Original subtitles

I don't know about bringing your guitar along, dude.

We don't know most of these people.

- I'm just saying... - Dude. Let me explain something.

Wherever I go, my guitar doth follow.

When I die I'm taking it with me.

Where are We going?

I dunno.

Well maybe we should stop.

Maybe.

Alright, fuck this.

What time were they meant to be here?

Knowing you, We're probably about three hours early.

Damn it!

We could have stopped by the store and got a torch.

Got these spare batteries.

- HEY! What are you doing? - AHAAAA!

Behold the hypocrisy.

That cameras Worth about seven of my guitar so now Who's taking a risk?

Yeah Well I take my "doth" camera Wherever I "doth" go as Well.

Besides, I Want to test out my new flash.

It's a ZOOGN. Do you know what that means?

Yeah! It flashes.

Yeah, it flashes.

I could flash E.T.'s home planet with this baby.

\/Vell that's if he even still lives there, l mean...

After all this time he's probably moved out and got his own planet.

"I'll be right here, Warren."

"Ouch. Ouch!"

Great film.

DYARRR! LUC! \/Vhat are you doing?!

Hi to you too, Warren.

- Gus. - Luc.

Warren?

Gus?

Hey Warren, guess what I packed.

Better be fucking Kleenex and cotton balls.

No, I packed the Poker set.

AVVRR, YOU COULD HAVE BROKEN IT!

I don't think there's gonna be time for playing poker, Luc.

What do you mean?

\/Vhat Gus means is that it's a retreat, Luc.

It's all about spiritual isolation.

Getting away from civilisation and embracing nature.

And that's why you're bringing your SLR, is it Warren?

And a flash. ZOOGN.

200, really?

Big fan of the 200.

Vast improvement over the 100GN.

Some would say double.

Yeah? You just better pray it still Works.

I see a few people over there. Come on.

What the hell's in this thing, Jock?

Did you pack your dumbbells or something?

Krys, I thinkl can go a couple of days Without my Weights.

\/Ve're going camping. I'll just bench tree logs.

Well can you go the next ten feet carrying your own tricking bagf?

I think I've thrown my back out.

- Thar she blows. - Is that our bus?

- Yep. That's our bus. - I hate buses. - All right.

Come on Bam-Bam. I hate seeing you angry.

You don't look as pretty.

You thinkl'm pretty?

Um. Yeah.

You're... [mutters something]

Come here!

I'm gonna be sick.

- I-lAI\II\IAl-I! - Morning Krystal...

Don't touch the skin.

No obviously I Wasn't talking to you.

You know Krystal.

My little ex-friend that I re-friended.

That's right. The newjob.

Yes. She brought the primate.

HiJocK

What the fuck'?!

You've got other shoes, right?

No, Jock. I only own one pair of shoes.

You picked it. I'm actually a man.

You're not gonna believe what that douche-fuckjust said to me...

I-lannah's my friend!

She was Wearing inappropriate footwear.

\/Vhat was I supposed to do, just pretend like she isn't?

Is that what We'\/e come to?

Come on you lot. All aboard the Sticksville Express.

That's us. Get my bag.

That means you.

Was that a grabber toy with a crocodile head?

Naturally.

Well this should be an interesting weekend.

Everybody, can I have your attention please?

Welcome to the annual Baron & Sons Work retreat induction.

As the 11 of you will be spending the rest of your lives Working nine hour days

in a poorly-ventilated showroom filled with toxic chemicals,

Baron & Sons has seen it fit to compensate you with one Weekend

of solid outdoor entertainment!

My name is Patrick.

I'll be your coordinator, your best friend

and your qualified first aid officer for the next 48 hours,

during which time We will all get to know everything there is to know

about Y-O-U.

Yoghurts Of the Ukraine.

Lionel Baron loves yoghurt. But he pronounces it "yogg-ert",

which is incorrect.

Hey Watch it, Pat. That's my old man you're talking about.

I'm sorry how rude of me.

This of course is the instantly-forgettable Rupert Baron.

Lionel Baron's son.

Who will also be collecting us on Monday morning.

His apple never left the tree, so

if there's only one arse you kiss today, make it Rupert's.

\/\/ill that make us Team Leader?

That'll make you Tinea Leader.

Just a health note:

Baron & Sons does not recommend placing your face near anyone's arse.

Particularly Rupert's.

I Want my office back.

Hey. V\/hats this Team Leader thing that e\/eryone's talking about?

Well thats the whole point of this retreat.

To find out Who's most qualified out of all of us

to be in charge of the Whole group.

We don't know that. it's probably just a getting-to know-you thing.

Exactly!

Getting to know us so they know who should be Team Leader.

Shup!

Team Leader's good?

Yeah! Team Leader's good.

Hmmm. Leaderage, eh?

Nup.

Oh my god. Check out Wednesday Addams over there.

[Hums "Addams Family" Theme]

My name is Madison.

Oh. Pardon me.

So, exactly whose funeral did you come from, Madison?

Who says I've already been?

In that case, I hope it's your own.

Hi there.

I-Ii.

I'm Dimitri.

Jock.

Ooh.

That's a strong handshake you've got there, Jock.

Yeah. Got a grip-rating of 20 psi.

Pounds per square inch.

You can pound my square inch anytime.

I-Iuh?

It's exciting, don't you think?

It's lovely being in nature.

Yeah. it's a... blast.

Funny story, actually. I Was--

Look Dimaggio,

are you Waiting to use this tree or something?

Oh no no no, you go right ahead.

I'll keep Watch.

Well... I could really use some space rig ht now

Like... Piss off, is what I'm saying.

Oh. Sure... I'll, um...

\Ne'll talk later.

You play guitar too?

No.

But you brought a guitar.

No.

So What's in the guitar case?

Aviolin.

Are you a drug addict?

I don't do drugs.

I'm Gus.

Andre.

I knew an Andre once.

He was a drug addict.

I'm not a drug addict.

I never said you Were, Andrugs-- Andre!

What the hell is that?

You could fry and egg on that thing.

This is the ZOOGN.

You're now looking ata professional photographer.

You have the lens cap on.

I'm not taking a photo, I'm adjusting the settings.

You might Want to set the lens cap to "off".

When I'm ready to take a photo, I'll set the lens cap to off.

Lucy and Warren!

Can you get Dickman off the bus, please?

"Dickman"?

Mind the legs, ya fucking retards.

Just because I don't feel anything down there

doesn't mean I Won't come to your room and night

and kill you if I find a bruise.

Have you always been paralysed below the waist?

Nah, they just Went to sleep on the ride over.

And it's mid-thigh, you insensitive shit.

I'm still more a man than you'll ever be.

Though I couldn't claim that advantage over your dyke friend here.

Say What?!!

I've got it from here.

What the hell is his problem?

- I thought that was obvious. - DYKE!

It's like ne's making a conscious effortto live up to his name.

Maybe he's socially-paralysed as Well.

If he Wasn't in a Wheelchair I'd paralyse his fucking face.

Just forget it.

Alright, is this everyone?

Hey, who'e that over there? HEY COME ON - LET'S GO!

Alright, We're gonna, uh, get straight into the activities...

But first there's something I need each of you to do, sometime before tonight

and that is to get out you notepads, which I'm about to give you.

Write down one creative suggestion for the company.

Anything that you think can improve the Workplace and then

I'll get you to put them in this box.

So don't put your name on it- keep it anonymous,

because We're gonna open it at dinner and We're gonna discuss them.

So, do it in your own time...

But make sure you do it.

Sorry I'm late!

Oh, OK. Everyone, this is Emily.

She'sjust driven up from Melbourne so she Wasn't able to meet us in the city.

FUCKIVIEIIII

Uh... I Was, um... uh...

Bitten. By a, uh...

Parakeet!

Swooped me and just got my ear.

Really hurt.

- My ear. - Oh and that's another thing.

You've got to look out for the parakeets.

They're really ferocious this time of year because it's their breeding season.

They'\/e got a bite rating of 25 psi, so remember,

keep your heads down.

Alright, Why don't I fill Emily in on What's been happening, and, un

While you guys go and get yourselves settled in the cabins?

Just pick a room, dump your bags and come back out, because...

We're gonna... have...

Some fun.

\/Vhoopee.

Stopjiggling me, you he-she.

I'm not a fucking rattle.

Didn't hear him say go.

You each get a compass and a map.

But Whatever you do, do not lose your compass or you Won't be able to find your markers.

Oops.

HELP!

HELP!

COOO-EEE!

Damn it...! Fuck...! Son of a-

DICKIVIAAAAAAAAAAANI

Remember, this is completely private.

It can be anyone in your life, living or dead, but my advice would be

to take this opportunity to say something you couldn't normally say

or get a chance to say, perhaps.

Think about it, take your time,

and when you're finished Writing your letter,

sign your name at the bottom of it, and then hide it away because tomorrow night

We're gonna have a ceremony Where We're gonna burn the letters and in doing so...

We're gonna cleanse ourselves of our regrets.

Emily l never believed in love at first sight...

Until/ saw you.

Your hottage is so high you could provide sextricity

to the majority of the western suburbs.

Oh that's the money

Dfokman, before this weekend is out I am going to fuck you up.

You better grow eyes in the back of your head you handicapped piece of shit

'cause i am going to handi-cap your motherfucking brains out!

Jock

we both know what you really are.

Don 't ever be ashamed.

There is a killer in the jungle of my mind

He swings from limb to limb and vine to vine

He makes his Weapons out of ferns and tree bark

He's like a morally-corrupted Ewok

He is a mental jungle killer

He is a homicidal dream gorilla

He makes that Tarzan look like Queen Priscilla

He is a mental jungle killer!

Alright, thanks Gus.

- Yeah. - There's more.

Nice, dude.

Very evocative.

I've heard music emanating from diseased rectums

more appealing than that god-awful shit.

And on that note, let's bust out these killer suggestions.

Smoking should be allowed in-store.

So you can take drugs at Work?

I didn't write that. I don't take drugs.

And I don't foresee Lionel Baron every implementing this,

especially considering the products that We sell.

Now let's move on.

Workers should be allowed to choose between separate morning tea and lunch breaks

or an extended break that combines the two.

Thats actually a pretty good idea.

Yeah, that was mine.

- No, it was mine! - It was mine, I tells ya!

- No, it was mine! - It Wasn't yours, you twat. - It was mine! - No, I Wrote that one.

- I Wrote it, and I put it in the box. - [RANDOM SI-IOUTING] - It doesn't matter Whose idea it Was,

as long as it Works.

No more shouting!

OK...

This time it sort of does matter...

Who Wrote it.

What does it say?

I am going to kill each and every one of you

very creatively.

Who Wrote this?

What? Because of the song?

No no no - I Wrote that song six months ago.

I didn't- I didn't write that.

I'm a pathifist.

Pacifist.

A psycho-pathifist.

I swear I didn't write it. Emily, you believe me.

- What? - Alright, listen.

It's obvious it's just a really bad taste joke.

And I'm sure that Gus or Whoever Wrote it--

- It wasn't me, damn it! - Fine, it wasn't Gus.

Look, Why don't We all just go inside and unpack, and We'll, uh...

\/Ve'll finish this off tomorrow night, I... I think.

What in God's name was that?

I don't know. it's probably just a... Wild dog.

Maybe it's a parakeet.

That's not a dog.

Maybe... it's a parakeet.

You guys go. I'll... I'll meet you up there.

I Wasn't staring at her, Bam-Bam.

I don't know Where you're getting this crazy notion from.

Jock! I saw you!

Your tongue was practically hanging out of your mouth!

I was dehydrated, babe. Come on, you gotta simmer down.

You know what I said about when you get angry.

It's not a good look for you.

It's your fault I'm angry!

Shhh!

What will Emily think if she hears us arguing?

OH MY GOD! You're thinking about her right now!

Because you brought her up!

I did?

You're imagining things, Bam-Bam.

I am?

Sure. You're a girl.

It happens.

OK!

Listen. I Want you to go to the shower and get naked.

And I'll be there in five minutes, after I finish my protein shake.

Well... why don't we go together?

- I can Wai-- - No, listen.

You go in there and close your eyes.

Then I'll join you, with my eyes closed.

\/Ve'll both keep our eyes closed the Whole time.

It'll be like making love if it was raining really heavily

and you were blind and you couldn't sit down.

OK, I'll go now But don't be too long.

I already am too long.

Yeah.

That's the shit.

Sorry!

Jock loves me!!

Jock and Krystal having blind shower sex...

Singing doo-a-diddy-diddy- dum-diddy-doo, \/VHOO!

Pair o' Kings, I'm afraid.

Pair o' Kings, I'm afraid.

They call that a diarchy.

Well, uh, that'e pretty good, Warren.

Almost as good as my cranberry deuce.

FUCK be a lady!

Does this mean anything?

Never in my life.

Uh, that means you win, Hannah.

Really? Awesome.

Chip me. Let's go again.

I think I'm gonna shuffle a little longer this time.

I-Iave you heard of Vlad the Impaler?

Who?

Vlad, the Impaler.

Vlad the Impaler. Is he a Wrestler?

He was a prince in 15th century \/Vallachia.

He liked to execute his enemies by skewering them on long poles.

They say he slaughtered tens of thousands that Way.

Built forests of them.

When the Turks finally captured him, the Ottoman Sultan out off his head,

sent it to Istanbul and stuck it on a pike for the Whole Empire to see.

I take it they Weren't friends.

Thanks for the history lesson, Madison.

When I die, I hope to be Worthy of such a death.

Yeah, me too. Luc,

Want to be a human marshmallow in Istanbul?

Sign me up.

Honey, if I dressed like that I wouldn't care howl died,

as long as it happened soon and they burned the remains.

Vlad the Impaler understands me.

OK...

Tell him I said "hi"!

Does anyone not think that Madison is the author of that lame-arse death threat?

Don't you think it seems a little obvious?

It's not an Agatha Christie novel. Who cares?

Yeah. You're right.

One of us threatens to murder us all. No biggie.

Come on - it was just someone's lame joke that backfired. That's all.

VVasn't you?

No.

\/Vell, it Wasn't me either.

I'm gonna get some sashimi and see if I can get a friggin' signal on this phone.

So annoying. Tnere's literally, like, a hundred people l have to call

to let them know that I can't ring them until Monday.

You know, if it was you, you could tell me.

Warren.

Fine, it Wasn't you.

It was you, Wasn't it?

Emily...

Without you I'm so empty

You're like an emery board

Exfoliating the memories

Of less attractive girls

Of less attractive girls

Oh baby

Every girl...

I have ever met...

Is uglier than you.

Hello?

Emily...

\/Von't you please make out with me?

Is anyone there?

Warren, if you are screwing with me I swear to Hendrix...

Thank God!

Thank God for that too.

Are you OK?

Oh sorry!

I thought you were someone else.

What are you doing here?

I heard you yelling from my room.

Did you have a bad dream?

Two, actually.

A... jungle killer came to my room and... killed me.

Like in your song?

Kinda.

I really liked that song by the Way.

-You did? -Mm-hmm

But... Dickman said it was rectal.

Don't listen to Diokman. He's a dick.

Yeah! Uh...

The acoustics out there are terrible anyway,

plus it was missing the violin accompaniment and the Woodwinds, not to mention my sol--

...lo.

Gus. Shut up. Hmm?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Yeah, Emily. That's right.

I'm all man.

Oh? What about Krystal?

Athreesome? Oh really?

Well, if you insist.

Finally. Where have you been?

I'm horny like triceratops.

Come on. What are you waiting for?

I'm not getting any sexier.

What the?

Jock!

Tell me you're not Wearing that gimp suit again.

I told you I'm not into that freaky shit.

Jock?

(Fuck!)

Raise fitty.

You can take your camera off.

Nuh-uh. Camera never leaves my neck.

You can take your top off.

OH! Oh Warren!

I'm not a dyke.

\/Vhat?

What Dickman said when we took him off the bus.

I'm not, I like... I like men.

Luc, I know you're not a d--

I know you like m--

Since when do you care what anyone else thinks?

Especially an arsehole like Dickmanl

I don't, I was just thinking about...

How I've known you and Gus for 11 years, and...

Neither of you have ever even considered...

Officially asking me out.

Gus likes men.

OK. Well what about you then?

You like animals or something?

No. I like chicks.

It's just that I've always,

I don't know, thought of you as a sister.

I mean that in a good Way.

Because I love my sister. UH-- Not like that" but, like, yeah.

Gee, thanks.

Hold up.

Are you saying you Want to take a ride on the Warren \/Vagon?

- Yee-ha. - You'll never know.

Show 'em.

I've got a pair.

So you claim.

Straight.

So you claim.

Fuck you and your fucking Wagon.

Going outside to take drugs?

I'm going outside to play music.

On your violin.

That's right.

Whoa!

You going to the bathroom, mate?

Uh... yeah.

Just give me ten minutes to sort things out with the old lady.

The old Ia--? Oh - you mean... Krystal.

Uh... OK.

Thanks, Gary.

SI-IIT!

Why is there a frickin' nail in the middle of the floor???

Shit!

That is really dangerous.

Someone should Warn Emily.

I-leeeere's Jocky!

I'm not looking, Bam-Bam. You better not be looking either.

I-Iuh?

Someone's been splashing around.

And they're gonna be punished for it.

Here comes the bull shark.

I hope you're ready for some tongue-f...

Fresh from the mojo dojo.

Mmmm. Tastes like strawberries.

Slightly metallic strawberries.

Come on, Bam-Bam. I'm doing all the Work here.

SHES DEAD!!!

- SHE'S DEAD!!! - HOLY SHITE!!

- Evvwvv! - What the hell did you do to her?

I didn't do anything to her!

I came in here and found her like this.

Oh my god!

Jock, you're... you're bleeding.

It's her blood.

It must have been from the tongue-f...

Oh.

- NASTAGE! - Krystal! Oh my god!

Jock, what the hell did you do to her?

I didn't do anything her, god-dammit! Someone got to ner before me.

You mean you were going to do this to her but someone beat you to it?

NO! I came in here and found her like this!

Someone killed her!

Who?

I don't know!

Is her arm supposed to be bent like that?

No.

It should also be attached to something.

One of her tits is missing.

You're standing on it.

OI-I, SI-IIT!

Guess they were real.

Trust me to step on the severed boob!

Hey man, tit happens!

Are you OK?

Yeah.

So am I.

It's like We're almost the same person.

WOULD SOMEONE CALL THE FUCKING POLICE, ALREADY?!

I can't get through!

There's no reception up here. Can anyone else get a signal?

- No. - No. - No. - No. - Nup. - No.

Oh Wait!

Oh no. That's just the volume. Sorry.

I'm gonna go find Patrick.

Uh... I'm gonna go find Patrick.

Emily...!

Warren, take a picture.

Geez, Luc! Inappropriate.

For evidence!

Oh, right. That's actually a good idea.

Bam-Bam.

Oh God!

My little... Bam... Bam...

Light's not very good. Might have to adjust the shutter speed.

Could increase the ISO, but then you gotta Worry about grain, and--

\/Varren, this isn't for the Pulitzer! Does it really matter?

I'll give you one last kiss, on your perfect, perfume-counter-girl face.

I feel sick!

Ditto.

Jock, if you're gonna be in the photo could you at least put some pants on?

Hey! Let the man grieve.

Fuck it.

L\/lake sure you get the spleen.

Can I... get a copy of that last one?

Yeah. I'll post it on my blog.

What is that stuff? Is that part of her?

Liver and lungs.

It's nothing like they draw it in those Human Body books.

It's all pretty much the same colour.

I've seen Worse.

Worse? I'm sorry, there is no way that that could get any more nasty.

-AVVVVVVVVH!! -That is fucked up!

I-Iannah, there's a toilet right there.

Hannah, you OK?

Oh, come on!

I'm a sympathetic vomiter! Stop!

- Do you Wanna... Do you Wanna... -This shit is fucked up.

Hannah!

There's your colour.

I'll be Write back.

Fuck is going on?

- Krystal's dead. - Bummer.

The World has lost another cheerleader.

Anyway. I gotta do a shit.

Did you hear what she just said??? Someone died, Dickman!

Someone else'll die if you're still here when the dump tanks open.

I'm about to break the Wind barrier.

I'm out of here.

Come on, Jock. Let's find you some clothes.

Up We go, sausage.

Shit, Warren! You could have at least cleaned up the floor a bit.

And Whose breast is this?

Whoa.

Dude.

Hey, Jock. Found some shorts in your stuff.

You might... Wanna... just...

You really made a mess of yourself, didn't you?

Don't Worry.

I can get this right off.

- Warren, what are you doing?! - NOTHING!

Where have you been? \/Vhere's I-Iannah?

She's outside, throwing up.

Didn't she already throw up?

Yeah, but that was spontaneous. This is just her regular throwing up.

Get her back inside. V\/here's Andre?

He Went outside to take drugs.

Aren't you meant you to be looking for Patrick?

I am. Is he in here?

No, he's not in here!

Crap.

\/Vouldn't go in there for a While.

SI-IIT! I knew this would happen.

Does anyone have a torch?

I don't know. Do you keep one in your vagina?

OK... On the East coast, so the ocean's that Way..

No, that Way. No...

The sun. The sun sets in the West, which is... the right side of the cabin.

I ran out the front, which is...

South. No, east.

South-east.

SI-IIT!

What the fuck...

I don't believe this. Where the hell is everybody?

Madison was here a second ago.

She loved me.

Who, Madison?

Krystal.

Sure, she could be a real bitch sometimes.

And she Wouldn't let me see other Women.

But she loved me, Warren.

There's only been about... thirty-two girls that l could say that about.

And half a dozen guys.

She will be missed.

You think the killer could be one of us?

Someone Wrote that message.

We checked the whole cabin. Patrick's gone.

Wait a minute. Did I check in this room?

Yes. I-le's not in here.

Then he's gone.

We can't find Patrick.

Madison, did you see him?

I checked everywhere I'd choose to conceal a body. Didn't see him.

He must still be outside.

Oh hey, Warren.

-VV!-IAT THE'?!! - Oh! SHIT!!

- Oh, my torch. - I'm sorry

What the hell are you doing?

I was chucking you my torch.

I've already got a torch.

Oh. Sorry man. Sorry everybody.

Oh crap.

Oh, that's OK. \/\/e just have to remember to Wear shoes in here from now on

'cause there's a lot of broken glass on the floor now

Have we uncovered the assassination plot yet?

- What was that smashing noise? - Nothing.

What are you doing? Don't open that!

What, you think a moth's gonna fly in?

Open the door, let me in!

Wait.

What if she's the killer?

She's not a killer. She's my friend.

And I think she's gonna get with me too.

Well yippee-ki-yay, Les-boy.

So What? She's not our bitch. You could both be the killer.

Fuck you. I'm opening it.

What the hell took you so long?

We were just debating the possibility of you being a murderer.

Just lock the door, alright?

What the fuck happened, Lucy?

Andre's dead.

Come again?

I found him up against a tree with a bong stuck through his head.

Sheisse Miinelli!

Every high has its low

You found him with the bong through his head

or you found him then put the bong through his head?

Maybe the bong found him and failed to negotiate its Way around his head.

I didn't touch him. He was dead before I even left the cabin.

Says you.

What was he doing with a bong? I thought he went outside to play the violin.

Well if that'e true, then he got seriously sidetracked.

Obviously he was a drug addict.

Really? - Look, I couldn't... I couldn't see Hannah.

- She must have run off. - Wait a minute. Are you sure he was dead?

Am I sure he was dead?

He has a glass pipe sticking through his brain, Gus.

I'm pretty sure he's dead.

Well, yeah... They said the exact same thing about Jesus.

That he had a glass pipe through his brain?

No! That he was dead, and then it turned out he Wasn't.

Well, unfortunately Andre isn't the Son of God.

If he resurrects in three days' time, I'll take it all back.

But for now I think it's safe to assume I-lE'S DEAD.

Man. VVhat's with all the killage?

That's two people dead!

The beefcake's on the ball.

Someone blow my brains out. \Ne'll see if he can count to three.

Someone dropped a torch.

- Just leave it. -Alright, alright.

Whoever put that death note in the suggestion box,

- I think you should step forward right now - Get real, Captain Planet.

Whoever Wrote that thing is getting hard off killing people

and they're not gonna spill their guts to a tech-deco i-Prone pissant like you.

Yeah? And how would you know?

Because I have a brain that's bigger than my dick, Mongo.

- Put some fucking pants on. - Hey! Leave him alone.

- Shut up, Fagness. - This isn't helping.

What, you got something to say, Cinderella?

I-low 'bout you get down on your knees and talk into my crotch?

Hey! You can't speak to Emily like that!

What are you gonna do about it, gui-tard?

"Gui-tard"? What are you-- Oh. I... I get it.

That's actually quite sharp.

Wait! I think I know how to flush out the killer.

OK. Without hesitating, tell me exactly what you're creative suggestion Was...

- Emily! - What?

- Hesitating. I-Iesitating. - I...

- Look, this isn't... - Ah!

- Come on, you... -AI-I!

- Stop it! - AHAAAA!

You Want to know what my suggestion Was?

I suggested combining the meal breaks. The second one he read out.

Which I'm sure comes as quite a shock considering I'm probably the only one

who didn't lay claim to it. That was my suggestion.

Yeah, sure. Now you've had time to think about it, killer!

Dude, Emily's not a killer.

What the hell do you know? You don't know anything about her.

She could be a man for all you know

It is Worth the risk.

What was your suggestion?

I suggested changing the name of the company.

Changing it to What?

Goodman and Sons.

"Goodman and Sons"? WHO THE FUCK IS GOODMAN?

I don't know Doesn't that sound a lot nicer than Baron?

But Baron's the guy's name. You can't change the owner's name!

OK, so it was a dumb suggestion.

G-- Why Goodman and Sons? lT'S HIS SONS!!

Fuck a duck! Who cares?!

What does any of this matter?

The killer's out there. \/\/e need to start barricading!

No. The killer's in here.

Look, you guys can argue all you Want.

- I'm gonna go lock all the Windows. - No!

NO!!!

Look, forget about the damn suggestions.

This is what We're gonna do.

\/Ve're gonna stay like this. In a group.

Until morning or until Patrick gets back.

No one falls asleep and no one goes off on their own.

If we stay like this, and stick together, we will survive.

Agreed?

OK.

Now We're getting somewhere!

- Well fuokadeedooda. - Nobody move!

- You run off, you die. - V\/arren's the killer!

I knew it!

God fucking damn it!

God-dammit.

Perfect! You fucking idiots!

Who is that?

Who is that?

Not cool.

No. No, no, no, don't you dare!

Wait a minute.

Always be prepared.

Oh, thank God. it's you!

You scared the shit out of me!

Why are you Wearing gloves?

I fold.

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Sounded like someone spilling a bucket of corn syrup or something.

I don't think Patrick is coming back.

Maybe he already is.

What do you mean?

Think about it.

Patrick disappears, people start getting killed.

Put two and two together, what do you get?

You think Patrick's the killer.

Holy shit!

Patricks the killer!

It all fits!

What point were you making?

I wasn't making a point, I was just riffing.

Why would Patrick want to kill Krystal and Andre? And possibly Hannah?

I don't know Maybe he just got sick of this retreat shit and decided to snap.

Either that...

Or he's been killed too.

I don't think so.

Someone out the power. And you can't out it from the living room.

I think it's Patrick.

Could just be a blackout.

Shut up, Jock. No one's talking to you.

- Whoa! VVhat'e the matter? - Where the fuck did you come from?

- I was here the Whole time. - You What?

- Jock, what the hell is Wrong with you?? -Jesus I-l.!

From now on can We please make our presence known to people

before We're standing two feet away from them!

Geez, dude. Keep your shirt on.

OK. So there's three of us now

- V\/hat's the plan? - I don't know

I reckon if We stay here 'til morning We're gonna end up dead.

OK, fine. We take my car and we go to the police.

But We have to find the others.

What if We're the only ones left?

That's ridiculous. There were five other people in here a moment ago.

- They must all still be in the cabin. - Hey, I told them to stay in the room.

It's their own fault. I say We go.

I'm ready to go.

Oh god...

Jock, Where the hell are the shorts I just gave you?

Lost 'em.

Aren't you cold?

- Not really. - Shit!

- What? - My car keys - I left them in my room.

What the fuck did you leave them in there for'?'?

Well why the hell wouldn't I leave them there?

- Sorry I didn't make preparations for the psychotic killer contingency! - Alright, fine!!

We go to your room, we get the keys and we get in the car and we go!

Maybe We should split up.

- Maybe you should split up. - Why would We split up?

Isn't that what they usually do?

Yeah. And they usually die.

You ever see The Thing?

- What thing? - The movie, The Thing.

What movie thing?

I'm getting the oar keys. If you want out of here, you better follow me.

OK.

Stay close.

Not that close, Jock.

RUN!!!

Holy mother of god!

Who was that in there?

L\/lust have been the killer.

We might have to make a run for it. Get the keys!

Don't you usually keep them in your purse?

I left my purse at the petrol station. Worst Weekend ever.

I could give you one of Krystal's. She had one for every pair of shoes she owned.

If you get us out of here, I'll buy you a 20-grand White crocodile I-Iermés.

- What are we gonna do about the others? - Forget 'em.

Lt'sjust you, me and... Free Willy now

We can'tjuet leave them here! What about your friends?

- Gus can take care of himself. - What about Lucy?

FUCK THAT LESBIAN!

Who was that?

Could just be the Wind...

- Are you serious'?! - Warren!

Could that have been Lucy?

I don't think so. Lucy's a Wailer.

Could be Madison.

I don't think Madison would scream if a Werewolf jumped in her pants.

Sounds more like Dimitri.

\/Ve're being hunted down.

All the more reason to get the fuck out of here! Have you got the keys?

- Got 'em. - Beauty.

Alright, keep close.

- Now; on my mark, I'm gonna open the-- - Whoa!

Your mark? V\/hat's that?

It's... it's just... it's an expression -forget it.

Now, when I give the signal, I'm gonna open--

What signal?

JESUS CI-IRIS] JOCK! When I open the fucking door We run!

Is that primitive enough for your peanut brain to understand,

- or do I need to distil it down further?? - He gets it, OK? Let's go!

OK. Here We go.

One...

Two...

Who is it?

It's Patrick. \/Vho's in there?

(it's Patrick!)

Where the fuck have you been?

Uh... Can I come in?

Come on guys. Just let me in sol can explain.

Am I interrupting something?

Where have you been? You've been gone for two hours.

I'll explain, but it'll be better if I do it when €V€I'yOH€'S present.

So Where is everybody else and who was that screaming?

They're probably all dead.

Dead? What do you mean by "dead"'?

It's true. We don't know

You were so Wrong, dude.

Whoever put that message in the suggestion box was for real.

Krystal and Andre were killed.

The rest are still missing. We don't know where they are,

but We think they're dead as Well.

\/Ve're getting into Emily's car and W€'I'€ bailing the FUCK out of here.

That's not possible.

It's called GTFO, and it's possible.

- That can't be true. - What can't be true?

- The message. - What about the message?

The person who Wrote that message didn't kill anybody.

I-low do you know that?

- You wrote the message. - What?

Yes... But--

-I knew it! I knew it, you motherfucker! - No, no, no! I- I didn't--

-You killed Bam-Bam! - l didn't kill anybody--

Who the fuck is Bam-Bam??

Jock, stop! Stop it!

Just let him speak.

- Please, just let me explain-- - SHUT UP AND TALK!!

Alright!

I Wrote the note. I do it every year!

Every retreat I Write the same note and I put it in the box.

- WI-lAT'?! - it's a test! it's all a test.

I read the note, I play the howling and I spook everybody out.

What do you mean, you "play the howling"'?

I hid speakers in the forest. Alright? I'll- I'll show you...

- Hey, what are ya-- - Listen. Listen!

What in God's name was that?

It's a recording - it's not real!

It's just some-- some speakers on the mountain playing a distorted dolphin squeak.

- I knew it Wasn't a parakeet! - Oh my god...

I use it to-- to spook everybody.

I go out to a tent outside and I hide there.

I come back at 11 o'clock and I out the power.

-Why?? - it's a test.

It's designed to put you all in a crisis situation Without any real threat.

I come back an hour later, suss out Who's taken command out of the 11 of you...

And that person...

I make Team Leader!

VVHAT'?!

Thats what all of this is about? Determining Team Leader??

Yes!

What kind of spastic, whacked-out, cuckoo-crazy test is that'?'?

It's been proven to Work every other year.

Someone always assumes control over the others!

Yeah. And that was me.

Until you decided to out the lights out, you son of a bitch!

Nothing is supposed to happen! No one's supposed to get hurt!

I didn't even know people were dying until you just told me.

I don't know Wnat's been happening. I mean--

Maybe one of you just... snapped!

I'm gonna snap his neck.

No! Everybodyjust stop!

If it Wasn't you, who was it?

I don't know, but look...

I will get you all out of this. If what you're saying is true...

We're telling the truth. it's you I'm iffy on, Patrick.

- Now who the fuck is killing everyone'?!! - I don't know; but look...

Wait-- Wait.

I think I still have the manifest.

Come on, I have the keys. Let's all just get in the car and go!

NOT until We can trust everybody.

What the hell is he doing - massaging his arse?

Here!

You say Krystal and Andre are dead?

- And Dimitri as Well, probably. - \/Ve're Wasting time! Lets all just go!

QUIET!

Wait a minute. I know this person.

What the fuck are you talking about?

- I-le's stalling. Let me Capone this fucker. - No no no - Wait, Wait, Wait...

I recognise this face. This person was here last year.

Who was here last year?

Oh. My. God.

I know who the killer is.

Who?

Lt'sthis person right here.

Who is it?

They were here last year.

You said that already! Who is it???

- You mean the name? - YESSSH!!

It's right here.

One second...

Got it!

The name of the killer... is none other than...

You are not gonna believe this!

\/Vhere's Jock?

- He's a goner. The killer's got him. - We don't know that!

Help! The killer's got me!!!

Just do it, mate. it's all over for me.

Damn it. Why are they always facing the Wrong Way?

Dickman?

Dickman!

- I-le's not moving. - Really?

I couldn't see that from Where I'm standing.

Is he dead?

Only if my luck changes.

Wait a sec.

Is the right time to be taking snapshots?

You might Want to cover your eyes.

Did he move?

I'll let you know when my sight returns.

He didn't move. He must be dead.

- That's a ZOOGN. - Avvhat?

- Never mind. - Oh for goodness sakes...

- Dead. - Dead.

- Do you mind? - JEEPERS FUCKING CREEPERS!!!

Keep your dick-wanking hand off my chair, you snap-happy fuck.

You're alive?

Why Weren't you moving? \/\/e called your name - didn't you hear us?

Of course I heard you. I'm not a fucking invalid.

So Why didn't you respond, for fuck's sake?!!

Excuse me, Dickcheese, but Why should I drop everything I'm doing

just because Outback Barbie and Craparazzo called my fucking name?

You Weren't doing anything - you were just sitting there!

- If I could stand, I would have. - She threw a coin at your head!

\Nell she's lucky I have no feeling there, either.

What, so now your head's paralysed?

I have a plate, you cock-suckler.

At least there's something in my skull Worth protecting.

OK. Now I'm sure Dickman's the killer.

Because if it was anybody else, he'd be the fucking first to die!!

I'm not the killer, jerkstick. But for you,

I'd gladly make the transition.

To hell with Dickman. l say We take the car and leave him.

I'm actually quite thrilled there's a killer in the cabin.

I Wish I could stay and Watch.

Warren...

Oh, What? You chip a toenail?

On... ohm! one on mygod___!

What are you moaning about?

Dickman... Your legs.

-WHAT THE FUCK?!! - I-IUI-l???

Emily, you can'tjust leave me here!

You're just a fucking head!

Fucker! Cunt!

Fuckerrrr!! Oh, fuck. FUCK!

Dammit, you douche-fuck! \Nhy'd you have to make your biceps so fucking big?!!

FUCKER!!! GAAA!!!

Holy SI-IIT!!!

Corpse fart! UGI-I!!

You can't kill me! I'm a cripple!

Suck on that, Dickman!

Uh-oh.

No no no, sorry! I Wasn't trying to steal your thunder...!

Shhhhh!

Don't make a sound.

Dimitri?

We thought you were dead!

- Where have you been? - I-le's in the room!

- Where is he? - Oh, he's close.

- We should" We should run! - No, it'e too late.

He's very close.

I can't see him.

Oh, he's closer than you think.

\/Vhat?

He's whispering in your ear.

What are you... What are you doing?

Be right back, sweetheart.

Looking for these?

Ooh! That pinches.

Dimitri... Don't do this.

You don't even know what I'm doing do you?

- No. - Well,

I may as Well explain it While I finish this up.

Seeing as how I'm killing you anyway.

Just like all the others.

You...

- killed them all? - Yep!

I think I got them all.

Unless I'm... totally forgetting someone. But I don't think so.

Vvhy?

I'm getting to that. Keep your thong on.

Well, I should probably start by telling you that my real name isn't Dimitri.

It's Yoakum Gingerbaum.

I'm one quarter German.

It's Where I get my looks.

And my cruelty.

Shove over.

Patrick was correct. I was one of the recruits on last year's retreat.

Notjust one of the recruits, mind you. I was the best recruit.

My archery was unparalleled. My yoga was divine.

My orienteering was off the chart. Not literally, that last one, but yes, I was dominating!

I owned this place. I was a Work retreat diva.

Then came the infamous death threat.

And I agreed with Patrick.

Just someone's idiotic prank, nothing more.

Then came the howling on the mountain.

Then Patrick vanished.

And then the power Went out.

Before I could figure out what was going on, some other brown-nosing dipshit

had taken command of the spooked recruits.

And by the time Patrickturned up and explained the Whole shenanigan,

this other prick was practically his first-born son.

Patrick made him Team Leader right then and there.

Right in front of me!

I was furious.

That position was mine, and it was stolen from me because of some

preschool carnival haunted house bullshit!

So after we got back to the city I straight-up quit the company,

shaved off my beard, lost the piercings,

burned off my tattoos with a skillet,

and re-evaluated my sexuality.

I reapplied in January. This time, as Dimitri,

the fairy queen.

"Excuse me, boys. Can you please pass the strawberries and cream?"

This time I didn't bother with the activities.

I knew they didn't mean shit.

I figured the beet way for me to become Team Leader was just to eliminate the competition.

And that's exactly what I've done.

So you see,

I'm not evil.

I'm just ambitious to a frightening degree.

All this... just to become Team Leader?

Do you know the Wage increase for being Team Leader?

Annual leave, front office, private restroom facilities...

All of this, just to be Team Leader? No, no...

All of Team Leader... just by doing this.

"It was all a test!"

"Whoever doesn't get scared and pee their pants, I'm gonna make Team Leader."

Because that's the Way society operates, isn't it?

Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!

That's for calling me Fagness.

It's prejudiced people like you who perpetuate the oppression and persecution

of sexual minorities.

All that's left to do now; is to push the blame onto someone else.

All that's left to do now; is to push the blame onto someone else.

You don't mind, do you?

Why me?

"I'm so sorry. I Wish I could show you how sorry I am."

Signed "Emily". AKA...

Murdering superbitch.

I-low did you get that?

In the confusion it was pretty easy to get a look at €V€I'yOH€'S notepad.

Your letter fit the bill.

You should be thankful. it's kept you alive until now

I mean, sure, it's not Sylvia Plath, but...

As far as suicide notes go, it's dead-on.

No one will believe it. I would never kill anyone.

Of course not. You just had a psychotic episode.

Grew another personality.

Split a cuticle and flipped out - fuck knows.

Point is, it's my Word against 11 dead people.

And if that's not enough...

I have your signed confession.

Although I must say...

I'm a mite curious as to who your pen-pal is.

Could this hold the answer?

Let me guess.

Poor sick mother. Little Emily, too busy being chased by all the boys.

You weren't there when Mummy needed you.

The years of guilt, eating away at your fragile, candy-floss mind until one day...

Guilt... turns to anger... in a senseless, homicidal rampage.

Sh it. This stuff practically Writes itself.

Just got a couple more murder Weapons for you to put your fingerprints on.

Don't go anywhere.

That hurts, doesn't it?

Yeah, that definitely hurts.

You really needn't bother. This will all be over with real soon.

Now I've got your blood on these as Well.

Even more incriminating.

See howl used available objects as Weapons so that nothing could get traced back to me?

It's the little things.

And this...

This is the knife you kill yourself With, once you've finished off the others.

OK...

Well, as much as I've enjoyed reminiscing...

It's time for me to stab you in the chest.

It really is a terrible shame.

So long, Emily.

What the hell?

ZOOGN, motherfucker!!

- Hey, rock star! - Huh?

Shows over.

V\/hoo!

Hey Emily!

Gavin?

You remembered my name.

Well my name's actually Gus, but...

Talk about close enough!

What are you doing here?

I'm rescuing you.

And I've just destroyed my guitar.

I thought you were dead. Where have you been all this time?

In my room mostly.

In your room?

Mostly.

When all the lights went out, I went straight to my room to fetch a lamp.

But... On the way back... I, ahrrrrrr...

Got distracted.

Emily...

G.

I just got into a rhythm.

It was like the who/e ambience of having a murderous lunatic in the cabin was

in some way conducive to the creative energy that had taken hold of me.

SHUT UP!!!

I'm trying to Work in here!

Wait a minute.

Don't mess with me I'm a buccaneer

Baby can't you see I'm tryin'-a Work in here

Yes. Yes!

Thank you, screaming man.

Stop.

You stayed in your room and composed a song?

I had to! It came to me in a dream.

If I'd waited any longer I would have forgotten it.

Some of the best songs come to people in their dreams.

"Yesterday" - Paul McCartney. Came to him in a dream.

Even if he Woke up and people were being butchered all around him

he still would have taken the time to scribble down the chords in someone else's blood.

And let's face it - Paul and me...

There's not much difference.

I'm awesome.

I got so involved fn what! was doing that before I knew ft, 2 hours had gone by

When I came back out it was still dark. I coulo'n't see anybody

ft wasrff long before I found Patrick... finally

Patrick, are you OK?

Unfortunately he was dead.

After that I wandered around and found a few more dead people, but

eventually I came outside and here you Were.

Well I guess I should thank you for saving my life.

-AW hey... - Twice.

And at no small cost.

Graham?

Can you do me a favour and hand me that axe?

Lthinkthere's still some Wood on the pile, actually.

I'm not chopping Wood.

O-K...

It was Dimitri? Wow.

I can't believe I forgot about that stupid gui-tard!

Dimitri!

I thinkl can safely say,

on behalf of Baron & Sons Household Disinfectants,

your contract...

ISTERIVIINATEDIII

Oh, man!!!

I Was... aiming for his neck.

- You missed. - You Want to give it a go?

NO!

You're doing fine.

Besides...

I think that did the trick.

Yeah? Well...

I'm not taking any chances!

Should one of us say something?

Yeah. Good riddance.

Amen.

I'm gonna miss them.

"Them"? You mean Warren and Lucy?

No, the strings on my guitar.

I gave them each a name that corresponded with their note.

A\/vas Ashley, E was Eric, G was Goodman...

I'm gonna miss plucking them.

You'll get over it.

- Please. -I mean, yeah,

I'll miss Lucy and Warren as Well. l just can't believe they're really gone, you know?

Now all thats left of them is a few photos on V\/arren's camera.

Oh, and this.

Although now I'm thinking, I probably shouldn't pass this onto \/Varren's parents

until after the funeral. Once they've had a chance to recover, you know?

That would be nice.

Can you put it back in the plastic bag now please?

- it's dry. -Yeah I know

but it's still freaking me outa bit, having it in the car.

Especially Where I can see it.

OK.

BOY you really killed that Dimitri guy!

That dude is dead!

And talk about disturbed.

What a psycho.

Now! can see why some people are homophobic.

I think that's a different kind of fear.

Exactly.

Hey, you know what'e funny? I reckon they're gonna make you Team Leader now.

Actually...

I think I might start looking for a different job.

- A differentjob? - Yeah, maybe demolition.

Maybe, um... Maybe I could be Team Leader.

- Whatever. - Really? You think I could?

\/Vhat?

Yeah... You're right.

Team Leader Gus. AW I like the sound of that.

- Of all the people who could have survived... - Team Leader Gus.

Oh boy, I Wish that dickhead Dimitri was here sol could stick that in his ugly face.

You've got to be shitting me!

I've got a fucking guitar through my fucking head!

There is a killer in the jungle of my mind

He swings from limb to //mb and vine to vine

He makes his weapons out of ferns and tree bark

He's like a morally-corrupted Evvok

He is a mental jungle killer

He is a homicidal dream gorilla

He makes that Tarzan look like Queen Priscilla

He is a mental jungle killer

I've got a psycho from the tropics in my head

He murders people who are already dead

He climbs up high to the banana bunches

I hear his cry throughout my wild subconscious

He is a mental jungle killer

He is a tree-hopping Hctitious thriller

He is a phantom forest life dfstfller

He is a mental jungle killer

Ooh... Oh-a-ho-ho...

Ooh... Oh-a-ho-ho, ho-ho...

- Don? mess with me - /Tn a buccaneer

- Baby can? you see - Vm tryin'-a work in here

- Don 't turn me down - YoL/Te my buckaroo

- Come-a shake it with me - I wanna fuck with you

OK, chop-chop, let's get this over With.

I've gotta get back to the cabin and kill Patrick.

I-low are you going to do that?

Well...

Hopefully by now e\/eryone's gathered in Emily's room.

I'm going to sneak up through this big hole in the floor, beneath the bed,

and impale Patrick with his own grabber toy! it'll be insane!

- I Want to be impaled! - No.

We already decided. Decapitation, then I skewer your head on a stick by the campfire.

Ready?

WAIT!

For effect...

Very nice.

You sound just like me.

Nice knowing you, Madison.

Call me... Vlad.

This is the butcher of the Congo in my brain

is he real or am I going insane?

Feels lll endless vortex

When he makes camp on my cerebral cortex

He is a mental jungle killer

He's an imaginary woodland Godzilla

An eq uatoria/ concocted Ati//a

He is a mental jungle killer

There is a sicko in the shrubbery of my skull

He's throwing coconuts against the inner hull

Now he can be a bit uptight and bossy

Oh heaven help my mental Dian Fossey

He is a mental jungle killer

He'// drain your blood to make a sarsaparilla

He'll cut you up and wear your skin like Chinchilla

He is a mental jungle killer

He is a mental jungle killer

Hey. I-lows it going?

- Who the hell are you? - I'm Jock.

You Want some Wheat-bix?

Why are you naked?

I can't believe no one told me.

Fixed & Synced By MoUsTaFa ZaKi