Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Mmm-hmm. Mmm.

Mmm-hmm.

You think?

Yeah. Yeah. Al, here's your problem right here.

What?

Car doesn't work.

It took two of you an hour to figure that out?

Well, we didn't have the proper tools.

Yeah, like brains.

All right, tow truck guy should be here any minute.

All right, when he gets here,

you chicks just let me handle this, all right?

Cars are a guy thing.

Oh, really?

Kinda like saying "pull my finger,"

then laughing about it for a half hour?

Okay, he's here.

Now remember, you chicks keep quiet, all right?

Let me handle this man to man.

Hi, I'm Sam.

What seems to be the problem?

Um, uh...

[STAMMERING]

You'll have to excuse him.

He was born without a tongue.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, everything here looks pretty darn good.

Tell me about it.

Huh? What?

I mean, uh, the engine.

Uh, checked it out myself.

Everything seemed to be fully operational.

I'm gonna try and start it.

I'm telling you this baby's dead.

I turned the key myself. Didn't even make a sound.

[ENGINE REVS]

Nice diagnosis, dip stick.

Okay, all fixed.

So what was it?

Uh, the pistons, the starter, the tranny?

You had it in reverse instead of park.

You see, it was a transmission problem.

Hey, it's an easy mistake to make.

Uh, listen, do you mind if I use your phone?

I need to make a call about some Packers tickets

I'm supposed to pick up.

You're a Packers fan?

What, are you kidding me? I never miss a game.

Wow. All right, that's really cool.

Yeah, there's a phone in the kitchen. Help yourself.

-Thanks. -Right through there.

My gosh, that is the most incredible woman I have ever met.

She's into cars, she loves sports.

Oh, my God. If she likes the Three Stooges, I'm gonna marry her.

What are you waiting for, man?

Why don't you ask her out?

Come on. Did you see those jeans?

They were so tight.

They were just totally inappropriate for the work environment.

I'm just disgusted, quite frankly.

Uh, thanks for the phone.

Sure. Hey, Sam, listen.

You know, I was wondering, if you're not that busy,

and you might want to, um, you know, maybe...

You wanna go to the Packers game with me tomorrow?

-Sure. -Pick you up at six.

-Great. -Uh, you got a name?

Yeah.

Do you wanna tell me what it is?

Um, it's um, it's...

[COUGHS] JT.

Um, JT. JT. That's my name.

That's my name. JT.

[GRUNTS]

[ BOOT SCOOTIN' BOOGIEPLAYING]

♪ Out in the country Past the city limit sign

♪ Well there's a honky tonk

♪ Near the county line

♪ The joint starts jumpin' Every night

♪ When the sun goes down

♪ They got whiskey women ♪

Yee-haw.

Yeah, buddy!

Very funny, you two. Very funny.

You know, Frank, I'm trying really hard

to understand this country music,

but, I mean, all the songs sound the same.

It's like,

♪ Well my dog won't fetch

♪ And my woman Stinks at lovin'

♪ I thank my lucky stars

♪ I got some possum In the oven ♪

I mean, what is that?

Is this music, or a white trash anxiety attack?

You know, I...

-Oh, hi, guys. -Hi.

-I have the greatest news. -What?

Jimmy Ray Johnson heard me at The Palomino tonight

and offered me a job singing in his new video in Chicago.

Jimmy Ray Johnson? Oh, that's the best news I've ever heard.

Who's Jimmy Ray Johnson?

Are you kidding, honey?

Jimmy Ray Johnson is just about

the biggest country music star in America.

That's right, and he said he's gonna make me a star too.

Oh, Karen, Karen, before you do the video, let me do your hair.

You know, I used to do Dolly Parton's hair.

Wow. You know Dolly Parton?

No, I just did her hair.

A guy named Billy Bob used to bring it to the salon

in the back of a Chevy pickup.

Very nice lady. Very nice.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-Hi. -Hi.

-You look great. -Yeah, so do you.

You ready to go watch the Packers kick some butt?

Yeah, where are we sitting?

50-yard line, ten rows back.

Oh, yes, you are definitely my kind of woman.

[ POWER OF LOVEPLAYING]

♪ When you're close I can feel the power

♪ When it's love I can always tell

♪ Love for me Is the best thing now

♪ It's something That I know so well

♪ Hold me closer And every minute

♪ Of every hour

♪ Feel the power of love Yeah

♪ Hold me tighter And take me higher

♪ And feel the fire Of the power of love

♪ Did you know That your feelings show?

♪ You thought your love Was locked up inside

♪ But when your senses Start to overload

♪ Love is something You should never hide

♪ We've got love Love power

♪ It's the greatest power Of them all

♪ Doo

♪ We've got love

♪ Love power

♪ And together We can't fall... ♪

Wow, what a great carnival.

Thanks for winning all these stuffed animals for me.

You got an arm like a cannon.

You tighten enough lug nuts,

you get pretty buff.

Wow. I'm dating a Schwarzenegger.

MAN: [OVER RADIO] Yeah, dispatcher truck 71.

You out there, Sam?

Sam here. What's up, Smitty?

Yeah, I know it's your night off,

but we got a dead battery over on Cherokee Road.

You wanna take it?

Sorry, no can do. I'm with my boyfriend.

Ooh, lucky guy, huh? I'll try Johnson.

Bye, Smitty.

You know, you didn't have to turn down work for me.

Gee, I was kind of hoping the evening wasn't over.

Well, I'd invite you to my house,

but there's, like, ten people in there

and a crazy French dude running around, so...

Wanna go back to my place and listen to some music?

Wow. That'd be great, yeah.

[CAR STARTING]

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Voila. Chocolate souffle.

Oh, coolio. You made us dessert for breakfast?

Oh, this is not dessert.

This is a hot, nutritious meal

made from eggs, milk, wheat,

and enough sugar to give Willy Wonka a major buzz.

Hey, guys, has anyone seen JT?

Nope. So far it's been a fabulous morning.

I'm kinda worried about him.

He never came home last night.

Last time I saw him he was going out on a date with Sam.

You don't think he stayed out all night with her, do you?

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, man, if Frank finds out, he's gonna kill JT.

Ha! Let me tell him. Let me tell him.

Now...

Now, listen, little Melrose Place people.

We do not want to jump to conclusions

about what JT did or did not do, okay?

We do not have all the facts.

I mean, all we know is that he's a normal, 19-year-old man,

and he went out with a beautiful woman,

and he stayed out all night.

Okay, maybe we do have all the facts.

Morning.

JT, this man is my hero!

Damn!

You, you the man. You the man.

You the man! You the man! You the man.

I'm gonna go upstairs and get some sleep.

He's gonna go upstairs and get some sleep.

You know what that means.

That means that he did not get any sleep last night!

-JT, you're the man! -Rich. Rich.

Rich, come over here.

Don't take this the wrong way.

I mean it with love. But you're a pig.

Now sit down and drink your...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

I go get the door, I fix you breakfast.

Why don't you get me a little black and white outfit and a feather duster?

I'll be your little French maid.

-Hi. -Hello.

Whatever you're here to fix, I'm sure glad it's broke.

I'm Sam, JT's girlfriend.

Oh, well, in that case, forgive my cheesy pickup line.

Won't you come in?

I, of course, am Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux.

Oh, yeah, JT talks about you all the time.

Well, of course he does. Won't you sit down?

I just came by to see if he's okay.

Well, you would know more about that than I would.

Why?

Well, uh, I mean, the two of you

did, uh, you know, spend the night together,

didn't you?

No, we didn't.

Uh-oh.

Look, you're his friend.

Maybe you can tell me what's going on.

We had a great date last night

and we decided to go back to my place.

And then the minute I put my arms around him to kiss him,

he got real nervous, made up some excuse, and just left.

Well, I'll be a monkey uncle.

I got to talk to that boy.

Oh, that would be great,

because I really care about JT,

and I want this relationship to work out.

Oh, okay, don't worry about anything.

Look, you just go home and relax.

Do you do a hot-oil treatment?

-Yeah. -Good.

Then do your nails, and leave everything to Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux.

-Really? -Absolutely.

Because I know exactly what's going on.

What in the name of Jerry H. Lewis is going on?

Hey, JT, how's it going?

It's going.

Is there, uh, anything on your mind?

Like what?

I don't know. Like anything.

You know, whatever.

A movie that you've seen or, uh, your schoolwork

or your love life or sports or...

Your love life? I mean, it's whatever...

Whatever you want.

You know, you choose.

Well, there's nothing to talk about.

I went out on a date with Sam,

stayed out all night, connect the dots.

Well, I just spoke with Sam,

and, uh, she said that your dots do not connect at all.

Sam was here?

JT, you know what? You can talk to me.

And you'll feel better.

Man, I acted like such a jerk.

I spent all last night walking around,

just trying to figure out why I bailed on Sam.

I mean, she's perfect.

She's smart, and she's funny, and she's beautiful.

She's got beautiful hair and great eyes, and...

Oh, you got to love a woman that can handle a torque wrench.

You know what the weirdest part about this whole thing is?

I'm, like, crazy about this girl.

I've never felt this way about anybody before.

But every time I thought about kissing her,

I get this really weird feeling in my stomach.

Oh, JT, you know what it is?

You're...

You're just afraid.

Afraid of a girl?

No. No, no, no, you're not afraid of a girl,

but you're...

You're afraid of love.

-No way. -Ouiway.

Being in love is a very, very scary thing,

because, you know, when you're with a woman that you love,

it's no longer about swapping spit.

It's about swapping hearts.

So why would I be afraid of that?

Because to be in love

is to be totally emotionally vulnerable.

Okay? You are with a woman, you're going to let her look into your eyes.

She can see your secrets.

She can see who you are.

She can see your soul.

Wow. You're right.

I gotta get out of this relationship.

No, no, no, no. No, hey, hey, hey.

What? You going to run away just because you're scared?

You don't do that.

I mean, it's like skydiving. Right?

You have to leap, okay?

And maybe there's a small chance

that your parachute will not open

and, you know, you plummet to a terrifying death

on the highway with blood everywhere...

You're right. I gotta get out of this relationship.

No, no, but the other thing...

The other thing is that there's a better chance,

you know, that the parachute will open like a big, fluffy cloud,

and will rock you gently to the Earth

where your love is waiting for you with open arms.

Okay, so you're saying

the reason I bailed on Sam last night

is because I may actually be falling in love with her?

And kissing somebody you care about can be a little scary?

Absolutely.

Man. Life was a lot easier when I was just a horn dog.

I'm telling ya, I know somebody in the band, okay?

It's just for security reasons.

Well, gee, honey, I...

Oh, my goodness. Look at this.

This is where it all happens, huh?

Really?

Oh, Carol, look at this guitar.

Oh...

[GUITAR STRUMMING]

Hey.

[MIMICKING ROCK STAR]

Frank, would you put down the guitar?

Come on, nobody's gonna care.

MAN: [OVER PA SYSTEM] Sir, put the guitar down.

I was, uh, just, uh, tuning it.

Uh, Mom, Frank, I want you to meet Jimmy Ray Johnson.

Jimmy Ray, this is Frank and Carol Lambert.

Hi.

Oh, gee, we are just so happy to meet you.

[LAUGHING]

Hi.

It's so nice of you to put Karen in your video.

Oh, I'm happy to have her. She's got a lot of talent.

Mmm, well, I don't wanna brag,

but I guess she kinda gets it from me, you know?

I used to do a little singing myself.

In fact, if you wanted to do a mother-daughter duet,

you know, like The Judds, or...

Mother.

Sorry.

This is your thing.

I don't wanna interfere or anything.

Frank and I'll just go over here and get some coffee, huh?

Would you like some coffee?

♪ Would you like some cream In your coffee?

♪ Or would you like to have it black? ♪

Mom.

Okay, everybody, we're ready to go.

Let's try one.

Honey, I thought you were good.

JIMMY: Yeah, let's do this thing, all right?

Now, you remember, Karen,

prettier you dance, more CDs we sell.

Just go for it, honey, all right?

Jimmy Ray Johnson, "Sunny Days" video take one.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Sunny days and moonlit nights

♪ Holding you always felt so right

♪ From the day we met I knew we were falling in love

♪ From the day we met ♪

Wait, wait. Stop. Something's wrong.

Cut, cut. All right, honey, what's the problem?

Um, I'm sorry, but my microphone is dead.

Of course your mic is dead, darlin'.

This is the way we always do it.

See, you just stand there, uh, look sexy

and pretend to sing, okay?

Now, we'll dub in the real singer's voice

when we get back to Nashville.

But I'm a really good singer.

I know, I know, you got a sweet, little voice,

but listen, on my tunes, I only use professionals.

Now, you wanna stay in on this video,

you just stand there and look good, all right?

Otherwise, you can take a walk.

But you'd be out of a job.

You know something?

I'd rather spend the rest of my life

singing in the shower

than be in a video with a miserable phony like you.

Come on, Karen, let's get out of here.

You don't need this sleaze bag.

Yeah, you know, in the words of a real country artist,

you can take this job and shove it.

Well, thanks for taking me to Maria's.

That was the best fettuccine I've ever had.

Sure. I had to take you somewhere special.

After all, it is our ten-day anniversary.

Do you mind if I come in?

Sure. Yeah, come on in.

Have a seat.

Well, I guess everybody's asleep already.

Yeah, looks like it's just the two of us.

JT, I want you to know I had a really good time tonight.

Me too.

We're really great together.

[ POWER OF LOVEPLAYING]

Okay, JT, it's time to take the leap.

JT: I can't do it. I'm too scared!

Ah, you must.

Come on, it's now or never.

Okay, okay, never!

JT, you must leap now!

But I can't! What if I get hurt?

Well, that's a chance we all take.

Okay, come on. Get ready to say bye-bye.

[SCREAMING]

Bye-bye!

[SCREAMING]

♪ We've got love

♪ Love

♪ Love power

♪ Power

♪ It's the greatest power Of them all

♪ Oh we got love

♪ Love

♪ Love and the power

♪ Power

♪ And together We can't fall... ♪

That was nice.

Yeah, it was.

♪ Yes we do

♪ It's the greatest power Of them all ♪

[ BOOT SCOOTIN' BOOGIEPLAYING]

♪ Well out in the country Past the city limit sign

♪ Well there's a honky tonk Near the county line

♪ The joint starts jumping

♪ Every night When the sun goes down

♪ The sun goes down

♪ Well they got whiskey Women music and smoke

♪ It's where the cowboy folk

♪ Go to boot scootin' boogie

♪ Boot scootin' boogie

♪ Well I got a good job I work hard for my money

♪ When it's quitting time I hit the door running

♪ I fire up my pickup truck

♪ And let the horses run ♪

[MIMICKING HORSE WHINNYING]

Yee-haw!

♪ I go flying Down that highway

♪ To that hideaway

♪ Stuck in the woods to do The boot scootin' boogie

♪ Yeah heel toe docie do

♪ Come on baby Let's go boot scootin'

♪ Well Cadillac blackjack Baby meet me out back

♪ We're gonna boogie

♪ Well get down Turn around

♪ Go to town Boot scootin' boogie

♪ Boot scootin' boogie

♪ Yeah well get down Turn around

♪ Go to town Boot scootin' boogie

♪ Well well get down Turn around

♪ Go to town Boot scootin' boogie ♪

Yeah, ho! Frank and Carol have left the barn.