Original subtitles

Previously on Eternally Yours...

So that we can be together forever,

until the end of time.

This marriage is literally never-ending.

You see, this is why I only marry humans.

You have fun till they croak, and then you get a new model.

How's that working out for you?

People are living a little longer than they did

back in the day.

- Love you. - I love you more.

Well, something is very weird.

You've been together two months,

she's never let you come to her house?

My family, we're just

different.

I'll understand, I promise.

- Oh. - Max?

These are my parents.

I don't want you dating a human.

You are being so unfair.

How come he gets all the good traits?

We're twins.

I mean, I'm half vampire, too.

Hey, we are working

on developing some of your powers.

Come on, come on. Move, damn it.

Come on, Mort, let's go!

Max? Are you okay, Max?

What if we turn him into a vampire?

That would fix this.

- He might pull through. - Charles.

Max.

Max.

Hey, sleepyhead.

Emma?

- Where am I? - You're at my house.

Um, Max, what do you remember from yesterday?

Uh, I remember I found out that vampires are real

and that you and your whole family are vampires,

- which was a lot to process. - Uh-huh.

There's still a bit more to process.

Do you remember the accident?

- There was an accident? - Don't worry.

It's not uncommon after trauma

for there to be some memory loss around the event.

Speaking as a medical professional.

- I mean, you're a vet. - Oh.

You remember Mort. He's one of the twin sons

of the other family in the coven.

- Sup? - Hey.

Um, I'm sorry, what-what accident?

- What happened? - Yeah, okay,

so you were accidentally hit in the head with a marble bust.

My bad.

Haven't quite mastered the telekinesis thing yet.

Yeah, we actually didn't know if you were gonna make it,

so to save you,

my dad bit you and now you're a vampire.

- Excuse me? - Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You're undead, dude. It really sucks.

- Not now, Mort. - Get it? "Sucks."

'Cause you're a vampire?

Oh.

Damn it, Mort.

We're gonna have to tell him all that again, aren't we?

So then I told him again.

And this time he didn't scream.

He just stared off, went catatonic.

- It was creepy. - Well, it's a big change.

Honestly, for both of us.

I'm crazy about Max, but we've been together six weeks,

and now Dad turns him into a vampire?

- At your mother's request. - He was going to die, Charles.

It's all just so zero to 60.

I mean, moving in?

It... it's a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship.

Well, that's the rules.

He's got to join our coven.

We broke him, we bought him.

In a way, we're all broken.

My boy. Deep.

Hey, everyone. Good morning.

Whoa, Charles, nice robe.

Looks soft.

Max, you seem oddly good.

Oh, because the whole "me being a vampire" thing?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, I was sitting up there, staring at the wall,

and a thought occurred to me, and I was like, "What if

I am not a vampire?"

- Excuse me? - Well, I don't feel

any different than I did yesterday.

And, like, I'm looking at these glasses of blood,

which probably seem delicious to all of you,

but to me as a non-vampire,

it kind of makes me want to vomit.

Yo, slow your roll.

This is primo Steve, man.

Steve is the name of the guy from Craigslist

who sells us his own blood.

- We-we think it's his own. - Sweetie,

your skull was caved in and it healed in 12 hours.

Well, I am sort of a quick healer.

I take a daily calcium chew.

For God's sake.

You were bitten by a vampire and you turned into a vampire.

Why is that so hard to understand?

Okay, just hear me out. Where are the fangs?

'Cause I have spent the last five minutes

concentrating as hard as I could,

- and I've got nothing. - You know,

the fangs and the powers, those all can take some time

- to develop. - Okay.

But isn't it possible that when Charles bit me,

he gave me enough vampire venom to heal me

but not enough to turn me into an actual vampire?

Well, I mean, I guess it's possible, but...

- Aha! Booyah! - Ooh, babe,

didn't we decide after Scrabble that you're not a "booyah" guy?

For sure. My bad.

Oh, my God, what time is it?

- I have to get to work. - What? Wait. No, no, no, no.

No. No, you're not going anywhere.

- Well, but I-I have... - Despite your desperate protestations,

you are a baby vampire.

- Well... - And you have no idea

how to be out among the living yet.

There's a lot you don't understand, Max,

and until you're really familiar with how this all works...

Yes, you could be exposed,

which directly endangers us.

Oh, no, you are staying here until further notice.

Do you understand me?

Okay, Max, just humor my dad

until we figure out what's really going on? Please?

Fine.

But I'm not a vampire.

Damn it! Yes, you are!

- Charles. - Calm down.

- We don't even eat. - Well, my wife does,

and she doesn't know we're vampires.

- What? - Oh, boy. - My bad.

Phyllis?

You didn't hear anything.

Oh, hey, guys.

What happened to the microwave?

I can't believe we're stuck with this guy.

Well, he's here, so let's try to make the best of it.

Who knows?

Maybe you and Max could become friends.

I've got enough friends, thank you.

But do you?

- What's that supposed to mean? - No, it's just,

you don't really hang out with anyone besides me.

I have friends. What about Nathaniel?

The candlemaker?

Charles, he died 200 years ago.

Really? God, I knew it had been a minute.

Look, men often struggle

with maintaining friendships after marriage.

They get rusty.

And you've been married for 500 years.

- That's a lot of rust. - For your information,

I have a friend at work.

Who?

Eric.

Okay, I've never heard you mention his name before.

Be that as it may, he is my friend.

He's my good friend.

In fact, he and I are having lunch today.

After I ask him, which I will do.

Yeah, I don't know why I do this. It's pointless.

Well...

So, while technically

I have been assigned to keep you here,

I don't want you to feel like, you know, my prisoner.

We're just two dudes

- hanging out. - But if I try to leave?

I will hunt you down and put you in a cage in the basement.

- Oh. - So what are we thinking?

SportsCenter?

Excuse me.

Hey, Benji.

Where the hell are you?

We have our presentation in 30 minutes.

- Crap. Is that today? - What do you mean, "Is that today?"

Max, all the department heads are gonna be there.

- This is a huge deal. - Shoot.

Uh, yeah, that's gonna be a little tricky.

I'm, uh...

sort of under the weather.

Who's on the phone?

- Who's that guy? Where are you? - Uh...

it's just a guy that lives at Emma's house.

Your girlfriend lives with a guy?

Wait, I thought you weren't feeling well.

What is going on?

Uh... I, I-I should go.

Wait, no, no, Max, Max.

I need you. I just click the PowerPoint.

You're the talker. Max?

Is everything all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was just my friend Benji.

Is he a werewolf?

I don't think so.

Okay, well, you should ask him.

Legally, he has to tell you if he is.

Can't be too careful, BV.

"Baby Vampire."

I don't know, I'm just trying it out.

No, yeah, yeah, it's very clever.

Speaking of which, I actually think I am getting

a little, uh, peckish, yeah, for some blood.

Oh! Hot damn.

It's kicking in.

Yeah, blood's in the fridge, bro. Have at it.

Oh, it's just, I don't know how to prepare it.

Oh, you literally just pour it, like, in a cup.

Well, I'm not up on the portion size yet.

I got you, bud.

I'll fix you up a nice tall glass of Steve.

Thanks.

Yeah, man, so, uh, I do want to warn you ahead of time,

we do still pee.

Okay? But it will be pure red on account of the blood.

Max?

Bro, if you got invisibility power,

I am gonna be beyond jealous.

Uh-oh.

Oh, damn it.

What, is this copy machine made by Prussians?

Oh, Eric. I'd know that laugh anywhere.

Do you share a deep-seated hatred

for the people of Prussia?

Uh, no, I just, uh...

It was funny the way you said it.

Ah. Well, as long as we're connecting,

perhaps we take things to the next level.

Uh, what does that mean?

Well, we could go to lunch.

We could do Thai or-or Mexican.

Just not a Prussian place, I'll tell you that much.

Are there Prussian places?

Look at us batting it back and forth.

- The banter. - Yeah. No, no, I'd love to,

but, uh, I brought my lunch from home today.

Oh, no.

That was insane.

How did that even happen?

Totally insane.

So, how about Mexican?

It's a wonderful cuisine, which I know as a person who

eats f... food.

Max, I'm home.

Hey, uh, listen, don't freak out.

This is gonna sound kind of bad,

and that's 'cause it's kind of bad.

Um... I lost Max.

- Are you serious? - What do you mean you lost Max?

I turned my back for like a second,

and he disappeared.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Did he develop invisibility powers?

I do not think so, because of the lack of audible talking.

Also, would invisibility power make his clothes disappear?

It's an interesting question.

- Jesse, focus. - Did you search the area?

- Did you even look for him? - I was going to.

I was. But then Phyllis came back from the salon.

Babe.

- The hair is looking fire. - Thanks.

- Is that a new sweater set? - Yeah.

I got it 50% off at TJ Maxx.

Get the hell over here.

Ooh. Ooh, that thing with the floor happened again.

Oh, we'll have to get it looked at.

Damn it, Jesse, I can't believe you!

It's not my fault. She's aging like a fine wine.

This is not good. Who knows what sort of trouble

he could be getting into out there?

He doesn't know how to deal with any of it,

between the sun and the werewolves.

We didn't even tell him about the vampire hunters.

I hate those guys. They're, like, obsessed with us.

- Get over it. - Okay, we need to find Max.

We should split up.

- I will call Charles. - Yes... no, no, no. Liz, please.

Can we not tell Charles that I lost Max? It's just,

I don't need to be hearing about this for the next two centuries.

Yeah, I think it might be better if we deal

with this ourselves. Dad already hates Max enough.

Yeah. Remember when I borrowed Charles's ascot

for the 1893 Chicago World Fair

and then left it on the Ferris wheel?

Dude brought that up Monday.

Okay.

Emma, think.

Where could Max be?

Ooh. You know what? Before he disappeared,

he got a call from a guy named Benji?

Benji. Benji, that's the friend from work.

- That must be where he is. - All right, let's go.

- Yes! Okay. - Let me just run upstairs

and tell Phyllis we're leaving.

Give me ten, 15 minutes, tops.

- Jesse! - Well, excuse me for modeling a healthy relationship.

You know, you two aren't even supposed to be home right now.

This is our time.

So our proposal

is to optimize interdepartmental communication pathways.

Um, we feel that this structure

creates a positive feedback loop... Oh, my God!

Ah, am I excited about these feedback loops.

Does anyone smell smoke?

Uh, please hold your questions till the end, Cathy.

Uh, so, for-for the next slide,

um, you'll see that implementation

is split into three phases. Um...

Phase one is, uh...

Oh, my God, uh...

Oh! Sorry, can somebody, uh, shut that door?

Thank you, Dave.

Where was I?

Uh, phase one.

Yes, uh, so, for-for the first phase,

uh, we will, um...

Ooh...

We will, um...

Ha... oh!

Gonna step out for a second.

Benji, can you take over?

Max. Max? Max.

Max?

I, um... I just do the clicking.

But I am integral.

Oh, excuse me.

Hi. Would you mind formally inviting us in?

Oh, I don't work here.

You can still invite somebody in. It's not a big deal.

Ma'am, please, come on.

- Why are people so weird about this? - This has got to be

the dumbest part of being a vampire.

- Sir? Sir, hey. - Oh, hi, hi. - Hey, dude.

In the tie. Nice kicks. Mind if we come in?

- Oh, hi. - Hello.

Oh, man, I could never have a corporate job.

I mean, look at this drone wasting away

his short, pointless life.

- What? - Oh, sorry.

Meant to telepathy that to you guys.

Hi. We're looking for Max Marshall.

- I think he works on this floor. - She is his girlfriend.

He doesn't need to know that.

You didn't hear anything.

- Well, don't wipe him. - Uh, hi.

- Can I help you? - Yes, hi again.

We're looking for Max.

Um, he works on this floor.

It's no concern of yours who she's dating.

Uh, okay.

Uh, well, Max is actually giving a presentation today.

He's out at the Tacoma office.

- Tacoma? - Okay. Thank you.

So he's at a different office?

Tacoma... that's like 45 minutes away.

- It's too far to super-speed. - Why does it only work

- in cheetah-like short bursts? - It's just for catching prey.

It's not for long-distance travel.

I hate to say it, but your dad's office is right by there.

Oh, God, he's not gonna be happy.

Okay, maybe don't mention my role

- in Max getting out. - Jesse...

It's gonna be the ascot incident all over again.

You're not getting anything?

No, I-I'm good. Um...

Yeah, I've got a massive tapeworm, actually.

Oh. Sorry.

The old ball and chain. Liz.

Yeah, could I, could I call you back?

I'm a little busy.

What do you mean he's gone?

Where is he?

This isn't happening. This is, this is not happening.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Max?

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah, sorry.

I just, uh, I-I wasn't feeling well.

Dude, I am dying in there. I can't vamp.

Vamp. Vamp.

Do you have any idea what I'm going through?

Geez.

I knew I should have brought extra T-shirts.

Oh.

Cut myself on the dispenser.

Mm.

I might have to click left-handed.

And I didn't practice that.

Max?

Where'd he go?

Oh, my God. Charles?

What just happened?

- I-I didn't hurt Benji, did I? - No.

And we shall discuss this no further here.

What is wrong with me?

I... He's my best friend.

Oh.

- I fell. - We fell.

We gave you

one instruction: to not leave the house.

Was that so difficult to follow?

I didn't think I was really a vampire.

And, Jesse, you were supposed to be keeping an eye on him.

How could you lose him?

This is the ascot incident all over again.

There it is. Look, I had everything under control,

but then Phyllis came waltzing in

with this brand-new sweater set.

- Bro, I'm only human. - You're literally not.

Okay, but I am a vampire, which we all know

is one of the horniest undead creatures out there.

- Dad, gross. - No.

It's a beautiful thing, to love so intensely.

- Okay, it's no one else's fault. - All right?

I am the one who didn't listen.

Okay? I made a dumb mistake, and I am sorry.

I-I just didn't want to believe

that this could really be happening.

That everything about my life was going to be different.

But now I know that it is.

Aw. If only your words were enough.

- Dad, he's apologizing. - He's broken my trust.

His actions today could have led

not only to the death of his friend,

a tragedy in and of itself,

which I get as someone who has a friend

named Eric, who loves barbacoa.

- What's going on? - Charles made a friend. We're very proud of him.

But even worse was his blatant disregard for our safety.

'Cause, you know, you risked not just exposing yourself

but this entire coven.

I didn't think that it would be such a...

No, you didn't think, Max. That's the problem.

You see, a coven is not just a living arrangement.

It's true, BV. You're part of something

bigger than yourself now.

There's no "I" in "coven."

- Right? - Yeah.

Which is why Max can no longer be part of this coven.

- What? - What? - He has to move out.

Can't I just put him in the cage?

Charles. Max will not be safe on his own.

Yeah, did-didn't you say something about werewolves?

Doesn't he have to stay with us?

I mean, what happened to "We broke him, we bought him"?

No, the Council only demands that we find him accommodation.

Therefore, I have put a call in to the Winnipeg coven,

and they're willing to take him.

Provided I throw in six pints of Steve.

- Dad, this is insane. - Charles, Max showed

very poor judgment, but to banish him seems a bit cruel.

Yeah, I-I don't want to go to Winnipeg.

No one wants to go to Winnipeg. But my mind is made up.

Fine, Dad.

But if he goes, I go.

Are you joking? Just this morning,

you were bemoaning that things were moving too fast

- between you two. - What?

Well, yeah.

This is fast.

And historically, I'm not the best

when it comes to commitment.

I freak out and bail,

and I break hearts and ruin lives.

And sure, yeah, one time I burned down a city.

Oh, yes, Chicago.

We blamed that cow.

Uh, I'm sorry, is this gonna get to a good part?

The point is, I'm scared

but not so scared that I'm willing to give up on us.

So, unless you're willing to lose me, too, Dad,

Max stays.

Fine! He can stay.

- Yes. - Thank you, Charles.

You won't regret this.

But if you want to be one of us,

then you truly need to be one of us.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. 100%.

What does that mean?

All right, Max. It's time.

- You've got this, babe. - Mm.

I mean, I guess I did swallow a lot of my own blood

when I got my wisdom teeth out.

This is sort of like that, just another person's.

- Just shut up and drink it. - Okay.

Here we go. Gonna drink the blood.

Hmm.

Actually not bad. It's, uh, it's kind of sweet.

- Steve's the best. - Yeah.

Mmm.

- There you go. - Yeah.

Oh, hey, everyone.

- What's going on? - Um,

Max is just trying V8 juice for the first time.

More.

He likes it.

You know, I meant what I said.

I am proud of you for putting yourself out there with Eric.

Uh-huh.

Charles, are you even listening?

Sorry, uh, I'm just waiting for Eric to text me back.

After our lunch, I texted him

to make sure he got home safely, of course.

Okay. Well, I'm sure he'll write back soon.

It's just, it's been a while.

But, uh, he... perhaps he did not receive it.

I'm gonna text him again.

Charles, no. We've been through this before.

I'm telling you, just wait for Claude

to raven you back.

How can I be sure that he got the first raven?

Charles, put the bird down.

Oof. You're right, you're right.

No, I don't want to pull the old double raven. Oof.

What was that?

I just exclamation-pointed my earlier message.

- Mm. - It's technically not a new text.

Have I blown it? I've blown it.

It's okay.