All language subtitles for Living.With.Fran.S02E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Ooh, breakfast smells good.
What's cooking?

Oh, I've got waffles
in the toaster

and hash browns
in the microwave

and a sweater
in the oven.

Just once I'd like
my sweater on the table
when I come downstairs.

You know that cashmere
has to dry flat.

Ooh, don't use
the George Foreman
until my bra is done.

You know, sweetie,
I was just looking
at this brochure

of the housing
development that
you're working on.

It really looks great.

Yeah. 200 identical
yet authentic
Italian villas.

Well, it'd look
a little more Italian

if they just airbrushed
out that Denny's sign.

Todd, relax.
You can stop worrying.

Yeah, it was a little late,
but then it came
this morning.

Say what?

He sent me an e‐mail.

Allison, maybe you should
tell Todd that you'll
talk to him later?

Really. You talked
to him all night.
You sent him an e‐mail.

You're gonna see him
in 15 minutes.

Conjoined twins
have less to talk about.

Talk to you later.

You guys are gonna
have to get used
to Todd being my boyfriend.

And by the way,
he's coming over
to study after school.

Not today.
Nobody's gonna be home.

Riley, I've studied alone
with boys before.

Yeah, but when you
did that before,

you were actually
in the same grade,

so the idea of studying
wasn't just a total load
of ca‐ca.

Good morning, everyone!

And what
a beautiful morning it is.

Mmm. Is that sweater
I smell?

Well, I guess somebody had
a great date last night.

Ah, well, let's just say
I was on... Fire!

You got pepper‐sprayed
again?

Ha ha!

Hey, Josh,
big night,
huh, buddy?

Way to go, bro.

I'm so happy you found someone
that you care about.

So, where'd you meet
this girl? Who is she?
What does she do?

I wanna know
everything about her.

Joshie! Oh, hi!

Or I could just ask her.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪

♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪

♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪

♪ And life ♪

♪ Gets better every day ♪

♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪

♪ We're gonna work it out ♪

♪ Whatever comes our way ♪

This is Taylor. We take
the same business class.

Oh, well,
it's a pleasure
to meet you, Taylor.

Um, can I get you
something to eat
or drink or...wear?

Sorry. I should
go up and change.

It was really nice
to meet you all.

Joshie, keep me company?

Well, you heard the lady.
(chuckles)

If nobody hears
from me for 2 days,

those will be the best
2 days of my life.

Well, Taylor
seemed nice.

Yeah, and now she has
the answer to the question,

"What's the stupidest thing
you ever did
when you were drunk?"

Have a good time
at school, sweetie.

Riley, I don't think
I like this whole thing

with Josh
and having girls
sleep over at our house.

Well, you knew it would
happen eventually.

I just don't wanna give
Allison any ideas.

I mean, the last thing
we need

is to have Todd
come trotting
down the stairs.

You can't trot
with broken kneecaps.

True.

Don't worry.
Allison's got a good head
on her shoulders.

Yeah, well, when I was
her age, I had a good head
on my shoulders, too,

when my dress
wasn't up over it.

What?

Babe, I swear,
I've never felt this way
about anyone before.

And, you know,
next week's my birthday...

Oh, look, the Black Eyed
Peas are coming up.

I just love them.

I think that Fergie
is so much hotter
than the one in England.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
Have I been disturbing
you guys?

Oh, h‐hey, Mrs. Reeves.

You know, I was just
helping Allison look
for her contact lens.

Oh. Did she swallow it?

Mother.

Oh, Todd, why don't
you stay for dinner?
We can order some pizza.

Riley would just love
to see you.

He'll be home any minute
from his anger management
class.

Um, you know,
that sounds great,

but I‐‐I have to go
to...another place
right now.

Well, another time,
then.

Thanks a lot, Mom.
It's not like we were
even doing anything.

Of course.
You were studying...

For what apparently
is an oral exam.

Well, why is josh allowed
to have a girl in the house,
and I can't have Todd?

Duh. Your brother is an adult.
You are a teenager.

Ok, well, fine.
I will just see
Todd later,

because we're going
to a party at Becca's.

Uh‐uh. No.
You ain't goin',

'cause I happen to know
that Becca's parents

are in vacation
in St. Barths,

'cause I ran into her mother
trying on a bathing suit

that I wouldn't
be caught dead in.

Well, we are not
having sex, if that's
what you think.

Yeah, well, remember
to use those exact words
on Todd's birthday.

Hi!

Hi.

What is this, a freakin'
chicken ranch?

Hello again.

Hi. Is Josh home?

Yeah. Joshie,
it's your mom.

He needs a second.
He doesn't have
any clothes on.

Oh, right.

Yeah, he was that way
when I first met him,
too.

Hey, Mom. What's up?

Nothing. Nothing at all.
Um, close the door.

Close the door with you
on this side of it!

Yes, Mother?

Joshie,
from what I've seen,

this Taylor seems like
a lovely young woman,

and I've seen
most of her...

But I just think
that you are setting

a bad example
for your sister.

What?

She has a boyfriend now.

I just caught them
making out downstairs
on the couch,

and I don't think that
we need to encourage her
to go any further.

Encourage? I thought
we'd have to pay someone.

You know what I mean.

Well, what about you and Riley?
You don't think she knows
what's going on in your room?

If anybody's setting
a bad example, it's you.

Oh, that is ridiculous.

We are in a committed
relationship.

Oh, hey, as long
as Taylor keeps committing
the things she's committing,

I'm committed.

Well, fine. Outside
of this house,

you two can commit
your brains out!

You know what?
You're a hypocrite.

Oh, come on,
I had one pork chop
on Yom Kippur,

and you don't
have to‐‐

You know
what I mean, Mom!

And if you have a problem
with Taylor and me
staying here,

then we'll just stay
at her Mom's house.

Well, fine!

Now I know
why your father said

that he'll give me
the Puerto Rico time‐share

only if I keep the kids!

(moans)

Fran, stop shaking
the bed.

Can't you see
I'm pretending
to be asleep?

Riley,
am I a hypocrite?

Fran, it was one
pork chop 2 years ago.

Not that. I'm talking
about what Josh said,

about me being
a bad example.

I mean, I never wanted
to corrupt the morals
of a young person,

other than you.

He was just
standing up to you
to impress Taylor.

Guys will say anything
to get with a girl.

You mean like when you told me
you only had air‐conditioning
in your bedroom?

It was the truth.

It was December.

Oh, but what about Allison?

I mean, is she taking
her cues from us?

Or even worse, me?

I mean, I don't want her
doing the same things
that I did when I was 16...

Or even an hour ago.

Allison. Allison, honey?

(gasps)

Allison! What are you doing
halfway out the window?!

Uh, smoking? I know
it's wrong, Mommy.

I'll never do it again.
I love you so much.

(gasps)

Todd! Todd, I swear,
if I get my hands‐‐aah!

Mom?

FRAN: Ow.

Allison, I just have
one question.

(whining) Why?!

Because you wouldn't
let me go to the party.

Allison, you weren't
allowed to go
to the party?

That's why you were
climbing out the window.

Oh, I'm sorry, Todd.

Did we forget
to tell you
we're not morons?

Message received,
R‐Dog.

Sweetie, you know,
I'm very happy for you
that you have a boyfriend,

and I know that it's
a very exciting time...

But, you know,
I don't wanna have to say
that you can't see him.

Yeah, we want you to be
smart enough to figure
that out on your own.

You used to be cool, Riley.

Mom, I'm not
a baby anymore.

You know, maybe if
you treated me
like an adult,

I would act
like one.

Uh, yeah, well,

it's the adult acts
that I'm trying to prevent.

Mmm, sweetie, I think
you're moving way too fast
with this boy.

I know 'cause I went
down that path,

and I just can't
see you making
the same mistakes as I did.

Ok, I get it.

So you understand

why you can't be alone
in the house with him,
don't you?

Yes, I do.

Oh, sweetie,
I love you so much.

I am so sorry
I made you upset.

And I'm sorry I squished
your boyfriend.

That was beautiful.
I mean, you really
got through to her.

What, are you kidding me?
She didn't hear a word I said.

The whole time
I was talking, she's going,
"blah, blah, blah.

When's she gonna shut up
so I can go call Todd?"

If that's the case,
what's our next move?

Well, here's
what I think.

We should
leave her alone

and then when Todd
comes over,

and you know he will,
we'll bust 'em.

Mmm.

For a beautiful goddess,
you are an evil genius.

I know.

And believe me,
when we catch her in the act,

she'll think twice
before she pulls something
like this ever again.

And from that point forward,
she will be in complete awe
and dread of her mother...

Just as God intended.

Why is there a brochure
for Denny's?

It's not for Denny's.
It's for the Italian villas
I'm working on.

Although they are
both open all the time.

Well, they all look alike.

Who would pay to have
the exact same thing
as everyone else?

Oh, probably the same person
that would get a nose ring

exactly like 15
of her girlfriends

to express
her individuality.

So, Allison,
your mother and I

are going into town
to see Fiddler.

Again?
Rosie O'Donnell plays Golda.

What are you
up to tonight?

I don't know. I'll probably
just hang around.

Have a good time.

Cool.

Bye, sweetie.

This is almost too easy.

Oh, Riley, would you look
who just walked in?

You know, I used to have
a son that looked like you.

Mom, I've only been gone
a day and a half.

You didn't call
the police again
like last time, did you?

No.

I tried, but apparently
I'm on some kind
of a list.

Where did you
get that sweater?

Oh, Taylor's mom
got it for me.

She said my other one
smelled like easy‐off.

Can I get you
something to eat?

No, I just came by
to get some clothes.

I'm having dinner
at Taylor's house tonight.

Her mom made pies.
Plural.

Riley, did you hear that?
He's seeing other mothers.

Just give it a couple days,
and I'm sure he'll‐‐

I don't have
a couple of days.
Didn't you hear?

He's getting
home‐cooked food
and sex.

That's two things
he knows
he can't get here!

Well, I'll cook for him,
but that's where
I draw the line.

Don't worry, Mrs. Urbanski.
I packed warm clothes.

Yes, I remember
the security code.

Ok, see you soon.

You, too.

Riley!

All he needs
is a little fear
of commitment.

So, sounds like you
got a good thing
going on there, bro.

Yeah, you know it,
bro.

You're getting in good
with the family, tod. Smart.

Yeah, you should've
thought of that.

(chuckles)

You guys go shopping
together yet?
That's always fun.

Uh, actually, we're
going to Bloomingdale's
later tonight.

Ah, Bloomie's,
the couples store.

When your mom I started
living together, we spent
a lot of time at Bloomie's

looking for pillowcases
and sheets.

Yep. That's when you know
you're in for keeps.

No. We're just‐‐
we're just going
to look at shoes.

Shoes, right.
Hey, Fran,

remember when you told me
that we were looking
for shoes?

Oh, yeah, right.
Shoes.

(both laugh)

What‐‐what do you mean?

Oh, nothing.

If you need to borrow
my truck to move anything,
let me know.

Ok.

Bye.

Bye, honey.

What did we
just do here?

We planted a seed.

You see, he's still thinking
with his little brain.

Oh, I get it. But when
the blood starts
to rush up north...

He'll start thinking
about the living hell
that a relationship can be.

When you're not
with somebody you love.

Did you just
get prettier?

No, but you just
got smarter.

(ding)

Listen, we better figure out
what we're gonna do,

where we're gonna go,
'cause pretty soon‐‐ooh‐‐

we're gonna have to
come back and trap Allison.

Why don't we go check out
the model homes?

Maybe you could give me
some decorating advice.

Ok, but, you know,
I usually get paid
for that kind of work.

(sighs)
(sighs)

Well, that one
was on the house.

Oh, this place is great.

No Josh calling me
a hypocrite.

No Allison
giving me 'tude.

No Todd giving us...Todd.
Yeah.

Can we live here?

I don't know.
Won't the buyers
have a problem with that?

No, not if we change
the brochure.

"Master suite boasts
spacious closet,
jacuzzi tub,

and a sexy,
sweaty couple."

Well, we should
be getting home
to spring the trap.

(door closes)
(gasps)

someone's here!
It must be the developer.

How am I gonna
explain this?

Just tell them that,
uh, I'm a buyer,
and you're a salesman.

Yeah, good, we played
that one at home.

(gasps)

Allison?

Aah! Mom!

What are you
doing here?!

What are we doing here?
I'll tell you, young lady.

We're waiting for you.

I can't believe
I fell for this.
You set me up.

That's why you left out
that brochure.

Exactly.

Mom, I know what
you're gonna say.

If I don't slow down,
I'm gonna ruin my life.

No. Actually,

I was going to say
you're going
to ruin my life.

Do you think that I like
spending all my time
following after you,

keeping tabs on you?

You think I enjoyed
spending the night

in this model home
waiting for you?

You think I got
any pleasure out of it?

Todd, sit down.

What are you
gonna do, Mom?

What are you
gonna do, Riley?

Sit.

I'm just gonna have
a little chat with
your boyfriend here.

Oh, my God.

Now, you see
what happened tonight,
Todd?

I was way ahead of you.

Don't even ask how,

because my powers
are far beyond
your comprehension.

Now, my daughter is like
a delicate flower

who is not ready
to be plucked.

Oh, my God, no!

Yes!

I am the mother. I can
do whatever I want,

like, for example,
I might get a little yen
to show Todd

your American Idol
audition tape,
Britney Spearstein.

Mommy!

You swore that after nana
you wouldn't tell
anybody else.

Oops, I did it again.

Ok, you win. I will do
everything you say.

Just please stop.

If you stop.

Todd? Have we made
ourselves clear?

I know the drill, R‐Dog.
I'm out of here.

Allison,
I'll see you at...

School.
School.

Can I just say
good‐bye to him?

I'll never stop you
from saying good‐bye.

And just remember, the only
way that we're ever going
to have a good relationship

is if you're totally
and completely honest
with me...

While I lie my ass off.

Oh, good, Chinese.

What, no dinner
at Taylor's House
of Pies?

That's over. We broke up.

Really?
What happened?

(sighs)
We were at Bloomie's

and she said, "That's
the kind of duvet cover
we should have."

"We." Do you
believe that? "We"!

Ten seconds later,
I was pulling out of that
parking lot at 60 miles an hour,

trying to get as far away
from that psycho as I could.

Remind me later,
I gotta return her car.

So that's it?
It's over?

Gee, I hope that me
and Riley didn't set
a bad example.

Okay, Okay.

There is a difference
between you guys
and what I had with Taylor.

I mean, you guys hang in there
even when people judge you

and smirk behind your back
and point at you like
you're circus freaks and‐‐

All right.

We get it. Not
everyone's a fan.

Anyway, I shouldn't have
called you a hypocrite.

Oh, thanks, sweetie.

You know what,
I better go.

Already?
You just got here.

I gotta go back
to Taylor's house
and break up with her mom.

It's just not something
you do over the phone.

Mmm.

You know what? We work
pretty well together.

I know. Between my lying
and your manipulating,

we make great parents.

(laughs)

Captioned by The National
Captioning Institute