All language subtitles for Living.With.Fran.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Oh, my God.
What are you doing?

I'm cooking dinner.

Really?
They make Pop Tarts
with beef now?

You know,
for your information,

I cooked plenty
when I was married
to your father.

I was just so depressed,

I ate it all
before you came home.

Now listen to me,

Riley parents
are in town

and I invited them
for dinner.

And his mom wants it
to be a big surprise,

so don't say anything.

Not to worry.
I won't even be here.

I never wanted
to meet Riley.

Why would I want
to meet the creatures
that spawned him?

Oh, my God.
You're cooking.

Did Szechwan palace
burn down?

Yes, it did,
and your allowance
was in it.

Now, listen, Riley's
parents are coming‐‐

Oh, you have a cold?

No. But do you remember
when you threatened
to disown me

if I ever got
my tongue pierced?

Yeah.

Well, I'm still
in the will.

Oh, my God!

You got a nose ring?

The first perfect nose
in four generations
of this family

and you punch
a hole in it?

I knew you
wouldn't understand.

Allison!

Mother, don't you
remember way back
when you were younger?

Oh, that is so not
the way to start.

Mmm!
Something smells great.

And someone looks great.

See? That's how you
come through a door.

Whoa.
Cool nose ring‐‐

Riley!

Is what that isn't.

Who did this
to you anyway?

Well, Dee Dee got
this kit in the mail‐‐

A kit in the mail?

Why don't you just
shove a rusty nail
through your nose?

Josh, you went
to medical school.

Tell her.

I agree with Mom.

Shove a rusty nail
through your nose.

Allison, come on.

I want you
to go upstairs,

take that thing
out of your nose,

and put peroxide on it.

But I like it.

Well, I like brisket,
but you don't see me

wearing it on my face.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, they're here!

Who's here?

Uh, I don't know.

Why don't you
go see, honey?

BOTH: Surprise!

Mom? Dad?

Oh!
There's my little
Riley Coyote.

Wow. You guys
stopped by
to surprise me.

Super.

How you
doing, son?

(both grunt)

So where's that
new girlfriend of yours?

Hello.

Oh, you must
be Fran's mother.

On second thought, maybe
I will stay for dinner.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪

♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪

♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪

♪ And life ♪

♪ Gets better every day ♪

♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪

♪ We're gonna work it out ♪

♪ Whatever comes our way ♪

So, you're Fran?

Uh‐huh.

And you're
Riley's mom and dad.

Wow. Riley's told me
so much about you.

And apparently,
he's told you
nothing about me.

I guess I'm‐‐
I'm a little surprised.

I mean...

It's just that you're...
More than we expected.

I think what my lovely wife
meant to say was,

hello and thank you very much
for inviting us to dinner.

Well, you're
very welcome.

Fran, you have to understand,
you're‐‐you're...

Different than anybody else
Riley's ever dated.

Twice as different.

Who would like a drink?
Anyone want a drink?

Good idea. Dad?

Beer, please.
Mom?

It's a little
early for me.

Let's get that beer.

Not good, Fran.
Not good at all.

I can't believe
you invited my parents over

without asking me.

Well, your mother wanted it
to be a big surprise.

I can't believe
that you didn't tell her

how much more I was.

I was waiting
for the right time.

Did it ever occur to you
that the longer you wait,

the more I was going to be?

What's the deal, Riley?
I mean,

are you embarrassed
that I'm older than you?

Fran, I never even
think about that,

but my mom, she
finds a reason to hate

every girl I date.

So you're really saying
that it's all
your mother's problem

and not yours?

Absolutely.
Vanessa was too tall,

Jenny was too smart,
Beth was too pretty,

Rachel was too needy,
Sarah was too chatty,

Annie was too dumb.

Are you done,

or are you just
stopping to reload?

So, uh‐‐

so you were
in med school?

Yeah, until
he got kicked out

for attacking
a male nurse
with a bone saw.

Allison never gets tired
of telling that story.

You have got
to remember that

at your pity party
on prom night.

So what happened?

I went 78 hours
without sleep,

I had just had
my 46th cup of coffee,

and I thought that
he was a giant lobster man.

Besides, I was never cut out
for medical school.

I only went because
my father forced me to.

Getting thrown out
was probably
the best thing for you.

That's why I never really
pressured Riley into doing...

Much of anything, really.

I just wanted him
to find himself.

Really?

Because my dad
never supported

any of my dreams.

I always wanted
to be a teacher,

but he said
they didn't
make enough money.

Teaching is
a noble profession.

I also wanted
to be a fireman.

Well, firemen are
the heroes of our nation.

How about a cowboy?

What about
Mayor of Munchkinland?

I hope
you like rib roast.

It was my mother's
specialty.

Well, that and
destroying my self‐esteem.

Honey, you want
to cut that roast?

Yeah.
Sure thing, baby.

He called her "baby."

I guess that's
like when you call
a fat man "slim."

So what do you do, Fran?

She's an interior designer,
and she's amazing at it.

Yeah, Riley has
a great eye, too.

We go antiquing
a lot together.

(chuckles)
Well, it's clear
he's developed

a taste
for older things.

Oh, no, she didn't.

Your mother just
called me an antique.

Well, if she
gets on your nerves,

just give me a signal,
and I'll step in.

Well, when you hear her scream
"Get this woman off me,"

that'll be your cue.

And then I wanted
to be an astronaut,

but my dad said
there weren't any Jews
allowed in space.

And I believed him.

Well, you were young.

Weren't you?

So did you decorate
this place, Fran?

Oh, yes, but there's
still a lot of things
I want to change.

It's sort of
a work in progress.

I think it's perfect
just the way it is.

Well, sometimes things seem
perfect the way they are,

and then you look back
at them and say,

"What was I thinking?"

Mom, stop it.

All right.
It's ok, Riley.

No. I'm sorry
I didn't tell you
everything about Fran.

I know she's not
what you were expecting,

but that's your problem,
not ours.

This woman here means
everything to me,
and I love her

in spite of her age.

In spite of my age?

What's that
supposed to mean?

Nothing.
Just that I love you.

Yeah,
in spite of my age.

Fran, you're not hearing
what I'm saying.

Oh, so now
I'm old and deaf?

You're not deaf.

Or old.

You know, I knew it.

I knew that you had a problem
with our age difference.

It's not your mother,
it's you!

Fran, I am not
the enemy here.

Uh‐oh.

What happened?

I cut my finger.

Oh, my God.
He's bleeding.

No, it's more
like spurting.

Oh, my God!

Let me see it.
I went to med school.

And this is
why I left.

That's bone.

Somebody call
an ambulance
right away.

No, no, no.
It'll be faster
if we drive.

Josh, get the car.

Allison, go get some ice
for Riley's finger.

My baby's bleeding to death,
and it's all your fault!

And the vodka for me.

Oh, sweetie,
I'm so sorry about this.

Are you OK?

I'm fine.

I'm sorry about
all the cheap shots

my mom took at you.

We're not having
her over again.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not gonna be the cause

of a rift between you
and your mother.

I mean, my mother
hated my mate, too,

and she said
he was totally wrong,
I was making a big mistake,

and we were gonna
split up, and she
was absolutely right.

And this story really
isn't going where I planned.

I still don't understand
why you got so upset.

I told you I love you.

Yeah,
in spite of my age.

I mean, that's like
if I didn't have a head

and you said to me,

"I love you in spite
of your lack of a head."

That would mean
you really wish
I had a head.

Either I didn't
hear that right,

or my sedatives
are kicking in.

You obviously have a problem
with our age difference.

It's not a problem.
It's just a thing.

It wouldn't even matter
if I didn't have
to face my mom.

Well, it was a thing
before your mother got here,

and it's gonna be a thing
after she leaves,

and I just feel‐‐

Sweetie? Riley?

Ok, I guess we'll talk
about this later.

Oh, so, what
did you find out?

He's going to be ok.

And nobody told
the man in room 14

that hospital gowns
tie in the back.

Allison, are you sure
that your nose is
gonna be all right?

I'm fine.
It's just a little sore.

The soda's numbing it.
How does it look?

Let's just say the reindeer
won't be calling Rudolph
names anymore.

Care for a breath strip?

Thanks.

You know, Donna,

I understand where
you're coming from,

but, honestly,
you can't help who
you fall in love with.

Well, let me ask you
a question, Fran.

What's gonna happen
in, say, 10, 15 years,

when he goes through
his mid‐life crisis

and you're...
10 or 15 years older?

Yeah, what happens
then, huh?

Did you ever think
about that?

Nice.

You know, I got you
at this hospital,

and I kept the receipt.

Why don't you and I go
for a little walk, huh?

Ok.

Oh! Hey, let's go up
to the psych ward

and follow
the paranoids around.

Just be honest
with me, Fran.

How would you feel
if I started dating Josh?

I don't know.
At this point,
I'd be thrilled

if he was
dating Tom.

You're not answering
my question.

Donna, if you heard
how Riley and I met,

you'd know I wasn't
looking for a younger man.

A much younger man.

You want to hear
the story or not?

Well, I was coming out
of a messy divorce,

and I decided
to re‐do my life,

starting
with the bathroom.

Riley was my contractor.

You think the basin
is gonna look nice?

Yeah, it'll look great.

You still want
the potty over there?

Hey, listen, Riley,
we've been working
together for two months.

We're both adults.

I think you can call it
the poopie chair.

Ha ha ha!

You know, from here on in,
the tile guy will be
doing most of the work,

so I won't see you
as much anymore.

Oh, that's disappointing.
We work so well together.

I just think
of something,

and then you
make it happen.

I'm gonna miss
having you around.

I'm gonna miss
being around.

So the tile will be here‐‐
So when's the tile gonna‐‐

Friday.

You know, remember,

don't close this door
without the doorknob.

No, I won't.
I won't.

And if you need anything,
or you have any problems,

give me a call.

You know I will.

And maybe we can
go out sometime?

Huh?

You want to have
dinner with me?

Dinner? Me? Why?

We work
so well together.

I was hoping
we can go out

and see if there's
anything here.

Well, I think
what's here

is a little bit
of an age difference.

It's kind of crazy,
isn't it?

Yeah, but fun crazy.

I'm sorry.
You're very sweet,

and, believe me,
you have made my day,

but, um, I can't.

Ok.

I told myself I'd ask,
so I asked.

See you around.

Ok.

Bye.

Man!

That got me hot,
or I'm starting menopause.

So, was it menopause?

I'm just curious.

No, I was just thrown.

Mrs. Reeves?
Mrs. Martin?

I'm afraid
we lost him.

BOTH: What?!

But then we found him...

BOTH:
On the third floor!

Thanks, Groucho
and Chico.

(both grunt)

So anyway,

he called me
the next day
and asked me out again,

and I said no.

And then
he sent me flowers,
and I still said no.

And then I got sick,

and he came over,
and he brought me soup.

How do you say no
to soup?

So I agreed
to have dinner with him.

And of course,
you know, when
you're a single woman,

you gotta buy a car.

The only thing
that they'll show you
is the makeup mirror.

Then when
the refrigerator
repairman comes,

he'll charge you
an extra 150 bucks

for the privilege
of looking
at the crack in his ass.

I mean, it's
like everyone assumes

just because
you don't have a man,

you lose half your I. Q.

How infuriating.

Oh, that means
it made you angry.

Oh, God, I've
been yakking away
for almost an hour.

I'm sorry.
I just‐‐

I get very talkative
when I'm nervous.

Oh, thank you.

So, um...
Tell me about you.

Well, as you know,
I work, like, six days a week.

How old are you?

32.

Oh, 32.
That's not too bad.

26.

Ouch.

Problem?

Well, Riley,

every beautiful young girl
in this restaurant

is checking you out,
and they're all wondering

what are you doing
with that older woman?

Who cares what they think?

I'd kind of like
to know myself,

to tell you the truth.

We've known
each other two months?

Mm‐hmm.

We think alike.

We finish
each other's sentences.

You're amazing.
You're beautiful.

You're funny.
You know who you are.

If you were as young
as those girls,

you probably wouldn't
be all those things.

Wow.

(cell phone rings)

Oh, excuse me.

It's my daughter.

Hi, Allison.
Oh, you smell gas?

Honey, it's ok.
Just go to bed.

You sure you don't
want to check on that?

Oh, no, no, no.
That was my emergency call.

You know, in case this date
turned out to be a disaster.

Oh. So you're saying
you're not gonna ditch me?

No.

But, you know, I kind of
can't help but wish

that we had met
20 years ago.

Of course, if we had,

I'd probably just be
getting out of jail now.

And, you know, Riley,
I just want to explain

that I met my husband
when I was very young,

and I've really never
been with anybody else.

And I mean that
in the Biblical sense.

I don't even think
I've ever kissed
anybody‐‐

Hey, let me fix that.

(cell phone rings)

What?!

Oh, sweetie,
I know you smell gas.

I told you I was fine.

Oh, really?
Oh, honey, honey,

open a window and
get out of the house.

I'll be right home.

Gee, I didn't think
I would say this
on our first date,

but you want to come
back to my place?

Mom, I don't know
if you were listening
to your own story,

but it sounded
like you're the one

who's uncomfortable
with the age difference.

And by the way,

you didn't tell me
about Riley's age.

I had to find out
for myself.

Well, I was afraid
how you'd react.

Which is
exactly what
he was worried about

in telling you guys.

Oh, I owe him
an apology.

JOSH: Great.

I brought
you guys
even closer.

Exactly my plan.

I guess I owe Riley
an apology, too.

I think you owe Fran
an apology.

Oh, no, Donna.

Really, it's ok.
I'm a mother, too.

I know you were
just trying
to protect him.

But you know what,
we really have
a lot in common.

I mean, I think
we could be friends.

We both love Riley.

Um...We both love
a refreshing
breath strip.

We both saw
the Moon Landing live.

Ok, everything went fine.

He's in recovery now,
but he's a little groggy,

so just one visitor
at a time.

OK.
Oh.

You go.

No, no, no.
You go, you go.

This way, in case
he says "Mommy,"

he'll be right.

Nurse, would you
do me a favor

and just take a look
at my daughter's nose?

Yes!

Oh, my God!

It was a mail order
piercing.

It's about to blow.
Come with me.

Mom,
are you coming?

I'm coming, baby.
Are you kidding?

This is gonna
be the best "I
told you so" ever.

On the upside,

we got through
my mother's first visit

with only
a minor injury.

Yes.

On the downside,

she now knows
where we live.

Well, you know,
there's always
gonna be people

that disapprove
of our relationship.

I gave birth
to one of them.

But we love each other,
and we'll get through it.

Ha ha ha!
I know.

Hey, did you
get my e‐mail?

Who are you
talking to?

It's Tom.

JOSH: Yeah.

Who knew there
were so many ways

that blondes were
dumber than brunettes?

You know,
he is my dad.

And she's my mom.
Deal.

FRAN: I told you so.

Ninety‐nine.

Well, I told you so.

OK.

Even hundred, huh?

Fine.

FRAN: I told you so.

Captioned by The National
Captioning Institute