Original subtitles

‐ Previously on Future Man...

Haven does not exist in time or space.

The only way to put it on a map is from the inside,

and that's exactly what these geolocation devices will do.

‐ Look who's here.

‐ Oh, savior, back from the dead.

‐ They think that I'm Nut‐Face Josh.

‐ I'm Nut‐Face Josh now?

‐ You've got status here.

Let's use that to get a proper lay of the land.

‐ Hey, sad boy. You okay?

‐ Was Marilyn Monroe just hitting on you?

‐ Give me answers.

‐ You must go to the enchanted meadow.

Who's up there?

The greatest of all time.

Something's off here.

I did some snooping around. Shit ain't right.

It's not me. It's not me!

In Haven, you don't need to eat or drink,

but the coolest part?

You don't lose a third of your life sleeping.

It's like June in Stockholm all the time.

Everything feels like a dream.

Better than a dream. Like magic.

‐ Yes, whoo!

‐ What spell have you cast on me, Goat‐Wizard?

‐ Ever since I met you, I can't stop thinking.

‐ Think, think. Why doesn't it move?

We don't have all time. We have no time.

No time at all.

‐ Wait, James, come back here!

Let me yell in your face some more

about how this place is fucked up!

This place is paradise.

Always 74 and glow‐y,

the hint of a breeze,

filled with amazing people you can talk to forever.

I don't talk. I act.

I kill, you two‐horned fuck.

That's what I'm going back to the sewer to do.

What do you mean, I‐‐I never left the sewer?

Of course I did. I'm here, aren't I?

Unless‐‐unless I‐‐

I bring the sewer with me wherever I go.

I gotta lie down. I'm gonna lie down.

I gotta lie down.

‐ I need to get up.

I need to move.

I need to breathe.

Remember what Yoko taught me.

"Now is in the breathing,

and Paul's a whiny little bitch."

I need to remember.

I need to remember the smell,

the feel, the colors.

All of it perfect. I want to write it down.

Savor each memory.

‐ My earliest memory?

Crawling in a pool of blood.

Pretty sure it wasn't my own.

Again with the, "How did it make you feel?"

You are relentless.

I feel like I'm making progress.

‐ I feel like I'm going Brian Wilson!

I feel like I'm happy.

Truly happy for the first time.

This is home. Oh, look at that.

On the last page of my journal.

Guess I'll go put it in the library.

‐ Shut up, shut up, shut up!

‐ How are we supposed

to talk through our problems if you keep‐‐

‐ We don't have a problem.

You have a problem with me.

‐ No, no! I‐‐I just‐‐

Marilyn, you are so much more

than this horny‐all‐the‐time sex goddess.

I just want you to become the fullest version of yourself

and I wanna help you to grow.

‐ Stop trying to fix me! ‐ Oh, please!

I didn't say fix. I said grow.

‐ It's like how we do book club but you never trust me

to choose the book.

‐ That's because I know some classics

that maybe you haven't heard of.

‐ Like The Da Vinci Code? Guess what.

I cracked the code. It's Hardy Boys for idiots!

And you always second‐guess my aircraft carrier placement

in Battleship.

‐ Those are the most important pieces in the entire game.

You cannot put them on the perimeter.

That is nautical suicide!

‐ So what?

We play, I lose, we play again!

‐ Why you gotta live so fast, huh?

‐

‐

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

It's just sometimes...

You know the Olympic torch?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah?

Well, you're‐‐you're‐‐ you're like that.

Beautiful, amazing, and really cool,

and I've‐‐I've been given the chance to hold you.

But it just‐‐it feels like we're‐‐we're‐‐

we're running through a massive storm,

and there's all this air just, like,

gusting at you and‐‐and‐‐ and hitting your flame

and it's‐‐it's super‐‐ super gusty out

and‐‐and‐‐and your flame, it might get‐‐

it might get blown right out like‐‐

Because‐‐

because of all the‐‐the gusts of‐‐of air and‐‐

You know what I mean?

‐ Not even a little bit.

‐ There's gotta be a simpler way to say this.

You're like a Zippo in a tornado.

‐ I'm going for a walk.

‐

I turned down sex with Marilyn again.

I think, for some reason, she sees that as a rejection.

Then we got into that whole,

"You're trying to fix me," conversation.

Man, if I could fix one thing, it'd be her bringing that up.

It's like we're in this endless cycle.

It's‐‐it's hard to remember when we were happy.

So this is what love feels like!

Marilyn wants to have sex all the time.

She says I'm good at it.

She's also convinced my abnormally sized penis

used to belong to another man.

Ah, she's funny that way.

Because virtually everyone I knew died

horribly in front of my eyes,

I view all love as an attack,

and I'm‐‐I'm really good at fending off attacks.

Oh, I just love making you laugh.

Hmm, but you‐‐you've‐‐you've helped me realize

that's an unhealthy coping mechanism

that I am committed to changing.

I‐‐so I mean, I basically think

we've covered everything.

I mean, unless we have more time.

What am I talking about? We have‐‐we have all the‐‐

all the time in the world.

Oh, I had an epiphany earlier.

I think crawling through that pool of blood

as a baby might be why I don't like pools.

Yeah, no, I know.

I know, I know, I know.

'Cause of the‐‐yeah. It was all, "Ah!"

No!

‐

Boom. Game, set, match for the Linc‐man.

‐ Yeah, yeah.

You know, Lincs, I was reading in my journal,

and, God, we used to be so happy.

‐ I'm not big on proclamations,

but you gotta let Marilyn know the terms that work for you.

‐ Yeah, that seems fair. ‐ At the same time,

you gotta be willing to compromise.

Just give her what she wants.

Happy girlfriend, happy world, friend.

‐ That's a contradiction, but shouldn't‐‐

shouldn't you be better at this?

Weren't you married? ‐ Yeah, to the teth‐life.

This is the only ball and chain I'll ever need.

‐ Yeah, I know how much you love tetherball.

‐ Shit, he's walking over. Avoid eye contact.

‐ Who?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He saw me.

‐ This is why you gotta rock shades, brah.

‐ I just wanted to give you your hat.

Take your hat back, man!

‐ That ain't my hat, Cabo Wabo. I'm a Kangol man.

Always have been, always will be.

‐ No, no! You wear this hat!

‐

That's ridiculous.

That's a magician's hat, not a teth‐baller's.

‐ No, you're wrong. I remember!

I remember! Uh, sort of.

Memory works different here.

It‐‐it's fleeting.

Slides away unless you know how to hold on.

‐ Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, look.

Just take it easy, all right?

We're‐‐we're having a nice day, the sun's out‐‐

‐ The sun's always out!

The sun's always out and there's no way to mark time.

There's‐‐it's just‐‐ it's just day to night.

Aging, seasons, just slips away.

You have the memory of a goldfish, man!

Do you even know how you got here?

Sure, I do.

On a rainbow‐colored magic school bus

driven by my best friend Josh. ‐

‐ That's on a mural, man!

You're not really remembering how you got here.

You're‐‐you're just remembering a mural you see every day.

Wake up!

That dude has 40,000 hands.

There's a fucking hole in the sky.

It's getting bigger!

‐ You're talking about old sky‐hole?

It's always been that size.

‐

You were on money.

Or you sold peanuts?

You're a star fucker

and...

My friend?

‐ What were we talking about?

Oh, yeah. Career advice.

Take that promotion. You earned it, buddy.

‐ No, Marilyn. ‐ Monroe?

‐ You hitting that? ‐ Yes!

We are in a‐‐a loving, committed, monogamous‐‐

I love her.

‐ Love of your life and the new promotion.

Everything's coming up Josh.

Except this game.

‐

It's the wrong hat again. It's the wrong hat.

196.

How do I show them?

Oh, the sky‐hole.

Show, don't tell. Show, don't tell.

Sky‐hole's getting bigger!

Always getting bigger.

Whoo! Oh, it's bigger.

‐ No, no, thank you.

I mean, this has been a journey inward.

Yeah, it was‐‐ it was painful at first.

But ultimately... it's profound.

What, what, what?

What do you mean, "We've only just begun?"

I mean, come on.

I've spent more time telling you about my life

than I did living it.

No, okay, okay, okay.

You know that when you get mysterious and aloof,

it triggers‐‐it triggers my feelings of abandonment

from my absent p‐‐ God damn it.

Okay, what am I supposed to do with all of these?

I mean, can you at least give me a little hint?

Hmm?

Boy, you were a real Chatty Cathy up on the hill,

and now, what, you're just‐‐

you're gonna take a little vow of silence?

I mean, that‐‐

That's rich. That is rich.

Well, thank you.

I mean, was that so hard?

Okay, so I got to, uh...

Uh, find balance.

The fuck does that mean?

If I balance these rocks,

I balance myself.

I see where your head's at, goat.

All right, let's do this.

Okay.

Let's get this bad boy.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, that is discouraging.

‐ How do I show them? Show, don't tell.

They think they're in heaven, but they're really in hell.

How do I show them? How do I show them?

Show, don't tell. They think they're in heaven,

but they're really in hell.

Think they're in heaven.

How do I show them? Show, don't tell.

How do I show them? Show, don't tell.

They think they're in heaven,

but they're really in hell.

They think they're in...

How do I show them? Show, don't tell.

They think they're in heaven, but they're really in hell.

How do I show them? Show, don't tell.

They think they're in heaven, but they're really in hell.

Oh, how do I show them?

Show, don't tell. They think they're in heaven,

but they're really in hell.

How do I show them? Show, don't tell.

They think they're in heaven, but they're really in hell.

‐ Honey, I am so sorry‐‐

‐ I'm so happy to hear you say that.

I'm sorry too.

I‐‐I like The Da Vinci Code.

It's a fun ride,

and I know my Battleship strategy.

I just like to bunch them all up so‐‐

so they're close together like me and you.

‐ Wh‐‐what are you doing in my house?

‐ Ouch. Your house?

I‐‐I know I left in a huff, but we moved in here together.

Vinny gave that to us as a housewarming gift.

Where‐‐where's Marilyn?

‐ What's wrong with you, baby?

‐ Oh, no, no, no. This is wrong.

This is all wrong.

I'm in love with‐‐ it's always‐‐

it's always‐‐ it's always been‐‐God.

James Dean.

So this is what love feels like.

James wants to have sex all the time.

He says I'm good at it.

He also says my abnormally sized penis

is gonna take some getting used to.

‐ That's what I call giant.

He's funny that way.

Ugh, James and I got into it about how reckless he can be.

‐ Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I accused him of being a revolutionary

without a purpose.

‐ You're tearing me apart!

There's probably a better way to phrase that,

but he got it.

Then we got into that whole,

"You're trying to fix me," conversation.

Man, if I could fix one thing,

it would be him bringing that up.

"It's like we're in this endless cycle."

Oh, my God.

‐ What?

‐ I almost forgot... how much I love you,

and I want to make this work.

‐ You're the love of my life. I'm nothing without you.

Nothing!

‐ Oh, there he is.

There he is. Hey.

Hey, look at me.

You are my home.

‐ You're my home.

Come one, come all!

The hour of your enlightenment is nigh.

Step right up. Step right in.

I think you'll find this new exhibition very enlightening.

‐

‐ Hear me, O people of Haven!

You think you're happy, but you're not.

It's a lie.

You're not even yourselves anymore,

and I'm tired of being the only one who knows it!

This‐‐this is where you really live!

I don't look like that.

That guy's got no chin.

It's stupid.

You're tearing me apart!

‐ ‐ Boo!

- ‐ Boo! You're awful! - You're a hack!

‐ Somebody, anybody,

wake up!

‐ I feel malice towards Cabo Wabo!

‐ I'm so alone.

‐ ‐ Et tu, Bruce Lee?

‐ No, that is not the way.

The only way to solve this crisis

is through meditation and prayer.

Meditation, prayer.

Hah!

Down goes Cabo Wabo.

Gandhi, Gandhi, Gandhi, Gandhi, Gandhi!

‐ You did this to yourself, brah.

‐ You have forsaken Josh, and for that,

you must pay the ultimate price.

‐ You gonna kill me?

‐ We would never do that.

‐ We'll come back for you,

soon as you've had a few scores to cool off.

‐ No, you won't.

You'll forget!

You forget everything!

They think they're in heaven,

but they're really in hell.

They think they're in heaven.

They think they're in heaven.

‐ We always make up, don't we?

‐ Oh, this is so us, James.

‐

‐

I am such a Silly Billy.

Every time, I think there's gonna be water,

but there's no‐‐

Amelia Earhart?

‐ That's a long enough layover, flyboy.

‐

Oh, God! It's happening again!

It's always been James! It's always been James Dean!

Where is it? Where is it?

Okay. Okay.

I accused him of acting holier‐than‐thou.

Then we got into that whole,

"You're trying to fix me," conversation.

Man, if I could fix one thing about Jesus,

it's be him bringing that up.

It's like we're in this endless cycle.

Cycle, cycle, cycle, cycle.

Uh‐oh.

He is risen.

‐

I think I'm falling in love with Biggie Smalls.

Gandhi's upset with me again.

I think Martin Luther King Jr.

Might kind of have a thing for me.

Abe gave me great advice about Buddy Holly.

Kurt Cobain is my home.

Tupac Shakur is my home.

Ritchie Valens is my home.

Natalie Wood is my home.

Roberto Clemente is my home.

I've been here for thousands of years.

‐ Hey, sad boy. You okay?

‐ No, stay away from me.

I'm‐‐I'm in an insane crazy time loop!

‐ Sounds like someone needs to play some tetherball.

‐ No, Abraham Lincoln, you're not an ally,

and you never were!

‐ Sad boy. Are you okay?

‐ Oh, God!

I'm going crazy! I'm going crazy!

‐ Balance.

What are you doing there, goat?

I mean, it's sturdy.

Wouldn't‐‐wouldn't mess with the cornerstone.

It's kind of the key to the whole thing.

Okay, don't know why you're doing that.

I mean, I‐‐I completed the whole mission,

brought balance to the entire valley.

It only took me a couple thousand years,

but I did it.

Goat, uh, don't‐‐ don't you dare.

No!

Why? Why?

Why would you do that, you cloven‐hoofed demon?

It was magnificent!

It was monumental.

It‐‐it had perfect balance.

But it was never about that.

Balance isn't found in the success

or failure of any mission.

Because true balance is found within.

It's time to forget...

Cabo Wabo.

Your name is Wolf.

Your name is Wolf.

‐ "Wolf wants to leave.

He says there's no Cabo Wabo here."

My name is Wolf.

‐ Yes.

‐ Oh. ‐ That's what the book says.

‐

I'm Wolf.

I'm Wolf.

‐ There you go.

‐

I'm Wolf. ‐ It's okay.

Look, you're not alone anymore, okay?

‐ I'm Wolf.

‐ We're gonna figure this place out, okay?

‐ I'm Wolf.

Come on.

Let's‐‐let's get you out of here.

Can you stand up, bud?

All right. ‐

‐ Wait, you‐‐you‐‐you put all this together?

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ That's impressive. How did you remember?

‐ Oh, you just have to breathe.

Three short, one long.

It keeps you present.

‐ Is that how you knew I was a star fucker?

‐ Oh, yeah, yeah. You're the town tetherball.

Everybody's hit that.

‐ Fuck. ‐ Again, come on.

‐ Wow, yeah. It's starting to come back.

‐ Yeah.

‐ You‐‐we‐‐we came here together.

‐ Yes, because we were‐‐we were on a‐‐a treasure hunt?

‐ No, no, no, no, no. It's‐‐it's similar.

It's similar. Uh‐‐

We‐‐we‐‐we‐‐

we were on a mission.

‐ A mission, yes! ‐ Yeah.

‐ Yes, because we were...

We were a team!

Oh, my God.

‐ Silver box! ‐ Magic square!

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh!

‐ This has only one explanation.

These are totems of our friendship!

‐ I have a friend. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Finally. Goddamn, we're on a roll.

Keep going, friend!

‐ Uh, we‐‐we‐‐we‐‐we‐‐

we‐‐we‐‐we‐‐ we had a leader!

There's a‐‐ ‐ Yes, yes!

‐ Okay.

‐ Someone with killer instincts.

‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ Nerves of steel.

‐ You're absolutely right. It was, uh‐‐

‐ It was, uh‐‐ ‐ It was, uh‐‐

Come on, come on, come on.

‐ It was a‐‐it was a‐‐

It was you! ‐ Yes!

You're right! It was me!

I was the leader! ‐ Yes!

‐ Okay. ‐ You're beloved.

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Natural‐born leader.

‐ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ‐ I was lost without you.

‐ I know, I know. Look, I‐‐I am here now,

and it is good to have my trusty sidekick by my side!

‐ Yes, yes! Oh!

There was a third. ‐ That's not bad, Wolf.

But I'll do you one better.

I know exactly who it is.

‐ Oh! ‐ Yep.

‐ Okay, it's starting to come back now.

‐ Yeah, this feels right. ‐ Yeah.

You guys ready to play something?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Hell yeah.

‐ Okay!

A‐one, a‐two, a‐one, two, three, four.