Original subtitles

HEY, FAY.

I HAD MY CHOLESTEROL CHECKED AT THE SUPERMARKET THIS MORNIN'.

LOOK AT THAT. IS THAT GOOD?

325?

YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE HIGH, HUH?

WELL, UH, JUST TO GIVE YOU A FRAME OF REFERENCE, ROY,

A SMALL CAN OF BACON GREASE IS 350.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?

WELL, YOU MIGHT START BY CUTTING OUT BUTTER.

JUST ON MY FOOD OR IN BETWEEN MEALS, TOO?

JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN, ROY.

[seagulls cawing]

ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF SANDPIPER AIR FLIGHT 26 FROM BOSTON.

HEY, HOW'D THE FLIGHT GO, BRIAN?

FINE, FINE. HEY, LISTEN, I GOT A GREAT IDEA.

WHEN THE GUYS COME OVER THIS WEEKEND TO WATCH THE GAME,

WHY DON'T WE DO WHAT THE ISLANDERS DO IN THE CARIBBEAN, HUH?

WHERE ARE WE GONNA FIND BARE-CHESTED NATIVE GIRLS IN MASSACHUSETTS?

ACTUALLY, I KNOW WHERE, BUT THAT'S NOT THE PART I MEANT.

HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

SINCE IT'S TOO COLD FOR THE BEACH,

WE'LL JUST PULL UP A COUPLE OF FLOORBOARDS IN THE LIVING ROOM,

LINE THE HALL WITH PALM FRONDS, AND ROAST A WILD BOAR.

HOW ABOUT COLD CUTS AND POTATO SALAD?

OK, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF TROUBLE.

(Roy) HEY, GUYS, GUYS.

ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT FOOD FOR THE BOSTON COLLEGE PROVIDENCE GAME?

(Brian) YEAH.

HERE'S A LITTLE PARTY-PLANNING TIP

THAT HAS SERVED ME WELL OVER THE YEARS.

IF IT'S GREEN, IT'S TROUBLE. IF IT'S FRIED, GET DOUBLE.

OH, HEY, UH, BRIAN. BRIAN, GUESS WHAT?

MERRIWEATHER CALLED.

THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE HE'S GONNA BE HERE FOR THE GAME.

OH, PHIL MERRIWEATHER. OH, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE YOUR FRAT DAYS.

YEAH, ME NEITHER. AH, SURE HOPE HE CAN MAKE IT.

[laughing] OH, THE TIMES WE HAD BACK AT BOSTON COLLEGE.

I WONDER IF HE CAN STILL DO THAT WEIRD THING WITH HIS EYE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS,

BUT I LIKE THE SOUND OF IT.

OOH, HI, BABY.

MMM, HI, HELEN.

OH, JEEZ, GET A ROOM.

HELEN. YEAH.

I GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

COULD I SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE FOR A MINUTE? SURE.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

[whooping] I THINK I FOUND A SECRET SPOT.

I HAVE A SECRET SPOT.

LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.

HELEN, A SITUATION HAS DEVELOPED THAT

I BELIEVE YOU AND I NEED TO DEAL WITH RIGHT AWAY.

WHAT'S THAT?

THIS.

[gasps]

JUST IGNORE ME. I'LL GET MY PEN FROM JOE'S DESK,

AND I'LL BE OUT OF YOUR WAY.

UH, THAT'S OK, FAY. THERE'S NOTHING GOIN' ON.

THEN MAYBE YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

WELL, THAT WAS A NICE, LITTLE PICK-ME-UP,

BUT I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK.

OH, HELEN. YES.

I--I ACTUALLY DID ASK YOU IN HERE FOR A REASON.

YES?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER, DO YOU?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT, SO I GUESS, NO.

YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT?

UM?

I WAS TAKING MY CAR IN TO BE SERVICED, AND YOU WERE GONNA...

PICK YOU UP.

JOE, I'M SO SORRY, I FORGOT.

UM, I--I WAS GIVING MY CELLO LESSON, IT RAN LATE.

I GOT TO TALKING TO BILLY'S MOTHER--

HEY, IT'S-- IT'S NO BIG DEAL, REALLY.

IT'S NOTHIN' AT ALL. I--I JUST WAITED

ON THAT CORNER FOR HALF AN HOUR.

AND IT ONLY RAINED REALLY HARD FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES.

JOE, I FEEL REALLY TERRIBLE.

NO, PLEASE, DON'T. FRED SCOGGINS DROVE BY. HE GAVE ME A LIFT HOME.

OH. WE HAD A NICE, LITTLE CHAT.

WE SAT IN THE DRIVEWAY TALKIN' ABOUT HIS HIP REPLACEMENT

FOR 46 MINUTES AND 11 SECONDS.

BUT IT WENT BY QUICK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.

I--I'M SORRY.

YOU--YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL. OK. GOOD.

IT'S JUST THAT WHEN YOU'RE DATING SOMEONE,

YOU KIND OF HOPE THEY'LL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED 'EM.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

SO I'M TOLD.

YOU DONE MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY?

(Joe) YES. ARE YOU SURE?

[stammering] YES.

GREAT. I GOTTA GO. I GOTTA GIVE A LESSON.

[laughing]

[whooping] I KNOW THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME

TO BRING THIS UP TO YOU,

BUT MY DENTIST SAYS I HAVE TO HAVE THOSE WISDOM TEETH PULLED,

AND HE WANTS TO DO IT ON FRIDAY.

AND I KIND OF NEED SOMEONE TO PICK ME UP FROM THE DENTIST

AND TAKE CARE OF ME.

NO PROBLEM. I KNOW JUST THE GUY.

HE'S RESPONSIBLE, HE'S AVAILABLE AND, UH,

WORD IS HE'S KIND OF SWEET ON YOU.

THANKS, JOE.

ME? I WAS TALKING ABOUT FRED SCOGGINS.

I KNOW.

WHY DO YOU THINK HE NEEDED THAT HIP REPLACED?

[people chattering]

CAN I HELP YOU?

YES, I HAVE A RESERVATION FOR YOUR FLIGHT 7 TO HYANNIS.

THE NAME IS TUPPERMAN.

MA'AM?

OH, YES, OF COURSE. CAN I HAVE YOUR TICKET, PLEASE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

NEITHER CAN I.

MY TICKET WAS IN HERE THIS-- OH, HERE IT IS.

UH, DO YOU HAVE ANY BAGGAGE TO CHECK?

[stutters]

NO. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

FINE. UH, A-A-AND YOU?

FINE.

WELL, UH, WE'LL BE CALLING THE FLIGHT SHORTLY,

AND HERE'S YOUR BOARDING PASS, MR. TOUPEEMAN.

TUPPERMAN. TUPPERMAN.

YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT I SAID TOUPEEMAN, BUT I DIDN'T.

UH, IT--IT DOESN'T SHOW AT ALL.

[laughing]

FAY, HOW AM I GONNA TELL WHICH--

WHOA!

[snickering]

HEY, ROY, CHECK THIS OUT.

HEY, JOE, CAN I MAKE YOU A BURGER?

NO. HEY, DOES HELEN KNOW YOU'RE DOING THIS?

NO. ARE YOU KIDDIN'?

[sizzling]

OH, BRIAN!

[imitating grill sizzling]

JOE, THIS SIDE OF THE GRILL IS NOT ON.

LET'S SEE, I GOT YOU WITH THAT ONE,

WHAT IS IT NOW, 8,000, 9,000 TIMES.

YEAH, ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU'RE REALLY GONNA BURN YOURSELF,

AND I'M NOT GONNA CARE. YEAH, THAT'LL TEACH ME.

SO, UH, WHAT'S UP?

WELL, UH, WE HAVE A 4:30 FLIGHT ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

UH, WHAT TIME ARE THE GUYS COMIN' OVER FOR THE GAME?

WHAT, YOU KIDDIN' ME? THE GAME IS FRIDAY NOT SATURDAY.

NO, YOU MEAN SATURDAY. NO, IT'S FRI-- ROY, ROY.

WHEN'S THE B.C. PROVIDENCE GAME?

FRIDAY NIGHT, YOUR PLACE. BE THERE OR BE STUPID.

LOWELL, YOU CAN BE BOTH.

THEY CAN'T PLAY ON FRIDAY.

HELEN'S HAVIN' HER WISDOM TEETH PULLED FRIDAY.

OH, WELL, THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW THAT

WHEN THEY SCHEDULED THE GAME.

I'LL MAKE A CALL. I'LL HAVE THEM CHANGE IT.

WHAT DO HELEN'S TEETH HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?

I'M TAKING HER HOME FROM THE DENTIST AND TAKING CARE OF HER.

GET OUT OF IT.

HEY, WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP,

IT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU DO ONCE IN A WHILE.

NO, YOU DON'T. PAPER COVERS ROCK, ROCK SMASHES SCISSORS.

GUY STUFF BEATS GIRL STUFF.

GOD, IT'S KILLING ME NOT TO BE ABLE

TO SEE THE GAME WITH YOU GUYS,

BUT I--I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING

ABOUT BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER.

HACKETT, HERE'S YOUR WAKE UP CALL.

THAT '70s ALAN ALDA MALE SENSITIVITY CRAP IS OVER.

HUH. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GAME IS ON FRIDAY.

I THOUGHT I CHECKED MY CALENDAR.

WELL, MAYBE YOU HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE

SEEIN' PAST THAT RING IN YOUR NOSE.

[Roy and Brian laughing]

LOWELL, IT WAS A JOKE.

WELL, IF YOU HAVE TO POINT THAT OUT,

IT OBVIOUSLY WASN'T A VERY GOOD ONE.

UH, JOE, NOT ONLY ARE YOU GONNA MISS THE GAME,

BUT WHAT IF PHIL MERRIWEATHER SHOWS UP?

YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA DO THE EYE THING.

YOU'RE NOT MAKING THIS ANY EASIER FOR ME, BRIAN. ALL RIGHT, JOE.

JOE, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO.

BUT I'M WARNIN' YOU 'CAUSE THESE THINGS START SMALL,

AND THEY START GATHERING SPEED AND AFTER A WHILE

YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY TOTALLY WHIPPED.

[Roy chuckling] LISTEN.

LET ME EXPLAIN THIS FOR THE RELATIONSHIP-IMPAIRED.

I AM TAKING CARE OF HELEN BECAUSE I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HELEN.

IF YOU GUYS INSIST ON RAZZING ME LIKE A COUPLE OF 4TH GRADERS,

I'M GONNA TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD THE GUYS

BACK WHEN MARY LOU HOPKINS INVITED ME INTO HER PLAYHOUSE.

I'VE GOT A GIRL FRIEND AND YOU DON'T

I HOPE JOE DOESN'T THINK HE WAS THE FIRST GUY IN THAT PLAYHOUSE.

OK, HELEN, WHY DON'T YOU JUST-- JUST LIE DOWN RIGHT HERE

AND GET COMFORTABLE?

REMEMBER, I'M HERE IF YOU NEED ME.

[mumbling]

IF THAT WAS THANK YOU, YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW I'M GONNA GO FILL THE ICE BAG.

[grunting]

[shrieking]

SO, HOW YOU DOIN'?

[mumbling]

WHAT?

[mumbling]

A--A PILL? I'M SORRY I JUST DON'T--

[mumbling]

OH, OH, A PILLOW. YEAH, SURE. COMIN' RIGHT UP.

HERE YOU GO.

[mumbling]

OH, YOU KNOW, HELEN, I ALMOST FORGOT.

THE DENTIST SAID YOU SHOULD DRINK PLENTY OF LIQUIDS

AND GARGLE EVERY 2 HOURS WITH SALT WATER TO AVOID DRY SOCKET.

SO, UH, WHY-- WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT BEFORE YOU GET SETTLED.

[grunting]

OH, AND AS A SPECIAL FAVOR TO ME,

WOULD YOU MIND SAYING,

"YOU'VE DISHONORED THE CORLEONE FAMILY?"

[mumbling]

HARRY, HONEY?

[mumbling]

OH, I THINK I GOT THAT ONE.

[phone ringing]

HELLO. (Brian) HELLO.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT? I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY RINSING AND SWABBING

AND HAVING MORE FUN THAN ANY GUY HAS A RIGHT TO,

BUT YOU GOTTA GET YOUR FANNY OVER HERE, MAN.

BRIAN, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.

YEAH, BUT--BUT THE GUYS ARE ALL ASKING FOR YOU.

THIS IS THE BEST PARTY WE'VE EVER HAD,

AND THE GAME HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET.

YOU'RE NOT ROASTING A PIG IN THE LIVING ROOM, ARE YOU?

NO, BUT THE NIGHT'S STILL YOUNG.

[men cheering]

HEY, WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

OH, OH, OH. IT'S MERRIWEATHER!

OH, MAN! HE'S DOING THE EYE THING.

HE CAME THROUGH THE DOOR DOING THE EYE THING.

REALLY?

AH! BOTH EYES!

HE'S DONE IT WITH BOTH EYES. HE'S ACCOMPLISHED A DOUBLE.

NO! NO! GROWN MEN ARE WEEPING.

THE CROWD IS GOING WILD.

[men cheering]

JOE, JOE, YOU GOTTA COME BY, YOU GOT TO--

[exclaiming]

YOU GOTTA SEE IT. JOE? JOE?

BOTH EYES?

LISTEN. BRIAN, I GOT A PLAN.

HELEN IS PRETTY OUT OF IT.

SO WHEN SHE GOES TO SLEEP, I CAN SNEAK OVER THERE, SEE THE GAME,

WATCH MERRIWEATHER DO THE DOUBLE,

THEN I'LL COME BACK HERE. SHE'LL NEVER KNOW I WAS GONE.

AH, A RELATIONSHIP BUILT FIRMLY ON TRUST AND HONESTY.

HOW I ENVY YOU.

I GOTTA GO.

AH, HELEN. YOU LOOK BEAT.

HERE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LIE DOWN HERE?

I'LL PLUMP UP YOUR PILLOWS,

AND YOU CAN DRIFT OFF INTO DREAMLAND.

[mumbling]

UGLY? NO, YOU'RE NOT UGLY.

THE SWELLING WILL GO DOWN SOON.

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

OH, OH, HUNGRY.

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT NOW.

YOU'RE WAY TOO TIRED TO EAT.

UH-UH.

UH, OK, WELL, I-- I WENT TO THE STORE AND PICKED UP SOME BABY FOOD,

SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO CHEW.

HOW ABOUT SOME NICE, STRAINED CARROTS?

OK, HOW ABOUT SOME STRAINED BEEF?

MMM.

STRAINED PEAS?

STRAINED RELATIONSHIP?

UH, NO-NOTHING, NOTHING.

OH, WELL, HEY, LOOK. IT'S TIME FOR A PAIN PILL.

UM, LOOK AT THIS. THIS IS AN INTERESTING SIDE EFFECT.

THESE CAN MAKE YOU DROWSY.

AH, HELEN, YOU'RE DRIBBLING.

[floorboard creaking]

[groaning]

[sighing] DAMN!

RIGHT HERE. WHAT IS IT?

[mumbling]

SURE.

DECEMBER ISSUE, RIGHT? MMM.

I'M GETTING PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.

AND NOW, IF I READ TO YOU,

WILL YOU GO TO SLEEP LIKE A GOOD GIRL?

MMM-HMM.

WHOA, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THESE ADS?

HAIR CREAM, BODY CREAM, HAND CREAM, EYE CREAM.

ONE GOOD HUG AND YOU'D SQUIRT RIGHT THROUGH THE CEILING.

[laughing]

OK.

"WHAT WOMEN WANT IN MEN?

"RESEARCH SHOWS THAT THE NUMBER 1 QUALITY

"WOMEN ADMIRE IN MEN IS SELFLESSNESS.

[mumbling]

"OFTEN REFERRED TO AS THE GALAHAD SYNDROME,

"A WOMAN FEELS MOST LOVED

WHEN A MAN PUTS ASIDE HIS OWN PETTY DESIRES TO COME TO HER AID."

[stuttering] LOOK, HELEN, I...

[snoring]

THE END.

[floorboard creaking]

[floorboard creaking]

[floorboard creaking]

[thudding]

[men cheering]

[commentator chattering]

NOW OVER TO ABEL. ABEL DRIVES THE LANE,

BLOWS THE LAY-UP, BUT IT'S TIPPED IN BY HINTON.

[all cheering]

BOSTON COLLEGE ON AN 8 TO NOTHING RUN.

IT'S A TIME OUT, PROVIDENCE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

TIME OUT.

OH, OH, GUYS, GUYS, THERE'S BREWSKIS IN THE FRIDGE.

GO, GO HELP YOURSELVES.

LOWELL, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BRING THE DESSERT.

I DID. IT'S RIGHT THERE.

DOLBA.

DOLBA?

I KNOW, I KNOW.

YOU DON'T EXPECT TO SEE IT UNLESS IT'S A NORWEGIAN HOLIDAY.

LOWELL, THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE A BIG WAD OF DOUGH.

NOW THINK ABOUT IT, ROY,

I COULDN'T VERY WELL PUT THE SARDINES AND ROCK CANDY

ON THE OUTSIDE NOW, COULD I?

[all cheering]

HEY, I KNEW YOU'D MAKE IT, YOU BIG LUG.

HEY, WAS THERE ANY DOUBT?

SO WHERE IS HE? WHERE'S MERRIWEATHER?

AH, HE'S OVER THERE ENTERTAININ' THE TROOPS.

HE'S-- HE'S KILLIN' 'EM WITH THE EYE THING.

OH, HEY, MERRIWEATHER, MERRIWEATHER, HOW YOU DOIN'?

HEY, CAN YOU DO THE--

[all exclaiming]

THE DOUBLE.

I WASN'T READY FOR THE DOUBLE.

I'LL-- I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

HASN'T HIS TECHNIQUE MATURED?

OH, YEAH, THERE'S A COMPLEXITY THAT WASN'T THERE

DURING HIS SCHOOL DAYS. YEAH, I HAVE TO AGREE.

SO HOW'S HELEN? UH, SHE'S FINE.

IS THERE MUCH SWELLING?

UH, A FAIR AMOUNT, BUT THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED.

IS SHE IN MUCH PAIN?

SOME, BUT SHE'S GOT, UH, DRAVIDAN FOR THAT.

DRAVIDAN? THEY GAVE HER DRAVIDAN. THAT'S PRETTY STRONG STUFF.

YEAH, THEY GAVE ME THAT ONCE. I GOT A REAL BUZZ.

I WAS LUCKY MY WIFE WAS WITH ME WHEN I TOOK IT.

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

SAVED MY LIFE.

ABOUT 3:00 IN THE MORNING SHE FOUND ME PERCHED ON TOP OF THE STAIRCASE.

I, HONEST TO GOD, I THOUGHT I COULD FLY.

[man whistling]

[all laughing]

GOTTA RUN.

LEAVING SO SOON? WHY?

YEAH, WELL, I JUST REALLY CAME TO SEE MERRIWEATHER, ANYWAY.

OH, COME ON. WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'? WHERE IS THAT CHUCKLEHEAD?

[all exclaiming]

YOU GOT TO WARN ME BEFORE YOU DO THAT.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. (Brian) COME ON, GUYS.

HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.

[all exclaiming]

[male commentator chattering]

[floorboard creaking]

[phone ringing]

[groaning]

I'M HERE, I'M HERE. I HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE.

HELLO. JOE, DID YOU SEE THAT PLAY?

I JUST GOT HERE.

WELL, TURN ON THE T.V., MAN. THEY'RE GONNA DO THE REPLAY. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

HELEN! HELEN! WAKE UP. WHERE'S YOUR T.V. SET?

[mumbling]

IN THE SHOP? IN THE SHOP?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

IN THE SHOP.

[men cheering]

(male commentator) ...BY TURNER. GOOD!

[knock on door] BOSTON COLLEGE NOW UP BY 2.

COME ON! THE GUY'S ON STEROIDS.

PITUITARY CASE.

OH, GREAT, JOE. YOU BROUGHT A CENTERPIECE.

[shushing]

YOU'LL WAKE HER UP. I'M GOING TO PUT HER DOWN IN THE BEDROOM.

[commentator chattering on T.V.]

[door closing]

WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE?

[all chattering]

HE TAKES HER EVERYWHERE.

I TOLD HIM TO GET A WALLET PHOTO.

(Joe) WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

(Roy) B.C. IS UP BY 2.

OH, GREAT. HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT?

ABOUT 5 MINUTES.

GREAT.

WHERE'S MERRIWEATHER?

HE LEFT. HE HAD A SPLITTING HEADACHE.

I THINK WE MAY HAVE ASKED TOO MUCH OF HIM.

[all cheering]

[man whooping] HEY, HEY, HEY. GUYS, GUYS!

[shushing]

GUYS, KEEP IT DOWN. THERE'S A LADY ASLEEP IN THE NEXT ROOM.

[all grumbling]

[Joe shushing]

WHAT'S THE SCORE?

HEY, SHH. LOWELL, LOWELL, KEEP IT DOWN.

YOU'LL WAKE UP HELEN.

UH, I DON'T THINK SO, JOE.

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

I LOOKED IN TO CHECK ON HER, AND SHE WASN'T THERE.

SHE'S GONE.

GONE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE?

DOES HE REALLY NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORD, OR IS HE JUST PANICKING?

SHE'S GONE! HELEN IS GONE!

DIDN'T I JUST SAY THAT?

OK, COME ON, WE GOT TO SPLIT UP AND LOOK FOR HER.

WHO GOES WHERE? UH, I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW.

UH, PROVIDENCE, TAKE THE BEACHES.

BOSTON COLLEGE, TAKE THE NEIGHBORHOODS.

COME ON, LET'S GO. COME ON, GUYS.

RO-ROY, WE CAN'T LET HER WANDER AROUND TOWN

IN THE STATE SHE'S IN.

HACKETT, THIS IS AN ISLAND.

SHE'LL COME TO WHEN SHE HITS THE WATER.

WELL, IT TOOK US A WHILE,

BUT WE FINALLY FOUND HER ASLEEP ON THE NEIGHBOR'S PORCH.

YEAH, SHE WAS CURLED UP WITH THEIR IRISH SETTER.

I LOVE DOGS.

I USED TO HAVE A DACHSHUND

I LET SLEEP AT THE FOOT OF MY BED.

HE NEVER LIKED MY 2ND HUSBAND, GEORGE, VERY MUCH.

OF COURSE, I DIDN'T EITHER.

YES, SO, ANYWAY, I PACKED HER IN THE CAR,

DROVE HER HOME, AND PUT HER RIGHT IN BED.

SO FAR, SO GOOD.

SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO REMEMBER A THING ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I THINK I'M HOME FREE.

JOE HACKETT.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT.

HMM, YOU BETTER STAND UP AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE.

UH, I SUGGEST DRAVIDAN.

HELEN, LISTEN, ABOUT LAST NIGHT-- DON'T SAY A WORD. SIT.

WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT

WAS THE SWEETEST THING ANYBODY'S EVER DONE FOR ME.

EXCUSE ME? I READ THE PAPER THIS MORNING.

YOU MISSED THE BOSTON COLLEGE PROVIDENCE GAME

TO PLAY NURSEMAID TO ME.

OH.

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN MY OFFICE.

WHEN YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE,

YOU, UH, HAVE TO BE THERE WHEN THE OTHER PERSON NEEDS YOU.

YEAH, BUT HOW MANY OTHER GUYS WOULD HAVE DONE WHAT YOU DID?

[chuckling] OH, NOT MANY.

THANK YOU.

[groaning]

[sighing]

[stammering] GOD, I FINALLY GET A RELATIONSHIP STARTED

AND--AND LOOK AT ME.

I'VE ALREADY LIED TO HER, SNUCK AROUND BEHIND HER BACK,

GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, AND NOW SHE'S THANKED ME FOR IT.

FEELS KIND OF GREAT, DOESN'T IT?

YEAH.