Original subtitles

I'm going to show you how to do

it, and then I'm going to show you

how to do

it properly.

I'm going

to show you how

to

do it.

I'm going to show

you how to do it,

and

then

I'm going to show you how to do

it properly.

I'm going to show you how

to

do it, and then I'm going to show

you how to do it properly.

Yeah, shit, I'm...

I'm sorry, man.

I got Beth.

I got purpose.

You know, and sometimes I get to thinking

that she's a burden, that she can't walk

or talk or do anything but be a

giant pain in my ass, that you're lucky

not to have her, but she's a beating

heart and a warm body, and a functioning

woman.

She's a blessing, she's my life, and I'm

lucky to have one, because I may just

get her cleaned up, and I'll bring her

out, cool?

Well, it means a lot, man.

Get the cards set up, or whatever it

is you want to do.

Wait, Jones, Jones, can I ask you something?

I don't want to seem, you know, I

was thinking about this the other day, but

did she get wet for you?

You know, does she feel through the, does

she get wet?

I didn't mean to.

Fuck you, Benny, you're a perv.

I'm not coming out, not for a while.

You're supposed to be quiet, whacking off.

Come on, Jones.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, Jones, fuck.

Fuck, Jones.

Fuck.

What's up, Benny?

What?

Hey, hey, man, how's it going?

Any fever, headaches, filming discharges?

Oh, no, no, grace of God, grace of

God.

You know the drill.

You're clear.

Good job, man.

Well, I've been using the snorkel, stuffing it

with cotton, just like you said.

Jonesy, he's living, he's living.

He's in there with Beth.

Probably fucking her, cocksucker never comes out anymore.

She's still non-con.

Yeah.

Okay, bodies?

No.

Oh, Andy.

Really?

Yeah.

But we're not sure yet, you know.

He's in there.

He's still in here?

Oh, fucking Benny.

How long?

How long?

24 hours, but it's not, no, no, no,

no.

Hey, it's all right, it's all right.

I got a whole system in place.

Benny, this is my job.

Don't make me shoot you in the face.

Okay, okay.

Non-con.

The federal government is very sorry for your

friend's relative's spouse's loved one's illness.

Rest assured the greatest care will be taken

to preserve his or her life.

Do not despair.

The CDC is very close to finding a

cure.

Yeah, right.

Look, Benny, I ain't gonna bullshit you.

I could take him to the other side

of town.

That way you won't have to step over

him every day, you know, it'd be real

humane.

No, no, you can leave him.

What?

Yeah, leave him.

You're gonna take care of him?

No.

I can't leave him to suffer.

No, he was kind of a friend.

I will, I will.

I swear, I'll take care of him.

Hmm.

It's worse than we thought.

Hmm, way worse, know that.

Billions dead worldwide.

Four million in the city at least, probably

20, 30,000 non-cons left.

Really?

I don't see him much anymore.

No, you won't see him, not out there

anymore.

I mean, dogs, raccoons, whatever the fuck else

will get them, but, oh, they're around, they're

just inside joints.

This bug, man, wily little fucker.

Used to be three, four out of every

hundred would exhibit no symptoms.

15 or 20 would be unconscious, non-contagious,

and the rest, well, the rest would be,

you know, dead.

Right?

Right.

Yeah, he'd be dead.

But, but the bug is mutating, changing, whatever.

Now we're lucky if one in a hundred

is non-con.

Folks who got past the first round, hmm,

are getting sick now.

A lot of dead folks.

A lot of dead folks.

But you're gonna be all right.

Let me show you something.

Show you something.

Look at that.

Oh, nice, huh?

Check the inscription.

Scotty, make me proud.

Love, Dad.

Hey, remember Scotty?

Remember Scotty, my partner?

We found that briefcase full of cocaine.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Scotty, Scotty.

Jackass got waxed yesterday.

Oh.

Yeah.

But creepy style, man.

Oh.

Kinda fucked me up a little bit.

Industrial Park on the other side of town,

one of his blocks, right?

I'm kinda shitting myself a little bit because,

well, this joint got hit serious hard.

I mean, I'm talking about bodies stacked on

bodies stacked on bodies, uh-huh.

Scotty, he's moving through it like it's nothing.

I'm like, what the fuck are we doing

around here?

We go into this building, go through these

doors, come into this room, and what do

we see?

All these kids living in there, mm-hmm.

Yeah, and these little fuckers are haggard, man.

I mean, I'm talking little mud balls looking

like God forgot to turn clay into flesh.

Scotty, he slings his rifle, he starts rapping

with them, and the kids are pumped to

see him.

Yeah, they're giggling, hugging his legs, making joy

sounds I ain't heard in a long time,

right?

And then, bang.

Scotty's throat, gone.

He's squirting blood everywhere.

And they ain't screaming because they seen this

shit before.

They just pleading, looking at him.

Yeah, like, don't do this in front of

me.

Don't die right here.

Anyway, I track the shot over to the

doorway.

There's this little girl standing there, not more

than 12, 13 years old, holding the gun.

And these little fuckers go ape shit.

They rush in, they rip her apart.

Tough little bitch, though, didn't scream once.

I got mad respect for her for that.

Anyway, man, I backed out of there, called

an automohawk.

I'm a block and a half away from

this fucking thing.

But here's the creepy part.

What in his wrist?

Scotty's.

It's the little kid's wrist.

And I will bet you, tits to elbows,

it was that little girl's.

I mean, you think Scotty was fucking her?

I mean, he was my homie.

Kinda.

You know, you can't blame him for that.

Scotty, you can't blame him for that.

I mean, I'd kill just to feel a

pulse, you know?

Living, breathing girl.

You know, I fucked her once.

Beth, I fucked Beth.

Johnson, he was, he had a fever.

You know, and I thought maybe he was

on his way out, you know, and that

she would be mine.

He found out when he washed her, you

know?

He thought it was Andy, but fuck, it

was too much of a pussy to confront

him.

I got nothing to do, you know?

I got nothing to do.

And what, I gotta take care of Andy

now?

I gotta take care of him?

What am I gonna do?

Am I gonna wash his balls?

I gotta wipe his fucking asshole?

I can't do that.

What else am I supposed to do?

I want a girl so fucking bad.

You know, Benny, you want a girl.

There's plenty of non-com pussy out there.

Well, isn't it, isn't it illegal?

You know, isn't it?

Seriously, beds at the base are full, Benny.

Hospitals are closed.

You know, now we just try to ease

their suffering.

I personally had to put down six today.

I mean, if we don't, they just rot

in the streets.

Yeah, I'm gonna get you a non-con.

I don't know what to say.

If you do this for me, I swear

her wellbeing will be the meaning and the

focus of my life.

I don't care if you wear its ass

for a hat, man.

I just need you to do one thing

for me.

I need you to find me something, huh?

Find me a six pack of that dope

shit.

Some of that like dark, brown, nutty Belgian

shit, like the shit that the monks are

making.

You know what I'm talking about?

Find that for me?

Yeah, I can find that for you.

Yeah, you go out, you find that for

me, and I want it ice cold.

Okay, okay.

Ice cold.

You got it.

Yeah?

Okay, all right, let's get to work here.

All right, all right, all right.

So what do you want?

You want a white one?

You want an Asian, Latino?

What do you want?

I don't know.

Exotic, beautiful is all I ask.

Tits?

Medium to big.

They gotta be natural?

Oh, as long as the skin's covered, am

I right?

Don't worry about that, I got that covered.

Hair?

Yes, definitely.

Color?

Oh, right, blonde, blonde, or redhead, but in

an apron hat, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Age, ain't gonna judge.

How far can I push the margins?

18.

Okay, 18, yeah, 21, 22.

20s.

Any fetishes, ears, feet, eyes?

Green, or blue, but green if you can.

But no redheads.

You sure?

Yeah, I ain't into freckles.

Okay, well, you know, if you change your

mind.

Oh, let me talk about build for just

a second here.

Now, again, I ain't gonna judge, but you

want a big girl, you want a fatty,

well, B-B-W, that's great, but you're

S-O-L, because I ain't gonna hump

no moon cow halfway across town.

I like thin, I like thin, thin is

good.

Yeah, you sure?

Yeah, I like thin.

Okay, but listen, if you change your mind,

I can go ahead, I can switch her

out for whatever you're looking for.

No big deal, you just get me another

six pack and we'll call it even, okay?

We just gotta be humane about it.

Now, is there anything, lips, legs?

Oh, you know, tattoos, I don't like tattoos.

Mm, all right, well, looks like we got

a mixed-race teeny bopper, hold the fats

and tats.

Green eyes, you know, if you can.

Add greens.

I can't thank you enough, man, you're saving

my life here.

Don't you worry about it.

I should get going.

Yeah, I should, because I still got a

talker at home.

Okay, all right.

Oh, shit.

With the girl coming, you know, Andy, could

you...

Andy.

Oh, Andy.

Oh.

Holy shit.

Hey.

Hey, Horn was here.

Oh.

Yeah, he took Andy.

Hey, Jones, what are you doing next week?

What, you wanna double?

Help me get this place cleaned up.

You are clear.

Hey.

Place looks great, really does.

Yeah, I went to the museum, I got

some stuff, you know?

You like it?

Mm-hmm, yeah, it really does look great.

So where'd you find her?

West side, Bel Air, Sirius Mansion.

Really?

Oh, yeah, that is prime, brother.

That is great, eh?

Shitting in my pants over here.

What is that on your face there, huh?

What is, you got a little something right

here.

Oh, oh, is that a smile?

How about that, huh?

No more worries, huh?

No more worries.

Okay.

Care of unconscious non-contagious viral infectees or

non-con 101.

Wash your hands a lot, all right?

Don't be shy with the Q-tips.

Get some of those wipes.

Always wipe front to back.

Never back to front.

You gotta move her around.

You gotta keep her limber.

I'm talking about her neck, her torso, back,

legs, arms, hands, feet, fingers, toes, the whole

nine, man.

All right, if you don't do that, if

you don't move her around at least twice

a day, she's gonna atrophy.

Now, you don't want her to atrophy unless

the look and feel of a giant turkey

neck.

No, no, no, I don't want that.

Okay, well then move her around so she

doesn't atrophy.

Eating slash drinking.

Take the tube, all right?

Lube the tube.

Get it nice and greased up.

Now what you're gonna do is you're gonna

snake it up the nostril and down the

esophagus.

The esophagus, Benny, that's the one for eating.

It's in the back, not the trachea.

That's for breathing, it's in the front.

So stick to the esophagus.

As far as eating habits go, you know,

just keep it simple.

You don't know if she's allergic to something,

so avoid spicy foods, shellfish, peanuts.

Get into a rhythm, you know, a routine,

so you can start to anticipate her, you

know, her movements when she shits.

Right, right.

Keep her very well hydrated.

You can go a few hours on a

date night to create a little gap in

there between waterings, but by and large, the

more piss, the better.

Now finally, sex.

You're gonna wanna be smart about the order

of penetration, hmm?

One of the places you might visit, hmm?

It's okay, all right, but once you go

there, you cannot go anywhere else, huh?

You can go from here to here.

You can go from here to here.

You can go from here to here, okay?

But once you go there, that's it.

Is that clear?

Now, she could still get pregnant, so stick

to the devices, condoms, diaphragms, that sort of

thing, or you can always finish in a

place of no consequence, no concern, you know

what I mean?

You know, but not her mouth, not her

mouth.

You come in her mouth, it's gonna go

down her throat, her trachea, remember that?

And she's gonna choke on it.

She's gonna choke to death.

I have seen it too many times, man,

every time.

Be gentle, multivitamin on a daily basis, very

good idea.

Really, just common sense.

You know, if it seems risky or stupid,

it's probably risky or stupid.

You're gonna do great, man.

You are gonna do great, I can tell.

Oh, hey, listen, you're gonna wanna clean her

up.

I gave her a quick prelim with the

hose, but I didn't wanna take her clothes

off, you know, out of respect.

She was in that bedroom for a long

time.

Have fun.

Thanks, thanks again, Warren.

Oh, later.

Candace.

25.

Eyes green.

Oh, you are so

beautiful.

I got you, I got you, I got

you.

Yes, yes.

Okay, okay, I got you.

I got you, I got you.

May I?

It's okay, it's okay, you can do it,

you can do it.

I can't help it.

I'm gonna clean you every day.

I'm gonna clean you.

I'm gonna take such good care of you.

I love you.

I love you, I love you.

I've only known you five seconds, but I

love you, I love you.

I've waited for so long.

I've wanted you so bad.

Shit.

Shit, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, this is supposed to be a

happy day.

May I kiss you?

Please.

Oh, fuck.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

You can't help it, you can't help it.

You can't help it.

You've had a tough day.

You've had a tough day.

I got you, I got you, I got

you, I got you, I got you.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I got you, I got you.

Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna give you a bath, okay?

I'm gonna give you a bath.

It's gonna be the very first thing that

we do together.

Would that be okay?

I'm gonna take such good care of you.

I'm gonna make you so happy.

Jesus.

I love you.

Was wondering what you and Elizabeth were doing

for dinner tonight.

What are you talking about, Benny?

Have you eaten yet?

No.

What are you gonna have?

Wine.

What's that smell?

Hamburgers.

Hamburgers?

And buns.

Where did you get that?

Six blocks over, the grid's still up.

I found a fast food restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, you know, they're gonna be a

little freezer burn, but you interested?

Come on, I got a surprise for ya.

You're acting weird, man.

Since when is friendly weird?

Since you started wearing a tuxedo to the

apocalypse.

Get Beth, get out here, and let's have

some good old-fashioned American hamburgers, huh?

What do you say?

You're not gonna try to kill me, right?

Come on, get out here.

Burgers, baby.

All right, I'll be out in a few

minutes.

You better not try to kill me, Benny.

Oh, wait, you know what?

I have a surprise for you, mister.

I have a surprise for you.

Corsage for Beth.

And a boutonniere for you, Mr. Handsome.

I'm gonna be armed, man.

Okay.

Have I told you today that I love

you?

Only about six million times.

I know, I know, I'm such a cheese

ball.

Nothing against Beth.

I mean, she's a perfectly attractive girl.

Well, it's not a contest, but if it

was...

Oh, it's okay.

I gotcha, I gotcha.

I ain't gonna lie, it smells good.

I haven't had a burger in I don't

even know how long.

Jones, Elizabeth, I'd like to introduce you to

Candace.

Candy, this is my best friend, Jones, and

his lovely girlfriend, Elizabeth.

Forgive her, she's a bit shy.

Well, don't just stand there, man, sit down

and have a burger.

I know, she's beautiful, right?

Where did you get that?

I got her from Horn.

Found her on one of his little sweeps.

Bel-Air.

She's my little West Coast princess.

Benny, you what?

Yeah, I unzipped the bag and it was

love at first sight.

I mean, I am gaga over this girl,

man.

This shit is fucked up, Benny.

Oh, whoa, whoa, what's wrong, brother?

Seriously fucked up.

Why?

It's wrong on so many levels.

What are you talking about?

What am I...

Okay, fuck, how about kidnapping, sexual assault, rape,

probably, slavery.

Slavery?

Yeah, man, slavery.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Did you buy her?

No.

You didn't buy her?

No, no, oh, no, no.

Besides, money doesn't mean anything anymore.

What did you give Horn in trade for

her?

Nothing, nothing.

He wanted a six-pack.

You bought a human being for a six

-pack?

No, no, man, he just wanted a cold

beer after lugging her across the city, after

rescuing her from a horrifying death.

Isn't it his job to take non-cons

to the hospital where they can get proper

care?

There aren't hospitals anymore.

Of course, you wouldn't know that.

You're always sending me out to get your

things.

What am I supposed to do?

Just leave Beth here?

Wait a minute, don't turn this around on

me.

She's my fucking fiancee, dick.

You got a girl.

No, I got a girl.

Besides, we are one step above you.

See that?

We're married now.

So don't you go getting all moral majority

on me, Mr. Sex Before Marriage.

And no, no, no, no.

You know what?

We haven't consummated our relationship yet.

Not that it's any of your business, but

you better be sure when we do, it

will be according to God's law.

Wow.

Wow, Benny.

You have lost your mind.

You think so?

Yeah, man.

Think so.

You think so.

Well, what am I doing that's different than

what you're doing with Beth?

Beth and I were engaged before she got

sick.

I take care of her because I love

her, and I hope that one day she'll

wake up so we can continue our lives

together.

And you think I don't love Candy?

She can't move.

She can't speak.

She's a steak with tits.

And I suppose you're helping Beth with her

dissertation, hmm?

Okay.

Hmm?

Yeah, she's comatose, and I still have sex

with her, but it's rare, and I feel

guilty about it every time.

Oh, well, it's nice to know that some

things haven't changed in your relationship.

All right, dude.

You get that thing out of this house

or get the fuck out.

Give me a break.

Get over yourself!

This is sick!

Jones.

Jones.

Just sniff me.

Smell that.

I got a stack of all beef patties

with your name written all over them.

French fries.

Ketchup.

Soap.

Now, Jones, I know you think this is

fucked up, but I'm going to take care

of her.

I swear, I'm going to take really good

care of her.

I'm saving her life here.

Hamburgers, Jonesy.

Your favorite.

You're going to hell.

You know that, right?

You need some help, or...

Shut up.

Would you look at us?

We're having a dinner party!

Sugar and

spice, my sweet confection Can't keep with life

for me Life for me

She's as sweet as she can be She

makes me melt and warm all over Through

fields of bloom Something sweet and something fine

Is my Valentine When she

is near, my heart's on fire When I'll

take your little desire When we're close, my

life's complete All my fears are gone But

if this moment disappears At least we have

this all night long And so I give

my heart to you Taste my love and

know it's true Sugar and spice, my sweet

confection Head over heels with your perfection Oh,

sweetest wishes, so delicious Candy with an eye

Candy with an eye for me I love

you.

Be well.

Hey, baby.

Jones, eyes forward.

Eyes forward!

There it is.

Oh, no poops.

I'm gonna have to get you more fiber.

I didn't fucking touch her, dude.

Just confirming that.

I am not a rapist.

Okay, okay, well, no offense, but if I

had to look at that beautiful vision all

day, I don't believe I'd be able to

contain myself.

I have a fucking fiancee, dick.

Right.

Fuck you.

Easy, fella, easy.

Well, the tape is assault-free.

I'm proud of you, pal.

I'm proud of you.

You were a good man.

You're a good man!

Okay, okay, okay.

What are you making?

We are having fresh quail eggs, Cajun braised

rabbit, and a 1941 cab out of Napa.

You want in on this?

Oh, thanks, we're fine.

Went over to the country club on Wilshire,

got lucky.

Found a quail nest.

Snares were empty, but I scared up the

rabbit.

Did you miss me while I was gone?

Mm-hmm.

Let me set you there.

Oh!

Okay, okay, I got you, I got you,

I got you.

Let me just put that...

Oh, yeah, isn't that nice?

Isn't that nice?

Found a lovely little house today up in

the hills.

Guy must have been some kind of crazy

environmentalist.

Totally off the grid.

Solar, independent water supply.

He's perfect, you know, for a time like

this.

Even the pool was kind of clean.

And they got gas, so...

Hot showers!

Look, Jones, Candy and I are outgrowing this

place.

What the hell are you talking about, Benny?

Oh, you know, things are calming down.

Horn and his boys, they pretty much got

everything under control.

No, I need you here.

Can we be real for a second?

Can we be real, can we just talk

for a second?

You telling me that you haven't sensed the

tension between us?

Because this place is feeling awful small.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about us, man.

Look, we ain't exactly roommate material anymore.

Unless I know that you're pissed and everything.

I am not pissed at you.

Okay, or jealous or whatever.

Jealous?

Yeah, man.

Come on, I get it.

No, no, you don't.

You don't get it.

That little gesture you just did, that's what

I'm pissed about.

That you would assume that I'm jealous is

what I'm pissed about.

I don't give a fuck about that.

That is a perversion.

That is a sickness.

That is a fuckable perversion.

Here we go.

You don't care.

You're not jealous?

Oh, please.

You're telling me you're not jealous.

No!

Why would I be?

Because she's fucking hot!

Because she's fucking hot, Jonesy.

Look at her.

Look at her tits.

Look at her ass.

That's the kind of girl that we used

to salivate over before you settled for Beth.

Settled?

Settled?

Beth.

Beth is an accomplished woman.

She is brilliant and hilarious.

Really?

Is she hilarious?

Hey, Beth, have you got a good joke

for me?

A quip?

Have you got a good quip for me?

Do you think any of that matters now?

She's got a good personality.

You know, to tell you the truth, I

was always a little jealous of you guys,

you know?

Beth, with her good humor and her smarts,

she was an eight.

Easy, easy.

But now, laying here, she's a six, tops.

But Candy, Candy is a ten.

I mean, no makeup, no dress, swimming in

her own shit.

She is a ten.

She is hot as balls.

And unfortunately, that's all that matters now.

Look at her.

I really, really look at her.

Is that what you want?

Physically?

I'm not trying to be a dick here.

But if that's all there is to judge

by, and it is, it is, and you

don't admit that, then you are a fucking

liar.

That is not all there is to judge

by.

What are you talking about?

She doesn't have a personality.

Hot is all there is.

Okay, yeah, you know what?

Yeah, yeah, she's cute.

Okay, she's cute.

She's cute, but wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Jonesy.

You don't think she's gonna wake up, do

you?

No.

She's never gonna wake up.

None of them are gonna wake up.

Don't say that.

Oh, shit.

Jones, do you even know how long it's

been?

18 months.

That is a long time.

What made her is asleep.

Ain't gonna wake up.

And with all there is to do, what's

left just ain't worth it.

No.

Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, you go, you go.

You go back in there in your little

hole.

I'll bring you some food in a couple

hours.

I'll see you in a couple of days.

Fuck you, Benny.

You have no idea what this is like.

I think about her waking up, opening her

eyes while I'm in the middle of cleaning

her, like right after a major occurrence.

You'd be fucking horrified.

What are you doing to me?

I've got the stories cataloged.

I know the order to get her up

to speed.

I've told it to her a thousand times.

She just went out so early, that first

wave.

And she told me she loved me so

many times, and I had a hard time

saying it.

Now she can't even speak.

So?

I still can't say it.

What does that make me?

Human.

Oh, God, shut up!

What do you want me to say?

You're my best friend, and you're in anguish.

Doing this day after day.

If this was your grandma, I'd be like,

put her the fuck down already!

She's gone.

You're not.

No.

Yes.

Yes, she is.

And she's never coming back.

Okay.

Okay, uh...

let's just say I'm being a dick right

now.

I'm thinking that what you say might actually

matter.

What does, what does that entail for me?

Entail?

Yeah, whatever it is you are saying, what

does that mean for me?

It means smoking fucking hottie in your bed.

It means walking outside and staking claim to

everything that you see because you're a survivor,

dude!

And yeah, yeah, most everybody's dead, but all

the shit that they built while they were

alive is still there, and it belongs to

us.

What's the cost?

My, my humanity?

My, my soul?

Sixer.

Oh, come on.

It's a choice, Jonesy.

You ready?

King or slave?

Oh, fuck you, buddy.

So what do I got?

I got, but it's wrong.

Right, is that, is that what I'm clinging

to here?

God, I just sound so fucked up.

Is she, is she just her body now?

Just an ordered arrangement of cells?

Does she even want to be like this?

Would you, would you, would you want to

be like this?

A person who loves sucking the boogers out

of your nose and wiping your ass?

Give me a bullet to the head.

Wow, just listen to me justify.

This is fucking, this is fucking amazing.

I'm done.

I'm done waiting for her to wake up.

I'm done caring, hoping, cleaning her, fucking her.

Not that I've done that for a while.

You know, you say we're always in there,

but we don't do anything physical, not for

a long, long time.

I don't know, because I love her too

much or something.

And it's just fucking gross.

I'm tired.

That, that thing, that, that isn't her.

And I hate it.

I hate that fucking thing.

You know, I never told anybody this, because

you don't say things like this, you know,

to someone, but...

her, her tits so much.

Oh.

That matters now.

It matters.

Of course it does.

Looks like we're both going to hell.

I'm feeling excited about the future.

I've been working on something.

You see that?

That, my friend, is a 250-foot-long,

four-masted megayacht.

5,500 nautical miles on the diesel.

And it's ours!

We can go to sea, man!

Yeah.

It's fully equipped for solo navigation.

We got sonar, LORAN, radar, GPS, charts, maps.

You fucking name it, it's got it.

I got two years' worth of shit in

there, man.

Fully stocked.

You telling me we can't find land in

two years?

I got the finest spirits and liquors and

wines the society ever produced.

Piece of shit.

What?

There was no off-the-grid house, was

there?

You weren't moving down the block.

You were going to take a girl you

don't even know and leave Beth and me

behind.

I got you fully stacked, man.

What kind of friend are you?

You're going to leave me here?

You're going to leave me?

Fuck you, jealousy!

Fuck you, man!

Fuck you!

I'm supposed to feel bad about this?

You were such a dick to me!

That fucking bitch ruined you!

What was I supposed to do?

She needed constant care, you idiot!

I'm talking about before she got sick, before

the virus hit and the fucking world collapsed!

We came out here together.

We had a plan, me and you.

We were going to be those guys, just

fucking running shit, running shit, front of the

line at the club.

You know, fucking running through hot bitches.

That was the goal.

Reality check, dude.

You're bartending and waiting tables.

Exactly, exactly.

You know, you met Beth too soon.

You did.

You met Beth before we got the right

sunglasses and before we had the right clothes

and before we had the right shoes to

meet the right kind of girl.

The candy type of girl.

She wasn't good enough for you.

You know that.

You know that, right?

But the way you talked about her, the

way you looked at her, I knew it

was going to last.

I knew it was going to last.

So I tried.

I did, I tried, I tried.

I tried to make her like me, and

that didn't work, so I left you alone.

I left you alone.

And you didn't notice.

So fuck you, Jones!

Fuck you for that!

Can we go now, Jonesy?

Please, can we go?

Because I'd really, I'd really like to go.

Please?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah?

Fuck it.

Let's go.

I'll take care of it.

What's up, motherfuckers?

Huh?

What?

Benny, Jones!

You guys all right?

What is it, man?

How you doing?

Hung the fuck over.

That's how I'm doing.

Mm-hmm.

Mm, was that that 40-year-old shit?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, let me hit that.

Okay.

Mm.

So what's the word?

Ah, the, uh, the word is y'all

missed a hell of a shindig last night.

I mean, the bass was going off.

I didn't hear about it.

What, you didn't go out yesterday?

Yeah, yeah, I was outside, yeah.

Yeah, you see the sky writing?

I mean, all those signs they were doing

all day.

I must have not looked up.

Well, you didn't look up, and you fucked

up because shit got out of hand.

Why?

Wha, why?

Whoa.

You guys don't know.

Know what?

Are you fucking with me?

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

It's over.

German 707 landed with 80,000 doses of

antivirus.

Works like gangbusters.

Jones, you dose a non-con with it,

they're up in a matter of minutes.

Nazis saved the world, you believe that?

I didn't know.

You were outside yesterday, and you didn't know?

This fucking guy.

This fucking guy, fucking Benny.

But listen, you know, it's just, it's a

patch.

That's all it is.

You, uh, you stick it on.

Huh?

Get yourselves up.

Hit your girls up.

Give them a couple hours to get their

bearings.

Then get your asses down to the base

so we can turn this mother out, my

brothers.

Yeah.

I'm gonna miss this place.

I am.

It's my last time through here, officially speaking.

But we're gonna, we're gonna be fine.

Listen, can I take this Rembrandt?

My girl loves the Dutch.

Beautiful.

It's just, it's heavier, they're always heavier than

they look.

Hoorah!

All right.

All right.

Does this ruin it?

Did you know?

No.

Did you?

No.

No, I swear.

Wait, Jones!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Jones, Jones.

Think about it, think about it for a

sec.

This, this doesn't have to change anything, you

know.

Owen, he was never here.

He was never here, huh?

We could still go, we could get a

hot girl along the way, and, and you

and me, man, we could be sailing in

no time.

Shut up!

On a beautiful yacht, you know, kings, man,

we'll be kings!

Shut up!

Do you know what happens if I dose

her?

She wakes up.

Then what?

I lose her.

Then what?

She loses.

See?

Why, why do you think she could open

her eyes and maybe instantly fall in love

with you?

She won't, she won't.

No, no, probably not.

But why, Benny, why?

You're a king.

You're not the, you're not the last man

on Earth, but you're pretty fucking close, so...

Oh.

Oh, right, right.

She was your slave.

You bought her for a six-pack.

Yeah, she might just resent that a little

bit.

Oh, and of course, you know, there was

also the pathological raping.

I didn't rape her.

I love her.

Jonesy, I'm in love with her.

We made love.

Jesus fucking Christ, Benny.

I was lonely.

Jonesy.

Wait, please, please, stop, stop, stop.

Listen, listen, Beth's alive.

Is that true?

Yeah, I'm the, I'm the Lord.

I couldn't kill her.

She's, she's alive.

She's just outside that door.

So you're gonna leave her there?

I'm holding the antivirus in my hand.

I have her salvation, and you're gonna whisk

me off in a fucking galleon to plunder

the seas, and what, what, leave her to

the rats?

Don't you see how that's worse, Benny?

Don't you see how that's a billion times

worse?

What, how, what is wrong with you?

I got sick of being the third wheel.

It was supposed to be me and you,

Benny and Jones, and a couple of hot

shakes forever.

Oh, why'd you do that?

Why'd you do that, Jones?

You fucked it up for me, man.

You ruined it!

You ruined it!

Where are you, where are you going?

I...

I'm taking Beth to the party at the

base.

We're gonna get shit-faced and talk all

night.

Are you gonna tell her what I did?

Um, yes.

Don't you think that makes things a bit

awkward between us?

I'm not, I'm not just gonna tell Beth.

I'm gonna tell Horne, I'm gonna tell all

his boys, anybody who'll listen.

Oh, I'm gonna create a fucking legend about

you, bro.

The legend of the sick, selfish, latent homosexual

who tried to steal his best friend away

from the woman he loves and, and kill

her.

That's right, kill her in the worst way

imaginable, by leaving her to die.

And you know how the legend ends, fuckface?

It ends with that twisted little hobgoblin living

in complete denial and completely alone because he

deserves it.

You think I'm gay?

Why don't you ask Beth if I'm gay?

That's right.

I fucked Beth!

It wasn't Andy!

When you cleaned her, you were scrubbing my

gum!

I fucked Beth!

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

You still don't get it.

That was just your body.

The body means nothing.

It's the mind that makes the girl a

dummy.

What an asshole.

Maybe you learned to love me.

Maybe you murdered me in my sleep.

Once you start talking, I can pretty much

guarantee I'm not gonna like you anymore.

Oh, Candy.

You are gonna make some buff, trust-fund,

cocked sucker so miserable one day.

Then you'll grow old and you'll have work

done.

You'll be the taut, lion-faced divorcee at

the bar.

You'll abuse prescription drugs.

Then you'll meet a young man named Chad

who's in a band.

And he'll be sure the lights are off

when he fucks you and your ex-husband's

convertible.

And then you'll die.

Well...

liver cancer.

In the arms of some indentured manservant.

But know that for a time, brief

though it was, for a time, you were

perfect.

Sugar and spice, spice sweet confession.

Candy with an eye for me.

She makes me melt, and warm all the

blue fields of.

She is, years

are gone.

But if it disappears, at least we had

this whole night along.

And so I give a taste of sugar

and sweet confession.

Sweetest wishes, so delicious.