Original subtitles

You sure we can do it?

Maybe.

No one's ever come back.

Well, that's business.

Do you want to go back?

You do.

Let's go.

Don't you even care about your sister?

Take it or leave it.

It's all I have. If you want it, just say so.

My last price.

- And this? - Your money's no good.

I know.

Cheese! White cheese!

You're cheating me.

- Come on! - Sure. Maybe.

Leather shoes! Real leather!

Soap, shampoo, on the other side.

All right, move!

- Here. Try that. - Come on. Do you want it?

Quick! Come on! Let's move it!

Let's run for it.

Let's get out of here.

All right, tie them up. Let's get out of here.

You hear me? Move!

Two.

I'll get 'em.

Get!

Get!

Gol

No!

She! Shel

Hey, keep away.

Stop!

Stop!

Hey, stop!

Movel

Come on!

How much is this?

Whatever you got, stranger.

Come on in.

It's a nice place, right?

Well, have a seat.

You... you must be very hungry.

Damn right. Very hungry.

- Where you from? - The other side.

Really?

It's great, huh? It's really good.

- Good. - You're a good cook.

Thank you.

And you? You don't like the food?

- What? - The food.

It's good.

Very good.

- Who's the law around here? - Why?

- We ran into a problem on our way here. - Really?

Our law is she, the goddess.

Who's your god?

Our god?

We don't have a god. We do business.

What is it that you sell?

Sell.

What's wrong?

Won't do you any good.

Cut me loose.

I can't. You're not trained yet.

Trained?

Where's Tom?

Sold.

Sold!

- Get this one out. - Hey, listen, I really am sorry...

Speak only when spoken to.

Look, I really am sorry.

We were attacked, okay? My sister was kidnapped...

Have him walk the path tomorrow.

No!

Let him cross alone.

So you're up?

- Who are you? - Your fairy godmother.

So you survived the path of blood.

You'll probably be seeking revenge now.

I've gotta find my sister.

Sister? She would never harm a woman.

It wasn't she. They were men.

Not even nukes.

Their leader was all dressed in black.

You must mean the norks. Well, they are awful too.

But if they've got your sister, well, you might as well forget about her.

- Why? - Because you'll never reach nork valley.

But even if you do, you'll never come out alive.

You'll encounter there the ultimate horror.

- Do you know the way to nork valley? - No, actually. I'm afraid I don't.

I know some medicine, a little physics, a smattering of philosophy.

Nothing useful.

Who would know the way?

I don't.

She. She the goddess.

Only she knows the way.

- Guess I'll just sit here... - Tom.

- I thought you were dead. - Hardly.

Come on. Keys are on the table. Cut me loose.

But you look kind of cute like that.

Will you cut the jokes? Cut me loose. Come on.

Come on.

Just put it down here.

Let's go.

Hey! What do you think you're doing?

All right. Nice shot.

She! Shel

You okay?

I wish I could come with you.

No, you don't.

If I cross, walk the path.

No way you'll cross.

You are pure, goddess, body and soul.

You may enter.

You have passed through the cycle again, goddess.

But the prophesy still stands.

A man will come to claim your heart.

For him, you will break your vow.

Through him, you will be destroyed.

You are whole again.

She! Shel

Shanda!

Guard!

- Which way? - Which way?

- Beats me. - Isaid, which way?

I gotta know which way to go.

Come on.

You are beautiful.

What's wrong?

Too skinny.

I like 'em with more meat on 'em.

T-t-Tom?

- Long time, no see, goddess. - Cut me loose, kram.

Why? What did you ever do for us?

Take 'em down.

Her too.

What's the big idea, kram?

Now you'll certainly know what it's like living in a tomb, my goddess.

Turn me loose, kram. I was counting on your help.

That wasn't very smart of you, was it, goddess?

"Never trust a mutant.” that's your motto, isn't it?

Look, we're neighbors.

Sure, sure.

When the sand runs out of here...

I'll send you back to your castle.

You two will die a horribly painful death in their hands.

They are experts on pain.

Cute. Real cute.

Kram, let me go! Let me go!

I'll kill you, kram!

This is no good!

Keep on pushing!

What are you doing?

Oh, shit!

Are you okay?

- I brought you some clothes. - Good.

No hard feelings, huh?

- Shut up, nuke! - Hey, careful with my arms.

They tend to fall off.

What do you want me to do with him?

Turn him loose.

Get in there.

I told you to watch the arm.

Bring me those two men.

Do you wanna kill 'em here? Don't you want a public execution?

Just get 'em.

Nork valley is that way.

But you'll never make it there alive.

Untie them.

- What? - Now.

Let's get outta here.

Come on.

I'm curious. You go back with the guard.

No way. I'm coming with you.

Suit yourself.

Damn it.

What's the hurry?

Thought about doing some new dates again.

Hey, that'd be super.

"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,

inwrought with golden and silver light,

the blue, the dim, the dark cloths

of night, of light, and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet.

But I, being poor, have only my dreams.

I have spread my dreams under your feet.

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

What is this place, a funny farm?

Friends, we have some visitors.

Welcome, plainclothes.

This is a delightful surprise.

We need some directions.

Oh, come, come. You can't be leaving us already, can you?

How do we get to nork valley?

We insist you stay at least one night with us.

We serve wonderful food, don't we?

We sure do.

This is a wonderful garb. What is it made of?

- Okay, we'll spend the night. - Wonderful.

You'll have to get changed for dinner. We do like to dress formally after dark.

Whoa.

Not sure about the company, but the food is good.

- Oh, yeah? - How do you like it?

- Well done. - I'd like mine very rare.

Hey, Reggie, you want some grapes?

They're really good.

Okay, I'll go get them for you.

Finally.

Place is wonderful.

Civilized.

This is what the world used to be like, before the cancellation.

My parents told me all about it in great detail before they died.

The old world.

The world is fine with me.

This place is great.

Help yourself.

What is this?

Yeah. Yeah.

- Okay! - Would you like to dance?

No, I don't think so.

It's a wonderful old world custom, dance. You should try it. More meat.

No.

What's wrong?

Hey. Hey.

Your friend seems slightly overenthusiastic.

My friend's an asshole.

Tom!

Get it off!

- Are you hurt? - I'm okay.

What was that?

- Do you mind keeping some distance? - Want me to sit on the horse's ass?

You can walk for all I care.

- What is this place? - I don't know.

I never traveled this far.

- Must be terribly uncomfortable. - Are you scared?

Not with you around to protect me.

Seize them!

Let's get outta here!

Enough.

There'll be no violence in the hall of godan, the one and only man-god.

Bow.

Bow to godan!

Forget it. I bow to no one.

This is sacrilege, girl. Cross for less.

I don't care. I will not bow.

- Kill them! - Stop!

Who are you?

I am she, goddess of the eurich.

You are nothing. Goddess of nothing.

How dare you!

Put me down!

Put me down! Put me down!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Will you cut it out?

Let me go!

Put me down! Let me down now!

Are you her followers?

Oh, no. No, no. We hardly even know her.

I mean, we just got picked up. They gave us a ride.

Do you believe in the one god, the only god, godan?

Yeah, sure.

Listen, we're pilgrims. Right?

We came from afar to pay homage to the great god godan.

Right?

Right?

Right?

Yeah, sure.

Good. Put them up for tonight, and send them away tomorrow with my gospel.

Those two...

I'd like to introduce you to pain.

Nothing teaches you about mortal limitations like pain.

Blessed be the man who knows his element.

Blessed be the man who knows his master.

You stink, traitors!

Yeah, sure. Have fun.

No, don't burn her! Burn me instead.

Don't worry, child. Your turn will come.

Scream, mortal.

You're weak, feel the pain.

No! No!

Eva.

She's a unique mortal.

Bring her to my chambers. I wish to study her spirit.

I'm not sure that's a very good idea.

Are you questioning me?

No.

Are you doubting me?

- No. - Then do it now.

Untie her.

No! No!

Eat.

No.

No. No!

Excuse me. Could I have that apple?

Hey, what...?

Impostors!

Hey, where's she?

They took her to godan's chambers.

You okay?

You look taller or longer or something.

- Where's godan's room? - No idea.

I'll take you to godan.

I will.

- Godan asked for the second girl as well. - I wasn't told about it.

Well, I was. Open the door.

It's locked.

Step back.

Don't take another step, or I'll break her arm.

I wouldn't do that.

Guards! Guards!

Maybe you were right.

They must be crossed immediately.

What about her?

She is still useful.

She'll serve well as we teach her people a lesson in monotheism.

Your people will be mine, goddess.

I get your point.

Get rid of these three.

What about her?

I said three.

I...

Am your god!

We believed in you!

For that, you betrayed us!

I...

Am godan...

Man...

God.

You're a man!

And you're dying!

I mastered your god. Accept me.

Now!

Suckers.

Don't you think we've gone far enough?

All they had to do was go through the forest.

No one ever walked out of this forest alive.

Then why are we here?

Because that's the way it has to be.

You're not making any sense.

Shanda, this has nothing to do with sense.

You need this?

Not from you, I don't.

What's wrong?

I don't know...

But something is.

You go on ahead.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Hey, I...

I got it. Help!

I got it!

I got it!

Tom! Help!

Help!

Who are you?

Who is your god?

Are you male or female?

That we can find out in a second.

Look.

Come on! Run!

- Come on! - Let go.

Thank you, my dear Rudolph.

He will make a splendid addition to our collection.

Put him over there.

You may go to sleep now, Rudolph.

Our friends aren't going anywhere.

Where's Tom?

What did you do with Tom?

Unless one of the sweet girls' name is Tom, we have no Tom here.

Naughty boy.

What are you doing?

What do you want with us, fat man?

You are a superior specimen. I might try some breeding experiments with you.

I'm glad you're reasonable.

- If you let me go, I'll reward you. - There's nothing I really need, dumb girl.

There is something you could use, rabel.

Well, you know my name. I'm flattered.

What is it that I need?

The eurich crystal.

You can't! You're not allow...

What do you say?

The eurich crystal.

Only two of its kind.

One of them is owned by erraton, god of the norks.

- The other belongs to... - Me.

I can send her to get it.

This is an interesting proposal.

Very well. Rudolph.

Don't get any funny ideas, or your goddess will cross immediately.

What're you doing?

He's waking up.

Come on!

Rudolph!

It's coming out the drain.

Let me out! Let me out!

Help!

How do we get out of here?

How do we get out?

We can open this. Open!

You think this is bad, eh? You think this is bad?

You shoulda seen the unabridged version.

And this is xenon's push into the first pennant drive of the season.

On the opening lineup, it's xenon on first, on second xenon,

and, of course, on third xenon.

And let's not forget last year's season favorite...

Xenon.

Where do you think you're going there, boy?

Say, that's a mighty big weapon for a boy your size.

You know, I just love a boy with a big weapon.

Who does your hair?

I must insist. May I see your passport, please?

Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?

Any agricultural... products?

This is highly irregular.

Where do you think you're going there, young boy?

Put 'em up, put 'em up.

What, you think you're tough? Think you're a tough guy?

Come on. You gotta be kidding.

You can't come on.

And you will not cross the bridge

because you were not ordered to cross the bridge!

Is that very clear...

Rise and shine.

You dirty rat. I'll get you for that, see?

You killed my brother.

Wow.

All right! Yeah.

Okay. Let's go.

It promises to be quite a game this afternoon.

Don't be in such a hurry.

Trying to cut out on us?

That's a joke, son. I say, that's a joke.

Hey, hey, hey.

Have I ever seen,

and I must say, I have never seen

such an amazing display of...

Got to be the rough guy, huh?

Hey.

Tom!

Tom!

Green acres is the place to be

farm living is the life for me

land spreading out so far and wide

keep Manhattan just give me that countryside

New York is where I'd rather stay

I get allergic smelling hay

I just adore a penthouse view

darling, I love you but give me park Avenue

the chores

the stores

fresh air

Times Square

you are my wife

good-bye, city life

green acres, we are...

I'm a yankee doodle dandy

a yankee doodle, do or die

a real life...

Have you been standing here long?

Are you wearing something under that, or is that just a flea in my eyebrow?

Don't tell me. Aquarius, right?

I'm a gemini myself. That means I...

Did you see anyone come through?

Come through. Come through.

A nice shiksa girl like yourself, and you want to come through?

What's the matter? This one isn't good enough for you?

You are a rogue and a ruffian, sir.

And he goes down right away, eh?

Say, sailor, new in town?

Oh, yes, beat me. Slice me.

Show me I'm real.

Halt!

Turning yellow on me, are you, boy? Turning yellow.

Say, how about we get rid of this creep, and you and I could go back to my bed?

You know, I got these buildings...

And you call yourself a soldier?

I killed more men in...

Let's go.

Don't use your sword!

I don't take a fall for anybody.

Ain't nobody's fall man.

What was that?

A bomb.

A what?

A bomb.

What's a bomb?

Is this it?

We're close.

Attention all norks.

Due to gas warnings, your scheduled briefing will be held at k side.

Watering to report to checkpoints b and m.

Bring change for 13 type al1-2.

Attention, force 2, weapons control has been canceled.

Attention, all battle units.

Hostile elements reported on north side.

No female sighted.

You may engage and destruct.

I'll kill the bastards for this.

Medical officer Willis.

River lands are now certified out-of-bounds...

Unidentified contamination located.

Sit down.

This is the life of the norks.

Food, women, and war.

Nothing better on the face of this earth.

Now you have an opportunity to be a nork.

Out of the 12 of you, only two will be allowed to join our ranks.

Only the two strongest, smartest, toughest,

deadliest sons of bitches will make it.

The rest of you will cross.

You came here of your own free will to our monthly challenge.

This is your last chance to withdraw.

I will give you ten seconds to make a decision.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

I wish to withdraw.

Go ahead.

Anybody else?

All right, enjoy yourselves.

We are ready.

It's her.

Settle down.

Gol

Kill! Kill!

Tom! I thought you were dead.

- Hardly. - Tom!

Look, it's a woman.

Halt.

You have violated the nork ritual, goddess of the eurich.

You will now pay dearly for your transgression.

How?

At dawn, my warriors will attack your sector.

By sunset, your people will be my slaves.

The eurich will be no more.

Never!

Run, goddess.

I spare your life.

But your people are doomed.

It is no use. The sun is up. I cannot warn my people in time.

What do you want to do?

I'm gonna fight it out here.

You climb down to the river. They'll never follow you there.

Cross, for sure.

- I have no choice. - All right, let's get going.

That's not very smart.

Maybe.

You go on.

Here.

Take care of yourself, now.

What is this? Let's get going!

Come on!

Open it up!

Are you crazy?

What do you think?

About what?

Come on. You like her.

Yeah, I do.

You don't have to stay.

I know.

Norks!

Ambush!

Dismount!

Attack!

Auxiliary!

Into positions! Charge!

The bridge! Take aim! Shoot!

Give me those arrows.

Shoot!

- Throw the bombs! - What're they doing?

Launch it!

Second wave.

Stand by!

Throw!

What is this?

It's smoke, dummy.

Force one!

Yeah!

Cross formations! Charge!

- Charge! - Now!

Forward!

Charge!

Charge!

Shoot them!

Force three!

Swarm, troops!

Gol

what's the matter with you? You afraid of three people?

Get up there. Attack!

Get up there.

Come on, norks!

- Let's get 'em. - Let's go!

Let's kill them!

How many they got left?

- Another ten. - We'll never make it.

How many arrows we got?

Three.

Attack!

Dismount!

After them!

We'll meet next time, goddess!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

What happened to you?

I don't believe this.

You take care of yourself, huh?

I'll take care of him.

You coming?

Yeah.