Original subtitles

This is Lisa live at the Cape. Colonel John Jameson is coming to the podium to make a statement.

Six months ago, through use of an advanced warp drive engine, the unmanned-proled Alita projected itself to the far side of the sun.

There, Alita discovered an exact duplicate of our world, the counter-Earth.

Then, as you know, Alita sent back this troubling final footage of its own demise.

Due to Alita's destruction, many have questioned the wisdom of risking a manned mission to the counter-Earth.

But this act of aggression by the people of counter-Earth demands investigation!

That's my son. Hear that, Parker? I've always said John was a hero, haven't I?

You sure have, Jonah. About 50 times in the past hour.

That boy's presidential timber!

Spider sense, tingling.

You say something, Parker? Parker?

Something funny's going on here. My spider sense is going full blast.

But what could possibly be...

Hey, what's up with those guys?

I know.

Venom and carnage. Looks like Jameson's going to have a couple of stowaways.

Unless they get their tickets punched by their friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Three, minus five, four, three, two, one. We have ignition.

That's my boy, John Fuller, the right stuff!

I don't know what the Blob Brothers are doing on John's spaceship, but he won't stand a chance against them.

This is the best day of mine. You know, not again. It's always Spider-Man!

Now that was a bit too close for comfort.

Uh-oh.

Whoa!

Hey, you two could never morph like that before. I just may be outgunned here.

Sorry, Redhead, but this flight's booked. Nothing's going to stop us from reaching counter-earth and the synoptic.

The synoptic?

I'm impressed. Snazzy new powers and a vocabulary to match.

Too long, sucker!

Jameson's still up there, alone with Venom and Carnage, because I couldn't save him.

Activating warframe.

What's that? Something coming from the cargo bay, bringing it into the cockpit.

John!

Someone's falling! What's Spider-Man doing up there?

It's Spider-Man!

What was he doing up there? Spider-Man! He did this! He sabotaged the ship! Because of him, John is--

Hey, wait a second. It isn't my fault. I was only trying to help.

Hold it, Spider-Man! Surrender!

Sorry, gentlemen, but I don't do surrender.

Please get it!

Great. Just great. As usual, something goes wrong, and look who everybody blames.

Meanwhile, John Jameson's alone in a spaceship with two of the meanest psychos this side of Vlad the Impaler.

Okay!

No! Get away!

But this time, he's gone too far. My paper is prepared to pay ten million dollars to anyone who can identify Spider-Man or aid in his capture.

Ten million? For that kind of money, I'm tempted to turn myself in.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Don't thank me. Just remember to support your local web-slinger.

Hold it right there, murderer. You're not going anyplace. For all we know, this fire is your doing.

You're blaming me? After all the times, I've risked my life for this stinking city. This is the thanks I get?

Look out!

Then he lunged at me, and I don't mind saying I thought my hour was at hand, but the building collapsed on him and saved my life. This is all we've found of him.

I was so worried, Peter. I've been so worried for so long, and it seemed like it finally happened. Oh, Tiger, I thought I'd lost you.

Last night brought a seeming end to the troubled career of the controversial masked adventurer known as Spider-Man.

I hope so.

Hey, MJ, did you get the number of that building that fell on me?

Has the controversial life of Spider-Man ended? While many question the value of these masked vigilantes to our society, others remember Spider-Man as a hero, a man willing to lay his life behind his safety.

What's wrong, Peter?

I don't know what to do. All these years, I've been two people instead of just one, being Spider-Man, trying to do right. Sometimes I think it was all that defined me.

There are lots of people who fight the good fight without it turning into a costumed slugfest. Peter Parker could be as important to the world as Spider-Man ever was.

If you'll let him.

Reed Richards has scheduled a press conference later today to discuss the wall-crawling...

Maybe MJ's right. Maybe I have been given a second chance. Maybe Spider-Man did die in that fire last night.

This just in. After a week of silence, a transmission from astronaut John Jamison has been received.

Repeat. I am on counter-Earth. The situation is desperate. The creatures are... I can't do it alone. If they're not stopped here, Earth may be next.

Jamison's still alive. And this time, if Spider-Man can't help him, maybe Peter Parker can.

Everything checks out. The Solaris-2 Rescue Mission is ready for liftoff. T-minus two hours and counting.

You know, I've never been sure what that guy does here.

I've heard old man Jamison pulled some strings and got him in. He's some kind of special photojournalist from the bugle.

Guess it's time for the world to get acquainted with the all-new, all-improved Spider-Man.

This year's fully-loaded model features nanotechnology, discreetly borrowed from the lab of Reed Richards.

This scientific marvel features billions of microscopic robots working in harmony to make one spiffy set of duds complete with optional anti-symbiote devices.

Hold it right there, Spider-Man. If you really are Spider-Man...

Don't try to stop me, Fury.

I said hold it, web-slinger. I promise my next shot won't miss.

Listen, Fury. Jamison's rescue is my responsibility. I'm the only one who can bring him home. And it's the only way to clear my name.

Are you sure you know how to drive this thing? And what you're waiting for?

If anyone can pull this off, it's Spider-Man.

Everything's running hot, straight and clean. Now just one more minor detail.

Listen up, world. This is Spider-Man, on my way to counter Earth to save John Jamison and clear my good name.

Now to cover Peter Parker's tracks. And I'm going with him. Peter Parker.

After all, what newspaper man could turn down an opportunity like this?

And if they buy that, I've got some Florida swampland I'd love to sell 'em.

Now, all I have to do is survive the space-time warp, figure out how to land this baby on counter Earth, and rescue John Jamison from a hostile planet.

Remember what Uncle Ben said, MJ. With great power comes great responsibility.

Yes, and that's counter Earth.

I'm caught in some kind of tractor beam. The ship is out of my control. I can't break free. Not that I know where to go if I could.

Maybe I can angle the retros and kind of slide out.

It's working! Come on, just a little more.

Uh-oh. Six degrees off on approach. I'm toast.

I'm sorry, MJ. I knew I had to drive.

Uh-oh. Something tells me that was the frying pan, and this is the fire.

Surrender by order of Lord Tiger and the High Evolutionary.

And everything was going so well till now.

You're gonna have to do better than that to nail your friendly interplanetary Spider-Man.

Wait! He calls himself.

A Spider-Man? Perhaps he is a bestial. Leave him to us.

Now what? The Four Horsemen of the Ridiculous?

Hey! What amusement park did you guys escape from?

Just fully to continue this flight, Spider-Man. Know you not that no one escapes us.

Holy moly! Who... what... are you guys?

We are the Knights of Wondergor. I am known to all as Lord Tiger. This is the mighty warrior Ursula.

I get all impatient with all this talking, my lord.

This beauty among beauties is Lady Vermin.

We should not do battle, stranger, for you are most fair to Lady Vermin's eyes.

And you are most rat-like to mine own.

Flatter her.

And finally, this proud knight is Sir Ram.

Know you, Spider-Creature, that we are the Knights of Wondergor.

Plenipotentia is most present of the High Evolutionary himself.

Spider-Creature? This from a goat in knight's clothing.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you and the rest of old McDonald's farm.

But to paraphrase John Paul Jones, I have not yet begun to flee.

Maybe I can lose him in that fog.

I'm getting the distinct impression that these beast people are the ones running this planet.

Man! A planet where apes drive SUVs?

Let's see. Fish girl? Monkey woman? Giraffe guy? What is this? The Manhattan island of Dr. Moreau?

Whoa! Ground floor coming up!

That's what you're doing!

Sorry to interrupt, but run!

I couldn't bear to see anything happen to you!

Looking for another roommate? Guess not!

Stealth mode on!

Whew! I thought she'd never leave! This stealth mode really heats up the suit.

What have we learned today? Beast people are in charge and normal people live in overpopulated slums.

I have a hunch I know where I'm headed.

Surrender, Spider-Man! I don't think so.

Too crowded down here for a battle. Up above, there's more room to move.

Ursula, an assist.

Uh-oh. You know, in another context, the idea of a goat man dressed like a doctor might be amusing.

In truth, he has a sense of humor. I like that Nabestial.

I would curb my ardor where I you, my Lady Vermin, we know not if this creature is in fact one of us!

Aye, Seran, but be he human or bestial 'tis certain that he is a valiant warrior.

Listen to Tony here. He's great!

Ha! An excellent shape! Truly, you are either most brave or most foolhardy to make sport of Lord Tiger.

Why not remove his mask?

Your pardon, Excellency. It is of a technology unknown to me.

But I should be able to pierce it with this device and obtain a DNA sample.

Very well. Proceed.

A DNA sample? Hold it, hold it! I broke my nails. How about a nice piece of fingernail?