want two large cokes ♪

♪ Two large fries chili-cheese dog large Dr. Pepper ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Want whale sperm with that? ♪

♪ No ♪♪

Hard Harry: Hmm!

Why don't we listen to that one again, huh?

♪ Welcome to Der Wiener schnitzel ♪

♪ May I take your order, please? ♪

♪ Yeah I want two large cokes, two large fries ♪

♪ Chili-cheese dog, Large Dr. Pepper ♪

♪ Super deluxe, With cheese and tomato ♪

♪ Do you want whale sperm with that? ♪

♪ No! ♪♪

I hate the '60s, I hate school

I hate principals.

I hate vice principals...

but my true, pure

refined hatred is reserved

for guidance counselors.

Happy Harry just happens to have

in his very hands a copy of a memo

written by one Mr. David Deaver

guidance counselor extraordinaire

to one Miss Loretta Creswood, high school principal.

"I find Cheryl unremorseful

about her unfortunate condition."

Bastard can't even say she's knocked up.

What channel?

Hard Harry: "And she's unwilling

to minimize its effect on the morale

of the student population."

Guidance counselors.

If they knew anything about career moves

would they have ended up as guidance counselors?

What do you say we call Deaver up, huh?

Hard Harry just happens to have...

the home phone numbers of every employee

of the Paradise Hills school commission.

Yeah.

Here we go.

There you are, Mr. Deavski.

[telephone ringing]

Uh, Deaver residence. David Deaver speaking.

Hey, this is WKPS. You're live.

We're doing a piece on high schools.

We understand that you're a guidance counselor.

I'm head of guidance

here at Hubert Humphrey High

in Paradise Hills, Arizona.

I've been here seven years.

Could you tell us a bit about what you do?

I run a comprehensive...

American values program.

Um, uh...

In which, uh, we discuss

uh, ethical situations

uh, sex education, uh...

What do you say to young people

who look around at the world

and see that it's become, you know, like, a...

a sleazy country, you know?

A-- a-- a place you just can't trust.

Like your school, for example.

How come it wins all of these awards

and yet students are dropping out like flies?

Why-- why is that?

Now, my listeners are-- are curious

about your participation

in the decision to expel Cheryl Biggs.

I-- I-- I, uh...

I'm, uh, not aware

of anything like that.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, that's not true, sir.

"Cheryl refuses to accept suggestions

of a more positive mental attitude

towards her health and her future.

I'm afraid I find no alternative

but to suggest suspension."

Who is this?

H-- h-- how did you get this number?

Do you admit it, sir?

Deaver: A-- admit what?

That you're slime.

Now, wait just a minute.

Hard Harry: You interview a student

and then you rat on her.

You betrayed her trust.

Isn't that right, sir?

[sighs]

Well... as you can see

these guys are played out.

Society is mutating so rapidly

that anyone over the age of twenty really has no idea.

Ugh. Alright. Back down to business.

"I share a room with my older brother.

Nearly every night after he turns off his light

he comes over to my bed and gives me

a few arm noogies and stuff.

And then he makes me scratch his back

and other refinements."

Well, it's about time we had some refinements on this show.

Uh, "Then sooner or later, he gets worked up

and without further ado...

he rubs his thing and makes me watch."

Signed yourself "Screwed Up."

Well, first of all, you're not screwed up.

You're-- you're an unscrewed-up reaction

to a screwed-up situation.

You see, feeling screwed up in a screwed-up place

in a screwed-up time does not mean

that you are screwed up.

If you catch my drift.

Now, as you know, dear listeners

if you, uh enclose your number...

a reply is guaranteed.

- Hello? - This is Happy Harry Hard-on.

You're live. Is this Miss Screwed Up?

Well, I have a couple of questions.

How big is this thing you described?

Is-- is-- is it bigger than a baby's arm?

What, you don't remember or you don't want to tell me?

Or maybe you made this whole thing up, huh?

Remember, my dear, I can smell a lie

like a fart in a car.

[both giggle]

Well...

it's too bad about that one, actually.

You see, to me

the real truth is always a bigger turn-on

and it doesn't have to be a big deal.

- It could be anything. - Malcolm?

Have you finished your homework yet?

Your father and I are downstairs watching TV.

Why don't you come down and join us for once?

No.

Alright, Malcolm. Have it your way.

Thanks.

Hard Harry: So, I don't know.

Send me your most pathetic moment

your most anything. As long as its real.

I-- I mean, I want the size

the shape, the feel, the smell!

I mean I want, I want blood, sweat

and tears on these letters.

I-- I want, I want brains a-- and ectoplasm

and cum spilled all over 'em!

Hallelujah!

Whoo!

And now, all my horny listeners

get one hand free, because...

Yes, the "Eat me, beat me“ lady is back.

"Come in.

Every night, you enter me like a criminal.

You break into my brain

but you're no ordinary criminal.

You put your feet up and you pop a Pepsi...

you start to party, you turn up my stereo

songs I've never heard, but I move anyway.

You get me crazy. I say do it.

I don't care what. Just do it.

Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me, talk hard."

Oh...

[exhales deeply]

I like that.

"Talk hard.“

I like the idea

that a voice can just go somewhere...

uninvited...

just kind of hang out

like a dirty thought

in a nice, clean mind.

Maybe a thought is like a virus, you know?

You know, it can, it can kill

all the healthy thoughts

and just take over.

That would be serious.

Hmm. That would be totally serious.

Yeah. I know that all of my horny listeners

would love it if I would call up

the "Eat me, beat me" lady, but no!

Because she never encloses her number!

Tough luck, creepoid.

Always the same red paper...

the same beautiful black writing.

Hmm.

Now... she's probably a lot like me

a legend in her own mind.

[Mark chuckles]

But you know what?

I bet in real life

she's probably not that wild.

I bet she's kind of shy

like so many of us

briskly walking the halls...

pretending to be late for some class...

pretending to be distracted.

Hey, poetry lady...

are you really this cool?

Are you out there?

Are you listening?

I'm always out here.

I feel like I know you

and yet we'll never meet.

[exhales deeply] So, be it.

Well, here's a song from my close personal buddies

back east, The Beastie Boys.

This is a song that was so controversial

they couldn't put it on their first album.

Add a little nightlight.

[upbeat music]

♪ Well ♪

♪ Chitin' at the corner this one time ♪

♪ Cool at the party, you're runnin' a line ♪

♪ Smokin' my crack, sayin' my rhyme ♪

♪ Countin' my pack just to pass the time ♪

♪ Many young girls do some base ♪

♪ Her boyfriend Pete, he was on my case ♪

♪ Took him to the place threw the mattress in his face ♪

♪ Shot homeboy in his fuckin' face ♪

Aah!

Ooh! I just love being the rap king of Arizona.

I don't know.

Drugs are out. Sex is out.

Politics are out. Everything is on hold.

I mean, we definitely need something new.

I just keep waiting for some new voice

to come out of somewhere

and just say, "Hey!

Wait a second. What is wrong with this picture?

Just take a look around."

Well, maybe this is the answer to everything.

Wouldn't that be nice, huh?

"Dear Hard Harry, do you think I should kill myself? "

Great.

Signed "I'm Serious."

And, of course, there is a number here.

Now, look...

[telephone ringing]

Hard Harry: Hello. Serious?

Yeah.

Hard Harry: Are you okay? - Yep.

Hard Harry: I guess what I'm asking is...

how serious are you?

Or how you gonna do it?

I'm gonna blow my fuckin' head off.

Oh. Well, do you, do you have a gun?

No, I'm gonna use my finger, genius.

[chuckles]

Alright, so, uh

where-- where's this gonna take place, huh?

Malcolm: Right here.

W-- where is this alleged gun, huh?

Do you, do you have it with you?

Did you at least write a note?

I mean, you have a reason, don't you?

I mean, you're-- you're not gonna be one of those people

who kills themselves, and nobody has any idea

why they did it, huh?

That's why we need a note, pal.

I'm all alone.

Oh, hey-- hey, look

may-- maybe it's okay to be alone sometimes.

I mean, I...

Well, everybody's alone.

You're not.

I-- I didn't talk to one person today

not-- not counting teachers.

I sit alone...

every day, you know?

Sit in the stairwell, eating my lunch

reading a book.

What about you?

[chuckles]

I hate that.

Now, I'm depressed.

Now, I feel like killing myself

but luckily, I'm too depressed to bother.

[phone beeps]

Great.

He's got the phone off the hook now.

Rejected again.

That's okay, I'm used to it.

Terminal loneliness.

People always think

they know who a person is

but they're always wrong.

"Eats lunch on stairs."

Hard Harry: Our parents have no idea.

Mine had me tested because I sit...

alone in my room all day...

naked, wearing only a cock ring.

[laughs]

Oh...

I mean, it really bugs me.

Everyone thinks they know

how a person should be.

Who cares how I should be, you know?

I mean, in real life, I-- I could be that anonymous nerd

sitting across from you in chem lab...

staring at you so hard...

Then when you turn around...

he tries to smile...

but the smile just comes out all wrong.

You just think, "How pathetic."

[exhales deeply]

Then he just looks away.

[exhales deeply]

He never looks back at you again.

Ah, hey.

Who cares, huh? That's my motto.

Well, sleep tight, Cheryl.

Sleep tight, Miss Refinements.

Sleep tight, poetry lady.

[sighs]

Sleep tight, Mr. Serious.

Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow.

[switch clicks]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, what's a cock ring? It sounds cool.

How should I know?

Maybe it's a-- a ring with a cock on it.

But he said he was wearing it.

♪ What's really known as a radio cut? ♪

♪ When you can't say shit and you can't say fuck ♪

♪ I really think you wanna hear it ♪

♪ But the radio stations you see they still gonna fear it ♪

♪ Yo, I thought this country was based upon freedom of speech ♪

♪ Freedom of press, freedom of your own religion ♪

♪ To make your own decision, now that's baloney ♪

♪ Cause if I gotta play by your rules, I'm being phoney ♪

♪ Yo, I got to cater to this person or that person ♪

♪ I got to rhyme for the white or the black person? ♪

♪ Why can't it all be equal? ♪

♪ Music is a universal language for all people ♪

♪ I better get off the rebellious tip ♪

♪ Before somebody out there say I'm startin to slip N'

- How much you want for it? - Five bucks each.

♪ She was a cool blue redhead ♪

♪ She was a virgin vixen ♪

♪ She had the eyes of Lassie ♪

♪ She had the lips of Nixon ♪

♪ Lips like Tricia Nixon ♪

♪ I stole a sideways glance ♪

♪ At her continental shelf ♪

I And I knew she was the devil himself ♪

♪ It's a barstool yawn ♪

Hi.

Hi.

♪ She said "Button up mister" ♪

♪ I shook as she took another look ♪

Hard Harry: Like your school, for example.

How come it wins all of these awards

and yet students are dropping out like flies?

- Why is that, Mr. Deaver? - Excuse me.

My listeners are wondering about your participation--

- What is this? - I don't know, sir.

Is that your tape? What is this? Whose tape is this?

Man 3: I looked around, and someone had slipped that on.

You know, people, this dancing is a privilege

and it'll be taken away if it's abused.

You understand that?

[upbeat music]

[women laughing]

♪ Life is tough ♪

♪ And full of stuff ♪

♪ Life is hard as rock ♪

♪ No one around to pull you out ♪

♪ No one to stop ♪

- What? What are you lookin' at? - Nora.

♪ Now we don't need no chaperones ♪

♪ All policemen please stay home ♪

[upbeat music]

Hi.

You got a stick of gum?

"Blackjack."

You really as horny as a ten-peckered owl?

Hi. My name's Nora.

What's yours?

- Mark. - Mark.

Well, hi, Mark.

Hi.

Listen, uh, I was gonna cut fourth period.

You want to join me for a smoke in the art supply room?

No, I can't. I gotta go. Sorry.

Sorry.

Boy, these damn tapes keep popping up all over the place.

They were playing this one out in the alcove.

Who is this guy, anyway? Every day there's more graffiti.

I don't know, but he's sure turning the school upside-down.

Has anyone seen Luis Chavez?

He wasn't in my class today.

- Mine, either. - Listen to this.

Hard Harry: In his hands, a memo...

written by one Mr. David Deaver

guidance counselor extraordinaire

to one Miss Loretta Creswood, high school principal.

- "I find Cheryl..." - Turn that off.

Hard Harry: "Unremorseful about her unfortunate..."

I have an announcement to make.

[indistinct chatter]

I have some very upsetting news.

Last night...

one of our students

Malcolm Kaiser...

took his own life.

All: What?

Jan: For those of you who knew him...

there will be a memorial service...

at Dempsey Hall on Friday.

I know it hurts.

It's painful to lose someone.

[Women shouting] Five, six, seven, eight We've got spirit.

Yes, we do! We've got spirit! How 'bout you?

[indistinct chatter]

[mellow music]

We've got spirit. Yes, we do!

We've got spirit. How 'bout you?

[indistinct chatter]

[engine revving]

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Nora: You're the voice crying out in the wilderness.

You're the voice that makes my brain burn

and my guts go gooey.

Yeah, you gut me.

My insides spill on your altar and tell the future.

My steaming, gleaming guts spell out your nature.

I know you

not your name, but your game.

I know the true you.

Come to me, or I'll come to you.

So, you are him.

Don't worry. I'm not going to bust you or anything.

Aren't you going to ask who I am?

No, I don't think so. No.

I'm the "eat me, beat me" lady.

So you don't believe me?

"I know you...

not your name, but your game.

I know the true you.

Come to me...

or I'll come to you."

Hey, relax. I'm not really like that

except when I am.

Look, I really can't handle this right now, okay?

Hey, look. Look. Look, it's not your fault.

I mean, I was listening last night.

I didn't think he'd go through with it!

[sighs]

[fork clinks]

Mark, we heard about Malcolm Kaiser. We know.

We're just wondering if you knew him.

No, not-- not really.

Brian: Mark, uh, I'm going to ask you something.

Uh, your mother and I have been talking

and-- and, uh, I guess we realized that--

Mark, basically, we thought...

that you might benefit from maybe

seeing a psychiatrist.

Is it that obvious?

Marla Hunter: No, honey, of course not.

We think you're perfect.

But it just seems that here you're so sad

and lonely all the time.

And we just want you to feel good about yourself.

Marla Hunter: You have friends in New York, hon.

Are you trying to meet people here at all?

It was never, I...

I know this sounds stupid, Mark but have you ever just

like, walked up to a girl here and said "Hi?"

Look, the girls here, are-- are, they're different.

- I-- I can't talk to them. - How are they different?

Listen, Mark, I was talking to your English teacher today--

Oh, come on, Dad. Please. It's-- it's creepy enough

around there without you snooping around.

Brian: And she says that you've got

a-- a great promise as a writer...

but that you're having trouble concentrating.

So, when is Johnny going to concentrate, huh?

Get happy, get a girlfriend...

and then-- then write a, write a best seller, huh?

Fine! You don't listen. You don't talk to me.

You don't talk to anybody! You hate everything.

I can't talk to you people.

And I'm certainly not going to a shrink.

Listen, Mark, everybody's got problems

not just you but you're not gonna solve them

if you don't communicate them!

You've got to talk to somebody!

Okay, he's gone.

He's gone back downstairs.

And so, family and friends of Malcolm Kaiser

sadly come and go into the night

even as phantom DJ Hard Harry

prepares to broadcast anonymously...

from somewhere...

in this formerly peaceful community.

This is Shep Sheppard reporting live

from Paradise Hills, Arizona.

- Back to you, Bill. - Thank you, Shep, for that...

Yeah, back to you.

[taps]

[instrumental music]

♪ If it be your will ♪

♪ That I speak no more ♪

♪ And my voice be still ♪

♪ As it was before ♪

♪ I will speak no more ♪

♪ I shall abide until ♪

♪ I am spoken for ♪

♪ If it be your will ♪♪

♪ Everybody knows that the dice are loaded ♪

♪ Everybody rolls ♪

You see, I never planned it like this.

My dumb dad got me this shortwave radio set

so, I could just speak to my friends back east.

But I couldn't reach anybody...

so, I just thought I was talking to nobody.

I imagined nobody listening.

Maybe I imagine that one person out there.

Anyway, one day I woke up...

and I realized I was never going to be normal...

[sighs] so I said, “Fuck it."

I said, "So be it..."

And Happy Harry Hard-on was born.

But I never meant to hurt anyone.

Honestly...

I never meant to hurt anyone.

I'm sorry, Malcolm.

I never said...

don't do it.

I'm sorry.

Uh, anyway...

that's-- that's it.

The show's over.

I'm done.

Stick a fork in me.

It's been grand.

This is Hard Harry saying... sayonara.

Over and out.

Oh, come on, you can't do this.

This is a joke, right?

Come on, Harry, baby, don't stiff.

Ugh, what am I doing?

[instrumental music]

Fuck it.

You hear about some kid

did something stupid...

something desperate.

What possessed him?

How could he do such a terrible thing?

Well, come here.

It's really quite simple, actually.

[sighs]

Consider the life of a teenager, huh?

You have parents and teachers telling you what to do.

You have movies, magazines

and TV telling you what to do

but you know what you have to do.

Huh? Your job, your purpose

is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend

think up something great to do for the rest of your life.

What if you're confused and can't imagine a career?

What if you're funny-looking and can't get a girlfriend?

You see, no one wants to hear it.

[sighs]

But the terrible secret...

is that being young...

is sometimes less fun...

than being dead.

This is great. He's making it worse.

Hard Harry: Suicide is wrong

but the interesting thing about it...

is how uncomplicated it seems.

You know?

There-- there you are, you got all these problems

swarming around in your brain

and here is one simple

one incredibly simple solution.

I'm just surprised it doesn't happen every day around here.

Now-- now, they're going to say

I-- I said offing yourself was simple

but no, no, no, no, no, it's not simple.

Just like everything else, you have to read the fine print.

For instance, assuming that there is a Heaven...

who would ever want to go there? You know?

I mean, think about it.

It's cool. You're-- you're sitting there up on this cloud.

It's nice, you know, it's quiet.

There's no, there's no teachers

there's no parents, but guess what?

There's nothing to do!

It's fucking boring!

Another thing to remember about suicide...

is that it is not a pretty picture.

I mean, first of all, you shit your shorts.

You know? So, there you are, dead.

People are weeping over you, crying.

Girls you never spoke to are saying, "Why? Why? Why?"

[laughs] And you have a load in your shorts.

That's the way I see it. Sue me.

Now, they're saying

I-- I shouldn't think stuff like this, you know?

They're saying that something is wrong with me...

that I should be ashamed!

Well...

I'm-- I'm sick of being ashamed.

- I mean, aren't you? - Sick to death.

I don't mind being dejected and rejected

but I'm not going to be ashamed about it.

- Hallelujah. - At least pain is real.

You-- you look around, and you see nothing is real

but at least pain is real.

You know, even this show isn't real.

This isn't me. I-- I'm using a voice disguiser.

I'm a phony fuck just like my dad!

Just like anybody.

You see, the real me

is just as worried as the rest of you.

They say I'm disturbed.

Of course I'm disturbed!

I mean, we're all disturbed, and if we're not, why not?

Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness

want to make you do something crazy?

Then why not do something crazy?

It makes a hell of a lot more sense

than blowing your fucking brains out!

You know? Go nuts! Go crazy!

Get creative!

You got problems? You just chuck 'em.

Nuke 'em! They think you're moody?

Make them think you're crazy.

Make them think you might snap!

They think you've got attitude? You show 'em some real attitude.

Agh! I mean, go nuts!

Get crazy! Hey!

No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Aah!

Oh, God!

[screaming]

God! Yeah!

[screaming]

[crackling]

Whoo! Yes!

[all screaming]

[explosion]

♪ Kick out the jams, motherfuckers! ♪

[upbeat music]

Happy Harry Hard-on!

♪ Well I feel pretty good ♪

♪ And I guess that I could ♪

♪ Get crazy now, baby ♪

♪ 'Cause we all got in tune ♪

♪ When the dressing room ♪

♪ Got hazy yeah, baby ♪

♪ I know how you want it Hot, sweet, and tight ♪

♪ The girls can't stand it When you do it right ♪

♪ When they're up on the stand ♪

♪ And then they kick out the jams ♪

♪ Yeah kick out the jams ♪

♪ I gotta kick 'em out ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[all screaming]

♪ Yeah I'm startin' to sweat ♪

♪ You know my shirt's all wet ♪

♪ What a feeling ♪

♪ And the sound that abounds ♪

♪ And Resounds and rebounds ♪

♪ Straight off of the ceiling ♪

♪ You gotta have it, baby You can't do without ♪

♪ When you get that feelin' ♪

Time out.

♪ Put that mic in my hand ♪

♪ And let me kick out the jams ♪

♪ Yes, kick out the jams ♪

♪ I've got to kick it ♪♪

Ah...

This is good.

This is very, very interesting.

[keypad beeps]

- Hello? - Hi, it's me.

You're on the air.

Are you willing to tell my listeners...

what you told me here in this letter?

I think they're-- they're ready to handle it.

I'm not ashamed.

So, tell us what happened.

This guy I knew...

he invited me up to the ridge

and, well...

I wasn't really sure why

but I was really happy

because he's pretty cool.

He's an athlete and everything.

First of all, when was this, and how-- how old are you?

Just before school. I'm sixteen.

Go ahead.

So, we get up there...

we take off our shirts...

and we start fooling around.

And then...

I sort of told him how much I liked him.

He-- he just smiled and said he knew it.

Then he says...

"Why don't we take our pants off and get a tan?"

So, I did it.

But he stalled.

Go ahead.

And then two of his friends showed up

and they were drinking beer and laughing.

And they took my clothes and threw them up in the trees.

[sighs]

I didn't know what to do.

I-- I started to cry, but...

they just laughed at me, so I stopped.

Then they started calling me things...

but I don't even care about that.

I mean, I know I'm into guys, but...

this was different.

So, what did you do?

Everything.

Everything they told me.

I'm calling the police.

Fraud, pornography

he is just using those poor kids.

That's the thirteenth call tonight.

Sounds like kids bullshitting to me.

I don't know.

Things like that happen when you're a kid.

You swallow it, Donny?

I think you're forgetting what it's like when you're young.

Come on, Shep.

He got some kid to call in with some story

they've concocted. It isn't real.

Who cares if it's real

if the people are riveted?

Let's go.

No. People are rebroadcasting

this thing over state lines.

I-- I think it's time to bring in the feds.

This is FCC jurisdiction.

I feel bad that I didn't even do anything.

I didn't even say anything.

Now, he won't even talk to me.

He won't even look at me.

I'm pretty confused.

Confused?

You're not the one who's confused.

You sound like you know exactly what's going on.

If anyone's confused, it's those guys out there.

I know, but I think about him a lot.

Sometimes, I wonder why one person is born one way...

and another person is born another way.

Are you there?

Yes.

So, I guess you think I'm a faggot wimp, right?

No...

I'm just thinking how strong people can be...

and how...

everyone is alike in some way...

and how everyone needs the same things.

So, what are we going to do about all this?

I don't know.

That's the big question, isn't it, huh?

I guess nobody knows, huh?

Well, that's tough. I got to go.

See you.

I guess we all got to go now.

Good night, pal.

Good night, friends.

[instrumental music]

♪ Cease to resist ♪

♪ Giving my goodbye ♪

♪ Drive my car ♪

♪ Into the ocean ♪

♪ You'll think I'm dead ♪

♪ But I sail away ♪

♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪

♪ On a wave of mutilation ♪

♪ Wave of mutilation ♪

♪ Wave of mutilation ♪

♪ Wave ♪♪

Nora: "Believe it or not, I care?"

"8:30 to 3:30." What's that?

It's some new hotline Deaver's setting up.

Hey, it's 8:30 in the morning

so I guess it's okay to kill myself.

Oh, my God, it's after 3:00,

so I guess I'm totally fucked.

♪ I've kissed mermaids ♪

♪ Rode the El Nino ♪

Hi.

♪ Walked the sand ♪♪

What are you doing?

Tramp.

Bitch.

How's he getting this information?

I want all the locks in the school changed.

I want a list of every student with relatives on the staff.

Excuse me, just found the graffiti

on the roof of the cafeteria.

They're taking it down now.

What's it say?

"Creswood's a maggot pus wad."

Hey, are you the guy selling tapes of that guy?

- Yeah. - How much?

- Five bucks each. - Alright, let me have it.

- There you go. - Thanks, man.

Selling pretzels, Donald?

Nobody knows who he is.

We don't believe you, Donald.

I swear to God. Nobody has any idea.

Well, then you've got until the end of the day to get an idea.

And don't forget, your file is under review, huh.

You better bring all your enrollment files

here to my office.

[instrumental music]

So, what did they do to you?

- Hey, you Donald? - Yeah.

I'm Joey.

Can you get me into the PA?

[instrumental music]

Yes.

Stay hard!

Alright, alright.

The truth is a virus!

[clamoring]

[music continues]

That's it for music in the alcove.

And from now on,

anyone caught defacing school property is expelled.

Deaver on PA: David Deaver speaking.

Woman on PA: Now... Deaver on PA: Who is this?

Deaver on PA: Who-- who is, who-- who is this?

Deaver on PA: You just hold on a minute there.

[indistinct scatting from PA]

Deaver on PA: David Deaver speaking.

David Deaver speaking.

What's-- what's happening? What's going on?

It's Mr. Deaver.

[indistinct scatting on PA]

Deaver on PA: Who is this?

[indistinct scatting on PA]

- It won't stop. - Turn the speaker system.

Shut off, shut off the whole system.

We can't!

[indistinct scatting on PA]

Shut down the whole school.

[indistinct scatting on PA]

Deaver on PA: You just hold on a minute there.

- Alright, Randy-- - Hey, you, check this out.

You're the TV guy, right? Hey, you want to interview me?

'Cause you know I was listening the first night it was on,

and I-- I'm like and I'm amazing.

Here. Plug it in.

Mazz: You know, I used to go here, you know?

But they kicked me out for no reason.

Know what I'm saying?

Hey, check it out. School colors, you know?

It's instant pep rally.

Gee, the smog's getting worse and worse in this town.

Go down on him.

- Come here, you little-- - Oh-oh.

- Oh, Mr. Murdock. - Okay, great.

Can you direct me to the office?

Come on!

This is Shep Sheppard reporting live

from deep in the smoke at Hubert Humphrey High.

Sit down.

So anybody mind if I smoke?

Loretta: You do understand you're expelled, Mr. Mazzilli.

That's cool.

I can quite legally expel you.

Yo, Loretta, I'm already expelled. Don't you remember?

You booted me out the first week for dress code.

Then you're trespassing. How'd you like to be arrested?

Yeah, that's cool, too, you know?

Because I told them cameras to wait.

You know, I got lots to tell them.

Who's going to believe anything you say?

Tell me, who's gonna believe you?

Maybe Harry might.

[indistinct chatter]

What are you doing?

It's cool. We're safe in here.

- Guess what I heard? - What?

Nora: That tall smug Paige Woodward.

She burned up all her shit last night

right after you suggested it.

In her kitchen!

Oh! Her precious pearls were flying like bullets.

Her dad was unthrilled.

What?

This is out of control.

Yes!

Man on PA: Students are requested to inform

their parents of an emergency meeting tonight

with the PTA and the school commissioner.

That's it.

It's over. I just hope it isn't too late.

- Mark. - Just leave me alone, okay?

Please.

Oh, yes

♪ I'm D-- D-- David Deaver ♪

I And I really really don't give a damn ♪

♪ I really don't know anything ♪

♪ Because I haven't got it ♪

Have you guys listened to the "Hard Harry Show?"

Oh, we would never, ever listen to trash like that.

- He's obscene, dude. - Yo, mom.

♪ Yo I'm D-- D-- David Deaver ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

Is that box registered to a name?

Yes, of course that box is registered to a name

but I can't give it out to you.

But you can to me.

Yes, sir, I can do it for you.

I will give it to you instantly.

That box is rented to Mr. Charles U. Farley.

1-1-2-2 Crescent.

But that's the address of the school.

[chuckles] Chuck U. Farley.

In a follow up to Monday's tragic suicide,

we have a story on Paige Woodward

who was a senior at the same high school

who, apparently at the urging of the pirate DJ

set off an explosion in her family's home.

We'll have a full story at 11:00...

Are you okay, Mark?

Don't worry. I'm not gonna blow up the kitchen.

Very funny, darling.

Listen to this.

...still anonymous radio operator.

He's been charged with criminal solicitation

in the suicide death of Malcolm Kaiser.

Elsewhere...

Mark, have you ever listened to this character?

No, not, not exactly listened.

Brian: He's knocking the best school in the district

and apparently, he goes there.

Well, dad, it's not exactly the best school in the district.

I mean, there are some problems with it.

Then I figure you don't rock the boat

especially if you're sitting in it.

Anyway, we should get going. I don't want to be late.

Marla: Come on, Mark. It's your father's big meeting.

Good evening.

On behalf of myself

and the staff of Hubert Humphrey High

I would like to thank you for turning out in such numbers.

I congratulate you on your concerns.

Now, before we begin

I would like to introduce our new school commissioner

fresh from several educational triumphs

on the East Coast, Brian Hunter.

[applause]

Before I introduce the rest of our speakers for the--

Excuse me, Mrs. Creswood.

Can we just skip the preliminaries

and find out what you're doing about all this?

Well, when I introduce Mr. Deaver

he'll talk about our new 24 hour hotline and you'll--

Wait a minute, the kids who need the most help

like the ones with drug problems

they don't go in for stuff like that.

I know kids, I mean, they just want to be happy.

Would you please sit down?

Frankly, this radio person is the whole problem.

Are we gonna allow this guy to be heard

by anyone who can turn a dial?

Loretta: Please, one at a time.

I work with teenage gangs in the city.

I say we go after this guy.

- Yeah. Remove him physically. - Same old rhetoric!

- What are you doing to find-- - Loretta: Please! Please!

We can't have this kind of meeting.

This is not the way--

Everybody, You'll all be heard. I promise.

Loretta: Brian, this is my meeting. I know what I'm doing.

That's the girl who blew up her kitchen last night.

My name is Paige Woodward and I have something

to say to you people.

People are saying that Harry is introducing bad things

and encouraging bad things.

Well, it seems to me these things were already here.

Please go and sit.

My God, why don't you people listen?

He's trying to tell you that

there's something wrong with this school.

What are you saying, Paige, just go--

Half the people that are here are on probation of some kind.

We're all really scared to be who we really are.

I am not perfect.

I've just been going through the motions of being perfect

and inside, I am screaming!

Loretta: Paige, you were a model student.

Why won't you listen?

Let's hear what she has to say!

Paige, come back here.

I want to hear what you have to say.

Do you know who he is?

Are you prepared to do anything that he says?

Can you hear me? Don't listen to them!

Don't listen to any of them! Stay on!

Has this affected your school work?

Stand hard!

What do your parents think about this?

[screaming]

Are you on drugs?

Talk hard!

[screaming]

[clamoring]

I got a lot of homework. I'm gonna take off, alright?

Mark, I know why you're really going home.

'Cause you want to listen to that show tonight, don't you?

[instrumental music]

♪ I am responsible ♪

Yo, Paige.

♪ Ready to take the fool ♪

♪ Pill ♪

♪ Waiting for the flow ♪

♪ Looking out for the sun ♪

Let's go.

♪ Watch them wain ♪

Frank, come on, let's go.

♪ Men and gem ♪

Hey!

♪ Picture lips ♪

♪ Longing strings ♪

♪ The dentist says ♪

♪ To look within ♪

♪ I've got a miniature ♪

♪ Secret camera ♪♪

[fire crackling]

Hi.

What are you doing?

Those your letters?

[fire crackling]

You having fun?

Yeah.

[fire blazing]

Hey.

Here. I took some of these off the wall for you.

I mistakenly thought you might want them.

Thanks.

So I guess you're not going on tonight.

Brilliant.

Is this all just a game to you?

You know, you can't just shout “fire"

in a theater and then walk out.

You, you have a responsibility

to the people who believe in you.

What is this? Come on, say something.

Say anything!

Open your mouth and say "get the hell out of here, bitch."

- I can't. - You can't what?

I can't talk.

Sure you can talk.

I can't talk to you!

[machine whirring]

Hard Harry: I got a letter from

this guy who has a problem.

He can't talk.

I mean, he can talk, but never when he wants to,

not, not to girls, not to people.

What did they say, around FM 92?

Yeah.

I can't believe it's as bad as they say.

Hard Harry: He just opened up his mouth,

and nothing came out.

Then this jerk finds somebody that he likes

which is probably the worst thing that can happen

to a person that can't talk.

[sighs] So I mean I don't know what to tell this guy

because lately, every time I give advice

the fit hits the shan.

[sighs] So...

I don't know, maybe the...

best thing to do is just

turn around...

face the music

and try to talk.

[knocks on door]

Marla: Mark? - Fuck.

Damn it. Coming!

Mark, it's just us. We want to come in for a minute.

Oh, yeah, just-- just give me a second here!

Uh. Two seconds!

Mark, unlock the door.

Marla: Mark, can you hear us? - Yes, yes.

- We wanna come in for a minute. - We know you're in there.

Open the goddamn door!

On my way!

[knocking on door]

Hi.

Your mother and I have been out there for five minutes.

What the hell are you doing in here?

I was just reading.

Oh, come on, Mark. We heard you.

We heard you talking, alright?

Yeah. I was-- I was reading aloud.

Oh, come on. You really expect us to believe that?

Okay, I'll tell you the truth.

He was talking to me.

Hi. I'm... I'm Nora Diniro.

- Nice to meet you. - Hello.

- Oh, hi. - How do you do?

I was afraid you'd be mad at me

for interrupting Mark's homework.

Oh, uh, no. Not at all. That's fine.

You don't know how happy we are to meet you.

Yeah. Really.

Well, listen, I gotta go

but um, it was really nice to have met you.

- Bye, Mark. - No, no. You don't have to go.

It's alright. Mark, she doesn't have to go.

- We'll leave you alone. - I'll see you tomorrow.

You've been a bad dog, haven't you?

Brian...

You know, for a second there

we actually thought you were that

that crazy DJ character.

Maybe he's not that crazy, dad.

Right. Very funny.

Go get her. Come on.

You know that's my idea of homework.

Yeah.

[machine whirring]

Sorry about that, folks. Technical difficulties.

Happens all the time in professional radio.

Let's say, who do we have out there tonight, huh?

The usual band of teenage malcontents?

I certainly hope so

because Hard Harry's feeling

kind of rude tonight.

[farting on tape]

And she's so pretty, too.

She sure is.

That little lech.

Well, like father, like son.

Oh! I feel good!

Damn!

[grunts] Well, well, well, the big news.

Emergency PTA meeting to discuss, yours truly!

Yes, all of the professionals have come out

to talk about little old me

and now they've all run home to tune in

and listen to what they've all been talking about.

They say that I am deluded

demented, deranged!

Well, guess what I say!

All: So be it!

Hard Harry: I say rise up in the cafeteria

and stab them with your plastic forks!

I say flogging and flagellation for Miss Creswood!

She gets a hundred lashes for every single kid

that she has hounded out of that fucking place!

I say down with all guidance counselors!

Make them work for a living!

I can't stay away from this man!

Oh, I gotta give him another call!

Here I come, Deav.

Woman on phone: Hotline. Believe it or not, we care.

Hi, Believe It or Not, this is Hard Harry

and I would like the pleasure of speaking with Mr. Deaver.

Just a moment. I'll see if he's available.

Hard Harry: I love it. They just put me on hold.

[sighs] I'm waiting for you.

You can run, but you cannot hide, Mr. Deaver.

Waitin' for the Deav.

Hello, my young friend.

You're in on it, right, Mr. Deaver?

It's all over, son.

This phone call has been traced

and whoever you are,

you're history.

[siren wailing]

[exhales] Well...

So be it.

Hallelujah.

[siren wailing]

Shit. Don't just sit there, man. Run!

[siren wailing]

[indistinct chatter]

Don't worry about me.

I'm alright.

See, I'll bet what's happening out there

is that the police are busting some poor little old couple

who've been unknowingly

supplying me with my phone feed.

There's a phone line coming into the shed here.

[indistinct chatter]

Man 4: There's the transmitter

which means the receiver could be in any house

within a thousand yards of here.

I am everywhere.

I am inside each and every single one of you.

Just look in, and I will be there

waving out at you

naked

wearing only a cock ring.

[Mark laughing]

Oh, time flies when you're on the run.

I'm gonna cut out now with this unusual song

I'm dedicating to, uh,

an unusual person

who makes me feel kind of...

unusual

[instrumental music]

♪ So many people ♪

♪ Come walking by ♪

♪ Looking so happy ♪

♪ When all I do is cry ♪

♪ I just wanna be ♪

♪ With somebody too ♪

♪ What I'd give for a kiss ♪

♪ What am I gonna do ♪

♪ Why can't I fall in love ♪

It's okay. You don't have to talk.

You don't have to say anything

and you don't have to do anything

unless you want to.

You're so different.

I meant...

you're so fearless.

I wish I could be like you.

You are.

♪ Why can't I fall in love ♪

I wish...

I could say things to you.

You do.

♪ It's always been me ♪

Everything's so strange.

Yeah.

♪ In my misery ♪

Maybe we're just crazy.

So be it.

♪ And change where I'm at ♪

♪ Where I'm at ♪

♪ But the same old questions ♪

♪ Keep flowing back ♪

♪ Why can't I fall in love ♪

♪ I know she's out there waiting ♪

♪ It's time fall ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ And let her know ♪

♪ Let her know ♪

♪ Just how I feel ♪

♪ Just how I feel ♪

♪ Give it up or give it all ♪

♪ Something tells me ♪

♪ This can be real ♪

[siren wailing]

[indistinct chatter]

It's the cops.

It's okay. I think they're just dropping off my neighbor.

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles]

So...

Are you really wearing a cock ring?

I've never even seen one.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I read about 'em in a magazine.

Maybe I don't believe you.

What... What are you doing? I have neighbors.

Stop!

So you can talk when you want to.

Yes, I can.

♪ I know she's out there waiting ♪

♪ It's time it's time ♪

♪ Why can't I fall in love ♪

Maybe we should pause for station identification.

I-- I-- I gotta go.

♪ So hard to find ♪

♪ Why can't I fall in love ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ I know she's out there waiting ♪♪

It's three days since the death of Malcolm Kaiser

and state and local officials still have little idea

of the identity of this so-called Hard Harry

although many are convinced he is a student at this school.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi. - Hi.

[indistinct chatter]

You, you okay?

Yeah.

You?

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

[music continues]

[chuckling]

[music continues]

This is deep. Your message is out there.

"The truth is a virus."

Oh, God.

Jesus, this whole thing is making me ill.

Mark, what is with you?

Look, Nora, last night was a mistake.

I'm not going on anymore. That's it, it's over.

- But you're so close. - Close to what?

To getting your message out.

Listen, this is my life you're screwing

around with here, you know?

Not anymore, it isn't. This is everyone's life.

Mark, you can't leave it like this. People are confused.

- Well, so am I. - Mark.

- The thing's fucked up! - No!

- It's crazy! - No. The world is fucked up.

Just like you said.

Don't you see that you're the voice?

You're-- you're the voice you were waiting for.

You're completely nuts.

Yeah, well, you make me nuts.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, excuse me.

Young lady, would you come along with us?

Donald, come along. Miss Diniro.

Will you come along with us, please.

What are we being busted for?

Well we checked your files, we'll see.

Come along.

No, Brian, everything is under control.

I've just ordered psychiatric evaluations

on a couple of the key troublemakers, and I...

I can do whatever I like. It's my school, commissioner.

No, you're not coming over here.

It would only upset me more. Good-bye.

Well, shall we have a look at these files?

Or shall we discuss the identity of our DJ friend?

[typewriter key clacking]

Mark on tape: Say no more, Mr. Nice Guy!

Oh, God!

Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!

[indistinct chatter]

Don't push me, people. You understand that, huh?

- Hey! - Huh.

Man 5: Ha! Man 6: Ha!

[whistling]

They got forced to take me back.

[cheering]

- Where you going? - Yo, I'm putting this up.

You're not putting anything. Get off the campus.

Yo, put it on my desk.

You're not supposed to be here.

Hey, hey, what's the matter, Murdock?

- You're getting so tense. - Get outta here.

You're not supposed to be here.

What do you wanna, slam me?

Donald, I'm a big fan of yours.

Can I get an autograph?

[grunting]

[clamoring]

Stop! That's enough!

What's wrong with you?

He was beating up students.

- What's wrong with this school? - Control yourself.

I will not! I want an answer!

Or suffer the consequences.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about your dismissal.

[birds chirping]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter

Nora, I've been looking all over for you.

I-- I just wanted to apologize

for saying that you were nuts.

Forget it.

Look...

FCC, you know what that means?

Yeah, it means Federal Communications Commission.

They can drive around and triangulate

wherever the hell the radio signal's coming from.

Yes, I know exactly what it means.

Yeah, so fuck it, right? I mean it's over.

Frankly, I don't even give a shit anymore.

What the hell's wrong?

I just got expelled.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm failing math.

They can't kick you out for that.

I've been cutting classes, and I'm way over the limit.

They didn't tell me till now.

So, so that just deserves a suspension, right?

Well, then I said "fuck you" to Creswood.

You... You should have seen her face.

She was so happy, she said thank you.

This school sucks!

Jesus Christ.

This is why I don't even care... No, just leave it alone!

There's nothing you can do about it.

Jan: Hunter, wait a minute!

I just wanted...

to say good-bye

uh, and good luck.

Why?

I was fired. I made a mistake.

I thought I could change things.

I forgot you don't rock the boat.

Especially when you're in it.

Hey, come on, chin up.

[indistinct chatter]

Loretta, what in the hell's happening here?

It's the troublemakers.

You can't run a top school with troublemakers in the mix.

Okay, so what exactly is a troublemaker?

Someone who has no interest in education.

Oh, come on, that includes every teenager I know.

Can't you understand

that nothing is more important than a good education?

Except the basic right to it.

The point is,

I have the highest average

SAT scores in the state.

Yeah, but how?

I stand by my record.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[phone ringing]

[music continues]

[engine revving]

Shep: There he is. Mr. Watts, Mr. Watts.

Shep Sheppard, Channel Six news here.

- Good evening. - Evening.

Shep: How does Washington intend to deal with this situation?

We at the FCC feel that democracy is all about

protecting the rights of the ordinary citizen.

Unregulated radio would result in programming

of the lowest common denominator

the rule of the mob.

This is vandalism, not free expression.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

Hey, NBC's here, and if he goes on

they're gonna rebroadcast him nationally.

There's no way he can go on. It's too risky.

Oh, God, come on.

[music continues]

[fireworks bursting]

[screaming]

[fireworks bursting]

[indistinct singing]

[clamoring]

[indistinct chatter]

[fire blazing]

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

Okay, everybody, everybody

ten seconds till “Happy Harry Hard-on."

Eight, seven

six, five, four

three, two, one.

[cheering]

Harry!

Man 7: Harry!

[clamoring]

Come on. We're right here waiting for you right now.

[clamoring]

[insects chirping]

- Hi. - Hi.

Are you okay?

Yeah, fine, great.

Never been better.

- We started something here. - We?

Mark: Alright, I-- I started it, but...

now I... I need your help to finish it.

Nora, I need you.

Well, it's about time.

I've got something to show you.

Is it bigger than a baby's arm?

[laughing]

No. It's outside.

[Nora chuckles] Oh, wow.

Mark: It's my mom's Jeep.

She, uh, kind of loaned it to me.

Who did all this?

Me and Radio Shack.

[engine rumbling]

You-- you have driven a Jeep before, right?

[screaming]

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ That's the way the story goes ♪

[clamoring]

Got him.

♪ Everybody knows ♪

You know, personally, I had hoped that we'd get

to hear him a little bit before they nab him.

It'd be interesting to see how hard he is then.

♪ Hi dad happy birthday ♪

♪ I'm in jail ♪

♪ Jail ♪

♪ Hello dad ♪

I I'm in jail ♪

♪ Hello dad ♪

♪ I'm in jail ♪

♪ Hi dad ♪

♪ I'm calling you from jail ♪

♪ Hi dad Happy birthday ♪

♪ I'm in jail ♪

♪ Jail jail ♪

Hello,dad. We're going to jail.

Say hi to mom!

♪ I'm in jail I like it here ♪

♪ It's nice I like it ♪

Hi, folks. It seems we have a new listener tonight.

Mr. Watts of the FCC.

Hard Harry: My favorite person and yours, too, I know.

Hi, Arthur, thanks for coming out.

Well, thank you for coming out.

Hard Harry: Imagine, a fucking political hack

being in charge of free speech in America.

I'll bet Watts was the guy who took names in high school

when the teacher was absent.

This is the problem with free speech.

Would you cut that thing, please?

Hard Harry: He's the kind of phony in politics

who wears a wig.

Would you just turn the damn thing off?

Christ.

[instrumental music]

[distorted]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

He's obviously moving.

Just pull over everything on wheels.

Welcome to Radio Free America.

America's ready, I'm ready.

I mean, I-- I want a million voices

crying out in the wilderness.

Jesus, let's get serious.

[growling]

[clamoring]

- You're a shithead. - Come on.

[clamoring]

Hello. Hello, anyone.

This is Arthur Watts.

I am under siege.

Maybe Mr. Watts can shed some light

on the mysterious disappearances of some of our students.

Luis Chavez, age 15

legally kicked out on September 26.

Arthur Washington, age 16, expelled on September 27.

Hector Garcia

So what does this prove?

- Not everyone goes to college. - Right.

Hard Harry: Edward Stall...

Mr. Hunter, I think you

should be aware of something.

After the school received the money from the government

for every enrolled student

Mrs. Creswood would then proceed

to weed out those she felt were undesirable.

Nonsense. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

In the first week of school

you flagged all the names with low SAT scores

and started files on them, why?

What are you doing with school property?

She asked you why.

For extra tutoring?

You expelled over twenty students

in the first thirty days of school.

And how many others did you harass into dropping out?

And you kept the expelled students' names on the rolls.

- That's illegal. - The money went to the school.

It's all for the good of the school.

- Those kids had rights. - They were losers.

- Troublemakers. - They're just kids.

I don't regret my policy.

It's criminal, and I'm suspending you.

You can't do that.

Oh, I think I just did.

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ I'm livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Pedal to the metal goin' fast fast ♪

♪ Ferrari level got the class class ♪

♪ Yes cold clockin' cash 'n sex ♪

♪ While the mass hold hands up to catch ♪

♪ Relax no complaints it's satisfaction ♪

♪ No red tape -24 hour action ♪

♪ Meet the bizniz get the glitz ♪

Please get some help.

♪ Trippin' trippin' cold egotrippin' ♪

♪ Shattering pride that's why they're flippin' ♪

♪ Sippin' '40s how ya livin' ♪

♪ Value is given while you're driven ♪

Just drive over them.

♪ Fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪

♪ Livin' in the fast lane ♪♪

[grunting]

Oh, jeez, my harmonizer.

Forget it. Hold on.

I gotta get us out of here.

[tires screeching]

I needed that to disguise my voice.

Oh, give me a minute. Maybe we can fix it.

Jesus.

Mark: Look at this.

Fuck it. I'm going on without that thing.

No. I think I've got it.

Okay.

This is really me now.

No more hiding.

Listen.

Hard Harry: We're all worried.

We're all in pain.

That just that comes with having eyes, with having ears.

But just remember one thing.

It can't get any worse. It can only get better.

I mean, high school is the bottom.

Being a teenager sucks, but that's the point.

Surviving it is the whole point.

Quitting is not going to make you strong.

Living Will, so just hang on

and hang in there.

You know, I.. I know all about the hating and the sneering.

I'm a member of the "Why bother?" generation myself.

But why did I bother to come out here tonight?

And why did you?

I mean, it's time.

It begins with us, not with politicians

the experts, or the teachers, but with us.

With you and with me.

The ones who need it most.

I believe with everything that's in me

that the whole world is longing for healing.

Even the... even the trees

and the Earth itself are crying out for it.

You can hear it everywhere.

It's the same kind of healing

I desperately needed and...

finally feel has begun

with you.

[helicopter blades whirring]

[instrumental music]

[sirens wailing]

[helicopter whirring]

[sirens wailing]

[intense music]

[helicopter blades whirring]

[sirens wailing]

[music continues]

[helicopter blades whirring]

Hard Harry: Everyone listen up!

It's not over yet, this is just the beginning

but it's up to you.

I'm calling for every kid to seize the air.

Steal it. It belongs to you.

Speak out.

They can't stop you.

Find your voice and use it.

Keep this thing going. Pick a name.

Go on the air.

It's your life. Take charge of it. Do it.

Try it, try anything.

Spill your guts out.

Say shit and fuck a million times

if you want to, but you decide.

Fill the air. Steal it.

Keep the air alive!

[crowd gasping]

[intense music]

[camera shutter clicks]

Woman 2: Harry!

Woman 3: We're behind you all the way, Harry.

Man 7: You talked to me, man. You really talked to me.

Woman 4: You're the one, man.

Man 8: We believe in you, Harry. Stay tough, man.

Man 9: You did great.

Man 10: Just forget it, man. We believe in you, Harry.

- Harry! - We're with you, man.

- We're with you all the way. - Harry!

Talk hard!

[crowd cheering]

[clamoring]

Harry! We love you.

Woman on radio: Hi, everybody, this is Amy at 97 FM

in Springfield, and my show is "Radioactive."

Can anyone out there hear me?

Woman on radio: Sick of silence, let it out.

Man on radio: This is Ethan from LA, and I'm here...

Woman on radio: Are you running in the streets?

Call the real runaway hotline

KCAT, Los Gatos, California.

Woman on radio: This is "I am, are you?"

Man on radio: No protection, I'm from New Jersey.

Woman on radio: Hi, you're on the air.

Woman on radio: Turn on the truth.

♪ Stand ♪

♪ In the end ♪

♪ You'll still be you ♪

♪ One that's done all the things you set out to do ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ There's a cross for you to bear ♪

♪ Things to go through if you're going anywhere ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ For the things you know are right ♪

♪ It's the truth that the truth makes them so uptight ♪

♪ Stand ♪

I All the things you want are real ♪

♪ You have you to complete and there is no deal ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ You've been sitting much too long ♪

♪ There's a permanent crease in your right and wrong ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Well there's a midget standing tall ♪

♪ And a giant beside him about to fall ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ They will try to make you crawl ♪

♪ And they know what you're saying ♪

♪ Makes sense and all ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Don't you know that you are free ♪

♪ Well at least in your mind if you want to be ♪

♪ Everybody Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Unh'

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na nah yeah ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na nah nah ♪

♪ Get up gotta stand together ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na nah ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ So take my hand ♪

♪ Yeah we gotta stand together ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na nah ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na nah yeah ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Unh ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Get up take my hand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Unh! Get up ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand together hey ♪

♪ Come take my hand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

[indistinct]

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na nah yeah ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na nah ♪

♪ Get up we gotta stand together ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand together ♪

♪ Come take my hand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Stand ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪

♪ Let's stand together ♪♪