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ROD SERLING: Tonight's stars,

Mickey Rooney,

Raymond Massey

and Fay Spain.

Good evening.

As the resident custodian of this museum, I bid you welcome.

And offer you the felicitations of our entire staff,

most of whom are out and about at the moment,

since they tend to be night people.

Our artist and artisans take rather pardonable pride

in their work that you see hanging here.

An example is this item here.

It's called Rare Objects,

and represents that potpourri of collector's items

that some men are prone to acquire.

But there are collector's items and collected items.

Offered to you now, an excursion into the very strange.

Tonight's offering in the Night Gallery.

(WINE CORK POPPING)

Hey, you! Hey, come here.

You got a name?

Blockman, sir. My name is Blockman.

Blockman.

You keep filling my glass here with wine like it was water.

Tell me Blockman, why?

It's just the house wine, sir. House wine.

It's an answer, it's not a good answer, but it's an answer.

You always this busy?

Sir?

I said, "Are you always this busy?"

Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir.

It's just a little slow tonight.

A little slow. Bunch of empty tables.

Empty bar, couple of toilets back there empty,

and you say it's "a little slow," huh? (LAUGHS)

Where's Schirrappa?

(STAMMERING) He's home, sick.

Mr. Blockman,

I want you to do me a favor. I want you to, uh...

Go out the front door. There's a sedan parked at the curb,

with couple of guys in it.

I want you to tell me what they doing,

and I want you to get the license plate number. Hmm?

Yes sir. All right, do it.

There are two men in the front seat.

Doing what?

Just sitting there.

Did you get the license?

I couldn't see it, it was too dark.

But I think the last three numbers were 0-0-4.

Yeah. That's good enough.

You got any kids, Mr. Blockman?

Two, sir.

Two. Chips off the old Blockman, huh? (CHUCKLES)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Here.

Give them couple of these saws.

Tell them it's compensation for having a dummy for a father.

Thank you very much, Mr. Kolodney.

You want some dessert?

No.

What I do want is I want to find out how do you know my name?

Who told you my name? Your name, sir...

How do you know my name?

L just recognized you, sir.

(GROANS) Don't you try and get cute with me.

You've never been in here before.

I have never seen you here.

Half hour ago a young couple came here,

you said the kitchen was closed.

(EXHALES) You know what that adds up in my book, Mr. Blockman, huh?

I'll tell you what it adds up to.

It adds up to somebody telling you to keep me here,

keep my glass filled with wine,

my plate filled with fettuccine

and keep the place empty.

The question is who? And why?

And you better give me the right answer in the next ten seconds,

or I'm gonna chop you up into a 150-pound ravioli.

Honest... Honest, Mr. Kolodney.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know nothing about anything. I...

(suns FIRING)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Yes? Augie.

(STAMMERS) What do you want, Augie?

I want you to stand there and see how it takes me to knock this door in.

Open it LIP- (DOOR HANDLE RATTLING)

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)

Am I in the right place?

You are Molly Mitchell, aren't you?

Huh?

What's the gag, Augie?

It's not gag. I'll feed you,

and you give me the punch lines.

I asked you to have dinner with me tonight.

You say, "No, Augie. I can't have dinner with you, I've got a cold."

I have a cold.

There was contract down on me.

And you knew about it.

You fingered me.

You're hurt, Augie.

Don't worry about this. It'll heal a lot faster than my feelings.

What... What are you gonna do, Augie?

(MOCKINGLY) What are you gonna do, Augie?

Tell you what you're gonna do, Miss Mitchell.

What you are gonna do, you are gonna go upstairs,

pack one of your beautiful little bags,

throw a lot of your little beautiful rags in it,

and you are gonna get out of my sight.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Put Tony on, will you please?

Yeah, I'll wait.

Augie.

It wasn't my idea. I know it wasn't your idea.

You haven't got a idea past a shopping list.

Hello.

Tony.

One question.

I want an answer and make it believable.

Were you in on that hit on me tonight?

All right, now, listen good.

I'm gonna need three items.

One, doctor.

Two...

Three sets of muscles.

Three, I want you over here no longer than about 15 minutes

after I hang up this phone, you understand?

Hmm.

Mitchell's. Molly Mitchell's.

DOCTOR: You are lucky, Mr. Kolodney. Yeah I am lucky, all right.

But what am I lucky in? I'm unlucky in dice, with broads, horses...

So you tell me doc, what am I lucky in, huh?

(DOCTOR CHUCKLES) Huh?

.45 caliber slugger, quarter of an inch from an artery.

A quarter of an inch, Mr. Kolodney.

That's the difference between a bandage and a funeral.

That's lucky.

Also you've got yourself a doctor

who doesn't report gunshot wounds.

So, would you like to pay me now or should I send you a bill?

Tony. (SNAPS FINGERS) You know, pay him.

Now, I give you the midnight special,

medical advice that doesn't cost.

What advice?

You've got a pulse like a locomotive.

Your heartbeat sounds like a dull needle

on a broken phonograph record.

Your blood pressure is all set to blow you into the next county.

That's the advice.

What's the prescription?

Also free.

Retire.

(BOTH CHUCKLE) Retire?

Buy a dairy farm in Bucks county.

Stop drinking like a fish, eating like a hippo,

(STAMMERS) and running through life like you are gonna miss a train.

Now, that's my advice to you.

They'd still find me.

Who would? Any one of a...

Dozen torpedoes, who are jealous of me.

You want out?

Do I want out?

I want out so...

(SIGHS) One of these days lam gonna take a razor

and gonna have to have bucket brigade to clean up the mess.

(LAUGHS)

(DOCTOR SCRIBBLING ON PAPER)

There's a...

There's a name and address on this slip of paper.

Somebody who might be able to help you.

Help me in what? Survive.

If you are as hungry for it as you say you are.

Survive?

How much will it cost me?

A lot.

But you'll stay breathing.

(LAUGHS)

That's good enough for me, doc.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Yes.

Dr. Glendon.

DR. GLENDON: Mr. Kolodney.

You are Dr. Glendon?

I'm delighted to see you.

Shall we go in here where we can talk?

Won't you sit down, Mr. Kolodney?

(KOLODNEY SIGHS)

Are you interested in art, Mr. Kolodney?

We have some interesting things here.

That vase there, for example.

Japanese.

It's called Kutani.

17th century, Kaga province.

Those things over there, are Persian.

The jug is 13th century.

It's from Sultanabad.

Oh, l would imagine you would like to get on with things, wouldn't you?

Yes, I would like to...

Uh, get on with it, doctor. Whatever that is, you know.

I have gotta tell you up front,

there are couple of things that I just plain don't like.

I don't like the secrecy of the whole thing.

I don't like you warning me not to tell anybody that I am coming here,

and you wanted me to come here alone.

That doesn't please.

Really?

In truth the secrecy was for your benefit, Mr. Kolodney.

Oh, be that as it may.

Now, let's get some facts and chronology down, shall we?

Name, August Kolodney.

Age?

Over thirty.

Occupation?

Investor.

Reason for retirement?

III health.

Look, what am I picking out?

A spot on a bench for a senior citizens program or something?

Why all these questions?

The questions are to establish who you are.

And to aid me a general comprehension

of whether or not you need my services,

and are willing to accept them.

I'll run that around the block, doctor, after I've found out

just what your services are.

Excellent.

But let us start on a note of mutual trust, shall we?

I asked you your occupation.

And I told you.

You told me a half truth.

And a half truth, Mr. Kolodney is also a half lie.

You dabble in investments,

but you're not an investor.

All right, then you...

You put a tag on me, doctor.

I think we could place you generically

in the category of racketeer?

No moral judgments implied, Mr. Kolodney.

I'm looking for identification.

Now, as to your reasons for retirement?

III health.

Again, a degree or so off target, isn't it?

Ill health, in your case, is a euphemism

for fear for survival.

You are already aspirant for assassination, are you not?

All right. Suppose I am?

Just what do you intend doing about it?

I guarantee you a long life.

Longer than you could have ever hoped for.

Free of care, devoid of worry,

absolutely without fear or tensions of any kind.

An uninterrupted physical comfort

for the rest of your days.

All that is a firm and unqualified guarantee.

Now wait a minute. Hold it, doctor.

That to me is a half a transaction.

I know what I am going to get, but what I want to know is

what are you going to get?

Everything you own.

Cash, securities, stocks, bonds, insurance policies,

business interests, everything.

You come high, doctor. (LAUGHS)

After all, I'm just an average hard-working hood.

That, Mr. Kolodney, is either a deliberate misrepresentation

or a sad underestimation

of your position and worth.

You're not an average hood, Mr. Kolodney.

You are unique unto yourself.

You're special. You're one of a kind.

You're the biggest, toughest, richest,

most powerful of your gentry.

And also the most vulnerable.

That doesn't exactly leave you with a plethora of possibilities.

Well, l...

I'd like a little time to think it over.

For how long? (GRUNTS)

After all it isn't...

It isn't something that one decides between lunch and dinner.

Really?

I should think otherwise, in your case.

But you would be taking away from me everything that I own.

Literally everything.

I'd be taking very little, compared with your life.

And that's what others would be taking.

Mr. Pinelli,

an entrepreneur of a rival faction.

It seems that he engineered an attempt on your life just a few nights ago

in a Long Island restaurant.

And he came up with zero, too.

And on Christmas Eve of last year,

a bomb placed in your car,

which detonated precisely 35 seconds

after you left the rear seat.

And on the previous year, three assassination attempts.

Doctor, look I don't want to hear history

on how many times I've been fingered.

It's occupational hazard.

And after a while it...

It gets kind of hard to live with.

It's heavy. You...

You cave in.

Are you enjoying the wine, Mr. Kolodney?

It's quite rare.

It's a St. Julien of a rather ancient vintage.

The only one of its kind.

That goblet you hold in your hand

happens to be an Etruscan silver.

Also unique. There are no others.

(SIGHS) Well I want to...

I want to take in till at least next Friday to think about this.

Excuse me for saying this, Mr. Kolodney,

but the odds on your survival shrink with each passing day.

You say, "Friday," and I say,

"Will you be a live client on Friday?

"Or just a dead former prospect?"

Uh, let me support my somewhat negative thesis.

You have in your employ a young strong-arm named Tony.

Tony, Tony, yes, he is the best.

Tony's the best in the business.

And he can't be bought.

Couldn't be. But "can't"?

As a matter of fact, just after you left him this morning,

Tony had a meeting with Mr. Pinelli

in a bar in 8th Avenue.

Suggest something?

He sold me out?

Your staunchly loyal right-hand man.

Yes, he's selling you out.

How do you know these things?

How do you know this stuff?

I make it my business to know all this stuff.

I have to know everything about a client.

From the odds on his longevity to his collar size.

However...

If you want to wait a week...

(STAMMERS)

l don't, uh...

I don't feel very well.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Just a touch of nerves.

Would you care to, uh...

Rest a bit?

(GRUNTS) Yes. I... I believe I would.

Are you a medical doctor?

I was so trained.

But as a very young man, I went into research.

I feel, I feel rotten.

It'll pass, it's a normal reaction.

Normal reaction to what?

To the introduction to the medication.

It was in your wine, Mr. Kolodney.

Nothing very potent. Just a tranquilizer to relax you.

You drugged me!

Mr. Kolodney, anger should be the last thing

in the world you indulge in.

You are going to be the recipient of a drug

which I have used for 73 years.

It affects the glands. It revitalizes them.

My dear, Mr. Kolodney, it is the closest thing

to the Fountain of Youth ever found by Man.

It can add inestimable years

to the normal life span.

Forgive me, Mr. Kolodney, l wouldn't want you tearing this.

It's a Vauvai. Very rare.

As a matter of fact, I only collect rare things.

One-of-a-kind things.

I don't care about your hobbies.

It is not a hobby, Mr. Kolodney. It's more than that.

It is a dream of a lifetime, lived and realized.

The most incredible collection in the world.

Sui generis.

Precious, unequaled, incomparable.

Her Royal Highness, the Grand Duchess Anastasia,

daughter of Tsar Nicholas ll,

who vanished mysteriously in 1918.

But not, it seems, from the face of the earth.

Judge Joseph Force Crater,

missing since 1930,

in circumstances

with which I am sure you are familiar.

My prized possession,

obtained in Argentina in 1947,

at an incredible expense.

Roald Amundsen, known to you, I am sure,

as the discoverer of South Pole,

but long presumed dead,

in the vast waste of the Arctic.

Amelia Earhart?

For my so-called hobby I've have spared no expense.

And now Mr. Kolodney, you have the honor of joining my collection.

I think you will find all the comforts available,

according to our agreement.

No tensions, no jeopardy.

And no need to be afraid.

And further than that, Mr. Kolodney.

You are going to live a very long time.

Avery, very long time.

I will call in on you later.

That gentleman's car, doctor?

Put it in the automobile museum, Joseph.

Put it next to Hitler's Mercedes.

I think that will be most fitting.

Been a very good day, Joseph.

An exceptionally good day.

Today we acquired another collector's item.

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