Original subtitles

Miss Spector?

This is Messenger Phone.

I can't talk now, Darlene. Can you ask who's calling and tell them I'll call

back?

It's Dr.

Spector. He wants to talk to you.

Darlene, I can't talk. Can you tell him I'll call him back?

What?

Never mind.

Timmy, I have one minute. I'm supposed to meet Richard and I'm late. Will you

please talk back?

Shit. Darlene, the doorbell!

Oh, yeah, but... No, no, no, no. It was the doorbell.

Timmy, I have to go.

No, let's just all meet at Cal's place.

Darlene, the door!

Oh, why did they abolish slavery?

Timmy, I have to go. Now, I'll just see you at Cal's at 8.30.

No, we can't make it early.

Well, because the party doesn't finish until 8.

Timmy, look, if I'm late to the party, Richard is going to divorce me. Now,

doesn't that mean anything to you?

Darling, I brought the earrings.

Thank you, Mother. Timmy, please.

You're not going to wear bangs, are you? No.

Oh, if I were you, I'd try for a little height.

Goodbye, Timmy.

Your brassiere shows.

Darling,

may I go with you the next time you stop?

It's ridiculous to look the way you do on a $60,000 a year income.

If you have to run out and buy something new for every occasion, it simply means

you're shopping without a plan.

out for you to wear.

It's a cocktail party. Don't say that. I'm all about it. Do you know the rules

at dinner? Hello?

Don't fight.

Don't fight. Then why do you fight? You sound furious.

Oh, my God. Did I say you'll call back? I'm sorry, darling. You're trapping the

grief, Mrs. Messenger. I'm sorry, darling.

Darling, give me five minutes.

Honey, I'm sorry. I am leaving now.

Right away.

Mother, please. Just sit with Nicky and Matthew until I finish dressing. I'll be

ten minutes. I wanted to have your dress.

I'll be right back. Mrs. Messenger.

Mrs. Messenger? Yes, Oscar.

Have a nice evening, Mrs. Messenger.

You can't drive me crazy and then push me away.

Will you come on?

I'm half an hour late to a party in my own honor. Oh, Richard, I'm sorry.

I just... What is that? What?

There is something alive in your blouse.

Aren't you wearing a bra? Richard, are they jiggling? Jiggling? Are you

serious? They are leaping up in the air and chinning themselves.

Well, don't put your feet down so hard. Maybe they'll doze off. Richard, I am

not going to go up here now. Everyone's going to be looking at me. Don't be

ridiculous. The guest list includes Norman Mailer, Truman Capote, Lee

Radziwill, Bernard Calman, Saul Bellow, and the Duke and Duchess of Windsor.

You'd have to be stark naked and bald to get a second look. Really? Are all those

people going to be there? Sure. You don't think they'd miss the opportunity

of meeting the one-shot author of a best-selling children's book, do you?

They must be crazed with excitement.

Richard, this is Grayson Baron Van Papay.

Richard Messinger and his wife, Jill.

Wonderful! Didn't read it yet, but my little girl can't stop talking about it.

She loves it.

Wonderful book. Very clever.

Thank you, thank you. I love your network. I haven't had time to watch it

yet, but my little boy says it's worth the test.

Yo. Richard, please don't drink too much. Bernard.

Mrs. Knives, but Bernard Palmer.

I'd like you to meet Richard Messinger and his wife, Jill. Hi. How are you? I

read Weissman. I think it's a very important novel. Thank you.

I was surprised when sold I didn't write it for that. How was Washington,

Bernard? Bernard's been down in Washington for the president. Yes, I'm

temporary chairman of the Cultural Art Committee.

I didn't want to go, God knows, but I felt it was. No, it is the duty of the

artist to try to influence his time as he can.

And though I disapprove of the president's policies, it is my belief

that if I can just... Get into the White House as a spokesman for the artists of

this startled nation.

And I can say to the president, how about a little nookie?

I will have performed a valuable service for this troubled black man.

Excuse me, Richard.

Thank you, dear.

Yes, sir?

Oh, Richard, you're going to be too drunk to make a thank you speech.

Oh, excuse me, Irving. Just one minute, I'll be right back.

Richard! The bell.

Oh, Julie, this is Isabel Fitch, Clarence's wife. Isabel, this is my

wife, Julie.

We're very proud of him. Thank you. That's a very pretty dress you're

wearing, Isabel.

It's my favorite. I've had it for three years.

Have you noticed my wife's pair?

Fantastic, aren't they? I think they're the best-looking ones here. Richard, you

are drunk and silly.

No, he's right. They're really beautiful.

Are they very old?

Pardon? Oh, forgive my wife. She's blind drunk. She wants to know if the earrings

are old.

Everybody, your attention, please. Can I have your attention?

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce our guest of honor. A man who

took time from his regular job as art director of our most important national

magazine to write and illustrate the most popular children's book since Alice

in Wonderland.

Because, as he confided in me, he wanted to buy a co-op.

The creator of...

melon patch, Richard Messenger.

You were there.

Weissman is shit.

Clarence Fitch is a schmuck. And Norman Mailer didn't come.

Which was the only bright spot in an otherwise dull afternoon.

Try the pork strips.

I think you'll be immune. You folks are really fascinated by the party given in

my honor, aren't you? You really identify with my success. Oh, yes. Well,

there's nothing as fascinating as hearing about an incredibly dull party.

I wish anyone was a schmuck like you.

For which I wasn't invited.

Somebody help me out of this goddamn chair.

I've decided.

Reckless pile. You're just going to take one and eat it, huh?

Dammit, Miranda.

I asked you to watch the record.

Oh, I'm sorry, pal. Couldn't hear it over your screen.

I was humming softly.

Hey, Timmy, don't drop your ashes.

Tell me, Cal, why do all these girls sign their pictures gratefully yours?

What do you do? Clean their apartments?

Yes. It's not just that I clean them. It's how I clean them.

These pork strips are delicious, Cal. I could eat them all night.

And will be, judging by the time.

Behold, black bean soup.

With a soup song of garlic, sherry, crisp bacon, and sour cream.

Many chefs will tell you sherry or sour cream. I merely laugh at their timidity.

That smells quite good, he said, fainting from hunger. Where's everybody

else's bowl? Don't fool around with a starving man. The experiments have

proven that hunger is stronger than friendship.

Ladle, please.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, my God, stop. You can't eat that. Screw you. I'm curious. You can't eat

anything. What am I doing?

I can't eat anything. I'm going to be the worst doctor in America. He can't

eat. He's having a general.

You cannot eat or drink, Richard.

During the induction phase of anesthesia, there's a very strong

likelihood of vomiting.

If there's anything in the stomach, it might be aspirated into the lungs. Thank

you, Timmy. Anyone for soup?

I'll have some soup.

I was asked a question as a physician, Cal, and I answered it as a physician.

I made this whole goddamn dinner in honor of Richard's 10th printing.

Now he can't eat. Timmy, what about liquor?

He drank everything inside tonight.

Let me see. It's, um, 9 o'clock now, and Dr. Marla has him scheduled to go into

the operating room at 11 o'clock in the morning, so that's, uh... That's, um...

Is there anything to drink? What is that? It's 14 hours.

Huh? Is there anything to drink?

14 hours. Well, then we'll metabolize anything in 14 hours. But don't drink

anything from now on.

Jimmy, I don't understand.

Why does Richard need such a complicated amethyst? Are they just to have a

mormon? Possibly cancerous. Oh, now, why do you go around... I'm giving people

the impression you're on the verge of death. There is no reason to think it's

cancerous. It has not changed size.

It is not ulcerated, and its color hasn't darkened. Then why is he having

it removed?

Well, because it's on the color line, and it keeps getting irritated.

We routinely prescribe they be removed.

Is there any bread and butter?

Not that soup isn't a perfectly adequate meal in itself. I just thought perhaps

something solid. At your command, Doctor. Thank you very much. You still

haven't answered me.

Thank you. Why does Richard need a general anesthetic to have a motor?

You said it could be done in a doctor's office. Well, because it's on the neck,

and the neck has a lot of very important structures and a relatively compressed

base, which means the patient has to be completely relaxed.

Any sudden movement, the scalpel might slip and cause damage to a large blood

vessel or nerve, especially if Mahler is holding the scalpel. He's a brilliant

craftsman, but he has almost no control over his fingers. Oh, thanks a lot.

Oh, my God, this bread looks superb. I won't even miss it. I'm having a main

course. We're having a main course. Richard's favorite dish, steamed clams

with black butter sauce. Well, where the hell is it?

I don't steam them till the last minute. When is the last minute after we leave?

It's coming right up. Well, I'm not going to sit here and watch you eat, God

damn it. I'm leaving. Well, you can.

Now, Richard, you can. This whole party's in your honor.

It's not my fault you can't eat. I made everything you like.

Look.

Who if we said... 1969, it's your favorite wine.

The surprise cake is butter rum. It's your favorite cake. I mean, I don't ask

for thanks.

The least he can do is stick around long enough to see what it is he's missing.

Killed myself over this meal.

Cal, you are the only man I know who can inflict intense suffering on someone and

at the same time make them feel as if they should be grateful.

Richard, you won't believe this.

Those are the exact words that every one of those girls used as she was signing a

picture.

To your health.

The boys are asleep.

I asked you to put a box of Malamar cookies in here. I'll do it in the

morning, honey.

Should I take a clock?

Well, it's only for two days. You have your watch.

Right. I won't take a clock.

All right, no clock. Let's see.

Insurance. My insurance policies and all of my papers are in the right-hand

drawer. You really are nervous, aren't you? No, just organized.

I would kill for a drink.

No drink? You heard Timmy. Wouldn't it be funny if I died?

Richard Messinger.

By day, the mild-mannered art director of the National Magazine.

By night, the mysterious author of a best-selling children's book.

Famous. In comparison with the anonymous.

Important. In comparison with the overlooked.

Wealthy in comparison with the poor.

Brilliant. In comparison with the moderately intelligent.

Dead. An operation on his mole at 33.

Doctors knew he was dead only after a comparison with the living.

And those foolish people in the ghettos think they have problems.

Well, somebody has to pity me.

If I can't get it from the outside, I'll do it myself.

I pity you, darling.

Turn off the overhead, will you?

I love you, Richard.

I love you, too, honey.

I hope I can get some sleep tonight.

time tomorrow, will you?

I have to stop at the office before I check in at the hospital.

Okay.

Honey.

This is a king-size bed.

Is this room enough for five people?

Why must we both sleep in the same two feet of space?

I'm sorry.

Why don't you want to make love to me?

Honey, I know it's just a mole, but somebody's going to put me to

sleep tomorrow.

And while I vomit into my lungs, they're going to cut into the important

structures of my neck.

Can you understand why I don't feel horny?

Oh, I didn't mean that.

I meant... I thought it would be...

I wanted to give you something. I know. I don't think horny is the word to use

to describe what I feel for you. Sorry, cross out horny. I thought it would

be... I know. I wanted it to be like a gift. I know. And when you turn someone

down like that, it's like someone taking a gift and throwing it in someone's

face. Julie, look, a gift isn't a gift. What I feel for you is... Just because

you decide to give him, I mean, somebody has to want it.

I mean, if you decide to give a man in a one-room apartment a grand piano,

Well, he may appreciate the gesture, but he can't accept the gift because... He

doesn't want it. No, no.

Because his apartment is too small.

Sorry.

Now you're hurt again.

No, I'm not.

I just don't know what to do with my grand piano.

I love you, honey.

Now, will you get over on your side of the bed?

Let a man with only ten hours to live get some sleep.

Never during meals.

I believe I've made that clear to everyone on several occasions.

Mommy said we could. Mommy said that you were going to the hospital so we could

have a treat.

Well, Mommy was wrong. If I'm going to the hospital, I get the treat. What the

hell is happening to the minds of the mothers of this country? Did you pack my

cookies? Does that mean we don't get the present, too?

Well, I told them you were going away for a few days. When you came back,

you'd bring them each a present. No, I get the present. And when you go to the

hospital, you'll get a present.

Okay, Dad.

You can't fool me. That hamster's for you, isn't it?

Now, I want a painting from each of you, and a good one. Don't just smear up a

piece of paper, okay?

Come on, Julie. Goodbye, boys. Bye, sweetheart.

Daddy's a little nervous, but he loves you very much. Mommy will see you

tonight. Okay? Bye, Darlene.

Well, this is the best one, and it stinks. Can you do something with it?

Yeah, I'll run it full-page bleed, scrap the text, use one-line captions

incorporated copy, and we engrave tomorrow, so get them written, Doria.

Next. Molly, give him a copy.

Scrap the text.

I wrote 5,000 words on ecology for that piece, and I killed myself researching

it. You want to scrap it? Doria, if you have a lousy picture, you run it full

-page bleed, and I have a lousy picture. Next.

Barney, please.

Doria, the editor of a picture magazine, does not tell his art director how to

make a lousy picture look good. What the hell is the Third World Film Festival?

Movies from the uncommitted nations. A great Libyan classic?

Oh, this has got to be a joke.

Why are all these people black?

Because that's the way they come in Libya.

Well, this is unbelievable.

Laos is an uncommitted nation. Richard, let's not go through 20 minutes of

wisecracks on the third world film festival. You said you only had half an

hour. Well, I'm sincerely bewildered. Why are all these people black or

oriental? And where's Sweden and Denmark?

Sweden and Denmark are not uncommitted. They're neutral.

All small countries with a predominantly white population are neutral.

All small countries with a predominantly colored population are uncommitted.

That's how we know which small countries to invade.

How does the spread look to you? Oh, well, it looks fine to me, because no

one will read it.

Leonard, check the pictures, will you? At last my chance has come.

Cal, let's see your stuff.

Kill the lights on it.

I deliberately just used back lighting for that.

I wanted mood.

That overexposure's deliberate.

I like that effect. You shut up.

Aren't you interested in my technique?

No, come back one.

I'm interested in your technique, Cal.

What are you doing tonight?

Keep going. Go forward.

Keep going.

No. Not that one. That one.

No. That one.

That one.

That one. That one. That one. Hold it. Come back one.

Now that might work with a double truck in the center.

If we bleed it right to the edges and crop in so.

What are you doing? You're cutting out my space, Richard. What are you doing?

That space is dead. It's just lying there. It's not just lying there. I

composed for that space.

Come on, Richard. I want that space. I need that space. Coming. Okay.

Take the goddamn space.

When I'm gone and they ask you how Richard Messenger was to work for,

remember this. I will.

I'll say just before he died, he cropped one of my pictures correctly.

How about giving me back some of the ecology text?

Then you'll have two people to vouch for you. That's too many.

Besides, no one ever listens to a woman. They'll just think you were making it

with me. Son of a bitch.

one who was supposed to get the present how come you've gone soft i haven't gone

soft i just want to make sure that if i die i can generate enough guilt in my

children to drive them into analysis hey taxi

Thank you.

Don't be silly. He's going to be just fine.

He is going to be just fine.

Julie. Dr. Nathan.

Dr. Nathan.

Is it over?

Just finished.

Is he all right?

He's fine.

No evidence of malignancy. It was one of the most boring operations I've ever

witnessed. Come on.

Whose squirrel is that?

It's not a squirrel.

It's a hamster.

Richard bought it for the boys. Isn't it cute? No, I don't like rodents. I was

the only student in biology class who enjoyed seeing mice die.

Not out of malice, you understand, but because to me it meant one less mouse in

the world.

To the left.

It may be written up as the most benign mole ever removed.

Really? No sign of malignancy? None. Mala was incensed.

Really? Why does he keep saying really? Is this a letdown for you?

Why am I getting blood?

Well, we're trying to make it look like you had surgery. Very sick patients are

waiting for this bed, and a perfectly healthy man is occupying it.

Really? Am I really all right? You're really all right, honey. You're fine,

really.

God damn it.

Now I'm stuck with a hamster.

all over the seat, Julie. I just had the entire car vacuumed. Sorry.

Schmuck! Did you see that?

Did you see that? That son of a bitch almost hit my car.

Jesus!

Goddamn! Well, I'm glad that's over. I mean, that was goddamn close.

I mean, did you think that?

I'm at the operation.

Oh, that.

Oh, I am, too. I wasn't as sure as I sounded last night. It could have been

bad. Timmy, you've really been wonderful. Thank you. You're welcome.

Would you like to complete your day by having sex with a physician?

Certainly. Do you mind parking in the street?

Sorry, if you don't have a garage, it's out of the question.

Damn it.

Well, easy come, easy go.

Good night, Timmy. Good night.

They might be pretty with flowers.

No. But perhaps a big, floppy hair bow.

I like the flowers better.

Really, Richard, I can't think of another bridegroom who had the time, let

alone the interest. That's because most other bridegrooms don't intend to dress

up in their wife's clothes.

Take it. We'll look wonderful in it.

What are you doing?

I'm sketching you as you really are, fat face. Let me see it. When I'm done, you

can see it. Boy, isn't it dangerous being married to you?

Oh, are you going to be married to me?

Well, aren't I?

I don't remember asking you.

Didn't you say we'd get married if I got pregnant?

Oh, are you pregnant?

No.

Answer the phone.

I'm calling you.

Hello?

What kind of complication?

Where is he?

I'll be right there.

Intensive care unit, eighth floor?

Yes. Where would that be?

Well, that would be on the eighth floor.

Where on the eighth floor?

Just follow the red tape when you get off the elevator.

Thank you.

I'm going to take you in to see him now. He's going to be all right. He's fine.

Thank you. I'm going to take you in right now. But before I do, I just want

you to know that he's comatose. Yeah. And he looks like hell.

Comatose. Right, but he's going to be all right. Yes. So you just remember

that and don't be shocked.

Yes, he's comatose. Right. But the vital signs are all intact and we're

monitoring him constantly. Oh, that's good.

Right.

What's comatose?

Unconscious.

How do I look?

Surely he's unconscious.

I know, but I want to look nice.

Oh, my God.

The heart is holding its own.

This is an electric party, Brad.

Timmy, stop breathing.

No, no, no, he hasn't stopped breathing. He's in a coma, and naturally his

respiration is affected. No, he stopped breathing. I saw it. Richard should stop

breathing. He died.

Julie, will you listen to me? He knew he was going to die. Isn't that funny?

Julie,

Julie, do you see these machines?

If Richard should stop breathing, if his heart should stop, if his blood pressure

should drop, it will be registered at a central nursing station, and an alarm

will go off, and a resuscitation team will be here in 20 seconds.

That's why I put him in here.

If you're sick enough to get into intensive care, you have a chance of

surviving in a hospital.

I'm going to check the catheter, Dr. Spector. Would you like Mrs. Messenger

to step outside?

No, that's all right. She can stay. Julie, this is Miss Shepard.

Please don't hurt him.

Just a catheter, Julie, to draw the urine.

Don't you worry. He can't feel anything.

I'm sorry we didn't screw him over.

You're sorry.

I can't write the goddamn book, work on the magazine, and also hop on you

whenever you get the urge.

This is Mr.

Messenger's wedding ring, Dr. Peckham.

Why don't you keep this, Julie?

Julie. I can't. I can't. Julie.

I can't. Julie. Maybe I should see a psychiatrist.

Julie.

Promise you.

I wasn't even thinking of that.

Isn't that terrible?

Terrible? Yeah.

What's that?

It's his wedding ring.

His fingers swelled up. It was stopping the circulation.

Dr. Spector.

If you're not too busy. I thought you might be interested in this.

Corneal reflexes are absent.

Pupillary reflexes are absent.

What does that mean?

It means he doesn't blink and his pupils don't contract.

Urine output is severely reduced.

Indicative of renal failure.

Mr. Messenger!

Will you try, Dr. Spector? I have a sore throat.

Richard! Richard!

What happened? Is he dying? No, no, we're just trying to get him to respond

shortly. Richard!

Richard! Is that how you get him out of a coma in intensive care? You scream at

him until he wakes up?

We do anything that is effective in intensive care, Mrs. Messenger.

Richard!

Richard! Do you want to stay a virgin all your life?

Richard!

if it takes all night.

Richard!

Carry on. The doctor will be there anyway during these procedures, Julie,

if you carry on.

This is going to be impossible.

What happened to him?

To who?

Oh, well, it was really a fluke. It happens to one patient in 20,000. Why?

What happened to him? I'm trying to tell you it was a crazy thing. He had a

transfusion reaction.

Where's that?

It's a bad reaction to a blood transfusion. It's so goddamn rare.

But why did he need a blood transfusion?

What happened to him that made him need a blood transfusion?

Well, actually, Marla did nick an aberrant artery during the resection.

That's not an unusual thing.

So we gave Richard 500 cc's of whole blood, and he had what we describe as an

allergic reaction to the blood, and went into what we call an athletic shock.

But we're exchanging his blood, all of his blood, and as soon as the exchange

is complete, I think we're going to see an amazing improvement.

I don't understand.

You mean Richard is allergic to blood?

Well, in effect, yes, you could put it that way.

Well, then how are you going to exchange his blood?

And what are you giving him in place of it? Tomato soup?

How can he be allergic to blood yesterday and not today? You see, now

that we know that he has this reaction, we've done a more refined typing, and

we've made certain to give him the type of blood that will not cause this

reaction. You mean now that he's dying, you're giving him the right type? No, I

don't mean that at all. We're giving him the same type as before, type O.

It's just that we've discovered that Richard has an RH negative factor in his

blood. So now we're giving him type O RH negative rather than type O RH positive.

Which is the type you should have given him in the first place.

Oh, Julie, the RH negative factor is so rare in men. I just don't understand how

this could have happened.

But it does happen. You have heard of it. One patient had to maybe every 20

,000 to get a blood transfusion.

Oh, well, then you're right.

It hardly seems worth the trouble to test for those few. I just wasn't

looking at it in terms of percentages.

I'm a good doctor, Julie.

I mean, I know I kid about it, but I'm a good doctor, not brilliant.

But even a brilliant doctor wouldn't have tested for an RH negative factor in

a situation like this, I swear to you.

Timmy, it's all right. You said Richard will be all right.

Absolutely. Absolutely. As soon as the blood exchange is complete, I think

we're going to see an amazing improvement.

Then I forgive you.

Richard forgives you.

Now you forgive you, and you'll be all forgiven.

You're a nice girl, Julie.

Even though, of course, in a funny way, there's nothing to forgive, actually,

since I didn't... Well, it doesn't matter. I understand what you mean.

Now, what you have to do is get a hold of 20 donors and get them each to give a

pint of blood for the exchange.

20 donors with an R.H. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Any type is fine. It's not

for Richard.

Just replace the blood we're giving him.

You have to replace what you take from the blood bank, and they usually try to

get a ratio of two to one.

That means 20 people. And here.

Here's a dollar rating on change. You get more at the cashier's desk. Just

call everyone you know.

Do I have to replace the pint they gave me the reaction to? Oh, Julie. I mean, I

just... I was joking.

That was stupid. I just finished.

Please don't tell it to me again.

Right. Sorry.

Guilty physician is an enormous bore.

Even though, actually, of course, there's nothing for me to be guilty

about. Well,

let's not go into that.

I'm going back to the ICU now, and I'll see you back here in about an hour,

okay? Okay.

Sue.

Sue, you got a terrific case.

I beg your pardon?

You got a terrific malpractice suit.

I heard everything.

If you want, I'll tell you a terrific lawyer.

Oh, thank you, but I think it was an honest accident.

So what?

I mean, you're still paying the bills, aren't you?

I mean, you're still the one who's got to get 20...

Pints of blood?

Did you hear that bastard?

They make him sick with the blood. Now she's got to pay it back to the blood

bank.

Oh, darling.

If it was an honest mistake this time, you'll be getting even for some other

time it was malpractice.

They're all butchers.

But you ought to wait until he gets out of the hospital. Oh, sure.

Because you don't want to make them mad while he's still in the hospital.

Oh, no, because then they really have you.

Thank you.

Really, it was very nice of you to take an interest. I have to go. Call some

blood donors now, thank you.

We won't, Sue.

Yeah.

Right.

I'll be right there, Julie.

That was Julie Messenger.

Richard's in a coma.

They need blood donors.

Hello?

Oh, yes, Julie, darling. Can I call you back? I'm dressing.

Oh, my God, of course. I'll be right there. I just have to finish dressing.

Just call Livingston's in Savannah.

Thank you. Bye.

The ratio is two to one. That's two pints to one. I can't remember how many

I did surprise.

You take her somewhere and get her a cup of coffee. Go on, Julie. I'll make the

calls. I'm brilliant at this. Cal, I need a lot of donors. Yeah, I know. He's

had a bad reaction. You see, they're changing all his blood. Yeah, I want to

call anyone who has blood. Come on, get out of here. Changing all his blood and

he'll be all right.

It's very hard to imagine anything without Richard.

Richard was his.

The only man that I ever loved.

Or maybe because he was the only man who ever loved me.

Do you think that's the reason?

I don't think it really matters, Julie.

We'll have a wonderful time.

My mother said we would.

My mother thinks nobody will ask me out. Your mother is wrong.

Your mother doesn't know how beautiful you are.

That's you. Thank you both, please. We're landing in New York in ten

minutes.

So then

I tried beach. Nothing.

I tried Max Factor Race. It sure got good.

So finally I thought, screw it. If I can't get it off, I'll play it up.

I brought a pencil, darkened it, and turned a depressing, unsightly acne pit

into the Ilona Massey beauty mark you see today.

That's a wonderful story, Audrey.

Now tell me how you became a blind.

The same way you did, Laurie, with peroxide and a pair of rubber gloves.

There she is. Julie,

where have you been? Julie.

How is he? Oh, he's fine, Audrey. Do you know my mother? Julie.

Julie. Hello.

I just ran.

It's really nice of you to come. Do you know my friend Audrey Lovell? Hello,

Julie. Harriet, don't just walk off when I'm talking to someone. I turn around to

talk to someone, but I turn back. Julie.

Oh, hello, Pamela. Can I have your attention, please? Gee, it was really

nice of you to come. Oh, this is Bridget that Harriet. Hello, how are you? He's

Uncle Eddie. You know my mother, don't you? Hi, I'm Audrey Lovell. Behind you,

this is Pamela Grossbart.

Pamela Howell. I married a wealthy Gentile. We don't say Grossbart anymore.

Is it working out? Well, this is the last time I've seen you. Can I have your

attention? Julie.

Julie.

Can I have your attention, please?

We're separated, you know, Doug and I.

Can I have your attention, please? But Julie, I know him well enough to know

how he would feel.

I think.

Can I have your attention, please?

Well, it was hard.

I mean, God knows this was hard.

I mean, I'll tell you, it took me six, 48 hours.

marathon encounters in six weeks before I could bring myself to do this. That's

wonderful. Yeah, it was wonderful, but I mean, at one point, I was actually

hallucinating from sleep deprivation.

Can I have your attention, please?

Audrey! Jessica!

How are you? Oh, you look marvelous.

I had my nose restored.

That's right. You had it trimmed or something, didn't you?

Amputated is closer, but we finally put it all back.

Oh, Jessica, I can remember about an inch that's still missing. Can I have

your attention, please?

Maybe if I threw the desk over. They'll never notice.

Why don't you just get in there and pass the card? That's not the way I'm

supposed to do it. Listen, there's about 15 pipes walking around in here.

Do you want to do it the way you're supposed to do it, or do you want to get

their blood?

And then my group leader, God bless him, simply turned on me and said, crap.

He said, you're just copping out of maturity. He said, because you know that

once you do the grown-up thing, you will no longer be a child.

Well, I just burst into tears.

And then the entire group passed me around and cradled me for about

25 minutes before I could become, you know, reintegrated.

Have you ever had a blood transfusion? Sounds wonderful.

Have you ever had hepatitis?

Have you ever had venereal disease?

Please fill in this card and wait until your number is called.

You see, because you see, Doug and I had basically a very, um,

symbiotic relationship.

You know, we just couldn't love each other as two mature individuals

because we were actually one person.

Hello, Julie.

Hi, Doug. Hello, Marcy. How are you?

Fine. Thank you, Dad.

Excuse me, Jimmy.

I see you, Dad.

You too, Marcy.

What did she tell you?

Did she tell you about throwing a $139.95 Ampex stereo speaker at me?

This has to be the world. Like any ordinary supermarket, we wouldn't be

standing around like this.

Where's Julie?

Patty, who called you? I called her.

Julie said call everyone I know, so I called. So I immediately called Sid.

He's my son, a near-nose and throat man. I'm sure Julie will be thrilled that Sid

is coming.

Excuse me.

Have you ever had a blood transfusion?

No. Have you ever had hepatitis? No, God forbid.

Have you ever had venereal disease?

No, I was never even in the tropics. I mean, I lived in invisible fear.

Julie!

It's nice of you to come by. What the hell is that son of a bitch your husband

brought?

Do you know, uh, Dad Burns? Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend, Roy.

Are you married?

Well, yes.

Her cousin said it's one of the finest dinners of broke men in America.

Believe me, he'll take one look at this.

Number 79.

Oh, that's me.

Coming. Excuse me.

If you ever need cotton,

cotton shirts, cotton suits, Cotton blouses, cotton dresses, anything with

cotton. Call me and I'll make you a terrific price. 80, number 80.

Ah, yes, over here. Well, I think my time has come.

I shall return.

He's absolutely charming.

Say what you will, there's nothing as endearing as good manners.

Have you ever had hepatitis? If you have the right nose to go with it. You should

forget about your nose, Jessica. If you forget about it, others will.

I wonder if they have a gift shop in the lobby. I'd like to have them send up

something for the guests to nibble on. 81!

An ashtray. Or a dish.

But the most expensive Ampex stereo speaker.

I think it's hideous.

Of course you're divorcing her.

No.

But we're separated.

How about dinner tonight?

Have you ever had a blood transfusion? No. Have you ever had a hepatitis?

No. Have you ever had venereal disease?

How would you classify syphilis?

I would classify it as venereal disease.

Listen,

I just remembered I did have hepatitis.

82!

That's me.

Excuse me.

Coming. I'll wait right here.

I just thought several pounds of assorted nuts and some fresh fruit if

they have it and possibly some soft drinks.

Oh, nurse, what perfect timing. Would you call down to the gift shop and have

them send up a couple of pounds of assorted nuts and some fresh fruit if

they have it?

And would you get me some paper cups, please?

Have you ever had a blood transfusion, hepatitis, or venereal disease?

I beg your pardon?

Are you a donor?

I'm the mother-in-law of the patient, if it's any business of yours.

Well, are you here to give blood, or are you the caterer?

How dare you!

Can I have your attention, please?

Can I have your attention, please?

Did anyone here accompany Mr.

Douglas Burns?

and we'd like to know if there's anyone who will take him home. I will.

Okay, Matt, now no sudden movement.

Put it down.

Now stroke him very gently.

When can I pick him up?

Oh, we'll try that tomorrow.

You don't want to go too fast.

Let's put him back in the cage.

Tomorrow we'll do step two.

Take the cage and get out. Hold it. What about my goodnight kiss?

It's embarrassing.

What? How do you do it?

You're 12 years old and you can handle anything.

Look, I'm 24, but thank you.

I've got to run, but you get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. Miranda, thank

you very much.

Good night.

Good night.

You're a plain girl.

Oh, a potentially pretty girl, but right now you're overweight and plain.

Oh, you'll get plenty of stares because you're busty and spill out all over the

top. But, Julie, don't make yourself cheap in order to get that kind of

attention. How like a virgin.

You bang her ten times and she turns into an insatiable tramp.

I just want an eleventh bang.

Then I'm going to turn frigid.

I don't understand.

You said when his blood was changed, he would be all right. Well, first of all,

Julie, the exchange of blood is not completed yet. And second of all... Two

baked apples, please.

Thank you.

Second of all, he is responding very well to it. Well, none for me.

You sure?

Thank you.

Oh, well.

If he's responding very well to the blood exchange, then what's the

complication? Coffee?

Yeah, please.

Well, primarily because he isn't coming out of a coma yet.

Cream? Black.

Oh, there's Dr. Mahler.

Dr. Kleiner, Dr.

Mahler, Dr.

Kleiner. May we join you?

Please.

Live ice is going over the test now.

The evidence, Mrs. Messenger, seems to point to a massive insult to your

husband's liver.

You mean it wasn't the transfusion?

Oh, there was a definite transfusion reaction, but that's under control now.

This is something else.

although I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that the one contributed to the

other. No, right.

You mean first it was his blood and now it's his liver.

What happens when you come here to be operated on for something serious? Do

you develop a mole?

I don't understand.

It was a joke.

Gentlemen, good morning.

Oh, this morning.

This is Dr. Irving Blywhite's Julie.

Dr. Blywhite, this is Julie Messinger.

We asked Dr. Blywhite to look in on Richard the moment that Dr. Mollis

suspected that Richard's liver might be involved.

Dr. Bleiweiss is one of New York's leading hepatologists.

What is that?

I'm a liver man.

Of the many specialties available to the physician, I've chosen the liver.

On the strength of my examination and the lab tests, I tend to agree with you,

Ralph.

About what? That it's the liver? I thought we were all set on that.

What Dr.

Bleiweiss is referring to is an early diagnosis of mine.

Pinning the damage to the liver.

on some powerful foreign substance introduced into the bloodstream within,

we estimate, the last 72 hours.

You mean the blood damaged the liver?

Mrs. Messenger, this has nothing to do with the blood. Why do we keep hopping

on the blood? That's over.

The transfusion reaction is now no longer a part of the medical picture.

Forgive me. It's difficult to follow the medical picture without a program.

Mrs. Messenger, I understand your confusion.

We think... And I, for one, am almost certain that the reaction your husband

is suffering is to the anesthetic. The anesthetic?

Yes, halothane.

I've seen four similar reactions to it this year.

Anesthesiologists, unfortunately, are very fond of halothane because it has

none of the usual side effects, except one.

There. Oh, Julie.

I think that we should also explain to Mrs.

Messenger that this particular anesthetic is routinely used everywhere.

And the reports indicate that... Instances such as this occur only once,

literally, in every 10,000 cases.

That's 10,000 cases less than the transfusion reaction.

See, boys certainly have the odds in your favor. I don't blame you for taking

a gamble.

Mrs. Messenger, please try not to be too bitter.

You'll have plenty of time for that later.

Right now, it makes it hard to talk to you.

Dr. Blywhite, I am very sorry, but my husband came in here to be operated on

for a mole.

And now he's in a coma with a transfusion reaction and a damaged

liver. She's back with a transfusion reaction.

Yes, that's quite true, Mrs. Messinger.

But hospital care only really becomes adequate when a patient's life is in

danger. Otherwise, it's so poor that we must wonder not why so many die, but how

so many survive.

Just a moment, Irving. You will allow me to please finish, Ralph.

My point is, Mrs. Messinger, Now that the damage is done, your husband's care

will be of the finest.

He will be given total support until the liver has regenerated itself.

And how long do you think that will be? A week, two weeks.

The liver heals itself, you see, which is fortunate because there is no cure

for liver damage.

And what does the liver man do?

The best he can, Mrs. Messinger.

Oh, these are very nice. Pink and white carnations from the editorial staff.

Chopped liver.

Julie, have one.

Oh, no, thank you. I couldn't. Come on, Julie.

You've got to eat.

Try the turkey. I promise you won't enjoy it. Rum cordials.

Get well soon, Arnie Buckhalter. Look, I'm going to have a ham sandwich. You've

got to eat something, too. I mean it, Julie. You haven't... I haven't seen you

eat anything in two days.

You just can't, Cal.

We should like to go out for lunch, Julie. Yeah, right. That's a terrific

idea. But not today.

Please? Maybe tomorrow.

Hello, Julie.

How are you?

Fine.

How did you know?

Everybody in New York knows.

I'm sorry that I couldn't give blood yesterday, but my babysitter was ill.

I didn't even know you were married.

Three times. Three boys.

How's Richard?

Is he as good and bad as...

Julie, can I see you a minute, please?

Julie, would you find Richard's hospitalization insurance policy and

bring it with you tomorrow?

I want to find out. The hospital wants to find out just what it covers.

Oh, don't worry. It has a physician's fuck-up clause.

So no matter what you destroy next, you'll be reimbursed.

Oh, Julie, please.

Is everything all right?

Everything's fine.

We're just discussing Richard's insurance.

Seems that, um... There's a small additional fee for destroying the

patient's liver, and the hospital doesn't want to get stiffed.

Blyweiss is right. It's hard to talk to you.

Richard, they're gone now. You can open your eyes.

Come on now, Richard. It isn't funny anymore.

It was a good joke at first, but it's starting to wear thin.

apologize, whatever it was, whatever it was I did, I'm sorry.

I just look at me.

Look at me, you prick. If you'll help me, God, I'm going to divorce you.

Richard, do you hear me? I'm going to divorce you.

Mrs. Messenger, did you call me?

No, I'm just talking to myself.

I'm just going out.

I don't know where. I just need some air.

Why can't you just stay home one night?

It's a little lonely after a while. You have two children, don't you? You

couldn't wait to have the second one, so let him keep you company. I just can't

stand the goddamn noise.

Richard, just look at me, and I will never say another word about you needing

all that air.

I'll gag the children.

We'll go to Masters and Johnson and fuck our way to mental health.

And I'll spend every night with you in the bar of your choice.

Are you talking to me, Mrs. Messenger?

Nope, still talking to myself.

What's your name?

Richard, too.

Oh, I like that.

Okay, into your cage, Richard, too. Into bed, boys.

Now, bedtime.

Good

night,

boys. Good night, Richard, too.

Okay, now that we have Richard's insurance policy, we can go ahead and

destroy his gallbladder.

What? I'm joking.

Bad joke.

But I thought I'd make it before you did.

I'm sorry about yesterday afternoon, Timmy.

I was pretty bitchy, I guess.

Yes.

Here.

Sign this.

What is it?

We're going to dialyze him. We need your signature for the release.

What's dialyzing?

Well, you see, his kidneys aren't working on their own yet, and the

dialysis machine is like an artificial kidney.

Come on, Julie, we really want to get going on this.

Why do you need my consent?

Julie, just a minute, Cal.

Well, you see, it involves a surgical incision, and we need a consent before

any surgical procedure.

Please, honey.

Marlo will be here any minute with Flywise and Dr. Meyer.

Who's Dr.

Meyer?

Julie. He's a kidney man. Please, Cal. His kidneys haven't been insulted, have

they? Tell me, tell me. Julie, he's coming along very, very satisfactorily.

But his kidneys aren't working yet.

Do we have the release yet? No, not yet. Dr.

Spector, I have a gastrectomy scheduled at 3 o'clock.

Look, I'm going to run. I have a suspected coronary that's been waiting

in my office for over an hour and a half now.

Call me if you want to see the slides, Tim. Will do, Ed. The hypernephroma

slides? No.

Some pictures I took of Puerto Rico.

Dr. Meyer. Oh, hello, Dr.

Blyweiser. Mrs.

Messenger, have you got the release yet, Ralph? It would seem that we do not.

No, I haven't signed it yet, Dr.

Blyweiser. Sign it, Mrs. Messenger, unless you prefer to add acute uremic

poisoning to the list of your husband's complications.

Well, take me to lunch. I've got to get out of here.

Where's Miranda?

She isn't coming.

What do you think?

She isn't well.

Bloody Mary with very little tomato juice and no ice.

Julie? Nothing.

Where's your mother?

She's at Elizabeth Arden's having her thighs waxed. Where's yours?

What? Nothing.

I thought you couldn't drink before lunch. I can, but this is before

breakfast.

Why don't you have some bread? The rolls here are very good.

Hey, Cal, what is it?

What? Thanks. And a couple of menus?

Uh, master chef?

No.

Fastest bloody Mary in town.

You ever cheat on Richard?

No.

Richard ever cheat on you?

No.

How do you know?

Well, how do you know if someone's cheating on you unless you catch them or

they tell you?

Well, because I would know.

I mean, it's a thing wise to know.

You know, it's like in the movies. You know, with dark silky hairs and the

jacket and a mysterious phone call. Things in the pocket.

We'll call you when we've decided.

Very good, monsieur.

I can't even pronounce monsieur.

Cal, have you quarreled with Lorraine?

Yes.

A terrific lunch, huh?

I'm glad I could take you away from the strain of the hospital into the agony of

my own personal life.

Waiter.

I want the omelet. What do you want?

The omelet.

Two omelets.

Two coffees. A Bloody Mary. Remove the menu.

Is... I don't know how to say this.

Is Miranda...

Involved with somebody else? I mean, is that what this is all about?

What?

I said, what's all about?

The survey and how you know someone's cheating on you.

Yes, that's right.

Jesus Christ.

A bartender must stand where the candidates are made to do some one hand,

a bottle of vodka in the other.

I may have hit on the only drink he knows how to mix.

You want to tell me about it?

It's not in the towel.

We could test it out, though.

Order a daiquiri and see if he makes it with tomato juice.

You know what I mean.

You want to tell me about Miranda's... what, infidelity?

Sure.

He's been having an affair with another man for a year.

And I found lots of dark silky hairs on her jacket and things in her pocket.

I just never knew they meant anything.

You see, it's hard with a dark-haired girl. You don't know if she's cheating

on you or going bald.

Waiter. Another of your house specialties? Yes.

Cal, you're going to be bombed.

You bet I am.

Well, who is it? Do I know him?

Yes, kind of.

Want to tell me his name?

No, but I'm going to because I'm such a wonderful human being.

Richard.

Well, what took you so long?

We had to squeeze some fresh tomatoes.

Richard who?

Messenger.

Oh, come on now, Cal. I'm serious.

Me too. Miranda told me last night.

What's this?

Your mailette, monsieur.

Don't take offense.

I tell you, this is only in the interest of your career.

But the N in monsieur is silent.

Thank you, monsieur.

I'm not offended.

Only I'm used at your strange pronunciation, monsieur.

Miranda told you that she and Richard were having an affair for a year.

Yep.

She said she had to tell somebody because if Richard died, nobody would

know but her.

It's too hard a secret to keep alone.

She said death, when it's near, makes it hard to cheat.

And she said that she found out that she really likes you.

She said...

When she closed her eyes, she saw Richard's face.

She said she loved him.

Then she said that, of course, she felt very bad about hurting me.

Oh, my goodness, the eggs will get cold.

Julie.

Yeah, they're cold, but they're very good.

Julie.

How do you beat the shit out of a guy who screws your girl for a year and then

goes into a hepatic coma?

I guess you do what you did, Cal.

You beat the shit out of his wife.

Julia.

Julia, your check's in order.

Will the taxi driver be all right?

He'll be fine. He has 800 witnesses.

I'm awfully sorry. Shut up.

Excuse me. It's my fault. Julie, shut up. Forgive me. You forgive me.

Julie, I beg of you, shut up.

I'll give Richard visiting privileges on all holidays.

Except for Christmas Day. I think I should have him for Christmas Day.

It's nice that they like Miranda. That will make it easier for them.

Oh, Christ, how could I have told you?

No, it's just... It's very interesting to me.

I thought he loved me.

Isn't it interesting that someone can fool you about something like that?

God damn it, finish your drink and get ready. I'll pick you up at 8 o'clock.

I'm going to take you to a party.

I had a date for tonight, but I don't think she's going to show up.

I can't, Cal. Well, you've got to.

They owe us a party. Now, for Christ's sake, Judy, let's be something more than

punching bags. Richard and Miranda owe us a party. I just can't, Cal. I have

too much to do.

But thank you very much for the invitation.

If you'll excuse me, I'd better get a taxi and go home.

Hold it. I'll put you in a taxi. I don't like the way you get them to stop.

Here you are, my good man. Keep the change.

Keep the change? You owe me 30 cents more.

Perfectly all right. You've earned it.

Can I help you, madam?

I want you to be my mother.

Darling, if Richard isn't dead and if he isn't worse, will you please tell me

what's wrong? It's silly to make me guess.

I just wanted to see you.

Will you be much longer, Mrs. Wallman? I have an upper lip next door.

That's fine, Gertrude. Do the lip. I'll call you when I'm ready for the other

side.

Darling, you're having a reaction to the last few days, that's all. You've been

under a very severe strain, you know.

Mother.

Yes?

I feel so bad.

Well, of course you do. How else would you feel, darling?

I'll tell you what. Why don't you get yourself a shampoo and a facial and the

whole works, as they say.

It'll relax you, and there's something terribly uplifting about simply looking

well. It may sound frivolous, but I firmly believe that next to prayer, good

grooming is the greatest comfort a woman can have.

Mother.

Yes.

Mother.

Darling, you'll have to use some other words besides mother to communicate with

me. I'm not very good at such primitive modes of speech.

What should I do?

What should you do about what, dear? Try and put it in a sentence.

What should I do to feel better? I just can't stand feeling like this.

Well, I've told you what I think you should do, dear. Why don't you try that?

It's no good.

Tell me something else to do.

I don't know anything else, Julie.

You have good feet.

Well shaped.

Oh, you should see the feet I get in here.

Corn.

Bunions, second toe longer than the first, calloused heels.

But women don't realize that the feet are a part of a body.

You'd be surprised how ugly feet can affect a man.

I'm sorry, Julie.

This is hard for me to say, but if you have to know why I did it, it's because,

Julie, I couldn't stand your feet.

And they wear the wrong shoes, so naturally their feet hurt.

Mr. Papp, I...

I don't know if this is going to work, you know. The lute might be right for

it, but I'd really like you to hear it once with the sitar. Oh, go ahead, Tom.

Christ, any new sound we can get into Shakespeare puts you that much ahead of

the game.

Miranda. Miranda!

I don't think I know the tune, Joe, even on the lute. Well, just do, and will he

not come again. You know that. Yeah. Okay, Ed. Knock it off! Give her the cue

for, and will he not come again.

Sure thing. Quiet down!

Thought, affliction, passion, hell itself.

She turns to favor and to prettiness.

And will he not come again?

And will he not come again?

No, no, he is dead.

Go to thy deathbed. Okay, okay. That's good, Radha. See, Tom, that's a

terrific sound. It's very Easter.

But can we discuss for a few minutes what an eastern sound has to do with a

play that takes place in Denmark?

But I didn't know you, or Matt, or Nicky.

I mean, I had met you, but I didn't know you as a person until this happened.

Would it have made any difference if you knew me?

Oh, yes.

I hope you believe that.

Does Richard want... Does Richard plan to stay married to me?

I don't know.

He... We've been talking about whether I'd marry him.

He said if I would, he'd get a divorce.

But I couldn't make up my mind.

I'm not sure about it.

Yes, that is a problem.

One must be careful about taking a step as serious as marriage.

Lie for one will certainly be on the edge of my seat until I hear your

decision.

Oh, Julie.

I'm sorry.

I know you hate me, but... But I'm sorry you do,

because... I like you.

Yes, you can afford to like me, can't you?

You can afford to like everyone.

For all.

Everyone's life is in your hands.

Cal, Richard's, mine.

When you have all the power, you can afford to be generous.

But I would like you to know, if I'm ever in the position to do you any harm,

I'm going to let you have it.

Right in your... pretty little self-possessed 12-year-old

teeth.

Here, you take my drink.

And you count to a hundred, and I'll be dressed.

Take a good look, Tom.

This is what I am.

Do you still want me to be your wife? Because nobody else does.

I

can't

hold it any longer.

You can.

It's beautiful.

It makes me beautiful.

It's going to be...

able to save the negatives and blackmail me.

So how about taking off your top?

No. Take it all off.

No, I don't want to take it off.

Don't you want to see what you look like as a centerfold?

Nick? Yeah?

I bear a very close resemblance to a nude woman.

Stretch out on the rug.

What?

Stretch out on the rug.

Now, point your nose toward the ceiling.

Now close your eyes.

That's it.

Now hold that pose.

is known as establishing a rapport with a model.

And this is known as

developing a close working relationship.

Keep a good look, John.

What?

beautiful girl I ever photographed.

Tell me what we're doing is wrong so I can enjoy it.

What?

Stop saying what?

Would you hold still? I am.

Dan, could you not talk for a minute? Sure.

Would you like me to leave and come back when you're finished?

Many men lose their erection when they attempt intercourse for the first time

with a new woman.

Well, I don't.

For years I had intercourse with new women only.

God damn it.

I would say this isn't working out very well.

God damn it, Julie. I'm going to lay you if it takes all night.

No!

I haven't even started. Please stop.

Look, I swear to God, this has never happened to me before.

Damn it, it's not going to happen to me now.

Cal, don't feel bad. It happens to everyone.

Not to me.

This has never happened to me.

Well, it's happened to me.

Never happened to me with, if you will forgive the name, Richard, but it

certainly happened to me with other men. Or rather, it happened to other men with

me.

Maybe it's my fault.

Julie Wallman, give her a try.

Instant impotence guaranteed.

Ma, where were you?

I went to a party.

Is Daddy better?

No, he's not.

But he will be.

Because, uh... Mommy didn't have a very good time at the party.

Mom, if Daddy dies, will I still get the allowance?

Why don't you shut up and let me sleep, you dumbbell?

He never lets me sleep. I think I'm keeping you up.

Everybody's keeping you up.

I told

her we

should fly Bobby Klein down from Boston to London, Richard, but she wouldn't

listen to me. Maybe she'll listen to you. Bobby Klein is a fool.

Have you seen your broker?

I'm not being cold or unfeeling, but I think for the boys, we should be

prepared for the worst.

The fortunate thing is, it's a good time to convert some of your holdings anyway.

Now, you have the AT&T I gave you for your wedding. No, we don't.

You don't?

No, I'm sorry, Uncle Harold, but we sold the AT&T you gave us years ago.

You sold the AT&T? I tried to tell them, Howard, but they had no sense of money.

Why? Why did you sell it?

Moller and Blyweiser threw a rigid test, so if you want to see him now, it's

okay. Oh, thank you. Excuse me.

Why would they sell AT&T?

I'll never divorce you.

Never.

And I'm going to embarrass you all over town.

I'm going to let everyone know that I posed nude for Cal.

And they're all going to think I had an affair with him, and I would have to if

he gave me the chance.

I just hate you.

Julie.

He's coming along. He really is.

Hold on, honey. He's going to be just fine.

Will you take me home?

Feeling better?

I'm car sick.

Listen, Julie, if you think you're going to throw up, tell me and I'll pull over.

I don't mean to sound heartless, but when you're in a white car... Timmy,

maybe you should let me out. And that way your car will be perfectly safe and

I can throw up without guilt.

Don't be an idiot. You better come home with me. Let me take a look at you.

I'll just throw up in your rug.

Why do I care? I don't have to drive my rug.

Marion will not be home until Bonwood Teller closes.

Now, what'd you have to eat today?

Nothing. What'd you have for lunch?

Nothing.

What's the matter? Weren't you feeling well? Oh, yes.

Except yesterday, Cal told me that Richard's been having an affair with

Miranda for a year.

And then Miranda told me that Richard wanted to marry her, but she couldn't

make up her mind.

And then Cal and I had a... Well, we had an awful lot to drink last night.

So I guess I lost my appetite.

Julie, listen to me.

One thing I'm pretty sure of, Richard doesn't want to marry Miranda.

I mean, Miranda may think Richard wants to marry him because Richard's such an

incurable romantic. Everything always has to be love.

What's the matter?

You mean you knew?

Well, sure, Richard told me.

How long have you known? Well, for about a year since it started. You mean you

knew for a year? Julie. Does everyone know? No, of course not.

Richard loves you.

He needs you.

And that's why he's so careful not to let you find out about the others

because he doesn't want anything to change. What others?

Julie. What others?

No others. Jimmy, you said others.

I mean, that means others besides Miranda's. What others? I can't talk to

you. Will you tell me, you bastard? I have to know. What others? Don't scream

at me and don't tell me what I have to tell you.

I don't have to tell you a goddamn thing, Richard. It's my friend, my

patient. My loyalty to him and to a jealous, screaming wife who, after seven

years, has suddenly discovered that something's gone wrong with her goddamn

marriage.

You're right.

You're right. You're right, Timmy. You're right to be loyal to Richard.

And I can admire loyalty when I see it.

Well, I, uh...

I didn't mean to sound harsh. You were right to say just what you said.

Well, not necessarily. I mean, in essence, I was perhaps right, but I mean

in tone. I think my tone was unnecessarily harsh. You've always been

kind to me. Kind to me and loyal to Richard. Excuse me. I better get that.

Maybe an emergency.

Mrs. Reiner calling again.

8720425.

That's Mrs. Reiner. She calls every 20 minutes.

I'm genuinely very fond of you. I'm sure you must realize that. I do.

Thank you.

Julie, would you do me a favor?

Would you bring me the telephone?

I loathe undershirts.

But when you perspire the way I do... Would you bring me the telephone that's

on that end table? Just unplug it and bring it over here. This woman will just

call endlessly, I'll say.

Just unplug it.

Would you just plug it into the other wall over there? Yeah.

No, not that plug. The other one, dear. Oh.

That's it.

Got it. You got it all right?

Oh, good.

Oh, you're sure? I don't think it's plugged in, dear.

Is it?

It's got to be plugged all the way in. No, I don't have a dial tone. It's got

to be plugged all the way in.

Yeah, that's it. Now we got it.

Okay.

Hello, Mrs. Reiner, please.

Dr. Spector calling.

Hello, Mrs. Reiner. What seems to be the trouble?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Well, did you take your temperature?

Uh-huh. How long ago was that?

98.6?

Well, that's very encouraging, Mrs. Reiner.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

When did the pain begin?

I see.

Well, you've had that pain for quite some time, Mrs. Reiner, haven't you?

I see. And has the pain moved down from the right side or to the left?

Julie, would you do me a favor?

Excuse me, Mrs. Reiner.

It was my child, Julie.

Could you hold on? I just want her to see if her mother's coming. Just a

minute. Julie, would you do me a favor? Would you hang those trousers over the

back of the couch?

Terribly expensive.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hello, hello?

Yes, Mrs. Reiner.

You're supposed to be my daughter?

Mrs. Reiner, could you just hold on just for one minute?

Thank you, Mrs. Reiner.

Right there, Mrs. Reiner.

No. No, I haven't been running.

No, I just dropped something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Now you say that the pain has moved from the right side to the

left, but remained directly in the center of the abdomen?

Mm-hmm.

De Bonwitz, Jesus.

Ah, no, no. No, no, Mrs. Ryan. That's my dog. My dog, Barnwoods. My dog,

Barnwoods. Just misbehaving.

Shame, Barnwoods.

Listen, could you call me? Why don't you call me that?

Uh-huh.

I don't think it's appendicitis.

My advice to you is just fuck a little ice.

That's right.

Yes,

Mrs. Ryan. No, don't eat anything.

Uh-huh. Call me if your temperature goes up.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Darling.

Yes, coffee in the living room, darling.

It's my maid, darling. She wanted to know where to serve the coffee.

What?

Why don't you call me at 10?

Uh-huh.

Oh, now, Mrs. Reiner, I have an emergency.

Oh, God, what did I do?

Where did I get? On the nose?

Oh, I'm sorry.

gastroenteritis and call it a day. You just stick with tea and toast and I'll

see you at my office at two o'clock on Tuesday.

Goodbye, Mrs. Renner.

Need any help, darling? I couldn't decide what to buy, so I just bought

everything. And then when I decide what I want, I'll take the rest back.

Well, hello, Julie.

Hello.

How's Richard?

Sick. Yes.

I mean, is he better?

He's coming along very nicely, darling. Very nicely.

Well, now that you're here, I guess I can take Madame Julie home.

Come on.

I'll be back soon.

Monday, September 3rd.

Three times reg?

Regular. A.L.

Audrey Lepo.

One acne pit. Now an Alona Massey beauty mark.

Lunch?

Three times.

Host? Posterior?

Three times posterior.

Jessica Widner.

Well, I suppose it's better than looking at her nose.

Only twice with Doria?

And regular, well. Mondays are slow.

Marcy Burns Posterior?

Surely the grown-up way would be to do it face to face.

Goodness.

Threw Mary in one at lunch, did you?

Well, I suppose there was plenty of time while she ordered.

Three times regular Miranda Graham.

In between Marcy Burns and Marion Spector.

Ah, Richard.

You really screwed us all.

A.L.

Audrey Lovell.

The black spot on the side of the face. That's right, the beauty mark.

Gee, he really has a fantastic system, hasn't he? Once you catch on, you don't

even need initials anymore.

M.B.

Marcy Byrne.

That's right, the eyebrows.

M.S.? My God, Marion

Spector. Why not? She was there.

M.G., Miranda.

Yes. She was right in there with Marion, Audrey, Laurie, Dory, and a host of

others too numerous to mention. Like her great love.

The little lady's great love.

torn between breaking the heart of the sophisticated art director who loved her

and the simple-minded photographer who wanted her for his wife, Miranda Graham

ends up as just another piece of ass in New York's most comprehensive guide.

Look, Friday, April 8th, 5 p.m., three times.

R-E-G.

Reg. Regular.

So that's why you had to have her here today.

Well, you're really quite a bitch in your own right, aren't you, Julie?

You know, I thought about that.

About whether or not I was a bitch.

And I decided it just doesn't matter.

See, all my life I've been poor Julie.

You know, and that gets to be quite a credential after a while. There goes

poor Julie. Nice girl.

Well, Miranda had an affair with my husband for a year. At the same time,

she was having dinner with us regularly and she was living with another man.

She shared his time with me, she shared his love with me, and I think she ought

to share his infidelity with me.

Now, if that disqualifies me as a nice girl, then you just go right ahead and

think of me as a bitch.

Jesus, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

You're right.

I don't want to be a woman whom hell hath no more fury than.

No, I'm not going to tell her.

What do you mean? I'm not going to tell her.

You mean you're going to let her go on thinking she's the great love of

Richard's life?

You can't mean that.

I do.

Well, God damn it, I'll tell her.

Look, I'm not going to let her get away with it.

She's made an ass out of me for a year now. It's about time she found out what

it feels like. Well, then go ahead, Cal.

Jesus.

Seems that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, all right.

Especially if she's a man.

I'd like to say goodbye.

It's been such a pleasure having so much company.

Last time my aide was in here, I sat for three weeks alone.

I'll certainly miss all of you. If I had known he's being released today, I'd

brought some beer and made a little party. Thank you, but I don't want to

celebrate yet.

When you've been Jewish as long as I have, you don't spend the money till you

got it in your hand.

I've never thought of that as a particularly Jewish trait, Mrs. Gold.

I have.

I've always thought of it as a particularly Jewish trait, and I like

it.

But how would we know, Mother?

We've never been particularly Jewish.

We've never been particularly anything, except well-groomed.

Look at the monitor.

Okay. Got it.

What do we have there?

Why did you do this to me?

I didn't do anything to you, Miranda.

I told Cal just like you told Cal.

Cal told you just like he told me. What about the isoprol, Doctor? Run it, Pop.

Okay. And prepare 10th repeat of calcium gluconate.

Calcium gluconate.

No response, Doctor.

Puping?

Pupils react.

Mrs.

Messenger, you can't come in now. It's an emergency.

Go on, Michael.

Charge it to porn in one second.

All right.

Everybody off. Three, two, one.

Okay, let's hook him again.

Three two one

Julie hold this

up and out. Take him to the x-ray room and do a pulmonary angiogram. Okay,

let's do this faster.

Are you ready to go?

Ready on this end. Do you want me to relieve you, doctor? Okay, fine.

All right, in one, two, three.

Timmy. Stay here, Julie. You won't be permitted an x-ray. Then what'll it is?

We don't know yet, Mrs. Messenger. Stay here.

What

happened,

Julie?

He's dying.

And there's still a chance, a very good chance.

Do you want me to go, Julie?

No, don't go, Ellie.

I've never seen anyone dying before.

It's such hard work.

They say the longer it takes, the better it is. Yes, it's a good sign that it's

taking this long.

How long has it been now?

About an hour.

Is it over?

my opinion.

I think she should sell this place and get a nice little house to start there.

Where are you going?

Shall I go with you?

No, Mother.

Narrow streams of sunlight, rainbow in my

ceiling, shining from the traffic

below.

Lines across the pavement, crossing one another.

Then a burst of flowers where sidewalks are broken,

where nature has quietly spoken.

Suddenly it's all tomorrow, all of the future showing.

Suddenly the smallest breeze.

is taking me where I'm going.

People walking by me used to call them strangers.

Suddenly their faces

it's all tomorrow everything has begun there

suddenly my every footstep walks me

into the sun there life is not for waiting

not for hiding seeking so

I'm finally peaking

Nothing to blind me.

And somehow I let myself find me.

Suddenly it's all tomorrow.

All of the future's showing.

Suddenly the smallest breeze is taking me.

you