Original subtitles

Cheung Po-tsai is coming back for a wife?

Cheung Po-tsai has only one life here.

How many do you want buried with me?

You're Cheung Po-tsai?

Master Po, it's the Black Flag.

Wong Yi is always doing this!

We do the dirty work and he comes along to split the loot.

The mantis stalks the cicada, not knowing there's the oriole behind, Master Yi!

You don't have to tell me that!

A pirate must use his brains.

That idiot Cheung Po-tsai is no match for me

I want that ship!

Looks like Wong Yi didn't come here to split the loot.

He's after the goods and the ship.

I have always wanted to teach Wong Yi a lesson.

You're in luck, Wench!

I guarantee, this will be an eye-opener for you!

What eye-opener? What are you up to now?

How many men's behinds have you seen?

Sing! Ho! Pull off the Qing soldiers' pants.

Right!

No...

Scholar Suen, show us your calligraphy!

No...

Serves you right...

You pervert!

What do you see?

A it...

A lot of what?

I want to know what you see!

You'll only get the moon, not the loot.

You're no match for me!

Zhuge Liang teased Zhou Yu, like you just mooned the Black Flag.

I should get some credit for that.

The word "loot" has so many strokes.

I found someone with big buttocks for it.

(Kill! Kill! Kill!)

Prepare for war!

What about the Qing soldiers?

Their buttocks can’t kill!

You mean to kill them?

No...

Toss them overboard.

Let them sink or swim.

Right!

What about the Wench?

Keep shooting, turn them into porcupines!

Right, Master Yi?

Keep talking!

Don't stop!

What do you want now?

I'm not done with you!

Take her into the cabin!

Something is not right, Master Yi!

What's going on?

Let's see what's more effective? Your arrows or my cannon!

Here's an encore! 3...2...1...

Cheung Po-tsai, are you alright?

Your cannon broke apart!

Your cannon broke apart, Master Po!

I saw that! Don't tell me!

What happened to my cannon?

Why did the fire dish explode?

What is this?

Master Po...

What the heck is this?

I think it belongs to the wench!

The wench broke Master Po's cannon!

You stupid woman!

Pervert!

You hateful woman!

You hopeless pervert!

Darn it...

No...don't get into a shouting match with a shrew.

Don't get so upset!

Calling you a pervert may be a compliment.

That's right, a compliment...

Yes...

Doesn't sound like it! I'm not stupid!

We're in trouble, Master Po! Look...

Cheung Po-tsai, you're out of cannons, but I have two.

Turn the helm! Let's head back!

Turn it around!

Turn it around! Hurry...

Hurry! They're coming!

My name is not Wong Yi if I let you get away

You can’t run from me!

I'll crush you even if I had to follow you to Timbuktu.

Right! He who offends you is out of luck!

Keep firing as we pursue them!

Out of the way...

The Qing soldiers are still alive?

He's following me like a shadow!

This won't do...Our ship is too big.

His ship is smaller and is gaining on us.

The slow one's the jerk!

What?

No, I don't mean us.

I mean the jerk is catching up.

Sing! Scholar Suen! Go into the cabin,

toss overboard anything useless.

We can go faster if the ship is lighter.

Right...

Wong Yi was my foster father's sworn brother by gang rules.

He has pushed me far enough!

What's going on up there?

You should talk! All because your thingy exploded.

Don't talk to her! Start tossing things!

What thingy?

What is this?

Jiaqing era? 1809?

What year is this?

Hey...talk to me!

You're as good as dead, why bother with what year this is?

Answer me! What year is this?

1809!

Don't talk to her! We're about to die!

Hold it...October 3, 1809 is the day we die?

Just hurry...even if we have to die!

Right...

Why? Why am I back in the Jiaqing era of the Qing Dynasty?

Why 1809?

Watch out! Have we tossed everything?

Everything we don't need!

It's not going much faster!

Why don't we surrender?

Are you crazy? Nothing fazes me. Don't expect me to surrender!

No, I mean we can pretend to surrender.

Yes, we can buy some time.

We can fool the Qing soldiers,

but Wong Yi is the expert on surrendering!

He used this ruse when the Qing soldiers chased him into Cheung Chau.

Cheung Chau? I have an idea!

He'll catch up with us in the open sea,

but Cheung Chau is foggy at this hour.

We can ditch Wong Yi.

No...

Turn the helm 45 degrees, head for Tung Wan of Cheung Chau.

Cheung Chau?

Where's the pier?

The fishing boats and the yachts?

The North Lookout Pavilion at the peak?

Sing Mui Kee's shop sign?

I've travelled back in time to the Qing Dynasty!

Master Po, Wong Yi is catching up.

You're right, Master Po! Tung Wan is foggy!

2 more knots, come on...

Run...

I can't die here...not in the Qing Dynasty!

I must go back to Hong Kong.

I want to see my sister.

I want to go back to Hong Kong.

Who's on top of me?

Who's on top of me?

Who's on top of me?

Who's on top of me?

No one! No one is on top of me!

Get up! Get up!

What a coincidence! Hi!

What is she doing here?

I told you to toss everything useless!

She's the most useless of them all!

You call yourself Cheung Po-tsai,

but you're running with your tail between your legs.

What kind of Commander of the Seven Seas are you?

All because you broke my cannon!

The Qing soldiers are corrupt

and the other cannons are fake.

How can I fight with gunpowder alone?

Gunpowder?

I have a plan.

What kind of plan?

We'll force the gunpowder down her throat,

use the feather duster as the fuse.

Toss her onto Wong Yi's ship and boom...

Are you stupid or what?

You have a better idea?

Gunpowder?

Wooden crates? Tung Wan?

Was Leung Sir talking about torpedoes?

Have you heard of torpedoes?

You think you can hide in this fog?

So naive!

Will we fall into Cheung Po-tsai's trap in this fog?

When I was the second in command, he was still wet behind his ears!

Will I fall into his trap?

Of course not!

You can’t hide in this fog!

Turn Tung Wan upside down and find that loser!

Yes...

If this doesn't work,

the famous Qing torture awaits you!

We're hiding, shut up! This is an order!

Up ahead, Master Yi! Look!

We did it!

The Black Flag ship got hit by the torpedoes!

Zhuge Liang burnt the chained barges then,

and today you torpedoed a pirate ship.

We should add torpedoes to the 36 Stratagems from now on.

Where did you learn to use torpedoes?

Leung Sir told me.

There's a kind of snake called "Leung"?

It must be a Western breed.

Western snakes can talk?

She's toying with you again!

You took care of Wong Yi,

we're sort of in the same boat.

I'm trying to be nice,

but you chose to toy with me with your lies.

I'm not lying! It's the truth!

Truth? Tell me again, who are you?

I've already told you.

I'm Sergeant Wong Tai-mui 16444 of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region Police.

I'm not from here,

I travelled through time and got here...

I know you won't understand.

Even I don't understand how I ended up here.

Is this your so-called truth?

It's a waste of time talking to you!

Boys, show her a good time!

The phone! Where is it?

There's a signal?

A signal in the Qing Dynasty?

My expensive plan certainly paid off!

Sis? How can she call me?

That's a quick move, Master Po!

Nice and clean shot!

One must act quickly!

This treasure is luminous and can make noises.

As a pirate, I must grab it.

No wonder you're the chief.

Returning evil for good is something we must learn from you.

Only because she toyed with me.

I'm only returning a favour.

Say no more, let's check this out!

Let me see...

Careful! Who did that?

Who? Who?

Who? Who?

Who? Who?

I'll kill you!

Can't believe I'm still alive!

I'll kill that Cheung Po-tsai next time!

Don't sit there. Get up!

What kind of a stupid place is this? Move it...

Go check it out!

Yes...

(Shek Kiu, Yaksa)

We're back!

This is cool! Hurry, Sis!

We're going home for dinner. Don't eat that!

But I'm hot!

And the one peddling is not?

I know you love me! Here's yours!

For me?

Yes, but please go faster, OK? Hurry...

Hurry...

I'm really...back in the Qing Dynasty!

No way...Help! Am I dreaming?

Of course not! It's too early.

For an earthworm, she's rather quick.

You seem too nice to be a liar.

No wonder Master Po brought you here to the water stockade.

Water stockade?

That's our base camp,

the Dragon King Cheng Yat's Heroes' Den.

So this is the pirates' hideout?

You seem to have had some schooling.

You look too decent to be a pirate. Why?

Decent? Yes, among the pirates, I have a conscience.

But people out there think I'm unforgivable.

You really don't look like a bad guy.

Can you tell a bad guy from his looks?

Every family has a skeleton in the cupboard.

Blindfold her! Yes...

What do you want? Stay away from me!

You're not one of the gang.

You must be blindfolded before you can enter the Heroes' Den.

Take her away!

That's crazy! Let go of me!

Let me go, pervert!

The Devil is back! Master Po is back!

Stupid! They do that every time.

I don't mind if you don't welcome me,

but don't treat me like a jinx and run from me.

You know well what you have done!

What have I done?

When Auntie Sam's son got married,

you peed in her tea.

Sing, did you do that?

I did, but at Master Po's order.

At Auntie Pat's birthday banquet,

you put cockroaches into her birthday buns.

Ho, why did you do it?

It was my idea to put in the cockroaches.

Hear that?

Master Po wanted to use dung beetles.

I decided to use something else.

You pull pranks like that.

That's why people run from you like you were the plague.

Then why aren't you scared of me?

Me? I'm too old to be scared.

Scholar Suen!

I didn't do anything.

You brat!

You're an old doodling fool!

This is for shooting off your mouth!

How can you bully a granny, pervert?

Someone who's in trouble should keep her mouth shut!

I don't have time for you yet! Let's go!

Peace at last!

One of the Qing tortures...

What game would you like to play?

Don't make me play rough!

That hurts!

I'll ask you again. What is this thingy?

It's a hand phone.

Hand phone? I know...

This is something you can hold in hand.

That's right...

But why is it called a hand phone?

Don't ask stupid questions.

Here! Hand, hold it and it flings on its own!

You can’t toy with someone smart like me.

Tell me, where did you get this?

These people are so ignorant,

even if I told them I travelled back in time

they couldn't possibly understand.

They wouldn't believe me and would only think I'm crazy.

You suspect she's a foreigner?

Remember what she said on the deck

while we're waiting for Wong Yi to get hit by the torpedoes?

She said, "this is an order".

This shit is older?

No, this "shit" is hard.

This "shit" is out too hard.

No, "this is an order" is English.

I remember when you were young, you worked for foreign devils!

That's why I know English.

Because I speak too much English,

my Cantonese is not that fluent.

I don't care about your Cantonese.

Figure out how I can make that wench start talking.

I know!

She refused to tell us who she is,

I'll talk to her in English...

If she speaks to you in English,

she'll expose herself, right?

You thought of that. That's incredible!

A man and a pen. A pen and a man.

This is a man. This is my friend.

What are you talking about?

See? She's speaking English!

She's definitely a foreigner!

I'm a foreigner?

I can't reason with these idiots.

If they think I'm a foreigner, I'll go along with it.

Are those foreign clothes? They're weird!

Yes, these are.

Is this a foreign bundle?

Yes, it is.

You have toyed with us long enough!

Don't bother to deny you're a foreigner!

So what if I am?

No, you're a half breed. I have seen foreigners before.

That's right!

They have blonde hair and blue eyes.

That's right!

You mother must have fancied a foreigner

and gave birth to a half breed like you.

Yes...

Who are you calling a half breed?

What are you then, if you're not a half breed?

Fine! I'm a half breed...

Now you know everything, can I go now?

Go? In your dreams!

That's right!

Show us how you use these treasures.

What's this black thing? How do you use it?

It's hard to explain. Just let me show you.

Thank you.

This is "a gun".

Gun...

That's right, it's a gun...

This is "a gun".

Gun...

That's right, it's a gun...

It's a weapon! We've been had!

You handed it over! How stupid of you!

What now?

Don't worry, guns usually have one bullet.

I'll fix her when she reloads.

What a pal!

Master Po, she has more than one bullet!

Don't worry, even the latest model only has two bullets.

I'll go...

What a pal!

She has three bullets, not two!

What a sneaky gun!

Don't worry, even the newest model only has three bullets.

What a pal...

Who's next?

Master Po, we are in trouble!

What is it?

Wong Yi has a bone to pick with you.

The Chief is entertaining him in Jui Yi Hall.

It never rains, it pours!

I don't care how you do it,

keep this wench here until I get back.

Sure...traitor!

(Jui Yi Hall)

15 years ago, the pirates in Guangdong, Guangxi, Fujian and Zhejiang had no leader,

and the Qing dogs managed to hit us hard.

Since we formed the League and made you our commander,

all the pirates have been united.

Now the Qing dogs run from us instead of trying to suppress us.

I'm most flattered. Teamwork is the key.

Teamwork is the key indeed.

But you have a traitor under you.

Not only did he not work with me,

he tried to cut me out of my fair share.

Who are you talking about?

Your adopted son Cheung Po-tsai.

You have a bone to pick with him?

I wouldn't dare! I only want justice.

Justice is very simple.

Either the vertical or the horizontal.

Justice lies with whoever remains standing.

You're covering for Cheung Po-tsai?

You rank the second behind me,

I'll concede 3 moves...

Po-tsai?

Father, save your Dragon Head saber for a real hero.

You'll be wasting it on someone useless like Wong Yi.

You have a point.

Who are you calling useless?

You, of course!

You never stand up to fight,

and dodged the Qing ship.

You're good at using tricks,

I say you're useless.

When did I dodge the Qing ship?

When did I use tricks?

You did not?

I have no use for that.

Are you sure?

I really have no use for that!

You said it yourself. You're useless!

You're so mischievous!

Who said you could laugh? Who's your chief?

Who said you could laugh? Who's your chief?

Looks like you picked the wrong side.

You're sneaky, Cheung Po-tsai!

Me? You should talk!

We agreed to take on the Qing ship together,

but you chose to sit on the sideline and eat your peanuts.

After we captured the ship, you tried to eat up my share.

Who was shooting arrows at me?

Who fired the cannon at me?

How dare you complain to Father about me?

Is it true?

He insulted me. That's why...

When did I insult you? Nonsense!

He must have lost his head whoring around!

No? You mooned me with 8 behinds

and wrote "You only get the moon, not the loot".

Behinds? Words? What are you talking about?

I don't know either!

He's babbling from too much whoring.

It's bad for your health!

You two...

Jealous? We're so sweet!

You...

Don't be jealous!

Fine! On account of Brother Cheng, I'll let this slide.

But there's something else I need to ask you

When we burned yellow paper and formed the League,

you swore a blood oath.

Don't you remember? Let me remind you...

You said we lost our families because of the Qing dogs,

so we must kill all those we capture.

Yes, we will never let them go free.

Those who disobey are traitors.

Good.

If you think I've screwed up my brains from whoring around,

then I must say you have no brains at all.

You let the Qing soldiers go, remember?

Po-tsai, you set them free?

No, those Qing dogs...

Traitors get stabbed 3 times, leaving 6 holes.

That's a blood oath Brother Cheng,

even you can’t protect him.

Shall I punish him for you?

Shek Kiu?

I'm so glad to see you! I missed you!

Here comes my life saver!

I always get you out of a bind!

Wong Yi, settle down!

I know you’re quite a heroine and Brother Cheng's better half.

But so what? No one can save him!

Po-tsai, it's entirely your fault!

You arranged for me to intercept the Qing soldiers,

and wipe them out.

Didn't you tell Wong Yi?

Right...I forgot. I made the arrangements.

You led Wong Yi to believe that he had you cornered.

That's a low-down mean trick you played on him.

I know!

Talk is cheap! Where are the bodies?

See for yourself!

The Qing soldiers had the nerve to stand against the Red Flag.

I gouged out their eyes so when Yama questions them in Hell,

they can explain why they have eyes but cannot see.

Bravo...

I let the Commander go

so that when he returns to the naval base,

he can tell the others the Red Flag pirates are invincible.

The most ruthless man is nothing compared to my good wife.

Women are the most vicious.

Happy now, Wong Yi?

How can I not be? You think of everything.

It's nothing but a misunderstanding!

We're all sworn brothers. Don't take it to heart.

Bring the wine! Yes...

You have a big heart, Brother Yi.

Po-tsai, gulp this down!

Let's swallow the grudges you have!

Come...drink up!

Good!

Kiu, you've been a great help!

Here's a toast to you.

Let's all drink up...

Cheers!

Come on!

Thanks!

Why did I end up in this killing field?

How can I get back to Hong Kong in 2015?