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1
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,009
The Devil's Ass.
2
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,945
No man has successfully
free soloed it.
3
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,414
Ah! Tell my wife I love her.
4
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,182
Until now.
5
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:51,185
The mistake everyone made
before me was training.
6
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,620
That's why I didn't.
7
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,559
Hey, Duncan. I'm Alex Honnold,
8
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,961
star of the Academy
Award-winning film "Free Solo."
9
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,930
- I'm kind of busy.
- Oh, sorry.
10
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,541
I just wanted to say
that you're the best ever
11
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,200
- and give you my Oscar.
- About time.
12
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,202
Nice to meet you...
13
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:11,705
I did it! Take that, God!
14
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,108
Bow before your maker.
15
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,079
Wonder Woman?
What are you doing here?
16
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,448
You made me appear.
17
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,950
You have a sexual thought
every seven seconds.
18
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,419
- Whoa, that sounds like a lot.
- It is.
19
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,289
That's why I'm gonna
make you a man, Duncan.
20
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,490
Nice.
21
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,295
I'm gonna
make you a man, Duncan.
22
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,063
Dad, what are you doing?
23
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,166
Your father's gonna
make you a man.
24
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,500
No!
25
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,178
By teaching you to drive,
you lucky duck.
26
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,504
Driving is
every teenage boy's dream.
27
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,072
- Ugh, not mine.
- Get out of my room.
28
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,275
Where were you?
29
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,018
- It doesn't matter.
- Make me a man, hurry.
30
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,912
Duncan, you've had your
learner's permit for a month
31
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,481
and you haven't touched the car.
32
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,815
I don't need to drive.
33
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,684
Drones deliver whatever I want,
34
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,519
and self-driving cars are
the future.
35
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,088
Driving is old-fashioned
and boring, like baseball.
36
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,592
- Baseball is awesome.
- It's a metaphor for life.
37
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,328
Metaphors are boring,
like baseball.
38
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,297
We stand at the plate
of opportunity...
39
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,599
Swinging for the fences
40
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,667
of success...
Up, I've been Roomba'd.
41
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:20,007
Your father was trying
to have a moment with you.
42
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,151
- All right, I'll go driving.
- God.
43
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,676
Good boy. I love you, mwah.
44
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,614
Hey.
45
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,149
- I'm an orphan.
- Let me have this.
46
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,685
Aww.
47
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,123
Good luck driving, Duncan.
48
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,326
You're the handsomest brother
in the world,
49
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,494
and someday, I will marry you.
50
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,971
I've told you
a thousand times, Jing,
51
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,897
we can't get...
52
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,371
I can't wait
until we're married too.
53
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,736
Say good luck
to your brother, Kimberly.
54
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,314
- Good luck.
- Don't forget to text and drive.
55
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,306
Okay, quiet, everybody.
56
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,575
I'm documenting this moment
for Facebook, and I got
57
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,320
to say something profound.
You ready, honey?
58
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,579
Okay, hang on,
I have it on photo...
59
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,682
Slow-mo, square,
60
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:05,085
pano, video,
61
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,987
slow-mo again. Okay, action.
62
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,658
Son, it seems like yesterday,
I was pushing you in a stroller
63
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,660
and... Here they come.
64
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,362
- Are you crying?
- Sorry, Dunker,
65
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,029
but the day you teach your kid
to drive
66
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,165
is one of the great moments
in a father's life.
67
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,199
And unlike my dad,
68
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,868
it's not gonna end
with me beating you,
69
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,112
and then taking you to Wendy's,
and then beating you again.
70
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,938
- I love you, son.
- I love you too, Dad.
71
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,441
That's it. There you go...
72
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,078
Hey! We're gonna die!
73
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,212
- Oh, my God.
- Slow down.
74
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,423
- Speed up.
- Make up your mind.
75
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,182
- A family of ducks.
- Aww.
76
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,551
- The Pope!
- What is he doing here?
77
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,587
Mommy, want to see me
do a cartwheel?
78
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,088
- Say yes.
- Sorry, honey.
79
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,424
Mommy needs to drop you
at school and get to work.
80
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,259
The good people of this town
are paying me
81
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,761
- to ticket their cars.
- I'll go fast.
82
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,798
Oh...
83
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,807
- That's great, honey.
- Okay, let's...
84
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,744
Now back. Oh...
85
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,946
Just get her a phone already.
86
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,948
Please stop driving!
87
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,485
How can I learn
with you freaking out?
88
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,921
Why can't you be chill
like that Sully dude?
89
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,222
He landed a plane on the ocean
90
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,724
without screaming like an idiot.
91
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,626
Well, maybe Sully should be
your father.
92
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,994
I wish he was.
93
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,996
Want me to braid your hair, Dad?
94
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,065
Mm-hmm.
95
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,337
Okay, okay.
96
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:32,506
Two bottles
in my mouth sideways.
97
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,774
Huh-uh.
98
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,643
Tah-dah... Ow!
99
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,246
Why do I crave attention?
100
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,818
This is near beer.
101
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,120
It's the beer
pregnant chicks drink.
102
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,822
It was all I could grab
in the store.
103
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,190
The guy was shooting at me.
104
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,160
Why does everybody make
such a big deal out of driving?
105
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,796
It's not like this boring town
has any fun places to go.
106
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,266
You need to chill, Dunk,
107
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,201
and your boy has just the thing.
108
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,003
The company sent me a free samp.
109
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,539
Why are people
always sending you cool stuff?
110
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:08,809
All I get are Groupons
for cemetery plots.
111
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,611
It is all
about your Twitter game.
112
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,013
I follow businesses,
talk up their products,
113
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,181
and then they hook me up.
114
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,784
I wrote Twizzlers are woke,
and bam.
115
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,619
Whoa, Twizzlers.
116
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,021
Ah, that'd be Papa Mom's.
117
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:24,558
Free pizza,
compliments of Papa Mom's.
118
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,059
Bon appétit.
119
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,961
Duncan? It's me, Mia.
120
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,368
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, my parents made me
121
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,036
get a job to save money
for college,
122
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,339
but then I found out Papa Mom's
supports anti-LGBTQ causes,
123
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,150
so I'm taking the company down
from the inside
124
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,010
by sticking my finger
in every pie.
125
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,178
I didn't do yours, though.
Actually, I did.
126
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,415
It's right there.
You could just eat around it.
127
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,650
So, I saw you driving
with your dad.
128
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,419
No, I think you look cool
129
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,653
- behind the wheel.
- Hmm?
130
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,054
I can't wait to drive.
131
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,156
By the time I'm done riding
my bike to protests,
132
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,825
I am too tired to march.
133
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,832
- Dial it down, dude.
- I got this.
134
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,234
Who knows.
135
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,703
Maybe someday, you'll be able
to give me a ride somewhere.
136
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,772
Ah!
137
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,006
Wuh-pah! Smash!
138
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,375
I've come to ask for your
daughter's hand in marriage.
139
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,244
Well, that sounds wonder...
140
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,613
Why?
141
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,114
He was going to say yes.
142
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,450
I couldn't take that chance.
143
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,084
You're so cool. Feel me up.
144
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,786
With pleazh.
145
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,521
Boner alert. ALL:
146
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,424
- Don't just stand there.
- Introduce me.
147
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,629
And the masked singer is...
148
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,240
You two are glad
I'm your father, right?
149
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,699
Dad.
150
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,134
They're about to unmask
a celebrity we don't know.
151
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,236
Kyle Bornheimer!
152
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,440
Still upset about Duncan?
153
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:49,042
Here, clean your records.
It always cheers you up.
154
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,211
- Yup.
- I love "Dust in the Wind,"
155
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,581
but hate dust
in my Kansas albums.
156
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,284
There's the simple man
I married.
157
00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,720
I need to learn to drive now.
158
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,593
- It's all I ever wanted.
- My beautiful boy...
159
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,923
Not you. You.
160
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,326
Ow!
161
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,229
No!
162
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,593
So why the sudden interest
in driving?
163
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:30,951
Are you like me?
164
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,162
Fed up with all those doping
scandals in the biking world?
165
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,031
- I don't know.
- I just figured I could probably
166
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,526
be a better son,
you know, and help you and Dad.
167
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:42,129
You know, let me drive Grandma
to her stretching class,
168
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,165
and let me go get that protein
yogurt that helps you poop.
169
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,276
Dunkie, I think the word
"awesome" gets thrown around
170
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,970
too much these days,
but that's what you are.
171
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,038
Awesome.
172
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,606
Aw, hey, Duncan.
173
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,042
You learning how to drive
to impress Mia?
174
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,476
Yeah, that Mia was banging.
175
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,979
- Mia's hot.
- You were right to have a boner.
176
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,948
Oh, hi, Mrs. Harris.
177
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,816
New yoga pants? Nice.
178
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,117
Wait a minute.
179
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,386
Do you have a thing
for a girl named Mia?
180
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,021
What? No.
181
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:12,826
Dunkie, 96% of bad choices
made by teens happen in a car,
182
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,062
so I'm going to make sure
you don't ruin your life
183
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,463
by doing a little role play.
184
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,031
- God no.
- God yes.
185
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,333
You be you,
and I'll be this Mia girl.
186
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,836
Oh, no, I had too much to drink
187
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:26,039
and I'm not capable
of giving verbal consent.
188
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,842
And one of my shirt buttons
may not hold, so...
189
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,043
No, gross. Stop, ugh.
190
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,046
- What do you do, Duncan?
- What do you do?
191
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,381
- Go for it?
- No.
192
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,216
You treat her with respect.
193
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,518
- Okay.
- Good, now let's drive.
194
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:41,154
Check your side mirror,
check your rearview mirror,
195
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,890
check the back seat
for murderers.
196
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,492
Fine, I'll go.
197
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,895
Good luck, Duncan.
198
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,262
Bye-bye.
199
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,764
Oh, that's the house
200
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:53,200
where the guy had a python
that swallowed him whole.
201
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,202
Driving with you is fun, Mom.
202
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,604
It's not like dad.
203
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,247
I don't want to die
with this rift between us.
204
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,240
Like Springsteen, I had
a complicated relationship
205
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,275
with my father, and
I don't want that for you...
206
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,945
- Oh, your father means well.
- He's just emotional,
207
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,747
probably because he only has
one testicle.
208
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,782
- Hmm?
- Take a left up here.
209
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,124
Duncan!
210
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,963
- You almost hit Ol' Oakie.
- It's just a stupid tree.
211
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,599
- A stupid tree?
- It's the beloved symbol
212
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,935
of our town, and where
we hung all those witches.
213
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:31,038
We aren't proud,
but we are safe.
214
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,406
- Sorry, Mom.
- That's okay.
215
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,909
You know what, Dunkie?
I think you're ready
216
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,778
to be designated driver
for my book club.
217
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,247
Why would a book club need
a designated driver?
218
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,123
Self. I touch myself.
219
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,259
Has anybody ever told you
220
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,562
you look like
a young James Patterson?
221
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,065
Because you do.
222
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,343
Helen has been going through
some stuff since the divorce,
223
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,735
so do not be alone with her.
224
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:07,307
Salisbury steak and pizza
on the same day?
225
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,242
Can I take one home
to my grandma?
226
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,610
It's her birthday.
227
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,080
- One entrée per student.
- You know the rule, Bex.
228
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:17,184
- Aw, don't be a dick, Justin.
- You just graduated last year.
229
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,987
Plate me, Justin.
230
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,089
Mr. Mitch.
231
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,991
Why aren't you eating
in the faculty lounge?
232
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,026
I like the food out here better.
233
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,328
I know it's just tomato sauce
on an English muffin,
234
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:31,198
but cafeteria pizza is dope.
235
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,200
Mr. Mitch, Jimmy's choking.
236
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,102
Damn.
237
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,938
Jimmy, stop choking.
238
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,513
Free stuff.
239
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:50,650
Your boy just copped all-access
passes to the EDM Fest tonight.
240
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,786
Bombas Socks is trying
to crash the youth market,
241
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:56,123
so they hooked me up 'cause
I favorited their new mid-calf.
242
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,291
- Oh.
- The perfect height.
243
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,060
You're going to EDM Fest?
244
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,661
I've always wanted to go to one.
245
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,831
Ow, what? Oh.
246
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,133
You want to come with us?
Remember when you told me
247
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,902
I looked cool behind the wheel?
I could do that again.
248
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,838
Okay, see you tonight. Thanks.
249
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,039
Boner alert.
250
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,406
I don't have one.
251
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,075
- I know.
- Made you look at your junk.
252
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,177
Aw, yeah.
253
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,088
And you don't even have
to talk to my friends.
254
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,048
In fact, it's better
if you don't.
255
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,184
I just need a grown-up to make
it legal for me to drive.
256
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,154
- An electronic music festival?
- I don't think so.
257
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:31,759
I saw this "20/20" once about
club kids, and they took molly,
258
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,494
and they carved each other up
in bathtubs.
259
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,604
- Hmm, whoa.
- Sorry, Dunkie.
260
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,264
You're so overprotective.
261
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,042
You always think I'm going
to get hacked to death
262
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,034
or wind up in the middle
of a human centipede.
263
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,936
That's the worst spot.
264
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,739
Mia would rather
go face-to-butt than kiss you.
265
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,942
Face-to-butt, face-to-butt,
face-to-butt, face-to-butt.
266
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,211
- Oh, thank you, Kimberly.
- Hmm.
267
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,846
Oh, I know.
268
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,024
Why don't you stay home with us
and watch "The Boss Baby?"
269
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,950
Boss Baby. Boss Baby.
270
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,618
I got it from the Redbox.
271
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,621
It's about this baby
who is a boss.
272
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,624
And he's got a little briefcase,
273
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,427
and a stapler,
the whole shebang.
274
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,629
He even wears a...
275
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,631
A little suit.
276
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,566
Leave it to Hollywood.
277
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,969
Oh.
278
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,138
He runs so weird.
279
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,076
This sucks.
I can't take Mia to the show.
280
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,411
Just take your parents' car
281
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,113
after they get drunk,
argue, and pass out.
282
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,223
My parents don't do that.
283
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,982
They just watch TV
and fall asleep.
284
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,650
- I get it.
- You're better than me.
285
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,085
Even if I took their car,
286
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,788
we'd still need an adult
for me to legally drive.
287
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:35,923
An adult?
288
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,657
I know where to get
one of those.
289
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,092
Yeah, who's the man?
290
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,093
Bex is the man.
291
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,594
Bexman.
292
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,748
- You know I'm a girl, right?
- I have freaking boobs.
293
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,903
Okay, I'll put the car
in neutral,
294
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,272
and you and Wolf push it out
to the street.
295
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,641
- Where the hell is Wolf?
- You weren't kidding.
296
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,474
They turned on the TV
and went right to sleep.
297
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,446
Quit watching my parents.
298
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,820
Got our adult.
299
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,156
- Your grandma?
- Don't worry.
300
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:12,259
She's had all her medications.
She's basically asleep.
301
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:15,762
She's great. Let's go.
302
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:21,101
Someone scratch my waddle.
303
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,703
No, my waddle!
304
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,038
Don't ask.
305
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,046
Grandma, we'll be back
in seven hours.
306
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,447
Want me to crack a window?
307
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:38,551
No, I'm gonna hotbox myself.
308
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,955
- Damn.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
309
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:46,159
This is awesome.
310
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,831
- Mm-hmm.
- Aw, bury me in this.
311
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:55,335
DJ S'More.
312
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,920
I love that you dance
like you don't care
313
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,845
what anybody thinks
of your dancing.
314
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,147
Thanks.
315
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,516
The doctor says there's
something wrong with my spine.
316
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,718
My later years
are gonna be a struggle.
317
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,555
Duncan, rip the robe off.
318
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,158
- I can't.
- I'll lose the deposit.
319
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,060
Save yourself.
320
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,228
- Okay.
- Hmm?
321
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,996
Oh, crap.
322
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:29,169
This area is for certified
pyrotechnic specialists only.
323
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,404
- I'm one of those.
- Okay, help yourself.
324
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,374
Got to push it.
325
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,845
Sorry.
326
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,114
I didn't think this is
how the night was gonna end.
327
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,182
Me either.
328
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,987
It's even better.
329
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,966
That was the greatest night
of my life.
330
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,101
I was naked so much.
331
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,703
- I had a great time.
- Thanks, Duncan.
332
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,804
Hmm?
333
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,774
- Go for it, kid.
- I'll take the wheel.
334
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,443
Look out.
335
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,650
- I didn't wet myself.
- Glow stick broke.
336
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,252
Better see if the car's okay.
337
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,166
Yup, car's okay.
338
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,009
So, Dunkie,
you still mad at us
339
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,444
for not letting you go
to your electric music tadoo?
340
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,013
Nah, you know
what's best for me,
341
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,481
and I'm just lucky
to have you in my life
342
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:51,484
and keep me from making wrong
decisions which I'd never do.
343
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,987
- So what'd you do last night?
- Sit in your room and cry?
344
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,788
"Mia, I'm sorry I'm so ugly
345
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,025
and have pimples on my back."
346
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,659
You have pimples too.
347
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,095
- Oh, my God, Mom.
- That is so mean.
348
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,997
Shh, breaking news.
349
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,366
Oh, that kid loves
her breaking news.
350
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,368
Tragedy in Oakdale last night
351
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:11,271
as Ol' Oakie,
the town's beloved oak tree,
352
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,041
was the victim
of a brutal hit and run.
353
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,676
- Not Ol' Oakie.
- We carved our names in him
354
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,445
in high school. Remember, Jack?
355
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,780
And I proposed to you
under that tree.
356
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,016
And my dad said, "He'll
never amount to anything,"
357
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,484
- under that tree.
- He did?
358
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,887
The happiest moments of
our lives were under that tree.
359
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,159
Why did you just gulp, Duncan?
360
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:32,959
I didn't gulp.
361
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,203
You made a gulp in your throat.
362
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,795
I saw it. It went gulp.
363
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,796
Like this.
364
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:37,997
I didn't gulp.
365
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,199
Hmm.
366
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,068
Get him, Mom.
367
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,805
- Glitter in your hair.
- VIP wristband.
368
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,540
Glow stick residue?
369
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:50,009
- That doesn't prove anything.
- Nothing proves anything.
370
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,545
You went
to that concert last night.
371
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,847
And there's sap on the bumper.
372
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:57,650
Oak tree sap.
373
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,652
You killed Ol' Oakie.
374
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,721
- All right, all right.
- I took the car.
375
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,057
But it was something I wanted,
and you said no.
376
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,893
What was I supposed to do?
Respect your boundaries?
377
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,196
Kimberly, get me
my yelling stool.
378
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,398
Gladly.
379
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,701
After everything
I've done for you,
380
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,002
this is how you repay me?
381
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,672
I stopped smoking halfway
through my pregnancy for you.
382
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,842
You were my first.
I tried the hardest with you.
383
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,445
And I just posted
what a great kid you are.
384
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,514
Now I'm the only idiot
on Facebook.
385
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,915
Sorry, Dad. I didn't know.
386
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,284
Well, if you'd friend me,
maybe you would.
387
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,785
I'll friend you, Dad.
388
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,254
Not from my real account,
of course.
389
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,755
I'll take it.
390
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,026
I can't believe
I used to love you.
391
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,896
Ugh.
392
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,570
Hey, Mom.
393
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,405
I cleaned my room,
394
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:55,041
and I sent that thank-you note
to Grandma for the mittens.
395
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,644
Uh-huh.
396
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,747
Hey, Dad, I was watching
Springsteen on Broadway,
397
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,149
and you're right.
398
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,826
The stripped-down version
of "Born in the USA"
399
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,052
is like
a much more powerful indictment
400
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,288
of our misguided involvement
in Vietnam.
401
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,722
Right?
402
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,636
- Don't fall for it, Jack.
- Yup, yup, yup, yup.
403
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,495
Mom, I finally read that
article that you emailed me
404
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,997
on the dangers of energy drinks.
405
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,933
I had no idea
that hearts could burst.
406
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:25,104
Neither did I,
but here we are.
407
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,743
I've never seen them this mad.
408
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,246
They're giving me a total
"10th Avenue Freeze Out."
409
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,849
Dude, stop watching
Springsteen on Broadway.
410
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,651
Whenever I disappoint
my grandma,
411
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,154
I just wait ten minutes,
and then she forgets.
412
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,490
I'm worried.
413
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,858
You're going to have to do
whatever it takes to restore
414
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,027
their faith in you, Duncan.
There's no quick fix.
415
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,762
Quick fix. That's it.
416
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,865
I just need a big way
to apologize for sneaking out.
417
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,667
I know. Can you sneak out?
418
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,835
Yeah, sure.
419
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,511
It's the Babadook.
420
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,346
Jack, that was five years ago.
421
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,215
- You saw the movie.
- He's ageless.
422
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,851
- Parking enforcement.
- Prepare to die.
423
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,986
What the? What?
424
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,055
- Duncan?
- Oh, hey, Mrs. Harris.
425
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,990
New robe? Nice.
426
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,025
Hmm.
427
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,793
I know how much this tree
meant to you,
428
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,030
and I'm sorry that I killed it.
So I saved you the best part.
429
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,971
Aww.
430
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,642
I'm falling in love with you
all over again.
431
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,177
Can you, like,
just forgive me now?
432
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,579
Of course.
433
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:43,383
I never stopped loving you.
That was your mom.
434
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:47,754
You are the greatest son
any mother could ever hope for.
435
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,191
Cicada swarm!
436
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,662
Ugh, sorry.
437
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,029
I didn't think
they'd be swarming
438
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,398
for at least another week.
439
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,668
Oh, Dunkie, I'm sorry that
I didn't ride shotgun with you
440
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,002
to your music shebang.
441
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,005
And I'm sorry I freaked out
on you driving.
442
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,040
I swore I'd never be a lame dad.
443
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,176
I mean, that's the whole point
of this ponytail.
444
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,711
Tell you what.
445
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,946
You can drive your girlfriend,
Mia, wherever you want.
446
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,382
Girlfriend?
447
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:18,050
Oh, you don't think
I'm your girlfriend, do you?
448
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:19,286
What? No way.
449
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,220
- I really like you, Duncan.
- Of course.
450
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,923
- But I am nobody's property.
- I never thought otherwise.
451
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,692
So don't even dream
of crushing on me.
452
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,959
- Dreams are stupid.
- However,
453
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,929
if I ever did decide I wanted
someone crushing on me,
454
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:33,032
- it could be someone like you.
- Huh?
455
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,934
Girls are complicated,
eh, Duncan?
456
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,636
You got that right, Sully.
457
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,938
Let's get out of here. Hop on.
458
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,942
Is this really happening?
459
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:46,646
No, that edible your friend
gave you has killer flashbacks.
460
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,047
You're high as hell, Duncan.
461
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,251
Now hold onto my mustache.
We're going to Mars.
462
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,986
Nice.
463
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,299
Is our house the circus?
464
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,176
How much longer do we have
to live in the car?
465
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,069
Just until the cicadas
stop mating.
466
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,071
Who wants eggs
with their pancakes?
467
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,072
Ooh, me.
468
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,941
Oh, I forgot them in the house.
469
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,276
No problem. I'll get them.
470
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:29,522
Mm, I don't really want eggs.
471
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:42,066
- Yaah!
- Welcome to the world of Duncanville.
34075
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