Original subtitles

Hey, babe.

Oh, hey, thanks, babe.

So?

So?

So tomorrow Monday's coming up.

Yep. Usually does after Sunday.

But this Monday's a very special Monday.

You don't have to remind me.

I wouldn't let it pass without doing something great.

Oh, sweetie, I knew it. I knew you wouldn't forget our first Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day? I was talking about poker night.

Poker night?!

Just kidding, babe. Wait till you see what I've got planned.

Oh, tell me, tell me!

Nope. No can do.

Now can do?

(exhales) Ok.

Two words:

Arena football.

Quit kidding! You are kidding, aren't ya?

You'll have to find out tomorrow.

I've got everything planned. You'll just have to trust me.

Ok. I give up.

You win!

Hey, Riley, I thought you might like a cookie.

Not gonna tell her either.

Damn, you're good.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Feel beautiful right now ♪

♪ For the first time in a long time ♪

♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪

♪ And life ♪

♪ Gets better every day ♪

♪ Though it seems so complicated ♪

♪ We're gonna work it out ♪

♪ Whatever comes our way ♪

I'm going to Emily's house.

Ohh...is that the credit card statement?

Yeah, about that Macy's charge...

I was writing a term paper all about the history of denim,

so I had to buy four pairs of jeans.

Yeah. I had to send them all back.

This is Riley's statement.

Why are you looking at that?

How else am I gonna know

what he's surprising me with for Valentine's Day

so I know how surprised to act when he gives it to me?

Anything yet?

Look at this. $300 at Barney's!

Mom, it says Barney's Brewery.

Oh, my god. I hope they don't have a gift shop.

Well, what'd you get him?

A beautiful watch that has an inscription

that says, "To My Man. Love, From Your Fran."

See? It rhymes.

Well, Riley loves you so much,

I'm sure he's gonna do something very special.

Oh, I know. He told me to trust him, and I will.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I'll be back before dinner.

Hey!

Somebody left a present.

Ooh! I guess the surprises are starting from Riley!

No, it's for me from a secret admirer.

Wow! Come on, let's open it up.

(giggles)

wow! Wow!

Ooh, it's beautiful! Are you sure it's for you?

Yeah. It has my name on it.

But who's my secret admirer?

You know, I saw this exact wrapping paper

in the Lombaris' trash cans.

Do you think Tony Lombardi sent it?

He is such a cutlet.

Cutlet? Is that a new word that the kids are saying?

I'm trying to get it started.

Well, has he given you any signals?

Well, this one time in math class,

I lent him some graph paper,

he smiled at me, and our knuckles touched.

Oh! Hot stuff. You know, in the Old Country,

the knuckles don't touch until the wedding night.

I think you found your secret admirer!

This is so cool. I wonder what he's gonna do next.

Oh, sweetie, take my advice‐‐

don't wait for the guy to make the next move.

Get him a gift right away.

Are you sure?

Absolutely. You think I got Riley by sitting around?

No! I met him. I had a genuine connection,

I pretended that my appendix burst. The rest is history.

YeaH. I'm not so sure that I can fake an injury

so we can have a meaningful conversation

in an ambulance.

That's true. It does take a certain amount of skill.

Maybe you should just get him a gift?

Can I use your credit card?

You don't have to spend money. Be creative.

Now, let's see. What do 16‐year‐old boys want?

Uh, you know what? Use my credit card.

(telephone rings)

Yel‐lo? Uh‐huh.

It's a restaurant calling to confirm the reservation

for Riley Martin!

Yes, well, I'm his secretary.

I can definitely take a message.

I'm so good!

Yeah. Valentine's Day for two

at...Antonio's?

Um...Yes, well, is this the Antonio's on Queen's Boulevard?

It is?

Isn't...That...Great?

OK. Thank you.

Isn't that the place Aunt Zelda used to take us for lunch

because it was right next door to where she got her hair dyed?

Yeah. They got a bottomless basket of garlic bread.

Well, I hate to sound this way,

but I really wish it wasn't Antonio's.

Hey, guys. You remember Lilly?

Hi, everyone. Happy Day‐Before‐Valentine's‐Day.

Not so happy.

It's my fifth favorite holiday.

Christmas is number one because it's...

Well, it's Christmas, silly!

Then Fourth of July, 'cause that's like

summer Christmas without the presents.

Then Groundhog Day‐‐

Who wants wine? I'd like wine. I'm having wine.

Lilly? A Pepsi would be fantastic.

One fantastic Pepsi comin' up.

Well, I've got to go buy something for my secret admirer.

You have a secret admirer?

That is so... utterly romantic.

It makes my heart dance.

Maybe it's indigestion.

Miss Reeves, can I talk to you about relationship stuff?

You and Riley seem so... massively happy.

You ever been to Antonio's?

Antonio's...

Don't they have that bottomless basket of garlic bread?

Hey. Can I talk to you about this girl I'm dating?

Sure, buddy.

Vince, I was talking to Riley.

Would you mind going home?

Can't. I'm helping Riley.

Really?

Looks to me like you're just sitting there

drinking yet another free soda.

Hey, at least I didn't get kicked out of med school.

I didn't get kicked out.

My older brother Tony said you did.

He said you lost it and they booted you.

Actually, it was a mutual parting of the...

Why am I justifying my life to a ten‐year‐old?

Hey, Vince, come back later,

you can help me patch the driveway.

Nah.

What's up?

It's about Lilly.

Oh, yeah, she seems pretty cool.

Yeah, but have you noticed she's a tad enthusiastic?

I mean, everything seems to be incredible or fantastic or...

Amazingly magical!

That's how he makes me feel.

But I want to be closer to him.

No matter how much you think you know a guy,

he's still gonna make some surprising choices.

Josh is always surprising me

with a funny joke or an amusing turn of phrase.

He's absolutely...

Splendorific?

That's what she said.

Sometimes it's like she pulling the words from a Dr. Seuss book.

We've only been dating for three weeks, right?

But it's so exhausting, it feels more like...

One super fantastical day!

So is there any one thing he really likes

that I can connect with him on?

Oh, well, he loves romantic candlelight dinners.

Oh, wait a minute. That's me.

He loves the Knicks. Talk to him about the Knicks.

This is perfectly perfect!

He's gonna just...

Shoot myself if I have to listen to it one more minute!

I really want to break up with her.

Well, you better do it today.

If you spend Valentine's Day with her,

she'll think the relationship is solid.

Oh, God. You're right.

Especially the first Valentine's. It's a milestone.

I've been planning mine and Fran's for weeks.

Oh, man. If I don't break up with her now,

her birthday's in March...

Which means I'll be on the hook until April,

and April's her favorite month!

Why April?

It's springtastical, silly!

Excuse me, Mom, but I need to talk to Lilly in private.

Oh, well, I need to make a few phone calls.

Missed you so much!

Yeah, uh, Lilly, look...I'm afraid‐‐

before you talk about your fears,

I forgot to tell you my cousin has Knicks tickets

and he's always offering them to me.

That's nice. But you and I need‐‐

where are the seats?

Right by Spike Lee.

That's court‐side.

And what were your fears?

Aggressive squirrels and being buried alive.

Let's talk more about the Knicks.

Here's your soda.

Thank you.

Hey, babe.

Hi, sweetie.

Guess who called today?

Antonio's to confirm your dinner reservation.

Oh! That was supposed to be part of my Valentine's surprise.

I was pretty surprised.

Have all the garlic bread you can eat.

Oh, yeah. I know all about the bottomless basket.

I've been there before.

So I got to thinking, hey, why don't we try someplace new?

So I cancelled Antonio's and I got us a reservation at Carmella's!

But I planned the whole thing.

I even got a corner booth.

Oh, and I appreciate that, sweetie,

but I think Carmella's will be much more romantic.

Listen, it was hard to get a reservation at this late date.

I had to lie to the maitre d'.

So I told him that I only had one month to live

and that you were my cardiologist. (giggles)

You're not laughing.

Fran, this was supposed to be my Valentine's surprise.

I made all the plans. I told you to trust me.

And I do trust you.

I just thought that this would be better for the both of us.

By doing it your way?

You changed all my plans without even telling me.

I was just trying to help.

I didn't know I needed any help.

OK, why don't we just cancel Carmella's?

We'll try and get our reservation back at Antonio's.

That one month to live thing really worked.

Don't even bother.

Why are you being so stubborn?

Now I pick lousy restaurants and I'm stubborn.

Ooh. This isn't going very well.

I never thought you'd be so upset about this.

It's not a "this" thing, fran. It's an "us" thing.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you do this a lot.

Do what? Make dinner reservations?

No. Take over. You like to do things your own way.

Doesn't leave a lot of room for my input.

OK, so maybe I like to advise. I guide.

It's only because I do have a little more experience.

Well, maybe you need to let go of that and trust me to make more decisions.

Fine! Make a decision!

Fine. First decision...

Valentine's Day is cancelled.

Can he do that?

Oh, honey, I know that you didn't want to talk about it last night,

but I just wanted to tell you

that I spoke to Antonio's

and I begged them to give us a reservation again.

My Italian is a little bit rusty,

so either we've got a table or some old lady's coming to live with us.

I have some work to do in the garage.

But we are gonna have dinner tonight, aren't we?

You tell me. You seem to have everything planned.

Hey, Mom.

Are you OK?

Sweetie, tell me the truth.

Do you think that I'm a little too controlling?

I need a cup of coffee.

So are you gonna try to make up with Riley?

Well, I tried and tried to undo this mess,

but he just won't listen to me.

I'm sorry. Is it OK that I'm enjoying today?

Oh, sure, sweetie.

Because I have this really great idea.

You know how Tony left me a purse? Mm‐hmm.

Well, I'm gonna leave him a wallet with my picture in it.

Aw! That's a great idea!

Well, I hope your Valentine's Day

is better than mine turned out to be.

Are you really gonna be OK, mom?

Oh, sure. I'll be fine.

Hey, you didn't finish all the breakfast burritos, did you?

I am so sorry.

(sobbing)

(loud sob)

You're still here?

Yeah. I got some stuff on my mind.

(sighs) Yeah, me, too.

I caved. I folded.

I sold my soul for court‐side seats.

You didn't break up with Lilly, huh?

No. Mom told her I like the Knicks,

so Lilly offered me tickets, and now I'm back on the hook.

Why does Mom always have to get involved?

Why can't she leave well enough alone?

Come on, Josh. You know your mom.

She only gets involved because she loves you and wants you to be happy.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

Sometimes I forget it.

Yeah, sometimes I do, too.

(doorbell rings)

Riley?

Riley...

Oh.

Hi, Vince.

Riley's not here.

I haven't seen or talked to him all day,

and I'm kinda upset, so I really can't talk now.

OK. I just wanted to know if Allison liked the purse.

Oh, she loved it. It looks great.

You sent it?

Holy crap! This day isn't working out for anybody!

I'm gonna tell her that I'm her secret admirer.

How's my hair?

Oh, your hair's fine.

It's your height I'm a little worried about.

What? Oh, nothing. Nothing.

Are you sure that you sent the purse

and not your older brother Tony?

Why? Does Allison like my older brother Tony?

Why do all the girls like Tony?

He's got no experience!

Hey, Vince.

Oh, hey...

Uh...Can we be alone?

Huh?

Uh, Vince, hey,

why don't you go into the kitchen

and get yourself a soda!

OK. I'll bring you back one.

Allison, I don't know how to tell you this, but...

Your secret admirer does come from the Lombardi house...

Just not the Lombardi you think.

It wasn't Tony?

(object shatters) VINCE: Not my fault!

It was Vince?

Personally, I think that Vince is a lot cuter than Tony.

Oh, my God! By now he got the wallet with my picture in it,

and he thinks I'm a psycho.

Putting your picture in a wallet isn't psycho.

It's...kooky. Boys like kooky.

(object shatters) VINCE: That was my fault.

Well, I better go talk to him.

I just hope he'll understand that...

We can't be boyfriend/girlfriend

because I'm older than you.

Five years. Big deal!

Your mom's like... 100 years older than Riley.

When you're 16, I'm gonna be 21.

Eew.

That's almost dead.

So let's just be friends?

OK.

But I'll need the purse back.

It's my mom's, and she's been looking for it.

Oh, one more thing, Vince.

Does Tony ever mention me?

All the girls like Tony!

I hate Tony!

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!

Oh, Vince, what's the matter?

She likes Tony. They all like Tony!

This is the worst Valentine's Day ever!

Isn't it?

It is.

Heart‐shaped bagels!

Whole wheat or poppyseed?

Uh‐‐ Ooh! Before I forget...

My folks invited you to our family farm in Vermont

for Fourth of July weekend!

Fourth of July? That's... six more months.

I know! I can hardly wait!

Vermont is the most totally incredible state.

OK. I think for once I have to disagree.

Vermont is not totally incredible.

Well, Josh, you have to see the mountains,

taste the maple syrup‐‐

I've been there!

It's... no better than New Hampshire or Michigan or Maine.

It's just like any other state!

It has twp senators and a flag

and some dumbass motto that nobody cares about!

Josh, what's wrong?

Miss Reeves, why is your son so incredibly unable to love?

Come here. It's been a hard day for all of us.

Better luck next year.

Right back at ya.

Hey, Fran.

Riley! I'm so glad that you're back.

I'm sorry. You know, I've just gotten so used to

doing everything on my own for so long

that maybe I am a little bit, you know, the "C" word.

Controlling!

I'm so, so sorry.

Can you come with me for a sec?

You want me to come with you?

Oh, Riley!

A horse and carriage!

Hello.

Oh, look at this!

Oh, Riley, what did you do?

Well, this was part of my Valentine's Day surprise.

We were gonna go to Antonio's for dinner

and then take a carriage ride through Cunningham Park.

Oh, so I really did screw up your plans.

No wonder you were so mad.

Yeah. That's why I didn't want to tell you about all this.

Hmm. I guess I am kind of stubborn.

No, no. It's all my fault,

and I promise you in the future

I'm gonna try and be more hands‐off.

Frannie, you do the things you do because you are who you are.

And I realized that's the person I fell for.

But now that we're gonna be together for a long time,

maybe you could pull back just a little.

You got it!

Still wanna be my Valentine?

You betcha.

I don't mean to interrupt,

we gotta get Sarge back in the barn in half an hour.

He's pretty old.

Your carriage awaits.

Oh, this is so romantic!

And to think that I almost missed it.

(gasps) And look at those beautiful roses!

And I stopped off at the liquor store

and got some champagne and graham crackers.

Graham crackers?

Oh! Good idea.

All right, Kenny, let's make this happen.

You know, this turned out to be

a wonderful Valentine's Day after all.

Giddyup, Sarge.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, hi, Vince.

Hi, Miss Reeves.

Oh! Thank you. How sweet!

I heard you and Riley had a fight.

Yeah. But we made up.

(huffs)

Captioned by the National Captioning Institute