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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:35,055 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,410 You know, they say people in glass houses 3 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,346 should throw stones, but I think people in any type 4 00:00:40,348 --> 00:00:42,049 of house shouldn't throw a stone. 5 00:00:42,051 --> 00:00:42,983 I mean, I'm not even worrying 6 00:00:42,985 --> 00:00:44,018 about like the glass windows or anything. 7 00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,586 People, why are you throwing stones at people? 8 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,756 Where are you even getting these stones? 9 00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:49,456 Am I the weird one? 10 00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:51,291 I don't have stones in my place. 11 00:00:51,293 --> 00:00:52,227 Is that weird? 12 00:00:53,361 --> 00:00:54,594 Ford Fiesta. 13 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,495 Why do they call it that? 14 00:00:55,497 --> 00:00:56,864 I feel like it's never really a fiesta 15 00:00:56,866 --> 00:00:59,365 when you get inside, right? 16 00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:01,035 It's just like it's a car. 17 00:01:01,037 --> 00:01:02,502 I went apple-picking the other day. 18 00:01:02,504 --> 00:01:03,503 Oh, I wish you guys were there. 19 00:01:03,505 --> 00:01:05,908 I went apple-picking, I got myself an iPad. 20 00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:08,843 And an iPhone. 21 00:01:08,845 --> 00:01:09,712 6C. 22 00:01:12,314 --> 00:01:14,380 The term glory hole, it's kind of a weird use 23 00:01:14,382 --> 00:01:16,817 of the word glory, don't you think? 24 00:01:16,819 --> 00:01:21,824 I mean, it's not... 25 00:01:24,659 --> 00:01:26,426 How you doing? 26 00:01:28,563 --> 00:01:31,031 Hey, this is Scott, leave a message after the beep. 27 00:01:31,033 --> 00:01:32,465 Hey, sweetie. 28 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,968 I'm sorry LA didn't work out. 29 00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:36,003 I know how much you wanted to be a comedian. 30 00:01:36,005 --> 00:01:37,470 But maybe it's for the best. 31 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,506 Your father and I can't wait to have you home. 32 00:01:39,508 --> 00:01:41,043 Drive safe, love you. 33 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:24,718 Hey. 34 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,518 Who's that? 35 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,957 - Hey, Scotty, hey. - What's up, Pop? 36 00:02:34,596 --> 00:02:38,466 Did you know bears can smell food from three miles away? 37 00:02:40,435 --> 00:02:41,501 Didn't know that. 38 00:02:41,503 --> 00:02:43,536 - Yeah, me neither. - It's crazy. 39 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,005 Yeah. 40 00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:45,875 Place looks nice. 41 00:02:46,943 --> 00:02:49,076 Well, we got a new couch last year. 42 00:02:49,078 --> 00:02:50,744 - This one? - Mm-hmm. 43 00:02:50,746 --> 00:02:51,613 That's great. 44 00:02:53,683 --> 00:02:54,549 It's great. 45 00:02:57,019 --> 00:02:58,551 You know where Mom is? 46 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,054 She's at the store. 47 00:03:00,056 --> 00:03:01,924 Yeah, she'll be back in a little while. 48 00:03:04,093 --> 00:03:06,727 Leaving the juveniles to attempt the risky, 49 00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:09,431 if effective, dash and grab. 50 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:11,866 All right, good to see you. 51 00:03:11,868 --> 00:03:12,933 And brown bears do go 52 00:03:12,935 --> 00:03:16,070 - into a deep sleep during... - Good to see you too. 53 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:17,840 Known as torpor. 54 00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:20,408 Hibernation is when... 55 00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:25,147 Hello, Sister. 56 00:03:26,514 --> 00:03:28,615 Ah. 57 00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:29,116 Hello. 58 00:03:29,118 --> 00:03:29,950 Look who it is. 59 00:03:29,952 --> 00:03:31,752 Comedy world's slowest-rising star. 60 00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:32,753 Right off the bat. 61 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,855 Wow, okay, because I see you're still living 62 00:03:34,857 --> 00:03:36,556 with our parents at 30 so... 63 00:03:36,558 --> 00:03:37,925 Pretty sure you're older than me 64 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:40,027 and just moved back in with our parents, so... 65 00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:41,028 I'm also saving up. 66 00:03:41,030 --> 00:03:41,695 I'm managing the pretzel shop at the mall now. 67 00:03:41,697 --> 00:03:42,662 Did you just try bragging 68 00:03:42,664 --> 00:03:43,864 about working at a pretzel shop in a mall? 69 00:03:43,866 --> 00:03:47,935 I'm just saying one of us has a job and it's not you. 70 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,739 Or, oh god. 71 00:03:51,207 --> 00:03:52,907 Don't tell me Dad's gonna hire you back. 72 00:03:52,909 --> 00:03:55,075 No, I am not gonna work for him ever again. 73 00:03:55,077 --> 00:03:57,211 You say that now, but I'm pretty sure you once said 74 00:03:57,213 --> 00:03:59,046 you were never coming back here, so... 75 00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:00,214 I'm not back here. 76 00:04:00,216 --> 00:04:02,548 I mean, I'm obviously back here, but I'm not back here. 77 00:04:02,550 --> 00:04:04,251 - I'm not back... - You having a stroke? 78 00:04:04,253 --> 00:04:06,921 Better question is are you still dating that guy 79 00:04:06,923 --> 00:04:08,255 with the vanity license plate? 80 00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:10,057 Oh, remember, it said mortify? 81 00:04:10,059 --> 00:04:11,959 Okay, well I'm dating a cop now. 82 00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:13,727 I don't believe that for a second. 83 00:04:13,729 --> 00:04:15,064 You are dating a cop? 84 00:04:16,866 --> 00:04:17,731 A security guard. 85 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:18,598 There it is. 86 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,734 His name is Ruis and he's awesome. 87 00:04:20,736 --> 00:04:22,602 Nobody dating you could ever be awesome. 88 00:04:22,604 --> 00:04:24,104 And no one who lives with their parents 89 00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:26,943 at 34 is even remotely cool, dip-shit. 90 00:04:32,547 --> 00:04:33,747 It's good to see you. 91 00:04:33,749 --> 00:04:34,748 It's good to see you too. 92 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,684 I'm gonna drink tonight at the Whale's Tail. 93 00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:37,985 - You want in? - Nope. 94 00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:39,053 Hanging out with my boyfriend. 95 00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,620 I fucking hate him. 96 00:04:40,622 --> 00:04:42,158 Ugh, unbelievable. 97 00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,762 So for four years, you hated it? 98 00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:50,898 No, I actually loved it for the first year or so. 99 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,099 I mean, I was getting up a bunch. 100 00:04:52,101 --> 00:04:53,734 I was writing, things were clicking. 101 00:04:53,736 --> 00:04:56,103 And then, I don't know, man, things got harder 102 00:04:56,105 --> 00:04:58,671 and harder and I got poorer and poorer. 103 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,740 You're broke too? 104 00:04:59,742 --> 00:05:01,675 No no no no, I just thought it'd be really fun 105 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,010 to move back in with Gary and Jeanine. 106 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,610 Hey, don't get sassy with me. 107 00:05:04,612 --> 00:05:06,579 I'm just saying, I was on your website. 108 00:05:06,581 --> 00:05:08,315 I saw all types of dates and times. 109 00:05:08,317 --> 00:05:10,250 You was booked, you was doing shows. 110 00:05:10,252 --> 00:05:13,553 Yeah, those weren't so much dates as they were open mics. 111 00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:15,255 You were back doing open mics? 112 00:05:15,257 --> 00:05:17,257 Seriously, you shoulda called more. 113 00:05:17,259 --> 00:05:18,258 I know, I should've called. 114 00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,293 I got three kids. 115 00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:20,861 You don't think I want them to know who you are? 116 00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,062 I know, I know, I know. 117 00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:23,663 I promise you I will call more. 118 00:05:23,665 --> 00:05:25,232 I'll be around more, okay? 119 00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:27,334 I know you have the machine back there. 120 00:05:27,336 --> 00:05:30,204 Come on, bring it out because I got to sing. 121 00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:31,839 You know I got to sing. 122 00:05:31,841 --> 00:05:33,941 - No, it's not karaoke night. - But it could be. 123 00:05:33,943 --> 00:05:35,809 If I give you a free shot, will you shut up? 124 00:05:35,811 --> 00:05:36,679 Yes. 125 00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,180 See, this, this, I miss this, right? 126 00:05:40,182 --> 00:05:41,715 This feels like home. 127 00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:42,582 Drinking. 128 00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:43,516 Not by myself. 129 00:05:43,518 --> 00:05:45,252 You didn't have any friends out there? 130 00:05:45,254 --> 00:05:46,253 No, not really. 131 00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:49,289 I mean, who makes new friends in their 30s? 132 00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:50,324 Everyone. 133 00:05:50,326 --> 00:05:51,225 Okay. 134 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:53,160 I follow you on Instagram. 135 00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:55,095 You just posted a picture with Alyssa Milano. 136 00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:56,330 - Yeah. - How was that? 137 00:05:56,332 --> 00:05:59,299 We weren't hanging out as much as I saw her in a Costco. 138 00:05:59,301 --> 00:06:01,902 I took a picture and then I ran the other direction. 139 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,270 Were you always a liar? 140 00:06:03,272 --> 00:06:05,072 Look at me in my goddamn eyes right now. 141 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,875 10th grade, Leslie Ambrose. 142 00:06:07,877 --> 00:06:08,976 Did she really give you a hand-job? 143 00:06:08,978 --> 00:06:11,278 Leslie Ambrose did absolutely give me a hand-job. 144 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,813 That was probably my peak. 145 00:06:12,815 --> 00:06:14,948 Your peak should not be a hand-job. 146 00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:15,816 I know. 147 00:06:15,818 --> 00:06:17,284 I know, I know, I know. 148 00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:20,254 So, now that we got that out of the way, how is Becks? 149 00:06:20,256 --> 00:06:22,756 No, I like how you tried to, uh, no. 150 00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:23,924 We're not gonna talk about Becks. 151 00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,092 - Come on. - Come on. 152 00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:26,226 No, we're not doing it. 153 00:06:26,228 --> 00:06:27,728 I'm gonna go ahead and put a request in 154 00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:29,029 that you don't even bring her name up anymore. 155 00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:30,663 Request denied, let's get right back into it. 156 00:06:30,665 --> 00:06:32,032 Do you and Lauren actually hang out with her? 157 00:06:32,034 --> 00:06:33,666 Is it like a double-date situation 158 00:06:33,668 --> 00:06:34,535 or what is the whole deal? 159 00:06:34,537 --> 00:06:36,870 Dude, I told you I got three kids. 160 00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:38,272 I don't hang out with anybody a bunch 161 00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:39,873 except for they little asses. 162 00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:41,208 Matter of fact, when I get done 163 00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:43,277 with this here beer, I'm going home. 164 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:44,812 No, we're hanging out. 165 00:06:44,814 --> 00:06:46,046 You can't just go home. 166 00:06:46,048 --> 00:06:48,849 Dude, it's almost nine o'clock at night. 167 00:06:48,851 --> 00:06:50,417 I start my route at 5:00 a.m. 168 00:06:50,419 --> 00:06:52,086 Oh my god, that is so depressing. 169 00:06:52,088 --> 00:06:54,354 It is, it's depressing, but it's adulting too. 170 00:06:54,356 --> 00:06:55,889 It's called being a man. 171 00:06:55,891 --> 00:06:57,391 Ohf, how is Becks though? 172 00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:58,292 Is she cool? 173 00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,860 Do you hang out with her? 174 00:06:59,862 --> 00:07:00,360 - Fine. - Yes. 175 00:07:00,362 --> 00:07:01,328 Give it to me, go. 176 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:02,863 I hang out with them time and time again. 177 00:07:02,865 --> 00:07:04,031 I see them. 178 00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:05,933 That's why I need to know, is that gonna be a problem? 179 00:07:05,935 --> 00:07:07,067 What? 180 00:07:07,069 --> 00:07:09,203 'Cause the first time I invite you over to the house 181 00:07:09,205 --> 00:07:10,938 for one of the boys' birthday parties, 182 00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:12,773 I don't need there to be any weird tension. 183 00:07:12,775 --> 00:07:16,276 And I know, I know that Owen 184 00:07:16,278 --> 00:07:17,911 is gonna feel uncomfortable around you. 185 00:07:17,913 --> 00:07:19,847 Owen's not gonna be comfortable with me being there? 186 00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:20,613 Are you... 187 00:07:20,615 --> 00:07:22,015 Like, Owen should fucking love me. 188 00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:23,450 If I didn't skip town like an asshole, 189 00:07:23,452 --> 00:07:24,518 he never would've gotten married to Becks. 190 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,187 See, now that skip town like an asshole comment 191 00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:28,288 is what concerns me. 192 00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:30,958 - Owen would be uncomfortable? - Yes. 193 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,226 Dude, I'm not trying to be a dick. 194 00:07:32,228 --> 00:07:33,827 You left her. 195 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:34,830 You left here. 196 00:07:36,799 --> 00:07:37,665 Right. 197 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,403 Oh, I'm sorry. 198 00:07:43,405 --> 00:07:44,271 Oh, I'm sorry. 199 00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:45,806 It's, it's... 200 00:07:45,808 --> 00:07:46,773 Did I get pee on you? 201 00:07:46,775 --> 00:07:47,674 - What? - No. 202 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,210 I mean, did you get your own pee on you? 203 00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:52,748 No, I'm fine, please stop looking at my penis. 204 00:07:53,883 --> 00:07:55,949 Yeah, all right. 205 00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:57,818 Come on, buddy. 206 00:07:57,820 --> 00:07:59,119 Are you pissing in the sink? 207 00:07:59,121 --> 00:08:00,089 Uh. 208 00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:03,159 No. 209 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,661 Do you want me to call you a cab? 210 00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:08,862 What? 211 00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,797 Listen, do you want me to call you a taxi? 212 00:08:10,799 --> 00:08:12,966 Sorry, I don't need a taxi 'cause I have the Lyft. 213 00:08:12,968 --> 00:08:13,767 You have Lyft? 214 00:08:13,769 --> 00:08:14,768 Lyft is unbelievable 215 00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:16,837 'cause you don't have to know where you are. 216 00:08:16,839 --> 00:08:18,005 You know, you just hit the thing 217 00:08:18,007 --> 00:08:20,107 and a guy from another country comes 218 00:08:20,109 --> 00:08:22,843 and takes you right home, it's like magic. 219 00:08:22,845 --> 00:08:24,745 But you do know where you are? 220 00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:25,479 When? 221 00:08:25,481 --> 00:08:26,780 Right now. 222 00:08:26,782 --> 00:08:27,681 Now? 223 00:08:27,683 --> 00:08:29,049 Do you know where you are right now? 224 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,084 - Yes. - Okay, tell me. 225 00:08:31,086 --> 00:08:32,419 - Where are you? - Here. 226 00:08:32,421 --> 00:08:35,222 - Oh my goodness. - Whoa, hey, that's no good. 227 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:35,923 What are you doing? 228 00:08:35,925 --> 00:08:37,357 What, no, no, no, I'm sorry. 229 00:08:37,359 --> 00:08:39,960 - Look, I know what this is. - Okay. 230 00:08:39,962 --> 00:08:41,361 I got a guy, he'll help you. 231 00:08:41,363 --> 00:08:42,763 He's on the corner of Walnut and Laurel... 232 00:08:42,765 --> 00:08:45,065 Hey, hey, hey, for the last time, 233 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:47,167 don't bother the customers. 234 00:08:47,169 --> 00:08:48,468 I'm sorry about him. 235 00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:50,170 You're good, you're good, it's fine. 236 00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:52,506 We're just two guys talking skin conditions, taking pisses. 237 00:08:52,508 --> 00:08:54,041 Yeah, I'm not bothering anybody. 238 00:08:54,043 --> 00:08:55,275 Oh, you think you're cute, huh? 239 00:08:55,277 --> 00:08:57,244 No, I don't think I'm cute, okay? 240 00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,445 I know I'm adorable. 241 00:08:58,447 --> 00:08:59,179 Yeah? 242 00:08:59,181 --> 00:09:00,280 - This guy loves me. - Really? 243 00:09:00,282 --> 00:09:02,316 - He pissed in the sink. - I didn't piss in the sink. 244 00:09:02,318 --> 00:09:04,017 - I saw him. - He literally just did it. 245 00:09:04,019 --> 00:09:07,154 - He went on his tippy toes. - I saw you. 246 00:09:07,156 --> 00:09:08,023 What? 247 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,073 Hey, Scotty. 248 00:10:00,075 --> 00:10:01,241 How'd you sleep? 249 00:10:01,243 --> 00:10:03,310 You need anything in here, more pillows? 250 00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:04,911 No, I'm fine, Mom. 251 00:10:04,913 --> 00:10:07,314 And honestly, you didn't have to keep all this stuff. 252 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,148 Oh, what stuff? 253 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:08,849 What stuff? 254 00:10:08,851 --> 00:10:10,884 Look at this, my VHS collection. 255 00:10:10,886 --> 00:10:12,319 Honey, you really need to have someone 256 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,987 take a look at those. 257 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,123 I will, I will, I will, I will. 258 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:17,190 Should just change this room into, 259 00:10:17,192 --> 00:10:19,126 like, Dad's office or something. 260 00:10:19,128 --> 00:10:21,194 Well, he already has an office. 261 00:10:21,196 --> 00:10:22,462 - Speaking of which... - Don't, please don't, okay? 262 00:10:22,464 --> 00:10:23,597 Meg already asked me about it. 263 00:10:23,599 --> 00:10:25,966 I'm not gonna work back at the lumberyard, all right? 264 00:10:25,968 --> 00:10:27,868 Okay, good, because your father and I talked about it 265 00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:29,069 and he doesn't think it's a good idea. 266 00:10:29,071 --> 00:10:30,103 Seriously? 267 00:10:30,105 --> 00:10:32,539 Honey, you know how he felt about you leaving. 268 00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:34,875 He always figured you'd run the place one day. 269 00:10:34,877 --> 00:10:36,943 He figured I would run the place. 270 00:10:36,945 --> 00:10:39,114 That's the word we should be looking at, he. 271 00:10:40,883 --> 00:10:43,083 You know when I came home yesterday, he just shook my 272 00:10:43,085 --> 00:10:44,985 hand? He didn't even get up out of his chair. 273 00:10:44,987 --> 00:10:46,219 He just gave me a handshake. 274 00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:49,022 You know how he is. 275 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,459 Just give him some time. 276 00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:52,760 Oh. 277 00:10:52,762 --> 00:10:54,428 And I like your room the way it is. 278 00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:56,229 Figured if you'd need it, it's here. 279 00:10:56,231 --> 00:10:59,099 Wow, not a lot of faith in my career decision huh, Ma? 280 00:10:59,101 --> 00:11:01,101 Oh, just so you know, this morning, 281 00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:03,437 I printed out that mailman application. 282 00:11:03,439 --> 00:11:06,008 Why are you so psyched about that? 283 00:11:07,176 --> 00:11:08,008 Woo. 284 00:11:08,010 --> 00:11:09,643 Mom, I don't wanna be a mailman. 285 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,188 Oh. 286 00:11:20,656 --> 00:11:21,523 Oh. 287 00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:25,092 Oh, don't do it. 288 00:11:25,094 --> 00:11:26,462 It's a fun chair, isn't it? 289 00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:30,630 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 290 00:11:30,632 --> 00:11:31,365 I'm sorry. 291 00:11:31,367 --> 00:11:32,432 When you said you knew a guy, 292 00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:36,205 I had no idea that you were going to be that guy. 293 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,039 Bathroom the other night? 294 00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:40,073 Oh, at the bar. 295 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,241 At the bar in the bathroom. 296 00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:44,344 Oh yeah, listen, it's been a very crazy day here today. 297 00:11:44,346 --> 00:11:46,947 - So, yeah, oh yeah. - Wow. 298 00:11:46,949 --> 00:11:49,182 - Good to see you again. - Good to see you too. 299 00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:51,585 All right, so what do we got going on? 300 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:55,188 Yeah yeah yeah yeah, I don't know what they're from, 301 00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:56,590 maybe an allergic reaction to something. 302 00:11:56,592 --> 00:11:58,458 Maybe a new detergent, but I can't get 'em away. 303 00:11:58,460 --> 00:11:59,393 Yeah. 304 00:11:59,395 --> 00:12:00,527 Have you been putting anything on it? 305 00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:01,461 - Yeah. - Let me guess. 306 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:02,629 Hydrocortisone. 307 00:12:02,631 --> 00:12:03,597 And it did... 308 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,098 Nothing. 309 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,400 Yeah. 310 00:12:06,402 --> 00:12:07,667 Are you currently sexually active? 311 00:12:07,669 --> 00:12:10,003 - What? - Sexually active. 312 00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:11,371 You think there's an STD on my arm? 313 00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:12,472 Well, you know. 314 00:12:12,474 --> 00:12:14,541 No, I haven't been going around fisting strangers. 315 00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:16,309 I don't just find somebody and stick my entire... 316 00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:18,647 That would be my entire fucking forearm in there. 317 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:20,347 - Okay. - Sorry. 318 00:12:20,349 --> 00:12:20,981 - Yeah. - That's good to know. 319 00:12:20,983 --> 00:12:21,982 - Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 320 00:12:21,984 --> 00:12:24,251 It's just a question I have to ask, that's all. 321 00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:25,318 Yeah. 322 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,188 Um. 323 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,189 No, I haven't had sex in awhile. 324 00:12:29,191 --> 00:12:30,490 I haven't had sex in like a couple... 325 00:12:30,492 --> 00:12:31,726 Okay, okay. 326 00:12:31,728 --> 00:12:32,559 Duly noted. 327 00:12:32,561 --> 00:12:34,428 I'm gonna take a look, all right? 328 00:12:34,430 --> 00:12:35,429 Does kissing count? 329 00:12:35,431 --> 00:12:37,097 If I, does kissing count? 330 00:12:37,099 --> 00:12:38,465 It depends on where you kiss, I guess. 331 00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:40,669 Let me see. 332 00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:44,072 Hm. 333 00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:47,576 Maybe you should be sexually active. 334 00:12:48,778 --> 00:12:51,712 Those are good old-fashioned stress hives. 335 00:12:51,714 --> 00:12:52,914 You can get hives from stress? 336 00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:55,649 Oh, you'd be shocked at what stress can do to the skin. 337 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:58,318 It can play havoc with your integumentary system. 338 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,220 - That's a big word. - That's why I have the chair. 339 00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:02,790 No, integumentary is a fantastic word, 340 00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:05,025 but just basically means skin. 341 00:13:05,027 --> 00:13:08,128 My daughter went through a bad divorce a couple years ago 342 00:13:08,130 --> 00:13:10,765 and she had the exact same reaction, the stress hive. 343 00:13:10,767 --> 00:13:12,767 You see the zigzag pattern there? 344 00:13:12,769 --> 00:13:14,301 - Yeah yeah yeah yeah. - Yeah, exact same. 345 00:13:14,303 --> 00:13:15,335 Stress hives. 346 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,806 Yeah, or you could be dying of 30, 40 diseases. 347 00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,307 - Who knows? - Oh, thank you for that. 348 00:13:20,309 --> 00:13:21,641 Really helps my stress levels. 349 00:13:21,643 --> 00:13:23,376 - Oh, so you are under stress. - Oh my god. 350 00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:27,113 - Profoundly so, yeah. - Oh. 351 00:13:27,115 --> 00:13:29,115 - Why? - Really? 352 00:13:29,117 --> 00:13:30,219 What's going on? 353 00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:33,253 You don't have the time. 354 00:13:33,255 --> 00:13:34,689 Oh, but I do have the time. 355 00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:36,423 Believe me, I got plenty of time today. 356 00:13:36,425 --> 00:13:37,524 I just checked my sign-in sheet 357 00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:40,260 and the next patient coming in has a terrible rash 358 00:13:40,262 --> 00:13:44,231 on his scrotum that I have to apply a topical suave to. 359 00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:46,500 Plus, he looks like the human version of Eeyore. 360 00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:47,835 The whole thing is a total nightmare. 361 00:13:47,837 --> 00:13:49,536 So believe me, I have nothing but time. 362 00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,271 Are you even allowed to tell me any of that? 363 00:13:51,273 --> 00:13:52,572 Are you even a dermatologist? 364 00:13:52,574 --> 00:13:54,508 I don't see a degree anywhere on any wall. 365 00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:56,811 I graduated from the University of Phoenix. 366 00:13:56,813 --> 00:13:58,512 I took two online classes. 367 00:13:58,514 --> 00:13:59,814 Both of 'em, you took both online classes? 368 00:13:59,816 --> 00:14:00,915 Yeah. 369 00:14:00,917 --> 00:14:02,850 The fact that I can't tell if you're kidding or not 370 00:14:02,852 --> 00:14:05,252 does not make me very confident in your whole diagnosis. 371 00:14:05,254 --> 00:14:06,253 No, no no no, now, listen. 372 00:14:06,255 --> 00:14:08,421 I'm gonna prescribe a topical steroid for you. 373 00:14:08,423 --> 00:14:09,389 Ah. 374 00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:14,261 I actually am on the whole self-pay thing. 375 00:14:14,263 --> 00:14:16,530 So is there any shot this will just disappear by itself? 376 00:14:16,532 --> 00:14:20,667 Because my insurance is not really robust or existing. 377 00:14:20,669 --> 00:14:22,369 Yeah, okay. 378 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,206 As the French say, lovely parting gift. 379 00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:27,641 Twice a day, morning and evening. 380 00:14:27,643 --> 00:14:29,710 Keep it dry in between, okay? 381 00:14:29,712 --> 00:14:31,444 And if they come back, I want you to call me. 382 00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:32,379 Yeah. 383 00:14:32,381 --> 00:14:33,480 And try to relax. 384 00:14:33,482 --> 00:14:34,782 Because once when you start feeling overwhelmed... 385 00:14:34,784 --> 00:14:35,683 That's what it is. 386 00:14:35,685 --> 00:14:37,718 That's exactly what I've been feeling. 387 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,755 I just feel so overwhelmed. 388 00:14:40,757 --> 00:14:42,489 Aren't we all, Mr. Rollins, aren't we all? 389 00:14:42,491 --> 00:14:44,157 - Hey, man, I appreciate it. - Mm-mm. 390 00:14:44,159 --> 00:14:45,458 - Yep, I shouldn't touch you. - No. 391 00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:48,230 Okay. 392 00:14:49,364 --> 00:14:50,599 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 393 00:14:54,737 --> 00:14:56,771 - Mr. Herman, how are you? - Hey, doc. 394 00:14:56,773 --> 00:14:59,074 Go on back, good to see you, pal. 395 00:15:04,747 --> 00:15:05,614 Okay. 396 00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:38,813 Ball one. 397 00:15:38,815 --> 00:15:40,380 One away, second and eight. 398 00:15:40,382 --> 00:15:41,816 Red Sox, two, Mets, nothing. 399 00:15:41,818 --> 00:15:43,552 On deck, Ray Knight. 400 00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:51,159 God, I can't believe this. 401 00:15:54,697 --> 00:15:56,831 Give me a break. 402 00:15:59,301 --> 00:16:00,467 I'm so nervous. 403 00:16:00,469 --> 00:16:04,371 It's just that I've never been around a... 404 00:16:04,373 --> 00:16:06,807 I mean, I've never even had a pet sort of thing, you know, 405 00:16:06,809 --> 00:16:08,308 always seemed like such a hassle. 406 00:16:08,310 --> 00:16:10,745 - You know, feeding 'em. - Scotty. 407 00:16:10,747 --> 00:16:11,946 Dinner. 408 00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:12,646 All right. 409 00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:14,381 Try to be careful. 410 00:16:26,963 --> 00:16:28,929 Hi, this is Adam, I can't make it to the phone. 411 00:16:28,931 --> 00:16:30,265 Please leave a message. 412 00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:33,333 Hey, Adam, it's me. 413 00:16:33,335 --> 00:16:34,802 Yeah, I'm sitting at home tonight and guess what's 414 00:16:34,804 --> 00:16:39,907 on the TV, the 1986 World Series, right? 415 00:16:39,909 --> 00:16:41,909 Mets versus the Red Sox, remember? 416 00:16:41,911 --> 00:16:43,878 We watched like every game together. 417 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,850 You were like five and you loved that pitcher, Ron Darling. 418 00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:51,852 Oh, and I made my famous blueberry pancakes. 419 00:16:51,854 --> 00:16:52,687 Yeah. 420 00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:54,454 Remember how when we went camping, 421 00:16:54,456 --> 00:16:57,590 I always used to make the blueberry pancakes 422 00:16:57,592 --> 00:16:59,860 that somehow would always seem like it was raining? 423 00:16:59,862 --> 00:17:00,193 Remember that? 424 00:17:00,195 --> 00:17:01,194 Oh god. 425 00:17:01,196 --> 00:17:04,264 You and your sister just loved those pancakes. 426 00:17:04,266 --> 00:17:06,000 - Anyway... - Message length exceeded. 427 00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:26,020 Hi, this is Adam, I can't make it to the phone. 428 00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:26,923 Please leave a message. 429 00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,757 I know you're not gonna call me back. 430 00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:31,591 But I have to say it. 431 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,393 Please, call me back. 432 00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:35,628 I mean, your sister gets on the phone when I call 433 00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,798 and, you know, sometimes she'll humor me 434 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,667 and we'll stay on for like 10 minutes or so, 435 00:17:40,669 --> 00:17:42,437 you know, if you can imagine that. 436 00:17:43,672 --> 00:17:45,840 That's really all I'm looking for. 437 00:17:45,842 --> 00:17:48,577 You know, just a couple of minutes. 438 00:17:50,079 --> 00:17:52,579 But if you wanna keep playing this game of phone chicken, 439 00:17:52,581 --> 00:17:53,948 then I'm in. 440 00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:56,316 I'll call you, you'll ignore me. 441 00:17:56,318 --> 00:17:58,719 I'll call you, you'll ignore me. 442 00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:01,789 And then we'll see which one of us gives in first. 443 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:03,991 - So anyway... - Message length exceeded. 444 00:18:18,107 --> 00:18:18,973 This is nice. 445 00:18:18,975 --> 00:18:20,473 Isn't this nice? 446 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:21,942 Damn good yard bird, Jeanine. 447 00:18:21,944 --> 00:18:24,111 No, I mean the whole family's here. 448 00:18:24,113 --> 00:18:26,346 Both my little birdies in the nest. 449 00:18:26,348 --> 00:18:28,615 Do you know, I read somewhere that if a bird stays 450 00:18:28,617 --> 00:18:30,851 in the nest, it means it has mental problems. 451 00:18:30,853 --> 00:18:33,553 That's how you can tell if a bird isn't gonna make it. 452 00:18:33,555 --> 00:18:34,487 Well, that's interesting. 453 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,421 I thought so too, Mom. 454 00:18:35,423 --> 00:18:37,557 - You know what I read? - You can read? 455 00:18:37,559 --> 00:18:39,559 Oh my god, that's such a funny joke. 456 00:18:39,561 --> 00:18:40,961 You should tell it again for your number one fan 457 00:18:40,963 --> 00:18:42,595 who's sitting right here, your mother. 458 00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:44,664 I'm not ashamed that my mom is my number one fan. 459 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,066 Only fan, by the way. 460 00:18:46,068 --> 00:18:47,802 We're having a, stop it, stop it. 461 00:18:47,804 --> 00:18:49,435 Okay, okay, okay, okay, can we just... 462 00:18:49,437 --> 00:18:50,840 Stop it, both of you. 463 00:18:59,982 --> 00:19:00,948 I was wondering if it's okay 464 00:19:00,950 --> 00:19:03,851 if Ruis comes over for dinner next weekend. 465 00:19:03,853 --> 00:19:04,919 Absolutely. 466 00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:05,786 Ruis is awesome. 467 00:19:05,788 --> 00:19:06,653 That can't be true. 468 00:19:06,655 --> 00:19:08,022 How do you know if it's true or not? 469 00:19:08,024 --> 00:19:08,655 You've never even met him. 470 00:19:08,657 --> 00:19:09,622 I don't need to meet him 471 00:19:09,624 --> 00:19:10,791 because I've met all your other boyfriends. 472 00:19:10,793 --> 00:19:14,527 Remember the guy whose job it was to play online poker? 473 00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:16,529 Or do you remember the guy who always wore jean shorts? 474 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:19,632 Every single, Mom, every single day, he wore jean shorts. 475 00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:22,136 Do you remember the one that looked like Kid Rock? 476 00:19:22,138 --> 00:19:23,636 He didn't look anything like Kid Rock. 477 00:19:23,638 --> 00:19:24,805 I apologize, he looked like Uncle Kracker. 478 00:19:24,807 --> 00:19:26,040 See? 479 00:19:26,042 --> 00:19:29,542 Even Dad and Mom liked that, my number one fan is laughing. 480 00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,145 - Thank you, Mom. - Whatever. 481 00:19:31,147 --> 00:19:32,813 - He did. - Ruis is awesome. 482 00:19:32,815 --> 00:19:34,148 - Eat a dick. - Wow. 483 00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:35,716 Meg, language. 484 00:19:35,718 --> 00:19:38,018 Scotty, we do not make fun of Ruis. 485 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:38,719 Really? 486 00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:40,054 That's a rule in this house now? 487 00:19:40,056 --> 00:19:42,056 We can't use Ruis's name in vain? 488 00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,858 What is he, Voldemort? 489 00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:44,992 He's awesome. 490 00:19:44,994 --> 00:19:45,862 Thank you, Dad. 491 00:19:50,498 --> 00:19:53,801 Oh, Scotty, did you hear about Rory Seidel? 492 00:19:53,803 --> 00:19:55,501 Who's Rory Seidel? 493 00:19:55,503 --> 00:19:56,704 You went to school with him. 494 00:19:56,706 --> 00:19:58,671 He used to work at Carvel's, remember? 495 00:19:58,673 --> 00:19:59,572 Yes. 496 00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,842 I remember Rory, that fucking weirdo. 497 00:20:01,844 --> 00:20:02,810 Why, what happened? 498 00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:04,678 He died. 499 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,749 It's so sad, he was only 32. 500 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:09,852 God, I remember that guy. 501 00:20:11,988 --> 00:20:14,054 Weren't you friends with him? 502 00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:16,859 I wasn't friends with him, no, but Becky was. 503 00:20:55,932 --> 00:20:57,597 Pst, hey, Rollins, right? 504 00:20:57,599 --> 00:20:58,265 Rollins. 505 00:20:58,267 --> 00:20:59,532 Hey, how you doing? 506 00:20:59,534 --> 00:21:00,533 Are you everywhere? 507 00:21:00,535 --> 00:21:01,469 I get around. 508 00:21:02,271 --> 00:21:03,505 What are you doing here? 509 00:21:05,007 --> 00:21:06,608 Honestly, I don't even know. 510 00:21:07,944 --> 00:21:08,709 Wow. 511 00:21:08,711 --> 00:21:09,642 What? 512 00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:11,712 - You killed Rory. - I didn't kill Rory. 513 00:21:11,714 --> 00:21:12,947 That's why you were stressed. 514 00:21:12,949 --> 00:21:13,781 What are you doing? 515 00:21:13,783 --> 00:21:15,149 That's your hand on his shoulder 516 00:21:15,151 --> 00:21:16,684 right before you strangled him. 517 00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:18,788 Rory died of, don't, he died of leukemia. 518 00:21:22,624 --> 00:21:23,791 Are you high? 519 00:21:23,793 --> 00:21:25,525 Yeah. 520 00:21:25,527 --> 00:21:26,260 Wow. 521 00:21:26,262 --> 00:21:27,127 Wow. 522 00:21:27,129 --> 00:21:28,064 And why are you here? 523 00:21:29,131 --> 00:21:30,698 Rory went to school with my kid. 524 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:31,932 Oh, the divorcee with stress hives. 525 00:21:31,934 --> 00:21:33,599 No, my other one. 526 00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,635 My son. 527 00:21:35,637 --> 00:21:37,237 Speaking of which, how are they doing? 528 00:21:37,239 --> 00:21:38,906 - You wanna see? - Yeah. 529 00:21:38,908 --> 00:21:41,041 - In a church? - Yeah, yes, sir. 530 00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:41,909 Fading already. 531 00:21:41,911 --> 00:21:42,977 Who's better than me? 532 00:21:42,979 --> 00:21:43,980 Nobody. 533 00:21:54,556 --> 00:21:55,024 Hey. 534 00:21:56,092 --> 00:21:58,058 Why do they call it a wake anyway? 535 00:21:58,060 --> 00:21:59,159 What do you mean? 536 00:21:59,161 --> 00:22:01,496 Well, it's not like Rory's waking anytime soon. 537 00:22:02,898 --> 00:22:04,999 Oh, but if he got up, if he got up right this second, 538 00:22:05,001 --> 00:22:06,700 then we can call it a wake. 539 00:22:06,702 --> 00:22:09,236 Yeah, that's Rory, the reawakening. 540 00:22:09,238 --> 00:22:10,838 Will you two please shut up? 541 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,339 Yes, I apologize. 542 00:22:12,341 --> 00:22:13,340 You stink of marijuana. 543 00:22:13,342 --> 00:22:14,607 Oh, it's not me, it's him. 544 00:22:14,609 --> 00:22:16,576 It is not me, you know it's him. 545 00:22:16,578 --> 00:22:17,945 He's wearing a fedora. 546 00:22:20,716 --> 00:22:21,583 Shit. 547 00:22:27,056 --> 00:22:28,856 What's the matter? 548 00:22:28,858 --> 00:22:30,958 I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be here. 549 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,126 - Oh god, are you okay? - Nana Marie. 550 00:22:32,128 --> 00:22:33,193 I'm sorry, are you okay? 551 00:22:33,195 --> 00:22:35,763 Hey, hey, go, just go, just go, go. 552 00:22:35,765 --> 00:22:36,629 - Thanks. - Go. 553 00:22:36,631 --> 00:22:37,164 Ma'am, are you okay? 554 00:22:37,166 --> 00:22:37,965 Get away from me. 555 00:22:37,967 --> 00:22:39,833 Get your filthy hands off of her. 556 00:22:39,835 --> 00:22:40,734 I'm just trying to help her. 557 00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,805 I'm not playing grab-ass or anything. 558 00:22:55,684 --> 00:22:56,817 You okay, Rollins? 559 00:22:56,819 --> 00:22:58,252 Yeah, yeah, how is the woman? 560 00:22:58,254 --> 00:22:59,319 Oh, the one you body slammed? 561 00:22:59,321 --> 00:23:00,154 Yes. 562 00:23:00,156 --> 00:23:00,854 That's a flagrant two, by the way. 563 00:23:00,856 --> 00:23:02,122 Okay, what happened to her? 564 00:23:02,124 --> 00:23:03,223 Uh, broken clavicle. 565 00:23:03,225 --> 00:23:05,259 - Are you serious? - No, she's fine. 566 00:23:05,261 --> 00:23:06,128 I'm just kidding. 567 00:23:07,029 --> 00:23:07,995 Thank you, by the way. 568 00:23:07,997 --> 00:23:09,063 You don't have to follow me out, 569 00:23:09,065 --> 00:23:09,830 man, you can go back inside. 570 00:23:09,832 --> 00:23:11,664 - No, actually I can't. - Why? 571 00:23:11,666 --> 00:23:14,101 Because I was properly identified. 572 00:23:14,103 --> 00:23:15,335 By who? 573 00:23:15,337 --> 00:23:16,737 My son. 574 00:23:16,739 --> 00:23:20,107 Oh, this is so wonderful. 575 00:23:20,109 --> 00:23:21,842 This means you're a wake crasher too. 576 00:23:21,844 --> 00:23:23,243 Well, I was gonna talk to him 577 00:23:23,245 --> 00:23:27,647 after he paid his proper respects, but it's a long story. 578 00:23:27,649 --> 00:23:29,649 - Right? - So, short answer, 579 00:23:29,651 --> 00:23:31,752 I am also a wake crasher. 580 00:23:31,754 --> 00:23:33,789 - Come on. - Yeah, let's get outta here. 581 00:23:35,091 --> 00:23:37,126 - Don't look back. - Yeah, I'm, I'm, yeah. 582 00:23:38,294 --> 00:23:39,795 Did you even know Rory? 583 00:23:40,863 --> 00:23:43,297 Not enough to have been there, no. 584 00:23:43,299 --> 00:23:46,366 I mean, I knew of him, but I knew that she knew him, so... 585 00:23:46,368 --> 00:23:48,771 Oh, so you were just there to see the girl. 586 00:23:49,705 --> 00:23:50,437 Yeah. 587 00:23:50,439 --> 00:23:52,739 Yeah, let me guess, your ex, 588 00:23:52,741 --> 00:23:54,741 the one that got away, that old classic? 589 00:23:54,743 --> 00:23:55,409 Mm-mm. 590 00:23:55,411 --> 00:23:57,778 No, the one I ran away from. 591 00:23:57,780 --> 00:23:58,479 Oh, the remix. 592 00:23:58,481 --> 00:23:59,480 Oh, you've heard of the remix? 593 00:23:59,482 --> 00:24:01,815 Oh, so you're trying to get back together, 594 00:24:01,817 --> 00:24:04,852 or are you just a good old-fashioned stalker? 595 00:24:04,854 --> 00:24:06,453 I honestly don't even know. 596 00:24:06,455 --> 00:24:07,454 It might be the latter, 597 00:24:07,456 --> 00:24:09,959 which is really scaring the shit out of me. 598 00:24:11,460 --> 00:24:12,392 Now, how old are you? 599 00:24:12,394 --> 00:24:13,360 Why? 600 00:24:13,362 --> 00:24:15,195 You're way too young to be this defeated. 601 00:24:15,197 --> 00:24:17,097 Tony, two Jagerbombs, please. 602 00:24:17,099 --> 00:24:18,098 - Jagerbombs. - Oh yes. 603 00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:20,701 - How old are you? - 65, thank you very much. 604 00:24:20,703 --> 00:24:21,667 Oo. 605 00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,203 You know what, maybe I should find a girl 606 00:24:23,205 --> 00:24:24,471 with daddy issues, what do you think? 607 00:24:24,473 --> 00:24:26,773 Oo, probably more like granddaddy issues, 608 00:24:26,775 --> 00:24:27,808 what do you think about that? 609 00:24:27,810 --> 00:24:29,042 Oh, that's funny. 610 00:24:29,044 --> 00:24:30,146 Well, I'm a comedian. 611 00:24:31,447 --> 00:24:32,412 Really? 612 00:24:32,414 --> 00:24:33,380 Why do you say it like that? 613 00:24:33,382 --> 00:24:35,082 Well, I don't get that from you. 614 00:24:35,084 --> 00:24:36,350 What do you get from me then? 615 00:24:36,352 --> 00:24:37,417 I get an insurance adjuster. 616 00:24:37,419 --> 00:24:38,385 No. 617 00:24:38,387 --> 00:24:40,754 I get a car salesman at a Kia dealership. 618 00:24:40,756 --> 00:24:41,654 Oh wow, thank you. 619 00:24:41,656 --> 00:24:45,826 - I get a dog walker. - A dog walker? 620 00:24:45,828 --> 00:24:48,061 I get fundraiser for. 621 00:24:48,063 --> 00:24:49,129 Fine, I could be a fundraiser 622 00:24:49,131 --> 00:24:50,063 for. 623 00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,266 No, you're just cynical as shit. 624 00:24:52,268 --> 00:24:53,867 You're morose even, you know? 625 00:24:53,869 --> 00:24:55,169 Hey, you want some real jokes? 626 00:24:55,171 --> 00:24:56,136 Yeah. 627 00:24:56,138 --> 00:24:57,804 My Twitter account. 628 00:24:57,806 --> 00:24:59,506 - DermatolOG. - Thank you. 629 00:24:59,508 --> 00:25:00,741 Nicely done. 630 00:25:00,743 --> 00:25:02,276 You have over 12,000 followers? 631 00:25:02,278 --> 00:25:02,976 That's me. 632 00:25:02,978 --> 00:25:03,877 And you're verified? 633 00:25:03,879 --> 00:25:04,845 Is that what that blue check mark means? 634 00:25:04,847 --> 00:25:08,315 You know what that blue check mark means. 635 00:25:08,317 --> 00:25:11,752 When I die, I want someone to take over my account 636 00:25:11,754 --> 00:25:14,723 and tweet boo, motherfuckers, every month or so. 637 00:25:15,791 --> 00:25:17,191 This is actually, that's actually... 638 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:19,993 That's actually pretty amazing. 639 00:25:19,995 --> 00:25:21,395 Well, I'm a good follow, man. 640 00:25:21,397 --> 00:25:23,297 No, no, listen, I'm serious about that too. 641 00:25:23,299 --> 00:25:27,367 So, if you're interested, doctorsmooooth@aol.com, 642 00:25:27,369 --> 00:25:29,870 - that's four Os, thank you. - Wow, aol.com. 643 00:25:29,872 --> 00:25:31,471 You really are 65. 644 00:25:31,473 --> 00:25:33,108 What's your password, password? 645 00:25:36,512 --> 00:25:37,377 No. 646 00:25:37,379 --> 00:25:38,245 It's email. 647 00:25:40,182 --> 00:25:43,550 The password for your email is email? 648 00:25:43,552 --> 00:25:44,985 Yeah, I live on the edge, man. 649 00:25:44,987 --> 00:25:46,520 Anything to throw off those Russians. 650 00:25:46,522 --> 00:25:47,921 - Oh my god. - All right. 651 00:25:47,923 --> 00:25:49,790 Here it is, mother's milk for the soul. 652 00:25:49,792 --> 00:25:50,958 - Ready? - Yeah, how do you do it? 653 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,826 You just drop it in or... 654 00:25:52,828 --> 00:25:54,228 You've never done a Jagerbomb before? 655 00:25:54,230 --> 00:25:55,996 Seeing as I'm not a 19 year old sorority girl, 656 00:25:55,998 --> 00:25:57,164 - no, I've never done a... - So cynical. 657 00:25:57,166 --> 00:25:58,265 I'm not trying, just tell me. 658 00:25:58,267 --> 00:26:00,334 What do you do, do you drop it in or what do you do? 659 00:26:00,336 --> 00:26:01,835 You drop it in, drink right away. 660 00:26:01,837 --> 00:26:02,903 - Right away? - Yeah. 661 00:26:02,905 --> 00:26:04,137 I can't drink fast, you sure? 662 00:26:04,139 --> 00:26:05,472 Ready, boom. 663 00:26:06,342 --> 00:26:08,077 Up, in, now. 664 00:26:13,382 --> 00:26:14,783 Mm, mm, mm, mm. 665 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:18,986 I don't wanna. 666 00:26:18,988 --> 00:26:20,020 Oh, come on. 667 00:26:20,022 --> 00:26:20,887 It's good for you. 668 00:26:20,889 --> 00:26:22,057 Come on, oh, come on. 669 00:26:24,860 --> 00:26:25,995 That took way too long. 670 00:26:26,962 --> 00:26:27,830 And? 671 00:26:31,066 --> 00:26:32,368 That was a tasty beverage. 672 00:26:33,302 --> 00:26:34,501 That was really fucking good. 673 00:26:34,503 --> 00:26:37,904 You see, if there's one thing I know about, it's booze. 674 00:26:37,906 --> 00:26:39,206 Not dermatological advice? 675 00:26:39,208 --> 00:26:40,140 Oh fuck no. 676 00:26:40,142 --> 00:26:41,608 Tony, two more, two more. 677 00:26:41,610 --> 00:26:43,143 Absolutely not, Tony. 678 00:26:43,145 --> 00:26:43,810 I've gotta go home. 679 00:26:43,812 --> 00:26:44,811 Who cares about your home? 680 00:26:44,813 --> 00:26:47,114 Long Island people are fantastic at drinking 681 00:26:47,116 --> 00:26:48,382 like it's their last day on earth. 682 00:26:48,384 --> 00:26:50,384 Drink up, you wake-crashing son of a bitch. 683 00:26:50,386 --> 00:26:51,518 Let's go, bombs away. 684 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,187 - Yee. - Yeah, there you go. 685 00:26:54,189 --> 00:26:54,855 Drop. 686 00:26:54,857 --> 00:26:56,323 You don't even count down? 687 00:26:56,325 --> 00:26:58,091 Hoist, come on, boom. 688 00:26:58,093 --> 00:26:59,293 - Up yours. - What? 689 00:26:59,295 --> 00:27:00,560 Mm-hmm. 690 00:27:00,562 --> 00:27:02,195 Oo, for the win. 691 00:27:02,197 --> 00:27:04,331 Eight ball in the corner pocket, all right? 692 00:27:04,333 --> 00:27:06,466 Eight ball, don't be afraid of the dark, baby. 693 00:27:06,468 --> 00:27:08,201 - Take us home, Marty. - Mm-hmm. 694 00:27:08,203 --> 00:27:11,538 And if I make it, you have to go out with me. 695 00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:14,343 Oh, I told you, I'm married. 696 00:27:15,944 --> 00:27:18,945 What, to that idea, to the thing I just came up with? 697 00:27:18,947 --> 00:27:20,881 You know, I love her enthusiasm. 698 00:27:20,883 --> 00:27:22,416 Come on, I'm fun. 699 00:27:22,418 --> 00:27:24,051 - I'm a lot of fun. - Okay. 700 00:27:24,053 --> 00:27:26,053 - Yeah, all right. - Believe in yourself. 701 00:27:26,055 --> 00:27:28,388 - Woo. - Breathe in. 702 00:27:28,390 --> 00:27:30,459 Yeah, I'm good. 703 00:27:32,294 --> 00:27:34,229 How do you scratch... 704 00:27:35,197 --> 00:27:36,330 You scratched on the eight, 705 00:27:36,332 --> 00:27:38,965 you scratched on the eight ball though. 706 00:27:38,967 --> 00:27:39,835 Ah. 707 00:27:40,969 --> 00:27:42,536 A pleasure, a pleasure. 708 00:27:42,538 --> 00:27:43,003 Very good game. 709 00:27:43,005 --> 00:27:43,904 I'm so sorry. 710 00:27:43,906 --> 00:27:46,006 Listen, it was a honor to lose to you. 711 00:27:46,008 --> 00:27:47,307 Thank you so much, it was so much fun. 712 00:27:47,309 --> 00:27:48,208 Vanessa, right? 713 00:27:48,210 --> 00:27:50,977 You know, oh god, can I buy you a drink? 714 00:27:50,979 --> 00:27:52,045 Or a car, or a condo. 715 00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:53,947 That's a lot, that's a lot, take it down a notch. 716 00:27:53,949 --> 00:27:54,816 Take it down a notch. 717 00:27:54,818 --> 00:27:56,049 The four of us could live together. 718 00:27:56,051 --> 00:27:57,384 - We'd be great. - We gotta go. 719 00:27:57,386 --> 00:27:58,051 You see? 720 00:27:58,053 --> 00:27:58,753 That's the story of my life. 721 00:27:58,755 --> 00:27:59,653 The good ones just always go. 722 00:27:59,655 --> 00:28:02,356 - So go, please. - Your dad's a charmer. 723 00:28:02,358 --> 00:28:03,390 Apparently, right? 724 00:28:03,392 --> 00:28:04,658 Okay, all right, bye. 725 00:28:04,660 --> 00:28:06,059 Don't you wanna walk them out, Dad? 726 00:28:06,061 --> 00:28:07,194 Yeah, you know, actually, I do. 727 00:28:07,196 --> 00:28:08,228 I bet you do. 728 00:28:08,230 --> 00:28:09,496 Yeah, hey, girls, girls. 729 00:28:09,498 --> 00:28:12,065 Would you do me a favor and just call me when you get home, 730 00:28:12,067 --> 00:28:13,400 'cause you know how I worry. 731 00:28:15,437 --> 00:28:17,304 Oh, you know, what did I tell you guys? 732 00:28:17,306 --> 00:28:19,039 Oh, Marty, not again, man. 733 00:28:19,041 --> 00:28:20,574 You know, if you're gonna pump money into that machine, 734 00:28:20,576 --> 00:28:22,409 you might as well play the original stuff. 735 00:28:22,411 --> 00:28:23,944 What's the original stuff? 736 00:28:23,946 --> 00:28:25,312 You don't know? 737 00:28:25,314 --> 00:28:26,179 He don't know. 738 00:28:26,181 --> 00:28:27,314 Here we go. 739 00:28:27,316 --> 00:28:29,049 Hip hop, rap, all comes 740 00:28:29,051 --> 00:28:31,218 from the same thing, jazz and soul. 741 00:28:31,220 --> 00:28:32,386 All right, I'll play a little 742 00:28:32,388 --> 00:28:33,320 Sly and the Family Stone next. 743 00:28:33,322 --> 00:28:34,254 Take me higher. 744 00:28:34,256 --> 00:28:36,656 - Look at this. - Grandpa knows his shit. 745 00:28:36,658 --> 00:28:38,291 Hey, first of all, I am a grandpa. 746 00:28:38,293 --> 00:28:40,227 And second, I do know my shit. 747 00:28:41,597 --> 00:28:42,662 Hey, these are my nephews. 748 00:28:42,664 --> 00:28:44,064 This is Xavier. 749 00:28:44,066 --> 00:28:45,265 Rocket ship. 750 00:28:45,267 --> 00:28:46,333 Boo, and this is Aaron. 751 00:28:46,335 --> 00:28:47,534 Yeah, all right. 752 00:28:47,536 --> 00:28:49,035 It's nice to meet you guys. 753 00:28:49,037 --> 00:28:50,137 Nice to meet you too, man. 754 00:28:50,139 --> 00:28:52,272 We're not really his nephews. 755 00:28:52,274 --> 00:28:53,373 No, I figured, I mean. 756 00:28:53,375 --> 00:28:54,307 Why did you tell him? 757 00:28:54,309 --> 00:28:55,242 He was gonna find out. 758 00:28:55,244 --> 00:28:56,476 He was not gonna find out. 759 00:28:56,478 --> 00:28:58,580 - He's a mil... - Here, here, here, here. 760 00:29:00,249 --> 00:29:02,282 So you found out about the wake 761 00:29:02,284 --> 00:29:04,217 on Facebook and crashed it? 762 00:29:04,219 --> 00:29:05,519 It wasn't just me, it was him too. 763 00:29:05,521 --> 00:29:06,687 Just a little bit. 764 00:29:06,689 --> 00:29:08,555 Facebook's messed up like that, man. 765 00:29:08,557 --> 00:29:09,757 I mean, too much information can 766 00:29:09,759 --> 00:29:11,291 be a bad thing, you know what I mean? 767 00:29:11,293 --> 00:29:12,426 Man, screw social media. 768 00:29:12,428 --> 00:29:14,027 Screw social media is right. 769 00:29:14,029 --> 00:29:16,329 Facebook as an adult is all like political rants. 770 00:29:16,331 --> 00:29:17,732 It's just so fucking stupid. 771 00:29:17,734 --> 00:29:19,399 People checking in everywhere they go 772 00:29:19,401 --> 00:29:20,634 like anyone gives a fuck. 773 00:29:20,636 --> 00:29:23,069 And those damn inspirational quotes. 774 00:29:23,071 --> 00:29:24,671 Oh my god, 'cause that's what I need. 775 00:29:24,673 --> 00:29:26,573 Someone I haven't heard from since the 10th grade 776 00:29:26,575 --> 00:29:28,608 tell me to dance like nobody's watching. 777 00:29:28,610 --> 00:29:30,644 Come on, like, you know what I'm saying? 778 00:29:30,646 --> 00:29:32,045 Wait, what about the baby pictures? 779 00:29:32,047 --> 00:29:32,946 That's all I ever see. 780 00:29:32,948 --> 00:29:35,482 Don't get me started on baby pictures. 781 00:29:35,484 --> 00:29:37,083 You're proud of your baby, I get it, 782 00:29:37,085 --> 00:29:38,786 but unless your kid is riding a motorcycle 783 00:29:38,788 --> 00:29:41,388 through like a flaming hoop or is the new drummer 784 00:29:41,390 --> 00:29:43,791 for Van Halen, I don't need to see four pictures a day. 785 00:29:43,793 --> 00:29:44,826 You get one. 786 00:29:44,828 --> 00:29:47,427 Everybody gets one baby picture and that's it. 787 00:29:47,429 --> 00:29:49,062 Van fucking Halen. 788 00:29:49,064 --> 00:29:51,198 Van fucking Halen. 789 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,733 - My man. - That is the whitest 790 00:29:52,735 --> 00:29:54,468 goddamn reference I've heard in a long time. 791 00:29:54,470 --> 00:29:56,102 Do you wanna hear white? 792 00:29:56,104 --> 00:29:58,538 Today, I spent an hour downloading NPR podcasts 793 00:29:58,540 --> 00:29:59,406 in a Jamba Juice. 794 00:29:59,408 --> 00:30:01,109 - So... - Wow. 795 00:30:02,211 --> 00:30:03,744 Ladies and gentlemen, step right up 796 00:30:03,746 --> 00:30:06,046 and meet the whitest motherfucker in the world. 797 00:30:06,048 --> 00:30:07,514 Hello, everybody. 798 00:30:07,516 --> 00:30:11,351 I once bought a Bon Iver album in a Whole Foods. 799 00:30:11,353 --> 00:30:12,354 Give me some more. 800 00:30:13,288 --> 00:30:15,390 Mm, come on, be a man. 801 00:30:17,459 --> 00:30:21,363 There you go, there you go, there you go. 802 00:30:22,765 --> 00:30:24,531 I really needed this. 803 00:30:24,533 --> 00:30:26,099 Why is that? 804 00:30:26,101 --> 00:30:28,468 I just haven't been out much since I've been back. 805 00:30:28,470 --> 00:30:30,303 All my friends have adult lives. 806 00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:31,706 It's such a mind-fuck. 807 00:30:31,708 --> 00:30:32,641 Yeah, well... 808 00:30:36,411 --> 00:30:40,580 The older you get, the less friends you have. 809 00:30:40,582 --> 00:30:43,083 I just feel like I would have my life figured out by now. 810 00:30:43,085 --> 00:30:44,451 I mean, all my friends do. 811 00:30:44,453 --> 00:30:46,219 Let me tell you something about life, 812 00:30:46,221 --> 00:30:47,621 nobody has their shit figured out. 813 00:30:47,623 --> 00:30:49,589 Everybody moves at their own speed. 814 00:30:49,591 --> 00:30:52,760 I understand that, but I just fucking regret the way... 815 00:30:52,762 --> 00:30:53,593 Something about the blonde? 816 00:30:53,595 --> 00:30:54,628 Yes, yes, yes. 817 00:30:54,630 --> 00:30:56,630 Because when I left, she said that I was the one. 818 00:30:56,632 --> 00:30:57,732 Those were her words. 819 00:30:57,734 --> 00:31:01,134 She told all my friends, she said that I was the one. 820 00:31:01,136 --> 00:31:02,636 I hear you, I hear you, and that's cool. 821 00:31:02,638 --> 00:31:04,805 But maybe she wasn't the one for you. 822 00:31:04,807 --> 00:31:05,907 You know? 823 00:31:05,909 --> 00:31:07,140 'Cause sometimes those things don't always line up. 824 00:31:07,142 --> 00:31:10,410 That's why the good lord gave us weed and booze, you know? 825 00:31:10,412 --> 00:31:12,680 They're numbing agents against regret, 826 00:31:12,682 --> 00:31:16,151 because regret is real. 827 00:31:17,452 --> 00:31:19,486 It's one of the few things in the world that is. 828 00:31:19,488 --> 00:31:20,353 How so? 829 00:31:20,355 --> 00:31:21,722 What does that even mean? 830 00:31:21,724 --> 00:31:25,225 It means that happiness fades, okay? 831 00:31:25,227 --> 00:31:28,829 And sadness dulls over time, it just does every time. 832 00:31:28,831 --> 00:31:32,599 But regret, that shit is real, man. 833 00:31:32,601 --> 00:31:33,736 That shit lingers. 834 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:43,412 I saw a little hint of the comedian back at the bar. 835 00:31:44,479 --> 00:31:45,680 You were funny, man, you were really funny. 836 00:31:45,682 --> 00:31:48,181 - Nah, come on. - No, it's cool. 837 00:31:48,183 --> 00:31:49,382 You gonna be working anytime soon? 838 00:31:49,384 --> 00:31:50,785 'Cause I would come and check you out. 839 00:31:50,787 --> 00:31:52,385 Oh no. 840 00:31:52,387 --> 00:31:53,620 I'm not feeling really funny lately. 841 00:31:53,622 --> 00:31:55,890 Oh, too bad. 842 00:31:55,892 --> 00:31:57,424 It's a Tuesday night and you're a little drunk 843 00:31:57,426 --> 00:31:59,559 and you're smoking dope with your dermatologist, 844 00:31:59,561 --> 00:32:00,427 you should... 845 00:32:01,496 --> 00:32:03,263 You should write that shit down. 846 00:32:03,265 --> 00:32:06,166 Write that shit down, I'd pay to see that. 847 00:32:06,168 --> 00:32:07,667 I don't talk about my personal life. 848 00:32:07,669 --> 00:32:10,339 I do more like jokes and bits. 849 00:32:11,406 --> 00:32:12,572 Jokes and bits? 850 00:32:12,574 --> 00:32:14,374 Yeah, jokes and, why are you looking at me like that? 851 00:32:14,376 --> 00:32:15,442 I don't know what that is. 852 00:32:15,444 --> 00:32:18,946 I get on the stage and I tell, I say funny words. 853 00:32:18,948 --> 00:32:20,282 - Funny words? - Yeah. 854 00:32:20,717 --> 00:32:21,983 All right. 855 00:32:21,985 --> 00:32:23,718 You know, the guys I like the best are the guys who are real 856 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,519 that talk about real stuff in their life, you know? 857 00:32:26,521 --> 00:32:28,488 The real guys are the ones that you remember. 858 00:32:28,490 --> 00:32:29,291 Mm. 859 00:32:30,492 --> 00:32:31,591 Why don't you talk about your real life? 860 00:32:31,593 --> 00:32:33,828 - I don't really have a life. - That's hilarious. 861 00:32:33,830 --> 00:32:34,929 That's not supposed to be funny. 862 00:32:34,931 --> 00:32:36,296 - That's hilarious. - That's sad and depressing. 863 00:32:36,298 --> 00:32:37,263 Don't laugh at that. 864 00:32:37,265 --> 00:32:40,433 And you're laughing that I'm a fucking loser. 865 00:32:40,435 --> 00:32:41,802 What about you, what about you, huh? 866 00:32:41,804 --> 00:32:42,870 What, what about me? 867 00:32:42,872 --> 00:32:45,405 Was the big dream to be a suburban dermatologist? 868 00:32:45,407 --> 00:32:46,974 No, no no no no no. 869 00:32:46,976 --> 00:32:49,744 I started out in medicine, in general medicine. 870 00:32:49,746 --> 00:32:51,344 I was gonna be a surgeon. 871 00:32:51,346 --> 00:32:54,849 I was a resident at St. Anthony's 872 00:32:54,851 --> 00:32:57,152 - in Bethpage, Long Island. - Dude, that's where I was born. 873 00:32:57,887 --> 00:32:59,820 I thought you looked familiar. 874 00:32:59,822 --> 00:33:00,855 You see this face? 875 00:33:00,857 --> 00:33:02,522 It was that newborn with that head of hair. 876 00:33:02,524 --> 00:33:03,256 That's me. 877 00:33:03,258 --> 00:33:05,327 I was all hair when I came out. 878 00:33:08,397 --> 00:33:12,733 No, I just had this interesting epiphany. 879 00:33:12,735 --> 00:33:14,935 - I was terrified of blood. - Jeez. 880 00:33:14,937 --> 00:33:16,603 Yeah, freaked me out. 881 00:33:16,605 --> 00:33:18,371 So I made a U-turn, went back to school, 882 00:33:18,373 --> 00:33:20,507 and reemerged as a doctor of de skin. 883 00:33:20,509 --> 00:33:21,441 Mm. 884 00:33:21,443 --> 00:33:23,811 And it was more mellow and better for me. 885 00:33:23,813 --> 00:33:25,980 And at the time, I needed more structure, 886 00:33:25,982 --> 00:33:30,383 'cause I was living hard. 887 00:33:30,385 --> 00:33:32,252 I was running in the fast line. 888 00:33:32,254 --> 00:33:33,821 - Like a rolling stone. - Yeah, like Keith Richards. 889 00:33:33,823 --> 00:33:34,889 - Like Keith Richards. - Yeah, man. 890 00:33:34,891 --> 00:33:36,123 It was... 891 00:33:36,125 --> 00:33:40,629 And then my first wife died and I needed to regroup and... 892 00:33:41,864 --> 00:33:43,563 I'm sorry about that, man, I had no idea. 893 00:33:43,565 --> 00:33:45,733 Why would you, you know? 894 00:33:45,735 --> 00:33:49,770 I had a second wife and she died too. 895 00:33:49,772 --> 00:33:50,905 Jesus Christ. 896 00:33:50,907 --> 00:33:53,908 Yeah, yeah, but hey listen, I'm not the Durst guy. 897 00:33:53,910 --> 00:33:55,408 You know, I'm not, no. 898 00:33:55,410 --> 00:33:58,846 Just, they were both different situations. 899 00:33:58,848 --> 00:34:00,382 But both, you know. 900 00:34:02,317 --> 00:34:03,820 But my second wife was a godsend. 901 00:34:05,487 --> 00:34:07,320 She just helped me. 902 00:34:07,322 --> 00:34:10,024 I really needed to tame the beast, so to speak. 903 00:34:10,026 --> 00:34:10,893 And... 904 00:34:12,695 --> 00:34:15,428 Is that why your kid didn't want to see you today? 905 00:34:15,430 --> 00:34:16,665 Wasn't a fan of the beast? 906 00:34:21,003 --> 00:34:23,271 No, he's not a fan of the beast. 907 00:34:26,374 --> 00:34:27,041 Yeah. 908 00:34:27,043 --> 00:34:27,875 Freeze. 909 00:34:27,877 --> 00:34:29,509 Stay where you are, the both of you. 910 00:34:29,511 --> 00:34:30,343 It's the cops. 911 00:34:30,345 --> 00:34:31,411 What should I do with the joint? 912 00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:32,479 - Should I eat it? - Eat it? 913 00:34:32,481 --> 00:34:33,346 All right. 914 00:34:33,348 --> 00:34:34,547 No no no, what are you fucking doing? 915 00:34:34,549 --> 00:34:35,182 You just swallowed... 916 00:34:35,184 --> 00:34:36,050 I said it like a question. 917 00:34:36,052 --> 00:34:37,017 I said eat it? 918 00:34:37,019 --> 00:34:39,552 - Hands where I can see them. - Yeah, yep. 919 00:34:39,554 --> 00:34:41,588 Act like you're not high. 920 00:34:41,590 --> 00:34:43,991 - Lower the window. - Yeah, of course. 921 00:34:43,993 --> 00:34:45,492 Lower it down. 922 00:34:47,662 --> 00:34:49,562 - All the way down. - It's just an old car. 923 00:34:49,564 --> 00:34:51,899 - All the way down. - Here it comes. 924 00:34:51,901 --> 00:34:53,035 Here it comes. 925 00:34:54,804 --> 00:34:56,669 - Is that weed I smell? - No. 926 00:34:56,671 --> 00:34:58,571 No, no no no no no. 927 00:34:58,573 --> 00:35:01,407 We're actually... 928 00:35:01,409 --> 00:35:02,277 Oh. 929 00:35:02,745 --> 00:35:03,643 I'm sorry. 930 00:35:03,645 --> 00:35:04,678 Why don't you shut your fucking mouth? 931 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,513 You're right, we should shut our fucking mouths. 932 00:35:06,515 --> 00:35:07,313 We should shut our fucking mouths. 933 00:35:07,315 --> 00:35:08,648 We should get the hell out of here. 934 00:35:08,650 --> 00:35:10,519 We shouldn't even be here to begin with. 935 00:35:12,387 --> 00:35:14,422 I am sorry, is your name Ruis? 936 00:35:15,124 --> 00:35:16,656 - Yes. - Yes. 937 00:35:16,658 --> 00:35:19,860 Dude, Scott, I'm Meg's brother. 938 00:35:19,862 --> 00:35:22,062 - Wait, Scott? - Yes, dude, Scott. 939 00:35:22,064 --> 00:35:23,663 - Hey, man, how you doing? - What's up, brother? 940 00:35:23,665 --> 00:35:25,766 - I'm so happy to meet you. - Good to meet you, man. 941 00:35:25,768 --> 00:35:27,101 - This is Marty. - Oh hey. 942 00:35:27,103 --> 00:35:29,669 I'm sorry, Marty, how you doing? 943 00:35:29,671 --> 00:35:30,637 He swallowed his joint 944 00:35:30,639 --> 00:35:32,405 because we thought you were gonna kill us. 945 00:35:32,407 --> 00:35:33,439 I'll find it later. 946 00:35:36,813 --> 00:35:37,479 Mm. 947 00:35:38,714 --> 00:35:39,713 That's really good weed, Marty. 948 00:35:39,715 --> 00:35:42,649 Ruis, I gotta say, the way you came at us, 949 00:35:42,651 --> 00:35:44,551 oo, I fucking loved it. 950 00:35:44,553 --> 00:35:46,053 - Pretty cool, right? - Yes, very cool. 951 00:35:46,055 --> 00:35:47,089 It's kinda like hey. 952 00:35:48,557 --> 00:35:49,759 Shut your fucking mouth. 953 00:35:50,827 --> 00:35:52,525 That was scary. 954 00:35:52,527 --> 00:35:53,194 It's good, right? 955 00:35:53,196 --> 00:35:54,995 Yeah, that's pretty scary. 956 00:35:54,997 --> 00:35:57,397 - I try. - Yeah, it's good. 957 00:35:57,399 --> 00:35:58,464 You guys should try it, man. 958 00:35:58,466 --> 00:35:59,632 Like, this whole the cop thing. 959 00:35:59,634 --> 00:36:00,567 It's really fun. 960 00:36:00,569 --> 00:36:04,537 Really, you know, brings it out, you know? 961 00:36:04,539 --> 00:36:05,208 Oh. 962 00:36:06,976 --> 00:36:09,442 Don't move a muscle, scumbag. 963 00:36:09,444 --> 00:36:10,643 Because if you move a muscle, 964 00:36:10,645 --> 00:36:12,079 I'ma shoot you in your asshole. 965 00:36:12,081 --> 00:36:13,113 - Yeah. - Ow. 966 00:36:13,115 --> 00:36:14,915 Praying for your life won't do you any good 967 00:36:14,917 --> 00:36:17,151 'cause right now, you're looking into the eyes 968 00:36:17,153 --> 00:36:18,786 of the devil himself. 969 00:36:18,788 --> 00:36:20,688 - That's really good. - Every duck has his limit. 970 00:36:20,690 --> 00:36:23,458 And you, scum, just pushed me over the line. 971 00:36:23,826 --> 00:36:24,524 Duck? 972 00:36:24,526 --> 00:36:25,693 You can use it if you want. 973 00:36:25,695 --> 00:36:27,962 But full disclosure, it is from "Howard the Duck" so... 974 00:36:27,964 --> 00:36:28,963 That was cinema. 975 00:36:28,965 --> 00:36:31,131 - Oh, that's a good movie. - Oh wow, oh wow. 976 00:36:31,133 --> 00:36:32,800 - I love that movie. - I love that, yeah. 977 00:36:32,802 --> 00:36:35,069 It's insane, that's an Oscar film. 978 00:36:35,071 --> 00:36:36,136 So let me ask you something. 979 00:36:36,138 --> 00:36:38,105 Were you gonna arrest us? 980 00:36:38,107 --> 00:36:39,106 No, no. 981 00:36:39,108 --> 00:36:40,607 I can't arrest anyone. 982 00:36:40,609 --> 00:36:42,642 So you give us a ticket? 983 00:36:42,644 --> 00:36:45,212 You know, it's fucked up, I can't even give tickets. 984 00:36:45,214 --> 00:36:46,146 Well, what can you do? 985 00:36:46,148 --> 00:36:47,480 What can you do? 986 00:36:47,482 --> 00:36:47,783 Nothing. 987 00:36:49,118 --> 00:36:52,219 You can just show up and just tell people to go home. 988 00:36:52,221 --> 00:36:54,221 You know, it's like, hey! 989 00:36:54,223 --> 00:36:57,191 Go home and watch Netflix and eat Doritos. 990 00:36:57,193 --> 00:36:59,994 Oh my god. 991 00:36:59,996 --> 00:37:03,431 Ruis, I gotta say it, you're fucking awesome. 992 00:37:04,166 --> 00:37:05,034 I know, right? 993 00:37:06,969 --> 00:37:08,702 You guys want a ride home? 994 00:37:08,704 --> 00:37:10,570 Yeah yeah yeah, if you don't give me a ride home, 995 00:37:10,572 --> 00:37:12,072 I'm gonna hurt myself. 996 00:37:12,074 --> 00:37:14,074 Yeah, and you know what? 997 00:37:14,076 --> 00:37:17,778 Even though I happen to be a fantastic drunk driver, 998 00:37:17,780 --> 00:37:19,013 I think it's the wrong thing. 999 00:37:19,015 --> 00:37:22,850 So I'll get my car tomorrow, I'll take a ride with you now. 1000 00:37:22,852 --> 00:37:24,118 - Let's go. - Shall we? 1001 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,518 - Yes, let's go. - Great. 1002 00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:26,586 - Oh. - My bad. 1003 00:37:26,588 --> 00:37:28,554 - Careful along the maze. - Yeah. 1004 00:37:28,556 --> 00:37:29,757 - Careful. - Okay. 1005 00:37:29,759 --> 00:37:31,658 - Ow, fuck. - This way. 1006 00:37:31,660 --> 00:37:32,793 - Yeah, of course. - This way. 1007 00:37:32,795 --> 00:37:35,528 - Scott, this way. - Yeah, dude. 1008 00:37:35,530 --> 00:37:37,497 - I don't know which way to go? - Yeah. 1009 00:37:37,499 --> 00:37:39,168 I'm like 34. 1010 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,572 Let me know when you find that joint, all right? 1011 00:37:46,574 --> 00:37:50,010 Yeah, and don't smoke it. 1012 00:37:50,012 --> 00:37:50,911 Hey, put the weapon down. 1013 00:37:50,913 --> 00:37:56,118 Put the weapon down. 1014 00:38:44,900 --> 00:38:45,768 Scotty. 1015 00:38:46,769 --> 00:38:48,302 Scotty, are you awake? 1016 00:38:48,304 --> 00:38:49,303 No. 1017 00:38:49,305 --> 00:38:51,071 I'm just checking you're not oversleeping 1018 00:38:51,073 --> 00:38:52,206 for an appointment or anything. 1019 00:38:52,208 --> 00:38:53,573 Do you know what time it is? 1020 00:38:53,575 --> 00:38:54,341 Yeah, Mom. 1021 00:38:54,343 --> 00:38:56,276 It's 4:67, we're fine. 1022 00:38:56,278 --> 00:38:59,113 4:67 isn't a time, honey. 1023 00:38:59,115 --> 00:38:59,813 Oh man. 1024 00:38:59,815 --> 00:39:01,015 Okay, and where's your car? 1025 00:39:01,017 --> 00:39:02,950 I didn't see it outside. 1026 00:39:02,952 --> 00:39:04,718 Um. 1027 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:05,886 Battery died. 1028 00:39:05,888 --> 00:39:07,021 I need a jump today, okay? 1029 00:39:07,023 --> 00:39:09,757 Well, I guess it's finally starting to show its age. 1030 00:39:09,759 --> 00:39:11,358 But when you get up, you wanna do me a favor? 1031 00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:12,493 Yeah, 100%. 1032 00:39:12,495 --> 00:39:16,797 But first, Mom, can you get me like a bucket of Advil 1033 00:39:16,799 --> 00:39:18,032 and like some Eggos. 1034 00:39:18,034 --> 00:39:20,102 Oh, I love you very much. 1035 00:39:21,303 --> 00:39:22,838 I love you too. 1036 00:39:24,140 --> 00:39:25,741 - Now get up. - Yeah. 1037 00:39:59,141 --> 00:40:02,276 Why are you sanding the screen? 1038 00:40:02,278 --> 00:40:03,110 What? 1039 00:40:03,112 --> 00:40:05,079 Why are you sanding the screen? 1040 00:40:05,081 --> 00:40:07,347 Well, in order to re-stain the screens, 1041 00:40:07,349 --> 00:40:09,383 one must first sand them. 1042 00:40:09,385 --> 00:40:10,650 Yeah. 1043 00:40:10,652 --> 00:40:11,718 Yeah, a new stain would look good. 1044 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:12,855 That's a good idea. 1045 00:40:15,257 --> 00:40:16,690 You need something, Scott? 1046 00:40:16,692 --> 00:40:17,357 No. 1047 00:40:17,359 --> 00:40:17,927 Um. 1048 00:40:18,761 --> 00:40:19,927 I just wanted to tell you 1049 00:40:19,929 --> 00:40:22,662 that I'm not gonna be staying here for too much longer. 1050 00:40:22,664 --> 00:40:23,831 I'm gonna get a place of my own. 1051 00:40:23,833 --> 00:40:25,699 I've already been looking on Craigslist. 1052 00:40:25,701 --> 00:40:27,868 Well, how much is this place of your own gonna cost? 1053 00:40:27,870 --> 00:40:29,103 You don't have to worry about it. 1054 00:40:29,105 --> 00:40:31,738 I went down to Governor's, I'm scheduling a set for myself. 1055 00:40:31,740 --> 00:40:34,041 And I know I shouldn't be starting on open mics again, 1056 00:40:34,043 --> 00:40:35,375 but if I want to get paid for standup... 1057 00:40:35,377 --> 00:40:36,743 Scott, come on. 1058 00:40:36,745 --> 00:40:40,314 Enough of this fantasy land bullshit. 1059 00:40:40,316 --> 00:40:42,382 I know you probably don't wanna hear that. 1060 00:40:42,384 --> 00:40:43,851 Probably? 1061 00:40:43,853 --> 00:40:46,120 Okay, I'll tell you a story, all right? 1062 00:40:46,122 --> 00:40:48,889 Um, a couple summers back, when your uncle Jeffrey and I, 1063 00:40:48,891 --> 00:40:51,258 we went to Vegas, we were on this incredible heater 1064 00:40:51,260 --> 00:40:53,160 on the three card tables at the MGM Grand. 1065 00:40:53,162 --> 00:40:56,430 So, the pit boss, he gives us a couple of comps. 1066 00:40:56,432 --> 00:40:58,165 That night, we go to see Brad Garrett. 1067 00:40:58,167 --> 00:41:01,168 And I gotta tell you, Son, he was just fucking hilarious. 1068 00:41:01,170 --> 00:41:04,104 I laughed so hard, I spit gin and tonic all over your uncle. 1069 00:41:04,106 --> 00:41:06,340 It was coming out of my goddamn nose. 1070 00:41:06,342 --> 00:41:07,407 Why are you telling me this? 1071 00:41:07,409 --> 00:41:10,177 I'm sorry, Scott, but you're no Brad Garrett. 1072 00:41:10,179 --> 00:41:12,146 Oh my, are you serious? 1073 00:41:12,148 --> 00:41:13,313 That's where you were going? 1074 00:41:13,315 --> 00:41:16,216 Look, you wanted to give it a shot, I get that, okay? 1075 00:41:16,218 --> 00:41:18,418 And fine, the lumberyard's not for you. 1076 00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:19,486 Please, let's not do this again. 1077 00:41:19,488 --> 00:41:21,421 No no, just listen to me. 1078 00:41:21,423 --> 00:41:23,190 That is what it is, okay? 1079 00:41:23,192 --> 00:41:25,826 Just go and find yourself a real job. 1080 00:41:25,828 --> 00:41:26,760 You're in your 30s 1081 00:41:26,762 --> 00:41:29,296 and you're telling jokes for pocket change. 1082 00:41:29,298 --> 00:41:30,531 You're better than that. 1083 00:41:30,533 --> 00:41:33,734 I mean, why don't you go and tell your jokes in an office? 1084 00:41:33,736 --> 00:41:34,401 Okay? 1085 00:41:34,403 --> 00:41:36,003 I mean, be that guy. 1086 00:41:36,005 --> 00:41:37,406 The funny mailman. 1087 00:42:08,237 --> 00:42:09,369 What up, Marty, how you feeling? 1088 00:42:09,371 --> 00:42:11,338 Oh man. 1089 00:42:11,340 --> 00:42:13,040 How do I look? 1090 00:42:13,042 --> 00:42:15,110 - You look like a five. - A five? 1091 00:42:16,212 --> 00:42:18,045 Uh, this today? 1092 00:42:18,047 --> 00:42:19,181 This is so recent. 1093 00:42:20,816 --> 00:42:22,216 I got a fresh one coming out in two minutes. 1094 00:42:22,218 --> 00:42:23,450 Thank you. 1095 00:42:23,452 --> 00:42:27,988 Give me two regular, nice and hot, crush red on the side, 1096 00:42:27,990 --> 00:42:31,325 and, um, a Thorazine smoothie. 1097 00:42:31,327 --> 00:42:33,393 - Yeah, the usual. - Yeah. 1098 00:42:33,395 --> 00:42:34,263 Uh, oh. 1099 00:43:25,948 --> 00:43:27,914 Welcome to Do the Twist, can I help you, sir? 1100 00:43:27,916 --> 00:43:29,983 Oh, I hope so, uh... 1101 00:43:29,985 --> 00:43:31,385 - Sanjay. - Sanjay. 1102 00:43:31,387 --> 00:43:33,587 Sanjay, see, I got an enormous problem. 1103 00:43:33,589 --> 00:43:34,655 A problem? 1104 00:43:34,657 --> 00:43:37,858 Yeah, I got one of those new coconut pretzels, 1105 00:43:37,860 --> 00:43:39,059 you know what I'm talking about? 1106 00:43:39,061 --> 00:43:39,993 - Yes. - Yeah. 1107 00:43:39,995 --> 00:43:41,061 I bet you think they're delicious, right? 1108 00:43:41,063 --> 00:43:42,329 They're nice. 1109 00:43:42,331 --> 00:43:44,266 They made me shit my pants, Sanjay. 1110 00:43:45,334 --> 00:43:46,400 Oh. 1111 00:43:46,402 --> 00:43:47,000 No. 1112 00:43:47,002 --> 00:43:47,801 Oh no is right, Sanjay. 1113 00:43:47,803 --> 00:43:49,636 That's why I'm here, retribution. 1114 00:43:49,638 --> 00:43:50,738 I'm here to get what's mine. 1115 00:43:50,740 --> 00:43:52,472 Where is your manager, I wanna talk to your manager. 1116 00:43:52,474 --> 00:43:53,473 Is this her? 1117 00:43:53,475 --> 00:43:55,342 Is this the woman that made me shit my pants? 1118 00:43:55,344 --> 00:43:56,643 No no no, she did not make you... 1119 00:43:56,645 --> 00:43:57,577 She did. 1120 00:43:57,579 --> 00:43:59,146 Go make pretzel dough, Sanjay. 1121 00:43:59,148 --> 00:44:00,015 Okay. 1122 00:44:01,950 --> 00:44:02,851 May I help you? 1123 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:05,552 You left your wallet at home. 1124 00:44:05,554 --> 00:44:06,754 Mom asked me to bring it to you. 1125 00:44:06,756 --> 00:44:08,588 She's afraid to get pulled over and a cop would be like, 1126 00:44:08,590 --> 00:44:09,389 where's your license? 1127 00:44:09,391 --> 00:44:10,957 That woman is a saint on earth. 1128 00:44:10,959 --> 00:44:11,892 She's incredible. 1129 00:44:11,894 --> 00:44:13,228 She's incredible, yeah. 1130 00:44:16,165 --> 00:44:18,532 What's with the sunglasses, Dirty Harry? 1131 00:44:18,534 --> 00:44:21,134 What's with the sunglasses is that 34 year old hangovers 1132 00:44:21,136 --> 00:44:23,203 feel like brain cancer. 1133 00:44:23,205 --> 00:44:24,304 Light hurts. 1134 00:44:24,306 --> 00:44:26,440 Ruis said you were at a playground late last night 1135 00:44:26,442 --> 00:44:28,141 with an old man. 1136 00:44:28,143 --> 00:44:29,209 Sounds like a real rager. 1137 00:44:29,211 --> 00:44:32,579 That is actually accurate. 1138 00:44:32,581 --> 00:44:35,015 But also, totally not as weird as it sounds. 1139 00:44:35,017 --> 00:44:36,950 - I highly doubt that. - Oh okay, well, you're wrong. 1140 00:44:36,952 --> 00:44:38,418 Your dad is wrong. 1141 00:44:38,420 --> 00:44:40,120 - Give me a pretzel. - Give me some money. 1142 00:44:40,122 --> 00:44:42,089 Oh my goodness. 1143 00:44:42,091 --> 00:44:44,057 Are you really trying to shake me down? 1144 00:44:44,059 --> 00:44:46,259 Can you believe this, Sanjay? 1145 00:44:46,261 --> 00:44:48,662 I am close, personal friends with Ruis now. 1146 00:44:48,664 --> 00:44:50,030 I can call him any time I want. 1147 00:44:50,032 --> 00:44:51,131 That is bullshit. 1148 00:44:51,133 --> 00:44:51,998 Oh, really? 1149 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:56,103 - 917-543-6... - Okay. 1150 00:44:56,105 --> 00:44:57,671 You get one pretzel. 1151 00:44:57,673 --> 00:44:59,239 I want my pretzel to be salted. 1152 00:44:59,241 --> 00:45:00,109 Salted. 1153 00:45:01,377 --> 00:45:02,275 Basic bitch. 1154 00:45:02,277 --> 00:45:04,578 Wow, how dare you. 1155 00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:06,181 I am a classic man. 1156 00:45:07,116 --> 00:45:08,215 I'm a classic man. 1157 00:45:08,217 --> 00:45:09,918 I know what I like and I eat it. 1158 00:45:16,425 --> 00:45:18,026 Thank you for bringing this. 1159 00:45:19,661 --> 00:45:20,961 I love you, I guess. 1160 00:45:20,963 --> 00:45:22,562 I love you too. 1161 00:45:22,564 --> 00:45:24,231 Also questionably. 1162 00:45:24,233 --> 00:45:26,533 Let's not talk about it again, okay? 1163 00:45:26,535 --> 00:45:28,368 I love you too, Sanjay. 1164 00:45:28,370 --> 00:45:30,170 - I love you. - Bye. 1165 00:45:30,172 --> 00:45:31,940 - I'm gonna head out. - Go to bed. 1166 00:45:33,008 --> 00:45:34,943 - I'll talk to you soon. - Okay, bye. 1167 00:45:46,622 --> 00:45:48,023 Holy shit. 1168 00:45:49,759 --> 00:45:51,158 Wait one second, okay? 1169 00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:52,995 Wait one second, wait one second. 1170 00:45:58,735 --> 00:45:59,601 Hey. 1171 00:46:01,069 --> 00:46:02,202 Oh my god. 1172 00:46:02,204 --> 00:46:03,069 Wow. 1173 00:46:03,071 --> 00:46:04,438 Oh my god. 1174 00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:05,107 Hey. 1175 00:46:06,208 --> 00:46:08,175 I heard it was true, I guess it is. 1176 00:46:08,177 --> 00:46:09,075 - Wow. - What, what was? 1177 00:46:09,077 --> 00:46:11,411 I just, I heard you were at the wake. 1178 00:46:11,413 --> 00:46:13,146 - Yes. - But I didn't necessarily 1179 00:46:13,148 --> 00:46:14,214 - believe it. - I was there. 1180 00:46:14,216 --> 00:46:16,316 I didn't know, did you go? 1181 00:46:16,318 --> 00:46:18,318 Yeah, obviously I was there. 1182 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,220 I didn't even know that you knew Rory. 1183 00:46:20,222 --> 00:46:21,288 Yeah, ugh. 1184 00:46:21,290 --> 00:46:24,357 It's heartbreaking, yeah, one of my good friends. 1185 00:46:24,359 --> 00:46:27,762 Did you fly back specifically for the wake? 1186 00:46:27,764 --> 00:46:30,032 No, I actually moved back home. 1187 00:46:32,401 --> 00:46:33,335 - What? - Yeah. 1188 00:46:35,304 --> 00:46:37,103 - Wait, I'm sorry, really? - Yeah. 1189 00:46:37,105 --> 00:46:38,538 Like, for good? 1190 00:46:38,540 --> 00:46:40,173 I don't know, maybe. 1191 00:46:40,175 --> 00:46:41,376 I mean, for awhile, yeah. 1192 00:46:43,111 --> 00:46:44,611 What about California? 1193 00:46:44,613 --> 00:46:48,415 I got a job offer in New York, so I had to come home. 1194 00:46:48,417 --> 00:46:49,750 What is it? 1195 00:46:49,752 --> 00:46:52,219 A development deal with Snapchat. 1196 00:46:52,221 --> 00:46:54,254 Supposedly, I'm a social media influencer. 1197 00:46:54,256 --> 00:46:55,121 Really? 1198 00:46:55,123 --> 00:46:56,757 But you seem to be doing incredible. 1199 00:46:56,759 --> 00:46:58,558 Oh my goodness, I've seen all these things on Instagram. 1200 00:46:58,560 --> 00:46:59,727 Iceland, you went to Iceland. 1201 00:46:59,729 --> 00:47:01,428 Wow, you've really been looking, huh? 1202 00:47:01,430 --> 00:47:03,063 Oh yeah, I'm a fucking troll. 1203 00:47:03,065 --> 00:47:04,331 I'm on it constantly. 1204 00:47:04,333 --> 00:47:07,200 And I saw that you married Owen. 1205 00:47:07,202 --> 00:47:08,468 Yeah. 1206 00:47:08,470 --> 00:47:09,338 I did. 1207 00:47:10,339 --> 00:47:11,473 You guys look happy. 1208 00:47:12,341 --> 00:47:13,008 Yeah. 1209 00:47:16,278 --> 00:47:18,278 Anyway, I gotta get outta here. 1210 00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:18,946 Yeah. 1211 00:47:18,948 --> 00:47:21,414 I gotta, well, I have to... 1212 00:47:21,416 --> 00:47:23,619 Yeah, I was literally, I was, okay. 1213 00:47:25,354 --> 00:47:26,319 Scott fucking Rollins. 1214 00:47:26,321 --> 00:47:27,556 Becky fucking Brooks. 1215 00:47:32,294 --> 00:47:33,694 Let me get this straight, you're telling me 1216 00:47:33,696 --> 00:47:38,164 that she's gonna leave her husband because of a yeah? 1217 00:47:38,166 --> 00:47:39,700 No, by the way, it's not how she said it. 1218 00:47:39,702 --> 00:47:42,502 It wasn't just a yeah, it was like a cry for help. 1219 00:47:42,504 --> 00:47:43,771 Oh man. 1220 00:47:43,773 --> 00:47:46,172 You have got to learn to manage your expectations. 1221 00:47:46,174 --> 00:47:48,108 No, I'm gonna dive deep into this one. 1222 00:47:48,110 --> 00:47:50,443 I'm gonna really latch onto this one. 1223 00:47:50,445 --> 00:47:52,112 How do you have this? 1224 00:47:52,114 --> 00:47:53,280 I taped it the other night. 1225 00:47:53,282 --> 00:47:54,614 - Yes, did you really? - Yeah. 1226 00:47:54,616 --> 00:47:56,583 '86 Mets, one of the best teams in sports history. 1227 00:47:56,585 --> 00:47:57,317 Thank you. 1228 00:47:57,319 --> 00:47:58,385 And I'm not talking baseball. 1229 00:47:58,387 --> 00:47:59,286 I'm talking all of sports. 1230 00:47:59,288 --> 00:48:00,320 Hit me off with it. 1231 00:48:00,322 --> 00:48:02,690 What have we got, Gary Carter, Lenny Dykstra... 1232 00:48:02,692 --> 00:48:05,425 - Keith Hernandez, Darryl... - Darryl Strawberry. 1233 00:48:05,427 --> 00:48:06,293 - Big Lefty. - Mookie. 1234 00:48:06,295 --> 00:48:08,595 - Mookie. - And against Bill Buckner. 1235 00:48:08,597 --> 00:48:09,730 G-g-g-gosh. 1236 00:48:09,732 --> 00:48:11,300 What was that pitcher's name? 1237 00:48:12,467 --> 00:48:14,234 - Ron Darling. - That was, yeah. 1238 00:48:14,236 --> 00:48:15,235 - From Yale. - Very smart man. 1239 00:48:15,237 --> 00:48:16,269 - Really smart kid. - Yeah. 1240 00:48:16,271 --> 00:48:17,872 My son was five. 1241 00:48:17,874 --> 00:48:20,640 I'd say, "Who's pitching" and he'd go, Darling. 1242 00:48:20,642 --> 00:48:22,142 Yeah, yeah. 1243 00:48:22,144 --> 00:48:23,343 Yeah, they were great. 1244 00:48:23,345 --> 00:48:26,179 Speaking of great, my pancakes. 1245 00:48:26,181 --> 00:48:27,647 - Oh my god, unbelievable. - Great? 1246 00:48:27,649 --> 00:48:28,683 You do a lot of cooking? 1247 00:48:28,685 --> 00:48:30,584 I used to, you know, when the kids were young. 1248 00:48:30,586 --> 00:48:32,853 Breakfast mostly, but now, not so much. 1249 00:48:32,855 --> 00:48:34,021 Yeah. 1250 00:48:34,023 --> 00:48:36,389 I'm not that well-stocked in the grocery department. 1251 00:48:36,391 --> 00:48:38,258 So what is it, just blueberries and beer? 1252 00:48:38,260 --> 00:48:39,159 - And bourbon. - Oh. 1253 00:48:39,161 --> 00:48:40,761 And I've got some Jager in the fridge. 1254 00:48:40,763 --> 00:48:42,562 So you cover all the basic food groups. 1255 00:48:42,564 --> 00:48:43,530 Just the essentials, you know. 1256 00:48:43,532 --> 00:48:44,734 - Well, okay. - Yeah. 1257 00:48:47,603 --> 00:48:49,235 Are they organic blueberries? 1258 00:48:49,237 --> 00:48:51,741 - Long Island's own. - Oh my god, I could taste it. 1259 00:48:52,574 --> 00:48:53,173 What are you doing? 1260 00:48:53,175 --> 00:48:54,174 You brought up bourbon. 1261 00:48:54,176 --> 00:48:55,810 You know, just put me in the mood, that's all. 1262 00:48:55,812 --> 00:48:58,113 - No, you brought up bourbon. - All right. 1263 00:48:59,682 --> 00:49:00,549 Fine. 1264 00:49:01,583 --> 00:49:02,950 You're no fun. 1265 00:49:02,952 --> 00:49:05,720 Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot lately. 1266 00:49:05,722 --> 00:49:08,388 To get back to what's important, right? 1267 00:49:08,390 --> 00:49:10,523 I'm there, I'm right in front of Becky, 1268 00:49:10,525 --> 00:49:11,792 and I ask her, I said, "You guys look happy." 1269 00:49:11,794 --> 00:49:14,561 And then she says, now listen to the way she says it, okay? 1270 00:49:14,563 --> 00:49:15,796 She goes, yeah. 1271 00:49:15,798 --> 00:49:17,098 That wasn't it, that wasn't even it. 1272 00:49:17,100 --> 00:49:19,867 It was like this, it was like imagine someone about to die, 1273 00:49:19,869 --> 00:49:22,435 die inside, it was like, yeah. 1274 00:49:22,437 --> 00:49:23,570 That was it, did you hear it? 1275 00:49:23,572 --> 00:49:24,939 - No, I hear nothing. - Oh my... 1276 00:49:24,941 --> 00:49:26,306 I hear absolutely nothing. 1277 00:49:26,308 --> 00:49:28,976 Listen, Rollins, existing marriage aside... 1278 00:49:28,978 --> 00:49:31,378 Terrible marriage aside, but continue. 1279 00:49:31,380 --> 00:49:32,278 Okay. 1280 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,915 She said, he's the one, he's the one. 1281 00:49:34,917 --> 00:49:36,549 All right, that's cool, I get that. 1282 00:49:36,551 --> 00:49:38,418 But is she the one for you? 1283 00:49:38,420 --> 00:49:39,552 I mean, maybe. 1284 00:49:39,554 --> 00:49:42,723 It doesn't mean she's not the right one for me, right? 1285 00:49:42,725 --> 00:49:46,326 All I'm trying to say is lightning rarely strikes twice. 1286 00:49:46,328 --> 00:49:47,795 But if you keep your eyes open and you're not 1287 00:49:47,797 --> 00:49:50,296 a little stubborn shit, it can strike again. 1288 00:49:50,298 --> 00:49:52,267 Wow, what does that mean, Drunk Yoda? 1289 00:49:53,002 --> 00:49:54,668 It means what it means. 1290 00:49:54,670 --> 00:49:56,937 Holy shit, is that your Yoda impersonation? 1291 00:49:56,939 --> 00:49:57,972 What the fuck is this? 1292 00:49:57,974 --> 00:49:59,909 Well, it's not my world. 1293 00:50:00,843 --> 00:50:01,709 What I'm trying to say is 1294 00:50:01,711 --> 00:50:03,744 what if I fucked with destiny, right? 1295 00:50:03,746 --> 00:50:05,378 What if I zigged when I should have zagged? 1296 00:50:05,380 --> 00:50:07,380 My entire life would be different. 1297 00:50:07,382 --> 00:50:08,949 And speaking personally, 1298 00:50:08,951 --> 00:50:13,355 I actually do think that you can unfuck something. 1299 00:50:15,424 --> 00:50:16,291 Yeah? 1300 00:50:21,329 --> 00:50:24,631 Do you know I'm going up again tomorrow. 1301 00:50:24,633 --> 00:50:26,033 Going up, what does that mean? 1302 00:50:26,035 --> 00:50:27,634 I'm making a comeback. 1303 00:50:27,636 --> 00:50:28,769 I'm going to Levittown. 1304 00:50:28,771 --> 00:50:30,971 A place called Governor's, I'm gonna do some standup. 1305 00:50:30,973 --> 00:50:32,338 - Great. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1306 00:50:32,340 --> 00:50:33,573 - Oh, I love that. - For real? 1307 00:50:33,575 --> 00:50:34,975 I told, oh, that's fantastic. 1308 00:50:34,977 --> 00:50:36,409 - What, tomorrow night? - 7:00 p.m. tomorrow night. 1309 00:50:36,411 --> 00:50:37,712 But I don't know when I'm in the lineup. 1310 00:50:37,714 --> 00:50:38,946 So the show starts at 7:00 p.m. 1311 00:50:38,948 --> 00:50:39,579 I'm somewhere in there. 1312 00:50:39,581 --> 00:50:40,447 They gave me a shitty slot 1313 00:50:40,449 --> 00:50:41,882 because I haven't been there for a bit. 1314 00:50:41,884 --> 00:50:42,950 - I'll be there. - For real? 1315 00:50:42,952 --> 00:50:44,551 - Yeah. - Three drink minimum. 1316 00:50:44,553 --> 00:50:45,886 I'm worried about the drink maximum. 1317 00:50:45,888 --> 00:50:48,022 You can also drink like a Coke or a coffee. 1318 00:50:48,024 --> 00:50:48,989 The caffeine will kill me. 1319 00:50:48,991 --> 00:50:50,958 My heart will be beating like a hummingbird. 1320 00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:52,492 You're worried about the caffeine killing you? 1321 00:50:52,494 --> 00:50:53,930 - Yeah. - Shit, yeah. 1322 00:51:00,569 --> 00:51:04,841 Is it weird if I ask you who is in that? 1323 00:51:09,045 --> 00:51:13,750 No, that's Catherine, that's wife number two. 1324 00:51:15,417 --> 00:51:16,585 And where's wife number one? 1325 00:51:17,787 --> 00:51:20,520 She's buried in a cemetery in Farmingdale. 1326 00:51:20,522 --> 00:51:21,423 Mount Ararat. 1327 00:51:23,425 --> 00:51:26,526 Catherine hated the thought of being put into the ground. 1328 00:51:26,528 --> 00:51:27,395 So... 1329 00:51:28,430 --> 00:51:29,397 I dig that, yeah. 1330 00:51:31,834 --> 00:51:33,500 How did she die? 1331 00:51:33,502 --> 00:51:36,939 You know, Rollins, I just don't like to talk about it. 1332 00:51:39,041 --> 00:51:39,976 I get it. 1333 00:51:42,477 --> 00:51:44,747 She had stomach cancer, ate her alive. 1334 00:51:47,349 --> 00:51:49,415 You know, I didn't drink once 1335 00:51:49,417 --> 00:51:50,751 all the years that we were married. 1336 00:51:50,753 --> 00:51:52,119 Not once. 1337 00:51:52,121 --> 00:51:52,989 Not a drop. 1338 00:51:54,824 --> 00:51:55,691 Didn't have to. 1339 00:52:02,397 --> 00:52:03,831 What are you doing now? 1340 00:52:03,833 --> 00:52:04,732 It's Tuesday afternoon, 1341 00:52:04,734 --> 00:52:07,034 I'm eating pancakes with my dermatologist. 1342 00:52:07,036 --> 00:52:10,603 Well, get up. 1343 00:52:10,605 --> 00:52:12,505 - Get up, we going somewhere? - Yeah. 1344 00:52:12,507 --> 00:52:14,440 - Where we going? - Field trip. 1345 00:52:14,442 --> 00:52:17,046 I can't believe my 1346 00:52:44,740 --> 00:52:48,843 dermatologist drives Snoop Dogg's car. 1347 00:52:48,845 --> 00:52:51,511 She's a cliz-assic. 1348 00:52:51,513 --> 00:52:52,579 - Did I get it right? - Yeah. 1349 00:52:52,581 --> 00:52:53,747 That's exactly how he says it. 1350 00:52:53,749 --> 00:52:54,915 - See? - Cliz-assic. 1351 00:52:54,917 --> 00:52:56,418 I'm down with that. 1352 00:53:08,998 --> 00:53:10,867 You sure about this? 1353 00:53:12,735 --> 00:53:13,602 Yeah. 1354 00:53:15,071 --> 00:53:16,072 All right. 1355 00:53:18,074 --> 00:53:22,879 You know, it's been, fuck me, three years. 1356 00:53:25,181 --> 00:53:26,113 And I would've done this earlier 1357 00:53:26,115 --> 00:53:28,650 but I didn't have anybody to do it with me. 1358 00:53:30,686 --> 00:53:32,219 And the thought of an old man out on the beach 1359 00:53:32,221 --> 00:53:33,954 spreading ashes around just seemed so... 1360 00:53:33,956 --> 00:53:35,055 Sad, yeah. 1361 00:53:35,057 --> 00:53:39,661 I was gonna say cliche but, sad is not inaccurate. 1362 00:53:41,230 --> 00:53:42,930 Listen, if you wanna say some words out there, 1363 00:53:42,932 --> 00:53:44,033 I could just stay here. 1364 00:53:45,768 --> 00:53:47,435 She knew what she meant to me. 1365 00:53:48,938 --> 00:53:49,803 I was the husband to her 1366 00:53:49,805 --> 00:53:51,841 that I couldn't be to my first wife. 1367 00:53:56,145 --> 00:53:57,845 Anne. 1368 00:53:57,847 --> 00:53:59,545 Poor Anne, she had so many problems. 1369 00:53:59,547 --> 00:54:00,915 She suffered from depression. 1370 00:54:00,917 --> 00:54:02,783 I mean, clinical depression. 1371 00:54:02,785 --> 00:54:04,586 It's a horrible disease. 1372 00:54:06,554 --> 00:54:11,158 To love someone who lives in such a dark space 1373 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,961 that they can't possibly love you back, 1374 00:54:13,963 --> 00:54:17,865 to try and fail every day, it was impossible. 1375 00:54:17,867 --> 00:54:20,633 I just felt lost and I tried. 1376 00:54:20,635 --> 00:54:21,536 I just... 1377 00:54:22,537 --> 00:54:23,603 Fuck. 1378 00:54:23,605 --> 00:54:26,075 It takes a lot stronger person than I was then. 1379 00:54:30,179 --> 00:54:31,779 But today's not about Anne. 1380 00:54:31,781 --> 00:54:34,214 Today's about Catherine. 1381 00:54:34,216 --> 00:54:37,787 And, all right, baby. 1382 00:54:41,090 --> 00:54:42,091 Let's rock and roll. 1383 00:54:43,726 --> 00:54:44,592 Let's do it. 1384 00:55:00,843 --> 00:55:02,743 Where's my wallet, Frank? 1385 00:55:02,745 --> 00:55:04,845 Hey, what did I tell you about that? 1386 00:55:04,847 --> 00:55:06,747 It's Dad, I'm your dad. 1387 00:55:06,749 --> 00:55:08,182 Now where did you put my wallet? 1388 00:55:08,184 --> 00:55:09,750 I want Burger King. 1389 00:55:09,752 --> 00:55:11,185 Yeah, well you know what? 1390 00:55:11,187 --> 00:55:13,754 I want a time machine and some condoms. 1391 00:55:13,756 --> 00:55:15,990 But I, you know what, I didn't mean that. 1392 00:55:15,992 --> 00:55:17,727 I didn't, I'm sorry. 1393 00:55:32,674 --> 00:55:34,074 - Oh. - For real? 1394 00:55:34,076 --> 00:55:34,942 Oh, I'm sorry, honey. 1395 00:55:34,944 --> 00:55:36,810 I thought maybe something was wrong. 1396 00:55:36,812 --> 00:55:37,811 No, why would you think that? 1397 00:55:37,813 --> 00:55:39,747 Well, you've been in there an awful... 1398 00:55:39,749 --> 00:55:41,614 - Mom, close the door. - Okay, sorry, honey. 1399 00:55:41,616 --> 00:55:42,650 - Bye. - Bye. 1400 00:55:44,153 --> 00:55:46,720 Jesus Christ. 1401 00:55:46,722 --> 00:55:49,790 Welcome to Do the Twist, can I help you, sir? 1402 00:55:49,792 --> 00:55:52,028 Yeah, I'll have an unsalted and babe? 1403 00:55:53,929 --> 00:55:57,798 Oh, um, just a Parmesan and garlic, please. 1404 00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:58,866 - Thank you. - Okay. 1405 00:55:58,868 --> 00:56:01,068 Oh shit, look who it is. 1406 00:56:01,070 --> 00:56:02,002 - Hi. - Hi. 1407 00:56:02,004 --> 00:56:02,870 Hi. 1408 00:56:02,872 --> 00:56:04,038 Long time no see. 1409 00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:05,973 Oh, Owen, you remember Meg, right? 1410 00:56:05,975 --> 00:56:07,207 Um, Scott's sister? 1411 00:56:07,209 --> 00:56:09,710 Oh yeah, right, hi, Meg. 1412 00:56:09,712 --> 00:56:11,011 Hey. 1413 00:56:11,013 --> 00:56:13,013 Um, I love your photography. 1414 00:56:13,015 --> 00:56:14,982 I've been seeing everything you've been posting on Facebook. 1415 00:56:14,984 --> 00:56:15,983 It's incredible. 1416 00:56:15,985 --> 00:56:16,884 - Thank you. - Yeah. 1417 00:56:16,886 --> 00:56:17,785 Thanks. 1418 00:56:17,787 --> 00:56:19,820 - You guys got married, right? - We did. 1419 00:56:19,822 --> 00:56:20,754 - Yeah. - Congrats. 1420 00:56:20,756 --> 00:56:22,823 - Yeah, thanks. - Oh no, those are on me. 1421 00:56:22,825 --> 00:56:25,192 - Oh. - Oh my gosh, thank you. 1422 00:56:25,194 --> 00:56:26,994 - Of course. - That's so sweet. 1423 00:56:26,996 --> 00:56:28,762 So sorry to hear about Rory. 1424 00:56:28,764 --> 00:56:31,098 Scott mentioned you guys were close. 1425 00:56:31,100 --> 00:56:32,699 - Yeah. - Did you hear he's home? 1426 00:56:32,701 --> 00:56:34,301 - Who is, Scott? - Yeah, the prodigal son 1427 00:56:34,303 --> 00:56:35,969 returned last week. 1428 00:56:35,971 --> 00:56:37,304 I'm seeing him tonight at Governor's by the way. 1429 00:56:37,306 --> 00:56:38,372 - Wait, at Governor's? - I know. 1430 00:56:38,374 --> 00:56:39,239 I haven't been back there 1431 00:56:39,241 --> 00:56:40,441 since I got kicked out for yelling... 1432 00:56:40,443 --> 00:56:44,211 My mom caught you jerking off on my life-sized Barbie. 1433 00:56:48,217 --> 00:56:50,117 Do you guys have any babies yet or? 1434 00:56:50,119 --> 00:56:51,318 Oh god, no. 1435 00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:52,587 We, not yet. 1436 00:56:53,689 --> 00:56:55,823 Well, we should probably get going. 1437 00:56:55,825 --> 00:56:57,324 Yeah, yeah, we should. 1438 00:56:57,326 --> 00:56:58,660 It's good to see you. 1439 00:57:01,864 --> 00:57:03,297 Give another round of applause again for Pet Cavalon. 1440 00:57:03,299 --> 00:57:05,099 Pete Cavalon. 1441 00:57:05,101 --> 00:57:06,266 All right. 1442 00:57:06,268 --> 00:57:07,968 Yeah, that was a real funny guy. 1443 00:57:07,970 --> 00:57:09,436 All right, let's keep this thing rolling 1444 00:57:09,438 --> 00:57:12,206 with Long Island's very own Mr. Scott Rollins. 1445 00:57:12,208 --> 00:57:13,207 Come on up here, Scott. 1446 00:57:13,209 --> 00:57:15,976 Come on, let him hear you, let him hear you. 1447 00:57:15,978 --> 00:57:18,112 Thank you, oh please, let me. 1448 00:57:18,114 --> 00:57:19,446 How is everybody tonight? 1449 00:57:19,448 --> 00:57:21,915 Good, good, good. 1450 00:57:21,917 --> 00:57:24,985 Um, it's crazy 'cause I haven't been on this stage 1451 00:57:24,987 --> 00:57:26,320 since I was in my 20s. 1452 00:57:26,322 --> 00:57:29,223 And I am in my 30s now. 1453 00:57:29,225 --> 00:57:31,058 I know, I know, it probably doesn't look like it, right? 1454 00:57:31,060 --> 00:57:32,693 I look like I'm at least mid-70s. 1455 00:57:32,695 --> 00:57:34,962 But I am in my 30s right now 1456 00:57:34,964 --> 00:57:36,430 and I feel like there's so many differences 1457 00:57:36,432 --> 00:57:39,233 between your 20s and your 30s, 'cause when I was in my 20s, 1458 00:57:39,235 --> 00:57:40,100 I used to think to myself, oh, 1459 00:57:40,102 --> 00:57:42,736 what am I gonna do this weekend, right? 1460 00:57:42,738 --> 00:57:44,138 And now that I'm in my 30s, 1461 00:57:44,140 --> 00:57:46,173 I'm thinking, oh, what am I gonna do with my life? 1462 00:57:47,910 --> 00:57:50,811 ♪ We're not gonna take it 1463 00:57:50,813 --> 00:57:53,981 ♪ No, we ain't gonna take it 1464 00:57:53,983 --> 00:57:58,485 ♪ We're not gonna take it anymore ♪ 1465 00:57:58,487 --> 00:57:59,486 Hey, when am I up? 1466 00:57:59,488 --> 00:58:00,020 They're horrible. 1467 00:58:00,022 --> 00:58:01,088 You were just up. 1468 00:58:01,090 --> 00:58:03,223 Yeah, but I put in for like six things, you know? 1469 00:58:03,225 --> 00:58:04,458 Come on, I gotta go. 1470 00:58:04,460 --> 00:58:06,160 Yeah, congratulations, there are other people before you. 1471 00:58:06,162 --> 00:58:07,261 We go through this every week. 1472 00:58:07,263 --> 00:58:09,062 Hey, hey, hey, stop that, stop that. 1473 00:58:09,064 --> 00:58:10,731 I don't remember what I put in for. 1474 00:58:10,733 --> 00:58:12,099 Did I do "Weevils of London" yet? 1475 00:58:12,101 --> 00:58:13,267 Again, we don't have that. 1476 00:58:13,269 --> 00:58:14,334 How could you not have... 1477 00:58:14,336 --> 00:58:15,202 - Seriously, Marty? - Oh, I'm sorry. 1478 00:58:15,204 --> 00:58:18,071 - What the fuck? - No, I got it, sorry. 1479 00:58:18,073 --> 00:58:20,007 - I'm sorry. - Hey, hey. 1480 00:58:20,009 --> 00:58:21,975 Maybe you should just go home. 1481 00:58:21,977 --> 00:58:22,543 I am home. 1482 00:58:22,545 --> 00:58:23,610 Everybody knows my name. 1483 00:58:23,612 --> 00:58:25,879 - I don't know your name. - You know my name, Glen. 1484 00:58:25,881 --> 00:58:26,780 Hey, come over here, 1485 00:58:26,782 --> 00:58:28,282 we'll do a little "Mr. Roboto" together. 1486 00:58:28,284 --> 00:58:29,149 No way. 1487 00:58:29,151 --> 00:58:29,850 You hog the mic. 1488 00:58:29,852 --> 00:58:30,817 You call it hogging the mic, 1489 00:58:30,819 --> 00:58:33,355 I call it giving the people what they want. 1490 00:58:35,391 --> 00:58:37,357 You are a mic hog. 1491 00:58:37,359 --> 00:58:39,493 But I'll sing with you. 1492 00:58:39,495 --> 00:58:40,362 Wow. 1493 00:58:41,297 --> 00:58:42,896 Hey, you're out, Glen. 1494 00:58:42,898 --> 00:58:44,398 I was never in. 1495 00:58:45,334 --> 00:58:46,333 By show of hands, 1496 00:58:46,335 --> 00:58:50,270 who here actually lives with their parents? 1497 00:58:50,272 --> 00:58:51,371 Okay, that's just me, nobody else? 1498 00:58:51,373 --> 00:58:52,539 All right, that's fine. 1499 00:58:52,541 --> 00:58:55,842 I feel like when you're my age and you can't pay rent, 1500 00:58:55,844 --> 00:58:58,045 your only two options are live with your parents 1501 00:58:58,047 --> 00:58:59,079 or become homeless. 1502 00:58:59,081 --> 00:59:01,114 And honestly, I think I made the wrong choice. 1503 00:59:01,984 --> 00:59:05,085 I do, I'd be so much happier, right? 1504 00:59:05,087 --> 00:59:07,287 'Cause when you're homeless and you're in the bathroom 1505 00:59:07,289 --> 00:59:09,223 for more than five minutes, your mom doesn't gently 1506 00:59:09,225 --> 00:59:11,091 knock on the door and be like is everything okay in there? 1507 00:59:13,963 --> 00:59:14,830 Um. 1508 00:59:16,799 --> 00:59:20,100 Um, yeah, um, my dad is, he's not here, right? 1509 00:59:20,102 --> 00:59:24,238 My dad is obsessed with bears, it's insane. 1510 00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:26,506 And I'm almost positive it's because he saw "The Revenant" 1511 00:59:26,508 --> 00:59:28,208 one time and he's like, oo, I get it. 1512 00:59:28,210 --> 00:59:30,043 I wanna fuck a bear. 1513 00:59:30,045 --> 00:59:31,511 ♪ You're weird 1514 00:59:31,513 --> 00:59:33,347 ♪ In tears 1515 00:59:33,349 --> 00:59:37,117 ♪ Too near and too far away 1516 00:59:37,119 --> 00:59:38,919 ♪ He said 1517 00:59:38,921 --> 00:59:40,887 ♪ Saw red 1518 00:59:40,889 --> 00:59:44,825 ♪ Went home stayed in bed all day ♪ 1519 00:59:44,827 --> 00:59:46,360 ♪ T-Shirt's 1520 00:59:46,362 --> 00:59:48,328 ♪ Dish dirt 1521 00:59:48,330 --> 00:59:52,399 ♪ Always love the one you hurt 1522 00:59:57,373 --> 00:59:59,373 ♪ You sleep 1523 00:59:59,375 --> 01:00:01,141 ♪ Too deep 1524 01:00:01,143 --> 01:00:04,878 ♪ One week is another world 1525 01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:06,513 ♪ Big mouth 1526 01:00:06,515 --> 01:00:08,415 ♪ Drop out 1527 01:00:08,417 --> 01:00:12,087 ♪ You get what you deserve 1528 01:00:16,358 --> 01:00:17,924 Hey. 1529 01:00:17,926 --> 01:00:20,093 Oh, superstar. 1530 01:00:20,095 --> 01:00:21,428 - Come here. - Thank you. 1531 01:00:21,430 --> 01:00:23,397 - You're a superstar, man. - Thank you. 1532 01:00:23,399 --> 01:00:24,266 Thank you. 1533 01:00:26,035 --> 01:00:28,935 - I mean, right? - Yeah. 1534 01:00:28,937 --> 01:00:31,171 You know, you. 1535 01:00:31,173 --> 01:00:32,039 What? 1536 01:00:32,041 --> 01:00:35,075 Are really, really, really mediocre. 1537 01:00:35,077 --> 01:00:36,009 Wow, at the end. 1538 01:00:36,011 --> 01:00:37,444 I thought you were gonna say something nice 1539 01:00:37,446 --> 01:00:38,645 and at the end, you just pegged it. 1540 01:00:38,647 --> 01:00:39,946 No, wait. 1541 01:00:39,948 --> 01:00:41,448 Screw that. 1542 01:00:41,450 --> 01:00:43,050 You were fucking great. 1543 01:00:43,052 --> 01:00:45,519 Thank you, Ruis, I appreciate it. 1544 01:00:45,521 --> 01:00:48,555 I guess I could've laughed like 10 seconds longer. 1545 01:00:48,557 --> 01:00:50,057 You know Murph was supposed to be here? 1546 01:00:50,059 --> 01:00:51,058 - Murph? - Yes. 1547 01:00:51,060 --> 01:00:52,359 But his kid, he said his kid was throwing up 1548 01:00:52,361 --> 01:00:53,193 or something like that. 1549 01:00:53,195 --> 01:00:54,227 Oh, the classic the parent line. 1550 01:00:54,229 --> 01:00:55,228 Fine, fine. 1551 01:00:55,230 --> 01:00:56,563 One of my other friends was supposed to come 1552 01:00:56,565 --> 01:00:58,465 but I don't know what happened. 1553 01:00:58,467 --> 01:01:01,234 - Oh, don't worry about it. - It was good, right? 1554 01:01:01,236 --> 01:01:02,235 - Yeah. - It was, right? 1555 01:01:02,237 --> 01:01:03,403 - Yeah. - It's different. 1556 01:01:03,405 --> 01:01:05,939 'Cause in California, it's all depressing all the time. 1557 01:01:05,941 --> 01:01:08,442 But here, yes, it was snapping and it all felt good. 1558 01:01:08,444 --> 01:01:10,177 Yeah, well you know, you got that whole 1559 01:01:10,179 --> 01:01:11,545 New York asshole thing going on for you. 1560 01:01:11,547 --> 01:01:13,980 I am sorry, was that another compliment? 1561 01:01:13,982 --> 01:01:16,083 I, no, because I called you an asshole. 1562 01:01:16,085 --> 01:01:19,321 - Right, it felt good. - You were so funny. 1563 01:01:20,255 --> 01:01:22,422 Thank you, I appreciate it. 1564 01:01:22,424 --> 01:01:23,657 Thanks. 1565 01:01:23,659 --> 01:01:26,128 - Come on. - Thanks for coming. 1566 01:01:28,063 --> 01:01:29,496 Oh, I'm sorry. 1567 01:01:29,498 --> 01:01:31,200 You got groupies, man. 1568 01:01:32,935 --> 01:01:33,934 Marry him, please. 1569 01:01:33,936 --> 01:01:35,535 Why are you not just marrying him immediately? 1570 01:01:35,537 --> 01:01:37,671 He's incredibly supportive of me. 1571 01:01:37,673 --> 01:01:38,405 Are you done? 1572 01:01:38,407 --> 01:01:39,539 I'm done, yes. 1573 01:01:39,541 --> 01:01:41,041 We're going to the Whale's Tail for a drink. 1574 01:01:41,043 --> 01:01:42,175 - You wanna come? - Let's go. 1575 01:01:42,177 --> 01:01:45,579 I think I'm gonna go home, work on some of my jokes. 1576 01:01:45,581 --> 01:01:46,615 - Okay. - Yeah. 1577 01:01:48,150 --> 01:01:50,083 - That's good, man. - You do you. 1578 01:01:50,085 --> 01:01:51,385 That's fucking awesome. 1579 01:01:51,387 --> 01:01:52,720 - Focus, right? - I'm doing it. 1580 01:01:52,722 --> 01:01:54,154 - Focus. - Focus, just like you said. 1581 01:01:54,156 --> 01:01:55,555 - Me too. - I love you, Ruis. 1582 01:01:55,557 --> 01:01:57,157 - I love you, Ruis. - I love you too, Scotty. 1583 01:01:57,159 --> 01:01:59,495 - Goodbye, good job. - I'll see you later, man. 1584 01:03:59,615 --> 01:04:00,347 Hey, this is Scott. 1585 01:04:00,349 --> 01:04:02,384 Leave a message after the beep. 1586 01:04:04,386 --> 01:04:05,352 At the tone, 1587 01:04:05,354 --> 01:04:06,787 please record your message. 1588 01:04:06,789 --> 01:04:08,655 When you finish recording, you may hang up 1589 01:04:08,657 --> 01:04:10,626 or press one for more options. 1590 01:04:11,527 --> 01:04:13,694 Scott, it's Marty. 1591 01:04:13,696 --> 01:04:16,329 I'm really sorry I missed your show last night, kid. 1592 01:04:16,331 --> 01:04:17,531 I really wanted to be there. 1593 01:04:17,533 --> 01:04:19,332 I planned on it. 1594 01:04:19,334 --> 01:04:22,837 But work was, it was a lot yesterday. 1595 01:04:22,839 --> 01:04:25,305 And I got home and I just fell asleep on the couch. 1596 01:04:25,307 --> 01:04:26,575 I just, you know... 1597 01:04:28,510 --> 01:04:31,812 You know what, Rollins, that was bullshit. 1598 01:04:31,814 --> 01:04:33,380 That was just bullshit. 1599 01:04:33,382 --> 01:04:37,417 The truth is the night got away from me 1600 01:04:37,419 --> 01:04:39,121 and I'm really sorry that it did. 1601 01:04:40,790 --> 01:04:44,761 But I will be at the next one, I promise you that, okay? 1602 01:04:45,695 --> 01:04:46,794 All right. 1603 01:04:46,796 --> 01:04:47,764 Let's talk soon. 1604 01:04:49,264 --> 01:04:50,265 This is Marty. 1605 01:04:51,500 --> 01:04:52,367 All right. 1606 01:05:01,510 --> 01:05:04,144 Are you still doing photography or? 1607 01:05:04,146 --> 01:05:04,812 That's stupid. 1608 01:05:04,814 --> 01:05:05,746 Hey, Becky. 1609 01:05:05,748 --> 01:05:07,815 Hey, Becky. 1610 01:05:07,817 --> 01:05:09,686 Hey, Becky, long time. 1611 01:05:11,186 --> 01:05:12,519 - Hey, Scotty. - So we're never gonna be 1612 01:05:12,521 --> 01:05:13,186 a knocking family, are we? 1613 01:05:13,188 --> 01:05:14,454 Well, I just wanted to see 1614 01:05:14,456 --> 01:05:15,322 if you wanted some hot chocolate. 1615 01:05:15,324 --> 01:05:17,190 I'm making some for your father and me. 1616 01:05:17,192 --> 01:05:17,860 Ma. 1617 01:05:19,729 --> 01:05:21,196 Oh, look at you. 1618 01:05:22,197 --> 01:05:23,663 Do you have a job interview today? 1619 01:05:23,665 --> 01:05:25,632 No, I'm just getting lunch with a friend. 1620 01:05:25,634 --> 01:05:27,233 Oh, is this a date? 1621 01:05:27,235 --> 01:05:29,369 No, Mom, it's not a date. 1622 01:05:29,371 --> 01:05:30,905 Well, would you want some hot chocolate before you go? 1623 01:05:30,907 --> 01:05:32,305 No, no no no. 1624 01:05:32,307 --> 01:05:34,274 Unless, do we have those tiny marshmallows? 1625 01:05:34,276 --> 01:05:36,777 Scotty, you know I always have those tiny marshmallows. 1626 01:05:36,779 --> 01:05:39,446 I would love some hot chocolate. 1627 01:05:39,448 --> 01:05:42,182 Yeah. 1628 01:05:42,184 --> 01:05:44,687 - Mom, do I look all right? - You look so handsome. 1629 01:06:37,305 --> 01:06:37,972 Don't. 1630 01:06:37,974 --> 01:06:38,839 Marty, just turn around. 1631 01:06:38,841 --> 01:06:39,907 Come on. 1632 01:06:39,909 --> 01:06:41,976 Adam, I just want to talk to you. 1633 01:06:41,978 --> 01:06:43,476 I mean, what do you want me to do? 1634 01:06:43,478 --> 01:06:45,012 I want you to never show up at my house 1635 01:06:45,014 --> 01:06:47,614 or my job or anywhere else where I may be. 1636 01:06:47,616 --> 01:06:49,349 And yes, that includes friends' wakes. 1637 01:06:49,351 --> 01:06:51,018 I mean, seriously, what the fuck? 1638 01:06:51,020 --> 01:06:51,986 I always liked Rory. 1639 01:06:51,988 --> 01:06:53,988 He was a good kid and I felt bad about him 1640 01:06:53,990 --> 01:06:55,990 but I really wanted to see you. 1641 01:06:55,992 --> 01:06:59,727 Hey, Jules, I'll be in in one minute, okay, pal? 1642 01:06:59,729 --> 01:07:02,495 - Backwards hug. - Backwards hug. 1643 01:07:02,497 --> 01:07:04,431 I'm gonna be in there in one minute okay, pal? 1644 01:07:04,433 --> 01:07:06,334 - Okay. - All right. 1645 01:07:12,041 --> 01:07:12,942 He got big. 1646 01:07:14,043 --> 01:07:15,676 Yeah, kids do that. 1647 01:07:15,678 --> 01:07:17,477 I made blueberry pancakes, they're in the car. 1648 01:07:17,479 --> 01:07:18,344 I thought maybe we could have... 1649 01:07:18,346 --> 01:07:19,947 Nobody wants your fucking pancakes. 1650 01:07:19,949 --> 01:07:22,515 Now just turn around, get back in your ridiculous car... 1651 01:07:22,517 --> 01:07:23,550 I'm his grandfather. 1652 01:07:23,552 --> 01:07:25,853 No, Marty, you're not. 1653 01:07:25,855 --> 01:07:27,688 There's no reason for him to know you. 1654 01:07:27,690 --> 01:07:29,990 Adam, I can't fix this if you don't give me a chance. 1655 01:07:29,992 --> 01:07:32,325 I don't want you to fix anything. 1656 01:07:32,327 --> 01:07:34,929 - My mother... - Ate a bottle of pills. 1657 01:07:34,931 --> 01:07:35,564 Yeah, she did. 1658 01:07:36,833 --> 01:07:40,435 Because it was just too painful for her to be here anymore. 1659 01:07:42,805 --> 01:07:45,672 And listen, your mother, God rest her soul... 1660 01:07:45,674 --> 01:07:47,675 12 years ago, last week. 1661 01:07:47,677 --> 01:07:48,541 Did you know that? 1662 01:07:48,543 --> 01:07:49,944 Yeah, of course. 1663 01:07:49,946 --> 01:07:50,680 Of course I know. 1664 01:07:51,914 --> 01:07:54,380 Your mother was a very sick person. 1665 01:07:54,382 --> 01:07:57,484 It had nothing to do with me. 1666 01:07:57,486 --> 01:07:58,719 Every time I'd walk in the house, 1667 01:07:58,721 --> 01:08:00,653 she'd disappear just a little bit more 1668 01:08:00,655 --> 01:08:02,489 every day until she was gone. 1669 01:08:02,491 --> 01:08:05,860 And I tried to help her, I did, but I couldn't do it. 1670 01:08:05,862 --> 01:08:07,360 It got to the point where I couldn't walk 1671 01:08:07,362 --> 01:08:08,896 into the house sober anymore. 1672 01:08:08,898 --> 01:08:09,866 I'm sorry. 1673 01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:11,966 I know what I did. 1674 01:08:11,968 --> 01:08:12,833 I know who I was. 1675 01:08:12,835 --> 01:08:14,001 No. 1676 01:08:14,003 --> 01:08:15,635 No, there's no past tense with you. 1677 01:08:15,637 --> 01:08:17,470 You knew she was sick. 1678 01:08:17,472 --> 01:08:19,106 You just said you knew and you still fucked another woman. 1679 01:08:19,108 --> 01:08:21,108 I didn't just fuck another woman. 1680 01:08:21,110 --> 01:08:22,810 Catherine was not just another woman. 1681 01:08:22,812 --> 01:08:24,344 I fell in love, I'm sorry. 1682 01:08:24,346 --> 01:08:25,679 No, you cheated. 1683 01:08:25,681 --> 01:08:27,081 And you drank and you gambled. 1684 01:08:27,083 --> 01:08:28,716 And I'm ashamed of all of that. 1685 01:08:28,718 --> 01:08:29,584 Good. 1686 01:08:31,386 --> 01:08:32,820 I'm sorry, Marty, but I'm not gonna 1687 01:08:32,822 --> 01:08:35,622 give you what you're looking for today. 1688 01:08:35,624 --> 01:08:36,991 Okay? 1689 01:08:36,993 --> 01:08:37,860 Okay. 1690 01:08:41,731 --> 01:08:43,900 Why can't you just talk to me like a person? 1691 01:08:44,867 --> 01:08:45,735 You know? 1692 01:08:47,369 --> 01:08:48,070 10 minutes. 1693 01:08:51,673 --> 01:08:53,608 Can't someone unfuck something? 1694 01:09:01,416 --> 01:09:02,549 Not you. 1695 01:09:02,551 --> 01:09:03,418 Not now. 1696 01:09:28,044 --> 01:09:28,911 Hey. 1697 01:10:02,444 --> 01:10:02,912 Hey. 1698 01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,780 Hey, can I ask you a question real quick? 1699 01:10:06,782 --> 01:10:07,649 Sure. 1700 01:10:09,018 --> 01:10:12,485 - Do you like your job? - Oh, I love it. 1701 01:10:12,487 --> 01:10:14,955 - Really? - It's the greatest job. 1702 01:10:14,957 --> 01:10:16,790 I might be the happiest mailman in the world. 1703 01:10:18,060 --> 01:10:20,194 - You like it? - It's a great job. 1704 01:10:20,196 --> 01:10:21,795 Have a great day. 1705 01:10:21,797 --> 01:10:23,731 You for real love your job? 1706 01:10:23,733 --> 01:10:24,765 It's fantastic. 1707 01:10:24,767 --> 01:10:26,200 - Are you interested? - No. 1708 01:10:26,202 --> 01:10:27,069 Okay. 1709 01:10:32,540 --> 01:10:35,177 This is like a real adult house. 1710 01:10:36,611 --> 01:10:37,978 Says the 34 year old man. 1711 01:10:37,980 --> 01:10:39,479 Yeah with the emotional maturity level 1712 01:10:39,481 --> 01:10:40,948 of a 13 year old boy. 1713 01:10:40,950 --> 01:10:41,817 Mm. 1714 01:10:43,652 --> 01:10:44,685 Yeah, I mean, I like it. 1715 01:10:44,687 --> 01:10:47,254 It's a little big, I guess. 1716 01:10:47,256 --> 01:10:51,926 But I mean, like, there's a guitar just chilling 1717 01:10:51,928 --> 01:10:53,027 in the living room, you know? 1718 01:10:53,029 --> 01:10:55,229 What is that there for? 1719 01:10:55,231 --> 01:10:56,596 It's like, I don't play. 1720 01:10:56,598 --> 01:10:57,965 Owen doesn't play. 1721 01:10:57,967 --> 01:10:59,135 It's just sitting there. 1722 01:11:00,202 --> 01:11:02,069 I don't know, he thinks it's classy. 1723 01:11:02,071 --> 01:11:03,137 It is classy. 1724 01:11:03,139 --> 01:11:04,305 That is very classy. 1725 01:11:04,307 --> 01:11:06,140 When I came in, I was like, I don't know about this... 1726 01:11:06,142 --> 01:11:08,574 Oh, this is a classy place. 1727 01:11:08,576 --> 01:11:10,179 - Know what I mean? - Yeah, totally. 1728 01:11:13,581 --> 01:11:14,984 - Thanks for the tea. - Yeah. 1729 01:11:18,721 --> 01:11:19,587 Um. 1730 01:11:21,523 --> 01:11:22,892 How's your photography going? 1731 01:11:24,293 --> 01:11:26,093 I don't know, you tell me. 1732 01:11:26,095 --> 01:11:27,294 That's you? 1733 01:11:27,296 --> 01:11:29,562 - Those are you photographs? - Yes. 1734 01:11:29,564 --> 01:11:31,198 - Are you serious? - Yes. 1735 01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:33,067 These are amazing. 1736 01:11:33,069 --> 01:11:34,567 That one, actually, the one on the left, 1737 01:11:34,569 --> 01:11:36,203 that was in The New Yorker recently. 1738 01:11:36,205 --> 01:11:38,205 - This was in The New Yorker? - Yeah. 1739 01:11:38,207 --> 01:11:39,873 - Are you serious? - Yes. 1740 01:11:39,875 --> 01:11:41,909 You just nonchalantly throw that out there? 1741 01:11:41,911 --> 01:11:44,278 - That's incredible. - Thanks. 1742 01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:46,880 And Owen seems to be doing well, right? 1743 01:11:46,882 --> 01:11:48,849 I heard he's a full-fledged lawyer now, so... 1744 01:11:48,851 --> 01:11:49,883 He is. 1745 01:11:49,885 --> 01:11:50,583 Yep. 1746 01:11:50,585 --> 01:11:53,721 He is entertainment law, so... 1747 01:11:53,723 --> 01:11:56,558 Hey, maybe you could use him one time. 1748 01:11:57,727 --> 01:11:58,792 Maybe not. 1749 01:11:58,794 --> 01:11:59,661 No? 1750 01:12:00,062 --> 01:12:01,061 Why not? 1751 01:12:01,063 --> 01:12:03,263 - What about the um... - The development deal? 1752 01:12:03,265 --> 01:12:04,465 Yeah. 1753 01:12:04,467 --> 01:12:08,503 That was actually a lie I told to try to impress you. 1754 01:12:09,305 --> 01:12:11,138 I know, it's stupid. 1755 01:12:11,140 --> 01:12:15,909 That's apparently a new wrinkle in my life. 1756 01:12:15,911 --> 01:12:18,080 I'm a liar now, so... 1757 01:12:18,981 --> 01:12:19,980 I'm confused. 1758 01:12:19,982 --> 01:12:20,814 Well, Becks... 1759 01:12:20,816 --> 01:12:22,218 No one's called me that in years. 1760 01:12:29,759 --> 01:12:32,026 Scott, what happened to us? 1761 01:12:32,028 --> 01:12:33,659 Wow, we're just going for it? 1762 01:12:33,661 --> 01:12:34,895 Well, I mean, I don't know. 1763 01:12:34,897 --> 01:12:36,797 We could continue bullshitting back and forth. 1764 01:12:36,799 --> 01:12:37,765 No, you're right, you're right, 1765 01:12:37,767 --> 01:12:38,432 you're right, you're right. 1766 01:12:38,434 --> 01:12:41,634 It's just a loaded question. 1767 01:12:41,636 --> 01:12:42,770 I don't know. 1768 01:12:42,772 --> 01:12:44,004 About time. 1769 01:12:44,006 --> 01:12:46,776 I've been wanting to ask you that for like four years now. 1770 01:12:48,010 --> 01:12:50,711 In my eyes, we were great. 1771 01:12:50,713 --> 01:12:52,012 Yeah. 1772 01:12:52,014 --> 01:12:55,284 Then you just hit the self-destruct button. 1773 01:12:57,953 --> 01:13:01,789 There was no fight, no conversation. 1774 01:13:01,791 --> 01:13:03,025 - You just... - Disappeared. 1775 01:13:06,729 --> 01:13:09,096 You wouldn't even respond to texts. 1776 01:13:09,098 --> 01:13:10,630 - I know. - What is that? 1777 01:13:10,632 --> 01:13:12,866 Like just like one word responses? 1778 01:13:12,868 --> 01:13:16,238 Like, yeah, sorry? 1779 01:13:17,339 --> 01:13:18,974 Do you know how infuriating that is? 1780 01:13:20,309 --> 01:13:22,676 I mean, I was getting bits and pieces of information 1781 01:13:22,678 --> 01:13:24,711 from whatever friends we still had. 1782 01:13:24,713 --> 01:13:27,647 But I was just trying to piece together 1783 01:13:27,649 --> 01:13:29,149 what I could have possibly done that... 1784 01:13:29,151 --> 01:13:30,650 You didn't do anything, you didn't do anything. 1785 01:13:30,652 --> 01:13:32,152 I swear to you. 1786 01:13:32,154 --> 01:13:35,289 I just saw all of our friends coupling up 1787 01:13:35,291 --> 01:13:37,391 and getting married and I saw my own life trajectory. 1788 01:13:37,393 --> 01:13:39,059 I saw the whole thing. 1789 01:13:39,061 --> 01:13:42,696 Marriage, house, kids, and it terrified me. 1790 01:13:42,698 --> 01:13:44,834 Yeah, see, I saw all that too. 1791 01:13:46,702 --> 01:13:47,970 But I was excited by it. 1792 01:13:49,305 --> 01:13:50,873 I should have been excited. 1793 01:13:53,109 --> 01:13:54,908 I should have been excited, but I got scared. 1794 01:13:54,910 --> 01:13:58,180 And when I get scared, I run away. 1795 01:14:01,050 --> 01:14:02,251 Fuck. 1796 01:14:08,224 --> 01:14:09,358 What if I never left? 1797 01:14:40,222 --> 01:14:41,090 Hey, what? 1798 01:14:46,795 --> 01:14:47,995 What the hell, Scott? 1799 01:14:47,997 --> 01:14:49,263 - I'm sorry, okay? - You're running again. 1800 01:14:49,265 --> 01:14:50,097 - No. - You're like literally 1801 01:14:50,099 --> 01:14:51,398 - running down the stairs. - No no no, 1802 01:14:51,400 --> 01:14:52,132 but it's a good run, okay? 1803 01:14:52,134 --> 01:14:53,400 I think I just had an epiphany. 1804 01:14:53,402 --> 01:14:54,067 What epiphany? 1805 01:14:54,069 --> 01:14:56,270 What are you talking about? 1806 01:14:56,272 --> 01:14:58,472 I can't keep letting my bad decisions mess up your life. 1807 01:14:58,474 --> 01:15:00,741 It's not fair, okay? 1808 01:15:00,743 --> 01:15:02,976 No, this is right, okay? 1809 01:15:02,978 --> 01:15:04,113 You're right for me. 1810 01:15:05,047 --> 01:15:07,149 We fit together, we always have. 1811 01:15:08,884 --> 01:15:09,785 No, we haven't. 1812 01:15:12,388 --> 01:15:13,255 Fuck you. 1813 01:15:15,324 --> 01:15:16,192 I'm sorry. 1814 01:15:30,206 --> 01:15:31,073 Fuck me. 1815 01:15:32,942 --> 01:15:34,107 You son of a bitch. 1816 01:15:34,109 --> 01:15:35,242 I swear, Owen... 1817 01:15:35,244 --> 01:15:37,046 Fuck. 1818 01:15:42,017 --> 01:15:43,317 Dude, I swear it's not what it looks like. 1819 01:15:43,319 --> 01:15:44,318 Bullshit. 1820 01:15:44,320 --> 01:15:46,220 God, you run like the fucking Terminator. 1821 01:15:46,222 --> 01:15:48,357 I ran track in high school, you moron. 1822 01:16:22,091 --> 01:16:22,958 The pool? 1823 01:16:24,226 --> 01:16:25,259 Haven't you ever seen "Cops"? 1824 01:16:25,261 --> 01:16:26,528 No no no, listen to me. 1825 01:16:28,197 --> 01:16:29,930 - Ah. - Owen. 1826 01:16:29,932 --> 01:16:32,933 Shit. 1827 01:16:32,935 --> 01:16:34,067 Ah, fuck. 1828 01:16:34,069 --> 01:16:35,969 I've never been punched before. 1829 01:16:35,971 --> 01:16:37,838 Ah, I've never punched anyone before. 1830 01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,339 I think you broke my nose. 1831 01:16:39,341 --> 01:16:41,777 I think you broke my hand. 1832 01:16:50,386 --> 01:16:52,421 I knew that this would happen eventually. 1833 01:16:55,891 --> 01:16:57,858 I even had a nightmare about it. 1834 01:16:57,860 --> 01:16:59,326 You had a nightmare about us fighting? 1835 01:16:59,328 --> 01:17:00,896 Not about us fighting. 1836 01:17:03,932 --> 01:17:04,933 About losing her. 1837 01:17:07,136 --> 01:17:11,004 I swear, nobody wanted you to succeed in LA more than I did. 1838 01:17:11,006 --> 01:17:13,206 I knew that the better off you were out there, 1839 01:17:13,208 --> 01:17:15,409 the happier I would be here. 1840 01:17:15,411 --> 01:17:17,010 I don't know what to say, man. 1841 01:17:17,012 --> 01:17:18,145 I didn't mean to hurt... 1842 01:17:18,147 --> 01:17:21,150 Honestly, Scott, I don't care what you have to say. 1843 01:17:22,518 --> 01:17:25,187 But I am gonna go see what she has to say. 1844 01:17:31,894 --> 01:17:35,262 Scott, no man wants the woman he loves 1845 01:17:35,264 --> 01:17:37,497 to have a one that got away. I know that we used to be 1846 01:17:37,499 --> 01:17:40,434 friends and this is a small town, 1847 01:17:40,436 --> 01:17:43,906 but I truly hope I never see you again. 1848 01:17:55,384 --> 01:17:57,617 Marty, you beautiful bastard, you're a genius, 1849 01:17:57,619 --> 01:17:58,786 do you know that? 1850 01:17:58,788 --> 01:18:03,924 I went over to Becks' and things got so crazy so quick. 1851 01:18:03,926 --> 01:18:05,392 Give me a call back, okay? 1852 01:18:34,156 --> 01:18:35,355 Sir, you can't go over there. 1853 01:18:35,357 --> 01:18:37,023 - No, that's my friend. - Sir, I'm sorry. 1854 01:18:37,025 --> 01:18:38,225 You're gonna have to stay back here. 1855 01:18:38,227 --> 01:18:41,461 - Tell me, is he okay? - Sir, I'm sorry. 1856 01:18:41,463 --> 01:18:42,996 You're gonna have to stay back here. 1857 01:18:42,998 --> 01:18:45,065 Tell me he's okay. 1858 01:19:19,001 --> 01:19:20,669 And while Martin's body is no longer with us 1859 01:19:22,137 --> 01:19:26,141 in a traditional sense, his soul is everlasting. 1860 01:19:28,210 --> 01:19:31,611 God has a plan for each and every one of us 1861 01:19:31,613 --> 01:19:34,581 and we should all take solace in knowing 1862 01:19:34,583 --> 01:19:37,586 that Martin is in a better place. 1863 01:19:39,188 --> 01:19:42,489 And we also find comfort in the knowledge 1864 01:19:42,491 --> 01:19:45,358 that none of us is grieving alone. 1865 01:19:45,360 --> 01:19:47,561 - No... - Hey, rabbi? 1866 01:19:47,563 --> 01:19:49,264 Do you mind if I say a few words? 1867 01:19:51,467 --> 01:19:52,666 All right. 1868 01:19:52,668 --> 01:19:53,600 Sorry. 1869 01:19:53,602 --> 01:19:55,135 Sorry, guys. 1870 01:19:55,137 --> 01:19:56,038 Sorry about this. 1871 01:19:58,307 --> 01:19:59,174 Thank you. 1872 01:20:02,077 --> 01:20:04,712 I am just now realizing that most of you 1873 01:20:04,714 --> 01:20:07,214 have no idea who I am. 1874 01:20:07,216 --> 01:20:08,716 I am Scott. 1875 01:20:08,718 --> 01:20:10,118 I was friends with Marty. 1876 01:20:11,220 --> 01:20:13,086 I didn't know him for all that long, 1877 01:20:13,088 --> 01:20:14,588 but I got to know him really well. 1878 01:20:14,590 --> 01:20:16,456 And I just know that when I die, 1879 01:20:16,458 --> 01:20:19,294 I want someone who knew me to speak. 1880 01:20:20,697 --> 01:20:24,799 I first met Marty when he was pissing into a sink. 1881 01:20:24,801 --> 01:20:25,933 - Do you remember that? - Yeah. 1882 01:20:25,935 --> 01:20:28,668 He was pissing in the sink right on his tippy toes 1883 01:20:28,670 --> 01:20:29,804 like a weirdo. 1884 01:20:29,806 --> 01:20:31,438 And that is classic Marty. 1885 01:20:31,440 --> 01:20:32,105 That's classic Marty. 1886 01:20:32,107 --> 01:20:33,173 And right when he was done, 1887 01:20:33,175 --> 01:20:37,511 he noticed that I had a skin condition on my arm. 1888 01:20:37,513 --> 01:20:39,847 And when he found out that I couldn't pay for it, 1889 01:20:39,849 --> 01:20:42,115 he just gave me the medicine for free. 1890 01:20:42,117 --> 01:20:45,820 And I feel like that, that in a nutshell is Marty, right? 1891 01:20:45,822 --> 01:20:49,857 He's a little bit crazy, he talks a ton of shit. 1892 01:20:49,859 --> 01:20:52,559 But he has an incredible heart. 1893 01:20:52,561 --> 01:20:54,695 And he's also sneaky wise. 1894 01:20:54,697 --> 01:20:56,329 He would say these little nuggets, 1895 01:20:56,331 --> 01:20:57,497 and they would just stick with you. 1896 01:20:57,499 --> 01:20:59,067 Like one time, he said to me, 1897 01:21:00,235 --> 01:21:03,670 "Regret is the only thing that's real." 1898 01:21:03,672 --> 01:21:04,640 I regret a lot. 1899 01:21:06,208 --> 01:21:07,576 I mean, we all do, right? 1900 01:21:08,443 --> 01:21:09,376 I mean, especially you. 1901 01:21:09,378 --> 01:21:10,243 Are you kidding me? 1902 01:21:10,245 --> 01:21:11,012 Third row. 1903 01:21:11,014 --> 01:21:12,178 How do you, don't look behind you. 1904 01:21:12,180 --> 01:21:13,179 I'm talking about you. 1905 01:21:13,181 --> 01:21:15,215 You're wearing a Hawaiian shirt to a funeral. 1906 01:21:15,217 --> 01:21:16,684 What are you doing? 1907 01:21:24,159 --> 01:21:25,327 Marty was a good man. 1908 01:21:26,896 --> 01:21:30,198 And he taught me that people can change. 1909 01:21:31,868 --> 01:21:34,436 And I think he was on his way to doing just that. 1910 01:21:36,806 --> 01:21:38,540 I'm gonna miss him a lot. 1911 01:21:40,342 --> 01:21:42,144 I think we're all gonna miss him a lot. 1912 01:21:44,246 --> 01:21:45,813 All right, thank you. 1913 01:21:45,815 --> 01:21:47,215 I don't even, yeah, yeah. 1914 01:21:53,155 --> 01:21:54,621 - Thanks. - Thank you for coming. 1915 01:21:54,623 --> 01:21:57,559 - Thank you. - Thank you for coming. 1916 01:21:59,428 --> 01:22:00,393 Hey, man. 1917 01:22:00,395 --> 01:22:02,429 I just want to say I'm sorry for your loss. 1918 01:22:02,431 --> 01:22:03,129 Yeah, no. 1919 01:22:03,131 --> 01:22:06,366 I, sorry, I forgot your name. 1920 01:22:06,368 --> 01:22:08,368 - Scott. - Scott, right, yeah. 1921 01:22:08,370 --> 01:22:09,638 Your dad was a great man. 1922 01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:11,906 No. 1923 01:22:11,908 --> 01:22:12,775 No, he wasn't. 1924 01:22:15,444 --> 01:22:17,212 - See you. - Yeah, see you. 1925 01:22:23,385 --> 01:22:24,551 Are you Marty's daughter? 1926 01:22:24,553 --> 01:22:25,688 Yeah, I'm Taylor. 1927 01:22:26,555 --> 01:22:27,654 You the comedian? 1928 01:22:27,656 --> 01:22:28,523 Comedian. 1929 01:22:29,391 --> 01:22:30,657 Yeah. 1930 01:22:30,659 --> 01:22:31,526 Yeah. 1931 01:22:33,428 --> 01:22:34,561 Are you from around here or? 1932 01:22:34,563 --> 01:22:35,896 - No, I'm a Jersey girl. - Oh. 1933 01:22:35,898 --> 01:22:38,367 Moved to Sparta after college. 1934 01:22:40,703 --> 01:22:45,708 Um, my dad stopped by my house the other day. 1935 01:22:47,744 --> 01:22:49,444 A few hours before the crash. 1936 01:22:50,612 --> 01:22:51,748 - Seriously? - Yeah. 1937 01:22:52,949 --> 01:22:53,883 It was nice. 1938 01:22:54,917 --> 01:22:57,985 Unexpected, but nice. 1939 01:22:57,987 --> 01:23:00,487 Said he was going to Adam's next. 1940 01:23:00,489 --> 01:23:01,824 Did he make it over there? 1941 01:23:02,792 --> 01:23:03,793 Adam says no. 1942 01:23:08,831 --> 01:23:11,768 When he was there, did he seem... 1943 01:23:13,368 --> 01:23:16,171 Drunk enough to barrel a Cadillac into a pizza place? 1944 01:23:18,007 --> 01:23:23,211 No, actually, fun fact, he was stone cold sober. 1945 01:23:24,546 --> 01:23:25,412 Yeah. 1946 01:23:25,414 --> 01:23:26,448 It was a heart attack. 1947 01:23:28,985 --> 01:23:31,453 Said he was actually getting his shit together. 1948 01:23:33,455 --> 01:23:37,526 I mean, not like I haven't heard that before but... 1949 01:23:39,028 --> 01:23:39,896 Sorry. 1950 01:23:43,866 --> 01:23:46,533 Is it weird that I'm getting emotional 1951 01:23:46,535 --> 01:23:47,968 over my dermatologist? 1952 01:23:47,970 --> 01:23:49,237 I mean, it's your dad. 1953 01:23:51,808 --> 01:23:54,677 I've shed plenty of Marty-inspired tears. 1954 01:23:55,878 --> 01:23:56,746 Trust me. 1955 01:24:02,484 --> 01:24:04,018 It was really nice to talk to you in there. 1956 01:24:04,020 --> 01:24:04,687 Yeah. 1957 01:24:05,587 --> 01:24:06,687 Yeah, it's kinda nice to know that Marty 1958 01:24:06,689 --> 01:24:08,889 had his shit together enough to make a new friend. 1959 01:24:08,891 --> 01:24:10,623 Well, I wouldn't say he had his shit together. 1960 01:24:10,625 --> 01:24:12,862 Yeah well, who really does, right? 1961 01:24:14,296 --> 01:24:14,964 Right. 1962 01:24:16,465 --> 01:24:17,597 It was really nice meeting you. 1963 01:24:17,599 --> 01:24:19,234 So nice to meet you. 1964 01:24:21,503 --> 01:24:23,904 - Okay, I'll see you. - Yeah. 1965 01:24:23,906 --> 01:24:24,774 Okay. 1966 01:24:28,911 --> 01:24:30,778 Oh, hey, Scott. 1967 01:24:30,780 --> 01:24:32,579 Do you have any good dinner recommendations? 1968 01:24:32,581 --> 01:24:34,717 I haven't been back on the island in years. 1969 01:24:37,519 --> 01:24:39,019 So, Taylor, what do you do for a living? 1970 01:24:39,021 --> 01:24:39,754 Me? 1971 01:24:39,756 --> 01:24:41,021 Oh, I work for the post office. 1972 01:24:41,023 --> 01:24:42,723 - You do? - Really? 1973 01:24:42,725 --> 01:24:43,423 Yeah. 1974 01:24:43,425 --> 01:24:44,290 Yeah, I mean, I don't love it, 1975 01:24:44,292 --> 01:24:45,926 but it's steady money, good benefits. 1976 01:24:45,928 --> 01:24:46,827 You work for the post office? 1977 01:24:46,829 --> 01:24:48,929 Yes, why are you saying it like that? 1978 01:24:48,931 --> 01:24:51,065 My friend Ruis here, he works for the government too. 1979 01:24:51,067 --> 01:24:52,499 Oh, is that right? 1980 01:24:52,501 --> 01:24:53,433 Hell yeah. 1981 01:24:53,435 --> 01:24:54,969 Protect and serve. 1982 01:24:54,971 --> 01:24:56,704 Now, I hope y'all are gonna like this. 1983 01:24:56,706 --> 01:24:58,438 I'm sure it's fantastic, Mom. 1984 01:24:58,440 --> 01:25:00,910 - But first, shall we? - Mm-hmm. 1985 01:25:02,577 --> 01:25:04,947 - Now, do we just drop it in? - Yeah, you just drop it in. 1986 01:25:06,883 --> 01:25:08,050 All right, to Marty. 1987 01:25:09,551 --> 01:25:10,418 To Marty. 1988 01:25:11,687 --> 01:25:12,554 Bombs away. 1989 01:25:14,422 --> 01:25:15,825 - You gotta drink it fast. - Please. 1990 01:25:22,899 --> 01:25:24,366 Give it to me. 1991 01:25:26,135 --> 01:25:27,003 Wow. 1992 01:25:28,436 --> 01:25:30,104 - Should we do another? - No. 1993 01:25:30,106 --> 01:25:30,905 Yeah. 1994 01:25:47,489 --> 01:25:48,689 Hey. 1995 01:25:48,691 --> 01:25:49,558 Hey. 1996 01:25:50,827 --> 01:25:52,693 I saw the screen this morning. 1997 01:25:52,695 --> 01:25:53,761 It looked good. 1998 01:25:53,763 --> 01:25:55,397 - Got 'em all sealed. - Yeah. 1999 01:25:56,531 --> 01:25:57,632 That's a good stain. 2000 01:25:59,168 --> 01:26:02,136 Think I might do the whole front porch this summer. 2001 01:26:02,138 --> 01:26:03,371 - Oh yeah? - Mm-hmm. 2002 01:26:04,439 --> 01:26:05,808 Let me know if you need any help. 2003 01:26:06,909 --> 01:26:07,777 I will. 2004 01:26:12,882 --> 01:26:13,747 You know, Ruis, he said 2005 01:26:13,749 --> 01:26:15,584 you were pretty funny the other night. 2006 01:26:17,687 --> 01:26:19,354 Well, Ruis is awesome. 2007 01:26:20,589 --> 01:26:21,489 He really is. 2008 01:26:30,800 --> 01:26:31,664 - Great. - Honey. 2009 01:26:31,666 --> 01:26:32,802 - Yay. - Great. 2010 01:28:18,642 --> 01:28:20,540 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 140868