All language subtitles for The.Adventures.Of.Ford.Fairlane.1990.TrueHD.AC3.1080p.BluRay.x264.HQ-TUSAHD.English

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,044 ( Music playing ) 2 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,490 ( Bell dings ) 3 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,851 They call me Ford Fairlane, Rock 'n' Roll Detective. 4 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,924 I have the power to get into the hottest clubs, 5 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,482 the hottest dressing rooms and the hottest chicks. 6 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,610 I admit it all sounds pretty nifty in theory. 7 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:01,966 Then why am I here? 8 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,447 Why do I wish the music industry and the rest of the globe 9 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,682 would just suck my dick, Tracy? 10 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,285 I'll tell you why. 11 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,250 It all started five nights ago. 12 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,970 I didn't know it yet, 13 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,726 but I was about to get a case of the Black Plague. 14 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,771 Not the disease that killed a billion peasants in the 1300s. 15 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,491 Something much scarier. 16 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,562 ( Cheering ) 17 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,287 - ( Crowd screaming ) - Hello, LA! 18 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,209 Ford: You see, this band, the Black Plague, 19 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,522 were considered the new kings of metal. 20 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,809 I thought they were just some lucky assholes from Reseda. 21 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,765 Anyway, tonight, this guy Bobby Black 22 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,440 was goin' to give the performance of his life. 23 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,483 ♪ I said dance ♪ 24 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,529 ♪ I said prance... ♪ 25 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,480 ♪ Sleazing in like a monkey ♪ 26 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:20,326 ♪ That's cool, I say it's gross ♪ 27 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,166 ♪ Honey so damn f-funky ♪ 28 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,129 ♪ Dance to the rhythm ♪ 29 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,770 ♪ Jungle music rhythm ♪ 30 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:31,646 ♪ So primal, animal ♪ 31 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,564 ♪ Tearing down the gown ♪ 32 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,245 ♪ Striped with such a strip ♪ 33 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,482 ♪ She's a winner's rockshot ♪ 34 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,849 ♪ She don't give up, no ♪ 35 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,447 ♪ No, she don't give a shit ♪ 36 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:45,926 ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ 37 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,366 ♪ She's a rock 'n' roll junkie ♪ 38 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,005 ♪ That's how she gets her kicks ♪ 39 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,208 ♪ The way she licks her lips ♪ 40 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,529 ♪ That's how she gets her fix... ♪ 41 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,162 ( Choking ) 42 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,601 Woman: I love you, Bobby! 43 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,447 Ford: I guess the poor superstar son of a bitch 44 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,046 wasn't that lucky after all, huh? 45 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,001 In the meantime, I was miles away 46 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,960 checking out a tip on the case of the fanatic redheaded fan. 47 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:35,284 And making my entrance was unbelievable. 48 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,003 ( Shouting, clamoring ) 49 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,483 - ( Gasps ) - Ford: Whoa! 50 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,369 Was my fly undone? 51 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,289 ( Women gasping, exclaiming ) 52 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,520 ( Zipper unzips ) 53 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,688 ( Clicks ) 54 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,563 Ford: I'm so "terrifical" I even had my own toll-free number. 55 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,485 - ( Cranks ) - Ford: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE. 56 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,086 Ford, I gotta ask you to put that out, dude. 57 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,561 Nobody smokes anymore. 58 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,091 Thanks, man. 59 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,966 You son of a bitch. 60 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,327 Another satisfied customer. 61 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,006 Call me. 62 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:02,363 What goes for my sister goes double for me. 63 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,206 Don't you remember? The Jacuzzi? Laurel Canyon? 64 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,886 The Guns N' Roses video wrap party? 65 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,610 Oh, yeah. The twins. 66 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,889 But you're not, uh, identical, huh? 67 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,366 ( Chuckles ) 68 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,682 Hey, look. Write down my number. 69 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:21,162 - 555-6321. - Thanks. 70 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,651 - Got it? - Yeah, thanks. 71 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:26,367 Wait a minute. 555's not a real number. 72 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,522 They only use that in the movies. 73 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,166 No shit, honey. What do you think this is, real life? 74 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:32,606 ( Laughs ) 75 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,486 - Hey, it's Ford Fairlane. - Easy money. 76 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,007 Together: Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective. 77 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,401 Guy couldn't find a handle on a coffee cup. 78 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,289 And what are your names, Neil and Bob? 79 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,851 Or is that, like, what you do, huh? 80 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,923 - Yeah. - You guys drivin' tonight? 81 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,081 - Together: Yeah. - Yeah? 82 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,248 Why don't you take Mulholland? You'll love the curves. 83 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,890 Now move. 84 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,650 Ford: Thank God for Don Cleveland. 85 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,485 He was the best producer in the biz and the only guy in the industry 86 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,722 I could talk to without vomiting Day-Glo. 87 00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,967 ( Sighs ) 88 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,329 I hate that Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective bullshit, you know? 89 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,562 I'm a professional crime-fighter. 90 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,366 I work for a living, you know that. 91 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,931 Don: What are you lookin' at? 92 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,641 Some redhead's been bothering that girl group, you know, the Pussycats. 93 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,565 Been showin' up at their concerts, saying he wants to rape and kill 'em. 94 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,484 And not in that order. 95 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,769 Hey, you're that guy. The private eye. 96 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,367 You're a poet and didn't know it. Oh! 97 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,602 So you heard that Bobby Black OD'd, 98 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,091 - right? - Yeah. So? 99 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,045 So, do you suspect foul play and stuff? 100 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,564 I'll let you know when somebody pays me to give a shit and stuff. 101 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,087 Well, my name is Melodi. 102 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,720 As in "A Pretty girl is like a..." 103 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,888 Here's my phone number. 104 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,884 Whatever you're doing tomorrow... 105 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,725 mwah... cancel. 106 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,086 'Kay? 107 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,206 Don: You got to shave 108 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,328 before you leave the house in a dress like that. 109 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,569 And I don't mean your legs. 110 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,563 ( Laughter ) 111 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,404 ♪ Boy, whatcha gonna do? ♪ 112 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,609 Hey, hey, you better have that Sambuca milk shake ready. 113 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,445 Here comes Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective. 114 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,761 Hey, Ford. 115 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,160 What's goin' on? 116 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:17,890 Harry, shake me. 117 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,809 Woman: Yeah! Woo! 118 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,604 I hope you like it, Ford. 119 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,531 ( Slurps ) 120 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,725 Precocious. "Combustionable." 121 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:35,202 Harry, not thick enough. 122 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,771 But you're gettin' better. 123 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,926 So how's Mutt and Mutt, huh? 124 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,764 Whoo! Whoo! 125 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,241 - And who's your friend? - Shh! 126 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,011 I'm just some guy named Sam, asswipe. 127 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,448 Sam. How cute. 128 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,965 Reminds me of that story. 129 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:53,167 "Green Eggs and Ham." 130 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,606 "Will you eat them in a box? 131 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,081 Will you eat them with a fox?" 132 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,242 Know the Pussycats? 133 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,243 Big Dr. Seuss fans. 134 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,562 - ( Laughs ) - Especially that lead singer. 135 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,371 What's her name? Uh, I'm drawin' a fuckin' blank. 136 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,931 ( Stammering ) It's Josie. 137 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,007 Boss. 138 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,162 Wonder if this could be our guy. 139 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,687 Deceitful bitches. 140 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,689 Last dance, 141 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,811 Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective. 142 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,090 You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment of your life. 143 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,521 ( Grunts ) 144 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,364 ( Yells ) 145 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,841 Somethin' from our wine list? 146 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,684 ( Patrons gasping, screaming ) 147 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,810 Come on, Ford. This shit's gettin' old, man. 148 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,445 ( Glass breaking, women screaming ) 149 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,284 Excuse me a moment. 150 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,684 Ford: So many assholes. 151 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,441 So few bullets. 152 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,725 ( Women gasping, screaming ) 153 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,522 Clint Eastwood? 154 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,411 I fucked him. Oh! 155 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,042 ( Snoring ) 156 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,124 - ( Music alarm sounding ) - ( Gasps ) 157 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,371 Oh, man. 158 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:51,927 Do my dishes! 159 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,367 ♪ Excuse me while I kiss the sky ♪ 160 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:58,881 ♪ Purple haze... ♪ 161 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,644 Ford: As if my alarm clock wasn't enough, 162 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,450 - it was time for my late afternoon... - ( Ringing ) 163 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,409 ...wake-up call from Jazz. 164 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,925 Jazz was my assistant... 165 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,727 - ( Music shuts off ) - Ugh! Thank God! 166 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,160 - Oh, no! - Hello? 167 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,685 Jazz on phone: Ford, it's me. Do you know what time it is? 168 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,086 Jazz? 169 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,685 Ford: ...and the only woman I treat with sensitivity. 170 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:16,961 Wonk, wonk, wonk. 171 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,406 You sound like Charlie Brown's friggin' teacher. 172 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:19,971 Jazz: Why are you late? Answer my question. 173 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,690 Why am I late? I was up all night 174 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,241 eating Swedish meatballs. Oh! 175 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,562 I'm just kiddin'. I was doin' my job. 176 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,801 - All right? - Jazz: That's a first. 177 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,166 All right. I'll be in later. 178 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,288 - Jazz: Okay, but don't hang up on me, because there's something... 179 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,642 - Where's my shoes? - Hey, girls, 180 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,643 - what do you need over there? - Come on. 181 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,121 Ford, we just needed to be held! 182 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,766 You got the bonus plan. 183 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,888 ( Music resumes ) 184 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,641 ♪ No ♪ 185 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,529 ♪ Help me ♪ 186 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,126 ♪ Oh, yeah... ♪ 187 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,647 Hey! Wait! Please stop! 188 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,330 I'm coming! 189 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,965 ( Snaps fingers ) 190 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,610 Ow! 191 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,689 - What's goin' on, kid? - Hey, Fairlane. 192 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,320 You gonna find out who killed the lead singer of the Black Plague? 193 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,369 ( Remote beeps ) 194 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,164 Tell me, Dr. Watson... 195 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,800 - ( Whirring ) - ...what makes you so sure 196 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,645 he's just not another piece-of-shit overdose? 197 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,201 - Gut feeling. - Gut feeling, huh? 198 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,721 ( Clicks ) 199 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,086 See those chicks? 200 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,288 Girl Scouts. Took two boxes. 201 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,688 Hey, get that outta your mouth. 202 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,644 Don't you know those things are killers? 203 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,684 Don't you go to school or listen to Smokey the Bear 204 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,723 and all that kinda shit, huh? 205 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,645 - ( Remote beeps ) - ( Sam gasping ) 206 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,167 ( Sam panting ) 207 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,721 You sick son of a bitch! 208 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,245 Have a Twinkie, snapper-head. 209 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,405 Sam: I can't breathe in here, Fairlane! 210 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,404 Hey, Fairlane. When are you gonna start lettin' me work with you? 211 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:03,721 Why are you always fuckin' with me? 212 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,325 Excuse me! 213 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,086 You say the f-word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out. 214 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,164 Do you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here. 215 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,845 - Sam: Fairlane? - ( Sam pounding on trunk ) 216 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,884 I've got something serious to discuss. 217 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,283 Yeah, what is it? Premature ejaculation? Oh! 218 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,681 You know, Ford, 219 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,804 sometimes you can be a real dick. 220 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,440 "Dick." "Fuck." What kinda kid are you? 221 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,204 ( Tires squealing ) 222 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,567 Sam: Fairlane! 223 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,731 Ford: My office was at the Cross Roads Of The World. 224 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,362 The rent was high, but it was worth it for those chicks. 225 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,808 Those big, fat chicks. 226 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,281 ♪ The say "Ole Tone, you know I love your stuff. ♪ 227 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,683 ♪ But no matter what, niggas can't get enough." ♪ 228 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,807 - Hey, my man, Slam. - Yo, yo. 229 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,247 What's happenin'? Cool, cool. 230 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,482 Why don't you guys take it across the street to 7-Eleven? 231 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,682 I'm poppin' a fuckin' brain vessel. 232 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,127 Well, well, if your Big Gulp head producer clients 233 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,964 would dare to show a little brilliance, 234 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,487 they would sign my ass up on that Minie Ball tour 235 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,130 and I'd be touring all around the world 236 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,487 and 1990 will be a most glorious year. 237 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:20,971 You know what I'm sayin'? 238 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,804 Hey, look. I'm only bullshittin'. 239 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,850 You know I dig the new stuff. It's fuckin' phenomenal. 240 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,162 ( Laughing ) 241 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:30,966 ( Coughs ) 242 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,924 You know, some people are claustrophobic, Fairlane. 243 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,485 I'm allergic, too, you know. 244 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,802 So don't make it out like I'm some kind of weirdo. 245 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,923 Besides, you can't prove shit. 246 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,161 Shut up, huh? 247 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,481 Good morning. 248 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,291 She says, as the clock struck 5:00. 249 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,841 Josie was hungry, so I sent the Pussycats down for food. 250 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,570 You know, they've been waiting muy long. 251 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,683 They're only a double platinum band, Ford. 252 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,649 They haven't got anything better to do, right? 253 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,849 All right. Silence, Jazz, our tip paid off. 254 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,971 It's Sam the Sleazebag. Sam the Sleazebag, Jazz. 255 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,964 - My assistant. - Hey, Ford. A little late, huh? 256 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,361 ( Gasping ) 257 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,960 I love you all. 258 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,491 That's him. 259 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,325 That's the bastard who flashed us at the Amphitheatre. 260 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,484 You bitches have no proof. 261 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,721 - ( Grunts ) - Get out! 262 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,843 I think I could identify it. 263 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,082 It looked like a dick, only smaller. 264 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,641 - ( Laughing ) - All right, Sam. 265 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,410 We're gonna let you go, okay? 266 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,643 - We just gotta keep the evidence. - All: What? 267 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,041 ( Bell tolling ) 268 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,851 ( Distant rap music playing ) 269 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,048 Now, you pay. 270 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,611 It's called "citizen's castration." 271 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:42,886 - ( Scissors snip ) - All: Oh! 272 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,771 Next time it'll be for real. 273 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,321 Ah! 274 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:49,720 ( Crash ) 275 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,804 You stupid Sal's-Pizza-garlic-breath-smellin' 276 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,121 motherfucker. 277 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,602 Today is the last day of the rest of your life. 278 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,366 ( Screaming ) 279 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,366 Take this, Ford, as payment for a job well done. 280 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,601 It's solid gold. 281 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,087 And it'll make sure you're not late for your other clients. 282 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,480 No, money's fine, really. 283 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,883 - Bye, Ford. - You're our hero. 284 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,246 ( Laughing ) 285 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,209 "Bye, Ford." 286 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,726 Let me cheer you up, Ford. 287 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,565 I've got the INXS payment. 288 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,291 Oops. There you go. G'day. 289 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,090 They say it's worth three grand. 290 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,611 ( Koala muttering ) 291 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,570 Fuckin' Australians. I hate that country. 292 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,484 You know, that continent, whatever the hell it is. 293 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,041 - Don't we do nuclear testing there? - ( Koala muttering ) 294 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,441 What is that? Some kind of giant mouse? 295 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,489 Down. Down and eat. Good. 296 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,483 Milli Vanilli paid us off 297 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,406 in bicycle shorts and hair extensions. 298 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,244 Very scary. 299 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,085 ( Cranks ) Rock stars. 300 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,810 I'm goin' outta my mind dealin' with rock stars. 301 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,440 I-I don't make money, I make gifts! 302 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:01,201 I mean, how am I supposed to pay taxes with bathtub compact disc players 303 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,442 and autographed drumsticks, you know what I'm sayin'? 304 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,763 I need cash, moola, wampum. Dead presidents. 305 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,764 Michael Jackson, Gerald Ford. 306 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,649 You know, I think it's all coming together for me now. 307 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,529 - You need money. - Come on, Jazz. 308 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,523 I got my balls in a bunch. 309 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,490 Your karate class costs money. Cavities cost money. 310 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,927 "Propaphylactics" cost money. 311 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,201 You know what I'm gonna do? 312 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,930 I'm gonna take that damn food processor 313 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,811 that Neil Diamond gave me, I'm gonna make koala burgers, right... 314 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,002 - ( Koala muttering ) - ...with koala chips and koala dip. 315 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,481 - That's what I think. - You're breakin' my heart, Ford. 316 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:32,721 ( Cranks ) 317 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,850 Look. I think that we've got a case 318 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,686 if we can make it through this cavalcade of bimbos. 319 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,128 Bimbo: Hi, Ford. It's Monica. 320 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,681 Remember me? I'm walking again. 321 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,444 - Call me. - ( Click ) 322 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,840 That's bimbo number one. 323 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,048 Hey, cut the play-by-play, all right? 324 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:55,330 Man: Hi, is this Chevy Nova? Is this the car I wanna speak to? 325 00:16:55,480 --> 00:17:00,088 Johnny Crunch here, KDRT. You know, K-DIRT, you schmuck? 326 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,244 You know, I'm the guy who had sex with your prom date 327 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,448 the very night before the prom. 328 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,763 And then I became the hottest deejay in the West. 329 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,803 Well, I got a case for you. 330 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,689 Now, I don't want you to come here and say, 331 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,247 "Well, what is it, a leather case or a vinyl case?" 332 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,129 No. It's a case to solve. 333 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,681 Come down to the station, uh, about 6:00. 334 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,046 Make it 6:00. 335 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,885 Johnny Teitelbaum, calling himself Johnny Crunch. 336 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,849 Knock me out, huh? 337 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,241 You know, we grew up together in Brooklyn. 338 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,966 We came out here to become rock stars. 339 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,566 He's lying about the prom date thing, of course. 340 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,245 I hope he is. I took his sister. 341 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,248 So you're friends with the most obnoxious asshole on the airwaves? 342 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,210 The king of the shock jocks? 343 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,522 - I'm shocked. - Yeah, don't worry about it. 344 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,570 He wants to see me at 6:00. What time is it? 345 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,961 Take this. I think you might need it. 346 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,451 ( Telephone ringing ) 347 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,365 - Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT. - ( Feedback ) 348 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,443 - ( Beeping ) - That's for me. 349 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,967 Radio contests? Really, Ford. 350 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,009 How tacky. 351 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,810 So, what are you gonna do about this watch? 352 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,327 Keep it. It's your paycheck this month. 353 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,807 That's nice. What about last month? 354 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,407 Come here. Come here. 355 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,641 Come here. I wanna tell you somethin'. 356 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,882 - What? - Come here. 357 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,766 Huh? 358 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,048 ( Laughs ) Huh? 359 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,890 Unbelievable. 360 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,244 Ford: When Johnny and I broke up our band, 361 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,970 we drifted apart. 362 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,929 He started hangin' out with all those 363 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,241 rock star hair-head types. 364 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,528 You know what I'm sayin', like that late Bobby Black? 365 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,210 And when they needed money to get high, 366 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,840 they would do those Rock Against Drug commercials. 367 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,126 You see what I'm sayin' to you? 368 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,964 That's what I'm sayin'. What am I sayin'? 369 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,531 I don't know. 370 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,930 Hey, Pixie. 371 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,206 I'm here to see Johnny Crunch. 372 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,880 Lucky you. Arnie. 373 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,006 ( Grunting ) 374 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,721 Mr. Crunch has a lot of fans who hate his guts. 375 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,888 Oh, Arnie. Sometimes when we touch, 376 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,208 - the honesty's too much! - ( Grunts ) 377 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,207 Sorry. 378 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,328 Okay, it's Johnny Crunch here. 379 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,802 And as always, if we call you and you answer the phone by saying, 380 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,521 "Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT," you could win a cool million. 381 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,769 At K-DIRT, we play the kinda music that your mother hates. 382 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,129 And I know that because right now, she's naked under the desk 383 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,248 - swallowing my microphone. - ( Record needle scratches ) 384 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,802 She likes that. Oops. I broke it accidentally. 385 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,122 But, seriously, I make jokes about your mothers, 386 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,203 but I know that they're just pathetic sluts 387 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,802 who have no lives and have sex with midgets. 388 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,691 ( Music playing ) 389 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,524 Johnny Teitelbaum. 390 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,207 Gettin' paid to be the asshole you always were, huh? 391 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:54,045 Suzuki Samurai. 392 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,249 You Bensonhurst piece of shit. 393 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,801 Here we are still in Los Angeles, 394 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,564 two rock 'n' roll dicks. 395 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,082 Only you're the detective and I'm just a regular dick. 396 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,767 It was nice hearin' from you after you hit it big, you rat bastard. 397 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,445 I guess your arms were amputated 398 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,041 and you couldn't pick up a phone. 399 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,326 But this is not a social call. 400 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,727 Here, take a look at that. 401 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,808 Yeah. Real nice. So? 402 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,644 She's my daughter. 403 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:30,401 She... she calls herself Zuzu Petals. 404 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,891 It's the sickest thing. 405 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,401 You see, years ago, I was in Jersey. 406 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,848 I meet this girl. She's a total pig, but I fucked her. 407 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,162 Yeah, I heard you started dating. 408 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,006 Well, she gets pregnant, she has the kid, 409 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,561 the kid grows up, moves out here. 410 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,046 And, you know, typical story. 411 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,283 She's screwing with all the rock stars, takin' drugs. 412 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,445 And, uh, I lost track of her. Now I want her back. 413 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,571 'Cause she's my daughter, my pride and joy. 414 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,486 I don't take cases with foundations in bullshit, Johnny. 415 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,769 - They're hard to walk around in. - Okay, you found me out. 416 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,288 - Level with me, Johnny. - All right. She's my sister. 417 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,886 She's my daughter. She's my sister and my daughter. 418 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,447 Look at the picture and find her 419 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,204 and bring her back to me. 420 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,648 I've been told that it might be hard to pay your rent 421 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,446 with gold records and koala bears. 422 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,250 Okay? 423 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,404 Maybe this'll make it a little more attractive to you. 424 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,404 $4,000. 425 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,608 Zuzu Petals, huh? 426 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,683 Zuzu Petals. 427 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,330 So, I hope you... 428 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,246 Nah, I know you're gonna find her 'cause you're the best. 429 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,483 Guys like you, you do grow on trees. 430 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,485 You're okay, Johnny. 431 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,802 Here's to you. 432 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,526 Together: Suckin' my dick! 433 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,001 ( Laughing ) 434 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,123 Now, let me get outta here. 435 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,486 No dessert until after you finish your dinner. 436 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,160 Money, money, money, money, money, money... 437 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,970 ( Gibbering ) 438 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,690 How hard could it be to nail down one teenage blonde groupie in LA? 439 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,525 Johnny on radio: If there's any teenage virgins in the audience, 440 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,843 show up with a jar of petroleum jelly right now 441 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,002 and ask to speak to Johnny Crunch. 442 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,601 I never even liked the bastard. 443 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,926 2,000 private investigators in Los Angeles. 444 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,526 So why did I pick the music industry? 445 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,966 Well... 446 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,011 it made sense to specialize. 447 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,243 I could've been anything. I could've been a fisherman. 448 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,370 Fishermen, they get up in the morning. 449 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,767 They fish. They sell fish. 450 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,126 They smell fish. 451 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,011 Reminds me of this girl I used to go with, Yvonne. 452 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,561 She smelled like fish. 453 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:05,721 - ( Gunshot on radio ) - Johnny on radio: Oh, my God! 454 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,166 Someone shot my engineer. 455 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:08,885 Hey! Hey! 456 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,202 Let... let go of the mike! What are you do... 457 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:13,931 Hey! Someone call the cops! 458 00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,565 - Help me! - ( Tires squealing ) 459 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,371 What are you... let go of me! Let me go! 460 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,010 ( Tires squealing ) 461 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,243 - ( Indistinct yelling on radio ) - ( Horns honking ) 462 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,447 Johnny on radio: Let me go! 463 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,080 Ah, these LA drivers, man. 464 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,890 How'd they get their license? 465 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,725 - Johnny on radio: Help! - ( Tires squealing ) 466 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,321 - ( Horn honks ) - ( Tires squealing ) 467 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,084 ( Tires screeching ) 468 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,890 Johnny on radio: I'm being electrocuted! 469 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,520 - ( Electrical surging ) - I'm being... help me! 470 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,921 It hurts! Ah, it hurts! 471 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,764 Call the cops. Johnny's being electrocuted! 472 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,321 Pixie: Oh, please. He's just doing one of his stupid jokes. 473 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,608 Oh, fuckin' shit, my Christ! 474 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,685 Hey! He can't say, "Oh, fuckin' shit, my Christ" over the air. 475 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,604 Hey, Arnie. Your fly. 476 00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,285 Johnny: Those are hot! They're hot! 477 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,966 Please! Please! I'm being electrocuted! 478 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,088 No! No! Ah! 479 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,004 ( Yelling ) 480 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,081 Johnny! 481 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,450 Officer: Let's get another angle on this one. 482 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,165 ( Police radio chatter ) 483 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,487 Ford: It was dead air for the deejay. 484 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:22,880 ( Camera clicking ) 485 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,644 Friend of yours? 486 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,961 Yeah. 487 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,565 And my client. 488 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,969 I could cry. 489 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,004 It's all right to cry, Ford. Crying's good. 490 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,130 Ah, shit. 491 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,481 How'd Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective boogie his way in here? 492 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,011 Anybody? 493 00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,482 Ah, he discovered the bodies, sir. Lieutenant Amos, sir. 494 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,160 Oh, Fairlane, please confess. 495 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,687 I'll do the execution myself. 496 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,128 Nice tie, Lieutenant "Anus," sir. 497 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,368 Are you calling me an asshole, asshole? 498 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,046 I'm callin' you an anus, Anus. But if you prefer... 499 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,808 You think you're so hot 'cause you get in all the clubs, huh? 500 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,201 Just because you have sex with great-lookin' women? 501 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:22,850 You think you're so hot just 'cause you broke 502 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,042 the Ensenada tape piracy ring? 503 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,043 You gotta admit those are all pretty good reasons. 504 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,521 Get the fuck outta here, jerk-off. 505 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,364 Jerk-off? 506 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,126 You're a jerk-off. That's what I think of you. 507 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,409 No, that's what I call you because you are a jerk-off. 508 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:40,521 Jerk-off. 509 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,848 Get the fuck outta here. 510 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,968 Ford: I did every shit job in the biz 511 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,804 before I became a superhero. 512 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,724 Roadie, publicist, 513 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,043 Jimmy Osmond's bodyguard and personal secretary. 514 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,043 Hey, I may bitch about my job, 515 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,368 but a great clue can really take a nothing day 516 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,965 and make it seem worthwhile. 517 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,561 "Art Mooney." 518 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,564 This case is getting closed! 519 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,009 Amos: Ford. 520 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,162 What are you runnin' from? 521 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,401 You told me to get the fuck outta here. 522 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,245 Oh, if you're hiding something, oh, oh, 523 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,004 I'll have so much fun. 524 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,969 Anus, what's the bug up your ass, huh? 525 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:23,201 Why do you hate me so much? 526 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,328 Why do I hate you? I'll give you a fuckin' hint. 527 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,091 Two words. Disco Express. 528 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,083 Disco Express? ( Scoffs ) 529 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,765 Are you dealin' in beads or what? 530 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,208 I mean, that group blew dog, you know what I'm sayin'? 531 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,290 Hey, Anus. They had that, uh, that... 532 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,842 that single, that real shitty single they wanted me to push 533 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,401 - during my publicist days. - "Booty Time." 534 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,210 Yeah, "Booty Time" with that lead singer, 535 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,762 the, uh, white Van McCoy look-alike with the six-inch platform shoes. 536 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,042 You know, the... you know, he looked like, uh... 537 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,123 - Like me. - Yeah. 538 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,760 I was gonna say it looked like shit, but... 539 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,081 it looked like you. 540 00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,480 ( Disco music playing ) 541 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,444 ♪ Booty time, booty time ♪ 542 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:02,801 ♪ Across the USA ♪ 543 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,122 ♪ Booty time, booty time ♪ 544 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:06,884 ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ 545 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,963 ♪ Booty time, booty time ♪ 546 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:10,485 ♪ Across the USA ♪ 547 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,404 ♪ It's booty time, booty time ♪ 548 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,484 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪ 549 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,880 Unbelievable. 550 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,771 I didn't think anything could cheer me up tonight, Lieutenant, 551 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,729 but that brilliant performance... 552 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,006 ( Laughs ) 553 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,804 Jerk-off. 554 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,440 "Booty time." Boot my balls. 555 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,850 Ford: I can't believe he won't be alive to piss me off. 556 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,491 ( Sighs ) 557 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,209 Here's to you, Johnny. 558 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,287 Ouch. 559 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,727 Hey, you. Get off my cloud. 560 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,166 Really. 561 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,884 I'm hangin' out with my best friend. 562 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,884 1962 Fender Stratocaster. 563 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,407 Original pickups, maple neck, 564 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,201 strung upside down for a left-handed motherfuckin' genius. 565 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,289 - Jimi Hendrix. - Who cares, man? 566 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:41,487 I got a case. 567 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,881 Yeah, what? A 12-pack? 568 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,042 This ain't no social call, man. 569 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,481 A hundred bucks to find my dad. 570 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,725 What? What, did he just say what I think he said? 571 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,245 Man, don't worry. I got a clue. 572 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,925 See this ring on my finger? 573 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:57,764 Well, before my old lady ran off to Baja, 574 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,247 she told me that my dad had this exact same ring. 575 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,085 - Man's voice: Yabba-dabba doo! - Holy Colonel Mustard. 576 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,846 Jeepers, you didn't mention the big clue. 577 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,162 Come on. I can't take your money. 578 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,085 You need it. 579 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,607 I don't need it that bad. 580 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,524 ( Knocking on door ) 581 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,049 I can't believe I took the money. 582 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:32,841 Ford Fairlane? 583 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,280 Yeah. 584 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,409 I'm Colleen Sutton. 585 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,688 I need your help. 586 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,609 I have a problem 587 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,121 and it pertains to the music industry. 588 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,726 What is it they call you? 589 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,928 Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective? 590 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,445 Please, save it. 591 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:51,971 It's too early. 592 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,928 You just, uh, make yourself comfortable. 593 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,082 - Some juice? - Please. 594 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,323 Sorry about the glass, 595 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,245 the house, and my breath. 596 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,402 Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich. 597 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,130 The kind of rich that warps minds. 598 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,725 Nothing offends me. 599 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,570 When I was 11, I walked in on my father 600 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,485 and the Shetland pony he gave me for my 10th birthday. 601 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,331 - Does that excite you? - I don't know. I never met your father. 602 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,641 ( Laughs ) 603 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,926 Oh, that. Don't take it personal. 604 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,447 He normally gets up a half hour before I do. 605 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,682 You know what I'm sayin'? Come on, down, boy. 606 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,444 Down, Stanley. 607 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,443 Roseanne Barr naked. 608 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,602 - Gone. - ( Purring ) 609 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,442 - Stanley? - Yeah. Stanley. 610 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,285 You know. Like the power drill? 611 00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:59,125 I had to ask. 612 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,283 So tell me, who's your decorator? 613 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,171 Ah, some fag. Charged me up the ass, you know? 614 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,527 Fag? Ass? 615 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,409 I'm sorry, is that a joke? 616 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:10,721 Yeah, in poor taste. 617 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,645 Hey, personally, I got nothin' against homosexuals, you know? 618 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,009 I even got one of these friends, one of these, uh, "transtesticles." 619 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,207 ( Chuckles ) 620 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,968 Trans... testicle? 621 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,690 I don't have a sense of humor either. 622 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,286 - Sorry. - No shit. 623 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,522 ( Jimi Hendrix music blaring ) 624 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,728 ♪ Help me, help... ♪ 625 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,370 ( Shuts off ) 626 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,008 Well, now that we've broken the ice... 627 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,404 I need you to find my little sister. 628 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,485 - She goes by the name of Zuzu Petals. - Petals. Yeah, I know. 629 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,325 You want me to get her back because you don't want her to become 630 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,007 the biggest sleazebag slut on the Sunset Strip, 631 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,162 'cause she's your pride and joy. 632 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:56,890 How did you know? 633 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,524 Here. Take this picture. 634 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,682 Uh, no, thanks. 635 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,765 - I got my own. - Excuse me? 636 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,844 Let's see. You're her worried sister, right? 637 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,207 Yesterday, I met a worried father, 638 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,522 who, by the way, is about five years younger than you. 639 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,648 Then I capped off the evening by watching this guy 640 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,167 go up like a pack of firecrackers. 641 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,325 They write about cases like this in the private eye handbook, honey. 642 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,051 Somethin' about a 10-foot pole. 643 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,603 5,000 should satisfy any qualms you might have about my family tree. 644 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,962 Yeah, but for now I only get a 20, right? 645 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,282 Actually, you may take it all now. 646 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,565 Is that real money? 647 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,571 I got some questions. 648 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,290 I have no answers. 649 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:50,451 Thanks for the stain. 650 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,931 Find the girl. 651 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,322 You know, speaking of stains... 652 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,327 I was just discussing bleaches with my good friend Art Mooney. 653 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,767 Who? 654 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,726 ( Music playing ) 655 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,968 Zuzu Petals. 656 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,202 Never seen her before. 657 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,931 And as for who would wanna kill Johnny Crunch, 658 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,526 the line forms to the left. 659 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,529 I can tell you that he moved onto a sailboat 660 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,047 at the Delta Marina last week. 661 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,407 Thanks. 662 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,689 - Hey, great pipes, huh? - ( All laughing ) 663 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,764 I've heard cats fuck with more harmony than this kid. 664 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,207 Tell me about it. The name's Kyle Troy. 665 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,284 What's with this freak of fuckin' nature? 666 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:42,365 I mean, how does Grendel Records sign such a wick-prick, huh? 667 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,330 But then again, Julie Grendel thinks Jethro Tull's 668 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,686 one of the Beverly Hillbillies. 669 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,604 ( Laughs ) 670 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,282 My mother always said that... 671 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,807 if you can't say anything nice about someone, 672 00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:02,281 make sure they're out of the goddamn room. 673 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:06,971 ( Chuckles ) 674 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,646 Hello, Ford. 675 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,211 I'm Julian Grendel. 676 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,369 Julie Grendel. Right. Right. 677 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,363 Hey, I'm sorry. 678 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,361 Do you realize we're gonna have to... 679 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,171 ship this "wick-prick" platinum 680 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,765 just so the teenage girls 681 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,930 will have a compact disc cover to get wet with. 682 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,970 Come on, you gotta know better than anybody that, uh, 683 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,088 there's a lot more to the music industry 684 00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:37,481 than actual music. 685 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,404 You just have to learn to tune it out. 686 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,325 I recommend Stravinsky and Wagner. 687 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,209 I recommend Smith and Wesson. 688 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,926 I'm sorry to hear about Bobby Black. 689 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,242 Terrible thing. 690 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,283 But a great career move. 691 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,809 His records are really climbing the charts. 692 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,849 I just gotta make sure that, uh, 693 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,766 this Kyle Troy, is that his name? 694 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,969 Anyway, this Kyle Troy person is the next... 695 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,686 big thing. 696 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,362 And I was just discussing this whole Troy thing with my old buddy, uh, 697 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,841 Art Mooney. You know him? 698 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:21,201 Nope. 699 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,325 No, huh? 700 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,365 Don: What is this asshole smilin' about? 701 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,050 Sorry, uh, Ford, 702 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,363 I couldn't help you with your case. 703 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,126 Ford? Ford? 704 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,049 Hey, Pavarotti. 705 00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:40,924 - Hey, what's the hassle? - Hassle? 706 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,730 Wha-what is this, I'm gonna be... 707 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,882 Wha-what is that shit, huh? 708 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,481 I could crack my knuckles with more rhythm than that. 709 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,484 I mean, you're killin' rockin' 'n' rapin' roll, man. 710 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,484 I mean, Keith Richards is rolling over in his grave. 711 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,563 The friggin' guy isn't even dead yet. 712 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,324 - You're tearin' me apart. - Hey. 713 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,006 Hey. No, no, no. Rest your lips. 714 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,242 Put down the earmuffs. Go ahead. Go ahead. 715 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,801 Good, good. Rock 'n' roll. 716 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:06,166 You know what rock 'n' roll is? 717 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,685 - What's Ford doin', man? - Come on, man. 718 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,969 Guys, uh, work with me, huh? 719 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,891 ( Snapping ) 720 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,286 ♪ I got a '65 Cadillac ♪ 721 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,841 ♪ Spare tire on my back ♪ 722 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,367 ♪ Charge card to Goldblatt's ♪ 723 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,205 ♪ But I ain't got you ♪ 724 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,408 ♪ I've got women to the right of me ♪ 725 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,881 ♪ Got women to the left of me ♪ 726 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,447 ♪ I've got chicks all around me ♪ 727 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,251 ♪ But I ain't got you ♪ 728 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,528 ♪ I've got a tab at the liquor store ♪ 729 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,047 ♪ I hit the number 4-4-4 ♪ 730 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,362 ♪ I got a mojo, don't you know? ♪ 731 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,126 ♪ I'm all dressed up and no place to go ♪ 732 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,567 - ♪ I've got women to the left of me ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 733 00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:52,200 - ♪ I've got women to the right of me ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 734 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,886 - ♪ I've got chicks all around me ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 735 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,281 ♪ But I ain't got you ♪ 736 00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,561 ♪ No, I ain't got you ♪ 737 00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,165 ♪ Wow ♪ 738 00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,561 - ♪ I've got a closet full of clothes ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 739 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:19,927 - ♪ And no matter when it goes ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 740 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,686 - ♪ I got a ring in my nose ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 741 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,360 ♪ But I ain't got you ♪ 742 00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,090 - ♪ But I ain't got you ♪ - ♪ But I ain't got you ♪ 743 00:37:27,240 --> 00:37:30,403 ♪ Yeah, I ain't got you ♪ 744 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,602 - ♪ No, I ain't got you ♪ - ♪ No, I ain't got you. ♪ 745 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,684 ( Cheering ) 746 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,842 Kid... 747 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,764 now that's rock 'n' roll, huh? 748 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,682 Ford: I coulda been a rock star, 749 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,764 if only I wasn't banned from MTV. 750 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,126 Hey, it's a long story. 751 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,282 Unfortunately, I can only do that one song. 752 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,521 ( Ford chuckles ) 753 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,682 Well, I can also do a mean "Puff the Magic Dragon," 754 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,285 but only in the nude. 755 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,488 It's a longer story. Oh! 756 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,642 You guys a band? 757 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,047 Sure. ( Laughs ) 758 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,931 - Got a name? - Yeah. Pain. 759 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:08,730 ( Laughs ) 760 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:10,882 Pain. ( Chuckles ) 761 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:12,690 Kooky. 762 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:17,960 Ford: When Don Cleveland told me 763 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,248 Johnny had a boat on the Delta Marina, 764 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,408 I forgot to ask the name of it. 765 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,370 I had a feeling Johnny had been hiding from someone. 766 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,363 So the name of the boat was gonna be something 767 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,488 different from his personality. 768 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,487 Well, maybe not. 769 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,084 Johnny was the only guy who could out disgust me. 770 00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:01,130 When we were kids, we'd have gross-out contests. 771 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,851 I'd cough up a pile of phlegm on a table. 772 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:08,005 He'd say, "Nice try" and then pull out a straw. 773 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,561 - Ouch! - ( Toy squeaks ) 774 00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,404 ( Music playing ) ♪ Hey, baby... ♪ 775 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,722 ( Squeaks ) 776 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,530 ♪ "Love Boat" ♪ 777 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,365 ♪ Takin' another run... ♪ 778 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,564 Ford: The dumb bastard got involved 779 00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:26,371 with something or someone he shouldn't have. 780 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,325 "Collie and me." 781 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,209 Ford: I'm a big Lassie fan, 782 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,328 so I figured I'd take a break. 783 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,409 I hope it's the one where... yow! 784 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,767 I'm a... I'm a... I'm a pit bull! I'm a pit bull. 785 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,129 I'm a bad pit bull. Where's my Queen Colleen? 786 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,810 ( Panting ) 787 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,162 Queen Collie's here. 788 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,243 What is this, the Rob Lowe channel? 789 00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:00,609 - Oh, yes, yes, yes. - Oh, what a cute little doggie. 790 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,560 "I'm very rich. Nothing offends me." 791 00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,609 Come on. Nothing? No shit, honey. 792 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:10,407 You got a whip stickin' out of your ass and a guy that's fuckin' barkin'. 793 00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,562 Bad dog. Bad dog. Down. Down. 794 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:13,921 Sit. 795 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:18,525 ( Sighs ) 796 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,410 Ford: Why was Colleen so interested in Johnny? 797 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,769 Maybe they had the same tastes in antiques. 798 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:46,681 Hello, hello. 799 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:54,930 ( Laughs ) 800 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,443 You're 10 seconds from the most embarrassing moment 801 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,642 of your fuckin' life. 802 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,880 ( Chuckles maniacally ) 803 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,490 Fuck! 804 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,291 Ah! 805 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,727 - Ah! - ( Maniacal chuckle ) 806 00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,926 ( Grunting ) 807 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,289 Ford: I felt like I'd just played water polo in a urine tank. 808 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,283 Who was that smiling snapper-head? 809 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,010 Why was he tryin' to scare me off the case? 810 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:02,645 And who's he workin' for? 811 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,689 More important, I got a school of guppies 812 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,285 caught in my underwear right now. 813 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,044 Nobody believes me. 814 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,490 ( Rings ) 815 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,445 - Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT. - Yeah, Jazz. 816 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:17,523 - What's goin' on? - Bimbos and bill collectors. 817 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,882 - You? - Uh, took a late-night swim. 818 00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,042 - You know what I'm sayin'? - Uh-huh, how refreshing. 819 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,441 Look, I got some party I want you to come to tomorrow. 820 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,130 It could be interesting. 821 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,489 It's, uh, at Colleen Sutton's Bel Air estate. 822 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,881 So dress nice, okay, honey? 823 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,008 - Okay. - Love you, baby. 824 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:41,441 ( Music playing ) 825 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,251 ♪ House that rings with joy and laughter... ♪ 826 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,765 Oh, man, do I hate the rich. 827 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,005 Robin Leach? 828 00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,491 I fucked him. 829 00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:00,761 Oh! 830 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,321 ♪ Give me the simple life... ♪ 831 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:04,970 Colleen: So you want off the case? 832 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:06,610 Not quite. 833 00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,525 I've got a code, Queen Collie. 834 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,366 I never, ever drop a case. 835 00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,000 Besides, I used all your money to pay my bills, 836 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,766 so I sort of owe you. 837 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:20,763 I don't need money. 838 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,809 What I need are questions answered. 839 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,644 Question number one. 840 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,886 Can I have some money? 841 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,048 I'm only kiddin'. 842 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,328 Hey, look. 843 00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,051 Johnny Crunch was a good friend of mine. 844 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:37,804 He didn't bark like a dog for me, 845 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:39,564 however... 846 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,489 I wanna know why he had to die. 847 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,045 Look. 848 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,804 No one told you to solve a murder. 849 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,803 Just find a girl. 850 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,566 Excuse me a moment... honey. 851 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:13,122 Jazz, I told you to dress nice, not nice. 852 00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,408 I mean, uh, what'd you think this was, a date? 853 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,242 All right, look, sweetheart. 854 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:20,481 You look beautiful. 855 00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:22,881 Afterwards, I'll take you out, throw a burger down your throat... 856 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,089 - We'll have a great time. - You're truly a man among men. 857 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:27,844 - What do you want from me? - Look. 858 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,765 This Colleen Sutton chick I was just rappin' with? 859 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,287 She's full of surprises and full of shit, okay? 860 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,960 I want you to secretly keep tabs on her for me. 861 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:37,451 All right. Good. 862 00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,444 Hey, wait. "Hors d'vors." 863 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,011 Snapper-head. 864 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,204 Hey, food boy. Where the hell are you goin'? 865 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,845 ♪ Some like that high road, I like the low road ♪ 866 00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,761 ♪ Free from the care and strife ♪ 867 00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,281 ♪ Sounds corny and seedy ♪ 868 00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,169 ♪ But, yes, in deedy ♪ 869 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:02,403 ♪ Give me the simple life... ♪ 870 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,211 ( Gasping ) 871 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:11,521 Stop following me! 872 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,011 Excuse me, I was... 873 00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,161 Give it up, girl. 874 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:15,731 Just take this. 875 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,360 I can't afford to have it right now. 876 00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,685 ( Gasps ) Whoa! 877 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,251 ( Giggles ) 878 00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:28,722 ( Fly buzzing ) 879 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,006 ( Gags ) 880 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,004 Well, hello, Ford. 881 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,684 - I'm hip. - ( Moans ) 882 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,201 Well, I must say, you're an island of reality 883 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,169 in an ocean of diarrhea. 884 00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,842 ( Gulps ) 885 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,809 And it's good to see you, too, Julie. 886 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,803 Say hello to my assistant, Jazz. 887 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:05,325 Hi. 888 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,922 Ford, I think that somebody's trying to rip my company off. 889 00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,805 I've tried the yellow pages. 890 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:18,081 Now I think it's your turn. 891 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,288 - ( Bell ringing ) - Shark is served. 892 00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:24,525 ( Guests laughing ) 893 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:26,284 I guess now is a bad time to discuss it. 894 00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:29,922 I'm such a big fan of shark meat. 895 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,491 So nice to meet you. 896 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,206 ( Garbled speech ) Nice to meet you. 897 00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:35,691 See you. 898 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,167 Come on, Ford. 899 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:42,845 Your shark steak, sir? 900 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,171 What are you looking... 901 00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:47,850 what's the matter with you? 902 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,287 Hey, Jazz, what, do you got your panties in a bunch? 903 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:51,680 - What's goin' on? - Just shut up 904 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,251 and look down the back of my dress. 905 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:54,561 Whoa. 906 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:57,564 This party's pickin' up. 907 00:46:57,720 --> 00:46:59,927 Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on. 908 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:04,371 Where'd you get this? 909 00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,807 It's a gift from the ice queen, Colleen. 910 00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,201 And it's not even my birthday. 911 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,523 I wouldn't trust that babe as far as I could bowl her. 912 00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:15,087 I found out she'd been nailin' Johnny. 913 00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:17,527 Don't even ask about Zuzu Petals. 914 00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:22,366 ( Beeping ) 915 00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,761 "Play that funky music, white boy." 916 00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,684 It's a computer disc. 917 00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,410 Let me check it out. 918 00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,722 I knew Colleen had something up her sleeve. 919 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,443 You did good. 920 00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,410 Why don't you make eye contact when you say that? 921 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,800 I can't. That dress. 922 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,206 I mean, why don't we just, um... 923 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:41,964 Celebrate? 924 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,964 Like when we solved the Case of the Bad White Bluesman? 925 00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:46,929 - Forget that, man. - Jazz... 926 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:48,809 Come here. 927 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,290 ( Clears throat ) 928 00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,091 Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss. 929 00:47:58,240 --> 00:48:00,686 Hey, look. We had such a great weekend, you know. 930 00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:02,604 You had a good time, I had a good time... 931 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,684 Okay. Well, why don't you just stop before you make some 932 00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:09,447 crude reference to Stanley? 933 00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,443 Hey, Stanley had a good time, too, you know? 934 00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,410 Yeah? Well, that weekend was a mistake. 935 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:18,167 Hey, look. I'm sorry that I made you clean the toilets and the bathtubs. 936 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,209 I mean, who did all the work in bed? 937 00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:21,646 ( Gasps ) 938 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,040 Oh. 939 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,521 - Oh, come... Jazz! - ( Groans ) 940 00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,648 What'd I say? Come on. 941 00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,161 Chicks. 942 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,209 Ford: Some people play hard to get. 943 00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,567 I play hard to want. 944 00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,808 I'd always loved Jazz, 945 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,327 'cause she despised me for who I truly am. 946 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,171 It's like that time we were at her parents' wedding anniversary 947 00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:43,651 and I told that joke, 948 00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,723 "What's the definition of vagina?" 949 00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,646 "The box a penis comes in." Oh! 950 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,084 I was stuck with a case where Zuzu Petals and Art Mooney 951 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,966 were battling out for the "Lamest Clue of My Career" award. 952 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,364 It's just me and you tonight, honey. 953 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,329 ( Muttering ) 954 00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,130 What are you doin'? 955 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:07,611 Look at the mess you're makin', huh? 956 00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,000 Who's gonna clean that up? 957 00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:10,491 ( Muttering ) 958 00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,247 ( Intro music plays on TV ) 959 00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,164 Hi, I'm Kurt Loder and this is MTV News. 960 00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,687 Police now say that Black Plague singer Bobby Black 961 00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,810 was not the victim of a drug overdose as it was at first suspected. 962 00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:26,169 Police say they have no suspects yet and they're asking all Black Plague fans 963 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,561 not to show up at the funeral tonight, which, by the way, 964 00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:31,200 will be held at the Hollywood Cemetery at midnight. 965 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,483 Right now, as a tribute, here's the last video by Bobby Black. 966 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,369 ( Rock music playing ) 967 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:41,689 ♪ I said dance ♪ 968 00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:43,649 ♪ I said prance ♪ 969 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:47,566 ♪ Sleazing in like a monkey ♪ 970 00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:49,290 ♪ That's cool ♪ 971 00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,522 ♪ I say it's gross ♪ 972 00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,206 ♪ Honey so damn f-funky ♪ 973 00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:56,886 ♪ Dance to the rhythm ♪ 974 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:58,883 ♪ Jungle music rhythm ♪ 975 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,884 ♪ - So primal... ♪ - Would you look at that. 976 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:06,045 ♪ Don't give up, no ♪ 977 00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,682 ♪ No, she don't give a shit... ♪ 978 00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,728 ( Cheering ) 979 00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:20,041 Ford: So Zuzu Petals was a groupie of Bobby Black's. 980 00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:23,687 What did Bobby's friends Johnny and Colleen want from her? 981 00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,127 I'd hoped to find out at Bobby's funeral, 982 00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:30,080 'cause this case was getting closed. 983 00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:36,962 All right. That's 100 each. 984 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,690 Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. 985 00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,366 We got four tickets tonight. All right, get in there. 986 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:44,930 Got those Plague invites here. 987 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,809 ( Engine revving ) 988 00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,450 Scalpin' at a funeral. 989 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:50,967 - You're a pretty sleazy guy. - Thanks. You interested? 990 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,963 It's festival seating, so you gotta... 991 00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,487 - How much? - 300. 992 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,404 300? You charged the chicks one. 993 00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,688 Hey, they blew me. 994 00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:03,641 300 comin' up. 995 00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,287 Jeez. Am I the only one that paid full price? 996 00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:24,646 Ever see this chick before? 997 00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:26,802 Ever see this chick? 998 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,691 He was so good. 999 00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,410 He was one of the greats. 1000 00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:37,848 You ever see this chick around? 1001 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,367 Is this a trick question? 1002 00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:47,885 Zuzu Petals? 1003 00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,048 Zuzu Petals? Yes! 1004 00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,249 Who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? 1005 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:54,731 Who's Art Mooney? 1006 00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:56,365 - Talk to me. - I don't know. 1007 00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,409 - Talk to me! - I-I-I am so scared! 1008 00:51:58,560 --> 00:51:59,641 Help me. 1009 00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:02,320 Hey, baby. A simple thank you would suffice. 1010 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,006 - "Fluck" you! - Oh! 1011 00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,561 Oh, "fluck!" "Fluck!" 1012 00:52:07,720 --> 00:52:09,722 Stanley, talk to me! 1013 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:16,731 Hello, hello. 1014 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,211 - Ugh. - ( Screams ) 1015 00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,244 ( Screaming ) 1016 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:26,848 - Ah! - ( Grunts ) 1017 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:43,606 Damn! 1018 00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,246 ( Cell phone ringing ) 1019 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:47,811 Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT. 1020 00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,041 Man: Hello, hello. 1021 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:50,326 ( Maniacal chuckles ) 1022 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:52,648 Radio contests, Ford. 1023 00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,485 ( Laughs ) Come on, man. 1024 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,449 Hey. Aren't you supposed to be dead? 1025 00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,648 Why don't you come back here, you chickenshit, huh? 1026 00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:04,249 Oh, Ford. I wouldn't leave without sayin' goodbye. 1027 00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,721 - Man: Watch out! Get outta the way. - ( Woman screaming ) 1028 00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:16,691 God, I love this job. 1029 00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,451 And I thought all we got was a good dental plan. 1030 00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:28,805 - ( Tires squealing ) - Hey! 1031 00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,610 He took Lydia! 1032 00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,802 Ah! 1033 00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:40,361 Mom. 1034 00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,010 ( Women screaming ) 1035 00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:51,688 ( Laughing ) 1036 00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,926 You ain't smilin' no more, asshole. 1037 00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:58,082 Oh, but I am, Ford. 1038 00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:02,481 Oh, shit! 1039 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,961 Oh, no, thanks. 1040 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:06,610 I've got "me" own. 1041 00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:08,848 ( Laughs ) 1042 00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,126 Ah! 1043 00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:20,850 ( Cell phone ringing ) 1044 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,846 Fuck you, you dirtbag sack of shit! 1045 00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,321 And a good evening to you, too, kind sir. 1046 00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,482 Sorry to interrupt. Just thought you might like to know 1047 00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,688 that the CD is coming up worthless. 1048 00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:35,322 And I also found out why Colleen Sutton is so damn rich. 1049 00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:37,130 Besides the Sutton estate, 1050 00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:41,683 she also gets a little additional green a la alimony from... 1051 00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:43,120 dramatic pause... 1052 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:45,009 your pal Julian Grendel. 1053 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,401 - Her ex-husband. - Yeah, that explains a lot, Jazz, 1054 00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:49,688 but, uh, this isn't the greatest time to talk. 1055 00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:51,683 You're with one of your bimbos, aren't you? 1056 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,081 It's a little more complicated than that, Jazz. 1057 00:54:54,240 --> 00:54:56,811 - ( Incoming call signal beeps ) - Wait. Hold on. I got another call. 1058 00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,041 Hold on. 1059 00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:02,247 Yeah, hello? Smiley? 1060 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,124 Look. I'm sorry. That was my assistant. 1061 00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:07,005 Your assistant is quite special. 1062 00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:10,004 I look forward to raping her at your funeral. 1063 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:12,571 Ugh! 1064 00:55:12,720 --> 00:55:14,563 Wait. Hold on, Smiley. 1065 00:55:14,720 --> 00:55:17,371 Come on, get. On second thought... 1066 00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:19,170 I'm only kidding. Come here. Come here. 1067 00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:24,686 Damn, baby. 1068 00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:27,406 I hope you filled out some organ donor cards. 1069 00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,769 Excuse me. Excuse me, driver? Driver? 1070 00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,890 Hi. Um, now, I know this is, like, a car chase, 1071 00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,281 but I have got to go wee-wee. 1072 00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,046 So if we could just pull over, it'd be great, at any... 1073 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,361 ( Gasps ) Ah! 1074 00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,131 Hang on, baby, here we go. 1075 00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,203 ( Screaming ) 1076 00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:50,720 Come on. Come on, Smiley. 1077 00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,722 Women: Bobby! 1078 00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:01,609 That's Bobby! Ha! Hi, sweetheart! 1079 00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:13,922 Shit! 1080 00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,082 Ah! 1081 00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,081 ( Tires screech ) 1082 00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:31,485 ( Sighs ) 1083 00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:34,811 Boy. 1084 00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,442 You morticians really know how to party. 1085 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,443 Ah! 1086 00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:50,003 ( Sighs ) 1087 00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,446 ( Straining ) 1088 00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:56,520 ( Gasps ) 1089 00:56:57,800 --> 00:57:00,326 - Are you mad? - No, I'm ecstatic! 1090 00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:02,124 Get outta the car! 1091 00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,123 ( Sirens blaring ) 1092 00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,525 ( Crash ) 1093 00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,286 I can't believe anybody could have so much fuckin' fun 1094 00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,204 at a funeral, Fairlane. 1095 00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:26,691 You do bar mitzvahs? 1096 00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,042 The son of a bitch you want is in this limo. 1097 00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,964 Yeah, sure, whatever. 1098 00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,009 You know, I really wish I could get mad at you, Ford, 1099 00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,049 but guess who just found out who killed 1100 00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,804 Bobby Black and Johnny Crunch? 1101 00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,691 Some psycho groupie killer. 1102 00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:43,287 I got an anonymous letter, said she killed the both of them. 1103 00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,562 I hate to interrupt, but I think you spent 1104 00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:48,200 too much time in the discos during the '70s. 1105 00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,402 The Village People rotted your brain. 1106 00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,962 See, that's the difference between a great investigator like me 1107 00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,851 and a piece of spam like you. 1108 00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,207 Spam. 1109 00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:01,203 You're a piece of spam. 1110 00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:03,044 That's what I think of you. 1111 00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,488 No, I call you a piece of spam 'cause that's what you are. 1112 00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:08,722 Spam. 1113 00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,571 See, you look at this picture, all you see is the beauty. 1114 00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:13,245 I see the beast. 1115 00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:14,606 Detective: Uh, Lieutenant? 1116 00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,564 Yeah, there's no one in the limo, sir. 1117 00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,127 Together: What? 1118 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:20,930 All right, I'll talk to you later. 1119 00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,606 But I'll tell you somethin', don't try finding this girl on your own. 1120 00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,570 Trust me on this one. This broad is lethal. 1121 00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,609 Yeah. Whatever you say, boss. 1122 00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:32,367 You could get cream to, uh, try to kill whatever that is down there. 1123 00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:37,770 Ford: Keeping Zuzu away from the disco duck wasn't too fuckin' hard. 1124 00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,491 But I'd have to wait to interrogate her. 1125 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,766 Colleen's on a revenge trip against her ex-husband. 1126 00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:51,124 Julian Grendel told me his company's been gettin' ripped off. 1127 00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,282 Makes total sense. 1128 00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:57,001 Bobby and his friend, Colleen's lover Johnny Crunch, 1129 00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,208 find out about her little scheme. 1130 00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:01,761 She has 'em killed. 1131 00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,605 If that's so, who the hell are you? 1132 00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:07,926 Zuzu Petals. 1133 00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:12,168 Don't talk to me anymore. 1134 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:18,122 Yum, yum, TV. 1135 00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:21,927 Ford: Talking to Zuzu was like masturbating with a cheese grater. 1136 00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:25,442 Slightly amusing, but mostly painful. 1137 00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:34,446 Zuzu! 1138 00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:43,449 - Ugh! - Zuzu? 1139 00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:47,129 Zuzu. Zuzu. 1140 00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,647 What the hell happened? Come on, honey. 1141 00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:51,962 Oh, I'm so sorry about everything I said. 1142 00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,282 Come on, just be all right. Come on, talk to me, honey. 1143 00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:56,403 Come on. That's it. Keep chewing. 1144 00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:58,688 ( Moaning ) 1145 00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:01,207 - That's it. - "Fluck." 1146 01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:03,601 Great video, huh? 1147 01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:06,286 ( Sighs ) Are you okay? 1148 01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,124 Okay? I just blew up. 1149 01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:11,807 But I feel orgasmic. 1150 01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:14,367 My guitar. 1151 01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:16,329 My Axe. 1152 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,045 My Axe! 1153 01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,201 Colleen fuckin' Sutton. 1154 01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:30,283 I knew it! 1155 01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:33,848 Ford? You got something cooking in the microwave? 1156 01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:37,885 Get out! 1157 01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:41,610 - Get out! - What? Oh, wait, wait. 1158 01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:44,001 - My purse. - "Wait, my purse"? 1159 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,521 Get outta here! Come on! 1160 01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,004 Jump, nitwit! 1161 01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:10,600 ( Beep ) 1162 01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,082 Well, maybe it was just a pot pie. 1163 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:18,890 ( Explosion ) 1164 01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:35,926 I guess not. 1165 01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,084 I tried to stop him, man. I'm sorry. 1166 01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,129 Hey, hey. 1167 01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,487 Hey, who did this to you? 1168 01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:45,529 These two guys in real long cowboy coats 1169 01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:47,131 and real nice suits. 1170 01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:48,441 I think Armani. 1171 01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:50,483 They were goin' through your stuff with screwdrivers and shit, man. 1172 01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:51,886 I did what you would've done. 1173 01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,088 Yeah, run to the nearest phone and call the cops. 1174 01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:56,481 Fuck that. I mean, the heck with that. 1175 01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:58,449 I kicked their ass. I tried. 1176 01:01:58,600 --> 01:01:59,886 There were two of 'em, you know. 1177 01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:02,327 All right. Let's go to the hospital. 1178 01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:05,370 - I tried to help you. - Hey, I appreciate it. 1179 01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,251 Hey, where's my dad? Have you even looked for him yet? 1180 01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,926 - I've got some leads. - You're a liar, man. 1181 01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:14,090 You don't care. You don't care about nothin'. 1182 01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,002 Wh-where're you goin'? 1183 01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,083 Oh, he seems nice. 1184 01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:23,449 Shut up. Just... just shut up. 1185 01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:33,525 Ford? Bad news. 1186 01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:35,205 I chipped a nail. 1187 01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:38,807 Hey, the boys in the garage brought my baby back. 1188 01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,485 - ( Beeps ) - ( Explosion ) 1189 01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:41,801 - Whoa! - Oh, my God! 1190 01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,326 ( Big rig horn honking ) 1191 01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:53,371 Why the music industry? 1192 01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:57,491 Why not "Ford Fairlane, the Fisherman's Detective," huh? 1193 01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:00,007 Wouldn't that be great? How tough could the cases be? 1194 01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:04,165 "Hey, Ford. Somebody switched the lures in my fuckin' tackle box." 1195 01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:07,449 "Hey, Ford. Somebody sabotaged my bait." 1196 01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:10,166 - Okay. Here comes... - All right. 1197 01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:14,804 - All right. - Ah, ha-ha! 1198 01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:17,691 - Hey. You need a lift? - Both: Yeah. 1199 01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:20,041 - ( Tires squealing ) - Together: Fuck you! 1200 01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:21,440 - ( Laughing ) - Motherfucker! 1201 01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,090 ( Tires screeching ) 1202 01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,163 Hi, private-eye guy! 1203 01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,522 Remember me, Melodi? 1204 01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:36,089 Ugh, wow. Hiding out from cold-blooded killers. 1205 01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,891 - ( Girls giggling ) - The sisters are going to die. 1206 01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:44,571 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1207 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,929 ♪ Rock the cradle of love ♪ 1208 01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:49,411 ♪ Rock the cradle of love... ♪ 1209 01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:51,085 So, this is my sorority. 1210 01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:53,288 I think you'll really like the girls. 1211 01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:56,603 ♪ Don't rock easily, it's true ♪ 1212 01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:00,765 ♪ Well, rock the cradle of love ♪ 1213 01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:03,651 ♪ I rocked the cradle of love ♪ 1214 01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,041 ♪ Yes, the cradle of love ♪ 1215 01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:09,761 ♪ Don't rock easily, it's true ♪ 1216 01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,604 ♪ Well, now ♪ 1217 01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,604 ♪ It burned like a ball on fire ♪ 1218 01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:16,888 ♪ When the rebel took a little child bride ♪ 1219 01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:19,606 ♪ To tease, yeah ♪ 1220 01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,969 ♪ So go easy, yeah ♪ 1221 01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:24,884 ♪ Ow ♪ 1222 01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,725 ♪ 'Cause love cuts a million ways ♪ 1223 01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:31,083 ♪ Shakes that devil when he misbehaves ♪ 1224 01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:33,288 ♪ I ain't nobody's fool ♪ 1225 01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:35,681 ♪ Oh, shake it up ♪ 1226 01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,002 ♪ Whatever I do, ow! ♪ 1227 01:04:38,160 --> 01:04:40,128 ♪ Rock the cradle of love... ♪ 1228 01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:41,884 Hey, troops. 1229 01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:44,202 Here's that rock 'n' roll detective I told you about. 1230 01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:45,731 ( Music stops ) 1231 01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:50,323 Oh! 1232 01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:51,641 Hi. 1233 01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:54,326 ( Stammers ) 1234 01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,608 Maybe I did die in the explosion, you know? 1235 01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:58,444 ( Phone ringing ) 1236 01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:02,642 - Ford Fairlane. - Hey, Jazz. 1237 01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:03,926 Ford? 1238 01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:07,163 You would not believe what I went through today. 1239 01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:09,800 Colleen's thugs tried to kill me. You believe that? 1240 01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:13,407 They left her hat as a goodbye kiss. You know? 1241 01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:16,962 I'm calling from the Ai Eta Pi sorority house, huh? 1242 01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:18,246 Mm, mmm. 1243 01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:20,129 They blew up my house, my car... 1244 01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:21,441 And let me tell you something. 1245 01:05:21,640 --> 01:05:23,483 My koala bear is not in such great shape either. 1246 01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,608 - You know? - That's too bad. 1247 01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:27,922 "That's too bad." "That's too bad," she tells me. 1248 01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:29,809 "That's too bad." That's all you can say? 1249 01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:33,009 Yes, Ford. 1250 01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,367 - That's about all I can say. - All right, well, look. 1251 01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:37,522 Stop playing games over there and come here. 1252 01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:40,331 - I gotta see you. - ( Receiver clicks, dial tone drones ) 1253 01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:43,131 So anyway, Springsteen says to Madonna, 1254 01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:44,805 "Who could fuck in this weather?" 1255 01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:47,048 - Oh! - ( Laughter ) 1256 01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:48,884 Does Van Halen sleep in the nude? 1257 01:05:49,040 --> 01:05:50,804 Does Debbie Gibson sleep with Van Halen? 1258 01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:53,531 - Rub my neck, huh? - Is Sting really an asshole? 1259 01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:56,405 If Axl Rose was reincarnated as a black woman, 1260 01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:58,801 would it be Jody Watley or Aretha? 1261 01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:01,327 Sisters, sisters, would you chill out? 1262 01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:03,721 Give Ford a break. 1263 01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:06,724 What do you say we induct him as an honorary member? 1264 01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,723 All: Yeah! 1265 01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:12,883 If either one of you ever has a son, 1266 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,361 I hope his dog dies. 1267 01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:21,402 You really shouldn't have said that. 1268 01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,050 Yeah, it's a tough business. 1269 01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:24,531 ( Both laugh ) 1270 01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,006 - Bye-bye. - See ya. 1271 01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:30,209 Together: One and two... 1272 01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:31,885 Three. 1273 01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,167 ( Both laugh, whoop ) 1274 01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:43,565 All: Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1275 01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:49,090 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1276 01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:54,770 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1277 01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:59,244 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1278 01:06:59,400 --> 01:07:04,088 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1279 01:07:04,240 --> 01:07:09,451 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1280 01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:14,242 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1281 01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:19,167 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1282 01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:23,609 Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo, Ford Fairlane. 1283 01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:26,570 Everybody blow! 1284 01:07:26,720 --> 01:07:28,768 - What happened? - Hey, where are you going? 1285 01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:34,211 Move! 1286 01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:56,127 - Ah! - Oh, God! My bike! 1287 01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:02,209 - Hey! - Come on! 1288 01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:04,522 - Oh, shit! - Jeez! 1289 01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:09,241 Come on. It's cut-our-losses time, man. 1290 01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:18,326 ( Explosion ) 1291 01:08:18,480 --> 01:08:20,289 Fraternity member: Oh, man, look at that! 1292 01:08:20,440 --> 01:08:22,488 God damn! 1293 01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:31,806 Dudes, they executed my Vette. 1294 01:08:38,440 --> 01:08:41,171 Need a... lift? 1295 01:08:41,320 --> 01:08:43,527 - ( Chuckles ) - ( Jazz moaning ) 1296 01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:45,165 Jazz! 1297 01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:51,720 - What happened? - Why do you have to have 1298 01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:54,167 an office on the second floor? 1299 01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:58,122 - I came to warn you. - I'll fuckin' kill them. 1300 01:08:58,320 --> 01:09:00,288 - Are you okay, huh? - Yes. 1301 01:09:00,440 --> 01:09:01,851 You all right? 1302 01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:03,525 They tried to get this worthless CD from me, 1303 01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:05,967 but I had it hidden in a special place. 1304 01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:08,481 Once again, I came through. 1305 01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:11,849 - Damn red-numbered bullshit CD. - Look, look, I have one. 1306 01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:15,044 Bobby gave it to me the night that he passed away. 1307 01:09:15,200 --> 01:09:17,362 It's... it's good. It's really avant-garde. 1308 01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:20,410 You know, you can dance to it. Does yours go like... 1309 01:09:20,560 --> 01:09:23,166 ( Buzzing, screeching ) 1310 01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:26,165 Zuzu? 1311 01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:28,049 Yeah, right. Birdbrain? Shut up, would you, please? 1312 01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:30,885 Melodi, I want you to take Jazz to the hospital, okay? 1313 01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:32,929 Jazz: Wait a second. I wanna see if this one's 1314 01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,082 better than the last one. 1315 01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:37,447 Hey, look. I don't need no CD to tell me Colleen Sutton's 1316 01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:38,931 behind this whole thing, all right? 1317 01:09:39,080 --> 01:09:40,320 - Let's go. - Come on. 1318 01:09:40,480 --> 01:09:41,925 I'll be at Julie Grendel's. 1319 01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:43,650 I wanna see if he knows what a whore thief 1320 01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:45,450 his ex-piece-of-shit wife is. 1321 01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,728 Come on, move. Come on, would you, please? 1322 01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:48,927 Stupid! 1323 01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:52,203 Why have you come to my planet, huh? 1324 01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:54,442 You're pure scum. 1325 01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:55,761 ( Laughs ) 1326 01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:58,247 - Colleen, you're a drag. - ( Door opens ) 1327 01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:03,123 Julie, baby! What's goin' on, huh? 1328 01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,282 Queen Colleen. 1329 01:10:05,440 --> 01:10:08,922 You're here just in time to see me do what I refer to 1330 01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:10,286 as solving the case. 1331 01:10:10,440 --> 01:10:12,681 It's cute. I think you'll like it. 1332 01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:16,208 Colleen here's been ripping off her ex-husband here's company. 1333 01:10:16,360 --> 01:10:19,807 And she's been murdering to keep it a secret. 1334 01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:21,803 That's a pretty nifty theory. 1335 01:10:26,280 --> 01:10:27,611 Colleen! 1336 01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:30,604 Colleen. 1337 01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:32,808 - Uh-uh, wait. My purse! - Nice purse. 1338 01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:35,645 - Ar... - Aardvarks? 1339 01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:37,962 Julian's smuggling aardvarks into the country? 1340 01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:40,885 Art... 1341 01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:42,405 Artichokes? 1342 01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,881 Art... Mooney... 1343 01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:46,644 stupid! 1344 01:10:46,840 --> 01:10:48,330 ( Thud ) 1345 01:10:48,480 --> 01:10:50,847 Thanks. I needed that. 1346 01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:52,286 ( Screams ) 1347 01:10:53,480 --> 01:10:57,166 You sick, confusing motherfuckers. 1348 01:10:58,680 --> 01:10:59,966 Gimme the three discs, Ford. 1349 01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:01,690 - ( Beep ) - Bobby's, 1350 01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:03,968 Colleen's and Johnny's. 1351 01:11:04,120 --> 01:11:07,363 Three CDs? Shit. 1352 01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:09,648 Just start torturing me, man. 1353 01:11:09,800 --> 01:11:12,167 I didn't even know Johnny had a disc. 1354 01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:15,051 I'm not in the mood for any of that, uh, 1355 01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:18,204 "Don't play games with me, Mr. Fairlane" bullshit. 1356 01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:21,330 Don't play games with me, Mr... 1357 01:11:21,480 --> 01:11:23,721 Did you say you don't have the d...? 1358 01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:26,161 ( Laughs ) Torture you? 1359 01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:31,011 I'm not gonna torture you, Ford. 1360 01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:34,562 Not her, Ford, but your best friend. 1361 01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:37,530 A 1962 Fender Stratocaster 1362 01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:40,126 with original pickups and maple neck 1363 01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:44,205 and strung upside down for a left-handed genius Jimi Hendrix. 1364 01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:47,961 - That's something else entirely. - No! 1365 01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:49,565 Ugh! 1366 01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:53,247 Yeah, that's the same sound your koala bear made when we hung it. 1367 01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,641 Don't you guys think this guitar would look a lot better 1368 01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:57,211 with Ford's name carved in it? 1369 01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:59,089 Ah, come on! 1370 01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:02,687 - Thug: Yeah. - ( Ford grunting ) 1371 01:12:02,880 --> 01:12:04,609 Rape! 1372 01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:06,569 - Come on! - Fuck. 1373 01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:08,882 Okay. Okay. Ugh! 1374 01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:10,690 ( Drill motor revving ) 1375 01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:13,241 Okay. Okay! 1376 01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:15,926 Oh, you guys are tough. 1377 01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:18,606 Okay, you got me. 1378 01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:21,445 All right, I got your discs, asshole. 1379 01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:24,968 They're in a very safe place with instructions 1380 01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:28,010 that they be sent directly to the police 1381 01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:31,323 if I don't make the call by 7:00. 1382 01:12:31,480 --> 01:12:33,881 So, if you'll excuse us... 1383 01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:35,724 Well, it's 7:30, Ford. 1384 01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:38,326 You really should get a watch. 1385 01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:39,561 ( Laughs ) 1386 01:12:39,720 --> 01:12:41,961 Ford, Ford, Ford. 1387 01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:45,090 How 'bout a last drink? I'm running a little late. 1388 01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:48,289 We're giving a party tonight at the club 1389 01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:50,807 to introduce Kyle Troy to the world. 1390 01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:52,371 Everyone in the industry's gonna be there, 1391 01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:54,682 including our friend Don Cleveland. 1392 01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:56,410 Oh, yeah? What about Don? 1393 01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:58,762 Well, before Kyle Troy does his first set, 1394 01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:01,287 Don will have his head blown off. 1395 01:13:01,480 --> 01:13:03,369 Next week, the newspapers will reveal 1396 01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:07,360 that Don was partners with Bobby, Collie, and Johnny 1397 01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:09,761 in the Grendel Records scam. 1398 01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:12,400 And he killed 'em to pay off some debt to the... 1399 01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:15,370 to the mob or something lame like that. 1400 01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,329 And then he got iced. 1401 01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:19,482 It's a lot more tasteful than it sounds. 1402 01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:20,801 You know, 1403 01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:23,606 I cannot believe that you guys 1404 01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:25,888 actually hung a koala bear. 1405 01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:28,407 I mean, that is just so graphic. 1406 01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:30,324 You know, I am still in shock here. 1407 01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:33,006 - Is she for real? - Yeah, I'm afraid so. 1408 01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:35,242 - You want her? - ...but that was just a dream. 1409 01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,449 - I don't think it counts... - All: Shut up! 1410 01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:40,051 ( Sighs ) 1411 01:13:40,200 --> 01:13:42,362 You know, Julie, you're the goods. 1412 01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:44,483 And even though I might be a little perturbed 1413 01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:47,849 you're gonna kill me and all, I gotta salute your toughness. 1414 01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:49,525 Julian Grendel, 1415 01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:52,650 guys like you do grow on trees. 1416 01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:54,564 Here's to you, buddy... 1417 01:13:54,720 --> 01:13:57,485 suckin' my dick. 1418 01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:58,766 ( Grunting ) 1419 01:13:58,920 --> 01:14:00,843 Take a free shot, boss! 1420 01:14:02,680 --> 01:14:04,444 Sure. 1421 01:14:06,800 --> 01:14:09,849 - Ugh! - ( All laughing ) 1422 01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,525 Ugh! Oh! 1423 01:14:11,680 --> 01:14:14,001 Moron. 1424 01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:17,050 - Zuzu? Zuzu? - ( Moaning ) 1425 01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:18,201 You okay? 1426 01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:20,362 Oh, another trick question, right? 1427 01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:22,085 Open the window. 1428 01:14:28,440 --> 01:14:29,851 Shit! 1429 01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:33,089 - Hello? - When I say "now," 1430 01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:35,169 you run for the door, okay? 1431 01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:37,203 ( Groaning ) 1432 01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:46,686 Kill him... 1433 01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:49,411 but not quickly. 1434 01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:50,766 Ciao, Ford. 1435 01:14:50,960 --> 01:14:52,405 ( Cocks gun ) 1436 01:14:54,480 --> 01:14:57,882 Ford: Anybody else in this situation would shit a Miata. 1437 01:14:58,040 --> 01:14:59,451 But I had a plan. 1438 01:14:59,640 --> 01:15:00,721 Ugh! 1439 01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:02,723 Not the greatest plan, but, hey, 1440 01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:06,327 the old "gum on the earring in the socket" trick never failed me. 1441 01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:08,682 I'd never even tried it. 1442 01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:10,046 Now! 1443 01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:11,964 Ugh! 1444 01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:24,805 - Out this way. - No. This way. 1445 01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:26,928 Ford: I'd blown the case wide open. 1446 01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:28,645 It's too bad that my clients were dead 1447 01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:31,371 and that I had no actual proof against Grendel. 1448 01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:37,080 And now I'm on top of the Capitol Records building? 1449 01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:40,130 So much for climbin' down the fire escape shit. 1450 01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:41,964 Johnny and Colleen were lucky to be dead, 1451 01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:44,964 barkin' together in that big chuck wagon in the sky. 1452 01:15:45,120 --> 01:15:47,043 At least they know who the fuck Art Mooney was. 1453 01:15:47,200 --> 01:15:49,931 I'm losin' my mind! 1454 01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:52,560 Top of the world, Ma! 1455 01:15:52,720 --> 01:15:54,609 ( Gasps ) I left my purse. 1456 01:15:54,760 --> 01:15:55,761 - I... - Fuck the purse! 1457 01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:57,410 We're gonna die! 1458 01:16:04,480 --> 01:16:06,130 And you say I never take you anywhere. 1459 01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:07,805 Ah, shit! 1460 01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:12,081 ( Gasps ) 1461 01:16:12,240 --> 01:16:14,242 There is something so wrong with you. 1462 01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:16,926 Come on! Come on. 1463 01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:19,367 - ( Gasps ) - Go ahead. Come on, you can do it. 1464 01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:22,286 - Ugh. - You all right? 1465 01:16:22,440 --> 01:16:23,851 - ( Gasps ) - Come on. 1466 01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:25,889 It's all right. If you fall, I'll make it. 1467 01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,327 Ah! Okay. 1468 01:16:28,520 --> 01:16:29,931 All right. 1469 01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:35,563 - Move, stupid! - I made it. Okay? 1470 01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:55,490 Ah! 1471 01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:57,449 - Um, um... here. - Help. 1472 01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:02,480 - ( Gun fires ) - Ah! Oops! 1473 01:17:05,480 --> 01:17:08,370 The building is a symbol of the music industry, 1474 01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:10,881 a business where anything can happen. 1475 01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,610 ( Crowd screams ) 1476 01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:14,649 And usually does. 1477 01:17:14,800 --> 01:17:17,041 Oops. 1478 01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:21,125 - Bull's-eye. - Oh, ick, ick. 1479 01:17:21,320 --> 01:17:22,685 - What'd you throw the gun away for? - Ew. 1480 01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:25,889 - It was just all... - Come on. 1481 01:17:26,040 --> 01:17:27,371 Okay. 1482 01:17:32,360 --> 01:17:34,727 - ( Gasps ) - Hello, hello. 1483 01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:37,446 Oh! Oh, my... ah! 1484 01:17:37,600 --> 01:17:39,125 Ford, help! 1485 01:17:39,280 --> 01:17:40,850 - ( Laughing ) - Zuzu: Ah! 1486 01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:43,731 ( Screams ) 1487 01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:49,089 ( Grunting ) 1488 01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:51,447 Hello, hello, fuckface! 1489 01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:54,723 - Ugh! Ah! - Ugh! 1490 01:17:59,240 --> 01:18:02,164 You mother... 1491 01:18:02,360 --> 01:18:04,727 - Ugh! - Whoa! 1492 01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:10,444 Yabba-dabba doo! 1493 01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:11,840 - Zuzu: What? - Ford: The ring. 1494 01:18:12,040 --> 01:18:13,485 - What about the ring? - The kid! 1495 01:18:13,640 --> 01:18:15,847 - It's the kid's father. I can't. - Who do you think you are, Ford? 1496 01:18:16,040 --> 01:18:18,884 The tooth fairy? Kill! Kill! Kill! 1497 01:18:19,040 --> 01:18:20,724 It's a long story. You know the kid? 1498 01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:22,046 What little kid? Oh, the kid. 1499 01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:23,406 With the ring. The Flintstone thing. 1500 01:18:23,560 --> 01:18:25,369 - The nice one? - Yeah, the nice kid I hang with. 1501 01:18:25,520 --> 01:18:27,090 Ah! 1502 01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:30,881 ( Screaming ) 1503 01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:37,169 My hair. My hair. 1504 01:18:37,320 --> 01:18:38,685 Ah! 1505 01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:42,128 No! Stop! 1506 01:18:42,320 --> 01:18:43,526 ( Grunting ) 1507 01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,324 - ( Yelling ) - ( Screaming ) 1508 01:18:53,160 --> 01:18:54,685 - Hey, Zuzu? - Huh? 1509 01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:57,081 Don't worry. I'll... I'll work it out. 1510 01:18:57,240 --> 01:18:58,446 Okay. 1511 01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:03,082 Excuse me while I kiss the sky! 1512 01:19:03,240 --> 01:19:05,402 Hey, Zuzu, I found my guitar! 1513 01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:09,251 ( Sobbing ) I found my guitar! 1514 01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:11,084 It's all scratched up. 1515 01:19:12,840 --> 01:19:15,002 It's all scratched up, Zuzu! 1516 01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,367 Ford? I'll take her with me! 1517 01:19:17,560 --> 01:19:18,721 I swear I will! 1518 01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:22,646 Ugh! You're tearin' me apart! 1519 01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:27,330 I'm sorry, Jimi. 1520 01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:32,482 Ah! 1521 01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:44,327 Say hello to Liberace, asshole. 1522 01:19:44,480 --> 01:19:46,209 Come on. 1523 01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:48,328 Come on. Come on, you can do it. 1524 01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:51,882 Come on. 1525 01:19:52,040 --> 01:19:53,963 Ugh. Okay, okay. 1526 01:19:56,880 --> 01:19:58,211 Thanks. 1527 01:19:58,360 --> 01:19:59,600 'Cause, well, I mean, 1528 01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:02,923 I know how much that thang meant to you. 1529 01:20:08,080 --> 01:20:10,128 Well, hello, Mr. Tongue. 1530 01:20:10,320 --> 01:20:12,561 What a perv. 1531 01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,324 Yeah. You wish. 1532 01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:27,082 - Don't look down. - Okay. 1533 01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:28,401 Excuse me. 1534 01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:32,369 Could you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theatre? 1535 01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:34,363 Go back to Michigan, asswipe. 1536 01:20:34,520 --> 01:20:36,249 No, we're from Wisconsin. 1537 01:20:36,400 --> 01:20:37,970 Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis. 1538 01:20:38,120 --> 01:20:39,565 Get outta here. 1539 01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:41,609 ( Horn honks ) 1540 01:20:45,560 --> 01:20:46,607 How'd it go? 1541 01:20:46,760 --> 01:20:48,171 Did you get more proof against Colleen? 1542 01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:50,283 Colleen's innocent. 1543 01:20:50,440 --> 01:20:51,930 And dead. 1544 01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:54,481 Well, I figured something out. 1545 01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:56,642 These binary discs? 1546 01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,326 They've got hidden bits that can be revealed 1547 01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:03,201 when interfacing with a third CD. 1548 01:21:03,360 --> 01:21:05,647 Oh, Ford. Look how cute. 1549 01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:08,565 Your friend's got his own star. 1550 01:21:10,440 --> 01:21:12,807 What friend? 1551 01:21:12,960 --> 01:21:15,042 You know, that Art guy. 1552 01:21:17,280 --> 01:21:18,805 Art. 1553 01:21:18,960 --> 01:21:20,928 Art Mooney! 1554 01:21:21,080 --> 01:21:23,606 Art. Art, baby. 1555 01:21:23,760 --> 01:21:25,888 Art! Art! 1556 01:21:26,040 --> 01:21:27,246 ( Laughs ) 1557 01:21:28,760 --> 01:21:31,445 Art, baby. Third CD, anyone, huh? 1558 01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:32,681 ( Music playing ) 1559 01:21:32,840 --> 01:21:35,491 ♪ I don't need no funky attitude ♪ 1560 01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:42,331 ♪ You spend so much time ♪ 1561 01:21:42,480 --> 01:21:44,767 ♪ Trying to be rude ♪ 1562 01:21:44,960 --> 01:21:48,009 ♪ Why the funky attitude? ♪ 1563 01:21:48,160 --> 01:21:49,321 ♪ Oh, no ♪ 1564 01:21:49,480 --> 01:21:52,006 ♪ I don't care how you're feeling ♪ 1565 01:21:52,160 --> 01:21:53,446 ♪ I don't need no funky attitude... ♪ 1566 01:21:53,600 --> 01:21:55,090 - Hello. - Hi. 1567 01:21:55,240 --> 01:21:56,287 Hey. 1568 01:21:56,440 --> 01:21:58,169 ♪ It ain't cool ♪ 1569 01:21:58,320 --> 01:22:00,482 ♪ I don't mind if you're trippin'... ♪ 1570 01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:03,251 Julie! You sure know how it's done. 1571 01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:04,845 Thank you, Don. Uh, could I... 1572 01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:07,241 could I talk to you in private a moment? 1573 01:22:22,560 --> 01:22:23,800 B-I-N-G-O 1574 01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:27,004 and Bingo was his name-o. 1575 01:22:27,160 --> 01:22:28,764 Excuse me, but all I see 1576 01:22:28,960 --> 01:22:31,281 is a condom factory in Johannesburg, South Africa. 1577 01:22:31,440 --> 01:22:32,646 Now what... 1578 01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:35,650 I believe the word you're looking for is "proof." 1579 01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:38,446 It's a front for a pirate disc operation. 1580 01:22:39,880 --> 01:22:43,123 Grendel's secretly counterfeiting his own company stock. 1581 01:22:43,280 --> 01:22:47,524 We're dealin' with a very sick puppy here. 1582 01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:50,843 Oh, my God. The door's locked. 1583 01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:53,401 - We're gonna have to crawl down. - No. 1584 01:22:53,560 --> 01:22:55,608 I knew it. I knew it. 1585 01:22:58,400 --> 01:22:59,731 Psych. 1586 01:23:01,720 --> 01:23:03,131 Moron. 1587 01:23:04,840 --> 01:23:07,571 Julian: What can I say, Don? You're a great producer. 1588 01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:10,405 You're a great friend. 1589 01:23:10,560 --> 01:23:11,925 I'm gonna miss you. 1590 01:23:13,560 --> 01:23:16,530 What can I tell you? It's business. 1591 01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:19,849 With friends like you, who needs "enemas"? 1592 01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:22,765 Dump the body in, shall we say, 1593 01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:24,251 Chinatown. 1594 01:23:33,200 --> 01:23:34,486 Ah! 1595 01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:35,801 ( Tires screech ) 1596 01:23:43,080 --> 01:23:44,605 Ford: Hey, Don. 1597 01:23:45,920 --> 01:23:47,649 How's the high blood pressure? 1598 01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:49,768 Nothin' like waitin' until the last minute, Ford. 1599 01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,930 Can somebody tell me what the fuck is going on, like, slowly? 1600 01:23:53,080 --> 01:23:56,880 You see, it all started 1601 01:23:57,040 --> 01:23:59,486 with this condom factory... 1602 01:23:59,680 --> 01:24:01,728 I'll write you a letter. Come on. 1603 01:24:04,720 --> 01:24:06,085 All right. 1604 01:24:06,240 --> 01:24:08,163 You threw me through a plate-glass window. 1605 01:24:08,320 --> 01:24:10,004 And I just hit you with my car. 1606 01:24:10,160 --> 01:24:12,242 So, I think that made for a fair fight, huh? 1607 01:24:12,440 --> 01:24:14,807 Ugh! Maybe not. 1608 01:24:14,960 --> 01:24:17,406 ( Girls cheering ) 1609 01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:18,925 The truth is, 1610 01:24:19,080 --> 01:24:21,208 there's a lot of love in this room tonight. 1611 01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:33,169 But I, uh... 1612 01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,084 I've, uh... I've... I've talked long enough. 1613 01:24:35,240 --> 01:24:36,287 ( Crowd moans ) 1614 01:24:36,440 --> 01:24:38,442 And now the moment you've all been waiting for. 1615 01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:40,967 I'd like you to meet the voice of the '90s. 1616 01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:42,326 ( Cheering ) 1617 01:24:42,480 --> 01:24:45,290 Ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Troy. 1618 01:24:45,440 --> 01:24:47,807 - ( Cheers, whistles ) - ( Music playing ) 1619 01:25:24,920 --> 01:25:26,285 ( Coughing ) 1620 01:25:28,720 --> 01:25:30,643 - ( Crunch ) - Ow! Shithead. 1621 01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:31,847 ( Sighs ) 1622 01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,684 I used to be just like you. 1623 01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:38,687 Abusing women to hide my emotional insecurities. 1624 01:25:38,840 --> 01:25:40,683 Ugh! 1625 01:25:43,240 --> 01:25:46,369 You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment of your life. 1626 01:25:46,520 --> 01:25:48,807 Sam the Sleazebag to the rescue. 1627 01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:54,487 ( Fans cheering ) 1628 01:25:54,640 --> 01:25:56,927 You said somethin' about three CDs? 1629 01:25:58,640 --> 01:26:00,529 Uh, Ford... 1630 01:26:00,680 --> 01:26:01,886 I'll... I'll do, uh... 1631 01:26:02,040 --> 01:26:03,246 I'll do anything, man. I mean, we don't... 1632 01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:04,731 Ugh! 1633 01:26:07,920 --> 01:26:10,048 And may I suggest for dessert... 1634 01:26:10,200 --> 01:26:11,531 the copies I made? 1635 01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:13,842 - Fuck me. - Yeah, maybe later. 1636 01:26:14,000 --> 01:26:17,049 But first, why don't you tell me why you're rippin' your company off? 1637 01:26:18,600 --> 01:26:20,204 I read "Billboard." 1638 01:26:20,400 --> 01:26:23,609 I couldn't believe how much Grendel Records made 1639 01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:25,762 and how little Julie Grendel got. 1640 01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:27,490 It's amazing how much you gotta pay 1641 01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:30,086 the actual artists who create the music, huh? 1642 01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:31,480 ( Laughs ) 1643 01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:33,768 Those ingrate bastards really take a bite. 1644 01:26:33,920 --> 01:26:35,763 Look, Bobby Black found out about 1645 01:26:35,960 --> 01:26:38,611 your little African bogus disc company. 1646 01:26:38,760 --> 01:26:40,444 Stole your computer records. 1647 01:26:40,600 --> 01:26:42,523 - ( Squeaks ) - Ford: Wanna tell me about it? 1648 01:26:42,680 --> 01:26:45,570 Julian: Bobby was stupid. He got angry. 1649 01:26:45,760 --> 01:26:47,524 His friend Johnny was more stupid. 1650 01:26:47,720 --> 01:26:50,166 He got greedy, tried to blackmail me. 1651 01:26:50,320 --> 01:26:53,290 Me! Colleen knew better. 1652 01:26:53,440 --> 01:26:55,488 She knew what a monster I could be. 1653 01:26:55,640 --> 01:26:59,247 Poor Colleen just wanted no one to get hurt. 1654 01:26:59,440 --> 01:27:01,363 That's why I waited so long to kill her. 1655 01:27:01,520 --> 01:27:03,488 Face it. 1656 01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:06,689 Making money is the only art form left open to innovation. 1657 01:27:06,840 --> 01:27:09,923 Anybody that tells you they're in this industry 'cause they like music 1658 01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:12,600 is a lying, pathetic piece of shit! 1659 01:27:12,760 --> 01:27:14,250 ( Crowd gasps ) 1660 01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:16,971 Julian: Or a total idiot like this Kyle Toy, or Troy, 1661 01:27:17,120 --> 01:27:19,441 or whatever the hell his name is. 1662 01:27:19,600 --> 01:27:22,126 I've since dedicated my life to making sure 1663 01:27:22,280 --> 01:27:24,089 that this industry is so disgusting... 1664 01:27:24,240 --> 01:27:26,368 - ( Crowd booing ) - ...so sleazy and so corrupt 1665 01:27:26,520 --> 01:27:28,045 it would have to self-destruct. 1666 01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:30,362 Two Sambuca milkshakes. 1667 01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:32,966 I even pissed in the punchbowl. 1668 01:27:33,120 --> 01:27:34,884 ( Gagging, spitting ) 1669 01:27:35,040 --> 01:27:37,361 You're a hell of a guy. You know that, Julie? 1670 01:27:37,560 --> 01:27:39,688 Since you're on a roll, uh, 1671 01:27:39,840 --> 01:27:41,888 anything else you wanna talk about? 1672 01:27:42,040 --> 01:27:44,805 Why? You, uh, you hiding a mike or something? 1673 01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:47,645 No. I am. Hah! 1674 01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,609 You little bitch. 1675 01:27:49,760 --> 01:27:51,649 ( Singing ) ♪ Why do birds... ♪ 1676 01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:53,131 - Hey! - Ugh! 1677 01:27:54,960 --> 01:27:56,564 ♪ On the day that you were born ♪ 1678 01:27:56,720 --> 01:27:59,041 ♪ The angels got together ♪ 1679 01:27:59,200 --> 01:28:00,929 - ♪ And decided... ♪ - ( Grunting ) 1680 01:28:01,080 --> 01:28:02,127 - ( Screaming ) - ( Microphone feedback ) 1681 01:28:02,280 --> 01:28:04,203 ( Screaming ) 1682 01:28:10,720 --> 01:28:13,769 Well, Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective. 1683 01:28:15,280 --> 01:28:17,521 - You're out of the business. - Ford! 1684 01:28:17,680 --> 01:28:20,729 Shake me, Jazz. 1685 01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:22,120 ( Crowd gasps ) 1686 01:28:22,280 --> 01:28:24,726 "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," baby. 1687 01:28:26,120 --> 01:28:27,406 ( Cranks ) 1688 01:28:27,560 --> 01:28:30,803 You're fired, Julie. 1689 01:28:30,960 --> 01:28:33,281 Ah! 1690 01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:53,291 Ford. 1691 01:28:55,200 --> 01:28:58,204 Look. Look who I found. It's Damion Flemm. 1692 01:28:58,360 --> 01:29:01,443 He loves me, and he's taking me to Japan. 1693 01:29:01,600 --> 01:29:04,080 You realize it's Disco Appreciation Night at the Coconut Teaser. 1694 01:29:04,240 --> 01:29:05,969 The one night of the year. 1695 01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:09,522 Sorry, sir, but we got a report that this psycho-killer groupie was here. 1696 01:29:09,680 --> 01:29:11,921 - Take good care of her. - That shouldn't be too hard. 1697 01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,969 Yeah, sure. 1698 01:29:14,160 --> 01:29:15,810 There she is with Fairlane. 1699 01:29:18,360 --> 01:29:20,442 Harboring a fugitive, Ford? 1700 01:29:20,600 --> 01:29:22,125 You're goin' down. 1701 01:29:23,720 --> 01:29:26,166 Sexual favors won't help, baby. 1702 01:29:26,320 --> 01:29:27,685 ( Singing ) ♪ 'Cause it's booty time, booty... ♪ 1703 01:29:27,880 --> 01:29:29,370 - ( Crowd gasps ) - Ugh! 1704 01:29:29,520 --> 01:29:32,524 ( High-pitched voice ) ♪ Booty time, booty time... ♪ 1705 01:29:32,720 --> 01:29:34,882 Happy viewing. 1706 01:29:35,040 --> 01:29:36,610 Jerk-off. 1707 01:29:39,280 --> 01:29:40,566 What'd you say? 1708 01:29:40,720 --> 01:29:42,165 I didn't say nothin', man. 1709 01:29:42,320 --> 01:29:45,767 Shit, man. You're the lead singer of Disco Express. 1710 01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:47,649 "Booty Time" is the only white disco song 1711 01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:49,131 as far as I'm concerned. 1712 01:29:49,320 --> 01:29:50,970 Hey, there's a lot more where that came from, man. 1713 01:29:51,120 --> 01:29:52,645 I'm listenin'. 1714 01:29:52,800 --> 01:29:54,450 ♪ Booty time, booty time ♪ 1715 01:29:54,600 --> 01:29:56,011 ♪ Across the USA ♪ 1716 01:29:56,200 --> 01:29:58,123 ♪ Booty time, booty time ♪ 1717 01:29:58,280 --> 01:29:59,611 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪ 1718 01:29:59,760 --> 01:30:01,171 Ford, isn't Sam great? 1719 01:30:01,320 --> 01:30:03,129 - Do you wanna come out with us? - I can't. 1720 01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:06,762 - Anybody see my assistant, Jazz? - She left. 1721 01:30:06,960 --> 01:30:09,691 Said something about you being a real asshole. 1722 01:30:11,400 --> 01:30:13,482 Right, right. 1723 01:30:13,640 --> 01:30:15,005 That sounds right. 1724 01:30:17,320 --> 01:30:22,008 ♪ After all the jacks are in their boxes... ♪ 1725 01:30:22,160 --> 01:30:25,209 Ford: Jazz is gone and I got the blues. 1726 01:30:25,360 --> 01:30:29,365 A lot of fuckin' things are gone and I got the blues. 1727 01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:30,965 I'll tell ya, 1728 01:30:31,120 --> 01:30:33,964 bein' an ultracool rock 'n' roll superhero... 1729 01:30:34,120 --> 01:30:36,646 it sounded a lot better in the brochure. 1730 01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:40,441 I can't believe it took a bunch of phony CDs 1731 01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:43,570 to make me lose all my self-worth and shit. 1732 01:30:43,720 --> 01:30:46,371 I was just gonna take a nice long... 1733 01:30:46,520 --> 01:30:48,807 - ( Click ) - ...nap. 1734 01:30:49,000 --> 01:30:50,968 Hello, hello. 1735 01:30:54,000 --> 01:30:55,331 I don't believe this. 1736 01:30:59,040 --> 01:31:01,805 Why did I pause before I pushed you, huh? 1737 01:31:01,960 --> 01:31:04,088 You know, if you weren't that kid's father... 1738 01:31:04,240 --> 01:31:06,163 What are you talking about? 1739 01:31:06,320 --> 01:31:09,403 - The ring, man. - What about it? 1740 01:31:09,560 --> 01:31:11,085 I stole it. 1741 01:31:11,240 --> 01:31:12,844 ( Maniacal chuckle ) 1742 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:16,527 From some idiot in Fresno 1743 01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:18,682 that I strangled last year. 1744 01:31:20,680 --> 01:31:23,490 Perfect end to a perfect evening, huh? 1745 01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:26,211 Un-fuckin'-believable. 1746 01:31:27,400 --> 01:31:30,961 I mean, I start by havin' my koala bear hung 1747 01:31:31,120 --> 01:31:34,727 and my house and car blown up. 1748 01:31:34,920 --> 01:31:36,251 But that was just the beginning of the evening. 1749 01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:38,323 We were just gettin' started, right? 1750 01:31:38,480 --> 01:31:40,881 Then I get to climb down from the Capitol Records building. 1751 01:31:41,040 --> 01:31:43,281 Great exercise. I recommend it. 1752 01:31:43,440 --> 01:31:44,851 And then my guitar, my Axe... 1753 01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:47,526 the one thing I love, right... next to Stanley... 1754 01:31:47,680 --> 01:31:50,160 is now toothpicks for the Hollywood homeless. 1755 01:31:50,320 --> 01:31:52,800 And then after I torch your boss, 1756 01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:54,644 my girlfriend leaves me. 1757 01:31:56,920 --> 01:32:00,208 She leaves me, right? Terrific. 1758 01:32:00,360 --> 01:32:02,840 And now, now I get to die. 1759 01:32:03,000 --> 01:32:06,163 You're breakin' me heart. 1760 01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:08,800 What's the point? 1761 01:32:09,000 --> 01:32:11,162 The point is I wanna go out man-to-man. 1762 01:32:11,320 --> 01:32:12,526 Just me and you. 1763 01:32:12,680 --> 01:32:14,569 Put down the gun, let's go at it. 1764 01:32:14,720 --> 01:32:16,370 Come on, you fuckin' sissy. 1765 01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:18,966 What are you, afraid of me? Come on, mano to mano. 1766 01:32:19,120 --> 01:32:20,360 Fisticuffs, baby. 1767 01:32:20,520 --> 01:32:22,727 Let's go at it, just you and me. No one's around. 1768 01:32:22,880 --> 01:32:25,008 Come on, I fuckin' had it. Let's go! 1769 01:32:34,800 --> 01:32:36,131 ( Thud ) 1770 01:32:36,320 --> 01:32:38,084 All right. 1771 01:32:38,280 --> 01:32:41,045 Any way you want it. 1772 01:32:41,240 --> 01:32:43,607 ( Laughs ) 1773 01:32:47,960 --> 01:32:50,361 You crack me up, you know that? 1774 01:32:50,520 --> 01:32:52,010 What kind of idiot throws his gun down? 1775 01:32:52,160 --> 01:32:53,525 I mean, use your head. 1776 01:32:53,680 --> 01:32:55,364 I mean, is there somethin' wrong with you or what? 1777 01:32:55,520 --> 01:32:57,841 I mean, look... look what you did. 1778 01:33:06,480 --> 01:33:09,051 Thanks for workin'. 1779 01:33:09,200 --> 01:33:10,804 Thanks for bein' a jerk-off. 1780 01:33:10,960 --> 01:33:13,725 I mean, man-to-man, mano to mano. 1781 01:33:13,880 --> 01:33:16,724 What the hell does "mano to mano" mean? 1782 01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:19,326 Use your head. 1783 01:33:19,480 --> 01:33:21,289 Snapper-head. 1784 01:33:24,640 --> 01:33:26,244 Ford: So here I am. 1785 01:33:26,400 --> 01:33:28,402 The bad guys are dead, 1786 01:33:28,560 --> 01:33:30,050 my life's ruined, 1787 01:33:30,200 --> 01:33:33,124 and the case is closed. 1788 01:33:33,280 --> 01:33:35,169 Hey, what else can I say? 1789 01:33:35,320 --> 01:33:37,766 At least things can't get any more depressin'. 1790 01:33:37,960 --> 01:33:40,770 So, did you find my dad? 1791 01:33:42,040 --> 01:33:45,328 Ford: Un-fuckin'-believable. 1792 01:33:45,480 --> 01:33:47,005 I got some good news 1793 01:33:47,160 --> 01:33:50,004 and I got some bad news. 1794 01:33:50,160 --> 01:33:52,367 The good news is I found him. 1795 01:33:52,560 --> 01:33:55,450 The bad news... 1796 01:33:55,600 --> 01:33:56,840 it's me. 1797 01:34:01,960 --> 01:34:04,247 What kind of sentimental bullshit is this? 1798 01:34:04,400 --> 01:34:05,811 Hey, a guy tries to make a commitment, 1799 01:34:05,960 --> 01:34:08,531 I gotta eat shit? 1800 01:34:08,680 --> 01:34:10,648 Well, just tell me who my real father is. 1801 01:34:14,320 --> 01:34:18,041 He died. No bullshit. 1802 01:34:18,200 --> 01:34:20,885 But he loved you a lot and he wants me to take care of you. 1803 01:34:23,280 --> 01:34:25,203 Come on, put it there. 1804 01:34:25,360 --> 01:34:26,725 That's it. 1805 01:34:29,880 --> 01:34:31,609 I mean, 1806 01:34:31,760 --> 01:34:34,604 I got a heavy caseload, you know what I mean? 1807 01:34:43,560 --> 01:34:46,530 Ford. Ford! 1808 01:34:49,920 --> 01:34:51,331 Come on. 1809 01:34:56,040 --> 01:34:58,611 Ford, I can't take this crap between us anymore. 1810 01:34:58,760 --> 01:35:00,524 I'm sorry. 1811 01:35:00,680 --> 01:35:01,920 I'm quitting. 1812 01:35:02,080 --> 01:35:03,411 Dismount. 1813 01:35:06,280 --> 01:35:08,089 I love you. 1814 01:35:10,240 --> 01:35:12,208 What kind of sentimental bullshit is this? 1815 01:35:12,360 --> 01:35:14,408 That's exactly what I said. 1816 01:35:14,600 --> 01:35:15,806 Jazz, look. 1817 01:35:15,960 --> 01:35:21,683 I'm sick of the hot clubs, the hot cars, the hot chicks. 1818 01:35:21,840 --> 01:35:24,571 I'm sick of it. All the fun... 1819 01:35:24,720 --> 01:35:26,324 I want you. 1820 01:35:27,520 --> 01:35:31,730 - You're saying I'm not fun? - Well, I mean... 1821 01:35:31,880 --> 01:35:33,644 You told me to say this stuff. 1822 01:35:35,360 --> 01:35:37,249 Look. 1823 01:35:37,400 --> 01:35:40,404 I'm crazy about you, all right? You... you know what I'm sayin'. 1824 01:35:42,640 --> 01:35:45,644 No. I-I really don't know what you're saying. 1825 01:35:47,600 --> 01:35:49,250 But I like the tone of your voice. 1826 01:35:51,200 --> 01:35:53,202 I really like the tone of your voice. 1827 01:35:53,360 --> 01:35:55,283 It's a beautiful thing. 1828 01:36:01,040 --> 01:36:04,886 ( Telephone ringing ) 1829 01:36:23,520 --> 01:36:24,965 Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT. 1830 01:36:25,120 --> 01:36:28,363 Hey, hey, this is Bobby Ouch, K-DIRT's hottest new deejay! 1831 01:36:28,520 --> 01:36:30,727 You've just won the K-DIRT million-dollar giveaway. 1832 01:36:30,880 --> 01:36:31,927 No shit. 1833 01:36:32,080 --> 01:36:33,605 Hey, you can't say "shit" on the radio. 1834 01:36:33,760 --> 01:36:35,205 Oh, shit, now I just said it. 1835 01:36:35,360 --> 01:36:37,840 ( Music playing ) ♪ Somewhere... ♪ 1836 01:36:38,000 --> 01:36:41,766 Ford: Oh, boy, I love the music industry. 1837 01:36:41,920 --> 01:36:45,083 Especially the tacky radio giveaway part. 1838 01:36:45,240 --> 01:36:50,485 - ( Kissing ) - ♪ My love stands on golden sands... ♪ 1839 01:36:50,640 --> 01:36:52,483 - ( Squeaks ) - What? 1840 01:36:52,640 --> 01:36:56,281 You didn't really think we'd kill the "flucking" koala bear, now, did you? 1841 01:36:56,440 --> 01:36:57,646 ( Purring ) 1842 01:36:57,800 --> 01:37:00,087 ♪ Somewhere ♪ 1843 01:37:00,240 --> 01:37:02,163 ♪ Beyond the sea ♪ 1844 01:37:02,320 --> 01:37:06,769 ♪ She's there watching for me ♪ 1845 01:37:06,960 --> 01:37:11,648 ♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪ 1846 01:37:11,840 --> 01:37:14,320 ♪ Then straight to her arms... ♪ - Ford: Look at this. 1847 01:37:14,480 --> 01:37:16,687 The sun, the sea. 1848 01:37:16,840 --> 01:37:19,969 Un-fuckin'-believable, heh? 1849 01:37:20,120 --> 01:37:22,851 ( Music playing ) 1850 01:37:34,200 --> 01:37:37,568 ♪ The old man rhythm's gotten in my shoes ♪ 1851 01:37:37,720 --> 01:37:41,202 ♪ No use sittin' here and singin' that blues ♪ 1852 01:37:41,360 --> 01:37:44,682 ♪ So be my guest, you got nothin' to lose ♪ 1853 01:37:44,840 --> 01:37:48,049 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1854 01:37:48,200 --> 01:37:50,202 - ♪ I said oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1855 01:37:50,360 --> 01:37:51,885 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1856 01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:53,849 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1857 01:37:54,000 --> 01:37:55,650 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1858 01:37:55,800 --> 01:37:57,245 ♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪ 1859 01:37:57,400 --> 01:37:59,243 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1860 01:37:59,400 --> 01:38:02,768 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1861 01:38:02,920 --> 01:38:04,604 ♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪ 1862 01:38:04,760 --> 01:38:07,730 ♪ Baby, won't ya join me, please ♪ 1863 01:38:07,880 --> 01:38:09,848 ♪ Oh, baby, please ♪ 1864 01:38:10,000 --> 01:38:11,809 ♪ I don't like beggin' ♪ 1865 01:38:11,960 --> 01:38:15,248 ♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪ 1866 01:38:20,080 --> 01:38:21,081 ♪ Oh ♪ 1867 01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:24,289 ♪ I've got to get to rockin', get my hat off the rack ♪ 1868 01:38:24,440 --> 01:38:27,649 ♪ The boogie-woogie's got me like a knife in the back ♪ 1869 01:38:27,800 --> 01:38:31,725 ♪ So be my guest, you got nothin' to lose ♪ 1870 01:38:31,920 --> 01:38:34,890 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1871 01:38:35,040 --> 01:38:36,769 - ♪ I said oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1872 01:38:36,920 --> 01:38:38,922 ♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪ 1873 01:38:39,080 --> 01:38:40,605 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1874 01:38:40,760 --> 01:38:42,728 ♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪ 1875 01:38:42,880 --> 01:38:46,043 ♪ Oo-oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-ee, baby ♪ 1876 01:38:46,200 --> 01:38:49,602 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1877 01:38:49,760 --> 01:38:51,000 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1878 01:39:08,040 --> 01:39:11,123 ♪ I got to get to movin', baby, I ain't lyin' ♪ 1879 01:39:11,280 --> 01:39:14,966 ♪ My heart is beatin' rhythm and it's right on time ♪ 1880 01:39:15,120 --> 01:39:16,360 ♪ So be my guest ♪ 1881 01:39:16,520 --> 01:39:18,488 ♪ You've got nothin' to lose ♪ 1882 01:39:18,680 --> 01:39:21,650 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1883 01:39:21,800 --> 01:39:23,928 - ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1884 01:39:24,080 --> 01:39:25,730 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1885 01:39:25,880 --> 01:39:27,644 - ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1886 01:39:27,800 --> 01:39:29,290 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1887 01:39:29,480 --> 01:39:31,084 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1888 01:39:31,240 --> 01:39:32,924 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1889 01:39:33,080 --> 01:39:36,482 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1890 01:39:36,640 --> 01:39:38,324 ♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪ 1891 01:39:38,480 --> 01:39:41,484 ♪ Baby, won't ya join me, please? ♪ 1892 01:39:41,640 --> 01:39:43,802 ♪ Come on, please ♪ 1893 01:39:43,960 --> 01:39:45,564 ♪ I don't like beggin', baby ♪ 1894 01:39:45,720 --> 01:39:47,961 ♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪ 1895 01:39:48,120 --> 01:39:52,921 - ♪ Ah... ♪ - ♪ Knee ♪ 1896 01:39:53,080 --> 01:39:54,286 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 1897 01:39:54,440 --> 01:39:56,363 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1898 01:39:56,520 --> 01:39:58,363 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1899 01:39:58,520 --> 01:40:00,010 ♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪ 1900 01:40:00,160 --> 01:40:01,810 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1901 01:40:01,960 --> 01:40:03,166 ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1902 01:40:03,320 --> 01:40:05,322 ♪ Come on, oo-ee, baby ♪ 1903 01:40:05,520 --> 01:40:08,683 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1904 01:40:08,840 --> 01:40:10,604 - ♪ I said, oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1905 01:40:10,760 --> 01:40:12,683 ♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪ 1906 01:40:12,840 --> 01:40:14,330 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1907 01:40:14,480 --> 01:40:16,084 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1908 01:40:16,280 --> 01:40:17,884 ♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪ 1909 01:40:18,040 --> 01:40:19,769 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1910 01:40:19,920 --> 01:40:23,242 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1911 01:40:23,400 --> 01:40:24,845 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1912 01:40:34,680 --> 01:40:41,370 ♪ Ah ♪ 1913 01:40:41,520 --> 01:40:43,249 ♪ I got to get to movin', baby ♪ 1914 01:40:43,400 --> 01:40:44,890 ♪ I ain't lyin' ♪ 1915 01:40:45,040 --> 01:40:48,681 ♪ My heart is beatin' rhythm and it's right on time ♪ 1916 01:40:48,840 --> 01:40:50,046 ♪ Be my guest ♪ 1917 01:40:50,200 --> 01:40:52,009 ♪ You got nothin' to lose ♪ 1918 01:40:52,160 --> 01:40:55,528 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1919 01:40:55,680 --> 01:40:57,364 - ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1920 01:40:57,520 --> 01:40:59,045 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1921 01:40:59,240 --> 01:41:00,924 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1922 01:41:01,080 --> 01:41:02,764 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1923 01:41:02,920 --> 01:41:04,524 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1924 01:41:04,680 --> 01:41:06,364 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1925 01:41:06,520 --> 01:41:10,081 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1926 01:41:10,240 --> 01:41:11,810 ♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪ 1927 01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:15,243 ♪ Baby, won't you join me, please? ♪ 1928 01:41:15,400 --> 01:41:17,289 ♪ Come on, please ♪ 1929 01:41:17,440 --> 01:41:19,010 ♪ I don't like beggin', baby ♪ 1930 01:41:19,160 --> 01:41:21,162 ♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪ 1931 01:41:21,320 --> 01:41:26,247 - ♪ Ah... ♪ - ♪ Knee ♪ 1932 01:41:26,400 --> 01:41:28,368 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 1933 01:41:28,560 --> 01:41:30,005 - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1934 01:41:30,160 --> 01:41:31,525 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1935 01:41:31,680 --> 01:41:33,682 ♪ Oo-oo-oo-ee ♪ 1936 01:41:33,840 --> 01:41:35,080 ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪ 1937 01:41:35,240 --> 01:41:36,924 ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1938 01:41:37,080 --> 01:41:38,809 ♪ Come on, oo-ee, baby ♪ 1939 01:41:38,960 --> 01:41:42,282 ♪ Won't ya let me take you on a sea cruise? ♪ 1940 01:41:42,440 --> 01:41:44,204 - ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪ - ♪ Oo-ee ♪ 1941 01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:47,728 ♪ Come on, baby, oo-ee, baby, come on, baby. ♪ 139061

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.