Original subtitles

>> Benson: I HOPE YOU TWO ARE PROUD OF YOURSELVES.

LOOK WHERE YOUR SCARY STORIES GOT US NOW!

>> Rigby: HEY, SKIPS SHOULD HAVE WATCHED WHERE HE WAS GOING.

>> Benson: JUST GET IN THE TOW TRUCK!

>> Rigby: OKAY. OKAY!

>> Benson: LISTEN, WE HAVE THIS PARTY TO GET TO, BUT WE'RE

RUNNING LATE.

WOULD YOU MIND DROPPING US OFF?

>> NO PROBLEM, CHIEF.

>> Rigby: THIS IS GONNA TAKE

FOREVER.

ANYONE GOT ANOTHER STORY?

>> Mordecai: YEA-A-H!

>> Benson: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WE JUST GOT IN AN ACCIDENT.

POPS IS SCARED HALF TO DEATH.

AND YOU WANT TO TELL MORE STORIES?!

>> Pops: ACTUALLY, I WOULDN'T MIND HEARING ONE MORE TALE.

>> Muscle Man: YEAH.

THEY'VE BEEN PRETTY GOOD.

>> I'M DOWN.

>> Skips: IT WOULD BE NICE TO HEAR ONE WHILE I'M NOT DRIVING.

>> Rigby: SEE, BENSON?

EVEN SKIPS WANTS TO HEAR ONE.

>> Benson: UGH!

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

YOU ALL JUST HAVE TO HEAR ONE MORE STORY?

FINE, BUT THIS TIME, I'M TELLING THE STORY.

>> Rigby: AW, WHAT?

>> Benson: NOW, PAY ATTENTION.

YOU JUST MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.

>> Rigby: PICKLES.

>> Both: WHOA!

>> Rigby: WATCH IT!

>> Mordecai: WHAT'S ALL THIS?

>> Benson: YOU TWO ARE RE-WALLPAPERING THE HOUSE TODAY.

>> Mordecai: AW, WHAT?

>> Rigby: WHY?

>> Benson: BECAUSE OF THAT!

>> Rigby: WAIT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS US?

>> Benson: >> Mordecai: OKAY, OKAY. FINE.

WE'LL JUST PATCH UP THAT ONE SPOT.

>> Benson: NO, YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE THAT WALLPAPER IS

DISCONTINUED, SO YOU GOT TO DO THE WHOLE HOUSE WITH THIS NEW

STUFF SO IT ALL MATCHES.

>> Rigby: BUT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO WALLPAPER WALLS.

>> Benson: JUST FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS AND MAKE IT NICE,

OR YOU'RE DOING IT OVER AGAIN.

>> Rigby: YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO THROW THE EQUIPMENT AT US.

>> Mordecai: YES, I DID!

>> Rigby: NO, NO, NO!

STEP "5A" -- SMOOTH THE GLUE PASTE BEFORE APPLYING THE PAPER.

"5B" -- SMOOTH THE PAPER AND APPLY THE GLUE PASTE.

>> Mordecai: WAIT. WHAT?

>> Rigby: UGH!

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

THESE DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

>> Mordecai: UGH, I HATE WALLPAPERING.

I JUST WISH WE COULD GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT.

>> DO YOU HATE WALLPAPERING?

TRYING TO DO IT YOURSELF, BUT THE INSTRUCTIONS JUST DON'T

MAKE SENSE?

>> Mordecai: DID YOU TURN ON THE TV?

>> Rigby: NO.

>> HI.

I'M "JAN" THE WALLPAPER MAN.

I'M HERE TO DO AWAY WITH ALL OF YOUR WALLPAPER PROBLEMS, AND

BELIEVE ME -- I'VE BEEN THERE.

NOBODY LIKES WALLPAPERING, NOT EVEN ME.

I'VE JUST BEEN DOING IT FOR OVER 40 YEARS AND HAVE GOTTEN

PRETTY DARN GOOD AT IT, SO LET ME DEAL WITH ALL THE HEADACHES

FOR YOU.

>> Rigby: YEAH, IF WE ONLY HAD A MILLION BUCKS.

>> NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING, "YEAH, IF WE ONLY HAD

A MILLION BUCKS," AND NORMALLY, YOU'D BE RIGHT, BUT WITH

JAN THE WALLPAPER MAN, THE FIRST JOB'S FREE!

>> Both: WHAT?!

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

I'LL WALLPAPER YOUR WHOLE HOUSE FOR FREE.

IN RETURN, I ONLY ASK THAT, FOR YOUR NEXT WALLPAPER JOB, YOU

CALL OLD JAN HERE FIRST.

A FREE JOB FOR FIRST DIBS ON YOUR SECOND JOB?

NOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DEAL, RIGHT?

SO CALL 555-01WALLPAPERMAN, AND I'LL WALLPAPER YOUR HOUSE.

I REALLY WILL!

>> Muscle Man: WHY IS THE TV IN THE HALLWAY?

>> Mordecai: HEY, MUSCLEMAN.

DO YOU EVER ORDER STUFF OFF THE TV?

>> Muscle Man: OH, FOR SURE, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S A LOCAL

BUSINESS.

I ONCE BOUGHT SOME SWEET OLD REPLICA HAND GRENADES FROM THIS

OLD ARMY DUDE ON THE TV, AND IT TURNED OUT THEY WERE THE REAL

DEAL.

>> Mordecai: WHAT? NO WAY.

>> Muscle Man: REMEMBER WHEN THE SHED EXPLODED LAST WEEK, AND I

SAID IT WAS LIGHTNING?

>> Rigby: YEAH, IT WASN'T EVEN RAINING.

>> Muscle Man: EXACTLY.

I'M GETTING A SECOND SHIPMENT TODAY.

I'M TELLING YOU, LOCAL TV DUDES ALWAYS COME THROUGH FOR YOU.

>> HI, THERE.

JAN THE WALLPAPER MAN.

>> Mordecai: AW, GREAT.

COME IN. COME IN.

>> WELL, OKAY.

>> Mordecai: SO, THIS IS IT.

YOU'LL DO THE WHOLE HOUSE, RIGHT?

>> Rigby: FOR FREE, RIGHT?

>> YES. YES.

THE WHOLE HOUSE FOR FREE.

>> Rigby: WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TIP YOU?

>> NOPE, NOPE, NOTHING LIKE THAT.

I PROMISE.

>> Mordecai: HA HA. GREAT.

>> AND IT'S JUST YOU TWO HERE?

>> Rigby: AW, NO.

THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN AND OUT OF THIS PLACE.

SHOULD WE CLEAR EVERYONE OUT?

>> OH, NO, NO. THAT'S FINE.

I'LL DEAL WITH THEM, IF I SEE THEM.

>> Mordecai: WELL, WE GOT SOME IMPORTANT VIDEO GAMES TO PLAY,

SO WE'LL LEAVE YOU TO IT.

>> OKAY! THANK YOU, SIRS!

I'LL BE DONE IN NO TIME.

>> Rigby: UGH.

>> Mordecai: LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

>> Rigby: I CAN'T FEEL MY THUMBS.

>> Mordecai: UGH.

LET'S GO CHECK TO SEE IF THAT WALLPAPER GUY IS DONE.

>> Both: WHOA!

>> Rigby: NICE!

CHECK OUT THIS NEW-WALL SHINE!

>> Mordecai: DUDE, THIS IS THE BEST IDEA WE'VE EVER HAD.

>> Rigby: LET'S CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE HOUSE.

>> Pops: >> Both: POPS!

>> Pops: BAD SHOW, BAD SHOW, BAD SHOW!

>> Mordecai: STOP!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

>> >> Mordecai: ARE YOU OKAY?

WHAT HAPPENED?

>> Pops: I DON'T KNOW!

I WAS JUST HEADED TO THE KITCHEN FOR AN ICE LOLLY, WHEN THAT MAN

FELL UPON ME.

>> Rigby: THIS GUY MUST BE NUTS!

>> Mordecai: WE GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF HERE, BEFORE BENSON SEES.

>> Benson: >> Both: BENSON!

>> Pops: WHA?

>> Rigby: WHAT DID THAT GUY DO?

>> Benson: HELP!

>> Mordecai: COME ON!

>> Both: BENSON!

>> Mordecai: COME ON!

AH! GOT TO GO BACK. GO BACK!

HUH?

>> Mordecai: HEY!

>> Benson: HELP!

>> Mordecai: >> Pops: BENSON!

>> Mordecai: OKAY.

YOU AND POPS GO FIND BENSON.

I'M GOING AFTER THE WALLPAPER MAN.

>> Rigby: COME ON, POPS!

>> Mordecai: HEY, STOP!

>> Rigby: BENSON? HELLO?

>> Pops: I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL.

>> Rigby: SHH! QUIET, POPS.

>> Benson: HELP!

>> Rigby: BENSON, WE'RE COMING!

>> Mordecai: WHOA.

>> Rigby: WE MUST BE CLOSE.

>> Pops: BENSON!

>> Mordecai: WHAT THE?

>> Rigby: AAH!

WE'RE GETTING NOWHERE!

>> Pops: LOOK!

>> Mordecai: I THINK IT WANTS US TO GO THIS WAY.

COME ON.

>> Pops: I THINK WE'RE GROWING.

>> Mordecai: NO, THE HALL'S GETTING SMALLER.

WHAT THE...?

IT'S AN OPTICAL ILLUSION.

GO BACK.

>> Pops: >> Rigby: WHAT? NO. NO, NO.

I CAN'T STAND SMALL SPACES.

>> Mordecai: OKAY.

JUST CALM DOWN.

>> Rigby: I NEED AIR!

I CAN'T BREATHE!

>> Mordecai: YOU CAN BREATHE.

DON'T PANIC.

>> Rigby: I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!

>> Mordecai: STOP! RIGBY!

>> Rigby: >> Mordecai: WHOA.

>> Benson: HELP!

>> Mordecai: HOLD ON, BENSON!

COME ON. LET'S GO.

>> Rigby: ARE WE STILL IN THE HOUSE?

>> Benson: HEY! HELP!

>> Rigby: WHOA.

>> Mordecai: ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?

>> Benson: DO WE LOOK OKAY?

HURRY UP AND GET US DOWN FROM HERE.

>> Rigby: WHO'S THAT GUY?

>> I WAS JUST TRYING TO DELIVER A PACKAGE TO MITCH SORRENSTEIN.

I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

>> Mordecai: DON'T WORRY!

WE'LL GET YOU --

>> Mordecai: LET OUR FRIENDS GO AND THEN GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE!

>> Pops:

>> Benson: WATCH IT!

>> Muscle Man: I'M FREE!

EAT ON THAT, YOU EIGHT-- WHOA!

>> >> Muscle Man: WHATEVER.

THAT DIDN'T EVEN HURT.

IF YOUR JOB WAS TO KILL PEOPLE, YOU'D PROBABLY GET FIRED.

HUH? HEY! WAIT!

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT EATING ME, BRO!

>> Both: MUSCLE MAN!

>> Benson: HELP US!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

>> Skips: MY ANKLES!

>> Pops: UGH! MY ARM!

>> Benson: GREAT RESCUE.

YOU'RE GONNA KILL US BEFORE THAT SPIDER GETS THE CHANCE.

>> UGH!

>> Mordecai: COME ON! LET'S GO!

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

>> Benson: NO, YOU DON'T!

YOU TWO ARE STAYING HERE!

>> Both: WHAT?!

>> Benson: YOU HIRED THAT THING.

YOU FIRE IT!

>> >> Rigby: THAT SPIDER'S GONNA

KILL US!

>> Benson: NOT MY PROBLEM!

>> Rigby: OKAY, LISTEN UP, JAN!

YOU'RE FIRED!

>> Mordecai: DUDE, THAT WAS A

METAPHOR!

WE NEED TO STAY AND DESTROY HIM!

>> Rigby: WHAT? REALLY?

>> >> Rigby: NOW WHAT?

>> Mordecai: DUDE!

MUSCLE MAN'S PACKAGE!

>> Rigby: WHAT?

MUSCLE MAN'S PACKAGE?

>> Mordecai: HE WAS EXPECTING A PACKAGE OF GRENADES!

JUST GO GET THE BOX.

I'LL COVER YOU.

>> Rigby: GOT IT!

>> Mordecai: OPEN IT! OPEN IT!

>> Rigby: I CAN'T!

THIS STUPID TAPE.

THERE!

GREAT.

SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN NOW, AND AREN'T THESE JUST REPLICA

GRENADES?

>> Mordecai: NO!

MUSCLE MAN SAID THEY WERE THE REAL DEAL.

REMEMBER?

>> Rigby: OH, YEAH!

>> Mordecai: QUICK!

PULL OUT ALL THE PINS.

>> >> Mordecai: SPECIAL DELIVERY.

>> Rigby: TIME TO REDECORATE.

>> Mordecai: WAIT. WHAT?

>> Rigby: TIME TO REDECORATE?

BECAUSE OF ALL THE WALLPA-- AHH. JUST THROW IT.

>> Both: WH-O-O-O-OA!

>> Mordecai: BOOM!

>> Rigby: EAT IT, JAN!

>> Both: YEAH!

>> Rigby: HEY, HOLD ON.

HOW FAR AWAY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE BEFORE THESE THINGS GO OFF?

>> Mordecai: WAIT. WHAT?

>> Benson: THE END.

>> Mordecai: DUDE, THAT STORY WAS LAME.

>> Rigby: YEAH, BENSON.

WE AREN'T EVEN THAT DUMB.

>> Benson: IT'S MY STORY!

I'LL TELL IT HOW I WANT IT!

>> Rigby: LISTEN UP, EVERYONE.

I GOT A STORY ABOUT BENSON!

>> Benson: NO, YOU DON'T!

NO MORE STORIES, RIGBY.

>> PARTY'S JUST UP AHEAD, CHIEF.

>> Benson: HA, GREAT. SEE?

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

>> Rigby: YEAH. TOTALLY GREAT.

THAT MEANS THERE'S ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO TELL A STORY THAT

SHOWS HOW DUMB BENSON IS.

>> Benson: NO, THERE ISN'T!

STORY TIME'S OVER, RIGBY!

>> Rigby: ONCE UPON A TIME, BENSON WAS S-O-O DUMB...

>> Benson: NO STORIES!

>> Margaret: ARE YOU OKAY?

>> Mordecai: YEAH. WE'RE FINE.

HUH?

AW, WHAT?

WE DIDN'T SURVIVE THE CRASH?

>> Rigby: I GUESS NOT.

>> Benson: UNBELIEVABLE!

RIGBY, YOU'RE FIRED!

>> Rigby: YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!

I'M DEAD!

WHO-O-O-O-O! PARTY!

>> Benson: UGH.

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER.

>> Muscle Man: YOU COMING IN?

>> Benson: YEAH, I GUESS.