Original subtitles

- Hey. - Hey.

- How was your class? - Oh, it was good, really good.

- Good. All right, I got to go.

Oh, listen, the parkers said the party's gonna be over at 2:00,

So you can pick up the kids anytime after that.

- Okay.

- All right. I'll see you later.

- Okay.

- What was that? - Nothing.

You said "good-bye," so you know, good-bye.

- Oh, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

- Bye.

- Good-bye.

I'm going golfing.

- Yeah, I know.

- Oh, it's not fair.

You know I love golfing.

I don't get to golf very often.

- All right.

- Oh, don't make me choose.

It's not fair.

It's probably gonna rain. - Yeah.

- Hey, nemo, pizza ready?

- Look at this.

- Ah...

- What the hell?

- Oh, hey. Hey, guys.

- Hey, moron, where were you today?

- Whoa, whoa, what are you-- how come you're not golfin'?

- We waited for your big nose for an hour.

Then we couldn't play because a tournament was starting.

- Nice work, big nose.

- Ah, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I just had to do something at the house, you know.

I just had to...I had to... Had to do that something.

- We kept calling.

Why didn't you pick up the phone?

- Yeah, I know, but I couldn't hear

Because I was fixing the dryer, and, uh...

That damned basin of it, it's all...

Out of its hoop.

- What, are you trying to lie or something?

- All right, guys, listen. I'm sorry.

I couldn't make it this morning

Because debra and I, we just, you know,

We couldn't get out of bed.

- Oh, for cryin' out loud...

- No, but listen...

I didn't want to. I was ready to go.

I was ready to go. We were in the kitchen--

- All right, ray, look, we don't need to hear the details.

- I bought new balls and shoes.

He owes me details.

- Listen, junior high,

Shut up with the details.

It's his wife.

And, ray, sex over golf?

It's your wife.

- Listen--

- Here's the pie, ray.

You guys gonna order,

Or are you just gonna color the placemats?

- No, no.

Don't order anything, guys.

Look, let me make it up to you, huh?

Let's have my pizza. Huh?

My family's pizza I give to you.

Free.

- Come on, free pizza.

- We're gonna need drinks.

- Yeah, yeah, suzy, small sodas for everybody.

Come on, guys, dig in.

- All right.

So...You had a busy morning.

- Did you remember how to do everything,

Or did you have to consult the manual?

[laughs]

- Hey.

You want to know something?

You're not gonna believe this.

Third time this week.

That's a barone record.

- Three times? Get out of here!

- I'm tellin' you. - No way.

- Three times. Tuesday, Thursday, today.

- I think you're confusing sex with showering.

- So how come you're becoming so popular?

- I don't know. It's just happening.

- Well, what, are you doing something different?

You talking to her more, paying more attention to her?

- No.

- Maybe it's your... Technique.

Have you learned some new moves?

- No.

Moves. What do I got?

I got fast forward and the stall.

- Well, you gotta be doin' something different.

- No.

Although...

The only thing I can think of is,

I got this pulled muscle in my ribcage, you know?

So lately, everything I do,

I'm favoring my left side.

- So? - I don't know.

Maybe I'm just, like, accentuating some emphasis

At a different angle.

- Maybe she just, uh,

Doesn't want you playing golf.

- What do you mean?

- Think about it, ray. She's jealous.

She hates when you play golf.

She'll do anything to stop it,

Even if it means having sex with you.

- [laughs] that's it! He's right!

- No, that's not it. That's not--

What about Tuesday and Thursday?

- That's probably part of her plan.

[high-pitched voice] "I'll have sex with him

"Tuesday and Thursday,

And he'll be none the wiser."

- Yeah. Sorry.

That's not it, all right?

It's the new action.

- Yeah, right.

Hey, robert, do me a favor.

I might get lucky tonight. Punch me in the ribs?

- [laughs]

- Hey. - Hey.

- What are you doing?

- Brushing my teeth.

- Oh.

So that was a first, huh?

- What's that?

- This morning. Making me miss golf like that.

- It didn't seem like you missed it.

- Ha.

I didn't, no, no.

Hey...

Look, this morning,

You weren't just doing that--

- You know what I was thinking?

Why don't you make it up to the guys tomorrow?

- Yeah, all right.

What do you mean?

- Go golfing tomorrow.

- You...You want me to go golfing tomorrow?

- I mean, you did kind of ruin their plans today.

Yeah, you should go golfing.

I'll take the kids to the park.

- Oh, you're the best.

[sing song] going golfing tomorrow.

All right. I'm gonna go watch the news.

- Okay.

- That's the... Same kiss from this morning.

- Oh?

- No...

- Why not?

- You--

Yes! Why not?

Well...

Oh, you're really liking me a lot this week.

I'll be in the bedroom.

- Okay. Don't start without me.

- I won't. [giggling]

Ohh. Ah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Ohh...

Hey, what's this thing here?

- What?

- This--this thing with the muscleman on it.

- Oh, that's from my gym.

That's my new aerobics instructor.

- Nick bronson.

Does that guy teach or does he just model?

- No, no, he's really great.

As a matter of fact, I took his class three times this week.

- Three times?

- Yeah, Tuesday, Thursday, and this morning.

[sighs]

Ahem.

So?

- Oh.

Yeah, I don't know.

Actually...

My ribs are bothering me.

- Hey. - Hey.

- How long is the mirror in your apartment?

- Ma's sewing up my uniform.

Left pant leg got all shredded on a call.

These damn people with raccoons as pets.

Never works out.

So what's going on with you?

- Ah, you know, nothing.

Listen, robert.

- Yeah.

- Do you ever...

Do you ever have a hamburger...

And the whole time you're eating it,

You're imagining that it's a steak?

- I have.

Yes, I have.

Who's this?

- That's the steak.

- What?

- I think this guy

Is the reason that I'm having more sex.

- Look, before we go any further,

I'd like to put my pants on.

- Listen...

That's debra's aerobics instructor, okay?

She took his class three times last week.

- Uh-huh.

- Yeah, three times.

Three times she watched this guy

Muscle around and gyrate it up, okay?

And guess what days.

- Ohh... So...

So all this time, you're thinking

It's you making her hot.

Turns out, she's coming home preheated.

Yeah...

[laughing]

- It's not funny, robert.

- No, it is a little funny.

See, only you would think a rib injury

Would turn you into a... A love machine.

[laughing]

[singing] and it don't work for nobody but you.

Rr-rr-rr-rr!

- All right, shut up.

- Here.

Your pants are holdin' up my eggs.

- Oh, frank, I still need to iron these.

- Why don't you sew a diaper in there while you're at it too?

- Raymond, dear, you hungry?

- No, no, no, I'm just talking to robert.

- What are you, bragging?

- What?

Yeah, robert told me

About you and happy hips over there.

- Oh, great. That's just great, robert.

- It sounds like somebody's trying to earn some jewelry.

[laughter]

- Listen, it's none of my business,

But I think maybe this might be debra's way

Of trying to...Compensate.

- How so, ma?

- Well, if you can't cook in the kitchen...

- Okay. Good-bye.

- You guys are way off.

There.

- What are you--

- Holy crap!

- That's debra's aerobics instructor.

She watches him flex all around,

And then she goes home all...Inspired.

- Why do you do that?

Why do you tell mom and dad things like that, huh,

My personal things? Why? Why? Why? Why?

- Brings us closer.

- What are you so upset about?

Sounds like mr. Muscle here

Is saving you some prep work.

- I don't like that, frank.

And I have to say, raymond,

I think that debra is playing a very dangerous game.

- Oh, what are you talking about?

Who cares where she gets her appetite

As long as she has her meal at home?

- Stop. Stop.

- Raymond,

You have to get debra out of this class right now.

- Why? This guy is helping out.

Maybe ray doesn't have what it takes

To get debra's motor running.

- Raymond's got plenty.

- Thank you...

Mom.

Unh.

- Huh.

Hey, this is a good-looking guy.

What?

He's like a gladiator.

Come on, robert,

You can't say this isn't a handsome man.

- Ma, please, I really need my pants.

- Hey.

- Hey! What are you doing here?

I thought you were going to pick me up at 2:00.

- Yeah, I know, but I thought maybe

We could go out and get something to eat.

- Okay, great.

But I'm going to be another 45 minutes.

- Well--

- Hey, everybody.

All: Hey!

- So who's ready to sweat?

- Whoo! - All right!

- Listen, I was thinking we could go to tuto benes,

You know, but I don't have reservations,

So why don't we just go now?

- Nah. No.

- Hi.

Are you gonna take the class today?

- Maybe.

- [laughing] no, you're not.

- Well, there's an extra space

In case you decide to stay.

- Hmm.

- Ray, you're not taking the class.

- Maybe I will.

Why? Would that ruin it for you?

- No, I mean, I don't care.

You do what you want.

- Okay, guys, what do you say we start with a quick warm-up?

[music plays]

Okay, v-steps, and...

Five, six, seven, eight...

- You gonna do 40 minutes of this, really?

Come on.

- Ray, would you be quiet?

Why don't you just wait for me outside?

- I just can't believe you'd pay money for this.

You know, we got a flight of stairs at home.

- Hey, just shh, shh!

- And grapevine!

Here we go!

- Ow! - Sorry. Sorry.

- You feelin' it?

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- I can't hear you! All: Yeah!

- Bring it on!

- What's with you?

- Nothin'. I'm in the zone.

- Hey! Looking good, debra. Looking good!

Okay, guys, knee lifts, ready, countdown, and...

Five, six, seven, eight...

Come on, man. What's the matter?

Around the world! Here we go!

[music stops]

- I'll be in the juice bar.

Well, I guess I'm not aerobically gifted.

- [chuckles]

That's okay; a lot of people break the boom box

On their first time out.

- Ha. That's funny.

Do you want to have sex?

- What?

- Yeah.

I mean, the kids aren't home,

And, uh...

The honeymoon suite is vacant.

Mmm...

- Ohh...Ha ha.

No, not right now.

- Why?

- Um, you know,

I'm just not really in the mood right now.

- Why, 'cause you missed the class?

- Missed the class?

No, I'm just, you know, not in the mood.

- Why?

- What are you, seven?

How many times you gonna ask me why?

- Just until you really tell me. Why?

- Okay, because the kids are gonna be home any minute,

I have a sink full of dishes,

And I just-- why do I have to explain it?

I'm just not in the mood.

- How about now?

Yeah.

- What?

- Yeah. Are you in the mood now, huh?

Huh? Kick one, two, kick one, two.

Kick one, two.

I'm a maniac! Maniac!

- Ah.

Now I'm in the mood.

- Yeah, I know. I know all about it.

- All about what?

- Every time you go to the class,

You get all turned on by hunky joe, right?

And then...And then you come home to me

To put out the fire.

- Are you out of your mind?

- Lookin' good, debra.

Lookin' good!

- So...

You're getting all paranoid

'cause we had a little extra sex last week.

- Three times. Three times, right?

You don't think that's out of the ordinary?

I'm surprised it wasn't on the news.

- So you think I'm cheating on you with you?

- Put it however you want, all right?

You know what you're doing.

- You know what? I'm tired.

Could you just call yourself an idiot?

- Yeah.

You know I'm right, right?

How would you like it if I did that to you?

- Oh, please!

What about every year

When that stupid swimsuit issue arrives?

I know I'm not gonna be getting much sleep that night.

Why is that, ray?

- That's not true. That's not true.

Don't try and make that like this.

- What about the naked channel

That you're always trying to check

To see if they forgot to scramble it?

- I'm not checking it.

It's on the way to the travel channel.

That's not--

- Who's the one in the bedroom

With all the little character suggestions, huh?

"I'm the stock boy, and you can't reach the sauce."

Or, "ooh, come to bed with a limp."

- Look...That isn't the same, all right?

You can't compare that. - No? Why is that?

- Because none of those things are real, okay?

They're all make-believe! They're games!

This guy is real.

He's flesh and blood and sweat and muscles, okay?

And I don't like it! I don't like it!

- Ray, did it ever occur to you

That taking aerobics classes

Makes me feel better about myself?

Yeah, so if I feel better about myself,

I feel better about a lot of other things too.

- Yeah, but that guy--

- That guy just teaches class; that's all.

- That's all? - That's it.

You know, I've seen good-looking men before.

- Where?

- All you ever do is complain about how little sex we have,

And last week, we had more than enough,

And all it did was make you suspicious.

- Ah, I don't know.

I'm an idiot, I guess.

- My idiot.

Yeah.

- There's that kiss again.

- How about that?

- The kids are gonna be home in 15 minutes.

- Well, good, then we'll have time for a nap too.

- Well, what about the garbage?

- Ah, just leave it.

- Oh, you're dirty.

- Hey. - Hey.

You here again? - Yeah.

I just--

I wanted to bring hunky joe a new boom box.

- He's not teaching class today.

- What?

- Hi, everybody.

All: Hey.

- Everybody ready to move?

Here we go.

[music starts]

Five, six, seven, eight...

- You know, I'm feeling better about myself.