Original subtitles

♪

To think I gave up a perfectly good

refrigerator cart for this.

You know, I just love the way

this country takes care of its homeless.

Don’t be knockin’ this country.

Friggin’ Congress can spend 50 million dollars

to find out if the President

got a friggin’ blowjob,

but you think they could throw a little money our way?

Don’t--

Why couldn’t you build a bigger fire?

Year, I’ll build a bigger fire

when you fetch some more friggin’ wood.

That’s all I could find.

All you could find?

That’s all you could find?

But where are we?

Take a look around and tell me

where the hell we are.

The woods.

Yeah, right, in the woods,

in the friggin’ woods.

Do you know why they call them the woods?

’Cause it’s made out of friggin’ wood!

And you couldn’t find it.

Well, everything I found was all green and wet,

it wouldn’t burn.

Yeah, like you’d know,

like you’re Daniel Boone or something.

Well, I did find this.

Yeah, and what the hell is that?

Mistletoe, give us a kiss!

What the hell are you doing?

You psycho or something?

-I was just kidding. -It ain’t funny!

That ain’t somethin’ you kid about, buddy.

You need to be more secure in your sexuality.

Shut up, and stay the hell on your side of the fire, okay.

Look at your Christmas spirit.

Shitbag.

What do I get to be thankful for anyway?

I lost my job.

Friggin’ old lady left me.

Probably ’cause I was poor.

You know what I’d be thankful for right now

is a goddamn drink.

Mhm.

What did you say?

I said don’t be knockin’ this country.

What do you got there?

Nothing.

What are you hiding?

Let me see that!

I ain’t hidin’ nothin’.

-Gimme that. -I ain’t got anything.

I got nothin’!

It’s booze.

You got friggin’ booze and you were holdin’ out on me.

I wasn’t holding out on you.

It’s mine.

Gimme it!

Give it to me!

Why should I?

It’s mine, give it to me!

♪

Put it out, put it out!

-Oh, my God! -Put that out!

You put out the fire.

You told me to.

Not all of it, you moron.

Uh.

Blood.

Hey, man--

Ah!

I’m gonna puke.

I’m gonna get you, you son of a bitch.

I’m sorry!

Ugh, ugh!

Jesus, I said I was sorry.

Come on, man, I said I was sorry.

♪

Hey, look.

A house.

♪

Will ya look at that place?

What a friggin’ wreck.

You think anybody lives there?

Don’t be a jerk.

Who’d live in friggin’ dump like that?

But I see lights.

Hey, maybe it’s friggin’ ghosts.

Let’s go through the cellar.

You think we should?

No, I think we should stand out here

until we’re a couple of freakin’ icicles.

♪

What a friggin’ dump.

It’s no warmer in here than it is outside.

We can make it warmer.

There’s tons of crap in here we can burn.

We might burn the house down.

Ha, big loss.

Hey...

what the hell is that?

♪

Looks like snot.

Taste it and see.

I find that inference offensive.

♪

Ah.

♪

Holy shit!

What the hell is this crap?

Don’t stand there, you asshole.

Help me.

Get this shit off of me.

Help me get this shit off of me!

Ah, ow!

No, no!

Get off, get off!

Ah, ah, ah, ow, ow!

Billy, Billy!

No, get away, get away!

No!

♪

Ah, shit.

♪

♪

(loud TV on in background)

Julie!

Yeah, dad.

Where the hell have you been?

I told you to get back early.

It is early, it’s not even 10 o’clock.

Don’t give me any of your lip.

Get to bed, we’re getting an early start

in the morning, did you hear me?

They heard you in Canada.

Did you hear me?

Yes, father.

Asshole.

(loud sounds from TV)

♪

(loud screams from TV)

♪

(thunder)

(loud sounds from TV continue)

Ugh.

(loud sounds from TV continue)

Ugh.

♪

(thunder and lightening)

Ah!

No!

♪

Uh, ah!

♪

Ah!

♪

No!

♪

Ah!

♪

What the hell is all the noise about?

Nothing.

It’s all right.

Well, keep the goddamn racket down.

Thanks for your concern.

♪

♪

Mom...

Sometimes I don’t blame you at all.

Well, where the hell have you been?

I went for a run.

Thanks for helping me load up.

What else is going?

Nothing.

I did it all, as usual.

Get in, we’ve gotta get going.

I’m gonna go take a shower.

You should have thought of that before, let’s go!

But I’m all sweat.

It’ll just take a minute.

You’re gonna get dirty again anyway

cleaning the house-- now get in the car.

Ugh.

(horn honks)

What the hell?

Hey, Julie.

Good morning, Mr. Ashbrook.

Hi, guys, how’s it goin’?

Hey, we’re gonna go to the mall, you wanna come?

No, I can’t.

My dad bought another shitbox house,

I have to go help him clean it.

It’s nice the way you spend time with him.

Why does he keep buying those places?

Because he’s an idiot.

He thinks he’s gonna get rich off of real estate.

Does he ever make any money?

-No. -Julie, come on, honey.

We’ve gotta get going.

I’ll be right with you, Daddy.

Look, I’m gonna be all day cleaning,

you guys wanna come and help me?

Yeah, that’s just how I’d like to spend my Saturdays.

Sorry, Jul.

Jake?

What do I get if I help you?

Forget it, it’s not worth it.

Come on, Julie.

Thanks.

Good to have friends.

-Sorry, Julie. -Sorry, Julie!

What did those idiots want?

They just wanted to know what I was doing today.

I told them I was spending all day with my daddy.

They were so jealous.

Don’t get smart.

What was that noise last night?

-What noise? -You...

...makin’ all that racket in your room.

-Nothin’-- -Don’t tell me nothing.

You don’t make noise in the middle of the night

for nothing.

Was it another one of those dreams?

Yeah.

You’ve got problems, you ought to see a shrink.

Would you pay for a shrink?

Me, why should I pay?

I’m not the one who’s screwed up.

It’s a dump.

It needs a little work.

It’s the worst one yet.

Freddy Kruger wouldn’t live here.

Who’s he, some stupid friend of yours?

It’s impossible, there’s no way

you’re gonna be able to fix this place up.

Hey, I didn’t ask for your opinion.

Ah.

There’s no power.

Great.

That’s why we had to get here early.

We’ll take advantage in the daylight.

Oh, gross!

Let it run, it’ll be fine.

Might as well get started in here.

Well, what are you going to do?

I’m going to fix the door, all right?

This water stinks.

Bitch.

Bitch.

Bitch.

You haven’t even gotten started.

The water was filthy.

The water’s fine.

Yeah, it’s fine now.

You’re really useless, you know that?

Yeah, well, you get what you pay for, don’t ya?

I’ve been payin’ for you for 17 years.

This place better be cleaned up by the time I get back.

Get back, what do you mean get back?

Where are you going?

I have business in town.

You’re gonna leave me here alone?

What’s your problem?

I won’t be gone long.

Get to work.

Jerk.

So what are we doing today?

I thought we were going to the mall.

I don’t wanna spend the whole day at the mall.

So what are we gonna do?

Do you know where this place is

Julie’s dad bought?

Why?

Just wonderin’.

Julie’s been acting really weird lately.

Julie always acts weird.

Not like this.

Well, wouldn’t you act weird if--

What, you mean?

Her mom died almost a year ago.

She should be over it.

You don’t get over something like that.

Julie and her mom were really close.

I’ll bet her dad’s been a big help.

Oh, yeah, right.

Her dad seems nice.

Her dad’s a prick.

Well he’s always nice to us.

He’s always nice when there’s other people around,

but then when he’s alone with Julie,

he treats her like shit.

You know what I heard about him?

What?

I heard--

Ah!

Shit.

What is he doing here?

How ya doin’, ladies.

Hello, Wade.

Get your own food, asshole.

Tanya, you are so damn...

cute--

Ah!

Hey, you got plans today, sexy?

Sure do.

Yeah, like what?

Actually, we’re going to help Julie, right, Jake?

Oh, yeah.

Julie, what’s that fruitcake up to?

Don’t call her that.

Her father just bought this old house.

She’s helpin’ him fix it up.

Where is this?

Out on old Miskatonic Road.

That dump?

We used to use that place for target practice.

So, come on, you don’t wanna spend the day

hangin’ out with these losers.

I got room for you on the back of my bike.

You just wanna show off your hog.

You got it, baby.

Sounds great, but a promise is a promise.

Ready, guys?

Ready.

♪

Shotgun!

So, are we really going to help Julie?

Are you nuts?

All right.

I thought we might bring her lunch though.

Lunch?

Yeah, you know, food,

you eat it in the middle of the day.

It wouldn’t kill you to do something

for someone else once in a while.

You’re so selfish.

No kidding.

All right, all right.

I don’t think Julie likes tuna.

Is that just an excuse so you don’t have bring

the food to her?

No, I really think she said that last week.

She can deal.

On your way to help your little retard buddy, huh?

-That’s right. -Maybe I’ll come with you.

I like helpin’ the handicapped.

Jake, I didn’t know you had a dog.

Only his mom, so what do you say, Lisa?

You want some company?

I don’t know.

What do you guys think?

Oh, jeez.

Shut up, penis breath.

New earring, Wade?

Yeah, you like it?

Oh, yeah, that’s really nice.

Yeah, come with me, Lisa,

I’ll show you what else I have pierced.

-Wait! -Gun it, gun it!

Wait, wait!

Hold it!

What a loser!

Loser!

Fuck you!

Fuck you, ya fuck!

Fuck, useless pricks.

Fuck you!

♪

Oh, shit.

♪

(dripping water)

♪

I’ve gotta start getting more sleep.

(dripping water)

Come on, come on!

What the hell is going on here?

♪

♪

Stupid bucket’ll never fit under there.

♪

Ugh.

This’ll take a while.

Ah!

♪

You, get to work!

♪

♪

Julie...

Julie, Julie!

Julie, where the hell are you?

Julie?

Up here, hang on.

I’ll be right down.

Shit.

Ah!

♪

(water dripping)

Julie, are you in here?

Boy, Julie, you must have really needed that bath.

What?

God, this water stinks.

Jerk, it’s the bathwater.

I was just kidding.

Well you know she’s sensitive.

I know, she’s too sensitive.

Well, look at it through her eyes.

Brought you some lunch.

Lunch, you guys are so good!

My dad left me here without any food.

It was my idea.

-Whoa. -What do you got there?

It’s an old picture of Julie’s mom.

-That’s not my mom. -Sure looks like her.

Well it’s not her, look at the clothes.

I’m not saying it’s her,

I’m just saying it looks like her.

Let me see.

Boy, it sure does.

It’s not my mom!

Nobody’s saying it is.

Eat your lunch.

Where’d you get this?

In a bedroom upstairs.

It must have been there for ages.

Freaky.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Everything in this place is freaky.

I need some water.

Well, you can’t drink

any of the water in here, have a Coke.

I don’t want a drink, I wanna wash my hands.

Kitchen’s over there.

Good luck.

♪

Ah!

Oh, my God!

What happened?

It’s not funny!

Oh, my God, what happened?

The faucet just exploded.

What do you mean, exploded?

Just what I said, it blew up, it got me soaked.

Come on, faucets don’t just--

Julie, your faucet exploded.

Well, what’d you to do it?

I didn’t do anything!

I think this house is haunted.

I’m wet here!

Look, I dropped a bucket of water in the kitchen earlier

and the water just scurried to the corners,

and then disappeared.

Don’t look at me like that.

Like what?

Like I’m nuts.

I am wet.

Get out of those clothes, you’re soaked.

Well, duh, so what am I supposed to wear?

I’ll go look upstairs in the closet

and see if I can find any old clothes.

I’m not wearing anything from this dump.

Well then I guess you’re just gonna have

to run home and change.

I’ll be right back.

You ever notice how touchy she gets

when you suggest that--

She’s nuts.

Well, not nuts.

Hey, Tanya, how’d you get all wet?

The faucet just exploded--

So gullible!

Jerk!

(creaking sounds)

♪

Ah!

♪

Open the door, it’s me!

(evil laughter)

(knocking on door)

Julie, get away from the door, we can’t get in!

You asshole, you friggin’ asshole.

Get out of here, just get out!

Boo, ha, scared ya, ya little wacko, didn’t I?

Get the hell out of here!

What an asshole!

How did a guy get to be such an asshole?

What are you, some kind of mutant?

Ah, shut up.

(laughing)

Are you okay?

No, not really.

That guy is such a shit.

Got all this crap all over me.

You’re a mess.

Look, just go downstairs, I’m gonna get cleaned up.

You sure?

Yeah, I’ll be all right.

Just go, I’ll be down in a second.

All right.

Wade gone yet?

Not really.

What a creep.

What’s going on?

Oh, my gosh.

Who does he think he is, Fabio?

Oh, my gosh, he’s coming back.

Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here.

You’re trespassing.

Pipe down, dipshit, or I’ll squash you.

Have this cleaned.

Ugh.

♪

Ugh!

♪

(dripping water)

♪

Ah!

♪

Ah!

♪

Ah!

♪

Ah!

♪

Ah!

(crying)

♪

Get rid of him!

What am I supposed to do?

What are you, scared of him?

Yeah.

Well, I’m not.

All right, Wade, you’re out of here.

-Eat me, Tanya. -I’m not kidding.

You’re not supposed to be here.

Now get out, beat it!

Ow!

Oh, Tanya!

Ah, Wade, cut it out!

Oh, come on, Tanya, say please.

Do something.

He’s not hurting her.

(giggling)

Oh, Tanya, come on.

Wade, cut it out, Wade, stop it!

Come on, say please, pretty please.

Come on, say please, please, come on, beg.

I’m begging, let me go-- Oh my God!

Come on, come on!

I’m begging, ow!

You call that begging?

Ow, ow!

That wasn’t funny.

Chicks got no sense of humor.

Right, Jakey?

I didn’t do anything.

No shit.

♪

Who’s the striptease for?

Take off, you perv!

I was watching you through the window.

Yeah, and I’ll bet you were playing with yourself, too.

I never noticed how sexy you are.

Shut up.

I like the feel of you squirming in my lap.

Just get the hell away from me.

Ow!

Let go of me!

Ah!

Get off!

Ow, ow!

Ow!

That son of a bitch rat bastard!

Oh, my--

What, what’s going on?

Get off!

Get off her, you asshole.

Get off!

Leave him alone, you jerk.

Leave him alone!

(crying)

To hell with all of you.

I gotta take a whiz.

Thought I told you to get out of here.

Ah, ah!

(laughing)

Julie.

What?

What happened?

Oh my God, Jake, are you all right?

I’ve been better.

Wade attacked Tanya.

He tried to--

That son of a bitch!

Don’t, you’ll get hurt.

Let’s just get out of here.

I like the sound of that.

What, you just want him to get away with this?

Look, nothing happened, okay?

It didn’t get that far.

Why don’t we just get out of here before anyone else

gets hurt.

You punched me.

♪

Little twerp punched me.

(water dripping)

♪

(bubbling)

♪

(splashing)

(screaming)

♪

(crunching)

♪

Listen, you guys go.

I have to stay.

You can’t stay.

If I’m gone when my father gets back,

he’ll kill me.

He will kill me.

He’ll kill me.

Come on, stay at my house.

I can’t.

Well, you can’t stay here alone,

so I’m staying too.

You don’t have to.

I know we don’t.

We?

You wouldn’t abandon us, would you?

All right, here’s the plan.

You expect to get him with that?

It’s not the size that counts.

Yeah, and you believe that?

Listen, here’s the plan.

You take off all your clothes and run in and distract him,

and I’ll come up from behind and--

I knew it.

He’d kill to see our tits.

What tits?

♪

Where is he?

He must be upstairs.

Wade, if you’re in here, I’m gonna kick your ass.

(toilet flushing)

(distant chattering)

This is weird.

Maybe it was a ghost.

Using the toilet?

Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Okay, you guys take off.

I’ve gotta get this place cleaned up.

You sure?

Yeah.

’Cause we can stay if you want.

She said she was sure, Lisa.

Okay.

Call you tonight?

I doubt it.

Hang on.

I’ll call you tomorrow.

(horn honking)

What’s your problem?

Let’s go.

Bye.

(engine revving)

♪

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

We’re sinking!

What do you mean, we’re sinking?

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t--

Get out!

♪

Get out of here!

Get out of here!

♪

My car is gone.

Oh, God.

Julie!

I knew it.

Just like the kitchen.

Told ya I’m not nuts.

My car.

What are we gonna do?

I guess we’ll just have to walk home.

That’s miles!

I’m not walking miles.

So help me clean the place up.

If my dad thinks you came to help,

maybe he’ll give you a ride home.

Maybe, what a terrific guy.

Tell me about it.

When’s he coming back?

Beats me.

He’s got important business in town.

♪

She acts like a little work is gonna kill her.

I must have the world’s laziest kid.

Yeah, not while mine are alive, you don’t.

♪

She bitches because she doesn’t have enough money.

Why don’t she get a job then?

She’s got one.

She works for me.

You pay her?

Pay her?

I feed her.

I buy her clothes.

I give her a place to live.

What the hell should I pay her for?

She owes me.

Damn right, she does.

♪

Man, when I was her age--

Yeah, we know, you had to walk 50 miles

a day over hot coals.

What were you doing again?

Mining asbestos with your teeth?

Yeah, and all you got for lunch was a warm bowl of snot.

♪

Yeah, and I was happy to get it.

(laughing)

Oh, hell it.

I know Julie.

She’s not a bad kid.

Yeah?

You want her?

I gotta get movin’.

Make sure she’s not goofin’ off.

If she doesn’t have that place cleaned up when I get there,

I’ll have her ass.

You get her ass, can I have her tits?

(laughing)

Hey, listen, are you sober enough to drive?

Better be.

Too drunk to walk.

♪

This is the scuzziest place I’ve ever seen.

Who are you kidding, I’ve seen your room.

Are you saying there’s more crud in my room

than there is in here?

There’s more crud in your socks than there is

in this place.

I resemble that remark.

Grow up, will you?

Julie really seems scared of her dad, you know?

Yeah.

Think he ever--

What?

Does he ever hit her?

How would I know?

She’d tell you.

Well, I’ve never seen her with a black eye or anything.

Yeah, but, when her mom died.

I mean, you heard the stories, right?

The deal was that she didn’t die like they said

in the papers.

She was supposedly killed.

I heard her dad--

My father didn’t kill my mother.

She killed herself.

She couldn’t stand him anymore.

The paper said a brief illness.

Yeah, real brief.

About as long as it takes a bullet to get

to your brain.

Nice work, butthead.

Hey.

I hope he doesn’t expect me to clean all this up, too.

Was it true what you said in there,

about your mom?

Of course it’s true.

My gosh, how long have you known?

Ever since I came home and found her without a face.

Julie, don’t talk that way.

You’re giving me the creeps.

Sorry.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.

I guess it’s just kinda lost its shock value.

How come you never mentioned it before?

You mean, like, hi, guys, my mom just blew

her head off last night.

You wanna go to the mall?

You should’ve at least told your friends.

Well, I told all my friends.

Well, you didn’t tell me.

So, what’s your point?

You little shit.

Jeez, come on.

I’m the one with the traumatic childhood.

Where’s your sense of humor?

Oh yeah, that was funny.

Ha ha.

Dumb shit, you’re my best friend.

You can kiss me if you like.

You can kiss my ass.

Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

That’s it, I don’t feel safe around you.

Yeah, that’s right, get back to work.

(engine stalling)

♪

(sizzling)

♪

Shit, no, God, God!

(screaming)

♪

(bubbling)

(water dripping)

♪

(splashing)

Yuck!

Jesus, God, what did you do in here?

What did I do?

This place is a mess!

You have to clean this up now.

There’s something wrong with this house,

it’s like whacko.

Poor baby.

I’m checking in the cellar.

So, what are you, that home improver guy?

The only way to improve this place is to burn it down.

Anybody got a match?

What’s going on?

Where’s the cellar?

Under the house.

Gee, I never thought it would be there.

♪

Oh, yeah, this is interesting.

♪

Ah-ha!

Okay, genius, what next?

Now, I check the pipes.

What do you know about pipes?

I know they’re not supposed to attack people.

You’re gonna make it worse.

That’s not possible!

Ah-ha!

Ah-ha, again?

Looks like a drip.

You look like a drip yourself.

I found a leak.

Oh yeah, I bet this is the problem.

Oh, no, here goes Curly.

There’s some kind of green gunk clogging

up the pipes.

This is weird.

(splashing)

(screaming)

♪

Jake.

Jake.

The door’s locked.

Oh, my God!

(panicking)

Jake!

We have to break it down.

♪

Jake, are you okay?

Jake!

Jake!

Jake!

Jake!

(water rushing)

♪

Jake!

What’s that noise?

He’s here.

Oh my God, it’s my dad.

He wouldn’t knock.

Jake!

Jake!

(knocking)

♪

Who are you?

Plummer.

I don’t understand, nobody called a plumber.

I’m not the plumber--

I don’t have time, my friend’s in trouble.

Oh my God, oh my God!

♪

Jake!

We can’t get in, Jake!

Let me try that.

(knocking)

♪

If I sink, I’m drowning.

(pounding on door)

♪

Jake.

Jake, are you okay?

♪

Man, am I gonna pee.

Hello, hello, hello, what have we got here?

Yeah, you’ve got problems.

Thanks for the news, but we knew that.

How ’bout you, junior, you okay?

I’m fine, pops.

And who the hell are you?

He’s a plumber.

All right.

I’m no plumber.

But you said--

My name is Plummer.

Leon Plummer.

P-L-U-M-M-E-R.

Like the actor.

Terrific.

The house is falling apart, and my dad’s gonna be

here any minute.

Does your dad drive a blue van?

Yeah.

Well, I wouldn’t worry about him.

Here, let me get my bag.

I think I can help you.

What are the candles for?

Oh, my Uncle Maury uses it.

You stick ’em in the pipes, and then the smoke

tells you where the leaks are, right?

I suppose I could use them for that.

Well, what are you gonna use them for?

For the ritual.

The what?

I’m going to exorcise a demon.

This house is haunted.

Mister, the problem is in the pipes.

The ghost is in the pipes.

Give me a hand with this stuff, will ya?

Exorcisms can get nasty.

First thing you gotta do is get the room empty

so stuff doesn’t start flyin’ around.

Mr. Plummer, when you said ghost, you mean--

Water spirits.

Water spirits?

An elemental.

Water is one of the original four elements that created

the universe.

Earth, air, fire, and water.

Powerful stuff.

Ever heard of Damballah-Weddo?

Can’t say I have.

Are you gonna help me with this stuff or what?

Damballah-Weddo.

Snake god, lives in the water.

All sorts of spirits and demons in the water.

Kelpies, water vampires.

Water vampires?

What do you do, thrust a plunger

through their hearts?

Funny guy.

She’s not laughin’.

Julie, you’re not believing this stuff, are you?

Ever heard of poltergeists?

Sure.

Study shows that poltergeists are more likely to show up

in households with troubled teenagers.

Interesting, huh?

What’s that supposed to mean?

Nothin’, just interesting.

Come on, give me a hand with this stuff, will ya?

You’re not buying this, are you?

Are you?

Julie, can we talk to you outside?

This guy is nuts!

He thinks there’s a ghost in the house.

So do I, but then again, everyone thinks

I’m nuts, too.

Nobody says that.

Everybody says that.

Not us, we’re your friends.

Look, this guy is dangerous.

I don’t think so.

So what are you gonna do?

I’m gonna let him do his ritual.

Are you cra--

Are you sure that’s a good idea?

Look, what could it hurt?

He’ll light a few candles, say a couple of prayers.

Maybe if we’re lucky, he will burn the house down.

Pretty cool, huh?

What are you doing?

Pentagram.

Charm circle.

Demons can’t get in.

If you stay inside during the exorcism,

you’re safe.

Hey, look at this.

Don’t mess with that!

What is it?

It’s a grimoire.

Book of spells.

Horrible stuff.

Not for children.

Okay, now here’s the deal.

I’m gonna need your help.

What?

You don’t have to like sacrifice a virgin or anything?

If you do, you’re out of luck.

Nope, it’s simple.

Five points to the circle.

I’m gonna need five people for the ceremony,

one at each corner of the pentagram.

What do we do?

Nothin’ right now.

We’ll have to wait till dark.

Midnight’s the best time.

You gotta Coke or something?

I’m thirsty from all this dust.

How ’bout a glass of water?

Cute.

♪

PhD, huh?

What are the other letters?

Member of the American Society for Psychical Research.

Member of the Royal Society for Psychical Research.

So, how long have you been a Ghostbuster?

Long time.

I did post-grad work at Leiden University.

Flew into Scotland with a group from Danbury.

Studied at L’Institut Métapsychique International.

So, you must really know your spooks.

Oh, yeah.

I go where the call leads me.

What did you mean we shouldn’t worry about my father

getting back?

He’s dead.

Nice going.

Where’d you get your degree in tact?

What do you mean, he’s dead?

Saw his body layin’ by the side of the road.

Maybe it’s not him.

Blue van.

Guy looked to be in his mid-40s.

Dark hair.

Blue sweater, jeans.

It’s him.

Maybe not.

It’s him.

What happened?

How’d he die?

He was steamed.

Who wouldn’t be?

Scalded, the radiator exploded.

We’re sorry, Julie.

Jake.

Go talk to Julie.

About what?

Her father just died.

She didn’t even like him.

Go talk to her!

No, I--

Go!

You all right?

Sure.

I’ll be 18 in a couple months.

I was gonna leave home anyway.

Yeah, but that’s not like him dying.

Are you trying to make this worse?

I’m trying to be supportive here.

Yeah, well you stink at it.

Tell that to Lisa.

So, are you gonna be all right?

I’ll live.

Which is more than I can say for my dad.

(laughing)

That’s not funny!

Julie!

It’s funny.

(laughing)

Stop it, stop it, Lisa’s watching.

What are you doing?

(laughing)

Come on, what, you okay?

I’ll tell Lisa you did your best.

Thanks.

Besides, I know you love me.

Oh, please.

Please?

(laughing)

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s show time.

♪

Wouldn’t this work better if you were naked?

In your dreams.

Who told?

This is a serious business.

Behave yourselves!

So, what do we do?

You lie with your heads in the center

of the Pentagram, your feet facin’ out.

What?

Just getting comfortable.

I thought you were gonna scare the ghosts away

with the odor.

Screw you!

Ooh, spooky.

Very scary.

Guys.

♪

Have we started yet?

Cut it out.

I’m just asking.

Really.

Silence.

You have to be receptive.

You have to let yourself believe.

I do believe in spooks, I do, I do believe in spooks.

(screaming)

All right, you ghouls and ghosts

and long-legged beastes.

Now, hear this.

Scared the shit out of me.

The jig is up.

Leon E. Plummer is here.

And I will tolerate no more nonsense.

I am serving notice here and now

that you are no longer welcome on these premises.

I’ll have no more bursting water pipes,

no more wise ass drains, no more mysterious--

This isn’t quit how I imagined it.

I adjure you, serpent of old.

In the name of the judge of the living and the dead,

in the name of the creator of the Earth and the seas,

depart forthwith from this house.

Forthwith, now we’re talkin’.

I command thee, accursed demon,

to be cast down into the lower parts of hell whence you came.

(thunder crashing)

Right on cue.

Hearken then, foul creature, and hear what I say.

I vanquish you.

Be gone from this place.

Recognize your doom.

In the name of all that is good and holy,

leave this place.

♪

What’s going on?

♪

What is it?

Is it bugs?

I hate bugs.

Don’t say that, don’t tell them that.

Oh my God.

(screaming)

Don’t move.

I can’t--I can’t move.

Good.

What the hell is going on?

A freaking exorcism!

Now, shut up.

(water dripping)

♪

(moaning)

♪

(exploding)

♪

(moaning)

♪

(screaming)

♪

For the last time, I order you to leave this house

in the name of him whose power is the face of the hero.

Get thee gone, vanquished and down,

in the name of the judge of the living and the dead.

♪

(thunder crashing)

(wind blowing)

Oh, shit.

(wind blowing)

What the hell do you mean, "Oh shit"?

They’re supposed to be gone.

They’re not!

♪

Never happened this way before.

What do we do now?

Die, if we’re lucky.

♪

(exploding)

♪

It’s getting closer!

Get rid of it.

Make it go away!

♪

(screaming)

♪

Leave her alone, you son of a bitch!

♪

(laughing)

You’ve met your match, you slimy bastard.

I’ll fry you!

Now, get your sorry ass gone from this house forthwith!

(laughing)

♪

Get your sorry ass back to where you came from,

from the stinking pit from which you arose.

I order you.

I adjure you, be gone.

♪

(screaming)

♪

(sizzling)

♪

(screaming)

♪

You’re damned, Julie.

You’re gonna die, Julie.

♪

One of us.

You’re one of us.

Julie.

♪

(thunder crashing)

♪

(zapping)

♪

(screaming)

(bursting)

(crashing)

♪

(birds chirping)

♪

We didn’t wanna wake you.

You looked so sweet.

The house?

♪

It’s all gone.

There’s nothing left.

It got my shoes.

Still think I was nuts?

Oh, no.

Did you dream while you were sleeping?

No.

No, I didn’t.

Nice morning.

Nice morning to be alive.

You know, I learned an awfully valuable lesson.

Oh, shut up.

No, really.

When your best friend invites you over

to clean her house, don’t go...

You’re such a dork.

...unless it has been thoroughly checked for monsters--

Hey.

Everything’s gonna be all right now.

I know.

Really.

I know, it is, isn’t it?

It really is.

(growling)

♪

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down,

down,

down,

down ♪

♪ Mama go

♪ Mama stay, mama, if you had to leave

why did you go that way ♪

♪ Daddy, yell

♪ Sister, run

♪ Why you have to go and spoil my fun ♪

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ You go down,

down,

down ♪

♪

♪ Don’t cross the line ♪

♪ Don’t step through that door ♪

♪ You’re all alone now, you have to clean this floor ♪

♪ What is that noise

♪ The drains

♪ A blood-stained tear

♪ Come up

♪ Come up

♪

♪ In the daylight

♪ The color is fading

♪ Insanity is frightening

♪

♪ She must be crazy

is what they’re thinking ♪

♪

♪ There’s something in this house ♪

♪ There’s something in these pipes ♪

♪ Something made a little noise ♪

♪ I didn’t think twice ♪

♪ What was that dream

♪ The moment that you dread, locks rattle on the doors ♪

♪ Something underneath your bed,

it come up ♪

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ You go down, down

♪ Come up

♪ Drainiac

♪ You go down,

down,

down,

down,

down,

down,

down,

down ♪

♪

♪ Go down

♪ Go down

♪

♪ Go down

♪ Go down

♪ Go down ♪

♪