Original subtitles

GOOD NIGHT, LOWELL. LAST ONE OUT LOCKS UP.

NO PROBLEM. NIGHT, HELEN.

THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC HAS ME IN ITS SPELL

THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC THAT YOU WEAVE SO WELL

THE ICY FINGERS UP AND DOWN MY SPINE

THE SAME, THE SAME, THE SAME

THE SAME OLD WITCHCRAFT

WHEN YOUR EYES MEET--

MINE.

UH, HI, JOE.

THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE HERE.

UH, JUST, UH, CHECKING OUT THE MICROPHONE.

HA! WELL, IT SEEMS TO WORK GREAT.

OH, WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, LOWELL.

[door closing]

FINAL GAME OF THE WORLD SERIES.

2 OUTS. BOTTOM OF THE 9TH. THE RED SOX ARE DOWN BY...

[seagulls cawing]

(Brian) NANTUCKET TOWER,

THIS IS CESSNA NEVADA 1-2-1 PAPA-PAPA.

REQUEST PERMISSION TO CHANGE ALTITUDE TO 5,000 FEET. OVER.

(man) ROGER, SANDPIPER. AFFIRMATIVE. OUT.

[sighing]

JOE,

IS THERE SOMETHING A LITTLE EERIE ABOUT THIS FLIGHT?

I MEAN, I THINK IT'S THIS TOUR GROUP THAT YOU BOOKED.

NOT ONE OF THEM HAS SAID A WORD SINCE THEY GOT ON THE PLANE.

AND SOMETHING'S WRONG HERE. SOMETHING'S TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG. I MEAN,

IT'S ALMOST AS IF...

THEY'VE TURNED INTO MANNEQUINS!

[screaming]

FUNNY, BRIAN.

WHY ARE WE FLYING MANNEQUINS?

WHY CAN'T WE FLY HUMANS? IT'S WHAT A REAL AIRLINE'S SUPPOSED TO DO, ISN'T IT?

HEY, IT'S THE OFF-SEASON. YOU TAKE WHATEVER BUSINESS COMES YOUR WAY.

ACCORDING TO MY FIGURES,

WE'RE BARELY GOING TO SQUEAK THROUGH.

WELL, EVER SINCE YOU LOST YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE

YOU'VE BEEN OBSESSING ABOUT THIS COMPANY'S FINANCES.

I WISH YOU'D STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT.

SOMEBODY'S GOTTA WORRY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

JUST ENCOUNTERING A LITTLE TURBULENCE HERE.

IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT OF A WATER LANDING,

PLEASE USE THE PASSENGER IN FRONT OF YOU AS A FLOTATION DEVICE.

OOPS, SEEM TO HAVE HAD A LITTLE MISHAP BACK THERE, JOE.

BETTER PUT THAT LEG BACK ON.

HOW MANY PIONEERS OF AVIATION HAVE SAID THOSE VERY WORDS?

JOE.

JOE, COME HERE FOR A SECOND, WILL YOU?

THIS GUY TRIES TO SUE US HE WON'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON.

[chuckling]

A LEG TO STAND ON.

[blowing] HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?

WOULD YOU SHUT UP? TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.

WHAT?

NANTUCKET TOWER. THIS IS CESSNA NEVADA 1-2-1 PAPA-PAPA.

HAVE YOU GOT ANY OTHER AIRCRAFT IN THE VICINITY? OVER.

(man) NO TRAFFIC IN THE AREA. OVER.

NOTHING AT ALL? OVER.

NEGATIVE, SANDPIPER. OVER.

THANKS. OUT.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? I DON'T KNOW, MAN, IT'S LIKE IT'S HOVERING OUT THERE.

[rumbling] HOLY--

DID--DID YOU SEE-- DID YOU SEE HOW FAST THAT THING WAS GOING?

NOTHING MOVES THAT FAST.

IT'S GONE.

I THINK WE JUST SAW A U.F.O.

[both laughing]

YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO GET THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER ON THAT THING, DID YOU?

NO, BUT THE BUMPER STICKER SAID,

"55,000 MILES PER HOUR. A LAW WE CAN LIVE WITH."

FAY, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

WHY, SURE, HELEN. WHAT IS IT?

WELL, I WAS JUST GOING OVER MY BOOKS

AND I'M SURE IT WAS JUST AN OVERSIGHT,

BUT I NOTICED THAT YOU HAVEN'T PAID YOUR LUNCH BILL THIS MONTH.

I-I'M SURE I DID.

UH, NO, IT'S JUST THAT WHEN SOMEONE PAYS ME

I MARK IT DOWN IN MY LEDGER RIGHT HERE.

I'M SURE YOU DO, BUT I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER

PUTTING THE MONEY IN AN ENVELOPE AND GIVING IT TO YOU.

$42.50.

WELL, YOU KNOW, MEMORY CAN PLAY TRICKS ON US SOMETIMES.

EVIDENTLY YOUR BOOKS CAN PLAY SOME TRICKS, TOO.

WELL, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO LOOK AT MY ACCOUNTS, I CAN CLEARLY SHOW YOU--

OH, HELEN, I WOULDN'T DREAM OF DOUBTING YOUR HONESTY.

I'LL JUST PAY THE BILL

AGAIN.

FORGET IT, FAY. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY.

UH, WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I GIVE YOU A CHECK?

FAY, I'M NOT GOING TO ACCEPT IT.

I HAVE 2 FORMS OF IDENTIFICATION.

FAY.

MY BANK HAS A SERVICE CHARGE OF 5 CENTS FOR EACH CHECK.

PLEASE EXCUSE ME, FAY.

HERE YOU GO.

I COULDN'T TAKE THIS, HELEN.

I KNOW HOW MUCH A NICKEL MEANS TO YOU.

(Brian) ROY, ROY.

[clears throat] DID YOUR PILOTS REPORT SEEING

ANYTHING STRANGE TONIGHT? I MEAN, BESIDES YOUR TIE?

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, HACKETT?

JOE AND I SAW A U.F.O.

[Helen gasping] REALLY? A U.F.O.

OH, I LOVE THAT STUFF.

YOU KNOW, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND,

THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT BIG MOTHER SHIP PASSED OVERHEAD?

AND, HEY! WHO KNEW TRUFFAUT COULD ACT, HUH?

[laughing] HAD THIS CUTE LITTLE FRENCH ACCENT--

YO, HELEN, CAN I JUST JUMP IN HERE?

JUST FOR ONE SECOND. WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE?

AH, WELL, THERE WAS A BLUE LIGHT-- NO, I MEAN THE MOTHER SHIP.

I NEVER SAW THE MOVIE. WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE?

IT WAS THIS HUGE THING. HAD LIGHTS ALL AROUND IT.

HEY, HEY, HEY, I--I SAW THE REAL THING MYSELF, OK?

THERE WAS A BLUE LIGHT, SHOT FROM ONE PART OF THE SKY TO THE OTHER

IN LIKE 4 SECONDS, OK. HOVERED THERE,

SHOT STRAIGHT UP, DISAPPEARED.

WOW, THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

NO, NOT REALLY, I ALWAYS WONDERED

WHEN THE PEOPLE FROM HIS PLANET WERE GONNA COME BACK FOR HIM.

I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND, ROY. I REALLY DID SEE THIS THING.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT ALONE, BRIAN.

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW CLAIMS SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

CLAIMS THEY TOOK HER ABOARD THEIR SPACESHIP,

EXAMINED HER GENITALIA AND THEN SENT HER BACK.

I CONTEND HER NEIGHBOR VERN TOOK HER ABOARD HIS WINNEBAGO,

BUT SHE'S STICKING TO HER STORY.

THANK YOU, CARL SAGAN FOR THAT CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE STUPID KIND.

NOW, WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE AND FINISH WORKING ON THAT TOWER SPOTLIGHT, HUH?

BRIAN, MAYBE THAT SPOTLIGHT IS WHAT YOU SAW.

YEAH, FAY'S PROBABLY RIGHT

EXCEPT YOU CAN SEE IT A LOT BETTER

ONCE I TAKE IT OUT OF THE TRUCK AND FINISH ASSEMBLING IT.

HACKETT, HACKETT. IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN HEAT LIGHTNING,

THE NORTHERN LIGHTS, A METEOR.

A BIG, FLORESCENT EAGLE.

THERE YOU GO.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN A WEATHER BALLOON.

M-MOVING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN THE AIR'S LEAKING OUT, THEY JUST...

[spitting]

DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT, LOWELL?

WELL, YOU DO IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THE...

[spitting] SOUND.

LOOK, LOOK, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST ASK JOE, BECAUSE HE SAW IT ALSO. RIGHT?

SAW WHAT?

THE U.F.O. THEY DON'T BELIEVE THAT WE SAW IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BRIAN. STOP FOOLING AROUND.

IT'S BEEN A LONG NIGHT.

I KNOW WHAT I SAW.

GEE, HACKETT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

OH, YES, I DO.

NA-NU, NA-NU, NA-NU!

HEY, UH,

DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU, JOE?

CAN YOU SEE IF THERE'S A LARGE DAGGER

STICKING OUT OF MY BACK? OH, THAT'S RIGHT. SORRY.

YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING.

BRIAN, YOU SAW IT.

I SAW IT. THE MANNEQUINS IN THE PLANE SAW IT.

BUT IF WORD GETS OUT ABOUT THIS,

WE'RE GONNA BE KNOWN AS CRACKPOT AIRLINES.

WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BE QUIET

ABOUT THE MOST EXCITING EXPERIENCE I'VE EVER HAD IN AN AIRPLANE.

WAIT--WAIT A SECOND.

SECOND MOST EXCITING...

THIRD...

DO HELICOPTERS COUNT?

LOOK, LOOK, BUSINESS IS BAD ENOUGH.

WE CAN'T AFFORD ANY BAD PRESS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I SEE YOUR POINT.

I WON'T MENTION A WORD OF THIS TO ANYBODY ELSE.

WHERE ARE THOSE PILOT IRREGULARITY FORMS?

NO, YOU--YOU ARE NOT FILING A REPORT ON THIS TO THE F.A.A.

THERE'S NO WAY I WANT THIS ON PERMANENT RECORD.

JOE, JOE, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS ANYBODY ELSE

THAT IF A PILOT SEES SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY, HE'S REQUIRED TO REPORT IT.

NORMALLY, I WOULD AGREE-- WELL, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED DO?

ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FORGET ABOUT IT?

MAYBE THE F.A.A. CAN EXPLAIN THIS.

OR MAYBE SOMEBODY'S ALREADY MADE OUT A REPORT.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE SAW?

YES, OF COURSE I DO,

BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THIS, BRIAN.

RAMIFICATIONS. DO YOU REMEMBER FRED ATKINS?

YEAH, HE FLEW CHARTER OUT OF NEW BEDFORD.

RIGHT, WELL, HE REPORTED SEEING A U.F.O.

THE NEXT THING HE KNEW, HE WAS BLACKLISTED. THEY BROKE HIM.

LAST I HEARD, HE WAS SITTING ON THE CORNER OF 3RD AND MAIN,

SELLING USED CHEWING GUM.

THAT WAS FRED ATKINS? YOU BETCHA.

THAT GUM WAS USED?

HERE'S YOUR WATER, FAY. CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, THANK YOU, I BROUGHT MY LUNCH.

UH, WHAT DO I OWE YOU FOR THE WATER?

NOTHING.

THAT NAPKIN WILL BE $42.50.

I PAID YOU.

OH, I BEG TO DIFFER.

YOU CAN BEG ALL YOU WANT, I'M NOT PAYING YOU AGAIN.

LADIES, LADIES.

NOW THIS HAS GONE ON FOR OVER A WEEK.

I'M SEEING A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP TORN ASUNDER,

RENT IN TWAIN,

BIFURCATED.

LOWELL, HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING

TO THOSE STUPID VOCABULARY TAPES AGAIN?

INDUBITABLY.

WELL, I KNOW HOW TO SOLVE THIS ALTERCATION.

PLEASE ENLIGHTEN US.

WHAT?

TELL US HOW.

WELL, YOU CAN DO WHAT THE WIFE AND I DO.

ARM-WRESTLE.

WELL, BUT YOU TWO CAN LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON.

OR NOT.

LOWELL, I'M NOT GOING TO ARM-WRESTLE FAY.

[imitating chicken clucking]

ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHICKEN?

IF THE BEAK FITS.

OK, YOU GOT IT. LET'S DO IT.

GREAT. I'LL REFEREE.

I LOVE A GOOD CATFIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES.

WE'RE PLAYING BY THE MARQUIS OF QUEENSBURY RULES HERE.

ELBOWS ON THE TABLE AT ALL TIMES.

SPITTING, BITING AND SCRATCHING

ARE, OF COURSE, REAL CROWD PLEASERS.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES,

READY,

SET,

GO.

GIVE IT UP, FAY.

IN YOUR DREAMS.

HELEN, I SAW A COCKROACH

SCURRY UNDER YOUR COUNTER

AND I FOLLOWED HIM. YOU KNOW, LIKE I USUALLY DO.

AND THEN I-- LOWELL, CAN THIS WAIT?

WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS...

PERTINENT.

ANYWAY, I...

I FOUND THIS ENVELOPE. IT'S GOT $42.50 IN IT.

THAT'S THE MONEY I GAVE YOU.

IT MUST HAVE FALLEN OFF THE COUNTER, FAY.

I GUESS THERE'S NO REASON TO KEEP DOING THIS.

SO WHY DON'T WE JUST QUIT?

FINE. LET GO. NO, YOU LET GO.

NO, YOU LET GO FIRST. NO, I-I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT OLD TRICK.

IT FLEW STRAIGHT UP

AND IT DISAPPEARED.

SO,

WHAT DO YOU THINK, INSPECTOR HANSON?

WELL, THAT'S A VERY INTERESTING STORY, MR. HACKETT

BUT I'M AFRAID THE F.A.A. CAN'T TAKE YOUR REPORT AT FACE VALUE.

THERE ARE A FEW THINGS WE'VE FOUND

THAT CAST SOME DOUBT ON YOUR, UH, CREDIBILITY.

MY CREDIBILITY. LIKE WHAT?

WELL, IT SAYS HERE

YOU ONCE REPORTED SEEING AMELIA EARHART

OVER THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.

YEAH, YES, THAT WAS JUST-- I WAS PLAYING A LITTLE JOKE

ON A BUDDY OF MINE, THAT'S ALL.

OH!

A JOKE. (Brian) YEAH.

[feigning laughter]

LIKE THIS U.F.O. SIGHTING?

NO, NO, THIS IS DIFFERENT.

WELL, HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?

WELL, UH, MY BROTHER JOE SAW IT, FOR ONE.

OH, REALLY? MAYBE I SHOULD TALK TO HIM.

NO, NO, YOU CAN'T.

IT, WELL, IT WOULDN'T DO YOU ANY GOOD ANYWAY. BECAUSE HE'S A...

MUTE.

HE'S A MUTE.

JOE, JOE, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

[door closing] I THOUGHT IT WAS YOUR DAY OFF.

I HAVE SOME PAPERWORK.

HE SPEAKS. IT'S A MIRACLE.

HI--HI, I'M JOE HACKETT.

SO YOU'RE THE OTHER ONE WHO WAS PRESENT AT THIS ALLEGED SIGHTING.

INSPECTOR HANSON, F.A.A.

YOU WENT AND FILED THAT REPORT, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, HE SURE DID.

FRANKLY, OFF THE RECORD, I'M SURPRISED.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOME ATTENTION FOR YOUR LITTLE AIRLINE HERE,

THIS IS THE WRONG KIND.

LISTEN, UH, IS THERE ANY WAY

THAT WE CAN MAKE THIS REPORT DISAPPEAR?

I'M AFRAID IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?

I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. I WANTED TO FIND OUT WHAT WE SAW.

YOU BETTER HOPE NOTHING COMES OF THIS, BRIAN.

YOU BETTER HOPE IT GETS BURIED UNDER TONS OF BUREAUCRATIC PAPERWORK

AND NO ONE ELSE HEARS A THING ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW WHY?

PLEASE TELL ME WHY, JOE. I WANT YOU TO GO ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT THIS.

BECAUSE IF I LOSE MY BUSINESS, I'M HOLDING YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE.

OH, COME ON! LOOK, ALL I WANT FROM YOU

IS A PROMISE THAT THIS GOES NO FURTHER. NOT A WORD.

OK, OK, FINE, YOU HAVE MY WORD.

FROM NOW ON MY STORY IS: THE ONLY THING I SAW THAT NIGHT

IS THE SKY, THE STARS, THE MOON,

AND YOU, JOE HACKETT.

ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF AEROMASS FLIGHT 14

FROM HARTFORD.

WE AT AEROMASS WOULD LIKE TO CONGRATULATE OUR COLLEAGUES

AT SANDPIPER AIR FOR THE INAUGURATION

OF THEIR NEW NONSTOP SERVICE TO THE PLANET ZOLDAR.

IS THERE A BRIAN HACKETT HERE?

BRIAN HACKETT? YEAH, THAT'S ME.

WELL, MY COLLEAGUES AND I LEARNED ABOUT YOUR U.F.O. SIGHTING.

UH--UH, NOW, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A U.F.O.

WE JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

WE'VE SEEN IT, TOO.

SO, EXACTLY WHO ARE YOU?

WE'RE JUST PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE COUNTRY

AND DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE

WHO HAPPEN TO SHARE THE COMMON EXPERIENCE

OF HAVING SEEN A U.F.O.

AND BECAUSE OF THE SKEPTICISM WE'VE ENCOUNTERED

FROM THE GOVERNMENT, AMONG OTHERS,

WE DECIDED TO FORM OUR OWN INDEPENDENT INVESTIGATIVE UNIT.

WELL, I'M-- I'M AFRAID ALL YOU PEOPLE HAVE COME

AN AWFUL LONG WAY FOR NOTHING,

BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

MR. HACKETT, WE HAVE AN INFORMANT AT THE F.A.A.

WE KNOW YOU REPORTED A SIGHTING.

WHO ARE YOU, THE K.G.B.?

I--I TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE JUST BYPASS THE RUBBER HOSES

AND GO STRAIGHT ON TO LUDMILA AND THE COMPROMISING VIDEOTAPE, OK?

WE ALL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, MR. HACKETT.

UH, PLEASE, CALL ME X.R.Q. 24.

WE'RE ALL JUST ORDINARY PEOPLE.

I'M A BOOKKEEPER.

AL TEACHES PHYSICS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

TOM'S A DENTIST.

JOHN'S A CONTRACTOR.

AND I'M A PILOT. THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TO CAREER DAY.

YOU KNOW, NONE OF US WANTED TO SEE A U.F.O.

WE DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. IT WAS THRUST UPON US.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I--I ALREADY TOLD THE F.A.A. MY STORY.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE SOUNDING LIKE A JACKASS TWICE IN ONE DAY.

LOOK, MR. HACKETT, I--I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.

I'M A VERY SUCCESSFUL CONTRACTOR,

BUT WHO WANTS THEIR KITCHEN REMODELED

BY SOME WHACKO WHO SAW A U.F.O. OVER HIS GRANDSON'S TREE HOUSE.

WHO'D THEY SEND TO TALK TO YOU?

UH, AN INSPECTOR HANSON.

OH, HANSON.

NOW, THEY NEVER SEND HANSON OUT UNLESS THEY WANT TO STOP A REPORT

DEAD IN ITS TRACKS.

SO, YOUR SIGHTING MUST HAVE BEEN SIGNIFICANT.

WELL, I-- YOU KNOW...

I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

OK, OK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU SAW.

IT WAS A BLUE LIGHT.

IT FLEW FROM ONE SIDE OF THE SKY TO THE OTHER IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.

AT THAT POINT IT EITHER MADE A LOOP OR IT FLEW STRAIGHT UP AND DISAPPEARED.

(Joe) IT FLEW STRAIGHT UP.

SO YOU SAW IT, TOO.

OH, OH, OH, SO APPARENTLY RATS

THAT DESERT A SINKING SHIP CAN GET BACK ON BOARD. OK, FINE.

SO, EXACTLY WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?

WE WANT YOU TO TAKE US UP IN YOUR PLANE.

TONIGHT?

IN NEW MEXICO THEY HAD SIGHTINGS FOR 6 STRAIGHT NIGHTS.

IF THE SAME HOLDS TRUE HERE, THIS IS A PERFECT WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY.

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. SO, COME ON, JOE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

COME ON, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO DO BESIDES?

YOU'RE GOING TO STAY HOME AND WATCH T.V.?

WELL, I STILL HAVE 5 HOURS OF THE CIVIL WAR TO GET THROUGH.

LET ME SAVE YOU SOME TIME. THE NORTH WINS.

COME ON, JOE. PLEASE, WHAT DO YOU SAY? COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, I'M WITH YOU. GREAT, LET'S GO.

HEY, JOE, UH, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

WELL, BEFORE THESE PEOPLE CAME ALONG,

THE ONLY PERSON THAT COULD CORROBORATE MY STORY WAS YOU.

NO OFFENSE, BRIAN, BUT GIVE ME A BREAK.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND OUR INVITING A REPORTER FROM THE LOCAL PAPER ALONG.

NO, I GUESS IT'S OK.

ANYTHING WE CAN DO, TO FURTHER THE CAUSE OF SCIENCE.

KIND OF GLAD YOU CAME ALONG, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH, I REALLY AM.

I HAVEN'T SAID MUCH ABOUT IT THESE LAST FEW DAYS.

BUT IT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND CONSTANTLY.

(reporter) MR. HACKETT,

WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH TONIGHT?

WELL, WE DON'T KNOW THAT WE'LL ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.

IDEALLY, WE HOPE TO SEE ANOTHER U.F.O.,

BUT IF NOT, AT THE VERY LEAST

WE'D LIKE TO ENCOURAGE OTHER PEOPLE

WHO HAVE SEEN WHAT WE'VE SEEN TO STEP FORWARD

AND LET THEIR VOICES BE HEARD.

YEAH, YEAH, THAT AND TO MEET WOMEN.

THANKS.

AH, THERE'S THE LIGHTHOUSE. WE'RE GETTING CLOSE TO THE SPOT WHERE WE SAW IT.

IS THERE ANYTHING ON THE MONITOR?

NOT YET.

THAT'S PRETTY FANCY-LOOKING EQUIPMENT YOU GOT THERE. WHAT DOES IT DO?

WE DISCOVERED IN PREVIOUS SIGHTINGS

THAT THERE WAS A DROP IN ATMOSPHERIC IONIZATION

WITHIN A 3-KILOMETER RADIUS, SO WE BROUGHT ALONG AN IONIZATION COUNTER.

[beeping] ALSO A HIGH-SPEED, INFRARED CAMERA,

GRAVITATIONAL FLUX MONITOR AND AN ELECTRONIC TRIANGULATOR.

HMM, YOU GUYS GET THE HOME-SHOPPING CHANNEL ON CABLE, DON'T YOU?

[beeping] UH, I'M GETTING A READING.

4.56 BY 32 ON THE GRID.

IONIZATION 50 M.K.G. AND FALLING.

MAGNITUDE 3, FLUCTUATING AT 550.

OH, I DON'T SEE ANYTHING YET.

PREPARE FOR A CLOSE ENCOUNTER.

THIS IS GETTING EXCITING.

I HOPE THEY KNOW WE COME IN PEACE.

JOE, DON'T...

DON'T TURN AROUND. WHY?

JUST TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. JUST DON'T.

NO, NO, JOE, DON'T! DON'T!

OH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HEY, NO, NO.

"JOE HACKETT, OWNER OF SANDPIPER AIRLINES

AND LEADER OF U.F.O. EXPEDITION DEMONSTRATES ALIEN SALUTE."

THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.

YOU KNOW, JOE, YOU SHOULD WEAR HATS MORE OFTEN. YOU LOOK GOOD IN FOIL.

GOOD NIGHT, FELLAS.

GOOD NIGHT, ROY. HEY, AND, YOU KNOW, ROY,

YOU HAVEN'T SAID A THING ABOUT THIS ALL DAY.

I'M GETTING KIND OF NERVOUS.

GO AHEAD, MOCK US. YOU HAVE A RIGHT.

OH, NO, NO, HACKETT, THIS IS, UH,

THIS IS TOO EASY FOR A MAN OF MY TALENTS.

IT WOULD BE LIKE HOOKING A DEAD FISH.

YOU'VE TAKEN ALL THE SPORT OUT OF IT.

GOOD NIGHT, FELLAS.

[Roy whistling] HE MAY BE SLIME, BUT HE'S GOT STANDARDS.

GOOD NIGHT, BOYS.

(both) NIGHT, FAY.

HOW'S YOUR ARM, HELEN?

AH, IT'S A LITTLE SORE, BUT I'LL BE FINE.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. WHO WON THE ARM-WRESTLING MATCH?

OH, FAY LICKED ME.

AH, SHE BEAT YOU, HUH?

NO, SHE LICKED ME. SHE LITERALLY LICKED MY HAND.

I WAS SO STARTLED SHE CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, PINNED ME TO THE TABLE.

EXPERIENCE BEATS YOUTH EVERY TIME.

WE DID SEE SOMETHING OUT THERE, DIDN'T WE, JOE? YES, WE DID.

I MEAN, WE MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT IT WAS, BUT IT WAS THERE, RIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DO YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE ACTUALLY ALIEN SPACECRAFTS UP THERE

MAKING VISITS TO EARTH?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT SOUNDS CRAZY. BUT I MEAN, THERE ARE PLENTY OF THINGS THAT YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN.

THE EASTER ISLAND STATUES AND THOSE CIRCLES IN THE ENGLISH WHEAT FIELDS.

WHY DECAF COFFEEPOTS ARE ORANGE, YOU KNOW.

YOU LOOK UP AT THE SKY,

ALL THE STARS, THE VASTNESS OF THE UNIVERSE...

AND IT MAKES YOU REALIZE HOW ARROGANT WE ARE

TO THINK THAT EARTH IS THE ONLY PLANET WITH LIFE.

MAKES YOU FEEL KINDA INSIGNIFICANT, DOESN'T IT?

NOT WHEN MY SHOES ARE SHINED.

WELL, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS,

I THINK THERE'S GOT TO BE INTELLIGENT LIFE FORMS UP THERE SOMEWHERE.

[whirring]

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

(Lowell) HEY, GUYS, I FINALLY GOT THIS STUPID LIGHT TO WORK.

AH, IF YOU THINK IT'S BRIGHT NOW, WATCH THIS.

[whirring]

[electricity surges]

WHOOPS.

MEANWHILE, THE SEARCH FOR INTELLIGENT LIFE

HERE ON EARTH CONTINUES.