Original subtitles

Higher Universe Pictures.

What's up, buddy?

- Good to see you. - How's it going?

Hey, how's it going?

Hooked up pretty good, check it out.

I'm saying, you know who hooked that up.

Hey.

Hey, Sagan, what's up?

Yeah, nothing much.

Where'd you get this stuff?

I know a couple guys.

It's new.

I don't feel anything.

Give it time,

then call and thank me.

He's leaving, let's go.

Gotta finish my fries.

Finish 'em after.

Hey Sagan.

Oh, hey Delmont.

Funny you called last night

saying you got robbed of your stash so you couldn't pay us,

and now we see you here tonight

conducting business as usual.

Oh no, this isn't your shit,

I got it from Charlie Z.

That's a lie.

Charlie Z's dead.

Since when?

Since Tuesday, 11:00 PM.

So, unless you're getting your shit from a zombie...

Or, a ghost.

Or a ghost, you were selling our dope.

No, I can...

Delmont, I swear this shit isn't yours.

My wife says my hands are my best feature,

so I can't go home with this all busted up.

You mind?

Not at all.

Please, please Delmont.

Go get the thing.

Delmont.

I'll get your money tomorrow, okay?

Don't beg, it's embarrassing.

- No! - Put him out of his misery.

Please!

Delmont!

Fuckin' sick.

If we keep killing everybody,

we'll have nobody to do business with.

There's eight billion people in the world,

there will always be one more.

Plus, if this new opportunity we got works out,

we'll have nothing to worry about anymore.

Praise the Lord.

But life's not all business, we gotta have some fun too.

Let's go.

Such a good boy.

Trustworthy.

Can I have a moment alone?

Of course.

Mildred?

Mary went home and I'm leaving now.

I'll be back on the 21st,

so don't leave the property, okay?

Okay.

I miss him too.

I love you, Mildred Moyer.

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

Linda, please just come over.

I know I've been acting weird,

but if you knew what was going on, you'd understand why.

Just come over and I can show you.

Don't go away.

We'll be back after these messages.

Do you feel lost?

Yes.

Do you feel a deep loneliness in the pit of your soul?

Uh-huh.

Have you lost someone you love?

Well, I'm Cornelius Spretzer,

and I'm here to help.

Hi, Cornelius.

At Spretzer Christian Ministries, we believe in family.

Come on, let's meet mine.

♪ Spretzer Christian Ministries ♪

♪ Will meet you with a smile ♪

♪ Spretzer Christian Ministries ♪

♪ Will make your life worthwhile ♪

♪ So come and meet our family ♪

♪ We know you'll fit right in ♪

Through the power of the Lord, I can heal your pain.

If you have an illness,

if someone you love has passed away,

send me a picture,

and I will pray over it and work a miracle into your life.

Be sure to include cash or a check made out

to Spretzer Christian Ministries

to ensure you receive maximum blessing.

So come on down and give us a try.

In fact, bring the whole family.

♪ Spretzer Christian Ministries ♪

♪ Redemption starts within ♪

Hi, Mildred.

Hi, Danger Dan.

Here's the stuff you guys asked for.

Thanks.

Can you mail this for me?

Spretzer Christian Ministries?

It's...

private.

Hey, I wouldn't last this long on the lam

if I wasn't trustworthy.

Sorry about Felix.

Thanks, Dan.

Hey, I always got your back.

Don't forget that.

All right, see you soon.

- You,

hold it right there.

Hands up, turn around.

Hold this.

Veronica Spretzer.

What?

The little bastard.

I'll be right there.

We're done here.

Bring my sword back to my office.

Ow.

Did they fingerprint you?

No.

Well, you're damn lucky,

and you better thank God

that it was Officer Larry that caught you

and not an honest policeman.

The next time you get arrested, I'll let you rot in there.

Are we at least taking the Lambo?

Shut up, Ronald.

This isn't like any other churches you've ever been to.

Sounds fun, but I'm not really a church guy.

Don't tell me I won't see

your handsome face there Sunday night?

Okay.

Make it out to Spretzer Christian Ministries.

Thank you, Bryan.

I don't know why you asked to meet me here, Cindy.

You know I'm not religious.

Don't tell me I won't see your handsome face

at church on Sunday.

- Hello. - Hi.

First time here?

Yeah.

Me too.

You know, you look really familiar.

You know who you look like?

Mildred Moyer,

that one who went on the killing spree last year.

I don't look like her.

For one, my hair's in a ponytail and I'm wearing glasses.

That's not even remotely what she looked like.

I guess.

From the pictures I saw,

she wasn't very good looking anyways.

I thought she was pretty hot.

I'm Becky.

I'm Mildred Mayer.

Seriously?

There's a lot of people named Mildred.

No, there's not.

Well, to be honest,

I've been tormented about my name ever since that beautiful,

lovable, lunatic one on her rampage.

I'd prefer not to discuss it.

I'm sorry.

I can't help but being nosy sometimes.

It's...

It's in my nature.

I used to be nosy, but I'm not anymore.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I am Pious Paul.

Welcome everybody this afternoon

as we welcome the seer, the visier,

the prophet extraordinaire,

please welcome...

Cornelius Spretzer!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, folks, welcome.

So glad you're all here,

I look out over all these wonderful people

and I see so many new faces.

You know, I did write a sermon for today.

You know what?

Screw it!

What, was the Lord all about rules?

No, let's throw all the rules out the window, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well now let's really get started.

Oh, I just can't take it anymore.

She has a demon inside of her.

Only the power of Christ can drive it out.

Demon, begone!

The demon has been banished.

Wash away your sins, my brothers.

Big bible club, and it's not just us,

it's not just the city, it's the whole world.

And you are all first in line.

Jesus sayeth unto him, "I am the way",

the truth, and the life."

And Jesus did say, "Hey",

take some bread,

and rip it in half 'cause it's my body,

and put it in your mouth.

And this, it's my blood.

"Drink of it."

It's good.

Ooh, sparkly.

Yes, my child.

Let the spirit of the Lord flow into you through me.

Rise, and be born again, Sister Sarah.

Rise, and be born again, Sister Mildred.

It was nice meeting you.

Yeah, you too.

- Bye. - Bye.

Welcome.

First time?

Hey, you're the lady from the commercial.

Veronica Spretzer, it's nice to meet you.

Do I know you from somewhere?

No.

Oh, you know who you look like?

You look like the crazy woman that killed all those people,

Mildred Moyer.

Except for the nose, of course.

What's your name?

Mildred, a different Mildred.

I'm Mildred Mayer.

Oh.

Strange coincidence.

Come, let me introduce you to some people.

These are my and Cornelius's children, Ronald and Cindy.

Yeah, I was gonna ask,

why are your children the same age as you?

Well, Ronald is mine from a previous marriage,

and Cindy is Cornelius's from one of his.

Thank you so much for coming.

Oh wow, I love your accent.

Russian?

No.

Born and raised in Edmonton.

You have an accent, though.

I don't hear an accent.

Ronald, shake Mildred's hand.

Ronald's a real handful.

We love him.

Come on, let's go see Cornelius.

That guy down there, show him a good time.

Wealthy tech owner, believe it or not.

Cornelius, this is Mildred Mayer, a new member.

Oh, welcome to the family, Mildred.

Please, have a seat.

Do you have any family, Mildred?

Well, my family's mostly dead.

Of course, you know about Felix.

I sent you a photo of him and I for you to pray over.

Ah, yes.

Felix, is he doing any better?

Not really, he's still dead.

Oh, yes, very sad.

I just feel so empty since he passed away.

Mildred, if you give us the chance to help you,

I guarantee you'll be with us forever.

David Stanislow.

Cheapskates.

Richard Delgado.

Mark Flemmich.

Mildred Mayer.

I am ashamed of myself.

I took money from my employer, 20 grand.

They won't miss it,

at least not until I have a chance to pay it back

when my house sells.

I just, we needed the money for my mother's operation.

I know what I did was for a good cause,

but I still feel guilty.

There's no reason for you to feel guilty.

As long as your deeds are for a noble cause,

they're justified in the eyes of God.

Go home and relax.

There is no penance required.

That's a relief.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Hello, Dan.

You really think you could run forever?

You think I'd forget?

Well, Dan, it's been fun.

I took money from my employer, 20 grand.

They won't miss it, at least not until I have a chance

to pay it back when my house sells.

I just...

We needed the money for my mother's operation.

I know what I did was for a good cause,

but I still feel guilty.

Be a shame if his employers

found out he was stealing from them.

Especially if they were blackmailing him

for a hundred grand.

Two hundred grand.

Oh, I see my little pumpkin has been learning

a thing or two about money.

Must be my genius brushing off on you.

You used to be a used car salesman when we met, darling.

My ex had to loan you money, don't forget it.

You won't let me forget it.

Hello.

Thank you.

Oh, it's oh so hot in here.

We're gonna slow it right down.

Grab the one you want, but remember,

one foot in between bodies.

The Lord loveth the chastity.

I've been coming here for about 2 years now,

and I've recruited about 25 people.

- Oh, cool. - Yeah.

Oh my God.

I'm gonna get away

- from these people. - Hey, you wanna dance?

No thanks.

How about you, you wanna dance?

No, thank you.

- Can I cut in? - No.

Coulda had some of this.

Wanna dance?

Ew, no.

- How about you? - No.

Hey, want to dance?

No thanks.

Oh.

Hey.

Hey, whatcha doing?

I just got lost on my way back from the bathroom.

This place is huge.

I still have that song so stuck in my head,

- it just like. - Right?

It's so catchy.

- Okay, bye. - Take care.

Bye, guys.

Where the hell are you?

You're supposed to make an appearance at these things.

I'll deal with you later.

Mildred.

Mildred, hold up a second.

Have you heard of our Spretzer Spiritual Retreat?

It is a life changing weekend

that we host at Camp Holy Springs bimonthly.

Bimonthly as in twice a month, or every second month?

It can mean both.

Twice a month.

Anyways, we would love for you to join us.

Absolutely.

I had a lot of fun the last time I went camping.

Excellent.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes.

♪ And they say a lot ♪

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Let yourself be filled up with the Lord.

♪ God kills all these darker born ♪

Still got it.

Yeah, you're a real stud.

♪ Looked you right between the eye ♪

♪ Maybe he'll love a sigh ♪

Give me some.

♪ I'm dreaming ♪

♪ I'm dreaming ♪

♪ I'm dreaming ♪

♪ I'm dreaming ♪

Who's that, is that your next customer?

Because I still got seven minutes,

even if we're not having sex,

I still get seven more minutes of your time.

Don't worry, you'll get your seven minutes.

Veronica, what are you doing here?

Spying on you, Cornelius.

Have you met my cousin, Trixie?

Put your clothes on and get outside.

You, wait here

I am sick of your goddamn philandering.

So you found out about my donation

to the Alberta Girls Gymnastics Club.

Philanderer, you fucking idiot, not philanthropist.

What's the difference?

Oh, watch yourself, Cornelius,

or I'll take the money and leave,

and you and I both know that you can't do this without me.

If this is about the money, she's only $75 an hour.

She's the cheapest girl on the north side.

I mean, I'd be stupid not to do it.

Get outta my sight.

Go lie on the bed.

Look, I do girls too, but I gotta see some cash.

I have more money than you can imagine.

Why are you married to that guy?

I ask myself that same question every single day.

You are gonna do me a favor,

stay away from my husband.

Thanks for that.

Hi Ronald, it's mom.

I need you to come down to Pete's Motel, room 112.

I need you to help me clean something up.

Bring garbage bags.

- Hi! - You're here!

Run out, welcome here!

Oh, hi!

- This one's expensive. - What's that?

- I got that for you. - It's been so long.

Here, get all the stuff?

Put it on, cool colors, nice shirt.

Hawaii, I hear it's nice.

All right.

Okay friends, we're headed this way.

All right, here we go.

Smiling for Jesus.

Hello.

Hey there, stranger.

So glad we're all bunk mates, we're gonna have a blast.

Yeah.

Can't wait.

And the most important thing is to have fun.

Welcome to Camp Holy Springs.

Come on, you can do it.

Feel the power of the Lord.

Come on.

Great job.

There's all kinds of wildlife around here.

I even saw a bear once.

Now, don't believe all that nonsense

about running dead when you see a bear,

if you see any deadly animal, just run.

Animals are disgusting.

Animals are awesome.

Get flexible for the lord.

Get flexible for the Lord.

- Yes, yes. - All the way.

Come on, all the way.

Dear Lord, please bless Cornelius and Veronica

and the rest of the Spretzer family,

and please have all the campers at Camp Holy Springs

have a fun time this week.

Breakfast time.

Most important meal of the day.

Drowning is actually one of the five

most unintentional causes of injury.

That's a thing.

Do you think we should tell her about

the no-sleeping-with-fellow-campers rule?

Oh, she knows.

That guy with the earrings and blue shirt,

what's he doing here?

Recovering addict?

Nah, he's too much of a gym buff.

I'd say crippling depression.

I vote terminal illness and he is hoping for an afterlife.

What about that tall red head with the glasses?

I bet she has no friends and longs for acceptance.

You know who she reminds me of?

I requested a meat substitute.

You must be Mildred.

Oh, I'm well aware of your request.

It's fakon, it's just peas and soy.

Perfect for stuck-up vegans.

I'm not vegan, I'm vegetarian.

I'm not stuck up.

Morning, guys.

- Morning, Mildred. - Morning.

Excuse me, lunch lady?

This tastes like real bacon.

It's fakon.

Now eat it or starve.

I'll take your bacon if you don't want it.

These pancakes are delicious, I'm grabbing seconds.

Everybody be quiet.

Now, I hope you've all had a chance

to study your aquatic safety manuals.

Here at Pigeon Lake, we take water safety very seriously.

There's a lot of hidden dangers in the depths of this ocean,

so I want two people to a canoe, no solo missions.

Eleanor.

I'm not going in the lake.

I know you're scared,

but you're all gonna get a life vest,

and you're gonna be under my supervision the entire time.

What about leeches?

There's no leeches in Pigeon Lake.

That's not what I heard.

I've been coming to this lake my entire life.

There's no leeches.

I have a friend that went in

and said they got covered in them.

Or was that Cold Lake?

I don't care about Cold Lake,

or Slave Lake or Sylvan Lake, it wasn't this lake.

All lakes have leeches, don't they?

I don't wanna go in either, if there's leeches.

What is the matter with you people?

There's no leeches.

How can you be sure?

All right, fine.

Do you want me to show you?

I'll prove it to you.

Hey, leech.

Leeches.

Where are you, leech?

Hey, leeches.

Where are ya?

I don't see any leeches.

Leeches.

Hey, leech!

What happened to Sagan?

He's not around anymore.

Special delivery.

Yeah, I just have, I have the dinner bell

stuck in my head, it's just going over and over-

- Made especially for you, non-meat vegetables.

Happy?

Very.

Did you guys hear?

Cornelius is coming down tonight to give a talk.

Oh, I can't wait, he's so cool.

I don't know about Cornelius, but Cindy sure is something.

That girl is amazing.

- Oh yeah. - Oh yeah.

I definitely wanna come back next time.

Cindy says everyone who comes keeps coming back.

Steak tastes kind of funny though.

This will help.

I wonder if Cornelius is here yet.

Do you feel funny?

I feel a bit tingly.

I think it's the spirit of the Lord.

Everyone, Cornelius is a very busy man,

but he loves you so much that he made a very special trip

to see you right here.

I give you Cornelius.

It's me, it's you.

You all made it.

So glad I could come down here to be with you all.

I love these little excursions we take out into nature.

You know, it's places like this that remind me

that the Lord is closer than we think.

Isn't that right?

Come on, Rizz.

Snap out of it.

You'll be fine.

We just need to get some coffee in you.

She's dead.

Cornelius docks our paid by 50 bucks

for each camper that ODs.

Yep, well, it's a little too late for that.

So grab her legs.

We'll throw in the lake.

What are you doing?

Taking Rizz for a swim.

Oh, fuck it.

You asshole.

I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose.

Hurry.

Let's get them both in the lake.

Grab her wallet.

Ooh.

Lip gloss.

Let's just get her in.

Let's get the other one before someone else sees us.

We'll be here all night rolling bodies into the lake.

It's been not even a half hour.

Pretty nice party.

Oh really?

Oh, I'm so overcome with spirituality, I'm seeing tracers.

Yeah.

Weird.

We should go back to the cabin.

Oh, okay.

That's a good idea.

Oh, I don't think I can get up.

I'll help.

I hope this never ends.

What's going on?

Well, we had to send Rizz and Eleanor home

for not following the rules.

- Oh. - Which rule?

Number nine.

Beware of wildlife?

No, no, no.

The one about not attending chapel.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, it's just you two now, so.

That's odd.

That's okay.

We can still have fun, just the two of us.

You're not eating?

No.

Not feeling well.

Well, maybe a big hug will make you feel better.

Veronica sent me to see you.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Here, I need you to get rid of this.

It's all the crap people wanted me to pray about.

Get the idiots, haul this out to the camp.

Burn it, bury it.

I don't care, just get rid of it.

You got it, Mr. Spretzer.

♪ The T-Rex was a witches hex ♪

♪ And if you believe that ♪

♪ Grab your crucifix ♪

♪ Now say with me and pray with me ♪

♪ Jesus is the one that saves me ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Jurassic Park, more like Judas Park ♪

♪ And if you feel scared ♪

♪ Hop on Noah's ark ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Now when I say science, you say Satan ♪

♪ Science ♪ - Satan!

♪ Science ♪ - Satan!

♪ Science ♪ - Satan!

I'm gonna get some fresh air before I puke.

That's that.

Thanks for all the help, guys.

Clobel, can we go get some of the

purple stuff from the kitchen?

Not a chance.

Last thing we need is you getting high.

Guess I'm getting my hands dirty.

Thank you Lord for giving us so many new faces,

and a lot of familiar faces here today

that we are so thankful for.

We're so happy that they joined our new flock,

and in the spirit of giving,

they understand that charity

is one of the best virtues that we can have.

Giving and giving.

We always want to keep giving to the less fortunate,

and we thank you so much for-

- I'm not lying, Mildred, why don't you believe me?

The Spretzers are good people.

I've never been this happy before.

That's because you're high.

Look at your pupils.

Whoa.

Wild.

Mildred!

Pay attention.

The reason everyone feels so good and keeps coming back

is because they're being drugged.

The Spretzers are putting shit in our food.

That's why I'm not feeling it.

I didn't eat today, remember?

I'm a reporter.

I've been following them for three years.

But they prayed for me to find peace over Felix's death.

They helped me.

You wanna know how much they care about you and Felix?

We've got people's personal letters and photos,

all sorts of stuff.

Let's go talk to the Spretzers.

The Spretzers are listening.

What you two have done is not very godly-like.

Cindy.

Trust me, I'm the last person in the world

you wanna make angry.

I'll take that into consideration.

Why buy from greedy corporations

who only care about money?

Here at Spretzer Christian Ministries,

we are more than happy to provide everything you need.

We are proud to announce our line

of Spretzer brand maxi pads,

and foam beer cozies.

With the Lord's help, we can do anything.

Why do you have to smile like that?

You look like a fucking creep.

I have a great smile.

Yeah?

Cornelius, we have a problem.

Okay.

We're on our way.

Trouble.

What kind of trouble?

Clobel caught two traitors at the camp.

Let's go.

Who is it?

Becky Anderson and Mildred Mayer.

And why the hell did you bring them here?

Clobel said to get 'em outta the camp.

What should we do with them?

- Kill them. - Kill them.

- Awe. - Awe.

How should we do it?

However you want,

just wait until Cornelius and I are gone.

We don't wanna know.

Plausible deniability.

Yeah, yeah.

You got it, Ma.

Take care of them

and destroy the evidence before you come back to the church.

I just wanna do one thing before we leave.

Hey, look at us.

Having fun together as a family,

we haven't done this in ages.

Okay, fun's over.

Awe.

You two can take care of this?

- Yeah. - Of course.

Good.

Here.

I already dug a hole today.

- You dig. - You dig.

You dig, you dig.

You dig.

- You dig. - You dig.

- You. - You.

- You dig. - You dig.

You are doing it, you brain dead perv.

You can hitchhike back to church.

You're not leaving me.

I'm your brother.

I'm not digging another fucking hole.

Gather everyone around the fire.

Try and look sad.

Everyone.

There's some terrible news.

Two members died tonight.

Becky Anderson and Mildred Mayer.

They turned their backs against the church

and they went into the forest to worship Satan.

And they both fell down a cliff and died.

If anyone needs any one-on-one support,

we'll be offering that for only 5.99 a minute.

Let's take hands.

Bow our heads.

Say a prayer for Becky and for Mildred.

Let's party!

♪ Music on my Walkman ♪

♪ Tipsy when I walk ♪

♪ Gonna get together and make the room spin ♪

♪ Round like the wonder, baby ♪

♪ Hard to keep up, baby ♪

♪ Macy's in a spandex ♪

♪ Tryna get where Brooklyn's at ♪

♪ 'Cause he's all in ♪

♪ Intoxicated ♪

♪ Infatuated ♪

♪ Lubricated ♪

♪ Consummated ♪

♪ Devastated ♪

♪ Castrated ♪

♪ Inebriated ♪

♪ Medicated ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

♪ Keep up and try to keep it up ♪

Too bad about Becky and Mildred, eh?

It's not the first time we lost people

in one of these things.

Becky.

Sorry, Becky.

I wish I could give you a proper burial,

but I have people to kill.

Lots of people.

Guys, we're never gonna make this gig on time.

Why don't you keep a spare can of gas in the van?

Well, you know, we could probably do that if we had room,

if it wasn't for your humongous drum kit.

Yeah, like your four suitcases of costumes

don't take up enough space?

Both of you, shut up.

Someone's bound to come along sooner or later.

Hey guys, can I catch a ride?

Well, we'd give you a ride, but we don't have any gas.

Well, you're in luck.

I found this can of gas up the road.

You freaking kidding

I know, lucky, right?

So, where are you headed?

Do you want to come to the show tonight?

Ooh, I'd love to,

but I have to go on a murderous rampage

through Camp Holy Springs.

Camp Holy Springs?

That's just a about a half hour walk that way.

What's that?

That's our old bass player's stuff.

We had to kick her outta the band

because she was stealing.

I hate thieves.

You know, her onstage persona was dressing up

like that serial killer, Mildred Moyer.

Wow, polka dots.

Hey, can I take this?

It's all yours.

Thanks.

You guys are the best.

By the way, what was your bass player's name?

I might be able to help.

Terra Terror.

Thanks.

Give 'em hell, Mildred.

I've missed this.

Okay, I'm lost.

Okay, that didn't help.

Hey there, sorry to bother you,

but do you know which way it is to Camp Holy Springs?

- That weird church camp? - Yeah.

It's straight down that way.

If you take the path to the highway and turn right,

it's like 20 minutes down the road.

Awesome, thanks.

Carry on.

Land ho!

That's weird.

Cindy said the same thing to me.

Me too.

You guys don't think she was saying all that stuff

just to get us to join the church, do you?

No, what kind of horrible human being would do that?

I thought I was her only one.

- Me too. - Me too.

You know what?

It's probably some big misunderstanding.

We should ask her next time we see her in church.

Hey guys.

Was that Mildred?

Hey guys.

I'm back for another full scale slaughter.

I have no problem with any of you,

you were all really nice to me.

But, I do recommend you leave

because I don't wanna traumatize you

with what's about to happen.

What was that all about?

Oh, I almost forgot.

Give me about a half hour or so before you call the cops.

Thanks.

Drug are bad for you.

Fun? Yes, but bad for you.

I knew it.

Hi, lunch lady.

Altogether now?

Real bacon.

I hear salt numbs the pain.

By the way, your cooking sucks.

Addy, it's Cindy.

I was skinny dipping and I lost my clothes.

Can you come help me?

Why are you faking a Russian accent?

She has a fucking accent.

Who cares what accent I have?

I'm naked and wet, get out here.

Cindy?

I'm over here, follow my voice.

Cindy.

Where are you?

Wait a minute.

A leech.

Huh, Eleanor was right.

This gives me an idea.

Hey, Charlotte, have you seen those idiots Kit and Foster?

Not since last night.

They went out canoeing and left the damn thing

floating all by itself in the water.

Completely disrespectful for water safety.

Yeah, yeah, water safety.

It's the most important part of a fun camping trip.

Well, if you see those jerks,

let them know that I wanna see them.

Fine.

Can I help you?

Hi, Lyle.

Why?

Because you're a horrible lifeguard, Lyle.

But don't worry, the church can easily replace you.

You know, you were wrong.

There are leeches in Pigeon Lake.

You just have to look hard enough.

Come on, little fellas.

There's enough blood for everyone.

You guys tuck in while I go grab the rest of the buckets.

Hold tight, I'll be right back.

When you run, it wastes my time

and it makes me really, really mad.

You're messing up my kill order.

Let's see you run now.

Awe, that's almost cute.

Okay, that's far enough.

It's stabbing time.

No!

I hope a bear eats you.

How's it going, boys?

Getting nice and fat?

Oh, better slow down.

Our buddy Lyle's getting a little pale.

Here, I brought some friends to join you for dinner.

Hi, Sebastian

Mildred?

I thought you were dead.

That was Mildred Mayer.

I'm Mildred Moyer.

What are you doing wearing that evil costume?

I repent.

Pray for my soul, Sebastian.

Pray with me.

Dear Lord, please show this young lady

the error of her ways for dressing like the spawn as Satan.

Mildred Moyer.

See ya.

Smoking's bad for you.

I don't have anything cool to say to you,

I just don't like you.

Oh, hey.

This is awkward.

I was just hiding in the back,

and was gonna pop up and scare you when you got in your car.

I was gonna kill you, but now my plan's blown

and it's all awkward, so just forget the whole thing.

Okay, great.

You have a good day.

Excuse me, can I try something?

What are you doing?

Hey, stop.

I know what you're doing.

What you doing there?

Oh, fishing?

Yeah.

Carry on.

Wait a minute.

Wasn't he one of the people at the table

that was making fun of everyone?

Not only are there leeches in Pigeon Lake,

but also piranhas.

Eat up little fishies.

Come here you little cutie.

Don't worry, I won't hurt you.

Oh.

Oh, look at you little cutie.

Hold on tight.

Hi, Rayne.

Animals are our friends, Rayne, don't forget that.

Can I play?

Go Long.

Whoops.

I was aiming for his head.

Hi.

You guys seen Hazel around?

Breakfast is supposed to be ready and she's vanished.

She doesn't get her ass in gear,

we're gonna have a bunch of hungry campers, am I right?

Yeah, hungry for a fix.

Don't talk about that shit out loud, it's not funny.

If we fuck up, I don't get paid.

Awe, what a shame.

Oh, if I go down, I'm taking you two assholes with me.

Jesus, Bettina, we're just joking.

Go look in Hazel's cabin, she's probably still sleeping.

I already looked in her cabin, she's not there.

Just let me know if you find her.

Seems like bad people

just vanish off the face of the earth whenever I'm around.

I'm a scientific anomaly.

Mildred.

Is that you?

No, I'm the other six-foot redhead

who wears a mask in a polka dot dress

and senselessly murders anyone who gets in their way.

That's delicious.

Are you the Mildred that killed all those people?

Mm-hmm.

You can't be.

That Mildred, she had a 12-inch nose.

Oh my God.

People still can't get over my nose.

You know, looks aren't what makes a person,

it's about what's in here.

Unfortunately for you, that means a red hot roasting stick.

I've chased people down before.

They never escape.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Where the fuck is everyone?

Oh God.

There's no escaping Mildred Moyer.

Just hold still, this is gonna be awesome.

Woo, first place for Mildred.

Cool.

You should have driven an electric car, Clea.

Whoa.

That is messed up.

And Hazel disappeared.

It's like she walked out halfway through cooking breakfast,

and now I can't find Charlotte or Sebastian.

Place is like a freaking ghost town.

Well, figure it out.

It's what we pay you for.

There's enough going on out there already.

Yes, sir.

Calling all campers.

Follow the sound of the bell to the dining hall

to meet your demise at the hands of Mildred Moyer.

Oh, there you are.

Mildred Moyer, is that really you?

'Tis I, in the flesh.

I don't know who you think you are,

but Camp Holy Springs is my territory.

Only I ring the bell.

Well, there's a new boss town.

Sorry, that sucked.

I got a better one.

Well,

I'm in charge now.

Yeah, actually that sucked too.

Damn it.

Ah, fuck it.

Wakey wakey, Bettina.

Did you know the name Bettina means

"One who is about to be sacrificed?"

No, it doesn't, it means blessed.

Do you feel very blessed right now?

Not particularly.

I have to warn you, this is gonna hurt.

Help!

They're all dead.

Well, the bad ones anyway.

Please don't do this.

Didn't you see that movie they made about me?

Begging doesn't help.

I may be sweet, but I'm merciless.

Now, hold still.

And try not to scream, I have a headache.

The scene at Camp Holy Springs

can only be described as a slaughter.

Authorities still haven't confirmed

the number of bodies found.

Cornelius and fam, I'm coming for you.

Just need to make a quick stop first.

If the rumors

of Mildred Moyer's return are true, it begs the question,

where's she been to last year?

And more importantly, who's she going after next?

I'd just like to say

that Mildred Moyer is a hero.

There's a lot of bad people in this world,

and it's about time somebody did something about it.

An anonymous source

with the Edmonton Police says

the killings bear all the hallmarks

of the city's most notorious murderer, Mildred Moyer.

You are listening to Rev-Up Rick,

and you heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen,

Mildred Moyer is back, and she's up to her old tricks.

So keep your families inside and lock them doors,

because no one is safe.

Okay, okay, that Mildred Moyer?

She is pure evil.

The government has got to use the entire might

of the Canadian Armed Forces to stop her.

Oh, fuck you, buddy.

Hey, you're taking up two spots.

Why don't you Keep your big nose outta my business.

Bitch.

Hey, want a car?

What about the body?

Oh, don't worry about that.

I know a guy.

Who the fuck are you?

Johnny's new bassist?

Not exactly, but I am a friend of his.

Mind giving us a moment, fellas?

Hey, do you play bass?

We might need someone new.

Sorry, no, just the ukulele.

You stole from Johnny and the band.

Oh, come on.

You knew they weren't going anywhere.

Might as well spend the money on a band

that has a chance of actually making it.

Do you know what I do to people who steal?

No.

What?

I'm...

I'm actually not sure this is my first time dealing with it,

but maybe I should set a precedent.

What are you doing?

Get away from me, you fuckin' psycho!

Bitch.

No need for name calling.

Bass players.

Hey, I just clobbered Clobel.

997.

998.

999.

1000.

Turns out you can die from a thousand paper cuts.

Ronald, are you in here?

Yes.

I'm busy, mom.

Go away.

Well, when you're finished, go find your sister.

You guys gotta head back out to the camp with Clobel

and find out what's going on.

Okay, now get out.

Mom, I told you to leave me alone.

I can't concentrate if you're in here.

Mom?

Cindy?

Guess again.

Here, let me help you with that.

Oops, sorry.

Guess I'm a little rough with my HJs.

Who are you?

Why do people always pretend like they don't recognize me?

Maybe you're an imposter.

Oh, trust me, I'm the real deal,

and you sicken me.

I'm being slut-shamed by Mildred Moyer?

I might have questionable ethics,

but I don't take advantage of people and I don't steal.

They were willing participants.

You know what, I'm not gonna kill you.

I think you having to live with yourself

is punishment enough.

You have no right to judge me,

you fucking deformed psycho bitch!

I do what I have to to survive.

If I have just my body to get money

from these stupid men, it's all for the greater good.

Tell that to them.

I gave them a call on my way here.

I mean, it's not like they're gonna go to prison.

Everyone will assume it was me who killed you.

Bye, Cindy.

Hey, Mildred.

Want to help?

Come on, guys.

It wasn't my fault.

My mother, she left me when I was very young.

My father was an alcoholic.

It's Cornelius and Veronica's fault.

What I do is good business.

I'm helping the economy.

You guys should be thanking me.

Just hold on, Cindy, we'll be with you in a moment.

I feel like going for a drive.

Ready, boys?

I don't care what anybody says, she had an accent.

Hi, Ronald.

Jump, jump, jump!

What are the chances there'd be

a giant spike right there?

Hey, there you are.

Come give me a big hug.

Whoa, hey now, easy with that.

Get back here, you bitch.

I'm gonna slice you open and bathe in your fucking guts.

Oh, hi there, Joneses.

I was just practicing a skit

that we're gonna perform next week at church,

it's about violence in movies.

Oh, don't worry about him, he'll be fine.

If you'll excuse me,

I have some business to take care of.

Where are you, you psychopath?

You can't hide from me.

We have police in our congregation and they'll find you.

They'll deliver you to my doorstep

with a bow wrapped around your pretty little head.

You're not the only one with a sword, Veronica.

Yeah, but I've been practicing.

Don't think that matters.

We all know who's gonna win this fight.

Wow, you have been practicing.

Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

You scared, Mildred?

- I mean, yeah, a little. - Good.

Fine, I'll beat you to death with my bare hands.

It's more fun that way.

Are you kidding me, my tit?

Yeah, doesn't feel good does it?

Two and oh for Mildred.

Come on, Veronica.

Let's go for a little ride.

Cornelius, this is God.

You have been bad.

Come to the sanctuary to receive your final judgment.

Someone's getting their ass fired.

It wasn't God, but someone much better.

Mildred Moyer.

I know.

You know, not too many people get crucified these days.

You should feel honored.

Fitting end for someone so terrible.

Although, I will look pretty foolish

if you rise again in three days,

but what are the chances of that?

Bow to your new God, Mildred Moyer.

Well, it's not much of a following, but it is a start.

No, it can't be.

I'm gonna make you beautiful, Mildred.

Thank you so much, Dr. Wash.

Hi, Dr. Wash, remember me?

Mildred.

I wasn't really satisfied with your work.

I'd ask for a refund, but I'll settle for this instead.

Are you there?

Mm-hmm.

I don't know what to say.

My life has been hell this past year.

I've tried drinking the pain away, I've tried counseling.

I tried support groups.

So now I'm trying religion.

Hi Dr. Wash.

Don't turn to religion, it won't help.

Don't hurt me.

I won't hurt you,

but it's not like I can do much more damage

to you anyway, am I right?

You know, it wasn't even me that cut off your nose.

It wasn't?

No, it was these two guys I owed money to.

Huh.

And here I thought it was because of your gross negligence.

Yeah, no, no, I...

They beat me up and cut off your nose.

Huh, so I probably shouldn't have cut your dick off then.

Yeah.

That had crossed my mind.

Well, I don't know what to say.

I'm truly sorry. Dr. Wash,

is there anything I can do to make up for it?

Unless you're in the new penis business, probably not.

You know what?

I know someone who might be able to help with that.

Really?

Yeah, she's a real angel.

I'll give you her number.

But first, you might wanna get out of here.

This place is about to burn.

Delmont and the Goon, boy do I have a surprise for you.

Ready?

Good job.

Where is my nose?

What?

My nose.

Last summer, you cut off my nose?

Oh, hey.

You're Dr. Wash's girlfriend.

I don't know what happened to your nose.

I threw it away.

I think the dog got it.

That is very rude, you know?

What can I say?

I'm not a nice guy.

See this?

This was used on another person who crossed me.

And what to do with you?

That was easier than I thought.

Damn. Need more practice.

Dr. Wash gave me this to help with my revenge.

He sends his regards, by the way.

There.

Now all is right in the world.

Bye, guys.

Come on in, let's take a look.

What's next for Mildred Moyer?

My blood thirst is satiated, for now.

But when and where will I strike next?

I think your killing spree is over.

Remember me?

Fuckin' bitch.

Don't just stand there.

Help me.

Uh-oh.

So, what now?

Karaoke?

Yeah, let's do it.

Willy, what are you doing here?

♪ Peace out ♪

♪ We'll be a team ♪

♪ Now ♪

♪ We'll be a team ♪

♪ Everyday ♪

♪ So we rock ♪

♪ Like yesterday ♪

♪ When you hear my voice on the radio ♪

♪ Will you hear me sing when I say ♪

♪ Remember when rock and roll ♪

♪ Was rock and roll and all those good times ♪

♪ That we had ♪

♪ We had our best years ♪

♪ Way out there ♪

♪ Will we ever be here ♪

♪ Again ♪

♪ It's time to stop singing ♪

♪ It's all about waiting ♪

♪ This house so come back here ♪

♪ Where we're cleaning out ♪

♪ The walls are wrapped in ♪

♪ The time's manipulated ♪

♪ I feel like I just hear the sleepless now ♪

♪ And hey ♪

♪ Skilled in rock ♪

♪ Like yesterday ♪

♪ I can hear my voice on the radio ♪

♪ When you hear me sing when I say ♪

♪ Remember when rock and roll ♪

♪ Was rock and roll and all those good times ♪

♪ That we had when I wrote back then ♪

♪ Bleed ♪

♪ As ♪

♪ Well ♪

♪ Will we ever ♪

♪ Had ♪

♪ Never stop going ♪

♪ We'll never going ♪

♪ Remember what you wrote and you ♪

♪ Never stop turning ♪

♪ The wheel wheel to stop burning ♪

♪ The deal, what you wanted is revenge ♪

♪ And now ♪

♪ And now ♪

♪ Remember when rock and roll was rock and roll ♪

♪ And all those good times that we had ♪

♪ When I wrote back ♪