Original subtitles

One atom 12, one atom 12, a 2-11 in progress. One atom 12, handle code 3.

You ready? Yeah.

What are you looking at?

Where?

There. You were looking at the workbook.

If you know what I was looking at, why do you ask me?

I don't know. It just seemed like you were looking for something special.

That's all.

No secret, huh? No, it's no secret. I just wanted to find out who was off

Thursday night, okay?

Yeah, fine.

Come on, Adam. 12 a day. Watch the clear.

Yeah.

You're off Thursday night, aren't you?

I thought you had a date with that new girl, the librarian.

What's her name, Yvonne?

That's true. I'm off Thursday night, and I have a date with Yvonne. But Yvonne is

sick in bed, and I promised I'd come over and fix dinner for her.

So I'm stuck with two tickets that I have to sell.

That's it.

Okay. What are they for? Maybe I can take them off your hands.

You wouldn't want them.

What's the matter with them? Bad location?

Oh, I get it. They're to a play, right?

Why don't we just drop it?

Fine. 1 Adam 12, 1 Adam 12, see the man at 415 Business Dispute, Marine Filling

Station, B Street and Dockside, Code 2.

1 Adam 12, roger.

me this quietly or do I have to take it away from you?

Keep away from that box.

You put your hand on this box again, you're going to end up doing a headstand

on the bottom of that thing. All right, that's enough. Break it up.

Who called the police?

Police? I didn't call no police. I did.

My name is Rod Decker. Well, my name is Joe Johnson.

I'm the owner of this property and I want that nut put off my pier. You were

happy to have me around here until I caught on to you. All right, calm down.

Why did you call us?

Officer, this man is a crook.

You ought to throw him in a cage. The sooner the better, as far as I'm

concerned. Why, you creep, I ought to bust your head.

All right, cool it.

Officer.

This man is a forger. I want him locked up. Look, Mr. Decker, nobody's gonna get

locked up till we find out what happened here, so why don't you take a deep

breath and tell us?

Well, I... I've been buying gas here for a long time, same as a lot of other

guys. About six months ago, the place changed hands and this guy took over.

Then I noticed my monthly bills were...

Getting a bit higher.

Sometimes $20, $30 a month.

Are you sure your beef isn't with the computer that sends out the bills? Yeah,

I thought of that.

Then I started to check over my receipts.

I found a couple of them dated when I was out of town on business. I couldn't

have bought gas on those dates. Well, maybe your wife did. A lot of wives buy

gas here.

I pulled in today for gas and gave him my card as always.

Then I pretended I was going to the men's room, but instead I watched him

through that window.

You wouldn't believe what happened next, honestly, officer. You wouldn't believe

it. Try me.

Well, he put my credit card through that machine twice.

Ran two slips off my card, then threw one of them into the box.

He was double billing me, do you get it?

Then after I'm gone, he signs a phony amount on one of those slips.

Puts in a date.

Then forges my name to it and sends it to the oil company.

What do they know? They think it's me.

Then they send him the extra dough.

He's lying. I'm too smart to try a stunt like that. You're so dumb, I'm surprised

you thought of it.

I'm telling you, he's lying.

Listen, I want a final charge for false arrest.

Nobody's been arrested yet.

Oh, that's easy enough to fix. Have him open that box.

Why, there's nothing in that box that I wouldn't show the U.S. Supreme Court.

Then I guess you won't mind if we take a look.

Will you take your hands off that box?

you big shots big shots with your big boat you put a working man in jail for a

few lousy bucks so what if i did fake a couple of credit slips it was just for a

few lousy bucks a month you cheapskate don't call me cheap you're the one that

stole a few lousy bucks

Repeat about those tickets. You never did tell me what they're for.

I know.

I don't get them. Maybe I could take them off your hands.

How much did you get for them?

Nine bucks a copy, 18 bucks.

18 bucks?

They're for the ballet.

I know what you're thinking, and I didn't get pushed into this by some

girl. I've always wanted to see the ballet. I just never had a chance

before, that's all.

Sure.

Maybe I can put an anonymous ad on the bulletin board.

Officer was I speeding I couldn't have been speeding see I got this box on top

of the car.

Yeah, we noticed. Oh, you noticed Hey, that's funny. That's very funny. Hey,

you got a good sense of humor officer. Can I see your driver's license, please?

Oh, yeah, sure We pulled you over cuz the box is loose. It's gonna fall off

loose. Oh gee. Yeah. Thanks wouldn't want that to fall off You need a hand

no no no no I can I mean I can do it myself You guys go right on ahead. I'm

sure you got a lot more important things to do.

Here you go.

Thanks.

He sure seemed anxious to get rid of us. Yeah. What do you think?

I don't know. I don't think it's hot.

I don't either. Before a guy'd steal a television set that big, he'd steal

something to haul it home in.

Still, something's funny.

Let's find out where he got it.

You know, Mr. Stewart, you should have had that set delivered.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was kind of in a hurry to get home. I want to watch the game tonight.

Where'd you buy the set?

Oh, down the street.

There's no TV store down the street.

Well, it wasn't exactly a TV store.

Well, exactly what was it?

It was a bar down at the waterfront.

And there was this longshoreman in there.

Yeah, how'd you know? He just happened to have this television in the trunk of

his car.

Yeah, that's right.

But he didn't steal it.

See, when they loaded the freighter in Japan, somebody made a mistake and

didn't list this particular TV set on the bill of lading. There's no record of

it. I'll bet there isn't.

Well, there's no point in turning in a color TV set that there's no record of,

right? Is that what he said?

Yeah. This is a big screen color TV set.

It's worth 600 bucks at least.

But he offered to sell it to you for 100?

95.

Say, what's going on? How come you guys know so much about this? Why don't you

open the box?

Gee, I don't know. It's a factory-sealed carton. That's what made it such a good

deal. Belongs to you now. What's the harm?

You have to open it sometime.

What are you guys up to?

I don't have to open up this carton, and you can't make me.

He's right, Jim. It's his business. Let him find out later.

Oh, well, what do you mean? Find out what later?

Look, will you help me bring it down?

Be careful with it, huh?

I got a knife here.

Hey.

Hey, what's this?

It's a used picture tube.

Why, I've been swindled.

That lousy crook robbed me.

That's a pretty common bunco scheme down around the docks.

What can I do about this?

I'm out 95 bucks.

We can take a report, Mr. Stewart, but I doubt that you get your money back.

Yeah, but it only happened about a half an hour ago. You mean you're not gonna

get down there and try and find him? You're not gonna do anything?

We'll look for him, but you met the guy in a bar, Mr. Stewart, and you paid him

in cash.

Now, if he's like most bunco artists, he's holed up in any one of a hundred

cheap hotels.

What do you think we ought to do?

it here in the street.

Two choice tickets to the ballet, $18.

The Nutcracker suite, no less.

Who's selling tickets to the Nutcracker suite?

Gentlemen, I regret to say our culture lover prefers to remain anonymous.

I read further.

If interested, sign your name below and you will be contacted.

In other words, don't call him, he'll call you.

I wonder why our resident highbrow wants to unload those ducats.

Maybe he needs the money to buy two tickets to the flower show.

The only way a guy signed his name to that board is if he was Muhammad Ali or

Dick Butkus.

Well, this may come to you as a shock, but there are actually some people in

the world that enjoy art.

Yeah, he's right, Ed. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

What do you know?

Under those simple blue uniforms beat the hearts of two true patrons of the

arts. All I'm saying is that there are other ways to spend an evening besides

sitting around in your undershirt drinking beer and playing nickel-limit

poker. Pete, my boy, as a true culture freak, my suggestion is that you put

your money where your mouth is.

They're only $18.

Buy the tickets yourself.

I can't buy them myself.

Why not?

Because I'm the guy selling them.

Well, I don't get it.

You just finished a seminar on fine arts. Now you tell me you're backing

out? Ed, why don't you do me two favors? One, don't buy the tickets.

And two, don't help me plan my lifestyle.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, now, don't go away mad, Malloy.

Listen, I would have snapped up those tickets myself.

Honest, I would. Trouble is, I got nothing to wear.

My tutu's still in the cleaners.

One Adam 12 day watch, clear.

One Adam 12, clear.

Check the ad that you put up on the bulletin board yesterday.

Mm-hmm.

I noticed nobody signed up for your tickets.

You have a very keen eye.

Look, Pete, I know how you feel, but that little scene that you had

yesterday, well, that's probably the best thing that could have happened to

you. I mean, at least now it's out in the open.

You're a regular Pollyanna. You always look on the bright side.

Well, I mean, now you can get out and hustle those tickets, Pete.

Well, you do want your $18 back, don't you? Yeah, I want my $18 back. I'm just

not so sure now that it's worth it.

Green Chevy?

Yeah.

1 Adam 12 requesting wants and warrants on 476 Ocean.

Charles, Sam.

One out of 12, 476, Ocean, Charles, Sam. Stand by.

One out of 12, 476, Ocean, Charles, Sam. No one or warrant.

Looks like they live there.

I wonder why they're acting so hinky.

Back up, Pete.

Police,

we'd like to talk to you a minute.

What's the matter, officer?

Step back here, please. Now, see your license, please.

I must have left my wallet in my other pants.

What's your name?

Grimes. William Grimes.

Where do you live, Mr. Grimes?

Why, uh, right here. My wife and I were just going home. What's your address?

I mean the numbers.

What's the matter, Mr. Grimes? You forget your address, too?

Say, what is this?

What are you trying to do, trap me?

You're doing a pretty good job of that all by yourself.

Pete?

Just stand right here and don't move.

He says his name's William Grimes.

He says it's George McHale. It's probably neither.

Hey, how long do you guys figure the summit meeting's gonna last?

Why don't you DMV the car and see what you come up with?

All units, a 211 occurred ten minutes ago at the liquor store, 2211

Sutherland, by one male and one female Caucasian, aged 25 to 30.

Suspects left in a green Chevrolet sedan, license 476, Ocean Charles Sam.

Put your hands on top of your head.

They just held up a liquor store.

Turn around.

Move down here, lady.

Put your purse on the ground.

No nibbles on your tickets yet, huh? Not yet.

I wouldn't be too discouraged.

I'm sure everybody in the station knows about them by now.

Thanks.

No, that's good, Pete. That increases your chances of selling them.

Got to knock on doors to make sales.

Then I've got no problem, because I'm sure Wells has knocked on every door in

the division by now.

This is 1-1-12 requesting Washington Warrens on 614.

Ida, Zebra King.

One out of 12, 614 Ida Zebra King. Stand by.

One out of 12, 614 Ida Zebra King.

No water warrant.

Oh, goodness, officer.

When I heard you... Why don't we step up on the curb? Oh, yes, well...

When I heard your horn, I thought you were chasing a bank robber or something,

so I pulled over to the side. That's the law, isn't it? Yes, ma'am. Yes, well, of

course, I always obey the law.

Well, let's say almost always.

Oh, is something wrong?

Your right turn back there.

Ah, but you are allowed to make a right turn on a red light in California. Now,

that's the law, too.

I know because I'm a stickler for the rules.

That's because I'm a Libra.

My friends think that I'm much, much too conservative.

May I see your license, Miss...

Uh, Huntington. Ida Huntington, yes.

I have it right here.

Oh, dear.

There it is, officer. Right there.

Thank you, sir. Well, Miss Huntington, it's true that in this state you can

make a right turn on a red light. Yes, that's right. You can. But only after a

complete stop and only if you don't impede the flow of cross traffic.

I'm gonna have to cite you.

But I just told you that we Librans are sticklers for rules and regulations.

Yes, ma'am, but you didn't come to a complete stop and you didn't yield

oncoming traffic.

He almost sent one guy off a telephone pole back there.

Well, he was probably a Sagittarian. They're quite reckless, you know.

Well, now, you're not going to give me a ticket, not for just a teeny-weeny

little thing like that.

Well, Sunnington, you broke the law, and you almost caused an accident.

Why, that's ridiculous.

Nothing like that could happen to me today. I did my whole horoscope, and

today is my lucky day.

Now, could I possibly have an accident on my lucky day?

Yeah, well, you could run into some guy whose horoscope said it's his unlucky

day.

Sign here, please.

Well, I just don't understand. The stars are never wrong, and today is supposed

to be my luckiest, luckiest day.

Thank you.

lucky day is the 24th. Yes, ma'am.

Well, right here on the ticket. See where you've written the date?

Today is only the 23rd, but my lucky day isn't until tomorrow.

Oh, I knew the stars couldn't be wrong. They never are.

Imagine me getting the date wrong like that.

Thank you, officers, and have a happy day.

Well, now I know who you are. The uniform should have tipped me off.

A little bluebird of happiness.

Funny how some people are really into that horoscope stuff. Yeah.

What do you think of it?

Think of me?

I'm a Capricorn. Everybody knows Capricorns don't believe in astrology.

Backfire?

Let's check it out.

We have a 415 man with a gun, shots fired.

He's in the crow's nest of a boat, B Street and waterfront. Come on out and

fight like men, you lousy rats.

This is the police. Put the rifle down.

Go home.

This is a private fight.

I said put down that rifle.

been in the sauce.

Tack two.

One atom 12 to one L90, go.

What do you got, Pete?

A 390. So far, he's fired a couple of shots.

The way he's waving the rifle around, I think he's more likely to shoot himself

than anybody else.

OK. Try and talk him down.

Put down that rifle before you get yourself blown up.

Turn the barrel around.

You never give up, do you, Cookie?

For three months at sea, you've been trying to purge us with your rotten

food. And just cause we didn't die told me you'd grab a rifle and try to blow us

up. You hear that?

I've been listening to that for three months, every meal.

I'll go get the gun.

I take it you're the cook.

Was the cook, you mean.

But no more.

I didn't notice any of you guys missing any meal out there.

You griped and groused three times a day, but you never left nothing on the

plates. If the sharks had to live on your table scraps, they'd have starved

to death.

Why don't you face that truth, Cookie? Some people just don't have the talent

for gourmet cooking.

Yeah, every time you cook chicken, we can't seem to find any seagulls. Let me

add... those bilge rats.

I'll break them in half.

Already had a busy day.

Hey, you mean you're taking him to jail?

Cookie didn't mean no harm.

Yeah, he always does this every time we come into port.

He goes into town, gets into the old fire water, and then he starts brooding

about what a bad time we've been giving him about his cooking.

Then he comes back here to the boat and threatens to kill us.

Sure. Well, this is the first time he got a hold of the shark rifle. It's

usually locked in a gun case.

When he's sober, he's as harmless as a baby.

Hey, officer, we sail again in six weeks.

You think he might be out by then?

That'll be up to the judge, but it might help if you came to court and testified

for him.

Thanks, sir.

Hey, Cookie!

While you're in the slammer, you ought to get him to teach you a trade.

Cookie!

Cookie!

Cookie!

Hold up, Castillo a minute? Sure.

Alone? I'll see you later.

Listen, it's about those ballet tickets, you remember?

Yeah. Well, I talked to my wife about them, and she, uh... Uh, well, to make a

long story short, I'll take them off your hands for you.

You're too late, Ed. Somebody else's wife got them first.

Really?

Well, who was it?

Come on, you can tell me. Who was the sucker?

Hey, Pete, ever get changed for that 20? Oh, yeah, yeah.

There you go, two bucks. Right.

Who else, huh?

Don't you want me to tell you who bought the tickets so you can needle them in

your own inimitable style?

No.