Original subtitles

Ah, ha, ha!

Uncle Phil's in the house.

Give your little nephew Willie from Philly a little huggy buggy.

Get off me.

Well, well, no more running out of the house in the morning.

No more trial.

No more breakfast for the rest of us.

I'm so glad the trial is over...

...because now we can get to all those things we've been putting off.

- Ah. Mm. Ha, ha.

Sounds like somebody got a little booty duty, huh, Uncle Phil?

Sir, there's a Mr. Joe Winters to see you.

Great. I didn't know he was coming by.

Well, he's the head of the Republicans for a Better Society.

Republicans for a Better Society?

You gotta get me a T-shirt.

What's he here for?

Well, they have this crazy idea that I should become involved in politics.

Oh, politics. That's such a dirty corrupt business...

...filled with nothing but self-interest. - Yeah.

Ooh. I've got goose bumps.

I'm just gonna listen to him. I don't wanna be rude.

The mark of a true politician.

Tell them what they wanna hear.

Oh, honey, don't forget our lunch reservation.

Oh, well, sweetheart, maybe we should try to make that another time, okay?

Ah. Suck it up, Mom. You're in politics now.

- Hi, Mom. Oh, hey. Good morning, Ash.

What's good about it?

What's good about it?

Who did they just make assistant head counter girl at Dippity Do Dog, huh?

Oh, please. I hate my job.

It's dirty. It's demeaning. I have to work for a bunch of ingrates.

You'll get used to it.

Thank you and come again.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

What kind of mineral water do you have?

Uh, the only water we have is in that fountain over there.

Do I look like I drink out of the public water supply?

Why don't you be a dear and run out and get me some Pellegrino?

I'm sorry, I can't do that. I'm a little busy right now.

Do you realize you're talking to Jewel Pemberton?

Ooh.

The same Jewel Pemberton who's gonna order something off the menu...

...or get out of the line?

I didn't build this country's top modeling agency by putting up with such insolence.

Young lady, you will never serve lunch in this town again.

- Is that a promise? Wait.

Turn your head that way again.

- Excuse me? - Just turn your head a little to the right.

You are beautiful.

Your hair. Oh!

Your bone structure. Your figure.

Has anyone ever talked to you about modeling?

Just this old guy that comes in here with a Polaroid.

How would you like to come work for Pemberton?

Uh...

What kind of water did you say you wanted?

Ah. Cauliflower, your favorite.

Geoffrey, what do you know about wine?

I know no one does it better than you, Miss Hilary.

I'm going out with a wine connoisseur tonight and I really want to impress him.

Wear something low-cut.

Well, duh.

Where's Mom? I can't believe it. This is the most incredible thing that's ever happened.

I'm so excited.

You know, this is like amazingly, stupendously fantastic.

- You heard? - Heard about what?

I got discovered today. I'm gonna be a model.

It's not that old guy with the Polaroid, is it?

What's going on in here?

You'll never guess what happened to me.

Pemberton Modeling Agency wants me to sign with them. This is the contract.

Sign it. Please, please, please.

You realize that modeling is a field...

...in which they judge you solely on your looks?

God, you are so lucky. Ha-ha-ha!

This is a big deal. I'm gonna have to discuss this with your father.

Mom, it won't interfere with school.

It's an opportunity for me to learn a new career.

One that doesn't make my hair smell like fried meat.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. Pemberton Modeling?

I think they handle Naomi Campbell.

I'd love to handle Naomi Campbell.

Hey, come on, Aunt Viv. Sign that doggone thing.

Ashley, modeling is a waste of time.

Sure, you'll travel the world, wear beautiful clothes and make millions of dollars...

...but that's it.

Oh, Daddy, Pemberton Modeling Agency wants me to sign with them.

Come on, Uncle Phil. This is Ashley's big chance for me to meet Naomi Campbell.

- They're talking about putting me in a show. - A big show.

After which all the models are gonna wanna come home with Ashley and have coffee.

Geoffrey, start making some damn coffee.

Sweetheart, I just don't have time right now. I've gotta meet with Joe Winters.

Joe Winters? Now you know how I feel about you going into politics.

Of course I do, sweetheart. I'm just being polite.

But what about the contract?

Have your mother look at it. I won't be too late.

Mom?

Fine, honey.

- Yes, yes, yes. Okay.

Hey. Hey, Ashley, you know the way to get in good with the agency?

You should throw, like, a little, you know, model slumber party.

Thanks, Will.

You know what, forget it. Forget the slumber party.

Hey. Just invite them all over and we all just get butt-naked right here.

Look, I did not know they were gonna keep me so late.

But I'm gonna make it up to you. I bought us tickets for the ballet.

But, Philip, you hate the ballet.

Worse than holding your purse, Vivian.

That's how sorry I am.

No. No. No.

Now that is all wrong, Ashley.

Now, look. You gotta suck those cheeks in.

And then you gotta look like you got a real attitude problem, you know?

- Uh, Will... - Oh, that is perfect.

Wait a second, there. Do you realize they're taking 20-percent commission here?

- What? - So?

Well, 20 percent is a lot of money.

I'll handle this.

No, I'll handle it.

Nope. I'll handle it, Tattoo.

- Get out of here. What, what, what? - Give me.

Up, Queenie. Up, Queenie.

Boss, the plane. The plane.

Will, give me that.

You know, he'll stop that once you get him fixed.

Guys, stop it. Now, I don't want either of you getting involved.

I'm intelligent and competent and I can handle my own affairs.

Oh, all right. Well, you're right, Ashley.

You know, this is your deal, you handle it.

I wouldn't dream of interfering.

We'll go take care of this first thing in the morning.

The pond is stocked and I got the worm on my line.

You know what I'm saying? Whoo!

Come to papa, girl. Get over here.

I'm going on record as still being against this.

Models are vacant and self-centered and not the type we Banks associate with.

I'll pay you $20 apiece for your phone numbers.

Miss Pemberton will see you now.

Thirty. And when I call, you don't even have to say anything.

Huh? Huh? Fifty.

Look, the show is tomorrow night and we need a makeup man.

I'm sorry, but going to the funeral is not gonna bring your mother back, is it?

Be there.

Ha, ha. Miss Pemberton.

Don't say another word. Turn your head to the right.

- Should I cough or something? Shh!

Strong features. Oh.

Good frame.

Yes. Oh.

Yes. Oh, and I love the ears. Don't change them.

Handsome, but real. Like you were West Philadelphia born and raised.

You're hired.

I'm not sure about you.

But you might be right for the husky pre-teen division.

Huh?

That's pretty funny, Jewel. But, no, we're actually here to discuss Ashley Banks.

Look, we've both been around the block...

...and the bottom line is, this contract is no can do.

Oh, it's a standard contract.

Well, that's very true, but Ashley is not your standard model.

I mean, she has a real shot at being the next Naomi Campbell.

Uh, Naomi wouldn't be around by any chance, would she?

Let's cut to the chase, J.P. Twenty percent is out of the question.

You give our client a contract we can live with or we walk.

Oh, so it's the 20 percent that bothers you. Well, then how does 10 percent sound?

No, no, no. How about 5?

You know what, now that I think about it, why should we get anything at all?

Boom-bi-ya.

Sound like we all on the same page here. Hey, so when she start modeling?

When she finds another agent. Tell your client she's fired.

We could live with 10.

One, two, three.

Hey, Ashley

Will and Carlton are sorry

Hey, kitty cat, hey, kitty cat Hey, kitty cat

Help, help me out

We care about you very much

Plea... Plea... Plea... Please forgive us

Will, stop it.

Will!

Please. I'm going to work now. Not to the glamorous career I've always dreamed of.

No, thanks to you, I'll be working at Dippity Do Dog until I'm dippity dead.

I think it worked.

I think she's feeling much better.

I think you've been smoking a little bit too much of that cat nip.

Hey, you take that back.

Carlton, it's over.

It's not over.

What does he mean it's over? It can't be over.

Philip, it's Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day?

I knew that. And we'll still be together.

What about the ballet?

I didn't know it was gonna conflict with the Republican fundraiser.

This isn't something that we should miss.

But a night alone with your wife is.

Vivian, you're being unfair. I didn't know about this until a little while ago.

Unfair? I'll tell you what's unfair.

For the past few months, we've had no time together.

We finally get some time together and you cancel.

I know. I know, sweetheart.

- Things are a little hectic right now. - Things are always hectic, Philip.

But you always seem to find time for your career.

Sir, there's a Mr. Joe Winters on the phone. He says it urgent.

This is urgent.

I know, sweetheart, and I'll be right back.

Thank you, Geoffrey. Geoffrey, would lay my clothes out for this evening...

...and get some flowers and candy here ASAP.

That man is on thin ice.

I'll alert the fish.

Regina.

Regina!

Regina, we have a show in four hours and nothing is ready.

Is everyone out to make my life a living hell?

You there, you're fired.

Oh, that helped.

Hey. How you doing?

We're back. Ha, ha.

Ah. It's Management "R" Us.

Whose career are you ruining today?

Ha! That was funny.

No, but... No, actually, we're here to talk to you about Ashley Banks.

We were hoping you would consider re-signing her.

And why would I do that?

I'm telling you, Ashley is on her way to the top.

I mean, she could be the next Naomi Campbell.

Uh, speaking of which, Naomi wouldn't be around, would she?

Look, you've gotta take her back.

She's my sister and she's really, really mad at me.

Okay, look, I'm a reasonable person.

I'll take Ashley back for you, but you have got to do something for me.

I'm gonna fade into the background...

...if you don't get some highlighter on my cheekbones.

Use number seven.

- And, blend, man, blend. Sorry.

Excuse me.

You guys look...

...great.

Hey. Oh, so, what do we do?

We just, you know, go out there and walk around?

Just walk around?

Did Voltaire just write?

Did Klimt just paint?

Did Heidegger just think?

I guess we just go out there and walk around.

Ah, Vivian, in the short time I've known your husband, I can say he's a fine man.

You would know. You've probably spent a lot more time with him than I have lately.

Ah, ha, ha. Hasn't she got a great sense of humor?

You two make a great couple.

- I'm just glad you're Republicans. Ha, ha.

Well, Joe, Vivian and I are both thrilled to be here.

Aren't we, sweetie?

Okay, guys. Your outfits are on the rack right here, okay?

Great.

Where are the dressing rooms?

You're in them.

No, no, Margy.

Wrong outfit. You're in the purple.

Uh, Will, l...

I have a little problem with this.

You see, I'm a bit uncomfortable with nudity.

Oh, don't worry, Carlton. We're all uncomfortable with your nudity.

It's like Colin Powell said:

"Family values is the foundation of the American way of life."

Ah. I couldn't agree with you more, Joe.

The real tragedy in America today is that our youth...

...aren't being given any sense of direction by their parents.

- There's just no communication. - And what do you think, Vivian?

Oh, I don't have to think. Philip has decided to do all of the thinking for both of us.

Okay, people. Showtime.

You guys are gonna do great. Now, remember. It's walk, walk, turn, walk.

- Flip, rotate, walk, turn. - Right.

And remember, no smiling.

- Let's go. - Wait, wait, wait. Will?

Um, it's flip, turn, walk, rotate?

No, no, no.

It's flip, rotate, turn, walk.

You know, everything that you've been saying...

...resonates with the people in our community.

That's why we're so thrilled that you've decided to run.

What?

Now there's some kids with no family values, huh, Phil?

I couldn't agree with you more.

Oh, my God.

Do you have any idea what you could've cost me this evening, huh?

Did you even consider my feelings before you went prancing out there on that stage?

- Philip. - Wait, Vivian.

Do you have any sense of the embarrassment I suffered?

- No. - But we were all wearing the same...

Nobody embarrassed you, Philip.

And the only one who's not considering other people's feelings in this house is you.

Coming, Geoffrey.

- Stay where you are. - Leave.

I said, stay.

Leave us alone.

- Go, go, go. - Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.

How dare you stick up for those kids after what they put us through.

Speak for yourself, Philip.

The only one who is putting me through anything is you.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means how dare you agree to go into politics without consulting me...

...knowing the way I feel about it. - I was gonna tell you about it.

When? When we move into the Governor's Mansion?

Oh, now we're getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we? But...

Philip, this is not a joke.

I want my husband back.

For the past few months, you have been promising this entire family...

...more time, more attention, more you.

Vivian, this is a great opportunity.

- For whom? - For all of us.

Nope. Wrong. For you.

Vivian, you've lost perspective.

Now, if you think about this, you'll see how great it is.

The only thing I see is that somewhere along the way, us became you.

And frankly, I'm not gonna take it anymore.

And what is that supposed to mean?

It means I'm going to my sister's house...

...until you figure out what's important to you.

- What? - Goodbye.