Original subtitles

[VIDEO GAME PLAYING ON TV]

ruler of the universe.

[EXPLOSION ON TV]

Now you're a hunk of space cheese.

Hi, guys.

Where's everybody else?

Dana's studying. Al's in her room.

Karen's doing her nails.

Oh, and, uh, J.T.'s upstairs

in his bedroom with his girlfriend.

J.T.'s upstairs with Sam?

Yeah, and we're not supposed to bug him.

I think they're playing the Quiet Game.

Well, honey, the Quiet Game is over.

J.T., can I speak to you for a minute?

J.T.: I'm kinda busy right now.

Get your butt down here!

[GASPS] Ooh, Daddy said "butt."

He's gotta put a quarter in the cussing jar.

That'll take care of the rest of my conversation with him.

Now go.

What's the problem, Dad?

But we weren't doing anything.

where there weren't a bunch of rug rats running around.

J.T., you know the rules here.

Dad, I'm too old for that rule.

Well, now, the way I look at it, son,

I mean, when you're five, it's okay to have a girl up in your room.

When you're 12, eh, it's kind of a gray area.

When you're your age, if you have a girl up in your bedroom,

you better be wearing a wedding ring.

Fine, then Sam and I will just go somewhere else to be alone.

Okay, just be home by midnight.

[SCOFFS]

A curfew?

[SCOFFING]

Son, do you have a problem with the curfew,

or are you hacking up a furball?

Dad, I'm 20 years old.

When can I stop following these stupid rules?

When you move out of the house.

Fine.

Maybe I will move out.

Okay.

Really, I'm not kidding.

And you can't stop me.

I wasn't gonna stop you. I was gonna help you pack.

Hey, everybody, J.T. is moving out!

[CHEERING]

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

Bye, J.T.

Nice knowing you.

We're really gonna miss you, son.

Oh, hi, girls.

I am so glad you're all here.

I've been thinking, you know,

and I had a great idea.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

You mean, it's not like Mother's Day

or your birthday,

Yeah.

Are we being punished?

No, you're not being punished.

while we still have the chance to do that.

Oh, my God. You're dying, aren't you?

No, I'm not dying.

It's okay, Mom, we can take it.

How long have you got?

I just want to spend some time with you.

I'm not dying.

Oh, good, then there's no hurry on this girls' night out thing.

But, hey, good idea.

We'll spend some time with you real soon.

Yeah, yeah.

Real soon.

Oh, and, uh, by the way, Carol,

I'm really glad you're not dying.

That would kinda suck.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, hi, J.T. Hey, Jean-Luc.

I'm glad you're here. I really need to talk to you.

Oh, well, I was just, you know,

I was just out the door, but it's okay.

I can talk to you. What's on your mind?

Man, Jean-Luc, I am going crazy living at home.

I mean, I'm 20 years old, and my parents still treat me like I'm a kid.

Ah, well, that's, you see, part of the problem.

If you still live with your parents, then you have to play by their rules.

Exactly. And that's why I think it's time to move out.

What do you think?

Ah...

Well, it's a big responsibility.

then maybe you should move out.

Yeah.

I am 20.

And I am a man. [GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

I should be on my own. [GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

I'm moving in with you! [GROWLS]

Thanks for helping me find the guts to move out, Jean-Luc.

J.T., J.T. Whoa, that is a bitchin' stereo!

Man, we got a great place here!J.T., no.

[STAMMERING]

Oh, come on, Jean-Luc. Please, please?

I know it's a lot to ask,

but after the big deal I made with my dad,

I can't go crawling back there.

Yeah, but... Oh, come on, Jean-Luc.

Okay, okay. All right.

Yes!

But I have to warn you,

J.T., I've got a date tonight,

and, you know, I may want to bring the lady back here.

You know, she's my lady friend.

Ah. [GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

Lady friend, huh?

Message received, you tiger you.

You scuzzbucket.

WOMAN: [ON TV] Coming up next on the Playboy channel,

an interview with Hugh Hefner.

Eh, enough of that.

If I wanted to see an old guy in his bathrobe,

I'd go home and watch my father.

You didn't tell me you have roommates.

I don't have roommates.

They were just leaving.

Don't go away.

J.T., I thought you were going to the movies.

I got to thinking, man.

Why spend all that money on one movie

when I can get us the Playboy channel?

Yeah, man, tomorrow night, nude volleyball.

Ba-da bounce, score!

Rich!

Why are you wearing my clothes?

I was cold.

[FRENCH ACCENT] And I wanted to look cool.

Rich, despite my objection

to your butt in my plastic pants,

this is an Armani original,

which Giorgio made especially for moi out of Tunisian velour.

Does grape jelly come out of Tunisian velour?

Jean-Luc, I think I should go.

No! No, no, no, no, no. I have carry-out.

I have champagne. I have this...

Uh, Jean-Luc, we don't have any more champagne.

I kinda broke the champagne bottle when we were rummaging around for the beef jerky.

Yeah, and...

I think your jelly went bad.

'Cause it's all black, and it tastes like fish.

Of course it tastes like fish, you mealy-mouthed munchkin.

[GROANS]

[SHOUTING]

I had a wonderful evening. No, please!

Really, Jean-Luc, thank you. Please, no.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] [SCREAMING]

What's going on? I'm sorry, did I wake you up?

Didn't mean to. What time is it?

Well, it's only 5:00 a.m. Go right back to sleep.

I'm just doing my morning workout.

Let's see now, where do I want to workout?

Why don't we start with a few curls?

Really short, then... Oh, never throw the weights.

And then we do a few little lower backies here.

Up and down.

And up and down.

And up, pause, release.

I think I need a little bit of room here 'cause...

[SPITS]

Okay.

Better right there.

I'm overheating. Overheating.

Oh, cool down there. Man, this bites.

I'm going... [SPITS]

No, no, no! I made you a protein shake.

Here, drink it. It's good for you.

What is it? Well, there's raw egg yolk,

and a nice big cod liver.

Now, that's not very nice.

And look, you can put it in your hair.

It's a beautiful thing to do for the protein.

You get the protein going,

and then you just style as you please.

Style it right up there.

Okay.

Maybe my little friend will help me

with the abdominal workout.

[GROANING]

Abdominals.

What are you doing? I can't hear you.

Jean-Luc! Yeah?

Oh, I'm sorry.

[MUSIC SHUTS OFF] Why don't we just go right to your chores?

Man, this is worse than living at home.

I'm sorry, Jean-Luc, but I don't think this is working out.

Oh, I'm so terribly disappointed.

I was so hoping we could be roomies,

Going home? Oh, no, I don't think so.

I said I was gonna make it on my own,

and that's what I'm gonna do.

But... But where will you live?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll become a mooch like Kato Kaelin.

He sponged off people for years,

and he's as dumb as a brick.

You look really great tonight.

Oh, I wasn't talking to you.

Hi, guys.

Hey. AL: Hey.

Oh, gee, Carol, sorry, but, uh, I'm going to the movies,

and Karen's going to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert.

Yeah.

and said I won a free concert ticket and a backstage pass.

They're even sending a limo.

Huh.

sound something like this?

[NASALLY] Hello, this is Dolly from WWOW.

You have just won a free ticket to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

No way! You won a free ticket, too?

No, Karen.

Don't you get it?

so you'd be forced to spend the entire evening with her.

Well, you two have a great time on your girls' night out.

Yes, and you have a good time

with your friend Cindy at the new Antonio Banderas film tonight.

Wait, how did you know I was going to see that?

Did the note that Cindy left in your locker today

say something like this?

"You're gonna, like, totally freak.

"I have two free tickets to the new Antonio Banderas film.

"And, oh, my God, I think you get to see his butt."

You did that? You put that note in my locker?

I'm so good.

Hello, ladies.

I would love to stay and chat,

but I'm off to meet the governor.

Apparently, he wants me to interview him for the school paper.

Yeah, well, before you go,

I think there's something you oughta hear.

Carol?

[NASALLY] Hello, this is Darlene from the governor's office.

Let's go, girls!

Let's go!

[MAN SINGING KARAOKE] Come on, come on.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm in a karaoke bar on a Saturday night with my mother.

My life's officially over.

Come on.

getting up on stage and singing together, huh?

[SCOFFS] How about cutting my heart out with an emery board?

You keep up this attitude, and I just may try.

[APPLAUSE]

Okay, now here's a complete list

of all the songs that we could sing.

One of you choose one.

Okay, I'll choose one myself.

Uh, got one. Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, hi, everybody, I'm Carol Lambert.

What a babe!

[PATRONS WOLF-WHISTLING]

Aren't you sweet?

Um, anyway, I'm here tonight

with my three beautiful daughters,

Karen, Al, and Dana.

Now, who would like to see me and my three beautiful daughters sing?

[CHEERING]

Uh, could you put on number 26?

Come on, you guys come up and join me, okay?

It'll be really a lot of fun.

Oh, come up.

♪ Tonight, tonight, we're gonna make it happen

♪ Tonight we'll put all other things aside

Come up here.

♪ We're going for those pleasures in the night

♪ I want to love you, feel you

♪ Wrap myself around you

♪ I want to squeeze you, please you

♪ I just can't get enough

♪ And if you move real slow

♪ I'll let it go

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ I'm about to lose control and I think I like it

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you

♪ Want you ♪

[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[STRAINING]

[CRASHING]

I'm not going home.

Besides, this place will be fine once the landlord

gets out of prison and fixes the furnace.

But you don't have a bathroom or a kitchen.

Sam, there's a bathroom two flights up.

And I don't need a kitchen

And once they turn on the hot water,

these things will go down a lot easier.

[CRUNCHING]

It's getting late. I should be going.

Yeah, it's probably a good idea to go

before somebody tries to steal your tow truck.

Are you sure you're gonna be all right?

Yeah.

I'll call you tomorrow.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

MAN [ON TV] Coming up next, a special report.

Are you eating poisonous Noodle Whiz?

But first, the weather.

Kristy? KRISTY: Thanks, Jim.

So be sure your windows are shut real tight...

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Who is it?

FRANK: J.T., it's me, your dad.

KRISTY: So, if you're in the northern Wisconsin area,

break out your skis... [TV SHUTS OFF]

So, this is, uh,

where you live, huh?

Yep.

This is my pad.

Well, it's, uh...

It's a dump.

Yeah, but it's my dump.

Dad, listen.

With all due respect, I can't live like a kid anymore.

I mean, sleeping in a bunkbed,

having to obey the same rules as when I was 13.

I know, J.T.

You're not a kid anymore.

and pay for a decent apartment.

But you are 20 years old, and you need some independence.

Well, you can't live here. Why not?

Because the city just hired me to tear this place down.

So, why don't I convert Carol's old beauty parlor into an apartment for you?

Really? I mean, it has everything.

Electrical, plumbing, a door to the outside.

You can come and go as you want.

And it's next to the house, so I'll be able to see you.

And I'd like that.

No, we're gonna do it together.

I'm gonna take out a construction loan.

You're can pay for half of it every month.

Hey, no problem.

Be worth it 'cause it's my place.

Dad? Yeah.

Would you hold me?

I missed you, too, son.

No, it's not that, Dad.

I'm cold.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Tonight, tonight, we're gonna make it happen

♪ Tonight we'll put all other things aside

♪ Give in this time and show me some affection

♪ I want to love you, feel you

♪ Wrap myself around you

♪ Want to squeeze you, please you

♪ I just can't get enough

♪ And if you move real slow

♪ I'll let it go

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ I'm so excited

♪ And I just can't hide it

♪ And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you

♪ I want you ♪