All language subtitles for The.Unspeakable.Act.2012.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

(birds chirping)

voiceover: In
the spring of 2011,

at the age of 18, my brother Matthew

got his first real girlfriend.

I had somehow thought
that he and I had

an unspoken agreement that
we belonged to each other,

which was really
pretty stupid of me.

(bike chains clicking)

(bike rattling)

(birds chirping)

(footsteps)

(door creaks)

- (door slams)
- (bag falls)

(footsteps)

What do you need me to do?

We're in good shape, I think.

- Aren't we, Jeanne?
- Jeanne: We're fine.

Thank god.

(footsteps)

(rattling)

(water running)

(rattling)

(footsteps)

I can't believe I'm actually expected
to cook dinner for this girl.

Do you want to eat out?

On me, anywhere in town.

What do you need, just tell
me what you want me to do.

Lemme think.

(utensils rattling)

Do these need to be peeled?

- woman sitting: Yes, just peel them back.
- Okay.

(chair dragging)

(bowl rattles)

(slicing and pounding)

(sniffs)

(slicing)

(door squeaks)

(door creaks and shuts)

(footsteps)

Yolanda, mama, mama, Yolanda.

- It's lovely to meet you.
- Thank you for having me.

- Hi, I'm Jeanne.
- Hey, Yolanda.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you.

- Hi, I've heard so much about you.
- So have I.

Do you know Shirley Chang?

Yes, she's one of my best friends.

How do you know her?

We went to Cunningham
together before she moved.

- I love her so much.
- Yolanda: She's great.

And we've kept in
touch all these years

all because she's so good at
keeping up with her friends.

Oh, she's wonderful
about those things.

I can't believe you know her.

Mama: Yolanda, can I
get you something to drink?

Oh, no thanks, I'm fine.

- Would you like a tour of the house?
- Yolanda: Yeah, I would, thanks!

girl with short hair: So Shirley said
that you're working on the school paper.

Yolanda: Yeah, we both
do, actually, next year.

We're going to be
co-editors together.

voiceover: Oh, (footsteps
drown out voices) cool.

That's why (mumbles) a little bit.

Everything's delicious.

Matthew: Yeah,
this is excellent.

It's really good.

The sauce is amazing.

Matthew: She made that.

Oh, did you, it's great.

Thanks, yeah, it came out okay.

Could you excuse me a second?

Did you use oregano in it?

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

(coughing)

(retching)

(spitting)

(toilet flushing)

(spitting)

My brother's the cook in our family.

I don't know where he gets it
from, certainly not my mom.

She cooks as little as possible.

Really, did she cook for
you when you were growing up?

Actually, my dad cooked
more when we were growing up.

My mom says women were expected
to cook when she was growing

up and she didn't with
that kind of life.

Oh, well, of course
that's true, but when

there's a family, someone
has to put food on the table.

Oh, no, I completely
agree but my mom, she's got

a mind of her own, I
mean I love her but

she lives her life the
way she wants to live it.

(footsteps)

You coming upstairs?

Matthew: Okay,
give me a minute.

- (footsteps)
- (keys rattling)

(door creaking)

(window screeching and shuddering)

(lighter clicking)

(lighter clicking)

Yolanda's really nice.

Yeah, she's great.

I think I'm having
some kind of breakdown.

I can't keep anything
down and half the time

I don't even want to eat and
last night I woke up at two

and I couldn't get to sleep
the rest of the night.

Do I look okay, are
there bags under my eyes?

- No, you look fine.
- Look.

(footsteps)

- Did you sleep with her yet?
- Matthew: No.

Will you tell me if you do?

Matthew: Do you
want to hear it?

Yes, you have to tell
me, even if I freak out.

You have to tell me everything.

I won't be able to stand it
if we stopped doing that.

- Do you promise?
- Okay.

Does that make everything okay?

No, everything is terrible.

Do you really like
her better than me?

I don't anybody better
than you but I barely know

this girl, I want
to give it a chance.

I want to have sexual relationships.

Yeah, I know, you want to grow up

and you want to have
mature adult relationships

and not immature,
stunted ones like ours.

Okay, well, I guess
I'm going to bed.

(heavy footsteps)

(door creaks)

You didn't quite make it.

Don't make fun of me,
I've started to make fun

of me all the time
and I don't like it.

I've really upset, you know?

(crying)

I don't wanna...

I don't wanna leave this room
and I don't want to go back

in and I can't just stand
here for the rest of my life.

Matthew: Drama queen.

No, no. (sobbing)

I'm going to get something
to eat, you wanna come?

No, I can't eat now.

What am I going to do?

Go.

Go get something to
eat, I'll be all right.

All right.

(door creaks)

(footsteps)

(fast footsteps)

(door slams)

(birds chirping)

Are you writing
anything about Yolanda?

Did you like her?

You two seemed to get along well.

She's really nice.

(birds chirping)

Mama, I don't want him
to have a girlfriend.

Yes, you do, you know you do.

Don't talk like that.

No, I really don't.

One of the funny things
about being in love

with your brother
is that you can say

almost anything you want
about him to anyone you want

because no one wants to go there.

People will bend
over backwards to put

the blandest possible interpretation
on whatever you say.

(footsteps)

(plate rattles)

(footsteps)

(footsteps)

(plate slides)

(plate rattles)

(footsteps)

- (plate rattles)
- (plate slides)

(footsteps)

(wrapper crinkling)

(jar rattles)

(wrapper crinkling)

(jar sliding)

(juice pouring)

I'm not hungry.

(door shuts)

(door creaking)

(footsteps)

Matthew: Hi.

- Mama: Hello, dear.
- Hi.

(footsteps)

Matthew did tell me when he
finally slept with Yolanda.

It was a horrible thing
to hear but we always tell

each other everything.

(cards slapping)

(spraying)

I've never slept with anyone,
some of my friends have.

But I think I have a little longer
before I start to feel like a reject.

(combing)

(scissors clipping)

Long ago, Mama told me a
girl like me would attract

more boys in college
than in high school.

(scissors snipping)

What I would like to try actually

is the unmentionable
act, the I word,

but that concept doesn't go
over so well with Matthew.

(scissors snipping)

(whispering)

(laughing)

boy in blue shirt: Shh.

(whispering)

It's not that I'm pretty or anything

but I think I could lure
some guy if I tried.

I have no experience but I
just think I could do it.

It's not high on my
priority list right now.

It's always easy to get the
things you don't care about.

Mama is an extremely good writer.

The only thing she writes
is her journal and letters

but her language is amazing,
so strong and clear.

I wish she would try to
get something published

but she has no ambition for that.

(pen scratching)

Mama writes long
letters almost every day

to my older brother Will.

He's studying in Paris.

After he gets his degree there,
he'll go back to Berkeley.

Mama misses him so badly.

It's really hard for
her, his being away.

Will is great but I don't
miss him like Mama does.

He changes the mood of the
house when he's around.

Everything revolves around
him, not that he's bossy

or anything but he's just
got a strong personality.

When he's gone, we all loosen
up, go our separate ways.

I actually like it better like that.

Matthew and Will are really tight.

They talk all the time.

(keys clanking)

As long as I can remember,
Jeanne wanted to grow up

as fast as she could
and become an adult.

You could tell that she
didn't like being a child.

She goes to community college.

She spends a lot of time
with her boyfriend Charles.

He seems like a nice guy but
we don't see that much of him.

One of these days I
expect that Jeanne

will leave home and not look back.

Our father died a few
years after I was born.

He was already separated
from Mama then.

Will remembers him but
none of the rest of us do.

We all think that maybe
his death was drug related.

Mama was addicted to drugs long ago.

It was probably
around the same time.

We share everything in our family.

We're impossibly close but
there are things in the past

that we don't know that much about.

They've been mentioned,
they've been explained.

We can ask about them if we
want but afterwards, we realized

that the important questions
somehow never get answered.

Jeanne: Can't get
him off the phone.

He's having a serious
conversation with a girlfriend.

Was it an argument?

(rattling)

(chewing)

(scraping)

I'll try to get him.

(chair scrapes floor)

(footsteps)

I'm not asking for that.

I'm not asking for anything.

I wish there was something
reasonable I could ask for.

(door clicks)

(distant car honking)

(Matthew swallows)

Well,

I guess

that covers it.

I know.

No I don't want that.

I told you that I never said that.

I didn't say it and
I don't think it.

(door creaks)

(bed springs creak)

Honestly.

No, I like that about you, I
wish I were more like that.

Yeah.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

(bike chains clicking)

(birds chirping)

(phone vibrates)

(cellphone rattles)

(phone slides across)

- (cellphone rattles)
- (phone slides across)

(cellphone vibrates)

(phone vibrates)

(cellphone rattles)

(cellphone vibrates)

(birds chirping)

(bike chains clicking)

girl: Hi.

Hello dear.

(birds singing)

(footsteps)

(bag falls)

Did you find what you
needed at the library?

Kind of, I'm just
gonna start writing

and see what happens.

Did you know that Matthew
and Yolanda broke up?

- Mama: Matthew told me.
- When?

Last night.

I gathered from him that they
weren't entirely compatible.

What do you mean?

Mama: He said that he wasn't
comfortable with some of her behavior.

Really?

Yolanda is much more
socially outgoing.

That's plain to see, it
was a problem for Matthew.

girl: Did she
make him jealous?

I don't know.

Yolanda seems like a
perfectly nice sweet girl.

I'm sure she didn't
do anything so awful.

Matthew can be a bit old-fashioned
when it comes to girls,

a little conservative perhaps.

(birds chirping)

I think Matthew will be
happier with a quieter girl,

somebody a bit more like himself.

- (door opens)
- (door slams)

Matthew: Hi.

So were you planning on
telling me that you broke up?

Matthew: You
found out already?

Everyone in town knows except me.

Matthew: I haven't even
seen you since it happened.

You have good sources.

You talked to Mama about it.

(thuds)

Are you sad?

A little bit sad and
a little bit relieved.

- Was she cruel to you?
- Matthew: No.

She wasn't cruel.

My theory is she really didn't want

to be in a relationship.

Her theory is different.

(window shutter scraping)

You'll get another girlfriend.

Matthew: I hope so.

She's an interesting person.

I think you and she would get along.

I never want to see her again.

I got tickets for
Yolanda and me to see

The Decemberists in
Prospect Park, 14th.

Tony and a girl he's
dating are going too.

- Do you wanna come?
- Yes.

(footsteps)

(stairs creaking)

(door shuts)

(light switch clicks)

(utensils rattle)

(chair slides across)

(utensils rattle)

(wrap crinkling)

(cover crunches)

(slicing)

(chewing)

(rattling)

(mumbles)

I don't think (mumbling) you don't?

- I haven't (mumbling).
- Okay.

(rattling)

(distant chatt)

(rattling)

(mumbles)

voiceover: I don't really know a
lot about where our money comes from.

Mama has a trust fund somewhere.

I used to think we lived on that

but then she told us once
that it wasn't a large income.

We don't live extravagantly
but we always seem

to have enough for our needs.

Hi.

voiceover: Hey, busy?

No, I'm on a break.

voiceover: What
are you doing tonight?

I'm helping Sarah, she wants
to record a song she wrote.

voiceover: What's your role?

I'm just pressing the record
button, stuff like that.

voiceover: Moral support?

Yeah, for sure.

voiceover: Want to meet
upstairs when you get back?

I want to talk about something.

Sure, is it something serious?

voiceover: No, it's no big deal.
I'll tell you about it later.

Okay, what are you doing?

voiceover: Finishing this
Muller book, it's awesome.

You have to read it when I'm done.

Oh great, hurry up and finish it.

- voiceover: Okay, have a good time.
- Bye.

At night, the house is ours.

Mama goes to bed early.

Jeanne putters around in her room.

I really don't know
what she does in there

but it seems to keep her busy.

(door creaks)

Matthew: Hang on a second.

What?

With the cigarettes, I
wanted to talk about that.

(door shuts)

So listen.

I think we should stop smoking.

Really?

Matthew: What do you think?

I don't know.

I feel bad that I got you started.

That's probably not the
smartest thing in the world.

Matthew: Exactly.

Are you up for it?

Okay.

What about these?

I say we flush them.

Oh, we don't have to do that, do we?

Okay, maybe we should flush them.

(wrapper crinkling)

I never smoked again
after that night.

I'm sure Matthew hasn't either.

(makeup brush tapping)

(footsteps)

(rattling)

(footsteps)

(birds chirping)

The summer is almost over.

I don't want it to go.

I wish I could stop it.

(cars whizzing)

(distant chattering)

(cars whizzing)

(distant chattering)

Pick one.

I can't pick just one.

Suppose you had to.

Suppose you were stranded
on a desert island.

- Don DeLillo.
- DeLillo?

Over Pynchon, over
David Foster Wallace?

You told me to pick
one, I like DeLillo.

I mean I like him
too but over Pynchon?

Pynchon is great, why are
you on my ass about this

when you put a gun to my head
and forced me to pick one?

Because you picked the wrong one.

Feel free to get in
here whenever you want.

I'm just listening to the boy talk.

Tony: What do
you think, Jess?

- (birds chirping)
- You guys are just going to have

to settle this by yourselves.

There is nothing to settle
here, it is so obvious.

Jess: Oh my god,
don't they look

just like boyfriend and girlfriend?

Tony: Hmm?

Jess: Don't you think
they look like boyfriend

and girlfriend more
than brother and sister?

Yeah, so what are we doing next?

(dog tags rattling)

(car honks in the distance)

This is such a perfect night.

This is what I wish life
could always be like.

I know it's just a fantasy
but it's very sweet.

Maybe it wouldn't be much
fun if it weren't a fantasy.

We'll never know, will we?

Since when did you get
so resigned to your fate?

What makes you say that?

All my life I've known
there's no solution.

I don't have any expectation
of us having a life together.

I never have.

I'm not talking about
the unmentionable act.

I don't think that's
such a big deal.

I think that's just a
matter of logistics.

For an unmentionable act,
it gets mentioned a lot.

Oh, do I make you uncomfortable?

Come on, you like it.

You'd be sad if I lost interest.

If the phase were over,
you'd feel abandoned.

No, I wouldn't.

It'd really be a win-win
situation for you, you know?

What would be?

What we're talking about,
what can't be mentioned.

You could just drop it and move onto

an adult, mature relationship
whenever you were ready

and I would totally accept it.

Yeah, I just see you
totally accepting that.

Really and sincerely, I wish
you would take me seriously.

I take you very
seriously, the only one who

doesn't take you seriously
is making a big mistake.

There's something I don't
ever remember hearing you talk

about in this fantasy, the
one with no expectations,

- are there children?
- No.

Okay, I'm not sure exactly
what your limits are.

- No.
- Okay.

- You certainly know how to kill the mood.
- Sorry.

voiceover: (mumbles)
were still living here.

voiceover: They've
been gone a long time.

voiceover: No, because I
remember listening to this song

(mumbles)

voiceover: When I imagine
Matthew leaving for college,

I always pictured a fall setting
with leaves on the ground

and everyone wearing
jackets but Princeton

had freshman orientation
before classes started

and he was gone by
the end of August,

when it was still summer.

(slapping and rubbing hands)

(rapid footsteps)

(door creaking)

(sandals slapping pavement)

(birds chirping)

The house isn't that much
quieter than it was before

but now the quiet moments are awful.

I feel as if I'm not
supposed to be here anymore

but I don't have anywhere else.

(birds chirping)

(cards shuffling)

I decided to go away at
the same time as Matthew

to visit my cousin Annie
and her husband Joe upstate

but it was a funny
time for a vacation.

Their kids were
going back to school.

They were busy.

I came home after a weekend.

(computer keys clicking)

We text all the time.

We call a lot.

Email, not so much.

It's kind of awful and
depressing somehow.

Facebook is fun sometimes.

Matthew still posts on some blogs

and sometimes I
spoof comments to see

if he can figure out that it's me,

kind of pathetic.

(static)

voiceover: It's actually
closed to the public

but a sophomore girl that
works at the library got me in.

Look at this stuff.

voiceover: Matthew sent me a video
letter his second week at school.

He shot it and edited it himself.

I think it's so great
that he did that,

so much work for just a letter.

Zoe, you're moving it.

I'm not moving it, I swear.

Well, I'm not moving it.

Could it be a ghost moving it?

Zoe: I swear it's moving.

voiceover: Oh, oh my god.

Have you ever hear
this word, paraphilia?

voiceover: Paraphilia?

Zoe: Megan, you
have to concentrate.

It means repeated
intense sexual arousal

to unconventional or
social deviant stimuli.

Megan: Sarah, I
thought you were studying

for a chemistry test.

No, this is on
George's Facebook page.

Megan: Why is George
posting about deviant stimuli?

Is he coming out or something?

No, his whole page is full
of stuff from psychology texts.

This is from the Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual

of Mental Disorders.

Zoe: I think he's just
trying to be perverted

and make it look like
it's an academic--

Here's another definition,
sexual arousal in response

to sexual objects or
situations that are not part

of society normative
arousal/activity pattern.

Zoe: Okay, let's get
back to the Ouija board.

It stopped talking to us when
you brought up paraphilia.

Sarah: They gave eight
categories of paraphilia,

exhibitionism,
fetishism, blah, blah.

Frotteurism, there's one
you don't hear every day,

touching or rubbing against
a nonconsensual person.

Megan: Does that mean
that frotteur is a word?

Sarah: Yeah, I think so.

Megan: It's be
a good one too.

Zoe: Maybe it's
a very proper ghost

from the olden days and
we're scaring it away

with this sex conversation.

Sarah: Then the ninth
category is called NOS,

not otherwise specified.

(birds chirping)

(clinking)

When Will went away to Cornell,

I fell into a terrible,
terrible sadness.

I knew, of course,
that I would miss him

very much but what I
felt was beyond that.

I hadn't realized how much
I'd come to depend on him.

For a woman who's alone, her
children become everything.

And the oldest one...

I know myself better now.

I wasn't taken by surprise

in the same way when Matthew left.

voiceover: I probably
should have talked more

after Matthew left, it made
Mama think I was depressed,

or maybe I was really
depressed, I don't know.

I felt like I was
pretending to be depressed

to avoid having to talk but
maybe I was really depressed

and just thought I was pretending.

Anyway, Mama, who means very well,

thought I should see a therapist.

Mama: Would you
like some coffee?

No.

There were also a few times
where she caught me crying.

I cried a lot after Matthew left.

It felt natural.

I felt better afterwards.

I don't think anything
was really wrong.

(coffee pouring)

So, anyway, that's
all there is to that.

therapist: Your sister
is still living at home,

though, Jeanne, is that right?

Yeah, Jeanne.

therapist: Do you
speak to her much?

Once in a while.

We don't have all
that much in common.

You seem like a nice
person but I'm feeling

a little uncomfortable.

therapist: Yes, I can tell.

Completely terrified actually.

Can you talk about
what you're scared of?

girl: If I could do that,
I wouldn't be scared, right?

I'm sorry.

I'm being rude.

You can be rude if you want to.

I'm really not used to
talking about private matters.

therapist: I
have the impression

- that you sometimes enjoy talking.
- Oh yeah.

therapist: In fact, you seem
unusually open about your feelings.

Yes, I have this bad habit
of embarrassing everyone

by just blurting things out.

But right now?

Yeah, I know you think that this

would be my big chance, right?

I'm actually really worried
that you're gonna tell

whatever I say to my mother.

Jackie, I always discuss
that issue with parents

before I begin therapy with a minor.

Your mother has agreed
that I will everything

you say in strict confidence.

There's only one
exception to that rule

and that's if you say something

that makes me think you're
likely to do harm to yourself.

I'm not gonna do harm to myself.

therapist: Then everything
you say will remain

in this room.

(cars honking in the distance)

Maybe you might
give my mother advice

about what I should do.

Jackie, I will not give
your mother advice about you.

I will not tell her
what you say here, okay?

Jackie: Okay.

So, you're a private person.

Jackie: Yeah, sometimes.

Do you have any confidantes,
anyone you can talk to?

No, not really.

therapist: Do you keep
a diary or a notebook

where you can write
your thoughts down?

Oh my god.

No, I would never do such a thing.

therapist: You're afraid
your mother might read it.

No, my mother would never
do anything like that.

It's just the idea.

Jackie, I think it's
best if we stop for today.

I'm going to ask you to
go home and think about

what you want out of
this therapy, okay?

Okay, okay.

I'm going to keep your
appointment for next week

in my schedule and you or
your mother can give me call

and let me know what
you decide to do.

voiceover: I felt really
stupid for clamming up

like that, I told myself that
I would just talk honestly

to this woman at the next
session but when it came around,

I was terrified all over again.

(computer keys tapping)

Okay, I guess that's all for now.

Um.

Do you think it's weird
that we never say,

"I love you," to each other?

Something has to go here at the end.

Right?

So anyway, I love you.

Bye.

(computer key clicks)

Okay, I guess that's all for now.

I'll probably call you later on.

There's no need for a long
dramatic goodbye, right?

I miss you so horribly.

Okay, well, good night.

It's really good, the
way you put it together

is really intelligent.

I really like the way you
cut the rooms together.

Jackie: No, I hated that.

I couldn't get it right.

No, it had a good rhythm.

Maybe you should think
about filmmaking.

I think you have a talent for it.

Jackie: No, you're crazy.

I just gave up on it and hit upload.

Wait, I've got it
open in another window.

voiceover: Hello--

Oh my god.

voiceover: Let's see
what our house looks like.

- Matthew: What?
- Stop it, stop it right now.

Matthew: So you
want me to stop it?

No, wait.

Put it back on.

Matthew: It's still on,
there's no sound in this part.

What's happening,
what's happening now?

Matthew: This is
the shot of Mama.

Oh my god.

voiceover: She's done
it, of course, she's done it

more than everyone in
the room put together.

voiceover: So how is it?

(giggles) I love sex.

voiceover: You won't
get anything out of her.

Yeah, but it's
different, she's in love.

It's different when
you love the person.

Look, I'll admit, I haven't had sex.

(girls chuckle)

And I feel like I'm in the majority

but listening to everybody
talk about sex all the time,

you start to feel like
some kind of freak.

Why do you feel like a freak?

It's not some magic
key or something.

Even if you have it, you
still feel like other people

are having it more
or having it better.

Yeah, but you didn't even like it.

(girl laughing)

It was okay, it was
fine, I didn't dislike it.

Why should I feel
better if you had bad sex?

If I'm like the only
person in the world

who hasn't had sex, I'm going--

voiceover: I thought you
said you were in the majority.

Of feeling that way, if I'm feeling

like I'm the only person in
the world who hasn't had sex,

I'm not going to feel
any more nurtured

because you had bad sex.

Megan, you're being
a little hostile.

How am I being hostile?

I didn't say it was bad sex.

Look, people aren't
going to tell you

about their sex lives.

It doesn't mean you're
the only only one.

It just means people like to keep

their private lives private.

voiceover: Except for Megan.

(laughing) Yeah, except for you.

Did I start this conversation?

Did I start talking
about sex, I did not.

You know that I
haven't had sex either.

Megan: I know that but--

Yeah, but you don't count, Jackie,

because you're not even trying.

I'm not even trying?

You never even express
any interest in boys.

I can't tell whether you even care.

I do care, I think
about it constantly.

Deep down, I'm a total slut.

voiceover: Well,
then go get some.

voiceover: Everyone's
a slut deep down.

Then why don't you ever
flirt or even talk about guys?

I don't know, I don't
know how to flirt.

I guess I'm shy.

voiceover: You
are so not shy.

Not with you.

voiceover: Just doesn't
want to talk about it.

I think about it constantly
too and it's frustrating

because I know everything I'm
thinking is just a fantasy

that comes from songs and movies.

Maybe it has nothing
to do with reality.

Really?

Megan: I don't
know, I just wonder.

Mine feels real.

Megan: But you don't
really know though.

I have a really vivid image
of what it's like in my mind

with all the feelings and
emotions rolled up together.

voiceover: Sounds like you
have a lot of vivid images.

(laughing) I can totally see
Jackie being a late bloomer,

like in 10 years,
jetting around the world

having affairs with movie
stars, can't you picture it?

What about me?

Don't I get to jet around
the world with Jackie?

No, you get to go to college
and hook up with some guy

and immediately start
giving us all sex advice.

(girls giggle) You are so rude.

If I get a boyfriend in
college, I don't intend

to be hanging around
with your ass just so

I can give you sex advice.

- I'm okay.
- Megan: I'm outta here.

(giggling)

Jackie: It wasn't until
my third therapy session

that I made my
confession about Matthew

and Linda didn't call
the cops or anything.

In fact, she didn't
seem shocked at all.

I suppose she saw
the punchline coming.

voiceover: Well, if you're
going to go to the city,

there's no campus.

Linda: Are you attracted
to other boys besides Matthew?

No, not really.

Linda: What do you
mean by "not really"?

Well, sometimes I'll
feel attracted to somebody

if they have some good
quality that I like,

like if he's an independent thinker

or if he says something
really smart or really funny

but all that stuff doesn't
mean anything really.

Linda: It doesn't
mean anything?

Well, who knows what
that person's really like?

There's no sense falling
in love with a guy

just 'cause he can tell a good joke.

You're concerned you don't
know what they're really like.

Jackie: Sure.

A lot of people find
mystery attractive

but you seem to want
familiarity instead.

Yes, that's true.

I totally need to know everything

about a person before
I can get into them.

What does that mean?

Linda: I don't know,
what do you think it means?

I don't know.

Linda: Do you feel
afraid or nervous when

you don't know everything
about a person?

Not afraid exactly.

Linda: Does that person
seem dangerous or threatening?

I don't think so, I mean I
don't feel that consciously.

Mostly I'm just bored if I
don't know the other person.

Linda: Some people
project positive fantasies

onto an attractive stranger.

They imagine that the other person

has all the good qualities
that they're looking

for until proven otherwise.

Not me, I just assume
that everyone is messed up

until proven otherwise.

Linda: Maybe you
should become a therapist.

Really?

Well, messed up is not
the proper clinical term

but not projecting positive
fantasies onto people

is a quality that a
therapist needs to have.

So how does it work when you know

somebody really well,
when you can see

all their little quirks,
their imperfections--

Jackie: Sure.

Does that make it difficult

for you to be attracted to them?

Well, it depends on what
the imperfections are.

I don't need people to be perfect.

Everybody has their issues.

Linda: Do you see
Matthew's issues?

Well, of course.

Linda: What are they?

Well...

Matthew can be a little bit
arrogant, like deep down,

he thinks he knows everything
better than everyone.

And he can be judgmental.

He tries not to be like that though.

That's something good about him.

You can talk to him if
you're upset about something

he did and he'll hear
what you're saying.

No matter how much I think about it,

what it comes down to,

he's the best person I know.

He's the smartest and
the most sensitive

and the most interesting
and it's not because

he's my brother, it's because
he's the best person there is.

If he weren't around,
I wouldn't love anyone.

For me, he's irreplaceable.

Did you visit any museums?

(door creaks and slams)

(footsteps)

Mama: It's Will on the
phone, pick up in the kitchen.

- Tell him I said hi.
- (footsteps)

Mama: Jackie just came
home, she says hello.

voiceover: There are
two kinds of people here.

The first kind, which is my group,

pretends college is about
studying even though

they know it's really about topic A

and the second group
doesn't even pretend.

This cluster is legendary to
the alleged coed skinny dipping

that allegedly happens at
the alleged swimming pool.

I suspect it was a
total myth at first

but by now a bunch of people
have probably tried it

just because the idea
was put in their heads.

Jackie: Ever
since Matthew left,

I've been waiting for the
news that he has a girlfriend.

Sometimes I wish that he
would stop dragging out

the suspense and just
get it over with.

Linda says that most people
are attracted to mystery

and that I'm attracted to
people I know really well.

voiceover: Sounds like
she's got your number.

Are you attracted to mystery too?

voiceover: In some ways.

Is that what you feel
about me, that you know me

too well to be attracted to me?

voiceover: It's
hard to say exactly.

I don't get it, what's
the big deal about mystery

because people aren't going
to stay mysterious forever

and then when the mystery wears
off, you're stuck with them.

voiceover: It appears
to be the way it works

if you look at married couples.

I think I've got a much
more practical system.

The mystery thing is bad evolution.

voiceover: No, that's
wrong, evolution doesn't care

about the long run, it cares
about getting us reproduced.

After that, evolution
doesn't give a fuck.

And by the way, it also
cares about getting

new different genes in the
pool so the more mysterious,

the better as far as
evolution is concerned.

Yes, you're right.

Completely right as always.

I never thought of it that way.

You're so smart.

I'm an evolutionary
reject, I'm totally fucked.

Are you unhappy with the therapy?

No, it's okay.

I'm still not sure what
it's supposed to accomplish

but it's fine.

Linda: Are you
feeling any better

than you were when you started?

Maybe, I don't think I was
actually depressed or anything.

This has nothing to do
with you, I love you.

I think you're completely wonderful

so I wish I could have
a good transference

and think about you all
the time instead of him

and then I'd just be a lesbian.

Did I just say that?

Yes, you did.

Jackie: That's embarrassing.

Don't be embarrassed, you
can say whatever you want here.

Actually I think I'm 100% hetero.

I have had girl crushes
and stuff like that.

Supposed to just say whatever
comes into my head, right?

Linda: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

I have a friend named
Madeleine whom I totally adore.

Linda: What's Madeleine like?

She's really pretty, um,

and she's incredibly sweet,

like she hasn't got a
mean bone in her body.

She's nice to everyone.

(car honks in the distance.)

She has a boyfriend, I
don't see her that much.

Linda: Would you see
her more if you could?

Yeah, I would love to see her more.

Linda: Is your feeling
for Madeleine different

from your feeling for Matthew?

Uh.

Yeah.

Linda: How is it different?

Totally different in every way.

Is it different in terms
of sexual attraction?

Jackie: Yeah.

So you're sexually
attracted to Matthew?

(alarms in the distance)

Jackie: Yeah.

(sirens grow louder)

I wasn't completely clear on that.

You gave me the
impression earlier on
that it wasn't sexual.

Oh, I said all kinds of
dumb things earlier on.

Linda: You almost
never talk about Will.

- Is that his name?
- Jackie: Yeah, Will.

Linda: Your oldest brother.

Will.

Linda: How do
you feel about him?

He's pretty cool.

I like him basically,
he's a real alpha male,

very aggressive, Matthew has
a more balanced personality.

(car horns in the distance)

You're wondering if I'm
attracted to Will, I bet?

Linda: Are you?

No.

Not in the least.

Linda: So you've never
thought of him in that way.

He's totally not the kind of person

I would feel that way about.

The idea of it is just...

Is just what?

Jackie: Very unpleasant
and kind of disgusting.

In other words, it
would feel like incest?

(Jackie chuckles)

Oh my god, I'm so messed up.

(pen scratching)

voiceover: Listen
up, everyone, if you're

on the majorette squad and
you're going to the game

in Port Jervis, the bus is
outside the main building.

Report to the front
desk for a hall pass.

Hey, hey.

Yeah?

You should try out.

Why, do you think I'd
be a good majorette?

(chuckles) No.

Then why did you say anything?

(boy chuckles)

What a loser.

The weird thing is
I think he's flirting.

(footsteps)

Jackie: I'm going
out with Sarah and Alex.

Oh, all right.

We're going to a party.

Mama: Really?

What's wrong with that?

Nothing, it's just you
don't often go to parties.

So I don't know what
time I'll be home.

That's fine, have a good time.

Okay, I'll see you later.

(rock music blaring)

(grunge rock music

- Really?
- boy holding cup: Yeah.

- Jackie: Hi.
- Hi.

Do you remember me?

Yeah.

We did that Catholic
work at the soup kitchen

last year for a charity drive.

Yeah, I totally remember you.

How's Debbie?

She's great, she's studying.

Who do you know here?

(kissing)

Would you mind?

Okay, I'm totally
inexperienced at that
kind of thing but.

That's cool.

Just go for it.

(rustling)

(Jackie clears throat)

(rustling)

(wrapper crinkling)

voiceover: It wasn't
until the second I had sex

that it occurred to me to
fantasize about Matthew.

(sighs)

(footsteps)

(computer keys clicking)

After long and
serious consideration,

I selected email,

the most impersonal
form of communication.

(computer keys clicking)

(computer keys tapping)

You seem so comfortable.

I thought it might
weird you out a little.

voiceover: Of
course it's weird

but our whole relationship
is weird in the first place.

I wanted to weird you
out more than I did.

voiceover: It did,
it weirded me out.

It's an interesting weird,
it's got a certain fascination.

Mm (neutral).

I turned this conversation
over in my head for days.

I put different
interpretations on it,

looked it at from every angle.

Linda: What were you feeling?

I don't know, not too much.

I was pretty cool headed
through the whole thing.

Linda: Were there
any difficulties?

No, it went fine.

Were you lubricated?

Jackie: Oh yeah,
I mean he went

in pretty easily after
the hymen incident.

It sounds as if
you must have enjoyed

yourself a little bit at least.

Not really.

Linda: If you
were lubricated,

you must have had some reaction.

I was wet but I
wasn't really involved.

I felt like a spectator.

Trying to say that I
secretly enjoyed it?

I'm not trying to say that.

I'm saying that it sounds

as if you were
physically responsive.

Jackie: Yeah.

I was...

responsive enough for, you know,

the minimum requirements.

You don't like the
idea of being attracted

to anyone other than
Matthew, do you?

(sighs)

I had a dream last
week where I saw a boy

who wasn't Matthew and
I felt attracted to him.

Linda: What happened
after that in the dream?

I can't remember it clearly.

I never talked to the boy and
nothing happened between us.

Linda: Who does the boy
in the dream remind you of?

No one in particular.

Linda: Can you describe him?

Oh god, I can't remember.

He was medium height and
he had long dark hair,

long for a boy, down to his chin

and he had a round face.

Linda: Did those features
remind you of anyone?

No, not exactly.

I guess I have a face like that.

Linda: Yes, you do.

You think that's me?

What would that mean?

Linda: I don't know,
what do you think it means?

I have no idea.

He's a nasty little twerp, isn't he?

You are so strong,
if that happened to me,

I would crawl under a rock and die.

Who gives fuck?

Two days later, after school,
when no one was around,

Tristan asked me to
go out with him again.

He said that he was probably
breaking up with Debbie

because she didn't like his friends

or he didn't like her
friends or something.

He kept saying what a good
time he had on Saturday night.

(computer keys clicking)

Mama: Which one
are you doing first?

Princeton.

Jeanne: Did you even
need to ask that, Mama?

Mama: Is that
your first choice?

For now, I'm still doing research.

(computer keys clicking)

Mama: That's nice,
dear, going away

would be much easier for
you if Matthew is around.

(computer keys clicking)

I'm getting a lot of
resistance from you on this.

Well, yeah.

We're just talking about it.

You know I'm not in any position

to force you to do anything.

That's right, you're not.

I haven't even
expressed a preference.

Yes, but I know what
you want me to do.

Can we talk about
why the idea of going

to a different school
bothers you so much?

Go ahead, talk.

(computer keys clicking)

(door creaking)

(door shuts)

Hey.

Hi.

(kissing)

Give me a minute,
I have to go finish

this for Miss Rodriguez.

Phillip has his Mama's van to go

to the Poconos this weekend.

This weekend I can't.

Why not?

It's a vacation and my
brother's home from school

and I have a lot of
stuff to do at home.

So you're busy the whole vacation?

I don't know, maybe not.

(computer keys clicking)

Okay.

Whatever.

Sorry, I just can't do it.

I really have to finish this.

(computer keys clicking)

All right, later.

(computer keys clicking)

(door creaks and shuts)

Why wouldn't you come with me?

Mama: I don't see any
need to stand waiting outside

the subway station, you don't
even know when he's going to--

He's on his way now, I'm going.

Mama: You're making too big
a fuss over this, Jacqueline.

I don't want to be the
only one meeting him.

Come on, come with me.

Mama: Why don't you want to
be the only one meeting him?

I don't know.

But it should be more of an event.

Mama: I'm sure it'll
be quite a nice surprise

with you just meeting him there.

Don't take him out anywhere,
though, come straight home.

Oh my god.

(footsteps)

(birds chirping)

(cars whir by)

How long have you been waiting here?

Welcome home.

This is a small token
of our appreciation

that you've returned to us.

Di Fara's, all right.

Is Mama making dinner?

Of course, but you
can go ahead and have-

- I guess I can handle a slice.

(cars whir by)

(door creaks and shuts)

Mama: It's so good
to see you, dear.

Jeanne: Hey Matthew.

Matthew: Hey Jeanne.

Peter completely agreed with me

but he knew I wanted a public room.

He felt we were violating some

unwritten law of roommate life.

No, that's absurd,
you were in the right.

(dishes rattle)

Matthew: I see his
point in theory but he had

all these friends over
from Groton on weekends.

Don't these Princeton
students ever study?

Matthew: As far
as he's concerned,

if you wanna to study,
go to the library.

It's ridiculous but there's
no point in arguing with him.

(door creaking)

Last time we went out
it was right in the middle

of my period and I figured
like whatever, go for it

but he was really nervous
and he wasn't sure whether

he should do it and I was really
surprised 'cause I thought

that guys these days were
cool with period blood.

Matthew: Maybe he just
didn't want to bloody up

his mom's sheets.

It was the back
seat of his mom's car.

Maybe.

What about you, does
period blood bother you?

Matthew: I've
never encountered it.

Yes you have.

I've never encountered
it in a sex context.

I'm pretty sure I'd be okay with it.

Did this guy get his act together?

Yeah, he was fine
once we got started.

I find that I like sex actually.

Matthew: That
doesn't surprise me.

What do you mean?

I've always thought of
you as a sexual person,

just little things I remember
from when we were kids.

Jackie: What do you remember?

Nothing particular, I
remember you being all smiley

and happy whenever we
were up to something,

if we were touching
ourselves or something

and me being more nervous
or guilty, of course.

You always seemed to
have your act together.

Aw, that's too bad that didn't last.

Matthew: Mm (neutral).

Uh, the last time that
Tristan and I were together,

he asked me to do
something special for him.

Matthew: Like what?

Well, he wanted me to
put my finger up his butt.

Matthew: Oh, okay.

I pretended I was grossed
out by it and I said no.

I could tell he really wanted
it but he dropped the subject

and the thing is I wasn't
bothered by it at all.

I just didn't feel like doing it

for him right at that moment.

I guess I was being a bitch.

Matthew: Did you act
all indignant, like,

"I beg your pardon, sir"?

I think I said, "Ew."

Maybe I'll change my mind
sometime and give him a thrill.

Matthew: It
wouldn't bother you?

Totally not.

If I loved a boy, I would
do anything for him.

I would never say no to anything.

You're the last of the romantics.

Romantic with a capital R.

That last comment was
directed at me I guess.

I guess so.

Be so great if you has some
horrible disgusting perversion

that no one else in the
world would ever gratify.

You'd probably never
tell me, would you?

You could at least
pretend you're not watching

my crotch for a reaction.

Are you having a reaction?

What's wrong?

This was a mistake.

Matthew, wait, sit down.

It's like you're
doing everything you can

to make it impossible
for me to around you.

Please don't be
angry with me, please.

You have to know what you're doing.

You have to know how
hard you're pushing.

I know, I know, I'm sorry,
I'm really sorry but everything

is at stake, my whole life
is at stake right now.

I'm going to bed.

(door creaks and shuts)

(heavy breathing)

Jackie: That was the
last sleepless night

of my life so far.

(heavy breathing)

(footsteps)

Hi.

Hi.

Can we go upstairs
and talk for a second?

Sure.

Jackie: Do you need
your coffee first?

Yeah.

(cup rattles)

There's only one thing
I'm really afraid of

and that's that you'll
withdraw from me emotionally.

Maybe that's what has to happen

if we want to have a normal life.

You mean if I want
to have a normal life.

No, me too.

Jackie: Really?

You're a very powerful person,
maybe you don't think so.

Jackie: I don't
feel powerful.

But you are, I feel like
I'm caught in your force field

sometimes, I can't get
my balance (chuckles).

What you're saying is
unbearably sad to me.

I can deal with our being apart.

I think I can deal with that.

I can deal with you having
other people in your life

but what I can't deal
with is the thought

that I won't be connected to you.

Look at you, though,
you're crying all the time.

You're crying now, is
that what you want?

(chuckles) Crying
isn't such a bad thing.

You don't understand that
'cause you never cry.

If I cried too, this house
would be like washed away.

You should try it
sometime, it helps.

Besides, I'm saying
goodbye to something.

You're supposed to cry
when you say goodbye.

Drama queen.

(sobbing)

(wailing)

(door creaks)

(sobbing)

(door shuts)

What's going on?

Just leave 'em alone.

(sighs)

(footsteps)

(stairs creaking)

voiceover: I
managed pretty well

for the rest of that vacation.

(water running)

I did have a little
breakdown when Matthew left

for school but that
wasn't too awful.

(distant chatting)

I think he expected it.

(birds chirping)

(footsteps)

It was the hardest decision

I made in my entire
life but I never sent

in my application to Princeton.

I can't describe how I felt
as the deadline approached.

I don't like to think about it.

(car whirs)

(birds chirping)

I was looking forward
to telling Linda

about my decision
but, of course, she
turns it around on me

and says, "Did you think that
I wanted you to do that?"

I don't know why she's
wasting her time on small fry

like me, she should be
psychoanalyzing people

in Vienna or something.

(car honks in the distance)

(car engine revs)

(cars whizzing)

This house is my native country.

Soon I'll have to leave it
and go among foreigners.

In the winter, I began dating
a nice boy named Robert

who goes to a different high school.

We aren't going to the
same college in the fall

and everyone seems to think
that romances don't last

when that happens.

(coffee pouring) I guess we'll see.

Maybe I'll be the
exception to the rule,

as I am to so many other rules.

(footsteps)

I feel so old lately,
so prematurely old.

I'm not even 18 yet and
I'm already resigned

to never being happy,
pretending from morning to night

that I want to same
things as everyone else.

Linda says that I
shouldn't feel fatalistic,

that my life will keep changing.

She's a smart lady,
I hope she's right.

(birds chirping)

I'm thinking that I'd like

to major in psychology at college.

I can't honestly say
that therapy's changed me

in any big way but
that's one good thing

that came out of it at least.

Linda thinks that I'm
having a transference

but I'm really
interested in this stuff.

(birds chirping)

You may be worried
about the possibility

of getting a therapist who's

as twisted and abnormal as me,

but, you know, I think that's
how it usually happens.

First, you wonder how
your own head works

and then you get interested
in other people's heads.

(birds chirping)