Original subtitles

Uh, Mr.

Surfrider, sir?

Yeah, could you tell me where the sunshine car wash is?

It belongs to my Uncle Elmer.

I'm a college student and summer vacation back there.

Well, it is here, too.

Anyway, the car wash belongs to my uncle.

And I suppose you expected to find a car wash on the beach, right?

Well, no, but the car I hit the ride in said that something.

I am lost.

My name is Jack.

It's just...

Excuse me, sir.

You thought we weren't...

You're the one that left the edible bikinis in the beach deck where they all

melted. You should have majored in ventilation.

But the point is that we're broke.

And you're the one that... What's your problem, buddy?

Excuse me.

I'm Jack McGowan.

And I'm taking over my uncle's car wash this summer.

Allergies, you know.

His, not mine. Shut up, you lost him. I need to know how to find...

Excuse me, but I

still have this problem.

Let's see, we have our own problem.

Hey, you're bugging the ladies, chum. You're out of here.

Yeah, out of here.

You see, it's my uncle's car wash, and, you know, he used to be a wrestler.

Trying to scare me, man?

Trying to scare Stanley, man?

No, no.

Sit him down.

He's only asking directions.

So, you're in charge of the car wash all summer, huh?

That's right.

If I can find it. You see, Uncle Elmer, he has allergies.

You did say in charge all summer, right? That's right. See, Uncle Elmer, he has

to go to this clinic to cure his... Well, I know where this car wash is. You

do? Well, sure, but it's not down here.

Oh. See, you've got to go back up to the boulevard.

Uh-huh. And you're going to go over this big hill. Right. And you're going to

take your second light, and then take a left, and it'll be right there on the

corner.

Gee, this is really nice of you.

I wish there was some way I could show you my appreciation.

Uh, Tammy Jo, the California gumbo, please?

Gumbo?

The bag in your hand. Oh, the California gumbo.

Yes.

You see, John.

Jack. Jack.

Right. You see, the girls and I, we're helping the Girl Scouts sell California

gumbo, and it's only $5.

This is the last bag. Oh, say no more. Say no more. My pleasure.

You know, I used to be a Boy Scout back in Iowa.

Somehow I knew that.

I'm Melissa Reese.

Jack McGowan.

Welcome to California, Jack.

Well, I better get going. I was supposed to be at the car wash this morning, but

the bus broke down.

Hey, you guys come on in and get your car washed.

It sure was a pleasure meeting you.

All of you.

Especially since my Aunt Cora says you can't trust anybody in California.

Well, I'll see you all later. Now, don't forget to come in and get your car

washed.

things would turn around.

Uncle Elmer.

Don't... Where the hell have you been?

I'm sorry, Uncle Elmer, but the bus broke down.

Uncle Elmer, in that van, I... Forget about the van.

I've got to take you around and show you everything.

But, Uncle Elmer, there's ladies in there who are... All right, all right.

Maybe I should tell you about the van.

But, but, but, but, but, but, Dad.

That's a but? Yeah, you've got to, it's crazy. You knew it, Dad. Come on, come

on, I've got to show you something.

And this is Snuff's bank.

He doesn't talk at all.

If you need anything... Oh, I'm sure we'll get along fine, won't

we, Roger?

It's Ralph.

Believe me, Uncle Elmer, I'll do a good job.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ain't nothing to run in the car wash.

All you do is keep the account.

Put the money in the bag.

Let the accountant pay the bill.

We got regular customers. It'll be all right.

Jesus Christ, they're going to go.

I'll see you, Uncle Elmer.

Well, I guess as an acting owner, I can say a few words.

I think what we need to do is...

Hey, cowboy.

How about a car wash?

Now,

we

do have a date tonight, right?

Right.

Nine o'clock.

Nine o'clock.

Down at the beach.

Down at the beach.

Next to the cliffs.

I'll be there.

Good.

Bye.

almost got me right in the deli for these dogs.

But almost got Stanley, man, yeah?

Yeah, too bad they didn't, Stanley. You and the flasher.

Hey, don't flex, ladies.

Rain Lady says it's time tomorrow.

We'll be chomping steak.

Oh, chomping steak, chicks.

Really, Melissa?

I like a big porterhouse.

You can see a chemical in it.

How about a meat whistle?

Come on, go over here.

I didn't think you were going to make it, cowboy.

Sorry I'm late, but I got a call from Uncle Elmer.

Bad news on Ray.

He's not coming back right away, is he?

I mean, you are still going to be in charge of the car wash all summer,

aren't you?

Oh, no, no, no. He'll stay until he's cured. It's just that his insurance

won't cover his medical fees.

I'm going to have to increase the profits of the car wash.

I'm not going to be very good company, do I?

You're just tense.

If you tear the problem, you'll be your old Idaho self again.

Iowa.

Come on, Jack. Let's take a walk.

Nothing else. We'll just get to know each other.

Well... Come on.

Hey.

Later, dude.

What? Oh, yeah.

Later, dude.

How does Melissa think that that stupid hick can help us get our vacation money

back? Well, I asked Melissa, and she said that just because a pigeon isn't

fluffy doesn't mean it can't be plucked.

Sick. Well, we've had pigeons once on my aunt's farm, but they didn't like it

much.

I like chicken better than these things.

Even fish is better than this.

You like fish?

I can catch you some fish.

You can?

Take your top off.

You're tough.

I need to let the cats fish in, don't I?

Can you catch a fried one? Sure.

Come on, Stanley. Give Rita back her top.

Oh, shit. There he is again.

I'll catch a whole school of fish for these.

I'll cover your boobs.

See, the problem is...

Uncle Elmer only caters to regular customers, including a van full of

strippers that come in every so often.

I was talking to the accountant.

He says that the income from the car wash won't cover the medical fees not

handled by Uncle Elmer's insurance.

I told you I wouldn't be very good company tonight.

Maybe we'd better... Go somewhere we can be alone?

What? No, I was thinking of going... Come into my hideaway, sir.

Don't close the door just yet.

I've discovered a small ventilation problem here.

Let me open the window here.

Thanks, Jack.

I know what you use this place for.

You do?

You know, Melissa, I'm not exactly dumb.

Well, you see, I had this great idea.

I can smell the licorice.

Oh, right.

Sure can't fool a kid from Illinois, can you?

Iowa.

Iowa, right.

Sorry.

Smells like strawberry, too.

Smells good.

So do you.

Thank you, Tom.

Uh,

anything the matter?

No, Jack.

You just seem a little tense.

Oh, right.

I gotta think of a way to make more money at my uncle's car wash.

Maybe if I dressed up like a clown and stood up front and... Wouldn't work,

Jack. Everybody in California looks like a clown. You'd never even get noticed

that way.

Well, I suppose you have a better idea.

If I did, would you give me a share of the profits?

What do you mean, share?

Just close your eyes.

Sleep the whole night through.

But I know it ain't easy.

When you're tired of getting some sleep.

But I know it ain't easy.

Baby, close your eyes and dream.

Dream, dream, baby, dream.

The girls and I can help the car wash make more money than it ever has, enough

to cover your uncle's medical expenses.

Would you give us a share of the extra profits?

Well, how would you guarantee to bring in more customers? I mean, you hated my

clown idea.

Right direction, Jack.

Just the wrong visual.

Look at me.

What do you see, Jack?

I see a very pretty girl.

Now what do you see, Jack?

I see a lot of pretty girls.

And now?

I, uh... I, uh... You and the other girls would... Maybe.

Maybe not.

Now, are we partners, Jack?

And would you sign a contract with me?

Well, you'd guarantee the place would make more money?

If we don't.

But we don't think anymore.

And after all, Jack, this is for Uncle. Uncle and my sandwiches, yeah.

Now, the contract is clearly safe, but if the girls and I bring in more

business, we receive half of those increased profits.

We're just temporary partners.

It's a summer.

You know, it's interesting.

Oh, God, yes. Let's be partners.

No, Jack.

I just want you to sign this.

What? You mean you've got a contract?

It's not really a contract, Jack.

A simple little letter of agreement.

See, I have this friend. He's a lawyer.

Bobby Canova. Have you ever heard of her?

I've heard of Judy Canova.

Everybody on the beach knows Bobby.

She's the champion of the underdog.

Good friend of mine, too.

Now, Jack, just fine here.

Well, I should probably read this first.

Jack, don't you trust me?

Where do I sound?

I was getting so late.

We'd better go, Jack.

Could you shut the window, please? So, so soon? But, uh, I thought you and I

could... could, uh, maybe, uh... Yeah, we should go see the girls and tell them

the good news. They're going to be so thrilled.

Good news?

Thrilled?

About the new partnership, silly.

How we're going to make your uncle's car wash more money.

Uh, can we turn off the radio, please?

Um, can't we, uh, sort of be together for a while?

Why Jack, we're going to be together all summer.

And I've been down.

And I've learned one thing.

You know what that is?

These lights in the sky and all kinds of other activity that very, very... And

there they are now.

Oh, no!

Hello. Welcome.

Here's your share, partner.

Oh. Do you want to check the receipts?

Jack, there's one thing I know about you is that you're absolutely honest.

Must be an Indianapolis faith.

I won't.

No, I don't think I've ever met... anyone honest before.

My marketing professor said that everybody... Well, maybe your marketing

professor's wrong.

I doubt it.

You're definitely the exception, Jack.

You want to get some dinner?

No, I don't think so, Jack. Not tonight.

I'm really tired and I've got a couple new ideas I want to work on.

God, your mind never stops, does it?

I just thought maybe, you know, you could use a break and, uh...

Never mind.

What are you trying to play, Jack?

Well, I just thought maybe we could pick up at the shack where we left off.

That's probably really inconsiderate of me. I'm sorry.

I mean, here you are working your butt off for me, and I'm making a cheap pass.

I'm sorry it'll never happen again.

Come on, I'll walk you out.

Wait, Jack.

Don't stop making passes, Jack. I'm young.

I will be tired forever.

Okay.

I don't think I could have. I tried.

Yeah.

Did you, uh, come up with any new, uh... I have a new idea.

For Tammy Jo.

Melissa! Jack!

You better get out here.

Quick! I think there's big trouble.

Oh, no.

Where are your fire extinguishers?

You realize those vacuum cleaners are sucking much too loud?

City Ordinance 1069.

Look at the improperness of your attire, young lady.

I need to speak to the owner.

Excuse me? You heard me. I need to speak to the owner.

What's your name?

Amy. Amy Winslow. What's yours?

My name is Donovan Drake.

I'm Assistant District Attorney.

I'm here under the direct orders of A.B. Quinn, District Attorney himself.

This is Sergeant Shag Sutton.

Now, who's the owner?

It's all on Jack. I'm going to go call Bobby Canova.

She's that lawyer I told you about.

Are you the owner?

Well, yeah.

Sort of.

What do you mean, sort of? How can you sort of be in charge?

Well... Yes, I'm definitely in charge for all practical purposes.

See, the place actually belongs to my uncle.

He's got allergies.

He left me in charge.

What can I do for you?

You can shut this place down immediately by orders of Donovan Drake, assistant

district attorney.

That's me.

Glad to meet you.

You mean like in closing up?

I'm running a business here. An illegal business, sir.

What am I doing that's illegal?

Tell him, Sarge.

Then you'll be right over?

Oh, thank you, Bobby.

Bye.

There's been at least 42 fender benders on front of this place in the last week.

One of them was a fire.

Fire engine?

Yes, sir.

Seems that there's some naked broad out in the street waving people in here.

Naked? She was not.

She's wearing a bikini.

Just like every other girl in this town wears all summer.

The report says naked.

Do you deny nudity on these premises?

Shit.

That looks pretty naked to me.

Officer, arrest those two. Hold on there.

Nobody's arresting anybody.

Thanks for getting here so fast, Bobby.

Well, Mr.

Donovan Drake.

Boy Wonder Assistant DA.

Really? Miss Canova is it? That's Ms. M-S period.

Don't give me that Ms. shit because I don't miss anything.

And don't you forget it. Do you have a reason for being here, Miss? I mean,

Miss Canova?

Fair question.

I represent this establishment.

I am legal counsel for... Who do I represent?

What's your name, kid?

Jack, Jack McCowan.

Good Irish name.

It's actually Scottish.

I represent Jack McCowan.

Now, why was the bulldog here about to make an arrest?

Well, LeBron was naked.

Naked? I assume that's some moronic derivative of nude?

Well, she didn't, uh...

I mean, everybody saw them.

Everybody saw what?

Well, you know, her... Well, her hooters.

Her breath. Her breath worked both totally. Could either of you describe

these breaths?

Well, sure. Yeah, they were standing up and saluting and pointing. Now let me

get this straight.

Junior indicates that he saw a D, while you, Sergeant, saw at least an F.

Were you both imagining these breaths?

And if they were exposed, could it be that they were exposed by accident, like

your open fly?

It is not.

No. But if it were, would Sergeant Sutton have arrested you for indecent

exposure? This is a place of business. Did she charge you for looking at her

breath? No.

Why would she charge... I think that's enough about the alleged nakedness.

Now let me see your court order. I don't need a court order. The city code

specifically states that when a place of business, such as a brothel, has

flagrantly violated... Whoa, counselor.

Are you accusing Jim here of running a... Jack.

Sorry.

Are you accusing Jack of running a whorehouse?

No. Not exactly. Not exactly.

Well, what you just said could exactly allow us to sue you personally, as well

as the city and A.B. Quinn.

He caused a bunch of traffic accidents.

Parker!

I found that kid laughing.

I found the kid laughing.

Shut up. We lost him. Yeah, we lost him.

Yeah, pup.

Sorry. I ain't your damn pup.

Give me that thing.

Get your hands off me. That's borderline battery now. Whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

That's where your attention should be. But instead you're harassing these

college students who are trying to earn vacation money to cure the allergies of

this young man's aunt. It's, uh, it's my uncle.

Uncle, that's right.

Is this any way to treat a visitor on a mercy mission?

Jim's a cute one.

Jack. Whatever.

You fucked up again, kid.

Come on, Ralph. It's all over.

Over my ass.

Oh, you lazy bum. Never mind.

It doesn't matter, Jack.

Melissa, don't listen to him. It's probably brain damage for being a

referee.

Whatever it is, he may be right.

You heard Bobby.

Bobby might turn this into a political circus, Jack.

I just can't do this to you.

And to your uncle.

Let's just get the girls out of here. Melissa, you and the girls are the best

thing that ever happened to my uncle's car wash.

I'm going to be gone for a spell.

You stay put.

Owen, keep your mouth shut.

Miss Winslow?

Amy Winslow?

Wow, you're that beautiful girl. I mean, you're the young lady that works at the

Sunshine Car Wash.

So, uh, you have pertinent information for me?

Not really.

I just wanted to apologize for all the horrible things that everybody said

yesterday and them throwing stuff.

See, I'm a political science major. I want to do what you do when I get out of

school.

I know you were just doing your job.

What you girls are doing, it's wrong.

I disagree.

But that's what makes a democracy, right?

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Miss Winslow.

Amy.

Maybe...

We could discuss our differences.

Have you had dinner yet?

I'd much prefer a barefoot walk along the beach.

I can handle that.

So, you're going into law?

Hi, you're on the renegade request line. What's your request?

You're on the air. Well, I think...

On this continent. A new nation.

conceived in liberty to the proposition

that all men are created equal.

Amen.

Now we are engaged.

Great civil war.

No way.

Let's get that sick son of a bitch and castrate him, Big Bruce.

I know we should do this.

The world will know and will long remember what we have said here.

But it will never forget what we have done here.

How's it look, Amy?

Looks great.

Doesn't suck.

We ought to bring my boyfriend over here to make sure it doesn't suck.

You pop that sucker loose or what?

Sure gonna try.

Well, hurry up, okay?

No, I know.

I'm sorry, Foxy. Fashion's screwed up, but Amy's working on it. Girl's gotta go

on real soon, and the owner of the old folks home is getting real pissed if we

show up late. It's a dirty banner. Amy Jo, telephone!

You're awful busy, ain't you?

To keep this up, I'm going to have to find another car wash.

It's only for the summer.

Let me go see what Amy's doing, okay?

Well, I have spent the entire evening with Mr.

District Attorney himself, my assistant, Amy Quinn, and Judge Hawthorne. Well,

Quinn really pushed for a court order, but I finally convinced the judge to

come into your place before any court order is issued.

You should be here any minute.

Oh. I wouldn't worry too much. The sight of exposed flesh is not going to affect

the judge. He tries to hide it by dragging it along with him. Put it a

little wider here.

Problem is, poor thing's instant.

Word down at City Hall is that he hasn't gotten it up in about 20 years.

Judge!

Come on, up to the front of the line.

Okay, smile for me. Let's be nice.

Judge Hawthorne!

This is Melissa Reese and Jack McGowan.

How do you do?

do 30 days in the slammer.

Quick, girls, we've got to hide.

Judge Hawthorne.

Well, it's Reese and Jackie Gallagher. How do you do? Irish.

It's really great that you could make it today, Your Honor.

Forget it, Canova.

But, Judge, accidents happen.

Not when they make my wife negative. But, Judge... This place is history,

Canova. Hey, Foxy, who's that important-looking guy over there?

You said me? That's the city's number one asshole, District Attorney A.B.

Quinn himself.

So? What does that mean?

That's the fuckhead who shut us down.

Everybody, including you, is going to go to jail just as soon as I see A.B.

Quinn.

A.B.!

I'm terribly sorry, Your Honor, but if you'd listen to me in the first place...

Baby, I told you so, baby. Sorry, sorry, I'm late, but somebody was looking at

the naked broad out in front of this place and smacked right in the back of

my car.

Black total, that son of a gun. Well, by the time I got it pushed over to the

curb, the perpetrating car and the naked broad were both gone. Well, then I tried

to flag down a tow truck... Just shut up.

Sergeant, nobody gives a damn about your stupid police car.

Now, this is important, A.D. I'm issuing you an oral court order. I want this

place closed down now.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

Point of order.

In order to be official, a court order must be in writing and given to the

property owner.

Look, Canova, you are in contempt. In contempt of what? Car wash?

for Operation Discover.

Excuse me. Mr. Quinn, sir.

Wouldn't you like something to drink? You! You idiot! You moron! You ex

-dominant woman! Leave the weapon!

Judge Hawthorne.

What are you laughing about, Dad?

Freedom for speed, but I can't get freedom for money.

I'll laugh about this when these people are in jail.

All right, all right, all right.

I got a gorilla out of the zoo.

Hey, you never saw so many cousins in all my life.

You got the power on. What are you, crazy?

Go put the power on now.

Don't you do anything of the kind, son. You stay right here.

Who the hell are you telling someone to do something in my college? I, sir, am

Judge Austin.

Oh. Oh, huh. I didn't get that.

Mr. Broad.

Yes, sir.

My what?

Oh, well, you're a very effective lady. You got good taste in women.

Yes, I'm just beginning to notice that myself.

You judge. If I had a wife like this, I wouldn't be hanging around no car wash.

I'd have a set of things to do, you know what I mean?

We'll never make it to the old folks' home on time.

Oh, no.

They can't be helped, guys. We've got to stay here till they leave.

Oh.

Donovan, get away from that.

Donovan.

Donovan, get away from that.

That girl.

Sergeant, close this place down now.

Disperse that crowd.

Move, people.

I know who the flasher is.

I thought so, and when I saw his... Well, you know... Well, grab him!

What? You're not pointing at me. Not you.

Your boss.

The D.A. himself.

He's the flasher. You see, I took these pictures of the flasher.

I hid in the men's room when Sonny deliberately spilled that drink on him.

And when he had his pants down, I got him.

Preposterous.

It's worse than that. If you don't want to face criminal charges, you'll give me

those pictures. But, sir, you do look surprisingly like good God.

You are the flasher.

We... I caught the flasher. Yes, sir.

That pimple on your... That must have been what scared everybody.

Certainly couldn't have been the thigh.

But, sir, tell me, what made you do it?

Don't look at me that way. You have no right to judge me.

They have it coming.

Running around town all summer exposing... Ha!

Themself showing every day.

Oh, the disgusting worm flesh.

I was just giving back to them what they gave to everyone else.

There's nothing more disgusting than a naked female body.

My mother used to run around the house all day naked, and I... I hate it, my

mother! Get away from me!

What's going on out there now, Foxy? Big hot slasher.

And it's none other than the DA himself.

Rita! What the hell were you doing in there?

I was hiding. That cop, he caught this car really bad.

I thought he was after me or something. Rita, they were looking for the flasher.

And guess what? It's really the district attorney himself.

He hates naked girls.

I think maybe he's dead.

Well, that's nice.

I think everyone ought to be happy.

She's a flasher.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse

me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I don't know what a beach is.

I don't know.

is just so sweet.

Now, let's get the hell out of here.

Son of a bitch.

Don't waste your breath, Bobby.

Certainly, Your Honor. The car wash under the skirt... Don't waste your

breath. Bobby, as far as I'm concerned, this car wash can stay open forever.

Now, if you'll...

Excuse us. We have things to do, things we haven't thought about doing in 20

years. Certainly, Your Honor. Enjoy yourself.

It's called justice, Bobby.

I know.

Why don't we go back to the shack where we... Well, we don't have to go there.

How about before we talk there, Melissa?

Okay, Jack. Whatever you say.

Okay.

That's it, Jack.

I really played you for a patsy.

To give me a puck with the girls.

I'm not proud of it.

Even though you were completely fooled.

Well, not completely.

I didn't know about the edible swimwear, but I was pretty sure you were pulling

my leg about the California gumbo.

Jack, how can you sit there and make jokes after what I've done to you?

I may have gotten you in real trouble this time.

I just wish you would get pissed, call me names, or just do something.

If you insist.

What makes you take Jack

McGowan?

You do.

I mean, I do a terrible thing to you. What terrible thing?

You turned my uncle's business around.

You made it possible for him to pay his medical fee.

You fixed it so I could hang out with the most beautiful girl I've ever met.

If this is Terry... I've never met anyone like you, Jack.

You contradict everything I thought was so important.

I'm just glad you still like me.

Love you.

I'm your friend.

You know, it was a damnedest thing.

I can't wear regular underwear.

But they gave me this edible underwear, and it's true to me, just like that.

Yeah. The only problem with this stuff is if you use it more than one day, it

doesn't taste good.

But, you know, if someone invested in it, they could make a fortune.

I like what you did so much, and I'm going to keep up the theme.

All right, huh?

Show them, boys.

All right, kids, now.

Next year, you coming back next summer, huh? And taking over the job again?

Sure.

And by now, sports fans, you've all heard the news. The Flasher was not only

caught with his pants down, but he's none other than A.B. Quinn, our esteemed

district attorney.

During his confession, he told authorities a computer had fallen on his

head and caused strange vision problems, leading to his maniacal behavior.

Time to go to the phones.

Hello, Jerome?

Ciao.