Original subtitles

We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Maria and Enrique

Maria...

Do you promise to love and cherish Enrique in sickness and in health

for as long as you both shall live?

Gustavo?

Maria, I just wanted to tell you that...

You taste so good...

Oh, God...

- Hey - Hello

Maria, this is Rocio Rocio, Maria

- Hi, Rocio - Hi

She's fucking fantastic you're gonna flip out

- Tomorrow we'll have breakfast, okay? - Yeah, okay

Good night, some bagels don't worry about Maria

WHEN NOTHING IS THE WAY IT SEEMS

She studies industrial engineering

- Don't you get bored with a 20-year old? - Why would I be bored?

I haven't slept for days, Sebas!

Like, dude... we were at a trap music festival

It's super complicated to dance to trap

You've gotta get down like... you know, like...

Then she spent the whole night eating my pussy

with this fucking strong breath mint in her mouth!

It's fucking crazy, dude!

Yeah?

Yes, this is her

Yes, man, of course I know you guys

- Who is it? - Sure, and what would the show be?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So, the problem is, I'm working on a new series right now

and I don't have enough paintings to fill a whole stall

So... But thanks so much for thinking of me, seriously

Cool, bye, ciao

- Who was it? - Fuck, dude

It was the Barcelona modern art market!

They're offering me a stall where I can sell stuff, but I'm still experimenting

- I can't go with the stuff I have, Sebas - You're crazy, dude

Call them back or I'll never speak to you again

- No, I don't have anything - You've got plenty of paintings

Wake the fuck up, Esther!

It's the same shit: doubts, doubts...

Come on, call them!

Go ahead and laugh but if I rub my jeans, I get turned on

That's the hormone from your pregnancy, honey, of course

- And when does that stop? - After you give birth

What? Four months like this? I can't

- No, you need to get laid, sweetie - Yeah, sure, by who?

I don't know just get on one of those dating apps

- Seriously? - All right, okay, no

Got it!

My friend Alberto is great

- Yes! - No

Go on a date, take a look get to know him

And if you like him go to his place and screw him

- Is he handsome? - What? Yes

He's sexy

Not such a bad idea but... But how will I know if there's chemistry?

- If there's... you know - Jesus Christ, Mary, it's just sex

It is not like you need to fall in love

Hold on, wait a second it's Pablo calling from Paris

Chuchuwa, chuchuwa, chuchuwa, wawa

- Mum, can we sing Chuchuwa? - Yeah, sure, teach it to Maria, go for it

- Okay, Chuchuwa - Me?

How does it go? Let's practice

- Chuchuwa, chuchuwa - Do I do this?

Chuchuwa, Yeah

- You have to do what I say - Okay

CARPEDIEM741: Would love to see that Bet they're see through knickers

KITTYONHEAT84: Show them to you when you want The knickers and all the rest

- Like that - Hey...

- Are you going to sing? - Yeah

CARPEDIEM741: Are we finally going to meet then? Can't wait...

- Hey! You're not doing it right! - Me?

What do you mean? I'm doing Chuchuwa!

KITTYONHEAT84: Know a discreet hotel? Need to screw you, now, right now

Yeah, huh?

No, you know it's just that Pablo is in Paris

and I feel bad for leaving the kids with my mother

I don't wanna use an abuser

Could you sit in the meeting for me?

Huh? No, yes, sorry I was taking her temperature

She has a really high fever it's really bad

I really appreciate it I mean it, thank you so much

Okay, okay Thanks, see you later, ciao

CARPEDIEM741: On my way, dying to go down on you

KITTYONHEAT84: Me too, wait for you in the room Want to see you now

CARPEDIEM741: You'll drain me

KITTYONHEAT84: Want you to nail me from behind

Are those little things chocolates?

Yes, honey but these are for grown-ups

You know who's going to bring you kids chocolate? Granny

Yay! Chocolate for me! Chocolate for me! Chocolate for me!

Chocolates! Chocolates! Chocolates! Chocolates! Chocolates!

- That one is crazy good - This one? Are you serious, dude?

I mean it makes me look all depressed

- And I'm frowning, it's hideous, I hate it - Okay

- What's your asking price? - I was thinking 185 for the small ones

and 300 for the big ones, tops

Dude, that's just shit you've got to sell them for more, come on

- You don't know about pricing, Rocio - Yeah, whatever

- but you have to value your art - They are all ugly, I hate them all!

Why the hell did I say yes, dude? I should have said no!

Hey, they're seriously unreal

- You're a genius - You say that because I'm a good lay

No, fuck, dude, I totally mean it

You only need to get discovered

I really think you'll end up exhibiting at the Museum of Modern Art in New York

- Shuhh! - No joke!

Yeah, the MoMA is gonna call me tomorrow for sure

- And the Reina Sofia - You're a asshole

And dumb as a fucking rack

And the Pompidou

- The Tate Gallery! Everywhere - No tickling, dude! No tickling!

Stop or I'm gonna pee!

- Hi - Hi

God, I was really dying to do this!

Sorry

It's a stupid ringtone I added the other day

Yeah

- It's the third song on Sing & Play - Yeah

Yeah

My little girl loves it

I lied on my profile, I have...

I have two girls

Yeah, I lied too

- I have a daughter - Yeah

- How old is she? - Four

- What about yours? - Six and 14 months

Answer it, answer it answer it if you want, seriously

Sweetie, I'm just about to go in is everything okay?

Okay, put her on, but I can't talk for long

Hi, sweetheart, hi What are you doing?

What? What... "Cachupimba," what's that?

Are you playing with mum? Count to ten, close your eyes

And before you know it, I'll be home

- No - There is no guarantee?

No

What I don't get is why you have to pay to sell there

I guess because the venue has expenses

like electricity, water, everything so you pay for the name

- What if you don't sell anything? - But I mean everybody does

- There's gotta be someone who doesn't - Damn, Maria, you're such a pain in the ass

Thanks for thinking that I'll be that someone

I didn't say that you need to weigh all the options

so you don't get screwed

I love what you do I have complete faith in you

But they shouldn't charge you

Do you want to learn to play chess?

Hey, hey guys, guys...

All right, I'll do introductions

- This is Maria, and this is Esther - Hello!

- Nice to meet you - These are my friends

- Nice to meet you - Hey, what's up?

- This is Xose, who has... - Xose, the famous Jose?

Yes and he has 54% disability...

- You're the famous Maria - Yes

- Richi - Hello

- Sorry, this is Richi and Nata - Nuri, Gari's old girlfriend, right?

- Two of my old roommates - That's right

You live here, right?

- Can I touch your belly? Can we? - Yes

- He kicks already, you'll see - Really?

- Beautiful - Yeah

Let's see

Yeah, yeah...

- Did you feel it? - Yeah!

- You felt it? - Yeah

- How far along are you? - Five months

- Good for you! - That's great!

- Gari, is this apartment yours? - Yes, yeah, my moth...

- My mother left it to me - Shit, dude, that's lucky, huh?

- Thanks, dude - Everyone! Surprise!

No, no

- It's to you two from everyone - Congrats, you totally deserve it, dude

Come on, let's give it up for Gari! He's independent!

Really, I can't thank you enough, really

You guys are the best...

And...

- And you've helped me so much - You too

And I'm really glad that you're all part of my life

We wish you the best

Yes, Gari!

- Is the baby gonna live here? - Yes, well, he'll be on weekends

- Every weekend - That's cool, really cool

- Yeah, it is... - Of course it is

- Does anybody want any beer or anything? - No, dude, I'm so full

- A beer? - Water

- I want cheese - Okay, cheese

- Water - You too?

- I'll get out of the way - Need help?

- Water for me - You want water?

Hey, man...

I'm going to go outside for a minute

I'm going out

MARIA: Cris, I'm watching a couple screwing in the building over the road

Everyone is screwing except me

DAD: I think you got the wrong chat, love

No, no...

MARIA: It's a joke me and Cris have

DAD: Ok

- Hi - Hey

- Need anything? - To fuck

I'm sorry, sorry for that

I didn't mean with you didn't mean to embarrass you

The hormones make me feel a bit...

I'm losing it

Actually, I meant if you need to know anything about disabled people having kids...

just ask me

That would be really helpful

- Can I get your number? - Sure, go for it

- Do you write your name with an X? - Xose, with an X and a S

- Xose... from Galicia? - Yes

Okay, "add new''

- Six what? - Are they screwing over there?

Oh, yeah

Listen, Cris

so I've decided that I want that date with your friend, okay?

Can you connect us? Bye, kisses

Imagine we're going to plant eggplants in a field

And you're that field

First, the soil needs fertilizing with ovarian stimulation

injections you give yourself over a nine-day period

And finally, well, we bring the ovarian follicle to maturity with HCG

- Sorry, what is that? - It's a hormonal injection

So we use a local anesthetic to retrieve the eggs

and once they are mature, we send Pablo's farmers to sow the eggplant seed

What a great metaphor, right, my love? The eggplant

- Do you smoke? - No

That's good, it's bad for fertility

I just need to go to the bathroom, okay? I'll be right back

This will be a before and an after marker for us

- Okay... yeah, I'm game - Are you sure?

Cool

- You need to fix your lower right 45 - Awesome, thanks for the check-up, doctor

- What do I owe you? - Well, If you buy me this glass of wine...

- Nothing - And if I invite you over for a drink?

As long as it doesn't have alcohol

- I can only have one glass a day - Fair enough

- Can I ask you something? - Yes

Can I kiss you?

- You're so polite - Well, it's part of being an ally

- An ally? - A feminist

A feminist ally and guys like you ask

- I mean out of respect for you - Yeah, sure I think it's really great

- Cool, thanks - I'm a big fan of it, feminist ally

- So... - Go ahead

I don't usually sleep with someone I've just met on the first date

- It's fine - Okay

Perfect

But Cris told me that you can be trusted

I think you're...

- I really think you're a good guy - Great

- And I find you sexually attractive - Perfect

- So I wouldn't mind going all the way - Whatever you want

- You know what I mean? - Whatever you want

So you get I meant screwing

- Today, like right now - Yeah, yeah, got it

Alright, it has to be at your place not mine because I live at my sister's

- Okay, perfect, yeah - Okay

I really turns me on that you're pregnant

- What? - I find it super sexy

- What do you mean? - It's maybe the hormones

Your breasts full of milk...

- There is no milk yet, the milk comes later - Got it

No, it isn't like it turns me on that they're full of milk but...

This is like the beauty of new life, right?

Listen, I think... we don't have as much chemistry as I thought

- Sorry if I freaked you out - No, no, don't worry about it but I...

- Don't you have fantasies? - Yes, of course

I have fantasies of doing it in a car or in an elevator

Well, my apartment has an elevator

- What are you looking at? - At you

And the girls?

Paula is having breakfast by herself Martina is in her crib

My love...

What don't we wait a bit before trying in vitro?

- Why is that? - I don't know

Injections and hormones freak me out

But darling, the doctor said there was absolutely no risk

Right...

Can we keep trying naturally for a few months?

Honey...

To be honest, it is making me frustrated

- It's frustrating having sex with me? - No

It's frustrating doing it with an objective and never achieving that objective

Stop, you're covered in foam finish shaving

Cris...

I'm your friend!

Do you accept the request to chat to SEXYDARKGUY?

- Mummy - What?

How do I know I'm not really an alien?

- Ask Daddy and see what he says - Honey, I'm off, I'm running late

Paula, love you

Mummy, tell me, please, please

KITTYONHEAT84: Bored too, suggestions?

- Mummy... - What?

- Please tell me... - Aren't you gonna eat more?

- Oh, yeah - Huh?

Come on

- There she is! - Hey!

How is it going? You look gorg!

- Check out the cute T-shirt I bought - That's rad beautiful

What does it say? "No sucksism or fiminism!"

- Hi, how is it going? I'm Lucas - Pleased to meet you

Yeah, Lucas

- You sell anything or no? - Nothing yet, but it's still early

Okay, when you sell one you'll sell them all

- Yeah? Yeah sure - Hey, what if I post a pic so...

- you'll get more people - Okay, sure

- Yeah sweet! Do a Boomerang - A Boomerang?

Okay, ready, here we go

No, stop

Esther, my girl, it will do the moving

Super...

Hey, Esther, later you wanna come to a friend's birthday party in Sants?

- No - You've gotta be there, don't be boring

- I'm gonna be responsible for once, okay? - Sure?

- Totally sure - But you'll find me after?

- Of course, baby - You're gonna come

- I'll make you come - Bye

Good luck

And right now, at stand 7 Cactus Girl is signing autographs

Oh, my God, they sell...

- Wait, this is my good side - Well, it's better from here

- Thank you so much - You too!

Really? Oh, thank you!

- Hi, how are you? - Good

Hey, thank you so much

And then suddenly he admitted it turned him on to think

milk was going to come out of my boobs

I don't think it's scandalous or anything, it's a fantasy

- It freaked me out - I don't get it

You're pregnant and you're up for it and he wants to be with a pregnant woman

That sounds perfect, right?

- SEXYDARKGUY: How do we hook up? - No

I'd rather sleep with someone who isn't turned on by the human being inside me

- Where's the entrance? - Over here, this white door

- KITTENONHEAT84: Room 306 at 8 pm - I have to go soon, okay

- I have to pick up Paula - Okay

Let's see

- Hey! - Who's that guy?

Just a guy, Xose I met him at Gari's and invited him

- You invited him here? - Yes

- Is he single? - And Divorced, but don't go there

- Why not? - Why not? Because he's Gari's psychologist

- This is not how you get laid... - This is Cris

- Hello - What's up? Good to meet you

- Xose - This is Xose

- Maria, hi - Hi there

- Are you okay? - Yes, I'm good, you've been here long?

- No, no, no, no... - Oh, okay, good

- Wanna go in? - Let's do it

I think it's this way

- So where exactly did you two meet? - At Gari's party

- Ah, okay - You know Gari?

Of course, he's the gardener for our residential area

- Look, it's here - Hi!

Hello

What's up? What are you doing?

I'm going, this place is shitpile

You can't just go you paid for the whole weekend, right?

- Just drop it, Maria, okay? - But did you sell anything, honey?

No, I didn't sell anything

That's why you should stay try to sell something

- If you go, you won't - Sounds good

I want to buy that one will you sell it to me?

Cut it out, okay?

Hey, I love this one, seriously it look great in the bathroom

Yes!

- How much is that? - Seriously, what do you think of me?

That I'm an idiot? Or what? I really don't need your fucking charity

Got a credit card reader? I want to buy this one

- Stop it - This is an art market

- I wanna buy a painting - I told you to cut it out

- I'm a customer - Drop it, just give me the painting...

I want to buy it, I mean it!

- I'm sorry - Fine, keep the fucking painting

- Keep all of them, I hate all that shit - I'm fine, it's okay, yeah

Esther, don't be like that I wanted to help

You'll help me? You'll help me? Are you serious?

Take a look at your own life, Maria it's a pile of shit

- Help yourself and leave me alone - Esther...

And you bug out of this!

Hey! Yeah, hey! Where are you?

Okay, cool, I'll be there

One thing, girl, you have blow or should I bring in?

Well, because I feel like it

Okay, see you soon

- You've got it? - Yes, of course

- I didn't mean to imply... - Imply what?

- That I'm a macho... like this, no - You're not a macho man?

So what did you mean to say?

I guess you can still carry two or three paintings if you're pregnant, right?

And four or five, if I want

Good for you

In fact, there are lots of things that I can do while I'm pregnant

Hold on, wait a second

Does it turn you on that I'm pregnant?

- I hadn't thought about it - No?

- No - Okay, perfect

- God... yes, I'm good - Are you good? Yeah?

- I'm fucking great - Yeah

Prosubtitling