Original subtitles

[Music]

- [Weeping]

- Listen.

Ms. Travis, listen to me.

- What?

- This is a simple surgery.

I've done this operation hundreds of times.

You'll be fine.

- But what if I'm not fine?

What if I die on that operating table?

I have three-- - uh-huh.

- I have three-- - uh-huh, uh-huh.

- I have three children.

- Oh, I'm sorry, kids.

Excuse me.

I don't mean to interrupt the scene, but Tori,

look at the red dot I drew on this index card.

Boo! - [Screams]

Sikowitz!

You scared the fudge outta me.

- Why did you stop crying?

- What?! - You were playing the role

of a crying woman who's just been told

she's going to have surgery.

Why did you break character?

- 'Cause you interrupted our scene

and screamed "boo" in my face!

- Tori and Andre, take your seats.

- I'm trying to teach you kids about method acting,

and that means whatever character you're playing,

you must stay in that character the entire time,

no matter what happens.

Whether on camera or off camera,

on stage or off stage,

you've got to understand that...

[Bell rings]

Until tomorrow.

- Look, I'm sorry we disappointed you.

- Yeah, it's just that we think that method acting

is kinda dumb.

- Yeah.

- Well, of course you think method acting is dumb.

It's too challenging for you.

- Yeah, I really don't think that's the issue here.

- Staying in character no matter what happens

is something only true,

professional actors can pull off.

Sometimes I forget you're all just children,

you know, amateurs.

- He called us amateurs.

- Your whack-job teacher just called all y'all out!

[Laughing]

I love it.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt your little amateur feelings.

[Gasps] - He did it again.

- I really don't think method acting is all that hard.

- Then I issue a challenge.

- What kinda challenge?

- Who wants to have a sleepover at my house?

- I do.

Oh, come on.

You guys don't wanna see where this lunatic lives?

No offense.

- It's all right, Jade.

I savor your bitterness like a sweet, rancid cream sauce.

- So what's the plan?

- All of you will show up at my house on Friday night

at seven P.M.

Each of you will be playing a distinct character,

and you must stay in your character

until Saturday morning. - And what happens if we break?

- You'll be immediately banished from my home.

- So, who picks the characters we play?

- Beck, you'll choose for cat,

cat will choose for Robbie, Robbie will choose for Beck,

Andre will choose for Tori, Tori will choose for Jade.

Jade, you'll choose for Andre.

I think that deserves some applause.

We'll meet in the black box theater

after school to hear who's playing what.

- Hey, Tori.

Maybe you should play a woman who loves to make out

with two-foot tall guys who happen to be me.

- Is that what you wanted?

- Rex?

- Take me home.

[Music]

- ♪ Here I am, once again ♪

♪ feeling lost ♪

♪ but now and then ♪

♪ I breathe it in ♪

♪ to let it go ♪

♪ and you don't know ♪

♪ where you are now ♪

♪ or what it would come to ♪

♪ if only somebody could hear ♪

♪ when you figure out how ♪

♪ you're lost in the moment ♪

♪ you disappear ♪

♪ you don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action ♪

♪ you're never gonna fade, you'll be the main attraction ♪

♪ not a fantasy ♪

♪ just remember me ♪

♪ when it turns out right ♪

♪ 'cause you know that if you live in your imagination ♪

♪ tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination ♪

♪ in my victory ♪

♪ just remember me ♪

♪ when I make it shine ♪

[Music]

- Okay, Beck.

What role will cat be playing at the great sikowitz sleepover?

- Cat will play a 1980s standup comedian

who's very annoying.

- I wanna be a unicorn.

- You can't.

- Phooey.

- Now, cat,

who will Robbie be playing?

- Well, I've decided Robbie's role should be

a motivational speaker...

- Ooh, I can do that.

- ...who just drank some weird beverage

that makes his legs weak and wobbly.

- Okay, so I'm a motivational speaker

with jelly legs.

- Yeah, I'm creative.

- Wonderful.

Robbie, tell us the character you've chosen for Beck.

- Sure, one sec.

Okay.

Beck will be playing

a guy from england whose accent is really hard to understand,

and he's always invading people's personal space.

[English accent] - No problem.

- Andre, what do you have in store for toro?

- Did you just call me toro?

- Maybe.

- It's Tori.

- I know.

But I do love that fatty tuna.

- Should I be offended?

- Okay, Tori's character will be

a cop who wears way too much red lipstick

and is obsessed with raisin bran.

- Where did you come up with that?

- Well, see, I had this dream last night,

and this lady cop was all like--

she was all like--

and then I was like--

I just thought of it.

- All right, Tori, tell us what Jade will be.

- Love to.

Jade will be an innocent farm girl from Alabama

who's always super sweet and nice and never gets upset

about anything.

- I'd rather slam my tongue in a car door.

- Now tell us who Andre will be playing.

- Ugh, fine.

You're gonna be a guy who's just finished

running a marathon... - Okay.

- ...who also happens to be nine months pregnant.

- Who's the daddy?

[Music]

- Oh!

Drinks, chips,

dip, nuts

and liquid soap.

[Doorbell rings]

Party time!

Well, I wonder who will be arriving first.

Well, hello there.

- I am a police officer.

Would you like some raisin bran?

- Ah, no, thank you, but please come in.

- Yeah, sure.

- And your name is?

- Officer p'desko.

Do you have anything sharp and/or pointy in your pockets

that could injure me?

- I certainly hope not.

[Doorbell rings] - Doorbell!

- I'll answer it. - M'kay.

- Ah, good evening, come in.

- Thanks, thank you.

Hoo!

- Yes, thanks for welcoming us into your fine home!

But don't forget to thank yourself!

Because if you just believe in yourself, there's nothin'

that you can't do!

- Hey, I'm pregnant and I just ran 26 miles.

Can I please get some water?

- Of course, it's right over there.

- Okay.

- Ah, I didn't catch your name.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I was, uh, just admiring your fine animal statuettes.

I'm Kevin cornbloom, motivational speaker!

I've devoted my life to helping teens--

oh, there go the legs.

- Are you all right?

- I'm right as rain, thank you for asking.

- 10-21, we got a man down!

Caucasian male, glasses, afro, possibly Jewish.

Can I offer you some raisin bran?

- No, thank you, officer.

- Man, I'm so tired and pregnant.

I gotta sit down.

- Please, take any seat.

- Thanks. Hoo!

- Yes! Just believe in your dreams,

and you can sit in any chair,

anywhere!

- Yeah, okay.

Hoo!

[Doorbell rings]

- Doorbell!

- I'll get it.

- What I wanna know is what part of the chicken

do the nuggets come from?

Can someone tell me this, please?

I mean, where's the wacky farm

that raises nugget chickens?

- Hilarious observations.

Please come in.

- And don't get me started on airplane food.

- I notice that you're a standup comedienne.

- Where's the beef?

- I am a police officer.

Would you like to join me in a handful of raisin bran?

- What's the deal with raisin bran?

Is it raisins? Is it bran?

I wanna know.

- Oh, oh, oh. - Ladies, please.

It's not about the raisins,

or the bran.

It's about the future,

and living your dreams,

and there go the legs.

- Oh!

I think I'm gonna have a baby!

Why did I just run that marathon?

[Doorbell rings]

- You all mingle, I'll get the door.

Well, hello.

I don't believe we've met. You are?

- Oh, yes, my name is Malcolm Winchester fizzenworth.

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

It's a lovely home ya have here.

Let's step over in that direction,

that way there, very good then. - Sure.

- He got very soft lobes, doesn't he?

- Thank you. Don't pull.

- Hey. You.

- Why, hello, officer.

Isn't this just a lovely shindig?

- I can see your belly button.

- Why, yes, that is my belly button.

- Have you ever considered

filling it with raisin bran?

- Well, no.

My name is Betty sue goldenheart.

I live on a farm in Alabama,

just north of a little--

- now you're eating raisin bran.

- Mmm! I just love eating cereal that's been manhandled

by your filthy hands.

- Uh-oh.

I spy a fly with my little thigh.

[Fly buzzing] - Thigh?

- Come here, you winged nuisance.

Where'd it go? - Well, I believe

the fly in question went this way and then that way,

and then over there, and then round-about,

and every way except for that way and over yonder.

- There he is!

- Oh! Come here! Time to die!

[Crashing]

- Sikowitz! [Sikowitz groaning]

Are you okay?

- Who...

Who's there? - It's Robbie.

- Ah! You broke character!

You're out!

- You tricked me!

- Precisely! Now go home.

- Oh!

- It was so wonderful to meet you.

- Take care of yourself, mate,

you seem like an effervescent bloke, you do.

- Beck, stop it!

- At least you're not pregnant

and exhausted from runnin' a marathon.

- Enjoy the raisin bran!

[Music]

[Music]

- 9:26 P.M.

So far, only Robbie shapiro has broken character,

and was promptly banished.

That leaves five of my students

still in character.

- Why don't they make the plane out of the same stuff

they make the black box out of?

Um, hello?!

- That was quite an amusing commentary.

I'll need to see your license and registration.

- Oh. Sorry there, constable.

I don't own a motorcar and therefore have

no such documents in me trouser pockets.

- Why don't you stop invading my personal space

and have a little of this raisin bran?

- I'm game, so why don't you pop a dabble in me mouth?

- Well!

Aren't you two havin' a fun time

eatin' raisin bran together?

- Well, it's-- [Mumbling]

- Just be careful now, mister British man,

'cause who knows what terrible things might happen to you

if that continues?

[Phone ringing]

- Hello?

Ooh!

- Andre! It's grandma!

- Uh, I'm sorry, this isn't Andre.

I'm a pregnant marathon runner.

Hoo!

- Andre, don't you play games with me!

- Oh my goodness.

I think I'm gonna have a baby! - Baby?!

- Oh, why did I run that marathon while I was pregnant?

- What the bug are you talkin' about?!

Andre!

[Blows whistle]

- Who is that handsome young man over there?

- This is my nephew, Jason.

He's staying with me while his parents

are in Bangkok.

- Does he have a girlfriend?

Because as a police officer,

I need to know that information.

- No, I'm not dating anyone.

- Oh, then we have much to discuss.

- Where ya headed? - I'm goin' with some guys

to see the wall dogs play at the moxy.

- I'll go with you to see the wall dogs play

at the moxy, I'll go right now.

- [Imitating buzzer] Cat, you just broke character.

- Yay! Bye, everyone.

I'll be at the moxy.

- And to think I was gonna let that boy eat my raisin bran.

- More creme brulee? - Hurry.

- Mmm. - Mmm.

[Doorbell rings]

- Who's that?

- No idea.

- Hi.

- Tori's not here.

- Oh, I know.

- Trina's not here either.

- Well, good, 'cause she doesn't like me anyway, so...

- Wait, aren't you supposed to be at some method acting thing

at your teacher's house? - I was, but I broke character

and got eliminated. So sikowitz banished me.

- Hi, Robbie.

- Hi, Mrs. vega.

That sweater looks fantastic on you.

- Thank you.

- Listen, um,

it's our anniversary tonight,

and we're watching a movie together...

- Oh, what movie?

- Uh, it's an old one called "terms of endearment".

- Oops, I've never seen that one.

- Um, Robbie.

- 11:14 P.M.

Only four of my students remain in character.

I have prepared some piping-hot quesadillas

from a recipe I got from crispin glover,

back when we-- well--

[knock on door]

- Hello. May I help--

- I don't know you! [Screaming]

- Who's at the door?

- I'm not sure. She was--

- where's Andre?!

- Well... well, that's a dilly of a pickle.

- I don't eat pickles! - Uh, no.

You see, Andre, per se, isn't here.

- I see him right there!

- 'Ello love. Y'look a bit chaffed.

Could I interest you in a tiddly-doinks?

Maybe a couple of-- - no!

Andre!

Why'd you play games with me over the telephone?!

- Uh, ma'am, I'm not Andre.

I'm a marathon runner who also happens to be--

- oh my god, who did that?!

[Softly] - Grandma, listen,

I'm doing a method acting exercise.

I need you to leave-- - [Imitating buzzer]

Andre, you broke character.

- Come on, it's not my fault she came in here--

- come with me! - Please stop!

Not in front of my friends. - You are in trouble!

You are in so much trouble!

- You're always interrupting stuff.

- We're down to three.

- I am infatuated with raisin bran.

- I'm feelin' a wee bit hungry me-self.

- Ah, sweet farm girl,

would you mind getting that tray of quesadillas

from the kitchen?

- Why, I wouldn't mind at all.

- Oh, wait! That tray just... - [Shouting]

- ...came out of the oven.

[Pained chuckling]

- My goodness, that tray was hot.

Well, lookie there.

My skin's startin' to blister.

And I do believe that's the sweet smell

of my burnin' flesh.

- Jade, perhaps I should drive you--

- who's Jade? My name is Betty sue goldenheart,

a happy farm girl who's experiencing

extreme pain right now.

[Wincing]

- And yet she never broke character.

- Move this car!

[Glass breaking]

[Car alarm] - You broke character!

- And your neighbor's car window.

[Police alarm]

- Go inside, go inside.

- [Laughing]

- Who laughs at "terms of endearment"?

- It's not a comedy.

[Doorbell rings]

- Hi, Tori's dad.

- Hi.

- This is Jason.

- And? - Robbie texted me and said

you guys were watching a funny movie.

- It's not a comedy!

- Hey, you guys, come on in.

- Oh, popcorn!

Is that Debra winger? - Yeah, she's hilarious.

- She's dying!

[Music]

- Ah, kids, it's getting late.

- I'll never forget the time

I was havin' kippers for breakfast

and a musty old burger flew right above my head.

- This method acting exercise is becoming tedious.

- Raisin bran was invented

by Kevin mcraisinberg and Jack mcbran.

- I beg you to go home.

- See, you're reminiscent of a flibbity-jibber

with a nosh of kiwi and a noddy bit for the squabble.

- I can't take it anymore.

All right!

Since it's obvious

neither one of you are going to be

breaking character anytime soon,

and I can't stand being here

with either one of you anymore...

I'm going to bed.

You can help yourself to anything in the refrigerator,

but please do not look

in the cabinet under the sink

in my bathroom.

Please.

Good night.

- Have you ever seen a carnivorous wildebeest

ruminate about Dan Schneider while cavorting with--

- I am a police officer!

- [Mumbles gibberish]

- [Laughing]

(Woman on TV) - I'm going to miss being alive.

- How is that funny?!

- Does she ever quit cryin'?

- Oh, she'll be dead in minutes.

[Music]

- Hey, what time is it?

- [Shouting]

You broke character!

You lost!

I am a police officer and I am victorious!

Enjoy some raisin bran, ya freakish brit!

- This is officer p'desko!

Code three!

[Imitating police siren]

Ha-ha!

- This is a song for you.

♪ Wish I could be victorious ♪

♪ go to a school where the kids don't stop and scoff ♪

♪ it's a lot of fun, even when the day is done ♪

♪ but the real show starts when Robbie takes ♪

♪ his shoe off ♪

- Oh, no. - ♪ Robbie's got a big toe ♪

♪ Robbie's got a big toe ♪

♪ everybody wants to hear about Robbie's big toe ♪

♪ Robbie's got a big toe, Robbie's got a big toe ♪

♪ everybody wants to hear about Robbie's big toe ♪

- Mmm!

- I can't take it anymore.