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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:45,380 We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea. 2 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,700 The rocket they are testing is big enough... 3 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,660 to reach the West Coast of the United States. 4 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,820 Today, an official of the United Nations tried to tell the world... 5 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,740 so there will be no mistake... 6 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,100 that we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler. 7 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,660 A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition... 8 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,460 - Kim Jong-un. - Kim Jong-un. 9 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,860 We are talking about Kim Jong-un. 10 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,540 Good evening. I'm Dave Skylark. 11 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,180 Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner... 12 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,380 Oscar-winning songwriter, Detroit's own: 13 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,580 Eminem. 14 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,820 He'll speak with us about his new album which has been mired in controversy... 15 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:27,060 concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning... 16 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,980 to the elderly. 17 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,340 Tonight... 18 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,349 on Skylark Tonight. 19 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,300 And... 20 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,865 action. 21 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,900 "It's hell to be Shady 22 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:50,420 Yesterday, I yelled a degrading insult At an elderly lady 23 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,900 Then I asked her how it felt to be 80 24 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,980 F-word a senior citizen 25 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,501 Suck a wiener, sit and spin" 26 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,666 - "Suck a wiener, sit and spin" - It's funny. 27 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,700 "And why you drive so slow for? 28 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,620 Don't you wanna get Where you're going faster 29 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,500 Since you'll probably die tomorrow You old whore? 30 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,420 Die, old bitch, die 31 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,220 Before I murder you" 32 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,140 What do you mean by this, Em? 33 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,860 Well, first of all, I feel like when I rap, like... 34 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,780 people twist my words. 35 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,340 Okay. But can you see how an old person might say: 36 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,580 "I think what this guy is telling me, this Eminem... 37 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:35,024 is that I should go kill myself, and, you know, I don't like that"? 38 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,180 I mean, I don't necessarily rap about... 39 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,940 the things that I hate. 40 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,500 It's more about the things that I fear. 41 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,740 I get you. 42 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,780 - If I talk about women or whatever. - Yes. 43 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,460 A lot of that is more or less me just dealing with issues with... 44 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,620 old issues with my mom or whatever. 45 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,151 With your mother? 46 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,740 Yeah, or, you know, when I say things about gay people... 47 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,180 or people think my lyrics are homophobic. 48 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,870 It's because I'm gay. 49 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,700 - When I rap about violence... - Wait. 50 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,620 ...or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence... 51 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,700 - ...I think that it's more or less... - What? What? What? 52 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,580 ...because, you know, it's kind of about me just confronting it. 53 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,100 What did he just say? 54 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,660 He said he was gay. 55 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,180 Dave. Dave, we're pretty sure we just heard him say he was gay. 56 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,460 Em, let's just back it up a moment. 57 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,060 You... 58 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,420 just said... 59 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,588 that you were gay? 60 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:37,300 And I'm just curious what you meant by that exactly. 61 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,786 I mean I'm gay. 62 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,140 I'm a little confused here because "gay" can mean a lot of things. 63 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,024 I am a homosexual. 64 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,351 Meaning...? 65 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,511 I like men. 66 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,420 What the fuck just happened? 67 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,260 Eminem said he was gay four times. That's what the fuck just happened. 68 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,580 - Holy shit. - Holy shit. 69 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,060 Eminem's gay on our show. 70 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,660 Oh, my God. Camera two. 71 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,540 Gay Twitter's blowing up. 72 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,420 Change the chyron. "Eminem gay?!" 73 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,220 Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking. 74 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,700 Push in on gay Eminem. The greatest moment in gay history! 75 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,060 ...are probably shocked by what you're saying right now. 76 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,980 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out. 77 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,460 It's like I've been playing gay peekaboo. 78 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,420 - Gay peekaboo. - Yeah. 79 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,820 - But... - Shit. Camera one. 80 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,020 - This interview is over. Shut it off. - No! Get out of here. 81 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,620 I am Marshall's publicist. Pull the plug now. 82 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,020 This is gold! This is the best interview we've ever done! 83 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,740 What happens if I do this? 84 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,580 - Don't touch my buttons! - Shut it off! Shut it off! 85 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,980 - Get him the fuck out of here! - I'm gonna murder you! 86 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,582 Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics. Say what I say. 87 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,580 What did you mean when you rapped: 88 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,780 "I said nice rectum, I had a..." 89 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,780 "...vasectomy, Hector 90 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:02,020 So you can't get pregnant If I bisexually wreck ya"? 91 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,940 I've pretty much just been leaving a breadcrumb trail of gayness. 92 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,740 - I see that now. - You know? 93 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,900 But, yeah, actually, Hector was a real person. 94 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,180 Hector and his rectum were real. 95 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,620 - It's real! Hector's rectum is real! - Holy shit. Yes! 96 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,820 - Slim Shady, everyone! - I knew it! 97 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,380 - Dude, dude! - Aaron. Bring it in. 98 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,503 - Oh, my God. - Bring it in, big boy! 99 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,947 Oh, my God. 100 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,500 - Oh, my God. - What the heck just happened?! 101 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,460 The real Slim Shady just stood up. That's what happened! 102 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,180 - This is like Spike Lee said he's white! - I can't believe this. 103 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,580 - You the man! You the man! - You're the man! 104 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,140 - You're the best! - You're the best. 105 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,311 Listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off. I want you to meet me downstairs. 106 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,380 Dude, where are we going? 107 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,780 I thought we were going to the Hamptons. 108 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,460 - What is this place? - We're just, you know... 109 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,020 just hanging out. 110 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,460 - Okay. - All right, all right, all right. 111 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,220 It's a surprise party for you. 112 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,740 What? Why? Why did you just tell me that? 113 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,420 Because I'm so excited! This is gonna be great! 114 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,820 - I don't understand what's happening. - Surprise! 115 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,540 All right, all right, I already told him! 116 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,420 - You're the best in the world, cocksucker. - Not now, Malcolm. Come on. 117 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,420 Thank you. Why is this happening? 118 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,500 You've been with us for 1000 episodes! 119 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,226 - Are you kidding me? - Ten years, baby! 120 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,386 - Come on. - Thank you. I appreciate it. 121 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:30,101 All right, now, I know we all like to keep it light, keep it fun. 122 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,661 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip. 123 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,100 I'm gonna talk about Aaron. 124 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:41,020 Before we started working together, my show barely broke the top 15. 125 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,500 So I called this professor at the Columbia School of Journalism... 126 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,020 that I was having sex with, and I said: 127 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,660 "I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment! 128 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,350 I need a real journalist!" 129 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,300 Aaron, you are... 130 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,460 the Samwise Gamgee... 131 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,380 to my Frodo Baggins. 132 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,580 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins. 133 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,860 But of all The Lord of the Rings references I could make... 134 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,427 this is the most important: 135 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,790 I am Gollum. 136 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,469 And you're my precious. 137 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,980 Sm�agol needs Aaron. 138 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,940 One Ring to rule them all! 139 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,460 And in the darkness bind them. 140 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,420 Now, get up here! Get up here! 141 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,740 - Come up here, buddy. I love you. - Okay. 142 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,590 - I fucking love you. - I love... 143 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,906 - Hey. - Hey. 144 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,147 Jake. 145 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,180 Hey. 146 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,420 Yeah, like, what's that? Come on, man, what's happening? 147 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,300 - Hey, yeah. What's happening? - How's it going, dude? 148 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,020 We haven't seen each other since graduation. Right? 149 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,260 Yeah. Probably. 150 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:55,580 And, wait, am I wrong? You're a junior producer on 60 Minutes, right? 151 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:59,740 - I'm now a senior producer. Yeah. - No way, man. That's awesome. 152 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,940 Look at us. Both producing news for television. 153 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,141 Yeah. 154 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,660 - What was that? - Nothing. 155 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,940 It was something. What's the joke? 156 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,260 You've got your job, I've got mine. But they're different. 157 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,100 Yours is cool. Mine's just a little more serious. 158 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,260 What? We have the same job. 159 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,420 I report real news. You know, stuff that matters. 160 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,420 You report on all the cool: "Who's getting new boobs?" 161 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,420 And the fun eating-disorder stuff. 162 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,420 You really helped build up 60 Minutes too, right? 163 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,900 - It's only been on for 80 fucking years. - Look, I'm sorry. 164 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,300 I shouldn't say this, but we got an opening at 60 Minutes. 165 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,820 - And we could use somebody like you. - Are you serious? 166 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,860 I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You'd be eaten alive at our office. 167 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,700 I'm gonna catch up with these guys, but cheers, man, congrats. 168 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,345 Or whatever. 169 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,740 When did the hair begin to go? 170 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,069 I would say, around The Outsiders. 171 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,106 When you're ready. 172 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,140 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but... 173 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,342 Oh, wig's coming off. 174 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,740 Oh, Jesus fuck. 175 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,620 Why does he keep the long pieces? His head looks like somebody's taint. 176 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,100 - You barely look different. - Thanks, man. 177 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,460 You said you were bald. I see a little stuff on top. 178 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,310 - So freeing! - Rob. 179 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,191 Is there anything that you would like to say to America? 180 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,061 Good evening. I'm Phillip Sterling with a UBS News special report. 181 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,460 Kim Jong-un's military forces... 182 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,340 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island... 183 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,460 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM. 184 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,060 We're not live anymore. 185 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,900 - They cut our feed. - Off the air?! 186 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,300 Goddamn it! 187 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,620 Rob, put your fucking wig on. They fucked us. Goddamn it! 188 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,345 What's going on? 189 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,740 Dude, seriously, what is up with you? 190 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,180 Know how I'm good at picking up energies? 191 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,540 You're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now. What's going on? 192 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,700 We have millions of viewers every night and what do we do? 193 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,860 We just shovel shit into their faces. We could be doing something positive. 194 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,060 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians. 195 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,780 That's what people want. "Give us some shit. Mangia. 196 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,660 We're the people, give us the shit. Mangia, mangia." 197 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,500 I wanted to cover actual news... 198 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,620 not Nicki Minaj's vagina flopping out at the Grammys. 199 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,620 - You don't like brown sugar? - Nothing to do with that. 200 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,551 I can't keep doing this, okay? We have to change! 201 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,980 Fine. 202 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,860 - Are you serious right now? - Yeah. 203 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:49,180 - Do you promise you'll do this? - If you promise you'll never leave. 204 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,460 - If you promise, I promise. - Same time. 205 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,620 - One, two, three. Promise. - Promise. 206 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,900 - Okay. - Okay. That's all we had to say. 207 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,260 - Don't put me through that. - Fine. Okay. 208 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,260 I hate it when we fight. 209 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,540 No, this is not a joke, okay? 210 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,580 - I think you're being condescending. - Look, look, look. 211 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,860 One sec. Shut up, I'm on the phone, okay? 212 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,700 Dude. The fuck, man?! That was John Kerry's office. 213 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,540 Forget that oak tree-looking fuck. This tops it. 214 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,860 The Times printed it about North Korea. Read the bottom. 215 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,740 After all the death-camp shit. 216 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,180 "Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people... 217 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,900 with cries for the destruction of the United States of America... 218 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,380 he is known to be an avid consumer of American entertainment. 219 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,180 His favorite shows are The Big Bang Theory..." 220 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,870 And...? 221 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,668 "...And Skylark Tonight." 222 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,340 This is great! This is what you were talking about! 223 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,460 I interview this guy. 224 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,660 Are you joking? He's the most reclusive leader on the planet. 225 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,740 He lives in North Korea. We can't go there. 226 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,500 Dave Skylark... 227 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,940 gets in anywhere. 228 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,820 Do you remember that club? 229 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,900 Three-month waiting list. First night. 230 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,140 I don't think it's quite the same thing. 231 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,620 - There were a lot of Asian girls there. - It's impossible, Dave. 232 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,580 Here's what we'll do. We're gonna do that interview. 233 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,102 Everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously. 234 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,620 - And then you're never gonna leave me. - North Korea's in the Olympics, right? 235 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,700 I bet they have an office to communicate with the Olympic Committee... 236 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,140 so there's probably some infrastructure for communicating through that. 237 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,820 - Those wheels are turning. - If I leave a message for that office... 238 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,060 then maybe, if they're a fan, that can actually work. 239 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,260 We could interview the most famous man on the planet. 240 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,140 Guys, some pictures just came out... 241 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,020 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat. 242 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,030 - McConaughey goat fuck? - McConaughey goat fuck. 243 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,060 We obviously have to have him on to do that. 244 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,500 So put that together. But we're doing this North Korea thing. 245 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,340 - First thing tomorrow. - Book him! 246 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,020 - Get him! Get the goat! - On him. 247 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,906 Get the goat! I got some questions for that goat. 248 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,460 This is Aaron Rapaport from Skylark Tonight. 249 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,300 We heard your Supreme Leader is a fan of our show... 250 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,500 and we'd love to have him on. 251 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,060 Please get back to me. 252 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,860 I'm about to head into a meeting, but I'll be around in the morning. 253 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,391 Hope to hear from you. 254 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,341 Yeah. 255 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,700 - Hi. - Hey. 256 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,187 - Where to? - Mercer and Spring, please. 257 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,140 Hello? 258 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,580 Hello? Who this? 259 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,700 - I am trying to reach Aaron Rapaport. - You got Aaron Rapaport. Who this is? 260 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,500 You left word with our office regarding an interview. 261 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,140 Look, Dave, is this you? 262 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,500 Because if it is, you're doing a terrible Asian accent. 263 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,180 Me so sorry. Me gots to go now, son. 264 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,220 I am from the office of Sook-yin Park... 265 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:02,140 Secretary of Communications for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 266 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,501 Oh, my God. 267 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,300 Shit. Me so sorry. 268 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,900 I mean, I'm so sorry. 269 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,980 I mean, I'm so sorr... I'm so... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 270 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,180 We would like to discuss a meeting... 271 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,060 between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark. 272 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,540 Security concerns dictate the matter be discussed in person. 273 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,100 Okay, great. Where do you do that? 274 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,420 We will meet at latitude 40.1326. 275 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,500 Longitude 123.9889. 276 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,900 I'm not totally familiar with my longitudes and latitudes. 277 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,300 Where is that again? 278 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,780 Fifty kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China. 279 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,584 Did you just say "China"? 280 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,148 And did you just say "dong"? 281 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,031 I'm going to motherfucking China, y'all. 282 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,300 Excuse me. Can I get in there? 283 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,780 Thank you. 284 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,141 Hi there. 285 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,585 No, thank you. I'll just get it through secondhand smoke. 286 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,871 Selfie. 287 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,545 Where the fuck are they? 288 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,585 What the fuck...? 289 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,581 No, no! 290 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,140 I'm not...! No! 291 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,940 I'm an American journalist. Aaron Rapaport. 292 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,302 I was invited here. Please don't kill me! 293 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,780 I come in peace! I'm here for interview. 294 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,345 Please don't kill me! 295 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,620 Mr. Rapaport, I am Sook-yin Park. 296 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,020 The Supreme Leader will grant an interview... 297 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,380 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea. 298 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,380 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader. 299 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,789 Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide. 300 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,700 - That's it?! - Yes. 301 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:16,700 Why didn't you tell me over the phone? Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype? 302 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,380 Okay, well... 303 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,420 Look, could you give me some water? That guy has water! 304 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,540 Please give me a ride somewhere. 305 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,620 I didn't pack well for this trip. 306 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,427 I packed like a fool! Like a goddamn fool! 307 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,347 Please! Please! 308 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,470 Damn, she was sexy. 309 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,900 The fucking helicopter landed. 310 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,780 I'm in the middle of nowhere. 311 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,700 Two soldiers jump out. I think I'm gonna get killed! 312 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,820 Then, out comes Sook. I told you about her. 313 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,860 She comes out. She's hot. 314 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,220 - How hot? - Super sexy. 315 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,060 - Get in there? - Yeah, I fucked her. 316 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,020 - My fucking man! - No, I didn't do that, dude. No! 317 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,260 She said we can't ask our own questions. 318 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,260 They were gonna write the questions. We can't do it. 319 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:19,100 We're essentially letting him interview himself with your mouth. 320 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,460 Look. Look at this buttfuck! 321 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,180 He's got a whole parade of nukes. He's ready to use them. 322 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,460 When you score a bin Laden... 323 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,140 or a Hitler... 324 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:30,420 or an Un... 325 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,940 you take it by the balls! 326 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,700 It's the first rule of journalism. Give the people what they want. 327 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,180 That's not the first rule. 328 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,260 That's the first rule of circuses and demolition derbies. 329 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,020 This is the biggest interview since Frosty/Nixon. 330 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,980 - "Frosty/Nixon"? - In 10 years... 331 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,220 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this. 332 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,380 We do this, we can interview any president on the planet. 333 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,500 And then you can ask them the real questions. 334 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,220 This is like eating our vegetables. 335 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,380 Once you eat those, then you get to eat the steak. 336 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,548 And we know Aaron wants his steak. 337 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,540 This is like The Lord of the Rings. 338 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,866 Okay? 339 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,940 I'm actually like... 340 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,904 Frodo Baggins. 341 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,902 And you are my Sam. 342 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,106 My Samwise. 343 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,140 - I can't do it without you. - Okay. 344 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,308 Come with me to Mordor. 345 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,824 - Okay. Let's fucking do it. Yeah. - Yeah? 346 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,940 As always, I'd like to thank my guest: 347 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,900 Joe Gordon-Levitt! 348 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,860 And before we go, I have a very special announcement. 349 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,980 With the help of my outstanding producer, Aaron Rapaport... 350 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:48,540 I have secured the most important interview of the 21st century. 351 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,100 Three weeks from tonight... 352 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,660 I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea... 353 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,020 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview... 354 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,826 with President Kim Jong-un. 355 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,940 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored... 356 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,340 to accept this most awesome responsibility. 357 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,820 Apparently Dave Skylark will be interviewing the dictator of North Korea. 358 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,900 Hundred bucks, Skylark thinks he's the guy from "Gangnam Style." 359 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,700 ...obscene glorification of a brutal dictator. 360 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,740 This is a man who tortures, terrorizes and starves his own people. 361 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,140 - Skylark is beneath despicable. - Fuck this. 362 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,580 Meow. 363 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,100 What a fucking bitch, am I right? 364 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,820 No, you're not right. He's not being a bitch. He's completely right. 365 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,580 He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous! 366 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,436 He's not jealous. 367 00:21:37,540 --> 00:21:40,952 He's putting K-Y jealous all over his dick. 368 00:21:41,052 --> 00:21:42,140 What is there to be jealous of?! 369 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,220 Fuckers hate us because they ain't us. 370 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,340 They hate us because we anus? What does anus have to do with this? 371 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,220 They hate us because they ain't us. 372 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:51,860 That's not what it is. 373 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,420 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 374 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,300 They hate us because we is us, and what we is doing is fucking terrible. 375 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,780 - They hate us because they ain't us. - Stop saying that. 376 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,580 - Hate us because they ain't us. - They don't! 377 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,580 Hate us because they ain't us. I'm used to it. 378 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:07,830 - They hate us because they ain't us. - Stop it. Stop it. Don't say it again! 379 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,500 Baby. 380 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,225 Haters gonna hate. 381 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,580 And ain'ters gonna ain't. 382 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,180 That is not an actual thing that people say. 383 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,340 This is what you do to haters. 384 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,383 You just smile. 385 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,060 What is that? 386 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,150 The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life. 387 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,226 Oh, what the fuck. 388 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,981 Okay. 389 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:03,861 Okay, I'm coming. 390 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:11,470 Oh, shit. 391 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,391 Oh, God. 392 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,380 Mr. Rapaport. 393 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,700 I'm Agent Lacey with Central Intelligence. And this is my partner, Agent Botwin. 394 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,143 Yo, Aaron, whoever that is, tell them to fuck off. 395 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,340 Dave, it's not... 396 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,940 Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night... 397 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,347 but I got some stink dick. 398 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,300 Yo, my dick stinks! 399 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,460 So weird how you, like... 400 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,140 just wanna keep smelling it, though. 401 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,460 Yo, you gotta come over and smell this shit! 402 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,140 Come smell this. You gotta identify this. I don't know what it is. 403 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,700 Excuse him. 404 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,300 He has stink dick. 405 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,660 It kind of smells like guacamole. 406 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,305 May we come in? 407 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,300 Would you like a drink... 408 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,540 or some of Aaron's cocaine? 409 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,180 - This is not our coke. This is our... - No, I'm sure it's not. 410 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,460 So how can we...? What can we do you for? 411 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,743 - To what do we owe the pleasure? - Well, Aaron, Dave... 412 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,380 as I'm sure you know already... 413 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:17,300 Kim Jong-un is now capable of nuking all of the West Coast. 414 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,860 The point is, we're talking about nuclear nations at war with each other. 415 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,420 Nuclear. 416 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,940 He does have one tactical advantage over the West. 417 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:31,464 He's more than willing to let millions and millions of his own people die. 418 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,740 Explosions. All over my face. 419 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,020 I'm sorry. We had kind of a long night. 420 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,060 Why are you telling us all this information? 421 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,060 We're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen... 422 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,260 are going to be in a room alone with him. 423 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,980 - And congratulations, by the way. - That's right! 424 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,620 Which is why we're here. 425 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,980 The CIA would love it... 426 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,700 if you two could... 427 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,584 take him out. 428 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,500 - Take him out. - Take him out? 429 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,300 - Like, for drinks? - No, no, no. 430 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,100 - Take him out. - Take out. 431 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,940 - Like, to dinner? - Out to a meal? 432 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,340 Take him out. 433 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,940 - Like, on the town? - Party? 434 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,551 No... 435 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,180 Take him out. 436 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,940 You want us to assassinate... 437 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,780 the leader of North Korea? 438 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,620 - Yes. - What? 439 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,100 Won't they just get another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo... 440 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,740 - ...to come in and replace him? - Exactly. Exactly. 441 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:31,140 We're aware of a faction in the existing leadership that already wants him gone. 442 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,540 They're too scared to act alone. 443 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,180 And they need you two to go in there, remove Kim... 444 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,220 embolden them to revolt... 445 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,940 and take over. 446 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,500 Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved? 447 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,380 I am going to be in your ear... 448 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,220 by your side, every step of the way. 449 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,149 Then I have one answer. 450 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,308 No more Kim. 451 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,540 You know what? I think we should talk about it more. 452 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,940 - All right, we're just gonna go talk. - By all means. 453 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,100 Just for the record, I don't have stank dick. 454 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,701 Come over here, come here, come in here. 455 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,269 Dude. I think we need to do this. 456 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,340 - She is so cool. - You don't see what's happening. 457 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,980 - And it's so obvious, it's crazy, man. - What? 458 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,060 - They're honeypotting us. - What? 459 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,780 It's an attractive spy woman who lures men into doing shit. 460 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,060 How can you not see that? 461 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,700 - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? 462 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,340 This is 2014. Women are smart now. 463 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,020 You think she just so happens to have everything you find attractive? 464 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,860 Bangs, giant tits, glasses? 465 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,420 - They're fake, man. - Fake glasses? 466 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,020 - How could the CIA come up with that? - That poor girl is blind as a bat. 467 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:47,460 I'm just saying that when we're on molly and when we're horned up, might not... 468 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,860 - "Horned up"? Oh, please. - You are horned up. 469 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,222 You have half a fucking chub right now! 470 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,340 - Take your hands away. I saw the boner. - I'm not doing it. 471 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:57,820 Move your fucking hands. 472 00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,700 - Fine! You wanna see it? - Yeah. 473 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,260 Feast your eyes. 474 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,300 I'm gonna go poop out these drugs. You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. 475 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:09,340 If we both still wanna talk about this afterwards, we can. But not until then. 476 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,191 Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off. 477 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:16,660 In three days... 478 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,780 you will fly from New York to Beijing... 479 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,420 where you will transfer to a commercial airline... 480 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,580 that takes you directly to Pyongyang. 481 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,700 I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated, but... 482 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,664 what happened to your glasses? 483 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,460 - I got LASIK. - Between the time I saw you and now? 484 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,420 - Yes. - Okay. 485 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,860 Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here... 486 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,700 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. 487 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,380 So preceding the interview... 488 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,780 you are going to shake Kim's hand... 489 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,780 administering a fatal dose of poison... 490 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,940 with this: a transdermal, time-delayed ricin strip. 491 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,540 When you shake his hand... 492 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,620 the poison will be absorbed into his skin... 493 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,700 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. 494 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,940 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. 495 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,500 No one will know? 496 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,740 The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. 497 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,180 - Total deniability? - Obviously. 498 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,500 What did you picture? 499 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,900 I walk in there like a fucking gangster... 500 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,300 and blow his little fucking ass away on television. 501 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,900 This is a major television event. 502 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,183 You don't wanna blow it with an off-screen death. 503 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,020 Okay? Look, in porno, we call this the money shot. 504 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:33,660 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it. 505 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,540 Then, right before they finish, you cut to black and say: 506 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,020 "Oh, don't worry, 12 hours later, they came all over each other." 507 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,340 No! You want them all over, close-up. 508 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:44,940 All over his face. 509 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,744 The end! 510 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,100 - Bam! - What kind of porn are you watching? 511 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,820 What happens when his guards start firing at you... 512 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,220 for killing their leader in front of them? 513 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,180 - Good question. - My bulletproof vest... 514 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,220 No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. 515 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,820 - You don't have one. - I will dodge those bullets. 516 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,020 What happens after you escape the compound? 517 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,140 I look back over my shoulder, I see Aaron. 518 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,820 I grab him by the hand. We run out into the woods. 519 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,780 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. 520 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,180 We exit said tunnel. 521 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,340 At a designated spot... 522 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,860 SEAL Team 6 swoops in... 523 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,580 puts us on one of those inflatable motorboats. 524 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,220 We hit the water. We're out of there, on our way to you. 525 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,700 If you tried to do this, what would kill you first? 526 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,300 - Subfreezing temperatures. - I don't like the cold. 527 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,060 - Okay, we wear... - Starvation. Starve to death. 528 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,900 You're telling me the CIA doesn't have North Face jackets and Pirate Booty? 529 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,540 Cap'n Crunch? 530 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,980 - What about Siberian tigers? - What? 531 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,820 You're not going to shoot him. Not going to be a bulletproof vest. 532 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,180 And nobody is going to know that you had anything to do with this. 533 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,060 That's it. That's the plan. 534 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,340 - Period. - Okay. 535 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,020 Two years later, I come out with my best-selling tell-all: 536 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:57,460 An Unexpected Journey: 537 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,580 Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea. 538 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,220 You can't write a tell-all. 539 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,860 We were in an oddly shaped gray room at the CIA Headquarters. 540 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,420 - The titillating Agent Lacey... - Stop doing that. 541 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:09,900 - Why? - There's no tell-all. 542 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,340 "There's no tell-all," Agent Lacey said. 543 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,100 She looked at him. 544 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,060 She trembled with rage. 545 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,500 - Or was it passion? - Stop it. 546 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,227 I just want everybody to know that I know what you did to me. 547 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,500 - What? - With the glasses. Honeycombed me. 548 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,380 - What does that mean? - You honeypotted him. 549 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,100 - It's "honeypot." - You honeypotted me. 550 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,580 - You honeypotted him. - No, I didn't. 551 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,660 He said a lot of stupid shit in the last 10 minutes, but you did honeypot him. 552 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:38,140 I bet you got him in here as a honeydick, in case I'm gay. But I'm not. 553 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,180 But if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. 554 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:41,540 - You honeydicking? - Look. 555 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,140 She's not honeypotting you. I'm not honeydicking him. 556 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,740 It's very offensive. If you think about it... 557 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,820 you're saying because I'm a girl and because I'm attractive... 558 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:53,020 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. 559 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,740 I think it's offensive too. That's what I said to Aaron. 560 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,900 I Said, "That bitch is blind as a bat." 561 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,100 Could we please move on? 562 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,100 We have a dictator to kill. 563 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,740 When handling the ricin strip, operate with extreme caution. 564 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,700 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. 565 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,940 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. 566 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:17,460 After it passes the blood-brain barrier, your heart rate would shoot up to 160. 567 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:21,660 Your body will strain to reject the poison by sweating, defecating, vomiting. 568 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,591 Within minutes, you will be dead. Got it? 569 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,500 Aaron peels off the film marked "A"... 570 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,180 exposing the adhesive coating. 571 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,580 - He applies the strip to Dave's palm. - Okay. 572 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:39,300 Aaron will then remove the film marked "B," exposing the ricin. 573 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,700 - Clear. Okay. - Okay, clear. Okay. 574 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,380 Dave needs to appear casual as he is transferred from his room... 575 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,340 to the broadcast facility. 576 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,620 It is critical that he keeps his hand open and touches... 577 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,100 nothing. 578 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:54,950 Dave Skylark. 579 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,820 Mr. Kim, just shaking hands. 580 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:00,220 Hi. 581 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:01,900 Nice to meet you. 582 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,100 Dave will bow to Kim, then shake his hand... 583 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,540 immediately disposing of the strip in his jacket pocket, which will be lined... 584 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,267 with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison. 585 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:34,900 Oh, no. 586 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,780 Aaron! Aaron! 587 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,500 - Agent Lacey! What's this mean?! - You're dead. 588 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,420 All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll place the ricin case in this pouch. 589 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,420 It will magnetically seal. And then, you're good to go. 590 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,900 So you want me to carry this bag? 591 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,180 This is the bag. 592 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:51,700 This is a douche bag. 593 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,060 The watches conceal an array of tactical functions. 594 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,980 It's how you stay in contact with me in the command center. 595 00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,460 Aaron to Dave. 596 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,460 Radio communication is done using call signs. 597 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,060 - Cool. - Dave, you are Dung Beetle. 598 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,180 - And, Aaron, you are Aardvark. - What? 599 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,580 - I can't carry this thing! - What do you mean? 600 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:12,380 Aerodynamics are all off. It's hitting my leg. It's, like, bulky. 601 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:13,740 Remember, gentlemen: 602 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:18,980 You are entering into the most dangerous and unpredictable country on earth. 603 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,540 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator. 604 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,220 His people revere him as a god. 605 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:30,260 They'll believe anything he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins... 606 00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,269 or he doesn't urinate and defecate. 607 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:35,980 My man doesn't pee or poo? 608 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,340 He does. He lies to his people and they believe him. 609 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,740 Everybody pees and poos. Where would it go? He'd explode. 610 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:43,829 But he does talk to dolphins. 611 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,660 All right, how do I look? Fucking awesome? 612 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,227 Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice... 613 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,180 - What the fuck is this? - It's my bag. 614 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:16,860 Wonderful. That's not the bag the CIA gave you. 615 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,740 - Oh, that bag? - Yes, that bag. 616 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,060 That bag was fugly with a capital "fug"! 617 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,620 It was designed to conceal poison that we're gonna smuggle in. 618 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,380 Kim is a superfan. 619 00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,140 He knows I take fashion risks. 620 00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:30,340 I show up with that other bag, Kim's gonna be like: 621 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,180 "Aw, no. You got ugly bag? 622 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,620 You no Skylark. You secret agent. Terminate him." 623 00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:41,500 - Where's the fucking poison strip?! - I put the strip in a pack of gum. 624 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,820 - They'll never find it. - I am not cool with this. 625 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,420 - It's showtime. - "Showtime"? It's not showtime. 626 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,580 - Dave Skylark Tonight! - What are you doing? Stop walking. 627 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,060 - Hello! - Stop walking. 628 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,580 We are going to North Korea. 629 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,620 Skylark, which side of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? 630 00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,420 Not gonna kiss him, but let's just say... 631 00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,860 I might give him something special with my hand. 632 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,140 You gonna jerk him off? 633 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,860 - What? No, that's a double entendre! - Shut the fuck up! 634 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,140 - I'm foreshadowing! - Just shut up! Get in the fucking car! 635 00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:08,780 Shut up! Shut up! 636 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,904 Why would you say that? Why would you say that? 637 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,188 All right. Here we go. 638 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,340 What's that noise? 639 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,588 - I don't know. Yeah. - Do you hear that? 640 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,141 This is crazy. 641 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,100 Hello, North Korea! 642 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,380 Crazy. 643 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,106 - Okay, okay. - North side! 644 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,300 Okay, hi. Sorry about what he's doing. 645 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:51,706 Hello. 646 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,863 I like your style. 647 00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,100 Good to see you again. How are you? 648 00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,660 - Hi. - Hello. 649 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,100 - Hello. - This is great. 650 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,620 Dave, this is Sook-yin Park. 651 00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:05,420 - Sook? The Sook? - Yes. Yes. 652 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,464 - That you won't stop talking about? - That's not true. 653 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,068 We are different people. 654 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,747 We speak different languages. 655 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,420 We have different faces. 656 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,180 But inside... 657 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,109 we are same-same. 658 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,180 Same-same. 659 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:41,900 But different. 660 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,704 But still same. 661 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:46,346 Thank you. 662 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,264 You know, I'm very, very interested in the history of your young nation. 663 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,300 I hear that absolutely everyone here is starving to death. 664 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,831 No. 665 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,300 It's quite all right. 666 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,860 - This is a common misconception. - Oh, okay. 667 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,505 See for yourself. 668 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,660 It's a grocery store! Looks like the Whole Foods near my place. 669 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,060 Yep. Guess no one's hungry here after all. 670 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,420 We have an abundance of food here. 671 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,987 And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid. 672 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,068 Hi, little fatty. Hi. 673 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,660 We have many fat children in North Korea. 674 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,020 The Supreme Leader believes it is a hallmark... 675 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,500 of prosperity and self-sufficiency. 676 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,900 I don't know about all that, but this one is one that I heard. 677 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,660 I heard he doesn't pee or poo. 678 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:41,340 He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside. 679 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,620 My man doesn't have to take a poo? 680 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:47,100 - Does he have a butthole? - He does not have a butthole. 681 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,223 He has no need for one. 682 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,865 - Damn, son. - Damn. 683 00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:32,705 Right this way. 684 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,423 I get it. Fucking stop it. 685 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,100 These are Officers Koh and Yu. 686 00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,940 They are the heads of our Supreme Leader's personal security. 687 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,300 They have been with him since he was a boy. 688 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:07,869 They will search you one last time before entering our Supreme Leader's home. 689 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:12,667 Just a Gucci bag. 690 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:23,146 What's this? 691 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,342 Gum. That is gum. 692 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,300 - You fucking tried it. - Okay. 693 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,980 - This gum has no flavor. - If you don't like it, spit it out. 694 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,387 Spit it out. We wouldn't be insulted. 695 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,746 - Your gum taste like shit. - Okay. 696 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,822 You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home. 697 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,260 - This room for Mr. Skylark. - Cool. 698 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:58,507 Thanks. 699 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,260 This room for Mr. Rapaport. 700 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:04,860 Ooh, lovely. Thank you. 701 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,540 - Cute. - Quaint. 702 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,660 I'm tired. How are you feeling? 703 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,589 - We go now. - Okay. 704 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,140 Dude, what the fuck? Hey, you know, how's your tummy feeling? 705 00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:17,069 - Have some TUMS. - Have some tea. 706 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,020 Fuck. 707 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,060 They could be recording? 708 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:22,944 - Oh, the thing. - The thing. Okay. 709 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,500 - Lovely room. Oh, yes. - Yeah. 710 00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:28,860 - I'm gonna go take a shower now. - Okay. 711 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,300 - I'll take one with you. - Why with me? 712 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:32,501 Fake conversation. 713 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:38,308 - What the fuck, dude? - Oh, my God. 714 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,020 He ate it. He fucking ate it. 715 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,300 - You're not supposed to touch it. - And he ate it. 716 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,260 - Chewing. Chewing it! - Shit! Fuck. 717 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,820 Shit! He's gonna die. 718 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:48,180 Look, look, look. 719 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,700 He's probably Kim's triggerman, okay? He's probably killed, like, tons of people. 720 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,060 He's probably worse than Kim. And we're okay with killing Kim. 721 00:40:56,160 --> 00:41:00,740 How the fuck are we gonna do that? We don't have any poison anymore! 722 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:02,460 Well, what happened to it? 723 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,220 - Somebody ate it. - Someone ate it? 724 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,660 - Why the fuck did you switch bags? - Yeah, Dave. 725 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:07,860 All right, all right! 726 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,100 I shouldn't have switched the bags. Sorry. 727 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:11,820 Listen, just sit tight. 728 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,300 I am going to contact you. Do not fall asleep. 729 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,220 I'll figure out a way to fix this. 730 00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,780 - Thanks. Why'd you tell her? - It's the truth. 731 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,060 - Why'd you tell her that he ate it? - He did! 732 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,500 Dude. That was a cock block. 733 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,021 Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base. 734 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,628 ETA to launch zone: 20 minutes. 735 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:01,340 We have a bird en route. 736 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:05,460 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes. Aardvark: 737 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,220 Your watch will transmit the coordinates to guide in the package. 738 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,140 Get outside to a place with no tree cover where you can't be detected. 739 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,180 - Okay? - What...? 740 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,300 - Why do I have to do it? - Why you? 741 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:21,500 If Dung Beetle gets caught or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore. 742 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,380 - I could get caught or killed? - Hey! 743 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,300 Put on your darkest clothes and get outside now. 744 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,106 Make sure you are 20 yards away from the building. 745 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,149 Approaching launch zone. 746 00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,220 - You ready? - I think so. 747 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,549 A little nervous, but I'm feeling okay. I think I can do it. 748 00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:51,780 - What are you doing? - I'll cherish all our memories. 749 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:53,420 - Don't do this. - What? 750 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,260 Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay? I'll be fine! 751 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,180 I'm trying to psych myself up here. 752 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,580 I will love your mother like she was mine. 753 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,020 - Just shut up. - Okay. 754 00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,740 - It's really scary out there. - Yeah, super-duper scary. 755 00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,820 - Be careful. - Okay, good. You got me? 756 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,140 - I got you. - Okay. 757 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:15,911 - I will not drop you. I got you... - Don't drop me. 758 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,510 Aardvark, are you all right? 759 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,790 I'm fine. Shut the fuck up. 760 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,220 Aardvark is hot. 761 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,071 I repeat: Aardvark is H-O-T. Hot. 762 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,020 - This is so scary. - Aardvark: 763 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:47,100 You're being extremely brave. Everybody here is very proud of you. 764 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,500 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet. - Aardvark: 765 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,460 I'll rub your tummy when you get back. 766 00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:55,300 Just a few more feet. Okay? Just five to 10 more feet. 767 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,500 I gotta keep going? 768 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,702 I don't wanna keep going. Fuck. 769 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:04,222 Package will deploy in three, two, one. Boom. 770 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,469 Package is inbound. Arrival time: two minutes. 771 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,823 Just five more feet. Five more feet and you're on your mark. 772 00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,390 Hey, hey. Hey. Don't move. 773 00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,185 I think I see something. 774 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,300 - There's something out there. - What do you mean? 775 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,070 What is it? Can you zoom in? 776 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:26,700 What do I do? 777 00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:28,540 Comm One, are you seeing this? 778 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,660 Zoom in on that thing. What is that? 779 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,100 There's something crawling towards Aardvark. 780 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,180 What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me. 781 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,260 I'm seeing four legs connected to one body. 782 00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,580 What the fuck are you seeing? 783 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,380 - Dog? Big dog? - A big dog? 784 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,820 It's like Clifford size. We're talking Falkor in The Neverending Story. 785 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,421 It's like a dragon dog. This is like a dragon dog. 786 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,940 - Is that a fucking...? - Guys? 787 00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,900 - What am I looking for? I don't... - It's like a big dog. 788 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,180 It's orange, got stripes. 789 00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,189 It's like a big, orange, stripy dog. 790 00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:06,980 There's a tiger. 791 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,420 It's a fucking tiger! 792 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:09,820 It's a fucking tiger. 793 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,580 Yes. A tiger. 794 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,940 - You led my friend into a tiger patch?! - I told you there were tigers. 795 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,060 Guys, I'm very unhappy right now. 796 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,300 It's really dark. He probably doesn't see you. 797 00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,104 Oh, it fucking sees me. 798 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,420 - It has night vision. - They have night vision? 799 00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,380 That tiger has night-vision goggles?! 800 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,260 It doesn't have night-vision goggles. It naturally has night... 801 00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,509 - What is this, some futuristic nightmare? - Just keep the line clear. 802 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,300 Aardvark is in trouble. 803 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:36,900 What do I do? What do I do? 804 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,580 Talk to me. Talk to me. 805 00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,180 You're gonna have to fight that tiger. 806 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,300 No! Do not! Do not fight the tiger! 807 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,700 Do not be a gentleman. Go right for the balls! 808 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,820 - I don't see its balls. - Do not fight the tiger. You will lose. 809 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,140 If that's a girl tiger, you gotta cunt-punt that bitch! 810 00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:53,420 - Dave, shut the fuck up! - Cunt-punt that bitch! 811 00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,341 You know that's a stupid idea. Please, don't try to fight the tiger. 812 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,100 - I'm gonna make a run for it. - Do not run for it! 813 00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,587 - You will die! - It's coming. 814 00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,420 You go, go, go, buddy! 815 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,907 Look out, it's coming after you! 816 00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,500 - Oh, God. I'm alive! - Aaron. 817 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:25,986 I'm alive! 818 00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,060 Are you in the tiger? Are you inside the tiger? 819 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,388 Are you okay? Do you have the package? 820 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:33,940 This is Aardvark. 821 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,860 The package killed the tiger. 822 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,940 Fantastic. You have to secure the package. 823 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:40,585 Secure the package. 824 00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:48,820 He's got the package. He has the package. 825 00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:50,300 What do I do with it? 826 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,540 There are people coming. You have to act now. 827 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,660 Secure the package. 828 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:56,420 - What do I do with it? - They're coming towards you. 829 00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,620 You gotta hide that little missile. 830 00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,027 I have to hide it somewhere? Where? 831 00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,905 What do I do with it? What do I do with it? 832 00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:10,549 What if you hide it in your butt? 833 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,580 I don't wanna stick it in my ass. 834 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:16,300 You gotta put it in your butt. 835 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,500 Comm One, please tell me I don't have to stick this in my ass. 836 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,900 Okay. Just give us one second to come up with a better plan. 837 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,780 - Isn't there anywhere else? - I think he should put it in his asshole. 838 00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,340 We don't have a better plan. Stick it in your ass. 839 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,780 No! No! 840 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,220 No! 841 00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:33,540 I've never done that! 842 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:35,700 I've been there before. It looks huge. 843 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:39,300 - That tiger blood will lubricate it. - This will mess up my asshole! 844 00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,460 Aardvark, there are people there. 845 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,060 They are closing in on you. They have guns. 846 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,500 You need to secure the payload. 847 00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,820 - Secure it in your ass. - Stick it in your butt. 848 00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,900 - Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. - I'm there with you, bro. 849 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,140 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice. Just breathe. 850 00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:57,740 - Oh, it's cold! - Just let everything go loose. 851 00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,102 - I don't like it! - The tip is... 852 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,300 It's the worst part. Trust me on this. 853 00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:04,661 Inhale as you do it. 854 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,948 - The tip of the package is secure. - Comm One, that thing is in his butt! 855 00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,423 You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark. Just take it home. 856 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,100 The package is secure. 857 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,460 You are a hero. 858 00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,220 You are a goddamn hero. 859 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,264 All right, they're coming in. I gotta go. Over and out. 860 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,503 Oh, shit. Hi! Hi, don't shoot me! Oh, God! 861 00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,346 Stop it! Don't hurt me, please! 862 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:51,349 See? There's nothing in here! 863 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:53,467 What? 864 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:55,910 Oh, God. No! 865 00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,540 Come on! What the fuck?! 866 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,540 Why?! Why'd you do that?! 867 00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:02,740 Why'd you do that?! 868 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,180 Is this what you want?! 869 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:05,900 There! You like it?! 870 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,620 You like it?! 871 00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:10,100 It's all yours, fuckers! 872 00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,029 Stay in the room, American. 873 00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,180 Hey. 874 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:24,140 - Did they look in your butt? - No, they didn't look! 875 00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:25,865 - It's still in there? - Yes! 876 00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,060 - Must be deep. - It is. 877 00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,548 - Get it out! I'm here to help. - I'm gonna fucking get it out. 878 00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,020 Hey, how'd it go? 879 00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,303 - One ricin strip with your name on it. - Got it. 880 00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,580 - All right. See? Not so bad. - Yeah, not so bad. 881 00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,020 - What? - Yeah. 882 00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:03,220 - That? - This. 883 00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:04,740 - In your bu...? - Asshole. 884 00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,500 - No! - Yes! 885 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:08,980 - I was picturing like this big. - That I could live with. 886 00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,220 Soon as you get home, see a proctologist. 887 00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:14,390 - I'm afraid to look. - You got fucked by RoboCop, dude. 888 00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:18,860 Who is it? 889 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:20,710 It is Kim Jong-un. 890 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:22,581 What? 891 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:25,300 Kim Jong what? 892 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,860 I am the Supreme Leader of North Korea. 893 00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:30,940 - What? What the fuck? - It's him. 894 00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,460 It's him. What is he doing here? What the fuck? 895 00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:35,220 Hide it. Put it back up. 896 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:38,780 No! I'm not putting it back up. I'll hide it in my room. Go say hi. 897 00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:42,100 - What do I do? Put it on right now? - No, then he'll die when we're still here. 898 00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,580 - Just put it in your pocket. - Okay, fine. 899 00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:46,540 - Come with me. - No, I gotta hide this. 900 00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:48,580 - Aaron. Just come with me. - No. No. 901 00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:50,270 Aaron. Aaron. 902 00:50:58,560 --> 00:50:59,866 Hi. 903 00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,071 Good morning, Dave. 904 00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:05,340 Good morning. Hi. 905 00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:06,951 Dave Skylark. 906 00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,146 It's crazy. 907 00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,500 - Oh, I have a gift for you. Yeah. - Oh, really? 908 00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:16,181 This. 909 00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,220 - Oh, this is me. - It's you. 910 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,980 Oh, that's great. I always wanted one of these. 911 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:23,180 A bust. 912 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,820 Dave Skylark. 913 00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,300 - Hey! Thank you. - You like that? 914 00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:28,780 So you really like the show? 915 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:31,180 I might not show it, but I'm freaking out. 916 00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:32,820 You're like a superfan. 917 00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:34,940 - I really am. - Yeah! 918 00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:36,740 That's so cool. 919 00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,068 Don't say something stupid, Kim. 920 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:45,060 Okay, so I thought you might enjoy breakfast... 921 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:46,830 and a tour of my home. 922 00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,422 I'd absolutely love to. 923 00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,380 You know, I have to admit, before I came here... 924 00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,860 I thought this place was gonna be a dump. 925 00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:59,620 Of course. For decades you've heard the false rumors: 926 00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:03,860 "North Korea is a failed state. We can't feed our people." 927 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,500 It's all propaganda. 928 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,660 I see. Well, yeah, I mean... 929 00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:11,420 I did see a fat kid and a really nice-looking grocery store. 930 00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,580 Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea. 931 00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:18,940 One of my favorite things to do is just strolling up and down the aisles... 932 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,820 to see the beautiful fruits of my country's land. 933 00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:25,820 I can believe that. It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often. 934 00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,140 Screw you, Dave. 935 00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:29,627 - Hey, you want to see something cool? - Yeah. 936 00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,100 Holy fuck-a-moley! 937 00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:44,860 Is that real? 938 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,580 It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin. 939 00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:51,341 In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone." 940 00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,184 You're so funny, Dave. 941 00:52:55,240 --> 00:52:57,980 Right. Well, can we look inside? 942 00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,308 Fuck, yeah, we can. Come on. 943 00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:03,100 This is so cool! 944 00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,541 - A tank! - Yeah, a tank. 945 00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:08,230 Is it still live? 946 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,864 I don't know. Maybe we should find out. 947 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:17,270 - Look. You have a sound system in here? - Oh, no, no, no. Don't touch. 948 00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,066 Katy Perry? 949 00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,700 My wife must have put that in there. 950 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,260 - I've never heard this before in my life. - I love Katy Perry! 951 00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,860 Baby, you're a firework 952 00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:37,580 Come on, show them what you're worth 953 00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:39,780 I love... I listen to this all the time. 954 00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,340 - Really? - I love her! 955 00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,980 You know why I really like her? She has such a strong message... 956 00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,700 for young women and girls across the planet. 957 00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,020 It's so empowering. 958 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:53,420 Yeah. 959 00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,420 You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag. 960 00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,031 Drifting through the wind? 961 00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,549 Wanting to start again. 962 00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,060 As you shoot across 963 00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:07,989 The sky-sky-sky 964 00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,020 - Good times. Yeah. - Yeah. 965 00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:17,420 Dave, do you think that margaritas are gay because they are so sweet? 966 00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,860 Did someone tell you that margaritas are gay? 967 00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:22,580 No, it's just a question I have. 968 00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:25,860 If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay... 969 00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,780 then who wants to be straight? 970 00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:29,580 - Not me. - Boring! 971 00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,420 Margaritas are great. 972 00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,829 And whoever planted that in your head is crazy. 973 00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,430 Let me ask you something. 974 00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,464 Does this thing still run? 975 00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,020 Oh, man, this is great! 976 00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:03,780 Can we fire the gun? 977 00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:05,940 Think I'd tease you and not take you all the way? 978 00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:07,540 - Really?! - Close that shit. 979 00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,460 - Closing the hatch! - Okay. 980 00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,469 Boom, boom, boom! 981 00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,270 Oh, shit! 982 00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:19,390 Fuck you, tree! 983 00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:24,940 The control room will be fully staffed to insure an uninterrupted transmission. 984 00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:26,180 All right. 985 00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,100 This is the kill switch. 986 00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:31,220 During the interview, if any parameters are violated... 987 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,380 I will use it and cut the signal. 988 00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:38,380 - We're gonna stick with the program. - I will be in charge of this transmission. 989 00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:41,060 Dave and the show itself are dependent on me... 990 00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:43,380 when it comes to how we shoot the show. 991 00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:47,027 I know. I've watched every episode in preparation. 992 00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,660 I particularly enjoyed the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode. 993 00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:53,860 The camel toe episode. That was good. 994 00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:56,020 I've never heard this expression before. 995 00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,380 But after seeing it, it is a perfect representation of her vagina. 996 00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,700 It is. It looked exactly like that. Yeah. 997 00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:04,580 - It's very deep. - Very deep. 998 00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,100 Quite a moose knuckle. 999 00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,340 You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos. 1000 00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:11,780 - We do it very well. - Many animal references. 1001 00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:13,027 Oh, yes, tons. 1002 00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:23,420 Please, take this printed copy of the questions. 1003 00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,700 It's crucial Dave review them. 1004 00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:29,540 Officers Koh and Yu will now take you to your room for lunch. 1005 00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:31,940 Come, American. Time to get even fatter. 1006 00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:33,869 Great. Thanks, guys. 1007 00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,347 Making you my little Korean bitch! 1008 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,380 What are you gonna do, drop nukes on L.A.? 1009 00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:46,240 Nuke your mama! 1010 00:56:46,340 --> 00:56:48,823 I bet they can't even make it to Australia! 1011 00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:52,066 Face! 1012 00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:56,220 Man... 1013 00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,260 this is so nice. 1014 00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,420 Let me ask you something. Don't take this the wrong way. 1015 00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,463 You can ask me anything, Dave. 1016 00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:06,460 Do you pee and poo? 1017 00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:08,469 You've heard the stories, huh? 1018 00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,460 - Yes, I pee and poo. - So you have a butthole? 1019 00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:15,420 I've got a butthole, and it's working overtime. 1020 00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:16,951 You are awesome. 1021 00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,260 You know, this is so weird. 1022 00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:22,300 You are, like, the coolest guy. 1023 00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,707 But a lot of people say... 1024 00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,025 that you're batshit crazy. 1025 00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,064 They're not wrong. 1026 00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:33,300 I'm 31 years old. 1027 00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:37,550 The fact that I am running a country is batshit crazy. 1028 00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:41,780 What am I to do when 24 million people... 1029 00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:45,268 look to me as their leader, their god? 1030 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:51,385 What am I to do when my father's dying wish was for me to carry his torch? 1031 00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,100 Know what my father said to me on his deathbed? 1032 00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:58,860 What did he say, Dave? 1033 00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:02,701 "I'm disappointed because you haven't done enough with your life." 1034 00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,220 That is fucked up. 1035 00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:06,820 Yeah, tell me about it. 1036 00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:08,181 Jordan! 1037 00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,180 They call me incompetent. 1038 00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:16,220 That's what they said about me when I scored this interview! 1039 00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:19,180 - No way! - They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid... 1040 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:20,500 and incompetent." 1041 00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,940 You're handsome, competent, suave. How dare they? 1042 00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:27,826 I pretend like their insults don't get to me. 1043 00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:29,980 But they do. 1044 00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,740 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb? 1045 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,510 Words. 1046 00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,580 And the people are jealous of men like you and me. 1047 00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:43,705 It's as though they despise us because they are not us. 1048 00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:47,910 Hate us because they ain't us. 1049 00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,388 Exactly. They hate us because they ain't us. 1050 00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:56,700 - That's a great saying, okay? - Hate us because they ain't us! 1051 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,506 They hate us because they ain't us! 1052 00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,780 Kim! You got a break! 1053 00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:04,186 Alley-oop! 1054 00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:08,420 That's all right. That's all right. 1055 00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:10,031 Oh, my ankles. 1056 00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:12,544 - Okay. - Hey, Kim. 1057 00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,870 Let me ask you something. 1058 00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:23,631 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay? 1059 00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:28,708 He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine. 1060 00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:33,351 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals. 1061 00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:39,300 I don't have to worry about that anymore. 1062 00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:42,822 Because guess what I get tons of? 1063 00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:49,109 - Pussy. - Oh, my God. 1064 01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:23,940 Hey. 1065 01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:27,906 Dude, you just spent the fucking day with Kim Jong-un. What happened? 1066 01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:29,900 It was amazing. 1067 01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,660 - It was amazing? - Yeah. 1068 01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:34,180 It was one of the best days of my life. 1069 01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:36,220 - What? - We smoked joints... 1070 01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:37,900 played basketball... 1071 01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:39,500 fucked chicks. 1072 01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:41,260 We had the best margaritas. 1073 01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,260 Did you say you fucked chicks? 1074 01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:47,740 Oh, my God. Kim Jong is an animal! 1075 01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,060 You know you have to kill this guy tomorrow. 1076 01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:53,580 I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. 1077 01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:54,820 Okay. 1078 01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,020 America, you know... 1079 01:00:57,120 --> 01:01:01,660 always putting its nose in things and screwing them up. 1080 01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:04,900 The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media. 1081 01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:06,980 - Yeah? - You're the media. 1082 01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:08,784 You get what's happening here? 1083 01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,900 Maybe the media's manipulating you. 1084 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,580 What the fuck does that even mean? 1085 01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:17,700 I'm the only one who's spent real time with him. 1086 01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,620 Spent face-to-face time! Dick-to-dick! 1087 01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:25,260 It's just, man, I can sympathize with people that get dumped on by the media. 1088 01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,460 - And it sucks. - You know what else fucking sucks? 1089 01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:31,700 Concentration camps, famine, firing squads... 1090 01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:33,982 - I didn't see any here. Have you? - No... 1091 01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:39,420 Your attendance is required in the banquet room of the Eternal Leader. 1092 01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:43,340 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah, seriously. You look fantastic. 1093 01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:47,780 Your obsession with my well-being is only making me more suspicious of you. 1094 01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:49,180 Don't be suspicious. 1095 01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,620 - I want to know what your routine is. - Do you take vitamins? 1096 01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,140 - You're doing something right. - You look good. 1097 01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,742 Do not ask us any more question. Meet us in the banquet hall. 1098 01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:37,470 You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies? 1099 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,260 I think it's funny. 1100 01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,110 That is funny. 1101 01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:51,426 Oh, no. 1102 01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,625 It's happening. 1103 01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:02,027 Dave. 1104 01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:04,580 Dave. 1105 01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:08,865 No. 1106 01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,107 - Wait, what? - Look at the fu... 1107 01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:23,867 They're good. 1108 01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:29,830 Oh, shit. Oh, Shit. Oh, shit. 1109 01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:38,426 Oh, my God. 1110 01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:42,422 - What do we do? - He's gonna poo. 1111 01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:59,181 Oh, no. 1112 01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:02,949 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. 1113 01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:08,950 It's happening. 1114 01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,269 So gross. 1115 01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:30,940 Oh, no, no, no. 1116 01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,861 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1117 01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:44,745 Oh, my God! 1118 01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:56,660 - It's okay, man. - No. 1119 01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:57,907 Come on, man. 1120 01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,420 We just killed two innocent men. 1121 01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:03,740 Look, first of all, it's not your fault that those men died. 1122 01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:06,989 Second, they had to go. They knew we were up to something. 1123 01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:12,420 - I'm out. - What? You cannot pull out of this. 1124 01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,180 - I'm pulling out. - You're way too deep. 1125 01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,300 - I'm pulling out. - No. You are leaving it in. 1126 01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:20,140 - I've been pulling out for years. - You are not pulling out of this mission. 1127 01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:22,820 That's the only reason we're here. We are doing this! 1128 01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:25,860 Kim is not evil. He was just born into a hard situation. 1129 01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:28,950 You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant. 1130 01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:36,060 - Who you calling ign'ant? - You, motherfucker. 1131 01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,060 You're fucking arrogant! 1132 01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,620 Everything he's shown you is fake. 1133 01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,620 He's shown you what you wanna see. 1134 01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:44,620 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot! 1135 01:05:44,720 --> 01:05:47,940 God, look how ready you are to betray me. 1136 01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:51,580 This whole time, I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. 1137 01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:53,660 But you're just Boromir. 1138 01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:55,180 I don't know who that is. 1139 01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:57,940 That's such a Boromir thing to say! 1140 01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,660 This is fucking done. You are fucking done after this. 1141 01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:02,980 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over. 1142 01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:05,820 - You are going to kill him! - You've turned me into a gun. 1143 01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:08,380 And you're pointing me at the one guy who gets me. 1144 01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:10,344 Well, you know what, cowboy? 1145 01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:14,900 - A gun can't fire without no bullets. - What the fuck are you doing? 1146 01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:18,183 - No, no, no! - Yes, yes, yes! 1147 01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:21,820 Realize what you just did? 1148 01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:24,620 - I just saved a life, you murderer. - You piece of... 1149 01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:25,860 Mr. Skylark. 1150 01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:29,300 The Supreme Leader requests your presence in Pyongyang for dinner. 1151 01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:31,707 He will be at your door in 30 minutes. 1152 01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:49,791 Hey, Dave. Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow. 1153 01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:55,500 That was super gross and fucked up. 1154 01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:57,065 Hi. 1155 01:06:58,240 --> 01:06:59,700 Mr. Supreme Leader. 1156 01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,026 I'm Aaron. 1157 01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:04,860 - Aaron? - Hello. 1158 01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:09,020 We never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader. 1159 01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:11,820 I just wanted to shake your hand. 1160 01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:15,911 Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine. 1161 01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,740 No! Don't shake that hand. 1162 01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:33,420 - Why not? - Yeah, why not?! 1163 01:07:33,520 --> 01:07:36,305 - Because Aaron's a Jew. - Oh, gross. 1164 01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:39,784 - Let's go, Supreme Leader. - Okay. It was nice meeting you. 1165 01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:43,100 Don't you know Jews are bad luck? 1166 01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,951 - Fuck you. - Friends don't kill friends' friends. 1167 01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,860 Okay. Okay. 1168 01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:53,664 Oh, fuck. 1169 01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:01,500 We need to review some new data... 1170 01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:03,820 the Leader wants included in the interview. 1171 01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:07,263 - Now's not really the best time. - It will only take a moment. 1172 01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:10,940 Yeah, okay. 1173 01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:12,630 - Great. - Thank you. 1174 01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:14,824 Would you like to share a drink? 1175 01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:21,020 Raise your glasses. Koh and Yu! 1176 01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:25,748 Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have: 1177 01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:27,980 Loyalty. 1178 01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:29,500 I know how you feel. 1179 01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,544 My dog Digby died when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it. 1180 01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:41,180 Loyalty is what made my father and grandfather so successful. 1181 01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:43,540 That's right. Hey, listen up. You. 1182 01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:45,500 Without loyalty... 1183 01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:48,067 a country is a lawless jungle. 1184 01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:53,660 Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle. 1185 01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:56,780 On your... knees. 1186 01:08:56,880 --> 01:08:58,580 How else can I prevail... 1187 01:08:58,680 --> 01:09:01,067 against so many enemies? 1188 01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:03,220 Defectors. 1189 01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:05,180 South Korean capitalists. 1190 01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:07,580 The people in this room... 1191 01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:10,540 who don't think I can fill my father's shoes! 1192 01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:14,062 These bastards deserve no humanity! 1193 01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:21,426 To those who seek to undermine me, at home and abroad... 1194 01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:24,220 I cannot respond with anything less... 1195 01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:26,866 than the totality of my strength! 1196 01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:32,180 If a billion people across the earth and in my own country... 1197 01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,740 must be burned to prove it... 1198 01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:37,380 then my worthiness as a Kim... 1199 01:09:37,480 --> 01:09:39,662 will be demonstrated! 1200 01:09:53,120 --> 01:09:56,020 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. Is that okay? 1201 01:09:56,120 --> 01:09:57,820 I'm just feeling... 1202 01:09:57,920 --> 01:09:59,351 Too much... 1203 01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:01,625 soju, whatever. 1204 01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:03,466 Okay. 1205 01:10:04,520 --> 01:10:05,660 I'll be back. 1206 01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:09,820 So how'd you wind up as one of the heads... 1207 01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:11,784 of a dictatorship? 1208 01:10:12,680 --> 01:10:16,420 One day, officials came to my classroom in search of a young woman... 1209 01:10:16,520 --> 01:10:18,941 to serve on the Kim family personal staff. 1210 01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:21,463 They selected me. 1211 01:10:21,960 --> 01:10:23,380 Over the years... 1212 01:10:23,480 --> 01:10:25,620 I grew close with Kim Jong-un. 1213 01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:28,983 When he rose to power, he took me with him. 1214 01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:32,940 And here I am. 1215 01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:35,666 Kind of have a guy like that in my life too. 1216 01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,780 You've been with Dave a long time. 1217 01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:40,540 He's a hard guy to leave. 1218 01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:42,820 You like the money and can't say no to Dave. 1219 01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:44,580 No. 1220 01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:46,940 Yes! I know you. 1221 01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:48,980 You're fucking awesome. 1222 01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:52,940 - No, I don't understand you. - You know, it's a little bit weird. 1223 01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:56,667 Do you have a boyfriend? Is that too forward of me to ask? 1224 01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:00,544 What are you looking at? 1225 01:11:01,240 --> 01:11:02,540 I should leave. 1226 01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:03,787 Why? 1227 01:11:04,160 --> 01:11:07,300 I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you... 1228 01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:09,260 will cause me to make mistakes. 1229 01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,340 Your feelings of attraction for me? 1230 01:11:11,440 --> 01:11:12,905 Fuck this! 1231 01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:18,940 Ever since I saw you, this is all I've been thinking about. 1232 01:11:19,040 --> 01:11:20,505 Me too! 1233 01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:42,586 Fake. 1234 01:12:43,480 --> 01:12:44,911 Fake carrots. 1235 01:12:45,720 --> 01:12:46,946 Fake fruit! 1236 01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:48,541 Fake! 1237 01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:51,306 Fake! 1238 01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:53,984 Fake grapefruits! 1239 01:12:55,200 --> 01:12:56,540 Fake! 1240 01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:00,709 Liar! 1241 01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:04,503 You liar! 1242 01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:13,070 Why aren't I naked yet? 1243 01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:18,700 Yeah! 1244 01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:21,540 You're hairy! You so hairy like a bear! 1245 01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:23,340 You're fucking sexy. Yeah. 1246 01:13:23,440 --> 01:13:26,300 - Your nipples are so pink! - Yes, they are. 1247 01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:27,865 I love it! 1248 01:13:28,960 --> 01:13:30,820 No! Whoa! No! 1249 01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,620 - No hands. - No hands? 1250 01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:35,471 I'm not into handsy shit. That's how I like it. 1251 01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:40,067 - Just take it off! - Okay. 1252 01:13:41,800 --> 01:13:44,340 - You said no hands! - You hit me with your hand! 1253 01:13:44,440 --> 01:13:45,940 How do I get it off?! 1254 01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:49,220 Use your big, fat American teeth. 1255 01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:51,180 Okay! I will! 1256 01:13:51,280 --> 01:13:52,500 This is awesome. 1257 01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:53,781 Yeah! 1258 01:13:58,360 --> 01:14:00,030 Oh, this is hard. 1259 01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:06,940 Shit. 1260 01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:10,264 Oh, shit, what's wrong? 1261 01:14:11,440 --> 01:14:14,544 The numbers I gave you on potato output... 1262 01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:17,140 are exaggerated. 1263 01:14:17,240 --> 01:14:20,020 That's okay with me. I don't really care about that. 1264 01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,140 We can get back to what we were doing. 1265 01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:24,500 No, it's not just the numbers! 1266 01:14:24,600 --> 01:14:27,700 - I am a terrible person. - No. You're the best person. 1267 01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:30,860 You were about to have sex with me. That's the best thing someone could do. 1268 01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:34,667 I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship. 1269 01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:39,260 That's an area you could improve, but you don't have to dwell on it. 1270 01:14:39,360 --> 01:14:43,340 He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him! 1271 01:14:43,440 --> 01:14:47,100 You knew this this whole time. Why is this just bothering you now? 1272 01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:49,700 It's been bothering me for a long time. 1273 01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:52,260 And I'm not the only one. 1274 01:14:52,360 --> 01:14:55,703 But too many people see him as a god. 1275 01:14:56,240 --> 01:14:59,020 How do you prove to 24 million people... 1276 01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:02,702 that their god is a murderer and a liar? 1277 01:15:03,840 --> 01:15:07,260 - Aaron, I need to talk. - Fuck, it's Dave. Shit. 1278 01:15:07,360 --> 01:15:08,940 You hide in there. 1279 01:15:09,040 --> 01:15:11,507 - I'll go deal with him. - Okay. Go, go, go. 1280 01:15:12,920 --> 01:15:15,620 - Aaron, are you here? - Yeah, one sec. One sec. 1281 01:15:15,720 --> 01:15:18,551 - Don't come in, don't come in! - I need to talk. 1282 01:15:19,440 --> 01:15:21,860 - Hey, how's it going, dude? - Not good. 1283 01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:23,260 We should take a walk. 1284 01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:26,940 No, no, no. I can't walk this off. I cannot walk this off. 1285 01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:28,301 I need to... 1286 01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:31,340 I'm so fucking pissed. 1287 01:15:31,440 --> 01:15:34,510 - I just wanna hit something! - No! Don't punch anything! 1288 01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:39,820 Breathe. Just breathe. 1289 01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:41,900 - Maybe pace it out. - Fuck, man. 1290 01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:43,100 Kim. 1291 01:15:43,200 --> 01:15:44,940 - What about him? - He's going crazy. 1292 01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:48,260 He's gonna blow up the world just to show that he's the shit! 1293 01:15:48,360 --> 01:15:49,740 And at first I thought: 1294 01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:53,911 "All right, maybe he's just talking, you know. Maybe he doesn't mean it." 1295 01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:59,100 - Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit. - What? 1296 01:15:59,200 --> 01:16:01,700 All the food in that grocery store is fake! 1297 01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:03,220 He fucking lied to me. 1298 01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:05,860 Maybe that fat kid isn't fat. 1299 01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:09,020 I mean, oh! What about the concentration camps? 1300 01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:12,303 And the famine. Maybe that's real. God! 1301 01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:15,820 It is. I've been telling you that for weeks now. 1302 01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:19,180 He fucking honeydicked me. He honeydicked the shit out of me. 1303 01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:21,462 - Sucks. - You still got that poison? 1304 01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:26,860 You can't speak? What the fuck? 1305 01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:30,660 I wanna know if you have the poison so we can kill that motherfucker. 1306 01:16:30,760 --> 01:16:31,860 What?! 1307 01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:33,900 Spy! What the hell?! 1308 01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,580 - She's on our side! - Fuck's going on?! 1309 01:16:35,680 --> 01:16:37,340 - You can trust me. - You can trust her! 1310 01:16:37,440 --> 01:16:39,580 Trust her?! Are you joking?! We gotta kill her! 1311 01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:40,940 I was in bed with her! 1312 01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:42,980 We were hooking up. That's why she's here. 1313 01:16:43,080 --> 01:16:45,180 - What?! - Let him go. Everything is fine. 1314 01:16:45,280 --> 01:16:48,500 Now we gotta kill the girl that you like. This is the worst moment ever! 1315 01:16:48,600 --> 01:16:50,464 We're not killing her! 1316 01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:53,300 - She's loyal to Kim. - No! Dude! 1317 01:16:53,400 --> 01:16:55,580 She was just telling me she's with us. 1318 01:16:55,680 --> 01:16:58,860 I hate Kim. He is a terrible leader. 1319 01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:00,180 - See? - Okay. 1320 01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:01,900 She can help us kill him. 1321 01:17:02,000 --> 01:17:03,700 What? No! No! No killing! 1322 01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:06,300 Kim must die! That's the American way. 1323 01:17:06,400 --> 01:17:09,300 How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake? 1324 01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:10,860 As many times as it takes. 1325 01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:12,580 Killing Kim won't change anything. 1326 01:17:12,680 --> 01:17:15,580 You said it yourself! We gotta do something. Right? 1327 01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,620 He will be replaced. He has brothers, other generals. 1328 01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:22,220 The people need to be shown that he is not a god. 1329 01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:23,780 That he is a man. 1330 01:17:23,880 --> 01:17:26,180 Then they will be ready for change. 1331 01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:28,064 Yeah? How? 1332 01:17:28,480 --> 01:17:30,300 Interviewing him. 1333 01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:33,180 Everyone in North Korea will be watching. 1334 01:17:33,280 --> 01:17:35,260 No, look, the interview's scripted. 1335 01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:38,380 His people are never gonna let me ask real questions. 1336 01:17:38,480 --> 01:17:41,780 - Dave, I am his people. - She controls the broadcast. 1337 01:17:41,880 --> 01:17:44,100 I can't do political interviews. 1338 01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:45,980 I do entertainment interviews. 1339 01:17:46,080 --> 01:17:49,380 - Dude. You can fucking do this. - Yeah? 1340 01:17:49,480 --> 01:17:52,180 You don't interview with your brain. You interview with your heart. 1341 01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:54,700 - True. - Your emotion, Dave. 1342 01:17:54,800 --> 01:18:00,100 You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby in front of all of North Korea? 1343 01:18:00,200 --> 01:18:02,029 They'll know he's not a god. 1344 01:18:02,520 --> 01:18:04,304 I think I can do this. 1345 01:18:04,840 --> 01:18:06,100 You can do it. 1346 01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:07,780 I'm Dave Skylark... 1347 01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:10,100 and I can interview anyone. 1348 01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:13,463 - Yeah, you can. - Let's take this motherfucker down! 1349 01:18:27,400 --> 01:18:29,340 Oh, God! Oh, God! 1350 01:18:29,440 --> 01:18:32,384 You got a lot of pent-up energy! Oh, God! 1351 01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:36,900 Okay. Everything's ready. 1352 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:39,380 You ready to rock? You memorize those facts? 1353 01:18:39,480 --> 01:18:41,380 - I'm ready, baby. - Great. 1354 01:18:41,480 --> 01:18:43,860 - How many people in camps? - Two hundred thousand. 1355 01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:46,180 - How many malnourished? - Sixteen million. 1356 01:18:46,280 --> 01:18:48,540 They spent 800 million on nukes last year... 1357 01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:51,471 and got 200 million in food aid from the U.N. 1358 01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,780 And I got more where that came from, baby. 1359 01:18:54,880 --> 01:18:56,420 You're gonna nail this shit. 1360 01:18:56,520 --> 01:18:58,220 I just wish we had an escape plan. 1361 01:18:58,320 --> 01:19:00,660 - Why don't we go to Japan? - It's across the Sea of Japan. 1362 01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:02,100 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that. 1363 01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:03,980 - I'm a good swimmer. - It's really far. 1364 01:19:04,080 --> 01:19:05,780 - People have done it. - Nope. 1365 01:19:05,880 --> 01:19:07,260 - Michael Phelps did it. - Not true. 1366 01:19:07,360 --> 01:19:09,588 - Okay. - Skylark, two-minute warning. 1367 01:19:10,080 --> 01:19:12,990 - Keep me on the air as long as you can. - I will, man. 1368 01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:16,391 - Maybe we won't get out of here. - No. We might die. 1369 01:19:17,280 --> 01:19:20,304 I've had a great life. I had the best, best friend. 1370 01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,900 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres. 1371 01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:26,821 Now, it's time for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet. 1372 01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:30,827 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all. 1373 01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:36,306 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes... 1374 01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:38,500 they knew... 1375 01:19:38,600 --> 01:19:41,460 that this might be the end of the long road. 1376 01:19:41,560 --> 01:19:43,580 But they also knew... 1377 01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:45,780 how much they meant to each other. 1378 01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:49,780 And even though neither one could say it out loud... 1379 01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:52,551 they were both thinking: 1380 01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:55,220 - I love you. - I love you. 1381 01:19:55,320 --> 01:19:56,980 Bro. 1382 01:19:57,080 --> 01:20:00,150 - Okay, man. You got this. - Okay. 1383 01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:05,590 Showtime. 1384 01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:05,140 Dave. 1385 01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:07,141 Kim. 1386 01:21:08,720 --> 01:21:12,380 Are you ready to share with the world that gorgeous smile of yours? 1387 01:21:12,480 --> 01:21:15,789 Tonight, I think it's your smile they wanna see. 1388 01:21:17,160 --> 01:21:18,980 I have something for you. 1389 01:21:19,080 --> 01:21:20,306 What? 1390 01:21:22,960 --> 01:21:24,983 - What's this? - Open. 1391 01:21:34,360 --> 01:21:36,542 - For me? - For you. 1392 01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:42,900 He's just like Digby. 1393 01:21:43,000 --> 01:21:44,180 Just like Digby. 1394 01:21:44,280 --> 01:21:47,509 - I think I'm gonna die. Oh, my God. - Don't die, please. 1395 01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:49,780 Not till after the interview. 1396 01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:52,180 This dog is killing me with cuteness. 1397 01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,460 He's crazy cute. 1398 01:21:53,560 --> 01:21:56,743 - Can I keep it? - Take him home, forever and ever. 1399 01:21:57,680 --> 01:21:58,941 Why? 1400 01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:03,620 I live a lonely life, Dave. 1401 01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:08,180 And it warms my heart to know that there is someone in this world... 1402 01:22:08,280 --> 01:22:11,543 with whom I can truly be myself. 1403 01:22:12,520 --> 01:22:14,622 Whatever they say about you... 1404 01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:17,706 they're wrong. 1405 01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:22,260 I'm just me, and I do my best. 1406 01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:24,030 You're my brother. 1407 01:22:25,080 --> 01:22:26,705 You're my brother. 1408 01:22:28,480 --> 01:22:30,460 Let's get this out of the way, okay? 1409 01:22:30,560 --> 01:22:32,460 - Okay. - Okay. 1410 01:22:32,560 --> 01:22:34,740 And what are we gonna name you, huh? 1411 01:22:34,840 --> 01:22:36,704 You need a name? Yes, you do. 1412 01:22:42,720 --> 01:22:45,346 Look, look. He looks just like Digby. 1413 01:22:46,760 --> 01:22:48,500 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 1414 01:22:48,600 --> 01:22:50,862 We'll see you in a minute. Bye-bye. 1415 01:22:52,640 --> 01:22:55,500 - Okay. Shall we begin? - Okay. You ready? 1416 01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:57,862 Shut the fuck up. Guys, it's starting! 1417 01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,420 And we're on in five... 1418 01:23:02,520 --> 01:23:04,463 four, three... 1419 01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:10,820 Good evening. And good morning to our viewers around the world. 1420 01:23:10,920 --> 01:23:12,620 I'm Dave Skylark. 1421 01:23:12,720 --> 01:23:16,620 Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history. 1422 01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:18,820 I'm with President Kim Jong-un... 1423 01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:21,780 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 1424 01:23:21,880 --> 01:23:25,460 We are broadcasting from a station outside of Pyongyang... 1425 01:23:25,560 --> 01:23:29,631 for this very special edition of: Skylark Tonight. 1426 01:23:31,760 --> 01:23:34,420 Thank you for joining me, President Kim Jong-un. 1427 01:23:34,520 --> 01:23:37,060 It is my pleasure, Dave. You know... 1428 01:23:37,160 --> 01:23:40,500 there is so much misunderstanding about North Korea... 1429 01:23:40,600 --> 01:23:42,460 and me personally. 1430 01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:47,100 And I can't think of a man with greater intelligence than you. 1431 01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:48,300 I am grateful... 1432 01:23:48,400 --> 01:23:53,140 for this opportunity for my government and for the international community... 1433 01:23:53,240 --> 01:23:56,980 to forge a better relationship. 1434 01:23:57,080 --> 01:24:00,020 - So you wanna set the record straight. - Indeed, Dave. 1435 01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:01,381 Camera three. 1436 01:24:03,200 --> 01:24:06,420 Tensions between your nation and South Korea are at a high. 1437 01:24:06,520 --> 01:24:09,620 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict. 1438 01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:11,980 So what I want to know is... 1439 01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:14,860 in these times of great stress... 1440 01:24:14,960 --> 01:24:16,700 do you do karaoke? 1441 01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,260 Yes, I do, Dave. 1442 01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:22,060 I believe that it is important for those in power... 1443 01:24:22,160 --> 01:24:24,620 to remain in touch with the beauty in life. 1444 01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:27,820 You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you? 1445 01:24:27,920 --> 01:24:29,260 Well, how can I not be? 1446 01:24:29,360 --> 01:24:32,820 - He's reading the script. - He lulls them and then he gets them. 1447 01:24:32,920 --> 01:24:34,300 It's his technique. 1448 01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:35,820 The beauty guides you. 1449 01:24:35,920 --> 01:24:37,306 It guides my hand. 1450 01:24:37,920 --> 01:24:39,940 This is fucking bullshit. 1451 01:24:40,040 --> 01:24:43,300 Let's take it to a serious tip. Supreme Leader Kim... 1452 01:24:43,400 --> 01:24:48,820 when the United States, which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons... 1453 01:24:48,920 --> 01:24:53,070 insists that countries like yours have none... 1454 01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:56,580 does that feel hypocritical to you? 1455 01:24:56,680 --> 01:24:59,460 Many Americans do not realize... 1456 01:24:59,560 --> 01:25:04,060 that the war in North Korea was entirely the fault of the United States. 1457 01:25:04,160 --> 01:25:06,820 Damn! Kim's calling us out! 1458 01:25:06,920 --> 01:25:08,780 - You really are still hopeful? - No. 1459 01:25:08,880 --> 01:25:11,180 I'm not hopeful at all. He's bailed on the plan. 1460 01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:13,340 America, what you done to these Koreans? 1461 01:25:13,440 --> 01:25:15,500 This is a little embarrassing. 1462 01:25:15,600 --> 01:25:18,220 When you think of all that your country has been through... 1463 01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:21,100 the wars, the floods... 1464 01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:23,820 do you think your people should be rewarded... 1465 01:25:23,920 --> 01:25:26,990 for their resilience and strength? 1466 01:25:27,520 --> 01:25:29,622 Of course, Dave. 1467 01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:34,749 Then, why don't you feed them? 1468 01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:45,030 I... 1469 01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:47,421 Camera two. 1470 01:25:50,320 --> 01:25:52,180 I beg your pardon? 1471 01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:54,340 Why don't you feed your people? 1472 01:25:54,440 --> 01:25:57,620 They are hungry. Specifically, two-thirds of them. 1473 01:25:57,720 --> 01:26:02,220 Isn't that embarrassing since you're the one they view as a provider and a god? 1474 01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:05,300 And you spend $800 million on nukes every year? 1475 01:26:05,400 --> 01:26:07,548 And you have 16 million starving people? 1476 01:26:15,640 --> 01:26:17,500 Are you sure you don't... 1477 01:26:17,600 --> 01:26:20,140 mean to ask me about potato yields? 1478 01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:23,060 No. I wanna know about that other thing I just asked. 1479 01:26:23,160 --> 01:26:24,580 Okay, well... 1480 01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:27,386 Dave, as you have seen for yourself... 1481 01:26:27,960 --> 01:26:30,660 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea. 1482 01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,220 What I saw for myself... 1483 01:26:32,320 --> 01:26:35,220 was a fake grocery store... 1484 01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:38,151 with a fake fat kid planted right in from' of it! 1485 01:26:41,920 --> 01:26:45,660 Okay, this is an offensive line of questioning. 1486 01:26:45,760 --> 01:26:48,420 I don't think it's offensive. It's important. 1487 01:26:48,520 --> 01:26:51,260 If you don't wanna answer, you can get up and walk away. 1488 01:26:51,360 --> 01:26:53,100 I can't keep you from retreating. 1489 01:26:53,200 --> 01:26:56,020 - He's gonna go for the button. - He's sitting there. Not moving. 1490 01:26:56,120 --> 01:26:58,100 - He's going for the button! - He's not. 1491 01:26:58,200 --> 01:27:01,349 - Oh, shit. He's making a move! - Don't move, homie! 1492 01:27:02,400 --> 01:27:03,831 Get your hand away! 1493 01:27:07,840 --> 01:27:11,660 I will cap you! I'm exploding with energy. I can't believe this. 1494 01:27:11,760 --> 01:27:14,147 I feel so alive right now. This is so real. 1495 01:27:14,640 --> 01:27:16,500 He's got him. Nice! 1496 01:27:16,600 --> 01:27:19,226 - Dave! Dave. - I know you, Kim. 1497 01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:29,540 Dave, perhaps the question you should ask is: 1498 01:27:29,640 --> 01:27:33,140 How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished... 1499 01:27:33,240 --> 01:27:36,260 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions... 1500 01:27:36,360 --> 01:27:40,431 imposed on North Korea by the United States? 1501 01:27:40,840 --> 01:27:42,226 Sanctions? 1502 01:27:43,200 --> 01:27:48,140 Don't you know that the U.S. has more incarcerated people per capita than us? 1503 01:27:48,240 --> 01:27:49,340 No. But... 1504 01:27:49,440 --> 01:27:53,020 So perhaps now you would like to return to the civil discussion... 1505 01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:55,382 we had originally agreed upon. 1506 01:27:57,640 --> 01:27:59,504 No! Get him! 1507 01:28:03,560 --> 01:28:05,742 Oh, shit! Go to camera one! 1508 01:28:10,120 --> 01:28:12,063 Camera three! Camera three! 1509 01:28:17,040 --> 01:28:18,301 Do not move, homie! 1510 01:28:27,480 --> 01:28:30,709 Give me something! Give me fucking something! Okay. 1511 01:28:31,960 --> 01:28:36,060 Why?! Fuck! Shit, that hurts! 1512 01:28:36,160 --> 01:28:38,580 We don't have concentration camps, Dave. 1513 01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:43,229 Have you seen one person mistreated since your arrival here? 1514 01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:49,944 Oh, shit! Shit. Someone's coming. Someone's coming. 1515 01:29:03,800 --> 01:29:05,380 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 1516 01:29:05,480 --> 01:29:08,380 Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo... 1517 01:29:08,480 --> 01:29:10,264 of widespread hunger... 1518 01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:18,025 Aaron! 1519 01:29:30,600 --> 01:29:32,589 Do not fuck with my angles! 1520 01:29:45,120 --> 01:29:47,222 Oh, shit! Oh, shit. 1521 01:29:48,440 --> 01:29:50,304 You're fucking up the angles! 1522 01:29:51,480 --> 01:29:53,150 Sit still! 1523 01:29:54,440 --> 01:29:55,621 Slow push! 1524 01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:11,500 Thank you! 1525 01:30:11,600 --> 01:30:13,700 Face it, Dave, you have failed. 1526 01:30:13,800 --> 01:30:17,260 You've made wild allegations, but you have proven nothing. 1527 01:30:17,360 --> 01:30:21,260 You made this long journey just to show the world that they were right about you. 1528 01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:25,420 You are incapable of conducting a real interview. 1529 01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:27,304 You're a joke! 1530 01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:32,785 Maybe you're right. 1531 01:30:34,640 --> 01:30:35,946 Yeah, it sucks. 1532 01:30:36,400 --> 01:30:38,662 Because I need people's approval. 1533 01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:41,780 Desperately. 1534 01:30:41,880 --> 01:30:43,789 Because I could never get it... 1535 01:30:44,280 --> 01:30:46,621 from my father when I was a kid. 1536 01:30:53,200 --> 01:30:56,110 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim. 1537 01:30:58,200 --> 01:30:59,745 Your father... 1538 01:31:00,920 --> 01:31:03,705 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures. 1539 01:31:05,160 --> 01:31:07,388 He told you that margaritas are gay. 1540 01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:10,905 I have no comment on margaritas. 1541 01:31:11,440 --> 01:31:15,750 - Then why don't you drink them? - I don't like brain freeze. 1542 01:31:17,440 --> 01:31:19,620 Fuck you, Dave. 1543 01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:21,740 You fucking asshole! 1544 01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:24,420 I just have one more question for you. 1545 01:31:26,440 --> 01:31:30,980 Do you ever feel like a plastic bag 1546 01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:35,868 Drifting through the wind Wanting to start again? 1547 01:31:36,480 --> 01:31:39,460 - What is that? I don't know what that is. - Yes, you do. 1548 01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:42,100 No, I don't. I never heard that before. 1549 01:31:42,200 --> 01:31:46,100 Do you ever feel Feel so paper-thin 1550 01:31:46,840 --> 01:31:49,500 Just like a house of cards 1551 01:31:49,600 --> 01:31:52,226 One blow from caving in? 1552 01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:56,340 - I don't know what you're singing. - You know what it is. 1553 01:31:56,440 --> 01:31:58,781 - No, I don't. - You don't need to lie. 1554 01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:01,380 Katy Perry's your favorite! 1555 01:32:01,480 --> 01:32:04,780 Katy who? I don't know who you're talking about. 1556 01:32:04,880 --> 01:32:09,260 You just gotta ignite the light 1557 01:32:09,360 --> 01:32:12,660 And let it shine 1558 01:32:12,760 --> 01:32:14,740 Not the chorus, please! 1559 01:32:14,840 --> 01:32:19,820 And own the night Like it's the Fourth of July 1560 01:32:19,920 --> 01:32:24,140 - 'Cause, Kimmy, you're a firework - Stop! 1561 01:32:24,240 --> 01:32:28,300 Go and show 'em what you're worth 1562 01:32:28,400 --> 01:32:31,820 And make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh" 1563 01:32:31,920 --> 01:32:35,547 As you sail across the sky-y-y 1564 01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:39,300 Kimmy, you're a firework 1565 01:32:39,400 --> 01:32:40,780 No! 1566 01:32:40,880 --> 01:32:43,140 I don't need my father! 1567 01:32:43,240 --> 01:32:45,741 I am strong! 1568 01:33:09,680 --> 01:33:11,060 Excuse me. 1569 01:33:11,160 --> 01:33:13,740 - Did you just shart? - No, I didn't. 1570 01:33:13,840 --> 01:33:16,100 It was that camera guy. 1571 01:33:16,200 --> 01:33:17,340 It wasn't me. 1572 01:33:17,440 --> 01:33:21,670 Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Jong-un has just pooed in his pants. 1573 01:33:27,520 --> 01:33:29,349 Let's get the fuck out of here. 1574 01:33:30,360 --> 01:33:31,871 Yeah. Let's go. 1575 01:34:12,200 --> 01:34:15,220 Damn, girl. You a badass. 1576 01:34:15,320 --> 01:34:17,940 I thought you were my friend, Dave. 1577 01:34:18,040 --> 01:34:20,029 I thought you were my friend, Kim. 1578 01:34:21,040 --> 01:34:22,900 I thought everyone lied about you. 1579 01:34:23,000 --> 01:34:25,380 And then I saw that fake grapefruit... 1580 01:34:25,480 --> 01:34:27,264 in that fake grocery store... 1581 01:34:27,880 --> 01:34:30,347 and I realized that you were a fake friend. 1582 01:34:31,680 --> 01:34:34,020 You said you were gonna blow everybody up... 1583 01:34:34,120 --> 01:34:36,420 just to show what a big guy you are? 1584 01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:39,180 No friend would blow up another friend's country. 1585 01:34:39,280 --> 01:34:42,660 You're just a flawed man with a big ol' butthole. 1586 01:34:42,760 --> 01:34:44,908 And you pee and poo like the rest of us. 1587 01:34:56,000 --> 01:34:57,465 Well, tell me this, Dave: 1588 01:34:59,280 --> 01:35:03,580 Will you be so cocky when I slay you in front of the whole world... 1589 01:35:03,680 --> 01:35:05,942 you Yankee motherfucker? 1590 01:35:06,360 --> 01:35:09,623 If you shoot me, you'll just be proving me right. 1591 01:35:10,600 --> 01:35:12,350 You're just a sad, little man. 1592 01:35:16,360 --> 01:35:18,861 Dave! Dave, no! 1593 01:35:23,480 --> 01:35:25,780 This is Dave Skylark... 1594 01:35:25,880 --> 01:35:27,630 signing off. 1595 01:35:33,480 --> 01:35:35,503 Goodbye, Dave. 1596 01:35:44,560 --> 01:35:45,946 Oh, man. 1597 01:35:52,920 --> 01:35:54,220 Bulletproof vest. 1598 01:35:54,320 --> 01:35:56,024 Genius! 1599 01:35:57,720 --> 01:36:00,180 He's alive, everybody. Oh, fuck! 1600 01:36:00,280 --> 01:36:03,020 Got a bulletproof vest on! I don't know how he got it! 1601 01:36:03,120 --> 01:36:04,580 But he's got it on! 1602 01:36:04,680 --> 01:36:06,980 Thank you for watching my interview. 1603 01:36:07,080 --> 01:36:08,500 This is Dave Skylark... 1604 01:36:08,600 --> 01:36:10,668 signing off. 1605 01:36:11,800 --> 01:36:13,345 - No! - Aaron! 1606 01:36:14,120 --> 01:36:17,260 - Let's get the fuck out of here. - Wait! The puppy. 1607 01:36:17,360 --> 01:36:20,820 - What happened to your hand? - Someone bit my fucking fingers off. 1608 01:36:20,920 --> 01:36:23,307 - That's just like Frodo! - Whoa! Shit! 1609 01:36:24,360 --> 01:36:25,791 Don't shoot! I have a puppy! 1610 01:36:41,080 --> 01:36:42,341 Go! 1611 01:36:46,120 --> 01:36:48,620 - Oh, no, no! Oh! Oh, no! - Who is that?! 1612 01:36:48,720 --> 01:36:51,300 - Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! - Keep shooting! 1613 01:36:51,400 --> 01:36:52,620 Oh, no! 1614 01:36:52,720 --> 01:36:54,822 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! There's more! 1615 01:36:56,760 --> 01:36:58,908 You're a hero! Thank you, sir! 1616 01:37:53,680 --> 01:37:55,420 That's the only way out! 1617 01:37:55,520 --> 01:37:58,021 Hey. I have an idea. 1618 01:37:58,440 --> 01:37:59,746 Follow me. 1619 01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:16,780 Is this Katy fucking Perry?! 1620 01:38:16,880 --> 01:38:18,823 Leave it on! It's helping me concentrate! 1621 01:38:32,360 --> 01:38:35,464 - Oh, shit. Are those fucking nukes?! - Let me check. 1622 01:38:38,920 --> 01:38:42,183 Oh, we really fucked up! He's arming his fucking nukes! 1623 01:38:47,760 --> 01:38:48,907 Fuck! 1624 01:38:59,880 --> 01:39:01,903 Skylark! 1625 01:39:06,720 --> 01:39:09,100 Kim! 1626 01:39:09,200 --> 01:39:11,064 Fuck you! 1627 01:39:26,960 --> 01:39:28,660 I've been grazed! 1628 01:39:28,760 --> 01:39:30,420 - How's the puppy? - Puppy is okay! 1629 01:39:30,520 --> 01:39:32,429 Protect that puppy with your life! 1630 01:39:43,320 --> 01:39:45,740 We gotta do something! He's gonna kill us! 1631 01:39:45,840 --> 01:39:47,942 We're in a tank! Shoot him back! 1632 01:39:52,200 --> 01:39:55,941 - It's loaded! - Let's barbecue this motherfucker! 1633 01:40:03,360 --> 01:40:04,905 On three! 1634 01:40:05,960 --> 01:40:07,346 Balls to the wall! 1635 01:40:08,920 --> 01:40:10,351 Boom, boom... 1636 01:40:13,080 --> 01:40:14,466 boom! 1637 01:41:39,400 --> 01:41:40,990 Yes! Yes! 1638 01:41:42,920 --> 01:41:44,060 Yes! 1639 01:41:44,160 --> 01:41:46,911 Okay. 1640 01:41:48,560 --> 01:41:51,300 That way. It's an old mining tunnel. 1641 01:41:51,400 --> 01:41:54,580 - Holy shit, where does that go? - West. Away from Pyongyang. 1642 01:41:54,680 --> 01:41:58,140 Keep moving until you reach the coast. I wish you both luck. 1643 01:41:58,240 --> 01:42:00,380 You sound like you're not coming with us. 1644 01:42:00,480 --> 01:42:03,820 - I have to go to Pyongyang. - Right back into the snake pit! 1645 01:42:03,920 --> 01:42:07,020 I can't leave North Korea. I just helped plunge it into chaos! 1646 01:42:07,120 --> 01:42:08,740 So did we. I'm okay with leaving. 1647 01:42:08,840 --> 01:42:11,940 I have to ensure that the power does not transfer to the wrong hands. 1648 01:42:12,040 --> 01:42:14,905 I can't deny that we have chemistry. 1649 01:42:15,520 --> 01:42:18,146 But I have to stay here for my people. 1650 01:42:19,600 --> 01:42:20,781 Okay. 1651 01:42:21,920 --> 01:42:23,180 I'm glad to meet you. 1652 01:42:23,280 --> 01:42:24,506 Okay. 1653 01:42:25,720 --> 01:42:27,504 Kiss her. 1654 01:42:28,640 --> 01:42:30,310 Kiss her, dude. 1655 01:42:30,800 --> 01:42:31,981 Yeah, get in there. 1656 01:42:34,440 --> 01:42:35,666 Nice. 1657 01:42:41,920 --> 01:42:44,068 I'm happy to have met you, Aaron. 1658 01:42:45,040 --> 01:42:46,221 Me too. 1659 01:42:47,960 --> 01:42:49,107 Bye, Sook! 1660 01:42:49,800 --> 01:42:51,709 Have fun with the war. 1661 01:43:13,240 --> 01:43:15,149 - All right, it's clear. - Okay. 1662 01:43:17,720 --> 01:43:18,901 Okay, here you go. 1663 01:43:19,800 --> 01:43:21,740 - You got him? - Yeah. 1664 01:43:21,840 --> 01:43:24,068 You out of that big ol' scary hole? 1665 01:43:27,280 --> 01:43:29,780 - Where are we? - I don't know. 1666 01:43:29,880 --> 01:43:31,020 Is this China? 1667 01:43:31,120 --> 01:43:33,905 - I don't know. Looks like North Korea. - Yeah. 1668 01:43:34,760 --> 01:43:36,380 - Man. - Which Way's the coast? 1669 01:43:36,480 --> 01:43:38,980 I have no idea. Does that do something? 1670 01:43:39,080 --> 01:43:41,420 - Dogs always run to the sea. - Not true. 1671 01:43:41,520 --> 01:43:44,260 - You gotta find the sea. - That's not gonna happen. 1672 01:43:44,360 --> 01:43:45,860 Shit. 1673 01:43:45,960 --> 01:43:48,660 - Shit, shit, shit! - Protect the puppy! 1674 01:43:48,760 --> 01:43:50,589 Stop! It's them! 1675 01:43:52,880 --> 01:43:54,980 Echo Romeo Five, Echo Romeo Five. 1676 01:43:55,080 --> 01:43:57,700 We have contact with Dung Beetle and Aardvark. 1677 01:43:57,800 --> 01:43:59,140 Aaron, Dave. 1678 01:43:59,240 --> 01:44:02,060 - I'm Captain Sung, SEAL Team 6. - Holy shit. 1679 01:44:02,160 --> 01:44:03,380 How'd you find us? 1680 01:44:03,480 --> 01:44:06,980 The GPS on your wristwatch. Let's get you boys home. 1681 01:44:07,080 --> 01:44:09,420 - Oh, my God! - For you. 1682 01:44:09,520 --> 01:44:12,271 - For me? - Is it the president? 1683 01:44:12,760 --> 01:44:16,020 - Mr. Obama? - Nope, just me. Agent Lacey. 1684 01:44:16,120 --> 01:44:18,951 Agent Lacey. Fancy hearing from you here. 1685 01:44:19,440 --> 01:44:21,460 I enjoyed your interview, guys. 1686 01:44:21,560 --> 01:44:24,780 Now, try not to fuck up your extraction. 1687 01:44:24,880 --> 01:44:26,060 Get home safe. 1688 01:44:26,160 --> 01:44:29,540 Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies? 1689 01:44:29,640 --> 01:44:33,222 - And you get all the good stuff. - Let's just go. Can we please go? 1690 01:44:44,760 --> 01:44:45,941 Get them in. 1691 01:45:13,000 --> 01:45:14,660 She honeypotted me. 1692 01:45:14,760 --> 01:45:17,220 - What? What are you talking about? - Sook. 1693 01:45:17,320 --> 01:45:21,311 Think about it, man. I mean, she researched me, she seduced me... 1694 01:45:21,760 --> 01:45:25,380 she commandeered my plans, made them her own. She used me. 1695 01:45:25,480 --> 01:45:29,420 I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause... 1696 01:45:29,520 --> 01:45:31,031 but she honeypotted me. 1697 01:45:31,440 --> 01:45:34,980 Yeah. Well, good riddance. I hated that fucking bitch. 1698 01:45:35,080 --> 01:45:36,181 Really? 1699 01:45:37,320 --> 01:45:40,580 No. Just thought it'd make you feel better. 1700 01:45:40,680 --> 01:45:42,620 That was your one true love. 1701 01:45:42,720 --> 01:45:44,620 Now she's gone. 1702 01:45:44,720 --> 01:45:47,221 Doesn't make me feel any better. 1703 01:45:48,520 --> 01:45:50,300 Well, you have us. 1704 01:45:50,400 --> 01:45:52,150 And we love you! 1705 01:45:56,160 --> 01:45:58,183 We all love each other! 1706 01:46:07,400 --> 01:46:11,980 "And as the North Korean coastline receded in the distance... 1707 01:46:12,080 --> 01:46:14,660 we heard the crackle of gunfire. 1708 01:46:15,720 --> 01:46:18,346 It was the beginning of a revolution. 1709 01:46:18,800 --> 01:46:23,100 A revolution Aaron and I had started. 1710 01:46:23,200 --> 01:46:26,300 - Of course, in a tale like this... - Malcolm. 1711 01:46:26,400 --> 01:46:28,741 You might expect to find some... 1712 01:46:29,520 --> 01:46:34,865 ...hot CIA honeypot bombshell." 1713 01:46:42,320 --> 01:46:44,661 "Maybe a few drones... 1714 01:46:45,120 --> 01:46:47,900 or a secret CIA watch." 1715 01:46:48,000 --> 01:46:49,980 - You got Skype. - So good to see you. 1716 01:46:50,080 --> 01:46:52,103 Wait, someone else wants to say hi. 1717 01:46:53,400 --> 01:46:55,860 Guess what we named him? Kim Jong-un! 1718 01:46:55,960 --> 01:46:57,660 That's a little fucked up, no? 1719 01:46:57,760 --> 01:46:59,940 It's super fucked up. But he's cute. 1720 01:47:00,040 --> 01:47:01,983 "But there was none of that. 1721 01:47:02,400 --> 01:47:03,700 No. 1722 01:47:03,800 --> 01:47:05,900 This was a revolution... 1723 01:47:06,000 --> 01:47:10,340 ignited with nothing more than a camera... 1724 01:47:10,440 --> 01:47:12,110 and some questions. 1725 01:47:12,520 --> 01:47:14,940 Questions that led a man... 1726 01:47:15,040 --> 01:47:16,540 once revered as a god... 1727 01:47:16,640 --> 01:47:18,500 among mortals... 1728 01:47:18,600 --> 01:47:22,705 ...to cry and shit his pants." 1729 01:47:23,400 --> 01:47:24,831 The end. 1730 01:47:25,720 --> 01:47:26,946 Thank you. 132762