Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,360
Aw...
2
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:13,709
Ooh.
3
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:23,762
Disgusting... or wonderful?
4
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,202
Hey.
5
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:29,899
Morning, roomie.
6
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:32,206
So... tell me
about last night.
7
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:33,816
What about it?
8
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,210
I heard a girl's voice
coming from your bedroom.
9
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:39,039
Oh. Uh...Yeah, I don't really
want to talk about that.
10
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,041
Come on, stud.
Shh!
11
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:44,087
Ooh, is she still here? Wow.
12
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,655
Somebody's really taking
to the bachelor life.
13
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:52,052
Yeah.
14
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:53,575
Good morning, Joey.
15
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,359
You spent the night
in his room?
16
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:57,405
Tell me she didn't
sleep in your bed.
17
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,320
I slept on the floor.
Don't worry.
18
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:02,453
Not everyone wants to kill their
dad and marry mommy like you.
19
00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,934
That was one drawing I did.
20
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,675
What are you doing here?
21
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:09,069
I realized Michael didn't
have his white noise machine,
22
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,461
so I brought it over.
23
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:13,116
He can't sleep without
his sounds of the jungle.
24
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,206
That's why I dreamt I was
being attacked by monkeys.
25
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,295
Wait a minute.
26
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:22,734
If Joey didn't let you in,
how did you get in last night?I let myself in.
27
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:25,346
You have a key?Yes, I made one for emergencies.
28
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:28,958
When you turned down that show,
it was a very dark time for you.
29
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,481
Thought you might
do something drastic.
30
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:31,917
I wasn't gonna kill myself.
31
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:35,356
Really?
You didn't even think about it?
32
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,314
Mom, maybe you
shouldn't have a key.
33
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,360
I mean, the whole
reason for this move
34
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,449
was so that I could have
some independence.
35
00:01:41,492 --> 00:01:44,016
I'm not comfortable with you
coming over whenever you want.
36
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:47,324
What if I have a girl over?Yeah, what if I have one?
37
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:50,022
We're trying to have
a conversation.
38
00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,155
Fine. If it's
such a big deal,
39
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,157
you can have
the stupid key back.
40
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,988
That was too easy.
You have another one.
41
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:02,165
Good job, Nancy Drew.
42
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,514
Here.
43
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,169
How many more do you have?
44
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,953
We can do this all day.
45
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,007
♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah ♪
46
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:22,968
♪ I'm alright y'all alright
y'all you wanna be alright ♪
47
00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:25,145
♪ You gotta walk tall
48
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:29,671
♪ Everything's gonna be alright
everything's gonna be alright ♪
49
00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:33,196
♪ I'm alright y'all alright
y'all you wanna be alright ♪
50
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,111
♪ You gotta walk tall
51
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:38,375
♪ I'm alright y'all alright
y'all you wanna be alright ♪
52
00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,072
♪ You gotta walk tall
53
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,212
Hey, Alex.
54
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,475
Hey.
Look at you
all dressed for work.
55
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,260
You know I played
a lawyer once.
56
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,088
"I object."
"No further questions."
57
00:02:56,132 --> 00:03:00,180
"How can this be a jury
of his peers when five of the
jurors are androids?"
58
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,225
So, the movie's in the future?
59
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,575
No, no, this was, like,
three years ago.
60
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,750
Oh, right.
61
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:07,187
Oh, my.
62
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,232
Say, I hate to bother
you with this,
63
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:12,279
but my husband's out of town,
and normally I would ask him,
64
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:16,674
but what do you think
looks better with this?
Hair down or hair up?
65
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:20,025
Definitely up.
Yeah, your hair is nice,
but I like it better back
66
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,853
so that I can see your face.
67
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:23,290
Oh...
68
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,117
Yeah, I played
a husband once, too.
69
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:26,771
Okay, thanks.
See ya.
70
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,730
Okay, right.
71
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:31,341
Oh, my God.
Another one of these.
72
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,734
What?
73
00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:34,301
A note from the super.
74
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,955
"No unsanctioned
grills allowed.
75
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,044
Please remove your grill
from the patio."
76
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,263
I can't believe this.
77
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,265
How am I supposed
to make a hamburger?
78
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,093
Well, you could use
a frying pan.
79
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:46,138
Oh, don't.
Just-Just don't.
80
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,054
Does everybody
get these notes?
81
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:51,405
Yeah, yeah, the super's
kind of a hard-ass.
82
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,972
Oh. Do you get a lot of notes?Me? No.
83
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:57,062
But I don't
do anything wrong.
I'm kind of a good girl.
84
00:03:57,106 --> 00:04:00,065
I wonder if Mr. Alex would
tell me the same thing.
85
00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:05,767
Maybe I wait a few days before
making sex jokes with you.
86
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,899
Yeah. And maybe don't
even do it then.
87
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,205
Okay.
Okay.
88
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,862
Gina...
89
00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:16,647
I haven't seen you in minutes.
90
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,562
Don't worry,
I'm just about to leave.
91
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,172
I'm not gonna bother you.
92
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:23,001
[ yells]:
Michael! Your snack is ready!
93
00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,961
[ yells]:
In a minute!
I'm in the middle of something!
94
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:28,137
Well, hurry up,
I gotta get going!
95
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,531
[ yells]:
I'm so glad I moved out here!
96
00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,232
Here's your snack, baby.
97
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,365
I gotta get back
to the salon.
98
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:42,238
Ooh, an hour and a half
under the hair dryer.
I hope someone's not dead.
99
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:45,720
Can you believe her?
100
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,548
She's here
all the time.
101
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,767
Yeah, well, she loves you.
102
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,335
Yeah, but it doesn't even
feel like I moved out.
103
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,164
I thought living with you,
we'd have this crazy,
single life.
104
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,948
The two of us out,
meeting girls.
105
00:04:56,992 --> 00:05:00,125
I mean, I know how
you are with women.You do?
106
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,389
Sure, it's the first memory
I have of you.
107
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,347
We came this big
family party.
108
00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,175
All the girl cousins
flocked to you.
109
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:08,960
I mean, I know nothing ever
would have happened with them.
110
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:12,094
No, not even once,
before I knew that was wrong.
111
00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,705
I guess I just thought
if I lived with you,
112
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:17,795
then I'd have a chance
to learn a few things, you know?
113
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,623
Aw...What?
114
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:22,452
That's really sweet.
You want to learn stuff
from your uncle.
115
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:23,714
Well, yeah.
116
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,325
That's new for me, you know.
117
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,588
I've never been the one
to teach someone something.
118
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:30,068
I was always the one who...
119
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:33,245
No, never learned
anything either.
120
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,769
So, are you up to it?
121
00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:37,119
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
You came to the right guy.
122
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,382
I have so much knowledge
to give.
123
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,210
You don't really have
a dad around
124
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:44,648
and I don't have any sons.
125
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:47,085
So, we can go to a bar
tomorrow night.
126
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,740
Cool. I've never done
that before.
127
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:53,570
I remember the first time I went
out to a bar and hit on girls.
128
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,572
Were you my age?Close to it.
129
00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,661
What, like 18?11.
130
00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:08,411
[ high pitched voice]:
Oh, I feel so lonely.
131
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,587
[ deep voice]:
Well, hello, handsome.
132
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,288
Joey.
133
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,160
Hey, how was school?
134
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:19,335
Great.
135
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,293
How was... what you do?
136
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:26,124
For your information, I had
a really big audition today.
137
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:28,344
Oh, yeah?
How'd it go?
138
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,565
I don't know.
I got lost.
139
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,741
You got some more notes
from the super.
140
00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:36,526
Man, this guy
will not leave me alone.
141
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:39,137
"Wet towels cannot
be left in the courtyard."
142
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,879
Yeah, they can, I did it.
143
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,969
"Underwear is not appropriate
hot tub attire."
144
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,493
Why not?
145
00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:48,538
Uh, maybe because when it's wet,
it's see-through.
146
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:52,499
Hey, how 'bout that?
147
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,371
Hey.
Hey.
148
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,895
Hey, I know that you were
upset about your grill,
149
00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:01,421
so I made you a list of places
around that make good burgers,
150
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,424
and also a couple of
my favorite restaurants.
And there's your pee-pee.
151
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:10,081
This is great.
Hey, thanks for doing this.
152
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,127
Say, Alex, have you met
my nephew, Michael?
153
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:13,868
Not officially, no.
154
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:16,261
It's nice to meet you, Michael.Golly. Yeah.
155
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,046
Uh, hi. Wow.
156
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:21,832
That's... clammy.
157
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,535
Why don't save
some of that magic for tonight?
158
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,496
Hey, you know any
of these places?
159
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,280
Um...
160
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:36,847
This is weird.
161
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,283
What?
162
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,329
The handwriting on
this list looks a lot
163
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:43,419
like the handwriting on
the notes from the super.
Check it out.
164
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,639
It's the same.
You know what that means?
165
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:48,511
Alex and the super had
the same handwriting teacher!
166
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,472
Uh, or...
167
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,604
Uh... Alex is the super.
168
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:57,389
Or... Alex and the super
have a secret...
169
00:07:57,433 --> 00:08:00,654
No, no, you had it.Right.
170
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,307
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
171
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:06,486
If Alex is the super,
that means she lied to me.
172
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,313
That sucks.
173
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,579
The same handwriting teacher.
174
00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:14,450
[ chuckles]
175
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,888
"Uh, golly. Hi. Gee. Wow."
176
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,810
Okay.
177
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,030
God, it took you
forever to get ready.
178
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:30,814
Just like an hour
and a half.
179
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,555
Usually takes Mom,
like, two hours.
180
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,731
That is because she is a woman.
181
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:37,691
Something which you are not.
182
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,649
Well, you look really nice.
183
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:42,173
I am also not a woman.
We don't do that.
184
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:46,003
But thanks.
Okay, come on, let's go.
185
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,310
Great, let me just make sure
I've got everything.
186
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,573
I've got some money,
I got my fake ID...
187
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,096
Ah...Yeah, these are cool.
188
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,881
Some guys at Cal Tech
made these.
189
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,187
They're impossible to tell
apart from the real thing.
190
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,973
But I did have fun with it.
Check out the name.
191
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:01,584
Nils Bohr?The famous physicist.
He developed the...
192
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,847
No, thanks. Nope.
193
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:06,720
Look, uh, Michael,
as your teacher,
194
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:10,898
I feel like we should talk
a little bit about your rap.
195
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:13,770
Now we have to take
your greatest weakness,
196
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,250
your intelligence,
197
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,513
and turn that into
a strength, okay?
198
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,298
Now, what kind of stuff
are you smart about?
199
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:21,909
Uh, I know physics.
200
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:23,214
No. Next.
201
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:25,173
Uh, I enjoy cubing.What's cubing?
202
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,828
That's when people share
different strategies
to solve Rubik's cubes.
203
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,481
[ buzzer sound]
Next.
204
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:30,874
Also speed cubing...
205
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,268
[ buzzer sounds]
Next.
206
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,749
Uh, I'm pretty knowledgeable
about astronomy.
207
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,968
That's, like, stars?
208
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,404
Right.Yeah, okay.
209
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:40,623
Yeah, that could work.
210
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:41,929
Yeah, yeah, okay.
211
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,408
You take a girl outside,
212
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:46,411
you show her the stars,
very romantic.
213
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,326
Maybe it gets
a little chilly,
214
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,546
you slip your arm
around her.
215
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,201
You're starting to feel like
another teacher I had.
216
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,725
He got fired.Alright.
217
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,422
Are you ready?Yes.
218
00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:58,467
Let's go.
Alright.
219
00:09:58,510 --> 00:09:59,729
[ knocking on door]
220
00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,513
GINA:
Hey, guys, it's me.
221
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:05,126
What are we going to do?
She's going to want
to come with us.
222
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,518
Pretend we're not here.
223
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:09,652
Hey.
224
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,350
Don't make me use my key.
225
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:16,746
Hey.
Hey.
226
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:19,880
Look at you two
all dressed up.
227
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:22,447
Where are we going?Uh... nowhere. Nowhere.
228
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:25,233
We're just hanging out.
Just a quiet night at home, Ma.
229
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,017
Well, I know you're going out,
Michael.
230
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:29,150
You got your
shoulder pads on.
231
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,633
You're not a woman
from the '80s.
232
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:37,158
So, what's going on?
233
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:40,727
Well, we were going to go
to this bar down the street.
234
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,511
Sounds like fun.
I'm in.
235
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,818
Uh... yeah, I don't know.
236
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,776
I'm not sure you
should come, Mom.
237
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,518
We were maybe thinking
of, you know...
238
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:50,780
talking to some girls.
239
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,521
Then you definitely
want me there.
240
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:54,566
I happen to be
a great wing man.
241
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,830
Remember when I hooked you
up with Cousin Marie?
242
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:59,876
You know how many Hail Marys
I had to say for that?
243
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,272
Come on, let's go.
244
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:07,057
This is gonna be fun,
the three of us out together.
245
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,407
You know, I really think
it might be better
246
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,671
for the two of us
to do this alone.
247
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,630
Oh.
248
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,414
Okay.
I understand.
249
00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:17,938
No, well,
just for tonight.
250
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,591
We can all do
something tomorrow.
251
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:20,897
Yeah.
252
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,507
No, that's fine,
really.
253
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:25,293
If you want it
to be just the two of you,
254
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,077
then I think
you should do that.
255
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:33,736
I feel terrible.
256
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,390
I know, I know.
257
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,698
You know, I forget
how sensitive she can be.
258
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,792
And classy.
259
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:59,022
Alright, great.
I'll give you a call.
260
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:03,244
And thatis how it's done.
261
00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:04,767
Wow.
262
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,769
You got her number.
That girl was gorgeous.
263
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,206
Yeah. Yeah, she lives
in Long Beach.
Where's that?
264
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,992
Uh, you take the 10
to the 405 to the 710.
265
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,081
Sorry, Betty,
it's not to be.
266
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:17,911
So how do the girls from L.A.
compare to the girls
from New York?
267
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:22,045
It's a little early and I don't
want to jinx it, but...
they may be trashier.
268
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,395
Alright, The first thing
you want to do
269
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:27,485
is find someone
you're attracted to, right?
You see anyone you like?
270
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,531
Well, the lady bartender's
certainly attractive.
271
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,446
Oh, good eye. Good eye.
272
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:32,752
No chance.
273
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,537
No. Bartenders
get hit on constantly,
274
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:38,018
so there's a very high
level of difficulty.
275
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,803
You might want to start
with that sorority
girl over there
276
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:43,675
whose friends are carrying
her to the bathroom.
277
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:44,938
Ah, I don't think so.
278
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,591
She doesn't look
very smart.
279
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:49,507
Oh, no. Maybe you won't
co-author a book together.
280
00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:52,946
That girl.
281
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:55,252
She looks, uh,
interesting.
282
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,602
Great. Okay.
Go talk to her.
283
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,343
Alright, here we go.
284
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,346
You put 'em back in?
285
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:05,959
Maybe someone here wants
a woman from the '80s.
286
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:08,526
Oh, sorry, we got
an anonymous call
that you're underage.
287
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,572
I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
288
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,226
You got a call
about me?
289
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,794
Well, the woman said
to look for
the handsome genius
290
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,926
accompanied by
the Tony Danza-esq
older gentleman.
291
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,017
Gina.I can't believe this.
292
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,627
Come on,
let's go.
293
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,412
I was just about to score.
294
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,330
Hey, you really think I
look like Tony Danza?
295
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:30,810
Hey, good enough. Come on.
296
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,731
[ door opening]
297
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:41,429
Hey, guys.
298
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,866
Are all the girls you
picked up coming separately?
299
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,694
I can't believe you.
300
00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:47,870
You called the bar? Why?
301
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,785
Why? Because you shouldn't
have been there.
302
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,874
I never drank alcohol
before I was 21.
303
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:55,225
[ mocking laughter]
304
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,793
She's right. Yeah.
305
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,969
I just, I, uh,
uh, I can't...
306
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,188
Never mind.
307
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,972
No, no, no, no, Michael.
You're upset.
308
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,800
You tell your mother
how you feel.
309
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,889
Okay. I wanted some time
away from you,
310
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,239
and I don't think
that's too much to ask.
311
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:10,675
You ruined my night, Mom,
312
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,373
and Joey's,
and that's selfish.
313
00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:14,897
Good, good.
You're getting it out.
What else? What else?
314
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,247
I hate that you made
me take flute lessons.
315
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:20,250
Uh... Okay, we're going
a little wide now.
316
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,426
Let's bring it back.
Bring it back.
317
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,952
I just, I can't believe
you couldn't give me
one night on my own.
318
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,130
Look, I'm sorry,
319
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,827
but you have to understand,
320
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,656
you abandoning me is
my worst nightmare.
321
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,614
Then you haven't had
my monkey dream.
322
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:44,840
I was afraid you wouldn't
want me to be a part
of your life anymore
323
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,625
and it would just be
the two of you going out
324
00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:50,150
and having fun without me,
and now that's what's happening.
325
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,847
Hey, Gina. Come on, now.
326
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,415
Why I can't come, too.
Aren't I a fun mom?
327
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:57,548
Didn't I buy a case of beer
on your 18th birthday, huh?
328
00:14:57,592 --> 00:15:00,508
Yeah. Then
you drank it yourself.
329
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:03,990
And heckled us while we
played Trivial Pursuit.
330
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:07,167
Come on.
Just give me a chance.
331
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,821
Let's try it one night.
It-it'll be an experiment.
332
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:12,607
Like that thing you put
in the fridge that Joey ate.
333
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,608
Delicious.
334
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:17,307
Okay, I guess we can try it.
335
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,353
Plus, I can help you
with the women.
336
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,659
Whoa. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, okay?
337
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:22,965
I'm actually
handling that, alright?
338
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,141
I'm kind of his teacher
in that area.
339
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,709
Oh, that must be
a pretty involved course.
340
00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:31,495
How youdoing? How you
doing? How youdoing?
341
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:40,069
Well, it worked
on every one of yourfriends.
342
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,995
Hey.Hey.
343
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,998
I, uh, got another
note from the super.
344
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,521
What an idiot.
345
00:15:57,565 --> 00:16:00,307
Spelled "unacceptable"
with two Cs.
346
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,963
That's how you spell
"unacceptable."
347
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,226
Interesting
that you'd know that.
348
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:09,533
So, how are you?
Doing well?
349
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,274
Yeah, I'm fine.Really?
350
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:14,625
Just fine?
You're not great
or, say... super?
351
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,019
Alright, Joey,
what's up?
352
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,587
I'll tell you what's up.
Your game is over, okay?
353
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,893
You can't fool me.
I know you're the super.
354
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:24,331
Or his handwriting teacher.
355
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:28,204
The super? Where did
you even get that?
356
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,337
Okay, enough! If...
If you don't admit
357
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,121
you're the super
right now, I'm gonna...
358
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:34,732
I'm gonna break this chair!
359
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,386
Okay, alright, fine.
I'm the super.
360
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,910
Ah-hah!
Oh!
361
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:42,262
I'm really worked up right now.
362
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,568
Well, now you know.
It's out in the open.
363
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,875
So why did you lie
in the first place?!
364
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,920
I didn't lie.
You never asked me directly,
365
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:50,705
and I just didn't
volunteer the information.
366
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,490
Okay, the lawyer logic isn't
gonna work with me, alright?
367
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:55,753
Or any other kind of
logic, for that matter.
368
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:59,714
Look, I-I didn't tell you
I was the super
369
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,542
because I thought we
were getting along.
370
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,152
Okay? Well,
it felt good
371
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,458
because everybody
in this building
372
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,200
hates me
and my stupid notes.
373
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:11,030
They... They call me
the "notesy."
374
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,858
[ laughing]
375
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:17,427
It's not funny.
And the crazy thing is,
it's not even my job.
376
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,864
It's my husband's job,
but he's away a lot
377
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,998
so I have to do it,
and if I'm gonna do it,
378
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:28,090
I'm gonna do it well, so you're
just gonna have to hate me
like everybody else!
379
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,526
Hey.
380
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,400
I don't hate you.
381
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:35,489
You don't?
382
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,752
You should.
383
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:40,755
I-I mean, I leave
these annoying notes
384
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,105
and I-I made you take
away your grill.
385
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,542
Yeah, but...
386
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:48,067
Look, I don't know
many people out here.
387
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:51,679
Okay? I mean, I got my family,
but they're kinda nuts.
388
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:55,030
Okay? I could use
someone normal,
389
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,641
and you show a
lot of promise.
390
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,601
Really?
391
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,516
That's so nice.
392
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:05,345
I don't know what to say.
I think I'm gonna cry.
393
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,738
You have got yourself
some mood swings.
394
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:13,614
So, uh... we're good?
395
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:16,095
Yeah. Yeah, we're good.
396
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:20,011
You want to give me
another note, don't you?
397
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,491
It's the last one, I promise.
398
00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:26,844
But I didn't... Oh,
yes, I did. Yeah.
399
00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:34,852
This is gonna be
great, Michael.
400
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,811
There are lots
of cute girls here.
401
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,422
Ooh, except for her.
What a tramp.
402
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:40,728
That's a mirror, Gina.
403
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,253
I am not talking about me.
404
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:49,040
Alright, Michael,
first thing we gotta do
405
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,564
is pick out some
good prospects.
406
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:52,609
Now, you're gonna want
to play the numbers.
407
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,002
What do you mean?
408
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:55,525
Well, it's important
to choose someone
409
00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,701
at the same level
of hotness as yourself.
410
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:00,487
You could go two points either
way, but I-I wouldn't do
411
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:01,705
much more than that.
412
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:04,186
For example-- I'm a nine. Okay?
413
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:09,191
So, I can hit on a seven
or a hypothetical 11.
414
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,237
Okay?
415
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,327
Another option for me
is a four and a five.
416
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:17,156
Okay? Three threes.
417
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,332
And... and I wouldn't
recommend this...
418
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,637
nine ones.
419
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:25,164
Okay, so, what number am I?
420
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,253
Six.
Six.
421
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:30,038
Wow. Honest. Okay.
422
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:31,822
Why don't you start
with that seven
423
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:33,563
right over there?
She looks nice.
424
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,826
He doesn't even know
what to say.
425
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:38,481
We covered that.
Remember, Michael?
Talk about the stars.
426
00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:41,136
Oh, honey, if you're going
to talk about the stars,
427
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,226
I'm going to have
to downgrade you to a four.
428
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,619
You got a
better idea?
429
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:46,837
Yes, I do.
430
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:48,622
Does this place have
a mechanical bull?
431
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,928
Women really like
to see how a man moves.
432
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:52,016
All like...
433
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,714
Mom.
Sit down.
434
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,716
Alright, forget the
stars, alright?
435
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:59,067
On to Plan B--
the accidental bump. Ready?
436
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:02,679
Oh, sorry, I... Oh, hi.
437
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,464
Don't listen to him.
438
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:07,554
It'll be easier if you sit here
and I bring you girls.
439
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:09,556
What do you like? Big chest?
440
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:13,081
I think I'm just gonna go up
to the girl and start talking.
441
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:15,126
Okay, just... make sure
you're nice to her.
442
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,303
Yeah, but not toonice.Compliment her.
443
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:18,956
Ignore her.
444
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,349
Compliment her,
then ignore her.
445
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:22,090
Yeah.
446
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,265
Okay...
447
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,788
Make sure you ask her name.
448
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:27,226
And then call her
a different name.
449
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:28,575
And make eye contact.
450
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,141
Yeah, but don't stare at her.
451
00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:33,232
Want to seem interested.But completely bored.
452
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,929
Just be yourself.
453
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:36,974
No, no! Pretend
to be somebody else.
454
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:39,368
Okay. Alright. I think
I'd like you to leave.
455
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,543
What?Why?
456
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,110
It's just
a lot of advice.
457
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,155
It's putting a lot
of pressure on me
458
00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:47,028
and I think I'll just
do better if I'm by myself.
459
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,856
Oh. Okay.
460
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:50,423
Wow.
461
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,816
Okay, I guess
we better go.
462
00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:56,864
Damn it, that isme.
463
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,133
[ groans]
464
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,178
I can't believe Michael's
still not home yet.
465
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:08,702
I know, it's
taking a while.
466
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,486
Do you think that
means he scored?
467
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:11,661
No.
468
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,710
I really
wanted to help him
469
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,929
with this stuff,
but it was hard.
470
00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:21,454
Can I tell you a secret?
471
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,586
He's weird.
472
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:25,284
Can I tell youa secret?
473
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:27,416
I know.
474
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:29,244
He's just so different from us.
475
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:32,508
I mean, can you imagine having
trouble with the opposite sex?
476
00:21:32,552 --> 00:21:34,554
The only thing that
ever slowed me down
477
00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,512
was thatlittle bastard.
478
00:21:36,556 --> 00:21:40,342
And he's, he's so... smart.
479
00:21:40,386 --> 00:21:41,909
Where's he get thatfrom?
480
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:43,824
I don't know. I
mean, it's like
481
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:47,175
like he's some alien
sent from another planet
to make me feel stupid.
482
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,916
Well, I'mhere now, okay?
483
00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:51,701
So the dummies
outnumber the aliens.
484
00:21:51,745 --> 00:21:53,921
[ both laughing]
485
00:21:53,964 --> 00:21:55,096
Just...
486
00:21:55,139 --> 00:21:56,619
I feel bad, you know?
487
00:21:56,663 --> 00:21:58,012
I'm his uncle.
488
00:21:58,055 --> 00:22:00,057
I really want to help
him with something.
489
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:01,885
If I can't help
him with girls,
490
00:22:01,929 --> 00:22:03,844
I don't know
what else I got.
491
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:06,368
You arehelping him--
he's out on a Saturday night.
492
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:08,370
Normally he'd be at
the library studying.
493
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:13,375
Oh, if he left the bar
and went to the library,
I am going to kill him.
494
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,203
Hey!
495
00:22:15,246 --> 00:22:16,509
How'd it go?
496
00:22:16,552 --> 00:22:18,380
I got a phone number...
497
00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:20,730
from a solid five.
498
00:22:20,774 --> 00:22:21,992
[ cheering]
499
00:22:22,036 --> 00:22:23,211
Good for you.
500
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:24,473
Alright.
501
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:27,868
So, you gonna call her?
502
00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:29,086
I think so.
503
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:30,218
Call her now.
504
00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:32,307
No, no, no. Wait three days.
505
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:35,919
No, you want her to
know you like her.No, play hard to get.
506
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:40,402
Take her to dinner
and a movie.Bring her a slice and some porn.
507
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:41,795
Joey, that's disgusting.
508
00:22:41,838 --> 00:22:43,753
Worked on all of yourfriends.
509
00:22:49,977 --> 00:22:52,719
I don't know, Michael.
I-I think this stars
thing could work.
510
00:22:52,762 --> 00:22:54,503
Okay, I-I'll give it
a shot sometime.
511
00:22:54,547 --> 00:22:56,723
Try it now.
512
00:22:56,766 --> 00:22:58,812
Uh...Come on.
513
00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:00,596
Okay.
514
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,382
Well, um...
515
00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:05,732
That's the Perseus Cluster.Okay.
516
00:23:05,775 --> 00:23:08,604
It's one of the most
massive objects
in the entire universe.
517
00:23:08,648 --> 00:23:10,476
Kinda makes you feel
small, doesn't it?
518
00:23:10,519 --> 00:23:12,303
It does, Michael. Continue.
519
00:23:14,567 --> 00:23:16,395
Well, it's, uh,
520
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:18,962
it's 320 million
light-years away.
521
00:23:19,006 --> 00:23:22,096
The universe is so
vast and empty...
522
00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:24,490
it makes me glad that
we have each other.
523
00:23:29,756 --> 00:23:33,020
What are you doing?
I'm a nine!
36097
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