All language subtitles for arrested.development.s04e02.internal.bdrip.x264-archivist

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com.

NARRATOR:
It was over a hundred degrees

on the border of California
and Mexico.

But that was nothing
compared to the temperature

inside George Sr.'s
desert sweat lodge...

So hot.

...where he had gathered
a group of CEOs...

ALL:
So hot.

...with the promise of
spiritual enlightenment...

Anybody hallucinating yet?

Did anybody else
hear that iguana speak?

...as a stepping stone
to financial empowerment.

Let's kill it.

Okay. They're ready.

Of course, there were
certain occupational hazards.

- All right, guys, easy.
- (men murmuring)

- I'm not...
- Kill the iguana.

I'm not an iguana.

It's part of the process.

They're ready.
They're ready!

NARRATOR:
Now the story

of a family whose future
was abruptly canceled

and the one father
who had no choice

but to keep himself together.

It's George Sr.'s...

NARRATOR: George Sr. was
getting ready to motivate

his gathered CEOs
after a narrow brush with death

at the hands
of a Frito-Lay executive.

(George Sr. whoops)

Yeah!

Now, that was the most
invigorating session yet.

I feel good.

You feel good?

This is George Sr.

I got you.

You know, guys,
even I, Father B.,

when I first started
these sweat lodges,

I would come
out of there thinking,

oh, God, I wish
I had a... a lemonade.

Just like a child, you know.

Cold water, some lemons,
a little sugar, you know.

That's what I gave my power to!

Can we have
the teaching pitcher please?

Heartfire.

Hey, guys, this is Heartfire.

She is silent,

but in that silence,
there is strength.

She needs no words
to communicate to you.

Boundless power
to you, too, Heartfire.

Hell, I was so weak, you guys,

I was willing to spend $10, 000
just a little...

(slurps)

...sip of this lemonade.

MAN (breathily):
Fifteen!

But now I can spend
two hours in brutal heat

with a cup of this
cold, refreshing lemonade

and just pour it in the dirt.

- (yells, whimpers)
- Ah, come on, Daniels!

You ran Bear Stearns,
for God's sake!

I was like this.

Just like this.

Then I went to the desert
to seek answers,

and now I have them.

Actually, George Sr.
had come to the desert

to escape questions.

Years earlier, after duping
his twin brother Oscar...

- You gave me up, George.
- George? I'm not George.

...into taking his place
at a party

the family held
on the Queen Mary,

George Sr. stowed away
with a son

who was also
fleeing the family.

How was the party?

Mom stole it.

- The whole boat?
- She had.

- As she fled to sea...
- Full steam, boys!

...a strategy
their lawyer's son came up with

on his first day back in
the country after law school.

I'm wondering if
we shouldn't have a plan

in regards to bookkeeping,

in case we accidentally
make a mistake or get caught.

What if we were
to become a... an-an... an NLC?

- Ooh!
- A "No Liability Corporation."

We just have no liability,
just nothing...

Well, first of all, I would
avoid doing anything illegal.

May I make a suggestion?

- Sure.
- Take to the sea!

Three miles out,
and it's a free-for-all!

No rules, pirate radio laws.

Really!
Is this true, Mr. Zuckerkorn?

Sure.

So we will stick together
and have

all of our meetings on boats.

Well, uh, I don't know
if that's necessary.

Yeah, because they don't have to
be together, because you can't

try a husband and wife
for the same crime, right?

Sure.

We have the best
(bleep) attorneys.

You think we should go back?

Absolutely. She's your mother.

Family has to stick together.

You're afraid
she'll turn on you.

Won't even leave the table
during a dinner party.

Okay.

We're going back,
George Michael!

It turned out, Lucille had
returned to shore, too.

(over TV):
Why the alleged ship-jacker

changed direction
is still unexplained.

And soon the family met up

at the beginning
of a fourth season...

- My wife, how is she?
- ...that would never come.

She's fine. You're lucky
we didn't have an autumn,

otherwise she'd be colder.

Look what they've done, George!

Look what the homosexuals
have done to me.

A joyride.

That's what they decide to do
with the freedom

this country has given them.

(quietly): That's the best alibi
I've been able

to come up with, because
our lawyer says he thinks

he can get rid
of the SEC charges,

but he's worried about
the pirating of theQueen Mary.

Says they have
a suit against us.

- Where is Barry?
- He's with the harbormaster.

He's trying to dazzle them
with a suit of his own.

Well, he hated the suit.

Thought I was making fun.

But basically, this is
a "good news/bad news" deal.

First of all, won't be cheap.

It's gonna cost you
a fortune in legal fees.

- What's the good news?
- Oh, yeah.

Well, from your perspective,
I can see where

you think it's all bad news.

It's all bad news.

Also, it turns out

that stealing theQueen Mary

comes under maritime law,

which, I just found out,
is an actual thing.

It's a real thing.

Don't you worry.

We got three months

to prepare for this hearing.

And so, George Sr.
went to his competitor,

Stan Sitwell, with an offer,

so he could afford to cover
Lucille's high legal fees.

Buy the rest of your stock?
You got to be kidding me.

I already dumped the stock
I owned to Lucille Austero.

Don't forget,
I was on that boat.

And believe me, I lost

more than just the 50 grand
on that sale.

I also lost
a perfectly good pair of

human chest hair nipple tufts
when we hit the water.

Stan Sitwell
suffered from alopecia,

a condition
that rendered him hairless.

That's kelp;
why would I put it onto my chest

or head or anywhere else?

STAN: I was gonna
show those babies off

- at the Jacuzzi after-party.
- Come on, Stan.

I'm offering you
the chance to double

- the size of your business.
- Way ahead of you.

I've got a big project
coming up.

And even you can't
compete for this one,

with your business in the shape
that it's in.

This is a biggie.

I get this contract,

and it gets government approval,

I'll be bigger than Halliburton.

Well, maybe not Halliburton,

but definitely Halliburton Teen.

NARRATOR:
Halliburton Teen was a leading

youth and lifestyle retailer,
despite the fact

that it was a rebranding
of the tarnished Halliburton.

Penitentiary and
Rendition Systems.

It's also how their
deep-water drilling enterprise

spawned this company.

Anyway, you're too late.

The contract is
practically mine.

Even you can't underbid me.
(chuckles)

Well, you may have
a bigger business than me,

but you will never have this.

And believe me,
I'm gonna find out

that project you're working on,
even if I have to search

the public records
for the blueprints myself.

Unless you search
in this office,

you will never find them.

Oh... aah...!

Ow, my hair!
My beautiful hair!

(gasping, groaning)

My hair!
My beautiful hair!

(camera clicks)

This isn't what it looks like!

Oh, really?

Because it looks like a monument
to George W. Bush.

Well, you got me.

You're in for
a rude awakening, Sitwell.

It'll never stand.

It's too thin.

It'll never stand.

(quietly): You see, the W's
and the word "bush."

I mean, what else could it be?

You mean other than
a 20-foot-wide monument

that goes five miles
into the sky?

I know, I know. And I told him
it wouldn't stand,

which I probably shouldn't have.

It's a wall, George;
you're looking at it sideways.

The W stands for "wall."

The bushes...

Stand for the bushes.

Ah--this explains
the immigration booth

10, 000 feet in the air.

It's to separate
the U.S. and Mexico,

to keep out the immigrants,
which was my idea!

Was your idea. I remember.

You said that right after
Lupe got the bleach stain

on your teal blazer.

How did you miss this, George?

This is business we should have.

Is this how you're going to
let it all end, as a failure?

- Is that your plan?
- No.

Of course not.

It was his plan.

NARRATOR: George Sr. felt
discouraged and alone...

Bluth for two--I mean, one.

I thought I already seated you.

...when he saw a familiar face:
his own...

...on his twin brother Oscar.

George!
Actually, we came in

to use the bathroom,
but they sat me.

And they have mahimahi today.

Will you join us?
Will you have a mahimahi on me?

- On you.
- Fine, but I'm gonna

sit opposite you,
so it won't look bad.

These are my friends; we all
live in the desert together.

This is Heartfire;
she's an aura specialist.

She did Matthew Modine.

I will.

Heartfire would like
some more crackers.

Oscar, you don't believe
that nonsense, do you?

No, no, no. You're a skeptic.

But I'll tell you something,
the desert changes you.

Dr. Norman is
a disgraced anesthesiologist.

Oh.

The bigger crime would've been

the patient didn't wake up
and testify against me.

But nobody cares about the part
of the oath he kept.

I'll tell you this.

If that nastiness
had never happened,

I never would've gotten
those prison pen pal letters

from the most beautiful woman
in the world.

(loudly): If he as bad as the
state of California say he is,

then why did I fall in love
with him, huh?

Yo, (bleep) the state
of California!

(bleep) 'em!

Bunch of
California (bleep), yeah.

As you can imagine,
her letters really stood out.

Do you know China Garden?

I know the downtown one.

You know, I shouldn't judge.

'Cause you have friends,
and I...

I envy that.

You're welcome
to my friends, brother.

I don't want these.

But perhaps due to
the absence of Lucille,

the two brothers connected
as they hadn't in years.

I'm not the big man
I thought I was.

Forget the past, George.

I don't know; maybe it's
because I live on the border

between the United States
and Mexico and...

Hold on. Border?

You don't think I live
like this all the time, do you?

That's why I had so much fun
at that party on theQueen Mary.

And you paid for my haircut.

And you made me...
dress like you.

Forget the past.

What were you saying about
that property on the border?

And that's when George Sr.
first saw the desert property.

And the much smaller sweat
lodge that was on the land.

You live here?

Ask him!

Would you like
to watch us make love?

No. You live here?

We have been.

You see, Mexico starts
right at the end of that gully,

and we have to get
in and out of there

so we can get at the maca root.

What the hell is maca root?

It's an ancient Aztec
power herb.

It's an endocrine adaptogen.

It's legal to grow in Mexico,

but it's against the law
to consume it there.

Of course, you can ingest it
here, but you can't grow it.

And... you can bring it
into Mexico,

but you can't bring it out.

So it's, uh, hard.

So you guys are knowingly
breaking the law?

But it's worth it, because maca
has powerful properties,

especially when combined with
an hour in the sweat lodge.

It gets up to 110 degrees
in there.

Sounds fun.

Oh, but you have to do it
with us.

You'll find a power
you didn't know you had.

But, um, you want to do it soon,

(sobbing): because they're
kicking us off of the land.

I'm sorry.

Oh, great.
Now you're gonna make me cry.

Oh, lizard! Look!
Look, a lizard!

Cute!

What if I were to buy
this land?

I don't understand;
why would you want to do that?

Well, I always talk about
being a great man.

Maybe a way to do that is
not by being

the biggest businessman in
Southern California, it's...

It's by being the best brother
in Southern California.

George Sr. was going to say,

"By gouging the government
when they needed the land..."

You bet.

Hey, guys, we're staying.

Oh, thank you, brother.

...but he'd save that
for Lucille.

- Thank you, maca.
- Thank you, maca!

And I can get this land
for a song.

George was proud of his plan.

Are you listening to me?

So are those cameras, George.

We can't use the same cameras

from when he was under
house arrest?

WORKMAN: These are from
the maritime penal system.

They make us use
the waterproof ones.

- In here.
- Okay.

GEORGE SR.:
We're gonna sell that land

to the government
for Sitwell's wall,

and I'm gonna take the cash.

I am gonna mount a case
that shows that my wife

is not the power-hungry monster

the SEC wants
to make her out to be.

You're such a puny thinker.

Am I puny-thinking again?

Sitwell's wall?

How about our wall?
We build the wall.

We do have the plan.

He says he can build it
for $200 million,

we offer to build it
for $150 million,

and we make up the difference
when we sell the land.

And I use that cash
as a little stimulus for us.

Maybe a little something
for the family.

And we build that sucker...

That's my Georgie!

...five miles high.

Long. Five miles long.

I got nothing in my system
but a maca root cookie.

- (clattering)
- So, that one's all set.

Uh... can I put one up there?

Only if you want to see the
sexiest video you've ever seen.

(George Sr. moans)

Sorry I gave you
the old noodle stab in there.

I needed
something in my system.

You know, we can't look like
we're in cahoots on this.

Especially with my trial
coming up.

Yeah, that's right.

We have to separate our assets.

To protect this.

To protect our love.

NARRATOR: And that's
when they got the idea

to pretend they were
getting a divorce.

- We're getting a divorce.
- (Buster screams)

I want to know about
the stimulus package.

We haven't had sex
since Christmas, Michael!

BUSTER:
Uh... I'm... I'm sorry.

You had sex seven weeks ago?

They were remodeling my room,
and I pulled my cot in there,

- just like camp.
- We yelled at you to leave.

Yeah, but then you whispered,
"Don't pull out!"

(Gob screams)

You didn't want to use
any of that money for...

(Gob groans)

You couldn't use any of that
money to finish Sudden Valley?

And although their plan
was dealt a minor setback

when Michael sold
the controlling shares

to Lucille 2...

You know what?
I am done with this family.

I hope you've saved some money,

'cause you're gonna need
every dime now.

...all they had to do

was keep their plan
a secret from her

and cash in quickly.

ANCHORMAN: 4:28 in the morning
here in the O.C.

I'm John Beard.

Well, there was some more
grim economic news today.

The housing prices
continue to plummet,

and the economists say
it may take quite some--

What are you...
what are you doing?

(goofy voice): I'm John Beard,
and I'm a Gloomy Gus.

I don't have a mustache.

And the government
put the wall project on hold.

Can't be on hold.

They already gave me the money
to start the building.

No! I cannot live off of that!

No, I already used that money
as the down payment

of six square miles of desert

I cannot afford
to make payments on!

Oh, God... sorry, Norman.

(inhales)

(muffled):
Huh?

Uh, nothing.

OSCAR:
Hey, brother, you seem tense.

Come with me to the sweat lodge.

Sweat out this frustration;
you can learn on this.

And perhaps
it was a sense of futility

or the fact he hadn't
brought a book to the desert,

but George Sr. chose to enter
the small, smoke-filled room,

while his wife
was also confined

to a smoke-filled room,

having found a way around
both the building's strict

no-smoking policy...

...and the fact that her ankle
monitor prevented her

from approaching the balcony.

So, anyways, I went down
to the club and I... I can't...

My food was gone, I could...

That restaurant, typically,
has a really nice maitre d'...

Can't really remember
the host's name,

but he was...
he was kind of in his 60s...

(sputtering)

(sighs)

(weakly):
I have to stop.

I have to stop. So...

(stammers)

(panting):
But, finally, I just ordered...

pastrami shortcake, like I said,
but I didn't order...

I didn't order sprinkles this--
Oh, Mother, please.

(crying):
Please.

Meanwhile,
in George Sr.'s sweat lodge,

a solution to his problems
was emerging, as well...

Kind of hot, huh?

I'd give $10, 000 for a glass
of lemonade right now.

...in the form of a vision.

Sweat... and squeeze.

NARRATOR: It was to be
a "sweat and squeeze."

Dr. Norman?

Dr. Norman, we have a hot mess.

NARRATOR:
George Sr. had been passed out

for two days
after having a vision...

which is why this seat was
empty at his wife's trial.

But soon,
he was hard at work...

Okay, look up large mud huts.

- ...making his vision a reality.
- Can fit 20.

Do a something search.
Um, used is fine.

No, no, I got it.

Sweat caves.

See what you get.

You got 'em?

All right, well, then, ship it!

A sweat lodge,
where he could be

a preacher of profit to other
type-A executives like himself.

All right, this whole area here,

this is going to be
visitor yurts.

Oh, and we're gonna need
industrial-size juicers!

He went to work
on constructing a seminar,

much of which he borrowed
from his brief stint

as a Jewish-y guru
while in prison.

ANNOUNCER: Now's your chance
to own the entire

George Bluth
"Caged Wisdom" library...

Will you read that back
to me, please?

This time, however, he needed
to be actually ordained

as a religious preacher
to avoid tax implications.

Lemonade!

But fortunately, there was
a Phoenix for him, too.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Almost there. Question three.

But business
really took off when

an article about George Sr.'s
operation appeared

in an exclusively first-class
in-flight magazine.

And soon the retreat was up
and running, and George Sr.

was determined
to create the illusion

of a first-class experience.

And did you want the partial
bush or broken gate view?

The seminar was
reasonably priced at $1, 000.

The sweat and squeeze
was simple.

First, George Sr. sweated out
his acolytes' defenses...

- (whimpering)
- Ah, come on, Daniels!

You ran Bear Stearns,
for God's sake!

I was like this.

Then I went to the desert
to seek answers,

and now I have them.

...and then it was time
for the squeeze.

And for another 15 grand,
you can have them, too.

I'll teach you
how to get yachts,

I'll teach you how
to get penthouses,

and how to get
something for yourself

by taking it from someone
who thinks it's his.

Does it come with lemonade?

It comes with all the lemonade
you can drink.

"Squeeze" had two meanings.

Who's in?

Sign 'em up. Sign 'em up.

Come on, get your
wallets out, let's go, guys.

And George Sr.
had even found a great way

- to handle the heat.
- Hey.

Hey.

He had his twin brother
endure it.

Did you bring me some lemonade?

No, sir.
It is crazy out there.

For the first time we are out.

Look what I brought you,
Mr. Oscar--

50 bucks--your half.

Oh, you know,
I feel bad taking this.

All I did was sit and sweat.

Which is why it seemed

that Father B. was so resilient

to the depleting effects
of the sweat lodge.

Whoo! Yeah!

Now, that was the most
invigorating session yet.

(laughs) Hey, buddy, come on,
it's happening, you know.

We're helping people.

- (groaning) - If I could give you
just one note, little energy.

As the retreat grew,

George Sr. was finding himself
emboldened with power,

while Oscar was bushed.

Hey, Oscar, that scared me.

Come on, man, get back in there.

I was starting to sweat.

I'm just trying
to get my strength up.

Maca usually gets me there.

Hey, chew some maca with me.

I can't, okay, I got to go up
to see Lucille tomorrow.

George Sr. had been meeting

with Lucille on a weekly basis
at her new home

under the pretense
of working on their divorce.

You look nice.

Oh, stop trying to butter me up.

Let's just get
this divorce agreed to

so you can get out of here.

(door closes)

- (gasps)
- Oh, God.

It's almost
like adultery this way.

Good, I like that.

- "My wife doesn't understand me."
- My angel.

(gasping and moaning)

"I haven't had an orgasm outside
of my bathtub in 30 years."

How's that?

GEORGE SR.: Although, at times,
I do wish it were darker.

It's too bad you don't
have time to try this.

Yesterday,
I was talking to a lizard,

and it turned into
Elizabeth Taylor.

- Young Elizabeth Taylor?
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, I could use some maca.

Give me some of that.

NARRATOR:
And soon a vision did appear.

I don't know what's going on.

For some reason I'm just getting
Richard Burton today.

Oh, my God, what's that?

That's the commode.

Are you at all concerned
that the maca bush

is directly downhill from that?

He should have been,

but Oscar was actually
referring to what now appeared

to be a divine spirit,
personified as an ostrich.

You trespass on sacred ground.

The spirits command me
to warn you.

You must leave this land
or the land will change you.

GEORGE SR.:
Don't worry, he's probably

from a local reservation.
I'll, I'll take care of this.

How about you book me two nights
for Ray Romano at your casino?

The strong will become the weak,
the weak will become the strong.

And get us close to the front
but not close enough

that Ray talks to us.

You have been warned.

See ya.

I don't know what you saw, but
I got an ostrich and no boner.

NARRATOR:
One year after George Sr. had

the incident
with the ostrich guy,

things had indeed started
to change.

Where was I? Um... oh, yeah.

Father B. had lost his command
over the crowd.

Who would like some lemonade
for $2, 000?

Come on, guys,
I looked the other way

on the bottled water
because you look thirsty,

but you got to play along here.
Heartfire?

Where's the lemonade?

Shh!

And as business slowed down...

Will you excuse me just one sec?

...Oscar had started being

more independent
and harder to find.

(whispering):
Norman, have you seen Oscar?

No, have you seen China Garden?

No.

Did you kill that armadillo?

No, no, he's just under.

If only we could use some of
his medicine for our own pain.

Oh, wait, I've got
a full syringe in the car.

And George Sr. would soon get

worse economic news from
his attorney.

GEORGE SR.:
Oh, this can't be good.

I mean, you didn't drive all

this distance for good news.

You've got a balloon payment due

on the mortgage
on this property.

It's about $15 million.

I mean, I-- what am I gonna do?

Where am I gonna get that money?

I thought you were going to sell
the land to the government

to build the wall.

Yeah, but that was put on hold.

So?
It's election time.

Now's the time to get a
politician to push for the wall.

Isn't that dizzy kook
Lucille Austero running?

No, no, she,
she can't know about this.

She's the majority owner
of my company,

and besides,
she's so pro-immigrant.

NARRATOR:
She was.

She'd even taken in
a Latino foster child,

which she denied was an attempt
to bring in the Hispanic vote.

Nonetheless, she did know what
cultural buttons to push

to win their hearts.

BARRY: Doesn't matter,
she's not going to win anyway.

The guy you want is the guy
she's running against--

Herbert Love, right?

He's got a rally tonight.

Go and see him.

Everyone knows how persuasive
you can be.

Used to be.

I'd be lucky to sell
a glass of lemonade

for a thousand dollars today.

Now, listen.

If I can take no more

than a law degree
from the Virgin Islands...

- Yeah.
- ...a-a-and turn it into a net worth

of $750, 000--

before, of course,
what I owe in lawsuits--

you can talk a politician into
wasting public funds on a wall.

Wait, wait,
that rally is tonight?

- Mm-hmm.
- But I'm supposed

to meet my wife tonight,

which I am dreading, by the way.

NARRATOR:
One of the changes

that had occurred
over the previous year...

- My right rear tire is low.
- ...was a decrease

in the physical intimacy George
Sr. and his wife had enjoyed.

You're so ugly from behind.

GEORGE SR.:'Cause if no one
shows up at that office,

she really will divorce me.

BARRY:
Too bad you can't use a double.

Oh, also I used a look-alike

named Stewart to take
the California bar for me.

But you knew that, right?

- Oscar.
- NARRATOR: And later,

while once again looking
for his own double...

- Oscar.
- ...George, who was acting more like Oscar,

finally found Oscar, who was
acting more like George.

Why aren't you sweating?

Maybe I had a better offer.

And not a word to Dr. Norman.

He doesn't think
women should be awake for it.

- "Oh, great Dr. Norman."
- (Chuckles)

You know, we have
to be very careful.

Oscar, we are trying
to help people here.

I know, I know, I know,
but you know what?

It just gets hot
in there sometimes!

Whoa, we don't,
we don't have to yell.

Why not you go do hot sweat,
let Oscar do squeeze?

All right, I mean,
I'm not saying that.

I just, uh, I need a break.

I just can't go on

- pretending to be you, sitting silently...
- Shh.

...in a, in a 100-degree mud hut
for an hour and a half.

I am begging you--
there has to be something else

I can impersonate you doing.

It's funny you should say that

because, uh, if you're okay
with the sitting silently part,

I have something for you
that's quite chilling.

- Thank you.
- NARRATOR: And so George Sr. left

to seek out the right-wing
politician Herbert Love

as Oscar headed out to visit
Lucille, disguised as George,

which is exactly
who Barry thought

he was talking to.

I just pooped in a hole
and covered it up.

I hope I did the right thing.

There's a commode.

It's, it's directly uphill
from the maca root.

Yeah, I really feel bad
for the guy that's got

to dig that up
for the foundation for the wall.

(both laugh)

Yeah, wha-what wall?

(gasps)

Very good, George.

We got to be careful
where we talk about this.

Ooh, I got to watch my words.

And that's when
Oscar realized that George Sr.

didn't buy the land

to be the best brother
in Southern California.

We 12publishes
a rare retraction.

Oscar confirms his suspicions
of the wall

while impersonating George Sr.

I thought we...
(clears throat)

(deeper voice): I thought
we could talk about the wall.

You know, the wall.

Have you baked your brain
in that pizza oven,

or is senility your backup plan

if we can't get the government
to buy the property?

(gasps) So we only did buy
that land for personal gain.

(laughing): Well,
what Oscar does-doesn't know

won't hurt him.

(chuckling):
Oscar.

NARRATOR:
And although it wasn't

a perfect impersonation...

I love it when you call my name.

...he did have the maca root.

(gasps)
George!

Don't call me that.

Call me Father B.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com