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( Music playing )
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( Bell dings )
3
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They call me Ford Fairlane,
Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
4
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,924
I have the power
to get into the hottest clubs,
5
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,482
the hottest dressing rooms
and the hottest chicks.
6
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,610
I admit it all sounds
pretty nifty in theory.
7
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:01,966
Then why am I here?
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Why do I wish the music industry
and the rest of the globe
9
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,682
would just suck my dick, Tracy?
10
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,285
I'll tell you why.
11
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,250
It all started five nights ago.
12
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,970
I didn't know it yet,
13
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,726
but I was about to get a case
of the Black Plague.
14
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,771
Not the disease that killed
a billion peasants in the 1300s.
15
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,491
Something much scarier.
16
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( Cheering )
17
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- ( Crowd screaming )
- Hello, LA!
18
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Ford: You see, this band,
the Black Plague,
19
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,522
were considered
the new kings of metal.
20
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,809
I thought they were just some
lucky assholes from Reseda.
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Anyway, tonight,
this guy Bobby Black
22
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was goin' to give
the performance of his life.
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♪ I said dance ♪
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♪ I said prance... ♪
25
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,480
♪ Sleazing in like a monkey ♪
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00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:20,326
♪ That's cool, I say it's gross ♪
27
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,166
♪ Honey so damn f-funky ♪
28
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,129
♪ Dance to the rhythm ♪
29
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,770
♪ Jungle music rhythm ♪
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♪ So primal, animal ♪
31
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♪ Tearing down the gown ♪
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♪ Striped with such a strip ♪
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♪ She's a winner's rockshot ♪
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♪ She don't give up, no ♪
35
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♪ No, she don't give a shit ♪
36
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:45,926
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
37
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,366
♪ She's a rock 'n' roll junkie ♪
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♪ That's how she gets her kicks ♪
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♪ The way she licks her lips ♪
40
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♪ That's how she gets her fix... ♪
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( Choking )
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Woman:
I love you, Bobby!
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Ford: I guess the poor
superstar son of a bitch
44
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wasn't that lucky after all, huh?
45
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,001
In the meantime,
I was miles away
46
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checking out a tip on the case
of the fanatic redheaded fan.
47
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And making my entrance
was unbelievable.
48
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( Shouting, clamoring )
49
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- ( Gasps )
- Ford: Whoa!
50
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Was my fly undone?
51
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,289
( Women gasping, exclaiming )
52
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,520
( Zipper unzips )
53
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,688
( Clicks )
54
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,563
Ford: I'm so "terrifical"
I even had my own toll-free number.
55
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,485
- ( Cranks )
- Ford: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.
56
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,086
Ford, I gotta ask you
to put that out, dude.
57
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,561
Nobody smokes anymore.
58
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,091
Thanks, man.
59
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,966
You son of a bitch.
60
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,327
Another satisfied customer.
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00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,006
Call me.
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00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:02,363
What goes for my sister
goes double for me.
63
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,206
Don't you remember?
The Jacuzzi? Laurel Canyon?
64
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,886
The Guns N' Roses video
wrap party?
65
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,610
Oh, yeah.
The twins.
66
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,889
But you're not, uh,
identical, huh?
67
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,366
( Chuckles )
68
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,682
Hey, look.
Write down my number.
69
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:21,162
- 555-6321.
- Thanks.
70
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,651
- Got it?
- Yeah, thanks.
71
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:26,367
Wait a minute.
555's not a real number.
72
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,522
They only use that
in the movies.
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00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,166
No shit, honey.
What do you think this is, real life?
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00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:32,606
( Laughs )
75
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,486
- Hey, it's Ford Fairlane.
- Easy money.
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00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,007
Together:
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
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00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,401
Guy couldn't find a handle
on a coffee cup.
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00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,289
And what are your names,
Neil and Bob?
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00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,851
Or is that, like,
what you do, huh?
80
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,923
- Yeah.
- You guys drivin' tonight?
81
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,081
- Together: Yeah.
- Yeah?
82
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,248
Why don't you take Mulholland?
You'll love the curves.
83
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,890
Now move.
84
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,650
Ford:
Thank God for Don Cleveland.
85
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,485
He was the best producer in the biz
and the only guy in the industry
86
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,722
I could talk to
without vomiting Day-Glo.
87
00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,967
( Sighs )
88
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,329
I hate that Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective
bullshit, you know?
89
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,562
I'm a professional crime-fighter.
90
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,366
I work for a living,
you know that.
91
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,931
Don:
What are you lookin' at?
92
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,641
Some redhead's been bothering that
girl group, you know, the Pussycats.
93
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,565
Been showin' up at their concerts,
saying he wants to rape and kill 'em.
94
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,484
And not in that order.
95
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,769
Hey, you're that guy.
The private eye.
96
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,367
You're a poet
and didn't know it. Oh!
97
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,602
So you heard
that Bobby Black OD'd,
98
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,091
- right?
- Yeah. So?
99
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,045
So, do you suspect
foul play and stuff?
100
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,564
I'll let you know when somebody
pays me to give a shit and stuff.
101
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,087
Well, my name is Melodi.
102
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,720
As in "A Pretty girl is like a..."
103
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Here's my phone number.
104
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Whatever you're doing
tomorrow...
105
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mwah... cancel.
106
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'Kay?
107
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,206
Don:
You got to shave
108
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,328
before you leave the house
in a dress like that.
109
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,569
And I don't mean your legs.
110
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,563
( Laughter )
111
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♪ Boy, whatcha gonna do? ♪
112
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Hey, hey, you better have that
Sambuca milk shake ready.
113
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,445
Here comes
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
114
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,761
Hey, Ford.
115
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,160
What's goin' on?
116
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Harry, shake me.
117
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Woman:
Yeah! Woo!
118
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I hope you like it, Ford.
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( Slurps )
120
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Precocious.
"Combustionable."
121
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Harry, not thick enough.
122
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But you're gettin' better.
123
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,926
So how's Mutt and Mutt, huh?
124
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,764
Whoo! Whoo!
125
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,241
- And who's your friend?
- Shh!
126
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,011
I'm just some guy
named Sam, asswipe.
127
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,448
Sam.
How cute.
128
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,965
Reminds me of that story.
129
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"Green Eggs and Ham."
130
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"Will you eat them in a box?
131
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,081
Will you eat them with a fox?"
132
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,242
Know the Pussycats?
133
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,243
Big Dr. Seuss fans.
134
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,562
- ( Laughs )
- Especially that lead singer.
135
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,371
What's her name?
Uh, I'm drawin' a fuckin' blank.
136
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( Stammering )
It's Josie.
137
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Boss.
138
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Wonder if this
could be our guy.
139
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,687
Deceitful bitches.
140
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Last dance,
141
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Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
142
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:32,090
You're 10 seconds away from the most
embarrassing moment of your life.
143
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,521
( Grunts )
144
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,364
( Yells )
145
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,841
Somethin' from our wine list?
146
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( Patrons gasping, screaming )
147
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Come on, Ford.
This shit's gettin' old, man.
148
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,445
( Glass breaking,
women screaming )
149
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,284
Excuse me a moment.
150
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,684
Ford:
So many assholes.
151
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,441
So few bullets.
152
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,725
( Women gasping,
screaming )
153
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,522
Clint Eastwood?
154
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,411
I fucked him. Oh!
155
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,042
( Snoring )
156
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,124
- ( Music alarm sounding )
- ( Gasps )
157
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,371
Oh, man.
158
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:51,927
Do my dishes!
159
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,367
♪ Excuse me
while I kiss the sky ♪
160
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:58,881
♪ Purple haze... ♪
161
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,644
Ford: As if my alarm clock
wasn't enough,
162
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,450
- it was time for my late afternoon...
- ( Ringing )
163
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,409
...wake-up call from Jazz.
164
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,925
Jazz was my assistant...
165
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,727
- ( Music shuts off )
- Ugh! Thank God!
166
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,160
- Oh, no!
- Hello?
167
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,685
Jazz on phone: Ford, it's me.
Do you know what time it is?
168
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,086
Jazz?
169
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,685
Ford: ...and the only woman
I treat with sensitivity.
170
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:16,961
Wonk, wonk, wonk.
171
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,406
You sound like
Charlie Brown's friggin' teacher.
172
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:19,971
Jazz: Why are you late?
Answer my question.
173
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,690
Why am I late?
I was up all night
174
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,241
eating Swedish meatballs.
Oh!
175
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,562
I'm just kiddin'.
I was doin' my job.
176
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,801
- All right?
- Jazz: That's a first.
177
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,166
All right.
I'll be in later.
178
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,288
- Jazz: Okay, but don't hang up on me,
because there's something...
179
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,642
- Where's my shoes?
- Hey, girls,
180
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,643
- what do you need over there?
- Come on.
181
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,121
Ford, we just needed
to be held!
182
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,766
You got the bonus plan.
183
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,888
( Music resumes )
184
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,641
♪ No ♪
185
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,529
♪ Help me ♪
186
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,126
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
187
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,647
Hey! Wait!
Please stop!
188
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,330
I'm coming!
189
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,965
( Snaps fingers )
190
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,610
Ow!
191
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,689
- What's goin' on, kid?
- Hey, Fairlane.
192
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,320
You gonna find out who killed
the lead singer of the Black Plague?
193
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,369
( Remote beeps )
194
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,164
Tell me, Dr. Watson...
195
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,800
- ( Whirring )
- ...what makes you so sure
196
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,645
he's just not another
piece-of-shit overdose?
197
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,201
- Gut feeling.
- Gut feeling, huh?
198
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,721
( Clicks )
199
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,086
See those chicks?
200
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,288
Girl Scouts.
Took two boxes.
201
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,688
Hey, get that
outta your mouth.
202
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,644
Don't you know
those things are killers?
203
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,684
Don't you go to school
or listen to Smokey the Bear
204
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,723
and all that kinda shit, huh?
205
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,645
- ( Remote beeps )
- ( Sam gasping )
206
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,167
( Sam panting )
207
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,721
You sick son of a bitch!
208
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,245
Have a Twinkie,
snapper-head.
209
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,405
Sam:
I can't breathe in here, Fairlane!
210
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,404
Hey, Fairlane. When are you gonna start
lettin' me work with you?
211
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:03,721
Why are you always
fuckin' with me?
212
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,325
Excuse me!
213
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,086
You say the f-word again,
I'll bang you right the fuck out.
214
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,164
Do you understand me?
Now get the fuck outta here.
215
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,845
- Sam: Fairlane?
- ( Sam pounding on trunk )
216
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,884
I've got something
serious to discuss.
217
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,283
Yeah, what is it?
Premature ejaculation? Oh!
218
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,681
You know, Ford,
219
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,804
sometimes you can be a real dick.
220
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,440
"Dick." "Fuck."
What kinda kid are you?
221
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,204
( Tires squealing )
222
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,567
Sam:
Fairlane!
223
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,731
Ford: My office was at the
Cross Roads Of The World.
224
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,362
The rent was high,
but it was worth it for those chicks.
225
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,808
Those big, fat chicks.
226
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,281
♪ The say "Ole Tone,
you know I love your stuff. ♪
227
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,683
♪ But no matter what,
niggas can't get enough." ♪
228
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,807
- Hey, my man, Slam.
- Yo, yo.
229
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,247
What's happenin'?
Cool, cool.
230
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,482
Why don't you guys take it
across the street to 7-Eleven?
231
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,682
I'm poppin'
a fuckin' brain vessel.
232
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,127
Well, well, if your
Big Gulp head producer clients
233
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,964
would dare
to show a little brilliance,
234
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,487
they would sign my ass up
on that Minie Ball tour
235
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,130
and I'd be touring
all around the world
236
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,487
and 1990 will be
a most glorious year.
237
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:20,971
You know what I'm sayin'?
238
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,804
Hey, look.
I'm only bullshittin'.
239
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,850
You know I dig the new stuff.
It's fuckin' phenomenal.
240
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,162
( Laughing )
241
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:30,966
( Coughs )
242
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,924
You know, some people
are claustrophobic, Fairlane.
243
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,485
I'm allergic, too, you know.
244
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,802
So don't make it out like
I'm some kind of weirdo.
245
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,923
Besides, you can't prove shit.
246
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,161
Shut up, huh?
247
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,481
Good morning.
248
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,291
She says,
as the clock struck 5:00.
249
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,841
Josie was hungry,
so I sent the Pussycats down for food.
250
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,570
You know,
they've been waiting muy long.
251
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,683
They're only a
double platinum band, Ford.
252
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,649
They haven't got anything
better to do, right?
253
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,849
All right.
Silence, Jazz, our tip paid off.
254
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,971
It's Sam the Sleazebag.
Sam the Sleazebag, Jazz.
255
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,964
- My assistant.
- Hey, Ford. A little late, huh?
256
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,361
( Gasping )
257
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,960
I love you all.
258
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,491
That's him.
259
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,325
That's the bastard who flashed us
at the Amphitheatre.
260
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,484
You bitches have no proof.
261
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,721
- ( Grunts )
- Get out!
262
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,843
I think I could identify it.
263
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,082
It looked like a dick,
only smaller.
264
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,641
- ( Laughing )
- All right, Sam.
265
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,410
We're gonna let you go, okay?
266
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,643
- We just gotta keep the evidence.
- All: What?
267
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,041
( Bell tolling )
268
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,851
( Distant rap music playing )
269
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,048
Now, you pay.
270
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,611
It's called "citizen's castration."
271
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:42,886
- ( Scissors snip )
- All: Oh!
272
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,771
Next time it'll be for real.
273
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,321
Ah!
274
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:49,720
( Crash )
275
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,804
You stupid
Sal's-Pizza-garlic-breath-smellin'
276
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,121
motherfucker.
277
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,602
Today is the last day
of the rest of your life.
278
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,366
( Screaming )
279
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,366
Take this, Ford, as payment
for a job well done.
280
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,601
It's solid gold.
281
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,087
And it'll make sure you're not late
for your other clients.
282
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,480
No, money's fine, really.
283
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,883
- Bye, Ford.
- You're our hero.
284
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,246
( Laughing )
285
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,209
"Bye, Ford."
286
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,726
Let me cheer you up, Ford.
287
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,565
I've got the INXS payment.
288
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,291
Oops. There you go.
G'day.
289
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,090
They say it's worth three grand.
290
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,611
( Koala muttering )
291
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,570
Fuckin' Australians.
I hate that country.
292
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,484
You know, that continent,
whatever the hell it is.
293
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,041
- Don't we do nuclear testing there?
- ( Koala muttering )
294
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,441
What is that?
Some kind of giant mouse?
295
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,489
Down. Down and eat.
Good.
296
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,483
Milli Vanilli paid us off
297
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:48,406
in bicycle shorts
and hair extensions.
298
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,244
Very scary.
299
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,085
( Cranks )
Rock stars.
300
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,810
I'm goin' outta my mind
dealin' with rock stars.
301
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,440
I-I don't make money,
I make gifts!
302
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:01,201
I mean, how am I supposed to pay taxes
with bathtub compact disc players
303
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,442
and autographed drumsticks,
you know what I'm sayin'?
304
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,763
I need cash, moola, wampum.
Dead presidents.
305
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,764
Michael Jackson, Gerald Ford.
306
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,649
You know, I think it's all
coming together for me now.
307
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,529
- You need money.
- Come on, Jazz.
308
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,523
I got my balls in a bunch.
309
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,490
Your karate class costs money.
Cavities cost money.
310
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,927
"Propaphylactics" cost money.
311
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,201
You know what I'm gonna do?
312
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,930
I'm gonna take
that damn food processor
313
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,811
that Neil Diamond gave me,
I'm gonna make koala burgers, right...
314
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,002
- ( Koala muttering )
- ...with koala chips and koala dip.
315
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,481
- That's what I think.
- You're breakin' my heart, Ford.
316
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:32,721
( Cranks )
317
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,850
Look. I think
that we've got a case
318
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,686
if we can make it through
this cavalcade of bimbos.
319
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,128
Bimbo: Hi, Ford.
It's Monica.
320
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,681
Remember me?
I'm walking again.
321
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,444
- Call me.
- ( Click )
322
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,840
That's bimbo number one.
323
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,048
Hey, cut the play-by-play,
all right?
324
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:55,330
Man: Hi, is this Chevy Nova?
Is this the car I wanna speak to?
325
00:16:55,480 --> 00:17:00,088
Johnny Crunch here, KDRT.
You know, K-DIRT, you schmuck?
326
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,244
You know, I'm the guy
who had sex with your prom date
327
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,448
the very night before the prom.
328
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,763
And then I became
the hottest deejay in the West.
329
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,803
Well, I got a case for you.
330
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,689
Now, I don't want you
to come here and say,
331
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,247
"Well, what is it,
a leather case or a vinyl case?"
332
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,129
No. It's a case to solve.
333
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,681
Come down to the station,
uh, about 6:00.
334
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,046
Make it 6:00.
335
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,885
Johnny Teitelbaum,
calling himself Johnny Crunch.
336
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,849
Knock me out, huh?
337
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,241
You know,
we grew up together in Brooklyn.
338
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,966
We came out here
to become rock stars.
339
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,566
He's lying about
the prom date thing, of course.
340
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,245
I hope he is.
I took his sister.
341
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,248
So you're friends with the most
obnoxious asshole on the airwaves?
342
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,210
The king of the shock jocks?
343
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,522
- I'm shocked.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.
344
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,570
He wants to see me at 6:00.
What time is it?
345
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,961
Take this.
I think you might need it.
346
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,451
( Telephone ringing )
347
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,365
- Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
- ( Feedback )
348
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,443
- ( Beeping )
- That's for me.
349
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,967
Radio contests?
Really, Ford.
350
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,009
How tacky.
351
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,810
So, what are you gonna do
about this watch?
352
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,327
Keep it.
It's your paycheck this month.
353
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,807
That's nice.
What about last month?
354
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,407
Come here.
Come here.
355
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,641
Come here.
I wanna tell you somethin'.
356
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,882
- What?
- Come here.
357
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,766
Huh?
358
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,048
( Laughs )
Huh?
359
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,890
Unbelievable.
360
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,244
Ford: When Johnny and I
broke up our band,
361
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,970
we drifted apart.
362
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,929
He started hangin' out
with all those
363
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,241
rock star hair-head types.
364
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,528
You know what I'm sayin',
like that late Bobby Black?
365
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,210
And when they needed money
to get high,
366
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,840
they would do those
Rock Against Drug commercials.
367
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,126
You see what I'm sayin' to you?
368
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,964
That's what I'm sayin'.
What am I sayin'?
369
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,531
I don't know.
370
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,930
Hey, Pixie.
371
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,206
I'm here to see Johnny Crunch.
372
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,880
Lucky you.
Arnie.
373
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,006
( Grunting )
374
00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,721
Mr. Crunch has a lot of fans
who hate his guts.
375
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,888
Oh, Arnie.
Sometimes when we touch,
376
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,208
- the honesty's too much!
- ( Grunts )
377
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,207
Sorry.
378
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,328
Okay, it's Johnny Crunch here.
379
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,802
And as always, if we call you
and you answer the phone by saying,
380
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,521
"Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT,"
you could win a cool million.
381
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,769
At K-DIRT, we play the kinda music
that your mother hates.
382
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,129
And I know that because right now,
she's naked under the desk
383
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,248
- swallowing my microphone.
- ( Record needle scratches )
384
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,802
She likes that.
Oops. I broke it accidentally.
385
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,122
But, seriously,
I make jokes about your mothers,
386
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,203
but I know that they're just
pathetic sluts
387
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,802
who have no lives
and have sex with midgets.
388
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,691
( Music playing )
389
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,524
Johnny Teitelbaum.
390
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,207
Gettin' paid to be the asshole
you always were, huh?
391
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:54,045
Suzuki Samurai.
392
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,249
You Bensonhurst
piece of shit.
393
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,801
Here we are
still in Los Angeles,
394
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,564
two rock 'n' roll dicks.
395
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,082
Only you're the detective
and I'm just a regular dick.
396
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,767
It was nice hearin' from you
after you hit it big, you rat bastard.
397
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,445
I guess your arms
were amputated
398
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,041
and you couldn't
pick up a phone.
399
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,326
But this is not a social call.
400
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,727
Here, take a look at that.
401
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,808
Yeah. Real nice.
So?
402
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,644
She's my daughter.
403
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:30,401
She... she calls herself
Zuzu Petals.
404
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,891
It's the sickest thing.
405
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,401
You see, years ago,
I was in Jersey.
406
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,848
I meet this girl.
She's a total pig, but I fucked her.
407
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,162
Yeah, I heard
you started dating.
408
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,006
Well, she gets pregnant,
she has the kid,
409
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,561
the kid grows up,
moves out here.
410
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,046
And, you know, typical story.
411
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,283
She's screwing
with all the rock stars, takin' drugs.
412
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,445
And, uh, I lost track of her.
Now I want her back.
413
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,571
'Cause she's my daughter,
my pride and joy.
414
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,486
I don't take cases with foundations
in bullshit, Johnny.
415
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,769
- They're hard to walk around in.
- Okay, you found me out.
416
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,288
- Level with me, Johnny.
- All right. She's my sister.
417
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,886
She's my daughter.
She's my sister and my daughter.
418
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,447
Look at the picture
and find her
419
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,204
and bring her back to me.
420
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,648
I've been told that it might be hard
to pay your rent
421
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,446
with gold records
and koala bears.
422
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,250
Okay?
423
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,404
Maybe this'll make it
a little more attractive to you.
424
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,404
$4,000.
425
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,608
Zuzu Petals, huh?
426
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,683
Zuzu Petals.
427
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,330
So, I hope you...
428
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,246
Nah, I know you're gonna find her
'cause you're the best.
429
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,483
Guys like you,
you do grow on trees.
430
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,485
You're okay, Johnny.
431
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,802
Here's to you.
432
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,526
Together:
Suckin' my dick!
433
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,001
( Laughing )
434
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,123
Now, let me get outta here.
435
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,486
No dessert until
after you finish your dinner.
436
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,160
Money, money, money,
money, money, money...
437
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,970
( Gibbering )
438
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,690
How hard could it be to nail down
one teenage blonde groupie in LA?
439
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,525
Johnny on radio: If there's
any teenage virgins in the audience,
440
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,843
show up with a jar
of petroleum jelly right now
441
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,002
and ask to speak
to Johnny Crunch.
442
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,601
I never even liked the bastard.
443
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,926
2,000 private investigators
in Los Angeles.
444
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,526
So why did I pick
the music industry?
445
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,966
Well...
446
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,011
it made sense to specialize.
447
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,243
I could've been anything.
I could've been a fisherman.
448
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,370
Fishermen,
they get up in the morning.
449
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,767
They fish.
They sell fish.
450
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,126
They smell fish.
451
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,011
Reminds me of this girl
I used to go with, Yvonne.
452
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,561
She smelled like fish.
453
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:05,721
- ( Gunshot on radio )
- Johnny on radio: Oh, my God!
454
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,166
Someone shot my engineer.
455
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:08,885
Hey! Hey!
456
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,202
Let... let go of the mike!
What are you do...
457
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:13,931
Hey! Someone call the cops!
458
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,565
- Help me!
- ( Tires squealing )
459
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,371
What are you... let go of me!
Let me go!
460
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,010
( Tires squealing )
461
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,243
- ( Indistinct yelling on radio )
- ( Horns honking )
462
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,447
Johnny on radio:
Let me go!
463
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,080
Ah, these LA drivers, man.
464
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,890
How'd they get their license?
465
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,725
- Johnny on radio: Help!
- ( Tires squealing )
466
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,321
- ( Horn honks )
- ( Tires squealing )
467
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,084
( Tires screeching )
468
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,890
Johnny on radio:
I'm being electrocuted!
469
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,520
- ( Electrical surging )
- I'm being... help me!
470
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,921
It hurts!
Ah, it hurts!
471
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,764
Call the cops.
Johnny's being electrocuted!
472
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,321
Pixie: Oh, please.
He's just doing one of his stupid jokes.
473
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,608
Oh, fuckin' shit, my Christ!
474
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,685
Hey! He can't say, "Oh, fuckin' shit,
my Christ" over the air.
475
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,604
Hey, Arnie.
Your fly.
476
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,285
Johnny: Those are hot!
They're hot!
477
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,966
Please! Please!
I'm being electrocuted!
478
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,088
No! No! Ah!
479
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,004
( Yelling )
480
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,081
Johnny!
481
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,450
Officer: Let's get
another angle on this one.
482
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,165
( Police radio chatter )
483
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,487
Ford: It was dead air
for the deejay.
484
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:22,880
( Camera clicking )
485
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,644
Friend of yours?
486
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,961
Yeah.
487
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,565
And my client.
488
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,969
I could cry.
489
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,004
It's all right to cry, Ford.
Crying's good.
490
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,130
Ah, shit.
491
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,481
How'd Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective
boogie his way in here?
492
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,011
Anybody?
493
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,482
Ah, he discovered the bodies, sir.
Lieutenant Amos, sir.
494
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,160
Oh, Fairlane, please confess.
495
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,687
I'll do the execution myself.
496
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,128
Nice tie, Lieutenant "Anus," sir.
497
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,368
Are you calling me
an asshole, asshole?
498
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,046
I'm callin' you an anus, Anus.
But if you prefer...
499
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,808
You think you're so hot
'cause you get in all the clubs, huh?
500
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,201
Just because you have sex
with great-lookin' women?
501
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:22,850
You think you're so hot
just 'cause you broke
502
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,042
the Ensenada tape piracy ring?
503
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,043
You gotta admit
those are all pretty good reasons.
504
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,521
Get the fuck outta here,
jerk-off.
505
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,364
Jerk-off?
506
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,126
You're a jerk-off.
That's what I think of you.
507
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,409
No, that's what I call you
because you are a jerk-off.
508
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:40,521
Jerk-off.
509
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,848
Get the fuck outta here.
510
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,968
Ford:
I did every shit job in the biz
511
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,804
before I became a superhero.
512
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,724
Roadie, publicist,
513
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,043
Jimmy Osmond's bodyguard
and personal secretary.
514
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,043
Hey, I may bitch about my job,
515
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,368
but a great clue
can really take a nothing day
516
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,965
and make it seem worthwhile.
517
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,561
"Art Mooney."
518
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,564
This case is getting closed!
519
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,009
Amos:
Ford.
520
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,162
What are you runnin' from?
521
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,401
You told me
to get the fuck outta here.
522
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,245
Oh, if you're
hiding something, oh, oh,
523
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,004
I'll have so much fun.
524
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,969
Anus, what's the bug
up your ass, huh?
525
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:23,201
Why do you hate me so much?
526
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,328
Why do I hate you?
I'll give you a fuckin' hint.
527
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,091
Two words.
Disco Express.
528
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,083
Disco Express?
( Scoffs )
529
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,765
Are you dealin' in beads or what?
530
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,208
I mean, that group blew dog,
you know what I'm sayin'?
531
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,290
Hey, Anus.
They had that, uh, that...
532
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,842
that single, that real shitty single
they wanted me to push
533
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,401
- during my publicist days.
- "Booty Time."
534
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,210
Yeah, "Booty Time"
with that lead singer,
535
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,762
the, uh, white Van McCoy look-alike
with the six-inch platform shoes.
536
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,042
You know, the... you know,
he looked like, uh...
537
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,123
- Like me.
- Yeah.
538
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,760
I was gonna say
it looked like shit, but...
539
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,081
it looked like you.
540
00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,480
( Disco music playing )
541
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,444
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
542
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:02,801
♪ Across the USA ♪
543
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,122
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
544
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:06,884
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
545
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,963
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
546
00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:10,485
♪ Across the USA ♪
547
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,404
♪ It's booty time, booty time ♪
548
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,484
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
549
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,880
Unbelievable.
550
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,771
I didn't think anything could
cheer me up tonight, Lieutenant,
551
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,729
but that brilliant performance...
552
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,006
( Laughs )
553
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,804
Jerk-off.
554
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,440
"Booty time."
Boot my balls.
555
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,850
Ford: I can't believe
he won't be alive to piss me off.
556
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,491
( Sighs )
557
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,209
Here's to you, Johnny.
558
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,287
Ouch.
559
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,727
Hey, you.
Get off my cloud.
560
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,166
Really.
561
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,884
I'm hangin' out
with my best friend.
562
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,884
1962 Fender Stratocaster.
563
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,407
Original pickups, maple neck,
564
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,201
strung upside down for
a left-handed motherfuckin' genius.
565
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,289
- Jimi Hendrix.
- Who cares, man?
566
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:41,487
I got a case.
567
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,881
Yeah, what?
A 12-pack?
568
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,042
This ain't no social call, man.
569
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,481
A hundred bucks
to find my dad.
570
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,725
What? What, did he just say
what I think he said?
571
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,245
Man, don't worry.
I got a clue.
572
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,925
See this ring on my finger?
573
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:57,764
Well, before my old lady
ran off to Baja,
574
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,247
she told me that my dad
had this exact same ring.
575
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,085
- Man's voice: Yabba-dabba doo!
- Holy Colonel Mustard.
576
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,846
Jeepers, you didn't mention
the big clue.
577
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,162
Come on.
I can't take your money.
578
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,085
You need it.
579
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,607
I don't need it that bad.
580
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,524
( Knocking on door )
581
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,049
I can't believe I took the money.
582
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:32,841
Ford Fairlane?
583
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,280
Yeah.
584
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,409
I'm Colleen Sutton.
585
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,688
I need your help.
586
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,609
I have a problem
587
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,121
and it pertains
to the music industry.
588
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,726
What is it they call you?
589
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,928
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective?
590
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,445
Please, save it.
591
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:51,971
It's too early.
592
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,928
You just, uh,
make yourself comfortable.
593
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,082
- Some juice?
- Please.
594
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,323
Sorry about the glass,
595
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,245
the house, and my breath.
596
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,402
Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich.
597
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,130
The kind of rich
that warps minds.
598
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,725
Nothing offends me.
599
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,570
When I was 11,
I walked in on my father
600
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,485
and the Shetland pony he gave me
for my 10th birthday.
601
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,331
- Does that excite you?
- I don't know. I never met your father.
602
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,641
( Laughs )
603
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,926
Oh, that.
Don't take it personal.
604
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,447
He normally gets up
a half hour before I do.
605
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,682
You know what I'm sayin'?
Come on, down, boy.
606
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,444
Down, Stanley.
607
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,443
Roseanne Barr naked.
608
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,602
- Gone.
- ( Purring )
609
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,442
- Stanley?
- Yeah. Stanley.
610
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,285
You know.
Like the power drill?
611
00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:59,125
I had to ask.
612
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,283
So tell me,
who's your decorator?
613
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,171
Ah, some fag.
Charged me up the ass, you know?
614
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,527
Fag? Ass?
615
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,409
I'm sorry, is that a joke?
616
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:10,721
Yeah, in poor taste.
617
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,645
Hey, personally, I got nothin'
against homosexuals, you know?
618
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,009
I even got one of these friends,
one of these, uh, "transtesticles."
619
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:18,207
( Chuckles )
620
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,968
Trans... testicle?
621
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,690
I don't have
a sense of humor either.
622
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,286
- Sorry.
- No shit.
623
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,522
( Jimi Hendrix music blaring )
624
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,728
♪ Help me, help... ♪
625
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,370
( Shuts off )
626
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,008
Well, now that we've
broken the ice...
627
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,404
I need you to find
my little sister.
628
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,485
- She goes by the name of Zuzu Petals.
- Petals. Yeah, I know.
629
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,325
You want me to get her back
because you don't want her to become
630
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,007
the biggest sleazebag slut
on the Sunset Strip,
631
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,162
'cause she's your pride and joy.
632
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:56,890
How did you know?
633
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,524
Here.
Take this picture.
634
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,682
Uh, no, thanks.
635
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,765
- I got my own.
- Excuse me?
636
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,844
Let's see.
You're her worried sister, right?
637
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,207
Yesterday,
I met a worried father,
638
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,522
who, by the way,
is about five years younger than you.
639
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,648
Then I capped off the evening
by watching this guy
640
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,167
go up like a pack
of firecrackers.
641
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,325
They write about cases like this
in the private eye handbook, honey.
642
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,051
Somethin' about a 10-foot pole.
643
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,603
5,000 should satisfy any qualms
you might have about my family tree.
644
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,962
Yeah, but for now
I only get a 20, right?
645
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,282
Actually, you may take it all now.
646
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,565
Is that real money?
647
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,571
I got some questions.
648
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,290
I have no answers.
649
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:50,451
Thanks for the stain.
650
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,931
Find the girl.
651
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,322
You know,
speaking of stains...
652
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,327
I was just discussing bleaches
with my good friend Art Mooney.
653
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,767
Who?
654
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,726
( Music playing )
655
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,968
Zuzu Petals.
656
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,202
Never seen her before.
657
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,931
And as for who would
wanna kill Johnny Crunch,
658
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,526
the line forms to the left.
659
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,529
I can tell you
that he moved onto a sailboat
660
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,047
at the Delta Marina last week.
661
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,407
Thanks.
662
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,689
- Hey, great pipes, huh?
- ( All laughing )
663
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,764
I've heard cats fuck
with more harmony than this kid.
664
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,207
Tell me about it.
The name's Kyle Troy.
665
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,284
What's with this
freak of fuckin' nature?
666
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:42,365
I mean, how does Grendel Records
sign such a wick-prick, huh?
667
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,330
But then again,
Julie Grendel thinks Jethro Tull's
668
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,686
one of the Beverly Hillbillies.
669
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,604
( Laughs )
670
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,282
My mother always said that...
671
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,807
if you can't say anything
nice about someone,
672
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:02,281
make sure they're
out of the goddamn room.
673
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:06,971
( Chuckles )
674
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,646
Hello, Ford.
675
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,211
I'm Julian Grendel.
676
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,369
Julie Grendel.
Right. Right.
677
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,363
Hey, I'm sorry.
678
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,361
Do you realize
we're gonna have to...
679
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,171
ship this "wick-prick" platinum
680
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,765
just so the teenage girls
681
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,930
will have a compact disc cover
to get wet with.
682
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,970
Come on, you gotta know
better than anybody that, uh,
683
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,088
there's a lot more
to the music industry
684
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:37,481
than actual music.
685
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,404
You just have to learn
to tune it out.
686
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,325
I recommend
Stravinsky and Wagner.
687
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,209
I recommend
Smith and Wesson.
688
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,926
I'm sorry to hear
about Bobby Black.
689
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,242
Terrible thing.
690
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,283
But a great career move.
691
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,809
His records are really
climbing the charts.
692
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,849
I just gotta make sure that, uh,
693
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,766
this Kyle Troy,
is that his name?
694
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,969
Anyway, this Kyle Troy person
is the next...
695
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,686
big thing.
696
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,362
And I was just discussing this whole
Troy thing with my old buddy, uh,
697
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,841
Art Mooney.
You know him?
698
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:21,201
Nope.
699
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,325
No, huh?
700
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,365
Don: What is this asshole
smilin' about?
701
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,050
Sorry, uh, Ford,
702
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,363
I couldn't help you
with your case.
703
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,126
Ford? Ford?
704
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,049
Hey, Pavarotti.
705
00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:40,924
- Hey, what's the hassle?
- Hassle?
706
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,730
Wha-what is this,
I'm gonna be...
707
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,882
Wha-what is that shit, huh?
708
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,481
I could crack my knuckles
with more rhythm than that.
709
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,484
I mean, you're killin'
rockin' 'n' rapin' roll, man.
710
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,484
I mean, Keith Richards
is rolling over in his grave.
711
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,563
The friggin' guy
isn't even dead yet.
712
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,324
- You're tearin' me apart.
- Hey.
713
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,006
Hey. No, no, no.
Rest your lips.
714
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,242
Put down the earmuffs.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
715
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,801
Good, good.
Rock 'n' roll.
716
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:06,166
You know what rock 'n' roll is?
717
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,685
- What's Ford doin', man?
- Come on, man.
718
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,969
Guys, uh,
work with me, huh?
719
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,891
( Snapping )
720
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,286
♪ I got a '65 Cadillac ♪
721
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,841
♪ Spare tire on my back ♪
722
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,367
♪ Charge card to Goldblatt's ♪
723
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,205
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
724
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,408
♪ I've got women
to the right of me ♪
725
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,881
♪ Got women to the left of me ♪
726
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,447
♪ I've got chicks all around me ♪
727
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,251
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
728
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,528
♪ I've got a tab
at the liquor store ♪
729
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,047
♪ I hit the number 4-4-4 ♪
730
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,362
♪ I got a mojo,
don't you know? ♪
731
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,126
♪ I'm all dressed up
and no place to go ♪
732
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,567
- ♪ I've got women to the left of me ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
733
00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:52,200
- ♪ I've got women to the right of me ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
734
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,886
- ♪ I've got chicks all around me ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
735
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,281
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
736
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,561
♪ No, I ain't got you ♪
737
00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,165
♪ Wow ♪
738
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,561
- ♪ I've got a closet full of clothes ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
739
00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:19,927
- ♪ And no matter when it goes ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
740
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,686
- ♪ I got a ring in my nose ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
741
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,360
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
742
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,090
- ♪ But I ain't got you ♪
- ♪ But I ain't got you ♪
743
00:37:27,240 --> 00:37:30,403
♪ Yeah, I ain't got you ♪
744
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,602
- ♪ No, I ain't got you ♪
- ♪ No, I ain't got you. ♪
745
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,684
( Cheering )
746
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,842
Kid...
747
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,764
now that's rock 'n' roll, huh?
748
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,682
Ford:
I coulda been a rock star,
749
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,764
if only I wasn't banned from MTV.
750
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,126
Hey, it's a long story.
751
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,282
Unfortunately,
I can only do that one song.
752
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,521
( Ford chuckles )
753
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,682
Well, I can also do a mean
"Puff the Magic Dragon,"
754
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,285
but only in the nude.
755
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,488
It's a longer story. Oh!
756
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,642
You guys a band?
757
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,047
Sure.
( Laughs )
758
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,931
- Got a name?
- Yeah. Pain.
759
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:08,730
( Laughs )
760
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:10,882
Pain.
( Chuckles )
761
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:12,690
Kooky.
762
00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:17,960
Ford:
When Don Cleveland told me
763
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,248
Johnny had a boat
on the Delta Marina,
764
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,408
I forgot to ask the name of it.
765
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,370
I had a feeling Johnny
had been hiding from someone.
766
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,363
So the name of the boat
was gonna be something
767
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,488
different from his personality.
768
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,487
Well, maybe not.
769
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,084
Johnny was the only guy
who could out disgust me.
770
00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:01,130
When we were kids,
we'd have gross-out contests.
771
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,851
I'd cough up a pile of phlegm
on a table.
772
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:08,005
He'd say, "Nice try"
and then pull out a straw.
773
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,561
- Ouch!
- ( Toy squeaks )
774
00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,404
( Music playing )
♪ Hey, baby... ♪
775
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,722
( Squeaks )
776
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,530
♪ "Love Boat" ♪
777
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,365
♪ Takin' another run... ♪
778
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,564
Ford:
The dumb bastard got involved
779
00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:26,371
with something or someone
he shouldn't have.
780
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,325
"Collie and me."
781
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,209
Ford:
I'm a big Lassie fan,
782
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,328
so I figured I'd take a break.
783
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,409
I hope it's the one where... yow!
784
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,767
I'm a... I'm a... I'm a pit bull!
I'm a pit bull.
785
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,129
I'm a bad pit bull.
Where's my Queen Colleen?
786
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:49,810
( Panting )
787
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,162
Queen Collie's here.
788
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,243
What is this,
the Rob Lowe channel?
789
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:00,609
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, what a cute little doggie.
790
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,560
"I'm very rich.
Nothing offends me."
791
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,609
Come on. Nothing?
No shit, honey.
792
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:10,407
You got a whip stickin' out of your ass
and a guy that's fuckin' barkin'.
793
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,562
Bad dog. Bad dog.
Down. Down.
794
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:13,921
Sit.
795
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:18,525
( Sighs )
796
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,410
Ford: Why was Colleen
so interested in Johnny?
797
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,769
Maybe they had
the same tastes in antiques.
798
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:46,681
Hello, hello.
799
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:54,930
( Laughs )
800
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,443
You're 10 seconds from the most
embarrassing moment
801
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,642
of your fuckin' life.
802
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,880
( Chuckles maniacally )
803
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,490
Fuck!
804
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,291
Ah!
805
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,727
- Ah!
- ( Maniacal chuckle )
806
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,926
( Grunting )
807
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,289
Ford: I felt like I'd just played
water polo in a urine tank.
808
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,283
Who was that smiling
snapper-head?
809
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,010
Why was he tryin' to scare me
off the case?
810
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:02,645
And who's he workin' for?
811
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,689
More important,
I got a school of guppies
812
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,285
caught in my underwear
right now.
813
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,044
Nobody believes me.
814
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,490
( Rings )
815
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,445
- Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
- Yeah, Jazz.
816
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:17,523
- What's goin' on?
- Bimbos and bill collectors.
817
00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,882
- You?
- Uh, took a late-night swim.
818
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,042
- You know what I'm sayin'?
- Uh-huh, how refreshing.
819
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,441
Look, I got some party
I want you to come to tomorrow.
820
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,130
It could be interesting.
821
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,489
It's, uh, at Colleen Sutton's
Bel Air estate.
822
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,881
So dress nice, okay, honey?
823
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,008
- Okay.
- Love you, baby.
824
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:41,441
( Music playing )
825
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,251
♪ House that rings
with joy and laughter... ♪
826
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,765
Oh, man,
do I hate the rich.
827
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,005
Robin Leach?
828
00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,491
I fucked him.
829
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:00,761
Oh!
830
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,321
♪ Give me the simple life... ♪
831
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:04,970
Colleen:
So you want off the case?
832
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:06,610
Not quite.
833
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,525
I've got a code, Queen Collie.
834
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,366
I never, ever drop a case.
835
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,000
Besides, I used all your money
to pay my bills,
836
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,766
so I sort of owe you.
837
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:20,763
I don't need money.
838
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,809
What I need
are questions answered.
839
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,644
Question number one.
840
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,886
Can I have some money?
841
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,048
I'm only kiddin'.
842
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,328
Hey, look.
843
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,051
Johnny Crunch
was a good friend of mine.
844
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:37,804
He didn't bark like a dog for me,
845
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:39,564
however...
846
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,489
I wanna know
why he had to die.
847
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,045
Look.
848
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,804
No one told you
to solve a murder.
849
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,803
Just find a girl.
850
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,566
Excuse me a moment... honey.
851
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:13,122
Jazz, I told you to dress nice,
not nice.
852
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,408
I mean, uh,
what'd you think this was, a date?
853
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,242
All right, look, sweetheart.
854
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:20,481
You look beautiful.
855
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:22,881
Afterwards, I'll take you out,
throw a burger down your throat...
856
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,089
- We'll have a great time.
- You're truly a man among men.
857
00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:27,844
- What do you want from me?
- Look.
858
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,765
This Colleen Sutton chick
I was just rappin' with?
859
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,287
She's full of surprises
and full of shit, okay?
860
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,960
I want you to secretly
keep tabs on her for me.
861
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:37,451
All right. Good.
862
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,444
Hey, wait.
"Hors d'vors."
863
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,011
Snapper-head.
864
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,204
Hey, food boy.
Where the hell are you goin'?
865
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,845
♪ Some like that high road,
I like the low road ♪
866
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,761
♪ Free from the care and strife ♪
867
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,281
♪ Sounds corny and seedy ♪
868
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,169
♪ But, yes, in deedy ♪
869
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:02,403
♪ Give me the simple life... ♪
870
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,211
( Gasping )
871
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:11,521
Stop following me!
872
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,011
Excuse me, I was...
873
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,161
Give it up, girl.
874
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:15,731
Just take this.
875
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,360
I can't afford
to have it right now.
876
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,685
( Gasps )
Whoa!
877
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,251
( Giggles )
878
00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:28,722
( Fly buzzing )
879
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,006
( Gags )
880
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,004
Well, hello, Ford.
881
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,684
- I'm hip.
- ( Moans )
882
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,201
Well, I must say,
you're an island of reality
883
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,169
in an ocean of diarrhea.
884
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,842
( Gulps )
885
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,809
And it's good
to see you, too, Julie.
886
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,803
Say hello to my assistant, Jazz.
887
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:05,325
Hi.
888
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,922
Ford, I think that somebody's
trying to rip my company off.
889
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,805
I've tried the yellow pages.
890
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:18,081
Now I think it's your turn.
891
00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,288
- ( Bell ringing )
- Shark is served.
892
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:24,525
( Guests laughing )
893
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:26,284
I guess now is a bad time
to discuss it.
894
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:29,922
I'm such a big fan of shark meat.
895
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,491
So nice to meet you.
896
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,206
( Garbled speech )
Nice to meet you.
897
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:35,691
See you.
898
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,167
Come on, Ford.
899
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:42,845
Your shark steak, sir?
900
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,171
What are you looking...
901
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:47,850
what's the matter with you?
902
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,287
Hey, Jazz, what, do you
got your panties in a bunch?
903
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:51,680
- What's goin' on?
- Just shut up
904
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,251
and look down
the back of my dress.
905
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:54,561
Whoa.
906
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:57,564
This party's pickin' up.
907
00:46:57,720 --> 00:46:59,927
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
908
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:04,371
Where'd you get this?
909
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,807
It's a gift from
the ice queen, Colleen.
910
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,201
And it's not even my birthday.
911
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,523
I wouldn't trust that babe
as far as I could bowl her.
912
00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:15,087
I found out
she'd been nailin' Johnny.
913
00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:17,527
Don't even ask about Zuzu Petals.
914
00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:22,366
( Beeping )
915
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,761
"Play that funky music,
white boy."
916
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,684
It's a computer disc.
917
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,410
Let me check it out.
918
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,722
I knew Colleen
had something up her sleeve.
919
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,443
You did good.
920
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,410
Why don't you make eye contact
when you say that?
921
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:38,800
I can't.
That dress.
922
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,206
I mean, why don't we just, um...
923
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:41,964
Celebrate?
924
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,964
Like when we solved the Case
of the Bad White Bluesman?
925
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:46,929
- Forget that, man.
- Jazz...
926
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:48,809
Come here.
927
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,290
( Clears throat )
928
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,091
Maybe I should be thankful
that was a foodless kiss.
929
00:47:58,240 --> 00:48:00,686
Hey, look. We had such
a great weekend, you know.
930
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:02,604
You had a good time,
I had a good time...
931
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,684
Okay. Well, why don't you just stop
before you make some
932
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:09,447
crude reference to Stanley?
933
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,443
Hey, Stanley had a good time,
too, you know?
934
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,410
Yeah?
Well, that weekend was a mistake.
935
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:18,167
Hey, look. I'm sorry that I made you
clean the toilets and the bathtubs.
936
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,209
I mean, who did
all the work in bed?
937
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:21,646
( Gasps )
938
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,040
Oh.
939
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,521
- Oh, come... Jazz!
- ( Groans )
940
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,648
What'd I say?
Come on.
941
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,161
Chicks.
942
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,209
Ford:
Some people play hard to get.
943
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,567
I play hard to want.
944
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,808
I'd always loved Jazz,
945
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,327
'cause she despised me
for who I truly am.
946
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,171
It's like that time we were at her
parents' wedding anniversary
947
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:43,651
and I told that joke,
948
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,723
"What's the definition of vagina?"
949
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,646
"The box a penis comes in." Oh!
950
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,084
I was stuck with a case
where Zuzu Petals and Art Mooney
951
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,966
were battling out for the
"Lamest Clue of My Career" award.
952
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,364
It's just me and you
tonight, honey.
953
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,329
( Muttering )
954
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,130
What are you doin'?
955
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:07,611
Look at the mess
you're makin', huh?
956
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,000
Who's gonna clean that up?
957
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:10,491
( Muttering )
958
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,247
( Intro music plays on TV )
959
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,164
Hi, I'm Kurt Loder
and this is MTV News.
960
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,687
Police now say that
Black Plague singer Bobby Black
961
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,810
was not the victim of a drug overdose
as it was at first suspected.
962
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:26,169
Police say they have no suspects yet
and they're asking all Black Plague fans
963
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,561
not to show up at the funeral tonight,
which, by the way,
964
00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:31,200
will be held at the Hollywood Cemetery
at midnight.
965
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,483
Right now, as a tribute,
here's the last video by Bobby Black.
966
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,369
( Rock music playing )
967
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:41,689
♪ I said dance ♪
968
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:43,649
♪ I said prance ♪
969
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:47,566
♪ Sleazing in like a monkey ♪
970
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:49,290
♪ That's cool ♪
971
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,522
♪ I say it's gross ♪
972
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,206
♪ Honey so damn f-funky ♪
973
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:56,886
♪ Dance to the rhythm ♪
974
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:58,883
♪ Jungle music rhythm ♪
975
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,884
♪ - So primal... ♪
- Would you look at that.
976
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:06,045
♪ Don't give up, no ♪
977
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,682
♪ No, she don't give a shit... ♪
978
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,728
( Cheering )
979
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:20,041
Ford: So Zuzu Petals
was a groupie of Bobby Black's.
980
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:23,687
What did Bobby's friends
Johnny and Colleen want from her?
981
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,127
I'd hoped to find out
at Bobby's funeral,
982
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:30,080
'cause this case
was getting closed.
983
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:36,962
All right.
That's 100 each.
984
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,690
Come on.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
985
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,366
We got four tickets tonight.
All right, get in there.
986
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:44,930
Got those Plague invites here.
987
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,809
( Engine revving )
988
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,450
Scalpin' at a funeral.
989
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:50,967
- You're a pretty sleazy guy.
- Thanks. You interested?
990
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,963
It's festival seating,
so you gotta...
991
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,487
- How much?
- 300.
992
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,404
300?
You charged the chicks one.
993
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,688
Hey, they blew me.
994
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:03,641
300 comin' up.
995
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,287
Jeez. Am I the only one
that paid full price?
996
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:24,646
Ever see this chick before?
997
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:26,802
Ever see this chick?
998
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,691
He was so good.
999
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,410
He was one of the greats.
1000
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:37,848
You ever see this chick around?
1001
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,367
Is this a trick question?
1002
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:47,885
Zuzu Petals?
1003
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,048
Zuzu Petals? Yes!
1004
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,249
Who killed Bobby Black?
Who killed Johnny Crunch?
1005
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:54,731
Who's Art Mooney?
1006
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:56,365
- Talk to me.
- I don't know.
1007
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,409
- Talk to me!
- I-I-I am so scared!
1008
00:51:58,560 --> 00:51:59,641
Help me.
1009
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:02,320
Hey, baby.
A simple thank you would suffice.
1010
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,006
- "Fluck" you!
- Oh!
1011
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,561
Oh, "fluck!" "Fluck!"
1012
00:52:07,720 --> 00:52:09,722
Stanley, talk to me!
1013
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:16,731
Hello, hello.
1014
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,211
- Ugh.
- ( Screams )
1015
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,244
( Screaming )
1016
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:26,848
- Ah!
- ( Grunts )
1017
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:43,606
Damn!
1018
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,246
( Cell phone ringing )
1019
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:47,811
Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
1020
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,041
Man:
Hello, hello.
1021
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:50,326
( Maniacal chuckles )
1022
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:52,648
Radio contests, Ford.
1023
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,485
( Laughs )
Come on, man.
1024
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,449
Hey. Aren't you
supposed to be dead?
1025
00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,648
Why don't you come back here,
you chickenshit, huh?
1026
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:04,249
Oh, Ford. I wouldn't leave
without sayin' goodbye.
1027
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,721
- Man: Watch out! Get outta the way.
- ( Woman screaming )
1028
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:16,691
God, I love this job.
1029
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,451
And I thought all we got
was a good dental plan.
1030
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:28,805
- ( Tires squealing )
- Hey!
1031
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,610
He took Lydia!
1032
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,802
Ah!
1033
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:40,361
Mom.
1034
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,010
( Women screaming )
1035
00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:51,688
( Laughing )
1036
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,926
You ain't smilin' no more,
asshole.
1037
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:58,082
Oh, but I am, Ford.
1038
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:02,481
Oh, shit!
1039
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:04,961
Oh, no, thanks.
1040
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:06,610
I've got "me" own.
1041
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:08,848
( Laughs )
1042
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,126
Ah!
1043
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:20,850
( Cell phone ringing )
1044
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,846
Fuck you,
you dirtbag sack of shit!
1045
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,321
And a good evening
to you, too, kind sir.
1046
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,482
Sorry to interrupt.
Just thought you might like to know
1047
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,688
that the CD
is coming up worthless.
1048
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:35,322
And I also found out
why Colleen Sutton is so damn rich.
1049
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:37,130
Besides the Sutton estate,
1050
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:41,683
she also gets a little additional
green a la alimony from...
1051
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:43,120
dramatic pause...
1052
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:45,009
your pal Julian Grendel.
1053
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,401
- Her ex-husband.
- Yeah, that explains a lot, Jazz,
1054
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:49,688
but, uh, this isn't
the greatest time to talk.
1055
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:51,683
You're with one of your bimbos,
aren't you?
1056
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,081
It's a little more
complicated than that, Jazz.
1057
00:54:54,240 --> 00:54:56,811
- ( Incoming call signal beeps )
- Wait. Hold on. I got another call.
1058
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,041
Hold on.
1059
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:02,247
Yeah, hello? Smiley?
1060
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,124
Look. I'm sorry.
That was my assistant.
1061
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:07,005
Your assistant is quite special.
1062
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:10,004
I look forward to raping her
at your funeral.
1063
00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:12,571
Ugh!
1064
00:55:12,720 --> 00:55:14,563
Wait. Hold on, Smiley.
1065
00:55:14,720 --> 00:55:17,371
Come on, get.
On second thought...
1066
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:19,170
I'm only kidding.
Come here. Come here.
1067
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:24,686
Damn, baby.
1068
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:27,406
I hope you filled out
some organ donor cards.
1069
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,769
Excuse me.
Excuse me, driver? Driver?
1070
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,890
Hi. Um, now,
I know this is, like, a car chase,
1071
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,281
but I have got to go wee-wee.
1072
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,046
So if we could just pull over,
it'd be great, at any...
1073
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,361
( Gasps ) Ah!
1074
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:43,131
Hang on, baby, here we go.
1075
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,203
( Screaming )
1076
00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:50,720
Come on.
Come on, Smiley.
1077
00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,722
Women:
Bobby!
1078
00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:01,609
That's Bobby!
Ha! Hi, sweetheart!
1079
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:13,922
Shit!
1080
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,082
Ah!
1081
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,081
( Tires screech )
1082
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:31,485
( Sighs )
1083
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:34,811
Boy.
1084
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,442
You morticians
really know how to party.
1085
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,443
Ah!
1086
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:50,003
( Sighs )
1087
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,446
( Straining )
1088
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:56,520
( Gasps )
1089
00:56:57,800 --> 00:57:00,326
- Are you mad?
- No, I'm ecstatic!
1090
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:02,124
Get outta the car!
1091
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,123
( Sirens blaring )
1092
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,525
( Crash )
1093
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,286
I can't believe anybody
could have so much fuckin' fun
1094
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,204
at a funeral, Fairlane.
1095
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:26,691
You do bar mitzvahs?
1096
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,042
The son of a bitch you want
is in this limo.
1097
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,964
Yeah, sure, whatever.
1098
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,009
You know, I really wish I could
get mad at you, Ford,
1099
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,049
but guess who just
found out who killed
1100
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:36,804
Bobby Black
and Johnny Crunch?
1101
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,691
Some psycho groupie killer.
1102
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:43,287
I got an anonymous letter,
said she killed the both of them.
1103
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,562
I hate to interrupt,
but I think you spent
1104
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:48,200
too much time in the discos
during the '70s.
1105
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,402
The Village People
rotted your brain.
1106
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,962
See, that's the difference
between a great investigator like me
1107
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,851
and a piece of spam like you.
1108
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,207
Spam.
1109
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:01,203
You're a piece of spam.
1110
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:03,044
That's what I think of you.
1111
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,488
No, I call you a piece of spam
'cause that's what you are.
1112
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:08,722
Spam.
1113
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,571
See, you look at this picture,
all you see is the beauty.
1114
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:13,245
I see the beast.
1115
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:14,606
Detective:
Uh, Lieutenant?
1116
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,564
Yeah, there's no one
in the limo, sir.
1117
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,127
Together:
What?
1118
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:20,930
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
1119
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,606
But I'll tell you somethin',
don't try finding this girl on your own.
1120
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,570
Trust me on this one.
This broad is lethal.
1121
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,609
Yeah.
Whatever you say, boss.
1122
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:32,367
You could get cream to, uh,
try to kill whatever that is down there.
1123
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:37,770
Ford: Keeping Zuzu away from
the disco duck wasn't too fuckin' hard.
1124
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,491
But I'd have to wait
to interrogate her.
1125
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,766
Colleen's on a revenge trip
against her ex-husband.
1126
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:51,124
Julian Grendel told me
his company's been gettin' ripped off.
1127
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,282
Makes total sense.
1128
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:57,001
Bobby and his friend,
Colleen's lover Johnny Crunch,
1129
00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,208
find out about
her little scheme.
1130
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:01,761
She has 'em killed.
1131
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,605
If that's so,
who the hell are you?
1132
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:07,926
Zuzu Petals.
1133
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:12,168
Don't talk to me anymore.
1134
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:18,122
Yum, yum, TV.
1135
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:21,927
Ford: Talking to Zuzu was like
masturbating with a cheese grater.
1136
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:25,442
Slightly amusing,
but mostly painful.
1137
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:34,446
Zuzu!
1138
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:43,449
- Ugh!
- Zuzu?
1139
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:47,129
Zuzu. Zuzu.
1140
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,647
What the hell happened?
Come on, honey.
1141
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:51,962
Oh, I'm so sorry
about everything I said.
1142
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,282
Come on, just be all right.
Come on, talk to me, honey.
1143
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:56,403
Come on.
That's it. Keep chewing.
1144
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:58,688
( Moaning )
1145
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:01,207
- That's it.
- "Fluck."
1146
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:03,601
Great video, huh?
1147
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:06,286
( Sighs )
Are you okay?
1148
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,124
Okay?
I just blew up.
1149
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:11,807
But I feel orgasmic.
1150
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:14,367
My guitar.
1151
01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:16,329
My Axe.
1152
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,045
My Axe!
1153
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,201
Colleen fuckin' Sutton.
1154
01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:30,283
I knew it!
1155
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:33,848
Ford? You got something cooking
in the microwave?
1156
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:37,885
Get out!
1157
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:41,610
- Get out!
- What? Oh, wait, wait.
1158
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:44,001
- My purse.
- "Wait, my purse"?
1159
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,521
Get outta here!
Come on!
1160
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,004
Jump, nitwit!
1161
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:10,600
( Beep )
1162
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,082
Well, maybe
it was just a pot pie.
1163
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:18,890
( Explosion )
1164
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:35,926
I guess not.
1165
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,084
I tried to stop him, man.
I'm sorry.
1166
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,129
Hey, hey.
1167
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,487
Hey, who did this to you?
1168
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:45,529
These two guys
in real long cowboy coats
1169
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:47,131
and real nice suits.
1170
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:48,441
I think Armani.
1171
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:50,483
They were goin' through your stuff
with screwdrivers and shit, man.
1172
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:51,886
I did what you would've done.
1173
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,088
Yeah, run to the nearest phone
and call the cops.
1174
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:56,481
Fuck that.
I mean, the heck with that.
1175
01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:58,449
I kicked their ass.
I tried.
1176
01:01:58,600 --> 01:01:59,886
There were two of 'em,
you know.
1177
01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:02,327
All right.
Let's go to the hospital.
1178
01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:05,370
- I tried to help you.
- Hey, I appreciate it.
1179
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,251
Hey, where's my dad?
Have you even looked for him yet?
1180
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,926
- I've got some leads.
- You're a liar, man.
1181
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:14,090
You don't care.
You don't care about nothin'.
1182
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,002
Wh-where're you goin'?
1183
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,083
Oh, he seems nice.
1184
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:23,449
Shut up.
Just... just shut up.
1185
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:33,525
Ford?
Bad news.
1186
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:35,205
I chipped a nail.
1187
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:38,807
Hey, the boys in the garage
brought my baby back.
1188
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,485
- ( Beeps )
- ( Explosion )
1189
01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:41,801
- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!
1190
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,326
( Big rig horn honking )
1191
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:53,371
Why the music industry?
1192
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:57,491
Why not "Ford Fairlane,
the Fisherman's Detective," huh?
1193
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:00,007
Wouldn't that be great?
How tough could the cases be?
1194
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:04,165
"Hey, Ford. Somebody switched
the lures in my fuckin' tackle box."
1195
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:07,449
"Hey, Ford.
Somebody sabotaged my bait."
1196
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:10,166
- Okay. Here comes...
- All right.
1197
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:14,804
- All right.
- Ah, ha-ha!
1198
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:17,691
- Hey. You need a lift?
- Both: Yeah.
1199
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:20,041
- ( Tires squealing )
- Together: Fuck you!
1200
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:21,440
- ( Laughing )
- Motherfucker!
1201
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,090
( Tires screeching )
1202
01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,163
Hi, private-eye guy!
1203
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,522
Remember me, Melodi?
1204
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:36,089
Ugh, wow.
Hiding out from cold-blooded killers.
1205
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,891
- ( Girls giggling )
- The sisters are going to die.
1206
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:44,571
♪ Yeah ♪
1207
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,929
♪ Rock the cradle of love ♪
1208
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:49,411
♪ Rock the cradle
of love... ♪
1209
01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:51,085
So, this is my sorority.
1210
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:53,288
I think you'll
really like the girls.
1211
01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:56,603
♪ Don't rock easily,
it's true ♪
1212
01:03:56,760 --> 01:04:00,765
♪ Well, rock the cradle of love ♪
1213
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:03,651
♪ I rocked the cradle of love ♪
1214
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,041
♪ Yes, the cradle of love ♪
1215
01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:09,761
♪ Don't rock easily,
it's true ♪
1216
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,604
♪ Well, now ♪
1217
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,604
♪ It burned like
a ball on fire ♪
1218
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:16,888
♪ When the rebel
took a little child bride ♪
1219
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:19,606
♪ To tease, yeah ♪
1220
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,969
♪ So go easy, yeah ♪
1221
01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:24,884
♪ Ow ♪
1222
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,725
♪ 'Cause love cuts
a million ways ♪
1223
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:31,083
♪ Shakes that devil
when he misbehaves ♪
1224
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:33,288
♪ I ain't nobody's fool ♪
1225
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:35,681
♪ Oh, shake it up ♪
1226
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,002
♪ Whatever I do, ow! ♪
1227
01:04:38,160 --> 01:04:40,128
♪ Rock the cradle of love... ♪
1228
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:41,884
Hey, troops.
1229
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:44,202
Here's that rock 'n' roll detective
I told you about.
1230
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:45,731
( Music stops )
1231
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:50,323
Oh!
1232
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:51,641
Hi.
1233
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:54,326
( Stammers )
1234
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,608
Maybe I did die
in the explosion, you know?
1235
01:04:56,760 --> 01:04:58,444
( Phone ringing )
1236
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:02,642
- Ford Fairlane.
- Hey, Jazz.
1237
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:03,926
Ford?
1238
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:07,163
You would not believe
what I went through today.
1239
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:09,800
Colleen's thugs tried to kill me.
You believe that?
1240
01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:13,407
They left her hat
as a goodbye kiss. You know?
1241
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:16,962
I'm calling from the
Ai Eta Pi sorority house, huh?
1242
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:18,246
Mm, mmm.
1243
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:20,129
They blew up my house,
my car...
1244
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:21,441
And let me tell you something.
1245
01:05:21,640 --> 01:05:23,483
My koala bear is not in
such great shape either.
1246
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:25,608
- You know?
- That's too bad.
1247
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:27,922
"That's too bad."
"That's too bad," she tells me.
1248
01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:29,809
"That's too bad."
That's all you can say?
1249
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:33,009
Yes, Ford.
1250
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,367
- That's about all I can say.
- All right, well, look.
1251
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:37,522
Stop playing games over there
and come here.
1252
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:40,331
- I gotta see you.
- ( Receiver clicks, dial tone drones )
1253
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:43,131
So anyway,
Springsteen says to Madonna,
1254
01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:44,805
"Who could fuck in this weather?"
1255
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:47,048
- Oh!
- ( Laughter )
1256
01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:48,884
Does Van Halen sleep in the nude?
1257
01:05:49,040 --> 01:05:50,804
Does Debbie Gibson
sleep with Van Halen?
1258
01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:53,531
- Rub my neck, huh?
- Is Sting really an asshole?
1259
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:56,405
If Axl Rose was reincarnated
as a black woman,
1260
01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:58,801
would it be Jody Watley
or Aretha?
1261
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:01,327
Sisters, sisters,
would you chill out?
1262
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:03,721
Give Ford a break.
1263
01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:06,724
What do you say we induct him
as an honorary member?
1264
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,723
All: Yeah!
1265
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:12,883
If either one of you
ever has a son,
1266
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,361
I hope his dog dies.
1267
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:21,402
You really
shouldn't have said that.
1268
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,050
Yeah, it's a tough business.
1269
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:24,531
( Both laugh )
1270
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,006
- Bye-bye.
- See ya.
1271
01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:30,209
Together:
One and two...
1272
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:31,885
Three.
1273
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,167
( Both laugh, whoop )
1274
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:43,565
All: Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1275
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:49,090
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1276
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:54,770
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1277
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:59,244
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1278
01:06:59,400 --> 01:07:04,088
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1279
01:07:04,240 --> 01:07:09,451
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1280
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:14,242
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1281
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:19,167
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1282
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:23,609
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1283
01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:26,570
Everybody blow!
1284
01:07:26,720 --> 01:07:28,768
- What happened?
- Hey, where are you going?
1285
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:34,211
Move!
1286
01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:56,127
- Ah!
- Oh, God! My bike!
1287
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:02,209
- Hey!
- Come on!
1288
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:04,522
- Oh, shit!
- Jeez!
1289
01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:09,241
Come on.
It's cut-our-losses time, man.
1290
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:18,326
( Explosion )
1291
01:08:18,480 --> 01:08:20,289
Fraternity member:
Oh, man, look at that!
1292
01:08:20,440 --> 01:08:22,488
God damn!
1293
01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:31,806
Dudes, they executed my Vette.
1294
01:08:38,440 --> 01:08:41,171
Need a... lift?
1295
01:08:41,320 --> 01:08:43,527
- ( Chuckles )
- ( Jazz moaning )
1296
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:45,165
Jazz!
1297
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:51,720
- What happened?
- Why do you have to have
1298
01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:54,167
an office on the second floor?
1299
01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:58,122
- I came to warn you.
- I'll fuckin' kill them.
1300
01:08:58,320 --> 01:09:00,288
- Are you okay, huh?
- Yes.
1301
01:09:00,440 --> 01:09:01,851
You all right?
1302
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:03,525
They tried to get this
worthless CD from me,
1303
01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:05,967
but I had it hidden
in a special place.
1304
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:08,481
Once again,
I came through.
1305
01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:11,849
- Damn red-numbered bullshit CD.
- Look, look, I have one.
1306
01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:15,044
Bobby gave it to me
the night that he passed away.
1307
01:09:15,200 --> 01:09:17,362
It's... it's good.
It's really avant-garde.
1308
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:20,410
You know, you can dance to it.
Does yours go like...
1309
01:09:20,560 --> 01:09:23,166
( Buzzing, screeching )
1310
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:26,165
Zuzu?
1311
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:28,049
Yeah, right. Birdbrain?
Shut up, would you, please?
1312
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:30,885
Melodi, I want you to take Jazz
to the hospital, okay?
1313
01:09:31,040 --> 01:09:32,929
Jazz: Wait a second.
I wanna see if this one's
1314
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,082
better than the last one.
1315
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:37,447
Hey, look. I don't need no CD
to tell me Colleen Sutton's
1316
01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:38,931
behind this whole thing,
all right?
1317
01:09:39,080 --> 01:09:40,320
- Let's go.
- Come on.
1318
01:09:40,480 --> 01:09:41,925
I'll be at Julie Grendel's.
1319
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:43,650
I wanna see if he knows
what a whore thief
1320
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:45,450
his ex-piece-of-shit wife is.
1321
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,728
Come on, move.
Come on, would you, please?
1322
01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:48,927
Stupid!
1323
01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:52,203
Why have you
come to my planet, huh?
1324
01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:54,442
You're pure scum.
1325
01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:55,761
( Laughs )
1326
01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:58,247
- Colleen, you're a drag.
- ( Door opens )
1327
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:03,123
Julie, baby!
What's goin' on, huh?
1328
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,282
Queen Colleen.
1329
01:10:05,440 --> 01:10:08,922
You're here just in time
to see me do what I refer to
1330
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:10,286
as solving the case.
1331
01:10:10,440 --> 01:10:12,681
It's cute.
I think you'll like it.
1332
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:16,208
Colleen here's been ripping off
her ex-husband here's company.
1333
01:10:16,360 --> 01:10:19,807
And she's been murdering
to keep it a secret.
1334
01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:21,803
That's a pretty nifty theory.
1335
01:10:26,280 --> 01:10:27,611
Colleen!
1336
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:30,604
Colleen.
1337
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:32,808
- Uh-uh, wait. My purse!
- Nice purse.
1338
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:35,645
- Ar...
- Aardvarks?
1339
01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:37,962
Julian's smuggling aardvarks
into the country?
1340
01:10:38,120 --> 01:10:40,885
Art...
1341
01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:42,405
Artichokes?
1342
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,881
Art... Mooney...
1343
01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:46,644
stupid!
1344
01:10:46,840 --> 01:10:48,330
( Thud )
1345
01:10:48,480 --> 01:10:50,847
Thanks.
I needed that.
1346
01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:52,286
( Screams )
1347
01:10:53,480 --> 01:10:57,166
You sick,
confusing motherfuckers.
1348
01:10:58,680 --> 01:10:59,966
Gimme the three discs, Ford.
1349
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:01,690
- ( Beep )
- Bobby's,
1350
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:03,968
Colleen's and Johnny's.
1351
01:11:04,120 --> 01:11:07,363
Three CDs?
Shit.
1352
01:11:07,520 --> 01:11:09,648
Just start torturing me, man.
1353
01:11:09,800 --> 01:11:12,167
I didn't even know
Johnny had a disc.
1354
01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:15,051
I'm not in the mood
for any of that, uh,
1355
01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:18,204
"Don't play games with me,
Mr. Fairlane" bullshit.
1356
01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:21,330
Don't play games with me, Mr...
1357
01:11:21,480 --> 01:11:23,721
Did you say
you don't have the d...?
1358
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:26,161
( Laughs )
Torture you?
1359
01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:31,011
I'm not gonna torture you, Ford.
1360
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:34,562
Not her, Ford,
but your best friend.
1361
01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:37,530
A 1962 Fender Stratocaster
1362
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:40,126
with original pickups
and maple neck
1363
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:44,205
and strung upside down
for a left-handed genius Jimi Hendrix.
1364
01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:47,961
- That's something else entirely.
- No!
1365
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:49,565
Ugh!
1366
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:53,247
Yeah, that's the same sound your
koala bear made when we hung it.
1367
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,641
Don't you guys think this guitar
would look a lot better
1368
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:57,211
with Ford's name carved in it?
1369
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:59,089
Ah, come on!
1370
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:02,687
- Thug: Yeah.
- ( Ford grunting )
1371
01:12:02,880 --> 01:12:04,609
Rape!
1372
01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:06,569
- Come on!
- Fuck.
1373
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:08,882
Okay. Okay. Ugh!
1374
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:10,690
( Drill motor revving )
1375
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:13,241
Okay. Okay!
1376
01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:15,926
Oh, you guys are tough.
1377
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:18,606
Okay, you got me.
1378
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:21,445
All right, I got your discs,
asshole.
1379
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:24,968
They're in a very safe place
with instructions
1380
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:28,010
that they be sent
directly to the police
1381
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:31,323
if I don't make the call
by 7:00.
1382
01:12:31,480 --> 01:12:33,881
So, if you'll excuse us...
1383
01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:35,724
Well, it's 7:30, Ford.
1384
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:38,326
You really should get a watch.
1385
01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:39,561
( Laughs )
1386
01:12:39,720 --> 01:12:41,961
Ford, Ford, Ford.
1387
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:45,090
How 'bout a last drink?
I'm running a little late.
1388
01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:48,289
We're giving a party tonight
at the club
1389
01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:50,807
to introduce Kyle Troy
to the world.
1390
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:52,371
Everyone in the industry's
gonna be there,
1391
01:12:52,520 --> 01:12:54,682
including our friend
Don Cleveland.
1392
01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:56,410
Oh, yeah?
What about Don?
1393
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:58,762
Well, before Kyle Troy
does his first set,
1394
01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:01,287
Don will have
his head blown off.
1395
01:13:01,480 --> 01:13:03,369
Next week,
the newspapers will reveal
1396
01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:07,360
that Don was partners with
Bobby, Collie, and Johnny
1397
01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:09,761
in the Grendel Records scam.
1398
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:12,400
And he killed 'em to pay off
some debt to the...
1399
01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:15,370
to the mob
or something lame like that.
1400
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,329
And then he got iced.
1401
01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:19,482
It's a lot more tasteful
than it sounds.
1402
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:20,801
You know,
1403
01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:23,606
I cannot believe that you guys
1404
01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:25,888
actually hung a koala bear.
1405
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:28,407
I mean, that is just so graphic.
1406
01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:30,324
You know,
I am still in shock here.
1407
01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:33,006
- Is she for real?
- Yeah, I'm afraid so.
1408
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:35,242
- You want her?
- ...but that was just a dream.
1409
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,449
- I don't think it counts...
- All: Shut up!
1410
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:40,051
( Sighs )
1411
01:13:40,200 --> 01:13:42,362
You know, Julie,
you're the goods.
1412
01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:44,483
And even though
I might be a little perturbed
1413
01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:47,849
you're gonna kill me and all,
I gotta salute your toughness.
1414
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:49,525
Julian Grendel,
1415
01:13:49,680 --> 01:13:52,650
guys like you
do grow on trees.
1416
01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:54,564
Here's to you, buddy...
1417
01:13:54,720 --> 01:13:57,485
suckin' my dick.
1418
01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:58,766
( Grunting )
1419
01:13:58,920 --> 01:14:00,843
Take a free shot, boss!
1420
01:14:02,680 --> 01:14:04,444
Sure.
1421
01:14:06,800 --> 01:14:09,849
- Ugh!
- ( All laughing )
1422
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,525
Ugh! Oh!
1423
01:14:11,680 --> 01:14:14,001
Moron.
1424
01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:17,050
- Zuzu? Zuzu?
- ( Moaning )
1425
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:18,201
You okay?
1426
01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:20,362
Oh, another trick question, right?
1427
01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:22,085
Open the window.
1428
01:14:28,440 --> 01:14:29,851
Shit!
1429
01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:33,089
- Hello?
- When I say "now,"
1430
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:35,169
you run for the door, okay?
1431
01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:37,203
( Groaning )
1432
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:46,686
Kill him...
1433
01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:49,411
but not quickly.
1434
01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:50,766
Ciao, Ford.
1435
01:14:50,960 --> 01:14:52,405
( Cocks gun )
1436
01:14:54,480 --> 01:14:57,882
Ford: Anybody else in this situation
would shit a Miata.
1437
01:14:58,040 --> 01:14:59,451
But I had a plan.
1438
01:14:59,640 --> 01:15:00,721
Ugh!
1439
01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:02,723
Not the greatest plan, but, hey,
1440
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:06,327
the old "gum on the earring
in the socket" trick never failed me.
1441
01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:08,682
I'd never even tried it.
1442
01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:10,046
Now!
1443
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:11,964
Ugh!
1444
01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:24,805
- Out this way.
- No. This way.
1445
01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:26,928
Ford:
I'd blown the case wide open.
1446
01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:28,645
It's too bad
that my clients were dead
1447
01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:31,371
and that I had no actual proof
against Grendel.
1448
01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:37,080
And now I'm on top
of the Capitol Records building?
1449
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:40,130
So much for climbin' down
the fire escape shit.
1450
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:41,964
Johnny and Colleen
were lucky to be dead,
1451
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:44,964
barkin' together in that
big chuck wagon in the sky.
1452
01:15:45,120 --> 01:15:47,043
At least they know
who the fuck Art Mooney was.
1453
01:15:47,200 --> 01:15:49,931
I'm losin' my mind!
1454
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:52,560
Top of the world, Ma!
1455
01:15:52,720 --> 01:15:54,609
( Gasps )
I left my purse.
1456
01:15:54,760 --> 01:15:55,761
- I...
- Fuck the purse!
1457
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:57,410
We're gonna die!
1458
01:16:04,480 --> 01:16:06,130
And you say
I never take you anywhere.
1459
01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:07,805
Ah, shit!
1460
01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:12,081
( Gasps )
1461
01:16:12,240 --> 01:16:14,242
There is something
so wrong with you.
1462
01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:16,926
Come on! Come on.
1463
01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:19,367
- ( Gasps )
- Go ahead. Come on, you can do it.
1464
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:22,286
- Ugh.
- You all right?
1465
01:16:22,440 --> 01:16:23,851
- ( Gasps )
- Come on.
1466
01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:25,889
It's all right.
If you fall, I'll make it.
1467
01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,327
Ah! Okay.
1468
01:16:28,520 --> 01:16:29,931
All right.
1469
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:35,563
- Move, stupid!
- I made it. Okay?
1470
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:55,490
Ah!
1471
01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:57,449
- Um, um... here.
- Help.
1472
01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:02,480
- ( Gun fires )
- Ah! Oops!
1473
01:17:05,480 --> 01:17:08,370
The building is a symbol
of the music industry,
1474
01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:10,881
a business where anything can happen.
1475
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,610
( Crowd screams )
1476
01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:14,649
And usually does.
1477
01:17:14,800 --> 01:17:17,041
Oops.
1478
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:21,125
- Bull's-eye.
- Oh, ick, ick.
1479
01:17:21,320 --> 01:17:22,685
- What'd you throw the gun away for?
- Ew.
1480
01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:25,889
- It was just all...
- Come on.
1481
01:17:26,040 --> 01:17:27,371
Okay.
1482
01:17:32,360 --> 01:17:34,727
- ( Gasps )
- Hello, hello.
1483
01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:37,446
Oh! Oh, my... ah!
1484
01:17:37,600 --> 01:17:39,125
Ford, help!
1485
01:17:39,280 --> 01:17:40,850
- ( Laughing )
- Zuzu: Ah!
1486
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:43,731
( Screams )
1487
01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:49,089
( Grunting )
1488
01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:51,447
Hello, hello, fuckface!
1489
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:54,723
- Ugh! Ah!
- Ugh!
1490
01:17:59,240 --> 01:18:02,164
You mother...
1491
01:18:02,360 --> 01:18:04,727
- Ugh!
- Whoa!
1492
01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:10,444
Yabba-dabba doo!
1493
01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:11,840
- Zuzu: What?
- Ford: The ring.
1494
01:18:12,040 --> 01:18:13,485
- What about the ring?
- The kid!
1495
01:18:13,640 --> 01:18:15,847
- It's the kid's father. I can't.
- Who do you think you are, Ford?
1496
01:18:16,040 --> 01:18:18,884
The tooth fairy?
Kill! Kill! Kill!
1497
01:18:19,040 --> 01:18:20,724
It's a long story.
You know the kid?
1498
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:22,046
What little kid?
Oh, the kid.
1499
01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:23,406
With the ring.
The Flintstone thing.
1500
01:18:23,560 --> 01:18:25,369
- The nice one?
- Yeah, the nice kid I hang with.
1501
01:18:25,520 --> 01:18:27,090
Ah!
1502
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:30,881
( Screaming )
1503
01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:37,169
My hair.
My hair.
1504
01:18:37,320 --> 01:18:38,685
Ah!
1505
01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:42,128
No! Stop!
1506
01:18:42,320 --> 01:18:43,526
( Grunting )
1507
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,324
- ( Yelling )
- ( Screaming )
1508
01:18:53,160 --> 01:18:54,685
- Hey, Zuzu?
- Huh?
1509
01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:57,081
Don't worry.
I'll... I'll work it out.
1510
01:18:57,240 --> 01:18:58,446
Okay.
1511
01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:03,082
Excuse me
while I kiss the sky!
1512
01:19:03,240 --> 01:19:05,402
Hey, Zuzu,
I found my guitar!
1513
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:09,251
( Sobbing )
I found my guitar!
1514
01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:11,084
It's all scratched up.
1515
01:19:12,840 --> 01:19:15,002
It's all scratched up, Zuzu!
1516
01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,367
Ford?
I'll take her with me!
1517
01:19:17,560 --> 01:19:18,721
I swear I will!
1518
01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:22,646
Ugh! You're tearin' me apart!
1519
01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:27,330
I'm sorry, Jimi.
1520
01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:32,482
Ah!
1521
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:44,327
Say hello to Liberace, asshole.
1522
01:19:44,480 --> 01:19:46,209
Come on.
1523
01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:48,328
Come on.
Come on, you can do it.
1524
01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:51,882
Come on.
1525
01:19:52,040 --> 01:19:53,963
Ugh.
Okay, okay.
1526
01:19:56,880 --> 01:19:58,211
Thanks.
1527
01:19:58,360 --> 01:19:59,600
'Cause, well, I mean,
1528
01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:02,923
I know how much
that thang meant to you.
1529
01:20:08,080 --> 01:20:10,128
Well, hello, Mr. Tongue.
1530
01:20:10,320 --> 01:20:12,561
What a perv.
1531
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,324
Yeah. You wish.
1532
01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:27,082
- Don't look down.
- Okay.
1533
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:28,401
Excuse me.
1534
01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:32,369
Could you tell us how to get
to Mann's Chinese Theatre?
1535
01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:34,363
Go back to Michigan, asswipe.
1536
01:20:34,520 --> 01:20:36,249
No, we're from Wisconsin.
1537
01:20:36,400 --> 01:20:37,970
Yeah, and I'm
from my dad's penis.
1538
01:20:38,120 --> 01:20:39,565
Get outta here.
1539
01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:41,609
( Horn honks )
1540
01:20:45,560 --> 01:20:46,607
How'd it go?
1541
01:20:46,760 --> 01:20:48,171
Did you get more proof
against Colleen?
1542
01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:50,283
Colleen's innocent.
1543
01:20:50,440 --> 01:20:51,930
And dead.
1544
01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:54,481
Well, I figured something out.
1545
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:56,642
These binary discs?
1546
01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,326
They've got hidden bits
that can be revealed
1547
01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:03,201
when interfacing
with a third CD.
1548
01:21:03,360 --> 01:21:05,647
Oh, Ford.
Look how cute.
1549
01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:08,565
Your friend's got his own star.
1550
01:21:10,440 --> 01:21:12,807
What friend?
1551
01:21:12,960 --> 01:21:15,042
You know, that Art guy.
1552
01:21:17,280 --> 01:21:18,805
Art.
1553
01:21:18,960 --> 01:21:20,928
Art Mooney!
1554
01:21:21,080 --> 01:21:23,606
Art. Art, baby.
1555
01:21:23,760 --> 01:21:25,888
Art! Art!
1556
01:21:26,040 --> 01:21:27,246
( Laughs )
1557
01:21:28,760 --> 01:21:31,445
Art, baby.
Third CD, anyone, huh?
1558
01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:32,681
( Music playing )
1559
01:21:32,840 --> 01:21:35,491
♪ I don't need no funky attitude ♪
1560
01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:42,331
♪ You spend so much time ♪
1561
01:21:42,480 --> 01:21:44,767
♪ Trying to be rude ♪
1562
01:21:44,960 --> 01:21:48,009
♪ Why the funky attitude? ♪
1563
01:21:48,160 --> 01:21:49,321
♪ Oh, no ♪
1564
01:21:49,480 --> 01:21:52,006
♪ I don't care
how you're feeling ♪
1565
01:21:52,160 --> 01:21:53,446
♪ I don't need no funky attitude... ♪
1566
01:21:53,600 --> 01:21:55,090
- Hello.
- Hi.
1567
01:21:55,240 --> 01:21:56,287
Hey.
1568
01:21:56,440 --> 01:21:58,169
♪ It ain't cool ♪
1569
01:21:58,320 --> 01:22:00,482
♪ I don't mind
if you're trippin'... ♪
1570
01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:03,251
Julie!
You sure know how it's done.
1571
01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:04,845
Thank you, Don.
Uh, could I...
1572
01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:07,241
could I talk to you
in private a moment?
1573
01:22:22,560 --> 01:22:23,800
B-I-N-G-O
1574
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:27,004
and Bingo was his name-o.
1575
01:22:27,160 --> 01:22:28,764
Excuse me, but all I see
1576
01:22:28,960 --> 01:22:31,281
is a condom factory in
Johannesburg, South Africa.
1577
01:22:31,440 --> 01:22:32,646
Now what...
1578
01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:35,650
I believe the word
you're looking for is "proof."
1579
01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:38,446
It's a front for a pirate
disc operation.
1580
01:22:39,880 --> 01:22:43,123
Grendel's secretly counterfeiting
his own company stock.
1581
01:22:43,280 --> 01:22:47,524
We're dealin' with
a very sick puppy here.
1582
01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:50,843
Oh, my God.
The door's locked.
1583
01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:53,401
- We're gonna have to crawl down.
- No.
1584
01:22:53,560 --> 01:22:55,608
I knew it.
I knew it.
1585
01:22:58,400 --> 01:22:59,731
Psych.
1586
01:23:01,720 --> 01:23:03,131
Moron.
1587
01:23:04,840 --> 01:23:07,571
Julian: What can I say, Don?
You're a great producer.
1588
01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:10,405
You're a great friend.
1589
01:23:10,560 --> 01:23:11,925
I'm gonna miss you.
1590
01:23:13,560 --> 01:23:16,530
What can I tell you?
It's business.
1591
01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:19,849
With friends like you,
who needs "enemas"?
1592
01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:22,765
Dump the body in,
shall we say,
1593
01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:24,251
Chinatown.
1594
01:23:33,200 --> 01:23:34,486
Ah!
1595
01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:35,801
( Tires screech )
1596
01:23:43,080 --> 01:23:44,605
Ford:
Hey, Don.
1597
01:23:45,920 --> 01:23:47,649
How's the high blood pressure?
1598
01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:49,768
Nothin' like waitin'
until the last minute, Ford.
1599
01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,930
Can somebody tell me
what the fuck is going on, like, slowly?
1600
01:23:53,080 --> 01:23:56,880
You see, it all started
1601
01:23:57,040 --> 01:23:59,486
with this condom factory...
1602
01:23:59,680 --> 01:24:01,728
I'll write you a letter.
Come on.
1603
01:24:04,720 --> 01:24:06,085
All right.
1604
01:24:06,240 --> 01:24:08,163
You threw me
through a plate-glass window.
1605
01:24:08,320 --> 01:24:10,004
And I just hit you with my car.
1606
01:24:10,160 --> 01:24:12,242
So, I think that made
for a fair fight, huh?
1607
01:24:12,440 --> 01:24:14,807
Ugh!
Maybe not.
1608
01:24:14,960 --> 01:24:17,406
( Girls cheering )
1609
01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:18,925
The truth is,
1610
01:24:19,080 --> 01:24:21,208
there's a lot of love
in this room tonight.
1611
01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:33,169
But I, uh...
1612
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,084
I've, uh... I've...
I've talked long enough.
1613
01:24:35,240 --> 01:24:36,287
( Crowd moans )
1614
01:24:36,440 --> 01:24:38,442
And now the moment
you've all been waiting for.
1615
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:40,967
I'd like you to meet
the voice of the '90s.
1616
01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:42,326
( Cheering )
1617
01:24:42,480 --> 01:24:45,290
Ladies and gentlemen,
Kyle Troy.
1618
01:24:45,440 --> 01:24:47,807
- ( Cheers, whistles )
- ( Music playing )
1619
01:25:24,920 --> 01:25:26,285
( Coughing )
1620
01:25:28,720 --> 01:25:30,643
- ( Crunch )
- Ow! Shithead.
1621
01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:31,847
( Sighs )
1622
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,684
I used to be just like you.
1623
01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:38,687
Abusing women
to hide my emotional insecurities.
1624
01:25:38,840 --> 01:25:40,683
Ugh!
1625
01:25:43,240 --> 01:25:46,369
You're 10 seconds away from the most
embarrassing moment of your life.
1626
01:25:46,520 --> 01:25:48,807
Sam the Sleazebag to the rescue.
1627
01:25:52,120 --> 01:25:54,487
( Fans cheering )
1628
01:25:54,640 --> 01:25:56,927
You said somethin' about
three CDs?
1629
01:25:58,640 --> 01:26:00,529
Uh, Ford...
1630
01:26:00,680 --> 01:26:01,886
I'll... I'll do, uh...
1631
01:26:02,040 --> 01:26:03,246
I'll do anything, man.
I mean, we don't...
1632
01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:04,731
Ugh!
1633
01:26:07,920 --> 01:26:10,048
And may I suggest for dessert...
1634
01:26:10,200 --> 01:26:11,531
the copies I made?
1635
01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:13,842
- Fuck me.
- Yeah, maybe later.
1636
01:26:14,000 --> 01:26:17,049
But first, why don't you tell me
why you're rippin' your company off?
1637
01:26:18,600 --> 01:26:20,204
I read "Billboard."
1638
01:26:20,400 --> 01:26:23,609
I couldn't believe how much
Grendel Records made
1639
01:26:23,760 --> 01:26:25,762
and how little Julie Grendel got.
1640
01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:27,490
It's amazing
how much you gotta pay
1641
01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:30,086
the actual artists
who create the music, huh?
1642
01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:31,480
( Laughs )
1643
01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:33,768
Those ingrate bastards
really take a bite.
1644
01:26:33,920 --> 01:26:35,763
Look, Bobby Black
found out about
1645
01:26:35,960 --> 01:26:38,611
your little African bogus
disc company.
1646
01:26:38,760 --> 01:26:40,444
Stole your computer records.
1647
01:26:40,600 --> 01:26:42,523
- ( Squeaks )
- Ford: Wanna tell me about it?
1648
01:26:42,680 --> 01:26:45,570
Julian: Bobby was stupid.
He got angry.
1649
01:26:45,760 --> 01:26:47,524
His friend Johnny
was more stupid.
1650
01:26:47,720 --> 01:26:50,166
He got greedy,
tried to blackmail me.
1651
01:26:50,320 --> 01:26:53,290
Me!
Colleen knew better.
1652
01:26:53,440 --> 01:26:55,488
She knew what a monster
I could be.
1653
01:26:55,640 --> 01:26:59,247
Poor Colleen just wanted
no one to get hurt.
1654
01:26:59,440 --> 01:27:01,363
That's why I waited so long
to kill her.
1655
01:27:01,520 --> 01:27:03,488
Face it.
1656
01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:06,689
Making money is the only art form
left open to innovation.
1657
01:27:06,840 --> 01:27:09,923
Anybody that tells you they're in
this industry 'cause they like music
1658
01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:12,600
is a lying, pathetic piece of shit!
1659
01:27:12,760 --> 01:27:14,250
( Crowd gasps )
1660
01:27:14,400 --> 01:27:16,971
Julian: Or a total idiot like this
Kyle Toy, or Troy,
1661
01:27:17,120 --> 01:27:19,441
or whatever
the hell his name is.
1662
01:27:19,600 --> 01:27:22,126
I've since dedicated my life
to making sure
1663
01:27:22,280 --> 01:27:24,089
that this industry
is so disgusting...
1664
01:27:24,240 --> 01:27:26,368
- ( Crowd booing )
- ...so sleazy and so corrupt
1665
01:27:26,520 --> 01:27:28,045
it would have to self-destruct.
1666
01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:30,362
Two Sambuca milkshakes.
1667
01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:32,966
I even pissed
in the punchbowl.
1668
01:27:33,120 --> 01:27:34,884
( Gagging, spitting )
1669
01:27:35,040 --> 01:27:37,361
You're a hell of a guy.
You know that, Julie?
1670
01:27:37,560 --> 01:27:39,688
Since you're on a roll, uh,
1671
01:27:39,840 --> 01:27:41,888
anything else
you wanna talk about?
1672
01:27:42,040 --> 01:27:44,805
Why? You, uh,
you hiding a mike or something?
1673
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:47,645
No. I am.
Hah!
1674
01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,609
You little bitch.
1675
01:27:49,760 --> 01:27:51,649
( Singing )
♪ Why do birds... ♪
1676
01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:53,131
- Hey!
- Ugh!
1677
01:27:54,960 --> 01:27:56,564
♪ On the day
that you were born ♪
1678
01:27:56,720 --> 01:27:59,041
♪ The angels got together ♪
1679
01:27:59,200 --> 01:28:00,929
- ♪ And decided... ♪
- ( Grunting )
1680
01:28:01,080 --> 01:28:02,127
- ( Screaming )
- ( Microphone feedback )
1681
01:28:02,280 --> 01:28:04,203
( Screaming )
1682
01:28:10,720 --> 01:28:13,769
Well, Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
1683
01:28:15,280 --> 01:28:17,521
- You're out of the business.
- Ford!
1684
01:28:17,680 --> 01:28:20,729
Shake me, Jazz.
1685
01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:22,120
( Crowd gasps )
1686
01:28:22,280 --> 01:28:24,726
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," baby.
1687
01:28:26,120 --> 01:28:27,406
( Cranks )
1688
01:28:27,560 --> 01:28:30,803
You're fired, Julie.
1689
01:28:30,960 --> 01:28:33,281
Ah!
1690
01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:53,291
Ford.
1691
01:28:55,200 --> 01:28:58,204
Look. Look who I found.
It's Damion Flemm.
1692
01:28:58,360 --> 01:29:01,443
He loves me,
and he's taking me to Japan.
1693
01:29:01,600 --> 01:29:04,080
You realize it's Disco Appreciation
Night at the Coconut Teaser.
1694
01:29:04,240 --> 01:29:05,969
The one night of the year.
1695
01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:09,522
Sorry, sir, but we got a report that
this psycho-killer groupie was here.
1696
01:29:09,680 --> 01:29:11,921
- Take good care of her.
- That shouldn't be too hard.
1697
01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,969
Yeah, sure.
1698
01:29:14,160 --> 01:29:15,810
There she is with Fairlane.
1699
01:29:18,360 --> 01:29:20,442
Harboring a fugitive, Ford?
1700
01:29:20,600 --> 01:29:22,125
You're goin' down.
1701
01:29:23,720 --> 01:29:26,166
Sexual favors won't help, baby.
1702
01:29:26,320 --> 01:29:27,685
( Singing )
♪ 'Cause it's booty time, booty... ♪
1703
01:29:27,880 --> 01:29:29,370
- ( Crowd gasps )
- Ugh!
1704
01:29:29,520 --> 01:29:32,524
( High-pitched voice )
♪ Booty time, booty time... ♪
1705
01:29:32,720 --> 01:29:34,882
Happy viewing.
1706
01:29:35,040 --> 01:29:36,610
Jerk-off.
1707
01:29:39,280 --> 01:29:40,566
What'd you say?
1708
01:29:40,720 --> 01:29:42,165
I didn't say nothin', man.
1709
01:29:42,320 --> 01:29:45,767
Shit, man. You're the lead singer
of Disco Express.
1710
01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:47,649
"Booty Time" is the only
white disco song
1711
01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:49,131
as far as I'm concerned.
1712
01:29:49,320 --> 01:29:50,970
Hey, there's a lot more
where that came from, man.
1713
01:29:51,120 --> 01:29:52,645
I'm listenin'.
1714
01:29:52,800 --> 01:29:54,450
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
1715
01:29:54,600 --> 01:29:56,011
♪ Across the USA ♪
1716
01:29:56,200 --> 01:29:58,123
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
1717
01:29:58,280 --> 01:29:59,611
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
1718
01:29:59,760 --> 01:30:01,171
Ford, isn't Sam great?
1719
01:30:01,320 --> 01:30:03,129
- Do you wanna come out with us?
- I can't.
1720
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:06,762
- Anybody see my assistant, Jazz?
- She left.
1721
01:30:06,960 --> 01:30:09,691
Said something about
you being a real asshole.
1722
01:30:11,400 --> 01:30:13,482
Right, right.
1723
01:30:13,640 --> 01:30:15,005
That sounds right.
1724
01:30:17,320 --> 01:30:22,008
♪ After all the jacks
are in their boxes... ♪
1725
01:30:22,160 --> 01:30:25,209
Ford: Jazz is gone
and I got the blues.
1726
01:30:25,360 --> 01:30:29,365
A lot of fuckin' things are gone
and I got the blues.
1727
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:30,965
I'll tell ya,
1728
01:30:31,120 --> 01:30:33,964
bein' an ultracool
rock 'n' roll superhero...
1729
01:30:34,120 --> 01:30:36,646
it sounded a lot better
in the brochure.
1730
01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:40,441
I can't believe it took
a bunch of phony CDs
1731
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:43,570
to make me lose
all my self-worth and shit.
1732
01:30:43,720 --> 01:30:46,371
I was just gonna take
a nice long...
1733
01:30:46,520 --> 01:30:48,807
- ( Click )
- ...nap.
1734
01:30:49,000 --> 01:30:50,968
Hello, hello.
1735
01:30:54,000 --> 01:30:55,331
I don't believe this.
1736
01:30:59,040 --> 01:31:01,805
Why did I pause
before I pushed you, huh?
1737
01:31:01,960 --> 01:31:04,088
You know, if you weren't
that kid's father...
1738
01:31:04,240 --> 01:31:06,163
What are you talking about?
1739
01:31:06,320 --> 01:31:09,403
- The ring, man.
- What about it?
1740
01:31:09,560 --> 01:31:11,085
I stole it.
1741
01:31:11,240 --> 01:31:12,844
( Maniacal chuckle )
1742
01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:16,527
From some idiot in Fresno
1743
01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:18,682
that I strangled last year.
1744
01:31:20,680 --> 01:31:23,490
Perfect end
to a perfect evening, huh?
1745
01:31:23,640 --> 01:31:26,211
Un-fuckin'-believable.
1746
01:31:27,400 --> 01:31:30,961
I mean, I start by havin'
my koala bear hung
1747
01:31:31,120 --> 01:31:34,727
and my house and car blown up.
1748
01:31:34,920 --> 01:31:36,251
But that was just the beginning
of the evening.
1749
01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:38,323
We were just gettin' started, right?
1750
01:31:38,480 --> 01:31:40,881
Then I get to climb down
from the Capitol Records building.
1751
01:31:41,040 --> 01:31:43,281
Great exercise.
I recommend it.
1752
01:31:43,440 --> 01:31:44,851
And then my guitar, my Axe...
1753
01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:47,526
the one thing I love, right...
next to Stanley...
1754
01:31:47,680 --> 01:31:50,160
is now toothpicks
for the Hollywood homeless.
1755
01:31:50,320 --> 01:31:52,800
And then after I torch your boss,
1756
01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:54,644
my girlfriend leaves me.
1757
01:31:56,920 --> 01:32:00,208
She leaves me, right?
Terrific.
1758
01:32:00,360 --> 01:32:02,840
And now, now I get to die.
1759
01:32:03,000 --> 01:32:06,163
You're breakin' me heart.
1760
01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:08,800
What's the point?
1761
01:32:09,000 --> 01:32:11,162
The point is I wanna go out
man-to-man.
1762
01:32:11,320 --> 01:32:12,526
Just me and you.
1763
01:32:12,680 --> 01:32:14,569
Put down the gun,
let's go at it.
1764
01:32:14,720 --> 01:32:16,370
Come on, you fuckin' sissy.
1765
01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:18,966
What are you, afraid of me?
Come on, mano to mano.
1766
01:32:19,120 --> 01:32:20,360
Fisticuffs, baby.
1767
01:32:20,520 --> 01:32:22,727
Let's go at it, just you and me.
No one's around.
1768
01:32:22,880 --> 01:32:25,008
Come on, I fuckin' had it.
Let's go!
1769
01:32:34,800 --> 01:32:36,131
( Thud )
1770
01:32:36,320 --> 01:32:38,084
All right.
1771
01:32:38,280 --> 01:32:41,045
Any way you want it.
1772
01:32:41,240 --> 01:32:43,607
( Laughs )
1773
01:32:47,960 --> 01:32:50,361
You crack me up,
you know that?
1774
01:32:50,520 --> 01:32:52,010
What kind of idiot
throws his gun down?
1775
01:32:52,160 --> 01:32:53,525
I mean, use your head.
1776
01:32:53,680 --> 01:32:55,364
I mean, is there
somethin' wrong with you or what?
1777
01:32:55,520 --> 01:32:57,841
I mean, look...
look what you did.
1778
01:33:06,480 --> 01:33:09,051
Thanks for workin'.
1779
01:33:09,200 --> 01:33:10,804
Thanks for bein' a jerk-off.
1780
01:33:10,960 --> 01:33:13,725
I mean, man-to-man,
mano to mano.
1781
01:33:13,880 --> 01:33:16,724
What the hell does
"mano to mano" mean?
1782
01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:19,326
Use your head.
1783
01:33:19,480 --> 01:33:21,289
Snapper-head.
1784
01:33:24,640 --> 01:33:26,244
Ford:
So here I am.
1785
01:33:26,400 --> 01:33:28,402
The bad guys are dead,
1786
01:33:28,560 --> 01:33:30,050
my life's ruined,
1787
01:33:30,200 --> 01:33:33,124
and the case is closed.
1788
01:33:33,280 --> 01:33:35,169
Hey, what else can I say?
1789
01:33:35,320 --> 01:33:37,766
At least things can't get
any more depressin'.
1790
01:33:37,960 --> 01:33:40,770
So, did you find my dad?
1791
01:33:42,040 --> 01:33:45,328
Ford:
Un-fuckin'-believable.
1792
01:33:45,480 --> 01:33:47,005
I got some good news
1793
01:33:47,160 --> 01:33:50,004
and I got some bad news.
1794
01:33:50,160 --> 01:33:52,367
The good news is
I found him.
1795
01:33:52,560 --> 01:33:55,450
The bad news...
1796
01:33:55,600 --> 01:33:56,840
it's me.
1797
01:34:01,960 --> 01:34:04,247
What kind of
sentimental bullshit is this?
1798
01:34:04,400 --> 01:34:05,811
Hey, a guy tries to make
a commitment,
1799
01:34:05,960 --> 01:34:08,531
I gotta eat shit?
1800
01:34:08,680 --> 01:34:10,648
Well, just tell me
who my real father is.
1801
01:34:14,320 --> 01:34:18,041
He died.
No bullshit.
1802
01:34:18,200 --> 01:34:20,885
But he loved you a lot
and he wants me to take care of you.
1803
01:34:23,280 --> 01:34:25,203
Come on,
put it there.
1804
01:34:25,360 --> 01:34:26,725
That's it.
1805
01:34:29,880 --> 01:34:31,609
I mean,
1806
01:34:31,760 --> 01:34:34,604
I got a heavy caseload,
you know what I mean?
1807
01:34:43,560 --> 01:34:46,530
Ford.
Ford!
1808
01:34:49,920 --> 01:34:51,331
Come on.
1809
01:34:56,040 --> 01:34:58,611
Ford, I can't take this crap
between us anymore.
1810
01:34:58,760 --> 01:35:00,524
I'm sorry.
1811
01:35:00,680 --> 01:35:01,920
I'm quitting.
1812
01:35:02,080 --> 01:35:03,411
Dismount.
1813
01:35:06,280 --> 01:35:08,089
I love you.
1814
01:35:10,240 --> 01:35:12,208
What kind of
sentimental bullshit is this?
1815
01:35:12,360 --> 01:35:14,408
That's exactly what I said.
1816
01:35:14,600 --> 01:35:15,806
Jazz, look.
1817
01:35:15,960 --> 01:35:21,683
I'm sick of the hot clubs,
the hot cars, the hot chicks.
1818
01:35:21,840 --> 01:35:24,571
I'm sick of it.
All the fun...
1819
01:35:24,720 --> 01:35:26,324
I want you.
1820
01:35:27,520 --> 01:35:31,730
- You're saying I'm not fun?
- Well, I mean...
1821
01:35:31,880 --> 01:35:33,644
You told me to say this stuff.
1822
01:35:35,360 --> 01:35:37,249
Look.
1823
01:35:37,400 --> 01:35:40,404
I'm crazy about you, all right?
You... you know what I'm sayin'.
1824
01:35:42,640 --> 01:35:45,644
No. I-I really don't know
what you're saying.
1825
01:35:47,600 --> 01:35:49,250
But I like the tone of your voice.
1826
01:35:51,200 --> 01:35:53,202
I really like
the tone of your voice.
1827
01:35:53,360 --> 01:35:55,283
It's a beautiful thing.
1828
01:36:01,040 --> 01:36:04,886
( Telephone ringing )
1829
01:36:23,520 --> 01:36:24,965
Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
1830
01:36:25,120 --> 01:36:28,363
Hey, hey, this is Bobby Ouch,
K-DIRT's hottest new deejay!
1831
01:36:28,520 --> 01:36:30,727
You've just won
the K-DIRT million-dollar giveaway.
1832
01:36:30,880 --> 01:36:31,927
No shit.
1833
01:36:32,080 --> 01:36:33,605
Hey, you can't say "shit"
on the radio.
1834
01:36:33,760 --> 01:36:35,205
Oh, shit,
now I just said it.
1835
01:36:35,360 --> 01:36:37,840
( Music playing )
♪ Somewhere... ♪
1836
01:36:38,000 --> 01:36:41,766
Ford: Oh, boy,
I love the music industry.
1837
01:36:41,920 --> 01:36:45,083
Especially the tacky radio
giveaway part.
1838
01:36:45,240 --> 01:36:50,485
- ( Kissing )
- ♪ My love stands on golden sands... ♪
1839
01:36:50,640 --> 01:36:52,483
- ( Squeaks )
- What?
1840
01:36:52,640 --> 01:36:56,281
You didn't really think we'd kill
the "flucking" koala bear, now, did you?
1841
01:36:56,440 --> 01:36:57,646
( Purring )
1842
01:36:57,800 --> 01:37:00,087
♪ Somewhere ♪
1843
01:37:00,240 --> 01:37:02,163
♪ Beyond the sea ♪
1844
01:37:02,320 --> 01:37:06,769
♪ She's there watching for me ♪
1845
01:37:06,960 --> 01:37:11,648
♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪
1846
01:37:11,840 --> 01:37:14,320
♪ Then straight to her arms... ♪
- Ford: Look at this.
1847
01:37:14,480 --> 01:37:16,687
The sun, the sea.
1848
01:37:16,840 --> 01:37:19,969
Un-fuckin'-believable, heh?
1849
01:37:20,120 --> 01:37:22,851
( Music playing )
1850
01:37:34,200 --> 01:37:37,568
♪ The old man rhythm's
gotten in my shoes ♪
1851
01:37:37,720 --> 01:37:41,202
♪ No use sittin' here
and singin' that blues ♪
1852
01:37:41,360 --> 01:37:44,682
♪ So be my guest,
you got nothin' to lose ♪
1853
01:37:44,840 --> 01:37:48,049
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1854
01:37:48,200 --> 01:37:50,202
- ♪ I said oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1855
01:37:50,360 --> 01:37:51,885
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1856
01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:53,849
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1857
01:37:54,000 --> 01:37:55,650
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1858
01:37:55,800 --> 01:37:57,245
♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪
1859
01:37:57,400 --> 01:37:59,243
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1860
01:37:59,400 --> 01:38:02,768
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1861
01:38:02,920 --> 01:38:04,604
♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪
1862
01:38:04,760 --> 01:38:07,730
♪ Baby, won't ya join me, please ♪
1863
01:38:07,880 --> 01:38:09,848
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪
1864
01:38:10,000 --> 01:38:11,809
♪ I don't like beggin' ♪
1865
01:38:11,960 --> 01:38:15,248
♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪
1866
01:38:20,080 --> 01:38:21,081
♪ Oh ♪
1867
01:38:21,240 --> 01:38:24,289
♪ I've got to get to rockin',
get my hat off the rack ♪
1868
01:38:24,440 --> 01:38:27,649
♪ The boogie-woogie's got me
like a knife in the back ♪
1869
01:38:27,800 --> 01:38:31,725
♪ So be my guest,
you got nothin' to lose ♪
1870
01:38:31,920 --> 01:38:34,890
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1871
01:38:35,040 --> 01:38:36,769
- ♪ I said oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1872
01:38:36,920 --> 01:38:38,922
♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪
1873
01:38:39,080 --> 01:38:40,605
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1874
01:38:40,760 --> 01:38:42,728
♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪
1875
01:38:42,880 --> 01:38:46,043
♪ Oo-oo-oo-oo,
oo-oo-ee, baby ♪
1876
01:38:46,200 --> 01:38:49,602
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1877
01:38:49,760 --> 01:38:51,000
♪ Yeah ♪
1878
01:39:08,040 --> 01:39:11,123
♪ I got to get to movin',
baby, I ain't lyin' ♪
1879
01:39:11,280 --> 01:39:14,966
♪ My heart is beatin' rhythm
and it's right on time ♪
1880
01:39:15,120 --> 01:39:16,360
♪ So be my guest ♪
1881
01:39:16,520 --> 01:39:18,488
♪ You've got nothin' to lose ♪
1882
01:39:18,680 --> 01:39:21,650
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1883
01:39:21,800 --> 01:39:23,928
- ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1884
01:39:24,080 --> 01:39:25,730
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1885
01:39:25,880 --> 01:39:27,644
- ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1886
01:39:27,800 --> 01:39:29,290
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1887
01:39:29,480 --> 01:39:31,084
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1888
01:39:31,240 --> 01:39:32,924
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1889
01:39:33,080 --> 01:39:36,482
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1890
01:39:36,640 --> 01:39:38,324
♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪
1891
01:39:38,480 --> 01:39:41,484
♪ Baby, won't ya join me, please? ♪
1892
01:39:41,640 --> 01:39:43,802
♪ Come on, please ♪
1893
01:39:43,960 --> 01:39:45,564
♪ I don't like beggin', baby ♪
1894
01:39:45,720 --> 01:39:47,961
♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪
1895
01:39:48,120 --> 01:39:52,921
- ♪ Ah... ♪
- ♪ Knee ♪
1896
01:39:53,080 --> 01:39:54,286
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1897
01:39:54,440 --> 01:39:56,363
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1898
01:39:56,520 --> 01:39:58,363
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1899
01:39:58,520 --> 01:40:00,010
♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪
1900
01:40:00,160 --> 01:40:01,810
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1901
01:40:01,960 --> 01:40:03,166
♪ Oo-ee ♪
1902
01:40:03,320 --> 01:40:05,322
♪ Come on, oo-ee, baby ♪
1903
01:40:05,520 --> 01:40:08,683
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1904
01:40:08,840 --> 01:40:10,604
- ♪ I said, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1905
01:40:10,760 --> 01:40:12,683
♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪
1906
01:40:12,840 --> 01:40:14,330
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1907
01:40:14,480 --> 01:40:16,084
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1908
01:40:16,280 --> 01:40:17,884
♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪
1909
01:40:18,040 --> 01:40:19,769
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1910
01:40:19,920 --> 01:40:23,242
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1911
01:40:23,400 --> 01:40:24,845
♪ Yeah ♪
1912
01:40:34,680 --> 01:40:41,370
♪ Ah ♪
1913
01:40:41,520 --> 01:40:43,249
♪ I got to get to movin', baby ♪
1914
01:40:43,400 --> 01:40:44,890
♪ I ain't lyin' ♪
1915
01:40:45,040 --> 01:40:48,681
♪ My heart is beatin' rhythm
and it's right on time ♪
1916
01:40:48,840 --> 01:40:50,046
♪ Be my guest ♪
1917
01:40:50,200 --> 01:40:52,009
♪ You got nothin' to lose ♪
1918
01:40:52,160 --> 01:40:55,528
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1919
01:40:55,680 --> 01:40:57,364
- ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1920
01:40:57,520 --> 01:40:59,045
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1921
01:40:59,240 --> 01:41:00,924
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1922
01:41:01,080 --> 01:41:02,764
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1923
01:41:02,920 --> 01:41:04,524
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1924
01:41:04,680 --> 01:41:06,364
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1925
01:41:06,520 --> 01:41:10,081
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1926
01:41:10,240 --> 01:41:11,810
♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪
1927
01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:15,243
♪ Baby, won't you join me, please? ♪
1928
01:41:15,400 --> 01:41:17,289
♪ Come on, please ♪
1929
01:41:17,440 --> 01:41:19,010
♪ I don't like beggin', baby ♪
1930
01:41:19,160 --> 01:41:21,162
♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪
1931
01:41:21,320 --> 01:41:26,247
- ♪ Ah... ♪
- ♪ Knee ♪
1932
01:41:26,400 --> 01:41:28,368
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1933
01:41:28,560 --> 01:41:30,005
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1934
01:41:30,160 --> 01:41:31,525
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1935
01:41:31,680 --> 01:41:33,682
♪ Oo-oo-oo-ee ♪
1936
01:41:33,840 --> 01:41:35,080
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1937
01:41:35,240 --> 01:41:36,924
♪ Oo-ee ♪
1938
01:41:37,080 --> 01:41:38,809
♪ Come on, oo-ee, baby ♪
1939
01:41:38,960 --> 01:41:42,282
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1940
01:41:42,440 --> 01:41:44,204
- ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1941
01:41:44,360 --> 01:41:47,728
♪ Come on, baby, oo-ee, baby,
come on, baby. ♪
139061
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