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We now turn to the hostile nation
of North Korea.
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The rocket they are testing
is big enough...
3
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,660
to reach the West Coast
of the United States.
4
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,820
Today, an official of the United Nations
tried to tell the world...
5
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,740
so there will be no mistake...
6
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,100
that we are living in the midst
of a modern-day Hitler.
7
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,660
A young, untested leader
with nuclear ambition...
8
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,460
- Kim Jong-un.
- Kim Jong-un.
9
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,860
We are talking about Kim Jong-un.
10
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,540
Good evening. I'm Dave Skylark.
11
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,180
Tonight, we are joined
by 13-time Grammy winner...
12
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,380
Oscar-winning songwriter, Detroit's own:
13
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,580
Eminem.
14
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:23,820
He'll speak with us about his new album
which has been mired in controversy...
15
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:27,060
concerning lyrics
that some view as demeaning...
16
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,980
to the elderly.
17
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,340
Tonight...
18
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,349
on Skylark Tonight.
19
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And...
20
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,865
action.
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00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,900
"It's hell to be Shady
22
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Yesterday, I yelled a degrading insult
At an elderly lady
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Then I asked her how it felt to be 80
24
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,980
F-word a senior citizen
25
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,501
Suck a wiener, sit and spin"
26
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,666
- "Suck a wiener, sit and spin"
- It's funny.
27
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,700
"And why you drive so slow for?
28
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,620
Don't you wanna get
Where you're going faster
29
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,500
Since you'll probably die tomorrow
You old whore?
30
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,420
Die, old bitch, die
31
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,220
Before I murder you"
32
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,140
What do you mean by this, Em?
33
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,860
Well, first of all,
I feel like when I rap, like...
34
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,780
people twist my words.
35
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,340
Okay. But can you see
how an old person might say:
36
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,580
"I think what this guy is telling me,
this Eminem...
37
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:35,024
is that I should go kill myself,
and, you know, I don't like that"?
38
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,180
I mean, I don't necessarily rap about...
39
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,940
the things that I hate.
40
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,500
It's more about the things that I fear.
41
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,740
I get you.
42
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,780
- If I talk about women or whatever.
- Yes.
43
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,460
A lot of that is more or less me
just dealing with issues with...
44
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,620
old issues with my mom or whatever.
45
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,151
With your mother?
46
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,740
Yeah, or, you know, when I say things
about gay people...
47
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,180
or people think
my lyrics are homophobic.
48
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,870
It's because I'm gay.
49
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,700
- When I rap about violence...
- Wait.
50
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,620
...or, you know,
sound like I'm promoting violence...
51
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,700
- ...I think that it's more or less...
- What? What? What?
52
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,580
...because, you know, it's kind of
about me just confronting it.
53
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,100
What did he just say?
54
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,660
He said he was gay.
55
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,180
Dave. Dave, we're pretty sure
we just heard him say he was gay.
56
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,460
Em, let's just back it up a moment.
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00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,060
You...
58
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,420
just said...
59
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,588
that you were gay?
60
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:37,300
And I'm just curious
what you meant by that exactly.
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00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,786
I mean I'm gay.
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00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,140
I'm a little confused here
because "gay" can mean a lot of things.
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00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,024
I am a homosexual.
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00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,351
Meaning...?
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00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,511
I like men.
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00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,420
What the fuck just happened?
67
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,260
Eminem said he was gay four times.
That's what the fuck just happened.
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00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,580
- Holy shit.
- Holy shit.
69
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,060
Eminem's gay on our show.
70
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:04,660
Oh, my God. Camera two.
71
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,540
Gay Twitter's blowing up.
72
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,420
Change the chyron. "Eminem gay?!"
73
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,220
Dave, keep him talking.
Keep him talking.
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00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,700
Push in on gay Eminem.
The greatest moment in gay history!
75
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,060
...are probably shocked
by what you're saying right now.
76
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,980
I'm more shocked
that people haven't figured it out.
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00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,460
It's like I've been playing
gay peekaboo.
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00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,420
- Gay peekaboo.
- Yeah.
79
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,820
- But...
- Shit. Camera one.
80
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,020
- This interview is over. Shut it off.
- No! Get out of here.
81
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,620
I am Marshall's publicist.
Pull the plug now.
82
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,020
This is gold! This is the best interview
we've ever done!
83
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,740
What happens if I do this?
84
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,580
- Don't touch my buttons!
- Shut it off! Shut it off!
85
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,980
- Get him the fuck out of here!
- I'm gonna murder you!
86
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,582
Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics.
Say what I say.
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00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,580
What did you mean when you rapped:
88
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,780
"I said nice rectum, I had a..."
89
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,780
"...vasectomy, Hector
90
00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:02,020
So you can't get pregnant
If I bisexually wreck ya"?
91
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,940
I've pretty much just been leaving
a breadcrumb trail of gayness.
92
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,740
- I see that now.
- You know?
93
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,900
But, yeah, actually,
Hector was a real person.
94
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,180
Hector and his rectum were real.
95
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,620
- It's real! Hector's rectum is real!
- Holy shit. Yes!
96
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,820
- Slim Shady, everyone!
- I knew it!
97
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,380
- Dude, dude!
- Aaron. Bring it in.
98
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,503
- Oh, my God.
- Bring it in, big boy!
99
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,947
Oh, my God.
100
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,500
- Oh, my God.
- What the heck just happened?!
101
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,460
The real Slim Shady just stood up.
That's what happened!
102
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,180
- This is like Spike Lee said he's white!
- I can't believe this.
103
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,580
- You the man! You the man!
- You're the man!
104
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,140
- You're the best!
- You're the best.
105
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,311
Listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off.
I want you to meet me downstairs.
106
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,380
Dude, where are we going?
107
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,780
I thought we were
going to the Hamptons.
108
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,460
- What is this place?
- We're just, you know...
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00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,020
just hanging out.
110
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,460
- Okay.
- All right, all right, all right.
111
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,220
It's a surprise party for you.
112
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,740
What? Why?
Why did you just tell me that?
113
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,420
Because I'm so excited!
This is gonna be great!
114
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,820
- I don't understand what's happening.
- Surprise!
115
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,540
All right, all right,
I already told him!
116
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,420
- You're the best in the world, cocksucker.
- Not now, Malcolm. Come on.
117
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,420
Thank you. Why is this happening?
118
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,500
You've been with us for 1000 episodes!
119
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,226
- Are you kidding me?
- Ten years, baby!
120
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,386
- Come on.
- Thank you. I appreciate it.
121
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:30,101
All right, now, I know
we all like to keep it light, keep it fun.
122
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,661
I'm gonna take it to a serious tip.
123
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,100
I'm gonna talk about Aaron.
124
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:41,020
Before we started working together,
my show barely broke the top 15.
125
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,500
So I called this professor
at the Columbia School of Journalism...
126
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,020
that I was having sex with, and I said:
127
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,660
"I need someone smarter
than anyone in entertainment!
128
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,350
I need a real journalist!"
129
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,300
Aaron, you are...
130
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,460
the Samwise Gamgee...
131
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,380
to my Frodo Baggins.
132
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,580
You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins.
133
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,860
But of all The Lord of the Rings
references I could make...
134
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,427
this is the most important:
135
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,790
I am Gollum.
136
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,469
And you're my precious.
137
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,980
Sm๏ฟฝagol needs Aaron.
138
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,940
One Ring to rule them all!
139
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,460
And in the darkness bind them.
140
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,420
Now, get up here! Get up here!
141
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,740
- Come up here, buddy. I love you.
- Okay.
142
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,590
- I fucking love you.
- I love...
143
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,906
- Hey.
- Hey.
144
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,147
Jake.
145
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,180
Hey.
146
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,420
Yeah, like, what's that?
Come on, man, what's happening?
147
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,300
- Hey, yeah. What's happening?
- How's it going, dude?
148
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,020
We haven't seen each other
since graduation. Right?
149
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,260
Yeah. Probably.
150
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:55,580
And, wait, am I wrong? You're
a junior producer on 60 Minutes, right?
151
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:59,740
- I'm now a senior producer. Yeah.
- No way, man. That's awesome.
152
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,940
Look at us.
Both producing news for television.
153
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,141
Yeah.
154
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,660
- What was that?
- Nothing.
155
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,940
It was something. What's the joke?
156
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,260
You've got your job, I've got mine.
But they're different.
157
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,100
Yours is cool.
Mine's just a little more serious.
158
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,260
What? We have the same job.
159
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,420
I report real news.
You know, stuff that matters.
160
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,420
You report on all the cool:
"Who's getting new boobs?"
161
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,420
And the fun eating-disorder stuff.
162
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,420
You really helped build up
60 Minutes too, right?
163
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,900
- It's only been on for 80 fucking years.
- Look, I'm sorry.
164
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,300
I shouldn't say this,
but we got an opening at 60 Minutes.
165
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,820
- And we could use somebody like you.
- Are you serious?
166
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,860
I'm fucking with you, man. Come on!
You'd be eaten alive at our office.
167
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,700
I'm gonna catch up with these guys,
but cheers, man, congrats.
168
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,345
Or whatever.
169
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,740
When did the hair begin to go?
170
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,069
I would say, around The Outsiders.
171
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,106
When you're ready.
172
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,140
I don't think I'll ever be ready, but...
173
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,342
Oh, wig's coming off.
174
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,740
Oh, Jesus fuck.
175
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,620
Why does he keep the long pieces?
His head looks like somebody's taint.
176
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,100
- You barely look different.
- Thanks, man.
177
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,460
You said you were bald.
I see a little stuff on top.
178
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,310
- So freeing!
- Rob.
179
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,191
Is there anything that you would like
to say to America?
180
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,061
Good evening. I'm Phillip Sterling
with a UBS News special report.
181
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,460
Kim Jong-un's military forces...
182
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,340
targeted an uninhabited
South Pacific island...
183
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,460
with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM.
184
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,060
We're not live anymore.
185
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,900
- They cut our feed.
- Off the air?!
186
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,300
Goddamn it!
187
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,620
Rob, put your fucking wig on.
They fucked us. Goddamn it!
188
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,345
What's going on?
189
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,740
Dude, seriously, what is up with you?
190
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,180
Know how I'm good
at picking up energies?
191
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,540
You're shooting off a slightly cunty
vibe right now. What's going on?
192
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,700
We have millions of viewers every night
and what do we do?
193
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,860
We just shovel shit into their faces.
We could be doing something positive.
194
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,060
We could be having on authors,
activists, politicians.
195
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,780
That's what people want.
"Give us some shit. Mangia.
196
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,660
We're the people, give us the shit.
Mangia, mangia."
197
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,500
I wanted to cover actual news...
198
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,620
not Nicki Minaj's vagina
flopping out at the Grammys.
199
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,620
- You don't like brown sugar?
- Nothing to do with that.
200
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,551
I can't keep doing this, okay?
We have to change!
201
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,980
Fine.
202
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,860
- Are you serious right now?
- Yeah.
203
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:49,180
- Do you promise you'll do this?
- If you promise you'll never leave.
204
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,460
- If you promise, I promise.
- Same time.
205
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,620
- One, two, three. Promise.
- Promise.
206
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,900
- Okay.
- Okay. That's all we had to say.
207
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,260
- Don't put me through that.
- Fine. Okay.
208
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,260
I hate it when we fight.
209
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,540
No, this is not a joke, okay?
210
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,580
- I think you're being condescending.
- Look, look, look.
211
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,860
One sec.
Shut up, I'm on the phone, okay?
212
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,700
Dude. The fuck, man?!
That was John Kerry's office.
213
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,540
Forget that oak tree-looking fuck.
This tops it.
214
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,860
The Times printed it about North Korea.
Read the bottom.
215
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,740
After all the death-camp shit.
216
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,180
"Although Kim Jong-un
rallies his people...
217
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,900
with cries for the destruction
of the United States of America...
218
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,380
he is known to be an avid consumer
of American entertainment.
219
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,180
His favorite shows
are The Big Bang Theory..."
220
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,870
And...?
221
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,668
"...And Skylark Tonight."
222
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,340
This is great!
This is what you were talking about!
223
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,460
I interview this guy.
224
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,660
Are you joking? He's the most
reclusive leader on the planet.
225
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,740
He lives in North Korea.
We can't go there.
226
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,500
Dave Skylark...
227
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,940
gets in anywhere.
228
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,820
Do you remember that club?
229
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,900
Three-month waiting list. First night.
230
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,140
I don't think it's quite the same thing.
231
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,620
- There were a lot of Asian girls there.
- It's impossible, Dave.
232
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,580
Here's what we'll do.
We're gonna do that interview.
233
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,102
Everyone is gonna take you
super-duper seriously.
234
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,620
- And then you're never gonna leave me.
- North Korea's in the Olympics, right?
235
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,700
I bet they have an office to communicate
with the Olympic Committee...
236
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,140
so there's probably some infrastructure
for communicating through that.
237
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,820
- Those wheels are turning.
- If I leave a message for that office...
238
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,060
then maybe, if they're a fan,
that can actually work.
239
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,260
We could interview
the most famous man on the planet.
240
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,140
Guys, some pictures just came out...
241
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,020
where it looks like
McConaughey's fucking a goat.
242
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,030
- McConaughey goat fuck?
- McConaughey goat fuck.
243
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,060
We obviously have to have him on
to do that.
244
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,500
So put that together.
But we're doing this North Korea thing.
245
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,340
- First thing tomorrow.
- Book him!
246
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,020
- Get him! Get the goat!
- On him.
247
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,906
Get the goat!
I got some questions for that goat.
248
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,460
This is Aaron Rapaport
from Skylark Tonight.
249
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,300
We heard your Supreme Leader
is a fan of our show...
250
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,500
and we'd love to have him on.
251
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,060
Please get back to me.
252
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,860
I'm about to head into a meeting,
but I'll be around in the morning.
253
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,391
Hope to hear from you.
254
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,341
Yeah.
255
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,700
- Hi.
- Hey.
256
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,187
- Where to?
- Mercer and Spring, please.
257
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,140
Hello?
258
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,580
Hello? Who this?
259
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,700
- I am trying to reach Aaron Rapaport.
- You got Aaron Rapaport. Who this is?
260
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,500
You left word with our office
regarding an interview.
261
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,140
Look, Dave, is this you?
262
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,500
Because if it is,
you're doing a terrible Asian accent.
263
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,180
Me so sorry. Me gots to go now, son.
264
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,220
I am from the office of Sook-yin Park...
265
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:02,140
Secretary of Communications for the
Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
266
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,501
Oh, my God.
267
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,300
Shit. Me so sorry.
268
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,900
I mean, I'm so sorry.
269
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,980
I mean, I'm so sorr...
I'm so... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
270
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,180
We would like to discuss a meeting...
271
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,060
between the Supreme Leader
and Dave Skylark.
272
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,540
Security concerns dictate
the matter be discussed in person.
273
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,100
Okay, great. Where do you do that?
274
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,420
We will meet at latitude 40.1326.
275
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,500
Longitude 123.9889.
276
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,900
I'm not totally familiar
with my longitudes and latitudes.
277
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,300
Where is that again?
278
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,780
Fifty kilometers west of Dandong,
northeastern China.
279
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,584
Did you just say "China"?
280
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,148
And did you just say "dong"?
281
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,031
I'm going to motherfucking China, y'all.
282
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,300
Excuse me. Can I get in there?
283
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,780
Thank you.
284
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,141
Hi there.
285
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,585
No, thank you. I'll just get it
through secondhand smoke.
286
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,871
Selfie.
287
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,545
Where the fuck are they?
288
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,585
What the fuck...?
289
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,581
No, no!
290
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,140
I'm not...! No!
291
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,940
I'm an American journalist.
Aaron Rapaport.
292
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,302
I was invited here.
Please don't kill me!
293
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,780
I come in peace! I'm here for interview.
294
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,345
Please don't kill me!
295
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,620
Mr. Rapaport, I am Sook-yin Park.
296
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,020
The Supreme Leader
will grant an interview...
297
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,380
to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea.
298
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,380
All questions will be supplied
by the Supreme Leader.
299
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,789
Terms are nonnegotiable.
You have 24 hours to decide.
300
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,700
- That's it?!
- Yes.
301
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:16,700
Why didn't you tell me over the phone?
Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype?
302
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,380
Okay, well...
303
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,420
Look, could you give me some water?
That guy has water!
304
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,540
Please give me a ride somewhere.
305
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,620
I didn't pack well for this trip.
306
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,427
I packed like a fool!
Like a goddamn fool!
307
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,347
Please! Please!
308
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,470
Damn, she was sexy.
309
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,900
The fucking helicopter landed.
310
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,780
I'm in the middle of nowhere.
311
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,700
Two soldiers jump out.
I think I'm gonna get killed!
312
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,820
Then, out comes Sook.
I told you about her.
313
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,860
She comes out. She's hot.
314
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,220
- How hot?
- Super sexy.
315
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,060
- Get in there?
- Yeah, I fucked her.
316
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,020
- My fucking man!
- No, I didn't do that, dude. No!
317
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,260
She said we can't ask our own questions.
318
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,260
They were gonna write the questions.
We can't do it.
319
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:19,100
We're essentially letting him
interview himself with your mouth.
320
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,460
Look. Look at this buttfuck!
321
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,180
He's got a whole parade of nukes.
He's ready to use them.
322
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,460
When you score a bin Laden...
323
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,140
or a Hitler...
324
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:30,420
or an Un...
325
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,940
you take it by the balls!
326
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,700
It's the first rule of journalism.
Give the people what they want.
327
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,180
That's not the first rule.
328
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,260
That's the first rule of circuses
and demolition derbies.
329
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,020
This is the biggest interview
since Frosty/Nixon.
330
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,980
- "Frosty/Nixon"?
- In 10 years...
331
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,220
Ron Howard's gonna make a movie
out of this.
332
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,380
We do this, we can interview
any president on the planet.
333
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,500
And then you can ask them
the real questions.
334
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,220
This is like eating our vegetables.
335
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,380
Once you eat those,
then you get to eat the steak.
336
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,548
And we know Aaron wants his steak.
337
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,540
This is like The Lord of the Rings.
338
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,866
Okay?
339
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,940
I'm actually like...
340
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,904
Frodo Baggins.
341
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,902
And you are my Sam.
342
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,106
My Samwise.
343
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,140
- I can't do it without you.
- Okay.
344
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,308
Come with me to Mordor.
345
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,824
- Okay. Let's fucking do it. Yeah.
- Yeah?
346
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,940
As always, I'd like to thank my guest:
347
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,900
Joe Gordon-Levitt!
348
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,860
And before we go,
I have a very special announcement.
349
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,980
With the help of my outstanding
producer, Aaron Rapaport...
350
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:48,540
I have secured the most important
interview of the 21st century.
351
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,100
Three weeks from tonight...
352
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,660
I will be traveling to Pyongyang,
North Korea...
353
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,020
to conduct the first
globally broadcast interview...
354
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,826
with President Kim Jong-un.
355
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,940
I am deeply humbled
and profoundly honored...
356
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,340
to accept this most awesome
responsibility.
357
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,820
Apparently Dave Skylark will be
interviewing the dictator of North Korea.
358
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,900
Hundred bucks, Skylark thinks
he's the guy from "Gangnam Style."
359
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,700
...obscene glorification
of a brutal dictator.
360
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,740
This is a man who tortures,
terrorizes and starves his own people.
361
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,140
- Skylark is beneath despicable.
- Fuck this.
362
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,580
Meow.
363
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,100
What a fucking bitch, am I right?
364
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,820
No, you're not right. He's not being
a bitch. He's completely right.
365
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,580
He's motherfucking peanut butter
and jealous!
366
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,436
He's not jealous.
367
00:21:37,540 --> 00:21:40,952
He's putting K-Y
jealous all over his dick.
368
00:21:41,052 --> 00:21:42,140
What is there to be jealous of?!
369
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,220
Fuckers hate us because they ain't us.
370
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,340
They hate us because we anus?
What does anus have to do with this?
371
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,220
They hate us because they ain't us.
372
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:51,860
That's not what it is.
373
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,420
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
374
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,300
They hate us because we is us,
and what we is doing is fucking terrible.
375
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,780
- They hate us because they ain't us.
- Stop saying that.
376
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,580
- Hate us because they ain't us.
- They don't!
377
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,580
Hate us because they ain't us.
I'm used to it.
378
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:07,830
- They hate us because they ain't us.
- Stop it. Stop it. Don't say it again!
379
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,500
Baby.
380
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,225
Haters gonna hate.
381
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,580
And ain'ters gonna ain't.
382
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,180
That is not an actual thing
that people say.
383
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,340
This is what you do to haters.
384
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,383
You just smile.
385
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,060
What is that?
386
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,150
The strongest ecstasy
I've ever done in my life.
387
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,226
Oh, what the fuck.
388
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,981
Okay.
389
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:03,861
Okay, I'm coming.
390
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:11,470
Oh, shit.
391
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,391
Oh, God.
392
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:18,380
Mr. Rapaport.
393
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,700
I'm Agent Lacey with Central Intelligence.
And this is my partner, Agent Botwin.
394
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,143
Yo, Aaron, whoever that is,
tell them to fuck off.
395
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,340
Dave, it's not...
396
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,940
Yo, I don't know
who I fucked last night...
397
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,347
but I got some stink dick.
398
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,300
Yo, my dick stinks!
399
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,460
So weird how you, like...
400
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,140
just wanna keep smelling it, though.
401
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,460
Yo, you gotta come over
and smell this shit!
402
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,140
Come smell this. You gotta identify this.
I don't know what it is.
403
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,700
Excuse him.
404
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,300
He has stink dick.
405
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,660
It kind of smells like guacamole.
406
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,305
May we come in?
407
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,300
Would you like a drink...
408
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,540
or some of Aaron's cocaine?
409
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,180
- This is not our coke. This is our...
- No, I'm sure it's not.
410
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,460
So how can we...?
What can we do you for?
411
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,743
- To what do we owe the pleasure?
- Well, Aaron, Dave...
412
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,380
as I'm sure you know already...
413
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:17,300
Kim Jong-un is now capable
of nuking all of the West Coast.
414
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,860
The point is, we're talking about
nuclear nations at war with each other.
415
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,420
Nuclear.
416
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,940
He does have one tactical
advantage over the West.
417
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:31,464
He's more than willing to let millions
and millions of his own people die.
418
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,740
Explosions. All over my face.
419
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,020
I'm sorry. We had kind of a long night.
420
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,060
Why are you telling us
all this information?
421
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,060
We're telling you this
because you two lucky gentlemen...
422
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,260
are going to be in a room alone
with him.
423
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,980
- And congratulations, by the way.
- That's right!
424
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,620
Which is why we're here.
425
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,980
The CIA would love it...
426
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,700
if you two could...
427
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,584
take him out.
428
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,500
- Take him out.
- Take him out?
429
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,300
- Like, for drinks?
- No, no, no.
430
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,100
- Take him out.
- Take out.
431
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,940
- Like, to dinner?
- Out to a meal?
432
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,340
Take him out.
433
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:08,940
- Like, on the town?
- Party?
434
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,551
No...
435
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,180
Take him out.
436
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,940
You want us to assassinate...
437
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,780
the leader of North Korea?
438
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,620
- Yes.
- What?
439
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,100
Won't they just get another chubby
dude with a goofy hairdo...
440
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,740
- ...to come in and replace him?
- Exactly. Exactly.
441
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:31,140
We're aware of a faction in the existing
leadership that already wants him gone.
442
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,540
They're too scared to act alone.
443
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,180
And they need you two
to go in there, remove Kim...
444
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,220
embolden them to revolt...
445
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,940
and take over.
446
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,500
Are you, Agent Lacey,
going to be involved?
447
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,380
I am going to be in your ear...
448
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,220
by your side, every step of the way.
449
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,149
Then I have one answer.
450
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,308
No more Kim.
451
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,540
You know what?
I think we should talk about it more.
452
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,940
- All right, we're just gonna go talk.
- By all means.
453
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,100
Just for the record,
I don't have stank dick.
454
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,701
Come over here, come here, come in here.
455
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,269
Dude. I think we need to do this.
456
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,340
- She is so cool.
- You don't see what's happening.
457
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,980
- And it's so obvious, it's crazy, man.
- What?
458
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,060
- They're honeypotting us.
- What?
459
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,780
It's an attractive spy woman
who lures men into doing shit.
460
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,060
How can you not see that?
461
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,700
- Because that is so sexist.
- Is it?
462
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,340
This is 2014. Women are smart now.
463
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,020
You think she just so happens
to have everything you find attractive?
464
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:36,860
Bangs, giant tits, glasses?
465
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,420
- They're fake, man.
- Fake glasses?
466
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,020
- How could the CIA come up with that?
- That poor girl is blind as a bat.
467
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:47,460
I'm just saying that when we're on molly
and when we're horned up, might not...
468
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,860
- "Horned up"? Oh, please.
- You are horned up.
469
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,222
You have half a fucking chub right now!
470
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,340
- Take your hands away. I saw the boner.
- I'm not doing it.
471
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:57,820
Move your fucking hands.
472
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,700
- Fine! You wanna see it?
- Yeah.
473
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,260
Feast your eyes.
474
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,300
I'm gonna go poop out these drugs.
You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts.
475
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:09,340
If we both still wanna talk about this
afterwards, we can. But not until then.
476
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,191
Dave Skylark never backs down
from a jerk-off.
477
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:16,660
In three days...
478
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,780
you will fly from New York to Beijing...
479
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,420
where you will transfer
to a commercial airline...
480
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,580
that takes you directly to Pyongyang.
481
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,700
I'm sorry,
this is completely unrelated, but...
482
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,664
what happened to your glasses?
483
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,460
- I got LASIK.
- Between the time I saw you and now?
484
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,420
- Yes.
- Okay.
485
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,860
Now, our intelligence suggests
that you will be taken here...
486
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,700
to Kim Jong-un's personal compound.
487
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,380
So preceding the interview...
488
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,780
you are going to shake Kim's hand...
489
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,780
administering a fatal dose of poison...
490
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,940
with this: a transdermal,
time-delayed ricin strip.
491
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,540
When you shake his hand...
492
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,620
the poison will be absorbed
into his skin...
493
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,700
where it metabolizes
for a 12-hour period.
494
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,940
Nobody will have any idea
you two were involved.
495
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,500
No one will know?
496
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,740
The United States must maintain total
and complete deniability.
497
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,180
- Total deniability?
- Obviously.
498
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,500
What did you picture?
499
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,900
I walk in there like a
fucking gangster...
500
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,300
and blow his little fucking
ass away on television.
501
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,900
This is a major television event.
502
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,183
You don't wanna blow it
with an off-screen death.
503
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,020
Okay? Look, in porno,
we call this the money shot.
504
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:33,660
You don't have a bunch
of dudes going at it.
505
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,540
Then, right before they finish,
you cut to black and say:
506
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,020
"Oh, don't worry, 12 hours later,
they came all over each other."
507
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,340
No! You want them all over, close-up.
508
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:44,940
All over his face.
509
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,744
The end!
510
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,100
- Bam!
- What kind of porn are you watching?
511
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,820
What happens
when his guards start firing at you...
512
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,220
for killing their leader
in front of them?
513
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,180
- Good question.
- My bulletproof vest...
514
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,220
No, you don't have a bulletproof vest.
515
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,820
- You don't have one.
- I will dodge those bullets.
516
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,020
What happens
after you escape the compound?
517
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,140
I look back over my shoulder,
I see Aaron.
518
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,820
I grab him by the hand.
We run out into the woods.
519
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,780
Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there.
520
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,180
We exit said tunnel.
521
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,340
At a designated spot...
522
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,860
SEAL Team 6 swoops in...
523
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,580
puts us on one
of those inflatable motorboats.
524
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,220
We hit the water.
We're out of there, on our way to you.
525
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,700
If you tried to do this,
what would kill you first?
526
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,300
- Subfreezing temperatures.
- I don't like the cold.
527
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,060
- Okay, we wear...
- Starvation. Starve to death.
528
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,900
You're telling me the CIA doesn't have
North Face jackets and Pirate Booty?
529
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,540
Cap'n Crunch?
530
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,980
- What about Siberian tigers?
- What?
531
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,820
You're not going to shoot him.
Not going to be a bulletproof vest.
532
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,180
And nobody is going to know
that you had anything to do with this.
533
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,060
That's it. That's the plan.
534
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,340
- Period.
- Okay.
535
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,020
Two years later, I come out
with my best-selling tell-all:
536
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:57,460
An Unexpected Journey:
537
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,580
Dave Skylark's Adventures
in North Korea.
538
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,220
You can't write a tell-all.
539
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,860
We were in an oddly shaped gray room
at the CIA Headquarters.
540
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,420
- The titillating Agent Lacey...
- Stop doing that.
541
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:09,900
- Why?
- There's no tell-all.
542
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,340
"There's no tell-all," Agent Lacey said.
543
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,100
She looked at him.
544
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,060
She trembled with rage.
545
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,500
- Or was it passion?
- Stop it.
546
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,227
I just want everybody to know
that I know what you did to me.
547
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,500
- What?
- With the glasses. Honeycombed me.
548
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,380
- What does that mean?
- You honeypotted him.
549
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,100
- It's "honeypot."
- You honeypotted me.
550
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,580
- You honeypotted him.
- No, I didn't.
551
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,660
He said a lot of stupid shit in the last
10 minutes, but you did honeypot him.
552
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:38,140
I bet you got him in here as a honeydick,
in case I'm gay. But I'm not.
553
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,180
But if I was, I would've seen him
coming a mile away.
554
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:41,540
- You honeydicking?
- Look.
555
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,140
She's not honeypotting you.
I'm not honeydicking him.
556
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,740
It's very offensive.
If you think about it...
557
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,820
you're saying because I'm a girl
and because I'm attractive...
558
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:53,020
my only use for this agency
would be to manipulate men.
559
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,740
I think it's offensive too.
That's what I said to Aaron.
560
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,900
I Said, "That bitch is blind as a bat."
561
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,100
Could we please move on?
562
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,100
We have a dictator to kill.
563
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,740
When handling the ricin strip,
operate with extreme caution.
564
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,700
Even momentary flesh contact
with the exposed strip is fatal.
565
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,940
The poison will lay
dormant for 12 hours.
566
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:17,460
After it passes the blood-brain barrier,
your heart rate would shoot up to 160.
567
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:21,660
Your body will strain to reject the poison
by sweating, defecating, vomiting.
568
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,591
Within minutes, you will be dead.
Got it?
569
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,500
Aaron peels off the film marked "A"...
570
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,180
exposing the adhesive coating.
571
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,580
- He applies the strip to Dave's palm.
- Okay.
572
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:39,300
Aaron will then remove the film
marked "B," exposing the ricin.
573
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,700
- Clear. Okay.
- Okay, clear. Okay.
574
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,380
Dave needs to appear casual
as he is transferred from his room...
575
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,340
to the broadcast facility.
576
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,620
It is critical that he keeps
his hand open and touches...
577
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,100
nothing.
578
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:54,950
Dave Skylark.
579
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,820
Mr. Kim, just shaking hands.
580
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:00,220
Hi.
581
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:01,900
Nice to meet you.
582
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,100
Dave will bow to Kim,
then shake his hand...
583
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,540
immediately disposing of the strip
in his jacket pocket, which will be lined...
584
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,267
with an absorbing agent
that denatures the poison.
585
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:34,900
Oh, no.
586
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,780
Aaron! Aaron!
587
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,500
- Agent Lacey! What's this mean?!
- You're dead.
588
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,420
All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll place
the ricin case in this pouch.
589
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,420
It will magnetically seal.
And then, you're good to go.
590
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,900
So you want me to carry this bag?
591
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,180
This is the bag.
592
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:51,700
This is a douche bag.
593
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,060
The watches conceal an array
of tactical functions.
594
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,980
It's how you stay in contact with me
in the command center.
595
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,460
Aaron to Dave.
596
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,460
Radio communication
is done using call signs.
597
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,060
- Cool.
- Dave, you are Dung Beetle.
598
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,180
- And, Aaron, you are Aardvark.
- What?
599
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,580
- I can't carry this thing!
- What do you mean?
600
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:12,380
Aerodynamics are all off.
It's hitting my leg. It's, like, bulky.
601
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:13,740
Remember, gentlemen:
602
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:18,980
You are entering into the most dangerous
and unpredictable country on earth.
603
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,540
Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator.
604
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,220
His people revere him as a god.
605
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:30,260
They'll believe anything he tells them,
including that he can speak to dolphins...
606
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,269
or he doesn't urinate and defecate.
607
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:35,980
My man doesn't pee or poo?
608
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,340
He does. He lies to his people
and they believe him.
609
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,740
Everybody pees and poos.
Where would it go? He'd explode.
610
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:43,829
But he does talk to dolphins.
611
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,660
All right, how do I look?
Fucking awesome?
612
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,227
Yeah, actually,
this is really, really nice...
613
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,180
- What the fuck is this?
- It's my bag.
614
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:16,860
Wonderful. That's not the bag
the CIA gave you.
615
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,740
- Oh, that bag?
- Yes, that bag.
616
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,060
That bag was fugly with a capital "fug"!
617
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,620
It was designed to conceal poison
that we're gonna smuggle in.
618
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,380
Kim is a superfan.
619
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,140
He knows I take fashion risks.
620
00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:30,340
I show up with that other bag,
Kim's gonna be like:
621
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,180
"Aw, no. You got ugly bag?
622
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,620
You no Skylark. You secret agent.
Terminate him."
623
00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:41,500
- Where's the fucking poison strip?!
- I put the strip in a pack of gum.
624
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,820
- They'll never find it.
- I am not cool with this.
625
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,420
- It's showtime.
- "Showtime"? It's not showtime.
626
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,580
- Dave Skylark Tonight!
- What are you doing? Stop walking.
627
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,060
- Hello!
- Stop walking.
628
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,580
We are going to North Korea.
629
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,620
Skylark, which side
of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss?
630
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:57,420
Not gonna kiss him,
but let's just say...
631
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,860
I might give him something special
with my hand.
632
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,140
You gonna jerk him off?
633
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,860
- What? No, that's a double entendre!
- Shut the fuck up!
634
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,140
- I'm foreshadowing!
- Just shut up! Get in the fucking car!
635
00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:08,780
Shut up! Shut up!
636
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,904
Why would you say that?
Why would you say that?
637
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,188
All right. Here we go.
638
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,340
What's that noise?
639
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,588
- I don't know. Yeah.
- Do you hear that?
640
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,141
This is crazy.
641
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,100
Hello, North Korea!
642
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,380
Crazy.
643
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,106
- Okay, okay.
- North side!
644
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,300
Okay, hi. Sorry about what he's doing.
645
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:51,706
Hello.
646
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,863
I like your style.
647
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,100
Good to see you again. How are you?
648
00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,660
- Hi.
- Hello.
649
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,100
- Hello.
- This is great.
650
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,620
Dave, this is Sook-yin Park.
651
00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:05,420
- Sook? The Sook?
- Yes. Yes.
652
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,464
- That you won't stop talking about?
- That's not true.
653
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,068
We are different people.
654
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,747
We speak different languages.
655
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,420
We have different faces.
656
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,180
But inside...
657
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,109
we are same-same.
658
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,180
Same-same.
659
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:41,900
But different.
660
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,704
But still same.
661
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:46,346
Thank you.
662
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,264
You know, I'm very, very interested
in the history of your young nation.
663
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,300
I hear that absolutely everyone here
is starving to death.
664
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,831
No.
665
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,300
It's quite all right.
666
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,860
- This is a common misconception.
- Oh, okay.
667
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,505
See for yourself.
668
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,660
It's a grocery store! Looks like
the Whole Foods near my place.
669
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,060
Yep. Guess no one's hungry here
after all.
670
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,420
We have an abundance of food here.
671
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,987
And speak of the devil,
look at that fat kid.
672
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,068
Hi, little fatty. Hi.
673
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,660
We have many fat children
in North Korea.
674
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,020
The Supreme Leader believes
it is a hallmark...
675
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,500
of prosperity and self-sufficiency.
676
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,900
I don't know about all that,
but this one is one that I heard.
677
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,660
I heard he doesn't pee or poo.
678
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:41,340
He works so hard,
he burns the energy from inside.
679
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,620
My man doesn't have to take a poo?
680
00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:47,100
- Does he have a butthole?
- He does not have a butthole.
681
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,223
He has no need for one.
682
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,865
- Damn, son.
- Damn.
683
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:32,705
Right this way.
684
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,423
I get it. Fucking stop it.
685
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,100
These are Officers Koh and Yu.
686
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,940
They are the heads of our
Supreme Leader's personal security.
687
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,300
They have been with him
since he was a boy.
688
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:07,869
They will search you one last time before
entering our Supreme Leader's home.
689
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:12,667
Just a Gucci bag.
690
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:23,146
What's this?
691
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,342
Gum. That is gum.
692
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,300
- You fucking tried it.
- Okay.
693
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,980
- This gum has no flavor.
- If you don't like it, spit it out.
694
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,387
Spit it out. We wouldn't be insulted.
695
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,746
- Your gum taste like shit.
- Okay.
696
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,822
You may now enter
the Supreme Leader's home.
697
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,260
- This room for Mr. Skylark.
- Cool.
698
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:58,507
Thanks.
699
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,260
This room for Mr. Rapaport.
700
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:04,860
Ooh, lovely. Thank you.
701
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,540
- Cute.
- Quaint.
702
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,660
I'm tired. How are you feeling?
703
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,589
- We go now.
- Okay.
704
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,140
Dude, what the fuck? Hey, you know,
how's your tummy feeling?
705
00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:17,069
- Have some TUMS.
- Have some tea.
706
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,020
Fuck.
707
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,060
They could be recording?
708
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:22,944
- Oh, the thing.
- The thing. Okay.
709
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,500
- Lovely room. Oh, yes.
- Yeah.
710
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:28,860
- I'm gonna go take a shower now.
- Okay.
711
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,300
- I'll take one with you.
- Why with me?
712
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:32,501
Fake conversation.
713
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:38,308
- What the fuck, dude?
- Oh, my God.
714
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,020
He ate it. He fucking ate it.
715
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,300
- You're not supposed to touch it.
- And he ate it.
716
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,260
- Chewing. Chewing it!
- Shit! Fuck.
717
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,820
Shit! He's gonna die.
718
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:48,180
Look, look, look.
719
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,700
He's probably Kim's triggerman, okay?
He's probably killed, like, tons of people.
720
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,060
He's probably worse than Kim.
And we're okay with killing Kim.
721
00:40:56,160 --> 00:41:00,740
How the fuck are we gonna do that?
We don't have any poison anymore!
722
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:02,460
Well, what happened to it?
723
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,220
- Somebody ate it.
- Someone ate it?
724
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,660
- Why the fuck did you switch bags?
- Yeah, Dave.
725
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:07,860
All right, all right!
726
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,100
I shouldn't have
switched the bags. Sorry.
727
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:11,820
Listen, just sit tight.
728
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,300
I am going to contact you.
Do not fall asleep.
729
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:17,220
I'll figure out a way to fix this.
730
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,780
- Thanks. Why'd you tell her?
- It's the truth.
731
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,060
- Why'd you tell her that he ate it?
- He did!
732
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,500
Dude. That was a cock block.
733
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,021
Get me Major Franks
at the Osan Air Force Base.
734
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,628
ETA to launch zone: 20 minutes.
735
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:01,340
We have a bird en route.
736
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:05,460
It will be within range of you
in 15 minutes. Aardvark:
737
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,220
Your watch will transmit
the coordinates to guide in the package.
738
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,140
Get outside to a place with no tree cover
where you can't be detected.
739
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,180
- Okay?
- What...?
740
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,300
- Why do I have to do it?
- Why you?
741
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:21,500
If Dung Beetle gets caught or killed,
then we don't have a mission anymore.
742
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,380
- I could get caught or killed?
- Hey!
743
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,300
Put on your darkest clothes
and get outside now.
744
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,106
Make sure you are 20 yards
away from the building.
745
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,149
Approaching launch zone.
746
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,220
- You ready?
- I think so.
747
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,549
A little nervous, but I'm feeling okay.
I think I can do it.
748
00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:51,780
- What are you doing?
- I'll cherish all our memories.
749
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:53,420
- Don't do this.
- What?
750
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,260
Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay?
I'll be fine!
751
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,180
I'm trying to psych myself up here.
752
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,580
I will love your mother
like she was mine.
753
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,020
- Just shut up.
- Okay.
754
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,740
- It's really scary out there.
- Yeah, super-duper scary.
755
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,820
- Be careful.
- Okay, good. You got me?
756
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,140
- I got you.
- Okay.
757
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:15,911
- I will not drop you. I got you...
- Don't drop me.
758
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,510
Aardvark, are you all right?
759
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,790
I'm fine. Shut the fuck up.
760
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,220
Aardvark is hot.
761
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,071
I repeat: Aardvark is H-O-T. Hot.
762
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,020
- This is so scary.
- Aardvark:
763
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:47,100
You're being extremely brave.
Everybody here is very proud of you.
764
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,500
- My tummy's all scraped up and wet.
- Aardvark:
765
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,460
I'll rub your tummy when you get back.
766
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:55,300
Just a few more feet. Okay?
Just five to 10 more feet.
767
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,500
I gotta keep going?
768
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,702
I don't wanna keep going. Fuck.
769
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:04,222
Package will deploy
in three, two, one. Boom.
770
00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,469
Package is inbound.
Arrival time: two minutes.
771
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,823
Just five more feet. Five more feet
and you're on your mark.
772
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,390
Hey, hey. Hey. Don't move.
773
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,185
I think I see something.
774
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,300
- There's something out there.
- What do you mean?
775
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,070
What is it? Can you zoom in?
776
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:26,700
What do I do?
777
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:28,540
Comm One, are you seeing this?
778
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,660
Zoom in on that thing. What is that?
779
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,100
There's something crawling
towards Aardvark.
780
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,180
What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me.
781
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,260
I'm seeing four legs
connected to one body.
782
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,580
What the fuck are you seeing?
783
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,380
- Dog? Big dog?
- A big dog?
784
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,820
It's like Clifford size. We're talking
Falkor in The Neverending Story.
785
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,421
It's like a dragon dog.
This is like a dragon dog.
786
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,940
- Is that a fucking...?
- Guys?
787
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,900
- What am I looking for? I don't...
- It's like a big dog.
788
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,180
It's orange, got stripes.
789
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,189
It's like a big, orange, stripy dog.
790
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:06,980
There's a tiger.
791
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,420
It's a fucking tiger!
792
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:09,820
It's a fucking tiger.
793
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,580
Yes. A tiger.
794
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,940
- You led my friend into a tiger patch?!
- I told you there were tigers.
795
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,060
Guys, I'm very unhappy right now.
796
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,300
It's really dark.
He probably doesn't see you.
797
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,104
Oh, it fucking sees me.
798
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,420
- It has night vision.
- They have night vision?
799
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,380
That tiger has night-vision goggles?!
800
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,260
It doesn't have night-vision goggles.
It naturally has night...
801
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,509
- What is this, some futuristic nightmare?
- Just keep the line clear.
802
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,300
Aardvark is in trouble.
803
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:36,900
What do I do? What do I do?
804
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,580
Talk to me. Talk to me.
805
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,180
You're gonna have to fight that tiger.
806
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,300
No! Do not! Do not fight the tiger!
807
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,700
Do not be a gentleman.
Go right for the balls!
808
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,820
- I don't see its balls.
- Do not fight the tiger. You will lose.
809
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,140
If that's a girl tiger,
you gotta cunt-punt that bitch!
810
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:53,420
- Dave, shut the fuck up!
- Cunt-punt that bitch!
811
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,341
You know that's a stupid idea.
Please, don't try to fight the tiger.
812
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,100
- I'm gonna make a run for it.
- Do not run for it!
813
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,587
- You will die!
- It's coming.
814
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,420
You go, go, go, buddy!
815
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,907
Look out, it's coming after you!
816
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,500
- Oh, God. I'm alive!
- Aaron.
817
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:25,986
I'm alive!
818
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,060
Are you in the tiger?
Are you inside the tiger?
819
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,388
Are you okay? Do you have the package?
820
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:33,940
This is Aardvark.
821
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,860
The package killed the tiger.
822
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,940
Fantastic.
You have to secure the package.
823
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:40,585
Secure the package.
824
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:48,820
He's got the package.
He has the package.
825
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:50,300
What do I do with it?
826
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,540
There are people coming.
You have to act now.
827
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,660
Secure the package.
828
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:56,420
- What do I do with it?
- They're coming towards you.
829
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,620
You gotta hide that little missile.
830
00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,027
I have to hide it somewhere? Where?
831
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,905
What do I do with it?
What do I do with it?
832
00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:10,549
What if you hide it in your butt?
833
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,580
I don't wanna stick it in my ass.
834
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:16,300
You gotta put it in your butt.
835
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,500
Comm One, please tell me
I don't have to stick this in my ass.
836
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,900
Okay. Just give us one second
to come up with a better plan.
837
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,780
- Isn't there anywhere else?
- I think he should put it in his asshole.
838
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,340
We don't have a better plan.
Stick it in your ass.
839
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,780
No! No!
840
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,220
No!
841
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:33,540
I've never done that!
842
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:35,700
I've been there before. It looks huge.
843
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:39,300
- That tiger blood will lubricate it.
- This will mess up my asshole!
844
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,460
Aardvark, there are people there.
845
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,060
They are closing in on you.
They have guns.
846
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,500
You need to secure the payload.
847
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,820
- Secure it in your ass.
- Stick it in your butt.
848
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,900
- Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine.
- I'm there with you, bro.
849
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,140
Just listen to the soothing tones
of my voice. Just breathe.
850
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:57,740
- Oh, it's cold!
- Just let everything go loose.
851
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,102
- I don't like it!
- The tip is...
852
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,300
It's the worst part. Trust me on this.
853
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:04,661
Inhale as you do it.
854
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,948
- The tip of the package is secure.
- Comm One, that thing is in his butt!
855
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,423
You are almost in the end zone,
Aardvark. Just take it home.
856
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,100
The package is secure.
857
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:27,460
You are a hero.
858
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,220
You are a goddamn hero.
859
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,264
All right, they're coming in.
I gotta go. Over and out.
860
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,503
Oh, shit. Hi!
Hi, don't shoot me! Oh, God!
861
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,346
Stop it! Don't hurt me, please!
862
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:51,349
See? There's nothing in here!
863
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:53,467
What?
864
00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:55,910
Oh, God. No!
865
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,540
Come on! What the fuck?!
866
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:01,540
Why?! Why'd you do that?!
867
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:02,740
Why'd you do that?!
868
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,180
Is this what you want?!
869
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:05,900
There! You like it?!
870
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,620
You like it?!
871
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:10,100
It's all yours, fuckers!
872
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,029
Stay in the room, American.
873
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,180
Hey.
874
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:24,140
- Did they look in your butt?
- No, they didn't look!
875
00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:25,865
- It's still in there?
- Yes!
876
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,060
- Must be deep.
- It is.
877
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,548
- Get it out! I'm here to help.
- I'm gonna fucking get it out.
878
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,020
Hey, how'd it go?
879
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,303
- One ricin strip with your name on it.
- Got it.
880
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,580
- All right. See? Not so bad.
- Yeah, not so bad.
881
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,020
- What?
- Yeah.
882
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:03,220
- That?
- This.
883
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:04,740
- In your bu...?
- Asshole.
884
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,500
- No!
- Yes!
885
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:08,980
- I was picturing like this big.
- That I could live with.
886
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,220
Soon as you get home,
see a proctologist.
887
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:14,390
- I'm afraid to look.
- You got fucked by RoboCop, dude.
888
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:18,860
Who is it?
889
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:20,710
It is Kim Jong-un.
890
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:22,581
What?
891
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:25,300
Kim Jong what?
892
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,860
I am the Supreme Leader of North Korea.
893
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:30,940
- What? What the fuck?
- It's him.
894
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,460
It's him. What is he doing here?
What the fuck?
895
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:35,220
Hide it. Put it back up.
896
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:38,780
No! I'm not putting it back up.
I'll hide it in my room. Go say hi.
897
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:42,100
- What do I do? Put it on right now?
- No, then he'll die when we're still here.
898
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,580
- Just put it in your pocket.
- Okay, fine.
899
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:46,540
- Come with me.
- No, I gotta hide this.
900
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:48,580
- Aaron. Just come with me.
- No. No.
901
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:50,270
Aaron. Aaron.
902
00:50:58,560 --> 00:50:59,866
Hi.
903
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,071
Good morning, Dave.
904
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:05,340
Good morning. Hi.
905
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:06,951
Dave Skylark.
906
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,146
It's crazy.
907
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,500
- Oh, I have a gift for you. Yeah.
- Oh, really?
908
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:16,181
This.
909
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,220
- Oh, this is me.
- It's you.
910
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,980
Oh, that's great.
I always wanted one of these.
911
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:23,180
A bust.
912
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,820
Dave Skylark.
913
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,300
- Hey! Thank you.
- You like that?
914
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:28,780
So you really like the show?
915
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:31,180
I might not show it,
but I'm freaking out.
916
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:32,820
You're like a superfan.
917
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:34,940
- I really am.
- Yeah!
918
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:36,740
That's so cool.
919
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:39,068
Don't say something stupid, Kim.
920
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:45,060
Okay, so I thought
you might enjoy breakfast...
921
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:46,830
and a tour of my home.
922
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,422
I'd absolutely love to.
923
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,380
You know, I have to admit,
before I came here...
924
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,860
I thought this place
was gonna be a dump.
925
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:59,620
Of course. For decades
you've heard the false rumors:
926
00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:03,860
"North Korea is a failed state.
We can't feed our people."
927
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,500
It's all propaganda.
928
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,660
I see. Well, yeah, I mean...
929
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:11,420
I did see a fat kid
and a really nice-looking grocery store.
930
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,580
Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores
here in North Korea.
931
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:18,940
One of my favorite things to do
is just strolling up and down the aisles...
932
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,820
to see the beautiful fruits
of my country's land.
933
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:25,820
I can believe that. It looks like you hit
the grocery store pretty often.
934
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,140
Screw you, Dave.
935
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:29,627
- Hey, you want to see something cool?
- Yeah.
936
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,100
Holy fuck-a-moley!
937
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:44,860
Is that real?
938
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,580
It was a gift to my grandfather
from Stalin.
939
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:51,341
In my country,
it's pronounced "Stallone."
940
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,184
You're so funny, Dave.
941
00:52:55,240 --> 00:52:57,980
Right. Well, can we look inside?
942
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,308
Fuck, yeah, we can. Come on.
943
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:03,100
This is so cool!
944
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,541
- A tank!
- Yeah, a tank.
945
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:08,230
Is it still live?
946
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,864
I don't know. Maybe we should find out.
947
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:17,270
- Look. You have a sound system in here?
- Oh, no, no, no. Don't touch.
948
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,066
Katy Perry?
949
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,700
My wife must have put that in there.
950
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,260
- I've never heard this before in my life.
- I love Katy Perry!
951
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,860
Baby, you're a firework
952
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:37,580
Come on, show them what you're worth
953
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:39,780
I love... I listen to this all the time.
954
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,340
- Really?
- I love her!
955
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,980
You know why I really like her?
She has such a strong message...
956
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,700
for young women and girls
across the planet.
957
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,020
It's so empowering.
958
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:53,420
Yeah.
959
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,420
You know, Dave,
sometimes I feel like a plastic bag.
960
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,031
Drifting through the wind?
961
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,549
Wanting to start again.
962
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,060
As you shoot across
963
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:07,989
The sky-sky-sky
964
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,020
- Good times. Yeah.
- Yeah.
965
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:17,420
Dave, do you think that margaritas
are gay because they are so sweet?
966
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,860
Did someone tell you
that margaritas are gay?
967
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:22,580
No, it's just a question I have.
968
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:25,860
If liking Katy Perry
and drinking margaritas is gay...
969
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,780
then who wants to be straight?
970
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:29,580
- Not me.
- Boring!
971
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,420
Margaritas are great.
972
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,829
And whoever planted
that in your head is crazy.
973
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,430
Let me ask you something.
974
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:41,464
Does this thing still run?
975
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,020
Oh, man, this is great!
976
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:03,780
Can we fire the gun?
977
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:05,940
Think I'd tease you
and not take you all the way?
978
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:07,540
- Really?!
- Close that shit.
979
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,460
- Closing the hatch!
- Okay.
980
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,469
Boom, boom, boom!
981
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:17,270
Oh, shit!
982
00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:19,390
Fuck you, tree!
983
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:24,940
The control room will be fully staffed
to insure an uninterrupted transmission.
984
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:26,180
All right.
985
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,100
This is the kill switch.
986
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:31,220
During the interview,
if any parameters are violated...
987
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,380
I will use it and cut the signal.
988
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:38,380
- We're gonna stick with the program.
- I will be in charge of this transmission.
989
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:41,060
Dave and the show itself
are dependent on me...
990
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:43,380
when it comes to how we shoot the show.
991
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:47,027
I know. I've watched every
episode in preparation.
992
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,660
I particularly enjoyed the
Miley Cyrus camel toe episode.
993
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:53,860
The camel toe episode. That was good.
994
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:56,020
I've never heard this expression before.
995
00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,380
But after seeing it, it is a perfect
representation of her vagina.
996
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:02,700
It is. It looked exactly
like that. Yeah.
997
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:04,580
- It's very deep.
- Very deep.
998
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,100
Quite a moose knuckle.
999
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,340
You Americans are so creative
with your sexual innuendos.
1000
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:11,780
- We do it very well.
- Many animal references.
1001
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:13,027
Oh, yes, tons.
1002
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:23,420
Please, take this printed copy
of the questions.
1003
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,700
It's crucial Dave review them.
1004
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:29,540
Officers Koh and Yu will now
take you to your room for lunch.
1005
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:31,940
Come, American. Time to get even fatter.
1006
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:33,869
Great. Thanks, guys.
1007
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,347
Making you my little Korean bitch!
1008
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,380
What are you gonna do,
drop nukes on L.A.?
1009
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:46,240
Nuke your mama!
1010
00:56:46,340 --> 00:56:48,823
I bet they can't even
make it to Australia!
1011
00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:52,066
Face!
1012
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:56,220
Man...
1013
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,260
this is so nice.
1014
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,420
Let me ask you something.
Don't take this the wrong way.
1015
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,463
You can ask me anything, Dave.
1016
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:06,460
Do you pee and poo?
1017
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:08,469
You've heard the stories, huh?
1018
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,460
- Yes, I pee and poo.
- So you have a butthole?
1019
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:15,420
I've got a butthole,
and it's working overtime.
1020
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:16,951
You are awesome.
1021
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,260
You know, this is so weird.
1022
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:22,300
You are, like, the coolest guy.
1023
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,707
But a lot of people say...
1024
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,025
that you're batshit crazy.
1025
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,064
They're not wrong.
1026
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:33,300
I'm 31 years old.
1027
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:37,550
The fact that I am running
a country is batshit crazy.
1028
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:41,780
What am I to do
when 24 million people...
1029
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:45,268
look to me as their leader, their god?
1030
00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:51,385
What am I to do when my father's
dying wish was for me to carry his torch?
1031
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,100
Know what my father said
to me on his deathbed?
1032
00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:58,860
What did he say, Dave?
1033
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:02,701
"I'm disappointed because you haven't
done enough with your life."
1034
00:58:03,120 --> 00:58:05,220
That is fucked up.
1035
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:06,820
Yeah, tell me about it.
1036
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:08,181
Jordan!
1037
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,180
They call me incompetent.
1038
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:16,220
That's what they said about me
when I scored this interview!
1039
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:19,180
- No way!
- They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid...
1040
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:20,500
and incompetent."
1041
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,940
You're handsome, competent, suave.
How dare they?
1042
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:27,826
I pretend like their insults
don't get to me.
1043
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:29,980
But they do.
1044
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,740
You know what's more destructive
than a nuclear bomb?
1045
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,510
Words.
1046
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,580
And the people are jealous of men
like you and me.
1047
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:43,705
It's as though they despise us
because they are not us.
1048
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:47,910
Hate us because they ain't us.
1049
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,388
Exactly. They hate us
because they ain't us.
1050
00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:56,700
- That's a great saying, okay?
- Hate us because they ain't us!
1051
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,506
They hate us because they ain't us!
1052
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,780
Kim! You got a break!
1053
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:04,186
Alley-oop!
1054
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:08,420
That's all right. That's all right.
1055
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:10,031
Oh, my ankles.
1056
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:12,544
- Okay.
- Hey, Kim.
1057
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,870
Let me ask you something.
1058
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:23,631
Was your father the one
who said that margaritas are gay?
1059
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:28,708
He said that my brothers and I
were all too feminine.
1060
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:33,351
That our luxurious lifestyles
turned us into homosexuals.
1061
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:39,300
I don't have to worry
about that anymore.
1062
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:42,822
Because guess what I get tons of?
1063
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:49,109
- Pussy.
- Oh, my God.
1064
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:23,940
Hey.
1065
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:27,906
Dude, you just spent the fucking day
with Kim Jong-un. What happened?
1066
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:29,900
It was amazing.
1067
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,660
- It was amazing?
- Yeah.
1068
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:34,180
It was one of the best days of my life.
1069
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:36,220
- What?
- We smoked joints...
1070
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:37,900
played basketball...
1071
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:39,500
fucked chicks.
1072
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:41,260
We had the best margaritas.
1073
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,260
Did you say you fucked chicks?
1074
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:47,740
Oh, my God. Kim Jong is an animal!
1075
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,060
You know you have to kill
this guy tomorrow.
1076
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:53,580
I've been thinking a little bit
about the mission.
1077
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:54,820
Okay.
1078
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,020
America, you know...
1079
01:00:57,120 --> 01:01:01,660
always putting its nose in things
and screwing them up.
1080
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:04,900
The truth is, Kim is a master
at manipulating the media.
1081
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:06,980
- Yeah?
- You're the media.
1082
01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:08,784
You get what's happening here?
1083
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,900
Maybe the media's manipulating you.
1084
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,580
What the fuck does that even mean?
1085
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:17,700
I'm the only one
who's spent real time with him.
1086
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,620
Spent face-to-face time! Dick-to-dick!
1087
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:25,260
It's just, man, I can sympathize with
people that get dumped on by the media.
1088
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,460
- And it sucks.
- You know what else fucking sucks?
1089
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:31,700
Concentration camps, famine,
firing squads...
1090
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:33,982
- I didn't see any here. Have you?
- No...
1091
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:39,420
Your attendance is required in
the banquet room of the Eternal Leader.
1092
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:43,340
- Hey, how you doing?
- Yeah, seriously. You look fantastic.
1093
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:47,780
Your obsession with my well-being is
only making me more suspicious of you.
1094
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:49,180
Don't be suspicious.
1095
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,620
- I want to know what your routine is.
- Do you take vitamins?
1096
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,140
- You're doing something right.
- You look good.
1097
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,742
Do not ask us any more question.
Meet us in the banquet hall.
1098
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:37,470
You see how big their guitars are
compared to their bodies?
1099
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,260
I think it's funny.
1100
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,110
That is funny.
1101
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:51,426
Oh, no.
1102
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,625
It's happening.
1103
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:02,027
Dave.
1104
01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:04,580
Dave.
1105
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:08,865
No.
1106
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,107
- Wait, what?
- Look at the fu...
1107
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:23,867
They're good.
1108
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:29,830
Oh, shit. Oh, Shit. Oh, shit.
1109
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:38,426
Oh, my God.
1110
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:42,422
- What do we do?
- He's gonna poo.
1111
01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:59,181
Oh, no.
1112
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:02,949
Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no.
1113
01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:08,950
It's happening.
1114
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,269
So gross.
1115
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:30,940
Oh, no, no, no.
1116
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,861
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1117
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:44,745
Oh, my God!
1118
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:56,660
- It's okay, man.
- No.
1119
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:57,907
Come on, man.
1120
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,420
We just killed two innocent men.
1121
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:03,740
Look, first of all, it's not your fault
that those men died.
1122
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:06,989
Second, they had to go.
They knew we were up to something.
1123
01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:12,420
- I'm out.
- What? You cannot pull out of this.
1124
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,180
- I'm pulling out.
- You're way too deep.
1125
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,300
- I'm pulling out.
- No. You are leaving it in.
1126
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:20,140
- I've been pulling out for years.
- You are not pulling out of this mission.
1127
01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:22,820
That's the only reason we're here.
We are doing this!
1128
01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:25,860
Kim is not evil. He was just born
into a hard situation.
1129
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:28,950
You are fucking stupid,
and you are fucking ignorant.
1130
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:36,060
- Who you calling ign'ant?
- You, motherfucker.
1131
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,060
You're fucking arrogant!
1132
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,620
Everything he's shown you is fake.
1133
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,620
He's shown you what you wanna see.
1134
01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:44,620
He's fooled you, you fucking idiot!
1135
01:05:44,720 --> 01:05:47,940
God, look how ready you are
to betray me.
1136
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:51,580
This whole time, I thought
you were Samwise to my Frodo.
1137
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:53,660
But you're just Boromir.
1138
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:55,180
I don't know who that is.
1139
01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:57,940
That's such a Boromir thing to say!
1140
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,660
This is fucking done.
You are fucking done after this.
1141
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:02,980
Once you kill this motherfucker,
this shit's over.
1142
01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:05,820
- You are going to kill him!
- You've turned me into a gun.
1143
01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:08,380
And you're pointing me
at the one guy who gets me.
1144
01:06:08,480 --> 01:06:10,344
Well, you know what, cowboy?
1145
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:14,900
- A gun can't fire without no bullets.
- What the fuck are you doing?
1146
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:18,183
- No, no, no!
- Yes, yes, yes!
1147
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:21,820
Realize what you just did?
1148
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:24,620
- I just saved a life, you murderer.
- You piece of...
1149
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:25,860
Mr. Skylark.
1150
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:29,300
The Supreme Leader requests
your presence in Pyongyang for dinner.
1151
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:31,707
He will be at your door in 30 minutes.
1152
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:49,791
Hey, Dave. Thank you for being with me
in my time of sorrow.
1153
01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:55,500
That was super gross and fucked up.
1154
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:57,065
Hi.
1155
01:06:58,240 --> 01:06:59,700
Mr. Supreme Leader.
1156
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,026
I'm Aaron.
1157
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:04,860
- Aaron?
- Hello.
1158
01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:09,020
We never got a chance
to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader.
1159
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:11,820
I just wanted to shake your hand.
1160
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:15,911
Well, any friend of Dave
is a friend of mine.
1161
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,740
No! Don't shake that hand.
1162
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:33,420
- Why not?
- Yeah, why not?!
1163
01:07:33,520 --> 01:07:36,305
- Because Aaron's a Jew.
- Oh, gross.
1164
01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:39,784
- Let's go, Supreme Leader.
- Okay. It was nice meeting you.
1165
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:43,100
Don't you know Jews are bad luck?
1166
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,951
- Fuck you.
- Friends don't kill friends' friends.
1167
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,860
Okay. Okay.
1168
01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:53,664
Oh, fuck.
1169
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:01,500
We need to review some new data...
1170
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:03,820
the Leader wants included
in the interview.
1171
01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:07,263
- Now's not really the best time.
- It will only take a moment.
1172
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:10,940
Yeah, okay.
1173
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:12,630
- Great.
- Thank you.
1174
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:14,824
Would you like to share a drink?
1175
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:21,020
Raise your glasses. Koh and Yu!
1176
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:25,748
Koh and Yu possessed
the finest trait men can have:
1177
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:27,980
Loyalty.
1178
01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:29,500
I know how you feel.
1179
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,544
My dog Digby died when I was a kid,
and I'm still fucked up about it.
1180
01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:41,180
Loyalty is what made my father
and grandfather so successful.
1181
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:43,540
That's right. Hey, listen up. You.
1182
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:45,500
Without loyalty...
1183
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:48,067
a country is a lawless jungle.
1184
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:53,660
Welcome to the jungle, baby.
Welcome to the jungle.
1185
01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:56,780
On your... knees.
1186
01:08:56,880 --> 01:08:58,580
How else can I prevail...
1187
01:08:58,680 --> 01:09:01,067
against so many enemies?
1188
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:03,220
Defectors.
1189
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:05,180
South Korean capitalists.
1190
01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:07,580
The people in this room...
1191
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:10,540
who don't think
I can fill my father's shoes!
1192
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:14,062
These bastards deserve no humanity!
1193
01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:21,426
To those who seek to undermine me,
at home and abroad...
1194
01:09:21,880 --> 01:09:24,220
I cannot respond with anything less...
1195
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:26,866
than the totality of my strength!
1196
01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:32,180
If a billion people across the earth
and in my own country...
1197
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,740
must be burned to prove it...
1198
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:37,380
then my worthiness as a Kim...
1199
01:09:37,480 --> 01:09:39,662
will be demonstrated!
1200
01:09:53,120 --> 01:09:56,020
Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside.
Is that okay?
1201
01:09:56,120 --> 01:09:57,820
I'm just feeling...
1202
01:09:57,920 --> 01:09:59,351
Too much...
1203
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:01,625
soju, whatever.
1204
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:03,466
Okay.
1205
01:10:04,520 --> 01:10:05,660
I'll be back.
1206
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:09,820
So how'd you wind up
as one of the heads...
1207
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:11,784
of a dictatorship?
1208
01:10:12,680 --> 01:10:16,420
One day, officials came to my classroom
in search of a young woman...
1209
01:10:16,520 --> 01:10:18,941
to serve on
the Kim family personal staff.
1210
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:21,463
They selected me.
1211
01:10:21,960 --> 01:10:23,380
Over the years...
1212
01:10:23,480 --> 01:10:25,620
I grew close with Kim Jong-un.
1213
01:10:25,720 --> 01:10:28,983
When he rose to power,
he took me with him.
1214
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:32,940
And here I am.
1215
01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:35,666
Kind of have a guy like that
in my life too.
1216
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,780
You've been with Dave a long time.
1217
01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:40,540
He's a hard guy to leave.
1218
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:42,820
You like the money
and can't say no to Dave.
1219
01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:44,580
No.
1220
01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:46,940
Yes! I know you.
1221
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:48,980
You're fucking awesome.
1222
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:52,940
- No, I don't understand you.
- You know, it's a little bit weird.
1223
01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:56,667
Do you have a boyfriend?
Is that too forward of me to ask?
1224
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:00,544
What are you looking at?
1225
01:11:01,240 --> 01:11:02,540
I should leave.
1226
01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:03,787
Why?
1227
01:11:04,160 --> 01:11:07,300
I'm concerned my feelings
of attraction for you...
1228
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:09,260
will cause me to make mistakes.
1229
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,340
Your feelings of attraction for me?
1230
01:11:11,440 --> 01:11:12,905
Fuck this!
1231
01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:18,940
Ever since I saw you,
this is all I've been thinking about.
1232
01:11:19,040 --> 01:11:20,505
Me too!
1233
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:42,586
Fake.
1234
01:12:43,480 --> 01:12:44,911
Fake carrots.
1235
01:12:45,720 --> 01:12:46,946
Fake fruit!
1236
01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:48,541
Fake!
1237
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:51,306
Fake!
1238
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:53,984
Fake grapefruits!
1239
01:12:55,200 --> 01:12:56,540
Fake!
1240
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:00,709
Liar!
1241
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:04,503
You liar!
1242
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:13,070
Why aren't I naked yet?
1243
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:18,700
Yeah!
1244
01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:21,540
You're hairy! You so hairy like a bear!
1245
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:23,340
You're fucking sexy. Yeah.
1246
01:13:23,440 --> 01:13:26,300
- Your nipples are so pink!
- Yes, they are.
1247
01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:27,865
I love it!
1248
01:13:28,960 --> 01:13:30,820
No! Whoa! No!
1249
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,620
- No hands.
- No hands?
1250
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:35,471
I'm not into handsy shit.
That's how I like it.
1251
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:40,067
- Just take it off!
- Okay.
1252
01:13:41,800 --> 01:13:44,340
- You said no hands!
- You hit me with your hand!
1253
01:13:44,440 --> 01:13:45,940
How do I get it off?!
1254
01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:49,220
Use your big, fat American teeth.
1255
01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:51,180
Okay! I will!
1256
01:13:51,280 --> 01:13:52,500
This is awesome.
1257
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:53,781
Yeah!
1258
01:13:58,360 --> 01:14:00,030
Oh, this is hard.
1259
01:14:05,600 --> 01:14:06,940
Shit.
1260
01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:10,264
Oh, shit, what's wrong?
1261
01:14:11,440 --> 01:14:14,544
The numbers I gave you
on potato output...
1262
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:17,140
are exaggerated.
1263
01:14:17,240 --> 01:14:20,020
That's okay with me.
I don't really care about that.
1264
01:14:20,120 --> 01:14:22,140
We can get back to what we were doing.
1265
01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:24,500
No, it's not just the numbers!
1266
01:14:24,600 --> 01:14:27,700
- I am a terrible person.
- No. You're the best person.
1267
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:30,860
You were about to have sex with me.
That's the best thing someone could do.
1268
01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:34,667
I'm the propagandist
of a totalitarian dictatorship.
1269
01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:39,260
That's an area you could improve,
but you don't have to dwell on it.
1270
01:14:39,360 --> 01:14:43,340
He's as cruel as his father
and grandfather before him!
1271
01:14:43,440 --> 01:14:47,100
You knew this this whole time.
Why is this just bothering you now?
1272
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:49,700
It's been bothering me for a long time.
1273
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:52,260
And I'm not the only one.
1274
01:14:52,360 --> 01:14:55,703
But too many people see him as a god.
1275
01:14:56,240 --> 01:14:59,020
How do you prove to 24 million people...
1276
01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:02,702
that their god is a murderer and a liar?
1277
01:15:03,840 --> 01:15:07,260
- Aaron, I need to talk.
- Fuck, it's Dave. Shit.
1278
01:15:07,360 --> 01:15:08,940
You hide in there.
1279
01:15:09,040 --> 01:15:11,507
- I'll go deal with him.
- Okay. Go, go, go.
1280
01:15:12,920 --> 01:15:15,620
- Aaron, are you here?
- Yeah, one sec. One sec.
1281
01:15:15,720 --> 01:15:18,551
- Don't come in, don't come in!
- I need to talk.
1282
01:15:19,440 --> 01:15:21,860
- Hey, how's it going, dude?
- Not good.
1283
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:23,260
We should take a walk.
1284
01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:26,940
No, no, no. I can't walk this off.
I cannot walk this off.
1285
01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:28,301
I need to...
1286
01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:31,340
I'm so fucking pissed.
1287
01:15:31,440 --> 01:15:34,510
- I just wanna hit something!
- No! Don't punch anything!
1288
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:39,820
Breathe. Just breathe.
1289
01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:41,900
- Maybe pace it out.
- Fuck, man.
1290
01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:43,100
Kim.
1291
01:15:43,200 --> 01:15:44,940
- What about him?
- He's going crazy.
1292
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:48,260
He's gonna blow up the world
just to show that he's the shit!
1293
01:15:48,360 --> 01:15:49,740
And at first I thought:
1294
01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:53,911
"All right, maybe he's just talking,
you know. Maybe he doesn't mean it."
1295
01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:59,100
- Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit.
- What?
1296
01:15:59,200 --> 01:16:01,700
All the food in that
grocery store is fake!
1297
01:16:01,800 --> 01:16:03,220
He fucking lied to me.
1298
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:05,860
Maybe that fat kid isn't fat.
1299
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:09,020
I mean, oh!
What about the concentration camps?
1300
01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:12,303
And the famine. Maybe that's real. God!
1301
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:15,820
It is. I've been telling you that
for weeks now.
1302
01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:19,180
He fucking honeydicked me.
He honeydicked the shit out of me.
1303
01:16:19,280 --> 01:16:21,462
- Sucks.
- You still got that poison?
1304
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:26,860
You can't speak? What the fuck?
1305
01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:30,660
I wanna know if you have the poison
so we can kill that motherfucker.
1306
01:16:30,760 --> 01:16:31,860
What?!
1307
01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:33,900
Spy! What the hell?!
1308
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,580
- She's on our side!
- Fuck's going on?!
1309
01:16:35,680 --> 01:16:37,340
- You can trust me.
- You can trust her!
1310
01:16:37,440 --> 01:16:39,580
Trust her?! Are you joking?!
We gotta kill her!
1311
01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:40,940
I was in bed with her!
1312
01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:42,980
We were hooking up.
That's why she's here.
1313
01:16:43,080 --> 01:16:45,180
- What?!
- Let him go. Everything is fine.
1314
01:16:45,280 --> 01:16:48,500
Now we gotta kill the girl that you like.
This is the worst moment ever!
1315
01:16:48,600 --> 01:16:50,464
We're not killing her!
1316
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:53,300
- She's loyal to Kim.
- No! Dude!
1317
01:16:53,400 --> 01:16:55,580
She was just telling me she's with us.
1318
01:16:55,680 --> 01:16:58,860
I hate Kim. He is a terrible leader.
1319
01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:00,180
- See?
- Okay.
1320
01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:01,900
She can help us kill him.
1321
01:17:02,000 --> 01:17:03,700
What? No! No! No killing!
1322
01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:06,300
Kim must die! That's the American way.
1323
01:17:06,400 --> 01:17:09,300
How many times can the U.S.
make the same mistake?
1324
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:10,860
As many times as it takes.
1325
01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:12,580
Killing Kim won't change anything.
1326
01:17:12,680 --> 01:17:15,580
You said it yourself!
We gotta do something. Right?
1327
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,620
He will be replaced.
He has brothers, other generals.
1328
01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:22,220
The people need to be shown
that he is not a god.
1329
01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:23,780
That he is a man.
1330
01:17:23,880 --> 01:17:26,180
Then they will be ready for change.
1331
01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:28,064
Yeah? How?
1332
01:17:28,480 --> 01:17:30,300
Interviewing him.
1333
01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:33,180
Everyone in North Korea
will be watching.
1334
01:17:33,280 --> 01:17:35,260
No, look, the interview's scripted.
1335
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:38,380
His people are never gonna let me
ask real questions.
1336
01:17:38,480 --> 01:17:41,780
- Dave, I am his people.
- She controls the broadcast.
1337
01:17:41,880 --> 01:17:44,100
I can't do political interviews.
1338
01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:45,980
I do entertainment interviews.
1339
01:17:46,080 --> 01:17:49,380
- Dude. You can fucking do this.
- Yeah?
1340
01:17:49,480 --> 01:17:52,180
You don't interview with your brain.
You interview with your heart.
1341
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:54,700
- True.
- Your emotion, Dave.
1342
01:17:54,800 --> 01:18:00,100
You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry
like a baby in front of all of North Korea?
1343
01:18:00,200 --> 01:18:02,029
They'll know he's not a god.
1344
01:18:02,520 --> 01:18:04,304
I think I can do this.
1345
01:18:04,840 --> 01:18:06,100
You can do it.
1346
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:07,780
I'm Dave Skylark...
1347
01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:10,100
and I can interview anyone.
1348
01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:13,463
- Yeah, you can.
- Let's take this motherfucker down!
1349
01:18:27,400 --> 01:18:29,340
Oh, God! Oh, God!
1350
01:18:29,440 --> 01:18:32,384
You got a lot of pent-up energy!
Oh, God!
1351
01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:36,900
Okay. Everything's ready.
1352
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:39,380
You ready to rock?
You memorize those facts?
1353
01:18:39,480 --> 01:18:41,380
- I'm ready, baby.
- Great.
1354
01:18:41,480 --> 01:18:43,860
- How many people in camps?
- Two hundred thousand.
1355
01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:46,180
- How many malnourished?
- Sixteen million.
1356
01:18:46,280 --> 01:18:48,540
They spent 800 million
on nukes last year...
1357
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:51,471
and got 200 million in food aid
from the U.N.
1358
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,780
And I got more
where that came from, baby.
1359
01:18:54,880 --> 01:18:56,420
You're gonna nail this shit.
1360
01:18:56,520 --> 01:18:58,220
I just wish we had an escape plan.
1361
01:18:58,320 --> 01:19:00,660
- Why don't we go to Japan?
- It's across the Sea of Japan.
1362
01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:02,100
- Why don't we swim?
- Can't swim that.
1363
01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:03,980
- I'm a good swimmer.
- It's really far.
1364
01:19:04,080 --> 01:19:05,780
- People have done it.
- Nope.
1365
01:19:05,880 --> 01:19:07,260
- Michael Phelps did it.
- Not true.
1366
01:19:07,360 --> 01:19:09,588
- Okay.
- Skylark, two-minute warning.
1367
01:19:10,080 --> 01:19:12,990
- Keep me on the air as long as you can.
- I will, man.
1368
01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:16,391
- Maybe we won't get out of here.
- No. We might die.
1369
01:19:17,280 --> 01:19:20,304
I've had a great life.
I had the best, best friend.
1370
01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,900
Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres.
1371
01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:26,821
Now, it's time for the North Korean
people to get their dicks wet.
1372
01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:30,827
This is a perfect ending
for the tell-all.
1373
01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:36,306
As the two best friends stared
each other in the eyes...
1374
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:38,500
they knew...
1375
01:19:38,600 --> 01:19:41,460
that this might be the end
of the long road.
1376
01:19:41,560 --> 01:19:43,580
But they also knew...
1377
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:45,780
how much they meant to each other.
1378
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:49,780
And even though neither one
could say it out loud...
1379
01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:52,551
they were both thinking:
1380
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:55,220
- I love you.
- I love you.
1381
01:19:55,320 --> 01:19:56,980
Bro.
1382
01:19:57,080 --> 01:20:00,150
- Okay, man. You got this.
- Okay.
1383
01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:05,590
Showtime.
1384
01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:05,140
Dave.
1385
01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:07,141
Kim.
1386
01:21:08,720 --> 01:21:12,380
Are you ready to share with the world
that gorgeous smile of yours?
1387
01:21:12,480 --> 01:21:15,789
Tonight, I think it's your smile
they wanna see.
1388
01:21:17,160 --> 01:21:18,980
I have something for you.
1389
01:21:19,080 --> 01:21:20,306
What?
1390
01:21:22,960 --> 01:21:24,983
- What's this?
- Open.
1391
01:21:34,360 --> 01:21:36,542
- For me?
- For you.
1392
01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:42,900
He's just like Digby.
1393
01:21:43,000 --> 01:21:44,180
Just like Digby.
1394
01:21:44,280 --> 01:21:47,509
- I think I'm gonna die. Oh, my God.
- Don't die, please.
1395
01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:49,780
Not till after the interview.
1396
01:21:49,880 --> 01:21:52,180
This dog is killing me with cuteness.
1397
01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,460
He's crazy cute.
1398
01:21:53,560 --> 01:21:56,743
- Can I keep it?
- Take him home, forever and ever.
1399
01:21:57,680 --> 01:21:58,941
Why?
1400
01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:03,620
I live a lonely life, Dave.
1401
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:08,180
And it warms my heart to know
that there is someone in this world...
1402
01:22:08,280 --> 01:22:11,543
with whom I can truly be myself.
1403
01:22:12,520 --> 01:22:14,622
Whatever they say about you...
1404
01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:17,706
they're wrong.
1405
01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:22,260
I'm just me, and I do my best.
1406
01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:24,030
You're my brother.
1407
01:22:25,080 --> 01:22:26,705
You're my brother.
1408
01:22:28,480 --> 01:22:30,460
Let's get this out of the way, okay?
1409
01:22:30,560 --> 01:22:32,460
- Okay.
- Okay.
1410
01:22:32,560 --> 01:22:34,740
And what are we gonna name you, huh?
1411
01:22:34,840 --> 01:22:36,704
You need a name? Yes, you do.
1412
01:22:42,720 --> 01:22:45,346
Look, look. He looks just like Digby.
1413
01:22:46,760 --> 01:22:48,500
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
1414
01:22:48,600 --> 01:22:50,862
We'll see you in a minute. Bye-bye.
1415
01:22:52,640 --> 01:22:55,500
- Okay. Shall we begin?
- Okay. You ready?
1416
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:57,862
Shut the fuck up. Guys, it's starting!
1417
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,420
And we're on in five...
1418
01:23:02,520 --> 01:23:04,463
four, three...
1419
01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:10,820
Good evening. And good morning
to our viewers around the world.
1420
01:23:10,920 --> 01:23:12,620
I'm Dave Skylark.
1421
01:23:12,720 --> 01:23:16,620
Thank you for joining me
for this historic moment in history.
1422
01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:18,820
I'm with President Kim Jong-un...
1423
01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:21,780
of the Democratic People's
Republic of Korea.
1424
01:23:21,880 --> 01:23:25,460
We are broadcasting from a station
outside of Pyongyang...
1425
01:23:25,560 --> 01:23:29,631
for this very special edition of:
Skylark Tonight.
1426
01:23:31,760 --> 01:23:34,420
Thank you for joining me,
President Kim Jong-un.
1427
01:23:34,520 --> 01:23:37,060
It is my pleasure, Dave. You know...
1428
01:23:37,160 --> 01:23:40,500
there is so much misunderstanding
about North Korea...
1429
01:23:40,600 --> 01:23:42,460
and me personally.
1430
01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:47,100
And I can't think of a man
with greater intelligence than you.
1431
01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:48,300
I am grateful...
1432
01:23:48,400 --> 01:23:53,140
for this opportunity for my government
and for the international community...
1433
01:23:53,240 --> 01:23:56,980
to forge a better relationship.
1434
01:23:57,080 --> 01:24:00,020
- So you wanna set the record straight.
- Indeed, Dave.
1435
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:01,381
Camera three.
1436
01:24:03,200 --> 01:24:06,420
Tensions between your nation
and South Korea are at a high.
1437
01:24:06,520 --> 01:24:09,620
It's fair to say that you're
on the brink of armed conflict.
1438
01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:11,980
So what I want to know is...
1439
01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:14,860
in these times of great stress...
1440
01:24:14,960 --> 01:24:16,700
do you do karaoke?
1441
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,260
Yes, I do, Dave.
1442
01:24:18,360 --> 01:24:22,060
I believe that it is important
for those in power...
1443
01:24:22,160 --> 01:24:24,620
to remain in touch
with the beauty in life.
1444
01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:27,820
You are also a very accomplished
painter, aren't you?
1445
01:24:27,920 --> 01:24:29,260
Well, how can I not be?
1446
01:24:29,360 --> 01:24:32,820
- He's reading the script.
- He lulls them and then he gets them.
1447
01:24:32,920 --> 01:24:34,300
It's his technique.
1448
01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:35,820
The beauty guides you.
1449
01:24:35,920 --> 01:24:37,306
It guides my hand.
1450
01:24:37,920 --> 01:24:39,940
This is fucking bullshit.
1451
01:24:40,040 --> 01:24:43,300
Let's take it to a serious tip.
Supreme Leader Kim...
1452
01:24:43,400 --> 01:24:48,820
when the United States, which has an
enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons...
1453
01:24:48,920 --> 01:24:53,070
insists that countries like yours
have none...
1454
01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:56,580
does that feel hypocritical to you?
1455
01:24:56,680 --> 01:24:59,460
Many Americans do not realize...
1456
01:24:59,560 --> 01:25:04,060
that the war in North Korea was
entirely the fault of the United States.
1457
01:25:04,160 --> 01:25:06,820
Damn! Kim's calling us out!
1458
01:25:06,920 --> 01:25:08,780
- You really are still hopeful?
- No.
1459
01:25:08,880 --> 01:25:11,180
I'm not hopeful at all.
He's bailed on the plan.
1460
01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:13,340
America, what you done to these Koreans?
1461
01:25:13,440 --> 01:25:15,500
This is a little embarrassing.
1462
01:25:15,600 --> 01:25:18,220
When you think of all
that your country has been through...
1463
01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:21,100
the wars, the floods...
1464
01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:23,820
do you think your people
should be rewarded...
1465
01:25:23,920 --> 01:25:26,990
for their resilience and strength?
1466
01:25:27,520 --> 01:25:29,622
Of course, Dave.
1467
01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:34,749
Then, why don't you feed them?
1468
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:45,030
I...
1469
01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:47,421
Camera two.
1470
01:25:50,320 --> 01:25:52,180
I beg your pardon?
1471
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:54,340
Why don't you feed your people?
1472
01:25:54,440 --> 01:25:57,620
They are hungry.
Specifically, two-thirds of them.
1473
01:25:57,720 --> 01:26:02,220
Isn't that embarrassing since you're the
one they view as a provider and a god?
1474
01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:05,300
And you spend $800 million
on nukes every year?
1475
01:26:05,400 --> 01:26:07,548
And you have 16 million starving people?
1476
01:26:15,640 --> 01:26:17,500
Are you sure you don't...
1477
01:26:17,600 --> 01:26:20,140
mean to ask me about potato yields?
1478
01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:23,060
No. I wanna know about
that other thing I just asked.
1479
01:26:23,160 --> 01:26:24,580
Okay, well...
1480
01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:27,386
Dave, as you have seen for yourself...
1481
01:26:27,960 --> 01:26:30,660
we have a great bounty of food
in North Korea.
1482
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,220
What I saw for myself...
1483
01:26:32,320 --> 01:26:35,220
was a fake grocery store...
1484
01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:38,151
with a fake fat kid
planted right in from' of it!
1485
01:26:41,920 --> 01:26:45,660
Okay, this is an offensive line
of questioning.
1486
01:26:45,760 --> 01:26:48,420
I don't think it's offensive.
It's important.
1487
01:26:48,520 --> 01:26:51,260
If you don't wanna answer,
you can get up and walk away.
1488
01:26:51,360 --> 01:26:53,100
I can't keep you from retreating.
1489
01:26:53,200 --> 01:26:56,020
- He's gonna go for the button.
- He's sitting there. Not moving.
1490
01:26:56,120 --> 01:26:58,100
- He's going for the button!
- He's not.
1491
01:26:58,200 --> 01:27:01,349
- Oh, shit. He's making a move!
- Don't move, homie!
1492
01:27:02,400 --> 01:27:03,831
Get your hand away!
1493
01:27:07,840 --> 01:27:11,660
I will cap you! I'm exploding with energy.
I can't believe this.
1494
01:27:11,760 --> 01:27:14,147
I feel so alive right now.
This is so real.
1495
01:27:14,640 --> 01:27:16,500
He's got him. Nice!
1496
01:27:16,600 --> 01:27:19,226
- Dave! Dave.
- I know you, Kim.
1497
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:29,540
Dave, perhaps the question
you should ask is:
1498
01:27:29,640 --> 01:27:33,140
How have I managed to keep my country
so well-nourished...
1499
01:27:33,240 --> 01:27:36,260
despite the harsh
and unjust economic sanctions...
1500
01:27:36,360 --> 01:27:40,431
imposed on North Korea
by the United States?
1501
01:27:40,840 --> 01:27:42,226
Sanctions?
1502
01:27:43,200 --> 01:27:48,140
Don't you know that the U.S. has more
incarcerated people per capita than us?
1503
01:27:48,240 --> 01:27:49,340
No. But...
1504
01:27:49,440 --> 01:27:53,020
So perhaps now you would like
to return to the civil discussion...
1505
01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:55,382
we had originally agreed upon.
1506
01:27:57,640 --> 01:27:59,504
No! Get him!
1507
01:28:03,560 --> 01:28:05,742
Oh, shit! Go to camera one!
1508
01:28:10,120 --> 01:28:12,063
Camera three! Camera three!
1509
01:28:17,040 --> 01:28:18,301
Do not move, homie!
1510
01:28:27,480 --> 01:28:30,709
Give me something!
Give me fucking something! Okay.
1511
01:28:31,960 --> 01:28:36,060
Why?! Fuck! Shit, that hurts!
1512
01:28:36,160 --> 01:28:38,580
We don't have concentration camps, Dave.
1513
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:43,229
Have you seen one person mistreated
since your arrival here?
1514
01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:49,944
Oh, shit! Shit. Someone's coming.
Someone's coming.
1515
01:29:03,800 --> 01:29:05,380
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
1516
01:29:05,480 --> 01:29:08,380
Dave, unless you can show me
a person, a photo...
1517
01:29:08,480 --> 01:29:10,264
of widespread hunger...
1518
01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:18,025
Aaron!
1519
01:29:30,600 --> 01:29:32,589
Do not fuck with my angles!
1520
01:29:45,120 --> 01:29:47,222
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1521
01:29:48,440 --> 01:29:50,304
You're fucking up the angles!
1522
01:29:51,480 --> 01:29:53,150
Sit still!
1523
01:29:54,440 --> 01:29:55,621
Slow push!
1524
01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:11,500
Thank you!
1525
01:30:11,600 --> 01:30:13,700
Face it, Dave, you have failed.
1526
01:30:13,800 --> 01:30:17,260
You've made wild allegations,
but you have proven nothing.
1527
01:30:17,360 --> 01:30:21,260
You made this long journey just to show
the world that they were right about you.
1528
01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:25,420
You are incapable
of conducting a real interview.
1529
01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:27,304
You're a joke!
1530
01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:32,785
Maybe you're right.
1531
01:30:34,640 --> 01:30:35,946
Yeah, it sucks.
1532
01:30:36,400 --> 01:30:38,662
Because I need people's approval.
1533
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:41,780
Desperately.
1534
01:30:41,880 --> 01:30:43,789
Because I could never get it...
1535
01:30:44,280 --> 01:30:46,621
from my father when I was a kid.
1536
01:30:53,200 --> 01:30:56,110
But I see a lot of the
same thing in you, Kim.
1537
01:30:58,200 --> 01:30:59,745
Your father...
1538
01:31:00,920 --> 01:31:03,705
deprived you of life's
simplest pleasures.
1539
01:31:05,160 --> 01:31:07,388
He told you that margaritas are gay.
1540
01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:10,905
I have no comment on margaritas.
1541
01:31:11,440 --> 01:31:15,750
- Then why don't you drink them?
- I don't like brain freeze.
1542
01:31:17,440 --> 01:31:19,620
Fuck you, Dave.
1543
01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:21,740
You fucking asshole!
1544
01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:24,420
I just have one more question for you.
1545
01:31:26,440 --> 01:31:30,980
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
1546
01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:35,868
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
1547
01:31:36,480 --> 01:31:39,460
- What is that? I don't know what that is.
- Yes, you do.
1548
01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:42,100
No, I don't. I never heard that before.
1549
01:31:42,200 --> 01:31:46,100
Do you ever feel
Feel so paper-thin
1550
01:31:46,840 --> 01:31:49,500
Just like a house of cards
1551
01:31:49,600 --> 01:31:52,226
One blow from caving in?
1552
01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:56,340
- I don't know what you're singing.
- You know what it is.
1553
01:31:56,440 --> 01:31:58,781
- No, I don't.
- You don't need to lie.
1554
01:31:59,680 --> 01:32:01,380
Katy Perry's your favorite!
1555
01:32:01,480 --> 01:32:04,780
Katy who? I don't know
who you're talking about.
1556
01:32:04,880 --> 01:32:09,260
You just gotta ignite the light
1557
01:32:09,360 --> 01:32:12,660
And let it shine
1558
01:32:12,760 --> 01:32:14,740
Not the chorus, please!
1559
01:32:14,840 --> 01:32:19,820
And own the night
Like it's the Fourth of July
1560
01:32:19,920 --> 01:32:24,140
- 'Cause, Kimmy, you're a firework
- Stop!
1561
01:32:24,240 --> 01:32:28,300
Go and show 'em what you're worth
1562
01:32:28,400 --> 01:32:31,820
And make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
1563
01:32:31,920 --> 01:32:35,547
As you sail across the sky-y-y
1564
01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:39,300
Kimmy, you're a firework
1565
01:32:39,400 --> 01:32:40,780
No!
1566
01:32:40,880 --> 01:32:43,140
I don't need my father!
1567
01:32:43,240 --> 01:32:45,741
I am strong!
1568
01:33:09,680 --> 01:33:11,060
Excuse me.
1569
01:33:11,160 --> 01:33:13,740
- Did you just shart?
- No, I didn't.
1570
01:33:13,840 --> 01:33:16,100
It was that camera guy.
1571
01:33:16,200 --> 01:33:17,340
It wasn't me.
1572
01:33:17,440 --> 01:33:21,670
Ladies and gentlemen, Kim Jong-un
has just pooed in his pants.
1573
01:33:27,520 --> 01:33:29,349
Let's get the fuck out of here.
1574
01:33:30,360 --> 01:33:31,871
Yeah. Let's go.
1575
01:34:12,200 --> 01:34:15,220
Damn, girl. You a badass.
1576
01:34:15,320 --> 01:34:17,940
I thought you were my friend, Dave.
1577
01:34:18,040 --> 01:34:20,029
I thought you were my friend, Kim.
1578
01:34:21,040 --> 01:34:22,900
I thought everyone lied about you.
1579
01:34:23,000 --> 01:34:25,380
And then I saw that fake grapefruit...
1580
01:34:25,480 --> 01:34:27,264
in that fake grocery store...
1581
01:34:27,880 --> 01:34:30,347
and I realized
that you were a fake friend.
1582
01:34:31,680 --> 01:34:34,020
You said you were gonna
blow everybody up...
1583
01:34:34,120 --> 01:34:36,420
just to show what a big guy you are?
1584
01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:39,180
No friend would blow up
another friend's country.
1585
01:34:39,280 --> 01:34:42,660
You're just a flawed man
with a big ol' butthole.
1586
01:34:42,760 --> 01:34:44,908
And you pee and poo like the rest of us.
1587
01:34:56,000 --> 01:34:57,465
Well, tell me this, Dave:
1588
01:34:59,280 --> 01:35:03,580
Will you be so cocky when I slay you
in front of the whole world...
1589
01:35:03,680 --> 01:35:05,942
you Yankee motherfucker?
1590
01:35:06,360 --> 01:35:09,623
If you shoot me,
you'll just be proving me right.
1591
01:35:10,600 --> 01:35:12,350
You're just a sad, little man.
1592
01:35:16,360 --> 01:35:18,861
Dave! Dave, no!
1593
01:35:23,480 --> 01:35:25,780
This is Dave Skylark...
1594
01:35:25,880 --> 01:35:27,630
signing off.
1595
01:35:33,480 --> 01:35:35,503
Goodbye, Dave.
1596
01:35:44,560 --> 01:35:45,946
Oh, man.
1597
01:35:52,920 --> 01:35:54,220
Bulletproof vest.
1598
01:35:54,320 --> 01:35:56,024
Genius!
1599
01:35:57,720 --> 01:36:00,180
He's alive, everybody. Oh, fuck!
1600
01:36:00,280 --> 01:36:03,020
Got a bulletproof vest on!
I don't know how he got it!
1601
01:36:03,120 --> 01:36:04,580
But he's got it on!
1602
01:36:04,680 --> 01:36:06,980
Thank you for watching my interview.
1603
01:36:07,080 --> 01:36:08,500
This is Dave Skylark...
1604
01:36:08,600 --> 01:36:10,668
signing off.
1605
01:36:11,800 --> 01:36:13,345
- No!
- Aaron!
1606
01:36:14,120 --> 01:36:17,260
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Wait! The puppy.
1607
01:36:17,360 --> 01:36:20,820
- What happened to your hand?
- Someone bit my fucking fingers off.
1608
01:36:20,920 --> 01:36:23,307
- That's just like Frodo!
- Whoa! Shit!
1609
01:36:24,360 --> 01:36:25,791
Don't shoot! I have a puppy!
1610
01:36:41,080 --> 01:36:42,341
Go!
1611
01:36:46,120 --> 01:36:48,620
- Oh, no, no! Oh! Oh, no!
- Who is that?!
1612
01:36:48,720 --> 01:36:51,300
- Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!
- Keep shooting!
1613
01:36:51,400 --> 01:36:52,620
Oh, no!
1614
01:36:52,720 --> 01:36:54,822
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! There's more!
1615
01:36:56,760 --> 01:36:58,908
You're a hero! Thank you, sir!
1616
01:37:53,680 --> 01:37:55,420
That's the only way out!
1617
01:37:55,520 --> 01:37:58,021
Hey. I have an idea.
1618
01:37:58,440 --> 01:37:59,746
Follow me.
1619
01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:16,780
Is this Katy fucking Perry?!
1620
01:38:16,880 --> 01:38:18,823
Leave it on!
It's helping me concentrate!
1621
01:38:32,360 --> 01:38:35,464
- Oh, shit. Are those fucking nukes?!
- Let me check.
1622
01:38:38,920 --> 01:38:42,183
Oh, we really fucked up!
He's arming his fucking nukes!
1623
01:38:47,760 --> 01:38:48,907
Fuck!
1624
01:38:59,880 --> 01:39:01,903
Skylark!
1625
01:39:06,720 --> 01:39:09,100
Kim!
1626
01:39:09,200 --> 01:39:11,064
Fuck you!
1627
01:39:26,960 --> 01:39:28,660
I've been grazed!
1628
01:39:28,760 --> 01:39:30,420
- How's the puppy?
- Puppy is okay!
1629
01:39:30,520 --> 01:39:32,429
Protect that puppy with your life!
1630
01:39:43,320 --> 01:39:45,740
We gotta do something!
He's gonna kill us!
1631
01:39:45,840 --> 01:39:47,942
We're in a tank! Shoot him back!
1632
01:39:52,200 --> 01:39:55,941
- It's loaded!
- Let's barbecue this motherfucker!
1633
01:40:03,360 --> 01:40:04,905
On three!
1634
01:40:05,960 --> 01:40:07,346
Balls to the wall!
1635
01:40:08,920 --> 01:40:10,351
Boom, boom...
1636
01:40:13,080 --> 01:40:14,466
boom!
1637
01:41:39,400 --> 01:41:40,990
Yes! Yes!
1638
01:41:42,920 --> 01:41:44,060
Yes!
1639
01:41:44,160 --> 01:41:46,911
Okay.
1640
01:41:48,560 --> 01:41:51,300
That way. It's an old mining tunnel.
1641
01:41:51,400 --> 01:41:54,580
- Holy shit, where does that go?
- West. Away from Pyongyang.
1642
01:41:54,680 --> 01:41:58,140
Keep moving until you reach the coast.
I wish you both luck.
1643
01:41:58,240 --> 01:42:00,380
You sound like
you're not coming with us.
1644
01:42:00,480 --> 01:42:03,820
- I have to go to Pyongyang.
- Right back into the snake pit!
1645
01:42:03,920 --> 01:42:07,020
I can't leave North Korea.
I just helped plunge it into chaos!
1646
01:42:07,120 --> 01:42:08,740
So did we. I'm okay with leaving.
1647
01:42:08,840 --> 01:42:11,940
I have to ensure that the power does
not transfer to the wrong hands.
1648
01:42:12,040 --> 01:42:14,905
I can't deny that we have chemistry.
1649
01:42:15,520 --> 01:42:18,146
But I have to stay here for my people.
1650
01:42:19,600 --> 01:42:20,781
Okay.
1651
01:42:21,920 --> 01:42:23,180
I'm glad to meet you.
1652
01:42:23,280 --> 01:42:24,506
Okay.
1653
01:42:25,720 --> 01:42:27,504
Kiss her.
1654
01:42:28,640 --> 01:42:30,310
Kiss her, dude.
1655
01:42:30,800 --> 01:42:31,981
Yeah, get in there.
1656
01:42:34,440 --> 01:42:35,666
Nice.
1657
01:42:41,920 --> 01:42:44,068
I'm happy to have met you, Aaron.
1658
01:42:45,040 --> 01:42:46,221
Me too.
1659
01:42:47,960 --> 01:42:49,107
Bye, Sook!
1660
01:42:49,800 --> 01:42:51,709
Have fun with the war.
1661
01:43:13,240 --> 01:43:15,149
- All right, it's clear.
- Okay.
1662
01:43:17,720 --> 01:43:18,901
Okay, here you go.
1663
01:43:19,800 --> 01:43:21,740
- You got him?
- Yeah.
1664
01:43:21,840 --> 01:43:24,068
You out of that big ol' scary hole?
1665
01:43:27,280 --> 01:43:29,780
- Where are we?
- I don't know.
1666
01:43:29,880 --> 01:43:31,020
Is this China?
1667
01:43:31,120 --> 01:43:33,905
- I don't know. Looks like North Korea.
- Yeah.
1668
01:43:34,760 --> 01:43:36,380
- Man.
- Which Way's the coast?
1669
01:43:36,480 --> 01:43:38,980
I have no idea. Does that do something?
1670
01:43:39,080 --> 01:43:41,420
- Dogs always run to the sea.
- Not true.
1671
01:43:41,520 --> 01:43:44,260
- You gotta find the sea.
- That's not gonna happen.
1672
01:43:44,360 --> 01:43:45,860
Shit.
1673
01:43:45,960 --> 01:43:48,660
- Shit, shit, shit!
- Protect the puppy!
1674
01:43:48,760 --> 01:43:50,589
Stop! It's them!
1675
01:43:52,880 --> 01:43:54,980
Echo Romeo Five, Echo Romeo Five.
1676
01:43:55,080 --> 01:43:57,700
We have contact
with Dung Beetle and Aardvark.
1677
01:43:57,800 --> 01:43:59,140
Aaron, Dave.
1678
01:43:59,240 --> 01:44:02,060
- I'm Captain Sung, SEAL Team 6.
- Holy shit.
1679
01:44:02,160 --> 01:44:03,380
How'd you find us?
1680
01:44:03,480 --> 01:44:06,980
The GPS on your wristwatch.
Let's get you boys home.
1681
01:44:07,080 --> 01:44:09,420
- Oh, my God!
- For you.
1682
01:44:09,520 --> 01:44:12,271
- For me?
- Is it the president?
1683
01:44:12,760 --> 01:44:16,020
- Mr. Obama?
- Nope, just me. Agent Lacey.
1684
01:44:16,120 --> 01:44:18,951
Agent Lacey.
Fancy hearing from you here.
1685
01:44:19,440 --> 01:44:21,460
I enjoyed your interview, guys.
1686
01:44:21,560 --> 01:44:24,780
Now, try not to fuck up your extraction.
1687
01:44:24,880 --> 01:44:26,060
Get home safe.
1688
01:44:26,160 --> 01:44:29,540
Guess who's going to America
where they don't eat doggies?
1689
01:44:29,640 --> 01:44:33,222
- And you get all the good stuff.
- Let's just go. Can we please go?
1690
01:44:44,760 --> 01:44:45,941
Get them in.
1691
01:45:13,000 --> 01:45:14,660
She honeypotted me.
1692
01:45:14,760 --> 01:45:17,220
- What? What are you talking about?
- Sook.
1693
01:45:17,320 --> 01:45:21,311
Think about it, man. I mean,
she researched me, she seduced me...
1694
01:45:21,760 --> 01:45:25,380
she commandeered my plans,
made them her own. She used me.
1695
01:45:25,480 --> 01:45:29,420
I'll admit it was for, like,
a really good fucking cause...
1696
01:45:29,520 --> 01:45:31,031
but she honeypotted me.
1697
01:45:31,440 --> 01:45:34,980
Yeah. Well, good riddance.
I hated that fucking bitch.
1698
01:45:35,080 --> 01:45:36,181
Really?
1699
01:45:37,320 --> 01:45:40,580
No. Just thought
it'd make you feel better.
1700
01:45:40,680 --> 01:45:42,620
That was your one true love.
1701
01:45:42,720 --> 01:45:44,620
Now she's gone.
1702
01:45:44,720 --> 01:45:47,221
Doesn't make me feel any better.
1703
01:45:48,520 --> 01:45:50,300
Well, you have us.
1704
01:45:50,400 --> 01:45:52,150
And we love you!
1705
01:45:56,160 --> 01:45:58,183
We all love each other!
1706
01:46:07,400 --> 01:46:11,980
"And as the North Korean coastline
receded in the distance...
1707
01:46:12,080 --> 01:46:14,660
we heard the crackle of gunfire.
1708
01:46:15,720 --> 01:46:18,346
It was the beginning of a revolution.
1709
01:46:18,800 --> 01:46:23,100
A revolution Aaron and I had started.
1710
01:46:23,200 --> 01:46:26,300
- Of course, in a tale like this...
- Malcolm.
1711
01:46:26,400 --> 01:46:28,741
You might expect to find some...
1712
01:46:29,520 --> 01:46:34,865
...hot CIA honeypot bombshell."
1713
01:46:42,320 --> 01:46:44,661
"Maybe a few drones...
1714
01:46:45,120 --> 01:46:47,900
or a secret CIA watch."
1715
01:46:48,000 --> 01:46:49,980
- You got Skype.
- So good to see you.
1716
01:46:50,080 --> 01:46:52,103
Wait, someone else wants to say hi.
1717
01:46:53,400 --> 01:46:55,860
Guess what we named him? Kim Jong-un!
1718
01:46:55,960 --> 01:46:57,660
That's a little fucked up, no?
1719
01:46:57,760 --> 01:46:59,940
It's super fucked up. But he's cute.
1720
01:47:00,040 --> 01:47:01,983
"But there was none of that.
1721
01:47:02,400 --> 01:47:03,700
No.
1722
01:47:03,800 --> 01:47:05,900
This was a revolution...
1723
01:47:06,000 --> 01:47:10,340
ignited with nothing more
than a camera...
1724
01:47:10,440 --> 01:47:12,110
and some questions.
1725
01:47:12,520 --> 01:47:14,940
Questions that led a man...
1726
01:47:15,040 --> 01:47:16,540
once revered as a god...
1727
01:47:16,640 --> 01:47:18,500
among mortals...
1728
01:47:18,600 --> 01:47:22,705
...to cry and shit his pants."
1729
01:47:23,400 --> 01:47:24,831
The end.
1730
01:47:25,720 --> 01:47:26,946
Thank you.
132762
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