Original subtitles

It is an emergency, actually.

Hi! Hiya! Hey, everyone.

What is she doing?

I don't know. Oh, I just wanted to take this opportunity to give some love to

the bride, Leona.

There she is. Her little mouse.

Her shy girl.

Who'd have thought she'd be the first one getting married, eh? Nah.

She's my beautiful girl. Aw.

I always say that, Tanya. You're her mom.

I know. You've done a lovely job organizing this again with, like, no

money. Fair play to you. But I wouldn't be doing my job as maid of honor if I

didn't do something amazing for little Leona.

I've got a big surprise for you guys.

She brought a laptop.

Leona, we've been best friends since we were four.

We've always been there for each other.

Always. Ma'am, I need to put the music back on. When I'm finished!

And that's why I wanted to do something special for you for your hen do.

And what is more special than a luxury villa?

Now I know that most of you won't have seen anything like this before. before.

It's Love Island amazing.

But it's here. In Benidorm. Only 15 minutes away. I've dropped a pin in the

WhatsApp group and I feel it's head there now.

No. No. No. No.

What's the matter? No, Megan. This is my thing.

I organised this weekend for my girls. Yeah.

Like you organised the Hotel Sally Salsa that's three stars on TripAdvisor.

You'll probably all be getting chlamydia off the sheets.

Jesus.

That's an electric fire pit. We don't need nothing else.

We've got music.

And wine.

And each other. Yeah.

And wine.

Can somebody have the DJ to put the music back on?

Leona?

Have I not always looked after you?

No. You've only ever been a nasty little bitch, so... Mom! Mom!

but nice to all of you this weekend.

I have been so respectful to you, Tanya.

Even though you went to jail.

And I haven't said anything about you, Cora, and we both know I could.

And Chloe, I could have gone on about how pathetic and weird you've been for

the last two years and I haven't because I'm nice.

Thanks for that.

Fine, I'm going to go on my own.

Stay here in this hole. Get out of my way, jailbird.

Wagon. No, come back here.

We're enjoying our night. Forget about her.

Drink. Come on.

Get that music on. Yeah.

Hello?

Now, why would you go and do something like that?

You need to stop running this pub like it's your own living room. I don't.

You're taking your shoes off.

I've got hot feet.

I think it's fungal.

Need your help.

Please.

It's a window. Another case.

Nah, I'm done with all that.

I'm sorry, but doing nothing is not an option.

By the third case, the police have come to rely on their consulting detective.

You remember I made you watch episode three of Hetty Wainscott Investigates.

Give me my phone.

It's okay, I'll reply.

Be right there.

Kiss or no kiss?

I think kiss.

No kiss, and I'm not going.

I looked into your alcohol license.

Maria was right. You are dodgy.

Why is that?

It expired two years ago.

Not been two years?

No. It's been two years and five months.

They could close your pub down overnight and give you a huge fine and ban you

from having a license in Spain ever again.

Really? Really.

But Maria can protect you. All you have to do is make yourself indispensable to

her.

I'm gonna need my shoes.

Lost your blue little man.

You should see the hot tub. It's

bigger than my apartment.

So, what do we know?

Victim is Megan Heaney, 35, maid of honor on a hen party, strangled with a

sash. She left the bar alone on Carriga Barra around midnight. She said she was

coming here.

Current thinking is she may have met someone or was followed.

You don't think it was one of the other hens?

I've seen enough hen parties in my pub to know they could be a toxic mix of old

beef and lady petrol.

What?

No idea.

I mean, you have these people who have known each other for years, under all

the pressure of a wedding, jacked up on white wine.

I see. Please explain more to me about how female friendships work.

Either way, it's obvious that Megan was killed in a non-premeditated attack by

someone she knew who probably escaped out the patio doors.

Simple.

I'll have this filled by dinner time.

Which for British people is about 4.30.

How do you know that?

Look alive, Jesus.

The clues are all there.

There's no sign of a forced entry. Two glasses of champagne.

Megan obviously knew whoever was in here.

Now, if you're planning on killing someone, you take a weapon with you. But

in this case, the killer used whatever came to hand, and that was the sash,

yeah? So, a crime of passion.

Now, once the killer realises what they've done, they panic, leg it out the

patio doors at the back here, but in their haste, they knock the vase off the

thingamajig, causing it to fall to the floor and break.

Anything else?

Yeah, two things. There's a partial shoe print by the front door.

Was the victim wearing trainers?

No, they were heels.

So it's not Megan.

And the second thing?

Yeah, don't ever call me English again.

Jesus, the victim's boyfriend is arriving at the airport soon. Please,

can you go and meet him?

Oh, no, please. You know I'm not good with sad people.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus.

You really think it was one of her friends? I told you, old B.

We just have to work out which hen had those preneurs and chances are we got

our killer.

Easy peasy.

Maybe not that easy peasy.

I'm sorry about your loss. I'm sorry for your loss. Please accompany me. Please.

Come with me.

She's dead. I'm sorry. Let's go.

God, it's just fecking awful.

I can't believe she's gone.

Stopping on my hangover.

Yeah, obviously.

I think we should all pray.

Come on now, Cora, it's not that bad.

Okay, guaranteed hangover cure. Extra spicy Bloody Mary with an egg.

So, an Irish bar.

Well, we all just wanted to be somewhere we felt safe.

We hear you're some kind of special investigator.

Yes. Do you know me to my murder? We're like Barnaby and Troy. They were using

our lineup before they ruined it.

We're simply trying to help the Spanish police find out who did that.

And we really appreciate it.

Because we all know that the Spanish police are going to want to be fingering

someone for this.

Well, I'm worried that they're going to want to finger one of us.

Cora, can you stop saying fingering? I think you'll be fine.

We just need to establish what you did last night after you left the bar.

went into my hair.

We all just went back to the hotel.

Together? Yeah.

Me and Leona went back together.

What time?

Two. I say around two.

Yeah. And I just went home to Beth.

Straight home?

Yes. No.

I went for a walk on the beach.

And then I went home to bed.

Beddy-bye.

At what time?

About one.

Seventy-one.

And yourself?

No idea.

It was blank.

I woke up this morning, my back's killing me, and I'm missing 200 euro.

And I don't think I'm ever going to drink again. Oh, God.

They're all liars, Denise. You know how I know that they are lying? They said

they left the bar at 2 a.m. But the bar closes at 1.

Can you just let me have my moment?

Sorry, okay, go on.

And why is Cora lying?

No, you're just gonna jump in and steal my thunder again. I won't, I promise.

Okay, Cora said she was talking on the beach at 1 a.m. But the beach closes at

midnight. Denise!

Right,

so three of them are lying. What about the other one? The one with the stick in

her hair?

Yeah, says she can't remember a thing. So, what do we do, Burnaby?

Barnaby. It's Barnaby.

Why would you get Midsomer Murders wrong like that? Go on, go on. Well, if I was

leading the case, I would speak to the victim's boyfriend.

You'd question the man who was a thousand miles away at the time the

murder happened?

Yeah. We need him to dish the dirt on all the hens. Who hated Megan and why?

Old beef.

Stop saying that. It's weird.

She was like the most beautiful woman I ever met.

Paul, we need your help.

We need you to be our character witness.

Sorry, I... This has broken me so... I can't even think straight.

Do you need help?

Gracias.

Look, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but we think one of the hens might

have been responsible for killing Megan.

What? No.

They're like sisters.

From experience, let me tell you, there were plenty of times I could have killed

my sister.

One time, for no reason, she told our father I slipped over at the home of

Adolfo Hernandez when his parents were out of town. Rosa.

Okay.

Can you think of any reason why Leona might have been mad at Megan?

I guess Leona's always sort of been a Megan shadow.

Megan was always the popular one.

Always had the nice clothes.

Then I'd care.

You think she would feel it?

Maybe.

I suppose when Megan told Leona about the villa, it could have, you know...

Just delighted those feelings?

No, just made them real.

Megan said something to Tanya about her going to jail.

Oh, yeah.

For like two weeks.

She hit a man with a shoe.

A shoe?

His shoe.

I don't think she'd normally have gone to jail, but...

She called the judge in Egypt.

So you'd say Tanya had a temper.

Well, you know who you and me can get like.

No, please tell me. What about Cora?

Cora?

Cora didn't kill Megan.

She's basically a nun.

You give someone enough wine.

Trust me, Cora's only drinking wine when it's with a little wafer.

I'm talking about communion.

So she's pious?

No, just really religious.

And Chloe?

Chloe. Oh, my darling, how are you?

So sorry, darling.

Oh, my God.

Look, let me wipe the way. You need to eat something.

I know, I know.

Cora. Uptight and religious.

Leona.

Mouthy best friend.

Tania. Angry mother.

Can't say as I agree with you reducing these women to soundbites, Dennis.

Women are a complex symphony of unique traits.

And it's entirely wrong to make crass generalizations.

They get fishy if you do that.

I feel so seen.

Looking at her socials, I think you've got her all wrong, you know?

She had hobbies, loved animals.

Wait, wait, wait, go back.

That one of them in the pop garden?

Yeah, then took the bike.

That's Paul and Chloe.

They used to be together.

Chloe.

The ex-girlfriend.

Can't take line anymore. Do you tell someone?

Don't be saying things like that, Leona.

I've got to find out.

You want to go to jail, do you?

You know what life is like inside?

It's hell.

Mum, you went to an open prison for ten days. I've been to centre parks for

longer. Only you probably played more pickleball. Well, you'd be going to the

other kind of prison anyway.

The kind full of hairy marys that'll want their way with you.

Well,

maybe we could just tell Auntie Cora.

No.

I do not need my sister judging me more than she already does.

Listen to me.

If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut.

Okay? Okay.

Okay, yeah, okay.

Can you get married at first?

Why are you rushing?

Maria just texted me. Forensics are running tests on the hen's shoes.

Try to find a match for that print.

Okay. So why are you rushing? Because whoever left that shoe print is probably

the killer.

And I want to solve it for her.

I lit a candle.

Megan loved candles.

It's what she would have wanted.

You got five minutes?

Me and Chloe were together.

And then about two years ago, Megan and I started to fall in love and, well, I

had to follow my heart.

Megan inspired me to always be the best version of myself and to start weight

loss jobs.

That's love.

How did Chloe take it?

She turned into a bit of a looper right after I left, but I don't know.

A looper?

Yeah, crazy like.

She cut up all my good pants.

And then Chloe... She sent some weird threatening messages to Megan.

That kind of thing.

You think she wanted to hurt Megan?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Megan thought that Chloe coming on the hen do meant she was really over it.

I thought so, too.

Do you remember how earlier we were asking about reasons why people might

want to hurt Megan?

You didn't think of leading with that one?

Benny. What?

It could have saved us some time.

Sorry.

I'm just not thinking right.

Think again, Paul. You go and get some rest.

What?

I think we should go and speak to Chloe.

Don't you?

Chloe was blind drunk last night.

That... That could have been just an axe. A distraction to confuse everyone.

You heard him. He turned into a looper.

I think I should talk to Chloe alone, entre mujeres.

I know what it's like to have your heart broken.

You're assuming I don't. I am, I am.

You're assuming I don't.

Tom Boyd scored an own goal against Brazil in the World Cup.

You're not ready to interview on your own.

You want to go and talk to the hangover woman about the most painful time of her

life?

The important thing about interviewing someone is to listen, okay? You give

them space.

Denise, please.

This is not my first rodeo.

My first boyfriend, Pedro Garcia Hernandez, left me for my best friend

Elena. I was 16 and I thought we'd be together forever.

I even designed my wedding dress. It had a long tail, a lace back.

I never spoke to Elena again, but I did look at her wedding pictures on

Instagram and it rained. And she looked like a wet cow, so I'm thinking that's

karma.

How are you feeling?

Still bad.

I'm a mess, Rosa.

I'm still covered in little willies.

I think you should eat something.

No, I can't ever eat again.

Or move.

It's fine.

I live on this sofa now.

Okay, now I'm going to stop talking and give you space to tell your story.

Sounds a lot more romantic.

To have your heart broken by Pedro Garcia Hernandez and a Paul Murphy.

Depends on your type.

I shouldn't have come out here.

I think you were very brave and strong.

No, I was stupid.

I hated Megan.

And I still love Paul.

I guess that makes me a suspect or something, does it?

It would help if you can remember anything after you left the pub last

night.

I guess I fell over because my back is killing me.

Let me see.

Oh.

Okay.

I think I know what you did last night.

Jesus.

I found the tattoo parlor that did it.

The guy said Chloe came in just after 1 a.m. and the tattoo took four hours.

She's got an alibi.

Yeah. Well, I can't spell one of them.

The other three.

I know someone that might be able to help us.

Go say Jackie.

Hi, Jackie.

Hi. Don't sit on my scootmobile.

Do you... Do you want a watch?

I think all men should have a watch.

Dulox.

Bulgarian Rolex.

They all come from the same factory.

We're looking for some information.

About the Irish woman.

We need to establish what her friends did last night after she left them.

Do you know anything?

No. Well, there's five minutes. I'll never get back.

But I do know something that happened before.

I saw the woman with too much makeup.

Megan. Okay.

With the little woman with the bad clothes.

Cora.

Okay, and they were arguing. And then the little woman with the bad clothes

tried to hit the woman with too much makeup.

Interesting.

Do you know what they were arguing about?

No.

Okay, thanks, Jackie. I owe you one.

Owe me what?

I don't know. A drink?

Okay. When?

Not sure.

Maybe it's better to have the cash.

I'll bring it to you.

Okay, but when?

Just walk away.

Thanks very much. Yep.

The waiter's come in, put it down.

She's looking petty.

Pensive.

That drink is bigger than her head.

Okay, here's the play. We force Cora into telling us the truth.

I will be good cop. Could I get you a cup of tea? You will be bad cop.

Drink up your tart.

You're nicked.

Cora's a devout Catholic.

There's one thing she can handle, it's living with guilt.

You know, you're different when you're doing this.

When you're solving crime.

Why wouldn't I like the rest of the time?

Lazy.

Impatient.

Depressed. I'm not depressed.

It's okay because you're doing this now. This is your happy tail.

I'm only doing this until I can sort my license out.

You cannot sort your license out.

If you apply for a new one, they will realize you haven't had one for two

years and the same thing will happen. You'll get a big fine.

She's moving.

It's so cool. You're doing it all wrong. You're way too close.

So what do I do with the pub then? I mean, I can't moonlight with the Spanish

police forever.

You won't need to. Just long enough that I can apply for an alcohol license.

You? Yeah. I can be the licensee and no one needs to know you've been breaking

the law for two years.

How long will that take?

A few months.

You just need to make me the bar manager.

What?

Also, look at your bank statement. I think you need an accountant.

I'm not wasting money on an accountant.

My father says a good accountant actually saves you money.

What does your father do?

He's an accountant.

She's a dark horse.

You keep making that joke. I don't know who Black Beauty is.

No, Auntie Cora. She's just gone into that strip club.

No, no, no, no.

What are you doing here?

Well, funny, because that's exactly what I was going to ask you.

I never wanted to come here. It was all Tanya.

I had three, what they call, Jaeger bombs.

I really wasn't myself.

Did something happen in here?

Tanya paid for me to have a private dance with Bernardo.

Just like a big conker.

Me and Sean have been together for 20 years.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

God help me, I've never met a man like him.

So much oil.

Had this got anything to do with the argument you had with Megan on the beach

yesterday?

How do you know about that?

Megan's off.

Having a private dance with Bernardo.

If only it was just that.

Bernardo started getting fresh with me.

I didn't stop him.

There really was so much oil.

Corda, did you have sex with Bernardo?

In the disabled toilet.

I just remember feeling so grateful that I'd shaved my legs.

But then, when after we came out, Megan was standing there.

She laughed.

So cold-like.

What did she say?

She threatened to tell everyone.

Sean, everyone at Rockwire, even Father Brian.

Although, he's in no position to judge.

So I come back here, Gordon.

It's my penance.

I took confession today.

The father said I needed to face the man I sent with and renounce him.

At least I think that's what he said. His English was terrible.

Cora, where did you go last night after you left the bar?

Straight back to the hotel, I swear.

You never went to that villa?

As I sit before you, Dan.

I might be a wanton harlot, but I'm no murderer.

Would you like a drink?

Oh Lord.

It's past your dinner time, Dennis.

Have you solved the case yet?

I'm entirely assimilated with Spanish culture, Maria. I don't have my tea

until at least 6.30.

Well, I think you can probably relax.

We matched the shoe print.

Really? We matched the shoe print?

Mirna, who's who?

Who's who?

Leona. Leona?

No way.

That's an interesting development.

We're trying to bring her in for questioning, but we can't locate her.

Any idea where she might be?

Absolutely no idea, no.

Okay.

If you see her, call straight away.

Totally, yeah, I'll definitely do that.

You look like you could use another drink.

So you leave the bar and you go to the villa?

Yeah.

I knocked on the door and when no one answered, I tried the handle and it was

open. And when was this?

It was about half one.

Why did you go there?

I was angry.

I wanted to tell her I'd had enough.

Megan was always doing stuff like this, making everything about her.

Every wedding, every birthday.

She came to my Uncle Martin's funeral in a wheelchair because she had shin

splints. Okay?

I just wanted this weekend to be about me.

That was my hand.

She gave me that hand.

What did you do when you got to the villa?

Went in.

The door wasn't locked.

There was me with a plane.

I heard a smash.

I called out but no one answered. I went further in and that's when I saw her on

the sofa.

She was already dead?

Yeah.

And then I just locked my head like I was screaming.

And then I saw someone like a person flash past the window.

And then it was like it's right back to the hotel.

You find your friend dead and you don't call anyone.

Mom said not to trust the police.

She said they'd blame me. They will blame you.

No.

What are you doing, Leona?

What did I say?

You won't last five minutes in jail.

The Wi-Fi's awful.

Yeah, well, that's where I'm going.

Some fella from the guards took my shoes earlier. They know something.

I thought you were some sort of a special investigator.

Tell me you've got something.

Tell me you're not going to let my baby girl take the blame for this.

Vicky tried.

You're just a waste of tin.

Did it feel right to you?

She lied.

Her prince out of the thin.

Thanks anyway. You were right about it being one of the hands.

Beckham was always doing this, making everything about her.

I need to go back to the villa.

Why?

What did a hen party mean to you?

Like women shouting really loud or crying.

And things like that?

Hendoos are all about that.

Let me show you something.

Hen parties are meant to be all about fun, right?

But this place doesn't say fun. This place is romantic.

Heart-shaped balloons, champagne glasses.

Not a penis in sight.

Megan made out she'd hired this place as some grand gesture for a friend.

But I think Leona was right all along.

This was just another way for Megan to make this weekend all about her.

Some people might look at this villa and think, wow, but you were right, Leona.

Meghan planned to use this place as a setting to steal your thunder, like she

had done so many times in the past, but this time with a proposal.

Are you saying she wanted one of us to propose to her?

No, Chloe, that would be ridiculous.

Paul was going to do the proposing.

I wasn't even here.

Actually, Paul, I think you were.

The night Megan died, you were waiting for her up in this villa?

Waiting for Megan to come back with the girls.

They were coming to find you holding the balloon, which you would pop, pick up

the ring, and get down on your knee. Then there would be this beautiful

moment that was all about Megan.

This has made the whole weekend magical.

But the girls refused to come back with a ruining her special moment.

No!

It's all... We're not doing it.

I'm being a rock like that much to take you back a chunk of change.

So when she called it off,

That must have been upsetting for you.

Why can't we just get engaged anyway?

For us?

For us?

What's the point?

You'd done so much for Megan. You'd left Chloe for her. You'd lost a few stone.

And then she calls the whole thing off just because you don't have an audience.

Your man Jesus there picked you up from the airport.

But that doesn't mean that's when you landed.

You get a phone call telling you your girlfriend's dead, you rush to get the

first flight to Spain, but not before you pack a massive bag?

Full of stuff for the beach. Tell me, Paul, how much swimming were you

planning on doing in this trip?

I spoke to the airline.

We know you were on a plane 24 hours before Heswood picked you up at the

airport.

I just snapped.

I wasn't thinking. You were thinking enough to delete all the messages from

Megan's phone that would have told us you were already here?

Before you skipped at the patio doors when Leon arrived, breaking the

ornament. That was the smash you heard.

And you were thinking enough to come back later, pack your bag, and call a

cab to take you to the airport and wait for a call.

Oh, God.

I just don't believe it.

Okay, I'll get on the first flight I can.

I'm not a bad guy.

I'm... I'm the victim here.

She bullied me.

She bullied me too?

That doesn't give you the right to kill her, you stupid prick!

There's a better place in hell for you, Paul Murphy. You're a piece of shite.

I hope the judge goes down on you like a ton of brick. Clums down on you, Cora.

Jesus.

You're a good man.

Oh, sorry.

Nice

work.

How are you?

Darwin.

I haven't had my tea yet.

That was your cue to buy me dinner.

Denise, you have a tiny penis.

I'm with my friend.

Invite them out.

No.

I told everyone I have this great acting job.

Well, you do.

You're playing the part of a loyal sidekick to a genius detective.

Dennis, please. I work in a pub.

Well, that's not true either.

You don't just work in a pub.

You're the manager of a pub.

Seriously?

If it's what it takes to keep the place open.

I mean, obviously you're manager in name only. You have no actual authority.

Set up or I'll fire you.

Dennis, what do you think about a syringe movie?

No.

Let's hear it for our bingo queen.

Bingo can be brutal.

No one's going to mess with the bingo queen.

I keep my friend close, but my enemy close.

I need your help.

They're going to kill me.

Where shall we start?

I think we should start with them. Who are you?

Cliff, if I were police.

I look into the Italian.

Valentina de Rossi. Denise, you must come. It's the ticket that wins, not the

play. You broke the golden rule.

Always pay for your own ticket.