Original subtitles

What do you want to talk about?

I don't know.

Well, what do you want to accomplish in these sessions?

I'm not sure.

How do you feel?

Well, I hurried all the way here.

I'm always in a rush for things, so I...

I feel a bit... Yes?

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

Nothing's really bothering me right now.

What is it?

Maybe we should talk next week. I'm sorry to waste your time.

Great, Mike's gonna kill me.

Excuse me.

Hey, oh, I'm so glad to see you. I can't fly my car.

Well, where'd you park? Right there.

Commercial vehicle, no parking? Okay, no, I figured it's towed, but can you

tell me your call? I have no idea. Numbers are on the meter.

Sorry to bother you. Do you have a pen?

I don't normally take the bus to usually drive, but my car got towed, so I gotta

take the bus.

I bet you if you took into account the amount of time people spend just

standing in lineups.

over a course of one person's whole life, the result would be shocking.

Don't you think?

for my car.

What is my number?

I don't know. It's red.

It's a Ford, I think.

It's new.

Oh, I don't know. It's not brand new, but it's new-ish.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh, there it is.

Oh.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.

Thanks a lot.

I stopped for takeout. Oh, that's great.

I was thinking about what to have when I was on the bus today, and I was thinking

how I'd like something from that little Szechuan place.

Presto. Like you're reading my mind.

That's what I love about you, Mike. You always know what... Why were you on the

bus? Oh, the car got towed.

How did that happen?

I don't know.

How much did it cost?

I don't know. I just put it on my credit card.

You didn't look at how much you were signing for?

I didn't want to get upset.

I knew you'd be mad.

Get me the receipt.

It's in the car. Can I get it later?

Christ, Lola.

Any mail?

Mail?

Yeah, mail. You know, little envelopes, usually with bills inside.

I know what mail is, Mike.

I know you know what mail is, Lola. Do you know where mail is?

That's all you had to ask me.

It's not like I'd keep your mail from you, like I'd hide your mail, like

there's anything in there that I really want to see. Like I'm paranoid or

something. Shut up, Lola.

You're making me crazy.

You don't have to get nasty.

Lola.

Yes, Mike?

Where did you put the mail, honey?

On the counter.

Thank you.

I'm hungry. Are you still hungry?

No.

You should eat something.

I'm not hungry. When I'm hungry, I'll eat.

You don't have to get angry.

I'm not angry. I'm just answering your question.

Lola, where's the spot remover? I look like hell. You can barely see it.

I feel ridiculous. I'm not going out in a shirt that's all stained.

Go change your shirt. I like this shirt.

How's it work?

Well, it's not going to take it out instantly. You'll have to wash it after.

Well, then what's the point?

Mike, just go put a different shirt on.

You're supposed to know so much about Colleen. Can't you find a spot remover

that works better than this crap?

Mike, change your shirt.

I don't want to change my shirt.

Well, don't change your shirt, but stop making such a fuss. You sound like an

old woman. No, I sound like the guy who earns the money to buy this goddamn spot

remover that doesn't work.

You're right.

I am right. And if I needed maybe a little assistance to get a jump on an

important day, you might think about helping me.

Whatever you say, Mike.

Lola, who dresses you in the morning?

What do you mean?

Your socks don't match.

I knew that.

Let me guess, you like them that way.

Yeah. Freak.

Hey, I brought some stuff for you to check out.

Hey, I like what you've done with the wife beaters.

Wife beaters?

Yeah. Really? I thought you might think it was a little too weird.

You're not just saying that to make me feel good, are you? Because I don't want

you to say that you like them if you don't. Not that I don't want you to say

that you don't like them. If you do, it's just that I don't want you to feel

like you can't be honest with me. Do you know what I mean?

Lola, take it easy. I said I like them.

Really? Really.

I made four. You'll take them?

Yeah, all right. Sure.

Thank you. Thank you.

Right. Okay, how did you get like this?

I'm going to come back later and see if anyone picked them up. You know what?

Give it about a week.

I'll come back tomorrow.

Hello?

I've got to kiss you.

You saved my fucking life.

You're a fucking saint. No one ever looks out for anyone in this world, and

that's a fucking problem with this world, you know? I'm Sandra, honey. Who

are you?

Alola. Alola.

Fuck, I love that name.

Fuck, that's a great name.

Let me buy you a drink.

It's not every day you save someone's life.

Oh, no, really, I can't. No, come on, just one drink. Oh, no, thanks. Come on.

Just one drink?

You don't drink?

No. It's too early.

You don't like me? Come on, I'm really very likable.

No, I do.

Take my number.

You ever need anything, you call me.

God bless you, Lola. You saved my fucking ass.

I picked up your shoes today.

Great. Do you want to try them on?

Sure. I got them to give me a discount.

Well, that's great.

Mm-hmm.

I really bargained them down.

Wow.

You got the wrong size.

No, I didn't.

Well, I said nine.

These are eights.

I'm sure there are nine.

Well, it says eight right here.

Oh, there must be a mistake.

There is a mistake.

It's your mistake.

No, I don't get it. You just don't look. No, I looked.

Look, never mind. Forget it. It's all right.

I'm sorry.

They can go back.

I'll bring them back first thing.

No, that won't help. I needed them first thing. It's all right.

Can't you just wait and... Didn't you think? Didn't you think? I... I said

size 9. 9.

Yeah, I know. I know. You said 9.

Look. Look. Right there on the box. See? I looked. It's a 9.

That's a UK 9.

It's a North American 8.

Well, how was I supposed to know there's a difference between British 9 and North

American 9? Everybody knows the difference between European sizes and

North American sizes.

Well, I don't. I'm sorry. Of course. Everybody but Lola. I don't want to

fight.

I asked you, I... I asked you and then I asked you again just to be sure I was

being clear.

I said nine, size nine.

It's a British nine.

Where do we live? Do we live in Britain?

No. Do we use British sizes here?

No. Then why the fuck would I want a British nine?

I didn't know there was any difference. Well, there is a difference. The

difference is one whole size. And now I don't have anything to wear for

tomorrow, I'll have to spend the afternoon fucking around. Or better yet,

you can spend the afternoon fucking around with the goddamn shoes.

What do you want me to do? I want you to use your fucking head. It's just so

pathetic.

They're just shoes.

It's not about the shoes.

It's about your inability to do the simplest tasks without fucking them up.

No wonder you don't have a job. I have a job.

You call these little sewing projects you do jobs?

Yeah, I do.

You would.

It's just as important as what you do. Oh, I see. When you have a problem

justifying yourself, you turn the tables and try and tear me down?

I'm not.

I know who I am.

At least I don't go parading around trying to figure out who I am. I didn't

take some lame personal fulfillment course, which I told you was total crap

and a complete waste of time, and then quit halfway through. You talked me into

quitting. All right, so it's my fault.

It's always somebody else's fault. Poor Lola never knows what she wants, never

blames herself.

Poor Lola never imagines for one minute that maybe she's just a spoiled child

who's never grown up and probably never will. Oh, leave. Go ahead, just leave.

That's what you always do. Can't even finish an argument. Always letting

things hang, leaving loose ends, letting things dangle in midair, afraid what

might happen if you actually ever finished anything, even a sentence.

You're mean!

What's that got to do with it?

I hate you, Mike.

Now, you spent your whole life surrounded by people who've allowed you

to be unreliable, irresponsible, and, you know, if they ever did tell you how

they really felt, you'd just think they were crazy, just like you think I'm

crazy now. Oh, Mike is ranting again. Mike's got psychological problems. It's

not about me not to worry. It's all about Mike. It's just Mike. I never said

that. You don't have to say that. I know what's going on in your head. And, yes,

of course, I've got problems, but they're nothing to do with you.

Problems just like everybody else. But at least I know who I am.

Who are you, Lola? What do you do?

Look at me. I'm asking you a question.

What does your life stand for? What does it mean?

How should I know?

How should I know? Typical Lola answer. How should I know? Like it's somebody

else's job to know. Like mine, I suppose. Well, I'm sick and tired of

doing your thinking for you.

You don't do any thinking for me.

Oh, without me, you do some really probing thinking about your life?

Without you, I might not be so fucked up about everything.

My sister.

My savior.

How are you?

I knew you'd call.

You did?

And now I'm going to buy you that drink.

Thanks.

Lola. God, how I wish I was called Lola.

That's a name.

I should have been named Lola.

Suits you.

Yeah, what do parents know, right?

They always get it wrong.

Lola, why so sad?

You should be happy.

How come?

Because life is too sad.

We must be happy because life is too sad as it is.

Hey!

Another for dear Lola and a beer and a shot for me.

Tequila. And one for my friend.

Oh, I couldn't. Of course you could.

Question is, should you? And I think, judging by the look of you, you

definitely should.

To my angel, Lola.

So what happened tonight?

Oh.

You know what? I think you're really nice and everything, but, um, I don't

even know you.

Oh, come on.

Everybody's got problems.

Oh, I don't have problems.

I'm just having one of those days.

Do you know what I mean?

I can see that.

Anyway, I really don't want to talk.

Then let's have another toast.

I really couldn't.

Oh, you shouldn't.

I shouldn't, then.

Come on, we're celebrating.

What are we celebrating?

You left What's-His-Name, and I'm going home tomorrow.

I never said that I left, Mike.

Is that his name, Mike? Yeah.

Why'd you pack that suitcase?

I just do this every now and then. We have a fight, and I pack a suitcase, and

then I go, and I spend the night in a hotel.

Why do you always go back?

Well, I'm thrilled you're here.

You are?

Absolutely. Drink.

So, where's home?

Shithole. The middle of nowhere.

Ashcroft.

Full of ghosts like my family.

You don't like your family? Why are you going back, then?

My dad died.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be. I hated him.

He used to rape me when I was a girl.

I'm sorry to just bomb drop on you like that. I just hate people who don't

fucking say things straight, you know?

Yeah. People are too polite.

It doesn't make any sense. If you're hurt, you're hurt.

Why pretend you're not?

I guess.

I haven't been back in 15 years.

Wow.

I haven't even talked to my ma since the day I left.

Oh, my God. Did she know?

How could she not know?

Do you blame her?

I did.

That's for sure.

Yeah. No, I don't know.

I started feeling sorry for her.

Well, seeing her daughter ought to make her feel better.

You think so? Yeah.

Nothing can make a mother happier.

I guess I just want to go back and tell her that... I'm all right.

Things worked out, and... none of it was her fault.

She probably hates me for leaving without a word.

Oh, she doesn't hate you.

Yeah, I've been planning this trip for, like, ten years.

But I always come up with a reason to put it off.

You think I'm crazy.

No, I think you're lovely.

That's sweet.

I don't have any parents left.

Sometimes I really miss my mother.

So I envy you.

Something for you.

I am determined to cheer you up.

Tell me about Mike.

The love of your life.

Oh, there's not much to tell.

Why'd you walk out tonight?

I don't know. I was angry.

About what?

I don't know. Maybe I was angry with myself, you know?

I depend on him for everything. He has this weird power over me.

Did you leave for good this time?

I don't know.

What do you think?

I don't know.

What do you think?

I asked you first.

Come on.

Let's go.

I always thought these places were full of freaks and weirdos.

Well, they are.

Take off your clothes.

Why do you wear wig? Because it's sexy.

It's like being in disguise.

How do you not let that stuff bother you?

What stuff?

That stuff your father did to you.

Of course it bothers me.

Fucking practically killed me.

When I first ran away, I tried to kill myself a bunch of times.

Sorry for asking.

It's okay.

After a while, you just start erasing the past.

For a long time I never even thought about it.

Then things just started getting fucked up here.

I read about them in the newspaper and now I just have to go back and see, you

know what I mean?

Great, eh?

How do I look?

Terrific. Like Madonna.

wanna see me naked?

I saw you naked already.

Does he fuck you?

I'm not gonna answer that.

He doesn't fuck you?

How do you tell?

Maybe he fucks you but he thinks about boys.

Maybe.

I don't think he fucks you.

How would you know?

I can just tell.

I can see it in your eyes. You haven't had it in a while.

Hey.

I thought you were leaving town.

Tomorrow. Oh.

Listen, Ted's been here looking for you, you know? I heard.

When are you coming back?

I don't know.

Will you call me?

Sure. Okay.

What are you going on?

Huh? I said, when are you going on?

Can't wait to see you dance.

She's not a dancer, horny boy. Take a seat.

You got a big mouth.

Do you got a big cock?

Smooth that shit off the couch.

Grab a pair of shoes off the floor if you like.

What time's your flight tomorrow?

I'm taking the train, first thing.

Oh, don't you want to get some sleep?

I got my whole life to sleep.

What are you, my fucking maid?

Just toss it on the floor.

I'm leaving all this shit anyway.

You're just gonna leave all your stuff?

You did.

Yeah, but I fully intend to go back and get it.

Why?

Because it's my stuff. Why should I leave it to Mike?

Why do you see your life in terms of stuff?

A bunch of fucking shit you accumulate?

It's really sad.

It helps define who I am.

Yeah, nothing more than what you are right here, right now, in this exact

moment.

That's crazy.

I want to throw the past away with both hands and just fuck the future.

I don't see how that's possible.

Why did you do that? I wanted to.

Come on, Sandra, open up. I know you're in there.

Open up!

I know you're in there. I owe this guy some money. He wasn't supposed to find

me until after tomorrow.

Oh.

I'm gonna have to break this fucking door down!

Fuck!

Careful.

Shit.

Fucking beautiful.

Always on the run.

Hi, Ted.

Fuck you, Sandra.

This is my friend Lola.

Fuck you, Lola.

Come on, you can...

Where's your phone?

There is no phone. Oh, come on. You have to have a phone. Just get out. But my

friend, she's in the alley and... I want to hear about it. Um... Oh, my God.

Get out.

Can't I use your bathroom, please?

It's for customers only. Please, just to clean myself up. I'm not giving you the

key.

I'll have a coffee.

Can you even pay for coffee?

Answer the fucking phone, Ma.

Come on.

Ma?

It's me. Look, I need some cash. Can you send me some cash right away?

Don't be a fucking bitch, okay?

Don't fucking lecture me right now.

No, I fucking sold my car. You know that's my fucking car. So if I sold the

fucking car, then it's my fucking business, is it not?

Thank you.

How you doing? You all right? Feeling better?

Fine.

Want a drink? Some water?

Thanks.

Sure.

So you're heading home or away from home or what?

Both.

How's that work?

Well, I'm leaving to go back home.

Where's that?

You a cop or something?

Do I look like a cop?

You ask a lot of questions.

Just interested, that's all.

Why, you afraid of cops?

Not afraid of cops. I just don't happen to like cops.

I'm not a cop.

How do I know that?

So where's this place?

I can see.

There you go again.

It's making conversation, really.

It's a little town. You probably never heard of it. Try me.

You know, I don't want to talk about where I come from. It's too sad.

Why do you want to go back, then?

Because my father just died, and I promised myself I'd go and see my

mother.

Let's talk about your life. I'm sure it's much more interesting.

No, no, really.

I'm a plumber.

What?

It's so funny.

Nothing. It's a family business. I just kind of fell into it. It's okay.

It's great, she says.

It's great.

All right.

You married?

I was.

Yeah? Yeah.

Nothing too dramatic, just... both got restless.

I think we got together too young.

Time just started to drift by.

Did you fight?

No, no, not really. I think we both brooded a lot.

Never actually fought.

My ex and I fought all the time.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's too bad.

You can't see it very well, but... This is where he hit me.

It's awful.

Yeah.

You're an asshole.

So I left.

Wow. Got any kids?

No.

No.

I do. We do. I have a son.

Want to see a picture of him?

All right.

Here.

I could never leave my kid.

I left her, not him.

Well, if it makes you feel better to think that.

Still his father. Nothing will change that.

Yeah, but it's going to be different now.

I'm not afraid of change.

Most people are.

Well, I'm not.

Would you ever change your identity?

What do you mean? Pretend to be somebody else?

Yeah. Or else actually take someone else's place in a life that was already

in progress.

Uh... How would that work?

Say there was an accident and...

You found a way to slip into another person's life without anyone detecting a

difference.

And the person's life you took over was dead, so it didn't really matter.

Sounds pretty complicated.

No, it wouldn't have to be.

I could just try new things with my old identity.

No. You have your kid, your wife, your parents, whatever.

always reminding you of who you are and no matter what you did they'd be

bringing you back it's inescapable

He's talking to somebody like that.

Sure.

About the time of the year to be on the highway by yourself.

Yeah.

Thanks for picking me up. I really appreciate it. I just about gave up. No

problem.

Sure is strange out here.

Hardly any trees.

Yeah.

I go crazy down here.

I think you're going the wrong way.

What?

Well, you're on the main highway one right here, and I need to be headed east

on this highway right here.

See? Well, what are you doing hitching a ride on the one if you need to be on the

other road?

I didn't know there was another road.

Well, do you want me to let you out?

What, here?

Yeah, I'm just taking you out of your way.

Can you drop me off at a gas station at least?

Sure.

So what are you doing out here anyway?

I'm going to see my mother.

You always hit you by yourself?

Maybe.

Don't you like buses?

No.

What about a car? Why don't you drive?

You ask so many questions.

We don't have to talk.

What are you doing out here?

Do you feel like talking now?

Yeah, I guess.

My best friend used to live in Kamloops.

Oh yeah, and he doesn't anymore?

No, he's dead.

I'm on my way to his funeral.

How'd it happen?

Motorcycle accident.

We both bought these racing bikes for our 19th birthdays.

Our birthdays are pretty close to each other.

We had this whole trip planned through the States.

It's gonna be just like Easy Rider.

You know, they died in Easy Rider, too.

They did?

Yeah.

Yeah, I never saw it. It just sounded cool.

I don't... I don't ride it anymore, though. It's just not the same without

him.

Yeah, well, I guess it's better to die young and cool than... an old cripple,

anyway.

All right, the suitcase routine.

Good.

Go ahead.

Leave.

We'll be back at the usual time, I assume.

Hey, um, do you want some money for some gas?

No, no, I, it's okay.

All right, thanks.

Hey, where'd you say you were going?

I didn't.

Yeah, but to see your mother, right?

Yeah, she's in Ashcroft.

Do you need a lift?

I thought that was out of your way.

Yeah, well.

Yeah. I just don't like the idea of leaving a woman on the highway alone at

night.

Just drop me off at the next motel you see.

I thought you were gonna go see your mom.

Yeah, well, I... don't want to get there too late. I haven't been home in a long

time.

How long has it been since you've seen her?

I left when I was 15.

How come?

I don't know.

Well,

you must have had a reason.

I did, but it was a long time ago and I don't want to talk about it.

And my friend left his family right before the accident.

I'm going to see his mom. I just... I just get this feeling that

she's going to blame me for everything that happened.

Did you tell him to leave?

And why is it your fault?

I don't want to talk about it. What time is it?

About ten.

Shit.

I'm really late.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, I guess so.

Listen, it's getting pretty late. Why don't you crash here tonight?

It's no problem.

Marvin Appleby. And I don't, I don't understand.

It's just about no one.

It's a little old lady.

It doesn't make any sense.

No, don't.

Your hair's not even blonde at all.

Disappointed?

No, I just... You know, you just look so different.

Hey.

Yeah?

Why didn't you want to go to Kamloops tonight?

I don't know.

Did it have something to do with the phone call?

I was talking to my friend's mom.

She's all fucked up.

I just...

I just don't think I can face it.

I'm just sick and tired of keeping my hopes up about you.

I think if I'm just patient, you know, she's really going to get going on

something. All I've got to do is be supportive. Well, all I am is

supportive. What's the use?

It's not true. You're very judgmental. Oh, fuck you, Lola.

Fuck you.

I don't tell you half my ideas anymore.

I don't want to know your ideas.

I don't want to know whether it's a design you want to do or a fucking

restaurant you want to open. Just go outside and play with your fucking

friends, all right? Because I give up on you.

fucking hopeless.

I love you.

How do you love me?

Hmm?

I tell you things you don't want to hear.

Right?

I'm the head case. I'm the psycho. You said so yourself. I never said that.

We don't have sex.

What's that about?

I don't know.

Well, I am tired of thinking up answers for you. I'm just tired of it.

Why don't we have any kids yet, Lola?

I want to.

But what? But I want to get some things done in my career first.

And then? And then I want to. You know that. When you're 40, when you're 50?

I just don't feel ready.

Well, when do you think you'll be ready?

I just don't think this would be good for a kid.

What?

This environment.

I'm coming.

Who's there?

Come inside so I can see you.

My eyesight's no good.

You better not be selling a bunch of junk.

What a beautiful smell.

They're for you.

So you can't speak. That's good.

Because I'm no good at reading lips these days.

I came from Vancouver. I meant to call you first.

Why come back now?

It's been hard to get away.

Yeah.

Come inside and sit.

Jesus. I didn't think you were ever coming back.

No, no, no.

I got some tea going.

Your father's dead.

I know.

I read about him in the paper.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Arthritis is killing me.

Awful quiet without him.

I know he was not really a good man. I know that.

What do you do about it?

I can't really explain it to you.

It's okay.

I wanted to call you so many times to try and explain.

Don't worry.

Huh?

Is everything all right?

Yeah.

Sure.

I'll fix you something. You must be hungry.

Oh, no, please don't.

Nonsense.

Can I help you?

You can make the coffee.

Second cupboard to your left.

I'm gonna go for a walk.

Do you want anything?

No.

Got a lot of work to do around here come springtime.

Guess it doesn't really matter, though.

Ralph sure didn't give a shit.

It's a nice little place. It'd be a shame to let it go.

I keep thinking about my little girl playing out here in summers.

And she was no higher than my knee.

And those trees were barely saplings.

That was a long time ago.

Never thought I'd see her again.

Didn't think I deserved to either.

She's here to tell you that it wasn't your fault.

That was all a long time ago.

Not to worry.

We used to have a pretty nice garden here in the summer.

Something about a little girl makes the plants

want to go.

Guess I'll never have that chance again.

No, I don't know.

You might still get to be a grandma someday.

Of course, I can't promise a little girl, though.

Although, if it was a little girl, I'd want to name her Lola.

Lola?

What kind of a name is that?

A nice name. Well, if you're in showbiz, maybe.

What about Catherine, you know?

That's a good, practical name.

Too plain.

Anyway, take a lot to fix this place up.

I'm pretty handy with things.

There's not a lot I can't do when I put my mind to it.

I bet that's true.

For Ralph, he wasn't charming, you know. He was tough. That's how I remember him.

He wasn't tough. I saw him cry once.

Everyone cries. It doesn't mean you're not tough.

Yeah, but for Ralph, it was different. He never showed emotion.

Yeah, that's true.

Just a coffee.

It's the wife I feel sorry for. She had to live with him all those years.

Yeah, she probably breathed a sigh of relief when he died. Who wouldn't?

I don't know if I agree with that.

Having some company is better than having no company.

Okay, thanks a lot.

Anyways, you heard about the daughter?

No, I didn't know they had a daughter.

Oh, yeah?

She ran away a long time ago.

She turned up dead.

Dead? Where?

Vancouver. Jesus, that's depressing.

The old woman won't even go out now.

She hasn't been out in days.

Hey.

Oh, hi.

I thought you would have left by now.

Yeah.

I, um... I mean, I was supposed to. I just, uh... got

off to a slow start.

Oh.

You left early enough.

Yeah.

Yeah, I should have been out of here. Just, I got hung up on some things. What

things?

I don't know.

Times funeral supposed to be this afternoon I

Guess you're in a hurry then Yeah Hey,

yeah I'm sorry

But what last night I'm not It's

beautiful

Yeah?

Yeah.

You should get going.

I don't want to hold you up.

You need a lift?

No, thanks.

Did you find your mom?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I'll see you.

If you want to, I'll be right here.