Original subtitles

- PERSON: And I think... Yes! He's lost part of his leg.

That's really gonna hurt him because we notice

a lot of his game focuses on running. Oh! And he...

[wind howling]

- [cackling] - [thud]

- Tornado's here!

[rock music playing]

Jep, seal the windows. Lhandi, hit the anchors.

Woo-hoo! [pants]

Let's go, let's go!

- [screaming] The bloody tornado's sucking at me!

- Hold on, buddy!

- [Jep screaming] - [Onorato speaking]

- Onorato, unless this is about the swarm of tornadoes,

now is not the time.

- [screaming] - Come on! [grunting]

- Doors and windows secure.

- The anchors seem to be holding.

- Okay. Onorato, what was so important?

- Danny, you have a second?

- Jep, that window was closed.

We both know that window was closed.

- We all have our vices, Danny.

- [Onorato speaking]

- Wow.

- [Onorato speaking]

- Actually gonna become a space...

- Hey, are you guys open?

- No, no, no, no! Sorry, we're closed. [grunts]

- Oh, Danny! - That's-- Should've let her in.

Should've let her in, don't know what I was thinking.

[theme music playing]

- So, 13, 14, eh... 15 eggs!

- Thanks, Jep, but again, we have established

there are 30 eggs.

- But there's also 15.

- DANNY: It's the magical little mind you got there.

That's our Jep. Okay, should we clear out of--

- Hey, Danny, I just think maybe

you should be the one to kinda go over there and...

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. Good call, good call.

How're you holdin' up, my friend?

- [Onorato speaking]

- Hey, you and me, both, bud. [chuckles]

Right, um...

Are you... Can I... Does this make you a lady or...

- I don't think we need to...

- Danny! - Oh, my God.

- Shouldn't have asked that. All right.

- LHANDI: This seems like one of those conversations

you could quietly have with one friend,

but maybe not five at once.

- So, what's your definition of lady, huh?

- I guess I meant in terms of laying eggs.

It feels like a classically, sort of, female...

- Mm-hmm. - ...approach.

- Danny thinks all birds are girls.

- [both laughing]

- That's cats, Danny. That's cats.

- The birds that lay eggs are girls!

- You ever heard of sea horses?

- Sea horses? - DANNY: Pretty good.

- You got sla-la-lammed!

- [Onorato speaking]

- Yeah. Oh. - Yeah, that's on us this time.

- I feel like we're kind of in a space

that we just need to shake off a bit.

- All right, let's clear out.

- Okay, bye, Onorato. - Take care.

- [Onorato speaking]

- I know things are crazy right now,

but everything's gonna be fine.

- [Onorato speaking]

- You are my oldest friend. Remember how we met, hmm?

Me, a hungry traveler in that farmers' market,

you, an egg.

Took you home hoping to dip my toast inside.

Poof! Little guy popped out. [chuckles softly]

I'll never forget my first words.

I said, "Fuck!"

Ahh! I was hoping for yolk.

But I took care of you then, didn't I?

Just like I'm gonna take care of you and your eggs now.

Anyway, let's lie down.

- [Onorato speaking] - I'll tuck you in. That's nice.

Onorato situation seems under control.

Main thing now is to worry about these tornadoes.

- Yeah, we gotta figure out why they feel so good.

- Okay. For everyone not horny for the storm,

don't worry, we really just have to wait it out.

- Are we gonna be okay for food?

- I got two boxes of emergency rations

for just such a situation. We're gonna be okay.

- That's good. - I guess that's something, eh.

- Hey, hey, hey, gather around.

Gather around. - Okay.

- You got Coach Danny here. - Oh... [chuckles]

- Down on your knees, everyone. [chuckles]

- No, we don't do that anymore. - Okay.

- The point is, I promise,

nothing's gonna happen to you guys.

In fact, this could be really good for us as a team.

Just a chance for some quality time.

- Oh, we could play vaguely flirty parlor games,

like... like, Spin the Bottle

or Touch Me When My Eyes Are Closed.

- Yeah, I don't know the last one but I'll find out.

Pour us a round! - All right!

- To Onorato! - To Rato!

- [all cheering] - Hell, yeah!

- [Onorato speaking] - [Jep laughs]

- Not now, Onorato, we're toasting you!

[peppy music playing]

- [laughs] - Oh, yeah.

- JEP: Got it! Yes! - All right, all right.

Now that first case of rations lasted two weeks.

I'd say we're doing pretty darn...

All right, so don't look in this box because the point is that--

- What? - What's going on?

- [gasp]

- Okay, so first of all, that looks forged.

You know what? We don't need to read this.

- Yes, we do. - I'll... I'll read it for you.

[grunts] "To sober..."

- Do you wanna sit beside me, we'll do it together?

- Yeah. What's that? Yeah. - Just take a risk.

You know the letters? - "To... To sober...

- LHANDI: Yep. Nope. - ...Jep."

- Look at the words, not at me. - "Jep."

- Please give that to me, thank you.

- Well, he's never going to learn to read.

- Oh, good news, everyone.

Our drunk captain ate the second god damn box of rations.

- We're gonna be fine, okay?

We're gonna be fine.

- [sobbing]

- Thirty days and the storm shows no sign of stopping.

Morale is low, and Jep has been hallucinating crows.

- Stupid crow! - [crows cawing]

- It's actually par for the course with him.

But what's troubling is he's started setting traps for them.

- [exclaims] Haha!

Hot damn, I got one!

- DANNY: Oh, that's rough to see.

- LHANDI: But he does look happy.

- I'd love to look happy.

- He caught that crow fair and square,

so that's his crow.

All right, you know what? Do what you gotta do.

- [Lhandi screams, mumbles] - [Xanthena speaks indistinctly]

- LHANDI: You go round that side, go round that side.

[grunting]

- Oh, hey, bud.

- [Onorato speaking]

- Okay, pal. [chuckles]

[sighs] - [sniffing]

- Ooh, that smells so good! - Oh, it smells so good.

- What the... Hey, no! Look at me.

I made a promise to Onorato. Are you kidding me?

- Oh, well, then, I guess on my tombstone,

it can just say, "Here lies Lhandi

because Mr. Got Drunk and Ate All the Rations made a promise."

- Well, what happened to Ms. Flirty Horny Games,

Ms. All We Need Is Our Friends?

- Yeah, well, I know Onorato the least...

which I would love to live long enough to change.

- Danny, Bentham's fundamental axiom says that

the happiness of the greatest numbers

is the measure of right or wrong.

- But there are 30 eggs and only five of us.

- Or we could just grill up the silly son of a bitch

who got drunk and ate all the rations!

- Ooh! - I think we haven't fully

explored the Jep's crow option.

Oh, look, Jep, there's dozens of them now, I assume.

- Don't talk to Jep that way.

We're gonna eat you so hard, I'm gonna just go down on you.

I...

[laughter]

- You can always count on Lhandi

to say... just say something. - Oh, my word!

- You really... Yeah, you broke the tension.

-Yeah. - I feel better.

[laughter]

- Okay, okay. Here's what I say.

We grab one egg, drop a rock in its place.

When the rest of those eggs give birth,

boy, we put on a sympathetic face.

- Okay, let's do it, yeah. - Okay.

One egg, in and out. - And then maybe... Two.

- Dessert egg, a dessert egg. - Two eggs. A dessert egg.

- Okay, two eggs.

- Oh, yeah... No, no, this... this feels wrong.

Maybe not wrong enough for me to stop

but I am disappointing myself.

- [Onorato speaking]

- Oh, Onorato, I...

- Lhandi, how could you? - Danny!

- What a disappointing turn of events

as I was coming in here to check on Onorato, make sure he's fine.

No, I'm a bad person.

- [eggshell cracking] - [both gasp]

- Ohh! Oh-ho-ho-ho! - Oh!

[chuckles] - Look at him! Come here.

I'm Uncle Jeppy. I'm Uncle Jeppy--

[screaming]

You fuckin' bastard!

Get him off, get him off! - Onorato, call him off!

- [Onorato speaking]

- Looks like daddy's on the menu, too.

- I knew this was a bad idea. And this is why, this is why!

- JEP: Ooh! Ooh! - This is part of why...

[screaming, grunting]

- [groaning]

- [grunts] - [groaning]

- God damn it. Okay.

- What are you doing, Danny? - Don't you see, Jep?

I'm the guy who betrayed his friend.

And I'm the guy who's gotta risk his life to make up for it.

It's time I started acting like the hero I pretend to be.

- Do you have a plan? - DANNY: Sort of.

I'm gonna smash open a couple of Jep's glory holes

and let 'em get sucked out into the tornado.

I'm sorry, Onorato.

And if I don't make it out alive,

I want you all to know

you're the best friends I ever had.

- Danny, you have no pots or pans on your feet.

- Danny Doom never wears shoes. - That's so cool.

- Open it up, Jep! - Yaah!

What's up, you little bastards? It's... [screaming]

Oh, my God, they got my feet!

Oh, my God! - Right on the... Yeah.

- Oh, they got me right on the feet.

Xanthena, you were right, they got on the feet!

Oh, I should've worn shoes.

Guys, help me. - You're doing great, Danny!

- No, you gotta come and change my mind!

You gotta come here and help me. - I don't think, I don't think--

- If you don't help me now,

I'll come back and I'll fucking haunt you!

- Excuse me?

- I'm gonna live in these walls, I'm gonna watch you every day,

I'm gonna fucking haunt you if you don't come out here.

- It'd almost be better if he went at this point.

- What's that? - Goodbye, Danny.

- No, no! [mumbles] I am here, help me. Fucking help me!

- Onorato, what are you doing?

- [Onorato speaking]

[Onorato speaking]

- They won't go out this way.

Aah!

- [screaming] Oh. Huh. [grunting, groaning]

- [screaming]

- [all panting]

- [Onorato speaking]

- [all panting]

- I'm hungry, Danny.

- Oh, Onorato, your children.

I'm... I'm... We're... we're all so sorry.

- [Onorato speaking]

[Onorato speaking]

- Everyone, look over here.

- Jep, I swear, if you've got your ass out one more window...

- No, no. The storm.

- Wow, what a beautiful day.

- [chuckles] Yeah. Well, that's just...

That's just a bitch of timing, is what that is.

[laughter]

- Ah! - You can say that again.

- Oh! - Uh...

Um, hey, thanks for saving me, Onorato.

I just want you to know that, uh...

I love you and... and I'm sorry for... Oh.

- [Onorato speaking]

- [laughs] Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

[gasps] Oh! Ow!

Oh, wow, okay!

All right, let's get back in the bar.

Back in the bar. Time to go, hot step!

[theme music playing]