All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Five.2015.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

Man: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Hailey:
OOH, YOU SO FINE.

I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS.

[ BOTH MOAN ]

Man: Shh.

DON'T TALK.

JUST LET THE PASSION
DO WHAT IT DO, BABY.

Hailey: [ MOANS ]

Man #2:
GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!

Hailey: OH!

Man: OH!

-Man #2: COME ON.
-Man: OH!

-Man #2: COME ON!
-Man: OKAY, HE'S GOT A GUN.

HE'S GOT A GUN.
HERE, TAKE IT.

TAKE -- TAKE ALL OF IT.

HERE.
HERE, TAKE THIS.

Hailey:
UNH-UNH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Man #2:
HURRY UP! COME ON!

Hailey: GET OFF!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Man #2: HURRY UP!

-OW!
-Man: JUST GIVE IT TO --

Man #2: HEY! HEY!

-Man: ARE YOU CRAZY?!
-Man #2: COME ON!

-HEY!
-Man: STOP HITTING HIM!

HE'S GONNA KILL US.

Hailey: THESE ARE
A $2,000 PAIR OF SHOES!

Man #2:
OH! ARE YOU CRAZY?!

Hailey:
SHOW ME THE GUN.

-Man: NO!
-Man #2: WHAT?

-Hailey: SHOW ME THE GUN.
-Man: NO.

Man #2: IF I TAKE IT OUT,
I'M GONNA USE IT.

-YOU WANT ME TO USE IT?!
-Hailey: YES.

-Man: NO, PLEASE, DON'T USE IT.
-Hailey: I WANT YOU TO USE IT.

-Man #2: D-DON'T MAKE ME USE IT.
-Man: NO.

Hailey: I WANT YOU TO USE IT.

Man:
NO, PLEASE, DON'T USE IT.

Man #2:
I AM GOING TO USE IT!

Man: USE IT ON HER!

Hailey: WHAT?!

OH!
I AM CALLING THE POLICE.

-Man #2: OH, OH! WAIT!
-Hailey: I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT

A FOOL IN THE ALLEY TRYING TO
ROB PEOPLE WITH HIS FINGER.

Man:
YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN, MOTHER.

YOU BETTER RUN!

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Man: [ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
THAT WAS CLOSE, MAN.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA KILL US.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Man: [ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?

THOUGHT WE WERE GOING BACK
TO MY PLACE.

Woman: HELLO, SYBIL.
HI, REBECCA.

Both: MORNING.

Man: LOOK, SHE KEEPS
STEALING OUR ACCOUNTS.

Barry: YEAH, I KNOW.

AND LOOK.
HERE SHE COMES NOW.

IT'S TIME TO ADDRESS IT.

Hailey: HI, SHELLY.

Shelly:
GOOD MORNING, MISS COLBURN.

UH, YOUR MESSAGES
ARE ON YOUR DESK,

AND, UH,
NATIONAL CAR RENTAL CALLED.

YOU LEFT A SMALL PACKAGE
IN THE RENTAL,

SO I'LL HAVE SOMEONE PICK IT UP
IN A LITTLE BIT.

-Hailey: THANK YOU, SHELLY.
-Shelly: MM-HMM.

Hailey: SEND THEM MY GRATITUDE.

OH, AND, UH, SET UP MY TRIP

-FOR ATLANTA NEXT WEEK.
-Shelly: OKAY.

Hailey: OKAY.

GOOD MORNING, REBECCA.

Rebecca:
OH, GOOD MORNING, HAILEY.

HOW NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US.

Hailey:
IT'S NOT WHEN YOU START.

-IT'S HOW YOU FINISH.
-Rebecca: [ CHUCKLES ]

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

AND HOW ARE YOU, MISS SYBIL?

Sybil: AMAZING, AS USUAL.
[ CHUCKLES ]

-Barry: UH, EXCUSE ME.
-Hailey: YES, BARRY?

Barry: YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED
WITH MILTON'S GREETING CARDS?

Hailey: YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
WE COLLECTED HIS MONEY.

-Barry: BUT THAT WAS MY ACCOUNT.
-Hailey: THAT WAS NEVER

-YOUR ACCOUNT.
-Barry: WELL, IT WAS MY ACCOUNT,

TILL YOU AND YOUR LITTLE
CHARLIE'S DEVILS STEPPED
OVER THERE IN YOUR

LITTLE MINI SKIRTS
AND HALTER TOPS, RIGHT?

Hailey:
I DON'T WEAR HALTER TOPS.

AND DON'T BLAME ME
IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CLOSE.

Barry: UH, SPEAKING OF CLOSING,
WHERE'S YOUR DAD?

Hailey: I DON'T KNOW, JUST GO
FIND HIM SOMEPLACE, ASS KISSER.

-[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
-Barry: I WILL.

[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

[ CELLPHONE BEEPING ]

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

[ TELEPHONE BEEPS ]

YES?

ROBERT:
Hailey, I'd like to see you

in my office
for a moment, please.

Hailey: ON MY WAY.

[ SIGHS ]

Robert:
SO, BABY, HOW WAS CHICAGO?

Hailey: MM.

CHICAGO...WAS REWARDING.

Robert:
IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?

Hailey: MM-HMM.

Robert:
[ CHUCKLES ] REALLY?

GIRL, HOW DID YOU
EVER GET HIM TO --

Hailey: DADDY, YOU KNOW
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

Robert:
[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH.

JETHRO WILLIAMS.

THAT MAN IS NOTORIOUS
FOR NOT PAYING HIS SUPPLIERS.

WOW, WE CAN PROBABLY PICK UP
AT LEAST 10 OTHER VENDORS

FROM THIS DEAL.

Hailey: I KNOW.

Robert:
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE AMAZING.

Hailey: I MAY BE.

BUT THE TRUTH IS,
MEN ARE PREDICTABLE.

PLAY TO THEIR EGOS,
AND YOU WIN EVERY TIME.

Robert: EHH...

LISTEN,
WITH THAT IN MIND, THOUGH,

I'VE JUST SET UP A MEETING
WITH H.Q. DISTRIBUTORS.

IF WE CAN RECOVER FOR THEM,

HELL, WE CAN TAKE
THE NEXT SIX MONTHS OFF.

Hailey:
OOH, I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

WHO'S THE MARK?

Robert: HIS NAME
IS CHRISTOPHER MICHAELS.

HE'S A C.E.O.
OF A NEW VIDEO-GAME COMPANY.

Christopher:
I MAKE THIS ONE,

EVERYBODY
GETS AN EXTRA CHRISTMAS BONUS.

HERE WE GO.

Robert: CAME OUT
WITH THAT SHOOTER GAME LAST YEAR

THAT EVERYBODY
WENT SO CRAZY FOR,

THEN THE MARKET TURNED
AND HIS SALES PLUMMETED

AND HE HAD TO STOP PRODUCTION,

LEAVING HIS SUPPLIERS
HOLDING THEIR CHAIN.

Christopher: PROMISES.

Robert:
NOW, ON THE OTHER SIDE,

HE JUST GOT AN INFUSION OF CASH
FROM DAKOTA KIMBALL,

QUEEN BITCH OF WALL STREET.

SEEMS THAT SHE WAS A FRIEND
OF HIS LATE MOM.

Hailey:
WOW, SHE INHERITED THE --

THE LARGEST EXCHANGE
IN WALL STREET

-WHEN HER HUSBAND DIED.
-Robert: CORRECTAMUNDO.

NOW, A LITTLE BIT
ON THE UP/DOWN SIDE,

WE KNOW HE HAS THE MONEY,
BUT HE STILL HASN'T PAID,

SO WE HAVE TO CONVINCE H.Q.
THAT WE CAN RECOVER FOR THEM.

Hailey: NO PROBLEM.

Robert:
YOU THINK? WON'T BE EASY.

HE OWES THEM OVER $5 MILLION,

BUT HE NEEDS AT LEAST THAT MUCH
TO BRING HIS NEW GAME TO MARKET.

Hailey:
DADDY, IF YOU KNEW HALF AS MUCH

AS I KNOW ABOUT MEN,

YOU'D KNOW THIS MONEY
WAS PRACTICALLY IN THE BANK.

Robert: YOU BAD.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Hailey:
SO, THEY HAVE 17 LOCATIONS

THAT WE NEED TO CLOSE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED.

Rebecca: OH, SO, WHAT HAPPENED
LAST NIGHT?

Sybil: OOH.

Hailey:
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

Sybil: YES, WE DO.

SPILL IT.
I MEAN, HE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

Rebecca: OH, HE LOOKED LIKE
A BIG FERAL LION.

Hailey: YEAH, HE MAY HAVE LOOKED
AS STRONG AS A LION,

BUT HE HAD THE HEART

-OF A LITTLE BABY RABBIT.
-Sybil: WHAT?

Hailey:
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IF I DATE A GOOD-LOOKING GUY,
HE'S A DOG.

IF I DATE AN AVERAGE GUY,
HE'S LAME.

IF I DATE A ROMANTIC GUY,
HE'S --

Sybil: HE'S A PUNK.

Rebecca:
MAYBE YOU WANT TOO MUCH.

Hailey: NO! NOT POSSIBLE.

I JUST WANT EVERYTHING
I BRING TO THE TABLE.

-WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
-Rebecca: SARCASM

-AND NYMPHOMANIA?
-Sybil: OH! REBECCA!

[ LAUGHTER ]

Hailey:
I WILL GET ON YOU LATER.

I'M ABOUT TO HAVE LUNCH
WITH MY BROTHER.

Rebecca:
OH, HE IS SO CUTE.

TELL HIM "HI." [ GIGGLES ]

Hailey: YOU KNOW, USUALLY WHEN
YOU SHARE A MEAL WITH SOMEONE,

YOU ENGAGE THEM IN CONVERSATION.

Jonathan:
OH, MY BAD, SIS.

I'M JUST UPDATING THE GRID.

YOU SEEM KIND OF DOWN.

Hailey: WHY IS YOUR SPECIES
SO DYSFUNCTIONAL?

Jonathan:
YOU MEAN THE MALE GENDER?

Hailey: YES.

Jonathan: [ CHUCKLES ]

NO, SEE, MEN ARE VERY SIMPLE.

FEED US, FREAK US, AND NEED US.

YOU THE COMPLICATED ONES.

Hailey:
I JUST WANT ONE MAN -- JUST ONE.

BUT WHENEVER I FIND A GUY
THAT'S GREAT IN ONE AREA,

HE SUCKS IN ALL THE OTHERS.

Jonathan:
YOU SEE, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU CAN'T FIND EVERYTHING
YOU NEED IN ONE PERSON.

Hailey: WHY NOT?

Jonathan: THAT'S LIKE...NEEDING
THE CAPACITY OF A MINIVAN

BUT WANTING THE SEXINESS
OF A CONVERTIBLE.

Hailey:
WELL, I REFUSE TO COMPROMISE.

Jonathan:
KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULDN'T.

I DON'T.

WELCOME TO THE GRID.

-MM.
-Hailey: WHAT IS THIS?

Jonathan: MAN HAS FIVE NEEDS --
SEX, ATTRACTION --

Hailey: NO.
AREN'T THEY THE SAME THING?

Jonathan: NO, YOUR BEST SEX
MAY BE WITH SOMEBODY

YOU NEED TO PUT A BAG
OVER THEIR HEAD.

Hailey:
THEN WHY HAVE SEX WITH THEM?

Jonathan:
CLEARLY, YOU ARE NOT A MAN.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Jonathan: HERE.

Hailey:
[ SIGHS ] WHAT IS THIS?

Jonathan:
IT'S MY NEW AUDIO BOOK --

"MY FAVORITE FIVE."

I'M WORKING ON
THE FEMALE VERSION NEXT.

Hailey: REALLY?

-"MY FAVORITE FIVE"?
-Jonathan: YEAH.

Hailey: YOU'RE CRAZY.
YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

Jonathan:
NO, AM I? AM I CRAZY?

OKAY, WHY DID EVERY PRIMITIVE
SOCIETY HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS?

HOW CAN ONE PERSON
BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING?

HAILEY, YOU'RE LITERALLY
TRYING TO FIND PERFECTION

OR ONLY SETTLE FOR A COUPLE
OF YOUR NEEDS BEING MET.

AH. MNH-MNH.

BUT I'M THE CRAZY ONE, RIGHT?

EW.

I GOT TO GO.

Hailey:
YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY FOR LUNCH?

Jonathan: NO. I OWE YOU.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

JUST LIKE A MAN.

Jonathan: AS HOMO SAPIENS,

WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE
MONOGAMOUS.

LIVING IN THAT
ABHORRENTLY DYSFUNCTIONAL STATE

ONLY KEEPS US MISERABLE
AND UNDERACHIEVED.

AFTER HAVING
YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS MET,

AND YOU NEED TO
BE WITH SOMEONE

WHO SIMPLY MAKES YOU DROOL,

NEXT YOU MUST FIND SOMEONE
TO MEET THAT SPIRITUAL NEED.

THIS WOULD BE YOUR SOUL MATE.
NOT SEX MATE.

THAT'S SOMEONE ELSE.

SOUL MATE.

Woman: HELLO, LADIES.

WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU TONIGHT?

Hailey: OH, LET'S SEE.

TONIGHT, I HAVE PETER.

UM, I'LL HAVE THE, UH,
ROSEMARY CHICKEN, PLEASE.

Woman: GREAT. FOR YOU?

Rebecca:
I'LL HAVE THE THAI PASTA SALAD.

-Woman: THAI PASTA.
-Woman #2: [ LAUGHS ]

Woman: ALL RIGHT.
IT'S COMING RIGHT UP.

Rebecca: WHO IS PETER?

AND WHY DOES HE DETERMINE
WHAT YOU'LL HAVE FOR LUNCH?

Hailey:
I CALL HIM THE BACK BREAKER.

I'M GONNA NEED ALL MY STRENGTH.

Rebecca: OH, YOU'RE RIDICULOUS!

Hailey: DON'T HATE ME

BECAUSE YOU ARE DESPERATE
AND I AM PLEASANTLY SCANDALOUS.

I CAN TEACH YOU.

Rebecca:
MM. I JUST GOT ERIC FIXED.

I'LL JUST END UP BREAKING HIM
ALL OVER AGAIN.

BESIDES, THAT KARMA
YOU'RE PLAYING WITH IS A BITCH.

Hailey:
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IN KARMA,

AND I DON'T BELIEVE IN BEING
CONSTRAINED BY SOCIAL HYPOCRISY.

Rebecca:
NO, YOU BELIEVE IN BEING A HO.

Hailey:
SOCIALLY, IT IS FINE

FOR A MAN TO HAVE
MORE THAN ONE WOMAN,

BUT 100 YEARS AGO,
IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL

FOR WOMEN TO DATE
MULTIPLE SUITORS.

Rebecca:
REALLY? LET'S SEE.

YOU HAVE TO CHECK YOUR CALENDAR

JUST TO SEE
WHO YOU'RE SCREWING TONIGHT.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S REAL NORMAL.

Hailey: WELL, BEING WITH ONE MAN
ISN'T NORMAL.

IT'S LIKE WEARING THE SAME DRESS
FOR 20 YEARS.

Rebecca: EVERYONE WAS CREATED
FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

Hailey: OH, REALLY?

OKAY, SO THEN WHY ARE THERE
SO MANY

MISERABLE MARRIED PEOPLE
IN THE WORLD?

Rebecca:
THAT DOESN'T MEAN --

Hailey:
WOMEN SIMPLY DON'T REALIZE

THAT THEY CAN NEVER BE SATISFIED

WITH JUST ONE MAN.

Rebecca: HERE WE GO.

Hailey: NO, I DON'T EVEN GIVE
A MAN MY CELLPHONE NUMBER.

NO, THAT IS TOO MUCH ACCESS.

HE CAN CALL ME AT THE OFFICE
OR MY HOME OR E-MAIL ME.

HE IS NOT GONNA HAVE ME
ON A LEASH.

Rebecca:
YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO COMMIT,

AND THESE MEN ARE TOO STUPID
TO REALIZE IT.

YOU'RE AN ANTI-MONOGAMIST.

Hailey:
I AM NOT ANTI ANYTHING.

I JUST KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT
CHANGE THE NATURE OF A MAN,

AND WHEN AN OPPOSING FORCE
WON'T CHANGE, YOU ADAPT,

AND I HAVE FOUND PERFECTION.

Rebecca:
YOU FOUND POLYANDRY.

Hailey: [ LAUGHS ]

EVERY WOMAN NEEDS FIVE THINGS --

FIVE PERFECT MAN THINGS,

AND MOST WOMEN
SETTLE FOR ONE OR TWO.

I WANT IT ALL,

AND BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE
TO FIND A MAN WITH ALL OF THEM,

I HAVE FOUND FIVE --
ONE MAN FOR EACH.

Rebecca:
THAT IS SO SILLY.

Hailey:
IT IS BRILLIANT,

AND THE ONLY LOGICAL SOLUTION.

Rebecca:
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

Hailey: EVERY WOMAN
HAS THE SAME DILEMMA --

TRYING TO TURN A MAN
INTO SOMETHING HE'S NOT.

Rebecca: OKAY.

TELL ME WHY YOU JUST HAVE TO
HAVE FIVE MEN AT ONE TIME,

BESIDES THE OBVIOUS
SELF-SERVING REASONS.

Hailey:
FIVE -- NO MORE, NO LESS.

IT IS SO SIMPLE, REALLY.

EVERY WOMAN NEEDS A BAD BOY.

THAT'S WHERE T.I. COMES IN.

IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE THEY
WANT TO GO AGAINST THE GRAIN.

IT IS BECAUSE YOU KNOW
NO ONE IS GONNA MESS WITH HIM.

[ LOW-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

Man: OOH, THAT'S MY SONG!

[ MUMBLING ]

MAN, I JUST WANT TO
DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, HUH?

BEEN WATCHING YOU, GIRL,
ALL NIGHT.

OOH.

CAN I GET YOUR NAME?

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

Hailey: YOU CAN'T BEAT

HAVING YOUR OWN PERSONAL
BODY GUARD.

HE'S NOT JUST A PACK OF MEAT.

HE IS ALWAYS THERE
WHEN YOU NEED HIM.

THANK YOU, T.I.

T.I.: YOU'RE WELCOME.

I'M GONNA JUST STICK AROUND HERE
JUST IN CASE Y'ALL NEED ME.

JUST...LET ME GET OVER HERE.

JUST -- OH, OKAY.

Rebecca:
HEY, MUSCLE IS NOT ENOUGH.

EVENTUALLY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TALK TO HIM.

Hailey: THE HELL I DO.

PSHH, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO
SLEEP WITH HIM.

HE IS ENAMORED
JUST BY BEING WITH ME.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

MM.

AND OF COURSE, THERE'S ROMANCE.

OH, EVERY WOMAN NEEDS ROMANCE --

A MAN WHO IS SO SMOOTH,
SO SUGARY SWEET,

EVERY PHONE CALL
LEAVES YOUR FACE STICKY.

MM! LOOK, THIS IS WHAT
JAMES SENT ME THIS MORNING.

Rebecca: "I AM BUT A FISH
CAUGHT IN YOUR NET,

"LONGING NOT FOR THE RELEASE,

"BUT TO BE DEVOURED
BY YOUR GRACE.

"WHILE I BURN OVER THE FIRE,
YES, BUT I SAY LET IT BURN.

YOU ARE MORE THAN WORTHY
OF THE PAIN."

OH, THIS IS REALLY SAD.

Hailey:
PLEASE, DON'T HATE.

Rebecca: WHY ARE YOU
PLAYING WITH THIS MAN?

Hailey:
I AM NOT PLAYING WITH HIM.

IT IS A MUTUALLY-BENEFICIAL
ARRANGEMENT.

JAMES HAS A NEED TO BE ROMANTIC.

IT'S IN HIS DNA.

MOST WOMEN
WOULD QUESTION HIS MANHOOD,

BUT I AM EVOLVED ENOUGH
TO APPRECIATE HIS SOFTER SIDE.

Rebecca:
YEAH, THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE

SOMEBODY ELSE IS BANGING
YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE HEADBOARD.

Hailey:
SHH! KEEP IT DOWN!

-Woman: [ LAUGHS ]
-Rebecca: WHAT?

NOT LIKE YOU'RE ASHAMED.

Hailey:
NO, BUT DISCRETION IS THE KEY.

Rebecca:
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER THREE?

Hailey: OKAY.

THEN THERE'S INTELLECT.

MM.

THE PILLAR
OF SOCIAL ACCOMPLISHMENT

AND THE MENTAL STIMULI
TO HASH OUT POLITICAL RHETORIC.

Matthew: IT'S A RIDICULOUS
NOTION, REALLY.

I MEAN, THEIR FAILURE
TO GAIN BIPARTISANSHIP

WILL ULTIMATELY
LEAD TO AN INDEPENDENT NATION.

Hailey:
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS
HAVE TO EVENTUALLY AGREE

ON THE FOREMOST ISSUES
TO MAINTAIN GOVERNMENT.

Man: HAILEY, IT'S NEVER HAPPENED
AND IT NEVER WILL.

ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM
WILL NEVER DIE.

DISPROPORTIONABLENESS,
INCOMPREHENSIBILITY.

IT'S ABSURD.

Hailey:
DAMN, YOU'RE SEXY.

[ MOANS ]

THEN THERE'S PROVISION --
THE MONEY MAN.

NOW, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE RICH.

JUST WELL-OFF ENOUGH
TO MEET YOUR NEEDS.

Rebecca:
YOU MAKE GREAT MONEY.

Hailey: THAT DOESN'T MEAN

I WANT TO SPEND IT.

Jamison: WOW.

YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY STUNNING
THIS EVENING.

Hailey: THANK YOU.

YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

AT THE OPERA BY FAR.

Hailey:
[ CHUCKLES ] OH.

OH, WAIT, I THINK
I-I LOST AN EARRING.

Jamison:
WHY NOT WEAR THESE?

Hailey: [ GASPS ]

REALLY? THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

Jamison:
THEY'RE TRINKETS.

WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

I WAS THINKING, AFTER THE OPERA,

WE COULD HELICOPTER OVER
TO CATALINA FOR THE WEEKEND.

Hailey: UH, BUT I-I DIDN'T PACK
ANYTHING.

Jamison:
OH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY

OF HAVING HAILEY'S
PERSONAL ASSISTANT,

UH, DO A LITTLE SHOPPING RUN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THE BAGS ARE IN THE CAR.

Hailey:
THAT IS SO SWEET.

Jamison: MM.

Hailey: BUT NEXT TIME,

I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO DO
MY OWN SHOPPING.

Jamison: OH, YEAH?

Hailey: MM-HMM.

Jamison: ONE MINUTE.

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

WORTHINGTON.

WORTHINGTON: Yes, sir.

Jamison: FUEL UP THE JET.

WE'RE GOING SHOPPING.

PARIS.

WORTHINGTON: Right away, sir.

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

Jamison:
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

Hailey: OH, RIGHT.

THEN THE BEST ONE OF ALL --
SEDUCTION.

THAT WOULD BE PETER.

Rebecca: FINALLY,
THE WONDER HORSE OF THE BUNCH.

Hailey:
ARE YOU KIDDING?

OH, THIS MAN IS A MASTER

AKIN TO THE GREATEST MAGICIANS
SPREAD THROUGHOUT HISTORY.

THIS MAN, YOU HAVE MET BEFORE.

Rebecca:
I DON'T THINK SO.

Hailey:
THINK ABOUT THE LAST TIME

YOU DID SOMETHING
YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

Rebecca: [ SIGHS ]

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

-Rebecca: NO!
-Hailey: YES, THAT MAN.

[ LAUGHS ]

Rebecca:
OH, I'M LATE. I GOT TO GO.

I'LL HAVE TO FINISH
THIS EDUCATION A LITTLE LATER.

Hailey:
OKAY, JUST REMEMBER ONE THING.

COMPROMISE BEGINS AND ENDS
IN DISAPPOINTMENT.

CIAO.

[ BOTH MOANING ]

Peter: OH.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH.

UH-HUH.

[ LAUGHS ]

Hailey: WOW.

Peter: OH.

Hailey: THAT WAS...
BETTER THAN "HIP-HOP ABS."

Peter: [ GROANS ]

[ BOTH PANTING ]

Peter:
AM I -- [ CHUCKLES ]

AM I GLOWING?

[ CHUCKLES ]
AM I GLOWING?

Hailey: DAMN, YES.

Peter: [ LAUGHS ]

Hailey: THIS TIME,
I WROTE MY NAME ON THERE.

Peter: [ LAUGHS ]

Hailey: WHOO!

Peter: [ SIGHS ]

ONE MORE?

-I SEE YOU.
-Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

Peter:
I SEE IT. I SEE IT.

Hailey: MM-MM.

Peter: [ SIGHS ] AH!

[ SLAPS ]
[ LAUGHS ]

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

-Peter: PHEW.
-Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

-Peter: OH.
-Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Peter: MM-HMM.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

Peter: [ SIGHS ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ TOOTHBRUSH WHIRRING ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ SIGHS ]

Hailey: HMM.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

Peter:
EVERYTHING'S PERFECT.

Hailey: SHOULDN'T YOU
BE GETTING READY FOR WORK?

Peter:
I TOOK THE NIGHT OFF.

-Hailey: OH.
-Peter: MM-HMM.

Hailey:
[ CHUCKLES ] THAT'S NICE.

MM.

-Peter: HMM.
-Hailey: [ YAWNS ]

-I AM SO, SO EXHAUSTED
-Peter: [ CHUCKLES ]

Hailey: I HAVE SO MUCH WORK
TO DO TOMORROW.

Peter:
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

SO...I'VE BEEN THINKING.

Hailey: MM.

ABOUT WHAT?

Peter: YOU.

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

Peter: WHY NOT YOU?

Hailey:
WHY NOT ME WHAT?

Peter:
WHY NOT...YOU?

-Hailey: [ SCREAMS ]
-Peter: I THINK THIS IS

THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I DIDN'T -- OH! OKAY!

Hailey: ARE YOU OUT OF
YOUR FREAKIN' MIND?!

-Peter: OKAY, HERE'S THE --
-Hailey: GET OUT!

-Peter: BUT I THOUGHT THAT --
-Hailey: YOU THAT WHAT,

THAT THIS WAS W-W-WHAT, "LITTLE
HOUSE ON THE FREAKIN' PRAIRIE"?!

Peter: OW. OKAY. OKAY.
NOW, LOOK, OKAY?

Hailey:
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?

Peter: YEAH, I'VE --

OH, OKAY. OKAY.

Hailey:
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?

Peter: UH, YEAH.
I -- I'VE GOTTEN MY NOSE BROKEN.

Hailey:
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK

IT TAKES TO FILL A SPOT
WITH THE RIGHT GUY?!

Peter: OW.

I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT ANY SPOTS, SO...

-Hailey: YOU KNEW WHAT THIS WAS.
-Peter: YES. NO.

Hailey: AND YOU HAD TO GO
AND GET SOME GRAND IDEA

-OF AFFECTION OFF SHAKESPEARE!
-Peter: OW! OW!

I -- I DON'T REALLY
READ SHAKESPEARE.

Hailey: I THOUGHT WE HAD
SOMETHING SPECIAL!

-Peter: UH...OW!
-Hailey: GET OUT!

-Peter: PLEASE -- OKAY!
-Hailey: GET! GET! GET OUT!

Peter: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I'M OUT. I'M OUT. I'M OUT.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Rebecca: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A MAN FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU?

Hailey:
WELL, IT'S NOT THAT.

HE'S NOT THAT GUY, YOU KNOW?

HE'S SEDUCTION,
A BOOTY CALL, THE SHEET MASTER.

WHAT THE HELL.

Rebecca:
"THE SHEET MASTER"?

Hailey: WHATEVER.

Rebecca:
LOOK, YOU KNOW [SIGHS]

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

THINGS DON'T JUST STAY
IN A TIDY, LITTLE BOX.

Hailey:
OH, WELL, THEY SHOULD.

YOU KNOW, HE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL.

IT'S WHAT EVER MAN WANTS --
SEX WITHOUT COMPLICATIONS.

Rebecca: APPARENTLY,
THAT'S NOT WHAT EVERY MAN WANTS.

AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR.

Hailey:
ACTUALLY, THREE.

-I HAD TO LET MY MONEY GUY GO.
-Rebecca: WHY?

Hailey:
HE FILED BANKRUPTCY.

Rebecca:
OH, DAMN. YOU'RE SICK.

Robert: MR. WU, THANK YOU
FOR YOUR PATIENCE.

Hailey: MR. WU, YOUR COMPANY
WILL MOST CERTAINLY BENEFIT

FROM AN ONGOING PARTNERSHIP
WITH OUR FIRM.

WE CAN HANDLE
ALL OF YOUR RECOVERY NEEDS,

FROM SIMPLE ACCOUNT
RECONCILIATION TO LITIGATION.

Interpreter:
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

Wu: MM.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

Interpreter:
MR. WU IS INTRIGUED.

Hailey:
THAT'S WONDERFUL.

Wu:
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

Interpreter:
MR. WU WOULD LIKE THESE ISSUES

TO BE RESOLVED IN-HOUSE,
WITHOUT COSTLY LITIGATIONS.

Hailey: WE ALWAYS
TRY TO AVOID LITIGATION.

HOWEVER, AS A LAST RESORT,

MY FATHER IS A WELL-RESPECTED
CIVIL ATTORNEY.

WE ARE OFFERING YOU,
ESSENTIALLY, A ONE-STOP SHOP

FOR YOUR RECOVERY NEEDS.

Interpreter:
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

Wu: HMM.

[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

Interpreter: MR. WU IS A BIT
CONCERNED WITH THE METHODOLOGY.

HE HAS HEARD
SOME VERY DISCONCERTING RUMORS.

Robert: LET ME ASSURE MR. WU
THAT MY DAUGHTER IS N--

Hailey: WHY DON'T WE JUST
QUIT THE CHARADE, MR. WU?

YOUR BUSINESS
HAS OVER $30 MILLION OUTSTANDING

FROM YOUR CLIENTS.

YOU NEED YOUR MONEY, WHICH MEANS
YOU NEED MY SERVICES.

NOT ONLY
DO YOU NEED MY SERVICES...

YOU WANT MY SERVICES, DON'T YOU?

Wu: HIRE HER.

Hailey: SHELLY WILL BRING IN
THE PAPERWORK.

Interpreter:
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]

JAMES:
I don't need much, all right?

-Robert: [ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]
-Hailey: I KNOW.

Robert:
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

JAMES: ...and I promise
every moment we share...

Robert: NOW.

Hailey: I'LL CALL YOU
RIGHT BACK, JAMES.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

Robert: HAILEY,
YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP THIS.

Hailey:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Robert:
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

THIS IS NOT A GAME, SWEETHEART.

Hailey: SURE, IT IS.
IT IS ALWAYS A GAME.

Robert: YOU KNOW,
BARRY CAME TO ME EARLIER,

COMPLAINING TO ME
ABOUT YOU STEALING HIS ACCOUNTS.

Hailey: DAD, I HAVE LANDED
AND CLOSED MORE ACCOUNTS

IN THIS OFFICE
THAN ANYBODY ELSE COMBINED,

INCLUDING YOU.

THAT IS WHY YOU MADE ME PARTNER.

AND BARRY
COULDN'T CLOSE AN ACCOUNT IF --

Robert:
HONEY, BABY, BEING GOOD

AT DOING THE WRONG THING

DOES NOT
MAKE IT THE RIGHT THING.

Hailey:
DID WE GET THE ACCOUNT?

Robert: YES, WE GOT THE ACCOUNT,
BUT AT WHAT COST?

Hailey:
TO EVERYTHING GREAT IN LIFE

THERE IS A COST, ISN'T THERE?

Robert: OH! OH!

SO NOW YOU THINK QUOTING ME
MAKES YOUR BEHAVIOR OKAY.

Hailey: SMILE, DADDY.

IT'S A GOOD DAY.

MWAH.

NOW, IS THIS THE DOSSIER?

Robert:
YEAH, IT'S ALL THERE --

COPY OF HIS PASSPORT,
CREDIT-CARD STATEMENTS,

DUN'S REPORTS, ET CETERA,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

YOU KNOW,
CHRISTOPHER IS DROWNING IN DEBT.

AND, SWEETHEART, THERE IS A VERY
CLEAR AND DISTINCT LINE HERE.

DO NOT CROSS IT.

Hailey:
WATCH ME DO WHAT I DO.

Robert:
I'M NOT SURE THAT'S SOMETHING

A FATHER SHOULD SEE.

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ BEEPS ]

JASON:
To summer...then rain...

is the greatest achievement
this life can bring.

So let me suffer
so I may rain deep inside of you

until you are glazed
with my affection.

[ BEEPS ]

T.I.: Hailey, baby,

let me know
where you're gonna be tonight

and I'll come check on you.

It's T.I.

[ BEEPS ]

MATTHEW:
Hailey. Matthew.

Gingrich is announcing
his candidacy on CNN tonight.

It's gonna be absurd, of course.

[ CAR HORNS HONK ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

Hailey: [ WHISTLING ]

Jonathan::
HEY, UH, ONE SECOND.

Hailey: EXCUSE ME,
CAN I HAVE ANOTHER MARTINI?

Jonathan: HEY, BABY.

I WANT TO DRINK YOUR BATH WATER.

Hailey:
UGH! YOU KNOW --

Jonathan: [ LAUGHS ]

Hailey:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Jonathan:
CLOSING MY FIVE.

Hailey: WHAT HAPPENED

-TO YOUR OLD NUMBER FIVE?
-Jonathan: [ CHUCKLES ]

REALLY, BY NOW, YOU SHOULD KNOW

THAT YOUR FIVE IS IN A CONSTANT
STATE OF CHANGE, ALL RIGHT?

IN CHAPTER EIGHT, I EXPLAIN,

"YOU GOT TO BE LIKE WATER,
RIGHT?"

YOU GOT TO JUST FLOW
WITH THE ENERGY OF YOUR FIVE.

Hailey: OKAY, LOOK.

I AM WORKING RIGHT NOW,
SO I NEED YOU TO GO.

Jonathan: WORKING?

OH. O-O-OKAY. THAT'S YOU?

Hailey:
YES, SO PLEASE LEAVE.

Jonathan:
OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. UGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WAS JUST COMING
TO CHECK ON MY BIG SISTER,

BUT NOT NO MORE, ALL RIGHT?

-BE NICE TO HIM.
-Hailey: BYE.

Jonathan: BYE.

Sans:
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

LOVE YOU TOO. [ SMOOCHES ]

LITTLE KISS. YOU JUST JEALOUS.
UH-HUH.

YOU AIN'T GOT TO BE JEALOUS.

GO AND PLAY YOUR GAME. FI--

OH, GOD.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED
WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE?

LOOK WHAT GOD DONE DONATED
TO THE MEN ON EARTH.

LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THAT.

Christopher:
COME ON, SANS. COME ON, MAN.

Sans: DAMN!

Christopher:
SANS. HEY, HEY.

Sans: EXCUSE ME. DROOLING.

Christopher:
[ WHISTLES ] PLAYBOY.

-Sans: WHAT?
-Christopher: COME ON, MAN.

YOU PROMISED, MAN.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE GIRLS
TONIGHT.

IT'S ABOUT THE FELLAS,
ALL RIGHT, POOL, BUSINESS.

Sans:
I KNOW WHAT I SAID, OKAY?

'CAUSE I WAS THERE WHEN
I SAID IT, ALL RIGHT, BROTHER?

BUT SOMETIMES,
YOU GET DICK-STRACTED,

AND RIGHT NOW,
LITTLE SANS IS LIKE,

"WHAT YOU DOING?
WHAT YOU DOING?"

EXCUSE ME, DROOLING.

Hailey: HMM.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

Sybil:
OKAY, I CANNOT STAY LONG.

WHY DO YOU HAVE ME DRESSED
IN THIS HIDEOUS THING?

Hailey: SEXY.

Christopher:
COME ON, MAN. NOT TONIGHT. DAMN.

Sans:
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?

YOU A SELFISH BASTARD.

THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

Christopher:
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

WHAT'S MISS ROXANNE GONNA SAY

ABOUT ALL THESE
DICK-STRACTIONS, HUH?

SHE GONNA HURT YOUR ASS, MAN.

SHE GONNA HURT YOUR ASS.

YOU'RE GONNA END UP
ON MY COUCH ANOTHER SIX WEEKS.

Sans:
LOOK, T-THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

WITH [CHUCKLES] SNIFFING
THE [INHALES DEEPLY]

TITILLATING SMELL
OF A FRESH ROSE, BROTHER.

Christopher:
[ LAUGHS ] I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

THAT -- THAT MINISKIRT'S
LOOKING LIKE

IT'S SMELLING
KIND OF FUNKY TO ME.

Sans:
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE ONE

I'M TALKING ABOUT?
YOU DON'T KNOW --

YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE
I'M TALKING --

I MIGHT BE TALKING ABOUT
THE OTHER ONE.

I LIKE MY WOMEN CONSERVATIVE
SOMETIMES, BROTHER.

Christopher:
[ SCOFFS ] CONSERVATIVE?

Sans:
YEAH, I DO LIKE A CONSERVE

EVERY NOW AND THEN.

OKAY, NO, I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT HER AT ALL,

BUT THE OTHER ONE IS FINE,
THOUGH.

AIN'T SHE BAD? DAMN!

Christopher:
SANS, I'M ON HIATUS, ALL RIGHT?

I'M TAKING A BREAK.

Sans: OH, YOU'RE DONE
LOOKING FOR THE ONE?

Christopher:
I DIDN'T SAY ALL THAT.

I DIDN'T SAY I'M DONE.

I SAID
I'M TAKING A LITTLE BREAK.

Sans: OKAY, YOU KEEP TAKING
A BREAK FROM THE GAME,

ONE DAY, THE COACH GONNA SAY,
"GO AHEAD AND PLAY."

YOU'RE GONNA GET IN.

GONNA MISS AN OPEN LAY-UP.

OOH! JUST LIKE THAT.
OH, DAMN!

Sybil:
HAILEY, WHERE ARE YOUR BREASTS?

Hailey: THEY'RE IN HERE.
HE LIKES HIS WOMEN CONSERVATIVE.

-Sybil: WHO?
-Hailey: CHRISTOPHER MICHAELS.

BEHIND US, 6:00. PLAYING POOL.

MM! DON'T LOOK OVER THERE.

Sybil:
W-WHO IS CHRISTOPHER MICHAELS?

Hailey: HE'S THE MARK.

Sybil:
OKAY. WHO'S HE WITH?

Hailey:
YEAH, I'M NOT SURE.

HE'S NOT IN THE FILE,

BUT I'VE SEEN HIM
A COUPLE OF TIMES.

THAT IS WHY YOU'RE HERE.

Sybil: WHAT?

GIRL, YOU DID NOT!

I-I'M NOT --
NO. I'M OUT OF HERE.

Hailey:
GIRL, YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO SEE

HOW IT'S DONE.

Christopher:
YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT ME.
I'M GONNA BE FINE.

Sans: YEAH, I AIN'T SAYING
YOU WASN'T GONNA BE FINE.

I'M TELLING YOU
YOU MAKE A DECISION

WHERE YOU SHOULD FIND A WOMAN,
AND YOU NEVER KNOW.

ANYWHERE YOU CAN FIND THE ONE.

OOH.

Christopher:
SANS, I'M A REALIST, OKAY?

I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE GUYS
LIKE YOURSELF

THAT THINKS
I'M GONNA COME TO SOME BAR

AND MEET MY FUTURE WIFE
EATING 50-CENT WINGS

AND WATCHING SOME DAMN GAME.

Sans: OH, YES.

YOU JUST WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY

WHERE I MET MY WIFE AT?

HUH?

YOU -- WE WAS WALKING PAST
THE NASTY RHINO.

YOU PULLED ME IN THERE, OKAY?

AND SHE WASN'T DANCING AT ALL.

YEAH, SHE WAS PRACTICING,

BUT SHE WASN'T DAMN DANCING,
OKAY?

Christopher:
YOU PLAY TOO MUCH, MAN.

LOOK [CHUCKLES]
I'M JUST SAYING NOT FOR ME.

I'M NOT MEETING MY WIFE
IN A BAR,

SO I'M JUST FOCUSED ON POOL.

Sans:
YOU PREJUDICED.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY IT, MAN.

-Christopher: HOW DO --
-Sans: YOU'RE PREJU--

WHAT WOULD MARTIN THINK
RIGHT NOW?

YOU THINK HE WOULD MARCH
FOR THIS BULLSHIT?

Christopher: LISTEN, MAN.

WHY -- WHY DON'T YOU USE ALL
THAT ENERGY AND ALL THAT MOUTH

TO FOCUS ON HOW YOU ARE GONNA
TALK YOUR WAY

BACK INTO ROXANNE'S PANTIES
AGAIN, HUH?

Sans: HOLD UP.

GUESS WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.

Christopher:
UH, NOT PLAYING POOL.

Sans:
IGNORING YOU IN MY BUSINESS.

-Christopher: [ SIGHS ]
-Sans: MM-HMM.

STAY OUT OF MY DAMN BUSINESS.

THAT'S IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

AND OPEN YOUR EYES.

HAVE YOU LOOKED OVER THERE
AT ALL?

Christopher: I'M GOOD.

Sans: THAT WOMAN OVER THERE'S
BEEN STARING AT YOU

FOR THE LAST FIVE MINUTES,
BROTHER.

YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AS A HINT?

LIKE IN A MUSIC VIDEO

WHERE YOU THE LEAD DAMN SINGER.

BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT,
CAN'T YOU?

HELL, NO, YOU CAN'T.

SO IF YOU AIN'T GONNA DO IT
FOR YOURSELF, BROTHER --

SELFISH ASS --
DO IT FOR ME AND ALL OF MANKIND.

THAT WOMAN
BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU,

LOOKING AT YOU, STARING AT YOU.

Hailey:
SO...WATCH AND LEARN.

Sans: THAT WOMAN HAS DONE
EVERYTHING EXCEPT WALK OVER --

HERE SHE COMES. HERE SHE COMES.
SHE WALKING OVER HERE.

YEAH! WHOO!

Hailey:
WELL, HELLO THERE.

Christopher: HI. I'M CHRIS.

Hailey:
I'M HAILEY. HOW ARE YOU?

Sans: SANS.

Hailey:
I NORMALLY DON'T DO THIS...

Sans: MM-HMM.

Hailey:
...BUT MY FRIEND OVER THERE

SAYS SHE REALLY
LIKES YOUR STYLE.

Sans: OVER THERE?

Hailey:
SHE SAYS SHE REALLY LIKES

THE WAY YOU HANDLE YOUR BALLS.

THE ONES ON THE TABLE.

Sans:
OH, RIGHT. [ LAUGHS ]

'CAUSE WHAT ELSE
WOULD SHE BE TALKING ABOUT?

AIN'T LIKE
I WAS WALKING AROUND...OUT,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

Hailey: DO YOU MIND

IF I BRING HER OVER HERE TO --
TO MAYBE WATCH?

Christopher: WELL, WELL,
ACTUALLY, UH, YOU KNOW, WE --

WE WERE JUST HANGING OUT,
JUST THE FELLAS, SO...

Sans: YEAH, WE WAS HANGING OUT
JUST THE FELLAS,

BUT NOW THAT YOU DONE MADE
THAT BEAUTIFUL INVITE,

I SAY YOU GO GET HER
AND BRING HER OVER HERE

SO SHE CAN TALK TO US, AND I CAN
TEACH HER SOMETHING MAYBE.

-Hailey: YEAH?
-Sans: YEAH.

THANK YOU.

I'm about to fight you
right now.

I'm about you fight you
right now.

I'm gonna beat you.

Hailey:
UM, JUST...ONE SECOND.

Sans: SHE SAID,
"I USUALLY DON'T DO THIS."

WHO THE --
WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN.

-Christopher: NO, DAWG.
-Sans: I KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN!

Christopher:
WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION.

Sans: YEAH, WE DID,
BUT I DON'T BE LISTENING TO YOU.

Sybil: YES.

Hailey: IF YOU DON'T
GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE...

Sybil:
I'M NOT GOING OVER THERE.

Hailey: YES, YOU WILL.

YOU ARE THE DEVIL TO MY ANGEL,

THE SLUT TO MY GOOD GIRL.

AND I NEED YOU
TO KEEP HIS FRIEND OCCUPIED.

Sybil: YOU'RE CRAZY.

I ONLY GET DOWN LIKE THAT
FOR MY MAN.

Hailey:
WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE A MAN.

Sybil: WELL, STILL.

Hailey:
IF YOU DON'T GET OVER THERE

RIGHT NOW,
I'LL TELL YOUR FATHER

ABOUT YOUR LESBIAN
PORN COLLECTION.

Sybil: HAILEY, I SHOULD
TEAR YOUR LITTLE -- YOU...

Hailey: OKAY, FINE.

I WILL GIVE YOU $500
FOR THE NEXT 30 MINUTES.

Sybil: ALL RIGHT,

-LET'S DO THIS.
-Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Sans:
I'M ABOUT FINISHED, TOO.

I'M EXCITED ABOUT LIFE ITSELF,
BROTHER.

JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD.

MM-HMM. WATCH THAT.
OKAY, BE QUIET, BROTHER.

HEY.

Sybil:
HI, I'M SYBIL.

Christopher:
HI, THIS IS SANS.

Sybil:
HI, SANS. I'M SYBIL.

Sans: SO, UH, WHAT BRINGS YOU
LADIES OUT TONIGHT?

Sybil: I DON'T KNOW.

WE'RE JUST BORED AND VULNERABLE.

Hailey: MNH-MNH.

WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE.

WE'RE NOT THAT VULNERABLE.

Sybil:
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

I'M FEELING KIND OF FUNNY.

Sans: FUNNY?

Sybil:
YEAH, YOU KNOW.

LIKE YOU'RE MISSING SOMETHING,

BUT YOU JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS YOU'RE MISSING.

Sans: HMM.

BUT I BET YOU'LL KNOW
WHEN YOU FIND IT, HUH?

Sybil:
I BET YOU I WOULD, TOO.

Hailey:
SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU OUT?

Christopher:
UH, WELL, ACTUALLY,

WE WERE JUST, UH,
TRYING TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM

AFTER A TOUGH WORK WEEK.

Hailey:
OH. OH, REALLY?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

Christopher:
I MAKE VIDEO GAMES.

UH, YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN
OUR LOGO -- GYRATE MEDIA?

Hailey:
[ CHUCKLES ] WOW.

Christopher: I'M JUST...

NO PUN INTENDED.

Hailey: WELL, I MEAN,
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.

WITH THE HOLIDAYS COMING UP,
BUSINESS MUST BE GREAT.

Christopher: ACTUALLY, UH,
YOU KNOW, WE HAD A TOUGH YEAR.

THINGS ARE TURNING AROUND.

Sybil: OHH.

Christopher: YOU KNOW WHAT,

SANS AND I ACTUALLY GREW UP
AS KIDS IN SEATTLE.

IF YOU BELIEVE IT,
HE, UH -- HE USED TO SAVE ME

FROM THE LOCAL ASS-KICKERS
WHEN WE WERE LITTLE KIDS.

Sybil: YOU DON'T MIND
IF I TOUCH ON THOSE MUSCLES,

-DO YOU?
-Sans: I DON'T MIND.

THAT'S WHAT THEY THERE FOR,
BABY. TOUCH AWAY.

JUST DON'T BREAK YOUR HANDS
ON THAT.

Hailey:
IT'S REALLY GREAT THAT YOU GUYS

ARE STILL FRIENDS ALL THIS TIME.

Christopher: NO, THIS FOOL
ISN'T JUST MY FRIEND.

HE'S MY BUSINESS PARTNER.

Sans: I AM HIS -- Shh --
SILENT PARTNER, ALL RIGHT?

CHRIS WAS ALWAYS THE GEEK
WITH THE PLAN.

I JUST INVESTED IN THE VISION.

THAT -- THAT BOY DOES IT ALL
RIGHT THERE.

Hailey: MM-HMM.

Sybil:
OH, OH, SO YOU'RE, LIKE,

A CAPITALIST.

I LIKE THAT.

BET YOU KNOW
HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN.

Sans: OH, YES.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

SO [CHUCKLES] YOU LADIES
UP TO LEARN

-HOW TO PLAY SOME POOL OR WHAT?
-Hailey: YES.

Christopher: OOH, I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO PLAY POOL ALL NIGHT.

Sybil:
YOU GONNA TEACH US?

-Sans: I SURE WILL.
-Sybil: OKAY.

SHOW US
WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH.

Sans:
IT'S PRETTY EASY.

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO
IS GLIDE THE STICK SLOWLY,

GENTLY THROUGH YOUR HANDS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

Sybil:
OOH, CAN I BORROW YOUR STICK?

Sans:
OF COURSE YOU CAN.

Sybil: OKAY.

Sans:
OH, YOU'VE PLAYED BEFORE, HUH?

Sybil: YEAH.

LIKE THIS?

Sans:
YEAH, A LOT LIKE -- LIKE THAT.

THAT COULD BE COOL.

Sybil:
OR, LIKE, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.

Sans: THAT'S A GOOD --
THAT, RIGHT -- THAT --

THAT RIGHT THERE'S
STRAIGHT, TOO.

Sybil:
A LITTLE LOWER?

Sans:
NOT A LI-- NO LOWER.

Sybil: OKAY.

IS THIS HOW YOU DO IT, SANS?

AHH, IS THIS RIGHT?

Sans:
I -- I DON'T -- IT FEELS --

FEELS RIGHT, LOOKS RIGHT.

Sybil: AHH.

Sans: NO, RIGHT.

COULD YOU NOT BE SO...?

[ GROANS ] OHH!

[ Whimpering ]
OH, THAT FEELS FINE.

[ GROANS ]

[ GROANS ]

Hailey:
HE -- HE LEFT?

Christopher: YEP.

Sybil: I'M GOING.

NICE MEETING YOU, CHRISTOPHER.

Christopher: UH, OKAY.

-UH...
-Hailey: WELL, I GUESS

-IT'S JUST US.
-Christopher: YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S -- IT'S --
IT'S GETTING LATE.

UH, AND I SHOULD PROBABLY
HEAD OUT, TOO.

Hailey: REALLY?

WOW, THAT'S A FIRST.

Christopher:
NO, NO, I DON'T --

I DON'T -- I DEFINITELY DON'T
MEAN ANYTHING PERSONAL BY THAT.

I ACTUALLY,
UH, HAVE A LONG DAY TOMORROW.

Hailey: OKAY.

WELL, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

Christopher:
IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

Hailey: GOOD NIGHT.

HMM.

[ SEA GULLS CAWING ]

-Pamela: LIKE THIS?
-Bill: ALL RIGHT.

-WE'RE GONNA DO THIS AGAIN.
-Pamela: ALL RIGHT.

Bill:
ALL RIGHT? FEET WIDE APART.

-Pamela: YEP.
-Bill: ALL RIGHT.

-GRAB THE RACKET.
-Pamela: RACKET.

Bill:
JUST CHOKE DOWN ON THE RACKET.

Pamela:
CHOKE DOWN ON THE RACKET.

-Bill: YOU READY?
-Pamela: YEAH.

Bill:
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT.

Pamela: OKAY, HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO,

-HERE WE GO.
-Bill: READY? GO.

Pamela: OOH!

Bill:
ALL RIGHT. NOT BAD, NOT BAD.

LET'S DO ONE MORE.
LET'S DO ONE MORE.

-Pamela: THIS IS NOT EASY.
-Bill: IT'S NOT.

Pamela: NO LAUGHING
FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY.

HERE WE GO.

WAH!
AHH! YES, YES, YES, YES.

-Bill: NICE WORK.
-Pamela: YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOUR FATHER
LET'S YOU BEHAVE THIS WAY.

-Hailey: BEHAVE WHAT WAY?
-Pamela: [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

LIKE SOME ASS FOR SALE.

-Jonathan: OHH!
-Hailey: MOM!

Pamela: I MEAN IT.

Jonathan: YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK MORE WOMEN SHOULD USE
THE POWER OF THE VAJAYJAY.

Hailey:
THANK YOU, JONATHAN.

Pamela: OH. [ CHUCKLES ]

-NOW YOU LISTENING TO HIM?
-Hailey: YEAH, I WAS KIND OF

SKEPTICAL AT FIRST, BUT, UM...

Jonathan:
SHE'S SEEN THE LIGHT. [ LAUGHS ]

Hailey: THAT LITTLE,
SILLY AUDIOBOOK OF HIS

MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

-Pamela: "MY FAVORITE FIVE"?
-Jonathan: HEY, HEY.

50,000 DOWNLOADS SO FAR.

Pamela: SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, HUH?

YOU GONNA MARRY FIVE MEN?

Hailey:
I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED.

Pamela: WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED?

Hailey:
WHY SHOULD I GET MARRIED

AND TIE DOWN
ALL OF THIS GOODNESS?

Jonathan:
WHY SHOULD YOU, INDEED, SISTER?

MA, YOU KNOW MARRIAGE
IS AN ANTIQUATED,

SIMPLE-MINDED NOTION
FOR NEEDY PEOPLE.

Pamela: YOU KNOW WHAT?

GOD MADE WOMEN SPECIFICALLY
TO BELONG TO A MAN -- ONE MAN.

Jonathan:
SOLOMON HAD MANY CONCUBINES.

Pamela: YOU KNOW, MEN WERE ALSO
CIRCUMCISED WITH SHARP STONES.

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LONG
FOR THOSE GOOD OLD DAYS?

Hailey: I JUST DON'T THINK
THERE'S A MAN OUT THERE FOR ME.

Pamela: THEN, HONEY,

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP DATING?

Hailey:
I DATE FOR PLEASURE.

Jonathan: HEY, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH THAT.

-I LIKE THAT.
-Hailey: [ LAUGHS ] RIGHT?

Pamela:
EW! EW! YES, THERE IS.

NOW, HAILEY,
I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE,

YOU KNOW, SHUFFLING YOUR GOODIES
FROM ONE MAN TO THE NEXT.

Hailey:
NO, YOU RAISED ME

TO BE STRONG AND INDEPENDENT.

Pamela:
YES, BUT BEING INDEPENDENT

DOES NOT MEAN BEING DEVOID
OF MORALITY.

Hailey:
WELL, WHOSE MORAL COMPASS

SHOULD I BE FOLLOWING?

YOURS? DAD'S? SOCIETY'S?

Jonathan: JESUS'.

-Hailey: [ LAUGHS ]
-Jonathan: OHH!

Hailey: OH, MY.

THIS IS NOT BASEBALL.

Jonathan:
HEY, A HIT IS A HIT. ASK SERENA.

Pamela: SHUSH.

LOOK, EVERY DECISION
YOU MAKE NOW WILL MATTER LATER.

NOW, BILL,
CAN WE PLEASE TRY THIS AGAIN

BECAUSE I HAVE GOT TO
GET MY SEXY BACK?

-Bill: ABSOLUTELY.
-Pamela: [ CLEARS THROAT ]

Bill:
ALL RIGHT, READY?

Christopher: HERE.

PUT THOSE OVER THERE.

Sans:
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE, CHRIS.

Christopher: SANS, WE ALWAYS
HAVE A CHOICE, OKAY?

AND I'M MAKING IT.

WE'RE CHOOSING
TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

12:00.

EVERYBODY GRAB SOME FOOD.
LUNCHTIME.

NOW LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT,
MAN.

HOW ARE YOU JUST GONNA BAIL
ON ME LIKE THAT LAST NIGHT?

Sans: WHAT, I DIDN'T BAIL.
YOU GAVE ME THE SIGNAL.

YOU SAID, "GET OUT OF --"
I SAW YOUR SIGNAL.

Christopher: MAN, THAT WAS FOUL.
THAT'S CRAZY, MAN.

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
SINCE WE WAS 10 YEARS OLD,

AND YOU WAS GONNA ROLL OUT ON ME
LIKE THAT?

Sans:
WHAT ABOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU...?

Christopher: WHEN I WHAT?

Sans:
IT WAS ME, YOU --

THE TIME YOU DID SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW YOU DID SOMETHING.

Christopher: I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY, MAN.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO SAY?

THIS -- THIS IS A FIRST.

Sans: I'VE BEEN --

I'VE BEEN LYING TO YOU.

Christopher: ABOUT WHAT?

Sans:
ME AND ROXANNE.

WE'RE NOT JUST SEPARATED.

I FILED FOR DIVORCE.

Christopher: DIVORCE?

WHAT -- WHAT -- WHEN?

Sans:
A FEW MONTHS BACK.

IT -- IT'S EMBARRASSING.

I DIDN'T EVEN TELL MY MAMA.

YOU KNOW
I TELL MY MAMA EVERYTHING.

Christopher: WHY?

Sans: NOTHING.

IT'S JUST -- WE BROKE UP.
THINGS GOT CRAZY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WE GOT DIVORCED.
PEOPLE GET DIVORCED.

SHE KEPT ON
EATING ALL MY CEREAL,

AND THEN
SHE'D MESS WITH THE REMOTE

AND SHE CHEATED

AND SHE DROVE MY CAR
AND TOOK ALL THE GAS.

-WHO DOES THAT?
-Christopher: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
BACK UP.

YOU SAID SHE USED THE REMOTE,
AND THEN WHAT?

Sans:
AFTER THE REMOTE,

THEN SHE CHEATED.

Christopher:
A PLAYER GOT PLAYED.

Sans:
"A PLAYER GOT PLAYED"?

THAT -- THAT -- THAT -- THAT --
THAT --

THAT'S YOUR DR. PHIL MOMENT
RIGHT THERE?

"THE PLAYER GOT PLAYED"?

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEBBIE
THE WHOLE TIME.

I TOLD YOU I LOVE DEBBIE.
REMEMBER?

I USED TO CALL HER
"LITTLE DEBBIE."

WE ATE THE LITTLE DEBBIE SNACKS.

YEAH, DEBBIE HAD
FOUR DIFFERENT BABY DADDIES.

Christopher:
AND YOU CHEATED ON DEBBIE.

Sans:
LOOK, THIS WAS NOT MY GIRL, MAN.

AND IT'S NOT ABOUT ME, ANYWAY.

Christopher:
WHAT'S IT ABOUT, THEN?

Sans:
IT'S ABOUT YOU.

CUZ, YOU LIVE IN TWO EXTREMES.

IT'S ONE THING OR THE OTHER
WITH YOU, MAN.

YOU NEED TO FIND SOME --
SOME MIDDLE GROUND.

LAST YEAR, YOU'RE,
"I NEED TO BE ENGAGED.

I FOUND MY SOUL MATE IN SANDRA."

YOU BOUGHT HER
TWO ENGAGEMENT RINGS.

"THE LOVE
IS GONNA LAST TWO LIFETIMES."

REMEMBER ALL THAT?
AND THIS YEAR, YOU A DAMN MONK.

Christopher:
I DON'T NEED TO WORRY

ABOUT WOMEN, OKAY?

WOMEN -- THEY'RE NOT VULNERABLE
ANYMORE, OKAY?

THEY'RE NOT HONEST.

ALL RIGHT, MAN?

THEY'RE JUST FULL OF GAMES.

I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR GAMES.

Sans: I REMEMBER WHEN GIRLS
WERE HONEST.

YOU MEAN BACK
WHEN EVE BIT THE APPLE?

WOMEN AIN'T NEVER
BEEN HONEST, MAN,

AND, CHRIS,
EVERYBODY PLAYS THE GAME.

Christopher: YEAH, WELL,
I'M DONE WITH GAMES, MAN.

-I DON'T PLAY THEM NO MORE.
-Sans: EVERYBODY PLAYS THE GAME,

-CHRIS.
-Hailey: OH.

OH, MY GOSH. I AM SO SORRY.

AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?

Sans:
WHAT THE HELL?

Christopher:
YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.

WHAT -- WHAT --
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Hailey:
WELL, I WAS JUST IN THE AREA

AND THOUGHT I WOULD...DROP BY.

Sans:
YOU WAS JUST VISITING ANOTHER,

UM, NEIGHBORING WAREHOUSE?

Christopher:
WAIT, WAIT. HOW -- HOW --

HOW DID YOU KNOW
WHERE WE WORKED?

I MEAN,
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY LAST NAME?

Hailey:
GYRATE MEDIA. I GOOGLED YOU.

Sans:
SHE GOOGLED YOU.

THAT'S NOT SCARY AT ALL.

Hailey: WELL, ANYWAY,
I WAS JUST WONDERING

IF MAYBE YOU WANTED TO
GET SOME LUNCH.

Christopher:
WELL, ACTUALLY,

UH, SANS AND I --
WE HAVE LUNCH PLANS.

WE HAVE TO DISCUSS
A COUPLE THINGS.

-Hailey: OH.
-Sans: NO, ACTUALLY, I'M COOL.

WE JUST DISCUSSED ALL THE
BUSINESS WE NEED TO RIGHT NOW.

'CAUSE I GOT THINGS TO CHASE,
RIGHT? HMM?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A SIGNAL IS?

YOU EVER SEE SOMEBODY
GIVE A SIGNAL?

'CAUSE YOU EVER SEE SOMEBODY
GIVE A SIGNAL LIKE...?

DO YOU LIKE MONK FOOD?

Hailey:
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

Sans:
HE'LL TELL YOU.

Hailey: OH.

-Christopher: SO?
-Hailey: LUNCH?

Christopher:
WHY DON'T I TAKE YOU TO LUNCH?

Hailey:
OH. [ LAUGHS ]

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
GONNA HAVE ANYTHING?

Christopher:
NO, NO, NO, PLEASE.

GO AHEAD.

I-I NEVER EAT LUNCH.

Hailey: REALLY?

Christopher:
REALLY, I, UH -- THANK YOU.

I JUST NEED TIME
TO TAKE THE MENTAL BREAK.

Hailey: HMM.

Christopher: SO, WHAT DO YOU DO
PROFESSIONALLY?

Hailey: UH, I WORK FOR
AN ACCOUNTING FIRM.

Christopher:
REALLY? WHICH ONE?

Hailey:
OH, IT'S JUST A-A SMALL FIRM.

Christopher: OH, I'LL DEFINITELY
HAVE TO KEEP YOU IN MIND.

I'M LOOKING TO MOVE SOME THINGS
AROUND FINANCIALLY.

Hailey:
OH, I'M SURE I CAN HELP.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO, SEEING ANYONE?

Christopher: [ SIGHS ]

THE DREADED QUESTION.

ISN'T IT, UH, A LITTLE LATE
TO BE ASKING THAT?

Hailey:
NO. NOT AT ALL.

WE'RE STILL ABOVE LYING.

Christopher:
UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Hailey:
LUNCH, NOT DINNER.

ICED TEA, NOT WINE.

Christopher: AHA. I SEE.

NO.

NO, I'M DEFINITELY
NOT SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW.

Hailey:
THAT'S A BIG CLICHé.

Christopher:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Hailey:
OH, I MEAN, A HANDSOME GUY --

POLITE, RESPECTFUL,
PLAYING HARD TO GET.

Christopher: OH, YOU --

YOU THINK I'M PLAYING?

Hailey: IT'S THE OLDEST GAME
IN THE BOOK.

-YES.
-Christopher: NO, NO.

NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO GAMES.

YOU -- YOU DEFINITELY
GOT ME ALL WRONG.

Hailey: DO I?

-Christopher: YES.
-Hailey: HMM.

Christopher:
HAILEY, I'M JUST, UM --

I'M WAITING FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL.

Hailey: I SEE.

SO, UM, WHAT DOES
THIS MYSTERY WOMAN LOOK LIKE?

Christopher:
UH, WELL, SHE'S, UH --

SHE'S DEFINITELY UNASSUMING
AND CAN PUMP HER BRAKES.

YEAH, BUT SHE'S ALSO
VERY WELL PUT TOGETHER,

UNPRETENTIOUS,

BUT DEFINITELY SELF-ASSURED,

NOT AFRAID TO LAUGH,

WHO KNOWS
HOW TO HANDLE HER BUSINESS.

Hailey: UH-HUH.

SEXY, BUT NOT SLUTTY.

INTELLIGENT, BUT NOT NERDY.

SEDUCEABLE,
BUT NOT...GULLIBLE.

Christopher: RIGHT.

Hailey:
THIS IS A MISTAKE.

I AM SO SORRY
THAT I...WASTED YOUR TIME.

Christopher:
MISTAKE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Hailey:
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

EVERY WOMAN
DESERVES TO BE PURSUED,

AND IF I'M NOT WORTHY
IN YOUR EYES,

THEN I-I WISH YOU WELL.

Christopher:
WAIT, WAIT, I'M -- I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO --
I WASN'T TRYING TO, UH --

Hailey:
YOU WEREN'T TRYING AT ALL,

AND I'M SURE
YOU GET EVERY WOMAN YOU WANT

WITH VERY LITTLE EFFORT.

BUT I'M JUST NOT THAT GIRL.

HERE'S MY NUMBER IN CASE YOU
EVER NEED THAT ACCOUNTING HELP.

Christopher:
WAIT. I-I-I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

HAILEY, I-I-I...

[ SIGHS ]
I WASN'T TRYING TO INSULT YOU.

Hailey: IT'S OKAY.

I'M JUST FAR TOO VULNERABLE NOT
TO HAVE THOSE FEELINGS RETURNED.

TAKE CARE.

[ SIGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, SHELLY.
I WANT AN ORGY,

AND I WANT IT IN FIVE MINUTES.

Shelly:
YES, MS. COLBURN.

OH, AND MATTHEW, JAMES, AND T.I.
HAVE CALLED MULTIPLE TIMES.

Hailey: OKAY, TELL MATTHEW
TO MEET ME HERE FOR LUNCH.

TELL JAMES I'M OUT OF TOWN.

AND TAKE EVERYTHING WE HAVE
ON CHRISTOPHER MICHAELS

INTO THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

Shelly: AND T.I.?

Hailey:
[ SIGHS ] HMM.

Shelly:
YOU HAVE A CALL ON LINE 1.

Hailey: HAILEY COLBURN.

CHRISTOPHER:
What's your favorite flower?

Hailey: WHO IS THIS?

CHRISTOPHER:
Christopher Michaels.

Hailey: MR. MICHAELS?

CHRISTOPHER:
So, what's your favorite flower?

Hailey: CALLA LILIES.

CHRISTOPHER: Great.

Hold on a sec.

Hailey: HOLD? HELLO?

Shelly:
THESE JUST CAME FOR YOU.

CHRISTOPHER:
I just wanted to make sure

you knew
you were worth pursuing.

Hailey: OH.

LUCKY GUESS?

CHRISTOPHER:
No, I had my bases covered.

Hailey: I SEE.

CHRISTOPHER:
I want to see you.

Hailey:
YEAH, NO, TONIGHT I --

CHRISTOPHER: No. Now.

Hailey: NOW?

CHRISTOPHER:
I thought maybe you could

take off from work
a little early.

There's something
I'd like you to see.

Hailey:
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

Shelly:
WHAT SHOULD I DO

WITH THE REST OF THESE?

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

KEEP THEM.

Shelly: OH.

HMM.

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

Christopher:
SO, I WAS THINKING

WE COULD CATCH THE SUNSET.

Hailey: THE SUNSET?

Christopher:
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT A SUNSET IS,

-DON'T YOU?
-Hailey: OF COURSE I DO.

Christopher: [ CHUCKLES ]

Hailey:
I JUST NEVER SIT STILL

LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IT.

Christopher:
THAT'S A SHAME. YOU SHOULD.

TIME'S ALWAYS FLEETING.

Hailey: WHICH IS WHY

I NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF IT.

Christopher: HMM.

TIME IS LIKE THAT WATER.

* I MET YOU
JUST A FEW DAYS AGO *

Christopher:
THERE'S ALWAYS ENOUGH.

YOU JUST HAVE TO USE IT WISELY.

* AND I COULDN'T GET YOU
OFF MY MIND *

Hailey:
UH-HUH. OKAY.

I SEE WHAT THIS IS.

Christopher: WHAT'S THAT?

Hailey:
YOU'RE A DRIFTER.

Christopher: A DRIFTER?

Hailey: MM-HMM.

YOU COME INTO TOWN,
SWEEP A GIRL OFF HER FEET,

GET BORED, AND THEN RIDE OFF
INTO THE SUNSET.

Christopher: OH, NO.

NO, THAT'S NOT ME AT ALL.

UM, I'VE ONLY HAD
THREE GIRLFRIENDS

IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Hailey: REALLY?

Christopher: YEAH, YEAH.

BUT I ONLY HAD THE REAL THING
ONCE.

Hailey:
THE REAL THING? WHAT'S THAT?

* I WAS GONNA TAKE MY CHANCE *

Christopher: TRUE LOVE.

Hailey: OH. THAT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

Christopher:
YOU SOUND LIKE A NON-BELIEVER.

Hailey:
LET'S JUST SAY I BELIEVE

THAT LOVE
IS MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.

Christopher: AH.

YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT

WHEN THEY'VE NEVER
EXPERIENCED IT.

Hailey:
SO WHAT HAPPENED?

Christopher:
A BORING STORY.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

GUY MEETS GIRL,
GUY FALLS IN LOVE WITH GIRL,

GIRL MEETS NEW GUY,
GUY MOVES ON.

Hailey: HMM.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE --
YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL.

Christopher: GRATEFUL?

Hailey:
HEY, IT'S BETTER

TO FIND OUT SOONER THAN LATER.

Christopher:
PERFECTION IS RARE.

Hailey:
YOU SURE KNOW HOW

TO BUILD A GIRL'S CONFIDENCE.

Christopher: OKAY.

HERE'S WHERE IT GETS FUN.

Hailey: WHAT?

* IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL *

WHAT, YOU WANT ME
TO CLIMB THIS THING?

Christopher:
OH, COME ON, NOW.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

GIVE ME YOUR SHOES.

GIVE ME THOSE SHOES.

THOSE BEAUTIFUL SHOES.

Hailey:
BUT I HAVE ON A SKIRT.

-I MEAN...
-Christopher: OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY, WELL,
NOW IT'S A MINISKIRT.

Hailey: OH, WOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.

Christopher:
COME ON. I GOTCHA.

CHRIS GOTCHA.

Hailey: GOD.

Christopher:
IT'S WORTH IT. I PROMISE.

Hailey: YEAH.

Christopher:
JUST STEP WHERE I STEP,

AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

-Hailey: ALL RIGHT.
-Christopher: ALL RIGHT.

* I JUST WANNA KNOW YA *
* KNOW YA *

* SEE YOU BOTH AGAIN *

Hailey: SLOW.

Christopher:
I'LL MOVE SLOW ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Hailey:
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

OW!

Christopher:
YOU ALL RIGHT?

Hailey:
UH, YEAH. UH, MY PEDICURE ISN'T.

Christopher:
I'LL GET YOU A NEW PEDICURE.

* HAPPY TO SEE YOU
DOWN TO PAINT WITH ME *

* YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL NOW *

* WE ARE BEGGING TO KNOW *

* EACH OTHER
BETTER THAN BEFORE *

* IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL *

Christopher:
YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.

Hailey:
OKAY. OW! OKAY.

Christopher:
I GOT LIKE 10 PEDICURES

ON MY CREDIT NOW, HUH?

Hailey:
[ CHUCKLES ] YES, YOU DO.

Christopher:
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I CAN AFFORD IT.

HERE OKAY WITH YOU, MS. COLBURN?

* SO BEAUTIFUL *

* YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL *

Christopher: FOR YOU.

Hailey: THAT'S GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, THAT CUCUMBER
HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE.

Christopher: SO, TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP.

Hailey: [ SPUTTERS ]

Christopher:
HEY, YOU ALL RIGHT?

Hailey: [ COUGHING ]

-Christopher: YOU OKAY?
-Hailey: MM!

I, UM...

I JUST DON'T LIKE TO
TALK ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIPS.

Christopher:
OKAY, UH, WE'LL CIRCLE BACK

TO THAT ONE, THEN.

Hailey: SO, IS THIS
YOUR STANDARD SEDUCTION,

OR DID I GET THE UPGRADE?

Christopher: UM, NO.

I USUALLY COME HERE ALONE
JUST TO CLEAR MY HEAD.

I JOG HERE EVERY MORNING.

Hailey:
THEN I'M FLATTERED.

VERY FLATTERED.

Christopher:
[ CHUCKLES ] LIFE IS SO FUNNY.

Hailey: HOW SO?

NO, LET ME GUESS.

THE MINUTE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU HAD IT ALL FIGURED OUT,

IT ALL CHANGES.

Christopher: NO, THAT'S NOT
WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY.

I WAS GONNA SAY
JUST AS LIFE BRINGS YOU SADNESS,

IT ALSO BRINGS YOU GREAT BEAUTY.

COME ON.

Hailey:
WHAT, WHERE ARE WE GOING?

Christopher: COME ON,
THERE'S AN OLD MYTH THAT SAYS

IF YOUR FEET TOUCH THE WATER
JUST AS THE SUN

TOUCHES THE HORIZON,
YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE BLESSED.

-Hailey: CHILDREN?!
-Christopher: YEAH, COME ON

Hailey:
[ LAUGHS ] AAH!

[ SCREAMS, LAUGHS ]

Christopher: I GOT YOU.

[ ELEVATOR DINGS ]

Woman: OH, MY GOD.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

Hailey: [ MOANS ]

[ RINGING STOPS ]

[ CELLPHONE RESUMES RINGING ]

[ RINGING STOPS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ RINGING RESUMES ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ GROANS ]

[ SIGHS ] HAILEY COLBURN.

Shelly: Ms. Colburn.

Hailey: YES, SHELLY?

Shelly:
I THINK YOU NEED TO

COME TO THE OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.

-T.I.: [ GRUMBLES ]
-Hailey: WHY?

Shelly: THERE'S A VERY LARGE
GENTLEMAN HERE

BY THE NAME OF T.I.

-AND, UM...
-T.I.: I'M GONNA KILL SOMEBODY.

Shelly: AND, UH, UH...

He's not too happy.

-T.I.: [ GROWLS ]
-Shelly: [ SCREAMS ]

Hailey: WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT IS HE DOING?

Shelly: HE LOOKS LIKE
HE'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

Hailey:
WHAT, OKAY, OKAY, JUST --

JUST CALM DOWN, SHELLY, OKAY?

JUST TRY TO
GET HIM ON THE PHONE.

Shelly: Hold on.

UM...

EXCUSE ME.

-T.I.: [ GROWLS ]
-Shelly: OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HE'S -- HE'S -- HE'S NOT
GONNA COME ON THE PHONE.

I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE, OKAY?

Hailey: NO, NO, DON'T!

JUST -- JUST -- UM,
JUST TELL HIM TO WAIT THERE.

I'M COMING NOW.

[ ELEVATOR DINGS ]

Shelly: YES, MR. COLBURN,
AS -- AS SOON AS SHE ARRIVES.

Hailey:
[ CHUCKLES ] WELL,

-T.I., BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DO--
-T.I.: DON'T "BABY" ME.

Hailey:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

T.I.: I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU
AND CALLING YOU.

YOU STOPPED RETURNING MY CALLS?

Hailey: UM...

[ CHUCKLES ]
I STOPPED CALLING YOU?

NO.
YOU STOPPED CALLING ME.

YEAH, I HAVE BEEN LOOKING
FOR YOU FOR WEEKS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

T.I.: HUH?
[ STAMMERS ]

-Hailey: YEAH.
-T.I.: I'VE BEEN --

Hailey: NO, YOU'VE BEEN
MISSING IN ACTION.

MM-HMM.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING
FOR YOU EVERYWHERE.

T.I.: I DON'T GOT
NO MISSED CALLS FROM YOU.

Hailey: HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE I TOLD YOU

TO GET RID OF THAT PIECE OF JUNK
YOU CALL A PHONE?

T.I.:
M-MY PLAN'S NOT OVER YET.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]
DAMN IT, T.I.

I TRUSTED YOU.

I DEPEND ON YOU TO BE THERE
WHEN I NEED YOU.

T.I.: YOU'RE RIGHT.

LOOK, FORGIVE ME, PLEASE?

IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

Hailey:
IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I NEED YOU.

AND WHEN I NEED YOU
AND YOU'RE NOT THERE...

WHEN I NEED YOU,

THEN WHAT DO I NEED YOU FOR
IF YOU'RE NOT THERE?

T.I.: RIGHT.

Hailey: NOW...

THIS IS MY PLACE OF BUSINESS,
OKAY?

AND I NEED YOU
TO NEVER, EVER, EVER

COME HERE AGAIN.

T.I.: OKAY.

Hailey:
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

LET'S GO.

Robert: HAILEY,
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Hailey:
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.

Robert: NO, YOU DO NOT KNOW
WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY.

BABY, WE CAN'T HAVE
YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

SPILLING OVER INTO THIS OFFICE.

Hailey: I'M SORRY.

Robert:
LISTEN TO ME, SWEETHEART,

IF YOU PLAY
WITH PEOPLE'S FEELINGS,

EVENTUALLY EVERYBODY,
EVERYBODY GETS HURT.

Hailey:
DAD, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING,

AND WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
THIS IS MY LIFE.

IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

Robert:
YOU SEE THAT IT DOESN'T.

NOW, WHERE ARE WE ON
THE CHRISTOPHER MICHAELS CASE?

Hailey: MAKING PROGRESS.

Robert:
WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN?

Hailey:
IT MEANS THAT THINGS ARE GOING

EXACTLY THE WAY
THAT THEY SHOULD BE.

Robert:
HAILEY, I WANT THIS CASE CLOSED,

AND I WANT IT CLOSED FAST.

Hailey: GOT IT.

[ SIGHS ]

Robert: [ SIGHS ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

Hailey:
I AM SO SORRY, JAMES.

YOU OKAY?

James:
WHO WAS THAT LUNATIC?

Hailey:
HE WAS SOMEONE I WAS SEEING.

James: SEEING?

Hailey: YES?

James: I THOUGHT
THAT WE WERE EXCLUSIVE.

Hailey:
I NEVER TOLD YOU THAT.

James: BUT YOU NEVER SAID
THAT WE WEREN'T.

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT

THE -- THE -- THE POETRY
I WROTE YOU, HUH?

THE LOVE SONGS?

I MEAN, THE FLOWERS EVERY DAY.

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]
THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL.

I ENJOYED --
I ENJOYED EVERYTHING.

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

James:
AND HOW COULD YOU APPRECIATE IT

IF YOUR SOUL WAS DIVIDED?

SO THIS WAS ALL JUST A --
JUST A GAME TO YOU, WASN'T IT?

Hailey: OH, OKAY, LOOK,
IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE,

THEN YOU SHOULD JUST GO
BECAUSE...

OTHERWISE,
JUST QUIT WASTING MY TIME.

James: MY LOVE IS TOO PURE
FOR AN INFIDEL LIKE YOU.

Hailey: UH...

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

Sybil:
OH, THIS IS NICE.

OKAY, SO, WHY DID YOU GET
THIS BIG TABLE?

Hailey: OH, I JUST LIKE
THE EXTRA SPACE.

Sybil: HAILEY.

IT'S COOL. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
[ CHUCKLES ]

Hailey: HI.
YEAH, WE JUST SAT DOWN.

OKAY.

Sybil:
UH, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M GONNA JUMP ACROSS THIS TABLE
AND STAB YOU TO DEATH

IF YOU DON'T TELL ME.

Hailey:
OKAY, DON'T BE SO DRAMATIC. GOD.

CHRISTOPHER'S ON HIS WAY.

Sybil:
WHY IS CHRISTOPHER ON HIS WAY?

Hailey: HE AND SANS
WERE JUST IN THE AREA.

-Sybil: YOU LITTLE TRICKY BITCH.
-Hailey: OH, COME ON, SYBIL.

HE LIKES YOU, AND DINNER
IS NOT GOING TO KILL YOU.

Sybil:
IT'S GONNA KILL YOU.

HAILEY, HE'S MARRIED.

Hailey: HE HAS BEEN SEPARATED
FOR TWO YEARS.

Sybil: I DON'T KNOW.
THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH DRAMA.

I MEAN, BESIDES,
HOW DO YOU KNOW

YOU'RE GONNA CLOSE THIS DEAL
WITH CHRISTOPHER?

Hailey: I HAVE A PLAN.

Sybil:
NOW THAT YOU HAVE ME

A PARTY TO THIS MESS,
WHAT IS THIS PLAN?

Hailey:
I CAN'T TELL YOU THE PLAN.

Sybil: YOU KNOW WHAT,
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT.

Hailey:
I HAVE AN INSIDE SCOOP, OKAY?

HE'S CO-MINGLING FUNDS.

HE USED INVESTMENT MONEY
LAST YEAR

TO SAVE HIS HOUSE
WHEN THE MARKET TANKED.

Sybil:
HOW DO YOU PROVE IT?

Hailey: I DON'T HAVE TO.
HE KNOWS IT'S TRUE.

AND ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS GET HIM ON TAPE ADMITTING IT.

Sybil:
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

Hailey: OKAY, I JUST NEED YOU
FOR A DINNER.

THAT'S IT.
JUST ONE DINNER.

I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.

-I LOVE YOU.
-Sybil: OKAY, OKAY, STOP.

[ LAUGHS ]
YOU KNOW WHAT,

YOU OWE ME A TRIP
TO RODEO DRIVE.

OH.

Sans: HEY.

-Sybil: HEY.
-Hailey: HI.

Christopher: HAILEY.

Sans:
THESE ARE FOR YOU.

Christopher:
AND THIS IS FOR YOU.

Sans: YOU LOOK LOVELY.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A ROSE PALE
IN THE FACE OF BEAUTY.

Sybil: THANK YOU.

Hailey: I HAVE TO ADMIT,
I'M A LITTLE JEALOUS.

Christopher:
OH, YOU SHOULDN'T BE.

HAVE A SEAT. I HAVE
SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU.

[ GUITAR PLAYS ]

Sans: OH, SNAP.

Hailey: WOW!

I HAVE TO ADMIT,
I AM IMPRESSED, MR. MICHAELS.

Christopher:
WELL, I FIGURE YOU'D ENJOY HIM

A LOT MORE THAN ME STRUMMING

ON THE FIVE CHORDS
THAT I KNOW, SO...

Sybil:
ISN'T THAT ROMANTIC?

Sans: WHAT DO YOU HAVE
AGAINST ROMANCE?

Sybil: NOTHING.
IT'S JUST OVERRATED.

Sans: HOW'S THAT?

Sybil: BECAUSE IT ONLY LEADS
TO ONE THING.

Sans: SEX?

Sybil: NO, REHAB.

THE SAME THING
THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH

IS THE SAME THING
THAT WILL MAKE YOU CRY.

Sans:
OKAY, YOU HAVE A POINT,

BUT IF YOU'VE NEVER LOVED,
YOU'VE NEVER LIVED.

Sybil:
YEAH, IF YOU SAY SO.

Sans: I SAY SO.

[ APPLAUSE ]

Hailey:
[ CHUCKLES ]

SO, SANS,

I HEAR THAT YOU
ARE QUITE THE INVESTOR.

Sans:
I DO WHAT I CAN DO.

Sybil:
YEAH, SANS, AND I ALSO HEAR

THAT YOU JUST GOT OUT
OF A MARRIAGE.

ISN'T IT A LITTLE TOO SOON
TO BE JUMPING INTO THE SACK?

Sans:
WHO SAYS I'M TRYING TO DO THAT?

Sybil:
OH, I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES.
YOU MEN ARE ALL THE SAME.

Hailey:
SYBIL, DON'T BE RUDE.

Christopher: MAYBE I SHOULD
GET US ALL SOME DRINKS.

Sans:
IT'S COOL. NO, NO, ACTUALLY,
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

Sybil: YEAH. I KNEW IT.

Sans:
IS THAT A CRIME, THOUGH, HUH?

THAT I LOOK AT YOU AND SEE
ALL THAT A WOMAN SHOULD BE?

I MEAN, YOU'RE BEYOND BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE SEXY.
YOU'RE CONFIDENT.

YOU COULD DRESS IT UP
OR KEEP IT LOOSE.

AND YOU HAVE THE BODY
OF A GODDESS,

AND NOT TO MENTION THOSE EYES --
THOSE EYES, GIRL.

YOU COULD STOP TIME
WITH ONE GLANCE.

SO WHAT KIND OF MAN WOULD I BE

IF I DIDN'T TRY
WITH EVERY MORSEL OF MY BEING

TO MAKE YOU MINE?

Sybil:
SO ALL YOU WANT IS SEX?

Sans: NO.

I WANT IT ALL.

YOU ONLY ASKED ABOUT SEX.

Christopher: WELL, I'M, UH --
I'M STARVING.

WE SHOULD PROBABLY
DO THESE SHOTS SO WE CAN ORDER.

Sans: ALL RIGHT,
TO NEW FRIENDSHIPS AND TO --

AND TO ROMANCE.

YOU CAN PUT YOUR ROSES IN THIS
WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH IT.

I DIDN'T MEAN EYE CONTACT
WITH YOU WHEN I SAID "ROMANCE."

HOPE I DIDN'T LOOK AT YOU,
CHRIS.

IT FELT WEIRD FOR A SECOND.

Sybil: THIS IS GOOD.

Sans: THAT'S THAT TOP SHELF
RIGHT THERE.

I'M GLAD HE WENT AND GOT IT.

I [CLEARS THROAT] I WOULDN'T
HAVE BOUGHT Y'ALL THAT ONE.

Hailey: TEACH YOU HOW TO,
YOU KNOW, MAKE A SALAD.

SO I'M GONNA DO THIS.
[ LAUGH ]

Christopher: [ LAUGHS ]

Hailey:
I'M GONNA DO THIS.

NOW YOU GO GET THE AVOCADOS.

YOU PUT THE WHOLE ONE --

[ LAUGHS ]

Christopher: YOU DON'T THINK
I GOT NO CULINARY SKILLS?

* IN THE MORNIN' *

* THERE YOU ARE *

* SPEAKIN' DREAMS *

* SAYING WORDS *

* I WAS WORRIED ABOUT MY HEART *

* BUT YOU RESCUED ME *

* RIGHT FROM THE TOP *

* YOU ARE... *

* YOU RAISED MY SOUL *

* FROM SINKING SAD *

* I LIVE AGAIN *

* YOU ARE THE STORY OF DESTINY *

* I WAS MEANT FOR YOU *

* YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME *

* NOW I WANNA KNOW YOU
MORE THAN WORDS *

* MORE THAN THESE FIVE SENSES *

* MORE THAN HURT *

* MORE THAN PAST *

* AT LAST, YOU WERE ALWAYS *

* NOW I WANNA KNOW YOU
MORE THAN WORDS *

* MORE THAN THESE FIVE SENSES *

* MORE THAN HURT *

* MORE THAN PAST *

* AT LAST, YOU WERE ALWAYS *

* YOU SURPRISED ME
RIGHT FROM THE START *

* RIGHT FROM THE START *

* THE WAY YOU SHARED YOUR SOUL *

* THE BEAUTY OF YOUR HEART *

* THE BEAUTY OF YOUR HEART *

* THIS WAVE OF LOVE *

* THIS EMOTION OF *

* THIS EMOTION OF *

* GIVING SO PURELY AND SO REAL *

* MY HEART IS YOURS *

* CATCH IT FREELY *

Sybil: NO.

OHH, MY -- OHH.

NO, JUST TAKE IT OFF.

TAKE IT AWAY.
TAKE IT AWAY.

TAKE IT OFF.

Hailey: UH, SYBIL?

Sybil: NO.

Hailey: HELLO?

Sybil: [ SCOFFS ]

Hailey: WHAT'S...WRONG?

Sybil:
I SLEPT WITH SANS.

Hailey: YOU WHAT?!

Sybil: JUST --

-JUST HELP ME, PLEASE.
-Hailey: WHAT?

Sybil: GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW
AND MAKE THIS THING RIGHT!

Hailey:
HOW AM I GONNA MAKE IT RIGHT?!

Sybil:
GOSH, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Hailey:
[ SCOFFS ] MY FAULT?

Sybil: YES, YOUR FAULT.
I COULD STRANGLE YOU RIGHT NOW.

Hailey:
WHA-- [ SCOFFS ]

I DID NOT TELL YOU
TO SLEEP WITH HIM.

Sybil: NO, BUT...

I DON'T KNOW, HE HAD
THIS PUPPY-DOG, MACK THING,

AND IT JUST KEPT CALLING ME.

HE WAS FLATTERING
AND PERSISTENT.

DAMN YOU, HAILEY, FOR THIS SHIT.

Hailey: OH, YOU'RE --
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

OKAY.

[ SIGHS ]

REBECCA, WHAT IS IT?

Rebecca:
I HOPE I DIDN'T WAKE YOU.

Hailey: IT'S 2:00 A.M.
NO. COME ON IN.

CLOSE MY DOOR.

WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING?

Rebecca: LOOK, I-I CALLED ERIC
AN HOUR AGO,

AND I HEARD A WOMAN'S VOICE
IN THE BACKGROUND.

LOOK, I JUST --
I DON'T WANT TO OVERREACT.

Hailey: OKAY.

OKAY, IF THERE'S A WOMAN
AT HIS HOUSE AFTER 10:00 P.M.,

THERE IS A PROBLEM.

LET'S GO.

Sybil: WHAT ABOUT ME?

Hailey: OKAY.
YOU JUST WAIT HERE, OKAY?

I'LL BE BACK.

LET'S GO.

Rebecca:
OKAY. OKAY. OKAY.

[ SIGHS ]

[ MUFFLED VOICES ]

THERE'S SOMEONE IN THERE.

HE'S IN THERE.

Hailey:
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

Rebecca:
THERE'S A BACK DOOR.

Hailey:
OKAY, LET'S GO.

Rebecca:
OH, GOD. OH, GOD.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

[ DOGS BARKING ]

Hailey:
YOU SEE ANYBODY?

Rebecca: OKAY.

[ FENCE RATTLES ]

Shh!

Man: ...TAKING
A THREE-GAMES-TO-ONE LEAD

OVER THE BLAZERS,
BUT PORTLAND CAME...

Rebecca:
LET'S GO AROUND THE BACK.

Hailey: OKAY.

[ BARKING CONTINUES ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

Shelly: COME HERE.

Rebecca: HEY!

Eric: REBECCA!

WHAT --
[ STAMMERS ]

-Rebecca: SHELLY?
-Hailey: BUSTED!

Rebecca:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Hailey: MM-HMM,
I CAUGHT THESE TWO WHISPERING

-ON THE PHONE LAST WEEK.
-Eric: NO, NO, NO, NO.

Rebecca:
YOU KNEW AND DIDN'T TELL ME?

Hailey:
DID YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

Eric:
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

Rebecca:
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!

-Eric: I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.
-Hailey: YOU'RE FIRED.

-LET'S GO.
-Eric: NO, NO, NO, NO.

-REBECCA. REBECCA, NO.
-Shelly: ERIC. ERIC.

-Eric: BABY, BABY. REBECCA.
-Hailey: LET'S GO.

Eric: REBECCA!
REBECCA, THIS IS -- NO, NO.

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK,
BABY. I SWEAR TO GOD.

Rebecca:
YOU'RE LYING. YOU'RE CHEATING!

Eric: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!
NO, NO, NO!

NO!

Shelly: [ SCREAMS ]

[ GASPS ]

-Rebecca: DONE!
-Eric: WHAT?

Shelly: SHE TOTALLY RUINED
YOUR SPRAY TAN!

Eric: REBECCA!

[ DOGS BARKING ]

Hailey:
WELL, NOW YOU KNOW.

Rebecca: AND YOU THINK
THAT'S A GOOD THING?

Hailey: I TOLD YOU, THIS IS WHY
YOU DON'T COMMIT TO A MAN.

YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP
FOR FAILURE EVERY TIME.

Rebecca: YOU'RE PATHETIC.

Hailey: EXCUSE ME?

Rebecca:
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE

-IN YOUR COLD, LOVELESS WORLD.
-Hailey: REBECCA, I --

Rebecca: NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!

Hailey:
I WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOU.

Rebecca:
JUST TAKE ME TO MY CAR.

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ]

Hailey:
CLOSE THE DEAL, HAILEY.

CLOSE THE DEAL.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Christopher: HI.

Hailey:
HI. MWAH.

COME IN.

Christopher:
THIS IS FOR YOU.

Hailey:
RIESLING -- MY FAVORITE.

OH, AND ALREADY CHILLED.
NICE TOUCH.

Christopher: I REMEMBERED
YOU ORDERED IT AT DINNER.

I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO SWEET.

Hailey:
I AM SURE IT'LL BE PERFECT.

Christopher:
YOU LOOK AMAZING.

AND I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER
MIGHT ENJOY THESE CUBANS.

Hailey: THANK YOU.

Christopher: YOU'RE WELCOME.

Hailey:
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT HERE?

AND I'LL...OPEN THIS UP FOR YOU.

Christopher:
CAN I HELP YOU OPEN THE WINE?

Hailey:
[ GASPS ] OH.

SURE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

Christopher: VOILà.

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]

Christopher: MM!

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

Christopher:
MM, MM, MM, BABY.

THAT WAS "MASTER CHEF" GOOD.

Hailey:
WELL, MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME
THE WAY TO A MAN'S HEART

IS THROUGH HIS PANTS,
BUT IF YOU WANT HIM

TO COME HOME EVERY NIGHT,
HAVE DINNER WAITING.

Christopher: WELL, YOUR FATHER
IS A VERY LUCKY MAN.

Hailey: WELL, THE IRONY IS THAT
ALTHOUGH SHE HAD GREAT ADVICE,

THAT NEVER REALLY WORKED
FOR HER.

Christopher: YOU KNOW,
YOU NEVER REALLY TALK MUCH

ABOUT YOURSELF OR YOUR FAMILY.

Hailey:
NOT MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

Christopher: COME ON, NOW.
EVERYONE HAS A STORY.

Hailey: TRUE.

WHAT'S YOURS?

YOU'RE A SUCCESSFUL
ENTREPRENEUR.

Christopher: MM-HMM.

Hailey: HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN IN
SUCH A TOUGH ECONOMICAL CLIMATE?

Christopher:
WELL, IT'S NOT EASY.

Hailey:
DO YOU OWN OR RENT?

Christopher: I OWN.

Hailey: WAS YOUR BUSINESS
EVER IN TROUBLE?

Christopher: YEAH.

UM...LAST YEAR,
WE BARELY MADE IT.

Hailey:
WELL, HOW DID YOU MAKE IT?
DID YOU HAVE TO BORROW MONEY?

-DID YOU STIFF YOUR CREDITORS?
-Christopher: [ COUGHS ]

WHAT?

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]
I'M JUST ASKING.

I MEAN, YOU LIVE
IN SUCH A NICE HOUSE.

YOU PAY, WHAT,
10 GRAND IN MORTGAGE A MONTH?

AND YOU HAD TO STOP TAKING
A SALARY BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T

-PAY FOR YOUR HOUSE, RIGHT?
-Christopher: WAIT, WAIT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH
I PAY IN MORTGAGE?

Hailey:
OH, I KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU,

CHRISTOPHER, CHRISSY-POO.

DIDN'T YOU USE MONEY FROM YOUR
COMPANY TO PAY FOR YOUR HOUSE?

Christopher: W-WELL, YEAH,
BUT WHY ARE YOU ASKING --

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]
[ CLATTER ]

Christopher:
WHAT IS THAT?

ARE YOU TAPING ME?

Hailey: YES.

AND NOW YOU WILL PAY
H.Q. DISTRIBUTORS

THE $5 MILLION YOU OWE THEM.

Christopher: WOW.

I PAID THEM THIS MORNING.

Hailey: HOW? YOU'RE BROKE
UNTIL YOU LAUNCH YOUR NEW GAME.

Christopher: WHO ARE YOU?

Hailey: I WAS HIRED
TO RETRIEVE THEIR MONEY.

Christopher: SO, UM...

SO, ALL OF THIS
WAS JUST BUSINESS?

Hailey:
I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB.

Christopher: WELL, YOUR CLIENT
GOT THEIR MONEY.

SO YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
YOU'RE DONE.

SO ARE WE.

[ DOOR OPENS, SLAMS ]

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

[ SNIFFLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

Robert: WHATEVER...

OOH, OOH.

CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU, PLEASE?

[ CHUCKLES ]

JUST THE LADY I WANT TO SEE.

[ HUMMING ]

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

HOW DID YOU DO IT?

Hailey: I DIDN'T.

Robert: I DO HOPE YOU DIDN'T
CROSS THE LINE, SWEETHEART,

BECAUSE I JUST GRILLED H.Q.
FOR $1 MILLION,

AND THEY ARE GOING
TO REFER FIVE --

COUNT THEM --
FIVE OTHER COMPANIES TO US.

Hailey: DAD.

Robert: WHAT, WHAT?

Hailey:
[ SIGHS ] OH, GOD.

Robert: UH-OH.

Hailey:
I THINK I MESSED UP.

Robert: OOH.

OOH, LOOK AT ME.

LOOK AT ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

[ CHUCKLES ]

DOES HE KNOW?

Hailey: NO.

Robert: SO, WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?

Hailey: I DON'T KNOW.
I, UM, THOUGHT I --

Pamela:
HAILEY, HI, HONEY.

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE GONNA BE HERE.

OH, GOOD LORD.

BABY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

Robert: [ CHUCKLES ]

SHE FELL IN LOVE.
[ LAUGHS ]

Pamela: ROBERT, OUT.

-Robert: WHAT? I --
-Pamela: OUT, GO.

Robert: I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, BABY.

Pamela: GO, GO, GO.
PLEASE, GO.

Pamela: QUICKER.

Robert:
[ LAUGHS ] OOH!

Pamela: [ SIGHS ]

SO, FINALLY CAUGHT UP
WITH YOU, HUH?

Hailey: [ SCOFFS ]
MOTHER, PLEASE, DON'T GLOAT.

Pamela: I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT. I'M NOT HONEY.

BABY, YOU CAN'T LIVE YOUR LIFE
OUTSIDE THE RULES OF LOVE.

SOMETIMES YOU LOVE.
SOMETIMES YOU LOSE.

BUT IN THE END,

WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT LOVE?

Hailey:
BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOVE!

I JUST -- I JUST WANT ORDER.

I JUST WANT THINGS
TO MAKE SENSE!

Pamela: AND YOU THINK DATING
FIVE MEN IN THE ANSWER, HMM?

Hailey: WELL, DATING ONE DIDN'T
WORK OUT TOO WELL FOR YOU.

Robert:
I CAN STILL HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW?

Pamela: Shh OUT THERE!

Hailey: I'M JUST SCARED.

I'M SCARED OF --

OF CHOOSING THE WRONG MAN.
[ SIGHS ]

Pamela: HONEY,

AVOIDING THE DECISION

ONLY PROLONGS
THE INEVITABLE RESULT,

ALL THE WHILE MAKING THE WORST
DECISIONS ALONG THE WAY.

Hailey:
IF MARRIAGE IS SO WONDERFUL,

THEN WHY ARE YOU AND DAD
BOTH DIVORCED AND MISERABLE?

I'LL BE BACK.

Robert: BABY, ABOUT THAT,
I, UH -- HAILEY.

Pamela: [ SIGHS ]

Robert:
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER?

Pamela: WASN'T TIME.

Hailey: MM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ SIGHS ]
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

Rebecca:
WELL, IF YOU CAN'T EAT ICE CREAM

AND MALE-BASH WITH YOUR FRIEND,
WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?

Hailey: [ CHUCKLES ]
AND THANK YOU.

NO, REALLY.

THANK YOU FOR FORGIVING ME.

Rebecca:
MM, I HAVEN'T FORGIVEN YOU.

NO, I'M JUST -- I'M THINKING
OF WAYS TO MAKE YOU PAY.

-Hailey: [ GASPS ]
-Rebecca: [ CHUCKLES ]

Rebecca:
HEY, WHY NOT CALL IN A RESERVE?
YOU KNOW, GO OUT TONIGHT?

HOW MANY ARE YOU DOWN TO?

Hailey:
AND THEN THERE WERE NONE.

Rebecca:
WHAT? EVEN T.I.?

Hailey:
FOUND A GIRLFRIEND.

CHASED DOWN SOME PURSE-SNATCHER
FOR THIS CHICK AND FELL IN LOVE.

Rebecca: GEEZ.

Hailey: [ LAUGHS ] I CANNOT
IMAGINE THAT MAN RUNNING.

Rebecca:
OH, I WOULDN'T WANT TO.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Rebecca:
WELL, WHAT ABOUT MATTHEW?

Hailey:
MATTHEW DUMPED ME.

SAID HE WAS BORED AND I W--
I WASN'T SMART ENOUGH FOR HIM.

Rebecca: EW.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Hailey: NO.

Rebecca: YEAH, BUT,
HAVE YOU CALLED CHRISTOPHER?

Hailey: OF COURSE NOT.
HE HATES ME.

Rebecca: HE COULD HAVE BLASTED
YOU TO H.Q., BUT HE DIDN'T.

Hailey: I JUST WOULDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO HIM.

Rebecca: ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
WE'RE GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Hailey: MNH-MNH.
I DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWHERE.

Rebecca: OH, WELL, YOU HAVE TO.
HEY, NO MORE DEATH BY ICE CREAM.

THIS IS YOUR THIRD THIS WEEK.

PUT IT DOWN.
PUT IT DOWN.

-COME ON, LET'S GO.
-Hailey: [ GROANS ]

-Rebecca: COME ON!
-Hailey: OKAY, I'LL GO.

[ GRUNTS ]

Rebecca: [ CHUCKLES ]

Sans:
SHOTS, TOO, IF YOU CAN.

I SAID IT TWICE, MAN.
I KNOW SHE HEARD ME.

Christopher: AND THIS IS WHY
I'M DONE WITH WOMEN.

Sans: OH.
YOU GONNA START DATING MEN NOW?

'CAUSE WE TERRIBLE.
I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

Christopher: SHUT UP, MAN.

I'M JUST -- I'M JUST ALL ABOUT
MY BUSINESS FROM NOW ON.

Sans: OKAY, AND WHAT IF YOU FIND
THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?

Christopher: [ SCOFFS ]

I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING.

Sans:
WHAT IF IT ALREADY HAS?

Christopher:
WELL, IF THAT WAS IT,

THEN I WAS RAY CHARLES
TO ALL THAT

'CAUSE I MISSED IT.

Sans: YOU MISSED IT BECAUSE
YOU WANTED TO MISS IT, MAN.

Christopher:
JUST...LEAVE IT ALONE, MAN?

Sans:
OKAY. I'LL LEAVE IT ALONE.

Christopher: THANK YOU.

Sans:
HAILEY WAS EVERYTHING YOU'VE
BEEN TALKING ABOUT LATELY,

EVERYTHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR
IN A WOMAN.

ALL RIGHT, NOW I'M LEAVING IT
ALONE. I JUST HAD TO TELL YOU.

Christopher:
YEAH, EVERYTHING.

SHE WAS A LIAR.
SHE WAS MANIPULATIVE.

SHE WAS CONNIVING.
EVERYTHING, HUH?

Sans: AND ACCORDING TO SYBIL,
SHE'S SORRY.

Christopher: SHE'S SORRY?

Sans: YEAH, SORRY --

THAT FEELING YOU GET
WHEN YOU KNOW YOU MESSED UP?

LOOK, MAN,
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN OR HOW

YOUR DESTINY IS GONNA UNFOLD.

JUST GOT TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION

SO YOU DON'T MISS IT.

Christopher:
LOOK, MAN, NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

JUST LET IT GO.

Sans: OKAY.

-Rebecca: COME ON.
-Hailey: WHAT?

-Rebecca: IT'LL BE FUN.
-Hailey: OH.

Rebecca:
YEAH. IT'LL BE GOOD.

Hailey: OH, MY GOD.
WAIT, IS THAT CHRISTOPHER?

DID YOU KNOW
HE WAS GONNA BE HERE?

Rebecca:
COME ON, YOU TAUGHT ME WELL.

Hailey:
HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE ME, OKAY?

Rebecca: HEY, YOU CAN'T ALWAYS
BE IN CONTROL.

FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE,
LET YOURSELF FEEL SOMETHING.

Hailey:
WHY DO I WANT TO FEEL PAIN?

Rebecca:
BECAUSE WITHOUT PAIN,

YOU'LL NEVER
REALLY APPRECIATE PLEASURE.

COME ON.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ]

OKAY. LET'S GO.

Christopher: LOOK, MAN, JUST --
JUST -- JUST LET IT GO.

LEAVE IT ALONE.

Sans:
OKAY. LETTING IT GO.

Hailey: HEY.

Sans: MM.

Christopher: YOU DID THIS?

Sans: WHAT? DID WHAT?
NO, NO, MAN.

I WAS DRINKING A BEER.
I'M SITTING WITH YOU!

ACTUALLY, MAN,
IT WAS NOT MY IDEA.

Christopher: EXCUSE ME.

Hailey: CHRISTOPHER, WAIT, J--

Sans: YOU SHOULD PROBABLY
GO HELP YOUR GIRL.

HE GET A LITTLE CRAZY
WHEN HE BEEN DRINKING.

KILLED A CAT ON PURPOSE
ONE TIME.

-Rebecca: WHAT?
-Sans: YEAH.

YOU DATE BLACK DUDES?

Rebecca:
WHEN THEY'RE AS CUTE AS YOU.

Hailey: [ SIGHS ] CHRISTOPHER!
WOULD YOU JUST WAIT A SECOND?

Christopher:
WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME, OKAY?

CAN YOU PLEASE
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?

Hailey: OKAY, WOULD YOU JUST
GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN?

Christopher: OKAY, WHAT IS THERE
TO EXPLAIN, HUH? HUH?

IT STARTED OFF AS WORK,

AND THEN IT BECAME
MORE THAN THAT.

I GET IT.

IT'S OVER.

Hailey: NO, YOU J--

OH, MY GOD.

[ SEAGULLS CAWING ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

CHRISTOPHER,
JUST LISTEN TO ME!

CHRISTOPHER.

CHRISTOPHER.

JUST WAIT.

OKAY, JUST --

JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND.

Christopher: WHAT?

Hailey:
IT WAS ALWAYS A JOB.

THAT'S ALL YOU WERE TO ME --
A CHECK.

I JUST LOOKED FOR NEW WAYS
TO WORK YOU

T-TO GET YOUR COMFORTABLE.

I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT YOU,
BUT I DIDN'T --

I-I DIDN'T EXPECT
TO FALL FOR YOU, EITHER.

I'M NOT DONE.

WHEN THE JOB WAS OVER, I JUST --

I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE FREE
TO MOVE ON, BUT I CAN'T.

IT'S LIKE YOU HAD THE KEY
AND -- AND --

AND DIDN'T NEED MY PERMISSION.

I FEEL LIKE I NE--

Christopher: I DON'T CARE WHAT
YOU FEEL, HAILEY, ALL RIGHT?

YOU USED ME.

AND YOU HURT ME.

AND YOU LIED TO ME.

Hailey: I'M SORRY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,
I FEEL LIKE I'M VULNERABLE.

AND AS MUCH AS THAT SCARES ME,

I-I WANT THAT,
AND I-I WANT THAT WITH YOU.

Christopher: [ SIGHS ]

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY EXPECT ME
TO FORGIVE YOU.

Hailey: WHY?

Christopher:
[ SIGHS ] BECAUSE YOU JUST --

YOU JUST CAN'T.

Hailey: WHY?!

WHY NOT? HAVEN'T YOU
EVER NEEDED FORGIVENESS?

Christopher: I CAN'T, HAILEY.
I'M SORRY.

Hailey: WAIT.

WAIT. WAIT, PLEASE!

PLEASE.

[ LORIE MOORE'S "TOSS N TURN"
PLAYS ]

* TOSS AND TURN *

* TOSS AND TURN *

* FIGHTING IN MY SLEEP *

* I FIGHT FOR YOU AND ME *

* IN THIS BED, WITH REGRET *

* IN MY HEAD *

* I TOSS AND TURN *

* TOSS AND TURN *

-Robert: GO, BABY.
-Pamela: OKAY.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

WATCH.

-Robert: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
-Pamela: OOH.

Robert: HERE, SWEETHEART.
HERE, EASE INTO IT, BABY.

EASE INTO IT GENTLY.
NICE, EASY STROKE.

Pamela: MMM.
YOU ALWAYS DID LIKE IT EASY.

Robert: YEAH, AND YOU ALWAYS DID
LIKE IT HARD.

Pamela: OKAY, WATCH ME.
WATCH ME.

WATCH ME.
WATCH ME.

Pamela: HOW'S THAT?

Robert:
THAT'S PERFECT. PERFECT.

Pamela: YAY. YAY.

[ PAMELA AND ROBERT SIGHING ]

Hailey: OH, PLEASE!

PLEASE!
I SAW ENOUGH OF THIS GROWING UP.

Robert:
YEAH, WELL, GET USED TO IT.

YOU'RE GONNA SEE
A LOT MORE OF THIS.

Pamela:
OH, WE GOT OUR GROOVE BACK.

Robert:
AND IT'S BETTER THAN EVER.

Christopher:
WELL, MR. AND MRS. COLBURN,
IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

-Robert: HEY.
-Pamela: HELLO.

Robert:
CHRISTOPHER, NICE TO MEET YOU.

Christopher:
LIKEWISE, SIR.

Robert: ALL RIGHT, NOW,

GET READY
FOR THIS BUTT-WHUPPING.

Pamela: WOW.

Robert: [ LAUGHS ]

Pamela: SEE, NOW, WHY HAVE FIVE
WHEN ONE WILL DO?

Hailey: MM. TRUE.

Pamela: TRUE.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Hailey:
WE GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT.

Pamela:
OH, YOU ARE, MISSY?

Robert: HERE WE GO!
HERE WE GO!

Pamela:
NOW WE'RE GOING TO SLAY YOU.

Christopher: TAKE IT EASY NOW,
MR. COLBURN.

Pamela:
BRINGING THE SCOOT BACK.

COME ON, BOBBY.
SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE.

Robert:
WELCOME TO THE BUTT-WHUPPING.

Pamela:
WHOO! LOOKING GOOD.

YES! YOU GOT IT.
YOU GOT IT.

Robert:
OOH, YEAH! ACE!

* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH *

* MM-HMM *

* FIRST TIME WE MET *

* IT FELT LIKE OUR HEARTS
SEEMED TO CONNECT *

* COULDN'T SEEM TO GET YOU
OFF MY MIND *

* YOUR PRETTY FACE,
I CAN'T FORGET *

* NO OTHER WOMAN
THAT I'VE KNOWN *

* COULD EVER MAKE ME FEEL
THIS WAY *

* CAN'T KEEP THESE FEELINGS
BOTTLED UP IN ME ANOTHER DAY *

* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *

* DON'T HAVE TO SEARCH NO MORE *

* JUST FEELS SO RIGHT *

* YOU'RE THE ONE
I'M WAITING FOR *

* THE ONE I'M WAITING FOR *

* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *

* DON'T HAVE TO SEARCH NO MORE *

* SEARCH NO MORE *

* JUST FEELS SO RIGHT *

* YOU'RE THE ONE
I'VE WAITED FOR *

* THESE FEELINGS
CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE *

* IN A WAY
THAT I HAVE NEVER FELT *

* I NEED TO TELL YOU
HOW I FEEL *

* SO THERE WILL BE NO REGRETS *

* THE ONLY WOMAN THAT I WANT
TO SEE IN MY FUTURE IS YOU *

* 'CAUSE THIS LIFE
THAT I'M LIVING *

* WANT TO LIVE IT WITH YOU *

* LET'S GET LOST IN LOVE
AND FIND EACH OTHER THERE *

* DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MOMENT *

* CAN'T YOU FEEL IT
IN THE AIR? *

* LET'S BUILD A LOVE *

* THAT REACHES
HIGHER THAN THE SUN *

* SO JUST TAKE MY HAND
I'LL BE YOUR MAN *

* I KNOW THIS WILL GO FAR *

* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *

* DON'T HAVE TO SEARCH NO MORE *

* JUST FEELS SO RIGHT *

* YOU'RE THE ONE
I'VE WAITED FOR *

* I DON'T WANT TO LOOK NO MORE *

* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *

* DON'T HAVE TO SEARCH NO MORE *

* JUST FEELS SO RIGHT *

* YOU'RE THE ONE
I'VE WAITED FOR *

* DO YOU BELIEVE *

* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *

* LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT *

[ CHRIS BOLTON'S
"COME A LITTLE CLOSER" PLAYS ]

* I HEAR YOUR VOICE *

* HEAR YOUR VOICE *

* WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES *

* CLOSE MY EYES *

* I CAN FEEL IT SO DEEP INSIDE *

* I CAN'T DENY *

* OOH *

* YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME *

* COME A LITTLE CLOSER *

* ON THE TRAIN,
GET ON THE TRAIN *

* I NEED YOU HERE IN MY LIFE *

* COME A LITTLE CLOSER *

* COME A LITTLE CLOSER *

* GET ON THE TRAIN,
GET ON THE TRAIN *

* I NEED YOU HERE IN MY LIFE *

* HEY, YEAH *

* YOU'RE SO FAR AWAY *

* FAR AWAY *

* AND I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'LL BE SO LONG *

* TILL YOU'RE HERE *

* TILL YOU'RE HERE *

* CAN'T FIND THE WORDS TO SAY *

* FIND THE WORDS TO SAY *

* HOW MUCH I WANT YOU
BY MY SIDE RIGHT HERE *

* I WANT YOU CLOSE TO ME *

* COME A LITTLE CLOSER *

* GET ON THE TRAIN,
GET ON THE TRAIN *

* I NEED YOU HERE IN MY LIFE *