All language subtitles for The.Real.L.Word.Los.Angeles.S01E02.HDTV.FQM.en

What kind of lesbian am I?

I know that I'm labeled
as a lipstick lesbian

because I love to wear
makeup, and have my hair done,

and wear high heels.

I'm definitely not a lipstick lesbian.

Although I could be butch too.

I mean, listen, there are times
in my life where I'm, like, butch.

I think that I'm a
lesbian like anybody else.

I like women.

I'm a... a renaissance lesbian.

A little bit of everything.

Um, not too butch. Not too femme.

A lot of these terms
are kind of new to me.

I'm learning as I go here.

What kind of fucking lesbian am I?

I'm a Mikey lesbian.

And there should be many
more of you out there.

I am a hard femme, soft butch.

What kind of lesbian
do you guys think I am?

I can clean up well, but I
still know how to hold a hammer.

I don't think you'd ever
ask a straight person

what kind of straight person are they.

You love who you love and can't
the conversation just end there?

? It was just the other night ?

? I don't wanna think about it ?

? I don't wanna start a fight ?

? I don't wanna think about it ?

? every time I take a step, left, right ?

? now I think I'm gonna
sleep real good tonight ?

? you'll find a way to make me crazy ?

? hazy ?

Previously on The Real L Word...

? Ow ?

This is how you roll, bitches.

Yeah!

It's hard for me to behave myself.

But I'm in a relationship with
someone that I actually care about.

- We're gonna what?
- Have a baby.

Nat has a timetable.

But when you've been a
certain way for so long,

it's kind of hard just
to change overnight.

Wakey wakey!

I'm in a relationship right now.

It's new.

Stamie's life is very complicated.

Ah, the binky fairy!

I missed them.

They're not my kids.

But in a way, I'm in a relationship now

with four people: Stamie and three kids.

Okay.

- Love you.
- I love you too, baby girl.

Raquel and I have been
together for about nine months.

I've never had a girlfriend
that works as hard as I do.

Throw your arm up on the wall.

My goals are to create the
best Los Angeles Fashion Week

that L.A.'s ever seen.

Because what youe
sending me over here today

are people with zero experience.

So the pressure is on.

Tell you what, we'll never fucking
work with your agency again.

Don't ever fucking call my showroom.

Work!

Jill and I have been together over a year.

I'll make the bed. I'll rub your feet.

Nik is my best friend
and she is my partner.

Oh, my God.

We first met at summer camp.

- That was my first year.
- Your brother was my boyfriend.

And now we're getting married.

How do you never understand women,

but yet, you fuck so many of them?

I wouldn't call myself a player.

I'm want to crush your body.

Sara and I have feelings for one another.

She's newly single.

So finally we're both in the clear.

Oh, my God.

And this girl that I
just hooked up with, Romi,

is standing right there.

But Sara's going back up to San Francisco.

I cannot, or should not, multitask girls.

It's bad news.

This... this is gonna be good.

- Ugh.
- Well, welcome to Los Angeles.

I didn't want to circle the
airport and pick up another girl.

It just panned out that way.

- Are you nervous about this move?
- Yeah.

But I have to, uh, get
cracking on a resume, I guess.

Tor does hair for movies.

She moved out here from
Connecticut for her career.

But, you know, there's obviously...

that's not the only reason,

considering she and I hooked
up a couple months ago.

So how do you feel?

I can't believe I just
left my life in a day.

Everything. I left everything.

You did leave everything.
This is your new life.

She's moving in with me until
she finds out what she's doing.

And, you know, I don't
know where we stand.

Honestly, I don't know.

Welcome to your new home.

Your mom called me crying.

- No, she didn't.
- She did.

- She did.
- Did she?

She kept it together the entire time.

She was, like, "it was
an emotional morning.

We were crying."

Tor is the cousin of Alyssa,

who is my best friend
and business partner.

So, I mean, we could put your stuff, like,

uh, let's see...

No, that's not what I...
I didn't mean it like that.

I mean it like this.

We're U-hauling it.

We are U-hauling it. Officially.

And I haven't even started dating her.

That's a record.

- Whatev.
- All right.

Let's get the stuff.

"We're U-hauling it" is such
a common lesbian situation.

It's a joke. What does a
lesbian bring to a second date?

Wait for it. A U-haul.

You know, usually close after that,

there's some type of dog
adoption that happens.

- Let's go get me a puppy now.
- Tor, you need a job first.

Whitney and I worked together in Florida.

And it was crazy.

I was in a relationship for
nine years on and off with a guy.

But then I met Whitney
and I had feelings for her.

I'm gonna make those
noises when I get excited.

Whitney wasn't the first
girl I've been with,

but she's the first girl that
I actually had feelings for.

Can you tickle my surprise?

- Please?
- I sure can.

I'm gonna tickle the
shit out of that surprise.

Part of me thinks that it
could work with Tor and Whitney.

I definitely see the chemistry
between the two of them.

But I know Whitney and I'm worried

that, you know, Tor is young

and she's gonna get her heart broken.

Oh, it's blush.

That's from this morning.

In a weird area.

I was just with Sara.

Listen...

When did you do that this morning?

No, 'cause my eyelids have been greasy.

Maybe you should go take care of yourself.

As of now, I thought
it would be unnecessary

to tell Tor about anything
having to do with Sara.

This is what I'm talking
about. I need to just tkkhhh.

I need to figure things out.

I was born and raised in Los Angeles.

Actually in the culver city projects.

Where I grew up, we'd have
drive-by shootings every night.

When I was about nine years old,

I had my best friend shot
and killed right next to me.

It was just a really hard life.

So it's been quite the experience

of, uh, growing up in that way

to now being in the world
of fashion accidentally.

Coming from the person who wears
jeans and a t-shirt every single day.

All right, Terri, so this is stage 3.

We're at Sunset Gower Studios,
stage 3 for Fashion Week.

Um, can we get the floor plans?

This is a huge, raw space.

We didn't work in a
studio like this last time.

So here's the layout.

Here's the elephant doors
that we walk in, right?

The bar will be... Ian's
gonna throw some tricks

in the little lounge area with the bar.

But this is basically the kind of layout.

We're talking about pitching
a 70-foot runway in here,

which is 20 feet longer
than we had last time.

Which means the show's
gonna be a little bit longer.

This season, IMG stopped
producing Los Angeles Fashion Week.

So now this last year and a half,

I've seriously become a force of
nature within the fashion industry.

And I'm now trying to
really establish my company

as the leader of L.A. Fashion Week.

We're about seven weeks
out so the pressure is on.

Do you want to kind of give us a
tour through the rest of the space?

Yeah, let's go walk over there.

Get a great look of this raw space

'cause it's gonna be fucking amazing.

It's not gonna look anything
like this when you walk in here.

My company's produced pretty big events

in Los Angeles and New York.

But this is the biggest
production I've ever produced.

I'm really excited to make something

really beautiful happen for Fashion Week.

- Oh, there's a restroom?
- We can add wardrobe.

You know, if you want
to have a holding area,

we've got actually a
large room down there.

This would be actually perfect

'cause we won't have to bring in heaters

and we wouldn't have to
deal with the echoing.

We can certainly make it work here.

I think this is ideal.

I do love having fun at what I'm doing.

But at the end of the day,

it's down to fucking business.

And we have to get the stage.

So, obviously, we want
to get stage 3 for you.

I'm pretty much going to
blow Howard at this point.

So who do I got to sleep with
around here to get stage 3?

- Howard's always late. You know?
- Yeah. I'm excited.

All right, well, I'm
looking forward to it.

- Nico wants a coconut.
- Okay.

Nico, don't come close, baby.

- It's a knife.
- What's that?

That's the wrapper. The rapper goes

- Nice.
- No. Not so much.

Stamie's kids are gorgeous.

Okay, kiki bug, what color?

She recently split up with her ex.

Together, they had, uh, three kids.

- What color is this?
- Black.

- Good job.
- Good job.

Give me some sugar.

She has twins that are a
little over two and a half

named Nico and Daughtry.

Mine. Give me it.

No, red he has. I'll give you purple.

And then she also has
a child naned Jagger,

who is the sweetest kid ever.

He's five.

And Jagger is special needs.

He has Williams syndrome,

which is a rare genetic disorder

that causes devepmental problems.

Jagger's gonna sit over here.

Okay.

He's just a gorgeous human being.

Here. Come on. Move in. Let's eat cereal.

Before Tracy and I started dating,

her responsibility was
her work and her dog.

What happened to my life? White
hair. Eating at a kid's table.

If Tracy took a second to think
about this and break it down,

that bitch would be running
down Ventura Boulevard

and I'd have to stop her with my vehicle.

Here. Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Nico, help her. Uh-oh.

There's gonna be, like, a tantrum soon.

Uh-oh. Okay. Okay.

You step on Max?

Oh. Oh, hey, hey, hey.

Thank you.

I'm gonna eat your trains.

Nico, you're a big, Greek man like Babuko.

Okay, don't get upset.

Oh, look what just fell on her.

Do you need help?

Having children in my life
is... is extremely fulfilling.

Daughtry, come on. Let's go to bed.

But it just doesn't stop.

When you wake up, we'll play, okay?

Okay?

Let's go to sleep.

I love you.

Come on, Max. Good night, Jaggy.

Oh, Jesus.

You need to quit smoking.

Jagger, no more cigarettes for you.

We're free. We're free.

- Part one.
- Free.

Part one of two.

They sound so bad that they're coughing.

- Thanks for your help.
- You're welcome.

I couldn't have done it without you today.

- Oh, stop.
- You're so helpful.

- You're so nice.
- You're so helpful and sweet.

You should... oh. You're evil.

You look pretty today. Did
you shower or something?

Every fourth day.

Did you pull your bag out?

My God, Zackie.

Baby, you can't go bye-bye with us.

I'm sorry. Oh, my God, baby is in the bag.

I'm an agent to directors

and I also produce television content.

Mommy and I will take you
for a "W" when we come home.

It makes me sad when he does that.

Jill is a writer and we have a couple of
television projects going on right now.

One that we're passionate about

is from a book that we
optioned called Sexual Fluidity,

which is about women and
men basically falling in love

with someone despite their gender.

Bye, babies. Love you guys.

Right now we are meeting with the writer,

Dr. Lisa Diamond, to talk about
how we can create a show for her.

I don't know if you
ever saw this treatment.

- We brought you a copy.
- Oh, my gosh.

All these type of words
could've come, like,

right out of the... the words
of my respondents in the book.

Well, you are our inspiration.

I mean, this whole thing is an ode to you.

When I was doing all the
interviews leading up to the book,

I was distressed by how
little published research

there was on the development
of women's sexuality

from adolescence to adulthood

and specifically same-sex attraction.

When I told my parents about
my relationship with Nik,

it was a... it was a big conversation.

And my father was a little confused

because I don't think he saw it coming.

I used this as a tool to explain
to my parents my experiences.

You know, when I was telling them

what I was going through
and how I was falling in love

with this woman, I...
I pointed to this book

and said "you have to read
this to understand who I am

and who I think I... who
I think I'm becoming."

For me, it's still very much
about the person versus the gender.

And I think some might argue,
"well, isn't that bisexuality?"

Bisexuality still positions you
as liking men and liking women.

I'm coming at it from a point
of " I want to like the person."

We have to talk about this.
We have to get this out there.

Nobody talks about this.

There's nothing that covers this...

- Gray area.
- Gray area.

I'm a little bit more black and white now.

I don't think I could date a man again.

Actually, I know I couldn't.

I can definitely say that
my college roommate...

I was in love with her, but
I didn't know what that meant.

And it wasn't until I was 25 years old

that I actually acted on
my feelings for this woman.

But I didn't want to be gay.

I didn't know what that meant to be gay.

And it was the most
devastating time in my life.

That's the thing that so
many people can relate to.

The "I was looking for my person.

I met this woman or I met this man."

Honestly, for me, I don't
ever think twice that I am gay.

But I think Jill is insecure about that

because even though she
dated women prior to me,

she was never honest
about it with her friends.

She was never honest
about it with her family.

I don't feel like you're
equally fluid anymore.

Little conflict of interest.

I am 100% comfortable saying
I am in love with a woman.

I am...

60% comfortable with
saying I'm openly gay.

It doesn't feel... like it fits.

- Do you want that ball?
- Oh, yeah.

I don't want to show
off or anything, but...

Stamie and I met through a mutual friend.

Stamie does a comedy show every Thursday.

And I went to her comedy show.

It's full court and I haven't
played ball in a very long time.

I haven't played with
balls in even a longer time.

So weird.

I hope not.

One day, the light bulb
went on for her first.

And she told me that
she had a crush on me.

And I told her that I think it's mutual.

- Okay. -
Heads-up!

- One of those are gonna go in.
- Fuck!

I've never seen this side of her.

- Nice!
- Yay!

Yeah, Stamie. Babe.

Yay!

All right, time to go to The Abbey.

Let's go.

That is the biggest
burrito I've ever seen.

Size matters in West Hollywood.

- I was impressed.
- With what?

- With your skills.
- Oh, come on.

Did you see her eyes
when she was on her court?

- It was, like, all business.
- Really?

All intense. Crazy eyes.

My friends adore Stamie.

It's... it's really sweet to see.

To Kathleen and Rachelle

for 11 years together...

- Oh, wow.
- Oh!

This weekend.

We only strive to be the
couple that you guys are.

Seriously.

I try not to look too far ahead.

I don't want to expect too much in a way.

- That side?
- Okay. Wait.

But I do see very good
things in the future for us.

I don't know what they are,

but I just see us... we're
just climbing that hill

in a way.

Seeing any of your friends?

My friends are old. They died.

- What?
- All my friends died.

- Stop it.
- They don't come out anymore.

No.

- No. No.
- What's up?

How are you?

- How are you, baby?
- This is my girlfriend, Stamie.

- Hey, how are you?
- Whitney.

Nice to meet you.

I see Tracy.

I met her at Crown Bar.

I might have a little
bit of a crush on Tracy.

But she does have a girlfriend.

Taylor and I are at The Abbey.

I asked Tor if she wanted to come.

She didn't want to come.

- No!
- Oh, shit.

We think we're just going
to be there for one drink.

I was hanging out. It's mid-afternoon.

But all of our friends
are there... everyone.

- Do you have a cigarette?
- No, you don't smoke cigarettes.

No, but Rachel has some.

And then totally
unexpected, Romi shows up.

It's just gonna be hard
to, like, be around you.

It's just... I just need to,
like, get over it, you know?

And I just don't know
how to, like, transition

into, like, you know, like, a friendship

'cause I want you in my life.

When I talked to Whitney,
the whole thing threw me off.

I'm not used to not knowing what we have,

or if you like me, or
if you don't like me,

or is this gonna go somewhere?

Okay, I'm a dumb-ass.

Uh, Romi.

I've never been in something like this.

And I wish that Whitney would
tell me what the situation is.

I need you to, like, be honest with me.

Like, Whitney, just...

No, okay, Sara, the other day,

what happened with her and I,

we had hooked up, like, a year ago.

We hooked up again.

We have a chemistry.

The fact of the matter is
she lives in San Francisco.

She has an ex-girlfriend.
There's a situation.

- The girl that came here.
- Right. Do I like you? Yes.

Absolutely. Do I have
a chemistry with you?

Und... unindubitably.

There is just a fucking mishmash
situation going on in my fucking life.

And part of me thinks that
I don't know what you want.

And part of me thinks that,
like, this is not what you want.

- No.
- All right.

In a way, it's scary because sh...

it seems like she's putting
herself out there 100%.

And I'm not ready to
go for a relationship.

I'm single. I've been single.

I've not lied to you. I've
been 100% honest with you.

Have I not? I'm saying
I've tried to be as open

and honest with you as possible.

- But...
- But nothing.

Am I 100% of what you need right now?

I don't know.

I didn't expect to, like, see you

and have, like, my feelings be that.

I don't have any control
over this whatsoever.

And now...

Romi and I are trying to figure out

where we stand on the matter.

And she pretty much just says "fuck it"

and leans in and kisses me.

I feel Like, this is the
common theme that lesbians do.

They fight one second and then
they're making out the next.

I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.

I feel like I've dug myself into a hole

with potentially... three girls now.

And I know I did this to myself.

And that's what's most
frustrating about it.

- Okay?
- Okay.

What the fuck did I just do?

You're just, uh, doing
your thing, you know?

How you always do. You're just doing you.

Can you throw that away for me?

Natalie and I are going to celebrate
our seven-month anniversary.

Natalie's real big on doing
the month-to-month thing.

So I'm gonna take her out to dinner.

Probably want to wear the black one.

Maybe I can actually wear this top.

That's why I got it all.
Look. Boom. We're good.

For me, she's the one right now.

She's the one that I'm committed to

and, you know, giving a shot at.

Are we gonna be inside or outside?

Just wondering. I just need to know.

You'll be fine. Baby,
we're gonna drink wine.

You're gonna be good.

Before Rose, I had a girlfriend.

We were together for two years.

And we ended on really, really bad terms.

So after her, I told myself I
would never date a girl again.

What kind of eye shadow should I wear?

Um, smoky.

My last relationship was with a guy.

It wasn't a very romantic relationship.

But with Rose, our chemistry's
very, very, very intense.

I've fallen in love with her.

Okay, so what kind of food?

What, like, okay, is
it, like, American food,

Spanish food?

It's French-American.

French-American.

Why do we always celebrate every month?

Because we never know if we're going
to make it past the month, right?

Is he all worried about you
'cause I want to have babies?

I'm worried about you because
you want to have babies.

Why?

If you and I were a heterosexual couple,

you probably would be pregnant by now.

We'd have an accident, babe.

No, you'd be the one to
poke holes in the condom.

- Fuck that shit.
- No, I would not.

Don't ever say that shit.

Then what would you do?

I would never do that. Ever. Ever ever.

I'm not crazy psycho like that.

I'm not saying you're
crazy psycho like that.

- That's what it sounds like.
- Honey...

- Yay.
- Yay, finally.

We made it.

Can we start off with
the... the crispy pork belly?

- And, um...
- I really want mashed potatoes.

We'll start off with those two.

Sorry for all the bad
things I did this month.

I was a bad girl this month.

- Sorry.
- Tonight's a celebration.

What are you thinking?

Babies. You keep talking about the babies.

- Don't get scared.
- Not scared in a bad way.

Just, like, you know,
you're... we're seven months in

and you want to be nine months out.

I want to be a little selfish today.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

- Cheers to seven months.
- Yeah.

Cheers to you believing
in me. Thank you for that.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

I think Rose is changing.

I've definitely inspired
her to be a better person

because I think I'm a
pretty decent person.

Like, in being with you,

like, I learned a lot
about... about myself.

I learned a lot of patience.

I'm still trying to figure shit out.

A lot of it has to do, like,
when you've been drinking.

When you've been drinking,
you, um, you're a little harsh.

Do you know what I mean?

I have asked Rose before if she,
um, will ever retire the party scene.

And she told me

that this is her last year

of going out and partying.

After this, she's done, she said.

So we'll see. Yay.

- These are for you.
- Thank you.

Thank you, baby. Whoa.
These are so pretty.

- When I get married...
- To who?

I won't say you 'cause
you'll get all scared.

But I want to have a bouquet.

I don't know what kind
of flowers these are,

but I want a bouquet of
these kind of flowers.

In this conversation, baby,

you've brought up babies, marriage.

Thank you, baby.

- Cheers to love.
- Cheers to our love.

Cheers to my love.

You're lucky you got it.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I want to talk to you so bad right now.

I'm completely confused.

Like, do you want a
friendship? I'll be your friend.

But it... you confuse me.

I mean, I absolutely want a friendship.

But at the same time, like, I
feel chemistry between you and I.

And, like, I'm attracted to you.

So what does that mean?

Then that's it, right?

Like, we're just going to see each other

and make out and then, like, that's it?

That hurts me.

If you care about me in
any way, shape, or form,

and you know what I need,
don't act like you like me.

But I can't do that, Romi.

Like, that is not... I can't do that

because you have this thing over me.

Like, I can't do that.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Like, I cannot physically restrain myself.

I can't. Like, I like
you. And I don't know...

I hate that.

It's gonna fuck with me because you know

what I want from you
that you can't give me.

I know I'm spreading
myself a little thin now.

And I think the problem that's happening

is that emotions are getting involved.

And I have to start taking
that into consideration

because it's really taking a toll

not only on the relationships
I have with other people,

but on myself.

And that girl's still staying with you?

Yeah, she's still staying with me.

- You're killing me.
- Um...

Hold on one second.

You are so fucked.

You know Tor's inside, right?

Well, no, I mean, do you want to see me?

You know my cousin? Tor?

I want you to see me right now.

Yeah.

Sitting in the kitchen
twiddling her thumbs

wondering what's going on.

Hold on one second.

Hold on 'cause my
roommate's talking to me.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

My loyalty is with my cousin.

I was kind of pissed.

I was, like, look, get off the phone

with girl number three and
go talk to girl number one

because she's here in the house right now.

What?

No, I was just telling my roommate

that asked me if I wanted a drink.

Can you wait for me, like, a second?

- Yeah.
- Just, like, a second.

Sex is really important in a relationship.

We have a really good sexual relationship.

So that's what keeps me there.

That's what I'm thinking.

Where do you want me to rub you?

Anna, listen, I want you and Shanna

with your notebooks at
that table right now.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So excited about that stage.

I know. The runway's gonna be amazing.

70-foot runway. Fucking love it.

Now that we have stage
3 at Sunset Gower Studio,

this'll be the biggest production

we've actually ever had in my company.

And I'm really excited about it.

Friday, we got to be in here
first thing in the morning

to receive all the
collections for Fashion Week.

So we need to get the fittings done.

And we have three days to fit ten
brands that are showing with us.

Can't have you stress that
to these designers enough.

And I'll need you to run that stuff too.

- Okay.
- Okay. This is a lot of work.

We're starting to put
together all the elements

as far as the designer lineup,

the live acts, and our sponsors
that we're working with.

Hi, baby, what are you doing?

- We're eating lunch.
- Who is that?

- It's Raquel.
- Hey, Raquel.

Don't tell her "who is that? " Oh, my God.

Are you coming tonight to Citizen Smith?

What time are you gonna be there?

I'll be the lesbian with the tattoos.

"How will you find me?"

Yay. Okay, good.

All right, babe.

Call me if you need directions, okay?

Okay. Love you.

- Love you too, babe.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I'm going to be inducted

at the Hollywood Chamber
of Commerce tonight.

I've joined them to help
promote L.A. Fashion Week.

- Awesome.
- Great.

Okay, girls.

This is a big deal.

The whole premise of
joining the Hollywood Chamber

is networking to help support my company.

All right, we got to get
ready to go to Citizen Smith.

Okay, awesome.

- How do we figure out 30%?
- What do you mean?

- Times 0.3.
- Of what?

I'm gonna let you do the math.

Okay.

Alyssa and I have a business together.

We do prosthetics,

special effects makeup,

zombie makeup, uh, films
to training exercises.

Everything across the board.

All right, let's set up.

We're in the middle of preparing
for a job doing a horror movie.

We have a lot of work to do
for the movie voodoo cowboy.

We have to actually construct a torso.

So we will be taking a willing participant

and basically covering their body

in this liquid stuff
and creating a body mold.

I don't want to have
no eyebrows after this.

Yo, I'm telling you this
will not take your hair off.

He showed me his arm. His arm is so hairy.

If I don't have eyebrows,
you're giving me $300.

- To do what?
- To get new eyebrows.

What, are they gonna weave it in?

No, I'm gonna get them tattooed on.

What?

I moved to Los Angeles
about a year and a half ago.

Kind of was going through
a rough spot in New York.

I got a vaccine

and I got a rare, rare
neurological syndrome off of that.

It's called Guillain-Barre.

I went blind. I couldn't walk.

I lost my speech.

When I was in the hospital
thinking I was dying,

it really made me realize
that "just be grateful.

"Take a step back. Take a deep breath.

And try to live life to the fullest."

Go. Mm!

Mm!

All right, ready for the face?

These little hairs. I know.

I know, baby.

Your makeup. Yeah, no, you have...

- You still have eyebrows on.
- No, I don't.

- Yes, you do.
- Yes, you do.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

All right. Good job. Look at that.

"Pulling into airport."

Today is an exciting day

because my best friend Derek's
coming to visit from San Francisco.

Haven't seen him in probably
about six months or so.

- Does he know this car?
- Yes.

D-money! Whoo!

He's so cute. He is so cute.

He's actually down here
considering a job opportunity.

- Hi.
- You're here.

I can't believe you're here.

I don't even know where to start.

It's crazy. I don't
even know where to start.

When was the last time
I saw you, September?

We've known each other for eight years.

He was one of the first friends I made

when I moved out to San Francisco.

We hadn't seen each
other since I got engaged.

You look fantastic.

And I'm so frustrated right now.

I cannot wait to take your shirt
off so I can see your tattoo.

I want you to know, Nik,

seven years I've been begging
this boy to show me some ink.

There's definitely feelings for him.

You know, we've both had them.

We both kind of had a raised eyebrow going

"what are these feelings?

Is this something that
should be romantic or not?"

Well, it's a sleepover, D-money.

- Exactly.
- Shirts off.

We're finally having a sleepover.

We'll... we all take our shirts off.

We're gonna have to seduce him

to get him to take his shirt off.

I was concerned when I
first started dating Jill

because I can't compete with a man.

So if she wanted that, there
was nothing I could do about it.

I... I had to trust it.

I had to trust her feelings for me.

You know what, I just can't get over

the shocking iceberg that you
got on your hand over there.

It's like Superman's inside it.

- I have super powers.
- Yeah.

I feel like Wonder Woman or Spider-man.

You know, I got to take care of my bitch.

At first, our relationship was
a little bit difficult for him,

um, because he really loved Jill

and probably would've liked things

to be a little bit different between them.

Uh-oh.

- I missed you.
- So good to see you.

Derek, he's so supportive.

He's really just quite a spectacular guy

and I think any girl
would be lucky to have him.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I can't believe it.

- I'm so happy you're here.
- This is ridiculous.

I desperately want Derek to move here.

It would be so much fun.

I'm so happy you're back.

- I'm so happy too.
- I want you to move here.

I want to move here.
I think it'd be great.

- Oh, my God.
- We all know that.

Yes.

- Thank you. Hi.
- What is up?

- It's been a while.
- It's been too long.

I'm going to have lunch
with a friend of mine.

Michael. We went to school together.

We're extremely close.

He's my ear. I can tell him anything.

I miss the dudes.

Do they even know that
I'm dating someone new?

I don't know.

Like, they know that you're,
like, in the community...

- of... of "the gays."
- Of gayness?

You know, but, uh...

does your mom know about all this?

Does she know, like, who you're dating?

I think she just wants me to be happy.

But she's having a hard time getting over

the fact that it's going to end
up being with a woman, not a man.

But, um, I think she
still has dreams for us.

You and me?

I think she has dreams with
you and all your guy friends.

When it comes to my mom,

she wanted me to have the white wedding,

and the beautiful
boyfriend, the rich this,

and the three kids, and the so on.

You know, a lot of that I can still have,

it's just with Stamie.

- It's been a few months.
- Yeah.

So there's all these kids involved.

Isn't that kind of weird?

I mean, that's a rough situation.

I mean, you ready for that?

It's scary as shit and
it's something serious.

It's, like, ser... I can't fuck around,

you know what I mean?

I think that set Mikey back for a second.

Hearing about me being in a relationship

with somebody with three kids
was a lot for him to swallow.

We needed to stop being
so busy... both of us.

I know. Well, you got a whole family.

I wonder if my first white hair
was because of Stamie and the kids.

You have a white hair right now?

Dude, I got, like, three.

- Oh, my God.
- What do you mean?

- Oh, your stock's going down.
- Shut up.

You're such a dick.

Hey, Rose. How are you?

I got those by mistake
so maybe you can use them.

My dad and I are really close.

Since my mom and I aren't speaking

and we're kind of on those terms,

I've always had my dad
to pick up the slack.

What's the matter, babe? Hmm?

How you been, Rocco?

You better listen to grandpa.

Yeah. Anyway, um, what's
up with your social life?

- Chilling.
- Mm.

I'm not going out like I used to

and I'm more grounded and focused.

The only thing about you is the liquor.

You have to keep that away.

Yeah, I don't party as
much as I used to, dad.

Like, I'm literally, like,
now once or twice a week.

Before, it was, like, four or five nights.

Yeah, that was... that
was... that was my worry.

And I'm telling you right now

that I want you to be settled

and I hope with one person only, okay?

So far, so good.

My dad's always been a part of my life.

He's always been a... a big supporter.

Always gotten me out of trouble.

Um, and... and if it wasn't for him,

I probably would be a bad kid.

And Natalie's a nice person.

And, you know, you got the advantage.

You are older and wiser.

It's up to you to take that
relationship up to another level.

It's fine.

- Well, hey...
- I'm just saying it.

You want to be a responsible
person, that's what it takes.

You have to invest time
in your relationship.

- I'm doing that.
- I'm getting older.

For me, it will be a great
joy that one day you...

Like I say, you want
to settle down with her

and kids, it's up to you guys.

My dad is on Natalie's team
when it comes to this, uh,

baby thing.

You're 30-something.

I don't know about kids, dad.
I've never been a kid person.

Your grandma, she's "when Rose
is gonna bring kids over here?"

Feel like I'm mentally still a kid.

He kind of knows how to pull my strings

and play it where he's
kind of walking the line,

but not crossing it, you know what I mean?

The only thing I ask for you is be happy,

and settle down, and be more responsible.

That's what I want for you.

- I have two out of the three.
- Uh, well...

Which ones, we haven't decided.

I think you're too tall.

Can you get down?

I can't get down any more than this.

Come on, baby koala. Come to mama.

Yeah.

There she is.

I love these buns in these pants.

I feel like I'm gonna die.

- You do?
- You shouldn't have eaten that yarn fish.

I tried to be so good.

I had steamed vegetables
and yarn fish for lunch.

Her buns feel very smooth in this.

I... I know that that's
all you heard just now...

Yourself thinking that statement
instead of any of the things

coming out of my mouth.

I heard yarn fish.

I give Whitney a lot of shit.

But it's because I care and I
don't want her to look like a jerk.

Because I think it's very easy

that she could look like a jerk, you know?

If everybody sort of at
the same time finds out

she's with her, she's
with her, she's with her,

she's with me, you know,
it's just a little, um...

It's a sticky situation.

I want to punch you in your mouth.

Do it. Why do you want to do that?

I don't know. I just want to.

- It's a loving punch.
- All right, do it.

If that's what will make you happy.

I just want to make you happy.

Whitney is amazing.

She has a really good personality
and she's a very loving person.

I would like to have a
relationship with Whitney,

but I don't know what to do.

- Tor, come here.
- What?

- Come here.
- No.

- I have to get my things.
- Come here.

- I have to get my things.
- What thing?

- My stuff. Come here.
- Hey!

The way I felt about Whitney,

I've basically felt the
same way before with guys.

Look at that writing on your body.

I forgot about that.

Kids and their crazy tattoos nowadays.

If you can get me going,
like, make me smile and shit,

like, I'll... I'll love you.

Like, guy, girl, whatever.

I don't really give a shit.

Your body is too small for me to massage.

- Give me a naked massage.
- I will.

- Get naked.
- Like, I have to get naked?

- Mm-hmm. - Or
you're naked?

- Both.
- We're both naked.

- Mm-hmm. - And
then we scissor.

Yeah.

I know that I shouldn't
be flirting with her,

but I can't stop myself.

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Listen, just go get done.

I'll be waiting here for you like this.

- In bed naked.
- Naked.

To the bar. To the bar.

We're here at Citizen Smith tonight

because I'm going to be inducted

with the Hollywood chamber of commerce.

And I've brought Shanna, my new
assistant, and Anna, my intern.

And Raquel is coming from work and
seeing me get the plaque tonight.

So I'm pretty excited about it.

You guys... you always know when we sit,

I sit in the middle.

Come on over here, Anna.

I like to be in the middle
of all the hot chicks.

- Would you like a brownie?
- Ladies, would you like...?

- What's that?
- What kind of brownie?

- Are they special brownies?
- Chocolate and Walnut.

That's all.

That's not the kind of
brownie I'm looking for.

I know. Not tonight.

- That's no fun.
- The other night.

I don't think she is.
I don't... I don't know.

I feel... I feel bad.

Raquel is M.I.A.

- Is Raquel coming?
- No. She's missing in action.

I think her phone is dead because
it's going straight to voicemail.

So...

Okay, it is time to present
plaques to our new members.

Mingling and coming
towards the patio area...

We got to save... we
got to save her a seat.

I'm gonna take this right here.

Bill is gonna present
you with your plaque.

So our first new members
tonight, we have Gary Clemmer.

From Alsco over on Highland, Bill Shevard.

Come on down.

All right, from one of
our Hollywood institutions,

Mel's Diner, we have Gabe
Mendez and Chris Nolan.

Welcome. Welcome, guys.

From the Gallery L.A. , we
have Mikey Koffman. Mikey!

Whoo! Whoo!

Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

Yeah, come on back. I
get to join the guys?

- Yeah.
- All right. Fine.

One of the boys.

I wanted to tell you my
plaque's bigger than yours,

but apparently they're all the same size.

We can whip 'em out and compare
later if you want though.

Okay, later. All right, fantastic.

I was bummed that she couldn't be there.

But she said she was gonna come.

So once again I've kind
of built up my expectations

that we're gonna get to
hang out the whole evening

and with all our friends and everything.

So I was disappointed.

Come on, baby. Answer the phone.

- Baby.
- Babe!

- Hi.
- I've been calling you.

I know. What'd I miss?

I just walked down the street
and people were talking about you.

They're, like, " I always
thought Mikey was a boy."

I just, like, heard randoms
saying that right now.

That somebody thought I was a boy?

Yeah. Let me see your plaque.

Was it 'cause of the size of my penis?

- I don't... probably.
- Okay.

Yay. Congrats.

Um, it's hard to have a relationship

when, you know, she's
working all the time.

It's really, really tough
to find that balance.

Tracy? Where's Max?

Oh, my God.

- Morning, Nico.
- Morning.

Max is sleeping.

Uh, I don't see him.

Max is sleeping under the blanket.

- Tracy, did I wake you up?
- Where's mama gone?

Mama is... is sleeping with Jagger.

- She'll come back.
- Oh, yeah?

- Maxie, wake up.
- Hi, Max.

He's still sleeping though.

I didn't really think about the whole

grand scheme... the huge picture
of dating somebody with kids.

Uh-oh. Now he's up.
Now he's your problem.

- Hi, Max.
- You want to go take him out?

- Yeah.
- I knew she had kids.

But you don't really
kind of put it together

until you wake up in the
morning with them there.

- I want juice.
- You want juice?

- What kind of juice?
- I want...

You guys want to go back to sleep?

No.

I'm running on fumes right now.

I'm exhausted.

But with kids, it just keeps going.

It's really difficult.

Good boy.

Right before I started dating
Stamie, my life was very different.

I would be out, you know,
a couple nights a week.

I was out till 2:00, 3:00 in the morning.

I lived the life of a single girl.

Good morning. Did you sleep well?

No.

- Aw.
- You woke up, like, seven times last night.

- Yeah.
- Jaggy's coughing a lot.

I know. He tried laying down with us.

I want to go back to sleep.

Yeah, I was going to say
it sure is early for you.

I didn't choose it.

Your boys.

You can't go back to sleep now.

- Nico came in.
- Come on.

You can't go back to sleep.

- Nico came in and woke me up.
- That's not fair.

And he said "where's Max?"

You... that's not fair, you can't.

I know you didn't sign up for the kids.

I mean, you didn't have them, but...

- It's a package deal?
- You're S.O.L., sister.

I'm tired.

Whoa. What... did I just sign up for this?

How do you put it nicely?

I got some poop in my hand.

I... I usually like to change it

and then, like, throw it over...

- Don't even.
- Throw it over to Tracy.

Is this my life? What's happened?

Like, I know I'm turning
30. I know I'm transitioning.

But, whoa, this is fast.

Well, usually I get to go back to sleep.

I'm tired.

- Can I go back to sleep now?
- No.

Hello? What's going on?

What up?

With Fashion Week right now,

my schedule's a little bit tight

with all of our castings and our fittings

and everything else we have going on.

We're gonna be doing
a photo shoot for ani,

one of our clients, today.

I love this in the blue.

Okay, so let's shoot
that in the black then.

Okay. Whoa. Dude.

I'm, like, stoked for Fashion Week.

I know.

We've kind of been working
with her for the last year.

She's participated in a
couple of our press events

and she'll be showing with us
for Fashion Week this season.

So, um, I did get your message.

But I couldn't respond
'cause I was, you know, busy.

I love you both, but we're
30 minutes behind already.

- Okay. Love you. Bye.
- Come on, Rudy.

I decided to hire Raquel
to do hair and makeup

because this is the one opportunity
I get to spend the day with her.

- We all love this makeup.
- Okay.

We love this, but a little
bit bigger of a pump.

- Yes.
- Couple pins here and here.

- Yes.
- All right, cool. Awesome.

We're doing... the cover ad
will be for L.A. Fashion Week.

You know, very, very high fashion.

I love you. I love you too, baby.

- I love you.
- Gorgeous.

Oh! Whoo!

All right, people, let's get rolling.

We got 25 outfits to shoot.

Yeah, I like that.

Give me a little bit... turn more to me.

Dang, Rene. Bring it! Dang! Whoo!

Rene's feeling it now. Here we go.

Own it.

So we're in the middle
of already a hectic shoot.

And I got a call from
Terri at Sunset Gower.

Shanna!

I just got a message from
Terri saying that stages 3 and 8

are booked on a feature film.

So we have no fucking
stage for Fashion Week now.

That's, like, the worst call a
producer of a show can fucking get.

because we have to come up with plan "b"

without having to change locations,

which would be death to
our show at this point.

So I'm pretty stressed out about it.

Just breathe.

Natalie is looking for, obviously,

a bigger commitment from me.

Feels like it's a way of
her tying me down in a sense.

And the fact that my family likes her

and she's a good person, um,
sort of... kind of has them

pushing on a level that I've
never experienced before.

- Hey!
- Eva Mendes.

Maria's on her way. Hey, what's up?

Oh, my God, I got something. Rose, here.

- Where's Anita and Matt?
- They're smoking cigarettes.

Shut the fuck up!

She did not show up here...

we forgot the leopard one.

You look like a fucking...
you look like a monk.

We're gonna have a game night.

And some friends are going to come over.

We're gonna play a couple
games, have some drinks.

Do you want a vodka-based drink? Nobody?

Helen?

I want to have fun, and party,

and just do my thing, and do me.

And it's something that
I like and that I need.

Repeat the rules. Just
repeat them one more time.

All right.

Every day, I feel great about
my relationship with Rose.

Like, I'm in love with her 110%.

Hey, you guys, smile. All of you guys.

1, 2, 3.

During the day, we
don't really get to spend

too too much time together.

So tonight, I hope we
get to hang out a lot.

How about it's done.

I'm gonna do a shot.
I'm making some shots.

Hey.

- Pass that to me.
- Okay.

- Yeah, babe.
- Let's go. That's it.

Okay.

Are you guys ready for some more?

Who wants more shots?

I need everybody to come over here.

Fuck that. We're gonna do jell-o shots.

Whenever Rose is hanging
out with her friends,

she's not really paying attention to me.

You know, it's tough.

Hey, don't fucking blush.

- Everybody!
- Everybody!

She's a big kid. Rose is a big kid.

I think it's really cute most of the time.

Um, but sometimes it can
go a little over the edge.

Wait! Whose neon pink lipstick is this?

- Mine! That's mine!
- No, it's not, baby.

- Don't say that right now.
- That's mine. I swear to God.

And she was just kind of making comments.

And it just kind of
bugged me, and bugged me,

and bugged me more, and more, and more.

All I want to do is have
a fucking great time.

Not have a stupid girlfriend
that acts like a fucking fool.

- Nat, chill out, dude.
- You need to fucking relax.

You don't realize that
you're just... being...

catwalk.

- Shit.
- Asshole, Rose.

What the fuck? I don't give a fuck.

You're a fucking asshole.
You're a fucking asshole.

Rose, she can be kind of mean sometimes.

And... and I'm... I'm...
I'm kind of sensitive.

I'm in a really weird
place right now, dude,

where I'm trying to, like, figure shit out

and figure people out around me.

Like, my friends are a lock.

Like, I already know
what's up with my friends.

My girl, it's a whole different story.

I'm doing nothing... zero, zilch... wrong.

Yet my girlfriend is mad at me.

There's not that much hot girls in L.A.

- And I get them all.
- I've noticed.

I get them all. So I don't give a fuck.

The last girl I was with was,
like, fucking banging, dude.

So how are you going to fix the situation?

Well, I'm trying to talk to her
and she doesn't want to talk to me.

It's fun, dick.

But... but, honestly,

having a girl kills...

- Oh, trust me.
- All of it.

I'm gonna be honest, dude.

That's why I fuck, like,
five girls at a time.

What time are you going in the jacuzzi?

The jacuzzi closes at 10:00.

So we'll get in there at some point

and then come back up here
and just chill at the house.

I'm kind of in another predicament.

Scarlett's actually having
people over to her house.

Romi's gonna be there.

I'm actually gonna try to sneak over

to Scarlett's at some point tonight.

I want to settle things with
Romi and get that cleared up

before I approach any
other situation with Tor.

Whatever. I thought you
were going to wait first

or something, but...

When Whitney goes out,

I don't really know
what Tor thinks of that.

She keeps everything sort of in.

But I'm sure it bothers her.

I can't imagine how it wouldn't.

What are you gonna do about all this

before interest is lost?

I am definitely in the middle of all this.

But I've always been
when it comes to Whitney.

Just the difference now
is that this is my family.

I'm trying to be diplomatic about it.

But I'm gonna have to, you know,

try to be a good cousin
instead of a good friend.

Scarletts having the
jacuzzi dinner thing tonight.

- Uh-huh.
- And Romi is going to be there.

So you're not going.

I'm not saying, like,

I'm going to hook up with her.

But you know that if you go, you will

because you can't stop yourself.

Come on. Let's be honest here.

You're gonna piss me off now.

Why am I gonna piss you off?

Because I think that if you go,

you're making a colossal mistake.

Wait. Hold on.

I'm just saying

I don't know if I want to
get into anything with Tor.

I told you point-blank before
she was coming out here.

- Did you tell her that?
- Tell her what?

What you're telling me.

'Cause it doesn't seem like it.

The fact is that she's moving in here

and it's, like, a lot
to fucking deal with.

But it's gonna end before
it has a chance to start

if you're gonna make
out with Romi yet again.

Right.

When you've already said

that you were done with that
situation when Sara came.

You told me that you
absolutely under no circumstance

want to be in a relationship.

Yet you're gonna go and have some sort

of interaction with a
person who's only interested

in being in a relationship with you.

Where does any of this
sound like a good idea?

How many times are you going to hurt

the same person over and over again?

I'm not... no.

How many times is Romi going
to leave some place crying?

No... yeah, well, that's...
Listen, I have nothing to do

with the fact that, like, she's...

You have nothing to do with that?

You obviously don't like that feeling

when someone's crying because of you.

I hate that feeling.

But then you put yourself in a position

that's only going to
inevitably lead to that.

I should not get into anything with Tor.

She's staying in your room.

And it's only a matter of
time before something happens.

No matter who you're with,

you're gonna end up hurting one of them

because, eventually, you're
gonna sleep with somebody else.

I think that you need
to think things through

a little bit more than flying
by the seat of your pants

because it feels good.

Alyssa is saying some really
brutally honest things,

which is hard because she's usually
the one I turn to for comfort.

And I don't want to hurt her.

I think you got a world of drama.

You need to rectify and fast.

Damn it.

Yeah, I'm good.

Where have you been all night?

- I've been here.
- Where?

- With you.
- With me?

Yes.

I'm not even gonna fucking
do this with you right now.

'Cause you know what, you're,
like, so... you're so, like, calm

and, like, manipulating,
I fucking hate it.

What do you mean, calm and manipulating?

What do you mean?

You're just a douche, dude? Straight up.

- Now you're insulting me.
- Rose. Rose. Rose.

Now you're being really insulting.

I'm not even going there with you.

- Okay, Rose, it's okay.
- Rose!

- Rose, let's go!
- Everybody's calling me.

- Go ahead. Host.
- What is wrong with you?

- You're such a hater.
- Hater? Are you kidding me?

- Hater?
- Kinda.

Nat's tripping off of,
like, miscellaneous,

like, nonexistent drama.

And if she really felt that bad,

the bitch wouldn't be
here after seven months.

For real.

- The way you talk...
- What do you mean?

Like, you're vulgar.

Like, you're just fucking
rude. I don't like it.

- You're rude, dude.
- So fuck that.

You don't have to deal with it.

You're rude to your girlfriend.

Your fucking girlfriend
that lives in your house.

Sorry you asked me to move in.

- Move out.
- I can.

I can do that too. I
still have an apartment.

- It's all good.
- Okay. Do that.

Okay.

- We done?
- Yeah.

You guys play this way too much.

Don't fuck with me. Go. Go go.

- That was exciting.
- That's good though.

All right. Everyone cut the cake.

You got it. What is it?