Original subtitles

[mellow melodic music]

[pen scribbling]

[mellow melodic music]

[cave creature growling softly]

[birds chirping]

- Can you step on it, baby?

It's getting dark and I got a headlight out!

Simon!

Where are you, you little shit?

I'm gonna round up the dog

and beat his hairy, little butt, okay?

- [Sal] Alright, well, hurry back.

[mellow melodic music]

[cave creature growling softly]

[dog barking]

- Simon, come here, you little fusspot!

Come on, Simon, come here so I can whip your behind!

Come on, boy!

[dog barking]

Simon!

Simon, Simon!

Oh, my God!

[ominous melodic music]

[cave creature growling softly]

[Sal screaming]

Sal, Sal!

[Sal screaming]

Sal!

[stick thudding] [cave creature growling]

[dramatic melodic music]

[man screaming]

[head thudding]

[Sal screaming]

[cave creature growling]

- Get away! [cooler thudding loudly]

[creature thudding to ground]

[cooler thudding to ground]

[Sal screaming]

[dynamic melodic music]

[lightning crackling]

[air whooshing]

[light melodic music]

[Denea knocking on door]

- Eddy, Eddy, someone's at the door.

[bottles clinking]

- Probably just another bill collector.

- What are you talking about?

It might be a customer, come on,

try and look busy. [Eddy laughing]

[mellow melodic music]

[Denea knocking on door]

Ah, [clears throat] come in.

[light melodic music]

- Are you open for business?

- Business? Yeah, sure, sure, come on in, Miss, ah?

- Chambers, Denea Chambers.

- [Cort] It's a pleasure to meet you.

Let me introduce you to my partner, Eddy Colchide.

Eddy, we have company, this is Miss Denea Chambers,

she wants us to do a job for her.

[Eddy laughing]

You'll have to excuse Eddy, we just finished a tough job

and she's not fully recovered yet.

- My goodness.

[dynamic melodic music]

- She'll be alright in a couple of hours, won't you, Eddy?

[Eddy laughing]

Oh, she's got the constitution of a horse.

Now, what can we do for you?

- Well, I'm sure you've seen this.

- No, I haven't read a paper in weeks.

No, we've been on that big job.

Damn.

- It's all very tragic, except the part about the jewels.

- Jewels?

- Yes, it seems that the thing that was living in that cave

was wearing a necklace of unpolished stones

valued at over half a million dollars.

Now the theory is that this thing

was living in one of the caves

near the surface, like a hermit,

but I believe that it came from somewhere else,

somewhere deeper in the Earth,

Reliar.

[dynamic melodic music]

You are familiar with the legend of the Reliar of course?

- Yeah, I spent 10 years of my life

looking for that fantasy.

- I know.

[soft melodic music]

- I thought I recognized you,

you're Daniel Chambers' little girl, right?

[laughs] Damn, I haven't seen you since you were that high.

- [laughs] I remember, my father used to speak of you a lot.

- Well, that was a long time ago.

- Well, most of it was good.

- Yeah, it's been a long time, I still miss your old man.

- Thank you, we all miss him.

- He was one of the good guys.

What can we do for you?

- I propose an expedition,

an expedition to find the lost city of Reliar.

[dynamic melodic music]

- It doesn't exist, I've looked for it,

we've all looked for it, including your father.

- I'm well aware of my father's exploits

and just because something could not be found 20 years ago

does not mean it can't be found today.

- You've got a hell of a point there, Miss Chambers.

- Call me Denea.

- Okay, Denea, I'll lay out our terms for a job like this.

Client pays all expenses upfront.

Eddy and I take a grand a week each, two-week minimum.

We split the profits from anything we find 70/30,

30 for you, of course.

- My father was not exaggerating,

when he spoke of you, Mr. Eastman.

- Call me Cort.

- Okay, Cort, now I will tell you

what the deal will be on a job like this.

I'll pay all your expenses, that's fine.

You and Eddy will each get $200 a week.

You can have your two-week minimum, but you will earn it

and we will split everything we make 60/40,

you get the 40, of course.

- Yeah, but we've got high overhead here, I mean-

- That'll be the deal or there is no deal.

Now I've brought $3,000

to cover your fees and to purchase equipment,

if that's alright with you.

- [laughs] God, I gotta tell you one thing,

you sure as hell are your daddy's daughter.

[mellow melodic music]

- When can we begin?

- We just did.

It'll take me a couple of hours to gather some equipment

and we'll start the expedition proper in the morning.

But first I got to see a man about a map.

- A map?

- Yeah, it's kind of crazy, but I know this guy,

whose got a map to the area we're interested in.

He's kind of touched in the head, but it's worth a shot.

Can you be back here by eight o'clock?

- Certainly.

- [Cort] A map like that doesn't come cheap.

[door clicking open]

- I'm warning you, Mr. Eastman,

do not try to take advantage of me financially.

- No, I wouldn't try to take advantage of you financially.

- Good, I would hate to have to ruin you.

[dramatic melodic music]

- Hey, partner, we're back in business.

[dynamic melodic music]

[cicadas chirping]

[Cort knocking on door]

[door clicking open]

- Cort Eastman, Jesus Christ.

- It's been a long time, Bill.

- Real long, real long, yeah.

- How are you feeling?

- Okay.

- Can we come in?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come in.

[door thudding]

Cort, I can hardly believe it's you, you look great.

- Everybody misses you.

- They do?

Well, you know, I-I've been kind of busy.

- Yeah, I can see.

Still collecting those rock samples?

- Oh yeah, I'm still at it.

- Oh, Bill, this is ah, Miss Denea Chambers.

- Hi.

- Hi. - And you remember Eddy?

- Hi.

So,

what brings you all up here?

I haven't had any visitors up here since,

well, you know, Cort.

- I know, that's why we're here.

- You don't mean it, Cort, I mean, you-you wouldn't.

- I will,

I need help, your help.

- Excuse me, I don't mean to sound stupid,

but what exactly are we talking about here?

- Bill here's a field geologist.

- [Denea] So?

- He was also a member of the Reichmann party.

- Yeah, the first party and the last.

Well, listen, this calls for a celebration, sit down.

Yeah, let's celebrate!

Yeah.

- I'll take one of those. - You want one?

[glasses clinking]

Okay,

[drink pouring] there's one for you,

and one for me, hoo hoo

and there is yours.

Okay, ah, here's to you. [chuckling]

- Did you, [coughs] did you injure your leg in that party?

- Yeah, it was a hell of a party. [laughing]

[soft tense music]

You know that it's as, it's as fresh in my,

in my mind today as it was when it happened,

this won't let me forget.

- [Denea] I don't suppose you'd care

to let me in on all of this?

[Bill sighing]

- Well, it doesn't improve with the telling,

but I think you should know and you should think about it,

just think about it, before you all do something foolish.

See, it was just, just an ordinary,

an ordinary exploratory expedition.

But it was the first expedition,

it was the first exploration of the cave.

- The ones that we're about to go into?

- The very same one.

- Bill, this was a long time ago.

- Maybe so, but that don't make it any less real.

Deep inside that cave, there were minerals

and precious stones lying everywhere.

We'd never seen anything like it, none of us,

none of us had seen anything like that.

But was it free, see, for the taking?

No, no, we had to pay the price.

- The melodrama is getting a little thick in here.

- [sighs] Ah, look, Bill,

can we get to the point of this thing?

- The point is that something or some things

down in that cave killed the entire Reichmann party,

everybody except me.

This leg is a blessing compared to what they got.

I'm the lucky one.

- I want the map.

- Sorry, Cort, sorry, you can't have it, nobody gets it.

[soft melodic music]

- Invest.

Don't pass up opportunity.

I want that map now.

- Come on, Bill, it's our necks,

you can't protect the whole world.

- She's right, besides, after this thing gets to light,

I mean, everybody's gonna be down there looking for it.

- Yeah?

- [Cort] Look, if we don't get it, somebody else will.

- Yeah?

[cane tapping]

[map rustling]

[cane tapping]

[cane clattering]

[map rustling]

Here it is.

Reichmann drew this himself, every line is correct.

It should be, it cost him his life

and it may cost you yours.

- I wouldn't bet on it.

- Just be careful, Cort, huh?

Please, please be careful.

- I will, Eddy's the reckless one.

[map rustling]

[birds chirping]

[car rumbling quietly]

[car door clicking open]

[car door thudding]

You sure act tough for a society dame.

- Yeah, well, I'm tough enough.

- We'll see. [Denea laughing]

Hey, Eddy, [hand tapping]

time to wake up.

[birds chirping]

- You look ready for action.

- Don't press your luck, sister.

- Here, have a cup of coffee, it'll make you feel better.

- Thanks.

[coffee sloshing]

Ah!

Want some?

- No, thanks, I already took a shower this morning.

[car rumbling quietly]

- Hey, great, here comes Paris, now we can get going.

[car doors clicking open]

- Mr. Eastman, who are these people?

- Hey, call me Cort, honey.

- Okay, Cort honey, who are these guys?

- Good morning, Mr. Eastman,

I hope we're not holding you up.

[car door thudding] - No, no,

we're just having our first cup of coffee.

Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you

to another member of our expedition,

this is Miss Denina Chambers.

- Denea. - Denea?

She's financing this shindig.

- Oh, pleased to meet you, my name's Paris, Andrew Paris.

- And I'm Professor Artemis Strock.

[soft melodic music] - Hello.

- Forgive me for being inquisitive, Miss Chambers,

but are you by any chance related

to Daniel Chambers, the paleontologist?

- Yes, he was my father. - Ah-huh.

- How fortunate for us, I'm honored by your presence.

- What exactly is it that you gentlemen do?

- Oh, I'm an intern archaeologist

at Miskatonic Institute,

Identification and Classification Division.

- Yeah, that's right, when we find something,

that's the kid, that's gonna tell us what it is.

- Oh, I see.

- And Doc Strock there-

- Professor Strock.

- Sorry, doc, he's a mineralogist,

he'll tell us how much it's worth.

- Oh, an appraiser.

- Well, yes, yes, I am, in this particular case, yes.

- And this guy's cute too.

[Andrews laughs awkwardly]

[Eddy laughing]

- Is there anyone else I should know about?

- Just Pedro.

- [All] Pedro?

- Oh yeah, damn, I forgot about him.

[hand tapping]

[trunk clicking open]

Hey Pedro, come on, wake up.

Come on, wake up, man.

- Oh, I think he needs some coffee.

- No, Senorita Eddy, I am up.

[bright Mexican music]

Buenos dias, Cort.

- Oh, Pedro here, he's gonna watch our cars,

while we're gone.

- Si, si, Señor Cort.

- If we're not back in three days,

he'll hightail it over to the authorities.

- If he doesn't steal our cars first.

- No, Pedro's okay, he's been with us for years.

- Si.

I make my money the old-fashioned way.

- Yeah, he steals it. [laughing]

- Well, now that we all got a chance to know each other,

can we get the hell out of here?

- Yes, my feelings exactly.

- It's gonna be a long walk up to the caverns,

so let's get going.

[birds chirping]

[soft melodic music]

- Cort, I don't know about this cave.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

- Hey, what are you talking about?

This is better than sleeping on the damn street.

- Yeah, but I feel like we're babysitting

three special children, if you know what I mean

and taking them on a terminal field trip.

- Come on, Eddy, the future couldn't be brighter,

if it was embroidered in neon lights, huh? [laughing]

- That's life, no matter which way you turn,

fate always sticks a foot out to trip you.

- Damn, you're bringing me down, partner.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[soft melodic music]

- Oh! - Whoa!

Watch out.

- Ah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Have you ever been on an expedition before?

- No, but my father used to tell me

all about his travels and his adventures.

- Here you go, Professor Strock says

he was quite a trailblazer, a real man of courage.

- That sounds like the opening of a 10 cent novel.

- What was he like?

- He was okay, whenever he was around.

He was a real quiet guy, he never really talked a lot,

unless of course he was talking about himself,

in which case you could not shut him up.

- You sound a little bitter.

- Well, I don't mean to, I,

look, what my father did made him very happy, okay,

happier than spending any time with his family

could ever have made him, I mean, some people are like that.

I'm, I'm a little bit like that, I just,

I just want to find a little of my own happiness, you know.

- Well,

great.

[mellow melodic music]

- This is the place,

from here on, we deal strictly with the unknown.

If you value your lives,

you'll do exactly what I say when I tell you.

- And how will that save our lives?

- If you don't do what I say, I'll kill you.

Hey, come on, kid, lighten up.

[Cort and Eddy laughing]

I'm just looking out for your best interests.

- Mr. Eastman, I am not paying you to threaten people.

- Oh, you're not paying us

to get eaten alive either, are you?

- What does she mean?

- Something came out of this cave a few days ago,

that wasn't human, it tore a kid's head clean off.

I plan to keep mine where it is

and help you keep yours in place at the same time,

that way you get true value for your dollar.

- The autopsy showed that the creature lived almost entirely

on a diet of night-blooming fungus and human flesh.

- Cannibals? - That's right, honey,

cannibals and as soon as they figure out how to skin you,

you'll make a great snack. [laughing]

- Don't worry, I've taken care of everything.

- [Eddy] Oh, did you notify our next of kin?

- Eddy, you ain't got no next of kin.

- I was talking about the grand dame over here.

- Hey, that's what adventure is all about, taking risk.

If you want out, there's still time.

- Not a chance, I paid for this party

and I'm in all the way.

- You're one tough-talking dame.

[Eddy laughing]

- Hey.

[Denea laughing]

[birds chirping]

[soft tense music]

- Oh, it's as black as caviar in here.

- "It's as black as caviar in here."

[soft melodic music]

[map rustling]

[soft melodic music]

- Eddy, why don't you drop one here?

- Why are you doing that?

- I left my bag of breadcrumbs in the car.

- You see, this will come in handy,

when we want to find our way out of here.

- You mean we might actually get out of here alive?

- Alive and rich, I hope.

- Alright, people let's move it out.

A few more miles and we can take a break.

Come on.

- A prehistoric cave drawing.

[soft tense music]

[horn blowing softly]

- Hey, somebody's playing a sax.

- It's probably just the wind

whistling through these tunnels.

- Maybe, we're pretty deep into this mountain.

[horn blowing softly] - What do you think, guana?

- Sounds like a horn alright, what kind I'm not sure.

- Hey, remember those natives in New Guinea?

They had a horn like that.

- We're a hell of a long ways from New Guinea now, partner.

- Yeah, if we move, we might get there by morning.

- Which direction is that sound coming from?

And which direction are we going to walk?

[horn blowing softly] Okay.

- Listen.

[soft tense music]

It's stopped.

- As I said, it's just the wind.

- Yeah, let's hope so.

Come on, 30 more minutes and we take a break.

- Slave driver.

- [Andrew] Professor.

- [Artemis] Yes?

- Professor, you're the mineralogist,

isn't this feldspar?

- No.

- What is it?

- A rock.

[rock thudding to ground]

- This looks like as good a place as any

to bed down for the night.

- [Eddy] Better than some I've seen.

[objects clattering]

- Ah.

- Ah, boy, am I beat.

[Artemis exhaling heavily]

Is it gonna stay cold like this all the way through?

- Well, the absence of sunlight

does have a degenerative effect on temperature.

On the other hand, theoretically speaking,

the sediment topography and the close confines

should keep us well-insulated.

- What does that mean?

- Oh, not to worry, Miss Chambers,

I doubt it'll get any colder than it is right now.

- Well, that's just fucking great.

It's colder than Cort's feet in here now.

[water dripping]

- Is that all you brought?

- Hey, I like to travel light, honey.

- Yeah, moonshine light.

[both laughing]

- Don't forget my vitamins.

[match striking]

- Well, this Sterno should keep us warm.

- Would anybody mind if I investigated

some of the walls in these nearby caves?

- Why do you want to do that?

- Oh, I am a mineralogist.

- Okay, doc, but stick close by and take my flashlight.

- But I doubt very much if I could see without one of these.

- Be careful, Professor.

- Yes, maybe I, ah, maybe I can find some pet rocks.

[both laughing]

- Yeah, bring me back a big one, doc.

- Professor.

Professor.

- That guy's a nut.

If ever I saw 15 miles of rock that looked the same,

this is it.

- Amen to that.

- Oh boy, this stuff doesn't even need ice.

- Well, give it back, partner,

let's drink it on the rocks anyway, huh?

[both laughing]

[Cort laughing]

[Denea laughing]

- What?

- What the hell is that thing?

- I'm taking notes.

- Kid's all lit up and he hasn't had a drink yet.

[both laughing]

[soft melodic music]

- Reliar.

We must be getting nearer.

♪ Up in the air, Junior Birdman ♪

♪ Up in the air and let's fly

♪ Up in the air, Junior Birdman ♪

♪ Get your wings up in the sky, up in the sky ♪

[mellow dramatic music]

[horn blowing softly]

[mellow dramatic music]

[cave creatures growling softly]

[mellow dramatic music]

- No, wait, wait, wait! [Cave Bunny shrieking]

Wait, no, no, I'm a friend, I don't want to hurt you.

No, please. - Oh, oh!

- Don't be afraid, no, I want to help you.

No, no, please, don't be afraid, don't be afraid.

♪ When you hear the great announcement ♪

♪ You know you've earned your wings of tin, of tin ♪

♪ Then you know that Junior Birdman ♪

♪ It's time to send your box tops in ♪

[Cave Bunny screeching loudly] - What the hell was that?

[Denea gasping]

- It sure as hell wasn't the wind whistling down the tunnel.

Kid, you know how to use one of these?

- Oh, I have a gun, I have a gun,

I've got a gun, wait, wait.

Okay, I've got it, I've got it.

- Easy, easy, easy, get the flashlight.

Come on.

[footsteps running]

- Please, where is it?

You must know how close we are.

Now answer me, damn you! [hand slapping]

- Hey, doc, what the hell's going on here, huh?

- She was hysterical, I was trying to calm her down.

I wanted to find out who she was.

- Maybe she's one of them cannibals.

- She doesn't look like a cannibal.

- Yeah, well, she doesn't look anorexic either.

- One thing's for sure, something scared her big time.

[horn blowing softly]

[soft tense music]

- Yeah and whatever the hell it is, it's still here.

Let's get back to our stuff. - Good idea.

- Come with us, child.

- Uh!

- Oh, why don't you slap her again, Strock?

I think she likes it.

- We're not gonna hurt you, we're here to protect you.

- Come on, let's ditch her.

- She'll come with us.

- Okay, kid, but she's your responsibility, we're splitting.

- Come on.

Come on.

[footsteps running]

[cave creatures growling softly]

- [Cort] Let's haul it, people!

- Come on!

- Come on, let's pack this gear and get the hell outta here.

- Mr. Eastman, what do you think that sound is?

- Two bits says it's a bunch of those mutant

cannibal bastards that we read about.

- If it is what are we gonna do?

- There's no reason to panic.

There are six of us and we do have weapons.

- Doc's right, I thought you were tough, Chambers.

- Tough, not stupid.

[cave creatures growling softly]

- Ah, shit, guess who's coming to dinner.

[mellow melodic music]

Hey, guys, what's happening?

- Maybe, maybe we should try to communicate with them.

Hello.

[cave creatures growling]

[guns firing]

- Now that's communication.

- Sure as hell is.

- Idiots.

How do we know they meant to harm us?

- What the hell are you talking about, doc?

They looked at us like we were a supermarket.

- LA Platter. - Smorgasbord.

- Champagne brunch.

- Probably just as frightened as we were.

- Lucky for us, they weren't armed. [sniffing]

What's that smell?

You got a scientific explanation for this?

[Cort laughing]

[light melodic music]

Oh yeah, doc,

I think this little expedition paid off real fine.

Here, this ought to pay for a couple of backpacks.

Reload those guns. - My goodness.

[horn blowing softly] - The horn.

I think we ought to get outta here.

- [Cort] That sounds like they're regrouping.

- They're probably coming back to avenge their friend.

- What with, reinforcements?

- Maybe a whole Goddamn army of them things.

- Wait a minute, where's the girl?

She had to have gone this way.

- [Eddy] Cort, what are we gonna do?

- I think we ought to follow the little lady,

it looked like she knew where she was going.

[mellow dramatic music] [cave creatures growling]

[guns firing]

[empty gun clicking] - Oh!

[Denea screaming]

[all scuffling]

Let me go! [empty gun clicking]

[blow thudding]

- What the hell's the matter with you?

I'm trying to be your friend, you tub of shit!

- Oh, let me go!

[mellow dramatic music] [all scuffling]

- Get off of him!

- You snag my sweater, I'll kill you.

[both thudding to ground] Let me go!

[mellow dramatic music]

- [Eddy] You slimy, mutated fusspot, you!

[all scuffling]

[blow thudding] - Uh!

[empty gun clicking]

[blow thudding]

[cave creature thudding to ground]

[cave creature mewling softly]

- [Eddy] Yeah!

[blow thudding]

[mellow dramatic music] [all scuffling]

- Light.

Use the light, they can't stand the light!

[all scuffling]

[cave creature mewling]

Go, go, go!

[kick thudding]

[cave creatures mewling]

- Professor.

[Artemis groaning]

Professor, are you alright?

[soft tense music]

- Thanks for the hand, kid.

Hey.

Hey, you too.

- Where's Denea?

[soft tense music]

- Don't know, they must've taken her.

- Taken her, sure, but where?

- I bet she knows.

- Honey, let's go, take us to where they got her.

- Look, Mr. Eastman, I realize this is a terrible thing,

but we've got to resign ourselves

to the fact that she's dead.

Now trying to rescue a corpse

is only going to endanger all of us.

- I'm afraid I don't agree with you, doc.

The lady paid for this outing and if she's still alive,

I plan to get her back.

- What's the matter, Strock, wimping out?

- I am just trying to be sensible.

After all, I was the one who tried to communicate with them,

but oh no, no, you made it all impossible.

- [laughs] Well guess what, doc,

you're gonna get a second chance.

- I say let's give it a shot.

[Artemis groaning]

- Okay, honey.

Ah, uh, where are they? - Oh, uh!

- Come on, sister, we ain't got all day.

- No, no, let me.

Which way?

[soft tense music]

It's that way.

- Okay, folks, let's move out

and keep those guns cocked and locked.

- Forget the guns, the battle's gonna be won with these.

[mellow dramatic music]

[Denea screaming]

- Let me go!

Let me go! [screaming]

Let me go!

[rope creaking]

- It's getting warm in here.

- No argument there.

- We're making a slow descent into the Earth.

I think as we go deeper,

I'm afraid is gonna get even hotter.

- Yeah, well, let's just hope

we don't wind up in a Crockpot.

- Now who's wimping out?

- I was just joking, doc,

trying to ease the suspense for you. [laughs]

- She grew up in a tough neighborhood.

You know something, what is this?

- What?

- This smells like her perfume.

- Oh, come off it. - Really, try it.

Maybe you know it?

- [coughs] That's it.

- Go, go.

- [screams] Leave me alone!

Oh, where are you taking me?

[mellow upbeat music]

Please, Oh, my God!

What are you gonna do to me?

[Denea screaming]

Keep your hands off of me, what are you gonna,

alright now, everybody just calm down.

Just calm down, calm down, oh, my God!

[Denea screaming]

[mellow upbeat music]

No, no!

[Denea screaming]

[soft melodic music]

- Oh! [gasping]

- From the looks of her, we must be getting close.

Better turn off the flashlights.

- All of these caves have a strange illumination

of their own, we shouldn't have any trouble finding our way.

- It's this fungus, it seems to give off a strange glow.

- Yeah, I've seen something like this in a gym locker once.

- Hey, quiet down, all of you, we've got to sneak in there,

so let's take it nice and slow.

First we'll hit them with the flashlights

and only shoot, if necessary.

- Only shoot, if necessary?

I'm staying here, I'm too old for this sort of thing.

- Never too old to be a blue plate special.

- Doc, you be ready to haul ass.

- Let me rest.

- This must be the place.

- [Eddy] What makes you think that?

- Stop hanging out there.

- [Denea] Oh, oh, God, help, get me off of this! [screams]

- Well, at least she's still alive.

[mellow upbeat music]

- Oh, oh, oh!

- I think we got here just in time,

they're making a barbecue.

- Somehow I get the feeling

this is not the first time they've done this.

[soup bubbling]

[mellow melodic music]

- Please stop. [wailing]

Please.

Hey, watch it, buddy.

[hand slapping]

[shrieking] Oh no, stop, stop!

Oh, no!

[mellow melodic music]

- You guys know what to do?

- Make these guys see the light.

- Oh, boy.

- What's eating you, kid?

- This could be what's left of an entire species,

we can't just run in there and blow these people away.

- They ain't people, they're monsters and don't forget it.

Now let's get in there and kick some ass.

[Denea shrieking]

- Oh, my God, is this about your friend's necklace?

Oh, 'cause it's in my bag honestly, I don't, oh, my God!

I bet that I'm very tough, you won't like the way I taste.

Oh, you bastards, you won't get away with this!

[guns cocking]

- You heard the lady, let's go!

[all roaring loudly] [mellow dramatic music]

[cave creatures mewling]

- Thank God you're here.

Oh, oh, thank you.

God, it's hot.

- Hang on, girl. - Alright?

- Okay, roll out, easy, easy. - Oh, oh!

Oh, thank you, Mr. Eastman.

God, I'm glad you're here, I feel like I lost 15 pounds.

- No, you didn't, sweetheart, they're right behind you.

- Come on, let's beat it!

Get dressed. - Oh!

- Eddy, let's get the doc and the dame

and get the hell out of here.

- Let's go! - Okay.

[mellow dramatic music]

[footsteps running]

Wait, wait, wait!

Oh, God!

- Come on.

- Come on, move ass!

[cave creatures growling softly]

- If I just, alright.

[mellow dramatic music]

[cave creatures growling softly]

- Doc! - Haul ass professor!

Pack your pet rocks, we gotta go!

- What's happening?

- You don't wanna know. - Oh.

[mellow dramatic music]

- [Cort] Oh, shit, my light.

- [Eddy] Mine too!

- [Andrew] Oh, damn, our batteries must be affected

by the high iron content of these walls.

- [Artemis] I would suggest you get ready to start shooting.

- [Eddy] What's the matter, Strock?

I thought you wanted to chat with these guys.

- [Cort] They can't talk with their mouths full.

- Damn straight! - Oh, my God!

- [Denea] Hey, wait for me!

- [Andrew] Come on!

[cave creatures growling]

- I sure hope to hell you know where you're going, honey.

- That makes five of us.

- Look, there's a light up there!

- Great, now maybe we can get out of here.

[mellow dramatic music]

- All this light, doc. - I like having a partner.

[laser beam whooshing]

- [Eddy] What the hell's that?

[all shrieking]

[Denea screaming]

[laser beam whooshing]

[all shrieking] - Okay, watch it!

[laser beam whooshing] - Do something!

- Damn it, I'm doing it! [laser beam whooshing]

[blows thudding]

[laser beam whooshing]

- Get away from it!

- Damn!

- [Andrew] Get away from him!

- Damn, get my arm out! [laser beam whooshing]

Get my arm out, oh! [laser beam whooshing]

Move it! [laser beam whooshing]

[cave creature mewling]

[mellow dramatic music]

[laser beam whooshing]

[kick thudding] [laser beam whooshing]

[kick thudding]

[cave creature mewling]

- [Denea] Oh, God, oh Eddy!

[blow thudding]

[laser beam whooshing] [Andrew thudding to ground]

[blows thudding]

[laser beam whooshing] [Denea screaming]

[laser beam whooshing] [mellow dramatic music]

[blow thudding]

- We're doing it!

[blow thudding] [Cort thudding to ground]

[mellow dramatic music] [laser beam whooshing]

[laser beam whooshing]

[electricity crackling]

[Denea laughing]

- Yes, yes! [both laughing]

I got him!

- Quick thinking, Miss Chambers.

[Denea laughing]

[water dripping]

- Yeah, quick thinking.

- I saved your life.

- Hey, what are you talking about?

I was about ready to roll out of its way.

[Eddy and Denea laughing] - It was about to turn you

into a baked ham. - Come on,

it's all in the reflexes.

- While you two are arguing,

do you have any idea what you're arguing about?

Aren't you interested in this thing that attacked us?

- Well, hell, doc, it's just a robot.

- Robots are indigenous to this area?

- You got a point there, doc.

- Superior design. - Hm.

- I don't recognize this alloy,

there's nothing like this in existence

on Earth to my knowledge.

- Well, you must've skipped a class in school, kid,

'cause there it stands.

- Now your statement presumes that this machine

was made on Earth, Mr. Eastman.

- You-you mean this could be from?

- [Artemis] Anywhere.

- Come on, doc. [laughing]

- Hey, where's the girl?

- [Eddy] She split down the end of the cave.

- You certainly are interested in that savage.

- I know someone, who's jealous. [laughing]

- My interests are purely scientific, I assure you.

- I don't care, you know, I was just,

it doesn't even matter. [laughs awkwardly]

- Listen, when you two are done lying to each other,

could you help us figure out

how to get the hell out of here maybe?

- Get out, when we're so close to our goal?

- [Eddy] What are you talking about now, doc?

[light melodic music]

- Reliar.

- Would somebody mind telling me

what all this Reliar crap is about?

- Oh, it's a, it's a myth a legend,

like the Lost City of Atlantis.

- Except under the ground, not under the ocean.

- Yeah, it's a lost civilization.

- That sure tells me a whole fuck of a lot.

[Cort laughing]

- Mr. Eastman, would you like to be the first

of our expedition to set foot on Reliar?

- No, doc, you be my guest.

[soft melodic music]

- So this is Reliar, huh?

Where's the red carpet?

- We're close, I know we are.

- Oh, face it, doc, it was a myth then, it's a myth now.

- But the robot.

- Oh, it's probably some kind of secret government

mining tool, that went renegade and ended up down here.

- And the girl?

- You and that girl.

- Probably one of those mutants' wives,

she was trying to get a divorce, huh? [laughing]

- She didn't look too mutated to me.

- You looked awfully close too, didn't you?

- Well, at least the mutants haven't followed us,

not yet anyway.

- Judging by the look of the eyes of the ones you shot,

they must be very light sensitive.

It's probably too bright here.

- So what happens, when it gets dark?

- I seriously doubt if it'll get any darker than this.

- Yeah, that volcano will see to that.

Yeah, but you're forgetting one thing, doc,

one of those things, whatever it is killed a guy

in a brightly lit park a few days ago.

- One of those creatures probably got

got lost in the caverns

became so hungry, that by the time it surfaced,

it had no choice, it had to brave the light and find food.

- Let's hope they're not all that hungry.

- What's the matter, getting shy all of a sudden?

[soft dramatic music]

- What?

- [laughs] Oh, get a load of this shit.

- Are they for real?

For real, lay your guns down easy.

Easy.

[Cave Bunny grunting]

[vehicle humming]

Oh, what the hell next?

- Oh man, it looks like some kind

of freaked out carnival ride that got loose.

[door humming]

[mellow dramatic music]

- [Cort] Alright. [laughing]

- [Eddy] Oh, you've got to be kidding.

- I know someone who's jealous.

- Shut up.

- She speaks English.

- She's stunning.

- You're not deaf, don't be dumb.

- [Denea] We're from the surface.

- But you can die down here.

You're damn poor specimens for surface types.

- Excuse me, lady, but we ain't specimens.

[blow thudding] Uh!

[soft dramatic music]

[blows thudding]

[Cort groaning]

[soft dramatic music]

[blows thudding]

[Cort thudding to ground]

[soft dramatic music]

Don't worry, folks, I got this under control.

[Cort roaring]

[Cort groaning loudly]

- Big mouth, small brain.

[blows thudding]

- [Eddy] Smooth, Cort, very smooth.

[vehicle humming]

- Argh, argh, you bitch!

Argh!

Shit!

[Cort gasping]

Damn, lady, all I wanted to do was sit up front.

[Cort breathing heavily]

- Take the men to the cell.

As for you...

- Oh, boy.

- Looks like she's got a crush on the kid.

- Must be his aftershave.

- I think they want us to go with them.

- Did you go to school to get that smart?

- Hey, watch it with that thing.

Hey, don't worry, girls, I'll think of something,

come back and rescue you.

- We'll wait right here.

[mellow dramatic music]

- Hey, doc, you're a rock man.

Tell me, how do they get light down here with no sun?

- I haven't the faintest idea.

- And those women, what about those women?

How do they survive down here with no men?

- I haven't the faintest idea.

- I've got it, doc, they're gonna use us for breeding stock.

- What a dumb idea.

- You can have fun here.

- I bet.

Look, I have this life on the surface

and I really should get back, you know,

I think I left the oven on.

- Far out.

- Are you from another planet?

- Ship crashed.

It's useless now.

- Can it be repaired?

- [sighs] The robot mined crystals,

diamonds, could have been fuel,

but you destroyed that hope.

- Well, sorry about that,

but it did try to excavate our skulls, you know.

- Well, now your people will take its place in the mines

and when the ship's ready, you and I will move on.

Right?

- Oh, well,

since you put it that way.

- Hey, this is a pretty boring little tour here,

what say we lose these lame-o's.

- What if they chase us?

- Fuck them.

[footsteps running]

- Ah! - Jesus!

You scared the willies out of me.

Hey doc, it looks like we're being sprung.

Wait, you think we can trust her?

- Never look a gift cave girl in the mouth.

- You're right.

[footsteps running]

[soft tense music]

Well, it won't be long, before they know we've escaped.

- [Artemis] What's the plan?

- I don't know, round everybody up

and get the hell out of here.

- Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

- How dare you come in here.

[cave girls grunting]

I'll be back.

- Don't be long.

[Andrew sighing]

[soft melodic music]

- Mr. Eastman.

Mr. Eastman, do you think this girl

really knows where she's going?

- Well, either way, the way I figure,

she must be taking us to where the kid's being held.

- [Artemis] Wherever young Andrew is,

I'm sure he's a hell of a lot better off than we are.

- Well, either way, she's the only guide we've got.

Well, we'd better get moving, doc.

- Oh, sure.

Keep moving, keep moving.

[soft melodic music]

- You know, I think I preferred the caves to this.

- Well, listen, if you don't like it, you can go back.

I got to find Cort, okay.

- Well, can we at least sit down for a while?

I mean, we haven't had any sleep or anything.

- Okay, let's pull up a rock.

[soft melodic music]

- Oh!

- [Cort] What's the matter, doc, feeling faint?

- No, no, it's this plant.

- Plant, what about it, is it poisonous?

- No, it's,

it's prehistoric.

- What? - No, there hasn't been

anything like this on Earth, since the Mesozoic Age.

- Oh, come on, doc,

I mean, I've seen millions of them just like that.

- I seriously doubt it.

The only time I've ever seen anything like it,

it was encased in a piece of fossilized rock.

- Why don't you fill your pockets with seeds

and let's get the hell out of here?

[Cave Bunny grunting]

She seems kind of upset, I wonder what's eating her.

- I'm afraid we're going to find out.

[soft melodic music]

Jesus, that stinks, what the hell is it, doc?

- I could tell you, but you're not going to like it.

- Try me.

- It's a,

a dinosaur or what's left of it.

- Dinosaur, get out of here, do I look that stupid?

- It's probably a plant eater.

Slow,

stupid,

easy prey.

- [Cort] For what?

- A gigantic flesh eater,

a Tyrannosaurus, Allosaurus perhaps.

- Now that's incredible. - Do you realize

we have probably made one of the greatest

scientific discoveries of all time?

Only we're never gonna live to tell anybody about it.

- Now let's not lose heart, doc,

little Cave Bunny here survived and so will we, huh?

- What the hell kind of survival is it,

if we have to live here? - Come on.

Let's get the hell out of here before something comes back

for its lunch.

Come on, come on.

[soft melodic music]

[footsteps running]

- Oh boy.

Oh, I wish we had something to eat, I'm starving.

- Here, catch.

- Ow!

What, what is this?

You don't expect me to eat this, do you?

- No, I thought you might go over there and kill that thing

and then we'll cook him.

- That thing?

- Yeah, over there.

- Oh, my gosh.

[dinosaur roaring]

How, how, how, how,

how long has that creature been there?

- Oh, I don't know, let's see, how long have we been here?

- You mean that, that thing has been sitting there

this whole time and you knew it and you didn't tell me?

How dare you.

- Leave him alone, he ain't hurting nobody.

Besides I think he's kinda cute.

[dinosaur mewling]

- Cute?

Oh God, do you think he'll just kill us right away

or do you think he'll just play with us for a while,

until we get so sick and scared, that we die

and then maybe he'll peck us with that awful beak

and use that tongue, that's what this is, oh, right.

Oh, God, what are we gonna do?

- We'll slip out the back way, okay.

[dinosaur mewling] - I like that, that's good.

[soft upbeat music]

This is like a lost world, you know, like in the movies?

- Yeah, I kind of figured that,

now all we need is King Kong.

- Who?

- Nevermind.

Hey, look over there.

- Oh, my God.

Is there no end to this nightmare?

- I thought you said you were hungry?

Those guys look like good eating to me.

- Yeah, well, I could believe that,

but they're the ones that are doing the eating.

- Oh, they don't look so scary,

they're just like big puppies

with poker chips on their backs.

- If it's all the same to you,

could we just sneak away while we can?

[soft upbeat music]

- [Cort] It must be where they have the kid.

- Alright, let's get it over with.

[Cave Bunny grunting]

- What's wrong, honey, huh?

[dinosaur roaring loudly]

- Ah! - Uh!

- Jesus, now there's something you don't see every day.

- Ah!

[dinosaur roaring]

[soft upbeat music]

[dinosaurs roaring]

[dinosaur squealing in pain]

[soft upbeat music]

[dinosaur squealing in pain]

[soft upbeat music]

[dinosaur growling]

- Let's get the hell out of here.

- [Artemis] Oh, what the hell are we gonna do about her?

- Screw her, she can handle it herself.

Come on, let's get back to the cave and rescue everybody,

while she's got her hands full.

[soft upbeat music]

[dinosaur roaring]

[dinosaur roaring in pain]

- Now if I'm right,

this path ought to lead us back to the caves.

- Then what?

- Well, maybe we'll find Cort and the others

and fight our way out of this lost world

or this time warp or whatever the hell this place is.

- [gasping] Look at that!

- Whoa!

Hot damn!

- They look like giant diamonds.

- I wish I could fit one of them in my pocket.

- You know, they're probably worth millions of dollars.

- And who says size doesn't matter?

- I'm speechless.

- Now there's a twist.

[snaps fingers] Come on, the cave's this way.

[water dripping]

[blow thudding]

[cave girl thudding to floor]

Anybody else want some of this?

- Come on.

[melodic suspenseful music]

[Artemis coughing] - Ssh!

- Ssh! - Ssh, oh.

[melodic suspenseful music]

[water dripping]

[melodic suspenseful music] [cave girls grunting]

- Now's our chance to get him out, doc.

Hey, keep going, honey, you're doing great.

- Hey, guys!

- [Cort] Yeah, you got yourself in a hell of a shake.

- Just in time, the honeymoon was just about ready to begin.

[melodic suspenseful music] [cave girls grunting]

- Don't thank us, kid, thank Cave Bunny over there,

I think she likes you.

- Oh.

It's my curse, you know, it's always been like this.

It's just something I've had to live with.

- Oh, that's a tough break, kid.

Listen, Cave Bunny, can you get us out of here?

- Which way? - Oh.

- Let's go! - Move!

[footsteps running]

[muffled men chattering]

- [Andrew] She knows where she's going.

- Hey!

- It's me.

- Thank God, now we can get out of here.

- Still in one piece, I see.

- Yeah, it was terrible, just awful.

- I bet.

- Look, can we discuss this later?

Right now, we should figure out a way to escape.

- Doc's right.

- Well, what's the plan, Cort, baby?

- Now listen, what if we get that land rover

and drive the hell out of here?

- Well, that makes sense, but which way?

- Wait a minute. The vehicle, where is it?

[Cave Bunny grunting] It's that way.

- Hey, how do you do that? - Hey, trade secret.

- Trade secret? [footsteps running]

[water dripping]

[soft melodic music]

- [Eddy] What's that?

- [Andrew] That's the big lady's spaceship.

- Get out of here.

- She's from another planet.

- Amazing.

- Screw that, doc, look.

Hey doc, what the hell are these?

- Diamonds, diamonds, hundreds of them.

- Hey, kid, pick yourself out a wedding ring.

- I'll take a bagful. [all laughing]

- For God's sake, fill your pockets, hurry.

- That's not a bad idea, hey, Eddy, for you, sweetheart.

- Whoo hoo!

Alright, let's get the fuck out of here.

- Come on, come on, let's go!

[Andrew laughing]

[lava hissing]

Hey, don't stand too close to that thing, you might fall in.

- You'd miss me, baby, wouldn't you?

- You're damn right I would, you're one of a kind.

Alright, let's move it out.

- You'll be sorry.

- There it is!

Hell of a party, lady, see you next year!

Everybody get inside, come on, doc, come on!

[mellow upbeat music]

- Help me. - Ah!

- Small brains.

[vehicle humming]

[mellow melodic music]

- [All] Whoa!

- Alright, let's burn some rubber!

- Whoo! [claps]

- [All] Whoa!

- Watch it, baby, watch it.

[mellow melodic music]

- Cort, is there anything I can do?

- Yeah, why don't you cover up Cave Bunny here?

I can't concentrate. - Right.

- Alright, let's get it in gear, come on, puppies, yeah!

- [All] Whoa!

[mellow melodic music]

- Come on, punch it, baby, punch it!

- I've got it to the floor now.

[Cort laughing]

- [Cort] Kid, you got to tell me how you do that.

- What?

What can I say? It's a chemical imbalance.

- Hey listen, kid, when we get back to the surface,

I want some of that stuff. [Andrew laughing]

[mellow melodic music]

- Argh!

- [All] Whoa!

- Damn, Eddy, I told you to watch it!

- What is happening? - Oh!

- This baby's stuck.

- [Both] Stuck?

- Anybody got a bigger tunnel?

[mellow dramatic music]

- Hey, [sniffs] that's hydraulic fluid.

I think this thing's overheating.

- We've got to get outta here, this thing's gonna explode!

- [Both] Explode?

- Let's get out of here! [all shrieking]

Go, go!

That way, that tunnel!

Go, go!

- [Cort] Come on, doc,

next stop, sporting goods and lingerie.

[mellow dramatic music]

There you go. - Damn thing!

I can't believe we're gonna get out of here.

- Keep running!

[mellow upbeat music]

- Hit the deck, it's gonna blow!

[explosion booming]

[mellow melodic music]

- So much for Reliar.

Lost again.

- That place belongs lost, kid.

- And after that cave-in, it's gonna stay lost.

- At least we didn't come away empty-handed.

- No, we did okay by ourselves,

but what about her and her kind?

- Cort, old buddy, we're salvagers, not psychoanalysts.

- Whatever the fuck that means.

- Right. [both laughing]

- Let's go home. - Hey, Cort.

What about her?

- Who cares? It's champagne time and I'm buying!

- Whoo hoo!

- 60/40, huh?

- [Both] You get the 40! [laughing]

- Come on, doc. - Come on, Professor. [laughs]

[cave creatures growling softly]

- Now you're gonna be sorry.

[air whooshing]

[mellow melodic music]