Original subtitles

Previously on Frasier... What is going on?

Oh, our beloved station manager decided we're not getting our raise this year.

You intractable despot! Ass!

True!

You know, you're in the middle of a negotiation.

Maybe she laid that smack of ruin just to rattle your brain. We have got to

settle this strike. All right.

Those people deserve a 5% raise. I'll give you three.

Four. Done.

Frazier! Damn, I didn't think you'd be here.

I would have gone to my regular haunt, but the pig and swig is closed for

remodeling.

I'm sorry, Niles. It's just I'm meeting Kate here. We want to discuss the little

dilemma in which we find ourselves.

You're talking about the little kiss you two shared. It hardly constitutes a

dilemma. Not as if you plunged into a tawdry office affair.

No. Then you'd have a real problem.

Yes. Kiss is nothing.

Right. Had sex with her, didn't you?

Didn't mean to.

It just happened.

One minute we were negotiating, next minute our inhibitions were shattered,

along with my kneecap and her Macintosh power book.

This happened in her office?

Yes. What are you saying?

Her couch folds out?

We used her desk.

Her desk folds out?

There she is.

Just make an excuse and go, okay? All right. Thank you.

Miss Costas. Dr. Craig.

Oh, look at the time. I have a session with my multiple personality.

Not to worry. If I'm late, he can just talk amongst himself.

So, good morning.

Good morning.

How's your kneecap?

Oh, well, it's better, thanks. And your laptop?

I refer to your computer.

A little dented, but fine.

The computer.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that, well, last night was one of the

greatest nights of lovemaking I've had since... Roz!

Tell me she just walked in.

Well, hi.

Guess you guys kissed and made up, huh?

Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.

We were just discussing the step system in the new health care plan's copayment

ceiling, and...

Well, it wouldn't interest you. Oh, the hell it wouldn't.

You know, they're too cheap to play for a butt lift.

Sit on this thing all day long. That's work-related.

Listen, I really have to go, but I would like to discuss this matter at the first

possible opportunity. So would I.

Oh, oh, oh, I almost forgot. I need you two to fill in the 8 to 10 slot tonight.

Floyd, the happy chef, is in rehab again.

Oh, great.

I'm supposed to have dinner with a successful, handsome doctor.

She thinks we're all as happy to work all night as she is.

You're a psychiatrist, Frazier.

She's a cold, repressed workaholic who has no sex life whatsoever. Can't you

help her?

I've tried, Ross.

Why do we bother having a service elevator?

I just rode up 19 floors with two sweaty moving men munching on chili dogs, which

they proceeded to drip onto my suede shoes.

How will I ever get that stain out?

Ah, yes.

Dog saliva.

Nature's miracle solvent.

So who's moving out anyway?

Deirdre Savage, the one who writes the romance novels.

Ah, yeah. The lost Gabor sister's finally out of here.

Oh, she's a very sweet person, and I'm going to miss her. Yeah, well, you're

not the one who's always undressing with her eyes.

She lured me into her apartment one time, supposedly to fix a lamp. Next

thing I know, I got a drink in my hand. She's reading me a dirty poem about

meadowlarks.

Well, I must admit, she's never done that to me. Yeah, well, if she does,

don't fake a charley horse to get out of there. She'll just try to rub it.

Speaking of romance, Dr. Crane, when I washed your shirt this morning, I

couldn't help noticing lipstick in the oddest places.

I'll take it negotiations went well last night?

Rather not discuss it, thank you. Why, is there a problem?

Things between me and Kate just went a little faster than I intended.

I'll say.

There were also four buttons missing and teeth marks in the shoulders.

Thank you, Inspector Moon.

Things got a little out of hand.

I think we should slow down a bit, but I'm afraid to tell her for fear of

hurting her feelings.

Stephanie, how about a woman's perspective? Let's just say, for

argument's sake, that you and I succumb to a night of passion.

What? You and me?

Yes. But bosoms heaving, shirt buttons catapulting through the air... It's a

hypothetical question.

I'll say it is.

Oh, all right.

Somebody else, all right? So, you have a mad trust with this young man, and

then... The next day, he says that he thinks things are going too fast. He'd

like to slow down. What would you say?

I suppose I'd say, thanks for being honest.

Probably right, we were moving fast.

Not that it was too fast for you last night.

Oh, no, we were right on schedule then, weren't we?

But now you've had your fun, though not too much, apparently, and you want to be

my friend. Well, you can just sod off, Trevor Mulgrew!

No, I think I might have some buttons for this shirt.

You see, Dad, the whole thing's a minefield. Ah, you'll never learn, will

you? Handling a woman's easy.

You know, you kill me. Mr.

Psychiatrist, you're always going to make everything so complicated.

A woman comes on too strong, you just tell her to cool her engines. It's the

easiest thing in the world.

Oh, Deirdre, I understand you're leaving us.

Alas, yes.

Oh, do come in.

Thank you.

kind to me, I wanted to give you my new address.

Oh, great!

I'd hate to lose touch.

I also wanted to bring you a farewell gift.

My latest novel, Foolish Escapade, it's the long-awaited sequel to The Rose and

the Rapier.

Swell! I was thinking of you when I created the character of Lorenzo the

Lovesick Gondolier.

Oh!

How about that?

But hey, where are my manners? Let me show you out.

Oh, by the way, the lock on my suitcase is jammed. I was hoping that you'd come

and tinker with it.

Oh, gee, you know, I'd love to, Deirdre, but I promised Fraser I'd do something

with him tonight. Oh, oh, Dad, didn't I mention it?

I'm filling in for the happy chef tonight, so you're all hers.

Oh, marvelous!

Good night, Lorenzo.

Hello, Polly. How can I help you?

Oh, I'm so glad I got through.

I'm sitting here not knowing what to do. I find myself lacking a certain spice.

Well, Polly, if you want to shake up your routine, why don't you try

something new and dangerous?

Skydiving, belly dancing, perhaps.

That ought to add some spice.

What are you talking about?

I'm making an apple tart, and I'm out of cinnamon.

I see.

Listeners, for the fourth time this hour, I am not the happy chef.

I am the irritated psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane.

We'll be right back after the news.

And while we're on the subject of tarts... I'm really sorry about that

call. No, it's all right, Roz. Why don't you just run along for your date? I can

handle the last ten minutes here. Are you sure? Sure.

I mean, I'd feel terrible leaving you here alone in a lurch. We are a team,

Fraser. You just say the word and I'll stay. Hey!

Hold that elevator!

Got a minute.

Oh, yes. Look, I'm glad you're still here.

Listen. No, no, no. Me first this time.

Okay.

I really think that we should slow things down.

Oh.

I'm so glad you said that. I wanted to say the same thing, but I was afraid

that you'd feel I was rejecting you.

Oh, how sensitive.

And yet, at the same time, how full of yourself.

one tough nut, lady.

Well, this definitely shows we're doing the right thing.

Agreed. Agreed. And frankly, now that we've got that settled, do you mind if I

ask you a question about last night?

What the hell was that?

I have no idea.

Ever since I've gotten here, you have done nothing but irritate me like a

persistent skin rash.

And you me. And last night was no different. You just kept talking and

talking and talking, and I guess that mouth of yours just ticked me off so

much I just had to have it.

It's just, it's so primitive. Yeah, yeah.

Animal. They were just functioning on instinct. It's fascinating, really. Oh,

let's not dismiss the element of danger.

All those people outside, they could have walked in any moment and caught us.

That crossed my mind.

For once in my cautious, buttoned-down life, I felt like a real bad boy.

I felt like a dirty girl.

What did you just call yourself?

I said dirty girl.

You bad boy.

You dirty girl.

You bad boy.

Dirty girl.

Bad boy.

Dirty girl.

How much time do we have left on the news? Three minutes. But that's all

right. I can play lots of extra commercials.

Oh, good.

Congressman Robert Gill was accused of accepting bribes from a waste treatment

facility. As to comment, the congressman said, Yes!

Yes!

I am a man.

Fabio. I want two things.

One, you will never make another crack about my sex life.

I don't care if I start dating a lumber camp.

Done. Two,

who's dirty girl?

I can't tell you that.

Oh, come on, Frazier. I swear I won't tell a soul.

Yes? Not yet. I'll call you back.

I got one thing to say to you.

Go ahead. Take your best shot.

I'm so proud of you, man.

Doesn't that just put the cherry on the parfait?

Come on.

You gotta tell me.

Who's the mystery chick?

Bulldog, haven't you already seen? I've told a half a dozen reporters that I'm

not going to name names.

Don't you see this right here?

I won't think, says Kinky Shrink.

Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.

Ms. Costas. Hey, hey, you're the boss. Make him tell who his playmate was.

Bulldog, this is really none of your business. Oh, but we got a pool going.

So far, hot monies on Roz.

What? Oh, well, thank you, but I think I have a little more self-respect than to

have a quickie with a co-worker on the air.

What kind of slut do they think I am?

Dr. Crane, could I have a word with you in private?

I'd love that, but I've got my show in two minutes. Actually, you don't. What?

I'm suspending you for a week.

Bulldog, you're going on. Roz, you'll have to produce.

All right.

I must say, I find that a bit harsh.

All things considered... Yes, I can see how you might feel that way, but the

station does have certain standards and it is my job to enforce them. Now, if

you will excuse me, I have to meet with one of last night's sponsors, the

Wholesome Family Cookie Company.

Hey, turn those lights out!

Why? Dears, I haven't finished moving yet.

If she sees a light in here, she'll know I'm home. You can see her living room

from her bedroom.

Her bedroom?

She had me cornered in there yesterday.

I don't mind telling you, I haven't been that scared since Korea.

Don't worry, Dad. Look, I have no intention of letting anyone in here

tonight.

Damn tabloid news crew down in the lobby.

Better go in the back way and use the service elevator.

Say, I tuned into your show tonight. Why weren't you on it?

If you must know, I've been suspended for a week. Oh, no.

Spent the last three hours at the observation deck of the Space Needle,

looking down on a city that's looking down on me.

Hello, Dr Crane. Daphne, I'm not here.

Yes, your father's not here either.

It's so nice having the whole house to myself.

Daphne? Oh, how lovely. Now the whole family's not here.

I listened to your program as I was driving home last night.

Here's a bill to replace the front grill of my Mercedes and a second to replace

the back bumper of some wretched little domestic car.

Go easy on your brother, Niles. He's had a rough day.

You're right, Dad.

Frazier, please, accept my apologies. I can imagine how trying this must have

been for you.

Thanks, Niles.

Of course, it's been no picnic for those of us who share your name.

My Maris took it particularly hard.

When I left this morning, she was ordering new stationery with an accent

aigu over the E in our name.

Hereafter, her memos will read from the desk of Maris Cronet.

You know nothing about last night.

Hello. Come in.

Hello, Kate.

You know Niles, of course. This is my father, Martin, and his health care

worker, Daphne.

Kate Costas. Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry if I'm coming at a bad time.

Oh, no, no.

We were just taking Eddie for a walk. Eddie!

I have to be running along, too.

Oh, what's on your chin?

Have you been in the garbage again? You bad boy.

Nice place.

Whoa. What a view.

Yes.

I'll be enjoying it during my suspension.

Well, I guess that concludes the small talk portion of our evening.

Look, it must be obvious. I've come here to apologize.

Oh, really?

For what?

Turning on me when I went out of my way to protect you?

You know, we're both responsible for this. Yet I end up looking like an idiot

and you look like a no-nonsense boss.

Just tell me what I can do to make this right. Nothing.

There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can say to make this up to

me. The owners wanted you fired.

That's pretty good.

Look, there's no way we can rewrite the past. It happened. We did it. It's on

tape.

But we can do this. We can prevent it from ever happening again.

Agreed.

Obviously, there's some kind of incredible traction between us. The

trick will be simply to avoid the opportunity.

We're strong.

We're intelligent.

And we're alone in this apartment.

I'll get my bag. Yes.

Oh, Kate, Kate, that news crew is probably still in the lobby. Let me walk

you to the service elevator and see.

Going down?

No, you guys go ahead.

Just send it back up.

Yes, well, I'm sure if we really try, we can keep things on a professional

footing. Hey, we're too mature adults.

Just have to avoid all undue temptation.

What's going on? I don't know.

Hello?

Let's get a little light.

Hello?

Hello?

Can anybody hear me?

Hello? Yeah, what's going on?

Looks like you're stuck.

Same thing happened this morning took about a half an hour to fix YouTube guys

gonna be okay. Yeah. Yeah, we're fine.

We're adults.

We're mature adults

It's getting sort of hot in here, isn't it? Yeah, it's a bit hot.

You don't mind if I take off my jacket, do you? Makes no difference to me.

Oh.

Looks like we're going to be here for a little while.

Might as well try to make ourselves comfortable.

Maybe there's some chairs in here.

Ah, here we are.

I'll just have to move this down a little bit.

I must have knocked open a music box in here somewhere.

I'm not really in the mood for music. Could you stop that, please? Yes, yes,

I'll try.

God, it is hot in here.

What's that smell?

I seem to have broken a bottle or something.

Musk oil.

Oh, where is that damn music box?

I think that it would be a very good thing if you just did something about

that musk oil. Oh, yes, all right. Uh, how about... Ooh, I know. Hand me that

drop cloth there. Maybe I can just smother it.

Who lives in this building?

You know, I think we can just forego the musk oil right now. Why don't you just

cover that back up? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna touch this thing again.

Look at me. I'm all dirty.

gazed into the gaping maw of temptation and survived.

My God, I'm proud of us.

I am too, God.

Of course, the cable could break.

And we'd be kicking ourselves all the way down.

You are so right.

Of course.

night dr crane miss costas

hey

baby i hear the blues are calling tossed salads and

scrambled eggs oh my and maybe i seem a bit confused well maybe

but i got you pegged

I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

They're calling again.