All language subtitles for This.Country-S02E06-Family.Loyalties

So, this is it. Yeah.

Home, sweet home.

Kitchen area. Well...

Yeah. You've got a bed, look!

Yeah. And a chair.

Watch this.

It's quality, Len! Yeah.

And I've got this, look here.

Yeah. Len's been living in
a lock-up, haven't you, Len?

Yeah. Yeah.

He can't get into his house
any more, cos it's so hoarded.

There's stuff piled up to
the ceilings, isn't there, Len?

Yeah, you can't get in
the front door now. Yeah.

Council found that he'd been
hoarding, like,

jars of his own faeces since,
like, '98 and that.

Yeah, that was a bit bad.

Yeah.

What you want to do is not hoard
this place up like the last place.

I think you'd be all right then.

Yeah. Cos if I set my mind to it,

then if I think I can do it,
I know I can do it. Yeah.

But I'm getting a new tea towel,

and that's not cos I'm hoarding it,

it's cos I need one.

A tea towel's all right.

Well, a tea towel's all right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is it.
This is the Bowlers' Club.

My empire. Meet Colin - he's our
newest member, aren't you?

Been here for a couple of weeks.

He was getting picked on
the first week, weren't you?

A little bit.

But you're settling in well,
all right?

Yeah. A couple of the older members
have been nasty,

but we stamped that out.
All right, gents. You good?

I've been working here
since last month.

There was a job going here and
the vicar made me apply for it.

At first I was like, fuck this,

cos it's full of old stinkers,

but actually, they're all right
once you get to know them.

As long as you don't
mention foreigners

or self-service checkouts.

Cos they really don't like
either of those things,

and they'll make sure
they let you know about that.

All right, girls.
You behave yourselves!

Yeah? Any empties?

Yeah. Hands off, Wendy,

I don't think Arthur would be happy
if he saw that.

Talk of the devil.

Usual, Arthur?

I'm enjoying it, actually.

I really didn't think I would,
but, yeah, it's going really well.

So, don't tell my dad I showed you
this, yeah?

But this is what I've been
storing here.

Well, about a week ago, my dad
sat me down and he said,

"Ker, how do you fancy going into
business with your old man?"

Like, renting a lock-up out
and letting me store me wares in it.

I just, like...

..I thought I was going to cry.

But it wasn't because I was sad,

it was because my whole life,
I'd been telling people,

one day me and my dad will go into
business together.

And people were like, "Kerry, it's
never going to happen",

you know, "Get your head out
of the clouds,

"this is getting absolutely
heartbreaking now."

But I just knew in my heart
and I never let go of that.

So, my dad's got a mate called
Spud who works in the Dyson factory.

And all of these were going to get
thrown out,

but there's absolutely
nothing wrong with them, you see?

They're all tip-top.

So, my dad basically takes them off
his hands for a small fee,

and I store them here and he sells
them on for a higher fee.

So, just, you know,
everyone's laughing.

Such a small idea for a business.

Oh, you see this guy, here?

Right, he had an Action Man
surgically removed from his arse,

no word of a lie.

And he told the doctor,

"Oh, as I was coming
out of the bath,

"I slipped on the bath mat
and I fell on it."

And the doctor said,

"Oh, that's funny, because why's
there a condom on it, then?"

And he just went like this.

I mean, what can you say?

Odd.

It's pretty tight, this game, now.

This is Vicky's go, so...

Come on, Vicks! This is it, son.

You can do it.

He's fucked it. Unlucky, Vicks!

He's absolutely fucked it there.

Yeah.

He's fucked it for the entire team.
They won't come back from that now.

So disappointing. If I had it
my way, I'd just haul him off.

Haul him off, wouldn't even talk
to him.

I am absolutely thrilled.

He's doing so brilliantly well.

He's, he's a different lad.

He's responsible, he's in control,

I think he's found his calling.

And everyone... Vicar! Sorry, mate.

You've still got your bowling shoes
on in the bar area.

Oh. Oh, goodness me!

I'm away with the fairies!

It's a bit annoying, actually.

This is not the first
or the second time

I've had to tell you, really, is it?

No, sorry, Kurtan.

It's all right. As you were.

So, as you can see...

I'm only saying it because,
you know,

people look up to you. And if they
see you doing it,

they're going to think it's
all right for them to do it,

and that's when it gets absolutely
bloody bananas in here.

Yeah. All right? Understood.

As you were.

So, me and Len are basically
neighbours now.

And as much as he winds me up
and wounds me up,

he's had a very hard time recently.

His sparkle has just gone.

So, and he's actually a really good
neighbour as well.

Because he keeps an eye
on my lock-up,

and sometimes, if I'm there,
he makes me a cup of tea.

That's my dad.

That's my dad, look. All right, Dad?

All right? Come here, you.

What?

What's wrong?

Dad? What have we said about
the cameras being here?

I didn't know they were going
to be here.

I'm so sorry, Dad. I'll find
someone else to work with

if you're going to fart about.
Please, no.

It'll be absolutely fine.
I won't let them be...

I've had it up to here.
Get in the van. I'm sorry, Dad.

Yes, it's legit.
Of course it's legit.

Why would I put the lock-up in my
name if I didn't think it was legit?

You know, my dad doesn't want to be
on camera

because he's had his business ideas
nicked before.

You know my dad actually wrote
the song Wonderwall

on the back of a beer mat

in the space of ten minutes,
don't you?

And he was at the Keepers,
and he just threw it on the floor

because he thought, "This is just
absolutely rubbish."

And guess what brothers came into
the Keepers that day,

working as crisps salesmen?

It was Bros, who then, later on at
another gig, threw it on the floor.

Because they just thought,
"This is actually not working."

But the Gallagher brothers were
there, and they picked it up

and worked with it.

Four ham, four cheese.

Do you know what? I had six requests
yesterday for cucumber sandwiches,

so I did ten,
and no-one touched them.

I actually found one spat out in
a napkin hidden under a table.

But that's the thing.

They think they know what they want,
but actually,

they don't know what they want.

They're very much like babies,
in that sense.

All right? All right.
What are you wearing?

Official England merchandise.

Manager's jacket.
When did you get that?

Got it over there.
That looks dead smart, there!

The quality is...
I can see it from here!

The thread work and the lining
really works.

That is official as well, isn't it?

Yeah. The beauty of working
with my dad

is we get to hang out together.

And also have a bit
of cash to splash.

Got this for you, as well.

For me? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

What is it? Well, open it and see.

Yeah? I actually bought
the wrapping paper as well.

That's not just recycled off
an old present.

Oh, my God! Is this a real one?

Yeah. Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding you, yeah.

Oh, my God, Ker.

That... That's amazing!

Well, give it a go, then.
Yeah, all right.

That is brilliant. Brilliant,
isn't it? Absolutely brilliant!

You're so happy with that.
I'm over the moon!

Do you know what?
That's absolutely great,

because I've just got a tiny,
tiny, tiny little favour to ask you.

What favour?

Oh, just need to store some stuff
at the Bowls Club, that's all.

Why?

Because lock-up's just
completely full.

I can't store anything at home
either.

Because Mum's just hitting
the roof about it.

Kurtan will never make any money,

because he's too much of
a worry worm, like his nan.

Do you know what?

They were both so worried
about the millennium bug

that they actually made
a suicide pact.

Which would have been a shame,

because he would have missed out on
the demise of Ceefax.

And he absolutely loved that,
seeing that go down.

Because he hated the graphics
and he hated the loading times.

That's it, back it up, back it up,
back it up, back it up.

There we go, and... Boom!

Christ! It isn't all this, is it?

Yeah. Ker, I haven't got the space
for all this!

You only said it was going to be
a couple.

It's not going to be for long,
it's fine.

I really don't...
Can't someone else do it?

I've already got Len to fill
his lock-up with them.

You know Len's got a problem
with hoarding.

You shouldn't be doing that to him!

It's not a problem, Kurtan,
it's a quirk.

Hurry up! Yeah, slow down,
Spud, mate.

Who the hell's that?

My dad's mate, Spud. Oh, great.

So, Martin's involved?

Well, this ain't going
to be fishy, then!

It's not fishy, because it's
absolutely legit.

You know, if you're going
to fart me about,

I'll just take your hoover back.
Quickly, then.

INTERVIEWER: What's that one
over there? Up on the shelf?

Oh, this? This, this is a little
thing we do at the club.

We hand it out to, well,
the Wally of the Year.

And it's coming up this year, we've
got a few contenders for that.

Colin, for one...

I want to sit in the window!
He's...

Well, I'm sitting in the window.

First come, first served,
you miserable old git!

Don't you dare say miserable old git
to me like that! Oi!

Oi! Guys! I'll say it any
bloody way I want!

I'll say it like this!
Blah, blah, blah.

Stop it! Stop it!

He was sitting in the window
twice this week.

Stop it! Stop it, Len! Stop it!

All right? If this is about
the window, yeah,

you had your turn yesterday, yeah?

Yeah? So let Len have
his turn today.

All right? Well, it's my turn
tomorrow!

Yeah, that is... And my turn
the day after!

That's fine, all right?

Go back, sit down over there,
please, Arthur, please.

Just... All right? Yeah?

I'm just not really up for this
today, lads.

All right? Sit down, that's it.

It's like running a kindergarten
centre here, sometimes.

The way they behave,
it's embarrassing.

Well, I know who's going to be
Wally of the Year.

I know who's on my top of the list.

Arthur, probably.

Knobhead.

So, in the '90s, right,

there used to be a bunch of kids
that used to hang out here

and used to sniff glue and that.
And one of them was called Rug Rat.

and he sniffed so much glue

that his nostrils actually,
like, stuck together.

And the doctor says to him,
"Look, I'm so sorry,

"but unfortunately, you're going
to have to talk like this...

NASALLY: "..for the rest of
your life."

But then, he got a job doing voices
on cartoons.

He's made a massive success
out of himself.

So it just goes to show, you can be
anything you want to be, really,

if you put your mind to it.

Kerry Mucklowe?

Is this your lock-up?

I don't think it is, no.

It's registered in your name.

Well, it could be. Because, I mean,
nobody tells me anything.

Shall we go down to the station,
sort this out?

Well, you can if you want, I'm
probably just going to head back.

Can you get in the car, please?

Are you asking me? Or are you...?

I'm telling you. Telling me? Yep.

This car, is it?
Yep, that's the one. Yeah?

I'll see you later.

SIREN WAILS

Anyone here lost a hearing aid?

No?

No-one's going to claim this,
and it goes straight in the bin.

For lost property, my policy is
the ten-second rule.

Right, in the bin it goes.

If it's not claimed after ten
seconds, just dump it in the...

MOBILE RINGS

Kerry's mum. What does she want?

What have I done? Fuck it,
I'll answer anyway.

Hello?

Hello?

Are you all right?

Hello, can you hear me now?

Well, you rang me!

Yeah, what is it?

Yeah?

Oh, shit...

Why?

Why?

Martin. I said it was dodgy,
didn't I?

All right, yeah, all right.

I'd better go, then.

I'd better go then, Sue!

I'm just saying I'd better go, then!

Yeah, the connection's bad,
it's fine!

OK? All right!

Yeah, I'll let you go.

All right?

Hello, I said I'm going to go!

Fuck. Martin, yeah.

I said it. I said it from the start
it was dodgy.

It just whiffed of dodgy. I bet...

Fuck's sake...

Yeah?

Hello?

Yeah, you all right?

Hello?

Right.

Yeah. Fuck it. I'd better go
and call Rebecca.

Give me two seconds, yeah?

OK, Kerry. Thanks for coming in.

Just to confirm that you've
been cautioned

and are entitled to free legal
advice, which you've declined.

Can I ask why? Because I ain't doing
anything wrong.

Can I say, as my human right,

you have not asked me if I want
a glass of water.

And I'm legally entitled to that
as well.

OK, would you like a glass of water?

No. But thank you for asking me.

That is correct conduct.

OK, So...

We have evidence to suggest that
your father, Martin Mucklowe,

has been involved in
the transportation and storage

of stolen goods from a factory
in Malmesbury.

And it's our belief that he's been
using you to store them in a lock-up

rented out in your name.

No, because they weren't stolen.

They had been thrown away.

It's like, you know the tea rooms
in town,

where if they can't sell all
their paninis in the day,

they just put it in a bin bag

and they put it outside the shop
for the homeless, and the foxes,

and sometimes badgers get
in there...?

OK, Kerry. I need you to appreciate

the significance of this situation,
OK?

Yeah, but also, have you ever seen
The Raggy Dolls on the CBBC?

Because that's very similar.

The dolls, if they're not in
full working order,

like, their arms and their legs
and that,

they should have all their limbs,

and these don't have their limbs, so
they get thrown away into a thing.

And that's very similar to
the hoovers.

Because the hoovers are very much
like the dolls.

Because they also want to find
loving homes.

Look, I know you're trying
to protect your dad,

but you have to tell us the truth.

I am telling the truth.
My dad is not a criminal.

When I think of Kerry Mucklowe, I
think of someone who is very loyal.

And very, very stupid.

More stupid than loyal.

Sort of 70% stupid, 30% loyal,
probably.

Because she's very loyal.

But extremely stupid.

Bored!

Yep. Bored! It's boring.

I'm bored too, I'm bored too.

You're bored as well? Yep.

Well, then, why don't you actually
investigate a proper crime,

rather than just hounding me
and my dad

for absolutely no reason,
over some little hoovers?

Kerry, I don't think you understand
the severity of this crime.

If convicted, you can face
up to seven years in prison.

And as things stand,

there are 168 stolen vacuum cleaners
in a lock-up

rented out under your name.

Now, this is your final
opportunity to give us your account.

Were you a year below me at school?

Yes. Used to hang out
with Darren Lockhart and that?

I did, yeah. Have you heard
what's happened to him now?

He got sacked from the centre

because he made his own periscope

and was peeping on the girls
in the changing rooms.

I wouldn't know.

Well, you should know,

cos if you want to be
investigating anything, mate,

I'd be investigating that.

Interview terminated at 13:48.

That was hard, that was really hard.

He was absolutely seething,

cos he couldn't get any
information out of me.

Basically, PC Webber
was trying to get

me and my dad to turn on each other.

What he doesn't know is that
us Mucklowes ain't grasses.

My dad, right, always taught me
Mucklowes look after Mucklowes.

Well, I don't really know her.

I mean, she's my daughter and that,
but...

Right. ..I've had nothing to do
with her, cos she's trouble.

OK.

As for the stolen stuff, well,
I wouldn't put it past her.

What do you mean, you wouldn't
put it past her?

Well, make of it what you will,
you know.

Unfortunately for Kerry, she has one
very big hole in her life.

And that's Martin.

And what makes it even more
difficult for Kerry is that,

living in the same village as her
father,

she's always going to feel that
that loving relationship

she so desperately craves
is just within reach.

When in fact, he might as well
be living

on the other side of the world.

Ker. What's all this?

Hoovers. Yeah, I know it's hoovers,
but what are they still doing here?

"A few days," you said.

Well, I've got to leave them here
cos I can't put them anywhere else.

Ker, if they find this lot here,
I'm going to get the blame, right?

Next thing I know, Terry's going
to be taking my tie off me

and my key fob, and I can't lose
this job.

This means the world to me,
this job.

You know?

The other day, Terry said he'd never
seen the glasses look so clean.

He said they looked like the glasses
from the Finish adverts.

And that's cos I go that extra mile,

cos I put a tiny bit of
Fairy washing-up liquid

in with the dishwashing tablets,
right?

And it makes all the fucking
difference.

And your dad is going to
fuck that up for me.

You've got to tell the truth,

or he's going to fucking drag me
down and you down with him.

Kurtan, Mucklowes look after
Mucklowes,

so you've got nothing
to worry about, mate.

Yeah, and I'm a Mucklowe.
You're not looking after me.

Yeah, well, my dad's a Mucklowe

and you're not looking after him,
are you?

Yeah, cos he's a fucking scumbag,
Kerry,

and he's going to fucking
stitch you up again.

He's not going to stitch me up,
cos my dad loves me.

Do you know what? I actually don't
think he loves you at all

and I don't think he's ever
loved you.

All right, that's harsh
and unnecessary, but fine.

Right, you remember when you had
pneumonia, right?

Yeah. When you were ten? Yeah?

And you nearly died.

Yeah, I did, yeah. It was pretty
serious, right?

And you were in hospital and
your dad wasn't there, was he?

No. He wasn't there.
Because he was too busy.

Too busy down the Keepers.

Yeah. Yeah, doing what?

He was playing on the fruit machine.
Playing on the fruity, exactly.

Yeah, because it was just about
to pay out,

so he's not exactly
going to leave it, is he?

What, is he going to just
let someone else go and swan in

and go on it? No, don't think so.

I have never known someone love
someone less than Martin loves you.

OK? Do you know why?

Because Martin loves Martin, right?

And no-one else.

Well, why have me and my dad
been texting each other, then?

Just texting now, look.

What about? Each other. What about?

About meeting up to get our ducks
in order.

What does that mean?

I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure
it means that he's got plans...

Len's been using the ladies' toilet
again. Fuck's sake.

What you dobbing me in for?

Can you see the sort of shit
I've already got to deal with here,

with them two?

Look, we're in a little bit of
hot water, Ker.

Yeah. So I've been having
a long, hard think

about how to sort it out, right?

Yeah. The plan is, you go down
to the police station.

Right. Ask for PC Webber.

Yeah. He takes you to
the interview room.

Right. You've got to start crying.

And you've got to say,
"Oh, nothing to do with my dad,

"it's all me, all me,
I stole them hoovers."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then
you go down for six months or so.

Right. And that's it.

I...

I don't want to go
to prison, though, Dad.

You might enjoy it, Ker.

And you never know, you might find
a lover in there.

Some of these places these days
are like bloody Butlin's.

I mean, you've got pool tables, they
feed you, you've got bunk beds...

I can't go to prison, Dad.

Kerry, Mucklowes look after
Mucklowes.

You do love your old dad, don't you?

Course I do. You wouldn't want
to see him go inside, would you?

No, of course not.

Well...

Do you love me, Dad?

It's not about love, Ker,

it's about having a stiff upper lip
and getting on with the job in hand.

Yeah, but you do love me, though,
don't you, Dad?

I'll be honest with you,
a couple of years ago...

..I had a job. Long-haul lorry
driving for Hawkin's Bazaar.

Yeah?

And one day, I was coming back from
Dover late at night

with a lorry-load of puppets...
Yeah.

..and this little dog darted out
in front of me.

No collar, no nothing.

I swerved to avoid him,
but, well, I hit him head-on.

Oh! I stopped the cab, got down,

and its legs were mangled like
a drawer-full of phone chargers.

Oh, God. I picked him up,
cradled his head as he was dying.

Yeah? And I looked into
his big, brown eyes.

And I felt absolutely nothing.

And you know why?

Because I've got no empathy. Zilch.

Zero, nil points, nothing.

So...

You...

You will write to me, though,
won't you, Dad?

Have you not listened to a word
I've just said?

Right.

Take me to the police station.

Well, it's not really on my way,
Ker.

Yeah. Sorry.

Just...

Well, I'll see you, though, Dad.

Mucklowes don't look after
Mucklowes.

Mucklowes are the problem.

You know, you need someone to
protect you from the Mucklowes.

And I say that as a Mucklowe myself.

The thing is, you've got to realise

what kind of a relationship
she's had with her father

and how that's affected
her whole outlook on life.

I don't know how many times
he's fucked her over,

and she never learns.

I'm not even angry with him
any more.

I'm angry with her.

She makes the same mistakes
time and time again

and she doesn't listen to the people
who actually give a shit about her.

I like Kerry, I've got a lot of time
for Kerry.

She's a good girl, Kerry is.

She's lazy, she stinks...

..she's rude, nasty.

I see a lot of myself in her,
really.

She is thick, but she's not as thick
as she looks.

She looks thicker than...

She's thick, but she looks thicker
than she actually is.

Whereas Kurtan...

..is thicker than he looks
and he looks thick.

Have you seen Friends?

Because I think Kerry and Martin
are a lot like Gunther and Rachel,

because Gunther loves Rachel,

but Rachel doesn't give a shit
about Gunther.

He's just some guy who works in
a cafe, serving coffee.

You know? And he should focus
on what he does have,

which is a great little business.

Yes, I do think there is a point
at which people

just have to stand
on their own two feet

and take responsibility
for their decisions.

Hi. Hi.

I was wondering if I could speak
to PC Webber, please.

Unfortunately, when it comes
to Martin,

she seems to always make
the wrong decisions.

"Mucklowes look after Mucklowes"
is our family code.

And a lot of people
wouldn't understand it.

I'm only just starting to understand
it myself, to be fair.

Kerry Mucklowe? Yeah?

We're ready for you,
if you'd like to come through.