Original subtitles

Hello. - Mr. Douglas, I'm Lonnie Tallbutt.

That's great. Take care now.

You don't understand.

I have to see your son Dexter. I'm his, uh, driving instructor.

Dexter's driving instructor is a Scotsman.

Student guidance counselor?

Oh, sure. Go on up.

Dexter Douglas?

Sorry. Pets don't like me.

No kidding. Can I help you, Mister?

Tallbutt. Lonnie Tallbutt.

Your father let me up here.

My parents let everyone up here.

- Aah! - You don't understand.

I have a horrible problem.

Soon the clouds will part and the moon will appear.

And then I'll change.

Okay.

Come to think of it, should be changing to my p. j. 's.

Dad?

I've got an early day tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by. Mom? Duncan?

Stratego.

Huh? Huh?

I'll get it.

Stratego.

Stratego.

Hello.

I bet you're here to see Dexter.

You don't understand.

Please stop saying that.

Years ago, I was bitten by a werewolf.

Ever since, when the full moon rises, I turn into a wolf myself.

I do horrible things...

...then wake up the next morning without my shoes and socks.

I came to see you, Dexter Douglas, because I know you also change.

Change? Wha...? What do you mean?

It is said that even a computer nerd who says his prayers at night...

...and makes redundant backups on his mirror drive...

...may become a Freakazoid when the Delete key is hit.

Behold, the mark.

Will you stop grabbing me?

That was just an imprint from a bottle of Delete Cola.

Argue about this on your own time.

Who will give me carfare?

She always does this. Don't give her anything.

I heard that. Fine.

I curse you, I curse you, I curse you. Goodbye.

I thought that if I knew how Freakazoid changed back and forth...

...that I might be able to end this terrible...

No.

Sounds like Dexter's playing Twister again.

Whoa.

Oh, freak out.

See? I can do it too. Ha!

Whoa, aren't you the frisky pup?

I'll help you out, my little mangy pal.

Welcome to the Freak-A-Lair.

Hold still, Lonnie.

I think this will free you of your terrible curse.

So who do you like in the playoffs?

The Mavericks?

Yeah, right.

Lon, there you go. You look like a shaved terrier.

Not too pleased, huh?

Wait, I have an even better idea.

I'm gonna dump you into cyberspace, Lon.

I think the shock might cure you, or not. But what the heck.

Remember, this isn't going to hurt me in the least.

Incoming.

Oh, stop being such a big baby and let go of the door.

No.

This house is clean.

He's back!

L... I'm cured.

Cured.

Cured, do you hear me? Cured.

Wait till he gets my bill.

Hello.

Aah. Worms and weasels.

Yeah, Mr. Tallbutt?

I just wanted to come by and thank you.

And I thought perhaps you could help change some of my friends.

Oh, great.

A city fast asleep, but crime never sleeps.

Not even when it's really tuckered out from listening to the radio...

...all night in its room.

Ooh...

Stop that and go away.

Run, old woman, run!

Oh, good. She got away.

So, what happened?

You won't be getting much out of her, unless it's scary wind sounds you're after.

Humph.

I don't get it, Dan.

We're here in minutes, but there's no sign of the crooks.

It's a puzzler, sure enough. It'll take a keen mind to solve this one.

Good to see you, lad. Are you well?

I feel better than a nice tub of good things.

Splendid.

We'll be needing your great head to wrap up this crime.

Hmm.

Uh, hmm.

Aha.

Looks like one of Cobra Queen's little pets.

Or maybe it's just a tourist who got too much sun.

I'm never sure.

Oy. Let's watch the lip-synch, okay?

Uh, thank you.

Cobra Queen? We should have guessed.

I suppose you'll be going down there after her.

- No. - What?

I don't get it.

You don't understand. L... I can't go down there.

I hate sewers. They smell like poo gas.

Excellent work. Cobra Queen is pleased.

Tomorrow night, you will return and steal me some accessories.

Perhaps a matching bag and shoes. Make sure it's snakeskin.

Oh, very well. Leather will do.

Oh, my. Who is this Cobra Queen?

Who is this sinister, sibilant snake-lover?

Once she was Audrey Manatee of Skokie, Illinois...

...and made her living as a shoplifter.

Until one day, she pilfered an experimental beauty lotion...

...that had been left in the sun too long.

When she rubbed it on her face and hands...

...the chemical changes caused her to become a cobra woman...

...with power over snakes and lizards, but not dogs or plucky game fish.

And now you know the rest of the back-story.

Good day.

Go down in the sewer. You go down in the sewer.

Just because I'm a superhero doesn't mean I have to smell poo gas.

- Hey, Freakazoid. - Oh, hi, Cosgrove.

You wanna head over to the Great Hall of Spackle?

Do I?

Let me do the siren.

Those Egyptians were pretty good builders.

You can't even see the Spackle.

Mm-hm. I guess that's part of why they're my favorite ancient race.

By the way, word has it that Cobra Queen is holed up in the sewers.

You going down after her?

No, I hate the smell of poo gas.

Well, so do I, but everyone expects me to go down there.

That's part of being a superhero.

It goes with the fancy tights and the lightning in your hair.

No. A big N followed by a little O, no.

I am never going down into the sewers after Cobra Queen.

Never ever, ever. I really mean it. No.

See? I said I'd never go.

Bleh. Ugh.

Stinky, smelly, icky sewer poo gas. I hate this.

Ew. I hope that thing that just floated by was a candy bar.

I'll find that Cobra Queen. It's my civic duty.

Besides, if I don't, the show just kind of sits there.

I can't believe I'm walking in doody water.

Doody water with rats. Ew.

That hiss can mean only one thing.

There's a balloon vendor around that corner.

Okay.

I did my Conan war cry...

...charged and grabbed the giant snake around the neck.

Now what?

Huh?

Mm. A yummy chocolate mouse.

No. Bad giant cobra.

First, you have to do a trick.

You have to sit up straight and beg.

Good boy. You've earned this, old fella.

Well, look who's come to visit.

If it isn't my dear friend, Atomic Boy.

Freakazoid. I'm Freakazoid.

Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, Freakazoid.

The light is dreadful down here.

Ah, forget it, Cobra Queen.

You know, you should get those Japanese lanterns to brighten up the place.

The paper ones? Are they expensive?

Mm, not really. My dad put a bunch in the backyard.

They look pretty neat.

Japanese lanterns? Who would've thought?

Devour him.

Your snakes don't scare me.

I've developed a little technique for beating them.

Let's see. First, my loud Conan war cry, then charge...

...then grab the snake around the neck, then make something up.

I've got this snake-fighting business down.

Just kidding.

Catch him, or I'll make a large wallet out of you.

Ew.

You're a big dumbhead.

Very well, Freakazoid.

Prepare to taste the venom of Cobra Queen.

That's mighty good spitting for a woman who talks like Sylvester the Cat.

I don't talk like Sylvester the Cat.

Sure do.

Say, "Suffering succotash, I saw a giant mouse. " Go.

Suffering succotash, I saw a giant mouse. There.

- That didn't sound anything like Sylvester. - Oh, yeah?

Say, "Silly Sally sells sappy silver seashells in Seattle. " Go.

Silly Sally sells sappy si... Let me try again.

Silly Sally sells sterling siv... One more time.

Silly, silly Sally se... Wait.

Silly Sally sells silly s...

I wonder why that worked.

Whew.

Nice work, Freakazoid.

It stank down there, Cosgrove.

But Cobra Queen stank even worse.

Now that she's behind bars...

...I think this city's starting to smell a little better.

Speaking of which, you ought to wash up.

You smell like poo gas.

Do you think we've said "poo gas" enough?

Oh.

Hi.