Original subtitles

[waves lapping on shore]

[waves lapping on shore]

[YAGA, in Ukrainian accent] Let's start with what you say.

You say I am old...

old as the earth,

as wicked as the night,

and as wise and powerful as the sea.

You say I live alone in the woods,

in a hut on chicken feet.

That I fly in a mortar and pestle,

eating naughty children.

Their fingers,

guts...

and best of all,

their bones.

You say I am ugly and lonely...

no one will love me,

no one will fuck me,

for who could love such a beast,

as this witch that I am?

But the thing that really gets me...

is this-- - [screaming]

[Czech cover of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" plays]

[♪]

[Carson] Hey! Give it back!

My kid's reading this too.

She calls it “fairy smut”.

Huh.

Hey, Billy,

can you believe Carson's a fairy fucker?

- [Billy laughs] - [Carson] Hey, Billy,

can you believe Eckert

got someone to procreate with him?

[Eckert] Hey.

That'll be him--

right on time.

[Czech cover of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" plays]

[♪]

[Carson] So he's some kind of detective?

A P.I. I think...

Must be good, though--

I mean, for the Parks to use him.

I tell you, if it was my kid,

all that money,

I'd send in the goddamn army.

I don't think they need the army.

Doesn't matter what you think.

Parks are good to this town,

to this department.

They wanna send someone to poke around,

we give him a hand.

Certainly dresses like he thinks he's a detective.

I think he looks pretty cool.

Nobody saw me trip back there, right?

Nah.

Staff Sergeant Eckert,

Whittock County Sheriff Department.

Good to have ya!

Charlie Rapp.

How are ya? Good book?

What? No! No.

I mean, I don't know, maybe.

It's hers--

slutty fairies.

Is there any other kind?

Sergeant Carson.

Detective Rapp.

Oof, that's a firm grip.

Sorry, is it "detective"?

Yeah, well, detective investigator--

I mean, what-- you know--

But not "police detective".

Well, I didn't say "police detective".

Hi, I'm Billy.

Not a detective.

Anyway, you have

our humble department's cooperation.

I pulled my best guy off her desk

and she's at your beck and call.

Hmm. She seems real pleased about that.

Were you in the service?

Me? No. No.

That's-- my gramps'.

They gave it to my gran when he passed during duty.

You know, back when men were men.

Hoo-rah!

Well, we gotta head back to the station, so.

'Kay. Should we go with you or?

[Eckert] Nah, she'll fill you in.

Nice meeting ya, Rapp. Anything you need!

Could use a coffee, honestly.

[Eckert] Yeah, Carson'll help you with that.

Oh, eh, Bobby!

- Billy. - Sure.

Can you...

can you put some of these up for me in town?

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Carson] A missing poster?

I mean, we don't even know if he's missing yet.

Well, everybody's missing.

Till you find 'em.

Totally.

Hey, can you grab his bags,

put them in my car, please?

Oh, sure.

[Rapp] Thanks, buddy.

- You got it? - Oh, yeah. No problem.

- [Rapp] Good kid. - Yeah.

So.

Catch me up on the case, partner.

But we're not technically partners

and I don't think there is much of a case.

Well, how about you let me be the judge of that?

Henry Park,

4th-year student

transferred to Whittock U

at the beginning of the school year,

reported missing by the mother,

Mrs. Dora Park--

said he calls every day,

hasn't heard from him since the 21st--

three days ago.

Last seen that night by the roommate--

Roommate? Henry doesn't have a roommate.

[Carson] Well, he does.

Apparently, he's home-- that's why we're here.

Figured you'd wanna talk to him first.

Well, lead the way, partner.

We're not partners.

[Rapp] Okay.

[Carson] Also, Henry took out $15,000 in cash

from the account he shares with his parents

about a week ago.

His mother said he's jetted off to Europe

with no notice before...

[Rapp] So?

[Carson] So,

I think this is a rich kid on a joyride,

paying with cash

so his parents can't track his card.

So you think the Parks are wasting their money

by sending me up here to poke around?

I don't know how much you cost.

Oh, believe me,

I'm a bargain.

So, okay, so he's in Europe,

that's it, case closed.

That's your police detective opinion?

Listen, I'm at your "beck and call",

like he said.

You know what,

you and me, we actually do the same thing,

except I have P.I. tactics that you don't know about,

and I don't have to play by your little cop rules.

Okay.

Lead the way, gumshoe.

Ladies first.

- Please. - After you.

Okay.

[knocking on door]

Hey...

Logan? You're Henry's roommate?

Uh, yeah.

[♪]

Hey, bud, we're just here

to talk to you about your...

roommate.

Yeah, sorry, you guys can come in.

Is Henry okay? Did you find him?

Not yet.

[Logan] Damn.

Sorry, dude, you juat--

you look so much like Henry.

Yeah, we get that a lot.

[Rapp] No, but seriously,

you look like you could be related.

[Logan] Yeah.

Um...

we're...

we're not though.

I know it's crazy,

but I have brown eyes.

And glasses. So.

Uh-huh.

How's your mom?

[Logan] She's fine, she's good.

[Rapp] Holy shit, dude.

Look at this house!

How many people live here?

[Logan] Uh, just--

just us-- me and H.

I mean it's his parents' house, but they're never here,

so, yeah, it's nuts.

[Rapp] So how did you guys meet?

We just kind of hit it off at the start of the school year.

We look so alike,

we were like, "maybe it's fate,"

or "meant to be"?

I was living at home--

I'm on scholarship,

and, yeah, he said,

"Why don't you come live here?

I have all this extra room."

I help with his music for his parties.

I produce his podcasts--

audio's sort of my thing.

Podcasts, man--

the dream, right? - Yeah.

Goddamn, bet you guys have some epic parties in here, right?

[Logan] Oh yeah.

H loves parties,

and he loves costumes and masks

and, like, themes.

"Underwater mythology" was one.

Once the theme was just "floral".

- Insane. - Insane.

Looks like you guys get

a little help with the clean-up, too.

Hey.

[Logan] Do you guys want something to drink?

Lucia can get it for you.

- No, we're good. - Yeah, I could take a beer.

[Lucia] Mm-hmm.

What?

[♪]

Sorry, my room's really messy,

but that one's Henry's.

[♪]

[Rapp] Cute. You guys share clothes.

We have the same overalls.

Cool, dude.

I mean, this house...

looking like lady killers,

and you guys must clean up.

You know it...

So, Mrs. Park says Henry's done this before,

random travelling?

Yeah, he's been talking a lot about Prague...

he gets kinda obsessed with a place.

Like, in the fall,

he took Pam to Paris to impress her.

Who's Pam? Could he have taken her to Prague?

Pam Russell--

no, it wouldn't be her.

They, uh-- they broke up last week at Sandeson's?

The 21st? Last Thursday?

- [Logan] Yeah. - How'd you know they broke up?

Um, they were fighting,

and she yelled, "fuck you, it's over,"

and then left, so.

Girls are nuts.

[Logan] Yeah.

I stayed for another hour.

Yeah, that was the l--

the last time I saw him.

Any of his stuff missing?

Just his laptop,

backpack,

and carry-on aren't here.

How about the camera he used to take all of these?

I mean, he would have taken that with him, right?

[Carson] He could have just gotten another one.

[Logan] No, that's here.

[Rapp whistles]

[Logan] Crazy, right?

[Rapp] You should see the ones his mom has.

Big watch family.

Did he give you that one?

[Logan] This? No, no, no.

He just lets me wear them sometimes.

[Carson] He doesn't keep these in a safe?

[Logan] No, he trusts me.

[Carson] What about your epic parties?

We don't share space with bad energy, so.

There's another one missing.

Yeah, he's been wearing that one...

the André Miller, I think.

André Millëre.

You got a picture of him wearing it?

Could help us find him.

Thanks.

- What's this? - I dunno what that is.

No?

No. We don't do drugs.

Ah, okay.

And this?

This is a private joke.

Are you guys done?

Hey, man, we're just chatting--

I know who you are, okay,

H told me all about you.

Yeah, what'd he say?

I think you guys should leave now.

Cool.

Well, if you think of anything else,

that's my cell.

[Rapp] So how do you know Logan?

[Carson] I helped his mom with something years ago.

A violent pest.

Shitty, abusive dad?

Uncle.

He was a drunk, used to hit her.

Logan would try to stand up to him, but...

What's the deal with the dad?

As far as I know,

there was never a dad in the picture.

They do look so alike.

Do you think--

Say cheese!

Did you--

You can't take things.

Relax.

I'm just borrowing it.

I gave it to him in the first place.

Sorry, how close are you with the Parks?

Is this some small-town Undercover Boss situation?

No, no.

I've just worked for them for a long time.

I know the kid.

Am I keeping you up?

Does this Sanderson's place do coffee?

Sandeson's.

That's what I said.

What do you say?

Let me buy you a cup?

We can talk about the 21st.

Sure.

[♪]

[Rapp] So you're not from around here, huh?

[Carson] No.

I came over from the department on the mainland

a few years ago.

Do you ever get bored?

[Carson] We keep busy.

Fishing disputes,

domestic violence.

But it's the small, boring stuff

that gets big fast for real people.

What about Henry Park?

Billionaires aren't real people.

[Rapp] A missing kid's a missing kid.

If he's missing...

Ah, so we're doubling down on that?

I mean, if the Parks are so concerned,

why didn't they come here themselves?

They're in Japan, on business.

They just wanted someone they trust

to come and look into it.

All right, what do you take?

Just sweetener.

That shit gives you MS.

That's a conspiracy.

And diabetes runs in my family, so.

So you wanna add MS?

Don't you smoke?

Fuck no.

It's so bad for you.

[Lily] Hi there.

Thanks for waiting. What can I get for you?

I'll get two coffees to go,

and...

two of these muffins...

and, hey...

have you see this guy?

He was in here last Thursday night?

Henry Park?

Thursday?

Um...

I wasn't here.

My mom was, but she's off-island today.

Think I can leave a couple of these here?

You can put them up on your bulletin board there,

and maybe in the window?

I'd have to ask my mom.

Sure. That's all right.

Um...

let me get two of these, too.

[Lily] No shit!

I made them!

[Rapp] No shit! Well then, I'll have three,

because I support

the emerging bead-artist community of Whittock.

Well, you should probably get four then.

Sold.

You drive a hard bargain.

This one's yours,

and I got you a muffin.

No thanks, I'm not hungry.

Yeah? Suit yourself.

This is milk and sugar.

You said sweetener.

Um...

It's fine, I'll drink it.

I mean, that's probably better for you.

I said, I'll drink it.

Oh, also, I got you...

Sorry, can you just reach in my pocket?

Whichever one you want.

They didn't have a "Best Partner",

so, uh, there's "Best Friend" or "Lover".

I'm wearing mine!

Yeah, I'm not wearing that.

All right, let's go talk to the crazy ex-girlfriend.

She's not crazy.

All girls are crazy.

[Carson] Ugh.

[♪]

[Carson] So this is campus.

[Rapp] Tough school to get into?

[Carson] Not if your parents build them a new library.

Pam's coach said she trains out here.

[♪]

Pam Russell?

Stop. Hey!

Whittock PD, we just need a second.

You're fucking up my time!

What are you, like a seven-minute mile?

- [Pam] 6:30. - [Rapp] Ooh!

You run?

Well, I mean, I dabble.

Not like you.

[Carson] Miss Russell,

did you go to Paris with Henry Park?

Yeah, last September, when we first started dating.

When was the last time you saw him?

I think last week.

[Carson] You saw him and Logan Casey

at Sandeson's Thursday the 21st?

Probably.

Any idea why he'd take out $15,000 in cash?

No.

Why all the questions about Henry?

Is he dead or something?

That's kind of a shitty joke to make about a missing person,

don't you think?

Well, I didn't know he was missing,

and shitty guys should be dead.

But you and Henry,

you broke up that night at Sandeson's, right?

Did Logan tell you that?

And sorry, am I, like, a suspect?

Why'd you break up?

Are you going to arrest everyone who hates their ex?

[Rapp] Nah, then we'd have to arrest me--

and all my exes.

Pam, listen,

I don't want to have to make this hard on you, okay?

Oh, why not?

It could be fun.

[chuckles]

But we could ask these questions

down at the station, if you would prefer.

For the record, I broke up with Henry

because he cheated.

I mean, we were open, but even I have fucking limits.

What do you mean?

Like, there was just so many people.

Like townies, and students,

randoms at his parties,

his hot maid,

and the fucking Boner Beast.

The...?

Boner Beast.

She's so pathetic,

it's not even like a hot abuse of authority.

This is a teacher?

[Pam] Yeah.

He interviewed her for his dumb podcast

and then got, like, obsessed with her.

I'm gonna get back to it.

Oh, my God.

- Rapp. - What?

[Pam] I wasn't ready. Go again.

Go again.

[shutter clicks]

[Rapp laughs]

[♪]

What?

You can't just...

flirt with people.

[Rapp] Oh, that wasn't flirting.

Trust me, you'll know when I'm flirting.

[Carson] It's just...

you're undermining my authority.

I just-- I feel like you're not even trying.

I'm evaluating evidence because I am an actual cop.

This is my actual job, and I have actual work to do.

[Rapp] Oh, really?

Like what? Settling fishing disputes,

drunk kids on campus,

the odd shitty uncle?

Okay, you,

you're a wanna-be novice P.I.

who-- who probably can't wait to get into his room

and have a brooding whiskey

and put up a sad little murder wall of suspects!

[Rapp] Oh, suspects?

Now we have suspects.

Now this is a real case to you.

You're the one who is not taking this seriously, okay?

Henry Park is my fucking job,

and if Henry was in Europe,

he would have taken one of his cars on the ferry,

or he would have taken the chopper,

and we would know about it.

So if you're such a great cop,

you might try putting your back into this,

even if you don't like me!

This case

is a waste of my time

and my brainpower,

and probably even a waste of yours!

[Rapp] Watch it!

[thud, brakes screeching]

[Rapp] What the hell was that?

[wheezing]

[♪]

It's over here.

It's still alive.

What do you think it's doing out here?

I don't know.

[♪]

[Rapp] I mean, why would the chicken--

Don't.

Should shoot it.

Put it out of its misery.

I can't use my gun for that.

All right.

Come on.

Okay, okay.

[neck breaking]

Skills of a misspent youth.

[♪]

[Rapp] Listen, I know I come on a little strong,

but that's because I care about the people that I work for,

because despite being billionaires,

they are also real people.

They're good people,

and so is their son,

and he's missing,

so I think they're worth helping,

and I know that's not

the official police detective opinion

of my only friend in town,

but I'm hoping I can change your mind.

How about you let me buy you a drink?

You've got to know a good spot, right?

It's not a date, it's not a date, I promise.

I know a spot.

Yes!

- Okay! - Okay.

Thank you, boss.

One second. Let me get my stuff.

[Carson] Mm-hmm.

- Hi. - Hi.

Checking in?

Yeah. Charlie Rapp.

Charlie...

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Beautiful tattoo.

Aw, thanks!

I got most of them, actually, done here in town.

I don't have any, but...

I'm thinking about getting one.

Angel wings-- just, like, on my back.

[chuckles]

- Angel wings, really? - Yeah.

Wonder where you got that idea.

[Rapp] I read it on your name tag.

[muted dialogue]

[♪]

[♪]

[wheezy croaking]

[loud horn honking]

[♪]

Okay...

[Rapp] $14 beer in Whittock.

[Carson] Can't you just expense this?

[Rapp] Look, I know you have

a chip on your shoulder about billionaires,

and rightly so,

but Henry's one of the good ones.

[Carson groans]

[Rapp] Trust me, he is.

And then with Logan,

like, you know,

he sees this poor kid on scholarship,

he invites him to live in his house.

I mean, that's-- that's very Henry.

Okay, enough with the guilt trip.

We'll go talk to Geena Sandeson tomorrow,

and Eckert's already checking to see

if Henry slummed it on the ferry to the mainland, okay?

Hey, nice.

But if I'm right and he's in Europe,

you owe me 50 bucks.

50? I'll give you a thousand.

Start your own lemonade stand.

[laughs]

So you've never fired your service weapon, huh?

Of course.

Oh, just 'cause with the chicken--

I thought maybe you were a bit--

No, I just have to file a report.

Ah, so you're scared of reports.

Oh, my God, I'm not scared.

Are you a chicken?

- You're a chicken. - You're a chicken.

I'm a good shot.

[phone buzzes]

Yeah?

[Eckert] Hey, how's your day going with Sherlock Holmes?

The Parks want an update.

Give me a sec.

I'll get another one.

[jazz music playing]

[Rapp] Excuse me.

What was she drinking?

[Waitress] From the gentleman.

[♪]

Yeah.

[Katherine] Thank you for the drink.

Detective Rapp. Charlie.

You're welcome.

I'm not gonna lie to you,

it was a lot more expensive

than I thought it was going to be.

That's usually a deterrent.

Somehow I doubt that.

You should probably say your name now,

don't you think?

Because you bought it with the drink?

Kidding.

I'm Katherine.

Are you married, Katherine?

No...

- You seeing somebody? - No...

A widow?

Someone has to die for me to be unmarried?

Hah, hah.

I need to get back to this.

And what is it that you do?

[Katherine sighs]

What an incredibly boring question.

[Rapp chuckles] Okay.

Um...

uh, what-what-what brings you to Whittock?

Again.

Pardon me.

What excites you?

[Katherine] Hmm...

Sex...

bones.

Both, I suppose.

[Rapp] Shit, you wrote a whole book.

[Katherine] Hmm.

Two actually.

[Rapp] Huh.

So what's the sexiest thing that you know about bones?

How much time do you have?

Oh, I got all night.

Well, did you know

that your spine

is designed for slow, deliberate movements--

bending, arching,

rippling?

I did not. I did not know that.

And your hands...

...your hands are expressive

because of bones...

[Rapp] Mm-hmm.

...and joints.

Wrists turn,

fingers flex,

knuckles articulate...

a symphony of bone,

and your fingers...

are the instruments.

And they say romance is dead.

And lastly...

...your ear bones

vibrate to translate sound into meaning.

A whisper,

a moan...

[Rapp] Hmm...

[Katherine] ...a groan...

Your bones listen.

Before your brain understands, your bones say yes...

...before your mouth does.

[♪]

I think your book's gonna do fucking great.

[Katherine chuckles] Thank you.

That's an incredible watch.

My friend has the same one.

Is this an André Millëre?

It is, but I doubt it.

It's vintage.

It's very special.

It was a gift.

I've never seen anything like it.

Good.

[♪]

[phone buzzing]

Oh, you're buzzing.

Sorry. Let me turn that off.

Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know, you just-- you just seem very distracted.

I'm not.

[phone buzzing]

[Katherine] You're clearly very busy.

No, no. Hey, come on.

We were just--

we were just gettin' started, right?

[moaning]

[♪]

[moaning]

["Whole Lotta Your Love" by Lee Hurst playing]

♪ Give me satisfaction ♪

[♪]

♪ And that's love indeed ♪

[♪]

♪ You give me all the love you have-- ♪

[loud thump]

[wailing]

[Angel] What was that?

- [loud bang] - [wailing]

[banging and wailing]

[wailing and roaring]

[Rapp] What the fuck?

[Angel] Put it out, put it out!

- Shit! - [smoke alarm screeching]

[smoke alarm screeching]

[Rapp] You okay?

Yeah.

[smoke alarm screeching]

[smoke alarm screeching]

Shit.

[smoke alarm screeching]

[elevator bell dings]

[suspenseful theme plays]

[YAGA] You say I am ugly,

old and barren.

You say these things

as if I cannot hear them.

You say these things as if there's nothing more.

You say these things...

and now it's time to listen.

[phone buzzing]

[♪]

Are you listening?

[Czech cover of "These Boots Are Made For Walking" plays]