Original subtitles

There was a place not too long ago where space jockeys and long-haul Cosmo

Cowboys could take refuge.

A place where a man could be a man.

Or alien, if that's the case.

A place where making your fantasies come true was the order of the day.

If you weren't having a good time, then you didn't know how to have a good time.

The planet was Andromeda, and pleasure was their business.

A search for the sublime

Catch

a fleeting glance Split second and

it's gone All I've done for one chance

Obsession forges on

But that was then.

This is now.

Save it.

What the hell is everybody?

You know, I just asked myself the same question.

Hey, Cody, how you been?

I've been in deep space so long, I have no idea what day it is.

Well, you're here, and it's all that matters.

Me? I've been hauling carbonite in the matterized system so long, I can taste

it. You ever taste carbonite?

I can't say that I have.

Well, you don't want to. It's nasty. It tastes like dirty metal socks.

That's nice, and...

As much as I would love to talk to you about this, all I really want to know

is, what in the hell is going on here? I mean, where are the pilots? Where are

the gamblers?

Where are the women?

Gone, gone, and gone.

Hello, boys.

Been a long time.

Yeah, I'll say.

You know, what happened?

What's going on?

The end of Andromeda.

The pleasure planet is over.

No, no, no. Don't you say that.

I traveled half the galaxy to get here.

You said your business was fun.

Well, I want some of that business.

Hey, I wish I could oblige, boys, but the fun has run out.

Whoa, whoa.

I don't get this. I mean, what's happened?

Times change.

People move on.

Nowadays, it's all... Virtual reality and programmable dates.

No one wants to do it the old-fashioned way anymore.

I do.

Cody?

That is why we're here.

Whoa. I know what's going on.

In a second, everybody's gonna jump out and yell, surprise!

Okay, I'm ready.

Surprise me.

Oh, man, this is horrible.

Mm-hmm.

What the hell is going on?

Let's take a look around, Omar.

It doesn't get any better than this. What?

But where?

How?

Why? I was just telling the boys, it's over.

People move on.

The old ways are just not in fashion anymore.

No, this isn't right. This place stands for something.

God. I mean, I lost my... Well, I had a lot of good memories here.

Yeah, that's true. You remember those Venetian girls that used to work here?

Remember what they could do with a piece of fruit? I remember the time I was with

those Saturn twins.

I don't think I came out of their room for three days.

Four days. Right.

That's what I mean. This place is great.

We can't let it go to waste.

I can if nobody wants to work here.

Take a look around.

I've got no girls.

No girls, no space jockeys. No space jockeys, no business.

Bye-bye, Andromeda.

We can't let this happen.

It's too late.

Look, it's over.

No, this isn't right.

I mean, we've got to do something. It's over.

Wrong. It's not over until we say it's over. We're pilots, damn it, okay? We

travel into deep space and come back again, okay? We've faced hostile aliens,

Orion pirates. I mean, you name it, we've either freaking blown it up or ran

away from it, okay? And what do we get for all our troubles, huh?

Some credits that we never get a chance to spend in the Alliance Bank, and a few

days R&R in Andromeda. And now you're going to sit here and tell me that

Andromeda is no more?

Forget it!

I ain't going out like that.

Who's with me? I am.

You don't even know what he's talking about.

Yeah, but I'm with you anyway.

Mabel, you still got that wormhole transport?

It's a little dusty, but it still works.

How about the returns?

Just take the pad with you when you go. Hit return. I haven't had a problem yet.

Perfect. With that, we can transport to any place in the galaxy.

What do you say we go get some new girls for Mabel, huh? Yeah, yeah. I'm in with

that. You've been in a vacuum too long.

Yeah, but will you do it?

Hell yeah.

All right.

You boys really don't have to do this.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Don't you worry, Mabel. We're going to take care of this, because I know where

the women are the most beautiful and the most beguiling in the universe.

Women? They write songs about.

Women so pure that no man has ever touched them.

The one planet that's off limits to any male. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Eros. Eros.

Eros.

Is this Eros? This is it.

Excellent. So, what next?

Oh, let's split up. We can cover more ground that way.

We'll meet right back here at sundown, and, uh, guys, let's be careful. Just

beam in here. We broke about six intergalactic treaties.

Six? Yeah, and, uh, even though this planet's only colonized by women, they

all don't get along.

They've developed their own factions. They make up their own rules. They're

completely autonomous.

How do you know so much?

Uh, it's a hobby.

All right, let's get moving.

And, guys, try to avoid large groups, okay?

You'll do much better one on one.

What? What happens in large groups?

Well, you'll get captured and tortured to death.

One on one is nice, but two on two is even better.

I know I'm not supposed to be here.

I got lost.

I just got lost, and I just... Oh.

Well, all right.

That's more like it.

Take me to your leader.

But you are a leader.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I mean you no harm.

I come in peace.

That's right.

You can touch me.

Uh-huh.

You can touch me.

I won't bite. Not unless you ask.

What the hell?

Hey, how's it going?

I'm a citizen of the Intergalactic Alliance.

You can't hold me.

I'm out of here.

Great. No remote.

This is nice.

What the hell's going on?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm just not feeling like myself.

Kind of get that way when you're tied to a stake, you know?

Hey, uh, you're from the Farrar tribe, aren't you?

Back to nature.

I envy you.

Uh, excuse me.

What's that for?

Hello? I'm speaking here.

You're in the Forbidden Jungle.

No man is allowed here.

So you can talk.

Tomorrow, you'll be burned alive for your crimes.

What crimes?

Stupid man.

Trespassing. Hey, stop.

You can't sacrifice me.

I just got here.

I can sacrifice you right now if I want. Makes no difference to me.

Okay, okay. Uh, later's fine.

And don't I at least get a phone call? A lawyer?

Anything?

Well, go on.

I'll be here when you get back.

Great.

If this is torture, keep it up.

A king must be anointed with the sacred oils before he's crowned.

Okay.

Is this pleasing to his majesty?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Um, how did I get picked to be king, actually?

It's written in the sacred scrolls that our king, once banished, will return.

The one who walks as a man, who walks into our village, is king.

So any guy that walked into the village could be king?

Only the chosen one.

Oh, right, right.

Um, so what's your name?

I'm called Roxy.

Roxy? Roxy, I like that.

So what do you do here, Roxy?

I've been waiting for your arrival.

Really?

That's it?

I've been trained by the Holy Sisters my entire life to serve the king once he

returns.

Wow. That must have been pretty boring waiting for me.

The anticipation, it's been terrible.

I'll bet, I'll bet. So...

What did these sisters teach you anyway?

Hello? Anybody?

I have rights, you know.

The Intergalactic Alliance Planetary Conference clearly states that no

traveler traveling with an alliance space shall be imprisoned against his

will. Now, I don't want to have to get ugly on this, but my cousin, well, he's

a lawyer.

All right.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Good morning, Mr. Jacobs.

Or can I call you Cody?

Who are you?

What in the hell is going on here?

Language, Cody.

Language. What is this?

I am Prefect Alexa, the ruler of this sect.

And you were caught trespassing in our territory.

There are no men allowed.

Why do you think I came here?

There are clear warning beacons. The Galactic Alliance has honored our desire

to stay isolated.

I didn't think a little visit would be so bad.

Is that right?

What is that?

A mob of anxious women outside this building.

They've heard of your arrival and would like to see a man for themselves.

Really?

Well, bring them on. I'm anxious to meet them.

You see, Cody, I can't let that happen.

Leave us.

Your presence here is causing quite a bit of a problem.

Then send me back.

It's not that simple.

If I do that, the problem will still linger.

And what problem would that be?

Men are a disease.

They infect us, distract us, and generally lower the standard of living.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but...

Without men, there wouldn't be any women.

Takes two to tango if you get my drift.

Please. We perfected successful breeding programs eons ago.

All we need from you is your essence of life.

We get that delivered COD.

Yeah, I can see how horrible we are. Is that why you can't keep your hands off

me? I think of you as sort of a pet.

A plaything.

It's been a long time since...

Never mind.

I intend to prove to the population once and for all exactly how evil men are.

You don't mind, do you?

Please knock yourself out.

Thank you.

This conductor will read your brain impulses and transfer them to images.

We'll see what's on your mind.

My mind's an open book.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I'll be broadcasting your brain activity to the population.

They'll see for themselves.

Cody TV.

I love it.

So, Cody, what brings you to Eros?

Just exploring a part of the galaxy I hadn't been to.

I'm a curious guy.

I see.

So you were just in the neighborhood.

And what are your thoughts on our lovely planet?

It's nice.

It's a little too floral for my taste, but it's nice.

Too floral?

I'm more of a city guy myself.

Not a big fan of the great outdoors if you get my drift.

Yeah, I think I do.

Enough! Wait a minute, I wasn't finished.

Oh, you're finished.

Tomorrow you'll be put on trial for insurrection.

A crime punishable by death.

You can't do that.

Maybe you can.

Disgusting.

Garb! Take this beast back to his cell.

Wait a minute, what about the kiss? You felt that.

Hey, am I glad to see you. I couldn't get through to that other one.

No, see, that's not the thing to do. Um, listen to me. Could you just stop that

for a minute?

Don't do that.

Now I'm getting pissed.

Huh? I mean, who... You keep blabbering like that, they'll kill you sooner.

Finally, somebody speaks to me.

Why were you in the Forbidden Jungle?

Look, it's a long story, and I don't have a lot of time here. Could you

maybe, uh, the ropes?

Uh, no.

My name's Omar.

I'm called Becca. Becca.

That's pretty.

Becca, listen.

I don't mean to hurt anybody, okay? I was just in the neighborhood. I thought

I'd come down and check out the planet. See, this is why we don't allow men

here. Because they lie every chance they get. Okay, okay, fine, okay?

I came here to try and bring back a couple of girls to Planet Andromeda to

serve as party girls.

Don't kill me!

Thanks.

Now strip.

Pardon me?

Well, if I'm going to save your miserable life, I at least want to know

what I'm getting for my slave.

Slave? Hold on a minute.

Strip or die.

Well, when you put it like that...

You'll

do.

What?

Hey, where you going?

Come on, slave. We have to leave before they kill us both. What's this?

You carry.

Let's go.

This isn't what I bargained for. Move it.

Your Majesty.

Roxy. Is it time for another bath?

Time for you to rule.

All right.

Okay. Tell me what I need to do.

You must sit in judgment when the women of our village are in dispute is the

king who decides their fate.

Well, what did you do before I got here?

We never decided our fate.

Very well.

So tell me what this dispute is all about.

She stole my recipe.

It was a family recipe, and I didn't steal anything.

Same ingredients, same spices. How could you not steal it?

It's a wonder the women of your house haven't dropped dead from starvation.

She-devil? Witch! Hold it, hold it.

We don't need to fight. Can't we all just get along here? Come on.

Recipes are very coveted in our village.

To steal a recipe is a high crime, and to accuse another falsely is also a high

crime. You people need to lighten up.

Your Majesty!

Okay, I'll tell you what.

You take your recipe and go bake your pie.

You take your recipe and go bake your pie.

You both bring your pies back here, I'll taste it, and whosoever is better,

that's their recipe.

You're as wise as you are kind.

I do what I can for my people.

You're kind.

I must be dreaming.

But I am not waking up anytime soon.

Oh great, it's you two.

Go away.

You got me into this.

We have never seen a man before.

Would you mind disrobing? Excuse me?

Could we see all of you?

We have heard stories of extra appendages.

Hey, I do all right for myself.

No complaints so far.

Well, we would like to see it for ourselves.

Listen, I'm not to meet puppet on display.

Buzz off.

So, what did you two do before I came?

Look, hey, you got me, but you really don't...

Hey,

don't you ever rest.

I've got to keep moving.

Yeah, well, how about carrying some of this crap? Maybe you wouldn't be in such

a hurry.

Well, that's it.

Look, lady, I'm tired, I'm hot, I'm thirsty.

Okay, I'm not taking another step.

You know what? Go ahead and kill me.

Okay, it's gotta be better than this death march.

I wish you'd make up your mind.

I just needed to remind myself what I'm doing this for.

Very well.

You rest here.

I'm gonna go get us some berries. I'll be right back.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

And that is how you handle a woman.

That was fast, my sweet.

We've already played this game.

You! Thought you could escape me.

Wasn't my idea, really.

Move it. Up.

You know, since we're out here, what would be the big deal just, like,

letting me go?

Okay, I had this little remote pad with a lot of little buttons on it, kind of

small, you know? The toy is in the cave.

Well, tell you what, okay? I get my hands on that, I push a little button,

and I'm out of your life for good. What do you say, toots? Move it!

Uh, so I can take that as a yes?

You broke our laws.

You pay the price.

I guess I'm gonna take that as a no. All right, all right.

Jeez.

How much further?

Quiet. I ain't another charmer.

How about a five-minute break? Keep moving.

Well, suppose I can't, you know? Suppose I just stopped.

I just need to rest for five minutes. You know, I'm not used to all this

walking, man.

I'm a space pilot.

Technology's made you weak.

No argument.

I'm a weak, pathetic excuse for a human being.

For a man.

Okay, fine, for a man, you know, but for a society who shuns all the evil that

men do, you know, you seem as though you've come up with just as much evil.

What do you mean?

I mean, killing somebody because they wandered into your sacred jungle?

How advanced is that?

Without the threat of death, men would be here.

And what's the crime in that?

We don't need them.

We don't want them.

Have you ever been with one?

What? A man.

Have you ever been with a man?

No. Well, then how do you know we're so evil?

It is written.

Don't believe everything you read.

Strip. What?

Strip. I want to see this myself.

What's a guy to do?

See, I'm not so bad.

Traitor! Prepare to die!

God, will this ever end?

What, is it lunchtime? You gals kick fast.

They're ready for you to judge them, your majesty.

So what is this recipe, anyway?

A simple yet exquisite pie.

Pie?

All this is over a pie?

Not just any pie.

Here, taste.

No, taste mine first. Whoa, whoa, ladies, please.

Let's not start that again, okay? I have an idea.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Oh,

my God, that is bad.

That's bad.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you?

Those are inedible. I can't... Are you trying to kill me?

I can't, Roxy.

Roxy!

You're a false king.

What? What are you talking about? A real king would never allow this in our

sacred throne.

What? I... No.

You're a false king. Take him away.

Wait a second. No.

No, actually.

Those pies were actually pretty good, actually, now that I'm thinking about

it. Um, can I have another bite?

We really need to stop meeting like this. You're causing me quite a bit of

trouble. It's what I live for.

Too bad you won't be living for long.

What do you mean?

I mean, I've met with the Arrows Tribunal.

You've been found guilty of insurrection.

Look, if there's a fine, I'll pay it.

Just let me go and I'll be on my way.

The fine is your life.

Excuse me?

You're to be executed at dawn.

You can't do that.

My planet, my rules.

Just because I'm a man.

We've worked hard in this society not to have any destructive forces.

And we live in peace and harmony.

It's because there are no men that we can accomplish this.

Oh, great.

I'm sure you'll all be very happy. We are.

As part of your sentence, you are granted one final request.

Let me go.

Afraid not.

Fine. Then kiss me. I'm sorry?

Kiss me. It's my last request.

If I'm going to die, I want the taste of your lips on mine.

Please. Besides, what harm can it do?

You can live without men, right?

One little kiss isn't going to change that.

It's not that. Howard?

Pig?

You know, this could work a lot better if I could use my hands.

Of course.

Now, are you sure you don't want to rethink that whole execution thing?

You're right.

I should kill you tonight.

Gar, this man has violated me. Prepare him for his execution.

You are one mean bitch.

Take him now.

This is just great.

He's mine. He's mine!

Ladies, please, there's enough of me to go around. Silence!

Okay.

I challenge you.

I accept.

Another man on the planet? It's an epidemic.

He's a false prophet.

According to our laws, he must be put to death.

And you, being such a peace-loving sect, can't possibly think of doing such an

evil-minded act, is that it? You have always been the one to govern with a

firm hand. Govern him!

But when I propose unity, you stay away.

Don't you think that's a little bit of a double standard?

I just don't want to deal with the man.

He's gotten to you, hasn't he? No, I was with him, but it meant nothing.

Right. Fine.

I'll handle your dirty work for you.

You can't throw me in here. I'm the king.

Jeter, is that you?

Cody? What the hell happened?

How'd you get caught?

I don't know.

I mean, one second I'm the king, and the next thing I'm in jail.

How about you?

Long story.

I'm not going anywhere.

I only hope Omar can find us and bust us out. Hey, Omar knows this planet. He'll

be here to rescue us.

Trust me.

That's it.

I've had it.

First you tie me up, then you untie me, then Becca takes me away, then Zula

takes me away.

I'm sick and tired of running.

I don't know.

You want to spear me?

Go right ahead and take your best shot, but I'm not going anywhere with either

of you.

We want to go with you.

Huh? Well, we're sick and tired of these primitive ways.

Really? We're too stubborn to admit it to each other.

Our tribe traveled too far away from society.

We want to go back.

Then why don't you just join one of the other sects on the planet?

We miss men.

A lot.

Well, what can I say? Once you've had a taste of Omar, there's no going back.

Well, actually, we think you're an excellent lover.

But... But... But... We've been so long without a man. We have a lot of making

up to do.

I see.

You're not upset, are you? As a matter of fact, I might have a little

proposition for both of you. Do one of you have that little remote pad that I

was carrying?

Excellent. You sure you want to go back?

We're sure.

All right. Give me a hug. Come on.

Welcome to Andromeda.

Mabel, say hi to your two newest hostesses.

Nice look.

What is this place?

Oh, don't worry. You're safe here.

Are you hungry?

Mm-hmm.

Ooh, a little earthy, but nothing a good sonic shower couldn't clean up.

So where are the boys?

I thought they were with you.

You mean they haven't come back yet? I thought I'd be the last one here. I was

starting to think that you all forgot about me.

Something's not right.

I told you guys not to go messing with that planet.

Listen, will you take care of these two for me? I'll go back and I'll find out

what happened to Cody and Gita. What if you don't come back?

Well, you can automatically program this to return, right?

Sure. Okay, well, give me two hours. Wherever I am, just beam me back.

Hopefully... I'll be with the guys.

Wish me luck.

You have food for us?

Uh, first a little shower fun.

If I'm gonna get customers back here, you two cannot be sneaking up my joints.

Excuse me. Have you seen a man around here?

Don't remind us. Our heart is breaking.

That's got to be Cody.

If you take me to him, I'm sure I could put in a good word for you.

You do not understand.

He and his friend are scheduled to be executed.

That's not good.

Can you take me to them?

You'll be captured as well.

Well, then let's make sure that that doesn't happen, okay? Come on.

It's too late. But I've changed my mind. I mean, I've reinterpreted the laws.

It doesn't work that way.

You cannot control the way my people live their lives. I can when you give me

that power.

He's a man. You shouldn't have wasted your time.

That is my decision to make, not yours.

It was your decision.

I'm proceeding with the executions.

It's the only way we can keep our planet pure.

Has it ever occurred to you that this poison you call man has affected all of

us? We're no better than they are.

Archaic laws, idiotic rules, punishment by death. What kind of society is that?

An orderly one.

You are such a man.

She was just so beautiful.

I really thought we were going to rule together.

Have you completely lost it?

We were supposed to find party girls for the cafe.

Did you forget?

No, but we just assumed these girls were going to jump for us. We didn't even

think to ask. How civilized is that?

You know they're right.

All men are pigs.

Now I've heard everything.

Roxy, what are you doing here?

I am so sorry for getting you into this.

I was so arrogant.

That's okay.

You were just following your laws.

Stupid laws.

You were right.

Jeter! Who is that?

What's going on? It's Roxy.

She's come to say goodbye.

We only have five minutes, my love.

My love?

Don't waste time talking.

Take me.

Child.

I must leave you now.

I'm sorry. I thought I'd use a concubine.

When did you think that?

I mean, that's why we came here.

We're going to take you back to Andromeda and make you a party girl,

but... I mean, you mean so much more to me, and now... It's too late.

Would this help?

My God, where'd you get this?

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Let's go. Come on. We can get out of

here now. I can't leave my people.

Yes, you can.

They won't miss you. Come on. Let's go. I can't.

But you go.

Save yourself.

That would give me the most pleasure.

Roxy. Go.

Jeter, what's going on?

I have the remote.

Well, let's get the hell out of here.

I can't leave her.

You want to die?

I don't.

Forget about her. Come on. Widen the beam to pick me up.

Let's do it.

Roxy?

Omar, get me out of here.

Okay, okay, thanks. Okay, let's go.

I've never happened to see you guys in my entire life.

Let's get out of here.

Take us with you.

I can't. Why?

Because it's wrong.

Atta boy.

But we want to be with you and only you.

Really?

Hey, you don't give me any offers like that.

But I'm a pig.

We don't mind. We can work on that.

I'm licked.

Sorry, sister.

That's gotta hurt.

Here is to us. Yeah, we turned Andromeda around, man.

At least your two girls turned it around.

There is no stopping it.

Yeah, no, I guess living in a cave will do that to you.

Cody!

Cody!

I know that tone.

You want more credits.

There's so much to shop for.

Using the Alliance Internet is great. We can get anything we want beamed right to

us.

When can you take us to another planet?

And what's wrong with this planet?

Well, nothing, but there's just so much more to see.

Yeah, can we leave tomorrow?

Yes, dear. Whatever you like.

Great.

Credits.

God,

they certainly domesticated you.

It's bound to happen sooner or later

Still in the dumps?

I just can't stop thinking about her.

I want to go back.

You know what could happen if you do that.

It's just not fair.

Hang in there.

Hey, buy you a drink?

I got one.

Come on, buddy. Chill out.

Nah, I don't want to.

Why don't you ask Kazul and Becca for a little company? I'm sure they'd be happy

to oblige.

Thanks, but no thanks.

You wanna take a ride with me and the girls tomorrow?

Nah.

You're not just gonna sit here all day.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, if you decide to come with, you know where we're at.

Buy you a drink?

Nah, I said no thanks.

Roxy!

What are you doing here? I guess I couldn't live without you.

What about your laws?

Laws are made to be rewritten.

Well, how did you get here?

Holy crap.

We have some unfinished business, Cody.

You can't touch me here.

No? Fine.

I'll go touch somebody else.

What?

I've decided to reevaluate our planet's position on men visiting.

And I figure the only way to do that is to see how they've evolved.

This is as good a place to start as any.

So you want to be a hostess?

But no matter what happens, I'm still in control.

Well.

Men. One kiss from an incredible woman and they turn to putty.

Chase a search for the sublime

Catch

a fleeting glance Split second hand,

it's gone All I've done for one chance

Obsession forges on

you

Bye.