Original subtitles

Good evening.

I shot an arrow into the air. It fell to earth.

I know not where.

I think the burned arrow has long been underrated as a weapon.

Aesthetically, it is far superior to the revolver and can be just as effective

without any unseemly powder burns.

There is no danger of the victim suffering from lead poisoning, and it

requires no silencer.

In fact, if it is used properly, the entire weapon is a silencer.

Of course, one must be careful. The bow and arrow can be very dangerous when in

the wrong hands.

Cupids, for example.

This type of weapon does not figure in tonight's story.

Our tale is about a college professor engaged in a most unusual research

project. It combines love, marriage, psychology and murder,

all in one tidy package.

A package which we shall open in just 60 seconds.

Classified advertising.

How do you want your eggs this morning?

Oh, uh, once over.

Classified personals, yes, this is Boxholder 2618. My ad wasn't in the

paper this morning.

The manager?

Yes, this is Boxholder 2618, and my ad was... What do you mean you want to see

me? I don't have time to... Uh, yes, well, let's keep in touch.

What was that call?

Oh, more departmental work, staff meeting.

Sometimes I think you're running a business instead of teaching psychology.

College education is a business.

Yes, but a businessman who works as hard as you do makes more than you do. Ah,

but I enjoy it more.

When we go away on your sabbatical leave... Oh, it's been postponed.

Again? Yes, I have a, um...

Project I have to finish before we leave.

Oh, I see.

And I've been running around trying to finish all the odds and ends and things.

Sorry, dear.

But it's always something.

Three years of delay.

Four years.

Four years.

I even found someone to take over my presidency at the Faculty Club

Auxiliary. I promise.

Right after this project is over.

You didn't eat your eggs.

Not hungry.

Why not?

People get hungry or not hungry.

Well, there must be a reason.

Why? Well, that's a strange question for a psychology professor to ask. Why?

Because you're the one who always says there's a reason for everything.

That's why.

Just not hungry.

You've been working too hard.

You've been working hard for a long time. Too long.

Darling, I'm going to be late.

So will I.

For what?

Lots of things.

Civic committee meeting. You know.

Well, if you hurry, I'll drop you uptown.

Classified manager, please.

Yes, this is box holder 2618.

We were cut off.

What for?

The police.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

In half an hour.

Ready?

Oh, will you tell your secretary where you'll be today in case I need you?

Don't I always?

James, I'm not picking on you. It's just that I love you.

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course. Love.

Hold all my call.

I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Mr... Well, I suppose box number 2618 sounds a

little impersonal, doesn't it?

I'm James Parkerson.

I'm Connolly, the editor. This is Lieutenant Barker of Homicide, Mr.

Parkerson. Dr.

Parkerson. OMD. PhD.

Now, I'm dean of the psychology department of the university.

Sit down, Dr. Parkerson.

This is a rather strange advertisement for a man in your position to put in the

paper, Doctor.

Well, that's a research project.

I'm sorry, I have a cop's mind.

I go by a series of facts.

This ad says some mighty strange things.

How so?

Are you hopelessly tied to your marriage partner?

Perhaps there is one ultimate solution to your problem.

All correspondence kept strictly confidential.

Write box 2618.

Yes, the part about being hopelessly married?

No. About there being one ultimate solution.

You meant divorce?

Murder. I beg your pardon? You offer to kill and brazenly come out and say it? I

offer nothing.

I... I ask a question and offer suppositions.

I just wanted to find out if more husbands and wives were capable of

killing each other.

As a homicide detective, I could have told you in ten minutes and given you a

book on the subject.

No, I have books.

Hundreds of them.

None of them discloses what I wish to know.

That married people kill each other.

The fact isn't a state secret. That more husbands and wives would kill each other

if they could have someone else do it for them.

You're inciting them. I'm revealing them.

These are the letters that came from just one run of your ad.

This one rejects divorce.

Says that if I'm a divorce lawyer soliciting business, they're not

interested.

This one is most unusual.

Reveals nothing.

Simply states a time and place of meeting.

You're playing a dangerous game, Doctor.

Is it valuable to know when the mind is just beginning?

To contemplate violence.

No textbook tells you accurately.

Is it important to know if there's a common denominator for the need to

murder? Where do you learn it? On the couches of psychiatric consultation?

Not at all.

In the crucible of experience.

In the moment of passionate need.

In that terrible moment of truth when all things are revealed as they

happen. My paper will not run your ad any longer.

Why not?

It's against our editorial policy to advertise murder.

As you wish.

What will you do, Doctor?

Well, I plan to keep my first appointment at the time and place

specified.

And when they find out you're not a professional killer, they might turn

against you for having revealed themselves.

Well, then I won't be the first scientist who's sacrificed himself for

progress. My paper absolves itself completely of any responsibility.

If you're murdered, we want you to clearly understand it's your fault, not

ours.

You can have our protection if you want it. No, no, no. It'll just make me

nervous.

I'll call you after every interview and report the, uh, danger.

Fine. Well, I have an appointment, gentlemen.

If it isn't an invasion of privacy, with whom?

I haven't the vaguest idea.

How will you find him?

Oh, he'll recognize me.

He wants me to go to a certain bar and keep untying and retying my shoelace

until he shows up.

And you must admit, there aren't many people who look like that anymore.

Yes, sir?

Scotch.

Yes, sir.

Soda or water?

Water.

Say, have those people at that back table been asking for me?

Who are you?

Yeah, well, that's beside the point.

Does that mean anything to you?

Does what mean anything? My tying and untying my shoe.

Means you like it.

Nothing else?

Maybe he didn't tie it very good in the first place.

Tying and untying my shoelace wasn't too practical.

Get your own girl, you lousy peeping Tom.

I see you untied that knot.

Why didn't you talk to me in the bar?

Oh, I'm a very cautious man.

We could talk while we ride in my car.

In your ad, what did you mean by one ultimate solution?

Well, if you thought I meant divorce, why didn't you seek out a lawyer?

Then you did mean murder.

I also am a very cautious man.

Fine.

Let's see now, a euphemism.

Shall we call it a permanent cancellation?

Whatever you're comfortable with, Mr... Bingham, Bingham, Mr. Bingham.

What is it you want?

How much would you charge to, shall I say...

Cancel my wife.

$10,000.

Is that your usual fee?

Like many professions, I charge what I think the client can afford.

Ergo demonstratum.

Well, now, I see the next step. How would you go about it?

All the details?

Oh, no. Oh, good.

No, just generalizations.

I consider the details.

Those are the secrets of your profession.

We would arrange your alibi.

I would cancel your wife at that time. You would not be involved.

Very simple.

Then it should work, Professor Puckerson.

How did you find out? The police told me.

The police?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I was the one who brought your advertisement to their

attention, you know.

Why?

Well, I wanted them to find out just who you were as a public service.

And being a cooperative citizen, they told me.

Well, since you know who I am, why did you seek out my help?

Tell me, how many responses did you get to that ad?

Twenty. And some of them actually implied they wanted to murder their

husbands or wives, eh? You a psychologist?

I will pay you $500.

For every client you bring to me who wants his or her spouse disposed of. For

blackmail or murder?

You're insane. It's a business, sir. It's a business.

And like many businesses, it's also a public service.

Besides, I would never murder anybody that wasn't going to be killed anyway.

Madness. Let me out. Oh, no, no, no. Just think of the advantages to your

profession. Just think of the knowledge you would gain. You'll have a veritable

Kinsey report of homicide.

Never. Absolutely never.

Well, here we are.

Back at your favorite bar.

Oh, Professor.

My office number.

Call me when you're ready.

Very nice to have met you, sir.

I really must leave.

You always... I would like to remind you.

Don't say it. Oh, but I must remind you.

You were the one that said, no demands must be made, no strings attached.

Well, I changed my mind six months ago.

But I haven't.

You love me.

I enjoy your company for these few hours each day.

You hate your husband.

I never said that.

Well, you dislike him then.

Oh, I never said that either.

Well, you certainly can't like him very much if you see me this often.

I really must go.

Why?

I have to shop for dinner.

Who is he?

My husband.

What makes you think the last name I gave you isn't my real name?

Doris Dervish?

Don't probe, please.

You're ashamed of him.

Well, that's not important one way or the other.

I'll find out someday.

I warn you, if you ever try, if you ever follow me, we're through. How can

I? You arrive walking, you leave walking. You said you'd take a cab and a

train both ways.

How can I follow you?

You can't.

You're too confident.

Isn't seeing each other pleasant enough?

It was.

Was?

What do you mean, was?

I'm cutting it off. I'm through. It's over. We're finished.

But why?

Tell me.

You want to be with me. Why should you leave?

Because we have nothing.

We're not together. We're not apart.

We're not in love and we're not out of love.

But there's no other way.

Please, don't ruin what we have by being angry and petulant.

There's you, and I love you for what you are, and there's my husband, and I like

him for what he is. And you're both different.

No!

But there's no other way.

If you weren't married... I've told you.

I couldn't divorce him. I just couldn't.

There are other ways.

What do you mean?

Oh, no, no. Nothing like that.

I'd lose both of you. You'd be caught and I'd lose you and my husband and I'd

have nothing.

It won't involve me or you.

I told you. No, no, no.

Just him.

Just him and a total stranger named Box 2618.

White, um... Carnation?

I saw your ad.

Sit down.

Arizona Aluminum is up this morning?

Yes, indeed it is.

So is Intercom Mutual.

Looks like a good market day.

Get to the point, sir.

Here's the point.

Well, I'm new at this kind of thing. What kind of thing?

Your ad.

You must tell me, what did it mean?

Exactly what it said.

Are you a lawyer soliciting business?

Never. It's unethical to solicit legal business.

Then you did mean... Permanent.

cancellation of one's spouse I suppose

murder is nothing that's approximately almost

sort of kind of one is either dead or one isn't it's so easy for someone like

yourself to say

It is a terrible marriage?

Terrible. Miserable.

How old is she?

Thirty-ish, but beautiful.

Lovely brown hair.

Translucent skin, blue eyes.

And you hate her enough to want to see her dead?

Not her, him.

Him.

Whom?

Her husband.

You speak of yourself in the third person?

I'm not her husband. He is.

Who?

I don't know.

Well, that poses a problem.

I know.

It has to me for six months.

It's maddening.

I hate him. He stands in the way.

A silent blob of an obstacle, but he must be overcome.

Wherever he is and whoever he is.

And, uh, her name?

I don't know her last name. We made one up, just for fun.

Her first name, then.

Doris.

Arizona.

Aluminum isn't up very high this morning. I beg your pardon?

You're right about Intercom Mutual.

Please help me.

You don't give me very much to go on.

I don't know him, just her.

But you know her well, don't you?

Yes.

Closely?

You must be sure.

We must begin with what we know. Who and what she is. I want you to give me every

detail that you can about her.

That way I can go from that to pick up leads on her husband. But be explicit.

Because if you make one mistake, I might wind up killing the wrong man.

Well, she's five foot four and a half.

I gather she went to state college and graduated as a psychology major.

She's got a beautiful figure.

And she's got a mall about here.

That's all. Thank you.

That's all?

I don't need any more.

No, I... I have an idea what her husband is like.

You do?

Generally, he's a fool.

A blind, self-centered, egocentric fool.

A man so self-absorbed he doesn't even know what's going on.

Does a man like that deserve such a wonderful woman?

It's not for me to say.

Does he deserve to live?

Depends on how much you can pay me.

If you're successful.

Cash in advance?

Five thousand dollars.

Half in advance.

You hate a man that you haven't even met? You hate him enough to kill him?

I love her.

I want her at any price.

And she feels that way about you.

She's powerless.

She can't resist me.

She's hypnotized by me.

I want you to write out a detailed description of everything that she's

said and done that identifies her. Clues to her past and present life.

If you think hard, you'll find that she's revealed a great deal of herself.

More than you realize.

I'll contact you by telephone tomorrow at 10 a.m.

Don't you want the money?

No. I'm sure you'll pay, sir.

In full.

I have a victim. A client?

A victim.

Something so obscene it must be obliterated. I gather you are personally

involved. I am. Too personally. What difference does it make?

A victim is a victim.

A cause is a cause, and I have a cause.

I want a... You want to have revenge.

Yes. Not to eliminate someone else for your own happiness, just to have your

own revenge. I want someone destroyed. I want him dead within a week.

Well, I'll need details.

Yes.

Well, I... I find this hard to say.

My wife's... Your wife's very good friend.

A strutting...

Peacock. I can't breathe while he's alive. He's ruined my marriage.

Annihilated him. Wiped him from the face of the earth.

Coffee? Yes, coffee.

No, no. Who wants coffee now?

I am sorry, but I can't do it.

You can.

You must.

Look, I recognize the need for people like yourself.

If we succeed, I might go into business with you. You have a function.

Yes, see? I mean, you bring happiness and joy.

Oh, no, no, no. You're much too erratic for any such business. Oh, no, no. Only

when I'm involved like this.

Could you survive the knowledge that you had done it? Of course.

Then you kill him.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

I couldn't do it.

You know, I think that you lack the one thing...

that would protect you from the horror of your deed.

What's that?

Insanity, madness.

You're not mad.

Oh, yeah, you're bereft of reason at the moment, but you're not insane.

No, no, no.

And in the stillness of remembrance, you will recall the death.

So you must be sure, you must be absolutely sure that this man is the

primary cause, the sole cause of your misery.

And only his death will make you happy again. But you murder.

Oh. Oh.

Well, society gives me the chance to use it for social reasons.

Don't you see? The world is full of such people, even in perfectly legitimate

functions.

Now, you see, I never become involved with any of my victims. Oh, no, no. It's

a business devoid of passion, containing neither violated love or unfulfilled

vengeance.

Now, I don't feel hated or reviled.

And if I'm ever captured, it won't be a personal attack by the police, but the

failure of a business enterprise.

You're right.

I must be sure. I will be sure.

And when I am sure... I'm always open for business.

24 hours a day.

I still don't seem to be able to find my arrow.

It's too bad, because I was planning to use it to break our stations.

Now they shall have to do that themselves.

After they are broken, we shall continue with our story of life among the

intellectuals.

Bifurcated steel is up.

Yes, yes.

You got the description I asked you to write out?

Really?

She said that?

Good heavens.

I'd never allow a woman to act like that with me.

Absolutely different.

Different from what?

This doesn't sound like a man who dominated a woman.

I wouldn't say that. This sounds like a woman who dominated a man.

Her husband.

Her husband is barely mentioned.

She dominated you.

Never. She called the turns.

Give me that.

Like a fiend. She dictated the terms from the beginning.

Call the police and involve yourself.

You're fired.

Excuse me. You can't fire me.

I don't want to go through with this.

If you do not have to pay one cent, will you agree?

Not pay you?

I've taken a personal interest in the case.

No money at all? I guarantee success and a dead body. Even justice.

Justice, my friend.

A rare commodity hardly come by these days.

And free.

Why are you doing all this for me?

I feel that men such as her husband should get what they deserve.

Right. Absolutely right.

You're great. You're the most rational human being I've ever met.

You're so logical.

Just one condition.

You'll have to get her away from the house.

I don't know where she lives.

I'll give you the address.

Once I locate it, from then on, you'll have to do exactly as I say. And I won't

have to do anything else? Not a thing.

Once you do exactly as I say, everything else will take care of itself.

were right to send me back.

I know.

Coffee hot?

Quite.

Sugar? One.

I want a victim.

I want to stand over it and know that I'm alive and it is dead.

Your hand is steady.

Your voice has lost that petulant rage.

I know.

Are you completely convinced that this is what you want?

I've been plotted against.

I've been maneuvered. I've been manipulated.

I've been made to feel stupid and weak all by one person.

Doctor.

Tell me.

What is there in your science that can cure you?

What therapy is there you could use?

Nothing.

No words, no talk.

Just a quick death.

Why did you put that ad in the paper?

What do you care?

Do your job.

Kill my wife.

Before I know.

Who is it?

Mr. Bingham.

Good evening. Your husband suggested that if I... Yes, he told me you'd be

by. Come in. Thank you.

I hope this isn't an inconvenient time for me to drop in.

Yes, it is.

But he wanted it, and he always gets his way.

Oh, is he here?

Unfortunately, he leaves these things up to me.

Always. Well, I assure you it won't take very long.

It can't. I have to go out.

Well, how soon?

Half an hour.

Oh, this is a lovely, lovely house.

Oh, would you care to show me the room now?

Yes, it's right over... Thank you.

Are you sure you have no preference for its redecoration?

None. Oh, well, he told me that you always wanted to reconvert it from its

present rather drab decor.

He always agrees.

Too late.

Oh, I didn't know there was a conflict.

Well, there is.

Would you please hurry?

I'll do it as fast as I can, but he insisted that I discuss it with you.

All right.

It won't take long to tell you what it is we need.

He wanted a study.

I wanted a family room.

We have no family.

But a room with that quality and...

Look at it.

Oh, yeah.

Barren.

Sterile. Empty.

A retreat.

A place to keep away from me.

Oh, there's not even a phone.

And these.

These walls.

I used to shout at him and ask him to come out and talk to me.

And later he'd say he hadn't heard me.

Well, nothing much will have to be ripped out, will it?

Just all these acoustical tiles.

Ah, he's right. He finally understands.

This has all got to come out. It's got to go.

I said to him once, either that room goes or I do.

I do believe, madam, he has made a choice.

You weren't wearing those when you came in.

Why couldn't he face me himself?

He hates me.

He hates me.

How long has he hated me?

This room.

He wanted this room to hate me.

That's it.

Three years.

For three years he's hated me.

Are you trying to kill me because you're a friend of his?

Answer me.

Now you listen.

I know you're not a friend of his.

You're being paid to do this.

It was all arranged, wasn't it?

Well, if he hates me so much, if he wants me dead...

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

I'll pay you more if you'll just go away and leave me alone.

I won't tell. Why would I tell?

He could only...

to stop it. Oh, not for you.

For myself. I... I couldn't stand it.

I won't ask forgiveness.

Not after what you did.

You wanted to kill me!

No, wait!

Stay away from me.

You hired him.

Well, I do suppose that's a way of breaking our agreement.

But why both of us?

Well, one witness is no threat to him. His word against one person. But two

witnesses.

Both must be killed.

We'll offer him money.

No, no, it's too late.

Why did you start this whole thing?

Why did you go to that man?

Well, why did you hide yourself in your hateful room? Why did you hide yourself

in your hateful mind?

Well, I never tried to kill you. Well, your lover did.

Oh, if we could just draw those shades.

Well, I never knew he did.

But you wanted me dead.

Only... When I found out that you wanted me dead, too. I... The master light

switch in the kitchen.

I didn't.

But now I couldn't hate you more.

Well, you have to stay alive to hate me. If he sees us move together, he can

anticipate our plan.

You forget all the good things I did?

Well, it's very difficult to remember. Yes, but... Now, just listen.

We'll move in opposite directions.

In that way, he won't know which of us to take first. He'll have to come in.

But I could be killed and you'd live.

Well, I could be killed and you'd live.

Then one of us would sacrifice his life for the other.

That's love, isn't it?

No, move toward the couch.

Well, I suppose this is...

I suppose.

You'll wait for me to appear again.

Show your hand on the couch as if you're going to rise, and then throw something

at the other picture window.

Doris.

Doris, go back to the soundproof room.

I've killed her husband.

Assuming he's married.

But that wasn't the plan.

What are you doing here? Well, he told me to come here and get you before he

killed your husband.

Were you going to kill yourself?

He's your husband?

I had planned to have you murdered and then trap him, but I couldn't do it.

Even though I knew you wanted to kill me. It was just the way you wanted it.

Oh, I never knew it. Never.

It was the easiest way out. Only now we're in a real mess. He has to be

killed.

But won't that make it much worse?

No.

I'll tell the police that I struggled with the murderer after he shot your

husband.

How did this all start?

It was an experiment. I put an ad in the paper saying that I'd kill husbands and

wives for each other. I thought more would do it if someone would do it for

them. Were you right?

Was I?

Give me the gun.

What do you want it for?

Well, you won't have to be here.

I'll tell the police that he killed the dead man.

He put the gun down, I was frightened, and I shot him.

That way you'll be free.

You call me at home?

You love me? Well, how else can I prove it unless I risk my life for you?

Nothing means anything to you, does it?

Give me the gun. I'll kill myself.

You fool.

Because I loved you.

Not you.

You. Look, this is no time for quarrels. Now shoot him and call me the moment the

police get here.

You come back here or I'll shoot you.

How... How dare you try to kill my husband? How dare you? You vile man.

I thought you loved me.

You adored me.

If I want my husband killed, I'll kill him myself.

But after everything we meant to each other.

Nothing. It was just adolescent fantasy.

But you hated him.

No. I was angry with him. I just wanted to hurt him. You let him know.

No, you let him know.

I'm sorry to discuss this in front of you, but the whole thing leaves me no

alternative.

What do you plan to do?

Call the police, tell them the truth that you broke into our house and killed

that man.

Right. But you were mad about me. You are now.

You don't understand about husbands and wives quarrels.

You don't understand about wives.

The happiness I had with you, I had with him.

But the happiness I had with him...

Could never have with you

Operator

Get me the police I want to report a murder

I shot a second arrow into the air, hoping it would lead me to the first.

Now I've lost the second one too.

I think I shall abandon the sport. It's giving me a headache.

One final word about our play.

The authorities were finally able to determine precisely who did what to whom

and to mete out punishment accordingly.

Speaking of authorities...

Here is another word from our sponsor.