Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,826 --> 00:00:03,090
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,789
Okay. How many dogs?
3
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:09,009
Let's see. Dana, Karen.
4
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,054
- I count two, dad.
- 'Oh, yes.'
5
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:14,710
Another example
of that scathing Lambert wit.
6
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:18,192
Uh, none for me, Frank.
I couldn't keep it down.
7
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:20,411
I mean, my science fair partner
is coming for the weekend
8
00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,326
and I'm really anxious
to meet him.
9
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,807
You've been working
with this dork for three months
10
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:26,330
and you've never even met him?
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,898
Well, we've met, but only
through my computer modem
12
00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:30,856
and the occasional fax.
13
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,250
Okay, here's the potato salad.
14
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165
Everybody dig in.
15
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,949
[whirring]
16
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,951
[all screaming]
17
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:42,520
[crash]
18
00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:50,137
Uh, did I do that?
19
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,838
[theme song]
20
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,895
[all screaming]
21
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,377
♪ The dream wide broken ♪
22
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,379
♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪
23
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,207
♪ What would be the future? ♪
24
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:18,817
♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪
25
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:19,949
♪ You wonder ♪
26
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,820
♪ Will there ever be ♪
27
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,127
♪ A second time around? ♪
28
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:26,651
♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪
29
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,610
♪ When the tears are over ♪
30
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,829
♪ And the moment has come ♪
31
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:34,572
♪ Say My Lord
I think I found someone ♪
32
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:36,487
♪ And no one would be better ♪
33
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,141
♪ To be puttin' it together ♪
34
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:41,101
♪ For the second time around ♪
35
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,542
♪ We got the woman and man ♪♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
36
00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:51,415
♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
37
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:53,591
♪ Only time will tell ♪
38
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:57,552
♪ If all these dreams
fit under one umbrella ♪
39
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,124
♪ Step by step ♪
40
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,864
♪ Day by day ♪
41
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,866
♪ A fresh start over ♪
42
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,912
♪ A different hand to play ♪
43
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,566
♪ The deeper we fall ♪
44
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,785
♪ The stronger we stay ♪
45
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:15,961
♪ And we'll be better ♪
46
00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:17,441
♪ The second time around ♪
47
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,356
♪ Step by step ♪
48
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,010
♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪
49
00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:23,099
♪ A fresh start over ♪
50
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,622
♪ A different hand to play ♪
51
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,494
♪ Only time will tell ♪
52
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:29,018
♪ But you know what they say ♪
53
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:31,063
♪ We'll make it better ♪
54
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,980
♪ The second time around ♪♪
55
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:47,776
[instrumental music]
56
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,823
Maybe it would've been easier
if we built a cyclotron.
57
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,521
No, no, no.
58
00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:56,393
Any dummy can build a cyclotron.
59
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,916
If we wanna take first place
60
00:02:58,003 --> 00:03:01,442
we've got to build
a linear accelerator. Hmm?
61
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,708
Do you have any idea
what they're talking about?
62
00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:09,232
Not really,
my junior high science project
63
00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:11,626
was two cups and a string.
64
00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,373
Oh.
65
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,288
Honey,
you know what would be fun?
66
00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:24,204
Yeah, but the kids
are still up.
67
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,553
Yeah, well, yeah, that too.
68
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,685
But I was talkin' about
an evening out.
69
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:31,863
Just the two of us at the most
romantic restaurant in town.
70
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,648
I got it all planned.
71
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:37,304
Quiet little booth
in the corner, champagne.
72
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,871
I'll even pay
the strolling accordion player
73
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,787
not to come near us.
74
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,267
You say all the right things.
75
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,313
Okay, eight o'clock,
Saturday night.
76
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,664
Ooh. Oh, I can't make it.
77
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,448
Well, what do you mean
you can't make it?
78
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,058
Honey, they were booked solid.
79
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,191
I only got that table
'cause I promised Carmine
80
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:56,758
I'd re-pave his driveway.
81
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,804
And I don't wanna become
a speed bump.
82
00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,980
I'm sorry, Frank,
it's just that Saturday night
83
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,852
is the backwards dance
at Al's school.
84
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,333
You know, that's where
the girls ask the boys and..
85
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,769
I thought if I was
on the dance committee
86
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,075
it would be a good way
for Al and me to get close.
87
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,164
Well, that's great, Carol.
88
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,992
Couldn't you get close
to her next week
89
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,256
and get close to me
Saturday night?
90
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:19,215
Mm. How close
do you want to get?
91
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:24,220
[moaning]
92
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:28,920
Don't you two ever
give your lips a rest?
93
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:34,099
Wait a minute. You two aren't
gonna reproduce, are you?
94
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,453
Not if you keep
coming through the door.
95
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,106
Come on, get your stuff
together. We got a game to play.
96
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,934
Let's go. Go.
97
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,284
Oh, Al, guess what?
98
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,634
I'm on the committee
for the backwards dance.
99
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:48,636
Great. Have a good time.
100
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,855
Uh, n-no, y-you're,
you're going, aren't you?
101
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,422
Of course not.
102
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,250
You mean you just
haven't asked anybody yet?
103
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,687
No, I mean I'm not going.
104
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:57,862
I know your problem.
105
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,821
You're afraid
no one will say yes.
106
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,911
Don't worry, all you have to do
is disguise yourself as a girl.
107
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,523
Dana, I could use you
in the other room.
108
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,264
For what?
109
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,527
Right now, the only thing
I can think of is a pinata.
110
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:16,403
Al, why aren't you goin'
to the dance?
111
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:18,666
I-it sounds like
it's gonna be fun.
112
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,321
I don't know.
There's no one I wanna go with.
113
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:24,106
Well, what about Roger? I just
thought you kinda liked him.
114
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:27,239
Dad, he's a pitcher.
I'm a catcher.
115
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,329
It's strictly
a business relationship.
116
00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:33,507
You're not afraid of askin',
are you?
117
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,554
Why would I be afraid?
118
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:42,080
Well, for one reason, uh,
he could say no.
119
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,344
Dad, if he said no,
I'd deck him.
120
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:49,784
Listen, Al. If you want
somethin', you gotta ask for it.
121
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,917
I mean, look at me, I was afraid
to ask Carol to marry me.
122
00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:56,312
And then finally, I asked her
and see what happened?
123
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,009
Yeah, you married her
124
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,185
and now, I've got
two jerky stepsisters
125
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:03,319
and a stepbrother who's building
a bomb in the basement.
126
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,322
[instrumental music]
127
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,587
So lemme get this straight.
128
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,808
Your mom and Frank
129
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:16,767
ran off to Jamaica,
got married
130
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,030
and didn't tell anyone?
131
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,337
Pretty weird, huh?
132
00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:23,165
I think your family's great.
133
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:26,429
Why, I crashed your picnic
table, sat in your potato salad
134
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:30,694
and they just hosed me down
and told me to pull up a chair.
135
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,480
That's true.
Not many families would do that.
136
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,569
Well, certainly not mine.
137
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:38,920
Of course, they do hose
me down occasionally.
138
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,270
Let's have the old Beaver cheer
one more time.
139
00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,750
[imitating beaver]
140
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,839
Alright!
141
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,536
Hey, you guys, aren't you
supposed to be upstairs
142
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,930
workin' on your
science fair project?
143
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:52,629
Oh, yeah. We almost forgot.
We were too busy schmoozing.
144
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,370
[chuckles]
145
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:58,113
Oh! Oh! Oh, oh..
146
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,723
Excuse me.
147
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,731
What's "schmoozing?"
148
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:12,170
I don't know, I think it's one
of those Chicago expressions.
149
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:14,956
Hey, uh, what were you
and Roger talkin' about
150
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,219
when you called that conference
out on the mound, huh?
151
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:19,787
Oh, I told him
just to throw strikes
152
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,266
nothing fancy
153
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,920
and I asked him to the dance.
154
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,009
Alright! What'd he say?
155
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:28,404
He said he was trying
to throw strikes.
156
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:32,016
- I mean, about the dance.
- Oh, he said yes.
157
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,235
Thanks, coach.
158
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:37,544
Boy, I got this
father stuff down.
159
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:45,160
Well, do you have any seats
left in the balcony?
160
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,118
How 'bout standing room?
161
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:49,033
Nothing?
162
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,992
Okay. Thanks for trying.
163
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:55,431
Oh, man. I blew it.
164
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:58,086
- Problem?
- Yes, Frank.
165
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,481
"Oh, man, I blew it"
usually indicates problem.
166
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,269
I'm sorry, Frank.
I didn't mean to be rude.
167
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,837
It's just that
I'm having a bad life.
168
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:15,799
Well, maybe I can help.
Heh! I'm hot today.
169
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,714
Well, I promised my music
teacher I was gonna take her
170
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,760
to see the musical "Cats"
for her birthday.
171
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,154
- But it's all sold out.
- Maybe you should speak to J.T.
172
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,767
Frank, I mean no disrespect
to your children
173
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,291
but J.T. is a pea-brained moron.
174
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,424
How could he possibly help?
175
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,992
Well, you see, his best friend's
father is a ticket broker.
176
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,907
He can get seats to anything.
177
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:39,344
He once got me a ticket
to Bucks-Bulls game.
178
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:42,086
I sat so close
I could smell the sweat.
179
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:45,829
What a treat for you, Frank.
180
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:49,572
I'm tellin' you. If you need
tickets, J.T.'s your man.
181
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,053
I can't believe
I'm this desperate.
182
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,271
Thanks, Frank.
183
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,274
Two for two.
184
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:03,281
Frank. Frank.
185
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,457
- You wanna help me?
- Oh, honey!
186
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:09,549
- Hurry up, hon, here.
- Oh, one second, hon.
187
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,248
- Take my right hand.
- Hang on.
188
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,208
Oh, wow! Animal crackers!
189
00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:19,689
Ooh.
190
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,781
[grunting]
191
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,531
[sighs]
Thanks, Frank.
192
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:36,880
Anytime, honey.
193
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,230
Well, good news.
194
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:42,016
- We're back on for Carmine's.
- We are?
195
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:43,757
I thought you're
on the committee for Al's dance.
196
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,193
Well, I got out of that.
197
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,108
Well, hey,
this is workin' out great.
198
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,806
We're goin' to dinner
and Al's goin' to the dance.
199
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:52,374
- She is going to the dance?
- Yeah.
200
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:53,636
Then we're not going
out for dinner.
201
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,420
I gotta get back
on that dance committee.
202
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,205
Now, wait a minute, Carol.
203
00:09:57,292 --> 00:10:00,817
I am the man in this family.
I wear the pants in this house.
204
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,646
Don't have any say as to what
we're doing on a Saturday night?
205
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,822
Shh. Frank, I'm on the phone.
206
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:09,391
It was just a question.
207
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,223
[instrumental music]
208
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,401
Al, you're gonna look
so pretty at the dance.
209
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,970
Thanks, but I'm kinda nervous.
210
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,798
What am I supposed
to do on a date?
211
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,930
Al, don't you think
you should ask someone
212
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,541
who doesn't date men
who are on parole?
213
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,111
[sighs]
He was not on parole.
214
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,678
He escaped.
215
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:39,769
Thanks for picking' us up
at the science fair.
216
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:40,901
Well, you're welcome.
217
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,512
[gasps]
Oh, Al!
218
00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:46,036
Oh, you look beautiful!
219
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:49,823
Wow, what a fox! Hubba-hubba.
220
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,044
Come on, Steve,
we still gotta complete
221
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,133
the nuclear fission part
of our project.
222
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,788
Right, and if anyone asks us
where we've gone
223
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,182
we'll tell 'em
we've gone "fission."
224
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,709
Well, I killed them
at the science fair.
225
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,799
[telephone ringing]
Ah!
226
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,888
Hello. Oh.
227
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,369
[chuckles]
How you doin', Roger?
228
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:16,327
How's that old
pitchin' arm, huh?
229
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,155
Well, yeah, yeah,
she's right here. Hang on.
230
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,549
I-it's for you, honey.
It's your date.
231
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,595
Hi, Roger.
232
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:28,252
No. Sure. I understand.
233
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,428
'No problem.'
234
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:32,604
Bye.
235
00:11:34,563 --> 00:11:36,870
What was that all about, Al?
236
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,263
Oh, nothin'.
237
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,136
A girl Roger liked better
asked him to the dance.
238
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,704
So he's goin' with her.
239
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,752
Looks like
I won't be needing this.
240
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,712
[instrumental music]
241
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:01,851
[instrumental music]
242
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:08,031
Oh, Carol. I got our
reservations back at Carmine's.
243
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:09,816
I figured since Al wasn't
goin' to the dance
244
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:10,991
we could still go out to dinner.
245
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,819
Yeah, well,
we have one big problem.
246
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,908
It's just that when I tried
to quit the dance committee
247
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:18,825
Mrs. Driscoll made me feel
so guilty I volunteered again.
248
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,262
Boy, is she good.
249
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,049
Alright, that does it. I'm not
makin' any more reservations.
250
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,660
From now on, we just go
and take our chances.
251
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,359
Frank, why are you worrying
about dinner reservations
252
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,622
when you should be
worrying about Al?
253
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,232
Honey, Al's alright.
254
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,278
She's already
over this Roger thing.
255
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,193
How do you know?
256
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,325
Because I talked to her.
257
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,198
I said,
"Al, how're you feelin'?"
258
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,591
She said, "Fine."
259
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:54,338
Gee, Frank, how'd you ever
get her to open up like that?
260
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:58,734
[sighs]
Frank, she is a 12-year-old girl
261
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,997
who has just
had her heart broken.
262
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:02,782
I remember one time
I had the biggest crush
263
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,001
on this guy,
his name was Bobby Stone.
264
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:07,177
I finally get up the nerve
to ask him to a movie
265
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,005
and he nearly laughs
in my face.
266
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,268
I tell you, I was so mad
267
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:13,444
the more I thought about it,
the angrier I got.
268
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,751
and finally,
I just got so angry
269
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,014
I went over
and toilet papered his house!
270
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,368
Oh, honey.
271
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:29,591
That must've taken you
a long time to get over.
272
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,899
- Well, when did this happen?
- Right before I met you.
273
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,338
Well, I think I'll go out back
and talk to Al.
274
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,297
Yeah, do what you want.
All men are scum.
275
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,955
Carol, I..
276
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,408
Oilin' the old
catcher's mitt, huh?
277
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:05,845
Yeah.
278
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,759
Oh, Al..
279
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,545
...I know that Roger shot
you down and you're hurtin'
280
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:13,591
real bad right now,
but these things happen.
281
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:16,768
Unfortunately,
it's, it's just a part of life.
282
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,119
It's never been
a part of my life.
283
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:22,731
I know.
But you're growing up now.
284
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:25,038
Believe me,
we all go through it.
285
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,170
It happened to me.
286
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,564
I know it happened to Carol.
287
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:34,047
Listen, it happens
to everybody.
288
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:36,223
You just gotta learn
to roll with the punches.
289
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,181
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
290
00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:41,881
No, I'm not.
It happens to everybody.
291
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,449
Watch.
292
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,799
Karen.
293
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,890
Karen, what do you do when a boy
breaks a date with you?
294
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,936
No boy has ever
broken a date with me.
295
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:57,505
Wow! If that ever happened,
I'd die.
296
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,554
Nice try, dad.
297
00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:08,603
- Thanks a lot, Karen.
- Glad I can help. He-he.
298
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,522
[instrumental music]
299
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,222
[gasps]
You got them! You got my tickets
to see "Cats!"
300
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:21,964
Well, let's have 'em,
I have to meet
301
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,661
my music teacher
and get to the show.
302
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:26,447
Not so fast. We had a deal.
303
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,840
Isn't there something
you have for me?
304
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,408
Alright.
305
00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:33,628
Here is Cindy Sherman's
phone number.
306
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:34,934
But if you tell her
where you got it
307
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,457
I will pull your tongue out
so far
308
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:38,415
it'll look like
you're wearing a neck tie.
309
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,330
And...here are your tickets.
310
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,810
Pleasure doing business
with ya.
311
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:44,160
Oh, my music teacher
is gonna be so excited.
312
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,640
She loves..
313
00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,599
"The Wisconsin Cat Show?"
314
00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:53,430
What is this, some of your
Lambert hillbilly humor?
315
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,131
Hey, you said
you wanted to see cats.
316
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:02,178
I wanted to see "Cats,"
the Broadway show!
317
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,964
They have a Broadway show
with cats?
318
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,749
It's a musical.
319
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,578
Cats that sing?
320
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:13,929
That has got flop
written all over it.
321
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:17,193
I'm gonna give you
a 30-second head start
322
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,762
and then I'm gonna
hunt you down like a dog.
323
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,254
I am chaperoning
a junior high school dance
324
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,647
instead of having
a romantic dinner with my wife.
325
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,345
Is my deodorant letting me down?
326
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,477
[Carol giggles]
327
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:42,305
- Mom, guess what?
- What?
328
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,351
Steve and I won first prize!
329
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,396
Oh, I'm so proud of you!
330
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:49,182
- Oh! And you too!
- Oh!
331
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,800
I'm gonna go upstairs
and put this
332
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:02,847
next to my working model
of the human intestine.
333
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,936
We better get to the dance.
O-oh, Ste-Steve.
334
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,460
While we're gone, don't, uh..
335
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,724
[stammering]
Well, I mean, uh, just don't.
336
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,900
I know exactly what you mean.
337
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,079
- Hi, Steve.
- 'Oh, hi, Al!'
338
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,950
Listen, I heard
about you and Roger.
339
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,996
You know, you shouldn't
let it bother you.
340
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,346
Here we go again,
I am sick about getting advised
341
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:26,480
about being dumped from people
who've never been dumped.
342
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,796
Are you kidding?
343
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:44,585
Why, being dumped is my career.
344
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,326
If there was
a being dumped hall of fame
345
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:49,111
I'd be elected
on the first ballot.
346
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:51,070
Well, how do you handle it?
347
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:54,856
Well, magnificently,
if I do say so myself.
348
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:57,859
But you see, the secret is
being able to bounce back.
349
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,861
[bursts]
Whoa!
350
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,344
Uh, well, the point is
351
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,997
when you fall off
the bicycle of life
352
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,957
you gotta get back on
and keep ringing your bell.
353
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,960
My dad told me
something like that.
354
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,396
Hey, well, your dad's cool.
355
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:15,659
He's part of your
entirely cool family.
356
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:18,053
And by the way,
if you're ever looking to adopt
357
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,012
I'm sure my pop would
entertain a low-ball offer.
358
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,580
But even if I wanted to go
359
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,192
who could I ask a half hour
before the dance?
360
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:29,151
[clears throat]
361
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,811
You?
362
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,379
Well, let me check my schedule.
363
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,772
Now, let's see here.
364
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,035
Eight o'clock, nothing.
Nine o'clock, nothing
365
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,821
Ten o'clock, nothing.
Yep, I'm free.
366
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,128
Great, I'll change!
367
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,914
Let's see, a girl in Chicago
368
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,264
a girl in Port Washington.
369
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:57,745
Steve, you are one bad dude.
370
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,230
[upbeat music]
371
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,457
[Frank]
'Al!'
372
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,764
You decided to come.
373
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,506
You gave me good advice, dad.
Steve helped me to see that.
374
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,508
Well, actually,
Al just had the good sense
375
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,466
to listen to my good sense
about your good sense.
376
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:26,513
Am I makin' any sense?
377
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,690
No, but it doesn't matter.
Al, I'm proud of ya.
378
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:32,736
And you look so pretty,
I hardly recognized you.
379
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,738
Uh, uh, I mean, it's just that
I-I've never, uh
380
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,349
seen you in a dress before.
381
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:39,743
I-it's, it's, uh,
good-good look on you. Ha-ha.
382
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,441
Now, come on, Al.
383
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,747
Let's get down,
let's get funky.
384
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,315
Let's boogie
till they call the cops.
385
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,799
Al? Is that you?
386
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:54,802
Hi, Roger. This is the guy.
387
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:58,980
Wow! You look really great
without your catcher's mask.
388
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,722
Uh, look,
my date's getting some punch.
389
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:03,114
You wanna dance?
390
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,074
Why, Roger,
you're asking me to dance?
391
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,641
Well, yeah.
392
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,904
Then there's only one thing
I can say.
393
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,080
Take a hike, moonface.
394
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,042
Wow! You were great!
395
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,957
Well, usually,
when I say something like that
396
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,437
I end up
crawling on the floor
397
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:24,310
looking for my glasses.
398
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,486
I'm glad you made me come
to the dance tonight, Steve.
399
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,793
- I owe you one.
- Hey, an easy debt to repay.
400
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,927
- May I have the dance?
- You got it.
401
00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,756
Hey, buddy, play a molto vivace
402
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:38,933
with a mezzo allegro
and an up-tempo backbeat.
403
00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,806
Play a fast one.
404
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:47,202
[upbeat music]
405
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:56,255
♪ Now if you want to do
the Steve Urkel dance ♪
406
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,257
♪ All you have to do
is hitch up your pants ♪
407
00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:00,171
♪ Bend your knees
and stick up your pelvis ♪
408
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,131
♪ I'm tellin you baby
it's better than Elvis ♪
409
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,488
♪ Do it ♪
410
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:14,577
♪ Do it ♪
411
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,623
♪ Everybody ♪
412
00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,538
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪
413
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,366
♪ Now point your fingers
up to the sky ♪
414
00:21:20,453 --> 00:21:22,629
♪ And talk through your nose
way up high ♪
415
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:24,587
♪ Spin and dip
and jump and cavort ♪
416
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:26,894
♪ And finish it off
with a laugh and snort ♪
417
00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,896
♪ Heh-heh-heh heh-heh-heh-heh ♪
418
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,464
♪ Heh-heh heh-heh heh-heh
heh ho.. ♪
419
00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:41,082
Ah, this is nice.
420
00:21:41,169 --> 00:21:43,476
We finally have
a private moment together.
421
00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:45,347
Private? It's hardly private.
422
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:47,175
We're in the middle
of a bunch of kids.
423
00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:50,961
That's what makes it so private.
Nobody's looking at us.
424
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:54,225
♪ Everybody ♪
425
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,403
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪
426
00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:02,364
♪ Do the Urkel ♪
427
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:05,193
♪ Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Urkel ♪
428
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:08,762
♪ Do it ♪
429
00:22:08,849 --> 00:22:10,764
♪ Everybody ♪
430
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:13,723
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪
431
00:22:14,811 --> 00:22:16,770
♪ Do it ♪
432
00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:18,772
♪ Everybody ♪
433
00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:21,078
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪♪
434
00:22:21,165 --> 00:22:24,081
[crowd applauding]
435
00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:27,998
[instrumental music]
436
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,441
[theme music]
31914
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
